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[WIND HOWLING]
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00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:30,631
[MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:01,028
[FIRE CRACKLING]
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00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,470
[COUGHING]
7
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,474
[GROANING]
8
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:15,475
MAN: Get up!
9
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,445
Get up.
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00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,414
[GROANING]
11
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:22,883
Come on.
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Get in there.
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00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:27,321
Move!
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00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,289
Get up.
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00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,758
[GROANING]
16
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,696
PRISONER: Don't!
17
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:36,797
[GROANS]
18
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,804
NARRATOR: It has been
the burden of my people
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00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:47,641
to struggle under the iron
fist of the ruthless leaders
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00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:52,579
since Nebuchadnezzar created
the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.
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00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:55,315
There all those of us
who, though our efforts
22
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,285
may be futile,
have tried to bring
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00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:03,023
peace to our war-torn land.
24
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,791
But we tremble.
25
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,595
For it is written that this evil
wind will lure the great eagle
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00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,565
into the clutches
of its ambition,
27
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,868
and the whole world
will come to the edge
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00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:22,242
of being nothing but a
whisper's vapor in the universe.
29
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:28,548
The secret, gentlemen, is
in your reach and accuracy.
30
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:29,650
[CLANK]
31
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:34,621
You must have the right
balance and the right power.
32
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:38,025
Soon, we will invade Karifistan.
33
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:42,396
[CLANK]
34
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:46,166
And the American infidels will
foolishly rush to their aid.
35
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,401
That's right, Kibee.
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00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:51,338
And then I, Almar Habib
Tufuti, President for Life,
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00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,173
will be the leader
of all true believers
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00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,609
when the American eagle
falls from its perch.
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00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,614
NARRATOR: There
will be one man who
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00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,884
will ride the storm
from the West to humble
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00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,486
the tyrants of the Earth.
42
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:12,125
I tell you now the prophecy
of a great American warrior.
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00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,660
Good morning, Mr. Worrell.
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00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,596
You're looking at a
trap cleverly devised
45
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:20,434
by the evil genius
Baron von Titleist.
46
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,635
A mine field.
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00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:25,105
Mines diabolically disguised
as your average garden
48
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:29,109
variety golf ball, or
golf astemplis spheracoli.
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00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,745
Your mission, should
you choose to accept it,
50
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,647
will be to rid the
world of this menace
51
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:38,418
and make this geriatric pastime
safe again for all of humanity.
52
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:41,655
My voice will self-destruct
in five seconds.
53
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,157
Four, three, two, one.
54
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,661
[IMITATING SELF DESTRUCTION
NOISES]
55
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,533
Let the games begin.
56
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,470
Yeah, another day
on this course.
57
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,437
There's one.
58
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,738
Oh-oh.
59
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,906
Got another one.
Uh-oh.
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00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:00,807
Steer right.
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00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,509
There's one.
62
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,077
OK, got another one.
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00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,212
[LAUGHS]
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00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,215
Yeah, can't hit me.
65
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,417
You couldn't hit a bull in
the butt with a bass fiddle.
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00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,586
Nice try, lady.
[LAUGHS]
67
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,020
Oh, yeah.
68
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,793
Yeah, you knock
them, I rock them.
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00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,660
Uh-oh.
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00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,132
Do your worst, Baron Titleist.
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00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:29,369
Your pock-marked angels
of death frighten me not.
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00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,805
Uh-oh, reinforcements.
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00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:32,706
We're dumb.
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00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,942
When you're dumb, you're dumb.
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00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:36,843
GOLFER: Get him, Bill.
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00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,617
[GOLFERS GROAN]
77
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:45,552
[LAUGHS]
78
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,054
Don't tempt
these guys, Ernest.
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00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:51,424
You know what happens.
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00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,194
Special Forces Commander
Ernest P. Worrell
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00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:58,331
receives his much
deserved hero's welcome.
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00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,833
[GRUNTS]
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00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,302
[CLATTER]
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00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:04,804
[LAUGHS]
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00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,273
[YELLS]
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00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:07,274
[THUD]
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00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:08,742
GOLFER 1: I think I got him
in the pancreas with that one.
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00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,643
GOLFER 2: Yeah, good shot.
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00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,745
Good shot.
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00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:12,712
All right.
91
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,155
Whoo, boy.
92
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,591
Hey, great American hero.
93
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,492
Are you gonna make it?
94
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,693
[GRUNTS]
95
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,397
Merely a flesh wound, Ben.
96
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:33,300
Merely a wound upon my flesh.
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00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,201
Yeah.
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00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,203
[GIBBERISH]
99
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,538
[THUD]
100
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,006
[CHUCKLES]
101
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,676
Gosh Ben, thanks for
saving me under-fire today.
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00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,312
Baron Titleist nearly
got the best of me.
103
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:48,148
A soldier never leaves his
buddy in the heat of battle.
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00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,482
How's that bean head of yours?
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00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,318
It'd be a whole lot better
if you'd let me drive.
106
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,686
Now, we've been
through that before.
107
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,421
Oh, please, Ben,
with sugar on top?
108
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,322
No, no, no!
109
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:56,223
Gosh!
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00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,158
You never let me do anything,
ever since we were kids.
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00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,426
I let you do stuff.
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00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,962
- What stuff?
- Stuff.
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00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,197
Well, OK, stuff, but
you never left me drive.
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00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,966
Ernest, I can't let you drive.
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00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,667
This is an Army
vehicle, and it is to be
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00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,336
only driven by Army people.
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00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:12,939
I am an Army people, whilst
you are not Army people.
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00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,075
Gosh, I'll never get to
drive those big camo mammoths
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00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,910
and jeeps and
[INAUDIBLE] and tanks
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00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,411
and armored personnel carriers.
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00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,347
Never, ever, ever in the
whole history of the universe
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00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,514
will I ever get to drive.
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00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:22,816
[SLURPING]
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00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,051
You could enlist.
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00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,152
Enlist?
126
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,721
Join the army?
127
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,622
Army people drive.
128
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,192
Army people.
129
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,093
Army people.
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00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,361
Army, Army, Army people.
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00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,467
Huh.
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00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,468
I'm telling you, Ernest.
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00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,403
There's nothing like life in
the defense of your country.
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00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,105
Know what I mean?
[CHUCKLES]
135
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,440
ERNEST: Ben, do they let
you keep your own underwear,
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00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,976
'cause I hate to break
in new underwear?
137
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,278
BEN: I think something
can be arranged.
138
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,178
I don't know.
139
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,913
I'm too old to enlist.
140
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,215
Not for the
Reserves, your not.
141
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,684
Why, we got guys your age
signing up all the time.
142
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:58,585
The Reserves?
143
00:06:58,585 --> 00:06:59,486
Yeah, boy.
144
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,588
You'd love it, Earnest, driving
them big rigs on the weekend.
145
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,790
It's like summer
camp for real men.
146
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,459
Well, I was a summer
camp counselor once.
147
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,662
The way you drive that golf
cart, why you'd be a natural
148
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,830
in Mechanized Infantry.
149
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:11,898
I don't know.
150
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,235
Look, it's not like you'd
ever be in combat or anything.
151
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,970
I mean, you'd be stationed
right here at the base.
152
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,972
I'm not gonna let
anything happen you.
153
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,408
Never have, now have I?
154
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,409
No.
155
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,677
Are you gonna eat
those pork rinds?
156
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,312
No, no.
You take them.
157
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,315
Sarge, are you ready to go?
158
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,150
I was born ready, Bambi.
159
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,084
Bambi, Ernest.
160
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,386
Ernest, Bambi.
161
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,321
Hi.
162
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,889
It's nice to very meet you.
163
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:36,790
Hi.
164
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,691
ERNEST: Hi.
165
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,759
Let's go, Ben.
166
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,294
Women love Army people.
167
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,564
Know what I mean?
168
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:47,033
[NEWS INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]
169
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:47,967
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Our town.
170
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:48,935
Let's see--
171
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,571
Gosh, I wish I
had a girlfriend.
172
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,173
CINDY SWANSON (ON TV):
Hi, this is Cindy Swanson
173
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,107
reporting for Channel 3--
174
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,376
Cindy Swanson?
175
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,277
[GROANS]
176
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,445
CINDY SWANSON (ON
TV): --who's just
177
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,880
won the Hoffer Award for the
most unusual locust collection.
178
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,782
You must be very excited.
- Oh, yes.
179
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:03,783
This means I get to speak--
180
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:04,684
[KISSING NOISES]
181
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,319
--convention in Michigan.
182
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,687
What an awesome
responsibility.
183
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,755
Oh, yeah, it is.
184
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:09,656
All the elite--
185
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,491
Oh, excuse me, Mr. Beetleman.
186
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,828
We're cutting away to
INNI for a special report.
187
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,629
This is Cindy Swanson report--
188
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:18,064
It was mummified by a pharaoh.
189
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,699
NEWS ANNOUNCER: And now,
for a special report
190
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:23,937
from Frank Williams at the
INNI foreign desk in London.
191
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,040
It seems that Almar Habib
Tufuti, President for Life
192
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,610
of Arisia, is saber rattling
again as these satellite photos
193
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,846
reveal a large
intercontinental missile
194
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,814
being moved across a
southern province of Arisia
195
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:36,116
toward Karifistan.
196
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:48,128
You see how far
you can reach when
197
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,163
you use the right club, Kibee?
198
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,198
Yes, I see, Excellency.
199
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,668
The eagle will shudder when
it sees how far you can reach.
200
00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:58,805
You know, I've
never shot an eagle.
201
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:02,675
A few birdies, many
pars, but never an eagle.
202
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:03,810
Perhaps, if you
were to keep you
203
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,980
head more still, Excellency?
204
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,583
But who am I to say?
205
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,719
This little beauty
is from Pakistan.
206
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,155
It spits when it's in flight.
207
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,791
Oh, that's very interesting,
Mr. Beetleman, but I'm
208
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,260
afraid we're gonna have to cover
this story at another time.
209
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,161
I'm sorry.
210
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,368
[LAUGHING]
211
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,405
I'm sorry you didn't
get to finish, Cin.
212
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,306
Oh, that's OK.
213
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,542
That story was finished
before it got started.
214
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:36,443
Thanks.
215
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,745
You know, I have worked
like a dog for this station
216
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,979
for over a year.
217
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,915
I've done everything
they've asked me to do,
218
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,084
but I'm never gonna
get to INNI reporting
219
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,785
dorky stories like this one.
220
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,954
I need a really big story
to put me over the top.
221
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,389
Well, you hang in there, Cin.
222
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,724
You'll get your chance.
223
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:52,625
Maybe.
224
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,028
[LAUGHS]
225
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,263
Yeah, right.
226
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,765
[SIGHS]
227
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,145
The Army.
228
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,981
Yeah, maybe that's it.
229
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:18,785
I'd be an expert on
driving those big rigs.
230
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:23,289
Gentlemen, this is your GNC
Napa Sonoma Mendocino 3000.
231
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,558
It is the ultimate
urban assault vehicle.
232
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,761
It has 67 cylinders,
3000 horsepower,
233
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,330
seating capacity-- one.
234
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,297
[CLANK]
235
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,765
[CRASH]
236
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:38,271
It has endoroflex suspension,
monoflatulating corroboration,
237
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:43,409
and all models made after 1997
has the extra large cup holder.
238
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,578
The body is solid unibody
and is made by the US
239
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,013
Army Corps of Engineers.
240
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,948
[CLATTER]
241
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,519
Doors are optional.
242
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:55,188
This vehicle is your friend,
it is your companion,
243
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,589
it is your long lost love.
244
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,258
You will treat this
vehicle with respect,
245
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,960
or I will cut your
guts out with a rock.
246
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,363
Do you understand?
247
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,599
Now, gentlemen, are
there any questions?
248
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,001
[CRACKLING]
249
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,302
I didn't think so.
250
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,303
[CRASH]
251
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,805
[GRUNTS]
252
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,776
Joining the Army is
the best decision you'll
253
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,144
ever make in your entire life.
254
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,746
Just change this
cap for a GI cap.
255
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:20,947
Get rid of these
blues and greys--
256
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,615
For browns and greens.
And as they say--
257
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:23,816
You're in the Army now.
258
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,452
But what about boot camp?
259
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:30,089
What about tough GIs, grueling
work, the breaking down
260
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,792
of one's self-esteem with
strong language, insults,
261
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,394
and the clever use of profanity?
262
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,562
What about that?
263
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:36,563
You're not in the real Army.
264
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:37,497
You're in the Reserves.
265
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,598
We drive trucks
on the weekend.
266
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,666
And talk on the radio.
267
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:40,733
And party all the time.
268
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,269
So it's time to rock and roll.
269
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,004
ALL: (SINGING) A-R-M--
270
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:45,905
Why?
271
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:46,806
Why?
272
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,641
Because we're Army people.
273
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:53,146
ALL: (SINGING) P-O-P-L-E.
274
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,949
BEN AND ERNEST: Poople?
- What's wrong with poople?
275
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,821
[THUNDERCLAP]
276
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,195
Comrade Blatz report
for midi-sector.
277
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:13,566
I want to know how a
pipsqueak despot like Tufuti
278
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,401
get a pluton missile.
279
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,770
No excuse, Boyard, but
we have no information
280
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,205
of missile origins.
281
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,507
For that missile,
Comrade Blatz,
282
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:25,211
we could blackmail entire world.
283
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:30,516
Every nation on Earth would
have no choice but to bend
284
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,786
to my personal demands.
285
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,889
I must have that missile!
286
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:42,295
NARRATOR: So the wondrous hands
that mold the events of men
287
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,365
will set the great
American warrior on course
288
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,399
to his destiny.
289
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:54,207
While in other parts of the
world, the weak and oppressed
290
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,975
struggle to survive.
291
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:58,378
Knowing when to
buy and when to sell.
292
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,278
It's perfect.
293
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,148
I am Ben-Ali and I know
of strange and dangerous
294
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,650
cults that own this city.
295
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,019
You can charm them off with
the charm of the Geshua.
296
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,320
Get away from me, parasite.
297
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,221
[GRUNTS]
298
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,956
Get away, and don't come back!
299
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,525
The charm of the Geshua
is only one dollar.
300
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,560
I need to feed my sister.
301
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,461
We sick.
302
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,397
Feed at the baker's kitchen.
303
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,166
Now, leave us alone
before I have you jailed!
304
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,034
No!
305
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,006
What I was saying is that--
306
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,875
[INDISTINCT SPEECH]
307
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,146
Hey!
308
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,280
Hey, come back here!
309
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,381
Come back you thief!
310
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,783
[GRUNTS]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
311
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:37,750
[LAUGHS]
312
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,485
Take it easy, man.
313
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,654
ERNEST: Sorry.
Wow!
314
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,555
This is great.
315
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,957
Jock them, chock them,
lock them, and cruise
316
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:46,225
them on down the highway.
317
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,560
BEN: What did I tell you?
318
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,962
There ain't nothing
like being Army people.
319
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:52,165
Gosh, Ben, you
really mean it when
320
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,134
you were talking about
taking care of your buddies.
321
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,103
You're about the best
friend I've ever had.
322
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,271
Every time, bud.
323
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,172
Every time.
324
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:05,611
[TIRES SCREECH]
325
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:06,512
Hey!
326
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,480
Hey, watch it.
327
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,381
Watch it.
328
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,416
Watch what?
329
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,552
What kind of idiot
was driving that truck?
330
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,289
Want me to drive?
331
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,223
No, no, I'm fine.
332
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,124
I'm OK.
333
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,228
MAN: Look out.
Hey, watch that car.
334
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,663
Watch out.
MAN 2: Ooh, wow.
335
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:30,670
Ambassador, this mission
is not going to be easy.
336
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,740
Not only that, Colonel
Gullet, the Americans
337
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,476
aren't overjoyed at
being under UN command.
338
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:40,279
You will have to win this
American general over, maybe
339
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,415
find out what motivates him.
340
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,117
What motivates him
is what motivates
341
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,485
every American general.
342
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,385
Publicity.
343
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,087
[CAMERA BULB FLASHES]
344
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:48,988
Barnes!
345
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:49,889
Sir?
346
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,824
Shouldn't we be doing this
out in the field someplace?
347
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,326
What's with all this
stupid blue paper?
348
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,995
We use it to strip in
backgrounds like Omaha
349
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,331
Beach, Saigon, Baghdad.
350
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,500
Through the magic of
computer composing,
351
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,435
we can put you
right in the action.
352
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,703
The devil, you say.
353
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,872
Mm-hm.
354
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:06,773
That's enough for now.
355
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,040
Get me the proofs tomorrow.
- Yes, sir.
356
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,108
We have a deadline
on the press kits.
357
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,009
Right away, sir.
358
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,446
General, Ambassador
Kitchen and a Colonel Gullet
359
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,616
from the UN Peacekeeping Forces
will be here any minute now
360
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,683
for a 10 o'clock appointment.
361
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,752
Barnes, I don't want
to talk to some pompous,
362
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,155
stuffy, egomaniacal ambassador.
363
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,791
- The press loves him, sir.
- They do?
364
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:25,825
Well, show him in!
365
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:26,726
Yes, sir.
366
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,866
Howdy, Ambassador.
367
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,067
Your Excellency.
368
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,003
BARNES: They're here, sir.
369
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,938
Act noncommittal.
370
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,506
Good.
371
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,774
I don't know, old bean.
372
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,675
Excellent.
373
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:43,876
Very good.
374
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,278
[SIGHS]
375
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:51,484
Good afternoon, General
I am Ambassador Kitchen
376
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,352
and this is Colonel Gullet.
377
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,253
Welcome, gentlemen.
378
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:57,323
Please, have a seat.
379
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,425
Now, what can I do for you?
380
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:03,696
As you know, Tufuti has been
kicking up his heels again.
381
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,032
And this time, he plans to
invade the sovereign state
382
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,934
of Karifistan.
383
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,735
And on top of that,
there is evidence
384
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,604
that he has a pluton missile.
385
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,840
Ah, Washington doesn't want
him messing up the oil prices,
386
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,740
huh?
387
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:16,609
[LAUGHS]
388
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,277
[SIGHS]
389
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,580
Rough room.
390
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,216
The UN Security Council
has chosen your Reserve Unit
391
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,985
as a support team for the
UN Peacekeeping Forces
392
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,287
under the command of
Colonel Gullet, here.
393
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:29,188
What?
394
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,224
Support team?
395
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,860
You wait a John
Wayne minute, mister!
396
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,962
My men are a fighting,
killing machine!
397
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,363
We don't take
orders from anyone.
398
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,799
Especially some guy
wearing a beret.
399
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,534
You're not French, are you?
400
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,869
Barnes, is this man French?
401
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,103
You know I hate the French!
402
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,371
Sir--
403
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:47,406
AMBASSADOR: Please
let me explain.
404
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,476
Colonel Gullet will be
handling the day-to-day duties,
405
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:53,980
but in matters of importance,
you will be consulted.
406
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,949
Who will be making
the press briefings?
407
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,318
Why, the General, of course.
408
00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,754
Well, then, you can
consider the 97th Reserve Unit
409
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,924
at your disposal,
Colonel Gullet.
410
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,359
Go on.
411
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,760
Go on.
412
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,629
[SIGHS]
413
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,398
All right, Pierre, our
troops are your troops.
414
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,300
I'll brief your
men at 1600 hours.
415
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,368
Yeah, it's a good thing.
416
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,069
The killing machine's
only here on the weekend.
417
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:20,640
[SIGHS]
418
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,540
What?
419
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,475
Did I say something wrong?
420
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:23,442
No.
421
00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:24,810
No.
422
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,079
Have a nice day.
423
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,381
[PHONE RINGS]
424
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,949
Cindy Swanson, WZEB.
425
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,784
BARNES: Remember me, Cindy?
426
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,085
Unfortunately.
427
00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:35,688
I've got something you want.
428
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,691
Barnes, this is an actual news
phone line, not a 900 number.
429
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,793
The 97th is being
sent in to support
430
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,762
UN troops in Karifistan.
431
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:43,663
No way.
432
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,565
The 97th Unit is a Reserve Unit.
433
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,367
They're outta here
in a week, and General
434
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:49,735
Lincoln's leading the charge.
435
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:50,636
[LAUGHS]
436
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,772
Wait a minute, has
Washington lost its mind?
437
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:53,673
Don't answer that.
438
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,241
Who else knows
about this, Barnes?
439
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:59,045
Only you, for now, baby.
440
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:02,081
Now, when can you and I, uh--
441
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,683
Thanks for the tip.
442
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,850
You're not gonna believe this.
443
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:05,785
I gotta call the boss.
444
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,787
[DIALING]
445
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:11,257
Ow!
446
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,793
God!
447
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:14,694
[TIRES SQUEAL]
448
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,195
[CRASH]
449
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:17,163
[LAUGHS]
450
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,397
Some drive, huh, Ernest?
451
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:19,298
Yeah.
452
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,666
Army life is great.
453
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,301
Hey, you want an Ooey
Gooey Toad Gummy?
454
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,202
Oh, no.
455
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:24,403
They're too sticky for me.
456
00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:26,038
It takes me a week to
get them out of my teeth.
457
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,773
You just gotta
know how to eat them.
458
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,376
It's an art form few
real men possess.
459
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:31,944
We've gotta get to the
parade ground like now.
460
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,513
Some big muckety-muck
from the UN is here.
461
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,149
We're on our way.
462
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,585
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
463
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,991
MAN 1: Move it.
Move it.
464
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:45,992
MAN 2: Slow down.
465
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,393
[SUCKING]
466
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,761
MAN 1: Come on, you guys.
Step it up.
467
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:49,729
Step it up.
468
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,503
[GRUNTING]
469
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:58,404
ERNEST: Oh.
470
00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,305
Ooh.
471
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,773
Thanks, Ben.
- Come on.
472
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,874
Let's go, Ernest.
473
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,709
[MURMURING]
474
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,413
Do it as rehearsed.
475
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,647
ERNEST: Are you
sure you don't want
476
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,149
an Ooey Gooey Toad Gummy, Ben?
477
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,417
[MURMURING]
478
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:13,586
At ease.
479
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,421
[MURMURING]
480
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:17,923
Get me a close-up.
481
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:26,899
Men, God has truly smiled
down upon you this day.
482
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,635
Out of the entire United
States Armed Forces,
483
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:32,738
you and you alone
have been chosen
484
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:35,808
as an elite fighting unit.
485
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,344
Never in the history
of warfare has
486
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,646
such an awesome
responsibility been
487
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:44,984
placed on the shoulders of
such brave and noble souls
488
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,585
as yourselves.
489
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,522
Colonel Gullet.
490
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,890
Make it snappy, Pierre.
491
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,092
These guys go home at 5 o'clock.
492
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,529
I am Colonel Gullet,
UN Special Forces.
493
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,165
You will be under
my direct command.
494
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,267
This unit will be
my support unit.
495
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,736
You'll cook all the
meals, clean the toilets,
496
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:07,473
police the grounds, wash the
equipment, unload the trucks.
497
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,041
You'll perform
each and every task
498
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,744
you are told, when you are
told, while on this peacekeeping
499
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,345
mission to Karifistan.
500
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,980
Karifistan?
501
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,949
I can't go to Karifistan.
502
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,884
I don't know anybody
in Karifistan.
503
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,152
I don't speak Karifistanese.
504
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,854
And besides, my lips will peel.
505
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,390
Soldier, do you
have a problem here?
506
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,259
Yeah, I've gotta pickup
golf ball next week.
507
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,729
What's that in
your hand, private?
508
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,730
Ooey Gooey Gummy Toads.
509
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,630
You want one?
510
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:32,531
Get rid of them!
511
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,636
[GUZZLING]
512
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,508
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
513
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,844
- Barnes.
- Sir.
514
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:45,778
Who is this man?
515
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:48,114
He's a new recruit, sir.
516
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,849
Have him flogged.
517
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,084
We can only do that
in Singapore, sir.
518
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,953
[CHEWING LOUDLY]
519
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:58,724
And the box!
520
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,331
[GRUNTING]
521
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,167
Ohh.
522
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,235
COLONEL GULLET: General,
what kind of Army
523
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,136
are you running here?
524
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:11,904
You wouldn't find this
bean head under my command!
525
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,038
Who does he think he is?
526
00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:13,939
Easy, sir.
527
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:14,840
Easy.
528
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,208
When they get back
from Karifistan,
529
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,811
you won't recognize this
bunch of blockheads!
530
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,349
Look at you!
531
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:24,617
Shoulders back!
532
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,518
Stomach in!
533
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:26,418
[SPITS]
534
00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:27,520
[MUMBLING]
535
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,691
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
536
00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,393
[LAUGHING]
537
00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:35,528
Sir.
538
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:36,595
Hang on, Colonel.
539
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:38,964
I'll get it off.
540
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,132
Stay calm, sir.
541
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,835
I'll have you out
in nothing flat.
542
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,937
Here, I'll need
this for leverage.
543
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,338
[SQUISHING]
544
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:48,140
Here it goes.
545
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,975
[GRUNTING]
546
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:50,876
Sarge!
547
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:51,977
Corporal Davis!
548
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,213
Hey, guys, hold him down.
549
00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:56,048
[MURMURING]
550
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,083
Don't worry, Colonel.
551
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,085
You'll be able to
breathe in just a minute.
552
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,054
[GROANING]
553
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,557
Barnes, shouldn't
we do something?
554
00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,226
I think we'd better
stay out of this one, sir.
555
00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:08,327
[GRUNTING]
- That's it.
556
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,228
Pull it.
557
00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:10,729
Come on!
558
00:22:10,729 --> 00:22:13,699
One, two.
559
00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:15,201
Gosh.
560
00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:17,670
[CLAMORING]
561
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,138
Pull!
562
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,106
[GRUNTING]
563
00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:32,484
BEN: What are you doing?
564
00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:34,453
[CHUCKLES]
565
00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:37,423
ALL: Whoa!
566
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:38,891
[CLATTER]
567
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:39,892
[CRASH]
568
00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:40,793
[HISSING]
569
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,361
Ooh.
570
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,829
[LAUGHING]
571
00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:44,864
[CLEARS THROAT]
572
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,432
How do you like that, Pierre?
573
00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:48,367
[GROANING]
574
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,271
Eww.
575
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,209
[THUD]
576
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,444
I told you I'd get it off.
577
00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,246
[LAUGHS]
578
00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:04,350
Know what I mean?
- Oh, Ernest.
579
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:06,685
Don't worry, Ben,
I'll explain everything.
580
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,354
The General seems
like a swell guy.
581
00:23:08,354 --> 00:23:09,588
I'm sure he'll understand.
582
00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:12,491
And, besides, no one is
impervious to the Worrell
583
00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:14,493
charm.
- Please, Ernest.
584
00:23:14,493 --> 00:23:16,495
When we go in
there, just shut up
585
00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:17,529
and let me do the talking, OK?
586
00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:18,430
But, Ben.
587
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:19,331
Ben, nothing.
588
00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:20,499
I can handle the General.
589
00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:21,400
Just remember what I said.
590
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,571
In the Army, you always
look out after your buddy.
591
00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:26,939
I'm gonna get you, Worrell.
592
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:28,807
If it's the last thing
I'd do, I'm gonna get you.
593
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:33,946
You know, Ben, I don't
think the Colonel is
594
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:36,515
as familiar as we are with that
"taking care of your buddy"
595
00:23:36,515 --> 00:23:37,416
stuff.
596
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,119
GENERAL LINCOLN:
Sergeant Ben Kovsky!
597
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,920
[GULPS]
How tough should I be?
598
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:47,626
Like an iron fist,
in a soft glove.
599
00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:48,527
Ah.
600
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:49,962
Remember what
happened to Patten.
601
00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,864
Oh, yeah.
602
00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:56,268
OK, let's go.
603
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,237
[CLEARS THROAT]
604
00:24:01,206 --> 00:24:03,008
Private Ernest P. Worrell
and Sergeant Ben Kovsky
605
00:24:03,008 --> 00:24:04,677
reporting as ordered, sir.
606
00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:07,880
Well, Private Worrell, what
do you have to say for yourself?
607
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:08,781
Well, sir.
608
00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:11,984
Worrell, you have one
weekend of military service
609
00:24:11,984 --> 00:24:14,019
and you have nearly
jeopardized the entire UN
610
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:15,554
Security Council mission!
611
00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:16,555
BEN: If I could explain, sir.
612
00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:18,590
And you, Sergeant Ben
Kovsky, you should know better.
613
00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:19,491
[HEART BEATING]
614
00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:21,060
The image of the 97th
is at stake here,
615
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:24,596
and now the whole world
will be focused on me-- us!
616
00:24:24,596 --> 00:24:26,799
I have no choice but to
relieve you of your duties!
617
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,067
[GROANS]
[THUD]
618
00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:29,468
Ben?
What's wrong?
619
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,402
I knew it.
Too tough!
620
00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,271
Barnes, I was never here.
It never happened.
621
00:24:32,271 --> 00:24:33,706
I was at the Officer's
Club the whole time!
622
00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:34,640
But General, sir.
623
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,541
Call the medic!
624
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:38,243
Call an ambulance!
625
00:24:38,243 --> 00:24:40,212
I learned CPR on Oprah.
626
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:41,180
[INHALES LOUDLY]
627
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,682
[SCREAMS]
628
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:48,120
[MACHINE BEEPING]
629
00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:57,496
Hey, Ben.
630
00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:00,232
How's my favorite Army people?
631
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:01,834
I brought you some
stuff from the PX,
632
00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:04,603
but they're a little funny
about what you could eat,
633
00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:10,075
so I brought you the pork rinds
but without the hot sauce.
634
00:25:10,075 --> 00:25:14,580
This is all my fault.
What was I thinking?
635
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:19,418
All I wanted to do was
drive the Army big rigs.
636
00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:24,556
Ben, you're the best fiend
I've got in the whole world.
637
00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:26,992
Without you, I
wouldn't have anybody.
638
00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:29,495
And if I ever lost you, I'd--
639
00:25:29,495 --> 00:25:30,396
[SOBS]
640
00:25:30,396 --> 00:25:32,197
WOMAN (ON PA): Visiting
hours are over.
641
00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:36,502
All visitors, please
leave the hospital.
642
00:25:36,502 --> 00:25:38,737
Well, I gotta go
now, Ben, but I'll say
643
00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:40,739
a little prayer for you, OK?
644
00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:44,309
You-- you hang in there, buddy.
645
00:25:44,309 --> 00:25:45,310
[CLATTER]
646
00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:46,278
No.
647
00:25:46,278 --> 00:25:48,714
[FAST BEEPING]
648
00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:50,215
[GASPING FOR AIR]
649
00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,717
This thing came out.
650
00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:54,219
I'll put it back in for you.
651
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:55,621
[SLURPS]
652
00:25:55,621 --> 00:25:57,022
[JABS]
653
00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,524
[LABORED BREATHING]
654
00:25:58,524 --> 00:26:00,025
It won't stay.
655
00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:02,494
OK.
656
00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:04,496
[SCREAMS]
657
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:06,598
It's staying there now.
658
00:26:06,598 --> 00:26:08,400
I gotta get it going.
659
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,369
[GRUNTING]
660
00:26:11,336 --> 00:26:12,838
[ERRATIC BEEPING]
661
00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:17,276
OK, you get some rest.
662
00:26:17,276 --> 00:26:19,244
[SHUDDERING]
663
00:26:23,182 --> 00:26:26,618
Allah, be praised.
664
00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:32,024
Gentlemen, behold my special
club, the pluton missile.
665
00:26:32,024 --> 00:26:35,227
With it, I will bring the
infidels to their knees
666
00:26:35,227 --> 00:26:38,363
and be leader in the Arab world.
667
00:26:38,363 --> 00:26:39,264
Kibee.
668
00:26:45,904 --> 00:26:50,342
Commander, I want you to
personally have our tanks
669
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:52,311
delivered this to King Chirac.
670
00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:57,683
[CHEERING]
671
00:26:57,683 --> 00:26:59,151
[GUNFIRE]
672
00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:04,756
NARRATOR: Once again,
history spewed forth
673
00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:08,393
a wave of aggression
that swept the land,
674
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:12,231
and everything in its path
was crushed beneath the treads
675
00:27:12,231 --> 00:27:14,366
of its ambition.
676
00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:19,805
There was little to stop
evil's triumphant march.
677
00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:21,306
Ben-Ali, you must come!
678
00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:22,774
The tanks are coming.
679
00:27:22,774 --> 00:27:23,909
Everyone in the
village is leaving.
680
00:27:23,909 --> 00:27:24,810
Come.
681
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,578
Come.
682
00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:29,982
Yes, I come.
683
00:27:33,919 --> 00:27:37,122
NARRATOR: So the
beast lured the eagle
684
00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:43,028
by devouring the defenseless,
and an orphan child
685
00:27:43,028 --> 00:27:51,503
wept, praying, hoping,
looking for the liberator
686
00:27:51,503 --> 00:27:54,473
of his land and his future.
687
00:27:58,043 --> 00:28:00,145
Even I could have told you
he wouldn't go for that one.
688
00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:01,613
It's the biggest
story in the world.
689
00:28:01,613 --> 00:28:04,116
The Americans sent to
Karifistan and our own 97th
690
00:28:04,116 --> 00:28:05,784
Reserve Unit leading the way.
691
00:28:05,784 --> 00:28:07,819
This story could break me out
of this dinky little station.
692
00:28:07,819 --> 00:28:09,421
Now, come on, Cindy.
693
00:28:09,421 --> 00:28:10,522
You knew the boss
wouldn't spring
694
00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:14,393
for a ticket to the Middle
East when the 97th ships out.
695
00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:15,294
Ships out.
696
00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:16,194
That's it.
697
00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:17,229
Don't.
698
00:28:17,229 --> 00:28:20,332
CINDY: Thanks, Danny
699
00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:23,235
[NEWS INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]
700
00:28:23,235 --> 00:28:24,970
NEWS ANNOUNCER:
With INNI, you are
701
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:27,439
there in Operation Sand Trap.
702
00:28:27,439 --> 00:28:30,442
President Tufuti of Arisia has
invaded the neighboring country
703
00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:32,377
of Karifistan today.
704
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,780
Our staunchest ally in the
Middle East, King Chirac,
705
00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,416
has asked for
intervention by UN Forces.
706
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:40,152
President Powell has ordered
immediate deployment of troops.
707
00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:46,925
Soldier, do up that lace.
708
00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:47,960
Try to look sharp.
709
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:48,860
Yes, sir.
710
00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:54,633
ERNEST: You know, Corporal,
for your own safety,
711
00:28:54,633 --> 00:28:58,003
you should never let anyone
else pack your chute.
712
00:28:58,003 --> 00:28:58,971
Welcome aboard, Worrell.
713
00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,306
Oh, thanks.
714
00:29:01,306 --> 00:29:03,141
What's the movie on this flight?
715
00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:06,445
I hope it's not another
chick flick art film.
716
00:29:06,445 --> 00:29:08,347
They always look so brown to me.
717
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:10,148
I've got two words
for you, Worrell--
718
00:29:10,148 --> 00:29:11,049
friendly fire.
719
00:29:16,121 --> 00:29:18,156
You know, I think
he's warming up to me.
720
00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:20,993
He actually used
the word "friendly."
721
00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:22,027
Look at it this way, Ernest.
722
00:29:22,027 --> 00:29:24,296
After Operation Sand
Trap, me and you,
723
00:29:24,296 --> 00:29:26,598
we'll be desert heroes.
724
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:29,067
Desert heroes.
725
00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:32,337
(DEEP VOICE) Legends
of the Sudan.
726
00:29:32,337 --> 00:29:34,306
What is the measure of a man?
727
00:29:34,306 --> 00:29:35,374
A yardstick?
728
00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:36,274
Nay.
729
00:29:36,274 --> 00:29:37,609
His heart.
730
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:40,045
His dedication to
God and country.
731
00:29:40,045 --> 00:29:42,848
The sort of car he drives.
732
00:29:42,848 --> 00:29:45,817
Give me a man who will
work through lunch battling
733
00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:49,287
insurmountable odds to
spit his last bloody breath
734
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:51,089
into the face of the enemy.
735
00:29:51,089 --> 00:29:54,026
A man who will never once
complain about sunburn
736
00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:56,294
or painful underwear itch.
737
00:29:56,294 --> 00:30:00,032
Live each day as if it were
your last because someday,
738
00:30:00,032 --> 00:30:02,167
he will be right.
739
00:30:02,167 --> 00:30:03,568
No prisoners.
740
00:30:03,568 --> 00:30:05,103
No prisoners.
741
00:30:05,103 --> 00:30:06,938
No prisoners.
742
00:30:06,938 --> 00:30:09,307
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
743
00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:15,547
Communique from Interceptor.
744
00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:17,616
It's About time there
was some progress.
745
00:30:17,616 --> 00:30:18,517
Yes, sir.
746
00:30:18,517 --> 00:30:19,985
He is airborne.
747
00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:20,886
Good.
748
00:30:20,886 --> 00:30:22,154
Good.
749
00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:24,756
Soon FIT will have
pluton missile
750
00:30:24,756 --> 00:30:27,292
and Operation Payback can begin.
751
00:30:27,292 --> 00:30:28,760
SOLDIER: Left.
752
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:29,728
Left.
753
00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:32,130
Left, right, left.
754
00:30:32,130 --> 00:30:33,098
Left.
755
00:30:33,098 --> 00:30:34,066
Left.
756
00:30:34,066 --> 00:30:36,501
Left, right, left.
757
00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:37,469
Left.
758
00:30:37,469 --> 00:30:38,437
Left.
759
00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:42,307
Left, right, left.
760
00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:45,477
You know, I think I
brought too much carry on.
761
00:30:45,477 --> 00:30:46,712
I should have checked
a lot of this--
762
00:30:46,712 --> 00:30:48,647
If they're going
down the hole, follow.
763
00:30:48,647 --> 00:30:51,249
I shoulda checked a lot of
this stuff at the baggage.
764
00:30:51,249 --> 00:30:52,984
Hey, does anybody want a juice?
765
00:30:52,984 --> 00:30:54,753
I think I've got
some olive loaf.
766
00:30:54,753 --> 00:30:56,555
Beautiful, General.
Beautiful.
767
00:30:56,555 --> 00:30:58,690
Now, if you could just turn
your body toward me, sir.
768
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,525
I want to try and catch
that flight of F-18s
769
00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:01,593
in the background.
770
00:31:01,593 --> 00:31:02,761
N-- no, they're ours.
771
00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:04,362
Their ours, sir.
- God bless them.
772
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:06,364
Now, sir, if you could just
turn your head a little bit
773
00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:07,265
to the right.
774
00:31:07,265 --> 00:31:09,034
I'm trying to lose that
cold sore on your lip.
775
00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:10,569
Shaving cut.
BARNES: I'm sure, sir.
776
00:31:10,569 --> 00:31:11,570
I'm sure.
Good.
777
00:31:11,570 --> 00:31:12,471
Good.
778
00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:14,272
Stand by.
779
00:31:14,272 --> 00:31:16,274
Action!
780
00:31:16,274 --> 00:31:17,776
(SHOUTS) Charge!
781
00:31:22,681 --> 00:31:24,182
And cut.
782
00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:26,084
All right.
783
00:31:26,084 --> 00:31:29,621
OK, Lloyd, let's do lunch.
Come on.
784
00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:30,589
I know this nice, new place.
785
00:31:30,589 --> 00:31:31,490
Do you like fish?
786
00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:33,425
This place called
the Hairy Prawn.
787
00:31:33,425 --> 00:31:34,960
You'll love it.
788
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,661
SOLDIER: Left, right, left.
789
00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:37,562
Hold it!
790
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:38,663
Hold it.
791
00:31:38,663 --> 00:31:39,798
SOLDIER: What's
going on up there?
792
00:31:39,798 --> 00:31:41,500
[INAUDIBLE]
further up the beach.
793
00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:47,205
It's a baby blue jellyfish,
or gelacticus swim fasticus.
794
00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:50,041
It is native to the
warm waters of Zanzibar
795
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:53,145
and feeds primarily upon
plankton and other forms of--
796
00:31:53,145 --> 00:31:54,913
What are you doing?
797
00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:57,048
Oh, hi, Colonel.
798
00:31:57,048 --> 00:32:00,452
This is a gelacticus
swim fasticus,
799
00:32:00,452 --> 00:32:02,254
or baby blue jellyfish.
800
00:32:02,254 --> 00:32:03,155
It is common to--
801
00:32:03,155 --> 00:32:05,190
Shut up!
802
00:32:05,190 --> 00:32:07,959
But it's still alive.
803
00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:10,228
You're stopping the
entire combined force
804
00:32:10,228 --> 00:32:12,130
of the world for a jellyfish?
805
00:32:12,130 --> 00:32:16,401
A baby blue jellyfish,
or gelacticus swim fast--
806
00:32:16,401 --> 00:32:18,770
Give me 20, soldier.
807
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,071
Gosh, 20.
808
00:32:20,071 --> 00:32:21,006
That means I can't go--
809
00:32:21,006 --> 00:32:22,574
On the ground, idiot!
810
00:32:22,574 --> 00:32:23,975
[GRUNTS]
811
00:32:24,910 --> 00:32:31,349
One, two, three--
812
00:32:31,349 --> 00:32:33,251
All right, enough
wild life education.
813
00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:34,553
Let's move it out!
814
00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:35,754
SOLDIER: Left.
815
00:32:35,754 --> 00:32:36,655
Left.
816
00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:39,157
Left, right, left.
817
00:32:39,157 --> 00:32:52,537
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19--
818
00:32:52,537 --> 00:33:05,917
1,221, 1,222, 1,223,
1,224, 1,225, 1,226.
819
00:33:05,917 --> 00:33:08,420
One-- one thou-- That
out to be enough.
820
00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:11,923
I hope I can catch
up to these guys.
821
00:33:11,923 --> 00:33:14,426
[PANTING]
822
00:33:16,928 --> 00:33:17,896
You are American?
823
00:33:17,896 --> 00:33:20,732
Yep, born and bred in
the land of the free.
824
00:33:20,732 --> 00:33:22,868
You ever been to
Karifistan before?
825
00:33:22,868 --> 00:33:25,136
No, never been further
east than Savannah.
826
00:33:25,136 --> 00:33:29,307
Well, there are some
strange and dangerous cults
827
00:33:29,307 --> 00:33:31,042
and curses in the Middle East.
828
00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:31,943
Yeah, I know.
829
00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:32,978
I saw them on cable.
830
00:33:32,978 --> 00:33:36,882
So you know you need one of
these or all manner of trouble
831
00:33:36,882 --> 00:33:38,416
will befall you.
832
00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:41,853
The charm of Geshua.
833
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:42,888
Let me see that.
834
00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:45,357
50 bucks, US.
835
00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:46,558
50 bucks?
836
00:33:46,558 --> 00:33:51,563
Do I look like I have stupid
written all over my face?
837
00:33:51,563 --> 00:33:53,298
60 bucks.
838
00:33:53,298 --> 00:33:54,633
60 bucks?
839
00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:55,800
That's outrageous.
840
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,471
It has good luck
too, at no extra costs.
841
00:33:59,471 --> 00:34:01,907
You mean, it comes with
all the bells and whistles
842
00:34:01,907 --> 00:34:03,008
and everything?
843
00:34:03,008 --> 00:34:05,777
All of them.
844
00:34:05,777 --> 00:34:08,680
OK, $65 and that's
my last offer.
845
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,249
OK, but you robbing me.
846
00:34:11,249 --> 00:34:13,018
OK.
847
00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:16,221
All I got's a
hundred dollar bill.
848
00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:17,188
Wait here.
849
00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:18,290
I'll bring you change.
850
00:34:23,695 --> 00:34:26,731
Gosh, I hate taking advantage
of a little kid like that.
851
00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:36,007
I sure hope he makes it
back soon with my change.
852
00:34:40,745 --> 00:34:43,848
This is the Arabian
Desert, gentleman.
853
00:34:43,848 --> 00:34:47,419
It is hot, cruel,
and unforgiving.
854
00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:51,089
This is the chemical
weapon the enemy uses.
855
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:55,360
It is highly toxic and can melt
the skin off a tyrannosaurus.
856
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,395
In the event of
such a gas attack,
857
00:34:57,395 --> 00:35:01,733
you'll need a working
knowledge of your gas mask.
858
00:35:01,733 --> 00:35:04,736
Place the mask
fully over your face
859
00:35:04,736 --> 00:35:09,274
and adjust the straps to
ensure there are no gaps.
860
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:11,042
Continue to breathe normally.
861
00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,478
[EXAGGERATED BREATHING]
862
00:35:14,012 --> 00:35:14,913
[YELLING]
863
00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:17,248
It is an essential part
of your military equipment.
864
00:35:17,248 --> 00:35:20,685
It will be kept clean and free
of dirt and foreign objects.
865
00:35:20,685 --> 00:35:24,489
Abuse of military property
is not to be tolerated.
866
00:35:24,489 --> 00:35:26,391
Worrell, get back in line!
867
00:35:26,391 --> 00:35:28,026
Worrell, get back in line!
868
00:35:28,026 --> 00:35:29,227
Worrell, do you hear me?
869
00:35:29,227 --> 00:35:30,528
What do you think you're doing?
870
00:35:30,528 --> 00:35:31,429
Worrell!
871
00:35:31,429 --> 00:35:33,264
Worrell, give me that!
872
00:35:33,264 --> 00:35:35,433
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
873
00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:40,205
Worrell, have you
lost your mind?
874
00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:41,573
Worrell, get back in line!
875
00:35:41,573 --> 00:35:42,540
[SQUEAKING]
876
00:35:42,540 --> 00:35:43,508
Can you hear me, Worrell?
877
00:35:43,508 --> 00:35:45,410
This is disobeying orders!
878
00:35:45,410 --> 00:35:46,778
[GROANING]
879
00:35:46,778 --> 00:35:48,747
Worrell, no smoking on duty!
880
00:35:48,747 --> 00:35:50,715
Worrell, I'll see you
court marshalled for this!
881
00:35:50,715 --> 00:35:52,217
[GROANS]
882
00:35:52,217 --> 00:35:53,685
[THUD]
883
00:35:53,685 --> 00:35:56,654
I'm with the press.
884
00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:57,622
OK, you guys.
885
00:35:57,622 --> 00:35:59,090
I'll catch you later.
886
00:35:59,090 --> 00:36:00,592
Ooh, hurry up, man.
887
00:36:00,592 --> 00:36:03,061
I'm bursting.
888
00:36:03,061 --> 00:36:04,129
Right on through.
889
00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:05,030
Thanks.
890
00:36:05,030 --> 00:36:06,998
You wouldn't happen to--
891
00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:11,136
And when the smoke clears,
you'll be singing soprano.
892
00:36:11,136 --> 00:36:14,739
And finally, the newly
developed rock mines.
893
00:36:14,739 --> 00:36:17,242
The one on my right
is an ordinary rock.
894
00:36:17,242 --> 00:36:20,045
The one on the left
will rock your world.
895
00:36:20,045 --> 00:36:21,579
Handle this one carefully, men.
896
00:36:21,579 --> 00:36:24,315
Hm?
897
00:36:24,315 --> 00:36:27,285
COLONEL GULLET:
They're very sensitive.
898
00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:30,055
They're perfectly camouflaged.
899
00:36:30,055 --> 00:36:33,391
A good bump will definitely
turn you into a fine red mist.
900
00:36:33,391 --> 00:36:34,592
Hm?
901
00:36:34,592 --> 00:36:35,627
Give me the mine, private.
902
00:36:35,627 --> 00:36:36,528
Give it to him.
903
00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:37,429
Give it to him, Ernest.
904
00:36:37,429 --> 00:36:40,165
Eenie, meanie, miney--
905
00:36:40,165 --> 00:36:42,067
One potato, two potato--
906
00:36:42,067 --> 00:36:42,967
Paper, rock, scissors--
907
00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:43,868
The mine!
908
00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:44,936
SOLDIER: Ernest, give it to him.
909
00:36:48,673 --> 00:36:50,141
General!
GENERAL LINCOLN: I'm busy.
910
00:36:50,141 --> 00:36:51,042
[KABOOM]
911
00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:52,110
[YELLS]
912
00:36:54,579 --> 00:36:55,580
[CRASH]
913
00:36:55,580 --> 00:36:58,049
[COUGHING]
914
00:37:02,487 --> 00:37:03,955
SOLDIER: Can I keep the rock?
915
00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:07,459
Sir.
916
00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:10,261
Carter, Rosen, at ease, men.
917
00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:12,030
Cut.
918
00:37:12,030 --> 00:37:13,098
Keep that take.
919
00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:14,966
I want that one for myself.
920
00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:16,768
[CHUCKLES]
921
00:37:16,768 --> 00:37:18,670
[HELICOPTER NOISE]
922
00:37:18,670 --> 00:37:21,039
SOLDIER: Private, get over here!
923
00:37:21,039 --> 00:37:23,041
Hey, Ernest, where
are you headed?
924
00:37:23,041 --> 00:37:25,210
I'm gonna go whip
up my special pancake
925
00:37:25,210 --> 00:37:26,644
breakfast for the troops.
926
00:37:26,644 --> 00:37:29,247
I'll warn them.
927
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,682
BOY: No!
Stop!
928
00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:31,649
Leave me alone!
929
00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:33,084
That's mine!
930
00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:35,120
Hey, what's going on there?
931
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:36,621
You leave that boy alone.
932
00:37:39,624 --> 00:37:41,926
You saved my life.
933
00:37:41,926 --> 00:37:43,261
I owe you everything.
934
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,663
I will return all of your money.
935
00:37:45,663 --> 00:37:47,832
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
936
00:37:47,832 --> 00:37:49,200
It's OK, little fella.
937
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,802
It's OK.
938
00:37:50,802 --> 00:37:51,936
Oh, no.
939
00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:53,404
They would have killed me.
940
00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:54,806
I owe you, sahib.
941
00:37:54,806 --> 00:37:59,077
Here, here is your
money with some extra.
942
00:37:59,077 --> 00:38:00,712
Well-- well, what's your name?
943
00:38:00,712 --> 00:38:02,213
Ben-Ali will be
in your service
944
00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:04,115
for as long as I breathe.
945
00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:06,451
I had a good buddy
back home named Ben.
946
00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:08,019
I am good buddy now.
947
00:38:08,019 --> 00:38:10,155
Good buddy forever.
948
00:38:10,155 --> 00:38:11,790
My name is Ernest.
949
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:12,690
Ben.
950
00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:15,260
Ben, close buddy to Ernest, eh?
951
00:38:15,260 --> 00:38:19,130
Um, Ben, I've got to go
now and cook breakfast.
952
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,832
Do you like pancakes?
953
00:38:20,832 --> 00:38:21,733
Yes.
954
00:38:21,733 --> 00:38:23,001
I kinda thought you would.
955
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:28,239
[NEWS INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]
956
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,009
NEWS ANNOUNCER:
With INNI, you are
957
00:38:31,009 --> 00:38:33,578
there in Operation Sand Trap.
958
00:38:33,578 --> 00:38:36,548
UN Peacekeeping Forces have
established a firm beachhead
959
00:38:36,548 --> 00:38:40,985
in Karifistan, but now Tufuti is
in possession of a pluton bomb.
960
00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:43,388
What started out to be a
simple peacekeeping mission
961
00:38:43,388 --> 00:38:45,924
has put American
troops in harm's way.
962
00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,560
This deadly game may
escalate beyond control.
963
00:38:56,601 --> 00:38:59,604
Excellency, news from
the northern commander.
964
00:38:59,604 --> 00:39:00,738
Yes, Kibee?
965
00:39:00,738 --> 00:39:03,341
Northern Karifistan
has fallen.
966
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:07,312
The UN has established
a beachhead.
967
00:39:07,312 --> 00:39:09,714
The eagle has perched
in your cross-hairs.
968
00:39:09,714 --> 00:39:11,149
Excellent.
969
00:39:11,149 --> 00:39:14,986
Tell the commander to send
me four of his best men.
970
00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:17,188
It's time to move
on to the next tee.
971
00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:19,190
As you command, Excellency.
972
00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:21,159
[LAUGHS]
973
00:39:23,595 --> 00:39:26,331
(FRENCH ACCENT) Bonsoir,
monsieur, and welcome
974
00:39:26,331 --> 00:39:28,933
to "Cooking with Ernesto."
975
00:39:28,933 --> 00:39:31,469
Today we're going
to attempt my world
976
00:39:31,469 --> 00:39:36,074
famous recipe for GI
pancakes, or as I call them,
977
00:39:36,074 --> 00:39:37,742
crepes khaki.
978
00:39:37,742 --> 00:39:40,044
First-a, we and a few eggs.
979
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:40,945
[CLANK]
980
00:39:40,945 --> 00:39:41,846
Eww.
981
00:39:41,846 --> 00:39:42,747
Perfect.
982
00:39:42,747 --> 00:39:46,284
Now, we add the mix.
983
00:39:46,284 --> 00:39:48,753
Isn't that too much?
984
00:39:48,753 --> 00:39:51,956
It is a creative thing, Pepe.
985
00:39:51,956 --> 00:39:54,525
You will understand
when you are older.
986
00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:56,828
Now, we add enough water to mix.
987
00:39:56,828 --> 00:39:57,729
[SPRAYING]
988
00:39:57,729 --> 00:39:58,630
Eww.
989
00:40:03,501 --> 00:40:06,137
It is perhaps a bit thin.
990
00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:09,574
We will add a bit
more mix to thicken.
991
00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:10,475
I see.
992
00:40:14,279 --> 00:40:15,780
[BLOWING]
993
00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,949
Ah, perfecto.
994
00:40:17,949 --> 00:40:22,387
Now, it is time
to test the grill.
995
00:40:22,387 --> 00:40:23,254
[SIZZLING]
996
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:24,222
Ah!
997
00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:26,557
Ah, Ben!
998
00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:28,393
(MUFFLED) Ben, hand
me the spatula.
999
00:40:28,393 --> 00:40:29,627
A bababa?
1000
00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,062
The spatula.
1001
00:40:31,062 --> 00:40:32,664
Ah, a bababa.
1002
00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,299
A spatula.
1003
00:40:34,299 --> 00:40:35,433
Oh.
1004
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:36,334
One of these?
1005
00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:37,235
Uh-huh.
1006
00:40:37,235 --> 00:40:38,503
Funny.
1007
00:40:38,503 --> 00:40:39,904
We call them spatulas.
1008
00:40:39,904 --> 00:40:41,239
Oh, give me that.
1009
00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,643
[SIGHS]
1010
00:40:53,084 --> 00:40:54,419
Oh, morning.
1011
00:40:54,419 --> 00:40:55,320
Pancakes?
1012
00:40:57,288 --> 00:40:59,257
[GRUNTING]
1013
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:03,661
[CLANK]
1014
00:41:03,661 --> 00:41:05,630
Wh-- whoa.
1015
00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:06,664
[CRASH]
1016
00:41:06,664 --> 00:41:07,565
Sorry.
1017
00:41:10,601 --> 00:41:11,502
Good morning.
1018
00:41:11,502 --> 00:41:14,339
Morning.
1019
00:41:14,339 --> 00:41:15,907
[GRUNTING]
1020
00:41:18,343 --> 00:41:19,811
[CLANK]
1021
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:20,978
[GRUNTS]
1022
00:41:20,978 --> 00:41:21,879
Sorry, that one's dirty.
1023
00:41:21,879 --> 00:41:23,247
Here, let me get
you another one.
1024
00:41:23,247 --> 00:41:24,148
No!
1025
00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:25,083
No!
1026
00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:25,984
I got blueberry.
1027
00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:27,952
SOLDIER: No way, man!
1028
00:41:27,952 --> 00:41:30,888
Would you like the blueberry?
1029
00:41:30,888 --> 00:41:32,357
[SAWING]
1030
00:41:35,259 --> 00:41:37,195
[FIZZING]
1031
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,401
Seconds?
1032
00:41:43,401 --> 00:41:46,404
Have you tried these?
1033
00:41:46,404 --> 00:41:47,905
[CLANK]
1034
00:41:52,410 --> 00:41:53,911
[CRUNCH]
1035
00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,418
Mm.
1036
00:42:00,418 --> 00:42:01,419
Good.
1037
00:42:01,419 --> 00:42:03,888
Needs a little syrup.
1038
00:42:03,888 --> 00:42:05,556
Ben, hand me the syrup.
1039
00:42:07,959 --> 00:42:10,762
Thanks.
[CHUCKLES]
1040
00:42:14,098 --> 00:42:15,333
Mm.
Mm.
1041
00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:16,234
That's better.
1042
00:42:19,604 --> 00:42:21,038
[CLANK]
1043
00:42:24,409 --> 00:42:25,376
[WHOOSH]
1044
00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:26,277
[CLANK]
1045
00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,646
Ooh!
1046
00:42:28,646 --> 00:42:31,582
Ben, what do you
want for breakfast?
1047
00:42:31,582 --> 00:42:35,420
I think I'll take my
chances on the street.
1048
00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:36,954
Can you get me a cheeseburger?
1049
00:42:36,954 --> 00:42:37,855
Hi.
1050
00:42:37,855 --> 00:42:38,790
Excuse me.
1051
00:42:41,459 --> 00:42:43,594
Guy, oh.
1052
00:42:43,594 --> 00:42:44,495
Hi.
1053
00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:45,663
They hate it when
you punch holes
1054
00:42:45,663 --> 00:42:47,432
in these armored
personnel carriers.
1055
00:42:47,432 --> 00:42:49,033
Has this happened before?
1056
00:42:49,033 --> 00:42:50,468
Only on pancake day.
1057
00:42:50,468 --> 00:42:54,705
Usually, the eggs just
kinda eat the paint off.
1058
00:42:54,705 --> 00:42:56,207
[CHUCKLES]
1059
00:42:57,675 --> 00:42:59,243
Could you, um--
1060
00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:00,545
Never mind, it's OK.
1061
00:43:00,545 --> 00:43:03,414
I can't believe it.
1062
00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:06,317
It's my dream come true.
1063
00:43:06,317 --> 00:43:08,019
It's-- it's Cindy Swanson.
1064
00:43:08,019 --> 00:43:09,687
She's here at Karifistan.
1065
00:43:09,687 --> 00:43:11,022
Is that your girlfriend?
1066
00:43:11,022 --> 00:43:11,923
Well, no.
1067
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,024
Not really my girlfriend.
1068
00:43:13,024 --> 00:43:14,158
We just kind of--
1069
00:43:14,158 --> 00:43:15,793
I mean, I just know
her from seeing
1070
00:43:15,793 --> 00:43:18,196
her on the Channel 3 News.
1071
00:43:18,196 --> 00:43:20,498
Oh, this is my lucky day.
1072
00:43:20,498 --> 00:43:24,635
See, the Geshua charm works.
1073
00:43:24,635 --> 00:43:26,304
Can I help you with your bags?
1074
00:43:26,304 --> 00:43:27,805
Oh, are you a mirage?
1075
00:43:27,805 --> 00:43:28,706
No, ma'am.
1076
00:43:28,706 --> 00:43:29,640
Southern Baptist.
1077
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:30,541
Thank you, I'm Cindy Sw--
1078
00:43:30,541 --> 00:43:33,744
I know, you're Cindy Swanson
from Channel 3 in the states.
1079
00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:35,112
I'm your biggest fan.
1080
00:43:35,112 --> 00:43:36,013
And you are?
1081
00:43:36,013 --> 00:43:38,382
Oh, Private Ernest P.
Worrell, at your service.
1082
00:43:38,382 --> 00:43:40,384
- At ease, Worrell.
- Oh, hi, Colonel.
1083
00:43:40,384 --> 00:43:41,486
This is Cindy Swanson.
1084
00:43:41,486 --> 00:43:43,221
You know, from Channel
3 in the states?
1085
00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:45,122
A close personal friend of mine.
1086
00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,657
Colonel Bradley Gullet.
1087
00:43:46,657 --> 00:43:47,758
Hello.
1088
00:43:47,758 --> 00:43:49,227
I'll take it
from here, Worrell.
1089
00:43:49,227 --> 00:43:51,028
Oh, really, sir,
it's no trouble at all.
1090
00:43:51,028 --> 00:43:53,231
I said I'll take it from here.
1091
00:43:53,231 --> 00:43:55,466
Yeah, Cindy, the Colonel
can handle your bags.
1092
00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:57,735
He's real strong.
1093
00:43:57,735 --> 00:43:58,936
I'll see you around, Cindy.
1094
00:43:58,936 --> 00:43:59,837
Thanks, Ernest.
1095
00:43:59,837 --> 00:44:01,239
- You're a reporter, huh?
- Mm-hm.
1096
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,773
Well, stick with
me, Miss Swanson.
1097
00:44:02,773 --> 00:44:03,875
When it comes to
getting a scoop,
1098
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:06,511
it's strictly who you know.
1099
00:44:06,511 --> 00:44:08,012
Private Dawson, get those bags.
1100
00:44:11,149 --> 00:44:14,418
I guess the Geshua
charm didn't work so well.
1101
00:44:14,418 --> 00:44:17,288
Neither did the Worrell charm.
1102
00:44:17,288 --> 00:44:20,758
There are many ways
to feed a camel, Master.
1103
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,727
Know what I mean?
1104
00:44:22,727 --> 00:44:26,797
Do you mean Cindy
is a camel master?
1105
00:44:26,797 --> 00:44:29,300
[CHATTER]
1106
00:44:32,370 --> 00:44:33,271
All right.
1107
00:44:33,271 --> 00:44:34,705
Now, remember General,
be sure to look
1108
00:44:34,705 --> 00:44:35,806
straight into the cameras.
1109
00:44:35,806 --> 00:44:38,342
America, and the rest of the
world, is staring back at you.
1110
00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:40,077
- Can I look at my notes?
- Don't look at your notes.
1111
00:44:40,077 --> 00:44:40,645
Don't look at my notes?
1112
00:44:40,645 --> 00:44:41,746
BARNES: Don't look
at your notes.
1113
00:44:41,746 --> 00:44:44,682
And don't take any questions
from that round haircut at CBS.
1114
00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:46,017
- Oh, I hate that dork.
- Yeah, me too.
1115
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:47,185
You got your Nam metals on?
1116
00:44:47,185 --> 00:44:48,352
Affirmative.
1117
00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:50,288
Act natural, warm.
1118
00:44:50,288 --> 00:44:51,622
Friendly, but firm.
- Firm.
1119
00:44:51,622 --> 00:44:52,723
Firm.
A general's firm.
1120
00:44:52,723 --> 00:44:53,958
- A general's firm.
- All right.
1121
00:44:53,958 --> 00:44:54,859
That's right, tiger.
1122
00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:57,094
Now, get out there and
take your best shot.
1123
00:44:57,094 --> 00:44:57,995
Barnes!
1124
00:44:57,995 --> 00:44:59,497
What if I get a book
deal out of this?
1125
00:44:59,497 --> 00:45:00,831
Don't worry, we'll
get a ghostwriter.
1126
00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,100
- A ghostwriter?
- Powell's got a ghostwriter.
1127
00:45:03,100 --> 00:45:04,435
Really?
I did not know that.
1128
00:45:04,435 --> 00:45:05,336
Run along.
1129
00:45:05,336 --> 00:45:06,671
Run along.
1130
00:45:06,671 --> 00:45:09,140
REPORTER: General!
1131
00:45:09,140 --> 00:45:11,142
[SNORING]
1132
00:45:18,583 --> 00:45:21,686
COLONEL GULLET: Gentlemen, may
I have your attention, please?
1133
00:45:21,686 --> 00:45:24,789
It appears Tufuti has more
firepower than anticipated,
1134
00:45:24,789 --> 00:45:26,624
so we must escalate the contact.
1135
00:45:26,624 --> 00:45:29,727
You men will be moving toward
the front lines at 0600 hours.
1136
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:32,863
That's in three hours from now.
1137
00:45:32,863 --> 00:45:33,864
Nighty night.
1138
00:45:33,864 --> 00:45:35,032
Sleep tight.
1139
00:45:35,032 --> 00:45:35,967
SOLDIER 1: Boy
1140
00:45:35,967 --> 00:45:38,970
SOLDIER 2: Oh, man.
1141
00:45:38,970 --> 00:45:40,104
I thought we
were a supply unit.
1142
00:45:40,104 --> 00:45:42,239
I didn't think we'd
actually see combat.
1143
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:43,174
Combat?
1144
00:45:43,174 --> 00:45:44,141
[GULP]
1145
00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:46,510
Don't be afraid,
Corporal Davis, Ernest
1146
00:45:46,510 --> 00:45:49,614
is the great American warrior
my father talked about.
1147
00:45:49,614 --> 00:45:50,648
He will protect us all.
1148
00:45:50,648 --> 00:45:51,549
That's right.
1149
00:45:51,549 --> 00:45:55,519
I'll just-- Ben!
1150
00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:57,021
What are you doing under there?
1151
00:45:57,021 --> 00:45:59,256
I stick by my
good buddy Ernest.
1152
00:45:59,256 --> 00:46:00,825
You said buddies stick together.
1153
00:46:00,825 --> 00:46:02,426
Oh, Ben, you can't stay here.
1154
00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:03,594
You've got to go home.
1155
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:06,797
Your folks will worry about you.
1156
00:46:06,797 --> 00:46:08,466
Did you hear me, Ben?
1157
00:46:08,466 --> 00:46:10,134
You've got to go home.
1158
00:46:10,134 --> 00:46:12,303
I have no home.
1159
00:46:12,303 --> 00:46:13,838
This is my home now.
1160
00:46:13,838 --> 00:46:16,507
Well, what about your family?
1161
00:46:16,507 --> 00:46:20,745
My mother was killed
by Tufuti's [INAUDIBLE],
1162
00:46:20,745 --> 00:46:24,415
and my father went to
fight in the resistance
1163
00:46:24,415 --> 00:46:26,817
and never came home.
1164
00:46:26,817 --> 00:46:28,619
[CRIES]
1165
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:30,688
I'm sorry, Ben.
1166
00:46:33,357 --> 00:46:35,826
Don't worry.
1167
00:46:35,826 --> 00:46:37,128
Everything's gonna be OK.
1168
00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:47,371
I know what it's
like to be alone.
1169
00:46:47,371 --> 00:46:48,339
Good night, son.
1170
00:46:52,743 --> 00:46:54,211
[SIGHS]
1171
00:47:03,554 --> 00:47:04,889
Where are they going?
1172
00:47:04,889 --> 00:47:06,057
DAVIS: I have no
idea, but I think
1173
00:47:06,057 --> 00:47:10,261
the Colonel's gonna be the first
one of us to see some action.
1174
00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:11,595
BEN-ALI: Ernest!
- Come on, Ernest.
1175
00:47:11,595 --> 00:47:13,497
Let's go.
BEN-ALI: Ernest!
1176
00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:14,398
Ernest!
1177
00:47:14,398 --> 00:47:15,733
Where are you going?
1178
00:47:15,733 --> 00:47:17,568
We've got to go to the
front to help the soldiers.
1179
00:47:17,568 --> 00:47:19,370
- I go too.
- Oh, no, Ben.
1180
00:47:19,370 --> 00:47:20,471
This is no place for a boy.
1181
00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:21,605
I am not a boy.
1182
00:47:21,605 --> 00:47:23,808
I'm a brave warrior like Ernest.
1183
00:47:23,808 --> 00:47:26,444
I'm sorry, Ben, but you're
gonna have to stay here.
1184
00:47:26,444 --> 00:47:28,813
What about sticking
by your buddy?
1185
00:47:28,813 --> 00:47:29,914
I'm sorry, Ben.
1186
00:47:29,914 --> 00:47:31,048
We've got to go.
1187
00:47:31,048 --> 00:47:31,949
We'll be back.
1188
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:39,924
He'll never come back.
1189
00:47:39,924 --> 00:47:42,359
[LAUGHING]
1190
00:47:44,228 --> 00:47:45,196
Excellency.
1191
00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:46,964
Yes, Kibee?
1192
00:47:46,964 --> 00:47:48,365
These are the
men you sent for.
1193
00:47:51,035 --> 00:47:55,406
I need to put a
face on this invasion.
1194
00:47:55,406 --> 00:47:58,342
A sympathetic face.
1195
00:47:58,342 --> 00:48:02,346
One that will ensure
media attention.
1196
00:48:02,346 --> 00:48:04,782
An American face.
1197
00:48:04,782 --> 00:48:06,283
[LAUGHS]
1198
00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:08,285
[ALL LAUGH]
1199
00:48:13,124 --> 00:48:14,592
Out!
Out!
1200
00:48:14,592 --> 00:48:15,559
Out!
1201
00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:17,461
[LAUGHING]
1202
00:48:21,699 --> 00:48:24,168
Colonel Gullet, where are we?
1203
00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:27,238
We're about three
steps from heaven.
1204
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,139
Oh!
1205
00:48:28,139 --> 00:48:29,707
Colonel Gullet, please!
1206
00:48:29,707 --> 00:48:32,042
Let's just stick to
the problem at hand.
1207
00:48:32,042 --> 00:48:33,577
I'm trying to get
back to this base.
1208
00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,446
Look, I'm not used to
taking no for an answer.
1209
00:48:35,446 --> 00:48:36,881
When I see something
I want, I go--
1210
00:48:36,881 --> 00:48:38,349
[GROANS]
1211
00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:41,952
Thanks.
1212
00:48:41,952 --> 00:48:45,055
Say, you fellas look like
you're from around here.
1213
00:48:45,055 --> 00:48:47,158
Would you happen to
know where this place--
1214
00:48:47,158 --> 00:48:48,058
[SCREAMS]
1215
00:48:48,058 --> 00:48:50,327
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
1216
00:48:57,101 --> 00:49:00,004
[NEWS INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]
1217
00:49:00,004 --> 00:49:01,739
NEWS ANNOUNCER:
With INNI, you are
1218
00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:04,074
there in Operation Sand Trap.
1219
00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:06,343
I'm Frank Williams, and
we're waiting for a briefing
1220
00:49:06,343 --> 00:49:09,046
from General Rodney Lincoln,
perhaps the most colorful
1221
00:49:09,046 --> 00:49:12,316
of all the allied commanders
of Operation Sand Trap.
1222
00:49:12,316 --> 00:49:13,584
And what a voice.
1223
00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:15,986
At approximately
1800 hours today
1224
00:49:15,986 --> 00:49:19,723
the Allied Forces will begin
carpet bombing Sectors 30, 31,
1225
00:49:19,723 --> 00:49:23,460
and 32, along with 200
sorties as preparatory
1226
00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:24,562
to ground assault.
1227
00:49:24,562 --> 00:49:25,496
BARNES: Slip the map.
1228
00:49:25,496 --> 00:49:26,697
Here.
1229
00:49:26,697 --> 00:49:28,132
Now the color.
1230
00:49:28,132 --> 00:49:30,301
GENERAL LINCOLN: And if Tutti
Frutti has the common sense
1231
00:49:30,301 --> 00:49:33,404
of a duck, he'll tuck that
keester of his up under that
1232
00:49:33,404 --> 00:49:35,606
beach blanket he wears
for a hat and hightail
1233
00:49:35,606 --> 00:49:37,808
it out of there like a jack
rabbit in a Louisiana oil
1234
00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:38,709
spill.
1235
00:49:38,709 --> 00:49:39,777
That a boy.
1236
00:49:39,777 --> 00:49:40,878
Any questions?
1237
00:49:40,878 --> 00:49:42,880
[CLAMORING]
1238
00:49:47,852 --> 00:49:49,353
CINDY: Gullet.
1239
00:49:49,353 --> 00:49:50,421
Gullet!
1240
00:49:50,421 --> 00:49:51,755
Wake up, you creep.
1241
00:49:51,755 --> 00:49:54,425
I can't believe you
got me into this.
1242
00:49:54,425 --> 00:49:55,493
Hey, look.
1243
00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:56,760
Look who's out there.
1244
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:57,661
What is it?
1245
00:49:57,661 --> 00:49:59,663
It's President Tufuti.
1246
00:49:59,663 --> 00:50:00,631
Tufuti?
1247
00:50:00,631 --> 00:50:01,765
In the flesh.
1248
00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:03,367
He standing over by the
oasis with those goons
1249
00:50:03,367 --> 00:50:04,268
who captured us.
1250
00:50:04,268 --> 00:50:05,836
Oasis?
1251
00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:09,173
The only enemy base near
an oasis is in Sector 32.
1252
00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:10,074
Sector 32.
1253
00:50:10,074 --> 00:50:10,975
Great.
1254
00:50:10,975 --> 00:50:12,543
Now we know where we
are, no thanks to you.
1255
00:50:12,543 --> 00:50:14,211
Too bad nobody else does.
1256
00:50:14,211 --> 00:50:15,613
Look, I'm sorry.
1257
00:50:15,613 --> 00:50:18,349
I didn't know we were
close to enemy lines.
1258
00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:20,651
Yeah, well, you're gonna
be real sorry in a minute
1259
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:22,019
because they're headed this way.
1260
00:50:25,089 --> 00:50:26,857
Untie them.
1261
00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:27,758
Hi.
1262
00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:34,598
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
1263
00:50:35,499 --> 00:50:39,103
I trust you are content
with your accommodations,
1264
00:50:39,103 --> 00:50:41,405
and that your journey
into our little country
1265
00:50:41,405 --> 00:50:43,908
has been a pleasant one?
1266
00:50:43,908 --> 00:50:45,042
Mr. President.
1267
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,911
- For Life.
- Whatever.
1268
00:50:46,911 --> 00:50:48,312
You must forgive
these ruffians.
1269
00:50:48,312 --> 00:50:50,281
They're not very
polite sometimes.
1270
00:50:53,717 --> 00:51:00,090
Ah, a member of the press
and a lovely one, at that.
1271
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,063
[CHUCKLES]
1272
00:51:11,769 --> 00:51:12,670
DAVIS: OK.
1273
00:51:12,670 --> 00:51:13,571
OK.
1274
00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:14,772
I hear you.
1275
00:51:14,772 --> 00:51:15,706
Hold it up, Ernest.
1276
00:51:18,409 --> 00:51:22,046
It looks like headquarters
has changed their mind again.
1277
00:51:22,046 --> 00:51:23,614
I'll be in the
communications truck.
1278
00:51:49,306 --> 00:51:50,741
I can't believe
they're doing this to us.
1279
00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:51,875
We just got here.
1280
00:51:51,875 --> 00:51:54,111
That's Army
intelligence for you.
1281
00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:56,113
Hey, has anybody
seen Colonel Gullet?
1282
00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,514
He's been gone all day.
1283
00:51:57,514 --> 00:51:59,616
Maybe that reporterette's
got him tied up.
1284
00:51:59,616 --> 00:52:01,385
Maybe somebody should
go looking for him.
1285
00:52:01,385 --> 00:52:02,453
I'd volunteer.
1286
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:04,154
What's the deal here, Chuck?
1287
00:52:04,154 --> 00:52:05,356
They're calling for a bug out.
1288
00:52:05,356 --> 00:52:08,726
The F-18s are bombing the
entire area at 1800 hours.
1289
00:52:08,726 --> 00:52:09,727
Wow.
1290
00:52:09,727 --> 00:52:10,627
This is neat.
1291
00:52:10,627 --> 00:52:12,496
Do you get wrestling here?
1292
00:52:12,496 --> 00:52:14,365
You know, the Undertaker's
gonna be on Monday Night Raw
1293
00:52:14,365 --> 00:52:15,699
this week.
- Really?
1294
00:52:15,699 --> 00:52:16,600
Bullwhips?
1295
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:17,501
Barbed wire.
1296
00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:18,635
Mm, good match.
1297
00:52:18,635 --> 00:52:19,903
[STATIC]
1298
00:52:20,871 --> 00:52:21,772
It is now--
1299
00:52:21,772 --> 00:52:23,374
Hey, don't touch this stuff.
1300
00:52:23,374 --> 00:52:25,976
--Arisian troops have
at least two hostages.
1301
00:52:25,976 --> 00:52:28,445
A British Colonel and
an American woman.
1302
00:52:28,445 --> 00:52:30,748
We go now to a satellite
feed of a videotape
1303
00:52:30,748 --> 00:52:34,051
we received moments ago from
somewhere in the Middle East.
1304
00:52:34,051 --> 00:52:35,519
I am Colonel Bradley Gullet.
1305
00:52:35,519 --> 00:52:36,787
Oh, look.
1306
00:52:36,787 --> 00:52:39,056
It's the Colonel and Cindy.
1307
00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,224
Well, at least they're safe.
1308
00:52:40,224 --> 00:52:44,561
--invasion of the sovereign
nation of Karifistan.
1309
00:52:44,561 --> 00:52:49,133
I'm Cindy Swanson, a news
reporter for Channel 3--
1310
00:52:49,133 --> 00:52:50,367
Channel 32.
1311
00:52:50,367 --> 00:52:52,636
Ain't she something?
1312
00:52:52,636 --> 00:52:55,039
She's the best reporter
Channel 3 ever had,
1313
00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:56,807
and she smells good too.
1314
00:52:56,807 --> 00:52:58,208
But she said Channel 32.
1315
00:52:58,208 --> 00:52:59,943
No, she's on Channel 3.
1316
00:52:59,943 --> 00:53:00,944
I watch her all the time.
1317
00:53:00,944 --> 00:53:04,181
No, she said Channel 32.
1318
00:53:04,181 --> 00:53:05,082
Wait a minute.
1319
00:53:05,082 --> 00:53:06,683
CINDY (ON TV): We denounce
the American allies--
1320
00:53:06,683 --> 00:53:10,721
Maybe she's trying
to tell us something.
1321
00:53:10,721 --> 00:53:12,222
Channel 32.
1322
00:53:12,222 --> 00:53:16,160
Again, this is Cindy
Swanson, for Channel 32.
1323
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,595
Channel 32?
1324
00:53:18,595 --> 00:53:19,630
Channel 32?
1325
00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:28,639
Maybe she meant Sector 32.
1326
00:53:28,639 --> 00:53:29,740
No.
1327
00:53:29,740 --> 00:53:33,310
No, she said Channel 32.
1328
00:53:33,310 --> 00:53:39,650
Therefore, the code
word is "Channel."
1329
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,923
[LAUGHING]
1330
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:53,764
Soon there will
be a liberator.
1331
00:53:53,764 --> 00:53:55,232
Yes.
1332
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:56,166
[COUGHING]
1333
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,936
I've got a full
canteen and a flashlight.
1334
00:53:58,936 --> 00:54:01,638
We can be back before
anybody knows we're gone.
1335
00:54:01,638 --> 00:54:04,208
No, Ernest, that's
Air Rescue's job.
1336
00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:05,642
But what about the
Colonel and Cindy?
1337
00:54:05,642 --> 00:54:06,577
Don't they count?
1338
00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:08,378
I'm sorry about the
girl, but she's the media
1339
00:54:08,378 --> 00:54:10,114
and not our responsibility.
1340
00:54:10,114 --> 00:54:13,117
As for the Colonel,
he's not the Sarge.
1341
00:54:13,117 --> 00:54:14,485
Can't we do something?
1342
00:54:14,485 --> 00:54:15,385
Get in, Ernest.
1343
00:54:15,385 --> 00:54:16,787
That's an order!
1344
00:54:16,787 --> 00:54:18,288
I'm sorry, sir.
1345
00:54:18,288 --> 00:54:21,091
I know it's high treason,
and probably very rude,
1346
00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:23,727
but a real soldier wouldn't
leave those people out there.
1347
00:54:23,727 --> 00:54:27,898
And Ironically, neither will I.
1348
00:54:27,898 --> 00:54:30,167
Ernest, get back here!
1349
00:54:33,670 --> 00:54:36,673
NARRATOR: And so, it
will come to pass,
1350
00:54:36,673 --> 00:54:39,476
that the great
American warrior will
1351
00:54:39,476 --> 00:54:44,581
plunge himself into the
vast wasteland of death.
1352
00:54:44,581 --> 00:54:48,819
He alone, a human
spear, thrusting
1353
00:54:48,819 --> 00:54:50,787
the heart of the beast.
1354
00:54:55,692 --> 00:55:01,265
Kibee, bring me
the UN Colonel.
1355
00:55:01,265 --> 00:55:03,233
As you desire, Mr. President--
1356
00:55:03,233 --> 00:55:04,134
For Life.
1357
00:55:11,942 --> 00:55:13,644
Colonel Gullet, it is time.
1358
00:55:13,644 --> 00:55:15,145
What?
1359
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,747
What's going on?
1360
00:55:16,747 --> 00:55:19,183
Where are you taking him?
1361
00:55:19,183 --> 00:55:20,083
[SIGHS]
1362
00:55:20,083 --> 00:55:22,386
It looks like I'm first.
1363
00:55:22,386 --> 00:55:25,689
Sorry, Cindy.
1364
00:55:25,689 --> 00:55:28,725
We'll be back for
you, Miss Swanson.
1365
00:55:28,725 --> 00:55:29,626
No hurry.
1366
00:55:32,462 --> 00:55:34,865
[HELICOPTER NOISE]
1367
00:55:40,137 --> 00:55:45,375
Well, Colonel, you look
very good on television.
1368
00:55:45,375 --> 00:55:47,878
I think you should
consider it as a career.
1369
00:55:47,878 --> 00:55:50,013
I held up my end
of the deal, Tufuti.
1370
00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:51,582
I delivered you your
news correspondent,
1371
00:55:51,582 --> 00:55:52,649
now pay me my money.
1372
00:55:52,649 --> 00:55:54,551
I don't think you're
in such a good position
1373
00:55:54,551 --> 00:55:55,819
to be demanding anything.
1374
00:55:58,922 --> 00:56:00,757
You'll die for this, Tufuti.
1375
00:56:00,757 --> 00:56:02,125
Strap him to the missile.
1376
00:56:02,125 --> 00:56:04,361
We'll send him back
to his friends.
1377
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:05,996
You'll die for this!
1378
00:56:05,996 --> 00:56:07,864
Kibee, my club.
1379
00:56:12,336 --> 00:56:14,805
[WIND HOWLING]
1380
00:56:16,807 --> 00:56:18,775
[PANTING]
1381
00:56:24,748 --> 00:56:26,717
[GRUNTING]
1382
00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:47,037
[SPITS]
1383
00:56:47,037 --> 00:56:48,138
[PLOP]
1384
00:56:49,039 --> 00:56:53,510
The desert sun certainly
has a diverse effect
1385
00:56:53,510 --> 00:56:54,544
on chocolate milk.
1386
00:57:02,953 --> 00:57:03,854
BEN-ALI: Ernest!
1387
00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:04,855
Where's Ernest?
1388
00:57:04,855 --> 00:57:06,790
Have you seen Ernest?
1389
00:57:06,790 --> 00:57:07,791
Ernest!
1390
00:57:07,791 --> 00:57:09,760
Where's Ernest?
1391
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,228
Have you seen Ernest?
1392
00:57:11,228 --> 00:57:12,763
Where's Ernest?
1393
00:57:12,763 --> 00:57:13,664
Ernest?
1394
00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:18,335
Where's Ernest?
Have you seen Ernest?
1395
00:57:18,335 --> 00:57:20,270
No, Ben.
He went off into the desert.
1396
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:21,171
He did?
1397
00:57:21,171 --> 00:57:23,206
He thinks he's gonna save
the Colonel and that reporter.
1398
00:57:23,206 --> 00:57:24,141
Which way did he go?
1399
00:57:24,141 --> 00:57:25,475
I can't talk.
I gotta go.
1400
00:57:25,475 --> 00:57:26,376
What did he say?
1401
00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:27,911
I gotta go.
1402
00:57:27,911 --> 00:57:28,812
SOLDIER: Let's go now.
1403
00:57:28,812 --> 00:57:30,781
Quit standing around.
1404
00:57:30,781 --> 00:57:31,782
Grab that box.
1405
00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:33,750
Let's go, gentlemen.
1406
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:38,689
[PANTING]
1407
00:57:39,656 --> 00:57:41,658
[WIND HOWLING]
1408
00:57:57,974 --> 00:57:59,843
My lips are peeling.
1409
00:57:59,843 --> 00:58:01,712
[SMACKING LIPS]
1410
00:58:04,981 --> 00:58:06,650
DAVIS: He just headed
off toward Sector 32.
1411
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:08,118
I tried to stop him,
but he just kept going.
1412
00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:09,453
BARNES: Sector 32?
1413
00:58:09,453 --> 00:58:12,422
We're just about to turn that
wasteland into more wasteland.
1414
00:58:12,422 --> 00:58:13,690
Who else have you
told about this?
1415
00:58:13,690 --> 00:58:14,591
DAVIS: No one.
1416
00:58:14,591 --> 00:58:16,193
BARNES: You keep it
to yourself, soldier.
1417
00:58:16,193 --> 00:58:17,194
I'll handle it from here.
1418
00:58:17,194 --> 00:58:18,829
DAVIS: Yes, sir.
1419
00:58:18,829 --> 00:58:20,864
Sector 32.
1420
00:58:20,864 --> 00:58:24,668
BARNES: Prepare
to launch assault.
1421
00:58:24,668 --> 00:58:28,071
OK, this shouldn't be hard.
1422
00:58:28,071 --> 00:58:28,972
Lift one foot.
1423
00:58:28,972 --> 00:58:31,274
Now, easy.
1424
00:58:31,274 --> 00:58:33,176
One step at a time.
1425
00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:36,813
Don't disturb the sand.
1426
00:58:36,813 --> 00:58:38,782
[GROANING]
1427
00:58:50,127 --> 00:58:51,595
[SPITS]
1428
00:59:00,036 --> 00:59:01,405
Sand angels.
1429
00:59:01,405 --> 00:59:03,373
[CHUCKLES]
1430
00:59:14,251 --> 00:59:15,285
[SCOFFS]
1431
00:59:15,285 --> 00:59:16,820
Poisoned barbed wire.
1432
00:59:16,820 --> 00:59:19,055
A feeble attempt to
frighten the lesser minds.
1433
00:59:24,694 --> 00:59:26,129
[ZAPPING]
1434
00:59:26,129 --> 00:59:28,064
[GROANING]
1435
00:59:35,505 --> 00:59:36,973
[MUMBLES]
1436
00:59:36,973 --> 00:59:38,475
[THUD]
1437
00:59:41,445 --> 00:59:43,213
Well, at least I
didn't get poisoned.
1438
01:00:11,641 --> 01:00:12,542
[ZAP]
1439
01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:13,443
Oh.
1440
01:00:20,484 --> 01:00:21,985
[BUZZING]
1441
01:00:21,985 --> 01:00:23,954
[LAUGHS]
1442
01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:25,956
Oh, yeah.
1443
01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:27,457
[ZAPPING]
1444
01:00:27,457 --> 01:00:29,893
[GROANING]
1445
01:00:29,893 --> 01:00:31,394
[MUMBLES]
1446
01:00:31,394 --> 01:00:32,896
[THUD]
1447
01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:36,366
Hmm.
1448
01:00:44,341 --> 01:00:47,544
If it hadn't been for my
stealth-like ninja moves,
1449
01:00:47,544 --> 01:00:49,613
I never would have
made it this far.
1450
01:00:49,613 --> 01:00:52,048
I am poultry in motion.
1451
01:00:52,048 --> 01:00:53,416
[CLANK]
1452
01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,420
[INCOHERENT MUMBLING]
1453
01:00:58,788 --> 01:01:00,156
[GRUNTS]
1454
01:01:00,156 --> 01:01:01,958
[THUD]
1455
01:01:01,958 --> 01:01:07,864
My people, today we celebrate
tomorrow's certain sacred
1456
01:01:07,864 --> 01:01:11,001
victory over the Americans.
1457
01:01:11,001 --> 01:01:14,671
And tomorrow we will pierce
the heart of the eagle,
1458
01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:19,776
and all the land will
praise Almar Habib Tufuti,
1459
01:01:19,776 --> 01:01:22,412
President for Life of Arisia.
1460
01:01:22,412 --> 01:01:24,014
[CHEERING]
1461
01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:24,915
ALL: [CHANTING] Tufuti!
1462
01:01:24,915 --> 01:01:25,916
Tufuti!
1463
01:01:25,916 --> 01:01:26,850
Tufuti!
1464
01:01:26,850 --> 01:01:28,618
For Life!
1465
01:01:28,618 --> 01:01:29,553
For Life!
1466
01:01:32,155 --> 01:01:33,056
Hang on.
1467
01:01:42,399 --> 01:01:44,367
[RIPPING]
1468
01:01:47,504 --> 01:01:48,605
Ta-da!
1469
01:01:48,605 --> 01:01:49,806
The cavalry has arrived.
1470
01:01:49,806 --> 01:01:50,707
[SIGHS]
1471
01:01:50,707 --> 01:01:52,108
Private Worrell?
1472
01:01:52,108 --> 01:01:53,376
(IMITATING JOHN
WAYNE) Well, you can
1473
01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:55,312
call me Ernest, little lady.
[SHUSHING]
1474
01:01:55,312 --> 01:01:56,279
Please.
1475
01:01:56,279 --> 01:01:58,515
Where are the other soldiers?
1476
01:01:58,515 --> 01:01:59,449
It's just me.
1477
01:01:59,449 --> 01:02:02,285
I'm on special assignment.
1478
01:02:02,285 --> 01:02:04,521
I can't get this rope untied.
1479
01:02:04,521 --> 01:02:06,356
I can't believe you crossed
the desert by yourself.
1480
01:02:06,356 --> 01:02:07,757
I thought you were the cook.
1481
01:02:07,757 --> 01:02:08,725
I am.
1482
01:02:08,725 --> 01:02:10,760
And a real good one too.
1483
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:12,529
I tell you what.
1484
01:02:12,529 --> 01:02:15,031
I'm gonna have to
lift this pole up,
1485
01:02:15,031 --> 01:02:16,232
and you slide the
rope underneath.
1486
01:02:16,232 --> 01:02:17,133
OK.
1487
01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,401
OK?
1488
01:02:18,401 --> 01:02:19,836
[GRUNTS]
1489
01:02:19,836 --> 01:02:20,737
Where's the Colonel.
1490
01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,906
Well, they probably put
him with the other prisoners.
1491
01:02:22,906 --> 01:02:24,574
How'd you get in here?
1492
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:25,909
Ninja training.
1493
01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:28,511
I am poultry in motion.
1494
01:02:28,511 --> 01:02:29,646
OK, you ready?
I'm gonna lift.
1495
01:02:29,646 --> 01:02:30,714
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
1496
01:02:30,714 --> 01:02:31,648
Slide.
1497
01:02:31,648 --> 01:02:32,549
[GRUNTING]
1498
01:02:32,549 --> 01:02:33,450
OK, slide it.
1499
01:02:33,450 --> 01:02:35,819
I'm out!
1500
01:02:35,819 --> 01:02:36,720
Oh!
1501
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:38,021
[GRUNTING]
1502
01:02:38,021 --> 01:02:38,922
Ow!
1503
01:02:38,922 --> 01:02:40,357
Come here, private.
1504
01:02:40,357 --> 01:02:41,424
Oh, private.
1505
01:02:41,424 --> 01:02:42,325
[WHISTLES]
1506
01:02:42,325 --> 01:02:44,828
Come on, private.
1507
01:02:44,828 --> 01:02:47,998
Oh, private Worrell.
1508
01:02:47,998 --> 01:02:49,466
OK, let me help you.
We'll pull up.
1509
01:02:49,466 --> 01:02:50,300
Ready?
- OK.
1510
01:02:50,300 --> 01:02:51,234
OK.
1511
01:02:51,234 --> 01:02:54,604
One, two, three.
1512
01:02:57,207 --> 01:02:58,108
Pull me back.
1513
01:02:58,108 --> 01:02:59,009
Quiet!
1514
01:03:05,582 --> 01:03:07,550
Private Worrell, the pole!
1515
01:03:07,550 --> 01:03:08,885
Ah, the pole.
No, I think I got it.
1516
01:03:08,885 --> 01:03:09,786
No, I got it.
1517
01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:12,322
Let me get it.
1518
01:03:12,322 --> 01:03:13,223
[CRASH]
1519
01:03:13,223 --> 01:03:14,758
[SCREAMS]
1520
01:03:14,758 --> 01:03:15,659
Hurry!
1521
01:03:15,659 --> 01:03:17,127
Don't let them escape!
1522
01:03:17,127 --> 01:03:18,094
Get them!
1523
01:03:18,094 --> 01:03:19,562
Get them!
1524
01:03:19,562 --> 01:03:22,265
Move!
1525
01:03:22,265 --> 01:03:23,500
We've blown it now.
1526
01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:25,001
Find the way out.
1527
01:03:25,001 --> 01:03:26,069
Hurry.
1528
01:03:26,069 --> 01:03:26,970
ERNEST: Dang it.
1529
01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:29,005
I-- I think I broke a nail.
1530
01:03:29,005 --> 01:03:32,208
CINDY: Oh, please, Ernest.
1531
01:03:32,208 --> 01:03:33,943
[WHACKING]
1532
01:03:33,943 --> 01:03:35,779
You fools, move!
1533
01:03:35,779 --> 01:03:36,746
Ow.
1534
01:03:36,746 --> 01:03:38,281
Try that way.
1535
01:03:38,281 --> 01:03:39,516
ERNEST: Doesn't this
hurt your knees?
1536
01:03:39,516 --> 01:03:40,550
No!
Stop being such a sissy.
1537
01:03:40,550 --> 01:03:41,985
Let's go!
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Harder!
1538
01:03:41,985 --> 01:03:43,887
Harder!
1539
01:03:43,887 --> 01:03:44,821
Whah!
1540
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:45,722
No.
1541
01:03:45,722 --> 01:03:47,023
Try over here.
1542
01:03:47,023 --> 01:03:48,024
[GROANING]
1543
01:03:48,024 --> 01:03:49,492
Beat harder!
1544
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,460
Harder!
1545
01:03:50,460 --> 01:03:51,361
[CLANK]
1546
01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:53,396
Ouch.
1547
01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:54,864
How about this way?
1548
01:03:54,864 --> 01:03:56,299
[GROANING]
1549
01:03:56,299 --> 01:04:00,236
OK, look, we'll just
have to brave it.
1550
01:04:00,236 --> 01:04:01,371
Keep your head up real high.
1551
01:04:01,371 --> 01:04:02,439
OK.
1552
01:04:02,439 --> 01:04:05,208
Oh, Ernest, you
coward, get up!
1553
01:04:05,208 --> 01:04:06,643
[BANGING]
1554
01:04:07,577 --> 01:04:09,012
ERNEST: Ow!
1555
01:04:09,012 --> 01:04:10,447
[GROANING]
1556
01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:11,815
I can't help it.
1557
01:04:11,815 --> 01:04:13,583
[SOLDIERS YELLING]
1558
01:04:14,484 --> 01:04:15,485
Move it!
1559
01:04:15,485 --> 01:04:17,454
ERNEST: Let's go.
1560
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:18,421
Hit harder!
1561
01:04:18,421 --> 01:04:20,390
They're still moving!
1562
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,358
Grab the handle, idiot!
1563
01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:25,295
Don't just stand there!
1564
01:04:25,295 --> 01:04:27,764
OK, let's go.
1565
01:04:27,764 --> 01:04:28,732
[WHACKING]
1566
01:04:28,732 --> 01:04:30,700
[YELLING]
1567
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:33,670
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Where
the hell are they?
1568
01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:34,637
Spread out!
1569
01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:40,610
Kibee, you're in the dungeon!
1570
01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:41,511
Do you understand?
1571
01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:43,012
Shh.
1572
01:04:43,012 --> 01:04:44,981
Oh, help us, please.
1573
01:04:44,981 --> 01:04:46,349
Please, help us.
1574
01:04:46,349 --> 01:04:48,051
OK.
No problem.
1575
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:49,285
I'll have you out
of here in a jiffy.
1576
01:04:49,285 --> 01:04:52,088
CINDY: Ernest, shh.
1577
01:04:52,088 --> 01:04:53,089
[CLUNK]
1578
01:04:53,089 --> 01:04:54,190
[SLAM]
1579
01:04:55,091 --> 01:04:57,327
Oh, oh, thank you.
1580
01:04:57,327 --> 01:04:58,294
Thank you.
1581
01:04:58,294 --> 01:04:59,229
Allah be praised.
1582
01:04:59,229 --> 01:05:00,163
[SHUSHING]
1583
01:05:00,163 --> 01:05:02,132
You have saved us.
1584
01:05:02,132 --> 01:05:04,934
You must be the great American
warrior of the prophecy.
1585
01:05:04,934 --> 01:05:06,836
Oh, shucks.
It was nothing.
1586
01:05:06,836 --> 01:05:08,738
You must have me confused
with some other great
1587
01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:10,673
American warrior of prophecy.
1588
01:05:10,673 --> 01:05:12,075
[YELLING]
1589
01:05:12,075 --> 01:05:14,577
Here comes the guards.
1590
01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:15,545
[SLAM]
1591
01:05:15,545 --> 01:05:18,014
Come on, let's go!
1592
01:05:18,014 --> 01:05:19,516
[GROANS]
1593
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:22,952
[SCREAMS]
1594
01:05:26,890 --> 01:05:27,891
[CRASH]
1595
01:05:27,891 --> 01:05:29,859
[RAPID GUNFIRE]
1596
01:05:29,859 --> 01:05:31,828
[LAUGHING]
1597
01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:37,267
[CLUNK]
1598
01:05:39,235 --> 01:05:41,437
Come on, they're
shooting real bullets!
1599
01:05:41,437 --> 01:05:42,672
Real bullets?
I'll go first.
1600
01:05:42,672 --> 01:05:43,573
Cover me.
1601
01:05:43,573 --> 01:05:45,041
Worrell, come back here!
1602
01:05:45,041 --> 01:05:45,942
CINDY: Wait!
1603
01:05:45,942 --> 01:05:46,943
Wait, Ernest!
1604
01:05:50,847 --> 01:05:52,816
[RAPID GUNFIRE]
1605
01:05:56,753 --> 01:05:58,721
[GRUNTING]
1606
01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:04,460
Ladies first.
1607
01:06:04,460 --> 01:06:05,395
OK, come on.
1608
01:06:05,395 --> 01:06:06,529
Come on.
Come on.
1609
01:06:06,529 --> 01:06:07,463
Come on.
Come on, Ernest.
1610
01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,398
Let's go.
[ZAP]
1611
01:06:08,398 --> 01:06:09,299
Ow!
1612
01:06:09,299 --> 01:06:10,200
Ouch.
1613
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:11,601
Come on, let's go.
1614
01:06:11,601 --> 01:06:13,570
[YELLING]
1615
01:06:17,073 --> 01:06:19,409
Kill them.
1616
01:06:19,409 --> 01:06:23,112
Take no prisoners.
1617
01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:24,414
[GROANS]
1618
01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:26,649
- We made it, Ernest.
- Yes.
1619
01:06:26,649 --> 01:06:27,550
We made it.
1620
01:06:27,550 --> 01:06:29,319
Oh, we did it.
1621
01:06:29,319 --> 01:06:32,422
Oh, look, they've
got Colonel Gullet.
1622
01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:33,323
We've got to go back.
1623
01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:34,224
Are you crazy?
1624
01:06:34,224 --> 01:06:35,258
We can't go back in!
1625
01:06:35,258 --> 01:06:36,759
Look, you go on ahead.
1626
01:06:36,759 --> 01:06:38,027
I've gotta go back
in for the Colonel.
1627
01:06:38,027 --> 01:06:39,996
No, we can go get help.
We don't have to.
1628
01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:41,264
You don't understand.
1629
01:06:41,264 --> 01:06:43,733
Sarge said, in the Army you've
gotta watch out for your buddy.
1630
01:06:43,733 --> 01:06:46,236
And Colonel Gullet's my buddy,
even though he is a Colonel
1631
01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:47,437
Ernest.
1632
01:06:47,437 --> 01:06:49,372
What we need is a plan.
1633
01:06:52,709 --> 01:06:53,610
How about an escort?
1634
01:06:53,610 --> 01:06:54,510
No, too small.
1635
01:06:54,510 --> 01:06:55,712
We need at least a Humvee.
- Ernest.
1636
01:06:55,712 --> 01:06:57,614
Ernest.
Ernest!
1637
01:06:57,614 --> 01:06:59,315
Oh, that kind of escort?
1638
01:06:59,315 --> 01:07:00,483
Hi, fellas.
- OK.
1639
01:07:00,483 --> 01:07:01,784
Oh, no.
Ouch.
1640
01:07:01,784 --> 01:07:02,685
Ow!
1641
01:07:10,126 --> 01:07:10,994
Lips.
1642
01:07:14,430 --> 01:07:15,899
He peels easy.
1643
01:07:20,670 --> 01:07:22,205
This is General Lincoln.
1644
01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:25,074
Commence the bombing
on Operation Sand Trap.
1645
01:07:25,074 --> 01:07:27,310
The first bird's
up at 1800 hours.
1646
01:07:27,310 --> 01:07:28,411
Whiskey, Alpha, Bravo.
1647
01:07:28,411 --> 01:07:31,981
My indecision is final.
1648
01:07:31,981 --> 01:07:33,316
Cut.
1649
01:07:33,316 --> 01:07:34,417
You were terrific, General.
1650
01:07:34,417 --> 01:07:36,219
Terrific.
All right.
1651
01:07:36,219 --> 01:07:37,754
Now let's take some
black and white stills.
1652
01:07:37,754 --> 01:07:39,455
I think that would
look more authentic.
1653
01:07:39,455 --> 01:07:43,026
Oh, Barnes, I don't look
so good in black and white.
1654
01:07:43,026 --> 01:07:45,061
We can airbrush them.
1655
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:45,962
Mm.
1656
01:07:48,765 --> 01:07:50,333
You know, they
say every man has
1657
01:07:50,333 --> 01:07:51,501
a bullet with his name on it.
1658
01:07:51,501 --> 01:07:52,402
Yeah.
1659
01:07:52,402 --> 01:07:53,503
Here's mine, see?
1660
01:07:53,503 --> 01:07:55,004
Ernest.
1661
01:07:55,004 --> 01:07:56,773
I figure, as long as
this is in my pocket,
1662
01:07:56,773 --> 01:07:58,041
nobody can shoot me with it.
1663
01:07:58,041 --> 01:07:59,976
Oh, great, Ernest.
[SCOFFS]
1664
01:07:59,976 --> 01:08:01,144
Don't tell them
I've got it, OK?
1665
01:08:01,144 --> 01:08:02,045
CINDY: Done.
1666
01:08:16,626 --> 01:08:20,263
Tufuti, you're gonna get
in big trouble for this.
1667
01:08:20,263 --> 01:08:21,598
I'm a noncombatant.
1668
01:08:21,598 --> 01:08:23,333
I'm a member of the press.
1669
01:08:23,333 --> 01:08:25,101
Yeah, I'm a noncombatant too.
1670
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:26,235
I'm in the Reserves.
1671
01:08:26,235 --> 01:08:29,906
The barbarians think they can
send an infidel into my camp
1672
01:08:29,906 --> 01:08:32,075
to destroy my plans.
1673
01:08:32,075 --> 01:08:33,676
Who do they think you are?
1674
01:08:33,676 --> 01:08:35,078
Rambo?
1675
01:08:35,078 --> 01:08:36,879
Well, close.
1676
01:08:36,879 --> 01:08:38,047
Ready!
1677
01:08:38,047 --> 01:08:38,948
Aim!
1678
01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:39,949
Hold it!
1679
01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:41,384
Don't we get a last meal?
1680
01:08:41,384 --> 01:08:43,119
I could sure go for a pizza.
1681
01:08:43,119 --> 01:08:44,320
Pepperoni, sausage,
extra cheese--
1682
01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:45,922
COLONEL GULLET: Up here, boy.
- --black olives.
1683
01:08:45,922 --> 01:08:46,823
No anchovies.
1684
01:08:46,823 --> 01:08:48,725
Maybe some chocolate chips.
1685
01:08:48,725 --> 01:08:50,560
Ready!
Aim!
1686
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:51,494
Hey, hey.
1687
01:08:51,494 --> 01:08:54,831
I could use my last phone
call to call for a pizza.
1688
01:08:54,831 --> 01:08:56,165
They could be here
in 30 minutes.
1689
01:08:56,165 --> 01:08:57,233
Look, we could all pitch in.
1690
01:08:57,233 --> 01:08:59,836
I've got tip money.
1691
01:08:59,836 --> 01:09:02,872
No pizza!
1692
01:09:02,872 --> 01:09:05,041
Ready!
1693
01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:06,342
Well, what about a blindfold?
1694
01:09:06,342 --> 01:09:08,878
No blindfold.
1695
01:09:08,878 --> 01:09:11,714
What kind of a jake
leg outfit is this?
1696
01:09:11,714 --> 01:09:14,250
No last meal, no phone
call, no blindfold.
1697
01:09:14,250 --> 01:09:16,085
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: No budget.
[GRUNTS]
1698
01:09:16,085 --> 01:09:17,353
ERNEST: Oh.
1699
01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:20,023
Well, I bet none of you
have ever even shot anybody.
1700
01:09:20,023 --> 01:09:22,592
Kibee shot a man in
the foot last year.
1701
01:09:22,592 --> 01:09:25,161
It was an accident,
Mr. President for Life.
1702
01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,963
I have such feelings of guilt.
1703
01:09:26,963 --> 01:09:30,299
Act like a man!
1704
01:09:30,299 --> 01:09:32,635
Any other requests?
- Yeah.
1705
01:09:32,635 --> 01:09:34,137
(SHOUTING) Let me go!
1706
01:09:37,106 --> 01:09:38,574
[ENGINE STARTS]
1707
01:09:40,543 --> 01:09:42,045
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Ready!
1708
01:09:42,045 --> 01:09:44,013
Aim!
1709
01:09:44,013 --> 01:09:45,481
COLONEL GULLET:
Where are you going?
1710
01:09:45,481 --> 01:09:46,482
BEN-ALI: Here we come, Ernest.
1711
01:09:46,482 --> 01:09:47,483
KIBEE: Your Excellency!
1712
01:09:47,483 --> 01:09:49,052
[YELLS]
1713
01:09:49,052 --> 01:09:49,952
Ernest.
1714
01:09:49,952 --> 01:09:51,054
Ernest!
1715
01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:51,954
Let's go!
1716
01:09:51,954 --> 01:09:52,922
[RAPID GUNFIRE]
1717
01:09:52,922 --> 01:09:53,923
[TIRES SQUEAL]
1718
01:09:53,923 --> 01:09:54,991
BEN-ALI: Get in, Ernest!
1719
01:09:54,991 --> 01:09:55,892
Go, Ernest!
1720
01:09:55,892 --> 01:09:57,894
Go!
1721
01:09:57,894 --> 01:09:59,362
BEN-ALI: Get in!
1722
01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:00,363
Go!
1723
01:10:00,363 --> 01:10:01,864
CINDY: Come on, Ernest.
- Scoot over.
1724
01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:03,032
CINDY: Hit the gas!
1725
01:10:03,032 --> 01:10:05,101
This is a job for Army people.
1726
01:10:05,101 --> 01:10:06,002
CINDY: Oh, come on.
1727
01:10:06,002 --> 01:10:06,903
Let's just go.
1728
01:10:06,903 --> 01:10:09,372
Go!
1729
01:10:09,372 --> 01:10:11,340
[YELLING]
1730
01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:17,747
[CRASH]
1731
01:10:22,685 --> 01:10:27,356
Kibee, where is my missile?
1732
01:10:27,356 --> 01:10:29,926
Where is my pluton missile?
1733
01:10:29,926 --> 01:10:34,530
I-- I think it has
been removed, Excellency.
1734
01:10:38,968 --> 01:10:42,205
(SHOUTING) Bring
me my desert demons!
1735
01:10:42,205 --> 01:10:43,706
[BANG]
1736
01:10:57,153 --> 01:11:00,690
In 30 minutes, the
bombs will begin to drop,
1737
01:11:00,690 --> 01:11:04,494
and this will be
your finest hour.
1738
01:11:04,494 --> 01:11:05,895
Barnes, do you think
those Brit generals
1739
01:11:05,895 --> 01:11:08,064
look so sophisticated because
they have those little pencil
1740
01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:09,031
thin mustaches?
1741
01:11:09,031 --> 01:11:10,266
Excuse me, sir.
1742
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:13,803
The satellite just picked up a
truck carrying a large missile.
1743
01:11:13,803 --> 01:11:15,671
Barnes, there's no greater
feeling than breaking
1744
01:11:15,671 --> 01:11:16,539
the enemy's spirit.
1745
01:11:16,539 --> 01:11:17,974
That's how I met my wife.
1746
01:11:17,974 --> 01:11:20,409
Sir, the missile's
headed towards us.
1747
01:11:20,409 --> 01:11:22,078
What?
1748
01:11:22,078 --> 01:11:23,913
Barnes, pull out the
big guns, scramble
1749
01:11:23,913 --> 01:11:25,381
the fighters, get me the Navy.
1750
01:11:25,381 --> 01:11:27,650
We gotta nuke that missile now
before they get any closer.
1751
01:11:27,650 --> 01:11:28,551
Yes, sir.
1752
01:11:31,854 --> 01:11:33,289
[SNIP]
1753
01:11:33,289 --> 01:11:34,290
Oh, boy.
1754
01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:36,459
Barnes?
1755
01:11:36,459 --> 01:11:38,461
Barnes?
1756
01:11:38,461 --> 01:11:42,331
Worrell, stop the truck
and get me down off of here!
1757
01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:43,366
Which way do we go?
1758
01:11:43,366 --> 01:11:45,168
- Head for the dunes!
- Which one?
1759
01:11:45,168 --> 01:11:46,068
The white one!
1760
01:11:46,068 --> 01:11:46,969
The white one!
1761
01:11:46,969 --> 01:11:48,204
Eenie, meanie, miney--
1762
01:11:48,204 --> 01:11:49,438
One potato, two potato--
1763
01:11:49,438 --> 01:11:50,706
Eenie one potato!
1764
01:11:50,706 --> 01:11:52,275
Are you sure it's
not meanie two potato?
1765
01:11:52,275 --> 01:11:53,176
No, no!
1766
01:11:53,176 --> 01:11:54,777
Eenie one potato!
1767
01:11:54,777 --> 01:11:57,246
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Don't let
them get away, you fools!
1768
01:11:57,246 --> 01:11:58,247
Kibee, faster!
1769
01:12:02,718 --> 01:12:06,189
Ernest, we're gonna
get stuck in this stuff.
1770
01:12:06,189 --> 01:12:08,724
Nah, I used to be a
mailman in Michigan.
1771
01:12:08,724 --> 01:12:10,693
[GUNFIRE]
1772
01:12:10,693 --> 01:12:11,661
Oh, no!
1773
01:12:11,661 --> 01:12:13,629
Ernest!
1774
01:12:13,629 --> 01:12:15,565
Worrell, where are you going?
1775
01:12:15,565 --> 01:12:16,499
What are you doing?
1776
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:17,400
You're the press.
1777
01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:18,968
You're supposed to
be non-combative.
1778
01:12:18,968 --> 01:12:21,337
Tufuti, President for
Life, broke the rules first.
1779
01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:24,040
Now, is this semi-automatic
or full rock and roll?
1780
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:25,041
[GUNFIRE]
1781
01:12:25,041 --> 01:12:27,009
COLONEL GULLET: Shoot!
1782
01:12:27,009 --> 01:12:29,011
[RAPID GUNFIRE]
1783
01:12:31,981 --> 01:12:33,449
[SCREAMS]
1784
01:12:34,450 --> 01:12:37,420
COLONEL GULLET: Worrell!
1785
01:12:37,420 --> 01:12:38,387
CINDY: One down.
1786
01:12:38,387 --> 01:12:39,388
BEN-ALI: More bananas?
1787
01:12:45,328 --> 01:12:47,296
[RAPID GUNFIRE]
1788
01:12:52,768 --> 01:12:53,736
I'm out of shells.
1789
01:12:53,736 --> 01:12:55,238
Give me another clip.
1790
01:12:55,238 --> 01:12:56,205
COLONEL GULLET: Worrell!
1791
01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,206
Get us out of here!
1792
01:12:57,206 --> 01:12:58,708
Ow!
1793
01:12:58,708 --> 01:13:01,744
Hang on, Colonel Gullet!
1794
01:13:01,744 --> 01:13:02,645
CINDY: Look out.
1795
01:13:02,645 --> 01:13:04,647
OK, watch the dip, Ernest!
1796
01:13:04,647 --> 01:13:06,115
[GROANS]
1797
01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:07,650
[SCREAMS]
1798
01:13:07,650 --> 01:13:08,751
Base Camp, here we come.
1799
01:13:12,622 --> 01:13:14,557
Happy to report,
the pluton missile
1800
01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:16,626
moves to Karifistan border.
1801
01:13:16,626 --> 01:13:20,963
It seems Interceptor is
delivering as promised.
1802
01:13:20,963 --> 01:13:24,233
Soon, world powers will
be emptying their bank
1803
01:13:24,233 --> 01:13:26,202
accounts into our coffers.
1804
01:13:29,205 --> 01:13:31,173
[GUNFIRE]
1805
01:13:36,512 --> 01:13:38,447
COLONEL GULLET: No, Ernest!
1806
01:13:38,447 --> 01:13:39,382
Ernest!
1807
01:13:39,382 --> 01:13:41,017
Turn around and go back!
1808
01:13:41,017 --> 01:13:42,251
You can't go through there.
1809
01:13:42,251 --> 01:13:45,087
This is no time to
stop and admire the view.
1810
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:47,657
Rock mines.
1811
01:13:47,657 --> 01:13:50,526
Oh, we're trapped.
1812
01:13:50,526 --> 01:13:51,594
Not yet, we're not.
1813
01:13:51,594 --> 01:13:53,162
What are you doing?
1814
01:13:53,162 --> 01:13:54,430
What I do best.
1815
01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:55,698
Are you crazy?
1816
01:13:55,698 --> 01:13:56,699
Get me down from here!
1817
01:13:56,699 --> 01:13:58,634
[GUNFIRE]
1818
01:13:58,634 --> 01:13:59,602
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Oh, no!
1819
01:13:59,602 --> 01:14:01,070
They're getting closer!
1820
01:14:01,070 --> 01:14:03,472
Put that foot into
the corner, Kibee!
1821
01:14:03,472 --> 01:14:04,774
We're going to get them!
1822
01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:07,176
KIBEE: They won't get away.
1823
01:14:07,176 --> 01:14:08,878
He said he's been a
prisoner of Tufuti's,
1824
01:14:08,878 --> 01:14:10,980
and that the pluton
bomb is now in the hands
1825
01:14:10,980 --> 01:14:13,015
of the great American warrior.
1826
01:14:13,015 --> 01:14:14,617
I thought I was the
great American warrior?
1827
01:14:14,617 --> 01:14:15,518
Well, you are, sir.
1828
01:14:15,518 --> 01:14:16,952
This is just someone
claiming to be.
1829
01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:17,887
Oh, an imposter?
1830
01:14:17,887 --> 01:14:19,121
I'm sure there's
nothing to it.
1831
01:14:19,121 --> 01:14:20,323
Well, let's check it out.
1832
01:14:20,323 --> 01:14:21,857
There's not room in
this desert for two
1833
01:14:21,857 --> 01:14:24,760
great American warriors.
1834
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:26,228
[SIGHS]
1835
01:14:27,697 --> 01:14:28,898
Is this the man?
1836
01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:30,733
Yes, sir.
1837
01:14:30,733 --> 01:14:32,201
Oh, Your Excellency.
1838
01:14:32,201 --> 01:14:35,304
I-- I am so happy and honored
that you would see me.
1839
01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:36,639
I bring great news.
1840
01:14:36,639 --> 01:14:38,874
You said an American
has the pluton missile?
1841
01:14:38,874 --> 01:14:41,677
Oh, yes, and he's
bringing it to you.
1842
01:14:41,677 --> 01:14:43,646
Oh, he's such a great warrior!
1843
01:14:43,646 --> 01:14:44,914
Is anyone with him?
1844
01:14:44,914 --> 01:14:47,583
A UN Colonel and a woman.
1845
01:14:47,583 --> 01:14:48,651
Oh, Pierre!
1846
01:14:48,651 --> 01:14:50,052
[GROANS]
- Come on.
1847
01:14:50,052 --> 01:14:51,053
Come outside.
1848
01:14:51,053 --> 01:14:52,054
We need to talk.
1849
01:14:52,054 --> 01:14:53,055
Just listen.
1850
01:14:53,055 --> 01:14:55,524
Listen.
1851
01:14:55,524 --> 01:14:57,460
We'd better call off that
carpet bombing before they
1852
01:14:57,460 --> 01:14:58,761
take out that pluton missile.
1853
01:14:58,761 --> 01:15:00,029
Well, what's wrong with that?
1854
01:15:00,029 --> 01:15:03,265
Because we want to
capture it and take
1855
01:15:03,265 --> 01:15:05,601
all the credit for ourselves.
1856
01:15:05,601 --> 01:15:07,103
Oh.
1857
01:15:07,103 --> 01:15:11,273
You'd think this was
his first conflict.
1858
01:15:11,273 --> 01:15:12,174
COLONEL GULLET: Ernest.
1859
01:15:12,174 --> 01:15:13,175
Ernest!
1860
01:15:13,175 --> 01:15:16,612
What do you think you're doing?
1861
01:15:16,612 --> 01:15:17,513
Come on, Ernest.
1862
01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:18,447
[SMACK]
1863
01:15:19,415 --> 01:15:21,050
Are you crazy?
1864
01:15:21,050 --> 01:15:22,852
Get me down from here!
1865
01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:24,787
You fool, Ernest!
1866
01:15:24,787 --> 01:15:26,255
Put that thing down!
1867
01:15:26,255 --> 01:15:27,656
You'll have us all killed!
1868
01:15:27,656 --> 01:15:28,758
OK.
1869
01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:30,826
Just keep the gas steady.
1870
01:15:30,826 --> 01:15:32,027
OK, here we go.
1871
01:15:32,027 --> 01:15:32,928
Easy.
1872
01:15:32,928 --> 01:15:34,263
COLONEL GULLET: Stop this thing!
1873
01:15:34,263 --> 01:15:35,364
PRESIDENT TUFUTI:
Move it, Kibee!
1874
01:15:35,364 --> 01:15:36,365
Move it!
1875
01:15:36,365 --> 01:15:38,334
They're getting away!
1876
01:15:38,334 --> 01:15:39,301
Look out, Ernest!
1877
01:15:39,301 --> 01:15:40,369
Here they come!
BEN-ALI: Hurry!
1878
01:15:40,369 --> 01:15:41,270
Hurry!
1879
01:15:41,270 --> 01:15:42,271
ERNEST: Gotcha!
1880
01:15:42,271 --> 01:15:44,240
CINDY: Nice one!
1881
01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:46,208
[BOOM]
1882
01:15:46,208 --> 01:15:48,310
This is a whole lot easier
without clubbers trying
1883
01:15:48,310 --> 01:15:50,513
to bop you with a six iron.
1884
01:15:50,513 --> 01:15:51,480
Here's one!
1885
01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:52,581
BEN-ALI: Yeah!
1886
01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:53,482
[BOOM]
1887
01:15:53,482 --> 01:15:54,483
Ernest!
1888
01:15:54,483 --> 01:15:55,885
CINDY: He's unbelievable.
1889
01:15:55,885 --> 01:15:57,520
I believed it all along.
1890
01:15:57,520 --> 01:15:58,587
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Faster, Kibee.
1891
01:15:58,587 --> 01:15:59,488
Faster!
1892
01:15:59,488 --> 01:16:02,057
How about a double dip?
1893
01:16:02,057 --> 01:16:04,226
Assorted flavors.
1894
01:16:04,226 --> 01:16:05,327
There you go.
1895
01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:06,228
[BOOM]
1896
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:07,229
[BOOM]
1897
01:16:07,229 --> 01:16:09,198
CINDY: Nice one, Ernest.
1898
01:16:09,198 --> 01:16:11,200
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: You fool!
1899
01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:12,701
Ernest, faster!
1900
01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:15,171
Faster!
1901
01:16:15,171 --> 01:16:16,672
Come on.
1902
01:16:16,672 --> 01:16:18,174
KIBEE: Look out, sir.
1903
01:16:18,174 --> 01:16:19,175
Be careful!
1904
01:16:19,175 --> 01:16:20,676
[YELLS]
1905
01:16:20,676 --> 01:16:22,645
[CINDY LAUGHS]
1906
01:16:22,645 --> 01:16:26,048
You got the poop,
I got the scoop.
1907
01:16:26,048 --> 01:16:27,550
[SCREECHING]
1908
01:16:27,550 --> 01:16:29,051
[BOOM]
1909
01:16:35,024 --> 01:16:35,991
[BOOM]
1910
01:16:35,991 --> 01:16:37,593
Man, this guy
can't take a hint.
1911
01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:38,494
Come on, Kibee.
1912
01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:39,495
Move it!
1913
01:16:39,495 --> 01:16:41,464
They're getting away!
1914
01:16:41,464 --> 01:16:42,965
FLIGHT LEADER: Delta,
Bravo, one-niner.
1915
01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:43,866
Abort sortie.
1916
01:16:43,866 --> 01:16:45,267
Abort sortie.
1917
01:16:45,267 --> 01:16:46,168
JET PILOT: Roger, HQ.
1918
01:16:46,168 --> 01:16:47,169
We're heading home.
1919
01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:52,141
This way.
1920
01:16:52,141 --> 01:16:53,642
This way.
1921
01:16:53,642 --> 01:16:55,744
COLONEL GULLET: Worrell,
where are you going?
1922
01:16:55,744 --> 01:16:56,645
That's it.
1923
01:16:56,645 --> 01:16:58,147
Stop that!
1924
01:16:58,147 --> 01:16:59,648
Worrell!
1925
01:16:59,648 --> 01:17:01,150
[GRUMBLES]
1926
01:17:02,651 --> 01:17:04,620
Get me down!
1927
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,121
ERNEST: Oh.
1928
01:17:06,121 --> 01:17:07,122
We're stuck.
1929
01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:14,129
There he is!
1930
01:17:14,129 --> 01:17:14,997
Excellency?
1931
01:17:14,997 --> 01:17:16,098
He's ours now!
1932
01:17:16,098 --> 01:17:17,600
[LAUGHING]
1933
01:17:18,601 --> 01:17:19,602
CINDY: Ernest, don't.
1934
01:17:19,602 --> 01:17:22,104
Get out of there!
1935
01:17:22,104 --> 01:17:23,105
[SCREECHES]
1936
01:17:23,105 --> 01:17:24,707
Come on Tufrutti.
1937
01:17:24,707 --> 01:17:26,008
Give us your best shot.
1938
01:17:26,008 --> 01:17:29,745
You have been very
troublesome for me,
1939
01:17:29,745 --> 01:17:31,514
but now I am rid of you!
1940
01:17:31,514 --> 01:17:32,681
[GUN COCKS]
1941
01:17:32,681 --> 01:17:33,582
CINDY: Duck!
1942
01:17:33,582 --> 01:17:36,552
Duck, Ernest!
1943
01:17:36,552 --> 01:17:37,553
[CHUCKLES]
1944
01:17:37,553 --> 01:17:38,521
KIBEE: Oh, no!
1945
01:17:38,521 --> 01:17:39,421
No.
1946
01:17:39,421 --> 01:17:40,956
No, no, no!
1947
01:17:40,956 --> 01:17:42,391
[YELLS]
1948
01:17:43,359 --> 01:17:44,560
[CLANK]
1949
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:45,461
SOLDIER: Help!
1950
01:17:45,461 --> 01:17:46,362
Help!
1951
01:17:46,362 --> 01:17:49,598
It's only a rock, Excellency.
1952
01:17:49,598 --> 01:17:51,467
[LAUGHING]
1953
01:17:54,236 --> 01:17:55,137
[CHUCKLES]
1954
01:17:55,137 --> 01:17:58,474
Ready to die, great
American warrior?
1955
01:17:58,474 --> 01:18:00,409
[LAUGHS]
1956
01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:02,311
[WHOOSHING]
1957
01:18:02,311 --> 01:18:03,746
[CLUNK]
1958
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,115
[THUD]
1959
01:18:06,115 --> 01:18:07,550
[CHUCKLES]
1960
01:18:07,550 --> 01:18:11,487
Excellency, you are
damaged, for life.
1961
01:18:11,487 --> 01:18:13,255
[KIBEE LAUGHS]
1962
01:18:14,189 --> 01:18:15,124
Yeah.
1963
01:18:15,124 --> 01:18:16,525
[CINDY SCREAMS]
1964
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,261
Yeah, Earnest.
1965
01:18:19,261 --> 01:18:20,529
What a shot!
1966
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,998
You have defeated the beast.
1967
01:18:22,998 --> 01:18:24,366
What was that you threw?
1968
01:18:24,366 --> 01:18:25,601
All in a day's cooking.
1969
01:18:25,601 --> 01:18:26,502
know what I mean?
1970
01:18:26,502 --> 01:18:29,171
COLONEL GULLET: Would
somebody untie me?
1971
01:18:29,171 --> 01:18:31,507
Oh, sorry Colonel.
1972
01:18:31,507 --> 01:18:33,342
I'll just lower this hydraulic.
1973
01:18:33,342 --> 01:18:35,277
[WHIRRING]
1974
01:18:35,277 --> 01:18:36,712
COLONEL GULLET: Get me off here!
1975
01:18:36,712 --> 01:18:39,582
ERNEST: Loosen those
on the bottom, Ben.
1976
01:18:39,582 --> 01:18:40,482
Good.
1977
01:18:40,482 --> 01:18:41,817
Don't worry, Colonel.
1978
01:18:41,817 --> 01:18:43,485
I'll have you loose in a minute.
1979
01:18:43,485 --> 01:18:45,921
COLONEL GULLET: Yeah,
about time, too.
1980
01:18:45,921 --> 01:18:48,023
ERNEST: There you go.
[THWACK]
1981
01:18:48,023 --> 01:18:49,258
[THUD]
1982
01:18:49,258 --> 01:18:51,293
Now, move away from
this missile or the boy
1983
01:18:51,293 --> 01:18:52,795
meets Allah prematurely.
1984
01:18:55,531 --> 01:18:56,432
[BEEP]
1985
01:18:57,333 --> 01:18:58,767
Interceptor confirms capture.
1986
01:18:58,767 --> 01:19:00,536
Rendezvous at Sector C-12.
1987
01:19:00,536 --> 01:19:03,305
Interceptor
seeks confirmation.
1988
01:19:03,305 --> 01:19:07,643
Confirm his deposit of one
hundred million US dollars
1989
01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:11,013
into his Swiss bank account.
1990
01:19:11,013 --> 01:19:14,550
Dispatch a unit to pick up
the pluton missile when he
1991
01:19:14,550 --> 01:19:17,253
crosses the Karifistan border.
1992
01:19:17,253 --> 01:19:18,153
As Boyard commands.
1993
01:19:22,224 --> 01:19:26,262
COLONEL GULLET: Bank
account number 639736412-12.
1994
01:19:26,262 --> 01:19:28,063
Code name, Interceptor.
1995
01:19:28,063 --> 01:19:30,132
Confirm bank deposits.
1996
01:19:30,132 --> 01:19:31,033
Got it.
1997
01:19:31,033 --> 01:19:33,369
I can't believe you can
be such a traitor, Gullet.
1998
01:19:33,369 --> 01:19:34,269
It's just business.
1999
01:19:34,269 --> 01:19:35,638
Now, move away
from this missile!
2000
01:19:35,638 --> 01:19:39,074
Look, you can keep the
missile, just let the boy go.
2001
01:19:39,074 --> 01:19:40,776
The boy goes with me.
2002
01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,946
CINDY: Let the boy go, Gullet.
2003
01:19:43,946 --> 01:19:45,748
What do you want
with a pluton missile?
2004
01:19:45,748 --> 01:19:47,916
Soon I'll be in a world
where idiots like you are
2005
01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:50,219
outlawed, living the good life.
2006
01:19:50,219 --> 01:19:51,253
Goodbye, Ernest.
2007
01:19:51,253 --> 01:19:52,154
Thanks for the ride.
2008
01:19:52,154 --> 01:19:53,055
[GROANS]
2009
01:19:53,055 --> 01:19:53,956
You!
2010
01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:55,290
ERNEST: Duck men!
2011
01:19:55,290 --> 01:19:56,191
[WHACK]
2012
01:19:56,191 --> 01:19:57,192
Oh, Ernest!
2013
01:19:57,192 --> 01:19:58,160
Oh.
2014
01:19:58,160 --> 01:20:00,162
[RUMBLING]
2015
01:20:01,163 --> 01:20:02,164
BEN-ALI: The ropes, Ernest!
2016
01:20:02,164 --> 01:20:03,165
The ropes!
2017
01:20:03,165 --> 01:20:05,134
[YELLING]
2018
01:20:07,169 --> 01:20:09,905
If it's gonna hurt, I'm
sure glad that isn't me.
2019
01:20:09,905 --> 01:20:11,840
[KABOOM]
2020
01:20:13,776 --> 01:20:15,244
[GROANING]
2021
01:20:15,244 --> 01:20:16,278
Eww.
2022
01:20:16,278 --> 01:20:17,179
Oh.
2023
01:20:17,179 --> 01:20:18,147
Eww.
2024
01:20:18,147 --> 01:20:19,481
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
2025
01:20:19,481 --> 01:20:20,549
GENERAL LINCOLN: There they are.
2026
01:20:20,549 --> 01:20:21,784
BARNES: Keep it rolling, Lloyd.
2027
01:20:21,784 --> 01:20:22,685
Stop here.
2028
01:20:22,685 --> 01:20:25,287
The light's good.
2029
01:20:25,287 --> 01:20:27,222
Get me a closeup of the girl.
2030
01:20:27,222 --> 01:20:28,857
What have you done
with my missile, private?
2031
01:20:28,857 --> 01:20:30,693
General, it's
been neutralized.
2032
01:20:30,693 --> 01:20:32,728
You should be pinning
a medal on Ernest.
2033
01:20:32,728 --> 01:20:34,563
Oh.
Yeah, well, I--
2034
01:20:34,563 --> 01:20:35,464
I will.
2035
01:20:35,464 --> 01:20:37,433
I'm gonna put a whole chest
full of medals on him.
2036
01:20:37,433 --> 01:20:39,034
Good work, soldier.
2037
01:20:39,034 --> 01:20:41,103
General, be careful
what you promise, sir.
2038
01:20:41,103 --> 01:20:42,805
Shut up, Barnes.
2039
01:20:42,805 --> 01:20:44,807
You're fired.
2040
01:20:44,807 --> 01:20:46,008
How am I doing, Lloyd?
2041
01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:46,942
Ernest!
2042
01:20:46,942 --> 01:20:47,910
Hey, Ernest!
2043
01:20:51,714 --> 01:20:52,781
Way to go, buddy.
2044
01:20:57,486 --> 01:20:58,854
- Ben, you're-- you're not--
- I'm fine.
2045
01:20:58,854 --> 01:20:59,755
I'm fine.
2046
01:20:59,755 --> 01:21:01,757
I just gotta lay
off the pork rinds.
2047
01:21:01,757 --> 01:21:04,927
Ernest, in my book,
you're Army people.
2048
01:21:04,927 --> 01:21:07,329
Army people.
2049
01:21:07,329 --> 01:21:09,965
I'm Frank Williams,
INNI European division.
2050
01:21:09,965 --> 01:21:10,899
Oh.
2051
01:21:10,899 --> 01:21:13,435
I believe that you have
all the inside details.
2052
01:21:13,435 --> 01:21:17,172
Tell me, what would it take
for INNI to get an exclusive?
2053
01:21:17,172 --> 01:21:18,440
Oh, well, uh--
2054
01:21:18,440 --> 01:21:19,942
How long did you say
you've been in your job?
2055
01:21:24,146 --> 01:21:26,081
Ben-Ali?
2056
01:21:26,081 --> 01:21:28,016
Ben-Ali!
2057
01:21:28,016 --> 01:21:29,017
Ben-Ali!
2058
01:21:29,017 --> 01:21:30,319
Abi.
2059
01:21:30,319 --> 01:21:31,220
Abi!
2060
01:21:31,220 --> 01:21:33,522
Allah be praised,
it is my son.
2061
01:21:33,522 --> 01:21:34,423
My son!
2062
01:21:34,423 --> 01:21:35,824
My son!
2063
01:21:35,824 --> 01:21:37,292
Abi!
2064
01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:38,761
My son!
2065
01:21:38,761 --> 01:21:41,163
Abi!
2066
01:21:41,163 --> 01:21:45,067
I thought I had
lost you forever.
2067
01:21:45,067 --> 01:21:49,204
Well, I guess the Geshua charm
really does bring good luck.
2068
01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:54,443
The good luck is that you
are the great American warrior.
2069
01:21:54,443 --> 01:21:55,477
Wait a minute, Ben.
2070
01:21:55,477 --> 01:21:58,247
You can't keep the great
American warrior to yourself.
2071
01:21:58,247 --> 01:22:00,149
I have some unfinished
business with him.
2072
01:22:02,951 --> 01:22:04,353
[MOANS]
2073
01:22:07,189 --> 01:22:09,024
Eww.
2074
01:22:09,024 --> 01:22:10,759
What is this?
2075
01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:12,995
Oh, sorry.
2076
01:22:12,995 --> 01:22:16,365
My lips peel easily.
2077
01:22:16,365 --> 01:22:17,266
Oh.
2078
01:22:22,538 --> 01:22:23,438
ERNEST: Cindy.
2079
01:22:23,438 --> 01:22:24,940
Cindy.
2080
01:22:24,940 --> 01:22:26,809
CINDY: Go away, Ernest!
2081
01:22:26,809 --> 01:22:27,810
ERNEST: How about coming over?
2082
01:22:27,810 --> 01:22:28,777
I'll make you some pancakes.
2083
01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:29,778
CINDY: Now, I'm grossed out.
2084
01:22:29,778 --> 01:22:30,679
ERNEST: No, really.
2085
01:22:30,679 --> 01:22:32,581
I make the best pancakes
in the whole world.
2086
01:22:32,581 --> 01:22:35,117
CINDY: Ernest, I have one
word for you-- lip balm.
2087
01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:38,487
NARRATOR: And so it came,
as the years passed,
2088
01:22:38,487 --> 01:22:43,125
that Ben Ali became a great
leader of the Arab world
2089
01:22:43,125 --> 01:22:46,895
and brought peace to
the war-torn land.
2090
01:22:46,895 --> 01:22:49,965
And on every public
building and street sign,
2091
01:22:49,965 --> 01:22:52,768
a small, barely-visible
inscription
2092
01:22:52,768 --> 01:22:57,005
read "Stick by your buddy."
2093
01:22:57,005 --> 01:22:57,973
Know what I mean?
2094
01:23:03,946 --> 01:23:06,715
[MUSIC PLAYING]
127036
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