Original subtitles

♪ ♪

- This is home.

It's going to be a combination of a log cabin,

a mine shaft, and a giant basket.

Whew, it'll wear you out.

- Got the wood real good.

3 inches higher, I'd be having grouse for dinner.

- Hopefully, the dock makes a difference with the fish.

Got one, got one.

Another one, *bleep* yeah.

I think I'm getting the hang of this.

♪ ♪

- Eating grouse tonight.

This makes me feel like I can be out here

for a long time.

- It's absolutely freezing out here,

and I've got to swim 100 yards.

Gotcha.

Oh, my goodness.

- Mother *bleep*.

I'm officially tapping out.

You get punished out here when you get careless

and you make mistakes.

♪ ♪

- I can't wait to have this place try and break me.

For the first time on "Alone,"

ten participants fight to survive

in the hunting ground

of the world's largest land predator...

- Oh, my God. Where'd he go?

- Those are bear.

I heard a big animal.

- Hey, bear. Oh, no, *bleep*.

Sometimes you eat the bear.

Sometimes the bear eats you.

Battling merciless conditions...

- This is some hardcore bushwhacking.

- Why does it have to be such a struggle every night?

- I hit it, I hit it, I hit it.

- I feel more alive every day I'm out here.

- Here comes the rain again.

- Labrador, you're not gonna make it easy for us, are you?

In complete isolation...

- The most dangerous thing out here is myself.

- Look at that!

- The cold ground is just pulling

all the warmth from me.

- How many days can this go on?

- I'm very, very hungry.

- I feel like I'm hitting a wall.

Last one standing wins.

- It's only gonna get harder the longer you stay out here.

♪ ♪

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- Amazing beaver skull.

Mmm.

What an amazing animal.

Look at those teeth.

Unfortunately, there's no real easy way to remove this meat.

Catching a beaver is a game changer to me.

Going to attempt somehow to access the brain.

♪ ♪

I'm getting skinnier every day.

I can feel it. I can see it.

Now I've got a source of fat.

I've got protein.

I've got organ meats.

I've got vitamins.

I've got minerals. I've got hide.

I've got bone marrow.

♪ ♪

Oh, there's another hidden chunk of brain.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

I don't believe in wasting anything,

things that I would imagine most people wouldn't

really consider to be food.

Get every bit of sustenance possible

from this amazing animal.

There it is, beaver eyeball.

♪ ♪

Quite a hard crunch.

Quite chewy.

Not a lot of flavor.

Beaver flavor, but nothing off-putting at all.

All right, we got to get back to work.

Meat preservation is priority numero uno

at the moment.

My thoughts have just been fixated on getting

this safer and more preserved.

It takes time if you're doing it solo.

This place does seem to have

a real tremendous freeze-thaw cycle.

It's not ideal for preservation.

In these conditions, there's a number of risks,

bacteria growth in temperatures like this

and the rain.

We've had some bouts of rain

since I've harvested it.

Moisture is horrendous for meat preservation.

You're racing the spoilage.

The sooner I can get it chunked up into small pieces

that smoke out real easy, the better.

We can just get it really, really good and dry,

it'll last a long time.

The meat on the bones--

there's a lot of fat and connective tissue--

really doesn't lend itself to smoking super well.

So we're just gonna boil it and eat it.

We'll keep it cool as long as we can.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Uh-huh.

We got a whisky jack up above us.

That's not good.

♪ ♪

There's a tremendous amount of birds,

tremendous amount of rodents around here,

and they watch me work.

They know there's meat around.

And they can bring in larger predators.

♪ ♪

It's going to be a full-time job keeping this secure.

Keep that bow close.

Never know what may be attracted to all that scent.

♪ ♪

Oh, so thankful to get this started.

And, you know, if we can get, like, a first batch going,

I don't mind doing it in a few batches.

This right here is a passion of mine.

I love procuring and preserving my own meat.

It just feels like the natural way to do things.

♪ ♪

It'll need hours, and hours, and hours of low, low heat.

♪ ♪

Try to get a real big bed of coals.

Just create a big base all the way across the bottom.

That'll help dehydrate everything out.

It's a different setup than I've ever attempted before.

♪ ♪

There's so many unknowns,

so many variables about this whole smoking process.

Gonna to be some trial and hopefully not too much error

because I sure don't want to waste any of this.

Hopefully, everything's all right.

♪ ♪

- I'd like to make my sweetheart some earrings.

We're just making it up, folks.

Some snare wire, grouse feather,

rabbit bone earrings for my baby.

That is the basic idea.

It's just something to let her know

I've been thinking of her out here.

She's gonna love it.

Gonna make another one.

But first, we better boogie.

We have to go check traps.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had another rabbit

up in the snares?

♪ ♪

Man, if one of our ten items could be a sweetheart,

my baby would kick ass at this.

She'd be helping me with all this

and making food, cooking squirrel up for me,

making squirrel tacos.

Guarantee it.

She's a keeper.

♪ ♪

Here we go.

This is the part I've got to take easy.

♪ ♪

I can see it's still untriggered,

and the loop is intact.

Oh, that's a shame.

♪ ♪

I'm eating absolutely everything I can find,

but I can feel that I'm losing weight.

I can feel that my muscle is going.

I can feel the fatigue.

There is snare two,

untriggered.

Son of a gun.

The game is less available,

and I'm not gonna win a starving contest.

If I'm gonna stay out here,

I need to constantly be bringing food in.

Last snare...

untriggered.

♪ ♪

Ah, man, a real letdown.

♪ ♪

I'm getting thinner and getting weaker,

and I know something's got to change.

♪ ♪

Look at all these beaver runs in here.

♪ ♪

That's the dam right there.

I know the beaver lives there.

I see his sign all the time.

Getting a beaver would be huge.

That could provide me with four or five days of food,

maybe more.

And I really need that windfall.

I need to get ahead.

I have not seen them.

I assume they're active mostly at night.

I'm gonna have to come back.

♪ ♪

- I hear the mice now next to the fireplace.

They're smelling the smoke.

These mice, they really don't care

that there's a bunch of smoke.

They make a big commotion when I start a fire every time,

and I start fires twice a day,

and they still don't move out, so...

Since I know the mice are kind of, like, in the front,

I'm probably gonna set up Paiutes

so that when they come out to see what the world is like,

they'll find little bits of goodness,

and then squish.

I am putting a pause on fishing right now.

The water levels here are just so much lower

than when I got here.

So it's probably not the deepest pocket

for fish to hide in.

Sometimes, you just need to let nature

tell you what the best route is,

what the easiest route is.

Right now, we're hunting small game.

The mice, every time I would hear them, I'd just growl,

and they would quiet up and stop moving.

So it must be, like, maybe one or two of them.

I got my Y stick, and then a little toggle

over here that supports the rock.

So let's try you.

The mice, they're looking for a winter home as well.

But I set a bunch of traps for them,

so they can supplement my diet here.

On the outside of the trigger,

I'll tie some acorns to bait it.

Improvise, adapt, overcome, that's the infantry way.

I heard that.

Let's take a look.

♪ ♪

I'm like 90% sure that's a grouse.

I saw a big flapping up there.

♪ ♪

I feel like this is a flight pattern

for the grouse.

They come from maybe somewhere up in the mountains,

come down to get grit from the beach.

And my shelter just so happens to be on their flight pattern.

♪ ♪

Do I risk it, little birdie?

♪ ♪

*bleep*

Flew that way.

All right, bird.

Please, I need you.

♪ ♪

There it is.

♪ ♪

*bleep*

That arrow sounded like it went far.

It flew towards the shelter,

so hopefully, I can run into it again.

The arrow's worth a lot to me.

♪ ♪

I shot a few arrows, and one of them

landed in a tree near my shelter,

so I'm gonna see if I can retrieve that.

Let's get the lightest sapling,

see if we can launch it up,

get that arrow, so I don't have to climb it.

♪ ♪

There it is.

All right.

Let's test our aim.

♪ ♪

I missed it.

Not gonna be able to get it like that.

Climbing it is.

It's about 20 feet up.

Just gonna have to be very, very careful.

♪ ♪

One, two, three.

♪ ♪

It's not gonna be easy.

♪ ♪

Need that arrow.

♪ ♪

Breathe.

You don't realize you're out here alone

until you get up a good 15 feet.

Breathe.

♪ ♪

Might not be the smartest idea.

This is like an injury waiting to happen.

Slow and steady.

Almost there.

♪ ♪

*bleep*

♪ ♪

That was close.

I slipped a little bit.

It's right there.

I got it.

♪ ♪

That wasn't easy.

♪ ♪

Shouldn't take any more tree shots.

Just too high of a risk.

♪ ♪

This is a crazy challenge.

Every day is getting harder,

but I don't think I would trade anything.

I want to push myself.

I want to test myself.

I was thinking about if I would feel alone out here, you know?

♪ ♪

I've felt more alone in my life.

I was homeless.

♪ ♪

I was living out of my van.

And it was such a stressful time in my life.

It was my last year of medical school.

And deep down,

I was just...

incredibly unhappy and sad.

Financially, in my relationships,

emotionally, I just hit rock bottom.

Being in six figures of debt,

you know, I could have asked for money and all that,

but I never asked my parents for help.

My mom's basically a single working parent.

And I know the stress of things

wouldn't be good for her health.

I didn't want her to worry about me,

so I decided to do it by myself.

But to go through something like that,

and to put on a smile,

and to portray that everything's okay,

I don't think I could feel more alone

than when I did in those few months.

So being out here, I don't think I'll be--

I don't think I'll feel that alone.

And I feel like I can make it out here.

But no more tree shots.

♪ ♪

- So...

I'm getting ready to chase beavers.

♪ ♪

Right on the edge of my site,

there's clearly an active beaver dam.

I want to get down there to the water's edge

and just see if there's at least any daylight activity

where I've been fishing.

I haven't been down there this early in the morning yet.

My plan is to leave the house here

when I can just about barely see to walk.

By the time I get down there,

it should be sort of gray enough light

that I could shoot if I had to.

All right. Let's get moving.

♪ ♪

We're swinging for the fences, trying new things.

Fingers crossed.

Somehow, we got to get some food.

Energy-wise, I need some proteins.

Because of my frame, my lack of weight,

if the food runs out, it'll be downhill fast.

♪ ♪

It's pretty black.

♪ ♪

The river is out there.

I'm in a little cove.

But around the bend,

the water comes out like so.

It hooks around, and just around the corner

is where the beaver dam is.

♪ ♪

This is who I am.

This is why I'm on the show, is to hunt.

I just love a stalk.

You get busted more than you don't.

But that's what makes it so awesome when it happens.

You're trying to do a really difficult thing.

That challenge is what makes it so exciting.

♪ ♪

My background is actually in conservation

and watching animals.

And that's made me a better hunter.

I hunted for years without ever dropping the string

or pulling the trigger.

I have a fascination and an interest

in the game that extends beyond the harvest,

you know, their habitat, how they fit into the group.

I want to know what they do out of season, you know,

and that helps me harvest them in season.

The second you drop the string of your bow,

the hunt is over.

If you wait, if you let a few animals walk,

you get to watch, and you get to observe them,

and you learn more.

And oftentimes, you get a better opportunity later.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Wow.

Holy smokes.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I stuck it.

I know I stuck it.

♪ ♪

Come on. Come up somewhere.

Come on now.

Where are you?

Pop up.

You got to bleed out, I know it.

I got a pass through.

♪ ♪

See any bubbles?

I just don't know where I hit it.

The reaction was like I hit it pretty good,

the way it swirled around in the water.

It dove under.

I'm sure it went for the dam.

Ah, *bleep*.

♪ ♪

I would normally never shoot at a beaver in the water

with a bow in the dam.

I was hoping it was gonna come up on the shore

here and feed.

♪ ♪

I'll stay up here where I can see.

♪ ♪

Ah, man. I know I hit it.

If I if I didn't hit it well, it's gonna just tear me up.

I would never take that shot back home.

I mean, this is just trying to survive.

You know, that's not an ethical shot.

But I was pretty desperate for some food.

There's a sinking feeling and a lump in your throat

when you shoot something, and you can't find it,

and you think about it suffering and going to waste.

And it's just not a good feeling.

♪ ♪

I took it 'cause I need the food.

It was a chance.

I'm just hoping either that it's okay or it comes up here.

The thought of it dying in that dam,

it's heartbreaking.

♪ ♪

But with the way their fur is and being in the water,

by the time the arrow floated back over to the shore,

there wasn't any sign of blood or hair on it.

I really think I stuck it,

but I guess I could have missed.

I just don't know.

Have I just ruined my chances of getting this beaver

in the future?

Have I ruined my chances of getting this resource

that means so much to me, this five-plus days of food?

I'm gonna let this whole area cool down for a while

and come back in a couple of days and try again.

I'm just hoping it survives.

The not knowing is the thing that kills you.

♪ ♪

- Here we are at the cache smokehouse.

We're just pulling the meat off the racks for the first time.

I'm hoping it's preserved.

Let's see what we're working with.

Really got to make the most of this.

Oh, my word.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Oh, my goodness the smell, so sweet and aromatic.

Oh, my word.

♪ ♪

Just pure elation.

I mean, this is such a gift.

♪ ♪

Real rudimentary, rough rack system,

but it held up.

It held the meat over the heat and the smoke.

And just look at that beautiful coloration of that meat,

really jerky-like, leather-like,

so nice and thoroughly dried.

♪ ♪

I've been so nervous about ruining the meat,

so nervous about it spoiling.

In this state, it'll last so much longer.

♪ ♪

So just super thankful to have something that'll carry us on,

past the bone meat,

the meat that's still currently on the bone structures,

'cause that'll be the next thing

we turn our attentions to.

We're getting past the time when it's gonna be good.

♪ ♪

Hopefully, we can have the majority of the meat

over the coming days.

We need every little scrap.

♪ ♪

Here we go to the Burns beaver kitchen.

I'm gonna go ahead and start dropping this in.

It is time to eat.

Take a look in there.

Beautiful beaver bacon.

All right.

We just got to try one of these.

Oh.

Oh, my word.

Everything you could ever hope for.

Oh!

Crispy and chewy and fatty, smoky.

And that is just so totally what you need out here.

I'm gonna try to render enough fat up,

which with all this stuff, I expect will happen,

that I can actually sip on the fat.

We're gonna drink rendered fat today.

♪ ♪

Just trying to stay out here longer, you know?

I sure miss all my loved ones.

Thinking of my family, my friends, my mother.

Sure love and appreciate that woman.

My goodness.

She probably thinks this is one wild thing to pursue,

but she's into that if you're going to do it,

do it all the way.

Growing up in West Virginia, we didn't have a whole lot.

So many people there live in quiet desperation.

And I just wanted to hunt and fish,

and expand my knowledge in ways that I couldn't.

♪ ♪

My mother's always been an incredible supporter of me,

and she taught me to chase things

beyond what I could dream.

I love her and really appreciate the support.

And I'm thinking of her in this beautiful place.

♪ ♪

Beautiful pot of water with beaver fat in it.

♪ ♪

Ah, it's so rich and fatty.

You can just feel it on your lips,

feel it on your tongue.

You can see it.

See all those bubbles and all that oil?

That is...

absolute perfect fuel for out here.

If I wasn't out here, I wouldn't want

to, you know, just be eating fat, but out here,

it's exactly what the body needs,

and I'm so thankful for it.

That fat should really-- if we can keep it secure,

should keep us alive.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ The big river glitters brightly ♪

♪ In the morning sun ♪

♪ And I know that there are fish in it ♪

♪ Living by the ton ♪

♪ But despite my best efforts ♪

♪ I catch nary one ♪

♪ If only we could use fishnets ♪

♪ I'd catch the salmon as they run ♪

♪ Oh, I'm here living on a big river ♪

♪ ♪

Well, today, I'll keep working on Hodge Podge.

I really need the sidewalls up before I can move in.

♪ ♪

Lots of punkwood down below here.

I have stakes lined up,

and those will keep the walls in place.

And then I'll start piling stuff on top.

All right, so let's get these three placed.

It's nice to have the logs

that are a little more together

'cause they hold together between the stakes

for the walls.

♪ ♪

I've spent a lot more time working on Hodge Podge

than I probably should have.

I tend to be the type of person that,

once something's in front of me,

like, I just get totally focused on it

and totally enmeshed in it.

That's what I think is happening.

Thank you.

Mostly, I think I want to finish the shelter,

then I can really focus on food.

I'd like to focus on some fishing

and see if I can get some fish,

and also, checking snares and setting snares.

♪ ♪

Sorry.

Almost there.

All right.

I consider the south wall to be done.

♪ ♪

I wanted to show you what I'm eating right now.

And it's gold.

It's Jell-O fish.

Now it's just mostly fish heads because I've been trying

to eat the bodies first.

The oil in that soup, it turned into a gelatin,

I guess.

I need these nutrients.

I haven't had much nutrients in a while,

and my body's feeling better,

but I need to get more.

So today, I need to focus on fishing.

My motto is a little bit of, like, don't screw up.

As long as I don't screw up, I think

I can last quite a while out here.

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm going to fish a little bit.

♪ ♪

Oh, wow. There's a big crack in my rod.

I need to fix this right away.

Not good.

So I need to put some cordage in there

to keep it together.

It's gonna be a Frankenstein rod after all of this.

I am someone that's really, really passionate

about being in the wilderness

and living off the land.

I was born in a big, big city--

4 million people in Mexico.

But fortunately, my parents had a house

that was really close to the forest.

And it was a lot of fun for me,

being a kid and just doing things outside.

I'm getting this wet again because it makes

for a tighter splice.

I would go hunt.

I would go and trap.

And I loved it.

My mom would give me a radio and just be like,

"Okay, I have the other radio.

Yeah, just go and do your own thing."

♪ ♪

So I tied all that inner cord around,

so now it will keep this from splicing again.

♪ ♪

My survival philosophy is all about nature,

just doing things when it makes sense,

when it's easier.

It's all about listening, and observing nature,

and understanding,

and then using that to do things the smart way.

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm just gonna do five more casts.

♪ ♪

Or ten.

What really drew me to survival

was just hearing the stories

of these amazing feats that humans could do

on their survival situations,

just hearing about these stories

of people crushing any limits

that experts thought were the limits.

They would do the unimaginable.

And that was so powerful to me.

That is what drew me in.

Right now, the fish aren't biting very well.

Maybe I could go hunting.

♪ ♪

Okay, so suddenly,

the really, really cool weasel just totally--

oh, here they are.

♪ ♪

It moves lightning fast.

♪ ♪

It stopped for a second.

But I really wanted to show you

because it's so neat.

Come on, weasel.

♪ ♪

All right.

Let's keep going.

♪ ♪

I think I heard something by my shelter.

I'm gonna go check it out.

♪ ♪

There it is.

♪ ♪

You see that grouse?

♪ ♪

It's right now too high for me.

♪ ♪

Okay.

Let's do it.

♪ ♪

Where are you?

*bleep*

I lost it.

♪ ♪

Oh, wow.

Look at this.

♪ ♪

This is a wounded grouse for sure.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I don't know where he flew, but that's a good wound.

That grouse can't go far.

♪ ♪

Where are you?

♪ ♪

I don't see anything.

♪ ♪

I have no idea where it flew.

♪ ♪

Ay-yi-yi, ay-yi-yi.

It was a perfect *bleep* shot right there.

♪ ♪

I tried to nock an arrow, and I shot.

I could have killed it if I was smarter about it.

It was a mistake, and it happened,

and I wounded that grouse.

The whole arrow was covered in blood.

It's my first mortally wounded grouse

that I don't recover on this adventure,

and I don't feel very good about it.

But it's survival.

With survival, you just have to move on.

Learn from the mistake, move on.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Got it.

Thank you, Lord.

Beautiful bird.

Heard a grouse behind me.

♪ ♪

Yep, yep.

Holy cow!

♪ ♪

I can't believe how much grouse is in my area.

All I have to do is be patient.

Here you go.

And this one's bigger, bigger than the last one.

Look at that.

Two grouse, one day.

That's frickin' crazy.

♪ ♪

I love my shelter location, man.

Feeds me, shelters me.

♪ ♪

Every time I get a grouse, I find the wishbone.

And when I break it, I wish for more food.

And it must be lucky or something,

but it's working.

♪ ♪

I see another one.

♪ ♪

Got it.

♪ ♪

What is up today?

♪ ♪

I guess I definitely need that smoker, huh?

It's a good size.

♪ ♪

That's three grouse,

three weeks of food right here.

♪ ♪

Yesterday, I got nothing.

And today, game changer.

Big game changer.

There's plenty of opportunities here.

Just got to be patient.

♪ ♪

Labrador, thank you.

Thank you, grouse.

I feel like I can make it out here.

I'm very positive right now.

I feel like I'm supported by the world.

My family supports me even though they don't

understand why I'm doing this.

My girlfriend supports me even though she's

gonna miss me like heck.

Okay. That's one beautiful breast.

There are just so many friends of mine

who are involved in this process.

So I do feel a component of home.

I do feel so supported.

I feel like I'm supported by the world.

I feel like I can make it out here.

I think we're all set to go home.

♪ ♪

- Good morning.

Well,

I came out this morning, I'm brushing my teeth,

and we got snow on the north-facing side

of that ridgeline.

So we got snow last night,

so it's a good time

to be getting Hodge Podge finished.

♪ ♪

I'm just gonna show you what I've been doing.

So this is the overall fire pit.

I've got rocks in the back

and punkwood covered with rocks.

I've got a few more rocks to throw in there

right now over the bottom.

And then this is the air vent I made.

And you can see light down at the bottom.

So that's where the air comes in for my fire.

I think we are looking pretty darn golden.

I feel winter in the air.

Like, I feel snow coming.

That's a bit concerning.

It means I really want to get that roof finished.

And then I should be able to move in.

Cool.

♪ ♪

Gonna go get some moss.

♪ ♪

Coming in, I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

I was like 172, 173 pounds.

Good to get down to me size again.

I'm feeling good that I'm thinner,

but at the same time, I'm hungry.

And I know I'm losing weight pretty quick.

♪ ♪

Putting more sod on the roof.

I still feel strong, but I spent a lot

of weight making my shelter.

That's something that's concerning me a lot.

My hope is that once I get the lodge done,

then I can start to put a lot more energy

into getting more food.

On our side, and we stand up.

This is a calorie game,

and if I don't start bringing in calories at some point,

I'm not gonna stay in the game.

Yay!

My work here is done.

So moving day is tomorrow.

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ ♪

- I love it here.

So thankful to be here looking out.

I mean, every time I'm here, it's completely different.

It's the clearest view of the mountain

we've had in three or four days.

Haven't spent much time down here

'cause I've been processing the beaver.

♪ ♪

Sure would like to make this part of our daily routine,

just sit, and be quiet, and appreciate.

♪ ♪

Every day is such a privilege.

Every day is such a gift.

And I appreciate it so much.

There's so much to be thankful for.

Sure can't forget to smile.

Don't forget to smile, please.

♪ ♪

Eating the beaver has changed everything in a positive way.

I feel so much stronger,

so much better cognitive memory,

so much more energy.

I feel warmer and just generally better.

♪ ♪

But it's not an indefinite amount of food.

I still need to keep harvesting.

I still need to keep hunting, foraging, fishing.

But it's a new lease on life.

It gives me another day to learn about this place,

to learn about myself.

It's a real gift.

♪ ♪

Today, I'd like to explore just a little bit.

But we've got something super important to do first.

And we're gonna try to find a real pretty spot.

♪ ♪

Out here, for me, the attitude of gratitude

is paramount for happiness.

My mother is such an inspiration,

and she's so great at appreciating things.

I watched that growing up, and that inspired me.

♪ ♪

I'd just love to show her just a tiny, little example

of what she means to me.

♪ ♪

The reason I paused here is because I want to do

a dedication to my mother.

I love her so much, and I'm so proud of her,

and I'm so proud to know her,

so proud to be associated with her,

to call her my mother, for her to call me son.

But she's got this saying, this exclamation,

and I don't know where it comes from.

She says, "Golly Ned!"

♪ ♪

Well, she used to say it quite often.

And I would tell her, a gully is a ravine, often,

a little valley or ravine.

Well, we're in

a truly stunningly beautiful ravine here.

She really likes streams, and so do I.

We share that. It makes me think of her.

I'd like to dedicate this little spot

and call it "Golly Ned."

♪ ♪

Well, Mother, this is thinking of you,

and I sure love you,

and I sure am sorry about all the wild stories

you might hear and the stress that may cause,

but I do the best that I can.

And you inspire me,

and I love you, and I miss you,

and I hope you're having a great day.

And...

♪ ♪

I sure love you.

♪ ♪

So I hope you enjoy it

as much as I do.

♪ ♪

Thank you, Mother, for everything.

I'm living my dream thanks to you.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- All right.

Just a little bit of blood

on the inside.

No big bleeding in the gums.

Today's a big day 'cause we're gonna

make that second shelter by the beach.

Beach day.

It's not raining, so excited about that.

We're going to the shoreline.

I'm gonna down the biggest tree

that I've downed since I've gotten here,

about, uh, thigh thick.

And then we're going to make a lean-to.

♪ ♪

I don't want to be smoking my meat

and attracting the wrong type of animals to my site.

Man, I feel that ring right through my hand

when I do that.

So I think I'm gonna go to the beach,

build a secondary shelter

that can also double as a smokehouse.

There you go.

♪ ♪

That way, if I need to smoke anything,

it's well away from my primary shelter.

♪ ♪

Let's dig a little bit.

♪ ♪

And hey, if it attracts a bear,

this is the right place to kill it.

A little roof, so I can enter there and cook.

Now I'm done.

♪ ♪

See that?

Roasting the goods.

♪ ♪

Now I am very comfortable.

♪ ♪

I don't see any fat dropping or dripping from the skin,

so that makes me really happy.

♪ ♪

Today, I have dinner of scraps, and skin,

and two hearts.

Two hearts and a liver.

I'm pretty happy with that.

♪ ♪

- It's moving day. Whoo-hoo!

After a few days of having a fire in there,

and drying things out, and warming things up,

it's gonna be pretty nice.

♪ ♪

Today, full day.

Check snares.

I didn't get any squirrels.

And I'm hungry.

Of course I'm hungry.

How sweet would it be to catch a fish tonight

and be able to celebrate in Hodge Podge?

Come on.

It's crazy thinking it's already been a month.

Time really gets distorted doing stuff like this.

I have been thinking about home

and my boyfriend, Blake.

Just miss doing things with him, you know?

It's so cushy up here.

It's cushy on my bow bed right now.

And I wonder what he's up to.

What's life been like while I've been gone?

All right, tarp.

Just being able to share with someone at the end

of the day is really awesome and one of the best things,

I think, about being in a relationship.

I miss him.

I got a tarp covering!

Whoo-hoo!

And now I'm gonna just work on fishing.

♪ ♪

Give it a go in here and see if I can get something.

If I were getting more squirrel with the snares,

that'd be fantastic, but I'm not.

Sneaky, no?

Trying to be sneaky.

If I could still be maintaining some food income

and catch a couple fish, great.

But it feels out-balanced right now

that I'm spending more time working on the lodge

than I am on food,

or at least successfully getting food.

I can't cast.

♪ ♪

Kind of in a pissy mood, man.

Just really hungry tonight still.

I wanted to celebrate by having a good meal.

♪ ♪

But it's the first fire in Hodge Podge.

♪ ♪

And that's a special thing.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

Not much to eat over a month.

So I know I've been using a lot of my own weight

and energy,

but I'm surviving.

I'm probably gonna want to figure out

some way to get more food.

♪ ♪

All right.

First fire in Hodge Podge.

♪ ♪

Hopefully many more to come.

♪ ♪

- Check this out.

Do you see that squirrel?

He's working hard,

getting ready for the winter.

It's coming.

It's coming whether we want it or not.

Work away, squirrel.

Work away.

♪ ♪

So I'm gonna go on a short hunting trip,

just checking for tracks.

♪ ♪

I'm already used to being separated

from family and friends.

All my close friends are in Mexico.

And that's tough, man.

But I know that right now, I'm here,

and I'm doing this for a reason.

I want the money to fulfill my dream

and my partner's dream.

♪ ♪

Whoa.

♪ ♪

Crazy.

So take a look at that.

This is the grouse that I had shot.

♪ ♪

So it must have stayed on top of some tree around here,

and maybe an animal just got it and left the rest here.

♪ ♪

I guess that's unfortunate that I injured this grouse,

but at least I'm gonna get some of that meat.

Well, I'm glad I found it.

Very glad I found it.

♪ ♪

Oh, there's the weasel.

Can you see it?

Hey, weasel.

Hey, weasel. Were you eating that grouse?

That's mine.

That's--no! That's mine.

♪ ♪

That's mine.

♪ ♪

Oh, wow.

I shot that weasel.

It was a good shot.

Poor weasel.

I didn't know I was actually gonna hit you.

You're so fast.

I'm sorry.

Oh, man.

Ay-yi-yi.

I'm sorry, weasel.

I'm gonna try to do a very good job

of keeping your fur intact.

And I'm gonna gift it, if I can, to my partner.

♪ ♪

I screwed up.

♪ ♪

The morale boost of the weasel versus the food

that I'm gonna get from it, not worth it.

Not worth it at all.

Survival is not easy.

♪ ♪

It's time that I talk to other people

about this stuff other than my partner.

I'm so thankful

for Jennifer.

I'm so lucky to have a partner like her.

My life would be a mess without her.

She seriously withstands so much of my crap,

so much of my crap.

Thinking about my partner.

I miss her a lot.

♪ ♪

We've been together for, like, seven years.

♪ ♪

I know that I should be

strong enough

to be able to live without her,

but I fear that moment.

I think if she died,

it would be incredibly devastating for me.

It would cripple me.

I haven't asked her to marry me

because I don't have money,

which is no excuse.

Like, so many people have married without having money.

But I think the fact that I'm scraping by,

it's quite relevant because it's one of the reasons I...

I'm going the whole way.

Because I'm tired of scraping by financially, you know?

I'm tired.

I've been tolerating that for years,

but that's enough for me.

♪ ♪

- The thing right now is just to finish the damn shelter.

*bleep*

I probably should not be doing this, but...

♪ ♪

Oh, my goodness.

♪ ♪

What the *bleep*?

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

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