Original subtitles

There ain't enough petunias in Poughkeepsie

to make a girl forget about this mug.

That is, if I still even have a girl.

Been so busy working on the new headquarters,

I ain't made the time I should have to see Alicia.

Especially since I got turned back into this big pile of ugly orange brick.

Who am I kidding? Alicia's probably found somebody else by now.

Somebody who doesn't look like a bad blend

of Frankenstein and Mount Rushmore.

- Help. - What?

- Help me. - Hey, hang on, lady.

Here comes 500lbs of grumpy gravel to the rescue.

Looks like it's your lucky day, lady.

And you just crapped out, mister.

Jeez. What?

Hey, I didn't mean to make you wet yourself.

It's not that easy to hurt Hydroman.

This ain't doing wonders for my lousy mood, lady.

Now, are you in trouble or what?

No, Benjamin Grimm, you are.

I'll take it from here, Medusa.

If you think a little shock in the shorts

can keep me from clobbering you...

Your strength is even more impressive than rumoured.

Trapster, paste him down.

It's a pleasure, Wizard.

One size fits all.

Behold, as my Id Machine brainwashes Mr Ben Grimm.

Weakening the good part of his character

and strengthening the bad.

That's enough. You're killing him.

No, my dear Medusa.

I'm merely destroying all that is good within him.

Now, hear me, Grimm, the Fantastic Four are your mortal enemies.

Especially Reed Richards.

No, he's best friend.

Friend? Reed Richards, you call friend?

He who foolishly exposed you to unknown cosmic rays,

resulting in your becoming the hideous creature you are today?

My dear Benjamin Grimm, Reed Richards destroyed your life.

No.

Yes.

Reed Richards did this to me.

Made me into a thing.

And for that Reed Richards must die!

There's nothing like home sweet home, huh, darling?

You'd think these guys were working for Dr Doom.

Destroying the Baxter Building is becoming a growth industry.

Well, now, we'll anticipate better luck with our new Four Freedoms Plaza here.

I'd better install the automatic door openers

while the building is still standing.

Allow me.

Thanks, Mr Fantastic.

But I am explaining why I was two hours late.

You think your average sicko villain cares about my social life? Yeah.

So, about that movie.

Hello?

- Maybe if I had my own digs... - Johnny, we've discussed this.

Let me guess. Girlfriend trouble?

No trouble, no girlfriend.

Yeah, now there's a bad joke.

The Human Torch can't even find a real flame.

Even our ever-loving blue-eyed rock pile has a steady girl.

- Then why does he keep ignoring her? - Alicia.

I know you've been busy, but Ben hasn't called

or come to visit me for days, so I thought...

Alicia, Ben left for your place last night.

But he never arrived.

Don't worry, dear. We'll find him.

- Fantastic Four, come in. - It's Ben.

Hustle your blue and white butts to the warehouse at Front and Third, pronto.

You ain't gonna believe what I got for you.

- You'd better stay in the car, Al. - But I...

Johnny's right. You'll be safe here on the roof.

No telling what Ben's found inside.

Looks like old blue eyes is here alright.

- Ben? - Yeah, come on in, pal.

I've been waiting for you.

It's a trap.

And I'm the Trapster. Poetic, huh?

Flame on.

Hydroman.

This ought to light your fire, boy.

Hey, stop babying me, sis. I could have outrun that bilge bucket.

Sorry, little brother. Johnny.

Impressive power, Susan Richards,

but less than nothing compared to Madam Medusa's.

Who are these creeps?

Did you get a load of her? I go for redheads in a big way.

Save it, Johnny. Are you alright, dear?

How sickeningly touching and how inevitably futile.

Get out of the way.

It's about time you showed up, you big galoot.

Ben, are you alright?

How can I ever be alright, you ego-loaded egghead?

Your harebrained schemes turned me into this monster.

- Ben, stop. What are you saying? - Back off, toots.

Nothing personal, but I'm about to make a widow out of you.

Johnny, I'll get...

Welcome to my shrinking-paste bubble, doll.

It's gonna take all of your force-field energy

just to keep it from crushing you.

He's right.

I don't know what they've done to you...

Done? I'll tell you what they've done.

They've helped me see you for what you are, Richards.

My worst enemy.

Reel it in, you big gorilla. I don't wanna burn you.

I'm shaking in my orange booties, punk.

I've been waiting to do this for years.

Old Sparky here is all yours.

Now that your Bunsen burner brother-in-law can't protect you,

I'm gonna crush the bounce out of you.

Patience, my friend.

First let Richards learn exactly who defeated him.

Offhand, I'd say it was me.

But if you wanna do a little gloating, suit yourself.

The esteemed Mr Fantastic.

Do you know who has you mounted here

like a brilliant, albeit short-lived, butterfly?

Hey, I recognise you.

You're the Wizard, brilliant inventor of incredible devices

for the very rich and the very evil.

Very good, Richards.

Yes, I am that very same Wizard the world used to talk about,

until you came along with your free patents

and affordable inventions for the common man.

Luckily, I found fellow inventors,

gifted yet unappreciated, who shared my vision.

Peter Petroski, formally Paste Pot Pete.

Petroski? Yes, the research chemist who invented multipolymer liquid.

Now known as the Trapster.

Meet Mory Benz, better known as Hydroman.

Capable of transforming the atoms of his body into water.

What's the matter, Torch? Get your matches wet?

Careful, Hydroman. He's only a boy.

Madam Medusa, the last link in my unbreakable circle of evil.

- What was that? - Relax, my dear. It's only a cat.

Medusa's past is a mystery,

but her unique mastery of hair, it's extraordinary.

Not to mention useful.

Together, we're the unstoppable Frightful Four.

Don't you mean five?

Surprised at your friend's change of heart, Richards? You shouldn't be.

Only my brilliance could create an Id Machine

capable of turning even Ben Grimm evil.

Yes, once again the world will marvel at the Wizard,

as my Frightful Four rob it blind,

because Reed Richards and his Fantastic Four will be no more.

Yeah, enough yapping, bullet head.

Is it clobbering time or not?

Apologies, my dear Thing.

By all means, feel free to indulge yourself.

Destroy Reed Richards.

Only one chance.

Johnny, Reed can't avoid Ben's punches much longer.

If I can just flame on fast and hot enough,

I might be able to melt this sprinkler head.

Still too damp.

Third time's a charm, brain boy.

Free.

You freed him, you clumsy fool. Trapster, stop him.

No way, paste puss. I'll take care of Gumby.

Almost dry enough to... flame on.

Johnny, help Reed.

Why don't you just leave him to the Thing?

Now you see me...

I'll lay down some cover fire, sis.

When I catch you,

even a chiropractor won't be able to tell your head from your butt.

Hey, Red, alley-oop.

Back off. That living inner tube is all mine.

If I can invert this Id Machine's power output...

Forget it, Einstein.

There ain't nothing wrong with me that clobbering you won't cure.

Seems like we never get to spend a quiet moment alone any more, dear.

I see you're hiding behind your old lady's tights, Richards.

Reed, Ben's too powerful.

I can't sustain this field much longer.

Just a little more time.

I think you'll find my anti-gravity disk

a marvellously uplifting experience, Torch.

Not cool.

Boy, am I ever having a bad flare day.

- Is he alright? - Why so concerned, my dear?

Concentrate on vanquishing our enemies.

They're up in the loft.

Got it. Sue, release your force field.

- Are you sure? - Do it now.

Sue, reverse the polarity.

I hate you beyond hate, Richards.

It's not working. Increase the amperage. I'll try to hold him.

Get off of me, you...

Now, now, Mrs Richards.

It isn't nice to fool with other people's inventions.

OK, Stretcho, it's tombstone time.

Yeah, this is gonna be good.

Ben, no.

What are you saying, Ben? Reed is your best friend.

- Alicia, run. - What? Get her.

No. What's happening? Ben.

What? Alicia. Leave her alone.

Look at yourself. Remember your hatred for Reed, how he destroyed your life.

Ben, help.

Yes, listen to Alicia, Ben. I'm your friend.

Shut up.

That's right, Grimm, remember how Richards made you

the pathetic ugly creature you are.

No, Ben, you're not ugly or pathetic.

You're the kindest, gentlest man I've ever known.

I'm finished.

So am I.

Let her go, Rapunzel.

Take care of my girl, will you, pal?

Any time, my friend.

Cos I've got me some real righteous clobbering to do.

Stop. Richards is the enemy.

Wrong, chrome dome. You, on the other hand...

No.

Something tells me old blue eyes is back.

You repulsive monstrosity.

You're still no match for my powergloves.

Did someone say "match"?

Looks like the gloves are off, Wizzy.

- We must flee while we still can. - Not quite time to leave the party.

Not to worry. I got her, sis.

I like chasing girls, but, man.

- Where's Medusa? - I can't believe it, but I let her go.

- You what? But how could you? - I don't know.

I just kind of felt sorry for her. She seemed scared and...

I know. All your heat must be fricasseeing your flame brain.

Or were you just dazzled by another pretty face?

You're back to your usual charming ways.

- Twerp. - Rock head.

- Ben, please. - Sorry, sweetie.

By the way...

Better late than never.

Oh, Ben. They smell lovely.

How come you don't bring me flowers any more?

Late hours at the lab?

Now, Sue, if you received flowers every day, how special would they be?

- As special as the anniversary flowers. - Exactly.

- Anniversary? - Which was?

But, dear, every day with you is special. You love surprises.

Speaking of surprises, what about the toilet seat?

The what?

Subtitles by IMS