Original subtitles

Hey, listen, you gotta get back in bed now, okay?

It's the middle of the night there.

- Can you... - Where's Daddy?

Can you give the phone to Grammy, please?

- I want Daddy. - Ca... Cameron?

- Hey, Cam? - Where's Daddy?

- Cameron? - Daddy.

Cameron!

He wants to talk to you.

Yeah. Oh. Hey, buddy. How are you?

- Good! - We love you.

We'll see you tomorrow!

I'm gonna help you.

I don't want you to go.

Maybe you can come to L.A.

Buongiorno.

Here she is. The new diva of Palermo.

- Do you want some coffee? - I'd love some. Thanks.

- Hugo. - Okay.

So, how was Niccolò?

I... I mean, the whole night was like a dream.

We just wanted you to have the perfect send-off.

Oh, send-off. What?

We have to leave Villa Pisano and bring you back to Taormina.

Oh.

You know, I just wish I could grab you all

and fold you up in my trunk and take you with me.

- Aww. - I do.

Well, we could probably all fit.

That's true.

It's a wonderful thing to make a...

A new friend so late in life.

Late in life?

It's... it's a French saying. "Tard dans la vie."

- Oh. - Late. Yes, it's, a...

- Oh, okay. - French.

- French saying. - So many French sayings.

Hey, has anyone seen Portia?

- Is she here? - No.

Did anyone see her at the party?

She's probably traipsing through the fields

with Jack somewhere.

This is my luck, you know? My bad luck with assistants.

They become my boss.

I'm taking orders from them and they're bossing me around.

And they, you know, start stealing my medications

and... and then they disappear.

This is just how it goes with me.

What are you doing?

I... I can't find my phone. Where's my phone?

How should I know?

Well, I was charging it all night.

It was right here.

- So I... - I'm sure you'll find it.

It's gotta be somewhere. Just come back to bed.

I need my phone. I need to call Tanya.

It's fine. I texted my uncle.

It's all good.

Come on.

It's all gonna be fine.

My phone, it's so weird.

Maybe you left it at the bar.

No, I definitely had it last night

'cause I was trying to find you on Instagram

and I couldn't find you.

I don't do that shit.

Not even Instagram?

- Oh, Dio. - Buongiorno.

Valentina...

Apparently, he just got super ragey at work.

Ragey? Adam?

Yeah. He just lost... He threw a... a yogurt

at his assistant's face.

He got fired 'cause he threw a yogurt?

- Jesus. - Yes. You can't throw

a yogurt at someone's face.

It's his assistant. Who cares?

I ran into his wife at the gym. She's awful.

Oh, my God.

Two kids in private school.

I mean, his family can help them a little bit, but...

Christ. When did the world become run by nuns?

I mean, you're not even supposed to succeed anymore, right?

Mm-hmm. 'Cause if you succeed,

oh, shit, you might make someone else feel bad.

You might cause harm

to all the sad losers in the world.

You're an idiot.

- Hey. - Hey.

How'd you sleep?

Fine. Um, Dad?

Yeah?

I need 50,000 euros.

Fifty thousand euros?

What for?

Oh, no, not for that girl.

Well, forget it.

I have all the bank account information,

so you can just call your accountant

and have him wire the money.

Yeah. Sure. I'll just call him right now. Yeah.

Gimme the...

No.

- What? - You can make someone's life.

Fifty thousand euros? And... And you just met this girl,

- like, what, three days ago? - So what?

Come on, Albie. Get real.

Lots of people need help in the world.

I'm not an NGO.

You don't need it. It's nothing to you.

No, it's nothing to you 'cause you don't work for money.

It's pretty much nothing to you.

I mean, what? You're just gonna go through life trying to rescue

every desperate girl you come across?

Maybe. Yeah.

Well, good luck with that. Don't expect me to subsidize.

Think of it as a karmic payment.

- A karmic payment? - Yeah.

- For what? - For all the shit you've done.

Ten thousand euros.

- Are we negotiating? - No. I don't know. I mean...

What... She doesn't need 50,000 euros.

- Yes, she does. - Why does she need it?

There's a dude stalking her.

You saw him. And she's stuck and... Whatever.

I just... Fifty thousand dollars. I can't. I could never...

- Not in good conscience ever... - Conscience?

Now you have a conscience? Over this?

Just do it. Just give it.

And then what? Are you gonna have

some kind of relationship with this girl?

Why not, you know? I like her.

We've been talking about her coming to visit L.A.

Come on, man. Albie. I mean...

How are you gonna make it in life

- if you're this big a mark? - I'm not a mark.

I'll help you out with Mom.

Give me 50...

and I'll help you with Mom.

- How are you gonna help me? - I don't know.

I'll tell her how sorry you are

and how this whole trip,

all you could think about was her,

and how it seems like you've really changed.

Yadda, yadda.

You would do that?

- Morning. - Morning.

What are we talking about?

- Nothing. - Nothing.

I had a dream that we went to visit our relatives.

They turned out to be a bunch of banshees

and chased us out of town.

Ah. Wow.

Okay.

- Ciao. - Ciao.

- Ah, no? - No.

Ah, okay.

Ah!

- Sì. - Grazie, grazie.

Salvatore.

Salvatore. Salvato...

Salvatore.

Scusa, eh.

Grazie.

Hello? Hello?

What are you doing?

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

You know, I came in here last night,

you know, and I saw this photo.

And I thought I dreamt it, but here it is.

I mean, who is this?

Steve.

Oh.

He worked on a dude ranch I stumbled on

when I was bumming around in my aspiring Kerouac days.

We used to go fly-fishing and drop acid together.

What ever happened to him?

Do you know? I don't really know.

Lost touch. Haven't spoken to him in decades.

I mean, my God. He looks just like Greg.

- Greg? - My husband.

Only he has hair.

Well, the resemblance is uncanny.

Well, we're heading out.

We need to be at the dock in half an hour.

Matteo is staying back, unfortunately,

but he wanted to say goodbye.

- Arrivederci, Tanya. - Oh. My God, Matteo.

Buona fortuna.

- Oh. - Buona fortuna.

Hey.

- Shall we? - Oh. Yeah.

He's really crying.

Yes. Italians, they tend to get a little overwrought.

What's wrong?

You fucked him.

- What? - I know what you did.

You fucked him to get back at me,

but I did nothing wrong.

- Are you okay? - I know you did something.

I didn't.

You're lying. You're not a good liar.

Because I'm not lying and I don't lie.

You just called him an idiot at breakfast.

That was the tell. You would not have done that

if something hadn't happened between you.

- That doesn't make any sense. - Stop fucking with me, Harper.

I can forgive you, but just be honest with me.

- I saw you at the fucking bar. - What bar?

You know the bar.

I was in the water and you guys were doing shots

and flirting and whispering to each other.

And then I come up here and the fucking door is latched?

- Why was the door latched? - I don't know.

Yeah, right.

I don't know. You're reading into it, okay?

It... It's not like you found a condom on the couch.

The difference is, I didn't do anything!

Did I?

- How do I know? - Because I fucking told you.

You asked me so I told you. I told you the whole truth.

Well, I'm telling you I didn't do anything, okay?

Haven't I always been honest with you?

Yeah. But you're lying now.

- Ethan, fuck off. - Just be honest with me.

Just be honest with me. Just tell me what happened.

I can't move on from this

until you tell me exactly the truth.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, we did shots at the bar.

- Mm-hmm. - And...

And, yeah, I was really mad at you

because of the hookers and the condom

- and the whole situation. - And then?

And then...

And then he said, "Let's go upstairs."

The night before at dinner,

under the table, he...

he kept touching my leg or something. I don't know.

I was drunk, obviously.

S...

So we went upstairs. I let him in the room.

He latched the door.

And then he kissed me.

But that was it, okay? That was all.

You came up right away.

He went through the connecting door.

And he kissed me for like two seconds.

It was nothing. And I was drunk.

And I'm not even attracted to him anyway.

He's disgusting, okay? It was a drunk, stupid nothing.

I regretted it immediately, okay? That was it.

So it wasn't for the hat?

The hat?

You said you came up here for a fucking hat.

It's not funny.

I know.

No, it wasn't for the hat.

But it was nothing, okay? It was a drunk, dumb nothing.

It was less than nothing.

And the real issue is that

you're not attracted to me anyway.

You don't want have sex with me. You make up excuses.

You'd rather watch porn. That is the problem.

Not Cameron kissing me for two seconds.

You're still lying to me.

- I'm not. - Yes, you are.

I came up, like, ten minutes after you

and you're telling me that all you did was kiss?

You're minimizing it.

N... No. We went up the wrong path.

- We were drunk. - Bullshit. Fucking bullshit.

- It's not bullshit. - Stop bullshitting me, please.

Ethan, I swear to God.

All right. You didn't fuck him, but what happened?

Did you suck his dick? Did you blow him?

- No. - Did he get his dick out?

No. What?

You're lying to me.

I... I told you what happened, so, I...

All right. I don't know what the fuck happened,

but one thing that I do know is he tried to fuck you.

Where are you going?

Coming!

Oh, hey, Ethan. What's going on?

Where the fuck is Cameron?

Um, he's at the beach, taking a swim.

Is everything okay?

Cameron!

Cameron!

Hey! Hey!

Hey, buddy, what's up?

- Are you trying to fuck my wife? - What?

Are you trying to fuck my wife, huh?

- Are you? - I have no idea

what you're fucking talking about, man.

Is that why you invited us out here

on this dumb fucking vacation?

Dude. Do you think I invited you here

- so I could fuck your wife? - Why do you do this, man?

'Cause I make more money than you now?

- Jesus Christ! - To make yourself feel better

- about yourself, huh? - No. No, look.

- We're friends, man. - Don't fucking touch me.

I'm happy for you, buddy.

- We're friends? - Yeah.

We are not friends. This is not some girl

that I have a crush on. It's my fucking wife.

- Come on. - Friends don't try to fuck

each other's fucking wives, asshole!

You're fucking crazy.

Fuck.

Hey, let him go! Let him go!

What the fuck?

Hey, hey, hey!

Get the fuck off me, man!

Get outta here, man. Come on. Enough.

I'm still just confused about where my phone went, you know?

'Cause like...

I got a feeling you'll find it.

Well, I kinda need it now.

I'm here for work,

and Tanya's my boss, and I have to call her and...

Yeah, well, she can't talk to you now anyway

'cause she's on the boat.

She is?

They're heading back to Taormina.

But what about me? How am I supposed to get back?

Well, I'm driving ya.

I thought, you know, you'd like that.

It's our last day together.

I wanna show you around the island.

Want you to be satisfied, don't I?

All right. I'm gonna take a shit...

and then I'm gonna get you a drink

'cause you need to tranquillo.

All right?

What a life you have. I mean, this boat, your villa...

Oh, my God, everything you have is a work of art.

So many incredible palazzi in Sicily

are in a terrible state.

We spend half our lives raising money

to keep these historic estates

from falling into ruin, don't we, Didier, darling?

I do the same in the south of France, you know.

- Noblesse oblige. - Yeah. And, you know,

there aren't enough people out there

that are worried about old buildings.

We're here on Earth such a short time,

but our houses live on. We must be good stewards.

So glad you agree.

Oh, jeez. Wait, hold on.

Don't normally get reception out on the water.

Hello?

Portia? Portia... I can't hear... Hold on a second. Hold on.

Excuse me.

And what number is this, anyway?

Uh, it's... it's Jack's.

I lost my phone and I have this weird feeling

that he... That he took it or something.

Oh. Yeah, well, I wouldn't be surprised.

Listen, Portia, I know you really like him,

but...

the other night I was walking around the villa and...

Well...

I saw Jack and his uncle and, you know,

they were, like... they were, like, naked and stuff like that.

They w... They were naked? Doing what?

Well...

he was kinda fucking his uncle.

What?

I didn't have the heart to tell you before.

- Portia? Portia? - Yeah.

Yeah. I... I f...

I feel like something bad is happening.

- What do you mean, "bad"? - I don't know.

I just have this really weird feeling

that something bad is gonna happen.

To you or to me?

Jack got really drunk last night

and he was saying how like, um, Quentin has no money,

and he almost lost his house,

and he's about to come into this giant windfall

or something, and Jack is helping him.

That doesn't make any sense.

Look, I... I'm on his yacht right now.

- He has money. - Yeah.

I just have this... this really creepy feeling right now.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Something weird did happen last night!

- What? - I was in Quentin's bedroom,

and there was this photo of a guy on his desk.

And it looked just like Greg.

Greg? There was a picture of Greg?

Well, it couldn't be Greg.

I mean, he doesn't know any gay guys in Sicily.

But then he did insist that we come to Sicily.

The prenup. The prenup. The prenup!

What... what about the prenup?

If we divorce, he gets basically nothing.

But, if...

- If what? - If I...

- Die? - Oh.

- Oh, my God. - Um, Tanya.

- Oh, my God. - Uh...

Portia, meet me in Taormina.

We gotta get the fuck outta here.

Yeah. Uh, okay. Uh... You're gonna be...

You're gonna be fine though, Tanya, okay?

I... I really feel like we're just overthinking

- this whole thing. And... - Oi!

Sh...

Portia?

Um...

Was that an international call?

'Cause that... That costs me money.

I need to get back to Taormina, like... like right away.

Your flight's not till tomorrow.

It's our last day together. But...

- Yeah. Um... - Why are you acting funny?

Yeah. I feel like I...

I need to get back now.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You'll get back. There's no rush.

Come on. I wanna show you Sicily.

Okay. Um...

Yeah.

Hello.

How was Portia?

Has Hades carried her off into the Underworld?

So, uh, how much longer to Taormina?

Just a few hours.

Enjoy the lonian Sea while you still can.

Ethan.

Come here. Sit down.

- Hey. - Hi.

You okay? You haven't really seemed like yourself

the past couple of days.

Work stuff?

What is it?

You wanna know?

Yeah.

I think...

You think what?

Cameron and Harper.

Cameron and Harper, what?

Maybe something happened.

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I mean, we never really know what goes on in people's minds

or what they do, right?

You spend every second with somebody

and there's still this part that's a mystery.

You know?

You don't have to know everything

to love someone.

A little mystery?

It's kinda sexy.

I'm a mystery to myself.

Honestly, I surprise myself all the time.

I think you just... you just...

do whatever you have to do

not to feel like a victim of life.

You know?

Just use your imagination.

Have you been over there yet, to Isola Bella?

I really wanna go before we leave.

It looks so pretty.

Come on. Walk with me.

Well, now that we're here, c... can we get off the boat?

Oh, well,

I thought we'd have our last dinner on board.

No, I... I really just wanna get back to my hotel.

Oh, no. Are you bored of us?

- No. No, no, no. I... - The thing is

we're about as close as we can get on a big boat.

The good news is that Niccolò, your paramour,

is arriving this evening on a little dinghy

and he's going to escort you personally to the shore.

Just me and him?

One last rendezvous? What's not fun about that?

Ah.

Hey.

Ciao.

Grazie.

Um...

- Um... - Hmm.

Okay.

Sì.

Ah.

Mm.

Ciao.

Rocco.

Grazie, Valentina.

Sì.

Sì.

Hey.

Um...

Huh?

Hmm.

Um...

Eh.

Mm...

Hmm?

- Huh? - Eh.

Huh?

Hey.

Ciao.

See? Told you they wouldn't tow it.

Can you just cut the shit, like, have I been kidnapped

or what's... what's going on?

What? What are you on about? No.

Like, I... I know you stole my phone, so...

Are you mental?

Please, can you just tell me the truth?

I know you've been lying to me

and I know Quentin isn't your uncle.

Wh... Yes, he is. Wh... I...

Yeah? So you fuck your uncle?

Wha... Fu...

Well, I was gonna show you around the island, but...

I'm not really in the mood now.

Guess I'll just drive you back.

I can just... I can just get a cab.

It takes a couple of hours. You can't afford a cab.

Anyway, me uncle made me promise to drive ya.

You don't want me to get in trouble now, do ya?

Just let me do me job. Yeah?

How am I your job?

Like, you've just been, like, assigned to me this...

- Oi! - Oh.

Just leave it alone.

Yeah?

Okay.

Oh. Shit!

This boat is huge.

Yes. Hey. Hi. Yeah.

- Hi. Okay. - Buona sera, signora.

Hi. Hey. Do you speak English?

- No. - No inglese? Okay.

Hey. Do you know these gays?

- Do you know these gays? - Gay?

I know it sounds crazy,

but my husband, he knows Quentin.

See, he brought me to Sicily and then he left,

so he could have an alibi. And then these gays,

they take me off to Palermo

and then they set me up with this guy who's in the mafia

and he's coming here I... I think to try to throw me off the boat.

They're going to do Greg's dirty work for him

because he's gonna pay them with my money

so they can decorate their houses or some shit.

I may... may be paranoid,

but I need you to drive me in the boat,

drive the boat to the shore.

Please?

These gays, they're trying to murder me.

Can...

- Mi capisci? - Sì.

- Mi... Yeah? - Sì.

Oh. Yeah?

Uh...

- Eh. - What?

- You're gay? - Sì.

Tutti.

Oh, my God.

I actually had that thought, too.

Yeah. He's got that red face thing.

- It looks a little swollen. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Hold on one second.

- Hi. - Good evening. Welcome.

Um... Dinner for two, I think. Right, two?

Yeah. I guess, yeah.

Mia, Mia!

- Hey, can we sit here? Perfect. - Yes.

- Yeah. - There you go.

Oh.

- Guys. - Hey.

Hey.

- Sure. - You gotta be kidding me.

- Hey. - There you are.

How are you?

- Did you get my text? - No.

Oh, I just texted you.

You guys gonna eat alone?

- It's our last night. Come on. - Thanks. Yeah.

Hey, uh, can we get two more

- place settings for here? - Thank you.

- Certainly. - Thanks.

Oh, and a bottle of your best champagne.

- I'll go get that. - It's so nice out here.

Wow.

Okay.

Scusi. Scusi.

Mm-hmm? I got the job. Singing here.

- Oh, congratulations. - Grazie.

Grazie. Grazie mille. Grazie!

- Grazie. Grazie, grazie. - Prego.

I did it.

You did what?

My karmic payment.

Money's transferred. It's all handled.

But let's not make it

a big deal.

I'd like to pretend it never happened, okay?

And although it's not why I did it,

maybe at some point, you can

put in a word for me with your mother.

I already did.

Yeah?

Sweet girl.

You know, she could be my granddaughter.

But, uh, when she hugged me just now,

I got a little aroused.

- God. - No, no, it's a...

A natural reaction.

Our Achilles' heel is an Achilles' cock.

It's like a... a Greek curse.

Um, I wanna... Can I pass on dinner tonight? I'm gonna...

I love you. Thank you.

Love you.

Oh.

What was that all about?

Guys, I just wanted to say, this has been an amazing trip.

When some...

flunky in the housing office at Yale

decided to put me and E in the same dorm room,

who would've known that all these years later,

we'd still be in each other's lives?

I think that's pretty cool, man.

And, Harper, it has been fantastic

to finally get to know you properly.

And, baby...

thanks for putting up with me.

- I love you. - I love you.

Cheers, guys. To friendship.

To travel. To the good life.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Next year, the Maldives.

Hmm.

More scuba, less pasta.

I have some good news.

What?

Check your bank account.

Brava.

Not a lasagna fan?

I'm distracted.

Well, Niccolò is quite distracting.

You're a lucky woman. We're all very jealous.

Very, very.

Well, thanks for the introduction.

I wanted you to have the most magical time in Sicily.

It was the least I could do.

Here he is.

Aw.

Well, whenever you're ready

Niccolò can take you back to Taormina.

Do I... Wait... But what about Didier

and wh... what's-his-face?

I mean, don't they have to go back to the hotel, too?

No, Didier and Hugo are sleeping on the boat.

So, it'll just be you and Niccolò.

Quite romantic in the moonlight.

Would you like to go?

No. No. No, no.

I would like another glass of white wine.

We've got all the time in the world.

Ethan?

What's gonna happen to us?

Thank you.

Hey.

You answered. How are you?

I miss you.

Listen, I can't talk right now, okay?

But, um, I guess, just... call me when you get back into town.

Yeah, yeah, I will, for sure.

- Bye. - Okay. Bye.

Why did we stop?

Jack?

Jack?

Where are we?

I thought you said

you were gonna take me back to Taormina.

We're not going to Taormina.

Huh?

This is Catania. The airport is just that way.

Do you want my advice?

Don't go to the hotel.

Don't wait around.

Just get on your flight tomorrow,

get the fuck out of Sicily.

All right?

These people are powerful. You don't wanna fuck with 'em.

Look, I know you're smart, all right?

Smarter than me. So...

just don't be stupid.

Wait, wait, wait.

Well, it's about that time. Wouldn't you say?

All right. I g... I have to use the powder room.

Well, you know where it is.

Tanya?

Uh. Yeah?

Tanya?

Is everything all right?

- Yeah. - Tanya.

- Tanya? - Yeah.

- Tanya. - Yeah. In a minute.

Tanya, is everything all right?

- Yeah. - Tanya?

In a minute.

You... This isn't a bathroom, is it?

It's a bedroom. Do you need some help?

Tanya?

- Yeah? - Can we come in?

Yeah.

Should we have a little talk?

Is Greg having an affair?

Tell me, I know you know. I...

Tell me!

What?

Oh, shit.

Wait a minute. No, wait a minute. I can't.

Can I get there? Can I?

I can't get off.

Oh, I can't.

You've got this.

Hey.

Portia?

Hi.

Hey.

Uh, where's your, uh, dad and grandfather?

Oh, they're just over there.

Yeah.

Where's your boss?

She's not answering her phone right now.

Oh, did you hear that one of the guests drowned at the hotel?

Do you know who?

No, it was crazy.

They found a bunch of dead bodies on a yacht, too.

How was Palermo?

Not great.

And what about the guy?

- He's deranged. - Oh.

Yeah. And what about the girl,

- you know, that... - Oh, yeah.

She played me.

Oh.

So... Uh...

- Can I get your number? - Yeah.

- Sure. - Oh, cool.

You could just put it in.

Yeah, and give me yours.

Yeah.

Ah the moon belongs To everyone

The best things in life They're free

Stars belong to everyone

They cling there For you and for me

Flowers in spring The robins that sing

The sunbeams that shine They're yours and they're mine

Love can come to everyone

The best things In life they're free

Moon belongs to everyone

The best things in life, They're free

Stars belong to everyone

They glitter there For you and me

Flowers in spring The robin that sings

Sunbeams that shine oh

They're yours and they're mine y'all

Love can come to everyone

Best things in life They're free

All of the good things Every one of the better things

The best, best things in life They're free