Original subtitles

[uptempo holiday music]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

This is now officially the worst Christmas ever.

[snowman growls]

[climactic music]

Yeah, as disasters go... this is my biggest one yet.

[festive theme music]

Let's go back 2 weeks before I ruined Christmas.

Don't even think about that until after breakfast.

Oh I was just checking there was one in there for later.

Two weeks to go and he's on the 99th growth percentile.

Keep up the good work!

No, No don't listen to your sister.

You are a good size, don't get any bigger.

Studies show babies with larger heads

can grow up to have higher IQs.

Please, don't be a geek like Emily.

Be a normal person like me.

Dad, the cradle is now...

Five days behind schedule.

Mum and Dad let her write a Pregnancy Timetable

to help them keep on track.

Boy are they regretting that decision.

I will do it today.

Maybe we should have penalty points

for not sticking to the timetable.

Excellent idea.

We can start with ten points off you

for crossing out your visit to the maternity ward tomorrow.

Oh not so cocky now, are we?

I told you - I'm having a home birth.

But what if there's a complication?

Hospitals have machines and doctors

and at your age you might need them.

My age?!

Red alert! Take cover!

Hospitals are sterilised safe environments

where less can go wrong.

Oh really?

It's a baby boy!

We're calling him Hank.

[CLATTER! CLANG!]

They let me off 'cos I was a baby.

Next time they weren't quite so understanding.

Hank come say hello to your baby sister Emily!

Hank?

Weeeeeeee!

[CLATTER! CLANG!]

[giggles]

No hospital.

I want less equipment around.

Right erm, where are the gherkins?

I need some gherkins.

Here you go my love, don't panic.

Mum gets these weird cravings.

Mangoes, mushy peas, fish skin!

Right now it's gherkins.

Can't get enough of them.

She loves the mini ones from Papa Pete's deli.

Nothing but the best for my angel!

♪ I've hung my stocking, made my list ♪

♪ Hoping Santa hears my wish... ♪

Who's he into now?

Hayden Chase -

she's basically a hairspray that can sing.

♪ Far from the one I love ♪

♪ All I need to make you cry, is to see your face tonight. ♪

♪ Fires warm but I feel cold ♪

♪ without your hand to hold. ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ come on home this Christmas time. ♪

She's doing a video in London.

Maybe she'll hire me as a backing dancer?

[WHACK!]

Sorry!

'Rudolph the Rock 'n' Roll Reindeer'.

Great title Mister Rock!

Thank you you've gotta have a great title,

if you're gonna have a great musical.

Did you ever hear of "Earwax: The Musical"?

Did you ever hear "Toehair" the musical?

No.

That's right. That's why the three of you

have to be at the audition.

-Yes sir! -You bet!

Alright, you're gonna be fantastic, all three.

Even me?

Especially you. now get out of here, get to class.

I love school at Christmas.

No proper lessons, loads of messing about,

it's brilliant.

What on earth, do you think you are doing?

I know that you're not a fan of my work

but I think even you will be up on your cloven hooves

and dance to this one.

I'm not talking about this.

I'm talking about THAT!

Oh isn't that great?

Feel the energy!

It's like when we opened for the Beatles

at Shea stadium!

Rock and Roll Miss A!

How you ever became a teacher is a mystery to me.

You know what! Me too!

Ahem!

You know I've got the perfect part for you

in this musical.

Yeah Grizella, the evil snow witch.

Everything you look at turns to ice.

See what I mean? You're perfect!

STOP EVERYTHING!

I've just been informed we're having...

A surprise school inspection.

They're due within the hour!

Okay just stay Calm. Stay calm! Stay calm!

Oh this really is most tiresome.

We've only just had an inspection.

That was before the incident with the runaway lawn mower.

And the exploding custard.

Awkward!

You know what, there not coming -

They can't come it's Christmas!

Christmas is cancelled!

I must be having a nightmare.

[CRASH!]

Sorry sorry!

Seriously?!

Shh!

I'm here to help you with the cradle.

How did you know it had collapsed?

Call it a lucky guess.

Well I, I, I'm doing this alone.

It's a, it's a father-son thing, you understand.

Of course.

I hand carved Rosa's cradle from a solid block

of Sicilian oak.

It took me six months

and seventy-seven blisters.

Ahhh! I loved that cradle.

You're the best daddy...

Well here we go son,

one hand-assembled cradle coming right up.

Go Dancer. Go Prancer.

Go Dancer. Go Vixen.

Go Comet. Go Cupid.

Go Donna. Go Pran...

What are you doing?

Mr. Joy has cancelled your alleged "musical".

Oh no?! He didn't do that!

I work all year for this.

Auditions are today!

Not any more.

Well I'm gonna talk to him.

Well you can't!

He's preparing for the school inspection,

as should you be.

We don't want one bad apple spoiling the whole barrel.

Well let me tell you,

this apple doesn't care what the inspectors think,

I only care that the little apples

have a great Christmas.

Well what all the little appl- Ahem...

pupils need is a first-rate education,

not a second rate Santa.

Did you just say that to me?

Yes I did.

[she hums cheerfully]

Camilla Stevens, Head inspector.

What a lovely building.

Jonathan Lao, trainee, this is my first inspection.

Welcome to Westbrook.

What a pleasure having you here.

When I heard we was having a surprise inspected

I was like... YES!

I love inspections!

Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em!

Christmas has come early.

Thank you Santa!

When you come down that chimney,

I'm gonna leave you something. [nervous laugh]

Well that makes a change.

A change.

Shall we begin?

Now. Can anyone tell me how to separate substances

in a mixture?

What if they're friends?

What if they don't want to be separated?

Miss. Can't we do something more Christmassy

than chemistry?

Oooh we could do a secret Santa!

We all get surprise gifts!

Awesome! Now you're talking!

Christmas starts on December 25th

and not a day sooner.

The different methods are -

filtration, evaporation,

distillation and chromatography.

Nick McKelty. A grade 'A' student.

A grade 'A' pain.

Now this experiment might go slightly over your heads

but it's always worth a try.

[crash]

No! No! No! No! No! No!

Part of me knows this is going to be really bad.

But part of me really wants this to happen.

[wet explosion]

[class laughing]

Here at Westbrook we pride ourselves

on creating an atmosphere of calm and serenity.

HENRY ZIPZER! COME BACK HERE!

You were saying?

Saying? Is there an echo in here?

Alright. What did you do this time?

I threw a paper ball at Miss Adolf.

Good one.

You?

Apparently I'm supposed to have something called

a lesson plan.

I mean who knew, how do you plan music.

-You can't. -You see that's what I think.

I thought you just kind of grabbed the guitar,

turn up the volume and let the Reindeers Rock.

[dramatic rock band music]

Well the music was so loud,

that the white board just shattered off the wall.

That sounds awesome!

Yeah. Except Mr. Joy thought it sounded like

'an orchestra trapped inside a tumble dryer'.

MR JOY: ZIPZER!

Okay, listen, his bark is worse than his bite.

But then, they said that about my Grandma's dog

and he ate the mailmen.

You covered Miss Adolf in green gunge?

It was more a sort of turquoise.

It's not funny, Hank.

Mr. Joy says this is your final warning.

One more incident and you'll get suspended.

Hank, you've got to stop getting into trouble.

It was an accident.

Well it's always an accident isn't it?

You need to grow up Hank.

We've only got room for one baby in this flat.

[door slams open]

Emily? What are you doing?!

DAD: I said I'd get the tree

when I'd finished building the cradle.

Yeah, I thought it would be nice to have one before Easter.

Emily, you don't need to be cheeky,

your father's doing his best.

Oh thank you for the vote of confidence.

So, who wants to help me decorate it?

Me!

Remember what happened last time

you decorated the tree?

Sorry!

It was an accident...

Okay, well we can all decorate the tree.

Come on everybody, grab a bauble.

Best not, I'll only break it.

HANK: That's odd, my head feels breezy

Oh that is not good.

CLASS: No brain. No brain. No brain.

As I always suspected Zipzer -

you're brainless!

[evil cackle]

Don't let me ever go back to sleep.

Why don't you just ask Dad to help

and be done with it?

And what? Be reminded of my failure

every time I put this little guy down to sleep?

Did he kick?

Yeah. He could kick for Liverpool!

No Arsenal!

Dad always wanted me to play football

but I was never any good.

Are you sure about having a home birth?

Wouldn't you feel more comfortable in hospital?

I didn't feel comfortable with Hank

concussing two nurses?

No this time everything's gonna be perfect.

Nothing is gonna go wrong.

I can't wait to meet him.

Me too,

I've got a good feeling about this one.

I think he's gonna be a genius.

[mum laughs]

Maybe he could help me put this cradle together.

He's going to do something amazing.

Just you wait and see.

What they really mean is -

they hope he doesn't turn out like me.

Hayden Jason's gone number one

in the download chart!

Oh! She's spreading like a virus.

I have to find a cure.

Have you seen the inspectors?

They were heading for Mr. Rock's classroom.

One can only hope they've brought protective headgear.

♪ Just once I want to hear Santa say... ♪

♪ Go Rudolph, tonight you can guide the sleigh. ♪

And then the other reindeers get lost

and Rudolph has to save the day.

That sounds wonderful.

Wonderful.

You know the beauty of music lies

in the ear of the beholder.

And you two have exquisite ears!

[they laugh]

This is exactly the sort of imaginative approach

that we're looking for.

I can't wait to see it.

You, you know, neither can I.

But the musicals been cancelled.

[laughing] Cancelled?! Cancelled?!

Mr. Rock's musical is the highlight of the year!

The staff and pupils absolutely love it.

It's something that would never be cancelled.

Ever.

Must have been an admin error, or something.

You, you know how wonderful this man is?

He said you all get more money for costumes this year.

I did?

You did

I did. I did.

And then he went on and said a new lighting rig.

How generous is that.

That was unexpected but if that's what it takes

to get this show on the road, then we must do it.

Oh my goodness.

And then this Headmaster of Headmasters.

He said the entire orchestra gets a new instrument

AND a confetti canon for the finale.

I just get carried away.

It's great to see a Headmaster

supporting the creative arts.

And this show is the perfect opportunity

to see what Westbrook can do.

Westbrook can do.

With all this new equipment this better be

the greatest Christmas musical

the world has ever seen!

Rock on!

Oh rock on.

Hey look! The show's back on!

Awesome!

I think I'm gonna give the auditions a miss.

C'mon Hankster, you're amazing on stage.

You have to audition.

ANNOUNCER VOICE: Roll up folks!

Come and see the greatest show on earth!

Rudolph the Rock 'n' Roll Reindeer

starring the one and only... Hank Zipzer!

Yeah... maybe...

Yeah, you're totally right!

This could be my chance to make Mum and Dad

proud of me!

Another day and still no cradle.

I'll just make a note of that.

♪ Go Dancer! Go Prancer! Go Dasher! Go Vixen! ♪

♪ Go Comet! Go Cupid! Go Donner! Go Blitzen! ♪

I can't wait for these auditions!

Has anyone seen my gherkins?

By the sink.

Enough nonsense about cradle.

Where are we going to put the birthing pool?

We're out of gherkins!

It's the vitamin K your body's craving.

Have some broccoli instead.

I don't want broccoli!

I WANT GHERKINS!

No-one make any sudden movements.

I can trot to the deli and get you a jar?

Reindeers do trot, right?

If you would do that,

you would officially be my favourite child.

I can report you for saying that.

Go straight to the deli, no dawdling,

no stopping to, to, to look at amusing pigeons.

This is an emergency! Run like the wind!

There only gherkins Dad, I can do this.

I'm not completely useless.

That was Rudolph, not me!

Sorry son, you'll have to wait.

Please! It's an emergency!

My mum needs gherkins!

[laughs] Ah! That's not an emergency.

You've never seen her in a gherkin rage.

What are they doing, anyway?

♪ Don't wanna be a flower girl. ♪

♪ A pretty thing for you to twirl. ♪

♪ Summers gone you'll dump me fast ♪

♪ I wanna love that's gonna last all year. ♪

♪ Do you love me, or love me not. ♪

♪ Were going cold or getting hot. ♪

CUT!

Please, Ms. Harris, all these interruptions

are making it very difficult to...

Not that it's a problem, of course.

Good. 'Cos if it was,

we'd be looking for a new director.

Can I just do this in a coat?

And cover up that knock-out dress, Hayden honey?

You can't sell this song

without a bit of sizzle, sugar.

And you are looking smoking hot, girl.

Then why do I have goosebumps?

'Cos you're excited about being in London?

Oh come on couple more weeks,

we'll be in Tokyo.

They say it's beautiful at Christmas.

Nothing is the same as Christmas at home

and I always spend it with my Mom and Dad.

Sorry, darlin'.

Sometimes you want the rainbow,

you gotta put up with the rain.

Ow! My eyes!

This stuff'll really make them pop.

Hhum!

Not to rush you but the flowers

are starting to wilt.

And they're not the only ones.

You wanna see your folks -

they're right down that lens.

Then you make 'em proud of their little girl.

Okay, alright, well, well from the top!

And action!

♪ Don't wanna be a flower girl. ♪

♪ A pretty thing for you to twirl. ♪

♪ Summers gone you'll dump me fast ♪

♪ I wanna love that's gonna last all year. ♪

Hey you!

[song continues]

CUT!

Are you people incapable of doing anything right?!

Do you KNOW how much this girl is worth?

You okay honey?

Security!

[underwater screaming]

That's lunch!

Ahah! No way!

We've gotta keep shooting -

we got places to go, people to see.

I don't mind if we break for lunch.

I mind!

Time is money honey and I'm not gonna let

this bunch of clowns ruin my rodeo.

You're fired!

Don't you walk away from me now!

You're fired! You're definitely fired!

You are fired!!

Fired! Fired! Fired!

You. You're definitely fired.

Come on. Who wants some?

Who wants some? You're fired?!

That's Hayden Chase!

Frankie is gonna be so jealous.

Woah! You're...

I know who you are.

You know who you are.

I mean, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I messed up your video.

No it's fine.

You got me a lunch break, I owe you. Big time.

Who is that?

Tammy Harris. My manager.

Is she always that angry?

She's just ... kinda protective.

He can't have just disappeared like a catfish up a creek!

YOU. You're unfired! Find him!

I should probably give myself up.

No trust me, you do not wanna do that.

Follow me...

[muffled shouting]

I hate my hair like this.

Looks good to me.

But I'm probably the wrong person to ask.

I like your hair,

maybe that should be my new look.

It's easy to do -

you just wake up in the morning and you're good to go.

(laughs) Bed hair!

I love it!

Stop! Stop!!!!

He'll be half way to Hawaii by now.

Come on Y'all get back to work

or you'll get my rhinestone boot up your behinds!

[phone rings]

Oh hello there Mister Takahashi.

Oh really, oh well,

I mean what is the weather like over there.

Okay, I think you can relax now.

Can I take one of these for a friend?

He's a huge fan.

And would this friend happen to be yay high,

with cute messy hair?

No Frankie's hair is always perfect.

He spends hours on it.

Oh. I just thought...

Oh right-- doesn't matter.

Yeah I'll write him a message.

So you don't like my music?

No, no -

I mean yes, yes I like it, I love it.

Erm... It's good. So...

musical?

Right.

So what's your favourite song off my new album?

The, the new album? I err, well...

You know it's so hard to pick a favourite -

when they're all so amazing.

I promise I'll download it as soon as I get home.

It's okay. I'll give you a free download link.

If you don't like it you can delete it.

Thanks!

Alright.

Call me and let me know what you think.

Cos I could really do with some honest feedback.

Tickles.

TAMMY: Oh you flatter me Mr. Takahashi.

Sayonara!

Guess who's sold out in Tokyo!

You are on a roll, girl.

I am never washing this hand, again.

Gherkins!

Where are all the gherkins?!

Sorry Hank, just sold out.

NO!

I knew I should have got here sooner.

Mum's gonna kill me.

Then you better come up with a good excuse.

I bumped into a mega star: Hayden Chase.

Not bad but the name needs some work.

She's real!

Of course she is.

Papa Pete, I know how to get Mum some gherkins!

Papa Pete - where d'you keep the vinegar?

You made these?!

Yeah step away from the jar, Rosa!

They don't even look like gherkins.

I can't! I'm going in.

I couldn't find any gherkins.

They only had chilies.

Hum! Delicious!

[GASPING] Oh! Oh!

I'll get you some water.

I told you not to dawdle!

I didn't! I bumped into Hayden Chase.

First rule of lying:

at least make it slightly believable.

I'm not lying!

Look - she gave me her number!

And she gave me a signed photo for Frankie!

Oh, you really did meet her!

'Merry Crismus Frankie'.

There's only one person I know who spells Christmas,

C.R.I.S.M.U.S

That's weird.

Hum! Yep you bought the photo

and signed it yourself to get out of trouble...

Second rule of lying:

don't get caught red-handed.

They didn't believe me!

Nice try Hank but I'm not falling for it either.

Hayden Chase doesn't have dyslexia.

If she did it would be in her autobiography.

She's written her life story?

She's only sixteen!

'Chasing Rainbows'.

I have it in hardback and paperback.

You guys should read them.

I'd rather wax my eyeballs.

Well maybe she doesn't like

talking about her dyslexia?

It's not exactly something you brag about.

You can keep on selling but I'm not buying.

C'mon, we don't want to be late for the

Christmas audition.

Why will no-one believe me!

Get your rear in gear girl!

The day don't wait for no-one, darlin'.

Hey Bob...

can you help me with something?

Alright sweetie pie.

Just try a little louder.

[quite mumbling]

This will be the biggest disaster

since Henry Zipzer was allowed

in the school talent show.

Being able to fart the national anthem

is not a talent!

Do you really want to give the inspectors

front-row seats to a Christmas catastrophe?!

I had no choice: they want to see it.

Maybe it'll only be a bit of a disaster.

Have you been eating tinsel?!

This is Mr. Rock we're talking about.

[piano intro]

♪ Just once I want to hear Santa say ♪

I'm never going to top that.

♪ Go Rudolph! Tonight you can guide the sleigh! ♪

I think you've found your Rudolph Mr. Rock.

He's perfect.

Yeah, well no come on.

A little too perfect.

Remember before Rudolf saves the day,

all the other reindeer make fun of 'em.

NEXT!!

But we have our inspectors.

Too perfect sounds... perfect to me.

There's no next. Cast him, he's Rudolph!

Next!

[tearing]

♪ I live in the Arctic but I've never been cool

That's how Rudolph ended up on Santa's naughty list.

[everyone laughs]

Stop smiling. Why are you smiling?

No smiling!

Not Zipzer. No way!

Now he is funny.

Funny.

He is my decision.

I got the part!!

[fireworks]

Hello! Anybody home?

MUM'S VOICE: Emily is taking us to a class

on home births.

I didn't think you'd want to come.

Dinners in the oven.

DAD'S VOICE: Try not to burn the flat down, Hank.

I know how to use an oven Dad.

I think I'm gonna have salad tonight.

RADIO: ♪ I try hard but I'm still afraid. ♪

♪ I'm never gonna make the grade ♪

♪ You make it look so easy, when I follow you. ♪

♪ I've got nothing to show. ♪

♪ The stars are out of reach ♪

♪ why do I try? ♪

♪ I wanna be like you.. ♪

♪ I wish I was smarter. I wish I was brave. ♪

♪ I wish I was all the things you crave ♪

♪ cos I don't ever wanna let you down ♪

♪ don't ever wanna make you frown ♪

♪ no I just wanna make you proud. ♪

♪ I try hard but I'm still afraid. ♪

♪ I'm never gonna make the grade. ♪

This album is awesome.

I wish I could tell her...

Go Dancer. Go Prancer.

Here we go.

Alright, Listen Brass your doing great,

a little less spit or we're gonna have to

hand out umbrellas.

Bongo's are you with me? Bongo's?

This noise is intolerable!

I mean I can hardly hear myself teach!

I demand silence!

You demand silence!

You know what that's really difficult

Because this is a musical,

IT'S GOTTA BE LOUD.

The noise levels are well over

the maximum level allowed in the workplace.

A hundred and five decibels.

Were did you come from?

Comply with the regulations

or I will have this production shut down!

Okay. Okay. You know what I need?

I need some organization, that's all.

Oh look at those spreadsheets.

They are so organised.

How would you like...

No, not doing it.

You'll of course you would get extra marks

on your school report...

I'll take the job.

SILENCE!

Are you two related?

Can I see the production timetable?

(laughs)

"Can I see the production timetable?"

A timetable, of course you can.

As soon as you write them.

You can see them. Beautiful...

What an apple.

Okay here we go kids, from the top!

The label wants new promo shots for Tokyo.

They're picking you up in ten minutes,

want to see you in this.

Do we have to do this right now?

Don't you give me the diva, darlin'.

You want the folks at the label

thinking won't play ball?

Oh c'mon, put it on.

You'll look real cute!

[phone rings]

Brett, how we looking for Australia?

I want Sydney Opera House, you know we can fill it.

This won't get me into trouble now will it?

I won't tell if you don't.

♪ I'm flying round the world singing my song. ♪

♪ Spreading the joy and righting the wrongs. ♪

♪ A Reindeer that rocks is nothing to fear. ♪

♪ I light up the night with joy and cheer. ♪

♪ I never get big for the sleigh ride team. ♪

♪ Seeing the world is forever my dream. ♪

♪ Go Dancer. Go Prancer. Go Dasher. ♪

♪ Go Vixen. Go Comet. Go Cupid. ♪

♪ Go Donna. Go Blitzen. ♪

♪ Just what I want to hear Santa say, ♪

♪ go Rudolf tonight you can guide the sleigh! ♪

This time it's you...

[phone rings]

Rudolf's the name. Pulling a sleigh is the game.

Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

Hayden?

Hank? Is that you?

Yeah!

I was just, erm, pretending to be a reindeer.

Wow, I can't believe it's you!

You never called?

Did you hate the album that much?

I loved it!

It's just I lost your number

in a gherkin related incident.

Okay. I guess you're forgiven.

TAMMY: Hayden get out here - we got work to do!

Sorry I gotta go, Hank.

Tammy's hollering. Time to go dress-up doll again.

Can't you get out of it?

Do something fun instead.

I wish.

Say that you've had an idea for a hit song

Then sneak out when she's not looking.

That could actually work.

Hank you're a genius.

People don't often call me that.

If I do escape I'll need someone to hang out with.

So are you free tonight?

Hello? You still there?

Yeah. Yeah.

I was just erm, checking my calendar...

I think I might have a window free.

Great, Okay I'll text you where to meet.

See you later Rudolph.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!!!

No.

You've skated before, right?

No, but how hard can it be?

I don't have to do that with my arm,

I just think it looks cool.

Don't worry; I got you.

I'm gonna have a fun time tonight.

I'm not gonna let anything ruin it.

How's it going in there, hon?

Sugar? You in there?

Will you stop being so terrified,

this is supposed to be fun.

Have you seen how sharp these skates are?

Alright look.

Whenever I get nervous before I go on stage

I just imagine I'm somewhere else -

like making pancakes with my mom.

It relaxes me, you should try it sometime.

Last time I made pancakes with my mum

I set off every smoke alarm for about a mile.

You don't like your family?

I love my family, it's just ...

My sister wants me to be put in a lab and tested.

My dad wishes I could score the winning goal

at the world cup and my mum

still basically thinks I'm a work in progress.

I'm kind of a disappointment.

I'm sure they love you really.

This Christmas they're replacing me

with another boy.

No way!

Yeah, my mum's due any day now

and my baby brother's all they can talk about.

Okay I thought you were being serious.

I am!

I bet you they call him "Hank Two Point Oh",

"New and Improved".

Okay then forget about your home and think about

somewhere else that makes you happy.

[they laugh]

[more laughter]

Where did you go?

The Spicy Salami, the family deli.

With my granddad. It's my favourite place.

Well it worked, you're skating!

That's amazing! How did you do that?

[Hayden laughs]

[laughter]

[slow motion: Woooaaahhhh!]

Woah!

Hayden! I am so so sorry!

Are you okay? Please be okay.

[Hayden laughs]

Skating is SO not your thing!

Ooh! Help me! I'm Hank!

And I was really starting to like you.

Hey, it's Hayden Chase!

[CAMERA CLICKS & CROWD CHATTER]

Those are your fans?!

I thought they'd rip us apart.

Oh it's all part of the job, I guess.

It was like one of those wildlife shows

where the hyenas jump on the cute gazelle

You calling me cute?

[nervous chuckle]

I'll take that as a yes.

Did you see that?

Please tell me you saw that.

Did I ever tell you I grew up on a ranch?

My daddy gave me a pony for my tenth birthday.

Her coat was so white I called her Snowflake.

I loved her so much some nights

I used to sneak down and sleep in the stable with her.

Then one day out of the blue...

she bit my hand.

She near took my finger off.

My daddy said she'd gone bad,

that we had to send her to the big ranch in the sky.

I begged him not to do it....

but in the end, like he said,

"when they turn on you,

you gotta show them who's boss".

Don't you ever bite me again.

Do I make myself clear?

Now give me your phone.

We don't want you running off with that boy.

Zipzer, was it?

Guard this door, don't let her leave.

Look! There!

That's my arm!

See I was with Hayden.

That could be anyone's arm.

You are losing it. Seriously.

Okay first positions everyone.

You'll never be able to pull this sleigh on your own Zipzer.

You're too weak.

Okay One house down, two billion to go.

Rudie can you can pull this sleigh by yourself?

All aboard Santa!

We've got plenty of presents to deliver --

all across the world!

Let's go!

I'm in!

[derisive laugh]

Woah!

I'm so sorry.

Oooohhhh OoooHhhhh..!

Oooh... Oooh...

If you have any questions my door is always open.

...Hoooooooo!

It gives me no pleasure to tell you I told you so.

Who am I kidding?

I've never been happier.

Ah, now, now will you call the ambulance,

or shall I?

Ho?

You are despicable, everything about you.

He fired me from MY own musical!

What? He can't do that!

What's gonna happen to the show?

I don't know! And he did!

Lose the sleigh: much too dangerous.

We're going to try something different.

Miss Adolf! Anybody but Miss Adolf!

Silence at the back!

I've got a lot of work to do

knocking this monstrosity into shape.

This is a masterpiece!

Don't you change one note.

That would be like painting a m...

a moustache on the Mona Lisa!

Beethoven's Fifth is a masterpiece.

The Nutcracker Suite is a masterpiece.

This is an assault on Christmas.

I'm begging you, don't ruin it!

I'm going to rescue it.

That would be like the iceberg rescuing the Titanic.

Toodle oooh Mr. Clause.

You can't give up! This is your show!

Hank sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

Sometimes you play Glastonbury,

sometimes you get stuck in the portaloo

and you never make it to the stage.

Oh yes! That happened.

What if I say I won't do it?

They can't put it on without Rudolph?

This is your moment to shine.

I need you to make that show fabulous!

I will. By getting you your musical back.

Wait!

Wait! No! No! Hank!

Oh I have to work on this teacher/pupil obedience thing.

Oh!

Why?

Hello?

Oh erm, yes, yes, there's a lot of dust.

I'm just checking.

Dust.

I know how to impress the inspectors.

You're moving to a new school?!

No. But I can get Hayden Chase

to sing in the Christmas Show.

Oh and I can get the Queen

to tap dance with penguins.

You can?!

Oh. But I really CAN get Hayden Chase - she's my friend!

Ridiculous! What are you? Six?

You're nothing. No-one.

Stars like Hayden Chase don't even know you exist.

Lucky for them!

Now get out of my sight before I give you detention -

for a whole year!

If I can get Hayden to do it,

will you put Mr. Rock back in charge of the show?

Oh I'll do one better.

If Hayden Chase sings in our musical -

I'll eat my socks in front of the whole school.

You heard it here first!

Out with the new and in with the old.

You can't go wrong with a classic.

But the show's on Saturday!

I've got an IQ of a hundred and forty six

and even I couldn't rehearse a whole new play

in two days!

Where there's a will there's a way Emily.

Now let's show the inspectors

what Westbrook really stands for.

Indecisiveness?

Tradition. Ohh...

Hi Hayden, it's me Hank.

Again.

Are you getting any of these messages?

I really need you to call me back,

it's kind of urgent.

I've got a massive favour to ask.

Dude, this isn't funny anymore.

You know it actually wasn't that funny to begin with.

Why isn't she calling me back?

Maybe her phone's broken?

Maybe you need to leave planet Hank

and join the rest of us back on Earth.

I know! I'll go to the hotel

and ask her face to face.

Hank! Getting into more trouble

isn't going to help Mr. Rock or you.

You're wasting your time anyway.

She's singing in City Square tonight.

Tell Mum and Dad I'm rehearsing late!

"She's singing in City Square tonight."

Why didn't you just call him a cab?

I don't sounds like that, just so you know.

Come on, big mouth.

We need to find someone to stop him.

Wait a minute.

This is like looking for a snowball in a blizzard!

We should split up.

No. No.

No - the last thing we need is more snowballs.

Were gonna stick together.

My guess is he'll be near the stage.

Alright, that's a good idea.

If that true, we're going old school.

Ow!

I want my phone back.

I need to call my mom.

I called her for you.

I told her you were having the time of your life.

She and your pop say 'hi'.

Now make the magic happen.

What are you doing?

Making pancakes.

[crowd roars]

Thank you for coming out tonight.

It's so good to see all of you.

Hayden! Over here! It's me, Hank!

♪ Snow is falling, sleighbells ring, ♪

♪ Christmas Eve and children sing, ♪

♪ I should feel joy but not tonight. ♪

♪ Cos your not here and that ain't right. ♪

♪ We were king and queen of prom. ♪

♪ My first love were have you gone? ♪

♪ I hold you close here in my arms ♪

♪ It was always you right from the start. ♪

♪ I've hung my stocking, made my list, ♪

♪ hoping Santa hears my wish. ♪

♪ Snow falling from above. ♪

♪ Far from the one I love. ♪

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ is to see your face tonight. ♪

How can you not like this one?!

I think I'm allergic to her voice.

Coming through...

Hank. Excuse me.

Wow... Great shoes. Great shoes.

Hank!

Hayden over here!

♪ Choirs sing and snowball fights. ♪

♪ Mistletoe and fairy lights. ♪

Hayden!

♪ I would give up all of these, ♪

♪ I'd even give up Christmas trees. ♪

♪ I've hung my stocking made my list, ♪

♪ hopeing Santa hears my wish. ♪

Hayden! Help!

♪ Snow falling from above ♪

♪ Far from the one I love. ♪

♪ All I need to make it right ♪

♪ is to see your face tonight ♪

Hank! Hank! Hank!

He was right here.

Hank! Hello there.

(muffled) ♪ Come on home this Christmas time

Hank!

The wire!

[electrical bursts] Uh oh.

It's like bumfire night.

Bonfire.

Oh.

Hank?! Is that you?

What in the blue blasers

is rodeo clown doing here?

Graaaab him!

See?

I told you my life was a disaster!

And I never want to see a snowman ever again..

[uptempo music]

You three. You're coming with us.

This is not the way to Buckingham Palace?

You're fired! And I mean it this time!

[POLICE CAMERA FLASHING]

Oh yes this is lovely.

You alright?

Hum! Where gonna need a bigger pot.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello Maternity Ward.

Nurse Stanley Zipzer on duty.

What do you mean he's been arrested?!

Dad?

Yeah, that, that's my boy.

Wow.

This is a new low, isn't it?

Even for you Hank.

You've let me down, you let your Mum down.

You let the birthing pool down.

Why can't you just stop and think

for once before you launch yourself into

these stupid escapades?

You see these walls?

Do you want this to be your future?

I'm sorry dad, it was an accident.

Yeah, yeah I suppose it probably was.

C'mon son, let's get you home. Eh?

Well done, you finally made the news.

TAMMY: Oh well Hayden wants y'all to know

she's A-okay after last night's rumpus.

As for the loser that caused all this hullabaloo,

I'm happy to say that Hayden

doesn't know him from applesauce.

It seems he's a stalker.

She must be talking about someone else.

Hayden knows me.

He goes by the name of Hank Zipzer.

Maybe there's another Hank Zipzer?!

NEWSREADER: A pupil of Westbrook school

was arrested last night and...

You can't even be a successful criminal.

So it wasn't enough for you to send

the school inspectors on a sleigh ride

to the hospital?

I didn't mean to do that. I was...

You didn't think, you went far enough

to ensure that Westbrook Academy's reputation

was in ruins?!

You know what I was trying to...

So what does he go and do?

He goes and gets himself arrested!

With three pupils! In school uniform!

To be perfectly clear,

I was not in school uniform.

This may be the season of goodwill.

Look at that Christmas Crackers.

That's very smart!

But not for you music man.

Under the powers vested in me as

Commander-in-Chief of this school,

I declare that you...

Woah. Woah. Woah. Let's talk this out.

I love these kids.

I love my job. I love this school.

Please! Don't fire me!

I'm asking you.

I thought I fired you, already?

Me? No, that would of been

one of the other security guards.

He goes by the name of Hank Zipzer.

Okay darling.

We got a conference at ten for the launch

of your toy doll.

Put on an outfit to match.

Why did you say he was a stalker?

He's my friend!

That boy's dumber than a box of rocks!

I bet he can barely write his own name.

I want to go home for Christmas.

And I want to look twenty years younger honey,

but even my plastic surgeon says

that ain't gonna happen.

I really need to see my family.

And you will.

Just as soon as this tour is over.

Oh, cheer up honey,

I'm sure they got tinsel in Tokyo.

[phone rings]

Hey Lou! Great job on the doll.

Huh, well how much shelf space are we getting?

I know exactly how you feel trapped in there.

I'm so, so, so sorry guys.

What did your parents say?

Look at Zitzer! Loser!

How's Hayden? Stalker!

Loser.

A stalker at Westbrook - the shame of it.

And during an inspection!

Sadly, I cannot expel you because

it wasn't an official trip.

But one more mistake, like that Zipzer,

you are o.u.t. o.f. h.e.r.e.

You work it out!

Hi. How are you both?

You're moving to a new classroom?

No. No. I'm starting a new life.

They fired me.

This is all my fault.

You must hate me.

I don't hate you!

I never thought I would make it this far.

I thought they were gonna fire me

after the first week.

Hey! You want a harmonica?

Bob Dylan gave it me I never got the hang of it.

I am so useless. I mess everything up.

1973, Denver. Look at that.

You believe it.

Me and The Flaming Rhinos were on tour,

it's my turn to drive the van.

We get out stretch our legs,

and nincompoop here forgets the handbrake.

All of a sudden I'm watching in horror the bus

is going down the hill, into a lake.

Glug, glug, glug.

D'you ever see a bass guitar drowning?

It's heart-breaking.

We didn't give up.

Oh no we begged, we borrowed,

we got a new van, got new equipment and we toured again,

we did not give up and neither are you.

Hank, you are a clever, inventive smart young man.

And just because reading, writing and maths

might be hard for you,

it has nothing to do with how brilliant you are.

I'm starting a new life and you are gonna be okay.

[mean school-mate chatter]

♪ I feel like Sleeping Beauty ♪

♪ Black thorns are closing in ♪

♪ Locked in my perfect palace ♪

♪ Wishing my life could begin, ♪

♪ but wishing never works it just adds to all the hurt. ♪

♪ And the truth is, I'm under your spell. ♪

♪ Can't ever break free, but your not here. ♪

♪ To fight my fear don't leave me here. ♪

♪ I'm under your spell. ♪

♪ Can't ever break free, but you're not here. ♪

♪ To fight my fear don't leave me here with me. ♪

♪ Can't ever break free. Oh no... ♪

Okay honey the car is...

Fired?

This play sucks!

Why can't we do Rudolph the Rock 'n' Roll Reindeer?

For so many reasons.

You do realise it's aerodynamically

impossible for reindeer to fly?

Who cares? It's more fun than this!

Christmas isn't about fun,

it's about celebrating good old-fashioned values.

Like not firing Mr. Rock just because

he was trying to help Hank?

Like obedience to authority

and respect for your elders.

Oh yeah? Well we're going on strike

until Mr. Rock is reinstated.

[chanting] We want Rock! We want Rock!

We want Rock! We want Rock!

Silence!

Back on the stage! All of you!

Right now! This is your last warning!

[chanting continues]

Very well, we'll do the show without them.

But Nick can't play all sixteen parts by himself.

I am very versatile.

You're really not.

Please, Miss. Go outside and talk to them.

I refuse to negotiate with anarchists.

Okay let's take it from the top.

[customers shout & chatter]

Uno alla volta! One at a time!

Don't make me use the squirty cream.

Hank! My hero!

Clear those plates and wash up, will you?

At least Papa Pete's still pleased to see me.

Hands off!

My last panettone is for Mrs Trapani.

Save yourself while you still can, Mrs Trapani!

Buon Natale.

Do you know a Hank Zipzer?

Hi.

Hayden! I, I don't... what are you...

it's so good to see you!

I just really wanted to apologise

for the whole 'stalker' thing.

Tammy was way out of line.

How did you find me?

You told me this was your happy place, remember?

So what were you doing crawling under the stage?

I err, needed to ask you something

but it doesn't matter now.

What? Tell me.

I messed up, that's what I do.

I mess up people's lives and make them worse.

It's the one thing I'm really good at.

That and rocking an apron.

Here let me help you with the dishes.

You've got much better things to be doing

than washing up here with me.

No. I don't.

You know I really like hanging out with you Hank.

You're the only person I know

that doesn't want anything from me.

Tammy will be furious if she finds out you're here.

I just realised Tammy's always mad.

Now I'm gonna choose who my friends are, not her.

I choose you.

I am the ghost of Jacob Marley.

It cannot be!

You died seven years ago this Christmas Eve.

Woah. You will be visited by three ghosts.

I can't do this, it's impossible.

Impossible is winning the Eighty Eight

Fencing World Championships

with a broken epe and chronic diarrhea.

Then you do it.

Children today have no backbone.

Pathetic!

Don't even think about asking.

Oh. Very well, then I SHALL play all the parts.

At least with my performance Dickens' words

will be en-un-ci- ate-ed with per-fect cla-ri-ty.

A little something for you,

you two saved my life!

Papa Pete makes the best pasta in London.

The world!

My grandson says the nicest things.

Oh wow. This is amazing.

And he has excellent choice in friends.

Hayden! Hayden Chase!

It's Hayden Chase!

♪ I don't want to be your flower girl, ♪

♪ a pretty thing for you to twirl ♪

I am so sorry I didn't believe you!

I will eat my socks right now!

Sorry, no consumption of food

not purchased on the premises.

I'm so excited you're gonna be

in our school show!

What show?

It's Hayden Chase everyone!

She's singing at Westbrook Christmas Show!

Get tickets! Tell everyone!

Hayden Chase!

One more.

Oh Hayden Chase!

Is Hayden, it's just Argh!!!

Hayden Chase! Zipzer! What a result!

You came through!

Hank? What was he talking about?

I was trying to help my music teacher Mr. Rock.

I thought if you could sing in the show then...

So that's what all this has been about?

You just wanted something from me?

No, no it's, it's not like that.

You know, I thought you were different

and now you're just like all the others.

Please, let me explain.

No don't, Okay I've heard it before.

Goodbye Hank.

She doesn't like my pasta?

She doesn't like me.

CHANTING: I want Rock! I want Rock!

I feel so bad about not believing Hank.

I feel bad we don't have a show

for Hayden to sing in.

And for Hank, obviously.

Well, it's not over yet.

[chanting] We want Rock, he's on our list.

Hoping you will hear our wish.

That's Hayden! You're singing her Christmas hit!

[chanting] We want Rock, he's on our list,

Hoping you will hear our wish!

How did that get in my head?!

She's a witch.

It's the magic of Hayden.

No-one's immune!

RADIO DJ: Later on in the show we've got the queen

of pop, Hayden Chase singing live in the studio,

She is going to be right here.

How's that for an early Christmas present.

I told you we should have believed Hank.

Really?

I must have missed that piece of parenting brilliance.

Oh ok, well I THOUGHT it.

If that Tammy knew they were friends,

why would she call him a stalker?

Cause she didn't think that Hank

was good enough for her precious star.

I tell you if I ever see that massive-haired madam

I'm gonna...

Go into early labour so calm down.

Keep breathing, in, out, in,

out, big breaths.

This won't take a minute.

These instructions make no sense.

Thank you!

What so, now we've got no cradle!

So, so were are we gonna put the baby?!

He can't live in here forever!

Oh, I will buy you another one.

I'll help you choose.

I am the ghost of Jacob Marley.

It cannot be!

You died seven years ago this Christmas Eve.

You will be visited by three ghosts.

No!

The ghost of Christmas Past...

No. No.

The ghost of Christmas Present.

And the ghost of...

Oh, Oh,

Argh!

I am the ghost of Christmas Productions Yet to Come.

Who am I?

I am a soul of the night, while I travel...

Just take a look, at what the audience thinks

of what you've done.

Not exactly laughing in the aisles, are they?

You know what they're all thinking?

They love Dickens?

How quickly will this be over?

Don't be a Scrooge, Miss Adolf.

Don't leave me! Don't leave me!

B-b-b-b-bye...

Are you alright Miss Adolf?

No! I need to find Mr. Rock!

I have to save Christmas!

If I was a washed up old music teacher,

where would I go...?

Do you want me to help you fill it with water's

No, it's fine.

Alright.

I mean I would be the one filling it, you know?

Knowing me I'd probably flood the flat or something.

I mean I'd just, just stand over here and watch.

No you can fill it when the time comes.

Just for now your baby brother

doesn't seem in any hurry to arrive.

Oh right, I thought...

Are you okay?

I'm sorry we didn't believe you about Hayden.

It doesn't matter now anyway.

We're not friends any more.

If that's because of that manager of hers

I'm going to find her and...

No it was my fault. I messed up...

again.

What happened? Come on, tell me everything.

[Hank sighs]

♪ I fly around the world singing my song. ♪

♪ Spreading the joy and righting the wrongs. ♪

Of all the subways in all the world

you have to choose mine to walk through!

Mr. Joy thinks he's made a mistake firing you

and thinks you should come back

and put on your musical tonight.

Oh, he's not a Dickens fan?

We felt on reflection it was perhaps

a little too high brow.

And nothing to do with the kids striking, huh?

Oh, yeah I heard about that.

Go on then have a gloat.

Let's get it out of the way.

Roll up, roll up and hear all about

Miss Adolf's Dickens disaster!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you.

I've been under an awful strain.

Please come back - the production needs you!

[playing guitar]

I didn't catch what you said?

The school needs you!

What?

Okay, okay.

I need you! Alright?

Almost got it, a little louder.

I SAID I NEED YOU.

NOT THE PRODUCTION. NOT THE SCHOOL.

ME! I NEED YOU.

Well why didn't you say so! Course I'll help!

Where are you going?

I'm in the middle of a gig,

I can't just walk away.

I could use a little help.

Oh no.

Y.E.S. Pick it up. Come on.

Hit against your thighs.

Go on.

I tell you something dancing, would be great...

You'll make a lot of money dancing.

You are an insufferable little man

and I curse the day we ever met.

We shouldn't be here Mum.

You need to talk to her

before she flies out tonight.

I really don't.

Please can we just go?

Listen, if you don't tell her how you feel,

you'll regret it.

I'm starting to regret being here with you.

Oh sorry, I just had to do that.

Ow... Erm no. I think it's started it.

I'll have to sit down!

Shouldn't Rudolph have bigger antlers?

I am the star of the show.

What do you think?

Your show, your decision.

We're gonna stay with your antlers.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking we should go much bigger antlers.

Remember when you first come out

the other reindeers have no respect for you.

So be tentative, nervous.

[gasps & whimpers]

You must feel what Rudolph feels.

You must BECOME a reindeer.

Ok, from the top!

HAYDEN: Hi Mom, sorry I'm not gonna be home for Christmas.

I'll call you from Tokyo.

She does spell Christmas wrong like me...

Oh a muffin.

I'm not gonna sing in your school show

so you might as well leave.

I don't care about the show, I care about...

What you think of me.

That's private.

You've got dyslexia like me.

You should probably go,

though your the one with the problem not me.

I get it, you're a big pop star.

You don't want it to damage your perfect image.

I never said I was perfect.

Deep down just as messed up as my spelling.

I didn't tell you about the show

because I didn't want to be another person

asking you for something.

You weren't using me?

Only to help with the washing up.

I'm sorry Hank.

Oh no, your granddad must think I'm really rude.

I didn't eat his pasta.

He's a mess.

The only way to make it up to him is

to come back with me.

I wish I could but we're flying out tonight.

Well you don't have too, if you don't want to.

Try telling Tammy that.

Well maybe it's time you just stood up to Tammy?

And maybe it's time you stopped sticking your snout

where it's not wanted.

Get this loser out of here!

Get moving honey, you are on in five.

Hank!

Hayden!

Aww. Ooo.

Get your hands off my son!

You were faking?! Who even does that?

I told you to keep him away from my star.

She's worth a lot of money to me and

I won't see her sidetracked by a loser

like him!

The only loser around here is you.

Lying about my son being a stalker!

You knew they were friends!

I don't have to listen to this trailer trash -

throw her out along with her dumb kid.

Oh trailer trash?!

I'll show you trailer trash!

[grunting & fighting]

Don't just stand there! Do something!

I'm not fighting a pregnant lady!

Agh!

[Tammy screams]

You're fired!

Fired, fired, fired, fired,

fired, fired, FIRED!

[groans in pain]

[she groans again]

It's okay Mum, you can stop pretending now.

No I'm, I'm not pretending!

Oh the baby really is coming!

I'll call Dad!

Lift. Lift. Lift.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. No. No. No.

Argh!

I told you it was too big.

Oh shut up.

[phone rings]

Oh.

You couldn't answer that could yer?

It's going to voicemail!

I've gotta get home!

I'll call Emily!

No. No. No. She'll just boss me about.

It's, it's you Hank. You're my birth partner now!

Mum. You don't want me.

I'll mess up! Something bad will happen.

It always does. I'll get help!

Argh! the baby's coming! oh!

Stop!

Bethlehem's a bit far love,

but I can drop you at St. Thomas's?

It's just over the river.

No. No. I need to get home.

I'm having a home birth.

It's. It's all going to be perfect this time.

We won't make it, Mum. It's too far!

Take us to the hospital.

No. No. You need to lift your end higher.

You need to lower your end and twist.

It won't twist! Lift!

I said don't choose a big one?

What did he do?

You said this cradle was fit for a king!

Yes. But you don't live in a castle!

[message chime]

Oh. Rosa's having the baby!

Rosa's having the baby!!!

I've gotta get out. Let me out!

Oh. What about the cradle?!

It looks good there.

Dad's on his way. He won't be long!

I don't wanna be here! I wanna be at home!

You'll be better off without me.

I'm a total failure.

Don't say that.

Don't ever say that.

You know what's important is not,

good grades and all that stuff.

What is important is that you have

a good heart and you've got a great heart.

[sharp grunts & gasps]

Mum, my hand, I think it's gonna snap.

♪ Just once I want to hear Santa say, go Rudolph, ♪

(voice breaks) ♪ tonight, tonight. ♪

(coughs)

Did he just lose his voice?

I thought so.

My Rudolph has lost his voice.

What am I gonna do now?

You're exactly right,

this show is gonna be a disaster.

Oh. If only Hank were here.

Not something I expected to hear from a teacher.

Or anyone. Ever.

Mother's having the baby!

We have to hurry!

Excuse me.

I know this is not the time, but where is Hank?

Helping deliver the baby.

Well as far as excuses go,

that's not a bad one.

Close your eyes.

Now is not the time for a nap Hank.

It's a trick that Hayden taught me.

You close your eyes and imagine that

you're in a place that makes you happy.

I'm in a hospital surrounded by machines.

Nothing can change that.

Please Mum.

Okay.

Imagine the flat -

cushions on the sofa, trophies on the bookshelf,

gherkin jar in the kitchen.

Oh could you make that pickled chilies?

Cos I'm, I'm liking them now.

Don't get distracted mum.

Now imagine that you're in the birthing pool,

the water's lovely and warm.

Dad's standing by your side, holding your hand.

Yes, I can see him.

You are doing great love.

I'm so proud of you.

Keep breathing, big breaths through the nose.

That chili smells good.

Now we really need you to start pushing now. Okay?

Okay.

Now, you're heading for the home straight,

okay, the finishing line is in sight.

The crowd are going wild.

No sport stuff, now.

Got it. Okay.

Come on - one last big push.

You can do it!

Ah... [screams]

[baby crying]

Oh wow, look, isn't he gorgeous?

My two lovely boys.

Bella bambino!

Oh he is beautiful love!

I am so sorry I wasn't with you.

Well you were, thanks to Hank.

I'm so glad you're here.

But we do need to talk about the importance

of sticking to timetables.

Hey. If you hurry you can still make it

back to school before curtain up.

I'm not in the show anymore.

Well you are now!

We're just heading for the airport now.

Well soon as we're wheels down in Tokyo

let's talk turkey on those extra dates in Sydney.

I want top dollar, Brett.

Okay. Don't you lowball me.

Come on darlin' let's hustle,

we got a plane to catch.

I said c'mon. Like now!

What do you mean, Hayden Chase isn't coming?!

She had no choice. She had to go to Japan.

Man, it would've been great to sing with her.

And get a selfie.

What?

I have five thousand of these printed!

The audience are expecting Hayden Chase!

The inspectors have arrived,

I've shown them to their seats.

They can't see this! I'll lose my job!

We must empty the hall, but how?

What if we had a sudden fire?

Oh no you don't. The show must go on.

Never admit defeat.

Right! The show must go on.

How about here? Can you see the stage okay?

Err, the cravings are supposed to stop

after the baby's born you know...

Just shush and zoom in on the stage.

[applause]

Welcome to Westbrook Academy!

We are delighted to have you here with us

within these hallowed halls of learning.

Where education is the name

and excellence is the game!

Christmas is a time for, for love,

peace and understanding,

definitely NOT a time for throwing things at headmasters.

On an unrelated matter Hayden Chase

will not be appearing tonight.

[crowd boos]

In another tiny cast change,

our hugely talented lead, Nick McKelty,

has lost his voice and will be replaced

by the marginally talented Hank Zipzer.

CROWD: STALKER! STALKER! STALKER!

Hank and Hayden are friends!

She's eaten at my deli!

The Spicy Salami! It's very good.

Two for One lunch deals.

[crowd jeers]

So without further ado,

sit back and endure - enjoy -

the very first, and possibly the very last performance

of 'Rudolph the Rock 'n' Roll Reindeer.'

Be aware: no refunds will be admitted.

[crowd jeers]

No throwing things...

No... I am the headmaster...

Good luck Rudolph.

You can do this.

No I can't.

Hold it,

kids, you know I don't care that much

about my musical but what I care about

is that your willing to walkout because of

those people out there.

You're Hank Zipzer right.

You're made of stronger stuff right.

The answer to that question is yes...

So here is the question,

you've gotta answer yourself,

are you a reindeer that rocks

or are you a reindeer that rolls?

[crowd jeers]

Why doesn't he speak?

C'mon Hank, you can do it.

CROWD: Get off!

[crowd jeers]

Shut up! Let him sing!

I take it back!

None of you are welcome at my deli!

[crowd jeers]

Room for one more elf?

[crowd wails with excitement]

It's Hayden Chase!

CHAAAAAASE!

What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you again.

What about your tour?

What tour?

Hey!

Get away from that loser!

He's not a loser!

We don't like her; she is not a nice lady.

You're getting in that car and

you're getting on that plane to Tokyo! Missy!

No Tammy! I'm going to the airport

and getting on a plane to go home for Christmas.

I built you up from nothing!

You're no-one without me!

You do as I say or I will destroy you!

Remember me?

I work for Miss Chase now.

[she laughs]

You're fired.

Stings, doesn't it?

Get you're dirty hands off me!

[crowd cheers]

Yes! Ahah!

Who's the loser now, missy!?

Say bye bye to the nasty lady.

[crowd cheers]

These are my best friends. They're big fans.

Hello? Are we doing this show or what?

You ready?

Where's the mistletoe when you need it?

Happy Christmas, Hank Zipzer.

That's my boy!

[crowd cheers]

Look! That's your big brother.

Isn't he amazing?

♪ Snow is falling, sleighbells ring. ♪

♪ Christmas eve and children sing. ♪

♪ I should feel joy but not tonight, ♪

♪ cause you're not here and that ain't right. ♪

♪ We were King and Queen of Prom. ♪

♪ My first love were have you gone? ♪

♪ I hold you close here in my heart, ♪

♪ it was always you right from the start. ♪

♪ Hung my stocking, made my list, ♪

♪ hoping Santa hears my wish. ♪

♪ Snow falling from above, ♪

♪ far from the one I love ♪

♪ all I need to make it right, ♪

♪ is to see your face tonight. ♪

♪ Fire's warm but I feel cold, ♪

♪ without your hand your hold. ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ and come on home this Christmas time. ♪

♪ Choirs sing and snowball fights. ♪

♪ Mistletoe and fairy lights. ♪

♪ I would give up all of these. ♪

♪ I'd even give up Christmas trees. ♪

♪ Hung my stocking made my list, ♪

♪ hoping Santa hears my wish. ♪

♪ Snow falling from above ♪

♪ far from the one I love. ♪

♪ All I need to make it right, ♪

♪ is to see your face tonight. ♪

♪ Fires warm but I feel cold ♪

♪ without your hand to hold. ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight ♪

♪ and come on home this Christmas time. ♪

♪ I can't forget I can move on, ♪

♪ I know for sure you are the one. ♪

♪ Hometime boy it's now or never, ♪

♪ make this Christmas last forever ♪

[music continues]

♪ Fire's warm but I feel cold, ♪

♪ without your hand to hold. ♪

♪ Won't you grant my wish tonight, ♪

♪ come on home this, Christmas time. ♪

♪ So come on home this Christmas time. ♪

[festive music]

♪ I fly round the world singing my song. ♪

♪ Spreading the joy and righting the wrongs. ♪

♪ A Reindeer that rocks is nothing to fear. ♪

♪ I light up the night with joy and good cheer. ♪

♪ I never get big for the sleigh ride team. ♪

♪ Seeing the world is forever my dream. ♪

♪ Go Dancer. Go Prancer. Go Dasher. ♪

♪ Go Vixen. Go Comet. Go Cupid. ♪

♪ Go Donner. Go Blitzen. ♪

♪ Just what I want to hear Santa say, ♪

♪ go Rudolf tonight you can guide the sleigh! ♪

This time it's you!

[cheering]