Original subtitles

(a-bomb panting)

(a-bomb giggling)

(a-bomb yelling)

Real funny, a-bomb.

You can't hide a camera in a costume.

A-bomb: (laughing) got you, big green.

It's Halloween,

My favorite holiday ever.

Oh, you got to love trick-or-treating.

Especially the tricks.

Ninja a-bomb can't wait

To tp some jerk's house.

Rick, the army's on our tail,

And we're trying to keep a low profile.

So no toilet-papering, no scares,

And no tricks.

Oh. In other words, no fun.

(hulk growling)

Skaar: Skaar have fun.

Skaar is pirate,

And skaar love treats.

(balloon bird deflating)

(bird inflating)

(bird deflating)

(bird inflating)

(bird deflating)

She-hulk: Hulk overboard.

Pirates only have one eye-patch, captain genius.

This soldier's in the campaign for the tricks

And the treats. (chuckles)

Hulk: Now, remember why we're here, team.

We're tracking some kind of...

Creepy dimensional disturbance, right?

On Halloween, too. So cool.

I know.

I get to be one of my favorite superheroes

On the one day of the year we can blend in.

Blend in?

Who do you think we're fooling, shulkie?

We're still monsters.

Tonight, I'm spider-girl, not a monster.

Red's right, though.

People think we're monsters,

And being a monster ain't something you want to be.

Scanner's picking up something. (beeping)

Come on. The disturbance seems

To be getting stronger this way.

Red hulk: Well, let's check it out.

It's coming! (shrieks)

(engine revving)

That has got to be our mysterious disturbance.

Red-hulk: That's the monster truck,

And we know who's driving it.

Red hulk: The only creeps who are creepier than we are.

Hulk: Frankenstein's monster,

The living mummy,

Man thing,

Jack russell, aka werewolf by night,

And their leader, blade.

The howling commandos.

They work for s.H.I.E.L.D.,

Nick fury's secret band of monster hunters.

You know, I'm kinda surprised fury never tried to recruit me.

Red hulk: (laughing) or maybe you were too monster-y.

Hey! (crashing)

Hulk: We don't want any trouble, blade.

Blade: Brought this on yourself, hulk.

Fury gave me the order personally.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Wants you in custody,

So we can do this the easy way, or...

Save it, fang face.

We'll take the hard way.

Then your Halloween ends early.

Commandos, bring down the hulks.

Team, you got your treat for tonight.

Smash 'em!

Hulk: Let's get 'em, smashers!

(hulks growling)

(all growling)

You hulks are wanted for the destruction of vista verde.

First off, wasn't us.

Second, we're tracking a dimensional disturbance.

So, help us find it...

(grunts)

(crackling)

I needed that.

Time to give up, hulk.

I'll give up...

Some green smash!

Skaar: Skaar slash undead!

Only half undead.

(grunts)

(grutns) let me go, man thing.

Yeah, I read about you guys in monster sightings monthly,

And you know what?

You're not so scary.

Ah!

Pitiful mortal.

You dare mock n'kantu, the living mummy?

(roars)

Ah! Bug breath.

All right, you're scary, you're scary!

Now sit,

And stay.

Werewolf: Ah, come on.

I'm not a dog, lady.

I'm a wolf...

A werewolf!

(grunting)

You think you're better than us?

But you're a monster, just like us.

Don't know where you got that brain,

But it's wrong.

I'm no monster!

(groans)

Hulk hit like monster.

Enough, blade.

We're not here to fight.

This town's in danger.

Only danger I see is from you.

(thunder crackles)

A great evil approaches.

Gotta be that disturbance.

(crackling)

Yup. That's what you'd call a dimensional disturbance.

(children gasping)

A-bomb: Nah, nah, nah. It's cool, folks.

We've handled stuff ripping through the fabric

Of space and time before.

(crackles)

(roars)

Dormammu.

Skaar not like fire head.

Who is dormammu?

A big, bad, evil dude from another dimension

Who's been trying to get to our world to create havoc

For, like, millenniums.

That is a real long time, yo.

(roars)

He can't come through.

Lucky for us. That creep would wreck earth.

On all hallow's eve,

The barrier between realms is weakest,

But his invasion is thwarted.

(strained grunts)

She-hulk: Yeah, but he's up to something.

(whooshing)

A-bomb: That's the salem witchcraft museum.

Dormammu: The hourglass of fate,

Lost like a trinket on this mortal plane,

Finally claimed by one

Who will rightfully use its power...

Dormammu!

Hulk: What's going on here, blade?

Blade: The hourglass.

No! Stop him no matter what.

Move, smashers.

Blast him, hulks!

Skaar go boom!

He's gonna get it.

Hulk: No, he's not.

(grunting)

No!

Well, he's got it.

Give me the rundown, blade.

What is that thing?

A mystic artifact said to maintain the balance

Of order and chaos.

It keeps our reality together.

Red hulk: Wait a minute.

You're telling me this magic hourglass

Can destroy reality?

And it's just sitting around in a museum?

Where anybody can grab it?

Seriously, people, lock this stuff up!

One guess what side dormammu's gonna flip it to.

Chaos!

(buzzing)

Go, my minion,

And unleash chaos on the mortal world.

(laughs wickedly)

This is it? Only one lame-o mindless one?

Easy-peasy.

(children gasping)

(all groaning)

(groaning)

Red hulk: What's that thing doing to 'em?

Doesn't matter. Smash it.

Hulk: He's turned the people into mindless ones.

A-bomb: Okay, worst Halloween trick ever.

(growls)

A-bomb: Scatter! Don't let those beams hit you.

(grunting)

Ah! The dark dimension still entraps me.

How can this be?

Red hulk: There's too many of them.

How do we stop these creeps?

Contain 'em.

Keep 'em from getting to more people.

Red hulk: Thanks, ugly.

Oh, for pete's sake.

Man thing got turned into a darn smoothie.

Ah! (Groaning)

Ah, no, red!

Red! Red in there?

Red, turn back.

She-hulk: Skaar, no.

Oh, no.

No helping him now, she-hulk.

(screams)

Jen!

(groans)

Hmm? How's that possible?

Frank doesn't like stupid one-eyes.

Frank didn't turn.

Frank am like you.

So we got something else in common.

I got your back, mummy. Get out of here.

A-bomb: Oh, no. They got wolfie.

Run for it.

Obey me, creature.

Ah, so be it.

(grunting)

From chaos, all things came.

Unto chaos,

All things must return.

On your world, dormammu shall

Make this truth eternal.

We must reach the dark dimension.

Blade, hang on.

Our only chance is to...

(grunting)

No!

(groaning)

A-bomb: Hulk, you gotta stay on the move.

Can't let 'em zap us.

N'kantu: It will make little difference, I fear.

Our defeat is inevitable.

Don't give up yet, n'kantu.

Head for the museum.

Frank want to fight, not run.

Hulk: Not my first choice, either. Go!

Oh. Sorry.

Uh, frank needed that.

Here.

(crackling)

That was too close.

I dig horror movies, I am not digging this.

(grunts)

A-bomb: They're out there.

Hey, n'kantu,

Why didn't frank and I change into mindless ones?

Perhaps it is your nature.

You are already agents of chaos.

Monsters in their purest form.

We are all monsters.

I'm not, and stop saying I am.

So we're both big, greenish,

A don't turn into mindless ones.

That's about as alike as we get.

(growls)

Now, board up the windows and doors.

Frank smashes good, too.

(beating at door)

We are trapped.

What do you suppose dormy wants

With all the mindless ones, anyway?

N'kantu: Dormammu is turning the world of men

Into one of monsters.

And when the last sands of order flow to chaos,

Our time runs out.

Literally.

That's what blade was trying to tell me.

All right, we've got to get

To the dark dimension and flip the hourglass

Before the sands run out.

A-bomb: No-can-do, you got egyptian magic.

You can teleport over there, right?

I... I am uncertain I could resist him.

I have been tempted by dark powers before.

You won't have to face him alone, n'kantu.

Hulk: We're all going.

Hulk: If only we could get to the truck.

What if truck come to us?

Hulk: Better be quick about it. The mindless ones

Are headed our way.

(whistles)

(engine revs)

(monster truck honks)

(monster truck honks)

Hulk: Everybody, get on board.

(monster truck honks)

It looks like the mindless ones

Are having some kind of town meeting down there.

Imbued with the power of chaos,

They are able to widen the portal.

I have spent countless eons

Trying to escape this dark dimension to reach earth,

But the solution has become obvious.

Bring earth to me!

No!

Dormammu: As the sands of order run out,

Chaos rises.

The barrier between realms will fall,

And my dark dimension

Will swallow your universe.

He pulls our world into bad place.

Dormammu's realm will make earth home to absolute chaos.

Pure evil!

Not on our watch.

So, uh, hulk,

What are we doing about the barrier?

Hulk: It's up to the pharaoh, now.

(chanting incantation)

A-bomb: He got us through.

Oh, yeah. Who's your mummy?

They need to change your name from no-can-do

To totally-can-do.

Me and frank will keep dormammu busy.

You two turn the hourglass back to order.

Right, because that'll be easy. Thank you.

Dormammu: You fools!

You believe you can defeat me here,

In my own dimension?

We can, firehead.

And we will.

(roars)

Unleash the monster inside you.

You are outcasts on earth.

Here, you will be royalty.

Can't move.

(both straining)

Firehead right.

We are monsters.

Monsters or not,

I'm still my own hulk.

And you're still a howling commando.

(a-bomb struggles)

Pull, mortal.

Our time grows short.

We must upend the hourglass.

I can't even budge it.

Really? I'm being attacked by hourglass ghosts?

This is so lame.

Whoa, look out, mummy dude.

The ghosts, they're possessing my body!

(dormammu roaring)

(groaning)

Your ally has fallen.

Give in to chaos, hulk.

For here, chaos is order.

Sorry, frank.

Let me ease your burden.

(groaning)

Take control of your banal brain.

Become the monster you are meant to be.

No. You can't turn me into a monster

'cause I already am one.

Need a little help, mummy dude.

Must embrace chaos.

Fate of all. Fate of all.

Don't let it take you over.

You were a pharaoh once, a good guy.

N'kantu,

No one controls you.

(groans) yes.

All right.

Uh, if you're done being evil, I'm over here.

Dormammu: Destroy your friend, monster.

Let chaos reign for eternity.

Frank, don't be one of dormammu's creeps.

Let the real monster out.

(hulk groans)

You're changing back, big guy.

You just got to keep on fighting it.

(groans)

No power controls n'kantu.

I am the living mummy!

What's this?

Another monster dares defy me?

Hulk is monster. Just like frank.

So sometimes being a monster ain't bad.

Ready to get your smash on?

Frank loves to smash.

No, I will hold the demon.

Get to the hourglass before the sands run out.

Got you, rick.

A-bomb: Thanks, hulk.

Now, let's flip that bad boy.

Everyone, heave.

Hulk: Oh, great. It's stuck.

You're too late.

Chaos triumphs.

Not today.

No!

A-bomb: Uh, where's the hourglass?

Hulk: My guess? Back where it belongs.

All right. We did it. Portal's shrinking.

Mummy, do your thing.

(chanting incantation)

Dormammu: No!

You will not escape me.

(engine revs)

(strained grunts)

(engine revs)

Let go, you fetid moss heap.

(dormammu groans)

(engine revs)

Later dork-mammu.

You've been a-bombed.

A-bomb: Yahoo!

No!

(indistinct murmuring)

Werewolf: Whoa.

(groans)

By the great pumpkin,

What in samhain happened?

Skaar confused...

And hungry.

(engine revving)

Dormammu invaded and turned everyone into mindless ones.

Ugh! I was one of those monsters?

Thought you already were a monster, monster.

Some Halloween this turned out to be.

Actually, it's like the best one ever.

I used the mumm's wraps to tp dormammu.

Epic win! (Grunts)

What is this "tp" you speak of?

(a-bomb whispering)

(yelps)

Red hulk: Trick or treat, dog boy?

(giggles)

Werewolf: You guys don't seem the type

Of monsters we should be hunting.

You're more than that.

You're heroes.

Remember that, frank,

Because in my book, you're a hero, too.

Ha, ha.

Hulk is like frank.

(clears throat)

Well, a little bit like me.

Um, frank needed that.

Thank you.

Halloween's almost over, team.

Let's get out of here before we turn into pumpkins.

So, sometimes it's okay to be a monster

'cause we all get to choose what kind of monsters

We want to be.

Speaking of which, I choose green.

Happy hulk-o-ween, everyone.

Hulk out.