Original subtitles

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♪ ♪

- Holy *bleep*. Look at this.

That's a chunk of dock.

The universe has handed a carpenter

a bunch of boards and nails.

Old dock door and old moss house.

- Oh, my God. - I got one.

Every frustrating day something exciting happens.

I got a squirrel!

There's more to do, it seems.

Hodgepodge will get done

when Hodgepodge is supposed to get done.

It's within reach.

♪ ♪

- We got a squirrel, finally.

I couldn't do this if it was just for me.

I want to do it for the people

that I love at home.

And it's time for me

to stop trying to be a good doctor.

I need to try to be a better son.

- The thing right now is just to finish the damn shelter.

Whoa! *bleep*.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my goodness.

- You could put yourself in some serious risk.

I'm gonna have to extract you for medical reasons.

So soon.

♪ ♪

- I can't wait to have this place try and break me.

For the first time on "Alone,"

ten participants fight to survive

in the hunting ground

of the world's largest land predator.

- Oh, my God. Where'd he go?

Those are bear.

- I heard a big animal.

- Hey, bear. - Oh, no. *bleep*.

- Sometimes you eat the bear.

Sometimes the bear eats you.

Battling merciless conditions...

- This is some hard-core bushwhacking.

- Why does it have to be such a struggle every night?

- I hit it. I hit it. I hit it.

- I feel more alive every day I'm out here.

- Ahh.

- Here comes the rain again. - I have an oar.

- You're not gonna make it easy for us, are you?

In complete isolation...

- The most dangerous thing out here is myself.

- Look at that!

- The cold ground is just pulling

all the warmth from me.

- How many days can this go on?

- Very, very hungry.

- I feel like I'm hitting a wall.

Last one standing wins.

- It's only gonna get harder the longer you stay out here.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Wow, black teeth.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I have a cast-iron pot.

And when I cook the berries, the stringency in the berries

strips out all the seasoning.

So now I'm absorbing all that iron into my fruit leather,

and my teeth are turning black.

♪ ♪

So I'm gonna try and see

if I can get some tooth powder

out of this dead horsetail.

It may work, it may not,

but I'm gonna try and powder it.

And, I mean, it's worth a shot, right?

♪ ♪

I'm super freaking out.

Like, "Oh, my God. I'm gonna look horrible on TV."

But look at this.

I'm trying to solve the problem with what I've got.

♪ ♪

Look at that... toothpaste powder.

♪ ♪

I think they're turning white again.

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is so awesome.

So awesome. Oh, my God.

That's the best thing I've done.

All right.

Let's go down and do some muskrat hunting.

♪ ♪

At this time of year, the fishing dies off.

But while I'm fishing,

I've seen muskrats going back and forth.

And the more I was not getting fish,

the more I was thinking to myself,

"How can I get a muskrat with a bow and arrow

"without losing my arrow?

"He's gonna swim away,

and I'll lose the muskrat and the arrow."

♪ ♪

So I'm thinking that if I take my arrow

and get the bow ready

and tether the end of the arrow

with my floating line, which is attached to a reel,

then I could possibly shoot him

and then be able to retrieve the arrow and a muskrat.

♪ ♪

I just don't want another day to go by without a meal.

♪ ♪

It means a lot,

if I win half a million dollars.

I just closed on some land,

and I'm wanting to build a wilderness school there.

And so this money would help me

to start living my dreams of what I really want

to be doing for the rest of my life.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

He's right there.

♪ ♪

*bleep*.

He dove before I could even get set.

♪ ♪

I was just sitting here thinking about...

you know, if I wanted to call in on an ancestor

right now to help me out, who would I call?

And I thought,

my great-great-great-grandfather

was a scout on the Oregon Trail.

So I come from a long lineage of a pioneering family.

All of our ancestors

had to hunt and gather their food,

and just reflecting on how they figured things out

and the mistakes they made

and...

The harshness.

And that was just the way of life, you know?

They didn't go to the grocery store.

So, yeah, I'm just...

♪ ♪

Really realizing this right now.

Huh.

I'm not giving up on the muskrats.

♪ ♪

- Oh, man.

♪ ♪

Day 42 was a rough one, y'all.

I really buggered up my back.

Whoa! *bleep*.

*bleep*.

That did not feel great.

And last night was a very long

and frustrating night

with very, very, very little sleep.

♪ ♪

My body is ground down.

If I fall again and mess something up,

with this back being the way it is,

that's just gonna be it.

I'm throwing a Hail Mary at the beaver.

If I can go down there,

if I can hobble my busted ass down there

and shoot that beaver,

then I can hold up in this...

little house for a couple of days...

and eat beaver and lay down

and rest my back.

We're gonna, as they say in South Africa,

hold thumbs for that.

It's the South African version of cross your fingers.

And just...

I think it's way better because, you know,

it's like, when you really want something to happen,

you're like, "Oh, come on."

So I'm gonna heat this tea up from last night

and get my stuff ready.

This challenge...

it's not the traps or the hunting.

It's not the skills or the fire building.

It's about you.

♪ ♪

I'm really scared of falling again now.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

It's about facing the demons in the dark corners

and the soft spots in you as a person

that get poked by all the briars

when you're out here.

♪ ♪

I hobbled all the way out here

to shoot at a beaver

and never saw one.

♪ ♪

I know this injury isn't just gonna fix itself overnight.

Something is gonna have to change for me.

I'm trying to stay positive.

♪ ♪

Oof.

♪ ♪

And I'm trying to continue to push.

♪ ♪

I'm just...

finished my third boil of my Icelandic moss.

The water came out clear, just like it's supposed to.

The lichens and bunchberries

are all I've eaten for three days.

I had a couple of days with no protein.

If we don't get some real food in,

we're in trouble.

The doc will come and haul me away.

Do it again tomorrow.

It's all we can do, man.

It doesn't seem to do any good to sit still, so...

I got to get a bunch of clay.

I just need to seal up these little gaps

so the sparks come this way out of the vents that I made.

*bleep*.

♪ ♪

*bleep*. Oh, God.

♪ ♪

That one was the back and the knee.

♪ ♪

Let's see how bad this is.

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah, it's swelling.

It's definitely swelling.

Whiskey jack laughing at me.

Laugh it up, buddy.

You got away.

♪ ♪

If I had any food at all...

♪ ♪

I'd try to stick it out.

♪ ♪

Probably won't even be able to get my firewood up tonight.

I don't even know how the hell

they're gonna get me off this hill.

♪ ♪

Not the way I wanted it to go.

It's so funny that that whiskey jack's here.

Hey, there. This is Tom.

I buggered my knee up pretty good,

and I think that that's gonna have

to be it for me, unfortunately.

I'm officially tapping out.

♪ ♪

This whole place has been amazing.

♪ ♪

God, it has fed me.

It has fed my body. It fed my soul.

♪ ♪

It nurtured parts of me and touched pieces of me

that I had no idea were even in there.

♪ ♪

God, I would just kill for another week...

another day here.

I'm gonna miss it.

♪ ♪

You know...

I'm not done here, and I'm not done here.

I'm just done here.

It's a tough, tough man that never gives up,

but it's a fool who doesn't know

when he's beaten, you know?

And I want to get up

and enjoy a place like this another day,

so it's time.

♪ ♪

It's hard not to be disappointed

that the ride's over.

♪ ♪

You know, it's like saying goodbye to a person.

♪ ♪

Never part ways with ill words.

♪ ♪

I want to be thanking this space,

loving everything it gave me.

♪ ♪

Out here, you're racing your weaknesses.

♪ ♪

It's you against yourself.

I hope to take the lessons that I learned

and bring them home

to make more of my dreams a reality.

I wish that my father was still alive to see me do this.

♪ ♪

He taught me a lot.

He was a huge inspiration.

But I know my father is so proud of me

for making it this far.

♪ ♪

Despite being physically broken,

I feel made whole by this experience.

♪ ♪

I feel stronger.

I feel more resilient.

I feel wiser from it.

♪ ♪

I believe that things happen for reasons.

My life took me here.

And now I'm going home.

No, I didn't win, but, like,

hell, man, 43 days...

I'm good with it.

♪ ♪

- I've been working on a song.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to share it.

I'm really close.

I mean, I could try.

♪ This forest is my medicine ♪

♪ Big River is my home ♪

♪ I fill my lungs with the trees so green ♪

♪ Flowing creek is my bloodstream ♪

♪ I drink of the fresh spring water ♪

♪ I eat the growing greens ♪

♪ I sing along with sweet birdsong ♪

♪ Like a circle, it goes on and on and on ♪

♪ ♪

And I'm getting hungry, and I have no food.

Yesterday I missed a possible opportunity

to get a muskrat with my bow and arrow.

It's gonna happen this time, I promise.

I really do well when I'm focused.

♪ ♪

I don't know how much meat is on a muskrat,

but it might be a day, maybe two days' worth of food.

And that would be such a game changer, for sure.

So let's get down to the river.

♪ ♪

First of all, I got to get into position.

♪ ♪

I can see little bubbles.

♪ ♪

There's a little muskrat.

♪ ♪

See all that mud coming out of the bank

under the water?

♪ ♪

*bleep*.

♪ ♪

*bleep*.

♪ ♪

*bleep*.

♪ ♪

*bleep*.

Ahh. *bleep*.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Holy crap.

Holy *bleep*. That was a battle.

I got a muskrat.

♪ ♪

I got dinner, and I hope it tastes good.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Wow.

Beautiful.

Soft fur, too.

Thank you. Thank you for your life.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

Check it out.

♪ ♪

We got roasted muskrat leg.

Oh, my God.

That is incredible.

That's not musky at all.

Mmm.

In fact, it tastes a lot like beaver.

My gosh, it's snowing.

♪ ♪

What a crazy day. It's snowing.

I'm eating muskrat.

♪ ♪

I've been thinking about how hard I worked to get here.

It's a lifetime of preparing.

It's just another step in the evolution

of making it all happen,

and it would take a lot to get me to leave.

I'm here till I can't be here anymore.

♪ ♪

This is so freaking fantastic.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- So tomorrow it's Halloween.

I'm gonna get my costume ready.

♪ ♪

I think it's such a fun holiday,

and I love making my own costumes.

I wish I was getting ready to go trick or treating.

There we go.

In honor of the holiday and just like Woniya,

who decided to be what she was eating,

I decided to go as a grouse.

Ta-da!

What do you think?

♪ ♪

Yes...

I have a piece of tarp cone

covered in charcoal soot as a beak.

But it's ten items, people.

You got to get creative.

I think it looks great.

Winter is coming.

That is where the champion rounds begin,

where "Alone" is won or lost.

So I can make insulated shutters for the window.

This one's got a bunch of little nails in it.

I'm going for something solid and dependable...

There we go.

That's gonna fit snug enough to keep almost all

of the prevailing wind out of my shelter

and to keep most of my heat in.

So the window's framed out.

Now...

we just need to connect these two lovely boards...

And we've got a shutter.

And we can slide in and out at night.

Pretty cool, huh?

And that is going to help massively...

keeping this place warm,

'cause it was starting to get a little chilly

the last couple of nights.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

My stomach doesn't feel good.

♪ ♪

It's just felt queasy for the last few days.

♪ ♪

But today I want to go up

and check the rabbit snares I set up yesterday.

Wouldn't mind finishing up the walls today,

which means just grabbing a little bit more moss.

♪ ♪

Boil water.

The usual, I guess.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I don't usually belch like this.

And I've just been belching a lot,

which is really strange.

I don't understand it.

I'm just not sure why I have

so much gassy-like burps coming up.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

♪ ♪

Amazing what a lot of moss will do.

Kind of like caulking in your house.

Not that that's the recommended method, but...

♪ ♪

It does work.

♪ ♪

I give you Hodgepodge Lodge.

Ta-da.

I probably spent a solid three weeks working on it, huh?

I don't know about full eight-hour days,

three weeks, but...

I've definitely put in a lot of time

working on Hodgepodge...

A lot more than I probably should have.

But she's a cool shelter.

My only priority really now is getting food.

Yeah, see, now I'm back to just feeling nauseous.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna go check my snares.

♪ ♪

At first, I was like, "Oh, God.

"Did I do something stupid

and end up with giardia or something?"

♪ ♪

But I'm like, "No, I don't have

any of the other symptoms of giardia."

I'm just belching a lot. None of it's sulfur.

And my stomach's upset, but I don't have the diarrhea.

I don't have, you know, lots of flatulence.

I don't have any of that going on.

So I'm like, "No, I don't think

"it's some kind of bacteria I got.

I think it's starvation."

All three snares, still in place here.

Damn it.

♪ ♪

What I understand happens

if you don't eat for a long time

is the body stops producing acid or bile

because there's nothing to digest.

And if it produces bile with nothing there

for it to break down,

it starts breaking down the stomach lining.

♪ ♪

Nothing in the snares today.

And I really, really don't want that to happen.

♪ ♪

I'm getting some stomach cramping right now.

♪ ♪

It just sucks.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Got it...

in the neck,

through the shoulder.

This bashed it.

This is rungu's second kill.

So I got one squirrel today.

We're gonna keep on going.

I'm really focusing on land animals right now.

The animals out here are very active.

There is a lot of life that I hear around here,

and the forest and the land's providing.

I feel so blessed to be here.

Frickin' grouse.

Heard it.

Catch it.

♪ ♪

It's funny how some days you just feel...

different.

Maybe it's just seeing the sun.

♪ ♪

Maybe it's something else.

But knowing what I know...

♪ ♪

Oh, there it is.

Someone's looking out for me.

I can feel it.

♪ ♪

Got it. Got it.

♪ ♪

Frickin' got it.

♪ ♪

The trick for these guys...

Is as soon as you approach them,

they kind of get a little jumpy.

So you have to...

kind of look at a 45 away from them

as you're going.

And then when you're ready, you have, like, a clear shot,

you take it and anchor and everything

and then aim and then release.

'Cause they're kind of seeing that your face

is, like, over there, so they think they're safe.

Then you take it.

I'm, like, running on a high right now.

It's crazy.

Yes!

♪ ♪

I'm trying a new look today.

I'm just trying out my cap because...

it's been chilly.

It didn't frost today, but...

But the ground looks chilly.

I think it might start getting consistently cold soon.

Maybe once there's some snow,

I can see if there's some rabbit runs.

But I guess I need to focus on fishing for now.

There are some ripples forming.

Those are fish biting.

But, unfortunately,

there's no way for me to cast that far.

♪ ♪

Probably should extend the pier.

The thing is, how much effort do I put into it?

Decisions, decisions.

*bleep* it. Let's do it.

You only live once, eh?

♪ ♪

I really hope I don't regret this.

♪ ♪

My pier is basically two tripods

latched together at the base.

At the top, there's this log across to join the tripod,

and it's not very solid, but it really is a tripod

that provides the structural integrity.

And then I'm lashing that pole to launch it.

All right, this is it.

Ready for launch.

♪ ♪

I'm okay with putting my life on the line...

♪ ♪

Because I need to win "Alone."

All right, let's try it.

♪ ♪

As a Latino,

I don't want to be just that person

that you just add for diversity.

I don't want to be a decoration.

I want to be the first non-white that wins.

♪ ♪

Nice.

Not very big, but it's a good one.

And I want to make people think

it's not where you come from,

that if you are passionate enough,

you can be better than anyone else.

♪ ♪

One more.

To me, it would be amazing...

Nice.

To break those mental barriers

and rock the boat a little bit.

♪ ♪

Score.

Thank you, fish.

♪ ♪

That's my meal.

Funnily enough, I don't feel like eating,

so I'm just gonna eat what I can.

♪ ♪

But...

♪ ♪

My stomach right now is just feeling like, pfft.

It doesn't want food.

♪ ♪

This is such an unexpected challenge for me...

♪ ♪

Not wanting to eat.

♪ ♪

Crazy.

♪ ♪

Crazy, crazy.

♪ ♪

And I know it's weird and I should force myself.

But at the same time,

if I force myself and I puke, then...

♪ ♪

All that effort for nothing...

wasted.

So I don't want to do that.

♪ ♪

The fact that my body just doesn't want to eat,

that is a problem.

I do not want to get sick.

I don't want to get to that point where I puke,

because that can be extremely harsh on your body

and can bring you down.

♪ ♪

Ay, ay, ay.

What the heck is going on?

♪ ♪

- A knock at the door? Out here?

Who could that be?

Trick or treat.

Oh, a trick-or-treater.

Wow, you look so cute.

What are you, a little ptarmigan?

I'm a grouse.

Oh, a grouse.

I can never tell the two apart.

Man, I don't have any candy.

How about some berries?

Berries?

You know how far I had to walk to get here?

All the last guy had was bear meat.

Someone's got bear meat?

Damn it.

Man, I'll tell you what.

You're gonna be getting egged tonight,

that's for sure.

You got eggs?

Wait. You got eggs?

No, no, no, no, no. Come on in, buddy.

Oh, man.

I haven't had eggs in a month and a half.

Does this whole thing...

make me seem totally insane?

♪ ♪

Probably, eh?

♪ ♪

And stitch all that together for me,

you got yourself an Emmy.

♪ ♪

Happy Halloween, y'all.

♪ ♪

- Happy Halloween!

Yes, I'm Muskrat Suzie.

♪ ♪

I'm going to celebrate Halloween

by honoring the animal

that I just fell in love with

and just recently ate

and just have some fun with it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

That was painful.

Happy Halloween!

Oh, my glasses are crooked.

There.

There we go.

♪ ♪

- This is definitely a Halloween to remember.

Today is also Samhain,

and that's when the lines

between the living and the dead

get a little thinner.

And it'd be a good time

to reach out to...

people beyond the grave, loved ones, ancestors.

Upon our launch, we were given this.

It's kind of like a ceremonial fungus thing

that traditionally is used to smudge.

I wanted to save this for Samhain

so I can say thank you to the ancestors,

to the spirits of the forest,

and my grandfather.

All right.

Just gonna put this on this flat rock...

♪ ♪

And let it fill the room.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

That's pleasant.

♪ ♪

Ancestors, guardians...

loved ones from beyond...

♪ ♪

This is for you.

♪ ♪

Before my mom had me,

she was in a previous marriage

with a man who...

I have his last name.

And his father, my grandfather,

they both live in Singapore.

I can't visit often,

especially when I was in medical school.

My grandfather, he fell forward from a seat,

and it's kind of like a whiplash type of a deal.

And there's little blood vessels in your head,

and those rip, and those bleed,

and that causes more pressure in the brain,

and you lose consciousness,

and you can slowly or quickly pass away.

♪ ♪

And that's what happened.

But in his lucid state,

he still knew me.

That's how important I was to him,

even though I wasn't present for most of my life

because I was so far away.

And I just wanted to reach out to him...

to let him know that I'm grateful,

that I love him very much...

♪ ♪

That I feel his strength and his presence

in all the good things that I do.

♪ ♪

And I'm trying my best

to be an instrument of good in the world.

♪ ♪

So I thank you for...

♪ ♪

Considering me family...

♪ ♪

Considering me your grandson.

♪ ♪

That's why I keep the name.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I never make a good sick person.

I hate being sick.

Want some cheese to go with that whine?

Want your milk and cookies?

Yes, please.

No milk, though... I'm lactose intolerant...

unless it's coconut milk or almond milk.

Oat milk... I really like oat milk.

I don't feel like I want to throw up the water,

but...

I definitely still feel nauseous.

I definitely have no interest in drinking more water.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

♪ ♪

That's not good.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I don't throw up much.

I rarely have thrown up in my life,

so this is really disconcerting

and alarming to me right now.

I guess somewhere along the line, I made a mistake.

♪ ♪

I've been drinking water I shouldn't,

or just have a lot of acid in my system

because I'm not eating.

♪ ♪

This time, maybe eat some charcoal beforehand.

I'll use a little bit to make a slurry,

see if it'll help absorb

whatever's going on in my stomach.

Drink that first

and then try drinking the water.

♪ ♪

Eating a gritty mud.

♪ ♪

Hopefully my body was able to absorb some of that.

♪ ♪

I feel better...

♪ ♪

Not fantastic, but I feel better.

♪ ♪

I need to have faith, and I need to...

remember that even when the odds seem impossible,

♪ ♪

I just need to have faith that...

♪ ♪

It'll get better.

♪ ♪

I come from a line of women that have just been so strong

and have been through so much.

I need to use that.

I just got to push through the suffering,

and eventually it'll be okay.

I'm not out of the game yet.

♪ ♪

- I have been feeling extremely homesick.

♪ ♪

I've never felt anything like this before.

It's, like, gripped me.

It's a cruel thing doing this through the holidays.

I miss all my people.

♪ ♪

Staying busy... that's the strategy going forward.

So we're gonna head out as far inland as we can

in the next couple of hours, see what we find.

♪ ♪

This morning was the first time

I felt like tapping out,

because the simple fact of the matter

is that I can go home whenever I want to,

but that's an evil little worm in my subconscious.

And that worm doesn't belong there.

♪ ♪

Well, I'll be damned.

This is a new river.

This is a whole other stream...

Rife with possibilities.

There's beaver in the area.

The fish could be biting here.

Oh, I wish I'd found this sooner.

Oh, man.

We have it now.

Cool. Let's keep going.

♪ ♪

I need to really discipline my mind against despondency

or loneliness.

♪ ♪

This is the way that people have lived

for hundreds of thousands of years,

and...

Got to stay strong mentally.

Oh, *bleep*.

That's the first hare I've seen.

Be "vewy, vewy" quiet.

We're hunting "wabbits."

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Oh, *bleep*.

That's the first hare I've seen.

♪ ♪

Hell, yeah, brother.

Look at the size of this guy.

That is a huge hare.

And he was maybe 20 yards out, and I took a shot,

and it was the perfect hit.

That's a lot of meat.

That's a lot of meat.

Rabbit stew.

I didn't know I was gonna be getting that here.

♪ ♪

Piece of backstrap in there...

And one these thighs.

I miss my family a lot,

and that's not a healthy mindset

for an experience like this.

♪ ♪

Piece of squirrel head.

That's why I try and practice gratitude

for every single day that I'm here, you know?

I want something to remind myself

of the opportunity I have to be here.

♪ ♪

How do we win this sucker?

In a tightrope walk, you know?

♪ ♪

Every day is a balancing act.

Some days will come out negative.

Some days will come out positive.

♪ ♪

Just got to have a couple more positives than negatives.

♪ ♪

Now we're getting into some real "Alone" *bleep*.

Mmm.

This is my first-ever wild hare.

It tastes amazing.

And this is...

Mmm.

All organ meat.

And that's a chunk of liver.

Today was a caloric gamble

that really paid off.

It's a long way to get back into that backstretch,

but this has been one of the most eventful days

I've had out here.

If there's other animals there, bigger animals,

animals that I can really...

You know...

shoot once and be good for a couple of days,

that is...

Potentially massive.

I'm gonna to be spoiled by this.

Spoiled.

I want another one.

♪ ♪

- My stomach's pretty upset again.

I think it's just...

I think it's actually just acid reflux.

It's just my stomach producing a lot of acid,

and there's nothing in there for it to digest.

It's not a fun feeling, for sure.

So I picked out some charcoal before I started the fire...

from last night,

and I'll eat some of that this evening.

♪ ♪

All right, here's the ground charcoal.

♪ ♪

Out here you can't just run down

to your local pharmacy or something

and grab whatever it is you need.

And I'm not an herbalist.

The only things I know for stomach issues

are things like charcoal.

Oh, just come on.

I got to get this down.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I'm gonna go to bed.

Hoo.

♪ ♪

So I just woke up and...

♪ ♪

Vomited for the third time tonight.

Throat's feeling pretty raw.

♪ ♪

This last time it was water again.

I'm getting a pretty good headache,

I'm sure, from dehydration.

♪ ♪

I don't know. We'll see how much...

♪ ♪

how much water I'm able to keep down,

if I can stay hydrated enough.

♪ ♪

I'm still hoping I'll reach a point where this will pass.

♪ ♪

I've got to get down water.

If I don't keep down water at this point

and start getting really badly dehydrated,

there's no way I can stay out.

♪ ♪

They're gonna medically pull me.

I will not hit the button.

♪ ♪

I will not...

hit the button, ever.

How many days can this go on?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Jessie?

♪ ♪

- I'm okay.

But if I get up and do anything,

then the odds of me throwing up are way high.

- Okay.

And how many times have you thrown up?

- Nine or ten.

- And are you able to drink any water at this point?

- I drink it.

It just usually doesn't stay down.

♪ ♪

I'm bad right now.

It makes me want to vomit

every time I try to even take a sip of water,

and it just keeps getting worse.

So it's probably a pipe dream

that I'm gonna be able to make it better out here.

But I didn't come out here to just quit.

It's not why I came.

I've watched people quit at something,

and they regret it for the rest of their life.

And not only that, but then it makes it easier

to quit at the next thing.

♪ ♪

I never want to go down that road.

I want to be able to look at myself and who I am

and say I did my absolute best at whatever I'm doing.

♪ ♪

So I am not leaving unless they pull me out of here.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Jessie.

Our concerns right now are that you have

a pretty severe inflammation of your stomach lining,

which, if that's left untreated,

could lead to bleeding or a hole in your stomach,

both of which can be life-threatening.

It doesn't feel like you are able to take care of yourself

at this point.

It's not safe for you to remain.

I have to medically extract you.

- Definitely not how I envisioned this ending.

♪ ♪

To end like this, this wasn't what I anticipated.

This isn't how I saw it going down.

♪ ♪

I got so enmeshed in Hodgepodge,

and this showed that, that I was still in that ego place

where I can work, I can be strong,

and just going with the nose to the grindstone,

I can make it through.

But I believe if I'd taken the other path,

if I had connected more with the moment

while I was out there,

my sense is, I actually would have done a lot better.

♪ ♪

I want to connect with spirit,

and I want to be able to smile and laugh

and authentically just be me.

And that can't happen if I've...

got the nose to the grindstone

and I'm just buckling down and trying to get the job done.

♪ ♪

So I need to step back...

spend more time on my own spiritual growth

and not working quite so hard.

♪ ♪

I mean, what's the point of life if we're not enjoying it?

♪ ♪

- Oh, *bleep*, *bleep*, *bleep*.

I'm so tired of bushwhacking.

There is some ankle-breaking *bleep* in this forest.

*bleep*.

- My fishing pole is gonna become a walking stick.

The river is frozen over. I think fishing's out.

- See how thick that ice is.

♪ ♪

- If you're in it to really test your boundaries,

you might not come back the same.

Your life as you know it is changed forever.

♪ ♪

]

@ ♪ ♪

- *bleep*.

*bleep*. Oh, God.

♪ ♪

- Tom, what happened?

I took a spill.

And then when I went to go get up, the knee...

the knee was buggered.

So I think I probably knocked the kneecap on the log

with the full weight of my body underneath it.

Like, I... you know, without being

able to get firewood or food,

like, I can't hobble around like this.

I thought about like trying to rest up for a couple of days,

but I'm so low already.

I just... I was worried that I was going to hurt myself

out here, and I've got a beautiful life

where I do this sort of stuff all the time.

♪ ♪

I thought about all the spring gobbler seasons

and all the fall bow seasons in Virginia

and all the trout fishing and everything.

And I just didn't want to risk all that for another week

out here.

And I do have so much respect for this place.

It's so wild and so gorgeous.

I don't want to cuss my way out of this place.

I want to...

I want to leave here feeling good about it.

- Well, we have a nice little treat for you.

- What is that? - This is...

- Bourbon? - First aid.

First thing you get to taste, and it's healthier for you

than bourbon.

♪ ♪

- That's soup.

♪ ♪

I could chug this right now, but I am not.

I just need to...

I am thrilled, over the moon.

Thank you all so much.

♪ ♪

- You know, this is something

that I've been conscious of since day one,

how you're one false step away from ending it all out here.

It really just stings, because I'm not done yet.

I've still got a ton of things I want to do and see,

but I'm proud of my 43 days.

I swung for the fences.

I was creative.

I wasn't scared to try new things,

and I hope that people understand

what this really is.

At the core of it all is this journey

and this transformation.

My mind is so at peace with this freedom

and this simple lifestyle.

This just took that to another level that I didn't know

was possible.

♪ ♪

My ancestors sailed with Erik the Red.

Like, to be on this land and wonder if, you know,

I'm standing in the footsteps of somebody that

came before me in my own bloodline

but also in this sacred place that

belongs to these other people that let me come

and do this, I mean, wow, man.

It's just been incredible.

♪ ♪

You know I didn't win, but, like, I've made peace with it.

And now I'm going home, and I feel

made whole by this experience.

♪ ♪

- Now my stomach's pretty upset again.

I think it's just acid reflux,

and there's nothing in there for it to digest.

It's not a fun feeling for sure.

♪ ♪

I've got to get down water.

If I don't keep down water at this point

and start getting really badly dehydrated,

there's no way I can stay out.

Like, they're gonna medically pull me.

♪ ♪

Ooh.

♪ ♪

How many days can this go on?

♪ ♪

- We haven't heard from Jessie,

so we're gonna head out

and check on her with the medic.

Hey, there.

We reached out and didn't hear from you,

so we got concerned.

- Have you been having any dizziness or weakness?

- And when was the last time you threw up approximately?

3:00 or 4:00 this morning?

Did you eat anything?

- Not a thing?

- Okay.

Give us a couple minutes. We'll step outside.

Her BP is pretty low. It's around 90.

She's in bad shape, yeah, yeah.

She hasn't eaten in ten days,

and she's barely consumed any water whatsoever.

- And what happens if she stays in?

- If she stays in here now, she's just gonna

completely dehydrate herself to the point

of danger, or she's gonna start to bleed

from her stomach... - Mm-hmm.

- And start vomiting blood,

and she will probably eventually die

in that shelter. - Mm.

♪ ♪

Hey, Jessie, it doesn't feel like you are able

to take care of yourself at this point.

It's not safe for you to remain.

I have to medically extract you.

♪ ♪

Your stomach is in bad shape,

and we need to take you to a hospital

if we can't treat you out here.

Our goal is to make sure that you're safe,

and right now, we don't feel you are.

♪ ♪

- Careful.

♪ ♪

- I think I've learned more that it's very easy

for me to still just kind of shut down the emotion

and just go.

That nose to the grindstone work mentality,

but that's not where I want to be.

That's not who I want to be.

That's not where I want to live anymore.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- I want to be able to smile and laugh

and authentically just be me,

and if that's how I'm feeling, I need to step back

and relax and refresh and recharge basically

and just enjoy life more

and not working quite so hard.

That really has come to the forefront

during this experience, and what's the point of life

if we're not enjoying it?

♪ ♪

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