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1
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,671
Okay. Have fun tonight, sweetheart.
2
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,281
Don't stay up too late. Don't do drugs.
3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,911
And remember, Slenderman's not real.
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,766
When you thought you saw him
in the woods,
5
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,103
that was just Jeff Goldblum
going for a walk.
6
00:00:16,174 --> 00:00:18,341
- I'll text you in the morning.
- Yeah.
7
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:19,842
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
8
00:00:19,911 --> 00:00:21,978
Is this a co-ed sleepover?
9
00:00:22,046 --> 00:00:23,813
I told you Sage and Latisse were coming.
10
00:00:23,881 --> 00:00:25,414
Since when are those boy names?
11
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,284
When I was growing up,
Neil was as crazy as it got.
12
00:00:28,353 --> 00:00:30,152
Wesed to have to spell it
on the phone all the time.
13
00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:31,487
- Hey, kid, come here!
- Oh, my God!
14
00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:33,356
Are you gonna be weird about this?
15
00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:35,224
It's a Model U.N. sleepover.
16
00:00:35,293 --> 00:00:38,160
It's just... it's your first
co-ed sleepover.
17
00:00:38,229 --> 00:00:40,263
I feel like we should have had
a conversation about it.
18
00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,565
We've had so many conversations!
19
00:00:42,634 --> 00:00:45,868
You know, Orly, you also have eggs.
20
00:00:45,937 --> 00:00:48,070
But boys have magical worms.
21
00:00:48,139 --> 00:00:52,518
Also known as tumescence,
it slowly starts...
22
00:00:52,543 --> 00:00:55,010
See how those dogs are stuck?
23
00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:57,380
I take pride in my talks.
24
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,707
Sure, okay, I'm just saying
that just because
25
00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:01,550
there's gonna be boys in the same house,
26
00:01:01,619 --> 00:01:03,619
doesn't mean we're gonna do
anything from that
27
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:06,255
Israeli coloring book that you got me.
28
00:01:06,324 --> 00:01:09,492
Well, these are your decisions to make.
29
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:10,826
But when you do make them,
30
00:01:10,895 --> 00:01:13,362
I want it to be with someone special,
31
00:01:13,431 --> 00:01:15,731
like it was with me and your mom.
32
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,235
Hearts before parts, I always say.
33
00:01:19,303 --> 00:01:22,204
Nope, I just made that up,
but I stand by it.
34
00:01:22,273 --> 00:01:23,906
Hearts, parts. I got it.
35
00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:26,275
Hearts, parts.
36
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,846
- Hey, kid.
- Huh?
37
00:01:30,915 --> 00:01:32,248
I see you.
38
00:01:43,718 --> 00:01:44,984
It seems like we're gonna be here late.
39
00:01:45,009 --> 00:01:47,363
- Should we get dinner?
- No, we gotta keep our momentum.
40
00:01:47,432 --> 00:01:48,664
This budget's due Thursday.
41
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:53,736
If you're peckish, I've got
a couple of hard-boiled eggs,
42
00:01:53,805 --> 00:01:57,373
and one of those
Tom's savory toothpastes.
43
00:01:57,442 --> 00:01:59,775
Or, we could duck out
for din-din tonight?
44
00:01:59,844 --> 00:02:01,610
I hear it's dollar
chicken night at Porgy's.
45
00:02:01,679 --> 00:02:03,012
- That's too cheap, Jayden.
- We're not doing that.
46
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,280
I'm just saying, you know?
47
00:02:04,348 --> 00:02:05,781
Sometimes it's actually faster
to go out.
48
00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:07,316
And the food's hotter.
49
00:02:07,385 --> 00:02:10,386
And I get free dessert wings,
'cause it's my birthday.
50
00:02:10,455 --> 00:02:13,589
Wait, this is what
you're doing for your birthday?
51
00:02:13,658 --> 00:02:17,526
Yeah, but it's okay.
You know, I love my job.
52
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,962
I don't need to go out.
I can turn 40 right here.
53
00:02:20,031 --> 00:02:22,231
Now, roll me a birthday egg.
54
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:28,070
Okay, fine. Let's go to Porgy's.
55
00:02:28,139 --> 00:02:31,006
Yes, I'm getting a Sprite!
56
00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:33,815
You think you're gonna be
57
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,071
needing the car again tonight, sir?
58
00:02:35,104 --> 00:02:38,222
Nope... yeah, just a lot
of policy to read up on.
59
00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:39,482
Very dry.
60
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,851
You go out there
and have fun for me, Dan.
61
00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:43,219
Sounds good, sir.
62
00:02:45,656 --> 00:02:49,058
Hey there, gorgeous. You up?
63
00:02:54,365 --> 00:02:55,564
Okay, we did it, you're 40.
64
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,666
Jayden, maybe you get that to go?
65
00:02:57,735 --> 00:03:00,669
What's up, Porgy's?
66
00:03:00,738 --> 00:03:04,340
It's Professor Jax coming
at you with all the facts!
67
00:03:04,408 --> 00:03:05,608
Everybody grab a partner,
68
00:03:05,676 --> 00:03:08,844
because bar trivia starts right now!
69
00:03:08,913 --> 00:03:10,779
This place does trivia? I pick Arpi.
70
00:03:10,848 --> 00:03:12,348
Good choice, Mr. Tomás.
71
00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:14,250
This brain is like a "Hoarders" episode.
72
00:03:14,318 --> 00:03:16,452
Once something comes in,
it never goes out.
73
00:03:16,521 --> 00:03:18,120
The capital of Alaska is Juneau.
74
00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:19,722
Cows have four stomachs.
75
00:03:19,790 --> 00:03:22,091
I was wearing a blue sweater
the day I saw a man drown.
76
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:23,826
And I was on a TLC documentary
77
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:25,127
about child geniuses.
78
00:03:25,196 --> 00:03:26,128
It actually ended up being more
79
00:03:26,197 --> 00:03:27,329
about my dad's hidden clown life,
80
00:03:27,398 --> 00:03:28,764
but still, you two are going down.
81
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,299
Tonight's winning team
82
00:03:30,368 --> 00:03:32,968
gets this one
of my son's soccer trophies.
83
00:03:34,205 --> 00:03:37,806
Which three presidents died on July 4th?
84
00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,042
Jefferson, Adams, and Monroe!
85
00:03:40,111 --> 00:03:42,278
- Correct!
- What?
86
00:03:42,346 --> 00:03:43,712
You guys didn't grow up
with that placemat
87
00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,147
of the U.S. presidents
and how they died?
88
00:03:45,216 --> 00:03:49,118
Question two: how long did
the Vietnam War last?
89
00:03:49,186 --> 00:03:51,153
That's a loaded question, Jax.
90
00:03:51,222 --> 00:03:52,688
Conflicts in the region predate...
91
00:03:52,757 --> 00:03:55,291
- 19 years!
- Correct!
92
00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:57,159
Well, that's a narrow view.
93
00:03:57,228 --> 00:03:59,528
Every boyfriend I've ever had
wanted to be the first guy
94
00:03:59,597 --> 00:04:01,397
to show me "Apocalypse Now."
95
00:04:01,465 --> 00:04:02,398
Yeah!
96
00:04:02,466 --> 00:04:04,533
These two robins...
97
00:04:04,602 --> 00:04:06,368
Kermit's nephew and Dick Grayson!
98
00:04:06,437 --> 00:04:09,071
That is correct!
99
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,173
This man's got his learning
on tonight, folks.
100
00:04:11,242 --> 00:04:12,541
I liked "The Muppets."
101
00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:15,077
- Morning.
- How's tricks, Kwapis?
102
00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:16,579
Tricks are bad, sir.
103
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,747
There's a picture of you
trending on the Internet.
104
00:04:18,816 --> 00:04:21,350
What? Who took that?
105
00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:25,888
Oh, must've been the driver
from the car service I got her.
106
00:04:25,957 --> 00:04:28,357
That used to be
a noble profession, Jayden.
107
00:04:28,426 --> 00:04:30,526
Obviously, I wanna hear
all the dirty deets.
108
00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:32,761
How French were the kisses?
Did you see her tummy?
109
00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:34,029
Mmm.
110
00:04:34,098 --> 00:04:36,565
Oops, somebody saw some tum!
111
00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:38,334
But Mayor-wise, this isn't great.
112
00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:41,203
It's gross! The whole tableau is gross!
113
00:04:41,272 --> 00:04:43,105
Look, guys,
114
00:04:43,174 --> 00:04:46,875
Nicole is a very nice
age-appropriate lady.
115
00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:48,210
She's young enough to be your daughter.
116
00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:49,612
I'm rich, and it's L.A.
117
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,014
And besides, we've known
each other for years.
118
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,782
We actually met...
119
00:04:53,851 --> 00:04:55,451
I used to do this thing where I'd walk
120
00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:57,486
into a Pilates studio and I'd say,
121
00:04:57,555 --> 00:05:00,222
"Sorry, I thought this was
the Bentley dealership."
122
00:05:00,291 --> 00:05:01,590
Slick!
123
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:03,492
And I meet her in secret
124
00:05:03,561 --> 00:05:06,629
because I don't want Orly
to think that I'm...
125
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:09,231
I don't know,
betraying her mom's memory.
126
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,466
Well, you're safe.
127
00:05:10,534 --> 00:05:12,234
I'm sure Orly never looks
at the Internet.
128
00:05:14,305 --> 00:05:16,438
"Wow, Dad.
129
00:05:16,507 --> 00:05:18,800
Nice photo, hypocrite."
130
00:05:18,825 --> 00:05:19,975
Who's it from?
131
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,513
I don't feel good about
132
00:05:24,582 --> 00:05:26,815
our trivia performance
last night, Mr. Tomás.
133
00:05:26,884 --> 00:05:29,518
It was a fluke, a classic
"Slumdog Millionaire."
134
00:05:29,587 --> 00:05:31,120
Jayden only knew who Toscanini
was because of a picture
135
00:05:31,188 --> 00:05:32,396
on the wall at Buca di Beppo.
136
00:05:32,421 --> 00:05:34,590
Hey guys, I was thinking,
let's split up the budget.
137
00:05:34,659 --> 00:05:35,791
Just do it by seniority.
138
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:37,393
Everyone takes a section to proof.
139
00:05:37,461 --> 00:05:38,794
I don't wanna keep doing late nights.
140
00:05:38,863 --> 00:05:40,963
- Yeah, sure, sounds good.
- Great idea.
141
00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:45,601
And I know you two don't want
another night like last night.
142
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,636
I bet it's driving you crazy
143
00:05:47,705 --> 00:05:49,438
- that me and Jayden beat you.
- Jayden and I.
144
00:05:49,507 --> 00:05:50,939
'Cause you think you're smarter than us.
145
00:05:51,008 --> 00:05:52,708
- Only empirically.
- You gotta admit.
146
00:05:52,777 --> 00:05:54,143
You and Kwapis got pretty lucky.
147
00:05:54,211 --> 00:05:55,611
Lucky?
148
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,446
Mikaela Shaw doesn't get lucky.
149
00:05:57,515 --> 00:06:00,716
I got HPV from a pair of vintage jeans.
150
00:06:00,785 --> 00:06:03,285
You guys think you're so smart?
Let's have a rematch.
151
00:06:03,354 --> 00:06:05,287
Porgy's, tonight.
152
00:06:05,356 --> 00:06:07,289
Or are you dollar chicken?
153
00:06:09,026 --> 00:06:10,926
Bock, bock.
154
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,830
Wait, was that a yes or a no?
155
00:06:14,899 --> 00:06:17,199
- See you on the ice.
- Porgy's again?
156
00:06:17,268 --> 00:06:19,687
My birthday wish came true!
157
00:06:26,513 --> 00:06:28,847
Hey, sweetie. I was just about...
158
00:06:28,872 --> 00:06:31,639
I know you got my text.
It says "read," Dad.
159
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,933
- Stupid phone!
- I'm just confused.
160
00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:36,410
I mean, yesterday,
you said that my decisions
161
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,645
should always be with some...
162
00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:39,180
Someone special. And I meant that.
163
00:06:39,249 --> 00:06:41,182
Oh, so that was someone special?
164
00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:43,651
The lady that you called
an Uber pool for?
165
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,419
We share an account, Dad.
166
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,455
I hate these things!
167
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,757
Look, when I said that stuff to you,
168
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:53,319
I was... I was thinking about Nicole.
169
00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,630
She's very special.
170
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:57,765
Oh, my gosh, Dad. Really?
171
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,202
Yeah, she's my special lady.
172
00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:06,374
If she's special to you,
then she's special to me.
173
00:07:06,442 --> 00:07:09,510
When can I meet her? How about tonight?
174
00:07:09,579 --> 00:07:10,745
Oh... I... yeah.
175
00:07:10,813 --> 00:07:12,947
No, I don't know if tonight's possible.
176
00:07:13,024 --> 00:07:19,128
Yeah, Nicole is a busy
professional work woman, and...
177
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,656
Oh, actually, you know,
I can't tonight, either.
178
00:07:21,724 --> 00:07:24,492
Latisse invited me to his
lacrosse team's pool party.
179
00:07:24,561 --> 00:07:26,093
He goes to a magnet school for kids
180
00:07:26,162 --> 00:07:28,062
who were emancipated from their parents.
181
00:07:28,131 --> 00:07:30,698
Actually, tonight's good.
I just remembered.
182
00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:35,002
You should meet Nicole tonight.
183
00:07:35,071 --> 00:07:38,439
Let's meet Nicole, all right?
184
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,248
May the most intelligent team win.
185
00:07:47,317 --> 00:07:49,450
Meritocracy!
186
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:50,851
Friendship! Yay!
187
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,254
Tonight's prize is a big one...
188
00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:55,423
a bassoon!
189
00:07:55,491 --> 00:07:57,758
Brand new, still in the case,
190
00:07:57,827 --> 00:08:00,228
guess how many times my son played it?
191
00:08:00,296 --> 00:08:03,598
The correct answer is none!
192
00:08:05,635 --> 00:08:08,469
The first question
is in world geography.
193
00:08:08,538 --> 00:08:10,438
This sub-equatorial country
194
00:08:10,506 --> 00:08:13,274
is home to the yellow-tailed
woolly monkey
195
00:08:13,343 --> 00:08:15,276
and one marmalade-loving bear...
196
00:08:15,345 --> 00:08:16,677
Peru! 'Cause Paddington.
197
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,513
- Correct!
- Yes!
198
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,015
Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman,
Katie Holmes,
199
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,183
and Gorgolzop the Elder.
200
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,618
That's it!
201
00:08:23,686 --> 00:08:25,219
The gum disease, gingivitis!
202
00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:26,654
Correct again!
203
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,789
- Dr. Arnold Henry Kegel!
- Nailed it!
204
00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:31,225
What is the capital of Alaska...
205
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:32,593
That'd be Juneau, Jax.
206
00:08:32,662 --> 00:08:34,729
You didn't let me finish the question.
207
00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:37,465
What is the capital
of Alaska's main export...
208
00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:41,569
- Natural gas.
- After natural gas?
209
00:08:41,638 --> 00:08:44,071
- Fishes?
- Bingo!
210
00:08:45,808 --> 00:08:48,242
You need to relax and listen
to the whole question.
211
00:08:48,311 --> 00:08:52,280
Oh, a man telling me
to relax and listen,
212
00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:53,547
that's some fresh lemonade.
213
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,016
Also, saying, "I knew that one,"
214
00:08:55,084 --> 00:08:57,318
after every question
is not helping our score.
215
00:08:57,387 --> 00:08:58,686
Chocolate babies.
216
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:00,087
- I knew that one.
- Okay.
217
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:02,823
- This partnership is over.
- Fine, forget it!
218
00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:04,325
I don't even need another bassoon.
219
00:09:04,394 --> 00:09:05,693
"King Lear"!
220
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:06,727
It's what "Empire" was based off.
221
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,563
Correct! And we have a winner!
222
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,732
Yes!
223
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,235
Now come on up and get your bassoon.
224
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,104
I am so glad
you could make it for dinner.
225
00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:19,640
Thank you, and thank you
for making it so last minute.
226
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:21,108
Oh, I'm into it.
227
00:09:21,177 --> 00:09:22,810
I usually just have gummy bears
for dinner
228
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:24,245
on my way home from work.
229
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,746
Actually, you know,
230
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,148
I thought that we could
have a quiet night tonight.
231
00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:28,182
Oh.
232
00:09:29,185 --> 00:09:32,353
I'm making my specialty...
turkey à la king!
233
00:09:32,422 --> 00:09:34,755
Ooh! Yum, yum, yum!
234
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,957
You must be Daddy's special friend.
235
00:09:37,026 --> 00:09:38,059
Oh, hi!
236
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:40,628
Nicole, this is my daughter, Orly.
237
00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:41,796
She's joining us for dinner.
238
00:09:41,864 --> 00:09:44,098
Oh, what a fun surprise.
239
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,767
- Can I get you a glass of wine?
- Yeah.
240
00:09:47,121 --> 00:09:50,622
I am so happy that my dad found you.
241
00:09:51,207 --> 00:09:52,346
Thank you, honey.
242
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,946
Oh, wow, wow, wow!
243
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,048
I can't believe I'm meeting
your daughter, Neil.
244
00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:03,617
All right. Here, taste this.
245
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,486
Wait, does that have meat in it?
246
00:10:05,555 --> 00:10:07,121
It's turkey à la king.
247
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,389
Oh, well, I'm vegan.
248
00:10:08,458 --> 00:10:10,558
It has the word turkey in it.
249
00:10:10,626 --> 00:10:13,627
Dad, how could you not know
Nicole is vegan?
250
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,063
I guess I forgot.
251
00:10:16,132 --> 00:10:18,632
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Nicole.
252
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:22,403
Is it... is it hot in here?
Let me take your jacket.
253
00:10:22,472 --> 00:10:25,673
Oh, no! Mm.
254
00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:28,409
Ah, okay. What else can I tell you?
255
00:10:28,478 --> 00:10:32,380
Well, Nicole runs a Pilates studio.
256
00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:35,816
Oh... oh, no, it was Pilates,
but we pivoted.
257
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:39,019
Now we do fairy birthday
parties for adults.
258
00:10:39,088 --> 00:10:40,421
Ah, okay.
259
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:42,356
Is it scary to be in love?
260
00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:46,394
Um, I see...
261
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:48,429
I told Orly that
262
00:10:48,498 --> 00:10:52,700
I think that you and I have
a nice connection.
263
00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:55,302
Yeah, for sure. For sure!
264
00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:58,038
So, how long have you guys
known each other?
265
00:10:58,107 --> 00:10:59,740
Um, six years?
266
00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:01,876
- Mm-hmm.
- Six years?
267
00:11:01,944 --> 00:11:04,945
Wow, I can't believe
I haven't met you before.
268
00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:08,682
Well, Nicole lives in Tarzana.
269
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,318
Yeah, and your dad lives here.
270
00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:13,554
Wait, do you live here?
271
00:11:13,623 --> 00:11:15,189
I remember your place being nicer.
272
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:19,393
Ah, no, no.
I moved here because, you know,
273
00:11:19,462 --> 00:11:21,028
this is where the mayor lives.
274
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,731
Right. You work for the mayor?
275
00:11:32,971 --> 00:11:34,639
Well, thank you for coming.
276
00:11:34,641 --> 00:11:37,575
I hope Orly didn't come on too strong.
277
00:11:37,644 --> 00:11:39,577
Oh, no, she's a doll.
278
00:11:39,646 --> 00:11:42,914
- I made this for you.
- Oh.
279
00:11:42,982 --> 00:11:44,582
Thank you, Orly.
280
00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:46,317
It's gonna go right on the mini fridge.
281
00:11:46,386 --> 00:11:48,085
Oh, look at that.
282
00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:50,331
Bye.
283
00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:55,759
You should be ashamed of yourself!
284
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,016
- I should be ashamed?
- Yeah.
285
00:11:57,056 --> 00:11:59,887
You have been slorshing
that lady for six years.
286
00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:02,588
Well, is that a term,
or are you messing with me
287
00:12:02,657 --> 00:12:04,757
'cause you know I'm gonna repeat it?
288
00:12:04,826 --> 00:12:07,993
Oh, all right, fine, Orly.
Yeah, you got me.
289
00:12:08,062 --> 00:12:10,396
Nicole is parts before hearts.
290
00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:13,299
But now she thinks
this is a real relationship.
291
00:12:13,367 --> 00:12:15,668
I'm gonna have to somehow
find a way to dig myself
292
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,270
out of this
without hurting her feelings.
293
00:12:18,339 --> 00:12:21,907
And she happens to be one of
the neatest ladies that I see.
294
00:12:21,976 --> 00:12:24,910
Wait, there are other ladies you see?
295
00:12:24,979 --> 00:12:26,946
Do you do this every time I'm away?
296
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:30,149
No... what? Hey, you want a new phone?
297
00:12:30,218 --> 00:12:31,217
When I came back from camp,
298
00:12:31,285 --> 00:12:32,985
and the hot tub was being cleaned?
299
00:12:33,054 --> 00:12:35,020
When the eighth-grade ski trip
ended early
300
00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:37,423
and I found all those
Diet Coke cans in the sauna?
301
00:12:37,492 --> 00:12:38,624
Mm...
302
00:12:38,693 --> 00:12:39,992
When I had my wisdom teeth removed,
303
00:12:40,061 --> 00:12:42,161
and I had that dream about Cheryl Tiegs?
304
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:45,130
- No, that was Cheryl Tiegs.
- Oh, my God!
305
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:48,734
All right, yes.
Yes, I sneak around, Orly,
306
00:12:48,803 --> 00:12:50,903
'cause none of these women
are good enough to meet you.
307
00:12:50,972 --> 00:12:53,005
Well, then be sneakier,
because I don't wanna
308
00:12:53,074 --> 00:12:55,407
have to deal with this
grossness ever again!
309
00:12:55,476 --> 00:12:57,743
All right.
310
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:01,881
I'm gonna ask you one more question.
311
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:05,618
You didn't buy me that too-big
Tinkerbell outfit, did you?
312
00:13:07,522 --> 00:13:11,390
You let me sleep in it all summer!
313
00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:12,691
Oh, you're mad?
314
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,894
She's the one who got fired
from Disneyland
315
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:16,495
for losing the costume!
316
00:13:23,838 --> 00:13:27,540
That was "Shallow" by Bradley
Cooper and Stefani Germanotta.
317
00:13:27,608 --> 00:13:29,842
I'm still learning,
but I'll pick it up quickly,
318
00:13:29,911 --> 00:13:31,610
'cause I'm kind of a genius.
319
00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:33,579
Oh, you're about as funny
as a heart attack.
320
00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:35,548
You're just jealous
'cause I beat you guys,
321
00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,349
despite having Jayden on my team.
322
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:38,918
What do you mean, despite?
323
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:41,353
You think I'm some
kinda idiot that can't...
324
00:13:42,323 --> 00:13:43,789
Intentional!
325
00:13:43,858 --> 00:13:45,624
Jayden, I'm sorry, but come on.
326
00:13:45,693 --> 00:13:47,293
You know I'm LeBron,
327
00:13:47,361 --> 00:13:49,995
and you're, like, the Laker
Vanessa Hudgens hooked up with.
328
00:13:50,064 --> 00:13:52,398
I think you mean Kyle Kuzma. You see?
329
00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:55,267
You think you were carrying me?
I was carrying you!
330
00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:57,036
I ran the board on discontinued candies
331
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,637
and "Playboy" in the '90s.
332
00:13:58,706 --> 00:14:00,085
Ooh, he's got a point.
333
00:14:00,141 --> 00:14:01,807
Maybe Jayden should get the bassoon.
334
00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:03,175
Hey, here's a question.
335
00:14:03,244 --> 00:14:05,811
Who's not on my trivia team
anymore... Mikaela!
336
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:06,912
You didn't give me a chance to answer.
337
00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:08,414
Oh, I knew that one!
338
00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:10,783
Okay, so maybe we settle this
definitively tonight!
339
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,117
Well, I'm free.
340
00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:13,585
I finished my section of the budget.
341
00:14:13,654 --> 00:14:15,120
- Me too.
- I did mine.
342
00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:16,255
Okay, it's on tonight.
343
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:20,492
Our friend Jax is at
Canter's Deli Two in Torrance.
344
00:14:20,561 --> 00:14:22,027
It's every they for themself.
345
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:27,466
Wow, wow, wow!
346
00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:30,169
Two days ago, I did not think I
would be visiting your office.
347
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:33,072
- Please, sit down.
- Okay.
348
00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:38,110
So, Nicole.
349
00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:43,549
Boy, these last couple of days
have been very special.
350
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:45,317
Neil, please stop, stop!
351
00:14:45,386 --> 00:14:47,286
I can't see you anymore. I'm so sorry.
352
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:51,256
Wait, uh, you can't see me?
353
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,558
Yeah, I mean, you're fun,
354
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,626
but I don't think of us
as a serious match.
355
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,895
You're in my phone as "Short Neil."
356
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,030
You have a taller Neil?
357
00:14:58,111 --> 00:15:00,149
I just think we're at
different places in our lives.
358
00:15:00,217 --> 00:15:02,685
Like, you're looking
for a stepmom for your kid,
359
00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:05,020
or a caregiver,
someone to drive at night.
360
00:15:05,089 --> 00:15:06,321
I am not that girl.
361
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:10,659
I drink at night, and I need
to honor that part of myself.
362
00:15:10,728 --> 00:15:13,262
Well, okay.
363
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:17,066
- Yeah, I respect your decision.
- Yeah, okay.
364
00:15:17,134 --> 00:15:18,734
Yeah, but just for
the record, sit down for a sec.
365
00:15:18,803 --> 00:15:20,536
Oh, okay.
366
00:15:20,604 --> 00:15:22,971
That's not what I'm looking for.
367
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,474
You know, I enjoy a casual good time.
368
00:15:25,543 --> 00:15:26,709
Orly just caught me.
369
00:15:26,777 --> 00:15:29,144
Look, I get it. Your wife just died.
370
00:15:29,213 --> 00:15:30,118
Well, eight years ago.
371
00:15:30,143 --> 00:15:32,414
Oh, and you're still just hooking up?
372
00:15:32,483 --> 00:15:35,317
You're, like, 60.
373
00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:38,120
Yes. What I'm trying to say is,
374
00:15:38,189 --> 00:15:40,856
I'm not looking for
a serious relationship either,
375
00:15:40,925 --> 00:15:43,392
because my priority is Orly.
376
00:15:43,461 --> 00:15:45,194
Okay, but you do realize
377
00:15:45,262 --> 00:15:47,563
Orly's gonna go off to college
in, like, two years, right?
378
00:15:47,631 --> 00:15:48,664
My God. Don't say that.
379
00:15:48,733 --> 00:15:50,532
Yeah, and you need
to make space for yourself,
380
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:51,967
and your emotional needs.
381
00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:54,536
My friend Carly went
through this as a single mom.
382
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:55,838
She wouldn't date for years,
383
00:15:55,906 --> 00:15:57,406
and then when Baller
went off to college,
384
00:15:57,475 --> 00:15:59,308
she was like, "Now what, I'm 31."
385
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,876
Well, maybe I should call Carly.
386
00:16:00,945 --> 00:16:02,311
You do not wanna do that.
387
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,679
Carly is married to an MMA fighter now.
388
00:16:03,748 --> 00:16:04,780
He will kill you.
389
00:16:04,849 --> 00:16:07,549
But you might wanna ask yourself,
390
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:11,320
"Why am I so closed off to
the possibility of real love?"
391
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:13,222
I mean, not with me, because I'm too hot
392
00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:14,556
to be your wife when your eyes go.
393
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:18,227
It would be a waste.
But, you know, in general.
394
00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:23,098
I guess maybe I use Orly as an excuse.
395
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:25,567
Because this is easy.
396
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:28,370
But dating at 72, ah!
397
00:16:28,439 --> 00:16:32,241
Oh, my God, sweetie. I'm proud of you!
398
00:16:32,309 --> 00:16:34,877
Also, personal record for me.
399
00:16:34,945 --> 00:16:38,046
It's just maybe my ship has sailed.
400
00:16:38,115 --> 00:16:40,549
What, are you kidding? You're a catch.
401
00:16:40,618 --> 00:16:43,519
You're sweet, you're rich.
You work for the mayor.
402
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:44,820
I am the mayor.
403
00:16:44,889 --> 00:16:48,290
Okay.
404
00:16:48,359 --> 00:16:50,425
I'm just saying you might be
able to find someone
405
00:16:50,494 --> 00:16:52,694
really great,
if you open your heart to it.
406
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,596
Thank you, Nicole.
407
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,832
And I... you know what, I hope you...
408
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,867
you find the right person too.
409
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:00,869
Oh, I don't do monogamy.
Big Capricorn energy.
410
00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:02,604
Also, my dad had a secret family.
411
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:04,406
Whatever, it's boring. I gotta go.
412
00:17:04,475 --> 00:17:06,975
- Bye.
- Bye.
413
00:17:18,682 --> 00:17:20,983
Here all alone?
414
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,406
Sad.
415
00:17:24,218 --> 00:17:27,183
Welcome, welcome, quiz heads.
How's everybody doing tonight?
416
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:28,208
Get to the heat of the meet, Jax.
417
00:17:28,245 --> 00:17:29,811
Yeah, we're not here for "Host Chat."
418
00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:31,305
Sorry, Jax, they're idiots.
419
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:32,866
Yeah, that's Mikaela.
420
00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:36,069
I think she's on all the apps,
but nothing.
421
00:17:36,135 --> 00:17:38,802
- What did he say?
- Doctor Elephant is a she.
422
00:17:38,837 --> 00:17:40,337
What is wrong with you people?
423
00:17:40,372 --> 00:17:42,639
Two nights ago, you were
all sitting there together
424
00:17:42,675 --> 00:17:44,775
sharing a dollar chicken like friends.
425
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:46,643
We're not friends, we're coworkers.
426
00:17:46,679 --> 00:17:47,878
And we did not share that chicken.
427
00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:49,780
It's true. I ate the whole chicken.
428
00:17:49,815 --> 00:17:51,715
Oh, now you're at separate tables?
429
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,484
I mean, what is more important,
430
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,153
your work family,
431
00:17:56,188 --> 00:17:59,890
or this brand new
glow-in-the dark samurai sword
432
00:17:59,925 --> 00:18:02,192
that my son says he's "too old" for,
433
00:18:02,227 --> 00:18:06,363
and if I were
"around more, I'd know that"?
434
00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:10,334
Anyway, that's the prize tonight.
435
00:18:10,369 --> 00:18:12,302
First question!
436
00:18:12,338 --> 00:18:14,705
Believe it or not,
the city of Los Angeles
437
00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:17,841
spends $7.3 million every year
just on this,
438
00:18:17,876 --> 00:18:19,876
also known as "shoefitti"?
439
00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:21,845
Cutting down sneakers
from electrical wires!
440
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,380
- Correct!
- Yes!
441
00:18:23,415 --> 00:18:25,382
Street maintenance was in
my section of the budget proof.
442
00:18:25,417 --> 00:18:28,352
What... no, shoefitti removal
was in my part.
443
00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:30,020
I proofed pages 1 through 120.
444
00:18:30,055 --> 00:18:31,855
We split it up by seniority,
445
00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:34,191
and Chief of Staff is the highest.
446
00:18:34,226 --> 00:18:36,827
Yeah, but I'm the
Chair of the Budget Committee,
447
00:18:36,862 --> 00:18:38,228
so I'm kinda, like, your king.
448
00:18:38,263 --> 00:18:41,131
Are you two serious?
I proofed section one.
449
00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:43,767
I've been at city hall longer
than all of you combined.
450
00:18:43,802 --> 00:18:46,103
I thought I could go first
because it's my birthday!
451
00:18:46,138 --> 00:18:48,205
- Crap on a cracker.
- We didn't finish the budget!
452
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,906
We've got 400 pages left to go!
453
00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:52,242
It's due tomorrow!
454
00:18:53,912 --> 00:18:56,213
Question two!
455
00:18:56,248 --> 00:18:59,282
Are my son and I ever gonna be okay?
456
00:18:59,318 --> 00:19:00,417
He loves you.
457
00:19:00,442 --> 00:19:02,886
Just stop taking your feelings
about his mom out on him.
458
00:19:02,921 --> 00:19:05,422
Also, make a consistent
schedule and stick to it!
459
00:19:07,626 --> 00:19:09,993
Oh, wait, wait. Wait a second.
460
00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:11,142
Okay.
461
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,930
Oh, my God.
Why are you hugging Mom's urn?
462
00:19:13,966 --> 00:19:15,766
So women know I'm not divorced.
463
00:19:15,801 --> 00:19:17,401
This just looks like you murdered Mom,
464
00:19:17,436 --> 00:19:20,070
and are kind of bragging
that you got away with it.
465
00:19:20,105 --> 00:19:22,005
Good note.
466
00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:25,208
Okay, so, should I show
a lot of teeth when I smile?
467
00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:27,778
I'm kinda proud of my gum health.
468
00:19:27,813 --> 00:19:30,247
Dad, just be normal.
469
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:34,117
I don't know.
470
00:19:34,153 --> 00:19:35,285
There he is!
471
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,654
Okay, now where do we wanna put this?
472
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:39,156
You're the mayor,
so you need some privacy.
473
00:19:39,191 --> 00:19:41,124
Well, I already signed up for Postmates.
474
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,662
Dad, that's a food thing.
For restaurants.
475
00:19:45,698 --> 00:19:47,631
So when I checked Cuban, Asian,
476
00:19:47,666 --> 00:19:49,466
and New American, that was all food?
477
00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:50,569
Ew, what?
478
00:19:50,594 --> 00:19:53,970
Okay, let's try Graya.
It's like old people's Raya.
479
00:19:54,006 --> 00:19:56,306
Let's pick an appropriate age range.
480
00:19:56,341 --> 00:19:57,774
55 to...
481
00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:59,443
- 35?
- 75.
482
00:19:59,478 --> 00:20:00,944
God.
483
00:20:00,979 --> 00:20:04,781
All right, yes, yes.
Go ahead and hit send.
484
00:20:04,817 --> 00:20:07,533
Save, but good job.
485
00:20:07,558 --> 00:20:10,153
- Thank you.
- I'm really proud of you.
486
00:20:10,197 --> 00:20:13,231
It's probably Postmates.
487
00:20:13,258 --> 00:20:15,325
We're gonna be eating
a lot of healthy Armenian
488
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,893
the next couple of days.
489
00:20:16,929 --> 00:20:19,429
Ooh, that's a nice one.
490
00:20:19,465 --> 00:20:21,732
Hey, ho.
491
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:23,366
Here's your budget.
492
00:20:23,402 --> 00:20:24,665
Checked, re-checked,
493
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:27,337
and then we got a little crazy
and checked it again.
494
00:20:27,372 --> 00:20:29,506
But the important thing is,
we did it together,
495
00:20:29,541 --> 00:20:31,475
and we're all the smartest.
496
00:20:31,510 --> 00:20:34,111
And at midnight, we did
Bloody Mary in the mirror!
497
00:20:34,146 --> 00:20:36,880
Only Jayden did that, sir,
and he soiled himself.
498
00:20:36,915 --> 00:20:39,683
I got these out of a lost and found.
499
00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:42,853
Hey, Tommy. Ooh!
500
00:20:42,888 --> 00:20:44,988
Do you usually straighten your hair?
501
00:20:45,023 --> 00:20:47,324
Oh, no, no, no, no.
502
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:51,194
She poofed! This is why I left London.
503
00:20:53,232 --> 00:20:55,899
Anyway, great job, you guys.
Thank you very much.
504
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:59,736
One tiny note.
505
00:20:59,772 --> 00:21:02,806
Cover page says "City Bulget."
506
00:21:02,841 --> 00:21:04,541
Tommy!
507
00:21:04,576 --> 00:21:07,010
All right, back to work.
508
00:21:07,076 --> 00:21:09,863
Jayden, do your thing.
509
00:21:17,322 --> 00:21:21,322
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