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1
00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:04,004
(banjo music playing)
2
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,893
♪ ♪
3
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(birds chirping)
4
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:40,165
(chewing)
5
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,086
(bees buzzing)
6
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,422
(fire crackling)
7
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,350
(bees buzzing)
8
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,228
(metallic clink)
9
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,521
(clatter)
10
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,107
♪ ♪
11
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,197
(bees buzzing)
12
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(growl)
13
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(roar)
14
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,090
(roar)
15
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,510
-(growl)
-(thud)
16
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-(crunch)
-(wail)
17
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,222
I swear,
18
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if'n you don't learn
to share this honey,
19
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,267
I'ma give you
a real whuppin'!
20
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,602
Now go on!
21
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(growl)
22
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-(dusting hands)
-(sigh)
23
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(goat bleating)
24
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(tap squeaking)
25
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(water bubbling)
26
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(tap squeaking)
27
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,285
MAN:
Is the doctor in?
28
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,371
No doubt about it!
29
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,498
What's ailing you, Fat Elmer?
30
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,959
-I ate too much cheese,
-(washing hands)
31
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,877
now I can't burp.
32
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,673
Can you fix me, Granny?
33
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(burp, fart)
34
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♪ ♪
35
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(barking)
36
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(dog barking)
37
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(barking)
38
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,011
(gunshot)
39
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,929
(barking)
40
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,973
(splashing)
41
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:04,726
Dang.
42
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,436
(gurgling)
43
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(boom, whoosh)
44
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,024
(boom)
45
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,775
(whoosh)
46
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,618
(boom)
47
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,037
(boom)
48
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,788
(whooshing)
49
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,088
(helicopter whirring)
50
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,054
(birds chirping)
51
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(bleating)
52
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,103
(metal squeaking)
53
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,732
(water pump squeaking)
54
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,152
(helicopter whirring)
55
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:08,122
(wind blowing)
56
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,165
(clucking)
57
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,043
-(bleating)
-(whinnying)
58
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,808
-Before I sign anything,
-(papers flapping)
59
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,185
I wanna know how much
money we're talking about.
60
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,437
Mr. Clampett, there's more
petroleum in your swamp
61
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,231
than there is in
all of Kuwait.
62
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,441
That bad, huh?
63
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,694
Mr. Clampett, you are sitting
64
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:41,823
on the biggest
domestic oil strike in history.
65
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,658
MAN:
And when you sign
these contracts,
66
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,119
We're going to pay
you $1 billion.
67
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,371
♪ ♪
68
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,916
Do you have anybody who can
advise you on these contracts?
69
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,044
Cousin Jethro's
a-comin' tomorrow night
70
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,504
for Sunday supper, Pa.
71
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,131
He's the one with the learnin'.
72
00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,008
He went to school at Oxford.
73
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,220
♪ ♪
74
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,723
(motor rumbling)
75
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,433
♪ Well, in Northern Carolina ♪
76
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,184
♪ Way back in the hills ♪
77
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,477
♪ Left my old pappy ♪
78
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,604
♪ And he had him a still... ♪
79
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,440
-Jethro?
-Yes, Ma?
80
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,275
Did you fix those
bare-as-bones brakes
81
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:18,693
-like I told you?
-Course.
82
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:21,279
I pulled them
off yesterday.
83
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,282
The new ones are comin'
in the mail next week.
84
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,616
♪ Well, the G-Men team ♪
85
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,285
♪ and the revenuers, too ♪
86
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,954
(screaming)
87
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,456
♪ They were lookin',
tryin' to book him ♪
88
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,207
♪ but my pappy kept on cookin' ♪
89
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:34,709
(bleating)
90
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,461
♪ White Lightnin' ♪
91
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:37,628
♪ ♪
92
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,797
-(screaming)
-(wood smashing)
93
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,632
-Jethro!
-Howdy, Granny!
94
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,969
You dadblammed,
simple-minded yahoo!
95
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:48,681
Your crackbucket head's emptier
than last year's bird's nest!
96
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,058
-(struggling)
-(giggling)
97
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,684
-If your head wasn't
filled with dunder,
-Ow!
98
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,186
you wouldn't know how
to blow your nose!
99
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,146
-(giggling)
-(yelling incoherently)
100
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,356
Ow! Granny!
101
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,982
Just get outta my sight!
102
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,025
(bleating)
103
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,402
♪ ♪
104
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,487
PEARL:
Now, Jedediah,
105
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:03,821
you're fixin' to
be the richest man
106
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,449
in this here county.
Look at how you live.
107
00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:09,869
Why, your land's overrun
with snakes and skunks.
108
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:11,621
(laugh)
You've got no TV,
109
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no telephone, and no radio.
110
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,210
JED:
You're right, Pearl.
111
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,253
We are a-livin' in paradise.
112
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:23,424
(laugh) No, Jed!
Paradise is some place like...
113
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Beverly Hills, Californy.
114
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,220
JETHRO:
They got swimmin' pools.
115
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,971
-Mm-hmm.
-And movie stars!
116
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,264
And smog.
117
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,974
What's a smog?
118
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,978
(theme from "Jeopardy!" plays)
119
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I reckon it's
a small hog.
120
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,695
-(twang)
-Now if you're not gonna
think about yourself,
121
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,447
-think about your daughter.
-(bleat)
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00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,698
You need to get
remarried, Jed,
123
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,908
and she needs a mom,
124
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,452
someone to teach her
womanly ways.
125
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,454
-(snickers)
-She's running wild, Jed.
126
00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,706
She's no different
than a boy.
127
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,417
JETHRO:
Imagine that.
128
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,294
Elly May wearing fancy dresses
129
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,964
and acting ladylike. (laughs)
130
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,633
Well, that don't
sound like much fun.
131
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,677
JETHRO (sing-song):
Ah ha ha ha ha!
132
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,971
-(thunk)
-Ooh! (laughs)
133
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,472
♪ ♪
134
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,808
-(door slams)
-Beverly Hills...
135
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,394
(grumble)
136
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,479
PEARL:
Listen to what I'm saying, Jed.
137
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,606
It would be
the best thing for y'all.
138
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,483
Just pack up all
your belongings,
139
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,694
-and move on out there.
-(bleat)
140
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,613
Why, Jethro could drive
you out in his truck.
141
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:28,698
(thud)
142
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,242
I ain't drivin'
in no movin' vehicle
143
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:32,702
with no dunderhead!
144
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,954
-I ain't no dunderhead.
-(door opens)
145
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,540
Come on,
put me down.
146
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,209
-(slams fork)
-Set him down!
147
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,044
(grunt)
148
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,547
PEARL:
See what I mean?
149
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,299
JED:
Who are you, mister?
150
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,925
Ozark mountain oil.
151
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,136
Mr. Briggs sent me to see if
you'd signed the contract.
152
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,513
-PEARL: Oh, my.
-Elly May Clampett.
153
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,848
♪ ♪
154
00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,600
Well, that's it.
155
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,311
I've made my decision.
156
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,189
For the good of
this here family...
157
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,942
I'm a-movin' us
to Beverly Hills.
158
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:06,402
(woof)
159
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,403
♪ ♪
160
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,738
Now...
161
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,656
don't you worry,
Elly May. (chuckle)
162
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,033
(chicken clucking)
163
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:14,243
We gon' take good care
of your critters for you.
164
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,204
Ok, Sam,
I know you will.
165
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,372
(crying)
166
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,041
(blows nose)
167
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,876
Oh, Ma...
168
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,754
(running)
169
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,132
What's all this
I hear about
170
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,635
you not wanting to
go to Californy?
171
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,303
I like it here.
172
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,221
Say what you will,
173
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,597
but there ain't
nothin' you can do
174
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,432
to get me off of
this rockin' chair.
175
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,476
(chair squeaks)
176
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,144
I ain't goin' nowheres!
177
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,687
Cut me loose!
178
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,649
Jedediah Clampett,
I'm gonna to skin you alive!
179
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,484
Hush up, Granny.
180
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,654
Get goin', boy,
before she breaks loose.
181
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,531
-(gunshots)
-GRANNY: I ain't a-goin'!
182
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,700
♪ ♪
183
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:55,868
♪ Come and listen to my story ♪
184
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,411
♪ About a man named Jed ♪
185
00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,122
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
186
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,792
♪ And then one day,
he was shootin' at some food ♪
187
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,962
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubblin' crude ♪
188
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,630
♪ Oil, that is ♪
189
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,090
♪ Black gold ♪
190
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,383
♪ Texas tea ♪
191
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:11,717
JETHRO:
Watch your head, Granny!
192
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,427
(smash)
193
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,514
♪ Well, the first
thing you knowed ♪
194
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,890
♪ Old Jed's a billionaire ♪
195
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:18,933
♪ The kinfolk said ♪
196
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,434
♪ Jed, move away from there ♪
197
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,895
♪ Said, Californy is
the place you oughta be ♪
198
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,146
♪ So, they loaded up the truck ♪
199
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,440
♪ and they moved to Beverly ♪
200
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,858
♪ Hills, that is ♪
201
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,153
♪ Swimmin' pools, movie stars ♪
202
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,114
(cars honking)
203
00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:35,783
Why are so many people
in this here town?
204
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,244
It's gonna take a long time
to meet everybody.
205
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,537
(horn honks)
206
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,540
Hey, nice wheels, buddy.
207
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,709
Jethro, why do you think
208
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:45,793
that feller's pointing at us?
209
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,503
-(laughing)
-(honking)
210
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,923
I reckon that's the way
they wave howdy in Californy.
211
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:56,762
-(ding)
-Has, uh...
212
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,139
Uh--uh! Excuse us.
213
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,224
Has, uh, escrow closed
on the Clampett estate?
214
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,852
Yes, Chief, with an offer
of 22 million cash,
215
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,854
it closed swiftly.
And I must say,
216
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,397
it is inspirational how
you happened to find
217
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,858
a place for the Clampetts,
right next door to your own.
218
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,860
Hathaway, the people
who lived there were
219
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,279
my best friends and neighbors
for over 20 years.
220
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:16,157
-It's a shame they had
to file for bankruptcy.
-Yeah...
221
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,034
I just hope
my call to the IRS
222
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,745
didn't have anything
to do with it. Well...
223
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,121
(click)
224
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,457
(sigh)
225
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,167
(office chatter)
226
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,003
Now, um, what time does
their flight arrive?
227
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:30,713
That's just it,
Chief.
228
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,715
-They're driving.
-Driving?
229
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,425
From Arkansas?
230
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,761
HATHAWAY (on intercom):
I know, it makes
no sense whatsoever.
231
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,888
Not to you, perhaps,
232
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,557
but to men with vision,
like myself,
233
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,392
That is a sign of daring,
234
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,727
self-confidence,
235
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,062
-vigor.
-Of course, Chief.
236
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,688
(laughing on intercom)
237
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,776
HATHAWAY:
Hmm, doesn't he
look busy at work?
238
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:52,860
(sigh)
239
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:54,195
-Tyler.
-Aah!
240
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,489
Would you step in here
for a moment, please?
241
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:57,698
Oh!
242
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:58,866
(smashing)
243
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,201
(woman screams)
244
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,911
Jeez.
I...
245
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,496
WOMAN:
It's an earthquake!
246
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:04,914
-TYLER: Oh my God...
-Aah!
247
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,791
(scream, grunt)
248
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,709
(smashing)
249
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,716
(clears throat)
250
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:20,846
(thudding)
251
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,264
You wanted to consult with me?
252
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,767
Well, sit down,
Tyler. Relax.
253
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,771
I have heard that
you are quite excited
254
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,815
about the arrival
of the Clampetts.
255
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,067
I think that
you and I, together,
256
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,736
can fully exploit
the potential
257
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,613
of the Clampett
financial portfolio.
258
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,365
Hmm...
259
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,701
You and I.
260
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:43,285
The two of us. (chuckle)
261
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,578
I've already taken the liberty
262
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,580
of drawing up the power
of attorney papers.
263
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:47,873
Have you now?
264
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,167
So I can write checks,
arrange investments,
265
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,378
make international
transactions,
266
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,380
really work
the Clampett account.
267
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,882
Hmm.
We'll be quite the team, sir.
268
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,092
Hmm...
269
00:11:58,175 --> 00:11:59,385
-(kicks chair)
-Ay!
270
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,344
(thud)
271
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,596
Tyler, you will
personally rescind,
272
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,391
shred, and burn every
paper you have drawn up
273
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,810
with regard to
the Clampett account.
274
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,813
I'll be handling that
account personally.
275
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:11,897
Duly noted.
276
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,858
And nice kick, sir.
277
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,694
Took me completely
by surprise.
278
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:19,780
Tyler...
279
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,617
The Clampetts will
not be badgered.
280
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,994
Sir?
281
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,538
They're not your common
garden variety millionaires.
282
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,957
They are, in fact...
283
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,500
billionaires.
284
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,961
By definition, people of, uh,
285
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,796
discrimination,
286
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,798
discernment,
287
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,258
great refinement.
288
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,635
(car horns honking)
289
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:42,928
JETHRO:
Boy, howdy!
290
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,388
(cackling)
291
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,431
♪ ♪
292
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,766
Hey! Jethro,
293
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,476
we's supposed
to go thataway.
294
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,188
-(tires screech)
-(cars honk)
295
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,024
(tires screeching)
296
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,651
(crash)
(engine revs)
297
00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,862
-MAN: Hey!
-(honks horn)
298
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,198
You cut us off,
you bunch of nothings!
299
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,492
♪ ♪
300
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,204
That's real nice, son.
301
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,623
This here's what I carry.
302
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,043
Okay. Go! Go! Go!
303
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,253
(engine revs, tires squeal)
304
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,257
Margaret?
305
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,927
TV Show:
...dismiss their court cases,
and have their dispute settled here...
306
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,970
Morgan, come in here
a minute, please.
307
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:25,971
(TV theme song)
308
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,223
Hi. I'm Doug Llewelyn,
309
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,391
And welcome to
The People's Court.
310
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,352
Where is your mother?
311
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:32,978
She's changing.
312
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,939
That would be too
much to hope for.
313
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,107
-Ah.
-Milburn, I'm sorry.
314
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,859
I have to cancel our lunch.
315
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,236
What?
316
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,987
Well, I have to spend more
quality time with Babette.
317
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,280
Uh, Margaret dear,
318
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,491
we are trying to do
more things together.
319
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,284
Put the spark back,
remember?
320
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,912
You claim the, uh,
defendant has your dog?
321
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,121
Um, well,
actually--
322
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,206
-Yes or no?
-Yes, we do.
323
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,958
Morgan? Morgan?
324
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,626
-JUDGE: It's your dog?
-MAN: Yes.
325
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,837
I raised this dog from
a pup, and due to--
326
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:58,921
(turns off TV)
327
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,005
(sigh)
328
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,298
Morgan...
329
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,175
I have a little
job for you.
330
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,010
-A job?
-Yes.
331
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,137
J.D. Clampett has
a daughter your age.
332
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,473
Now, she's going to
high school with you.
333
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,600
I want you to
show her around.
334
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,227
Just be her friend.
335
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,939
Oh, man, you wanna pay me
to hang out with her?
336
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,775
She must be
a major bow-wow.
337
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,902
Son...
338
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,654
(sigh) Look...
339
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,240
Close your eyes.
340
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,243
No. Close your eyes.
341
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,328
Now, picture this.
342
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,205
-I cut off your allowance...
-(gulp)
343
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,040
-cancel your credit cards...
-(gulp)
344
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,418
-and delete you from my will.
-(gulp)
345
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:40,129
Now, how do you
see your future?
346
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,632
Grilling frozen cow
parts at Burger King?
347
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,886
And people say
you're stupid.
348
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,470
(both chuckle)
349
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,264
Monday morning,
first period,
350
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,057
8:00 AM, she'll be
like the little sister
351
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,601
Mom thought would
ruin her figure.
352
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:54,643
(chuckle)
353
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,650
JUDGE:
So, the dog will go to
the plaintiff, Rusty.
354
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,737
(whining)
355
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,906
(sigh)
356
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,869
♪ ♪
357
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,169
(spraying)
358
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,837
(squeaking)
359
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,049
Honey, I'm home.
360
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,467
(closes door)
361
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,968
Now why don't you come here,
362
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,094
and give your little
embezzling cowboy
363
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:30,512
a ride around the bungalow?
364
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,556
No.
Why not?
365
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,016
'Cause I'm still
living in this dump
366
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,225
when I should be
living in a mansion
367
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,645
in Beverly Hills.
368
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,480
Laura, sweetheart!
369
00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:41,982
TYLER:
Bungalows 3A, 3B, and 3C
370
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,276
are in Los Angeles.
We live in 3G,
371
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,737
which technically
is in Beverly Hills.
372
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,530
You're all talk, Tyler.
373
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,574
You said we'd have
enough money this month
374
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,494
to buy me that little
baby sealskin coat.
375
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,870
We will.
376
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,872
Promises, promises.
377
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,332
Sweetie, we will!
378
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,584
J.D. Clampett,
the billionaire,
379
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,419
just opened up
an account at the bank.
380
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,421
Who is this
Clampett guy?
381
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,049
If he's so rich, how come
I've never heard of him?
382
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,217
Babycakes,
383
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,343
this guy's got more money
384
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:11,095
than he knows what to do with.
385
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,390
Now, that's a problem
I think we can help him with.
386
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:18,477
♪ ♪
387
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,688
GRANNY:
Stop the car, Jethro!
388
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:23,273
There's a fresh
kill in the road!
389
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,775
Can't just
leave it there!
390
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:25,818
You're right, Granny.
391
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,654
Road-kill stew sounds
mighty good right now.
392
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,948
-(tires screech)
-Oh!
393
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:32,449
-(horn honks)
-Oh, no, you don't,
394
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,451
you old coot!
I seen it first!
395
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,246
-Milburn, call Westec security.
-GRANNY: Well, I...
396
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,248
I'm sure there's
enough for us all.
397
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,583
Eew! How revolting.
398
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,835
(honk)
399
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:43,794
JED:
Easy now, Granny.
400
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,337
They're probably
just bein' neighborly
401
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:48,507
like them nice folks we met
on that extry-wide road.
402
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,926
Well, let's give 'em
a Californy howdy.
403
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,096
-ELLY MAY: Howdy, y'all.
-JETHRO: Howdy!
404
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,849
-(slap)
-Milburn!
405
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,518
MARGARET:
Did you flip me off?
406
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,603
♪ ♪
407
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,774
♪ ♪
408
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,317
(glove squeaking)
409
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,446
(squeak)
410
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,786
(rattle, bounce)
411
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,669
♪ ♪
412
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,640
You reckon we're at
the wrong spot, Uncle Jed?
413
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,976
JED:
Could be. Don't know.
414
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,730
It's the right
address, Pa.
415
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,766
Whee, doggies.
416
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,935
(barking)
417
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,272
(birds chirping)
418
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,067
ELLY MAY:
The whole place looks brand new!
419
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,613
Hey, Uncle Jed, there's
a whole 'nother house up here!
420
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:36,448
(barking)
421
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,286
JETHRO:
This is a big ol' house!
422
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,998
ELLY MAY:
Why do you reckon they
got two sets of steps?
423
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,084
Shoot, that's easy.
424
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,293
One's for goin' up,
425
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,795
the other's for goin' down.
426
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:51,880
Oh.
427
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,049
♪ ♪
428
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,384
-(gasp)
-(pats leg)
429
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,261
What a purty critter!
430
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,680
Hello, police?
This is Ms. Jane Hathaway.
431
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,682
I wish to report
the unlawful entry
432
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,600
of a gang of armed
and dangerous hooligans
433
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:07,396
at the Clampett Estate,
518 Crestview Drive.
434
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,439
I need you here code 3, and I...
435
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,358
-(clicks stopwatch)
-will be timing you.
436
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:15,529
-I think you got you
a new friend, Duke.
-(grumble)
437
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:19,074
Cease and desist!
438
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,826
Everyone! If I were you, sir,
439
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:23,162
I would yield, submit,
and capitulate.
440
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:26,623
What are you
desperadoes doing here?
441
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,251
Well, it's a mighty long story.
442
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,878
But, he don't
mind tellin' it!
443
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,796
Pa was a-huntin'
one day with old Duke...
444
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,174
And Duke spotted this
big old jack rabbit.
445
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,509
So, I throws up my gun,
and I takes my aim--
446
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,927
Oh! Don't shoot!
447
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,137
Pardon, ma'am?
448
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,180
(sirens)
449
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,891
♪ ♪
450
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,517
(click)
451
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,936
HATHAWAY:
2 minutes and 46 seconds.
(chuckle)
452
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,107
POLICE:
Go, go, go!
453
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,942
(police chatter)
454
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,780
(police chatter continues)
455
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:02,367
OFFICER (on megaphone):
Attention inside!
456
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,702
You're surrounded!
457
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,580
Drop your weapons
and file out one at a time.
458
00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:09,208
Don't shoot! Oh--
They've taken me hostage!
459
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,542
OFFICER:
Attention inside!
460
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,712
Drop your weapons
and file out one at a time.
461
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,839
This is the Beverly Hills
Police Department.
462
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,883
Told you this
weren't no house.
463
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,260
You heard him!
It's the police department!
464
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,929
OFFICER:
This is your last warning.
465
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,139
Alright.
Fire one in.
466
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:25,641
(bang)
467
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,060
ELLY MAY:
Look!
468
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:30,270
They's a-playin'
kick the can!
469
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,272
(hissing)
470
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,025
(indistinct chatter)
471
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,612
(coughing)
472
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:42,115
♪ ♪
473
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,995
(yelling, coughing)
474
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,081
(door slams)
475
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,291
I knew we shouldn't
have never left home.
476
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,293
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
477
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:54,503
OFFICER:
Right this way.
478
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:56,338
We've ID'd them all.
479
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,589
Excellent.
480
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,758
We want the wheels of
justice to spin quickly.
481
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:02,511
HATHAWAY:
These criminals must be
prosecuted and incarcerated
482
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,513
before our client finds
out what happened.
483
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,722
Exactly!
484
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,142
The reputation of
Milburn Drysdale is at stake.
485
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:10,394
(chuckle)
486
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:11,895
Would everyone turn
to the right, please?
487
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:15,774
(MILBURN chuckles)
488
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,192
Pathetic.
489
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,318
Now we have,
starting on the left,
490
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,987
a Jedediah Clampett.
491
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,196
♪ ♪
492
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,948
-Then, next to him,
his daughter Elly May.
-Huh?
493
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,032
DRYSDALE:
Huh?
494
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,450
And a Daisy May Moses,
495
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,160
-a.k.a. Granny.
-Huh?
496
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:28,370
-(gasp)
-And a nephew,
497
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:29,746
Jethro Bodine.
498
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,957
DRYSDALE:
Oh...oh...
499
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,167
And some woman involved
in a drive-by slapping.
500
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,377
DRYSDALE:
Ah...
501
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:36,795
Ah...
502
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,046
Ah...
503
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:39,548
Ah... ah!
504
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,216
-Oh, Chief!
-Oh, no!
505
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,718
-Chief, are you okay?
-Oh!
506
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,428
-Chief, quickly, say something!
-Ah...
507
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,013
-Say something.
-I...
508
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,098
Uh...
509
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:49,349
You're fired!
510
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,227
(gasping)
511
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:54,771
Mr. Clampett, sir!
512
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,815
I am deeply sorry
for any embarrassment
513
00:21:56,898 --> 00:21:58,692
my former assistant
might have caused you.
514
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:00,652
I... I, uh...
515
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,112
Yes, sir, I, I, I...
516
00:22:02,195 --> 00:22:04,614
I humbly apologize for
my egregious error,
517
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:05,782
and rest assured that
518
00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:07,075
it will never
happen again,
519
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,660
as I'm no longer in
the employ of the bank.
520
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,495
Chief--
Mr. Drysdale,
521
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,497
I will clean out
my desk at once.
522
00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:14,416
-Oh...
-(bang, spill)
523
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:15,834
Oh, dear.
524
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:17,127
HATHAWAY:
Oh, please don't
trouble yourselves.
525
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,962
Please, gentlemen.
Oh--oh, thank you.
526
00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,422
Don't trouble
yourselves. Oh, I'm--
527
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:21,798
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
528
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:23,258
Uh, thank you. No.
529
00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:27,637
So, then everything
i-is fine?
530
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,181
Mr. Clampett,
531
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:31,516
please don't take your
money from my bank.
532
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,018
I'll do anything
you want.
533
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:35,896
I'll contribute to
charities, anything.
534
00:22:35,979 --> 00:22:37,189
I'll eat mud.
535
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:38,440
(laughs)
536
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,525
That won't
be necessary.
537
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:41,860
All I want is for
this here lady
538
00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:43,945
to watch over
my affairs.
539
00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:45,947
Me?
540
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:48,492
You want me?
541
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:50,535
Well, I reckon you
done what you done
542
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,080
'cause you didn't know
we was who we was.
543
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,374
If we hadn't a-been who we was,
544
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,708
we'd a-still been much obliged
545
00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:58,835
for you doin' what you done.
546
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:00,670
M-Mr. Clampett,
547
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:03,548
I will work very hard for you.
548
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,550
I trust you will.
549
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,886
Is that alright
with you, Mr. Drysdale?
550
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,389
That's exactly what I'd
do in your situation.
551
00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:12,057
So, we got
ourselves a deal.
552
00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:13,183
-(laugh)
-(spit)
553
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:15,310
(laugh, spit)
554
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,812
-Absolutely!
-(squish)
555
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:20,357
(chuckling)
556
00:23:21,775 --> 00:23:23,235
JED:
Just to show you there's
no hard feelings,
557
00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:25,946
we'd like to invite you and your
family to Sunday supper.
558
00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:27,197
Thank you.
We'll be there.
559
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,365
It'll give me
opportunity
560
00:23:28,448 --> 00:23:30,367
to swap recipes
with your wife!
561
00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:31,952
Oh, she'd love that!
562
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,374
(Funeral March plays)
563
00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:38,458
DRYSDALE:
Here you go.
564
00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:43,130
What-- what are you doing?
565
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:45,507
We just payin'
our respects.
566
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:46,550
You...
567
00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:47,801
(sigh)
568
00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:48,844
Oh--oh, no!
569
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:50,345
(laughing)
This is a limousine!
570
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,556
You'll be going home in this!
571
00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:55,934
So you take this, and then I'll
follow you in my Rolls Royce.
572
00:23:56,810 --> 00:23:58,103
DRYSDALE:
There you go.
573
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,272
Is that your car?
574
00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:01,857
Uh, yes, it is.
575
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:04,359
-Ain't that fancy?
-(chuckle)
576
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,111
Can I drive it?
577
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:10,323
You drive my
$180,000 Rolls Royce?
578
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:14,411
Uh, well, of course
you can, son.
579
00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:16,079
I think that's
a great idea.
580
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:17,414
Hot dog!
581
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:20,625
♪ If you've got
the money, honey ♪
582
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,544
♪ I've got the time ♪
583
00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:24,337
♪ We'll go honky-tonkin' ♪
584
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,923
♪ And we'll have a time ♪
585
00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:29,009
♪ We'll have more fun, baby ♪
586
00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:31,136
♪ All the way down the line ♪
587
00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,638
♪ If you've got
the money, honey ♪
588
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:36,516
♪ I got the time ♪
589
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,602
♪ There ain't no
need to tattle ♪
590
00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:40,979
♪ So, let's start out tonight ♪
591
00:24:41,062 --> 00:24:43,356
♪ We'll have fun,
oh, boy, oh, boy ♪
592
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,525
♪ And we'll do it right ♪
593
00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,319
♪ Bring along your Cadillac ♪
594
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:48,570
-(tires screech)
-Howdy!
595
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:50,155
♪ ♪
596
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:52,449
-Well, isn't this exciting?
-(tires screech)
597
00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:53,992
♪ I've got the time ♪
598
00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:56,912
Elly May Clampett,
sit down!
599
00:24:57,370 --> 00:24:58,497
(car honks)
600
00:25:01,374 --> 00:25:02,209
(phone rings)
601
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:04,085
Oh, excuse me.
602
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,212
(ringing)
603
00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:06,213
Hello?
604
00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:08,465
Let mister-- (grunt)
Let mr. Clampett know
605
00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:11,468
that the full weight of
the bank is ready to help him.
606
00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:12,886
Yes, Chief.
607
00:25:12,969 --> 00:25:15,138
She thinks she's
talkin' to somebody.
608
00:25:15,555 --> 00:25:16,765
Ain't even a cord there.
609
00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:18,433
(laughing)
610
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,436
-(tires screech)
-Real estate, bonds, securities.
611
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,729
Whatever it is he wants,
612
00:25:22,812 --> 00:25:24,564
-it's his.
-(tires screech)
613
00:25:24,898 --> 00:25:26,024
Mr. Drysdale
wants you to know
614
00:25:26,107 --> 00:25:27,234
that the bank
is ready to help
615
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:28,693
in any way that it can.
616
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:30,529
There's one reason,
and one reason only,
617
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:31,988
I moved out here...
618
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,741
I'm lookin' to get hitched.
619
00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:37,619
Chief, he says he
wants to get hitched.
620
00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:39,371
-(tires screech)
-Hitched?
621
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:40,664
Married.
622
00:25:40,747 --> 00:25:41,957
Married?
623
00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:44,125
Chief, that's
what I said.
624
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:46,628
-Ms. Hathaway, if--
-(tires screech)
625
00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:47,963
if Clampett wants a wife,
626
00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,632
tell him that you will
personally find him one.
627
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:52,926
Oh, Chief, capable as I may be,
628
00:25:53,009 --> 00:25:54,594
matrimonial brokering is--
629
00:25:54,678 --> 00:25:56,680
Is now one of
your specialties.
630
00:25:56,763 --> 00:25:58,265
Congratulations,
Ms. Hathaway,
631
00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,474
and good luck.
632
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:01,309
♪ ♪
633
00:26:01,393 --> 00:26:02,769
Yes, sir.
634
00:26:02,852 --> 00:26:04,271
Oh, dear.
635
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:05,772
No problem.
636
00:26:05,855 --> 00:26:07,816
Um...
Mr. Clampett,
637
00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:11,403
Just exactly what
are you looking for
638
00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:12,988
in a fiancée?
639
00:26:13,321 --> 00:26:14,698
A fiancée?
640
00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:16,658
(laugh)
Fiancée is French
641
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,577
for the person
you intend to marry.
642
00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,745
Well, I'm lookin'
for a refined lady
643
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:23,623
to help me raise
my daughter Elly May.
644
00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:25,458
Aw, Pa, I'm already
raised up...
645
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:26,459
(opens door)
646
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:30,755
and refined.
647
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:34,050
Elly May, don't spit
from a movin' vehicle.
648
00:26:35,468 --> 00:26:37,345
Wait till it stops.
649
00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,265
(crickets chirping)
650
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:45,103
GRANNY:
Jethro, save some
for our guests.
651
00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:51,359
Here you go,
Uncle Jed.
652
00:26:55,947 --> 00:26:58,158
(barking)
653
00:26:58,241 --> 00:27:00,410
I think ol' Duke is
sweet on your critter.
654
00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:02,454
-(growling, barking)
-MARGARET: She's not a critter.
655
00:27:02,537 --> 00:27:04,581
She's a champion
French Barbonet,
656
00:27:04,664 --> 00:27:06,082
and her purebred
puppies
657
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,460
are going to be
worth $3,000 each.
658
00:27:08,543 --> 00:27:09,502
(kiss)
659
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:12,047
Well, son, what,
um, what do you do?
660
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,507
Don't know. What do you do?
661
00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:17,594
I'm just president of a bank.
662
00:27:17,677 --> 00:27:19,012
Wow. Uncle jed,
663
00:27:19,095 --> 00:27:20,722
can I be a president, too?
664
00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:21,931
Now, Jethro,
665
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,558
that's a mighty
disrespectful thing
666
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,435
to say to Mr. Drysdale.
667
00:27:25,518 --> 00:27:26,478
No...
668
00:27:26,853 --> 00:27:29,397
Ask him if you can
be vice president.
669
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:31,941
(chuckling)
670
00:27:32,025 --> 00:27:33,485
Vice president?
671
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:34,527
Uh-huh!
672
00:27:34,611 --> 00:27:36,279
(dramatic cue)
673
00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:39,532
(dramatic cue)
674
00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:44,746
♪ ♪
675
00:27:50,043 --> 00:27:51,961
Vice president? Mm-hmm.
676
00:27:52,045 --> 00:27:52,962
I think so.
677
00:27:53,588 --> 00:27:56,049
We can-- we can always
use another good man.
678
00:27:56,633 --> 00:27:59,177
JETHRO:
Hoo-wee! I'm gonna
get me a fancy office
679
00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:00,762
and a pretty secretary!
680
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,639
(doorbell chimes)
681
00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,141
There's them bells again.
682
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:07,102
-(doorbell chimes again)
-Jethro, I bet you
there's somebody
683
00:28:07,185 --> 00:28:09,396
standin' at that
front door right now.
684
00:28:13,817 --> 00:28:15,527
If I was you,
I'd eat real quick
685
00:28:15,610 --> 00:28:16,611
whilst he's gone.
686
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:18,363
Oh, looks good.
Margaret?
687
00:28:18,446 --> 00:28:20,740
Why don't you help
yourself, dear?
688
00:28:20,824 --> 00:28:22,450
-MARGARET: Oh, good lord.
-(clicks cheek)
689
00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:23,702
What is it?
690
00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:25,578
♪ ♪
691
00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:28,998
Howdy, mister!
692
00:28:29,082 --> 00:28:30,208
Hi, I'm Woodrow Tyler.
693
00:28:30,291 --> 00:28:31,876
I'm here to see
Jed Clampett.
694
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:33,670
Well, come on in!
695
00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:37,090
No, no, no.
No, thank you.
696
00:28:41,010 --> 00:28:42,345
-Tyler.
-(whimper)
697
00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:44,013
What brings you here?
698
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:45,265
Sir, hello!
699
00:28:45,348 --> 00:28:46,766
TYLER:
We took up a collection
700
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:48,268
to buy these beautiful flowers
701
00:28:48,351 --> 00:28:49,686
for our newest clients.
702
00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:52,397
Welcome to
Beverly Hills.
703
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:55,275
GRANNY:
Why, thanky, sonny.
704
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:56,860
Tyler, can the ham.
705
00:28:56,943 --> 00:28:58,194
Just introduce yourself,
706
00:28:58,278 --> 00:29:00,155
and get out of here,
okay? (chuckle)
707
00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:02,824
Very pleased
to meet you.
708
00:29:02,907 --> 00:29:04,159
Howdy!
709
00:29:04,242 --> 00:29:05,285
(kiss)
710
00:29:05,368 --> 00:29:06,327
(groan)
711
00:29:06,911 --> 00:29:07,996
(gasp)
712
00:29:08,663 --> 00:29:10,665
Elly May Clampett!
713
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:12,542
He was fixin'
to bite my hand!
714
00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:13,793
JED:
Well, stand him up.
715
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:16,296
(groan)
716
00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:18,923
Tyler, apologize.
717
00:29:19,257 --> 00:29:20,925
My fault completely,
Mr. Clampett.
718
00:29:21,217 --> 00:29:22,761
I move too quickly.
719
00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:24,721
You have
a beautiful daughter
720
00:29:24,804 --> 00:29:26,264
and very strong.
721
00:29:27,265 --> 00:29:29,267
-Mrs. Drysdale?
-Hmm?
722
00:29:29,350 --> 00:29:32,437
What could help Elly May
be as refined as you?
723
00:29:33,062 --> 00:29:35,523
Well, I went to finishing
school in France.
724
00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:37,400
No one understands
refinement
725
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:39,736
and sophistication
better than the French.
726
00:29:39,819 --> 00:29:41,196
Hmm...
727
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:44,324
Do you think we oughta
move ourselves to France?
728
00:29:44,407 --> 00:29:45,408
Yes, I do.
729
00:29:45,492 --> 00:29:46,785
No, you don't.
No, she doesn't.
730
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:48,328
-(sigh)
-No, actually, you can find
731
00:29:48,411 --> 00:29:50,538
A good French tutor that'll
come right to your home.
732
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:51,748
♪ ♪
733
00:29:51,831 --> 00:29:53,208
ELLY MAY:
I don't wanna change.
734
00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:55,084
I just wanna be who I am,
735
00:29:55,168 --> 00:29:56,920
And I ain't goin' to no France!
736
00:29:57,003 --> 00:29:58,546
GRANNY:
Oh, my.
737
00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:01,925
-'Scuse me.
-(door closing)
738
00:30:02,008 --> 00:30:03,259
Mrs. Drysdale?
739
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,511
Hmm?
740
00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:06,846
If you ain't gonna eat them
vittles, can I have 'em?
741
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,933
Of course you can, son.
742
00:30:10,016 --> 00:30:11,100
Bon appétit.
743
00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:13,311
(giggle) Thank you.
744
00:30:14,854 --> 00:30:16,564
(crickets chirping)
745
00:30:21,569 --> 00:30:23,613
-Elly May,
-(raccoons chittering)
746
00:30:23,696 --> 00:30:25,573
come on down here.
747
00:30:26,533 --> 00:30:27,534
♪ ♪
748
00:30:29,911 --> 00:30:31,538
How'd you know
where I was, Pa?
749
00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:32,997
'Cause ever since
you could walk,
750
00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:34,499
you've been climbin' trees,
751
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:36,751
-and cuddlin'
with your critters.
-(raccoons chitter)
752
00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:48,680
It's high time you
started thinkin'
753
00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:50,765
about changin'
some things.
754
00:30:51,432 --> 00:30:53,017
You need to start
wearin' dresses
755
00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:54,352
and fixin' up nice.
756
00:30:54,435 --> 00:30:57,188
But, Pa, folks would
call me a sissy.
757
00:30:57,605 --> 00:31:01,317
Well, it ain't sissy for
girls to act like girls.
758
00:31:02,110 --> 00:31:04,654
Ever since your
Ma died, I...
759
00:31:04,737 --> 00:31:05,864
done what I knew best,
760
00:31:05,947 --> 00:31:07,866
and raised you up
like a boy.
761
00:31:08,324 --> 00:31:10,952
Roughhousin',
fishin', fightin'.
762
00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:13,454
Yeah.
That stuff's fun.
763
00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:14,956
Elly,
764
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:17,250
nature made
you a girl,
765
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:18,918
and here lately,
she's been gettin'
766
00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:20,545
more and more
positive about it.
767
00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:22,297
Aw, Pa.
768
00:31:25,592 --> 00:31:28,094
Every time I look
into your eyes,
769
00:31:28,177 --> 00:31:30,054
I can see your Ma there.
770
00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:32,390
♪ ♪
771
00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:37,687
Was my Ma refined?
772
00:31:37,770 --> 00:31:39,314
Oh, yes.
773
00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:42,400
She was a real genteel lady.
774
00:31:44,944 --> 00:31:47,363
I miss her so much...
775
00:31:47,822 --> 00:31:48,948
Even now.
776
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,577
I wanna be just
like my Ma was.
777
00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:55,455
I reckon I do need somebody
778
00:31:55,538 --> 00:31:57,540
to teach me the ways.
779
00:31:57,957 --> 00:31:59,918
Yeah, reckon you do.
780
00:32:02,795 --> 00:32:04,213
And now,
781
00:32:04,297 --> 00:32:06,799
I got the means
to make that happen.
782
00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:11,596
(car honking)
783
00:32:13,723 --> 00:32:16,434
♪ ♪
784
00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:20,188
Tyler...
785
00:32:20,813 --> 00:32:23,191
don't you have anything
better to do today?
786
00:32:23,274 --> 00:32:24,442
I just thought you'd
wanna know more
787
00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:26,903
about the richest
dumb guy in America.
788
00:32:26,986 --> 00:32:28,529
-Hmm...
-He's a hayseed.
789
00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:29,447
A hillbilly.
790
00:32:29,530 --> 00:32:30,907
-(rip)
-Laura: Mmm!
791
00:32:30,990 --> 00:32:33,493
So, this Clampett guy
should be easy, huh?
792
00:32:33,576 --> 00:32:34,577
Yes...
793
00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:36,913
but we better do it fast
before he gets married.
794
00:32:36,996 --> 00:32:37,956
Married?
795
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:40,333
Tyler, Clampett's
getting married?
796
00:32:40,833 --> 00:32:42,085
No...
797
00:32:42,168 --> 00:32:43,836
but he wants to.
798
00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:49,717
He's a horny old goat
looking for some action?
799
00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,428
Nah. He's just looking for a,
"refined lady to help
800
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:54,722
raise his hellcat daughter,
Elly May."
801
00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:55,682
Hmm...
802
00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:57,100
But, he did seem
interested when somebody
803
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:59,727
brought up the idea
of a French tutor.
804
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:01,312
Hmm...
805
00:33:01,396 --> 00:33:03,022
Laura:
A French tutor.
806
00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,610
(strain, pluck)
807
00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:11,614
(screaming)
808
00:33:11,698 --> 00:33:13,616
(sigh)
809
00:33:15,076 --> 00:33:16,995
(gasp, sniff)
810
00:33:17,412 --> 00:33:19,664
(doorbell chimes)
811
00:33:20,081 --> 00:33:21,040
(French accent):
Bonjour .
812
00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:23,376
My name is Laurette Voleur,
813
00:33:23,459 --> 00:33:25,169
And I am a...
814
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:26,963
French governess.
815
00:33:27,046 --> 00:33:28,423
Well, come on in,
ma'am.
816
00:33:29,716 --> 00:33:30,675
(shuts door)
817
00:33:32,093 --> 00:33:33,302
Bonjour.
818
00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:34,512
I am going door-to-door
819
00:33:34,595 --> 00:33:36,889
to see if anyone
needs my services.
820
00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:38,891
My business card.
821
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:40,601
Mademoiselle...
822
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,271
(mumbling)
823
00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:45,732
Sorry, ma'am.
I don't think so.
824
00:33:45,815 --> 00:33:47,025
Are you sure?
825
00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:50,486
Yep.
826
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,490
There is not
a young woman in the house
827
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,993
who is perhaps a bit, uh,
828
00:33:57,076 --> 00:33:58,578
unruly?
829
00:33:59,662 --> 00:34:00,872
Not that I can think of,
830
00:34:00,955 --> 00:34:03,082
but then again,
we just moved here.
831
00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:07,378
Nobody in need of refinement
and sophistication?
832
00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:11,507
(sigh) Nope!
833
00:34:12,508 --> 00:34:14,469
Maybe you oughta
try the neighbors.
834
00:34:15,178 --> 00:34:16,429
Oh, well,
835
00:34:16,512 --> 00:34:19,348
I am so sorry
to bother you.
836
00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:22,185
I will be going now.
837
00:34:24,270 --> 00:34:25,772
Well, what's
the problem, ma'am?
838
00:34:26,731 --> 00:34:29,484
I was just hoping
that my services
839
00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,694
-would be needed.
-Well, what do you do?
840
00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:32,987
I teach, um,
841
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:34,947
how do you say this? Mmm...
842
00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:36,616
Rambunctious teenage girls
843
00:34:36,699 --> 00:34:39,702
how to be more
ladylike and proper.
844
00:34:42,038 --> 00:34:43,623
Well, dog my cats.
845
00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:46,626
You know, Mrs. Drysdale
was just telling us about
846
00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:49,378
how the French was the best
at finishing a gal out.
847
00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:50,838
Oui, they are.
848
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:54,550
They are the very, very
best at making a woman...
849
00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:55,885
a woman.
850
00:34:55,968 --> 00:34:56,844
♪ ♪
851
00:34:56,928 --> 00:34:59,514
Hey, I just thought
of something.
852
00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:01,390
Maybe she could help
with Elly May!
853
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:04,143
(gasps)
oh.
854
00:35:04,227 --> 00:35:05,061
(quack)
855
00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:08,564
♪ ♪
856
00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:10,525
(quacking, splashing)
857
00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,195
-Here, rascal.
-(toy squeaking)
858
00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:16,447
Yeah. (giggle)
859
00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:18,616
You like swimmin'
in this cement pond,
860
00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:20,159
-don't you?
-(cat meows)
861
00:35:20,243 --> 00:35:22,328
You like it, too, Frankie?
862
00:35:22,411 --> 00:35:24,622
Takin' that duck
for a swim?
863
00:35:27,333 --> 00:35:29,544
And over here,
by the cement pond,
864
00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:31,754
is my daughter,
Elly.
865
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:34,006
Elly, say hello
to Ms. Laurette.
866
00:35:34,090 --> 00:35:35,341
Howdy, Ms. Laurette.
867
00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:36,467
Bonjour, Elly May.
868
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,761
It is such a pleasure
to meet you.
869
00:35:38,845 --> 00:35:40,471
JED:
I was thinking
every day after school,
870
00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:42,598
maybe Ms. Laurette
could help teach you
871
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:45,017
to be a lady.
How about that?
872
00:35:45,101 --> 00:35:46,310
-ELLY MAY: Okay.
-(gasps)
873
00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:49,063
-(ALL laugh)
-Spanky likes you.
874
00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:51,315
Not as much
as I like him.
875
00:35:51,399 --> 00:35:52,775
(laugh)
876
00:35:54,694 --> 00:35:57,155
ELLY MAY:
Go on, now, and stay
outta trouble.
877
00:35:58,030 --> 00:35:58,906
(sigh)
878
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:01,701
I finally figured
this game out, Spanky.
879
00:36:01,784 --> 00:36:02,952
(squeak)
880
00:36:03,369 --> 00:36:04,662
JETHRO:
Take this ball,
881
00:36:04,745 --> 00:36:07,248
you put it down
this here gully.
882
00:36:07,623 --> 00:36:09,625
It rolls down yonder...
883
00:36:10,501 --> 00:36:13,838
Then you hurl yourself
down this slippery gully
884
00:36:13,921 --> 00:36:17,967
and see how many of them
there snake-bashin' clubs
885
00:36:18,050 --> 00:36:20,178
you can knock down
886
00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:22,513
before the ball gets there.
887
00:36:23,514 --> 00:36:24,473
(kissing sounds)
888
00:36:24,557 --> 00:36:26,767
(no accent):
What a stupid idiot.
889
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:28,769
Did you say
somethin', ma'am?
890
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:32,064
(French accent):
What a stupendous
intellect. (laugh)
891
00:36:32,148 --> 00:36:34,901
That's 'cause I graduated
the sixth grade, ma'am.
892
00:36:34,984 --> 00:36:37,361
-Only took three years.
-(Laura chuckles)
893
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:39,739
♪ ♪
894
00:36:39,822 --> 00:36:44,076
♪ Wasted days
and wasted nights ♪
895
00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,458
♪ I have left for you behind ♪
896
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,460
(mooing)
897
00:36:52,543 --> 00:36:56,047
♪ For you don't belong to me ♪
898
00:36:56,505 --> 00:36:59,425
♪ Your heart belongs ♪
899
00:36:59,508 --> 00:37:01,928
♪ To someone else ♪
900
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,389
LAURA:
Now, Elly May,
901
00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:07,308
sit straight,
chin up,
902
00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:09,685
and try to practice
looking interested
903
00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:12,271
when people
are boring you.
904
00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,232
-(running)
-(ball rolling)
905
00:37:16,484 --> 00:37:18,861
(pins knocking over)
906
00:37:18,945 --> 00:37:20,613
(clapping)
907
00:37:21,906 --> 00:37:24,200
HATHAWAY:
Ah, greetings,
Mr. Clampett.
908
00:37:24,283 --> 00:37:25,326
Well, howdy, Ms. Jane.
909
00:37:25,409 --> 00:37:26,661
HATHAWAY:
Hello, Elly May.
910
00:37:26,744 --> 00:37:28,955
Uh, Ms. Jane, this here
is Ms. Laurette Voleur.
911
00:37:29,330 --> 00:37:31,249
Oh, bonjour,
Mademoiselle Laurette.
912
00:37:31,332 --> 00:37:32,875
Comment allez-vous?
913
00:37:34,001 --> 00:37:35,169
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut!
914
00:37:35,253 --> 00:37:37,922
I must only speak the English
in front of Elly May.
915
00:37:38,714 --> 00:37:39,715
Of course.
916
00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,342
HATHAWAY:
Uh, Mr. Clampett,
917
00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:43,552
drawing from
Commerce Bank clientele,
918
00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:44,720
I have selected some
919
00:37:44,804 --> 00:37:47,306
preliminary bridal
prospects for you.
920
00:37:47,390 --> 00:37:48,766
-(chicken clucking)
-(screaming)
921
00:37:48,849 --> 00:37:49,767
♪ ♪
922
00:37:49,850 --> 00:37:51,102
HATHAWAY:
Oh, dear. Oh, my goodness. Oh...
923
00:37:51,185 --> 00:37:53,938
Mon dieu , how clumsy of me.
I'm so sorry.
924
00:37:54,021 --> 00:37:56,357
Oh, oh, it's
no-- no problem.
925
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:57,775
No problem whatsoever.
926
00:37:57,858 --> 00:38:00,069
At the bank, I have
these in triplicate.
927
00:38:00,152 --> 00:38:01,779
I shall return.
928
00:38:01,862 --> 00:38:04,240
I'll walk you out,
Ms. Hathaway.
929
00:38:05,157 --> 00:38:06,409
Why, thank you, Jethro.
930
00:38:06,492 --> 00:38:08,077
Laura:
So, Mr. Clampett,
931
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,163
perhaps we should
discuss my weekly salary?
932
00:38:12,039 --> 00:38:14,292
(ball rolling)
933
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,794
(pins knocking over)
934
00:38:18,629 --> 00:38:20,881
-Shoo!
-(honks horn)
935
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:22,466
Shoo!
936
00:38:22,550 --> 00:38:24,260
(moo)
937
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,429
(shuts off car)
938
00:38:26,679 --> 00:38:28,180
(door alarm buzzes)
939
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:32,601
Shoo, cow!
940
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,478
Excuse me, I'm just
going to reach over here
941
00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:35,813
-and press this button.
-(moo)
942
00:38:35,896 --> 00:38:38,232
Hello, can
anyone hear me?
943
00:38:38,566 --> 00:38:40,818
HATHAWAY (on intercom):
Can anyone hear me?
944
00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:41,819
Yeah?
945
00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:43,779
Can somebody help me?
946
00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:45,448
Hello?
947
00:38:45,531 --> 00:38:46,741
Miss Hathaway?
948
00:38:46,949 --> 00:38:48,784
How's it feel to live
in Beverly Hills?
949
00:38:48,868 --> 00:38:50,953
-(moo)
-(chuckle) Hello?
950
00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:53,039
I can hear you.
Where are you?
951
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:56,125
Please, can somebody
let me out of here?
952
00:38:57,084 --> 00:39:00,671
I am trapped inside
the wall. Hello?
953
00:39:01,130 --> 00:39:02,173
Hello? Hello?
954
00:39:02,256 --> 00:39:05,176
Just stay put, Ms. Hathaway.
I'll get ya out.
955
00:39:05,259 --> 00:39:06,761
Hello?
956
00:39:08,137 --> 00:39:09,764
Watch your head.
957
00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:12,141
(smashing)
958
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:20,191
Ms. Hathaway?
959
00:39:21,984 --> 00:39:23,402
Yoo-hoo!
960
00:39:23,819 --> 00:39:25,780
HATHAWAY:
Yoo-hoo!
961
00:39:27,156 --> 00:39:30,326
I'm in! This is gonna be
easier than I thought.
962
00:39:30,409 --> 00:39:31,619
(giggle)
963
00:39:31,702 --> 00:39:33,662
-So, they bought
the French thing?
-Mais oui!
964
00:39:33,746 --> 00:39:35,664
They're bumpkins.
965
00:39:35,748 --> 00:39:37,666
It's a crime they
have so much money.
966
00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:40,711
It's worse than a foreigner
winning the lottery.
967
00:39:40,961 --> 00:39:42,963
-I know exactly
what I'm gonna do.
-(chewing)
968
00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:46,342
First, I'll lure in Clampett.
That'll be easy.
969
00:39:46,592 --> 00:39:48,010
Next, I'll take Elly May
970
00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:50,888
and slap on a little
window dressing,
971
00:39:50,971 --> 00:39:54,266
make him think I turned
her into a real lady. Ha!
972
00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:57,228
Then, when the time
is just right,
973
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,480
I'll play one off
the other, and wham!
974
00:39:59,563 --> 00:40:00,856
They won't know
what hit 'em.
975
00:40:01,190 --> 00:40:03,651
You're not gonna sleep
with him, are you?
976
00:40:03,734 --> 00:40:05,444
That's not your problem.
977
00:40:05,528 --> 00:40:06,445
Okay, Laura,
978
00:40:06,737 --> 00:40:08,072
I got my hand on your butt.
979
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:11,534
-(beep)
-Okay, hold on.
980
00:40:11,617 --> 00:40:13,285
I got someone on call waiting.
981
00:40:13,619 --> 00:40:14,578
(beep)
982
00:40:14,787 --> 00:40:17,081
Hello? Hello?
983
00:40:18,332 --> 00:40:19,166
(beep)
984
00:40:19,250 --> 00:40:20,459
It was nobody!
985
00:40:20,543 --> 00:40:21,669
Okay, now,
986
00:40:21,752 --> 00:40:23,337
I got my hand
on your butt,
987
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,005
and I'm squeezing...
988
00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:26,340
Tyler!
989
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:27,800
Get your hand off my butt.
990
00:40:27,883 --> 00:40:29,093
Mr. Drysdale!
991
00:40:29,176 --> 00:40:30,678
Get a pencil,
and write this down.
992
00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:31,887
Yes, Mr. Drysdale!
993
00:40:31,971 --> 00:40:34,390
-(scribbling)
-Right. Uh-huh.
994
00:40:34,807 --> 00:40:35,891
I can do that.
995
00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:38,060
(rooster crows)
996
00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:42,314
♪ ♪
997
00:40:42,398 --> 00:40:45,526
♪ Well, I ain't never ♪
998
00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:47,903
♪ I ain't never ♪
999
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:50,448
♪ Seen nobody like you ♪
1000
00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:53,409
♪ No, no, no, never ♪
1001
00:40:53,492 --> 00:40:55,744
♪ Have I ever ♪
1002
00:40:55,828 --> 00:40:58,497
♪ Seen nobody like you ♪
1003
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:01,250
Howdy, I'm Elly May.
1004
00:41:01,333 --> 00:41:03,127
You must be
Mr. Drysdale's son.
1005
00:41:03,210 --> 00:41:05,588
(choking)
1006
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:07,047
(choke)
1007
00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:08,340
Well, thanks
for picking me up.
1008
00:41:08,424 --> 00:41:09,967
Is this here your car?
1009
00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:13,304
(continues choking)
1010
00:41:13,387 --> 00:41:14,722
(choke)
1011
00:41:14,805 --> 00:41:15,890
Well, are we goin'
to school,
1012
00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:18,058
or we just gon'
stand here all day?
1013
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,310
(choking)
1014
00:41:19,393 --> 00:41:21,645
♪ Seen nobody like you ♪
1015
00:41:21,729 --> 00:41:24,773
♪ Ooh ooh, but I love you... ♪
1016
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,650
Hey, y'all.
1017
00:41:26,734 --> 00:41:28,152
She's with me.
1018
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:30,488
Heck, Morgan, I'm tryin'
to be friendly-like,
1019
00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:33,532
but these folks don't seem
to wanna say howdy back.
1020
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:34,992
They sure are shy.
1021
00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:38,078
So what?
Elly May, who cares?
They're losers.
1022
00:41:38,162 --> 00:41:40,539
Not one of them is worth
over 300 million.
1023
00:41:41,248 --> 00:41:42,666
Well, if it
isn't Morgan,
1024
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:45,211
Spelled big "M," little organ.
1025
00:41:45,294 --> 00:41:46,420
We've gotta go.
1026
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:49,298
Not so fast, bank boy.
Cough up your lunch money now.
1027
00:41:49,381 --> 00:41:51,050
All I have is $400,
1028
00:41:51,133 --> 00:41:52,384
in traveler's checks.
1029
00:41:52,468 --> 00:41:54,470
So, just sign 'em
and hand 'em over.
1030
00:41:55,221 --> 00:41:56,555
Jake, show these
two what happened
1031
00:41:56,639 --> 00:41:58,307
to the last guy
who didn't pay up.
1032
00:42:00,017 --> 00:42:02,603
(hallway chatter)
1033
00:42:02,686 --> 00:42:03,687
(locker closes)
1034
00:42:03,771 --> 00:42:05,689
Well, I can wire
the money to your account.
1035
00:42:05,773 --> 00:42:08,150
Before the close
of the business day.
1036
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:11,445
I don't see why
you had to give
1037
00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:13,113
anything to
that gorilla.
1038
00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:14,615
Well, that gorilla
is the captain
1039
00:42:14,698 --> 00:42:16,200
of the wrestling team.
1040
00:42:16,283 --> 00:42:18,953
-Wow, I never rassled
a team before.
-(cart bell ringing)
1041
00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:22,122
Well, 'lessen you count
the McCarter triplets.
1042
00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:23,832
Cappuccino?
1043
00:42:23,916 --> 00:42:25,918
-What?
-Two.
1044
00:42:26,001 --> 00:42:28,462
(sharpening pencil)
1045
00:42:33,425 --> 00:42:34,802
Thank you, Tiffany.
1046
00:42:35,511 --> 00:42:37,888
-This here electronic
whittler works real fine.
-(giggling)
1047
00:42:37,972 --> 00:42:39,431
(sharpening)
1048
00:42:41,892 --> 00:42:43,519
Why, hello, Jethro.
1049
00:42:44,687 --> 00:42:46,397
Well, howdy,
Ms. Hathaway!
1050
00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:48,983
My, don't you
look strapping
1051
00:42:49,066 --> 00:42:50,651
in your new
business suit?
1052
00:42:50,734 --> 00:42:51,777
Armani?
1053
00:42:52,278 --> 00:42:54,154
No, I'm pretty
sure it's wool.
1054
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,823
Sure does itch like wool.
1055
00:42:55,906 --> 00:42:57,074
(HATHAWAY chuckles)
1056
00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:58,659
Ms. Hathaway?
1057
00:42:58,742 --> 00:43:00,327
Oh, no, no.
We're colleagues.
1058
00:43:00,411 --> 00:43:02,580
Call me Jane.
Me Jane, you Jethro.
1059
00:43:03,664 --> 00:43:05,874
(imitates monkey)
1060
00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:07,501
(chuckles) Okay.
1061
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:09,253
Okay, Ms. Hathaway.
1062
00:43:09,336 --> 00:43:12,131
Can I get one of these
electronic whittlers
for Uncle Jed?
1063
00:43:12,214 --> 00:43:14,133
It's his birthday
coming up real soon.
1064
00:43:14,216 --> 00:43:15,968
Let me make
a note of that.
1065
00:43:17,136 --> 00:43:18,554
And speaking
of your Uncle Jed,
1066
00:43:18,637 --> 00:43:19,722
back to
the job at hand...
1067
00:43:19,805 --> 00:43:21,515
Finding him
a suitable wife.
1068
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:22,725
JETHRO:
Can I help?
1069
00:43:22,808 --> 00:43:23,892
Heck, back in the hollow,
1070
00:43:23,976 --> 00:43:26,186
my Ma was the best
matchmaker around.
1071
00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:28,439
-Is that so?
-Uh-huh!
1072
00:43:28,522 --> 00:43:29,565
First thing she'd do
1073
00:43:29,648 --> 00:43:32,985
is get the back fence
gossips to start a-jawin'.
1074
00:43:33,068 --> 00:43:34,987
Why, we could drop some
items in the trades.
1075
00:43:35,070 --> 00:43:37,197
-Excellent.
-Thank you.
1076
00:43:38,032 --> 00:43:40,200
And, then she'd...
1077
00:43:40,284 --> 00:43:41,410
what she do?
1078
00:43:41,493 --> 00:43:42,578
She'd hang a sign
1079
00:43:42,661 --> 00:43:45,039
on the church
bulletin board.
1080
00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,665
Maybe we can get a...
1081
00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:48,417
a big bulletin board.
1082
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:51,045
No, no, we'd better be
a bit more discreet.
1083
00:43:51,503 --> 00:43:53,964
Tell me, what are your
uncle's favorite things?
1084
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:55,966
Shoot, that's easy.
1085
00:43:56,050 --> 00:43:57,593
He likes...
1086
00:43:57,676 --> 00:43:59,428
-smoked crawdads,
-Mm-hmm.
1087
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:01,639
sow belly
and hand-slung chitlins,
1088
00:44:01,722 --> 00:44:03,974
-and sponge cake.
-(groan)
1089
00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:06,310
Besides food, Jethro.
1090
00:44:06,393 --> 00:44:07,311
Oh...
1091
00:44:07,394 --> 00:44:09,480
He likes people
don't waste nothin'.
1092
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:10,898
-Oh, go on.
-(writing)
1093
00:44:10,981 --> 00:44:12,274
And his favorite song is,
1094
00:44:12,358 --> 00:44:15,569
"I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry,"
by Hank Williams.
1095
00:44:15,861 --> 00:44:17,321
Yes!
1096
00:44:20,449 --> 00:44:23,327
("I'm So Lonesome, I Could Cry"
playing)
1097
00:44:27,164 --> 00:44:30,668
♪ Hear that lonesome ♪
1098
00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,754
♪ Whippoorwill ♪
1099
00:44:33,837 --> 00:44:37,007
♪ He sounds too blue ♪
1100
00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:39,843
♪ To fly ♪
1101
00:44:39,927 --> 00:44:43,055
♪ The midnight train ♪
1102
00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:46,058
♪ Is whining low ♪
1103
00:44:46,141 --> 00:44:48,227
♪ I'm so lonesome ♪
1104
00:44:48,310 --> 00:44:52,606
♪ I could cry ♪
1105
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:56,068
♪ I've never seen ♪
1106
00:44:56,151 --> 00:45:00,197
♪ A night so long, when time ♪
1107
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:04,410
(music muffled):
♪ When time goes crawling by ♪
1108
00:45:05,661 --> 00:45:08,747
♪ The moon just went ♪
1109
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:12,042
♪ Behind the clouds ♪
1110
00:45:12,126 --> 00:45:15,170
-(music playing on stereo)
-(knocking on door)
1111
00:45:16,046 --> 00:45:17,881
Entrer!
1112
00:45:17,965 --> 00:45:20,217
(music continues)
1113
00:45:23,137 --> 00:45:24,680
(clears throat)
1114
00:45:24,763 --> 00:45:26,306
Excuse me, ma'am, uh,
1115
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,975
is that
Hank Williams I hear?
1116
00:45:28,058 --> 00:45:30,144
(gasp) I'm sorry.
It must be too loud.
1117
00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,146
-I will--
-No, no.
1118
00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:33,814
I was just
listening to it
1119
00:45:33,897 --> 00:45:36,233
while repairing this
old dress, and, uh,
1120
00:45:36,316 --> 00:45:38,902
waiting for
my sponge cake to bake.
1121
00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:41,196
You cookin' a sponge cake?
1122
00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:42,531
Oui.
1123
00:45:42,614 --> 00:45:44,366
It is my spécialité.
1124
00:45:45,242 --> 00:45:47,578
I love this music.
1125
00:45:48,287 --> 00:45:50,539
It makes me want to dance.
1126
00:45:51,915 --> 00:45:53,667
It's so romantic.
1127
00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:56,837
♪ ♪
1128
00:46:10,309 --> 00:46:13,854
♪ The silence of ♪
1129
00:46:13,937 --> 00:46:16,982
♪ A fallin' star ♪
1130
00:46:17,065 --> 00:46:22,321
♪ Lights up a purple sky ♪
1131
00:46:23,155 --> 00:46:26,742
♪ And as I wonder ♪
1132
00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:29,703
♪ Where you are ♪
1133
00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:31,955
♪ I'm so lonesome ♪
1134
00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:35,918
♪ I could cry ♪
1135
00:46:36,001 --> 00:46:37,294
(Laura sighs)
1136
00:46:37,377 --> 00:46:39,963
You are a fine dancer,
1137
00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:42,591
and a very attractive man.
1138
00:46:43,675 --> 00:46:45,969
Whomever Ms. Hathaway
finds for you to marry
1139
00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:48,597
is going to be
a very happy woman.
1140
00:46:49,389 --> 00:46:51,308
Well, thank you, ma'am.
1141
00:46:52,017 --> 00:46:53,352
And all women know
1142
00:46:53,435 --> 00:46:55,479
A-penis is hard to find.
1143
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,399
Excuse me?
1144
00:46:59,900 --> 00:47:02,236
A-penis.
1145
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:05,489
Oh, happiness!
1146
00:47:06,949 --> 00:47:08,200
(clears throat)
Well, uh,
1147
00:47:08,283 --> 00:47:10,702
I've disturbed your
work enough, ma'am. Um...
1148
00:47:10,786 --> 00:47:12,579
-(sirens)
-(music playing)
1149
00:47:12,704 --> 00:47:15,165
♪ Well, that big eight-wheeler
rollin' down the track ♪
1150
00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:17,543
♪ Means your true lovin'
daddy ain't comin' back ♪
1151
00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:20,003
♪ Well, I'm movin' on ♪
1152
00:47:20,087 --> 00:47:23,298
♪ I'll soon be gone... ♪
1153
00:47:23,715 --> 00:47:26,051
Jethro, have you considered
getting a new car?
1154
00:47:26,134 --> 00:47:27,845
Nope,
but I told Uncle Jed
1155
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:30,222
we should slap a new
coat of paint on this'n.
1156
00:47:30,472 --> 00:47:32,474
But, he said just
'cause we have money,
1157
00:47:32,558 --> 00:47:34,643
we didn't need to
go showin' it off.
1158
00:47:34,726 --> 00:47:36,812
I was just thinking,
oh, you should, you should.
1159
00:47:36,895 --> 00:47:38,313
You would look so good
1160
00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:39,982
in a big new
flashy car.
1161
00:47:40,065 --> 00:47:42,568
Big flashy car, huh?
1162
00:47:42,651 --> 00:47:43,694
Maybe!
1163
00:47:43,777 --> 00:47:45,863
♪ ♪
1164
00:47:48,448 --> 00:47:49,533
Okay, Ms. Jane,
1165
00:47:49,616 --> 00:47:51,368
'bout ready
to pull over.
1166
00:47:51,451 --> 00:47:52,369
(both laugh)
1167
00:47:52,452 --> 00:47:55,038
You are so
impossibly romantic.
1168
00:47:55,122 --> 00:47:57,499
-Close your eyes.
-(giggle)
1169
00:47:57,583 --> 00:47:59,376
Hot diggity dog!
1170
00:47:59,459 --> 00:48:00,961
Okay, now...
1171
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:02,421
-keep 'em closed.
-Hmm.
1172
00:48:02,504 --> 00:48:04,715
How charmingly
old-fashioned.
1173
00:48:07,593 --> 00:48:10,095
Open your eyes
and look up.
1174
00:48:11,346 --> 00:48:12,890
JETHRO:
Ain't she pretty?
1175
00:48:12,973 --> 00:48:14,725
(cars honking)
1176
00:48:14,808 --> 00:48:15,934
(gasp)
1177
00:48:16,018 --> 00:48:17,060
Oh, my God,
1178
00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:18,937
the chief is
going to kill me.
1179
00:48:22,733 --> 00:48:24,359
(backfire)
1180
00:48:27,321 --> 00:48:30,490
(crickets chirping, dog barking)
1181
00:48:30,574 --> 00:48:32,075
TV: We'll be back
with the financial news,
1182
00:48:32,159 --> 00:48:33,201
after this message.
1183
00:48:33,368 --> 00:48:35,662
Howdy. I'm Jethro Bodine.
1184
00:48:36,163 --> 00:48:38,248
I'm talkin' to all
you ladies out there.
1185
00:48:38,332 --> 00:48:40,250
Are you looking for
the perfect husband?
1186
00:48:40,459 --> 00:48:42,461
Then consider Jed Clampett.
1187
00:48:42,544 --> 00:48:44,880
Yes, Jed is rated triple A's,
1188
00:48:45,088 --> 00:48:46,173
for a-ttractive,
1189
00:48:46,256 --> 00:48:47,466
a-vailable,
1190
00:48:47,549 --> 00:48:49,217
and a-billionaire.
1191
00:48:49,301 --> 00:48:50,302
So, come on down
1192
00:48:50,385 --> 00:48:52,179
to the Commerce Bank
of Beverly Hills
1193
00:48:52,262 --> 00:48:54,222
and see me,
Jethro Bodine...
1194
00:48:54,306 --> 00:48:55,557
Dear, what's
the matter?
1195
00:48:55,641 --> 00:48:56,600
And remember,
1196
00:48:56,683 --> 00:48:58,477
I'm not only Jed's wife-hunter,
1197
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,938
I'm also his nephew.
1198
00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:02,105
(giggle)
1199
00:49:03,857 --> 00:49:05,233
I'm ruined.
1200
00:49:05,317 --> 00:49:07,611
♪ ♪
1201
00:49:09,029 --> 00:49:10,322
♪ Well ♪
1202
00:49:10,405 --> 00:49:11,698
♪ How come you say ♪
1203
00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:13,450
♪ You will when you won't ♪
1204
00:49:13,533 --> 00:49:16,536
♪ Say you do, baby,
when you don't ♪
1205
00:49:16,620 --> 00:49:19,498
♪ A-let me know, honey,
how you're feelin' ♪
1206
00:49:19,581 --> 00:49:20,666
♪ Tell the truth, child ♪
1207
00:49:20,749 --> 00:49:23,919
♪ Now is love real, but uh-uh ♪
1208
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:26,588
♪ Honey, don't ♪
1209
00:49:28,006 --> 00:49:29,800
♪ Honey, don't ♪
1210
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,177
♪ honey, don't ♪
1211
00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:35,472
♪ Honey, don't ♪
1212
00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:36,890
-Oh!
-(snake hissing)
1213
00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:38,725
♪ Well, say you will
when you won't ♪
1214
00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:41,520
♪ Uh uh, honey, don't ♪
1215
00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:46,525
♪ ♪
1216
00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:50,946
♪ Well, say you will
when you won't ♪
1217
00:49:51,029 --> 00:49:52,072
Howdy!
1218
00:49:52,155 --> 00:49:53,824
♪ Honey, don't ♪
1219
00:49:55,534 --> 00:49:57,411
-Thank you.
-(giggle)
1220
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:58,704
Hathaway,
1221
00:49:58,787 --> 00:50:01,164
you are embarrassing
this institution!
1222
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,916
-DRYSDALE:
This is a carnival.
-(prints picture)
1223
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,376
What kind of a numbskull
would think up
1224
00:50:04,459 --> 00:50:06,378
a harebrained
scheme like this?
1225
00:50:06,712 --> 00:50:08,463
That'd be me,
Mr. Drysdale.
1226
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,215
Y-y-your idea!
1227
00:50:10,298 --> 00:50:11,383
(laughing)
1228
00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:12,509
Well,
it's brilliant!
1229
00:50:12,592 --> 00:50:14,177
(laughing)
Insightful!
1230
00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:15,637
Cutting edge!
1231
00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:17,472
You're a born leader, son!
(laughing)
1232
00:50:17,556 --> 00:50:19,516
We've have had
1,215 women
1233
00:50:19,599 --> 00:50:21,476
respond to the ad.
1234
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:23,520
And two men.
1235
00:50:23,603 --> 00:50:25,397
Once I've entered
the data into the computer,
1236
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,691
worked my magic, presto.
1237
00:50:27,774 --> 00:50:30,068
We will narrow them
down to a precious few.
1238
00:50:30,152 --> 00:50:31,820
Send in the next five!
1239
00:50:31,903 --> 00:50:33,780
-Oh, uh, Hathaway, uh,
-(snaps picture)
1240
00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:36,283
you're not validating
parking, are you?
1241
00:50:36,366 --> 00:50:38,368
Parking? Um...
(clears throat)
1242
00:50:38,452 --> 00:50:40,954
That was my idea,
too, Mr. Drysdale.
1243
00:50:41,413 --> 00:50:43,331
(chuckle) Well,
it's a brilliant idea,
1244
00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:45,042
if I may say so.
(laughing)
1245
00:50:45,542 --> 00:50:46,626
DRYSDALE:
Let's see, uh,
1246
00:50:46,710 --> 00:50:49,838
1,215 women, and, uh,
1247
00:50:49,921 --> 00:50:50,881
-two men...
-(typing)
1248
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:53,341
At $1.50
every 15 minutes.
1249
00:50:53,425 --> 00:50:56,303
Ah, well, that's only
gonna cost me 5--
1250
00:50:56,386 --> 00:50:58,930
5-5-5-5-$5,000.
1251
00:50:59,014 --> 00:51:01,016
(laughing) Well.
1252
00:51:02,267 --> 00:51:04,269
(socket wrench clicking)
1253
00:51:08,106 --> 00:51:09,399
Bonjour,
Jethro.
1254
00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:11,068
Well, howdy,
Ms. Laurette!
1255
00:51:11,151 --> 00:51:12,444
What is all of this?
1256
00:51:12,527 --> 00:51:13,779
Ms. Jane said
a big fancy car
1257
00:51:13,862 --> 00:51:16,031
Would be more suitin'
of my personality,
1258
00:51:16,114 --> 00:51:18,492
so I'm fixin' on makin'
one outta my truck.
1259
00:51:18,575 --> 00:51:20,494
(laugh)
Well, personally,
1260
00:51:20,577 --> 00:51:22,245
if it would've been me,
I would've just...
1261
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:24,164
bought a new one,
but, uh,
1262
00:51:24,247 --> 00:51:25,832
carry on.
1263
00:51:27,292 --> 00:51:28,502
(sigh)
1264
00:51:28,585 --> 00:51:30,629
(no accent):
What a moron.
1265
00:51:30,712 --> 00:51:33,006
(gym chatter)
1266
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:34,966
Hey, Organ, what
are you doing here?
1267
00:51:35,050 --> 00:51:36,551
-You come here to wrestle me,
-No!
1268
00:51:36,635 --> 00:51:38,345
or did you just come here
to kiss the gym floor?
1269
00:51:38,428 --> 00:51:39,346
Oof!
1270
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:40,722
Come on, Morgan,
just kiss it.
1271
00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:42,015
-Come on, kiss it!
-(kiss)
1272
00:51:42,099 --> 00:51:44,392
Why don't you
pick on somebody
your own size?
1273
00:51:44,476 --> 00:51:46,478
And what business
is it of yours, baby?
1274
00:51:46,895 --> 00:51:49,272
What are you doing here,
anyway, corn pone?
1275
00:51:49,356 --> 00:51:50,482
(laughter)
1276
00:51:50,565 --> 00:51:52,776
I came by to join
the rassling team.
1277
00:51:52,859 --> 00:51:54,778
I don't wrestle girls,
at least not in the gym,
1278
00:51:54,861 --> 00:51:57,030
but in your case,
I'll make an exception.
1279
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:59,324
Good. Then let's
get started.
1280
00:51:59,407 --> 00:52:01,076
-Oof!
-Whoa!
1281
00:52:01,159 --> 00:52:02,202
I'm gonna kill you!
1282
00:52:02,285 --> 00:52:03,578
I'm gone kill you!
1283
00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:05,747
No one is gonna
kill anyone here!
1284
00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:07,874
Not without a signed
permission slip from home.
1285
00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:10,168
-Got it?
-JAKE: Got it, coach.
1286
00:52:12,295 --> 00:52:14,881
(laughing)
So, Jethro,
1287
00:52:15,340 --> 00:52:16,633
building on your
visionary plan
1288
00:52:16,716 --> 00:52:18,718
for finding your
uncle's wife, I've--
1289
00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:20,637
I've created
this rather modest
1290
00:52:20,720 --> 00:52:21,972
database program.
1291
00:52:22,389 --> 00:52:24,975
-I've cross-referenced
the applicants
-(typing)
1292
00:52:25,058 --> 00:52:27,227
against the parameters
you indicated
1293
00:52:27,310 --> 00:52:28,937
he desired...
1294
00:52:29,020 --> 00:52:31,231
By specifying
the search criteria
1295
00:52:31,314 --> 00:52:33,275
into functional groupings,
1296
00:52:34,317 --> 00:52:36,653
and selecting
the field values
1297
00:52:36,736 --> 00:52:39,030
through the use
of embedded commands,
1298
00:52:39,114 --> 00:52:40,240
and, of course,
1299
00:52:40,323 --> 00:52:43,160
basic boolean algebra.
1300
00:52:43,243 --> 00:52:46,288
♪ ♪
1301
00:52:46,371 --> 00:52:47,414
Ms. Jane,
1302
00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:49,916
I have no idea
what you just said.
1303
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:50,876
(giggling)
1304
00:52:50,959 --> 00:52:53,587
(laughing)
1305
00:52:53,670 --> 00:52:57,215
Oh, Jethro,
you are so delightfully...
1306
00:52:57,299 --> 00:52:58,383
primitive.
1307
00:53:01,469 --> 00:53:03,305
Uh, Ms. Hathaway,
would you step
1308
00:53:03,388 --> 00:53:04,514
into my office, please?
1309
00:53:04,598 --> 00:53:06,641
And bring the, uh,
the Arlington file.
1310
00:53:06,725 --> 00:53:08,310
Yes, sir.
1311
00:53:08,393 --> 00:53:09,853
-I'm sorry.
-Mr. Drysdale,
1312
00:53:09,936 --> 00:53:11,897
since I have trained three
Kentucky derby winners
1313
00:53:11,980 --> 00:53:13,064
for other people,
1314
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:14,441
It seems
a logical extension
1315
00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:16,109
that I'd want to
own and operate
1316
00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:17,360
my own stud farm.
1317
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:18,737
Arlington Acres.
1318
00:53:18,820 --> 00:53:19,946
Well, it just--
1319
00:53:20,030 --> 00:53:21,865
It's just a very
exciting idea. (laughing)
1320
00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:23,783
Well, then you agree
that his net worth
1321
00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:25,952
and, and rural background
make Jed Clampett
1322
00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,621
the perfect partner
for such a venture.
1323
00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:31,082
Lovely. You and Clampett
partners in a stud farm,
1324
00:53:31,166 --> 00:53:32,959
-I think that's
a wonderful idea.
-So, you'll call him,
1325
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:35,212
-and, and arrange
for us to meet?
-(chuckling)
1326
00:53:35,295 --> 00:53:36,379
You bet I will!
1327
00:53:36,463 --> 00:53:39,466
-I'm sure he can't
wait to see you.
-(chuckling)
1328
00:53:39,549 --> 00:53:40,884
In fact,
as soon as you leave,
1329
00:53:40,967 --> 00:53:42,928
I'm gonna call
Mr. Clampett on the phone.
1330
00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:44,930
(gasp) This is
very exciting.
1331
00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:47,182
-Isn't it?
-Yeah. (giggle)
1332
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:49,893
But, but, Chief,
1333
00:53:49,976 --> 00:53:51,394
You specifically
told me
1334
00:53:51,478 --> 00:53:52,729
that you did not
want Mr. Clampett
1335
00:53:52,812 --> 00:53:54,606
involved in such
a risky venture.
1336
00:53:54,689 --> 00:53:55,774
Exactly.
1337
00:53:55,857 --> 00:53:57,484
Shred and burn that,
and don't ever let
1338
00:53:57,567 --> 00:53:59,444
that lady back
in this office.
1339
00:53:59,819 --> 00:54:01,780
It went fantastically.
1340
00:54:01,863 --> 00:54:04,324
Mr. Drysdale said I would
be a perfect partner
1341
00:54:04,407 --> 00:54:05,742
for Mr. Clampett.
1342
00:54:05,825 --> 00:54:08,954
Yes, I'll tell you more
when I get back. Bye.
1343
00:54:11,623 --> 00:54:12,832
Excuse me, ma'am.
1344
00:54:12,916 --> 00:54:14,000
If Mr. Drysdale thinks
1345
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:15,710
you'd be perfect
for my Uncle Jed,
1346
00:54:15,794 --> 00:54:19,297
I can take you over
to meet him right now.
1347
00:54:19,381 --> 00:54:21,091
Wonderful!
1348
00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:23,051
Come on.
1349
00:54:23,677 --> 00:54:25,595
I think you're gonna
like Ms. Arlington.
1350
00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:26,680
Ms. Jane picked her out
1351
00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:28,181
with her
computer datin' base,
1352
00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:31,476
Then Mr. Drysdale
personally approved her.
1353
00:54:31,559 --> 00:54:33,561
Computer datin' base, huh?
1354
00:54:34,104 --> 00:54:36,481
What'll they
think of next?
1355
00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:38,692
Hello, Ms. Arlington.
1356
00:54:38,775 --> 00:54:41,152
Mr. Clampett.
1357
00:54:41,236 --> 00:54:42,445
Well, gee, I,
1358
00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:44,739
I don't know quite
how to begin.
1359
00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:46,574
Then let me start.
1360
00:54:47,909 --> 00:54:49,286
I know by just
looking at you,
1361
00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:52,372
you are the perfect man
for my stud farm.
1362
00:54:53,623 --> 00:54:55,292
Stud farm?
1363
00:54:55,667 --> 00:54:56,918
If it makes it
any easier for you,
1364
00:54:57,002 --> 00:55:00,338
I am willing to take on
multiple partners.
1365
00:55:01,506 --> 00:55:03,758
Multiple partners.
1366
00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:05,010
(clears throat)
1367
00:55:08,888 --> 00:55:10,473
Uh, no offense, ma'am,
1368
00:55:10,557 --> 00:55:13,852
but I'm afraid I'd find that
just a tad uncomfortable.
1369
00:55:15,353 --> 00:55:17,647
Well, what if it was with
somebody you really trusted,
1370
00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:19,899
like Mr. Drysdale?
1371
00:55:20,859 --> 00:55:22,986
I don't think this
is the sort of thing
1372
00:55:23,069 --> 00:55:25,780
Mr. Drysdale'd wanna
be involved in.
1373
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:27,824
Oh, well, you should
have seen his face
1374
00:55:27,907 --> 00:55:30,535
when I showed him the pictures
of what I have in mind.
1375
00:55:30,952 --> 00:55:32,620
He was very excited.
1376
00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:34,247
I don't doubt that.
1377
00:55:34,664 --> 00:55:35,749
Would you like to
see the pictures?
1378
00:55:35,832 --> 00:55:36,791
They're very detailed.
1379
00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:38,501
Uh, not just yet.
1380
00:55:39,252 --> 00:55:41,546
Don't you think we're
movin' awful fast?
1381
00:55:42,255 --> 00:55:43,631
Oh,
1382
00:55:43,715 --> 00:55:46,259
not as far as I'm concerned,
Mr. Clampett.
1383
00:55:46,926 --> 00:55:50,138
I've got my license,
and I'm ready to breed.
1384
00:55:51,806 --> 00:55:53,016
(clears throat)
1385
00:55:53,099 --> 00:55:54,225
Excuse me, ma'am, uh,
1386
00:55:54,309 --> 00:55:56,895
I could use a glass
of iced tea.
1387
00:55:58,646 --> 00:55:59,814
-Yourself?
-Sure.
1388
00:55:59,898 --> 00:56:00,940
-(engine roaring)
-Aah!
1389
00:56:01,524 --> 00:56:03,193
JETHRO:
Learnin' Elly May
to ride my motorcycle!
1390
00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:04,569
ELLY MAY:
How do you stop
this thing?
1391
00:56:04,652 --> 00:56:06,446
GRANNY:
I'm gonna tan your hide!
1392
00:56:06,529 --> 00:56:09,366
JETHRO:
You're doin' real good.
Now, put on the brakes!
1393
00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:10,617
♪ ♪
1394
00:56:10,700 --> 00:56:12,660
-ELLY MAY: Granny?
-JETHRO: Whoa!
1395
00:56:12,744 --> 00:56:14,621
GRANNY:
I'm going to get you!
1396
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,210
JETHRO:
Watch your head!
1397
00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:22,629
-(laughter)
-(scream)
1398
00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:27,008
(screaming)
1399
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:34,432
-(GRANNY yelling)
-JETHRO: I'll help you, Granny.
1400
00:56:34,974 --> 00:56:36,476
JETHRO:
Now, come on,
swim over here.
1401
00:56:36,559 --> 00:56:38,478
There we go.
Gimme your hand.
1402
00:56:38,561 --> 00:56:42,649
(swearing)
1403
00:56:42,732 --> 00:56:45,110
-JETHRO: Ow! Granny!
-(smacking)
1404
00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:47,570
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Granny!
1405
00:56:47,654 --> 00:56:48,696
Ms. Arlington,
1406
00:56:48,780 --> 00:56:49,989
you reckon if
we got hitched,
1407
00:56:50,073 --> 00:56:52,700
you could help me tame
my daughter, Elly May?
1408
00:56:52,784 --> 00:56:55,912
-Are you proposing
we get married?
-(yelling continues)
1409
00:56:56,704 --> 00:56:59,666
Well, I wouldn't feel right
about breedin' if we didn't.
1410
00:56:59,749 --> 00:57:03,461
♪ ♪
1411
00:57:07,632 --> 00:57:08,591
(door slams)
1412
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:10,385
(blows whistle)
1413
00:57:10,468 --> 00:57:11,511
Okay, men, that's it.
1414
00:57:11,594 --> 00:57:13,304
Hit the mineral baths.
1415
00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:14,389
ELLY MAY:
Howdy!
1416
00:57:14,472 --> 00:57:16,015
Well, well.
Look who's here.
1417
00:57:16,099 --> 00:57:17,600
Missed you at
practice, babe.
1418
00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:19,811
She didn't come alone.
1419
00:57:19,894 --> 00:57:21,813
Hey, Morgan, what
are you doin' here?
1420
00:57:21,896 --> 00:57:24,816
(crowd chatter)
1421
00:57:24,899 --> 00:57:26,109
ELLY MAY:
Well, who's
all these folks?
1422
00:57:26,192 --> 00:57:27,652
MORGAN:
Just to keep things fair.
1423
00:57:27,735 --> 00:57:29,070
Is this some
kind of joke?
1424
00:57:29,154 --> 00:57:30,655
ELLY MAY:
Well, come on, baby.
1425
00:57:30,738 --> 00:57:32,532
Let's rassle.
1426
00:57:32,615 --> 00:57:35,076
♪ ♪
1427
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:36,244
Come on!
1428
00:57:36,327 --> 00:57:37,620
(cheering)
1429
00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:38,955
(telephone rings)
1430
00:57:39,038 --> 00:57:40,415
-Oh, I think it's me!
-That's mine.
1431
00:57:40,498 --> 00:57:41,624
-Hello?
-Hello?
1432
00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:42,876
It's mine.
1433
00:57:42,959 --> 00:57:44,711
(cheering)
1434
00:57:44,794 --> 00:57:46,004
Come on, man.
You can do it!
1435
00:57:47,505 --> 00:57:48,590
Fight in the gym!
1436
00:57:48,673 --> 00:57:50,175
-Alright!
-Cool!
1437
00:57:51,384 --> 00:57:52,719
(cheering)
1438
00:57:54,804 --> 00:57:56,306
(computers beeping)
1439
00:57:56,389 --> 00:57:58,016
♪ ♪
1440
00:57:59,142 --> 00:58:01,394
(class chatter)
1441
00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:08,568
-(ringing)
-Wait. Hold on.
I'm getting a fax.
1442
00:58:09,861 --> 00:58:11,279
(cheering)
1443
00:58:11,738 --> 00:58:13,239
(grunting)
1444
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:14,365
Meet me there.
1445
00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:17,118
(engine roars, tires squeal)
1446
00:58:20,955 --> 00:58:22,373
(grunt, thud)
1447
00:58:22,457 --> 00:58:24,042
(cheering)
1448
00:58:26,252 --> 00:58:29,047
This here's what I call
the Clampett clamp.
1449
00:58:29,130 --> 00:58:30,465
That's not legal!
1450
00:58:30,548 --> 00:58:31,674
-Really?
-(struggling)
1451
00:58:31,758 --> 00:58:32,800
Well, try this one.
1452
00:58:32,884 --> 00:58:34,385
-Oof.
-(thud)
1453
00:58:34,469 --> 00:58:35,970
Come on!
1454
00:58:36,888 --> 00:58:37,889
-(groaning)
-(cracking)
1455
00:58:37,972 --> 00:58:39,807
I call it
the possum pretzel.
1456
00:58:39,891 --> 00:58:40,892
Not legal, either.
1457
00:58:40,975 --> 00:58:42,477
-Well...
-Ow!
1458
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:44,354
(cheering)
1459
00:58:44,437 --> 00:58:45,396
Ow!
1460
00:58:46,439 --> 00:58:48,274
What about
the hickory nut crunch?
1461
00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:49,651
-(crunch)
-Ow!
1462
00:58:49,734 --> 00:58:51,694
ALL:
Ooh!
1463
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:53,363
Yeah...
1464
00:58:53,446 --> 00:58:54,948
(high voice):
That's definitely not legal!
1465
00:58:55,031 --> 00:58:56,950
Well, ain't nothin'
legal round here?
1466
00:58:57,033 --> 00:58:57,992
(groan)
1467
00:58:58,076 --> 00:59:00,328
(panting)
1468
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:07,252
(grunt)
1469
00:59:07,877 --> 00:59:09,462
-One...
-(cheering)
1470
00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:10,463
Two...
1471
00:59:11,381 --> 00:59:13,258
(cheering)
1472
00:59:13,341 --> 00:59:14,425
One...
1473
00:59:14,509 --> 00:59:15,718
Two...
1474
00:59:15,802 --> 00:59:17,053
Yeah.
1475
00:59:17,637 --> 00:59:19,430
Three!
1476
00:59:22,350 --> 00:59:25,144
(air whipping)
1477
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,105
(grunting)
1478
00:59:27,522 --> 00:59:29,190
(whistle blows)
1479
00:59:30,525 --> 00:59:32,193
Young lady...
1480
00:59:33,403 --> 00:59:36,072
I think we found
a new team captain.
1481
00:59:36,948 --> 00:59:38,741
Sorry, Derek.
You're demoted.
1482
00:59:39,617 --> 00:59:40,618
(cheering)
1483
00:59:40,702 --> 00:59:42,537
Come here,
Morgan.
1484
00:59:42,620 --> 00:59:43,705
(applause, cheering)
1485
00:59:43,788 --> 00:59:45,373
Thanks, y'all.
1486
00:59:46,082 --> 00:59:48,376
(music playing)
1487
00:59:50,128 --> 00:59:52,046
(indistinct chatter)
1488
00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:54,173
I truly appreciate
y'all a-tossin' me
1489
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:57,010
-this here fancy
birthday party.
-(chuckling)
1490
00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:59,554
Everybody looks just
as nice as peach pie.
1491
00:59:59,637 --> 01:00:01,180
(laughing)
1492
01:00:01,264 --> 01:00:03,516
I just got one
question for you.
1493
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:05,852
Who are these people?
1494
01:00:05,935 --> 01:00:06,853
MARGARET:
Well...
1495
01:00:06,936 --> 01:00:08,563
(engine roaring)
1496
01:00:08,646 --> 01:00:10,106
Get over here!
1497
01:00:14,152 --> 01:00:16,070
-(squeaky horn)
-Howdy, Ms. Jane!
1498
01:00:16,154 --> 01:00:18,656
HATHAWAY:
Oh, my goodness,
Jethro.
1499
01:00:20,158 --> 01:00:21,701
I took your advice.
1500
01:00:21,784 --> 01:00:24,912
Made me
a big flashy car.
1501
01:00:24,996 --> 01:00:26,080
It's very you,
1502
01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:28,416
very, very macho.
(chuckle)
1503
01:00:28,499 --> 01:00:30,043
Thank you.
1504
01:00:30,126 --> 01:00:31,711
Well, shall we?
1505
01:00:31,794 --> 01:00:34,547
(valets chattering)
1506
01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:36,924
(music playing)
1507
01:00:37,008 --> 01:00:38,635
Is Pa here yet?
1508
01:00:41,846 --> 01:00:43,181
Elly May Clampett,
1509
01:00:43,264 --> 01:00:45,016
you look plumb elegant.
1510
01:00:45,099 --> 01:00:46,517
Thanks, Pa.
1511
01:00:46,601 --> 01:00:47,477
I feel kinda funny
1512
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,979
gettin' all gussied
up like this, but...
1513
01:00:50,063 --> 01:00:52,857
Ms. Laurette
says I'll get used to it.
1514
01:00:54,150 --> 01:00:55,193
You've done a fine job
1515
01:00:55,276 --> 01:00:56,944
in turnin' Elly May
into a lady.
1516
01:00:57,028 --> 01:00:59,447
Thank you,
Monsieur Clampett.
1517
01:00:59,530 --> 01:01:02,075
She is a diamond
in the rough,
1518
01:01:02,158 --> 01:01:03,826
just like you.
1519
01:01:03,910 --> 01:01:05,370
(clears throat)
1520
01:01:05,787 --> 01:01:07,455
What's all this?
1521
01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:11,501
Sushi, calamari, caviar.
1522
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:12,710
What?
1523
01:01:12,794 --> 01:01:14,545
Speak American.
1524
01:01:15,213 --> 01:01:17,048
Listen, I was
wondering if, um...
1525
01:01:17,131 --> 01:01:18,841
maybe sometime
we could go out--
1526
01:01:18,925 --> 01:01:20,093
not on a date
or anything.
1527
01:01:20,176 --> 01:01:21,219
Just, you know,
maybe to go
1528
01:01:21,302 --> 01:01:23,221
get some, uh,
burgers or something.
1529
01:01:23,763 --> 01:01:25,807
Take off that silly hat.
1530
01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:28,226
(music continues)
1531
01:01:28,434 --> 01:01:30,019
Then again, I would, uh--
(clears throat)
1532
01:01:30,103 --> 01:01:31,521
understand if
you didn't want to.
1533
01:01:31,896 --> 01:01:32,855
Sounds like fun.
1534
01:01:32,939 --> 01:01:33,981
(gulp)
1535
01:01:35,274 --> 01:01:36,901
So, Jethro,
1536
01:01:36,984 --> 01:01:38,236
once we find your
Uncle Jed a wife,
1537
01:01:38,319 --> 01:01:40,613
perhaps it'll be your
turn to get hitched.
1538
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:42,073
-Me? No!
-Mm-hmm!
1539
01:01:42,156 --> 01:01:43,408
(both giggle)
1540
01:01:43,491 --> 01:01:45,201
I'm gonna be
a Hollywood bachelor,
1541
01:01:45,284 --> 01:01:47,537
date all the hot,
young starlets. (laugh)
1542
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:49,497
Well, let me remind you
not to overlook the charms
1543
01:01:49,580 --> 01:01:51,958
of the slightly
older woman,
1544
01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:53,543
who more than makes
up with experience
1545
01:01:53,626 --> 01:01:56,462
what she may lack
in other arenas.
1546
01:01:57,171 --> 01:01:58,798
Okay, Ms. Jane.
1547
01:01:58,881 --> 01:02:00,341
No problem.
1548
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:02,927
TYLER:
Oh, please, let me.
1549
01:02:03,010 --> 01:02:04,512
(no accent):
Tyler, clam it.
1550
01:02:04,595 --> 01:02:05,888
It's show time.
1551
01:02:07,682 --> 01:02:11,686
(crying)
1552
01:02:11,769 --> 01:02:13,104
Ms. Laurette?
1553
01:02:13,187 --> 01:02:15,064
Why are you cryin'?
1554
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,360
(French accent):
I--I have just spoken
with your father.
1555
01:02:19,777 --> 01:02:23,239
And he says I would make
the best wife for him.
1556
01:02:23,656 --> 01:02:24,824
He did?
1557
01:02:25,450 --> 01:02:27,368
But as happy as
I would make him,
1558
01:02:27,577 --> 01:02:29,370
I am afraid that
you will think
1559
01:02:29,454 --> 01:02:33,291
I'm too young and beautiful
to be your mother.
1560
01:02:36,085 --> 01:02:37,170
Who'd have thought it...
1561
01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:39,046
Ms. Laurette and my Pa?
1562
01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:40,381
Hmm!
1563
01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:43,509
Oh...where is he?
1564
01:02:44,093 --> 01:02:45,261
Oh.
1565
01:02:46,471 --> 01:02:48,097
So, I can call you
whenever I want?
1566
01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:50,558
-You'll hotfoot it right over?
-Mm-hmm.
1567
01:02:50,975 --> 01:02:52,810
(sigh) Hot dog.
1568
01:02:53,728 --> 01:02:54,687
(gasp)
1569
01:02:54,771 --> 01:02:56,022
Thank you.
1570
01:02:57,690 --> 01:02:58,816
(gasp)
1571
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,568
I will miss
Elly May so much
1572
01:03:00,651 --> 01:03:02,820
when you find
yourself a wife.
1573
01:03:03,154 --> 01:03:04,030
(sigh)
1574
01:03:04,113 --> 01:03:05,406
And I will miss you, too.
1575
01:03:06,449 --> 01:03:08,993
I hadn't thought about
you not bein' here.
1576
01:03:09,494 --> 01:03:12,163
It's sure been a pleasure
to have you stay with us.
1577
01:03:12,246 --> 01:03:13,831
Thank you.
1578
01:03:14,248 --> 01:03:15,249
Jed,
1579
01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:18,795
Elly May said the strangest
thing to me tonight.
1580
01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,340
She said she would love
for me to be her mother.
1581
01:03:23,257 --> 01:03:25,218
But, I'm sure she'll get
over the disappointment
1582
01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:26,969
in whomever you choose.
1583
01:03:28,137 --> 01:03:31,057
I love Elly May
just like a daughter.
1584
01:03:32,266 --> 01:03:34,393
Perhaps, you should
speak with her.
1585
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,687
I'll do that.
1586
01:03:41,984 --> 01:03:42,944
(sigh)
1587
01:03:43,027 --> 01:03:44,779
♪ ♪
1588
01:03:44,862 --> 01:03:46,030
Well...
1589
01:03:46,739 --> 01:03:48,950
This here's
a big night for you.
1590
01:03:49,033 --> 01:03:50,618
All dressed up
and ladylike
1591
01:03:50,701 --> 01:03:53,329
At your first
Beverly Hills social.
1592
01:03:53,412 --> 01:03:55,540
Your Ma would
be so proud.
1593
01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:57,458
Thanks, Pa.
1594
01:03:57,542 --> 01:04:00,044
Ms. Laurette said
she was right proud, too.
1595
01:04:00,503 --> 01:04:02,296
You like her,
don't you?
1596
01:04:02,713 --> 01:04:04,465
Well, I like her
just fine.
1597
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:06,717
And I guess you
like her, too.
1598
01:04:06,801 --> 01:04:08,469
I certainly do.
1599
01:04:10,012 --> 01:04:12,473
All I want is for you
to be happy, Elly May.
1600
01:04:12,557 --> 01:04:15,017
I just want you
to be happy, Pa.
1601
01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:19,480
Well, I reckon there's
no time like right now.
1602
01:04:24,193 --> 01:04:25,319
MAN:
Happy birthday, Jed.
1603
01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,029
-ALL: Happy birthday!
-(applause)
1604
01:04:28,364 --> 01:04:30,157
-(guitar strumming)
-(gasps)
1605
01:04:30,241 --> 01:04:35,162
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1606
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:40,626
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1607
01:04:41,627 --> 01:04:48,009
♪ Happy birthday,
dear Jed Clampett ♪
1608
01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:54,932
♪ They've spent
a fortune on me for you ♪
1609
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:57,643
-(laughs)
-(applause)
1610
01:04:57,727 --> 01:05:00,021
And I got a feeling you're
worth every dime of it, too.
1611
01:05:01,397 --> 01:05:03,816
Step up here. Let me
take a good look at you.
1612
01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:04,901
(cheering)
1613
01:05:04,984 --> 01:05:07,445
Boy! You're looking
good on your birthday.
1614
01:05:07,528 --> 01:05:09,739
I think we need
a speech, don't you?
1615
01:05:09,822 --> 01:05:10,948
Speech.
1616
01:05:11,032 --> 01:05:13,409
(cheering)
1617
01:05:14,702 --> 01:05:17,872
You know, I have more
than any one man deserves,
1618
01:05:17,955 --> 01:05:21,334
yet there is something
I'd like for my birthday.
1619
01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:23,878
I'd like to ask the one
who helped Elly May
1620
01:05:23,961 --> 01:05:25,171
become a lady
1621
01:05:25,796 --> 01:05:26,881
to be my wife.
1622
01:05:26,964 --> 01:05:27,924
(gasps)
1623
01:05:28,883 --> 01:05:30,217
Ms. Laurette Voleur.
1624
01:05:30,301 --> 01:05:32,595
-(gasps)
-(applause)
1625
01:05:33,220 --> 01:05:35,765
Oh, I am so surprised.
1626
01:05:37,016 --> 01:05:39,644
LAURA:
This is the happiest
day of my life.
1627
01:05:43,648 --> 01:05:44,774
Huh?
1628
01:05:45,149 --> 01:05:47,109
Alright,
congratulations.
1629
01:05:49,612 --> 01:05:51,989
♪ What good is
wealth and fame ♪
1630
01:05:52,073 --> 01:05:54,700
♪ Fine clothes
and diamond rings? ♪
1631
01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:56,702
♪ It just don't mean a thing ♪
1632
01:05:56,786 --> 01:05:59,872
♪ If you ain't got love ♪
1633
01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:04,794
♪ But you can have your
cake and icing, too ♪
1634
01:06:05,169 --> 01:06:09,966
♪ if you got someone to
love that cares for you ♪
1635
01:06:10,049 --> 01:06:15,554
♪ 'Cause love's the sweetest
gift we can possess ♪
1636
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:19,433
♪ To have true love is
to be truly blessed ♪
1637
01:06:20,142 --> 01:06:23,270
♪ 'Cause what good
is wealth and fame ♪
1638
01:06:23,562 --> 01:06:26,190
♪ Fine clothes
and diamond rings? ♪
1639
01:06:26,273 --> 01:06:28,109
♪ It just don't mean a thing ♪
1640
01:06:28,192 --> 01:06:30,736
♪ If you ain't got love ♪
1641
01:06:31,362 --> 01:06:33,572
♪ Big homes and fancy cars ♪
1642
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:36,033
♪ Rubbin' elbows
with the stars ♪
1643
01:06:36,117 --> 01:06:37,243
Hoo!
1644
01:06:37,326 --> 01:06:38,577
♪ They still won't
get you far ♪
1645
01:06:38,661 --> 01:06:41,288
♪ If you ain't got love ♪
1646
01:06:41,372 --> 01:06:43,499
(rain, thunder)
1647
01:06:43,582 --> 01:06:45,126
You don't say.
1648
01:06:45,209 --> 01:06:46,335
GRANNY (on phone):
I do say!
1649
01:06:46,419 --> 01:06:48,796
Well, I'll be.
Who's he marrying?
1650
01:06:48,879 --> 01:06:52,383
Oh, some floozy
with a fancy accent.
1651
01:06:52,466 --> 01:06:54,802
She seems sneaky to me.
I don't trust her.
1652
01:06:54,885 --> 01:06:57,221
Oh, Granny, you
don't trust anybody.
1653
01:06:57,304 --> 01:06:59,306
Never mind about that.
1654
01:06:59,390 --> 01:07:01,892
I'm invitin' you to the weddin',
1655
01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:03,436
and the cousins.
1656
01:07:03,519 --> 01:07:05,104
But, just from Jed's side,
1657
01:07:05,187 --> 01:07:08,190
not includin' the Kelloggs,
nor the Daggs.
1658
01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:09,567
Now Granny,
1659
01:07:09,650 --> 01:07:11,819
you're not gonna get into
your tonic and disappear,
1660
01:07:11,902 --> 01:07:14,155
like you did when Jed married
your daughter, are ya?
1661
01:07:14,905 --> 01:07:16,198
(beep)
1662
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:17,908
(dial tone)
1663
01:07:17,992 --> 01:07:18,993
(hangs up)
1664
01:07:19,076 --> 01:07:22,121
Jethrine, your Uncle Jed's
gettin' married.
1665
01:07:22,204 --> 01:07:23,998
(gasp)
1666
01:07:24,498 --> 01:07:26,417
I always cry at weddings.
1667
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:27,376
(sniff)
1668
01:07:27,460 --> 01:07:28,419
Oh, now, honey.
1669
01:07:28,502 --> 01:07:30,212
(sniffling)
1670
01:07:30,546 --> 01:07:32,131
I do. (sniffle)
1671
01:07:33,090 --> 01:07:34,133
(snort)
1672
01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:36,802
♪ ♪
1673
01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:39,764
Well, you got both kinds
of chickens here, Jed.
1674
01:07:39,847 --> 01:07:41,265
-White and brown.
-(chickens clucking)
1675
01:07:41,348 --> 01:07:42,892
What you got there, son?
1676
01:07:42,975 --> 01:07:46,645
Oh, it's just a standard
prenuptial agreement.
1677
01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:48,064
Oh, and Ms. Hathaway
said for you
1678
01:07:48,147 --> 01:07:50,232
not to tell anyone
that you signed it,
1679
01:07:50,316 --> 01:07:51,776
not even her.
1680
01:07:51,859 --> 01:07:53,527
Well,
if Ms. Hathaway says so,
1681
01:07:53,611 --> 01:07:55,321
I don't have to read this.
1682
01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:57,281
It must be fine.
1683
01:07:57,364 --> 01:07:59,617
(bubbling, creaking)
1684
01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:02,703
They'll be comin'
from miles around
1685
01:08:02,787 --> 01:08:05,122
to get my expert
doctorin',
1686
01:08:05,206 --> 01:08:07,875
and I won't
turn a one away.
1687
01:08:07,958 --> 01:08:10,127
I done took me
the hypocritter oath
1688
01:08:10,211 --> 01:08:12,171
to help ever'body.
1689
01:08:12,254 --> 01:08:13,923
(bubbling, creaking)
1690
01:08:16,509 --> 01:08:17,968
Kinda weak.
1691
01:08:18,052 --> 01:08:19,053
(sigh)
1692
01:08:19,136 --> 01:08:21,347
Probably good enough
for city folk.
1693
01:08:22,348 --> 01:08:24,350
-(springy sound)
-Whoo!
1694
01:08:24,433 --> 01:08:25,768
LAURA:
Tyler!
1695
01:08:25,851 --> 01:08:28,854
♪ ♪
1696
01:08:29,772 --> 01:08:31,065
Did you get him
to sign the papers?
1697
01:08:31,148 --> 01:08:34,401
-Oh, yeah. He's
a very trusting man.
-(giggle)
1698
01:08:34,485 --> 01:08:36,612
-He thinks everyone's honest.
-(laugh)
1699
01:08:36,695 --> 01:08:37,905
That's a quality
I admire
1700
01:08:37,988 --> 01:08:40,199
in a man I'm
taking advantage of.
1701
01:08:40,282 --> 01:08:41,617
Hey, uh, you're not
1702
01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:43,536
sleeping with him,
are you?
1703
01:08:43,619 --> 01:08:45,454
Tyler, you know once
I move in with a man,
1704
01:08:45,538 --> 01:08:47,289
I stop having
sex with him.
1705
01:08:47,373 --> 01:08:48,582
Oh, yeah.
1706
01:08:48,666 --> 01:08:49,959
That's right.
1707
01:08:50,417 --> 01:08:52,294
LAURA:
Keep your mind
on business.
1708
01:08:52,837 --> 01:08:54,004
Now, go.
1709
01:08:54,088 --> 01:08:55,172
TYLER:
Hey, wait.
1710
01:08:55,256 --> 01:08:57,550
How about a little
goodbye kiss?
1711
01:08:57,633 --> 01:08:59,093
Alright.
1712
01:09:01,846 --> 01:09:03,430
-I knowed it! I knowed it!
-(gasp)
1713
01:09:03,514 --> 01:09:04,932
I done catched you
red-handed,
1714
01:09:05,015 --> 01:09:06,308
you two-timin' hussy!
1715
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,185
-When I inform Jed,
-(growl)
1716
01:09:08,269 --> 01:09:09,979
the weddin' will be off!
(cackling)
1717
01:09:10,062 --> 01:09:11,021
Let's get her.
1718
01:09:11,105 --> 01:09:12,314
♪ ♪
1719
01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:13,774
Wuh-oh.
1720
01:09:14,483 --> 01:09:16,902
Ohh! Oh!
1721
01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:20,573
No! No! No! Aah!
1722
01:09:21,407 --> 01:09:23,576
(muffled yelling)
1723
01:09:24,493 --> 01:09:25,536
LAURA:
Shut up,
you old hag!
1724
01:09:25,619 --> 01:09:28,372
(muffled yelling)
1725
01:09:28,455 --> 01:09:30,332
We got just
the place for you.
1726
01:09:30,416 --> 01:09:33,002
(yelling continues)
1727
01:09:34,753 --> 01:09:37,089
(metal scraping,
tires screeching)
1728
01:09:38,591 --> 01:09:40,593
I've already input
the info into the computer.
1729
01:09:40,676 --> 01:09:42,344
So, as soon as
you say I do,
1730
01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,430
bing! I press enter,
boom!
1731
01:09:44,513 --> 01:09:46,765
The money goes via
modem to Switzerland.
1732
01:09:46,849 --> 01:09:49,351
Bing, bang, boom.
We're rich!
1733
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:51,854
-(both laughing)
-(muffled yelling)
1734
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:52,938
Oh.
1735
01:09:53,022 --> 01:09:54,523
Look at those legs.
1736
01:09:54,607 --> 01:09:55,649
I can't wait to get them
1737
01:09:55,733 --> 01:09:57,568
wrapped around me.
1738
01:09:57,651 --> 01:10:00,487
(yelp)
Get her off of me!
1739
01:10:00,571 --> 01:10:01,614
LAURA:
Get those legs off of him!
1740
01:10:01,697 --> 01:10:03,282
TYLER:
She's got crap on her boots!
1741
01:10:03,365 --> 01:10:06,994
♪ ♪
1742
01:10:07,077 --> 01:10:08,078
(muffled yelling)
1743
01:10:08,162 --> 01:10:10,289
She doesn't even think
we're her grandchildren.
1744
01:10:10,748 --> 01:10:12,791
Did you say you
fear for your lives?
1745
01:10:12,875 --> 01:10:14,585
Yes. I'm afraid
the poor old dear
1746
01:10:14,668 --> 01:10:16,837
tried to shoot us
with a shotgun.
1747
01:10:16,921 --> 01:10:19,256
Are there any other
indications of dementia?
1748
01:10:19,340 --> 01:10:20,507
Last week,
we caught her
1749
01:10:20,591 --> 01:10:22,218
-trying to eat a raccoon.
-(sigh)
1750
01:10:22,301 --> 01:10:23,260
Really?
1751
01:10:23,344 --> 01:10:24,845
She calls us
kidnappers.
1752
01:10:24,929 --> 01:10:27,723
(muffled):
They are! They are!
The old buzzards are!
1753
01:10:27,806 --> 01:10:28,724
TYLER:
Quiet, now.
1754
01:10:28,807 --> 01:10:30,059
-Quiet.
-Grandma, please!
1755
01:10:30,142 --> 01:10:31,352
-(bite)
-Ow!
1756
01:10:31,435 --> 01:10:32,853
She bit me
again, honey!
1757
01:10:32,937 --> 01:10:34,313
Better check her
for rabies.
1758
01:10:34,396 --> 01:10:35,356
(phone beeps)
1759
01:10:35,439 --> 01:10:37,566
-Get two orderlies in here stat!
-Oh, you poor old dear.
1760
01:10:37,650 --> 01:10:40,069
-(crying)
-(muffled yelling)
1761
01:10:40,152 --> 01:10:42,404
LAURA:
We can't take the heartbreak
a minute longer.
1762
01:10:42,488 --> 01:10:44,073
We need to admit
her someplace
1763
01:10:44,156 --> 01:10:45,658
where she can be kept
in a straitjacket
1764
01:10:45,741 --> 01:10:47,284
away from sharp objects
1765
01:10:47,368 --> 01:10:48,577
and pay phones.
1766
01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:49,912
-(muffled yelling)
-From what you've told me,
1767
01:10:49,995 --> 01:10:51,497
I'd say that your grandmother
1768
01:10:51,580 --> 01:10:55,459
is a perfect
candidate for, uh...
1769
01:10:55,542 --> 01:10:57,378
electroshock therapy.
1770
01:10:57,461 --> 01:11:01,715
♪ ♪
1771
01:11:01,799 --> 01:11:03,008
And nobody, I repeat nobody,
1772
01:11:03,092 --> 01:11:04,802
is to be allowed into
the Clampett estate
1773
01:11:04,885 --> 01:11:06,053
without an invitation.
1774
01:11:06,136 --> 01:11:08,973
Sans invitation, non.
1775
01:11:09,431 --> 01:11:10,975
Ms. Jane, this
fella's all mad at me
1776
01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:13,394
'cause I opened up this
box of wedding food,
1777
01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:14,770
but there ain't
nothin' in there
1778
01:11:14,853 --> 01:11:16,438
but a bunch of snails.
1779
01:11:17,189 --> 01:11:19,233
I think the snails
got up in there
1780
01:11:19,316 --> 01:11:20,442
and ate all the food!
1781
01:11:21,652 --> 01:11:22,695
No problem.
1782
01:11:22,778 --> 01:11:23,988
Jethro, we'll just
buy some more,
1783
01:11:24,071 --> 01:11:25,572
and Henri, the snails
go back to the garden
1784
01:11:25,656 --> 01:11:27,241
where they belong,
1785
01:11:27,324 --> 01:11:29,034
s'il vous plait.
1786
01:11:30,244 --> 01:11:31,745
-(blows whistle)
-To your posts!
1787
01:11:32,246 --> 01:11:34,498
HATHAWAY:
Everything's going fine, but...
1788
01:11:34,581 --> 01:11:35,666
I have one small question.
1789
01:11:35,749 --> 01:11:37,084
I had a call from
the dressmaker,
1790
01:11:37,167 --> 01:11:39,128
and Granny has not been
available for her fitting,
1791
01:11:39,211 --> 01:11:40,838
and the wedding is tomorrow.
1792
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:42,506
JED:
Hmm. Come to think of it,
1793
01:11:42,589 --> 01:11:45,342
I ain't seen hide nor hair
of Granny since yesterday.
1794
01:11:46,385 --> 01:11:48,053
And you're not concerned?
1795
01:11:48,387 --> 01:11:50,431
No. She done the same thing
1796
01:11:50,514 --> 01:11:52,099
when I married
Elly May's Ma.
1797
01:11:52,766 --> 01:11:55,185
Came pourin' in about
three days later,
1798
01:11:55,269 --> 01:11:58,981
naked as a jaybird
and reeking of her medicine.
1799
01:11:59,565 --> 01:12:01,150
(sigh) Hmm...
1800
01:12:01,233 --> 01:12:05,779
("Dueling Banjos" plays)
1801
01:12:06,196 --> 01:12:07,239
(click)
1802
01:12:13,078 --> 01:12:15,164
(chewing)
1803
01:12:15,664 --> 01:12:16,915
(spit)
1804
01:12:18,625 --> 01:12:20,586
(groans, passes gas)
1805
01:12:20,669 --> 01:12:22,546
(both giggle)
1806
01:12:22,629 --> 01:12:24,965
(squeaking)
1807
01:12:30,262 --> 01:12:31,305
(clicks tongue)
1808
01:12:31,972 --> 01:12:34,266
("Dueling Banjos" continues)
1809
01:12:35,684 --> 01:12:36,727
MAN:
Play it, George!
1810
01:12:36,810 --> 01:12:38,354
WOMAN:
Yee-haw!
1811
01:12:38,437 --> 01:12:40,439
(cheering)
1812
01:12:41,732 --> 01:12:43,817
(making fart noises)
1813
01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:45,152
(spit)
1814
01:12:48,322 --> 01:12:50,282
(laughing)
1815
01:12:51,241 --> 01:12:52,493
Whoo!
1816
01:12:52,576 --> 01:12:54,244
(music continues)
1817
01:12:59,875 --> 01:13:02,419
(jet engine roar)
1818
01:13:02,503 --> 01:13:04,713
(birds chirping)
1819
01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:12,471
♪ ♪
1820
01:13:20,354 --> 01:13:21,313
CAPTAIN:
Ms. Hathaway,
1821
01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:22,981
if the immediate family
isn't concerned enough
1822
01:13:23,065 --> 01:13:24,525
to file a missing
persons report,
1823
01:13:24,608 --> 01:13:25,692
then there's
nothing we can do.
1824
01:13:25,776 --> 01:13:28,237
But, Captain Gallo,
I suspect foul play.
1825
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:31,240
I'm sorry,
but my hands are tied.
1826
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:33,367
Oh!
1827
01:13:34,284 --> 01:13:36,537
(crying)
1828
01:13:37,454 --> 01:13:39,248
But if you're desperate,
1829
01:13:39,623 --> 01:13:42,376
you might try this guy.
1830
01:13:42,835 --> 01:13:44,169
He's expensive,
1831
01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:47,089
but he's also the best
private investigator around.
1832
01:13:48,424 --> 01:13:51,969
("Barnaby Jones" theme plays)
1833
01:13:57,975 --> 01:13:59,601
Oh, this case was pretty easy
1834
01:13:59,685 --> 01:14:00,978
to crack, Ms. Hathaway.
1835
01:14:01,478 --> 01:14:03,981
I have met unsavory
characters before,
1836
01:14:04,064 --> 01:14:05,983
but she takes the cake.
1837
01:14:06,817 --> 01:14:08,569
Laurette Voleur,
1838
01:14:08,652 --> 01:14:10,571
a.k.a. Laura Jackson,
1839
01:14:10,654 --> 01:14:11,780
-(gasp)
-a.k.a.
1840
01:14:11,864 --> 01:14:13,365
Lili Le Becque.
1841
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:15,242
Married 12 times to any guy
1842
01:14:15,325 --> 01:14:17,536
with a little extra
money to throw around.
1843
01:14:17,619 --> 01:14:19,788
I should have known.
1844
01:14:19,955 --> 01:14:21,248
Voleur.
1845
01:14:21,331 --> 01:14:22,708
French for thief.
1846
01:14:23,041 --> 01:14:24,751
Now, what about Granny?
1847
01:14:24,835 --> 01:14:27,004
The old lady is
being forcibly held
1848
01:14:27,087 --> 01:14:29,923
at the Los Viejos
retirement home.
1849
01:14:30,007 --> 01:14:32,009
A disreputable
establishment,
1850
01:14:32,092 --> 01:14:33,927
often cited for
patient abuse.
1851
01:14:34,011 --> 01:14:34,970
(gasp)
1852
01:14:35,053 --> 01:14:37,055
Be tough to break her out.
1853
01:14:37,389 --> 01:14:38,557
What a calamity,
1854
01:14:38,640 --> 01:14:40,726
and the wedding
is just hours away.
1855
01:14:40,809 --> 01:14:43,061
-(bell ringing)
-(pig grunting)
1856
01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:45,689
Reverend,
do you think
1857
01:14:45,772 --> 01:14:47,357
Cousin Bill's
gonna be too busy
1858
01:14:47,441 --> 01:14:48,817
to make it
to the weddin'?
1859
01:14:48,901 --> 01:14:52,404
("Hail to the Chief" plays"
1860
01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:58,202
CLINTON:
Hillary, where did I
put that invitation?
1861
01:14:58,285 --> 01:15:01,038
MAN 1:
All those chairs have to
go around the back there.
1862
01:15:01,121 --> 01:15:03,499
MAN 2:
Hey, flowers, come here!
This way, flowers!
1863
01:15:03,582 --> 01:15:06,793
MAN 3:
Right, they need tent stakes
in the back yard right now.
1864
01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:08,295
Let's go.
1865
01:15:12,216 --> 01:15:14,259
(telephone ringing)
1866
01:15:14,343 --> 01:15:16,261
Hello.
Clampett residence.
1867
01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:17,596
Mr. Drysdale?
1868
01:15:17,679 --> 01:15:19,306
I have an urgent call
for Mr. Drysdale--
1869
01:15:19,389 --> 01:15:20,641
I'll take that!
1870
01:15:22,518 --> 01:15:23,769
(whisper):
He works for me.
1871
01:15:23,852 --> 01:15:24,770
(squeaking)
1872
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,647
Woody Tyler.
Can I help you?
1873
01:15:26,730 --> 01:15:28,315
Tyler, what are
you doing there?
1874
01:15:28,398 --> 01:15:30,984
Um, I just dropped by to
see if I could be of help.
1875
01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:34,112
Tell Mr. Drysdale
to stop the wedding.
1876
01:15:34,488 --> 01:15:35,489
Okay...
1877
01:15:35,572 --> 01:15:38,784
Laurette is a phony who is only
after Mr. Clampett's money.
1878
01:15:39,159 --> 01:15:41,078
Well,
that's not good.
1879
01:15:41,161 --> 01:15:43,747
Do it, Tyler,
or your job is toast.
1880
01:15:43,830 --> 01:15:45,165
I got it.
1881
01:15:45,415 --> 01:15:46,375
(hangs up)
1882
01:15:46,792 --> 01:15:48,126
(air whipping)
1883
01:15:49,461 --> 01:15:50,337
She's getting fat.
1884
01:15:50,420 --> 01:15:52,089
Where is Hathaway?
She was supposed
1885
01:15:52,172 --> 01:15:53,465
to check in
with me hours ago!
1886
01:15:53,549 --> 01:15:55,717
-Well, I don't know, dear.
-Well-- (sigh)
1887
01:15:55,801 --> 01:15:56,843
-Mr. Drysdale--
-Oh,
1888
01:15:56,927 --> 01:15:58,637
what do you want,
Tyler?
1889
01:15:58,720 --> 01:15:59,972
Miss Hathaway called.
She said,
1890
01:16:00,055 --> 01:16:02,307
something had come up and to go ahead
and start the wedding without her.
1891
01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:03,642
Well, what could've come up?
1892
01:16:03,725 --> 01:16:05,060
I wish I knew.
(laughs)
1893
01:16:05,143 --> 01:16:06,144
(barking)
1894
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:07,604
My, what a lovely dog!
1895
01:16:07,688 --> 01:16:08,814
-(bells jingle)
-MARGARET: Oh,
1896
01:16:08,897 --> 01:16:09,815
-thank you.
-(chuckle)
1897
01:16:09,898 --> 01:16:10,983
Tyler,
make yourself useful.
1898
01:16:11,066 --> 01:16:12,317
Go count the olives.
1899
01:16:12,401 --> 01:16:13,694
Oh, yeah. On it right away.
1900
01:16:14,486 --> 01:16:16,697
Oh, I hate that little worm.
1901
01:16:17,197 --> 01:16:18,824
What could possibly
be more important
1902
01:16:18,907 --> 01:16:21,159
than this to Ms. Hathaway?
1903
01:16:21,243 --> 01:16:23,495
♪ ♪
1904
01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:36,550
Oh, look at that.
A new nurse.
1905
01:16:36,633 --> 01:16:37,801
Yeah!
1906
01:16:38,176 --> 01:16:39,344
Howdy, Mama!
1907
01:16:39,428 --> 01:16:41,763
My baby! Oh!
1908
01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:43,265
Boy!
1909
01:16:43,348 --> 01:16:44,224
My goodness,
1910
01:16:44,308 --> 01:16:45,475
Beverly Hills
has made you
1911
01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:46,476
so sophisticated!
1912
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:47,519
(laugh)
1913
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:49,896
-Doesn't your twin
brother look handsome?
-MAN: Hi, Jethro!
1914
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,189
Give him a kiss,
Jethrine!
1915
01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:52,733
Hey, Jethro!
(kiss)
1916
01:16:52,816 --> 01:16:55,652
(ALL cheering)
1917
01:16:55,736 --> 01:16:57,321
This is us, Granny!
1918
01:16:59,156 --> 01:17:00,907
(doors slamming)
1919
01:17:00,991 --> 01:17:03,660
(playing classical music)
1920
01:17:05,579 --> 01:17:07,080
Oh, excuse me.
1921
01:17:07,831 --> 01:17:11,793
(chatter)
1922
01:17:11,877 --> 01:17:13,211
MAN 1:
I reckon.
1923
01:17:13,295 --> 01:17:14,171
MAN 2:
Yep.
1924
01:17:14,254 --> 01:17:15,547
♪ ♪
1925
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:16,590
Young man,
1926
01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:18,675
I am here to see
1927
01:17:18,759 --> 01:17:21,011
Daisy May Moses.
1928
01:17:21,386 --> 01:17:23,639
Ah, then you must be
here for the rabies test.
1929
01:17:24,389 --> 01:17:27,100
Yes. Rabies test.
Exactly right.
1930
01:17:27,184 --> 01:17:29,561
Then you want room 525.
1931
01:17:31,605 --> 01:17:32,564
Oh, nurse!
1932
01:17:33,982 --> 01:17:36,234
Better be careful.
She's a wild one.
1933
01:17:36,443 --> 01:17:39,321
-We had to give her
electroshock therapy.
-(gasp)
1934
01:17:39,404 --> 01:17:40,405
(laughing)
1935
01:17:41,490 --> 01:17:42,741
Thank you.
1936
01:17:44,117 --> 01:17:47,120
-(electric crackling)
-(high-pitched mumbling)
1937
01:17:48,914 --> 01:17:51,208
♪ ♪
1938
01:17:53,210 --> 01:17:55,087
-(cart rattling)
-JANITOR: Uh, excuse me.
1939
01:17:55,420 --> 01:17:56,713
No problem.
1940
01:17:57,130 --> 01:17:58,757
-(electric crackling)
-(door opens)
1941
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:00,300
-(gasp)
-(door closes)
1942
01:18:00,509 --> 01:18:01,968
My God.
1943
01:18:02,052 --> 01:18:03,637
-Oh, Granny.
-(high-pitched mumbling)
1944
01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:06,139
(uncorks bottle)
1945
01:18:06,807 --> 01:18:08,475
Your elixir.
1946
01:18:09,059 --> 01:18:10,435
-(wince)
-(springy sound)
1947
01:18:10,519 --> 01:18:12,979
(fabric ripping)
1948
01:18:13,188 --> 01:18:15,732
I will take you
out of here immediately.
1949
01:18:15,816 --> 01:18:18,151
Your hair is just
a bit disheveled.
1950
01:18:18,443 --> 01:18:19,778
Ms. Jane?
1951
01:18:19,861 --> 01:18:21,655
Is that you?
1952
01:18:22,406 --> 01:18:23,365
'Tis I.
1953
01:18:23,448 --> 01:18:24,574
Oh...
1954
01:18:24,658 --> 01:18:26,952
(classical music playing)
1955
01:18:27,035 --> 01:18:29,996
Granny say she don't
trust Ms. Laurette.
1956
01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:32,332
Uh-huh...
1957
01:18:32,958 --> 01:18:35,043
Take off that silly hat.
1958
01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:36,712
(mocking):
Neh neh neh neh neh neh.
1959
01:18:36,795 --> 01:18:38,880
(classical music continues)
1960
01:18:44,511 --> 01:18:45,762
(unlatches case)
1961
01:18:46,388 --> 01:18:47,806
I heard she's
so skinny,
1962
01:18:47,889 --> 01:18:49,558
you couldn't hit her
with a handful of corn.
1963
01:18:49,641 --> 01:18:51,435
-(laughing)
-(sigh)
1964
01:18:55,897 --> 01:18:57,607
Look where they're
parking the cars.
1965
01:18:57,691 --> 01:18:59,609
My God, how tacky!
1966
01:19:01,111 --> 01:19:03,488
-(sigh)
-Place is turning into a zoo.
1967
01:19:03,905 --> 01:19:07,576
I think she's a-tryin' to
take him for all he's got.
1968
01:19:08,535 --> 01:19:09,578
Hmm.
1969
01:19:09,828 --> 01:19:10,996
(beep)
1970
01:19:11,079 --> 01:19:13,165
-(typing)
-(beeping)
1971
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:20,422
Hi, there, handsome.
1972
01:19:20,505 --> 01:19:21,339
(dramatic cue)
1973
01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:23,216
You mind if I sit
in this chair?
1974
01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:24,718
-This chair?
-Mm-hmm.
1975
01:19:24,801 --> 01:19:25,802
Well, I was kind of sav--
1976
01:19:25,886 --> 01:19:27,304
Thank you.
1977
01:19:29,973 --> 01:19:31,183
Lovely wedding,
isn't it?
1978
01:19:31,266 --> 01:19:32,309
-(chuckle)
-(beeping)
1979
01:19:32,392 --> 01:19:33,769
♪ ♪
1980
01:19:33,852 --> 01:19:35,145
HATHAWAY:
Go.
1981
01:19:36,563 --> 01:19:37,731
(door shuts)
1982
01:19:40,108 --> 01:19:41,151
HATHAWAY:
Oh.
1983
01:19:41,526 --> 01:19:43,779
-(shuts doors)
-We've got to get back.
1984
01:19:43,862 --> 01:19:46,156
-I called. I told them
to stop the wedding,
-(panting)
1985
01:19:46,239 --> 01:19:47,991
but that Tyler is
so incompetent--
1986
01:19:48,074 --> 01:19:49,701
Tyler? Him and
Laurette's the ones
1987
01:19:49,785 --> 01:19:51,828
that stuck me in
this hellhole!
1988
01:19:51,912 --> 01:19:53,830
So, stabbed in the back,
1989
01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:55,415
by one of our own.
1990
01:19:55,499 --> 01:19:58,043
-And she ain't no foreigner.
-(doors open)
1991
01:19:58,251 --> 01:20:00,837
There they are.
Stop them. Sic!
1992
01:20:01,338 --> 01:20:03,757
-Oof!
-(thud)
1993
01:20:05,383 --> 01:20:07,260
-Ah!
-(springy sound)
1994
01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:10,847
♪ ♪
1995
01:20:14,226 --> 01:20:17,145
(classical music playing)
1996
01:20:17,229 --> 01:20:19,523
(crowd chatter)
1997
01:20:26,238 --> 01:20:28,532
JED:
Jethro, hold up.
1998
01:20:44,089 --> 01:20:48,635
("Bridal Chorus" plays)
1999
01:20:50,220 --> 01:20:53,056
-(gasps)
-(applause)
2000
01:20:53,557 --> 01:20:55,350
Oh, there she is.
2001
01:20:55,684 --> 01:20:58,395
Come on, come on...
Oh, she looks beautiful.
2002
01:20:58,478 --> 01:21:00,105
(heavy breathing)
2003
01:21:00,188 --> 01:21:02,524
Oh, I got the vapors.
2004
01:21:03,900 --> 01:21:04,860
(sobbing)
2005
01:21:04,943 --> 01:21:06,945
♪ ♪
2006
01:21:20,208 --> 01:21:22,502
(sobbing)
2007
01:21:24,170 --> 01:21:25,714
My makeup...
2008
01:21:26,089 --> 01:21:27,883
(sniffing, heavy breathing)
2009
01:21:27,966 --> 01:21:29,676
-(snort)
-Ooh...
2010
01:21:29,759 --> 01:21:31,177
"Dearly beloved,
2011
01:21:31,261 --> 01:21:33,889
"we are gathered here
in case of an emergency.
2012
01:21:33,972 --> 01:21:35,307
"Oxygen masks will fall
2013
01:21:35,390 --> 01:21:37,434
-"from the overhead compartment.
-(murmuring)
2014
01:21:37,517 --> 01:21:39,561
-"your seat cushion can be used
-Huh?
2015
01:21:39,644 --> 01:21:40,937
-"as a floatin' device.
-Huh?
2016
01:21:41,021 --> 01:21:42,981
-Thus sayeth the Lord."
-Excuse me, Reverend,
2017
01:21:43,064 --> 01:21:44,065
but I believe you're readin'
2018
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:46,401
the airplane safety
instructions.
2019
01:21:46,484 --> 01:21:48,111
LAURA:
May we skip this part?
2020
01:21:48,194 --> 01:21:49,738
-(giggles)
-(clears throat)
2021
01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:53,325
Hathaway better have a good
excuse for not being here.
2022
01:21:53,575 --> 01:21:54,659
♪ ♪
2023
01:21:54,743 --> 01:21:55,911
(tires screech)
2024
01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:57,287
HATHAWAY:
Quick, Granny, hurry!
2025
01:21:57,495 --> 01:21:58,663
(slamming doors)
2026
01:21:59,456 --> 01:22:01,041
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
2027
01:22:01,124 --> 01:22:02,626
-Can I see your
invitations, please?
-I'll handle this, Granny.
2028
01:22:02,709 --> 01:22:05,253
Young man, have you any idea
with whom you're speaking?
2029
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:06,963
I'd say one crazy lady,
2030
01:22:07,297 --> 01:22:08,632
and another one with a bad wig.
2031
01:22:08,715 --> 01:22:11,384
Every strand of this
here hair is mine!
2032
01:22:11,468 --> 01:22:13,053
-(kick)
-(guards yelling)
2033
01:22:13,136 --> 01:22:14,888
No, granny, no!
No, granny, no!
2034
01:22:14,971 --> 01:22:16,306
We'll find another way.
2035
01:22:16,389 --> 01:22:17,557
"We are gathered here
2036
01:22:17,641 --> 01:22:20,602
to unite these two
in holy matrimony."
2037
01:22:20,685 --> 01:22:22,062
(giggles)
2038
01:22:22,145 --> 01:22:23,146
(sigh)
2039
01:22:23,229 --> 01:22:25,523
Can we hurry
things up, please?
2040
01:22:25,607 --> 01:22:27,609
-Yes, ma'am.
-(giggle)
2041
01:22:27,692 --> 01:22:29,694
(clears throat)
Come on. Come on, baby.
2042
01:22:29,778 --> 01:22:32,405
REVEREND:
If, uh, any one of y'all
has one good reason
2043
01:22:32,489 --> 01:22:33,907
these two shouldn't
be hitched...
2044
01:22:33,990 --> 01:22:36,534
and it darn tootin'
better be a good reason...
2045
01:22:36,618 --> 01:22:39,579
then speak now
or forever hold your peace.
2046
01:22:41,331 --> 01:22:43,249
(chuckle)
REVEREND: Alright, then.
2047
01:22:43,333 --> 01:22:45,710
-"I now pronounce you..."
-Please, please, please...
2048
01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:46,795
"man and..."
2049
01:22:46,878 --> 01:22:47,837
(engine roaring)
2050
01:22:47,921 --> 01:22:49,798
REVEREND:
What in tarnation is that?
2051
01:22:49,881 --> 01:22:52,342
♪ ♪
2052
01:22:52,425 --> 01:22:53,385
(yelling)
2053
01:22:53,593 --> 01:22:55,512
GRANNY:
Charge!
2054
01:22:56,012 --> 01:22:57,681
Oh, no!
No! No! No!
2055
01:22:59,849 --> 01:23:01,768
Ah!
MAN: My car!
2056
01:23:02,894 --> 01:23:04,896
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
2057
01:23:05,146 --> 01:23:07,399
(smash)
2058
01:23:07,565 --> 01:23:08,858
Aah!
2059
01:23:08,942 --> 01:23:10,944
(screaming)
2060
01:23:16,908 --> 01:23:18,118
(engine roaring)
2061
01:23:19,327 --> 01:23:20,161
Ah!
2062
01:23:20,245 --> 01:23:21,287
(yelling)
2063
01:23:21,371 --> 01:23:22,914
GRANNY:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
2064
01:23:23,915 --> 01:23:25,875
(yelling)
2065
01:23:27,961 --> 01:23:28,920
(smash)
2066
01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:31,006
(screaming)
2067
01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:32,298
HATHAWAY:
Come on, Granny!
2068
01:23:32,382 --> 01:23:34,134
MARGARET:
Who is that?!
2069
01:23:34,217 --> 01:23:36,052
It is I,
Jane Hathaway!
2070
01:23:36,553 --> 01:23:38,555
Hathaway!
Have you lost your mind?
2071
01:23:38,638 --> 01:23:39,973
She's an impostor!
2072
01:23:40,056 --> 01:23:42,851
She's marrying Mr. Clampett
just to steal his money!
2073
01:23:43,018 --> 01:23:45,395
That sidewinder
Tyler helped her!
2074
01:23:45,979 --> 01:23:47,313
I'm ruined!
2075
01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:49,482
Milburn! Milburn!
2076
01:23:50,066 --> 01:23:51,568
-(light smashes)
-(screaming)
2077
01:23:51,651 --> 01:23:52,736
Tyler!
2078
01:23:52,819 --> 01:23:54,404
Let's set up the computer
and push the button.
2079
01:23:54,487 --> 01:23:56,656
If I can't have their money,
nobody should.
2080
01:23:57,490 --> 01:23:58,992
-Quick!
-(dishes breaking)
2081
01:23:59,075 --> 01:24:00,035
(panting)
2082
01:24:00,201 --> 01:24:01,369
-(beep)
-CLAIRE: Okay.
2083
01:24:01,453 --> 01:24:02,912
CLAIRE:
We'll send their billion bucks
2084
01:24:02,996 --> 01:24:06,416
bouncin' around so many banks,
they'll never find it.
2085
01:24:06,583 --> 01:24:07,500
It's all set!
2086
01:24:07,584 --> 01:24:09,127
All we gotta do is
push that button!
2087
01:24:09,210 --> 01:24:10,587
(laughing)
2088
01:24:10,670 --> 01:24:11,588
You rustic,
2089
01:24:11,671 --> 01:24:14,215
nose-picking,
inbred yokels!
2090
01:24:14,299 --> 01:24:16,342
You're all about
to be poor again.
2091
01:24:16,426 --> 01:24:18,011
-Think again!
-(cocks gun)
2092
01:24:18,303 --> 01:24:19,304
(whimper)
2093
01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:20,930
-(gunshot)
-(smash)
2094
01:24:21,014 --> 01:24:22,432
(screaming)
2095
01:24:22,724 --> 01:24:24,100
-Hiya!
-Oof!
2096
01:24:24,184 --> 01:24:25,143
-(kick)
-CROWD: Ooh!
2097
01:24:25,226 --> 01:24:26,311
(cheering)
2098
01:24:26,394 --> 01:24:27,562
No!
2099
01:24:28,938 --> 01:24:31,024
(kissing, moaning)
2100
01:24:32,692 --> 01:24:33,735
(crowd cheering)
2101
01:24:33,818 --> 01:24:35,528
GRANNY:
No, you don't,
you schemin' skunk!
2102
01:24:35,612 --> 01:24:37,739
Wait'll I get
my hands on you!
2103
01:24:37,822 --> 01:24:41,117
Oh, Pa, you must
be so disappointed.
2104
01:24:41,785 --> 01:24:42,994
A little.
2105
01:24:43,536 --> 01:24:46,081
But Elly May, I was mainly
marryin' Ms. Laurette
2106
01:24:46,164 --> 01:24:48,374
'cause I thought you
wanted her for your new Ma.
2107
01:24:48,917 --> 01:24:51,211
♪ ♪
2108
01:24:51,294 --> 01:24:53,046
I'm so sorry, Pa.
2109
01:24:53,129 --> 01:24:54,380
Don't be sorry.
2110
01:24:54,464 --> 01:24:56,800
I love you just
the way you are.
2111
01:24:56,925 --> 01:24:59,761
I reckon I oughta raise you
up to be who you wanna be.
2112
01:25:00,053 --> 01:25:01,638
Well, I don't need a new Ma,
2113
01:25:01,721 --> 01:25:04,140
not as long as I
got you and granny.
2114
01:25:05,642 --> 01:25:07,393
-(laughing)
-Hot dog, Ms. Jane!
2115
01:25:07,477 --> 01:25:09,395
You sure are a good shot!
2116
01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:11,356
Well, thank you,
Jethro.
2117
01:25:11,439 --> 01:25:12,899
-Hoo!
-Got ya!
2118
01:25:13,566 --> 01:25:14,859
Well, folks,
2119
01:25:15,151 --> 01:25:16,945
I guess you can say
things didn't turn out
2120
01:25:17,028 --> 01:25:18,905
quite the way we planned.
2121
01:25:19,656 --> 01:25:20,907
So...
2122
01:25:20,990 --> 01:25:23,243
since there ain't
gonna be no hitchin',
2123
01:25:23,576 --> 01:25:25,703
and we're all here anyway...
2124
01:25:27,413 --> 01:25:29,040
I say...
2125
01:25:29,249 --> 01:25:32,252
we have one
hellacious shindig!
2126
01:25:32,335 --> 01:25:33,461
(cheering)
2127
01:25:33,545 --> 01:25:34,462
(cocks gun, fires)
2128
01:25:34,546 --> 01:25:36,422
(playing music)
2129
01:25:36,506 --> 01:25:38,216
(dancing)
2130
01:25:41,177 --> 01:25:42,345
LAURA:
Let go of me!
2131
01:25:42,428 --> 01:25:45,223
Here she is, boys,
she's all yours!
2132
01:25:45,306 --> 01:25:46,975
(scream)
2133
01:25:47,058 --> 01:25:48,059
(laughing)
2134
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,937
Ah! Oh, oh...
2135
01:25:52,856 --> 01:25:54,190
LAURA:
Let go of my hand!
2136
01:25:54,274 --> 01:25:55,567
(muffled yelling)
2137
01:25:56,776 --> 01:25:57,902
(grunt)
2138
01:25:58,820 --> 01:25:59,654
(panting)
2139
01:25:59,737 --> 01:26:01,197
(muffled yelling)
2140
01:26:01,281 --> 01:26:02,657
Yee-haw!
2141
01:26:02,740 --> 01:26:04,075
(scream)
2142
01:26:07,954 --> 01:26:09,164
Oh! Ah!
2143
01:26:09,247 --> 01:26:10,206
ELLY MAY:
Hey!
2144
01:26:10,290 --> 01:26:11,875
Nobody treats my Pa that way!
2145
01:26:11,958 --> 01:26:13,084
Shut up!
2146
01:26:13,168 --> 01:26:14,043
(grunt)
2147
01:26:14,127 --> 01:26:16,588
(screaming)
2148
01:26:16,671 --> 01:26:18,548
(plates smash)
2149
01:26:18,631 --> 01:26:19,966
How's that
for ladylike,
2150
01:26:20,049 --> 01:26:21,634
-you old money-grubber?
-(sirens)
2151
01:26:21,718 --> 01:26:23,970
-(kissing)
-(muffled yelling)
2152
01:26:25,555 --> 01:26:27,473
(panting)
2153
01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:29,851
Come on, city boy,
let's dance.
2154
01:26:30,226 --> 01:26:31,853
Alright, stand back!
2155
01:26:32,645 --> 01:26:34,981
(whooping, cheering)
2156
01:26:35,064 --> 01:26:37,942
(music continues)
2157
01:26:38,026 --> 01:26:39,611
You're under arrest
2158
01:26:39,694 --> 01:26:42,030
for kidnapping, attempted
embezzlement, and fraud.
2159
01:26:42,405 --> 01:26:45,200
LAURA:
Oh, right! It was
all Tyler's idea.
2160
01:26:52,040 --> 01:26:53,708
-I admit it freely.
-(handcuffs click)
2161
01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:55,084
It was all her idea!
2162
01:26:55,543 --> 01:26:58,838
I always fall in love with
the wrong kind of man.
2163
01:26:58,922 --> 01:26:59,923
(gasp)
2164
01:27:00,006 --> 01:27:01,090
OFFICER:
Clean up that cake.
2165
01:27:01,174 --> 01:27:02,717
Don't step on the train.
2166
01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:04,594
I'll wait for you, honey!
2167
01:27:04,677 --> 01:27:07,055
(cries, snorts)
2168
01:27:09,098 --> 01:27:10,391
(squeak)
2169
01:27:10,475 --> 01:27:12,727
-(dog whining)
-MARGARET: Well, where was she?
Uh, she--
2170
01:27:12,810 --> 01:27:13,728
Aw!
2171
01:27:13,811 --> 01:27:16,272
(laughing)
Oh, well...
2172
01:27:16,356 --> 01:27:17,649
Wee doggie!
2173
01:27:17,732 --> 01:27:19,609
(puppies whining, barking)
2174
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:23,780
(cheering, whooping)
2175
01:27:35,291 --> 01:27:37,377
(music continues)
2176
01:27:47,971 --> 01:27:49,347
Thank you!
2177
01:27:50,348 --> 01:27:51,891
That's just about right.
2178
01:27:52,267 --> 01:27:53,810
Oops!
2179
01:27:54,644 --> 01:27:57,563
It's a shame they had
to file for bankruptcy.
2180
01:27:57,647 --> 01:27:59,732
Yeah, I just hope
my call to the IRS--
2181
01:27:59,816 --> 01:28:01,401
Oh, I shouldn't
open it. Sorry.
2182
01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:02,944
No problem.
We'll do it again.
2183
01:28:03,027 --> 01:28:04,862
-But, I got there...
-(crew laughing)
2184
01:28:04,946 --> 01:28:06,948
That old lady is, uh...
2185
01:28:07,699 --> 01:28:08,741
That old lady is--
2186
01:28:08,825 --> 01:28:10,243
Eh, I'm sorry. (chuckle)
2187
01:28:10,368 --> 01:28:12,620
-DIRECTOR: That's okay!
-She's gettin' pretty old
by now, I'll tell ya.
2188
01:28:12,704 --> 01:28:13,955
(laughter)
2189
01:28:14,038 --> 01:28:15,373
CREW MEMBER:
Still rolling.
2190
01:28:16,416 --> 01:28:18,418
DIRECTOR:
Okay. Gimme a big smile.
2191
01:28:18,876 --> 01:28:20,336
I can't get any bigger.
2192
01:28:20,420 --> 01:28:22,297
(laughter)
2193
01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:27,218
DIRECTOR:
So, uh, what happened?
2194
01:28:27,302 --> 01:28:29,470
Actually, he slapped me.
2195
01:28:29,554 --> 01:28:31,222
(wince)
2196
01:28:38,021 --> 01:28:40,898
Why don't you come up here?
Let me take a good look at you.
2197
01:28:42,400 --> 01:28:44,485
CREWMEMBER:
Jim. Jim?
2198
01:28:44,569 --> 01:28:45,903
Hey, dude, where are you, man?
2199
01:28:45,987 --> 01:28:47,864
(wailing)
2200
01:28:50,199 --> 01:28:52,201
Not even a bridesmaid.
2201
01:28:52,285 --> 01:28:53,619
I gotta do this again!
2202
01:28:53,703 --> 01:28:54,746
(wails)
2203
01:28:54,829 --> 01:28:57,123
(laughter)
2204
01:29:01,586 --> 01:29:03,880
(cooing)
2205
01:29:04,380 --> 01:29:05,715
DIRECTOR:
Action!
2206
01:29:08,968 --> 01:29:11,512
Oh. We've got-- no!
We've got to get back.
2207
01:29:11,929 --> 01:29:13,765
I called, I told them
to postpone the--
2208
01:29:14,474 --> 01:29:16,559
-I lost my purse.
-It's right here.
2209
01:29:16,684 --> 01:29:18,186
(laughter)
2210
01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:19,812
-How did you get it?
-I don't know!
2211
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,399
Jethro? Come on down here.
2212
01:29:23,483 --> 01:29:26,069
Likely as not, there's another
family lives up here...
2213
01:29:26,486 --> 01:29:27,403
There.
2214
01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:28,946
♪ Well, now it's
time to say goodbye ♪
2215
01:29:29,030 --> 01:29:30,782
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
2216
01:29:30,865 --> 01:29:32,450
♪ They would like
to thank you folks ♪
2217
01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:33,993
♪ For kindly droppin' in ♪
2218
01:29:34,077 --> 01:29:37,288
♪ You're all invited back
again to this locality ♪
2219
01:29:37,372 --> 01:29:40,708
♪ To have a heapin' helpin'
of their hospitality ♪
2220
01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:42,960
Hillbilly, that is.
Sit a spell.
2221
01:29:43,044 --> 01:29:44,629
Take your shoes off.
2222
01:29:44,712 --> 01:29:47,173
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
2223
01:29:47,256 --> 01:29:50,343
♪ ♪
2224
01:29:56,099 --> 01:29:57,934
♪ Have you heard the story
of the hot-rod race ♪
2225
01:29:58,017 --> 01:29:59,977
♪ Where the Fords and Lincolns
were settin' the pace? ♪
2226
01:30:00,061 --> 01:30:01,729
♪ The story is true,
I'm here to say ♪
2227
01:30:01,813 --> 01:30:04,023
♪ 'Cause I was
drivin' that Model A ♪
2228
01:30:05,233 --> 01:30:07,193
♪ It's got a Lincoln motor
and it's really souped-up ♪
2229
01:30:07,276 --> 01:30:09,070
♪ That Model A body
makes it look like a pup ♪
2230
01:30:09,153 --> 01:30:11,030
♪ It's got 8 cylinders
and uses 'em all ♪
2231
01:30:11,114 --> 01:30:13,324
♪ Got overdrive,
it just won't stall ♪
2232
01:30:14,826 --> 01:30:16,536
♪ With a four-barrel carb
and dual exhaust ♪
2233
01:30:16,619 --> 01:30:18,329
♪ With 4-11 gears,
you could really get lost ♪
2234
01:30:18,413 --> 01:30:20,248
♪ Got safety tubes,
but I ain't scared ♪
2235
01:30:20,331 --> 01:30:22,834
♪ The brakes are good,
the tires are fair ♪
2236
01:30:24,127 --> 01:30:25,962
♪ Rolled out of San Pedro
late one night ♪
2237
01:30:26,045 --> 01:30:27,839
♪ The moon and stars
were shinin' bright ♪
2238
01:30:27,922 --> 01:30:29,882
♪ We was drivin' up
Grapevine Hill ♪
2239
01:30:29,966 --> 01:30:32,218
♪ Passin' cars like
they were standin' still ♪
2240
01:30:35,596 --> 01:30:37,849
♪ ♪
2241
01:30:41,102 --> 01:30:42,812
♪ All of a sudden,
in the wink of an eye ♪
2242
01:30:42,895 --> 01:30:44,480
♪ A Cadillac sedan passes by ♪
2243
01:30:44,564 --> 01:30:46,274
♪ I said, "Boys,
that's marked for me" ♪
2244
01:30:46,357 --> 01:30:49,026
♪ By then, the taillights
was all you could see ♪
2245
01:30:50,278 --> 01:30:52,029
♪ Now, the fellas ribbed me
for bein' behind ♪
2246
01:30:52,113 --> 01:30:53,948
♪ So I thought I'd make
that Lincoln unwind ♪
2247
01:30:54,031 --> 01:30:55,908
♪ Took my foot off the gas,
and man alive ♪
2248
01:30:55,992 --> 01:30:58,244
♪ I shoved it down
into overdrive ♪
2249
01:30:59,787 --> 01:31:01,205
♪ Wound it out to 110 ♪
2250
01:31:01,289 --> 01:31:03,166
♪ My speedometer said
I'd hit top end ♪
2251
01:31:03,249 --> 01:31:05,126
♪ My foot was glued
like lead to the floor ♪
2252
01:31:05,209 --> 01:31:07,295
♪ That's all there is,
there ain't no more ♪
2253
01:31:08,713 --> 01:31:10,506
♪ Now the boys all thought
I'd lost my sense ♪
2254
01:31:10,590 --> 01:31:12,467
♪ Them telephone poles
looked like a picket fence ♪
2255
01:31:12,550 --> 01:31:14,343
♪ They said,
"Slow down, I see spots" ♪
2256
01:31:14,427 --> 01:31:16,888
♪ The lines on the road,
just looked like dots ♪
2257
01:31:18,264 --> 01:31:19,974
♪ Took a corner,
sideswiped a truck ♪
2258
01:31:20,057 --> 01:31:21,851
♪ I crossed my fingers
just for luck ♪
2259
01:31:21,934 --> 01:31:23,561
♪ My fenders was clickin'
the guardrail post ♪
2260
01:31:23,644 --> 01:31:26,230
♪ The guy beside me
was white as a ghost ♪
2261
01:31:31,903 --> 01:31:34,155
(squealing tires)
2262
01:31:41,370 --> 01:31:44,457
(tires screeching)
2263
01:31:58,554 --> 01:32:01,641
♪ ♪
2264
01:32:29,210 --> 01:32:30,628
♪ Smoke was comin'
from out of the back ♪
2265
01:32:30,711 --> 01:32:32,463
♪ When I started to
gain on that Cadillac ♪
2266
01:32:32,547 --> 01:32:34,465
♪ I knew I could catch him,
I thought I could pass ♪
2267
01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:36,968
♪ Don't you know by then
we'd be low on gas? ♪
2268
01:32:38,553 --> 01:32:40,137
♪ They had flames comin'
out from the side ♪
2269
01:32:40,221 --> 01:32:41,806
♪ You could feel the tension,
man, what a ride ♪
2270
01:32:41,889 --> 01:32:43,975
♪ I said, "Look out, boys,
I got a license to fly" ♪
2271
01:32:44,058 --> 01:32:46,310
♪ And that Caddy pulled
over and let us by ♪
2272
01:32:47,562 --> 01:32:49,522
♪ Now all of a sudden,
she started to knockin' ♪
2273
01:32:49,605 --> 01:32:51,357
♪ Down in the dip
she started to rockin' ♪
2274
01:32:51,440 --> 01:32:53,234
♪ I looked in the mirror and
the red light was blinkin' ♪
2275
01:32:53,317 --> 01:32:55,361
♪ The cops were after
my hot-rod Lincoln ♪
2276
01:32:55,444 --> 01:32:56,612
(sirens)
2277
01:32:58,990 --> 01:33:00,533
♪ They arrested me
and put me in jail ♪
2278
01:33:00,616 --> 01:33:02,535
♪ I called my Pappy
to throw my bail ♪
2279
01:33:02,618 --> 01:33:04,412
♪ He said, "Son, you're
gonna drive me to drinkin' ♪
2280
01:33:04,495 --> 01:33:08,291
♪ If you don't stop drivin'
that hot-rod Lincoln" ♪
2281
01:33:10,793 --> 01:33:13,671
♪ ♪
2282
01:33:22,805 --> 01:33:25,683
Captioned by Point.360
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