Original subtitles

On an outer-space adventure

They got hit by cosmic rays

And the four were changed forever

In some most fantastic ways

No need to fear, they're here

Just call the Four

Fantastic Four

- Don't need no more! - That's ungrammatical!

Reed Richards is elastic

Sue can fade from sight

Johnny is the Human Torch

The Thing just loves to fight

Call the Four

Fantastic Four

Yo, friends, that's right, it's me,

your blue-eyed, blushin', ever-lovin' Thing.

Hey, for a limited time only, watch me stomp the stuffing out of Terrax,

Super Skrull, the Sub-Mariner,

and a whole mess of other famous grungy creeps.

Thanks to the Fantastic Four's own home video,

my greatest adventures are now yours to enjoy

when you buy my famous collector's edition called "It's Clobbering Time".

Starring yours truly.

It's only a measly $29.95.

So get off your butts, get on the phone, whip out some of that plastic,

and let me hear that cash register go ding-a-ling-a-dong.

Everybody here at HTSN is thrilled that the Thing picked us

to make this wonderful video available to you, but you better hurry.

Ben said he had a surprise for me,

but what's he doing selling video tapes?

I'll tell you what he's doing. He's disgracing this building and me.

Everyone in New York knows that moronic orange dump-truck lives here.

I sympathise, Miss Forbes, but Ben's an adult. I can't control him.

Then perhaps Dr Richards can. Come along, Foo Foo.

Computer, lock coordinates with Hubble Telescope

and access image-enhancement protocols.

Coordinates locked, enhancement protocols accessed.

Interfacing. Stand by to record my observations.

Recording.

Amazing. Matter runs down into that black hole

like water down a drain.

But if my theory is correct,

it will enter a negative zone and become antimatter as it exits,

and as it recirculates, transform itself into...

Good grief. It's the Negative Zone planetary system itself.

Its planets orbit the backwash of a black hole instead of around a sun.

One of the planets seems to be a world of inversion.

Gravity and physical laws reversed,

with strange, dreadful inhabitants of unbelievable power.

Computer, scan and analyse that bizarre rod that creature is...

What?

I want your undivided attention, Dr Richards.

So I pulled your plug.

I'm sorry, sweetheart, she insisted on seeing you.

Very well, but disconnecting my experiment when you did

was unwise and dangerous, Miss Forbes.

The cosmic forces I was monitoring are extremely powerful,

their effects unpredictable.

- Look out. - What's happening?

- Blimey. - Reed.

Big-time bizarre.

Now you've put a hole in my wall.

Reed, what is that?

Reed, what is he?

I don't know, but something caused a tear in the fabric of our dimension

and he came out of it.

You have nothing to fear from us. We will not harm you.

Get away from me, you grotesque cucaracha.

- Johnny. - Flame on!

It's a stand-off. I don't think he's really afraid of fire.

Oh, my.

That entrance to whatever. Something else is coming.

I've got to seal it off before we get any more strange visitors.

This will destroy the value of my property and it's all your fault.

- Darling, you did it. - That's only part of the problem.

That insectoid creature is loose somewhere in New York.

And we don't know how dangerous it is.

We've got to find it and send it back where it came from.

Come on, out there, keep ordering my video.

It's a lot better than them crummy porcelain pigs they sell here.

Crummy porcelain pigs they sell here.

I don't know what you want. We aren't hosting a Halloween party here.

Get lost.

What is it with you? Don't you understand English?

I did not but now I do.

I am Annihilus, lord of the Planet Tyanna.

I herewith claim this world. Accept my rule or die.

Yes, these enchanting porcelain pigs

from the Age of Enlightenment are next

on the Home Town Shopping Network.

Ask for Sir Reginald Swine at only $ 79.95.

Then you can buy his dear friend, Lady Fanny Pork, for $59...

You can't come in here. We're on the air.

- Ben. We need you. Hurry. - Give me a rain check, stretcho.

You see, I still got tapes to unload.

But a strange creature from another dimension is loose in the city.

- What's with you? - This is serious, Ben.

This city and perhaps the world itself is in grave danger.

This is Sam Jaggers of Hard News

on special assignment in New York City,

where you are watching an incredible insectoid mutant

calling himself Annihilus,

as he constructs what appears to be his living quarters

high above the fashionable Midtown area.

And it looks like the law has finally decided to do something

about this weird intruder. Let's listen in.

You, there on the building.

You're trespassing and have no building permit.

For the last time, cease and desist or we'll arrest you.

Prepare to disengage.

Do the pincers movement, Johnny. Now.

The choppers are in free fall. Hurry.

Got 'em, sis.

Great work, Sue, Johnny. Set them down safely

and join Ben and me as soon as possible.

We've got to learn what we're dealing with.

We mean you no harm.

Stay back or be destroyed.

We can help you return to your own dimension.

Yeah, bug eyes, we want to be pals.

Keep back.

Back!

Sue. Johnny. Ben.

He appears to be priming his control rod for maximum power.

On three, focus all positive energy beams on him.

One, two, now.

- Antimatter shards. - Refocus your energy beams now.

Look at the whosis.

He's dematerialised.

There's no way to know where he'll come back into this dimension.

We've got to do some homework. Fast.

How can we defeat someone whose power equals anything we throw at him?

The problem's worse than that. Our energy is derived from our dimension.

His emanates from the antimatter Negative Zone,

which exists inside a mysterious black hole in space.

Yeah. Right. It's all on account of the antimatter no-parking zone.

Thanks for clearing things up.

Hello? Where's Waldo Pizza? You find us no matter where we are?

Yeah, it's me again.

Give me the pepperoni-salami-garlic combo with anchovies.

But hold the onions. You see, I got a lady friend visiting.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

You've been working so long, I thought you might enjoy a tea break.

Thank you, Alicia.

I love watching Ben stick out his little finger

when he slurps the tea out of his saucer.

Don't knock my manners, firefly.

I ain't the one who eats chicken soup with his hands.

Reed, the inter-dimensional doorway.

Free.

And a new dimension to conquer!

Annihilus, I would know his stench,

even on the Dead Plains of the Jackal World of Arrrl.

I like this guy. He makes me look like Brian Austin Green.

There's no room for Annihilus and me.

I am Blastaar. I must rule alone.

I don't like this. Our problem has just more than doubled.

Unless we can find a way to counter

the effects of antimatter in this dimension, our world is doomed.

We must follow him.

I'm giving it everything we got

but that blue-whiskered jerk is still ahead of us.

Sustenance.

Food.

Eat heartily, Annihilus. It is your last meal.

Come, now! I must practise the language of this new dimension,

which I shall conquer and plunder.

Let me hear you say...

...farewell to your life.

You were right, Blastaar.

There will be no sharing.

Earth will be mine alone.

Amazing. According to my sensors,

Annihilus has absorbed enough radiation to vaporise New York.

But his system has converted it into non-radioactive antimatter.

It's clobbering time.

I'm sorry, Officer, I didn't see the off ramp.

Only one of us shall remain to rule.

I invoke the challenge of Algesitas Kax.

A fight to the death. Winner take all.

I accept.

And the choice of field is mine.

There on the highest battlement.

We meet in one hour, earth time.

One hour doesn't give us much time to learn how to neutralise them.

If we don't find a way to return them to the Negative Zone,

the human race could become slaves to either Blastaar or Annihilus.

It's like the door into the Negatory Zone wasn't never there.

That's because the precise moment

in which a confluence of diverse energy-producing events

caused a tear in our dimensional fabric has passed.

But Blastaar and Annihilus will meet in combat in less than 40 minutes.

And we don't have the resources to defeat them. Is it hopeless?

No, not if we find the key to re-open that inter-dimensional doorway.

I tried to reproduce the experiment I was working on

when the tear in the dimensional fabric appeared.

So far, it hasn't produced results.

It's pizza guy.

OK, who belongs to the pepperoni-salami-garlic combo?

Is pizza the surprise you promised me, Ben?

No way. Just wait. My surprise is a doozy.

Yo, pizza guy. We get your combo.

- Reed, a combo. - Of course.

It was a combination of energy-related events

that ripped a hole in this dimension in the first place.

That was brilliant, sweetheart.

I thought so, too. I learned from the best.

I don't get it.

We're going to re-create the exact combination of events

which tore the fabric of this dimension,

and pray that it's the key to the Negative Zone.

Ben, get the Home Town Shopping Network

to re-run your appearance at once.

Say what?

Yo, friends, that's right, it's me,

your blue-eyed, blushin', ever-lovin' Thing.

And right now, for a limited time only...

While I was tapping into the Hubble Telescope's coverage

of that black hole in space, Ben was on the Home Town Shopping Network

which was receiving thousands of calls

by way of a communications satellite.

I believe a spontaneous interface took place

which was then interrupted. Now, Miss Forbes, please.

This is the most ridiculous exercise in stupidity...

- Just pull the cockamamie plug, lady! - Yes, of course.

Be sure Foo Foo barks.

His sound is part of the energy equation.

- Speak, Foo Foo. - Bark, you shrimp.

- It's happening. - Way to go.

Good grief.

It worked. Now to reprogram the Fantasticar

for inter-dimensional travel.

Then to the top of the World Trade Center.

Blastaar and Annihilus should be facing off for the final conflict

in exactly 12 minutes.

Can't you wait to observe protocol?

I have no patience for ritual.

Die, usurper!

There isn't a moment to spare.

The buildings are shaking down to their foundations.

Your new doohickey sure don't look like much. What if it don't work?

Then we could be stuck in the Negative Zone forever.

But at least the world would be free of Blastaar and Annihilus.

Ready, Johnny, Ben, Sue?

- All set. - Yes, darling.

One for the money, two for the show.

- Now. - Flame on.

Geronimo.

No!

Hurry, Ben, Johnny. I can't hold them much longer.

Gotcha.

Ben, drive us through the space-time barrier into the Negative Zone.

Release me.

I do not wish to return now.

When I jettison cargo, hold on tight and whatever you do,

don't open your eyes.

Ready? Jettisoning.

You shall pay for this indignity.

All who meddle with the will of Blastaar die.

- They're coming right at us. - I said, close your eyes.

Ben, you're back safely.

The inter-dimensional window onto the Negative Zone has been sealed.

Which leaves only one question still unanswered.

Why was Ben on the Home Town Shopping Network?

I needed a little bread for Alicia's surprise.

Here, kid. You can even ride it to the supermarket.

Ben.

Subtitles by IMS