Original subtitles

Ripped By mstoll

Here you go. This one's on the house.

Thanks.

Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow?

My family's having a barbecue. Wanna come?

Family function? Pass.

I can't stand my own family's barbecues.

Why would I want to go to someone else's?

She's not talking to you.

Um, so, how about it?

Sure. Sounds like fun.

Awesome!

I'm really excited for you to meet everybody,

especially my dad.

I think you'll really like him.

He pilots the traffic helicopter for the local news.

Whoa-ho! Your dad is "Chopper Six"?

That dude rules!

"Kssht! This is Chopper Six!

Now flying over a ton of traffic.

Bet all you losers wish you were in this chopper.

Kssht!" Whoo!

And then he just flies over some burning truck

and a 50-car pile-up!

So cool.

He is really cool, but don't let your guard down.

Margaret's dad can be a pretty aggressive guy.

It's common in such a male-dominated profession.

He even refuses to shake hands

with any guy Margaret brings home.

Oh, come on. He's not that tough.

He's super-sweet when you get to know him.

Yeah, I'm sure we'll get along fine.

Well, we got to get back to work.

I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?

- Later. - Great. See ya.

I have to shake that guy's hand.

- What? Why? - Dude, it's a huge deal!

I'm finally out of the friend zone,

and now she's taking me to meet her parents!

So what? You wanna date Margaret, not her dad.

You don't get it, dude.

If Margaret and I are gonna date,

I need her dad to like me.

I have to get that handshake.

Margaret! Margaret!

Hey, mom!

So good to see you.

Mom, this is Mordecai.

Hi, Mordecai. I'm Denise.

Margaret's told us so much about you.

Oh, ha ha. I hope good things.

Well, she mentioned something about you wearing a diaper?

- Uh... - Mom!

Oh, I'm teasing!

Mordecai, let me introduce you to the family.

We have Margaret's cousins... Ricky, Tommy,

Markey, Robby, Ronny, Suzy, Stacey.

You know John. - 'Sup, Mordo!

Uncle Tim, Uncle Dave, Uncle Bill, Aunt Theresa,

Aunt Mary Beth, Aunt Kathleen,

Nana Smith, Grandpappy Jack.

And over at the grill is Margaret's...

Daddy!

Is that my little hug bug? Give me a hug, hug bug!

Daddy!

Oh! Look at you, so grown-up!

How am I gonna hug my hug bug

if I can't even recognize her?

Dad! I was here last weekend.

Hey, you bring back that mixtape I let you borrow?

Daddy's got to have his rockin' tunes for Chopper Six!

Whoa! Ha ha! What a coincidence.

I love rockin' tunes, too!

Heh heh, heh...

Daddy, this is Mordecai.

Nice to meet you, sir.

- This the diaper guy? - Uh...

I better rustle up some more burgers on the grill,

put some meat on diaper guy's bones here.

You told him, too?

Oh, relax. He's just messing around.

That's when you know he likes you.

I got to get that handshake.

I'm gonna go swim for a bit. You coming?

Oh. I didn't bring a swimsuit.

Why don't you ask Little Suzy to borrow a swim diaper?

Daddy!

All right, all right!

I've got a suit he can wear.

Wow. You guys really spend a lot of time together.

Here.

Uh, why is the front like that?

That's the back.

Maybe I'll... skip the pool.

Skip the pool?

What, are you ashamed of your body or something?

What? No! I...

A real man does not get ashamed.

Pathetic.

Here. Just give it back. I'll wear it.

No! I'll wear it!

Oh, you think you can handle it?

Yeah. Pfft! It's cool.

Not a problem.

Good.

Um...

Oh, Frank, I thought you threw that suit out.

Hey, I tried to stop him,

but the kid wanted to wear it.

You said this is what a real man would wear!

I don't know what you're talking about.

- But... - You callin' me a liar?!

No! No. It's fine, really.

- Thanks for the suit, Frank. - It's "Mr. Smith" to you!

And get that thing away from me.

Ugh!

You trying to get a handshake from old man Frank?

- Yeah. - He's a tough nut to crack.

But there is one way he'll shake your hand.

You have to beat him at a cannonball contest.

What?

He's the best cannonballer around.

Really respects the craft, you know?

He'll shake the hand of anyone

who can cannonball better than him.

Hm-hm.

Hey, Mr. Smith, I hear you're pretty good at cannonballs.

Yeah, only the best around.

How about a little contest?

You're challenging me to a cannonball contest

in my own home?!

Uh...

Recess is over, skin and bones.

It's cannonball time.

Cannonball!

Beat that, small fry!

Ha! Quitting.

Just as I thought...

Cannonba-a-a-a-ll!

Whoo! Yeah!

Cannonba-a-a-ll!

Cannonba-a-a-a-ll!

Cannonba-a-a-a-a-ll!

Cannonba-a-a-a-ll!

Ugh!

All right, Mordecai!

Had enough, diaper boy?

You kidding? I could cannonball all day.

Is that so?

But can you do a "mannonball"?

A what?

Fred, bring Chopper Six around.

It's mannonball time.

Frank, come on! Just let it go!

Stay out of it, Denise!

This is mannonball business!

I'm gonna put this punk in his place!

We'll see about that!

Wait, Dad! Come on!

Ugh! He always does this stuff.

You know your father...

always thinking with his chopper.

But that's why I love him.

That's a 50-foot drop.

You mess this up, it's gonna take

more than a pool boy to clean it up.

You ready to call it quits?

- No. - Have it your way.

Fred, more altitude!

And don't be afraid to shake things up.

Roger that.

Ohh!

It's time to give up, skin and bones!

You're out of your element!

I'm not giving up!

I'm winning this cannonball contest!

Ugh! Fred, take us higher!

But, Frank, she's not stable!

Do it now!

Give up. You can't win this.

What's your deal, man?!

I only did this contest because I wanted you to like me!

It's not about the contest!

It's about losing my baby girl!

- What? - Margaret's grown up so fast.

Every time she brings one of you yahoos to the house,

I'm afraid you're gonna take her away from me!

I can't lose my hug bug!

Dude, Margaret thinks you're the coolest dad ever!

She's always talking about how great you are.

No matter what happens, you're always gonna be her dad!

She loves you, man!

Fred, take us down.

The winds are too strong!

I'm losin' her!

Unh!

Aaaaaah!

Mr. Smith!

I'm coming, Mr. Smith!

Unh!

What are you doing?!

Saving you!

Why? I treated you like garbage!

It doesn't matter!

The only person I care about is Margaret,

and she cares about you, so hold on!

Aah!

Well, that's it.

We're gonna die.

I'm sorry about all this!

Hey, at least you tried!

Not a lot of guys would risk their lives like that!

You got guts, kid!

It was nice knowin' ya, Mordecai!

You too, Mr. Smith!

Hey! Call me Frank!

Thank you, Fra...

Best mannonball ever.

Will they be all right, doctor?

Oh, they'll be fine.

If that handshake hadn't broken their fall, they'd be dead.

We'll be able to separate them in about six weeks.

Dude, Mordecai! I heard what happened!

So awesome!

I want to jump out of Chopper Six next!

Mannonball! Mannonball! Mannonball!

You know this bozo?

Nope.

Ripped By mstoll