Original subtitles

Gentlemen, when I look at this battlefield,

I see some of the bravest men ever to wear a uniform.

Is that you, Johnson?

You're a real lazy piece of shit.

Johnson, wake up!

Sorry, sir. Just guarding the tank.

You were sleeping. I heard you.

But it's just so comfortable up here.

I, huh...

Goddammit.

And you there, stop posing.

- Sorry, sir. - Sorry, sir.

Fucking showboats.

Excuse me, dear capitan.

What do you want?

Can I get some cigarettes?

- No. - How about a rifle?

You're a prisoner of war.

That doesn't mean we can still be friends.

- It does actually. - Does it really?

I've never heard that. How about a bugle?

We already have a guy who plays the bugle.

I can for sure play better than him.

It's true. I suck.

I'm not giving you a bugle.

If I had it my way I would kill all Germans in this place.

But you already killed all the Germans in this place.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat, so do not test me.

Ouch. It's pretty mean to threaten someone

with a war crime, my friend.

We aren't fri...

Sir, I see something over there.

What is it was? Where's Johnson?

Yeehaw.

Johnson, you yahoo! Everybody run!

This is the "Video Journal of Neurosurgery" with...

Guys, I told you the list is endless.

So, why wait?

Call this toll-free number and order now.

Please stop.

Oh, wait.

So good.

Come on.

Hey!

Man, I'm getting crazy.

Yeah! Yeah!

I'm out of my fucking mind.

Ahh!

Fuck it up!

Shh. Hey. What's up, bud.

Get out of here! Stop!

Hey, make sure you wipe.

♪ Writing this down ♪

♪ 'Cause she knows I'll never leave her ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't live without her ♪

Take it, take it down.

You want some of that?

This is my dick.

That's right, it's big.

Now, don't be a pussy.

Oh, shit. Are you hurt?

♪ I don't think you ever made a big mistake ♪

♪ Cause I don't want to get you off my back ♪

♪ No wonder we hate the same things ♪

♪ I hate everyone else ♪

Let's fuck it up!

♪ I don't think you ever made a big mistake ♪

Welcome, everyone, to party of...

- Let's fuck shit up! - Let's fuck shit up!

These are yours.

That's the closest you'll be

to any pussy everything.

- Oh! - Shut the fuck up.

I get pussy.

- Oh you get what... - I get pussy.

- Yeah. - Who's pussy?

Dick.

Let me get a shot of this fine piece of meat right here.

Look at this. - It looks good on you.

Why do you look hotter than Rachel?

- Who wore it better? - That's what I'm saying.

Poor Rachel.

Don't even make that comparison.

I'm fine as fuck, dude.

Listen, this is a very special episode,

because tonight, R.A.C.K is going on a mission.

We're breaking into the Colony!

Don't use that word, dumb-ass. What is wrong with you?

We're visiting the Colony.

The infamous Colony Underground.

Why do you got to keep acting so fruity lately?

What's it you, Mohammed?

Any who, for those of you born yesterday,

The Colony Underground was this really wicked...

It was an art collective.

"It was an arts art collective?"

So, this art collective had like hell a shows all the time.

It was all ages, and some pretty big bands

would come from the city, like the KGB,

Eddie Cash and the Star Fuckers, Valentine Fox,

mostly pumping hardcore stuff. - Yeah.

We totally would have played there.

- Yeah. - For sure.

- For real. - We would have if it weren't

for the freak electrical fire

that broke out three years ago to the day.

- Wait, seriously? - Yeah, March 6, 1996.

It's March 5th.

Can you let him talk? God!

Three years ago, a freak electrical fire

barbecued the inside of The Colony Underground

and claimed four innocent lives.

The lives of the very band that headlined that night.

Legend has it their bodies only burned

after being trampled to death by their own fans.

Fans so desperate to escape the towering flames

they crushed their heroes under foot without a second thought.

Dude, keep going.

Hmm?

Oh, yeah, yeah look how freaked out Ankur looks.

Shut up, I'm fine.

Oh, your left pocket.

Is Ankur a little bitch? Let's see, let's see.

Yo, it is turning! It is turning.

Swear to God, look, look, look!

Okay, okay, okay.

So, that band was Bitch Cat.

You can cut in stuff from the tape you have right there?

- Yeah. - That'd be a cool transition.

What tape?

Oh, dude it's so sick.

At church. Can't you tell?

♪ You want it your way ♪

♪ Well, why don't you stay so? ♪

♪ Ah, keep stuffing your face ♪

♪ Eat cake as you... ♪

Well, we weren't made by a corporation.

We grew our sound and our following grassroots.

♪ What is it gonna take? ♪

♪ I guess I've seen it all ♪

♪ I know I've seen too much, oh ♪

♪ My God, what could it take? ♪

We got in Dierdre's van, and basically just played

anywhere that'd take us.

We're road warriors, man. - Yeah.

♪ Don't care about your angels ♪

♪ Get off my back, boy ♪

We don't even feel like we relate to LA anymore.

Like, that stage is our home.

Yeah and the fans our family, for sure.

Our shows are these huge parties.

Everyone belongs. Everybody has a killer time.

♪ Too bad 'cause I say so ♪

Sure.

I mean, what's the party without a little bit of violence?

♪ We came out to play ♪

♪ Get off of my stage, bro ♪

♪ Get off my fucking stage ♪

♪ My God, what could it be? ♪

I think America got, like, a rage revolution on the way.

Everyone's just so mad.

♪ Let's go, let's go ♪

Everybody's daddy got too rich.

Yeah, so give us all your fucking money, daddy.

Give us your money!

♪ Bad boy, you already know ♪

♪ I'm no angel ♪

♪ Diamonds turns black ♪

Play or die.

Play or die.

Play or die.

Play or die!

Oh, my God, look he's fucked up.

Hey! Hurry! Come on, come on.

Yo, wait, wait.

Tell everyone about the mission today.

R.A.C.K is going to The Colony Underground

to play a show on whatever is left at that stage.

And we're going to suck though because we've been rehearsing,

what, two months?

Yeah, show out to your Nazi dictator dad.

I hope that's... - Oh my God, whatever.

No, wait come on. Like, what else though?

What else? - I don't know.

We're going to get the gear, if there's any that works.

Yeah, but why'd you make a stop here? Your house?

- Come on, K. - Hey, no.

I just think inquiring minds want to know

if you're really just scared little pussy bitch.

That's all I want to know! Come on!

Hey, I'm sorry. I meant to say a little scaredy baby

who thinks he's going to meet some ghosts.

Yo, Rachel, get the camera. Get the fucking camera, Rachel.

Why's Ankur being a little bitch right now?

Stop.

Do you want your mommy because you don't come home.

Get off me!

Oh, no! The lady ghosts are going to eat me.

Dude, I can't believe we're here right now.

Come on, it's going to be fun. Come on, let's just go.

Rach, those chicks seem kind nice.

I just don't think we should fuck with their grave site.

But, like, you have to say why.

Come on, it'll make a better video.

I think it's cool.

Okay, fine.

So, you know these stories, okay?

Hindu stories about bhuts.

- Bhuts? - Yeah, dead people.

Restless spirits with unfinished business, and supposedly

if you bother them they'll like, they just like...

They'll what?

They'll fucking possess you, okay?

- Yes! - We're in.

So, that's why you went home and got a baggie of spices?

They're like ghost killing spices.

Dude, just stop, I don't want...

Relax, spice boy.

Get off my dick, motherfucker.

Wow, calm your fucking tits, dude.

Yo, hey, wait up.

Welcome to what's left of The Colony Underground.

Like, literally so far underground.

Yeah, like six feet under.

It's insane the whole audience

actually got out of here alive.

Yeah, well, they sacrifice the band to do it.

Imagine dying in a stampede.

Herd mentality, dude. Sheep.

Still smells like a fire in here.

Crispy bodies.

Whoa.

What?

Rach, I don't...

Dude, come on. just go. Come on. Hurry up.

Boo!

This place is a total maze.

So many hallways.

We've been down here for 10 minutes.

I have no idea how to get back out.

Chill. I know the way.

What is this?

The hell if I know.

I think somebody lives down here.

Look, look. Come here.

Look at this here.

Why would anybody want to live here?

Well, I mean, for a homeless guy, it's not that bad.

- Yeah, I bet. - Look at all the...

I bet we're not alone.

Dude, seriously. It's just us here.

I know it is. - That's some crackhead,

heroin-licking homeless guy here.

Can you please stop?

Sorry.

What are you doing? Stop. Don't go in there.

- Come on. - Whooo.

Dude, seriously?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You're joking.

- Not really. - Yeah, fuck that.

Anyway, look, somebody made a shrine.

- What'd you guys find? - Whoa.

No way.

Yo, Kaleb stop that.

Yo, that's not cool.

Stop, dude.

Whatever, bro.

Rachel, come here, come here. You see this?

Eww. Is... is that a boot?

Melted into the floor.

These belong to one of the band chicks, you think?

Yeah, my money's on the base player.

She wore boots like that.

I'm pretty sure they all wear boots.

Stop saying that word.

What? Boots?

Yo, Rach, come here, you got to get this.

- What? - Shit, no way.

No fucking way. Yo, Rachel, come here.

- What? What is it? - Okay, you remember

Amanda Pears, right? - Yeah.

You cannot tell me I could squeeze her

fat ass through here.

- Dude, there's no way. - There's no way!

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, no one like ripped off after asking.

That's why she can't a job anymore except the gas station

because she walks too funny.

Ah-ha-ha.

Fuck! It felt like someone pulled me.

Yeah, you fucking tripped, dude.

Guys, come quick!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yo, did you guys do this?

No fucking way.

Rachel, look at this.

- Did you do this? - No.

Hey, Ankur.

Surprise, bitch!

You guys fucking suck.

Do you seriously think some ghost set up your kit?

No. Did you, like, steal this out of my house?

Yeah, I fucking did. What are you do about it?

You going to cry about it? - You guys are fucking unreal.

Big cry baby.

Alright, everyone try not to suck, okay?

- Oh, for sure. - You're the boss.

- Let's just go. - Thanks.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight!

Hey, hey, hey!

Let's go!

Guys?

Guys, what the fuck?

Guys, seriously?

Dude, cut it out.

You guys think your having so much fun right now.

If this is a joke, I'm going to fucking kill you all.

Yes, let's go.

He's so predictable.

No, we like really got you with the whole...

It's been like three times already.

I know. Hey.

Tell the people what you're...

How your feeling right now?

Mr. Ankur, tell them right here.

What?

Dude, you have to admit we got you so good.

Yo, it was fucking fun, man. Seriously.

Yo, like, we're just fucking around.

- Look, it was my idea. - Come on.

- I'm sorry. - Yikes.

Why can't you learn how to take a fucking joke, spice boy?

- Oh, what? - Ankur.

What are you doing right now, bro?

What the fuck? What are you doing?

Don't be such a bitch about this, Ankur! Come back!

I hope the bhuta get all of you!

- Ankur, come on. - Damn. What?

What the fuck is he talking about?

So, are we still going do the jello thing?

Four Bitch Cats. Four sex dolls.

Welcome back, sickos.

We've come to The Colony Understand

to find a very scientific answer to the age-old question.

Just how hard is it to crush four chicks to death?

Let's find out.

You guys ready?

Die, bitch!

Oh!

Oh, fuck.

Are we having problems here?

Die, bitch!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Did you hear that?

Yeah, it must be a car outside.

Close the road, dude.

Jesus!

Ankur, is that you?

Get off my fucking stage!

What the fuck?!

Play or die.

Play or die.

Play or die.

Play or die.

Play or die!

Shit. Oh, shit, oh, fuck!

Please help! Help!

Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, shit!

May you peacefully go to your final resting place?!

Psycho, man. I'm crazy.

Please help me!

Please!

Please, anybody!

Please!

Cut it out!

Help me!

Anybody there?!

Stop it!

Stay away from me!

Let me out! Let me out!

No!

No!

Stop it!

You can feel it in the shows now.

Everyone's just so mad.

What's a party without a little bit of violence?

Let's fuck shit up!

Quack, quack.

Hmm.

There you are.

Hello.

Hey. Um, I just...

Okay.

Hi.

I just had to record this video

after going to Beta Sigma Eta today and meeting all the girls.

No, that's bad.

That's bad. Okay.

Okay.

I just want you to know that from the moment

that I walked into Beta Sigma Eta

I knew that it was my home.

I want you girls to be my friends for life,

and I'm not going to apply to any more sororities.

I knew from the moment that I met you

that we will become soul sisters.

- A suicide bid? - Helen?

I thought you were studying at the library.

You're only putting one sorority on your application.

A suicide bid. - Yeah, I know what

a suicide bid is, Helen.

I'm not stupid.

So, what?

Well, so, if they say no,

you will be excluded from the whole sorority process.

And that means spending your entire freshman year

as an outcast.

You really want to take that risk with those girls?

What do you mean, those girls?

I mean, you saw the way they looked at us

when they showed us around?

You mean you really think they'll say yes

to people like us?

No, not us.

Do you have a cigarette?

I can't do this.

Jesus Christ, Annie.

You're going to bring security over here.

What took you guys so long?

Don't get your panties in a twist.

We had to get some supplies. - Oh, my God.

Turns out Lily here really likes to party.

Oh, we are going to party.

You guys, you got it?

You got the keys?

My dad will kill me if he finds out.

Yeah, but do you have the keys?

You know I do.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, it's time.

Hey, Lindsay.

- Oh, shit. - Oh my God.

We're going to have a fun night.

- Oh, my gosh. - Tote college.

Isn't she the cutest?

Welcome!

Oh, my gosh, this place is incredible.

Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, man, we loved your message.

It was so heartfelt.

Wasn't it girls?

- So cute. - Adorable.

We were so flattered that you would suicide bid

just to join our sorority.

Yeah, friends forever.

Yes, soul sisters.

- Soul sisters! - Soul sisters!

So, what are we doing here?

Have you ever heard of The Legend of Guiltine?

Guiltine, was a pretty young freshman who went here to TCU

maybe 20 years ago.

She wanted to join a sorority, our sorority just like you.

And she was desperate and alone, just like you.

And the girls took her back here and into the graveyard.

And they told her that in order to be a part of their sorority,

she had to spend the night buried in a coffin.

Only they didn't just leave her there for a night.

They left her there for an entire week.

And when they finally dug her up...

There was no one in it.

What happened to her?

No one knows.

Some say she just crawled right through into the underworld.

And if you listen closely,

sometimes you can hear a knocking sound.

It's Guiltine, desperate and alone.

Looking for someone awake who she can take back

into the underworld to play with.

Drink up!

Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!

We have something for you.

Surprise, bitch.

No way!

We want you to join our family. Right, girls?

We just need you to do one thing first.

Thank you. Okay.

One tiny thing.

We need you to spend the night in a coffin.

Just like Guiltine.

Come on!

You're going to have fun, I promise.

Okay.

You're going to be scared shit less.

Oh.

Um, Annie, I don't know if I'm actually want to do this.

Oh, come on, Lily.

We all had to do it.

You... you all did this?

Sure.

It really isn't that bad.

I promise. - Okay.

There's enough air in a coffin to last you 24 hours.

The faster you breathe, the faster you use up

your air so you can't panic.

You can pull this cord at any time, and it'll ring the bell.

And we'll come and dig you up.

But if you do, you'll have forfeited your place

in our sorority.

Here you go.

We want to see how scared you get.

And so, you can see down there.

Just be brave.

It really isn't that bad.

Annie probably won't let you stay on there all night.

Take this.

Only open it when you're most scared

and about to pull the cord.

It'll give you strength. I promise you.

Thank you.

Watch out for Guiltine.

If you hear her knock, whatever you do,

don't let her know you're down there.

If you let her know you're alive,

she will take you back to the world of the dead to play with.

She's just fucking with you.

B-S-E, B-S-E, B-S-E, B-S-E!

Good luck down there. Don't get too scared.

Oh, it's nice and cozy.

Any last words?

Alright.

Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!

Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!

Whoo!

Oh, earth, earth.

Oh, moist earth.

You took away my father and my dear mother.

You took away my father and my dear mother,

then take me also for I am very lonely.

Nighty-night.

It's okay.

It's okay, just don't panic.

Don't panic.

[Exhales sharply It's okay.

It's all just for show.

They're not going to leave you down here.

Come on, you knew they were going to do this.

I'm not scared.

I'm not scared.

I'm not scared.

Oh, Helen, if you could see me now.

What did you do this weekend?

Library? Oh, that's cool. Me?

Oh, you know, the usual, just buried alive in a coffin.

No, that's what you want, isn't it?

You want me to fail so I can end up like you.

Sad and alone every Friday night wishing a boy,

any boy would ask you out.

But I'm not like you.

I'm like them.

It's okay.

It's all going to be okay.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

She's probably so scared.

The box, the box.

What the fuck?

Aw, poor baby.

Poor Lily.

Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

Oh, my God.

She's definitely shit herself.

- Let me out! - Let me out!

Let me out!

Get the bell.

If they find out we're doing a hazing prank,

we'll all get expelled.

Fuck! My dad will kill me!

No one's getting expelled.

We'll hide and we'll come back later.

But what about Lily?

I said we'll come back later.

Let's go.

Hey, dispatch for 1061 at the cemetery,

do respond with an update.

Fuck this.

Let's get back inside before we catch pneumonia.