All language subtitles for Christmas With The Campbells (2022) eng

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[ Bells jingling,
up-tempo "Jingle Bells" plays ]

♪

JESSE: Okay. This is going to be
the perfect Christmas card.

Grab your belly and look up.

-[ Shutter clicks ]
-Love her!

Amazing.
Perfect.

-Aww.
-[ Shutter clicks ]

All right. Let's get you guys
a little bit closer together.

Just a little bit.
Big smile.

-[ Shutter clicks ]
-Great.

Can you scoot a little bit
next to your brother?

-Perfect!
-[ Shutter clicks ]

Mom's so happy.

We're gonna get
so many fucking presents.

[ Music ends ]

[ Shutter clicks ]

JESSE: I like seeing everybody
in their Christmas clothes,

and I like seeing people happy.

And besides,
photography is my passion.

Passion? Really more
of a hobby, isn't it?

You're never gonna make any
money doing photography, Jesse.

You should be spending
all your extra free time

advancing your career.

I'm pretty content
being a buyer.

I mean, I'm grateful
that I have a job.

And no, it's not my calling,
but it gives me a chance

to put my time and energy
into other things.

Where do you see yourself
in 10 years?

In 10 years,
I see myself with you --

in a house, two kids, and a dog.

[ Cellphone buzzing ]

Oh, it's your mom.
Okay.

Hey, Mrs. C.
How's it looking out there?

Are we getting treated
to a white Christmas?

LIZ: Oh! [ Chuckles ]
Ketchum never lets us down.

-Are you there too, Shawn?
-SHAWN: I'm here, Mom. Yeah.

We were just in the middle
of eating.

JESSE: I made him
an amazing tikka masala.

-You would love it.
-Make me a recipe card.

Already made you one.

I am thinking of making
a cornbread-and-apricot stuffing

this year.

Ooh.
Sweet andsavory.

Of course, I'll still make
a traditional stuffing

on the side.

Hey, Mom, can I call you after?

Yeah. Sounds like someone's
had a long day.

SHAWN:
Yeah. But I'm sorry.

LIZ: And, Jesse,
what do you want for Christmas?

JESSE: I already have
what I want -- true love.

SHAWN:
Okay. We have to go now, Mom.

I'll call you soon, I promise.
Sorry.

Why don't you just keep making
carbs for the whole family

until we're allbattling
weight issues?

Oh, by the way,
I went to three different shops

to try to find an authentic
Dutch gnome

for your mom for Christmas,
and you know what? No luck.

I know we always go antiquing
when I'm there,

and I'm sure she'll find one
that she likes

and I could get it for her,
but it's always really nice

-to find it yourself.
-Mm-hmm.

Are you as excited to go to
Ketchum for Christmas as I am?

I love it there.
So beautiful.

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

Jesse, I have a job interview
in New York.

-Oh!
-Yeah.

I just found out about it today.

It's actually it's one
of the biggest accounting firms,

and so there's a lot of room
to grow,

make a shit ton more money.

-That's really great.
-Yeah.

It's the week before Christmas,
Jesse.

Oh, maybe I'll fly ahead
to your parents' house,

and then you can just fly out
from New York.

What I'm saying is
I don't think Ketchum

is happening this Christmas.

'Cause I got to be available
for a second interview.

Well, then how about I just
come with you to New York?

Actually, I don't think
my ticket is transferable.

Jesse, um...

[ Chuckles ]

I think I'm holding you back.

Holding me back from...what?

Don't make this any harder
than it has to be, you know?

We -- We had a really great run.

Are you breaking up with me?

I don't see our paths leading
in the same direction.

I have a lot of plans that don't
involve homes and kids and dogs.

Well, we just had sex
this morning.

Yeah. I know, and it was really
just out of sight.

Just...[ Smooches ]

And I love that about you,
you know?

You're down to clown,
and you're sexy as fuck.

I mean, you keep that pussy...
♪ So fresh

It's really, like,
just incredible how you do it.

And look, I'd be happy
to keep servicing your needs

if it won't complicate things.

-Shawn, don't...don't do this.
-Hey, look.

Baby, we did things right,
you know?

We kept the fights clean
and the sex dirty.

We respected each other.
We laughed. Remember?

And neither one of us were
unfaithful as far as you know.

I think we chalk this up
as a big win.

But now...it's time
for us both to grow.

And I-I meant what I said
about your needs.

I'll -- I'll take care of them.
You know I will.

If you need someone to step in
and pinch-hit,

day or night,
if I'm not doing anything else.

Just shoot me a text or page me.
Whatever.

[ Exhales deeply ]

All right.

[ Sighs ]

Be well.

[ Down-tempo introduction
plays ]

♪

♪ Silver bells

♪ Silver bells

♪ It's Christmastime
in the city ♪

♪

♪ Ring-a-ling

[ Cellphone buzzing ]

♪ Hear them ring

[ Sighs ]

Hey, Mrs. C.

LIZ:
I just spoke to Shawn.

I don't even have words.

I mean, breaking up with you
right before Christmas.

Yeah. Um, I'm --
I'm still in shock myself.

Well, if Shawn doesn't want to
come home, that's fine.

But we still want you to come,
Jesse.

You still want me to come
to your place for Christmas?

Of course!

You're like family to us.

Well, t-that is very,
very nice of you,

and I appreciate the offer,
but...

I don't think that's
a very good idea.

It's the best idea.

You don't have anywhere else
to go,

and I'm not going to have you
sitting by yourself

on Christmas.

We want you here,
and we love you.

♪

♪

[ Both laugh ]

Hi!

Mr. and Mrs. C!

You didn't have to pick me up.
I would have taken a cab!

ROBERT:
Oh, please.

When have we not
ever picked you up?

And it's no different this time.

You're family, Jesse.

You are skin and bones.
Have you been eating food?

I-I have.

I have a brownie in my purse.

Here you go.

And we're stopping
at the grocery on the way back.

I am going to make you
all your favorites.

ROBERT: Be careful of this one.
She can bake all right.

But you will swell up
like a tick.

[ Bells chime ]

♪

Oh! Liz!

I was going to talk
to that husband of yours

about going over
some of my taxes.

Is he working over the holidays?

-At least until Christmas Eve.
-Oh, great.

Oh, it's Jesse, isn't it?

-Yeah.
-Are you in town for Christmas?

It wouldn't be the holidays
without Jesse.

And what of that son of yours?

Is he too busy to come in
and say hello?

Actually, Shawn is going to be
in New York for Christmas

this year,
as you've probably heard.

So, are you two still together,

or did he do you dirty
like he did my Darlene?

-There's your ground round, Liz.
-LIZ: Thank you, Stuart.

And I will be back
for my Christmas bird.

Great. Oh.
Extra gravy on the side?

Extra extra gravy, please.

-[ Chuckles ]
-Bye-bye.

Give my best to Darlene.

Oh, I will.

Too bad Shawn's not here
to shove in hisregards.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

-Merry Christmas!
-Merry Christmas!

What a whore, showing up here
all by herself.

-Gosh, it's...
-Honestly, that is so desperate.

♪

LIZ:
Robert? Dinner's ready.

ROBERT:
Ah.

Whoa.

I thought we were gonna lay off
the carbs till Christmas.

It's a ploughman's.

Ploughman's is mostly bread.

Eat or don't eat, Robert.

JESSE:
So, how's work going?

Oh, you know what?

It's actually
a little bit better now.

I take a couple days
to work from home.

His secretary retired, and the
office has gotten awfully quiet.

He really should give it up.

Let's not be hasty.

What I should be giving up
is all this bread.

LIZ:
He's always wished

that Shawn would come back
and work with him.

But I think we understand

that Shawn has bigger dreams
outside of Ketchum, don't we?

ROBERT:
Speaking of which,

how's the Petco thing going
for you?

Oh, it's going.

But, you know,
I'm always open to a new path.

Really?

Well, as one who has hit
the fork in the road

and had to make path decisions,

you will never know where
it leads until you take it.

Um, that feels fairly obvious.

Not exactly
groundbreaking counsel

but undeniably accurate.

Eat your ploughman's, Robert.

♪

[ Knock on door ]

Bedtime snack.

Oh!
Thank you so much, Liz.

Jesse...

I know it must feel strange
to be here without Shawn.

And I maybe was selfish
to ask you to come.

No.
It...It feels right to be here.

The first time you came,

you and Shawn had only been
together what, four weeks?

-Three weeks, I think.
-[ Chuckles ]

And even then, I knew you were
a perfect fit for this family.

I mean, who else would
appreciate gnomes like I do?

Exactly.

I just want to say that...

...I know that Shawn can be
very active.

And...wild sexually.

And I want you to know...

...that comes from my side
of the family.

And I really just
wanted to apologize.

I'm sorry.

Thank you for sharing that
with me.

That -- Um, I didn't know that,
but...that makes sense.

Okay.
Well, two or three cookies

and you'll have
a good night's sleep.

Jesse, I will see you
in the morning

for pancakes with Nutella.

-Mmm.
-Good night.

And I'm so glad you're here.

There's no place like gnome.
[ Chuckles ]

I knew you'd get that.

Okay.

And if you're still hungry,

there's some cheese cubes
in the fridge.

Great.

Oh, then tomorrow
is Robert's morning,

so we won't be downstairs
till about 10:00.

Get it, girl.

♪

-Robert.
-Hmm?

Where are you going?
It's your morning.

Uh, yeah. I got to get started
on these lights.

It's important
that we stay connected

during this busy holiday season.

Well, you're right, honey.

And normally I would love to,
but I've got so much to do.

I want you to drop those lights
and put on a good mind-set...

...and pull out your dick.

It's your morning, Robert.

♪

This one is a recipe that
Shawn's cross-eyed grandmother

used to make.

Aww. Crème fraîche.
Mmm.

That was the secret ingredient.

Mm.

There's probably
some misspellings.

Well, unfortunately, I have to
go cut hair and do therapy.

But don't worry about the stew.

It can just stay on low
until I get back.

How about I decorate the tree
while you're at work?

I would love that,
but Robert's not back until late

to go up in the attic
and haul out the decorations.

I would do it myself,
but...I don't like to.

That's okay.
I know where to find them.

Okay. Have fun.
Be careful.

And if you get bored later,
come on in for a blow-dry.

On me.

Thanks, Mrs. C.

♪

Hello?

Oh!
Ooh!

There's a dog.
Um, hello.

Uh, come here, boy --
I mean girl. Or whatever.

Uh, do you want a cookie?
Come here.

Come on.
Get away from them.

Come here. Come here, dog.
Come here, puppy.

He prefers dinner
before dessert.

Oh, my -- Hello.

Um, is this your dog?

And best friend.
Rescued him when he was a pup.

I named him after
my second favorite explorer.

Hey, Polo.
Come on!

Leave that, Polo.
[ Chuckles ]

I can't be mad at him.
He's too gorgeous.

Name's David.
I'm kin to the Campbells.

Fall under the title of nephew.

Oh, you're Liz's sister's son.

Glad to meet you.

Well, nice to meet you.

I'm Jesse.
I'm Shawn's gir--

Um...I was dating Shawn, and
then now -- We're on a pause.

It's complicated.
I don't want to get into it.

But I'm friends
with the Campbells.

So you're here by yourself?

Well, the Campbells
invited me here,

and I also had already
bought them presents,

and I had already bought
my plane ticket and I --

No need to hang your laundry
on the line here in front of me.

That's yourDairy Queen.

-I'm just glad to meet you.
-Me too.

It's my dog.
I'll clean up after him.

Well, I'll call Liz and Robert
and tell him that you're here.

Actually, you know, uh,
they don't know I'm coming.

Yeah. I was just gonna surprise
him on my way to Mount Hood.

Well, looks like I need to
head into town,

find a replacement
for this ornament.

And I suppose I'll have to guess

at the ingredients
for that stew.

Oh, I know the recipe.
I can help you with that.

Well, if it doesn't dirty your
dress, yeah, I'd appreciate it.

No problem.

[ Dog barking ]

♪

W-- Sh-- Polo!

[ Laughing ]
Polo!

Aw, Polo, go on!

Come on. Come on.
Get back in the house.

Sorry. It's kind of --
kind of his spot.

Come on, bud.
I'm asking nice.

-Come on!
-[ Dog whimpers ]

Oh, good boy.

That's his spot usually.

I'll be back soon!

All right. So we have carrots,
potatoes, celery, peas.

Oh.
We forgot the ground round.

Oh. We'd better retie
that string around her finger.

-Got to have the meat.
-Yeah.

-I'll be right back.
-Okay.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Bell chiming ]

[ Shutter clicking ]

♪

♪

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Sorry I took so long.

All right.
Decoration time.

Let's go replace that ornament.

I think the Christmas market
is right around the corner.

Oh.
Well, let's do it.

Besides, what's more fun
than shopping

and talking about
absolutely nothing?

[ Chuckles ]

So, Colorado's home?

Yep.
Mount Wilson.

We got sun and snow.

Best skiing around.

You must ski all year.

No. Not once.
I'm more of a facilitator.

I, uh, operate
a small travel agency.

That's what brings me joy

is making other people's dreams
come true.

That's amazing.

What about you?
What appeals your potato?

Um, well, I guess I-I really --
I like photography.

Very nice.
Really?

What kind of --
What kind of photos you take?

Really, any different thing
that catches my eye day to day.

Um, I take
some family portraits,

but that's really more
of a hobby.

There's not much
of a career path there.

Well, who cares?

It tickles your soul, right?

That puts you
way ahead of the game.

Hm.

So, is the rest of your family
joining us for the holiday?

No. My, um, my pop passed
when I was 8.

Oh. Sorry to hear that.

And my stepdad, Skip, he, um,

he takes my ma on a trip
every Christmas.

And then this year,
they're going to Alaska.

-Oh. Very nice.
-Yeah.

Should be nice for them.

When I was 9, he, uh,
sat me down and he said,

"I'm never gonna try
to be your father,

but I sure do love being
romantic with your mother.

So I'm gonna take her on a trip
every holiday

so that I can get her alone

and do stuff to her
without any interruptions."

I said, "What kind of things?"

He said, "Rub on her
and have her tug me

and incorporate
children's costumes,

but in a more adult way.

It may sound selfish,
but, uh,

that's what keeps
the engine running," he said.

[ Chuckles ]

Anyway, uh, of course,
not too keen on it,

but you also got to let people
live the lives

they want to live, right?

Wow. That sounds awful...
and oddly specific.

But I also know what it's like
to have your family

not invite you for the holidays.

-Here we are.
-Shall we?

Oh, they got some talented hands
in China.

I always think of the Valley as
being so great for outdoor
activities,

but I forget what a killer
art scene they got here, too.

It's funny --
I've actually never done

any outdoor activities here.

Really? Shawn never took you,
uh, skiing or snowshoeing?

Wow. Well, how many times
you been to Ketchum?

Let's see. Um, every Christmas,
Thanksgiving, Easter,

Memorial Day,
St. Patrick's Day,

Mr. and Mrs. C's birthdays,
their anniversaries,

Labor Day,
and, of course, my birthday.

Wow. Your mouth is just saying
the whole calendar. [ Chuckles ]

You know, whenever
I'd come here to visit,

I-I just couldn't get enough
of the mountains.

Man, the sights, the smells,
the snow.

It always just felt right,
you know?

Come to think of it, I never
could get Shawn to come outside.

He was always wanting to be
inside, playing Monopoly.

And I'm not knocking Monopoly.

I'd just personally
rather be outside living

than inside,
counting fake money, you know?

I totally agree.

Well, you have time
for one more stop?

-Sure.
-All right.

-Thanks, Gertrude.
-You're welcome. Bye-bye.

Okay, so I'm having sex.
It's totally not connected.

And I look up and I see
this man, a beautiful man,

gyrating on top of me,
and I realize, Lloyd,

he doesn't even know
that my favorite band is Exposé.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

I would rather not be
in a relationship

than be in one
that I don't believe in.

Well, honey,
I say in the long run,

the only thing that matters
is good hygiene

and a man who won't
knock on the door

when you're drinking wine
in the tub.

[ High-pitched voice ]
Guess who!

-Oh!
-[ Laughing ] Oh!

Christmas came early this year.

Oh!
There are them smells.

-[ Laughs ]
-Oh, you!

And I see you met Jesse.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, David.

Becky.

I see you brought those lips.

Oh.
These old flappers?

I had to.

Oh, it's been a few years.

You look -- You look great.

-You too.
-Let me hug your neck.

I'll be delicate there.
Hey.

So you're staying for Christmas?

Well, if Aunt Lizzie has room
at the table.

-I don't want to assume.
-I heard Shawn's not coming in,

so there's room for you.

Uh, Francesca at --
at the hobby shop told me that.

LIZ:
Well, I'm delighted you're here.

And there's always room
at the table for you.

Aunt Liz, I appreciate you
so much.

God, if you were
two years younger.

We'd have to try
notto get pregnant.

[ Laughs ]

But God bless, Liz.
I appreciate the invitation.

Thank you so much.

-It's good to see you, Becky.
-Good to see you.

We got some meat to stew.
We'd better head out.

Uh, I'll explain
when you get home.

It's looking good.
All right.

-Bye, sweetie.
-Salvador, how are you?

Hey, listen.

News travels faster
in small towns

than fleas do in a dog pound.

By this time tomorrow,
everyone in town

is gonna know that I'm here
and Shawn's not.

And then they'll just move on
to something new, you know?

-Thanks.
-Sure.

-Oh. Please. I got it.
-Thanks.

Thank you for helping me
with this.

Oh, it is my pleasure.

This is fun.
I-I live for this.

Jesse, shoot me
if I'm trespassing here,

but, um, you know,
I've kept one foot in the door

of a relationship that's ended,

and it just kind of prolongs
everything, you know?

That's not what I'm doing.

I have a great time
with the Campbells.

And then the last time
that we were here,

Mrs. C took me antiquing,

and, boy, does she know
how to haggle.

I mean, I love antiquing,
but she just takes it

-to another level.
-Yeah.

Oh, and on Thanksgiving,
it was so funny.

Mr. C tried to deep-fry
the turkey,

but it ended up looking like
Peking duck.

So then we ended up
having to order Chinese food.

And then everybody had to make
their own fortunes,

and we all drew one.

It was so much fun.

It's pretty obvious you and the
Campbells have a blast together.

Oh, yeah.
We have a great time.

So what about you?

What happened
with that relationship

where you stayed too long?

It started with me moving
to Bend, Oregon,

taking a lower-paying job
to be with her,

and ended with her fornicating
with my tae kwon do instructor.

Oh, my God.

Don Alvarez.

It's terrible.

It was.

We had a security camera
on the front doorbell,

and so I...I saw everything.

I'm so sorry.

Of course,
I don't honor what he did,

but, um, I know
he was gentle with her.

It actually turned out
to be a blessing.

You know,
it just made me realize

that no matter how joyful
something starts,

it always ends with hurt.

I'm much happier now just
hanging around with Polo here.

[ Dog whimpers ]

Oh, I got to say, Jesse,

that, uh, tree's looking
marvelous again.

Oh.
Well, thank you.

I can't take
all the credit, though.

-David helped a little.
-A little?

You know, David,
maybe I could empower you

to help me configure the lights
for our show.

Empower me? Is that a fancy way
of asking me to do it?

-Yes, please.
-No. Of course.

-I'd be happy to, Uncle Rob.
-Oh, thank you.

I didn't know y'all were still
doing that light show.

Oh!
Of course.

It's the highlight
of the Christmas party

and a Campbell tradition.

Speaking of traditions,
there's also the wishing tree.

Oh, yeah.
I heard about this.

It's, uh, supposed to be hidden
in the Valley somewhere, right?

-That's the one.
-And if you find it,

-you have to make a wish.
-Oh.

But it will only come true

if you never tell anyone
where it is.

Have you two ever found it?

Maybe.

What about you and Shawn?

We -- We looked a lot,
but no luck.

Well, maybe this will be
your lucky year.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

Oh!
[ Laughs ]

Hi!

Morning, Polo.
Oh!

[ Exhales deeply ]
What's going on?

Where are you taking me?

♪

♪

-It's nice and solid.
-Oh, God.

-You're all right.
-Okay.

-Come on. You got it.
-[ Screams, laughs ]

There you go!
All right!

-You got it. That's good.
-Whoa!

DAVID:
Yeah!

I'm glad I came.
I'm having so much fun.

A couple more steps, and we get
to the realpie crust.

Here we are.
Drink in that view.

Smooth goin' down.

[ Exhales deeply ]
It's beautiful.

I haven't done something
this spontaneous in forever.

Really? Well, what kind of stuff
did you and Shawn do?

I mean, other than Monopoly.

Well, we would, you know, do
stuff like work out, spin class.

Sometimes we would stay up late
and binge-watch a TV show.

Then he'd always complain
the next day

that he didn't get enough sleep
for his abs.

[ Shutter clicking ]

Oh, no. Man.
Come on.

You got to get my good side.
[ Chuckles ]

-[ Laughing ]
-Yeah!

You're a natural!

My mom loved Christmas.

She died when I was 8.

And when she was gone, so was
the -- the magic of the holiday.

And when my dad remarried,
he just wanted to throw away

all the memories,
and Christmas went with it.

I never told Shawn any of that.

I guess I was too afraid

that he would think
I came with too many issues.

I mean, he thinks I talk a lot
and I overexplain things

and I go on long tangents
about nothing

and I'm too sensitive,
that I cry too much,

They don't put away things
correctly.

But...everyone has their thing.

Oh, yeah. Everybody's got a
little dirt under their nails.

Yeah.

DAVID: I find most people think
their dreams can't be reality,

when more often than not,

all you need to do
is just reach out and grab them.

They're right in front of you.

Okay.
Oh. Wait up.

-Are you coming?
-[ Laughing ] Okay. Hold on.

Cheers to grabbing...it.

All right.
To grabbing it.

♪

Hey, bud.
What are you doing out here?

-Oh!
-Hey. You listen.

A little time apart, letting
loved ones be individuals,

that makes getting together
all the more joyous.

BECKY:
I am so sorry.

I was just leaving,
and Polo just ran out.

-Oh. Hey, Beck.
-Hi.

I made you a pie.
I left it on the counter.

Well, that is mighty nice
of you.

Now, what flavor should my mouth
be expecting?

-Peach.
-Hm.

Then I spice things up a little
bit with some red ginseng,

ginkgo biloba, tribulus,
and just a pinch of vodka.

I've never heard of any
of those, but I trust you.

They're very
stimulating flavors.

Yeah.
That's stimulating my memory.

Phew.

Growing up, I never could get
enough of your sweets, Becky.

Remember when we were kids?

You bought that box
of cookies for me,

and I...threw my whole
cookie jar at you.

Up in your three house.

[ Softly ]
In my tree house.

Man, if those tree-house
walls could talk.

Oof.
[ Chuckles ]

Brings up a pretty good
memory file

with smells and...
warmth and tastes and...

Consent?

Yeah.
Not on my end.

Well, Jesse and I
should probably get inside

and help with the, uh --

Lights for the show.

Hi.

Have you been standing here
the whole time?

Hello.
Yes.

Well, anyway, I want you
to stop by the bakery later --

it's on Main Street --

'cause I want to hear
what you thought of that pie.

Oh, I will indeed.

-Okay.
-Yeah. Thanks again.

-Nice to see you.
-So good to see you.

[ Dog barking ]

What was that all about?

Oh, just childhood memories.

I see.

She's nice.

DAVID: That's why I never
ended up going.

[ Laughs ]

How was skating?

-Oh.
-Oh, it was really great.

It's been a while
since I've been on skates,

but I got my legs back.

Yeah.
Well, you'd never have known it.

Robert used to flood the yard
when Shawn was younger.

Did Becky ever come over
and skate?

-Only when David was in town.
-Mm-hmm.

And then she would be here
day and night.

I'm surprised
she didn't get frostbite

in that skating costume
she wore.

Oh, no. She did.
Yeah. Yeah.

She got it pretty bad
in some places.

So Becky and David were...

Friends.
Just friends.

-Mm.
-[ Cellphone ringing ]

ROBERT:
Saved by the bell. Mm.

Oh.
Shawn!

Sweetie, it's so good
to hear from you.

Oh, you just got to New York.
Great.

Well, you should
probably get settled.

You've got a big day tomorrow.

Okay, Shawn.

Dad and I miss you.

And best of luck
on the interview.

How is he?

Uh, Jesse, 'cause he's
been traveling,

I haven't had a chance
to tell Shawn that you're here.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

[ Sighs ] I hope Jesse's
having a good time.

Oh, relax.
She's fine.

They're having fun.

Yeah.

Now...unwind
and take a sip of this.

It's lots of grape soda,
a healthy dose of cough syrup

topped off by hard candy.

It makes the perfect glass
of purple drank.

Liz, I really just want to get
some rest, go to sleep.

Right, and a serving of sizzurp
will make you feel really good

and will put you right to sleep.

Is this safe?

So let's just enjoy the moment,

have a nice glass of lean
together.

Cheers.

Yeah.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

♪

Ah.

[ Gasps ]
Polo.

Couldn't sleep either?

[ Dog whimpering ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

Want one?

Oh, wow.
Yeah.

Yeah, way more cough syrup
at the moment than grape soda.

It's very full bodied.

Mm-hmm.

I like that it's not oaky.

You know, the hard candy
is now bringing out the texture

of the grape soda.

Plus, it gets you high.

Mm.

Polo?

Polo.

Now, if I were to order this
in the future,

would it be purple drank
or sizzurp?

Or lean.
What -- What...

They'll know what you mean.

-[ Dog whining ]
-JESSE: I know.

I know.
Maybe I shouldn't have come.

I mean, Shawn doesn't even know
that I'm here.

Maybe David is right.

Maybe I am keeping one foot
in the door.

Both feet, actually.

[ Clears throat ]

Sorry.
I don't want to scare you again.

Working on Aunt Lizzie's
shortbread cookies?

Mm-hmm.

With candied cherries.

Oof. Man.
That's my poison.

She sends me a tin every year.

She sent me the recipe.

You're kidding me.

She told me that was top secret.

It is.

Well, you really are
like family.

You know, when my ex and I
broke up, uh,

at first I thought
I was missing her.

And then, um, I realized

I was just kind of missing
playing with her dog.

[ Chuckles ]

So I went to the shelter
and got Polo here.

-Right, buddy?
-Really?

-Yeah.
-Mm.

Maybe you did come back
to keep one foot in the door.

Or maybe you just like
sharing recipes,

hanging out with the family.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

♪

Robert, we have to get going.

[ Gasps ] Well, don't you
look nice for the dance.

Well, that's the pot calling
the kettle gorgeous.

Yeah, Polo picked it out.

It's my finest threads.

That Wrangler butt of yours
is driving me nuts.

Careful, Aunt Liz.

If you weren't blood related,

that type of talk
would get you straight kissed.

You know, it's very nice of you,
spending time with Jesse.

I was worried about her
with Shawn not here.

Well, she's fun to be around.

I really like spending time
with her.

Yeah.
I've been enjoying myself.

I'm looking forward
to going to the dance with her.

-[ Tapping ]
-Uh, Liz,

can you shut off
the main breaker, please?

-I'll take care of it.
-Don't. Don't be silly.

You and Jesse get going
to the dance.

I will go and figure out
what a breaker is.

Oh, I can't let you do --

LIZ:
It's okay.

JESSE:
Hey.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Is it too much?

Oh...n-no.

Not at all.

You look real nice.

You look like a disco ball

made sweet love
to a shootin' star.

Mm.

Like a diamond exploded.

Oof.

I believe that jumpsuit
will jump-start the whole dance.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

-[ Chain jingling ]
-Oh!

Oh, no -- no -- Polo!
[ Sighs ]

No, no, no. That --
Polo, come on.

It's very gracious of you, Polo,
to sit in the back seat.

But, uh, sorry.
You still can't come, buddy.

Sorry, Polo. Human folk
just aren't there yet.

-Come on! Come on, Polo.
-[ Dog barks ]

Yeah.
All right.

-[ Laughing ] Bye, Polo.
-[ Laughing ] All right.

[ "Jingle Bells" plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪

Here you go.

-From the spiked bowl?
-Oh, of course.

Oh, isn't that Becky?

LIZ:
Sweet Becky Ackerman.

I see she did her own hair
tonight.

May I have this dance

with the most beautiful woman
in the room?

Honestly, Robert.

That line is 30 years old.

But it still works.

[ Laughs ]
Come on.

A little friction and fantasy,
my dear.

LIZ:
Oh.

♪

♪

[ Gasps ]
Look.

Oh, how tacky!

She looks like
a giant fishing lure.

Ha.
Well, we know what she'safter.

Don't we, Darlene?
Mm-hmm.

♪

Um, pardon me one second.

Hey.
You doing all right?

I thought you said
we were gonna be old news.

Oh.
Yeah.

Hey, let's dance.

Give them something
to really chew on.

-I love it.
-All right.

-[ Up-tempo music plays ]
-Oh!

Whoa.
Okay.

♪

-Hey!
-You got moves.

-Well, you're easy to lead.
-[ Laughs ]

-Yoo-hoo. [ Chuckles ]
-Oh.

May I cut in?

Sorry, Beck.

Actually, uh,
I asked Jesse here to dance,

and she kindly said yes.

So call me old-fashioned,
but I'm a --

I'm a one-partner type of guy.

Oh.
Okay.

Well, I understand.

All right. Good.
No disrespect.

No.

-Old-fashioned. [ Chuckles ]
-Yes.

-Have a good night.
-Bye, Becky.

♪

I-I don't know.

Um, I think Becky might want

a little bit more
tree-house time with you.

-Oh, that was a long time ago.
-Mm.

And it was nothing.
Really.

-Nothing.
-It was just a kiss.

Must have been some kiss.

Must have been.

♪

Ugh! Now she is trying to bang
Shawn's cousin.

Oh, that is so low.

Ho ho ho indeed!
[ Chuckles ]

We are dealing with a top-shelf
Christmas slut!

♪ Santa made it just for you

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

DAVID:
Oh, man. Look at that.

I could see someone
who's always wanted to drop down

on the fresh powder

cutting a path
through uncharted territory.

Just them, the wind, the sky...
and their emotions.

-Ooh.
-You'd have mesold.

You kidding?

Them glossy pictures
did the selling.

Wow. You got --
You got quite an eye.

-Two of them, actually.
-[ Chuckles ]

You ever think about doing
this picture stuff

in a salaried,
non-amateur kind of way?

I'm talking bank-account stuff.

Uh, do you mean take pictures
as -- as a full-time job?

-Mm-hmm.
-Oh.

Um, I would love to.

I've just...
never really considered it.

Sorry.
In the way.

LIZ:
Jesse!

Any chance that you're going
into town today?

Robert left both
of his reading glasses here,

and without them,

he will only be able to find
his lunch by smell.

Oh, I'll drop them off,
Aunt Liz.

No. I need you here to go up
on the roof and do that man work

that you're so good at.

Otherwise, Robert will come home

and he will try to go up
on the roof by himself

and put up that showstopper
and tweak his sciatica.

-Hmm.
-Don't worry about it, Mrs. C.

I'll bring him the glasses.

Well, have fun on the roof.

Thank you.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

-Knock, knock.
-Whoa.

Mr. C, I brought
your reading glasses.

Ah. Great.
Thank you.

-You are such a lifesaver.
-You're right.

It does seem a little bit
more quiet in here now.

Yeah. Yeah, probably more space
than I actually need anymore.

I should maybe think about
setting up shop

in the back of the drugstore
again.

-In the drugstore? Really?
-Yeah.

When I was first starting out,

I realized people love
to talk about what ails them.

And I thought,
"This is a good segue

into talking about
managing their finances."

And let me tell you, it worked.

I learned everything
there is to know

about everyone in this town,

and all from the back
of that little drugstore.

-Mm-hmm.
-Despite what my father said.

What'd your father say?

That it was impractical to -- to
start into business on my own,

that I should stay
and work on the farm,

like I was incapable
of thinking work,

like I was some stupid fuck.

You know, I loved the old man,
and he definitely motivated me.

But sometimes
you just have to go for it.

[ "We Wish You
a Merry Christmas" plays ]

JESSE:
Okay. Um...a hat.

Uh, Santa's hat.
Elf hat.

No. Uh, Scrooge.
Uh -- Oh!

-The Grinch! The Grinch!
-Yes!

"The Grinch
Who Stole Christmas"!

-Oh, come on.
-[ Laughs ]

Wow.
I can't believe you got that.

-That -- That was amazing.
-All right.

No pressure,
but let's get this one

so I don't get dog-talked
all night long.

Okay. I got you, Robert.
So I'm guessing.

-You're guessing.
-All right.

All right. Let's go.
You got this, Uncle Robert.

Uh, waves.

Uh...chicken...

Uh, hat.
Hand.

Uh, smoking hand.
Fire.

-Fire!
-Y--

Uh -- Uh -- Uh -- Af--
Uh, bonfire.

Fire -- little specks.
Sparks.

Heat --
You want to touch the flame,

but you can't because you know
it's gonna burn you.

Uh, scar tissue
from previous relationships.

ROBERT:
Are you blind?!

DAVID:
Uh, b-balls. Hot balls.

Balls -- T-Testicle--

Chestnuts!
Roasting on an open fire.

Shawn!

-Hey! Surprise, everybody.
-LIZ: Sweetheart!

Yes. My --

Jesse.

Uh, what are you doing here?

I invited her.

If you're upset,
be upset with me.

Uh, I will remember that.
Thank you.

Uh, do you want to have
a little chat, maybe?

Talk in private?

D-- Yeah.
I have a private chat.

Jesse, what the fuck?

I don't want a big fight
about this.

I can understand
if you're a little upset.

I mean, upset?
It's not even that --

I mean, I guess
I'm a little bit upset,

but frankly, I'm just surprised.

I mean, I'm shocked that...
that I'm seeing you right now.

I mean, help me understand this
a little bit.

So you got invited here.

Obviously you wanted to come
and what,

have some Christmas carbs
with my mom?

-What...
-Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly
what I wanted.

Okay.
Well, I can appreciate that.

But let's walk the dog out just
a little bit farther on this,

because I don't see
how it plays out.

So...what,
this is an annual thing now?

Because in one to three years,

I'm likely gonna be dating
somebody else,

and I'm gonna bring her home
for the holidays.

I don't know where you fit
into that.

What, you stick around and take
our Christmas-card photos?

That sounds mean.
I don't mean it to be.

But w-- I-I don't see
how this ends well.

I love Christmas.

-You know that.
-Yeah.

And I didn't have
anywhere else to go.

And I don't even have
enough money

to buy another plane ticket
out of here

two days before Christmas.
so, yeah, I...

I guess I should have kept
walking the dog on that.

Well, I mean,
I don't want you to leave now.

-You don't?
-No.

I mean, the -- the drama
that this would cause?

Absolutely not.

It would ruin
everybody's holiday.

We don't want to burden
everybody with this,right?

[ Exhales sharply ]
Yeah. I-I agree.

Great. Okay.
Deal.

Well, I don't know.

I guess I'm just now wondering,
like --

The last, lingering issue
is, like, could we just have

one last, really enjoyable
holiday together?

Yeah.
I mean, that's --

I-I don't understand
what you mean.

What I mean is, is it weird

that...I just want to kiss you
right now?

Shawn, we are broken up.

-You broke up with me.
-I-I did.

And I think the good thing
about that

is that the pressure is off.

You know, we didn't make sense,

but what's wrong
with a little bit of fun?

Don't you think
that would complicate things?

I can't imagine that it would.

I mean, I don't have
all the answers,

but all I know is that I cannot
stop getting stared at

by this fella right here
who's got the red nose

and the rock-hard ears.

He's looking at me,
and he's going,

"What does Shawn want
for Christmas?"

You know?
His words, not mine.

I-I can just read it
on his face.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I need some time
to think about it.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

If you say so.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I'm just gonna put these in
the dishwasher and head to bed.

SHAWN: So, anyway,
the interview was aces.

Turns out this guy also does
body sculpt -- same as me.

X1, same as me.

I should be X2, but my sensei
died on the way to the ceremony.

Hit-and-run. It's actually
a really funny story.

-Oh.
-But -- Don't worry about it.

Bottom line, I'm moving on
to the next round of interviews,

guaranteed.

They were loving it.
Job in the bag.

-That's fantastic.
-Thank you.

When you talk about sculpting
the body,

what -- what medium
are they working in?

Clay?
What are we talking about?

No, no. I mean mine.
We're talking --

-Human flesh?
-Oh, yeah. Tip to taint.

Ah. Silly old me just goes
outside and swings an ax.

What do I know?
[ Chuckles ]

And you do this in a facility?

You make it sound like
it's a mental asylum.

Well, it's late.

I think we should all go to bed.

I guess I'll be heading out,
then.

-Peace out.
-Absolutely not!

You will stay here.

No, no, no. I don't want
to cramp anyone's space.

Don't be ridiculous.
You can sleep in Shawn's room.

Well, I mean, I couldlay
my head down for a little bit

if it's not stepping on toes.

Lay it down.
Move it around.

-Who gives a crap? Stick around.
-That's fantastic.

Let me get my hands
on your neck.

-Yeah. Mm!
-Thank you, Shawn.

-That felt good.
-I love you.

Thank you for all the love
and hospitality.

What the -- What wasthat?

I feel like you got Chap Stick
on my neck.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-I was just gonna floss.
-Yeah. Please.

Go ahead. Go first.
I'm not even tired.

Ooh. I got to wee-wee first
if that's cool.

Long day.
I'm exhausted!

Hey.

Hey, dibs on my bed, by the way.
I shouldn't have to say that.

Um, I hope you have
a good night.

You too.
I hope you have a-a good night.

Looks like I'm gonna get more
than I bargained for in here,

so...I'd scurry.

I just think
that the most important thing

that I could probably say,
and --

Hey, are you guys --
How long is this gonna take?

'Cause I might be a while
in here

and I'm...not digging
any of this.

Hey, D-Train,
you want to do me a favor?

Run downstairs,
grab me a book of matches.

♪

I'm not gonna go in there
for a while.

That's smart, probably.

♪

Robert, what are you doing?

Oh.
I'm a little stressed.

I want to slip out
and take a hit.

Well, thank you
for being honest,

but, oh, Robert, you've been
off of it for a whole year.

Yeah, but I-I will quit
right after Christmas.

Promise?

Yeah.
Sure.

Make it official.

I promise that I will stop
huffing paint

right after Christmas.

Okay.
I appreciate your honesty.

Enjoy.
Come back nice and hazy.

I'm going to blindfold you,
and we're going to play a game

where you try to guess
what you're touching.

-Perfect.
-[ Can rattling ]

SHAWN:
[ Sneezes, moans ]

♪

[ Grunts, exhales deeply ]

[ Sniffs, groans ]

Ugh! Dude, I can't sleep
with a dog in here.

Yeah.
He always sleeps by my side.

Yeah.
Well, what the fuck?

A dog in the bedroom?

I mean, I usually wake up

with a nice big bowling pin
in my pants,

but that ain't gonna happen
if this little mutt is in here.

Okay?
I'm sneezing like crazy.

Maybe the dog sleeps outside.

Well, he won't be able to sleep
away from me.

Yeah. Well, I can't sleep
with him in here.

All right.
We'll hit the couch.

-Yeah?
-Come on, buddy.

-Come on, Polo. Let's go.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Actually, uh, it's a good call,
'cause the couch

is actually a lot better
than this dumb old air mattress.

You just upgraded, I swear.

Mm!

[ Sniffs ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

Polo.

-[ Snoring ]
-DAVID: Hey.

-[ Hinges squeaking ]
-[ Whispering ] Polo.

Hey, buddy.

Polo.

[ Snoring, mumbling ]

♪

♪

♪

Traitor.

LIZ:
So...

I have everybody's stocking
except David's.

Ah. Well, that makes two of us.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, you've got to get one.

And you have to have
your first name

and last initial stitched on it.

And, Shawn, I need you
to get yours from the attic.

SHAWN:
I'm on it.

Hey, uh, Dad,
you going into Ketchum

and doing some
responsible accounting?

ROBERT:
Yes, sir, I am.

It beats sitting here, shoveling
muffins down my throat all day.

Well, we can't have that.

Mind if, uh, I tag along
with you, there, Pop-peroni?

-I would love that.
-Okay.

Ever since Shirley went
into rehab,

the place has gone to hell.

-Sweet.
-Yeah.

Not sweet but...
good she's getting help.

Jesse, this smelled bad,
but it tastes good.

I'm gonna need the recipe.

No problem.

Well...I'm off to the mop shop.

Uh, I guess I'll stop
at the deli for dinner.

-I'm happy to do it.
-I can take care of dinner.

LIZ:
Oh, you're lifesavers.

So I'll see everybody later
and --

Oh, got to carve out 13 minutes

for our special tub time,
Robert.

Ixnay on the ubtimetay.

Well, it's Wednesday, right?

-Already? Wow.
-See you later.

Thanks for everything, Aunt Liz.

Okay. Those numbers are not
gonna crunch themselves.

-Mm. Yep.
-JESSE: Here you go.

I know you like your fruit
in the morning.

Grazie.Yes. Fruit and...
any other kind of sweet treat.

All right.

Oh, do you have any other plans
for yourself today

besides just picking up dinner?

Um, I was gonna take out my
camera and shoot some pictures.

That's wonderful.
Well, keep it primed.

Stay in the zone.
And I'm off like a prom dress.

Say, Jesse,
seeing as there's only one car,

I hear tell there's a valley
off Route 40

that's supposed to be stunning.

I could drop you off there

to capture some
of your camera magic,

then go to the Christmas market,
grab the stocking,

quickly embroider my name
and last initial, hit the deli,

then swing back and pick you up
on my way back.

If you're offering me a ride,
that's great.

-I'll take great for an answer.
-Great.

-[ Bells chime ]
-SHAWN: What's up, Beef?

Uh, a few things I need
for the folks.

Peanut butter, crunchy,
one-ply toilet paper,

grape soda, and cough syrup --
family size if you have it.

Oh, and do you know where I can
get some lingerie around here?

Something, you know, with, like,
the sort of clear-plastic,

like revealing plates

and the, you know,
sort of something high-cut,

you know, '80s style.

Buying it for a special lady?

Yeah.
A little present for my mom.

♪

JESSE:
This valley is spectacular.

DAVID:
Yeah.

Well, uh, I'll be back
in a little bit to pick you up.

-You good?
-Yeah, I'm good.

I mean, it wasa little crazy
that Shawn showed up, right?

I mean, at first I was --
it was awkward,

but then we connected
and came...together.

Well, whatever winds your watch.

I just hope everything turns out
the way you wish.

Polo, let's go!

-Polo! Come on! Let's go.
-Where is he?

Oh, he probably got the scent
of something.

He'll be back.
Polo!

Polo!
Come on!

He usually comes
when I call him.

Oh, there's his tracks.

Aw, hell.

Polo!
Polo!

-Dad.
-Uh, yeah.

Shirley die 10 years ago?

This place is
a fucking disaster.

She's not dead.
She's in rehab.

And it's only been a month.

Uh, I'm happy to throw on some
rubber gloves and a hazmat suit

and help you make sense
of this mess if you want.

[ Laughing ]
Okay.

You go ahead
and organize everything.

I will go over to the post
office and mail some returns.

Pony Express
isn't coming through today?

You know, you can file
those online, right, Dad?

Yeah.
I like to mail things.

I'm gonna take a bath later,
so maybe we could, you know,

boil some water over a cauldron.

And we can take it out
of this water cooler

that you bought during the
fucking Harding administration.

[ Laughing ] All right.
I'll be back.

-All right.
-Geez!

[ Sighs ]

Hello?
Mr. Campbell?

Becky Ackerman?

Hi, Shawn.

I heard that you weren't
coming home for Christmas.

Well, plans change.

Do you have an appointment
to see the old man?

I just need to file
my first year-end.

Becky's Bakery.
It's my very own business now.

It's pretty impressive.
Yeah.

He just popped down
to the post office for a bit,

but I'm happy to look over
whatever you want, up and down.

Oh.
Well, okay.

I just -- I need him to file,

because I already got my hands
dirty crunching all the numbers.

Hmm.

I applied all
of my online custom orders

as a separate contract.

Lowered my overall gross by 10%.

-You did all this yourself?
-I did.

I like getting my hands
on things.

Working it...like numbers.

Almost as much as I love baking.

Hmm.

Wow.
Well...

I can't believe these numbers
are for a startup.

That's incredible.

You know, it is a real skill
to, uh,

be able to grow something bigger
and then maintain it.

I like watching things grow,
especially profits.

You know, you should come by
and check it out.

I made a fresh batch
of eggnog macaroons.

If you have an appetite
for that kind of thing.

Might just have to take you up
on that.

Consider it a final invitation.

She's horny as fuck.

DAVID:
Polo!

Hey, buddy!
Come on!

Polo!
Oh, hey.

-His tracks are over here.
-Oh.

He must have got the scent
of something real special.

Something he's a hard time
getting out of his mind.

Polo!

I got to find him.

Whoa.

JESSE:
Is that the wishing tree?

It's got to be.

[ Chuckles ]

♪

I can't believe we found it.

-[ Laughs ]
-This is...

It's just in the middle
of nowhere.

[ Chuckles ]
This is...This is wild.

I told you it could be
your lucky year.

[ Chuckles ]
Well, now what?

Well...I think we make a wish.

You got one?

I wouldn't trust a man
who didn't.

-Me neither.
-[ Chuckles ]

-All right. On three.
-Yeah?

-One, two...
-One, two...

-...three.
-...three.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

Good?

Very good.
You?

-Yeah!
-All right.

[ Dog barking ]

There you are,
you little rascal!

-Here you are!
-Oh!

What were you doing?
Polo!

Well, let's go find
your stocking.

After you.
After Polo. Come on!

Come on, buddy!

♪

DAVID:
Oh, man.

They are gonna be mighty
buffaloed that we found it.

JESSE: I don't think
they should be toosurprised,

'cause we do have a knack for
seeking out the extraordinary.

I mean, look at the stocking.

That's true. [ Laughs ]
I tell that.

[ Laughs ]

Is that Shawn?

DAVID:
Uh, I reckon it is.

Ah.
Should we say hi?

Yeah.
Let's do it.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I cannot believe
how good these are.

-These are igniting my mouth!
-Thank you.

You know, looking at you,
I would never guess that, uh,

you had such a sweet tooth.

You know that's right.
[ Chuckles ] But I do.

Hey. You? Have a sweet tooth?
No way.

Who knew?

Jesse, have you been
to Becky's shop?

No, I haven't.
Oh, it's beautiful.

I mean, it is insane.

This business
is really going places.

I'm talking branding,
franchising.

-That's what I was thinking.
-Yeah.

Hey, David, you get your mouth
around my Nanaimo?

I sure did, and it was
finger-lickin', as always.

My mouth can't get enough
of your tasty treats, Becky.

-You know that.
-I tried it, too,

and it was delicious.

Oh, yeah.
Listen.

We should probably get going,
grab some stuff from the deli.

Shawn, I don't know
if you need a ride

or you're gonna hang here
with Mrs. Taste Good.

-Taste Good.
-That is an apt nickname.

But no, I think I'll finish
Dad's stuff back at the house,

so yeah, I'll hitch a ride.

Um, not to be a greedy Gary,
but, uh,

could I just wrap my mouth
around one more of these,

like, for the ride home?

You can wrap your mouth
around all of them.

-Get out.
-Take the whole box, please.

-The whole box?
-Take it. Please. Please.

-The whole box?
-Please, please, please, please.

SHAWN:
I'm not gonna protest. Okay.

-Thank you.
-Later, Beck.

BECKY:
Bye, you guys.

-See ya.
-Hey, Becky?

-Yeah.
-Bye-bye.

I'll see you, Beck.

Bye.

Whoop.

Snowball!
Bye, Becky.

-Bye, Becky.
-Bye.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

ROBERT:
Okay.

Well, before we dig in, uh, I'd
like to just say a few words.

Dear Lord, um,

thank You for bringing
the whole family together

on this most blessed holiday.

-Amen.
-Amen.

-Amen.
-Amen.

I know you guys are not
going to believe this,

but today David and I found
the wishing tree.

-[ Gasps ]
-SHAWN: What?

Get the fuck out of here.
We could never find that thing.

I know.

It actually had more to do
with fate than luck.

Polo led us right to it.

-Ohh!
-How about that? Okay.

So...where is it?

[ High-pitched voice ]
What'd you wish for?

You know I can't tell you that.

[ Snorts ] Yeah. Nice one.
What'd you wish for?

Shawn, you know the rules.

Uh, I do, but it's horseshit.

You don't believe this stuff,
do you?

Of course I do.

Uh, okay.
Fine.

Never you mind.
David, out with it, pal.

Don't look at me, man.
I want my wish to come true.

SHAWN: You guys are about
as lame as a two-legged dog.

All right. Fine.
Wishes are secrets, apparently.

News flash to moi.

Either way, I did want to, uh,
on a sincere note,

raise a glass
and just say a couple of words.

That's nice.

I've been killing it recently.

This past year has been
an embarrassment

of financial success,
sexual, uh, adventures,

and the year ahead is gonna be
probably twice that.

-Ah. Cheer--
-And I have all the -- Hold on.

I have all the skills, charisma,
and talent in the world,

and it's all just sort of
coalescing at one time

in a really amazing,
kind of scary way, frankly.

I'm not sure what to do with it,
but, uh, thanks to me, I guess.

Uh, and, you know --

And that's withoutfinding
the wishing tree.

So God forbid I ever do find it.
Game over.

And I'm very glad you're here.

-Thanks.
-DAVID: Cheers.

-All right.
-Cheers.

DAVID:
Hear, hear. Cheers.

LIZ:
Okay, sweetie.

-Well said.
-Thank you.

♪

You never really did settle down
on a town

with, like, a job, did you?

No, I never did chain myself
to a paycheck.

I guess I was too fond
of having the sun on my face

-and the wind on my back.
-Ah. [ Chuckles ]

Well, I'm gonna go upstairs
and upload some photos.

Oh. You been taking a lot
of pics since you got here?

Yeah, I have.
It's been really inspiring.

-It's great here.
-Oh, they're amazing.

-JESSE: Thank you.
-Really, truly.

Well, it sounds like you guys

have been on quite
the adventure,

and I'm just glad you came away
unscathed, Jesse.

Great. Um, my buns have been
roasting by this open fire,

so I'm gonna turn in
for the night.

-Okay.
-Good night.

-Well, night.
-Night.

Anyway, I'm glad
she's excited about it.

But this nature-photography
shit, there's no future in that.

Well, you know, actually, Shawn,
I was thinking about asking her

to shoot some photos
for my brochure.

I think those pictures

could really help sell
the experience for my clients.

You know, you say "brochure"
in a funny way.

-But I could see that.
-You say "catalog"?

-No, it's just --
-You don't say "brochure"?

-"Bro-sure"?
-Brochure.

What are you saying?

That's right.

So, how about you?

You trying to get into
some big-city firm, right?

Ah, maybe.
I'm thinking about it.

I mean, this firm wants me
so fucking bad, I can taste it.

But, you know, I don't know.

You want to be a small fish
in a big pond?

Big fish in a small pond?

It's the age-old question,
right?

As long as I'm near anypond,

-I'm happy, right?
-That's not the point.

The point is, my dad knows
all of his clients personally.

-You know?
-That's nice.

You know, like Becky.

Yeah.

Kind of makes you think.

Right.

Think about Becky?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Becky.

Right.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

What rhymes
with "Christmas tree"?

I don't know.

Time to hump.

Okay.
That doesn't rhyme at all.

It does now.

-[ Light switch clicks ]
-ROBERT: [ Chuckles ]

♪

Hey, Mrs. C.
Where are you off to?

Wendy McManus tried to
straighten her own hair,

-and now it's dry.
-Mm.

I have to go perform
a Christmas miracle.

Could you finish stitching
David's name on his stocking?

Of course.

And Shawn is at
his father's office all day.

-Catch you at dinner.
-You bet.

I'll start on the finger foods
for the party.

LIZ:
Okay.

[ Inhales sharply ]
Ow.

Oh.

Ow.

What?

You okay?

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah.
I-I just poked myself.

I know Aunt Liz used to keep
a bunch of Band-Aids

in that drawer.

I should know.
Yep.

I went through a ton of them
every visit.

That's very surprising.

[ Drawer closes ]

-Give me that finger.
-[ Laughs ]

You don't do this on my behalf,
I hope.

No.

You know Mrs. C.

Everyone's stocking
has to have their name.

And last initial.

Mm.
Exactly.

I sincerely appreciate
the effort.

Anything for Christmas.

You know, Jesse, um...

...I want to talk to you
about some work stuff.

[ Clears throat ]
Hi.

-Hey.
-Hey.

I heard you were at your, uh,
dad's office again today.

Yeah.
It's nice in there, you know?

-Quiet.
-Good.

Well, should we take a trip
around the old boardwalk?

Yeah. Let's do that.
Jesse?

-Sounds good to me.
-It'll be fun.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh.
I'll get that.

Hey!
Becky, nice to see you.

Thank you.

Is Shawn here?
I stopped by the office.

-Hi, Becky.
-Hi, Shawn.

I just finished filing
your taxes.

Well, I appreciate that.

That's actually why I'm here --
to properly thank you.

-Aww.
-I made you --

and your family, of course --
this Christmas cake.

-It's still a little warm.
-Wow.

And probably...sticky
on the inside.

Well, that's my favorite.

Well...looks
and it smells great.

Hey, you're not in too big
of a rush, are you?

We were just about to sit down
and, uh, play some 'Nopoly.

No.
No rush here.

-I love 'Nopoly.
-You do?

I do.

-Come on in.
-I'd love to.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Exhales deeply, sniffs ]
Mm.

♪

BECKY:
Mm!

Oh, darn!

And that is going to cost you
1,500 big'uns.

-Oops.
-JESSE: Oh. Sh--

Yep.
I am cleaned out.

-I'll lend you some money.
-Hey! No.

That ain't how it works, hoss.

Uh, sorry.
You're done.

-[ Snaps fingers ] Damn.
-All right.

-Becky, your turn.
-It's at me. It's coming at me.

And remember, all of Jesse's
hotels are now up for auction.

-I have a proposition for you.
-SHAWN: Oh.

Would you like to trade me
Pacific Avenue for Vermont?

-Yes.
-Really?

-Yes. This works out well...
-Okay.

-Goodness me.
-...for all parties involved.

All parties are happy.

Some wonderful side action.

-David, it is your roll.
-Great.

But snake eyes will cost you
everything you've got.

-BECKY: Oh, they will.
-Be careful.

-No pressure.
-No snake eyes. Here we go.

-SHAWN: I say yes pressure.
-Okay. Lucky roll.

-Aah!
-Oh, no!

You're outta there!

Pack up your shit
and get outta here!

Oh, that's a bummer.
All right.

Well, that was fun.
That was a lot of fun.

SHAWN:
Indeedily. Okay.

Well, looks like there are
just two people left

playing 'Nopoly.

Berkshire Hathaway?

Ooh.
You scared?

I'm not sure I am.

I can't remember the last time
I actually lost at that game.

You're a formidable opponent.

You too.

-BECKY: Bye, Shawn.
-Night, Becky.

-DAVID: Bye, Becky!
-Bye!

Oh.
Well, tomorrow is a big day.

So when your dad comes down
from the roof,

tell him that I'm going to bed.

Okay.

Good night, Shawn.

I'm so glad you made it home.

Me too.
Night, Mama.

-DAVID: Good night, Aunt Liz.
-JESSE: Good night.

LIZ:
Good night, you two.

Gonna see if Uncle Rob
needs a hand on the roof.

Perfect.

So, Jesse...

So, did you want a slice of cake

or maybe want to just sneak up
to the bedroom

and get something straight
between us?

Oh. Uh...
[ Chuckles ]

Actually, I'm kind of tired,

and, um, it's gonna be
a big day tomorrow,

with the party and everything,
so I'm just gonna turn in.

Okay.

Well, if I was hanging out,

it might help you sleep
a little bit better.

I'm sure it would, but, um,
we'll just talk tomorrow.

-Mm-kay.
-Okay?

Sounds like a plan.
[ Chuckles ]

-Good night!
-Good night.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

[ Door opens ]

Hey, Uncle Rob.

[ Sighs ]

One more night,
and then it's showtime.

Oh, boy.
You need a hand here?

Yeah. These bulbs
are giving me a problem.

Oh, I got it.
You've done enough.

You're damn right I have.

I've footed the bill
for this entire holiday.

And the way my wife cooks,
that's not exactly cheap.

Hell, I-I could've taken
a solo Disney cruise.

-Ah, next year.
-Yeah.

Well, we'll see you in the --
Oh, hey, Shawn.

-Hey.
-All right.

-Sleep tight, big dog.
-Good night, buddy.

Thank you, sir.

Wow.

Not bad.
You need a hand with this stuff?

Oh, no. That's --
That's okay. I got it.

Okay.
Cool.

So, uh, you talk to Jesse about
taking those photos for you yet?

No.
No, not yet.

Good.
Yeah. I wouldn't.

I'm, uh, actually
starting to think about

maybe making a run with her
long term here in Ketchum.

Really?

Plus I got the family business
I could fall into

with Pop-peroni.

It's the perfect parachute!

You know what I'm talking about?

Rather than just being a number
in the city,

make a name for myself
here in Ketchum.

-Mm.
-Could be a good life.

I mean, she loves Ketchum,
you know? [ Farts ]

Plus, I think she'd be
a really good stay-at-home mom.

Right.

I mean, she loves the scenery.
Look around.

-We've got all these mountains.
-Beautiful.

She could take photos
of all this shit.

-Fresh air. The smells.
-She could stay sharp

by, uh, taking photos
of our s-s-sessions.

-What type of sessions?
-Sex.

-Okay. Oh, I see.
-Yeah.

Nothing on a hard drive.
I don't want any, you know...

evidence.

Have you talked to Jesse
about this?

Dude, uh, I broke up with her,

and she's here spending
Christmas with my family.

I think it's a "yes" from her.
[ Laughs ]

All right.
Well, good luck.

You, uh, sure you got all that?

Uh, yeah. No. I'm good.

-I got it.
-All right. Cool.

Hey, uh, big night tomorrow.
Party.

-Yep. Can't wait.
-Light show.

-Can't wait.
-[ Door closes ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪

All right.
No toothpicks.

And we need more of these.

-Oh.
-Oh.

-Hey.
-Hey! Hi.

I'm actually starting to enjoy
bumping into you like this.

-Hm.
-Um...

-Where's Polo?
-Oh, he's upstairs.

Just, uh, trying to keep him
away from all this temptation.

Mm-hmm.

-It's a pretty great turnout.
-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah.
-It sure is.

Do you want a...
Mrs. C's Cheese Puff?

Um, it's a new recipe.
I think she really nailed it.

Who knew mayonnaise and bacon
would go on in cheese puff?

I didn't.

There's one left.
Do you want it?

No, thank you.
I'm -- I'm good. Thank you.

Hey, um...

-is everything okay?
-Yeah.

Just, uh, cheese balls weren't
on the menu for me tonight.

If something is bothering you,
then it's better to just say it,

you know...than not.

[ Glass clanking ]

Hi, everyone.
Uh, merry Christmas.

Uh, could I have your attention
for a moment now?

Oh, thank you, Liz.

I've got an announcement
to make, please.

Uh, starting in the new year,

Campbell Accounting is going to
acquire a brand-new partner.

And I think he'll be able
to cook your books

just as well as I have
over all these years.

[ Chuckles ]

And his name
is Mr. Shawn Campbell!

Well, that's myname.
That's weird!

-[ Laughter ]
-Yes. Thank you, Dad.

Uh, good to be a partner.

And, uh, you know, I'm gonna
cook them the best I can.

Let's take the government
for everything it's got, okay?

But really,
let's all get superfucked up.

Leave your keys in the bowl

and your inhibitions
in the backyard.

Let's do this up and celebrate.
Merry merry!

-[ Laughter, applause ]
-Yes!

[ Bells jingling ]

[ Door opens, bells jingling ]

-Jesse. Hey.
-Hey.

I was trying to connect with you
to give you the news myself,

but, you know,
the old man just got so excited.

He looked over the moon.

I mean, you've made him
very proud.

I didn't plan on any of this,
but since I got home,

it's just felt so right,
you know?

I'm very happy for you.

Well, I mean, the plan is for us
to be happy together.

Look, you love Ketchum,
and you love my family.

And then the partnership
with my dad,

and everything's just...
falling into place.

It's like --
like it's meant to be.

Yeah. I...I guess.

-Look --
-I mean...

...I don't want to rush
this moment too much, but...

I do want to get
to the good stuff,

by which I mean
me having sex a-with you.

You know?

Look, I want you in every room
in this house.

Oh. Uh, there's a lot of rooms
in this house.

Doesn't that sound wonderful?

Do you feel what's going on
there?

I do.

Mm-hmm.

That is about as hard
as a penis gets.

I'm throbbing.

Oh!
Uh, okay.

I, um -- Wow.

I-I just need, um, a second
to -- to process.

This is all happening very fast.

Yeah. Okay. I get it.
Think about it.

And while you're doing that,
maybe we could, uh,

process this hard-on, you know?

We made it together, after all.

I just need, like, a little time
to -- to think about it...

-Um...yeah.
-...for a second.

All right. Well, don't think
about it too much.

I mean, I got sub-10% body fat
and, uh, my own business.

So...a lot of options.

Oh, I think it's time
for the light show.

ROBERT:
All right, everyone.

Lizzie and I are thrilled
to once again be sharing

this most special time
of the year

with all of you,
our family and friends.

Give 'er the business, Rob!

-[ Laughs ] Yeah!
-Whoo!

-Lizzie, the honors, please.
-Mm-hmm.

[ Switch clicks, box beeps ]

[ Dramatic music plays,
crowd cheering ]

♪

[ "Jingle Bells" plays,
crowd cheering, applauding ]

♪

[ Music playing, crowd cheering
in distance ]

[ Dog whimpers ]

I know, buddy.
Just you and me.

♪

[ Sniffs ]
Mmm!

♪

♪

[ Music ends,
crowd cheering, applauding ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪

-Morning.
-Morning, sunshine.

Oh, no.
I'm okay.

A little early in the morning
for me, but thank you.

No worries.
I'm just having fun.

It's the holidays.

Might have a tall boy
with lunch.

So...

...Shawn had some pretty
exciting news last night.

Yeah.
Yeah, he sure did.

Well, I am not surprised

that he decided to work with his
father and start a life here.

Mm.

Do you remember
that magical metaphor

I told you about before?

About taking the path
less traveled?

Mm. Mm-hmm.
Like the Robert Frost metaphor.

Who's that?

Robert Frost.
The poet.

Well, I'm not talking
about poems, Jesse.

I am talking about life.

-Mm.
-And sometimes in life,

there's a fork in the road.

Yeah. Yeah, I think he was
talking about that as well.

Well, for me,
as it applied to mylife,

I could either take the path
that was safe and established,

or I could take the one
that was less traveled,

the one that was following
my heart.

And for me,
that made all the difference.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

And I want you to know...

...that whichever path you take,
I support it.

Thank you, Mrs. C.

That means a lot.

Come here, Jesse.

♪

[ Hangers clanking ]

SHAWN:
Ah! Perfect.

I have been trying to get inside
those wee little underpants

all day.

-Shawn -- S-Shawn --
-Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...

Hey, hey.
Can I -- Can I -- Can -- Hey.

Can you just let me talk?
Shawn?

-What?
-Can I just have a minute?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll talk. We'll talk.

Good idea. We'll connect
mentally, you know?

Get a good intimacy lather
going,

nice and soapy,
before we get to the good stuff.

I get it. Yeah. Yeah.
Let's do it.

Let's preheat the oven.

Let's, um, breathe deep and, uh,
make that connection happen.

I'm all ears.
What do you want to -- Oh!

[ Snaps fingers ]
This ought to light your wick.

How about we talk about...

what color we can paint
the baby's room?

I'm thinking maybe an aqua
until we...

-Shawn.
-...reveal the gender.

-Uh-huh.
-Honestly...

I do not want to move forward
and start a life with you.

Wait.
What are you talking about?

Shawn, when you broke up
with me...

-Uh-huh.
-...you told me that one day

I would look back
and I would realize

that us going our separate ways
was for the best.

-And you were right.
-Isaid that?

No. Jesse --
[ Chuckles ]

We're very different.

We're different,
and we like different things.

You like playing 'Nopoly,
and everything is a competition.

And I like -- I don't know --
taking pictures of flowers.

And I don't run everything
through a filter

of "How can I brand this
and make money?"

Yeah. I never understood that
about you.

And you're gonna be here,
working with your dad

and -- and being
with your family.

And I'm...
I'm so excited for you.

But that's the right
next chapter for yourlife.

But it's not mine.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Yeah. I knew my words would
come back to bite me in the ass.

I guess this means
you'll be taking that job

working with David.

What job working with David?

The job taking pictures.

David wants us to work together?

Ye...
Ooh. Whoops.

Maybe I wasn't supposed to say
anything.

Uh, sorry.

I just assumed that you not
wanting to move forward with me

was because of him.

Um...

And I'm not stupid, Jesse.

I can see how well
you two get along

and have all kinds of stuff
in common.

And...

And the truth is,
he's a really great guy.

Very poor, but a great guy.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

♪

♪

DAVID:
I'm sorry.

I'm not gonna make Christmas
after all.

Happy holidays.

♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪

♪

DAVID:
Got the supplies, Polo.

Next stop -- Boise.

[ Engine starts ]

♪

-♪ It's a quarter after 1:00♪
-[ Dog barking ]

♪ I'm all alone,
and I need you now♪

DAVID:
Quiet! What's the matter?

Oh, buddy, come on.

You should have gone
before we left.

[ Sighs ]
Man.

Get out here.

All right.
Make it quick, buddy.

-[ Hinges squeak ]
-Not -- Not too far, now!

Polo! Hey!
Not -- [ Groans ]

Damn it.

Polo!

[ Wind whistling,
glass clanking ]

I guess some wishes just expire.

[ Dog barking in distance ]

Polo?

[ Laughs ]
Polo, come here!

-Hi! What are you doing here?
-DAVID: Hey! Polo!

Oh.

Po--
Oh, man.

Hey.

Hey.

Polo ran off.

Thought he was chasing
a squirrel.

David, listen.

Um...I need to tell you this.

When Shawn walked through
that door, my...

my heart wasn't happy
to see him.

Obviously, your lips were.

What are you talking about?

[ Sighs ]
Jesse, come on.

Don't make me say it.

I saw you two kissing
last night.

Okay.
That's why you left.

David, you saw him kiss me.
But I wasn't kissing him back.

-Hey, Jesse, don't stand here --
-No. David --

David, listen to me.

When I first got here,
I was very confused,

and -- and Shawn came home,
and he was all...horned up,

and I actually felt
really guilty

about being here
in the first place.

But ultimately, it...

...it reaffirmed
what my heart already knew.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

That I was falling in love
with you.

♪

Just a few short days ago, I was
standing in front of this tree,

and I made a Christmas wish.

And I'm kind of hoping
it still comes true.

♪

Well, that's funny.

'Cause I made a wish too.

♪

♪

I think that was it.

All right.
I'll see you later.

-I'm just kidding. Come here.
-[ Laughs ]

♪

♪ O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree ♪

♪ Your leaves
are so unchanging ♪

♪ O Christmas tree...

Oh, please!
He's not here to buy cake.

We know what that
beaver hound's after.

Wow.

Look at you, coming inside...
my shop.

Well, I decided that I would,
and...I never pull out.

So here I am.

And good golly,
it is warm and tight in here.

Hopefully it still...
smells fresh as well

this late in the afternoon.

Never fresher.

And I already know the taste
is out of this world.

Did you come by
for a little Taste Good?

No. I had something in mind
that might last...

a little bit longer than that.

You dodged a bullet, Darlene.

Although I wouldn't mind
getting a peek

at that magic ding-a-ling,
see what all the fuss is about.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Engine humming ]

-♪ Christmas
-♪ The snow's comin' down

-♪ Christmas
-♪ I'm watchin' it fall

-♪ Christmas
-♪ Lots of people around

-♪ Christmas
-♪ Baby, please come home

Whoo!

-♪ The church bells in town
-Ah!

-♪ Christmas
-♪ Are ringin' a song

-♪ Christmas
-♪ Such a happy sound

♪ Christmas

♪ Baby, please come home

♪ They'll see me deck
the halls ♪

♪ But it's not like Christmas
at all ♪

♪ I remember
when you were here ♪

♪ And all the fun we had
last year ♪

-♪ Christmas
-♪ Pretty lights on the trees

-♪ Christmas
-♪ I'm watching them shine

-♪ Christmas
-♪ You should be here with me

♪ Christmas

♪ Baby, please come home

♪

♪

♪ They'll see me deck
the halls ♪

♪ But it's not like Christmas
at all ♪

♪ I remember
when you were here ♪

♪ And all the fun we had
last year ♪

-♪ Christmas
-♪ If there was a way

-♪ Christmas
-♪ To hold back these tears

-♪ Christmas
-♪ But it's Christmas Day

-♪ Please
-♪ Please

-♪ Please
-♪ Please

-♪ Please, please
-♪ Please, please

-♪ Please, please
-♪ Please, please

-♪ Please
-♪ Baby, please come home

♪

[ "Deck the Halls" plays ]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪