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jovial�orchestral�music
[mechanical�whirring]
[typing]
Like�Santa,�tech�knows�when you're�sleeping�and�knows�when
you're�awake...
and�knows�when you're�menstruating,
so�delete�your�cookies.
-[zap] -[glitching]
Oh,�no!
It's�mad!
Control,�alt,�delete!
Control,�alt,�delete!
Technology�is�coming�for�us, whether�we�like�it�or�not.
Run!
[sighs]�Just�kidding...
You�can't�hide!
Whether�it's�NFT�or a�dot�com�bubble,
AI�or�Ja�Rule's�Sims, tech�is�terrifying,
but�it�makes�our lives�so�much�easier.
Roomba?!
Roomba?!
[banging]
Oh,�don't�mind him,�he's�just,�uh...
feelin'�himself.
[beeping]
Tonight,�I'll�be talking�with�Blake�Griffin.
Obviously,�I�can beat�the�robot�up.
[beeping]
-dramatic�music -Wow!
And�Joel�Kim�Booster.
I�don't�know anything�about�tech.
-Yup. -[Ziwe]�Hm.
I�said�it.
And�while�you're�watching me,�tech�will�be�watching�you.
Ziwe � starts�now.
[laughs]
[echoing�laugh]
[glitching]
cool�theme�music
An�athlete,�a�comedian...
Snip,�snap,�to�the�flo'.
[Ziwe�VO]�A�public advocate�of�NFTs.
When�I�think�Big�Tech,�I think�of�my�guest�tonight,
because�he's�6'9.
Please�welcome�Blake�Griffin.
elegant�strings
Hi.
Thank�you�for�coming to�do�the�show,�Blake;
this�is�an�honor.
You're�one�of�my�comedy�heroes.
-Oh,�thank�you,�appreciate�it. -[Ziwe]�Yes,�yes,�yes,�yes,�yes.
What�do�you�think�of�this�robot?
Uh,�it's�cool.
Got�my�face,�obviously.
Uh,�Brooklyn�Nets hat,�that's�cool.
I�think�it�started�out as�a�trash�can,�which...
seems�insulting.
I�like�that�you're�a�little competitive�with�this�robot.
Competitiveness�is, like,�the�name�of�the�game...
-[computer�booting] -My�game,�uh,�so�yeah.
How�did�you�prep�for�this?
Uh,�I�just�watched every�episode�front�to�back.
You're�really,�really, like,�a�tenacious�researcher.
-[softly]�Yep. -[softly]�Yep.
What'd�you�learn from�the�Chet�episode?
Uh,�that�one,�boy, that�one�was�good,
'cause,�uh,�obviously, his�dad�is�Tom�Hanks.
-[Ziwe]�Mm. -[computer�booting]
You�seem�to�know�a�lot�about people's�credits�and�who�they're
-related�to. -Mm-hm.
What�is�that�about?
Um,�I�don't�know,�I�recently got�a�IMDb�Pro�subscription
-so... -[Ziwe]�Oh!
[Blake]�Just�put�that�to�use.
Got�it.
Recently,�you�said�for every�dunk�you�made,
you�donated�$100�to fight�child�obesity.
[Blake]�Mm-hm.
So�is�child obesity�a�game�to�you?
I�sort�of addressed�it�as�a�game...
-[Ziwe]�Mm. -But�it's�not�a�game.
I�think�me�and�Michelle Obama�are�both�on�the�same�page;
we�know�it's�a very�serious�matter.
How�often�do�you�compare yourself�to�the�most�powerful
Black�woman�in�America?
A�lot.
More�than�you�would�think.
Um...
What�do�you�think�is more�important�for�children,
to�understand�NFTs or�childhood�obesity?
Childhood�obesity�comes in�many�shapes�and�sizes.
[Ziwe]�Mm.
And�not�every�kid has�to�have�a�six�pack...
but�it'd�be�nice.
Did�you�have�a�six pack�as�a�kid,�Blake?
I�don't�think�I did,�I�don't�remember.
What�did�you look�like�as�a�kid?
Uh,�I�looked�like�a�smaller, younger�version�of�myself.
That�was�a�joke written�by�Alexa.
She�ghostwrote�for�me.
bass�riff
One�of�your�NFTs�is going�for�six�dollars.
What�do�you�plan�on doing�with�that�money?
-I�donated�it. -You�donated�it.
-Yeah. -To�where?
Uh,�to�childhood�obesity.
To�childhood�obesity.
Only�six�dollars, you�cheap�[bleep]?
Well,�no,�that�was�on top�of�the�hundreds,�uh,
the�dunks,�the�dunk�money.
Could�you�explain what�an�NFT�is�to�me?
And�explain�it�to�me like�I�am�an�idiot.
Okay,�so,�the�N�in "NFT"�stands�for�"non"...
-Okay. -Which�is�like�"not."
F�stands�for�"fungible."
Which�is�like?
It's�fun�but�it's�manageable.
Oh!
You�know,�it's, like,�fun�to�look�at,
it's�nice�to�look�at, but�it's�also�manageable.
Like,�it�doesn't- it's�not�overpowering.
You�know�how�some�art�is�a little�bit�overpowering?
They�tried...to�kill...my�wife!
And�then�"tokens."
You�know�tokens.
Uh...
Yeah,�but�if�you could�elaborate�for�me...
It's�just�a�token.
At�the�end�of�the day,�it's�just�a�token.
Just�a�token.
I'm�not�convinced that�you're�not�a�robot,
and�that's�why�we booked�you�for�this�show.
What�gives�you�that�impression?
Your�monotone.
You're�saying�I�need�to...
have�a�little�bit more�voice�inflection?
No,�I�think�you�have�to�be exactly�how�you�were�programmed.
Thank�you,�thanks.
spirited�piano�music
If�you�could�go�back�in�time, would�you�kill�[bleep]�or�invest
in�Bitcoin�in�2009?
Uh,�I�don't really�condone�killing,
uh,�so,�you�know...
[inhales�deeply]
[sighing]�probably�kill�[bleep].
-Thanks,�Blake. -[Blake]�Yeah.
jaunty�music
[laughter]
Do�you�like�'em?!
-Love�'em. -Really?
As�much�as�I�love�you.
Oh,�I�love�you too.�[laughs]
Well,�I�guess�that's�it!
What�a�wonderful Christmas,�Greg.
Well,�that's�not quite�everything.
What?�Ah!
[gasps]
[man�VO]�This�Christmas, tell�her�you�love�her�with�three
little�letters.
upbeat�Christmas�music
N-F-T.
This�is�the�big�one.
[chuckling]�What?!
Oh,�my... [typing]
[chuckles]�You're�crazy!
[man�VO]�Let�her�know how�much�you�really�care...
financially.
This�holiday�season,�make your�memories�non-fungible.
[laughs]
Oh�my�gosh!
A�monkey�in sunglasses�smokin'�a�joint?!
It's�perfect!
It's�a�picture on�the�computer
[shrieking�monkey]
jaunty�music
upbeat�strings
Are�you�a�triple�threat because�you're�an�athlete,
comedian,�and�businessman?
Or�because�of�all�the people�you've�punched,
slapped,�and�kicked?
Um...
I�think�in�the traditional�sense�of,�um...
is�it "multi-hyphen"-�"multi-hyphen?"
-Yeah,�"multi-hyphenate." -Yeah,�yeah.
Uh,�I�think�in�the traditional�sense�of,�um...
-human... -[Ziwe]�Mm.
Um...
ally...
Human,�ally...
And,�uh...
you�know,�just�g-�good�guy.
Human,�ally,�good�guy.
And�who�are�you an�ally�to,�Blake?
-Most-�everyone. -Everyone.
Everyone�that�needs allysh-�allyship.
Everyone�that�needs�allyship.
Yeah.
And�could�you�name�one marginalized�group�that�would
need�allyship?
Well,�I�don't think�people�need,
because�that�sort�of,�uh, portrays�the�idea�that,
um,�they're�not�capable�of doing�anything�on�their�own.
Yes.
[Blake]�I�think allyship�is�more�like,
uh,�a�friend.
You�know,�when�you�say,�"I'm here�any�time�you�need�me,
you�can�call�me,"�and you�pick�up�that�call,
that's�sort�of�my definition�of�allyship.
Your�definition�of�allyship is�picking�up�the�phone�when�a
friend�calls?
No,�no,�no,�that was�an�example.
-Uh... -[call�error�tones]
Do�you�think�Alexa is�a�Black�woman,
or�do�you�not�think�a�Black woman�could�know�everything?
No,�she's-�she's artificial�intelligence.
[inhales�deeply]
[sighing]�And Black�women�are�real.
Explain�more�about�Black�women.
Uh,�Alexa�is artificial�intelligence,
and�she's�helped�people,�but Black�women�have�helped�more
people.
Did�that�answer sound�good�in�your�head?
Uh,�as�I�was saying�it,�again,�yeah.
-Got�it. -[laughs]
So�what�advice�would�you�give a�Black�woman�who's�not�6'4?
Uh,�not�6'4,�what advice�would�I�give�you?
Just�be�yourself.
-Oh,�just�be�yourself. -[Blake]�Yeah.
I�feel�like�I've heard�that�before.
-Shia�LaBeouf�I�think�said�that. -[Ziwe]�Oh,�yeah.
In � Transformers.
Tell�me-�tell�us�more about�how�Shia�LaBeouf�is�an
inspiration�for�your�allyship.
Uh,�Shia�LaBeouf...
was�the�star of � Even�Stevens.
Uh,�his�sister�in�the show,�Christy�Carlson�Romano,
also�Kim�Possible.
She�was�a�very empowering�female�figure,
um,�and�taught young...women�that...
anything�is�possible...
Kim�Possible.
That�was�like�an Ask�Jeeve�answer.
Did�you�memorize�that before�this�interview?
Yeah,�I,�um-�no,�no,�no, I've-�that's�just�general
knowledge.
[typing]
The�National Basketball�Association.
Do�you�have�TikTok?
Will�Smith.
Jackie�Chan�and, like,�Owen�Wilson.
Wild�Wild�West, that�was,�uh...
Tommy�Lee�Jones?
Birth�of�a�Nation � was�great.
Django.
Kills�all�the�racists almost�at�one�time.
Calvin�Candie... [clicks�tongue]
Dead.
Black�history�is�very�important.
Got�it.
You�once�said,�"Forget the�color�of�the�dress;
-what�color�am�I?" -Yeah.
What�color�are�you?
Mostly�pink�and oranges�and,�like,
a�little�bit�of�red.
On�a�scale�of�Drake�with�a British�accent�to�Drake�with�a
Jamaican�accent,�how ethnic�would�you�say�you�are?
Uh...
[sighs]�Drake�with British,�Drake,�uh...
Probably,�uh...
Honestly,�the�best part�is�just,�like,
-I'm�right�down�the�line. -Wow.
Can�sorta�play�both�sides.
Sort�of�a�racial�chameleon.
I�appreciate�your commitment�to...
your�own�idea�of�reality.
[laughing]�Yeah.
No,�it's,�uh,�part of�being�a�good�guy.
Part�of�being�a�good guy�is�making�things�up?
Yeah.
Could�you�say�to�camera "Beep,�boop,�boop,�bop?"
Beep�boop,�boop�bop.
That's�the�N�word�for�robots.
How�could�you�say�that?
Well...
I�mean,�I�think�I�can�say�it.
Can�you?
Yeah,�I�think�so.
Do�you�think�a�robot�could�beat you�in�one-on-one�basketball?
-No. -[Ziwe]�No?
[Blake]�No.
Okay,�you�seem�like�you're�a fan�of�the�robot�more�than�me.
Look�at�his�face�lookin'�at you�like�you�a�little�punk!
Yeah,�it's�a�smug�look,�but...
There's�a�lot�of�tension�going on�between�you�and�that�robot.
You're�either gonna�kiss�or�fight.
-I�don't�wanna�fight�him. -You�don't�wanna�fight�him?
Do�you�want�to�show�your�abs?
[laughs]
No.
[crew�laughter]
But�then�how�do�you�know that�yours�are�better�than�the
robot's?
Well,�from�the�looks�of it,�those�are�just�pipes.
He�can�hear�you�say�that.
Can�he?
[Ziwe]�That's�why he's�frowning�like�that.
That�seems�like�a�half-smile.
Or�like�a�"Psh,�I just�said�something."
Make�that�face�again,�please.
-It's�like�a... -[Ziwe]�To�camera.
[electronic�beeping]
My�goal�was�to�get�you�to�take off�your�shirt�and�fight�this
robot,�but�it�doesn't�seem like�that's�gonna�happen.
I�don't�know,�man, I�just,�you�know...
I'll�fight�him.
I�don't�think�the shirt's�necessary.
-Right�now? -[Ziwe]�Yeah.
[reverberating]�I�like�that you're�a�little�competitive�with
this�robot.
-[echoing]�Yeah? -[Ziwe]�Yeah.
Beep�boop.
You�seem�like�you're�a�fan of�the�robot�more�than�me.
[Ziwe]�[reverberating]�You're either�gonna�kiss�or�fight.
dramatic�music
[clattering,�glitching]
Yeah,�obviously�I can�beat�the�robot�up.
[electronic�chime]
I�don't�really�condone�killing.
-[whack] -[robotic�glitch]
[Ziwe�VO]�Next�on � Ziwe...
Which�one�is�Michelle�Williams?
Michelle�Williams?
dramatic silent�film�music
They�look�very�similar.
jaunty�music
Do�I�live�in�a�simulation?
No,�I�live�in�the�TV.
jaunty�music
I'd�like�to�propose�a�toast.
Oh!
-To�us. -[woman]�Okay!
[clink]
[man�VO]�Fellas, forget�the�ring.
-uplifting�music -[choking]
[man�VO]�Use�an�NFT to�pop�the�question.
Is�this�what�I�think�it�is?!
Why�don't�you...
see�for�yourself?
[woman]�Oh!
A�second�NFT?!
Of�a�Tweet?!
About�balls?!
[chuckles]
I�sold�my�kidney to�buy�it,�but...
that's�why�the Lord�gave�me�two,
and�the�Lord�gave�me�you.
I'm�the�only�one who�can�see�this?!
Well,�not�exactly; everyone�can�see�it,�but...
you're�the�only one...who�owns�it.
So...
will�you�marry�me?
Will�I�marry�you?!
Of�course�I�will, Greg,�of�course�I�will!
[coughs]
[chuckling]�Oh...
[man�VO]�A�picture�is worth�1,000�words...
or�all�of�your�yearly�income.
It's�the�link to�her�heart
[shrieking�monkey]
jaunty�music
Blake,�in�one�word, what�makes�you�human?
Um...
my�mind.
Or�mind.
Okay,�let's�play�a�game called�Prove�You're�Not�a�Robot.
Sing�the�jingle.
-Sing�the�jingle? -Yeah,�make�a�jingle�up.
Uh, � When you're- � [bleep]
-[claps] -I'd�hope�that's�license-free.
To�play,�we're�going�to�give�you some�CAPTCHA�tests�to�answer.
If�you're�not�a�robot, they�should�be�easy.
-Ready�for�this�first�one? -[Blake]�Mm-hm.
[Ziwe]�Puzzle�Piece.
If�you�get�the�puzzle�right, that�means�that�you�are�human;
if�it's�wrong, you're�clearly�a�robot.
Ooh,�that's�tough.
Which�one�is�tough,�exactly?
-This�one's�tough. -I�don't�make�assumptions.
Yeah,�well, that's�not�gonna�fit.
-That's�tough. -Wooooow!
[affirmative�chime]
[Ziwe]�Hm.
[Blake]�That guy's�obviously�bad.
[Ziwe]�Hm.
Do�you�wanna apologize�to�any�communities?
I�would�like�to�apologize�to...
all�the...
um,�military�that fought�against...
the�Confederates.
[Ziwe]�You�mean�the�Union?
Yeah.
Okay,�next�CAPTCHA:�you have�to�read�it�to�camera,
and�if�you�can�read it,�you're�not�a�robot.
Hm,�I-�you�know�what?
I'm�startin'�to�come around�on�the�robot�idea.
Okay,�so�you're not�gonna�read�this?
I�just-�no.
[Ziwe]�Next�game!
Blake,�did�you know�that�sometimes,
facial�recognition�technology can't�tell�the�difference
between�Black�people?
Really?
I�didn't�know�that.
Really,�you�didn't�know�that?
No,�I�didn't- well,�no,�I�mean,
yeah,�I�had�heard�that,�but�I didn't�know�that�that�was�still
a�thing�that...
[softly]�we're dealing�with�here.
[clicks�tongue]
Probably�shouldn't have�answered�that�way.
Great,�because�it's�time�to play�Are�You�Less�Racist�Than�a
Robot?
Sing�the�jingle.
If- � [bleep]�[claps]
-Okay,�Blake... -[Blake]�Oh...
Are�these�two�different�people?
Yeah!
Yeah,�I�would�like�to�think�so.
And�who�are�these�Black�people?
Allies.
[Ziwe]�Okay,�Rosa�Parks-
Yeah,�I�was�gonna say�Rosa�Parks.
You�were�gonna-�oh,�you�were?
-Oh,�you�were- -I�was�gonna�say�Rosa�Parks.
Oh,�you�were gonna�say�Rosa�Parks?
-And�the�other�lady? -[inhales�deeply]
-Louisa�May�Alcott? -No!
-[Blake]�Yeah,�no. -What?!
[chuckling]�I�don't know,�I�don't�know!
-Who�is�it? -Claudette�Colvin.
Yeah,�Barack�Obama and�Malcolm�X.
-[Ziwe]�Okay! -Next!�[chuckles]
[affirmative�chime]
Sorry.
[laughing]�Sorry.
You�can�hold�it�up.
You�got�it,�congratulations.
[Blake]�Yeah,�thank�you.
Next�one?
Which�is�which?
[Blake]�[softly] Tia�and�Tamera...
Which�one's�Tia, which�one's�Tamera?
Tia�is�the�one-�ohhh!
Tia�is�the�one�on�the�right?
Okay,�and�then the�other's�Tamera?
-Tamera? -[Ziwe]�No,�that's�wrong.
-[Blake]�That's�wrong. -This�is�both�Tamera�and�Tamera.
-[negative�bloop] -[Blake]�[chuckling]�Oh,�wow!
Yeah,�so�don't�you feel�like�a�goofball?
Yeah,�I�mean, they're�twins,�you�know.
They're�sisters...sisters.
bass�riff
That�has�been�the�show!
Blake,�do�you�have anything�to�say�about�racism?
Uh,�racism,�there's�no- there's�no-�there's�no�place
for�racism.
Spoken�like�a�true�robot.
Thank�you,�Blake!
[AI�robot�voice] Thank�you�for�having�me.
jaunty�music
I'm�rich�in�both friendship�and�Bitcoin.
-[alarm] -Wait...what?
[scoffs]
I�guess�now�I'm�just rich�in�friendship!
jaunty�music
"Surveil�Me"�by�Ziwe
jaunty�music
You�may�know�him�from his�hit�movie�on�Hulu,
or�comedy�special�on�Netflix.
He's�one�of�the original�hot�people�of�comedy.
A�gay�icon,�a�millennial,�a one-time�WeWork�employee.
Please�welcome�Joel�Kim�Booster!
elegant�strings
Gorgeous,�gorgeous.
Thank�you,�thank�you so�much�for�having�me.
Now,�why�do�you�think�you're here�for�the�tech�episode?
Um...
I'm�not�gonna�lie�to�you;�it feels�a�liiiiittle�racially
charged,�because�I�don't know�anything�about�tech,
so�the�only�other�explanation I�have�is�that�maybe,
being�an�Asian person,�you�thought�I�did.
[laughing]�Not�to�come�on your�show�and-�[clears�throat]
Wow.
So�you're�saying�you know�nothing�about�tech,
but�you�happen�to�have worked�at�multiple�start-ups.
I�have�worked�at multiple�tech�start-ups.
I�was�an�early employee�of�Groupon.
[Ziwe]�Wow.
I�worked�at�several start-ups�in�New�York,
I�worked�at�a�WeWork, um,�which�was�a�nightmare.
It�was�a�nightmare�why?
The�sell�of�WeWork�is, like,�it�has�to�be�about,
like,�the�camaraderie�and the�kombucha�of�it�all.
And�I�was�just�there�to�work,�I was�just�there�to�get�my�check.
Got�it,�you're�sort of�anti-community,
pro-,�um, working-yourself-to-your-grave.
Exactly.
So�you�have�a�movie�on�Hulu, a�stand-up�special�on�Netflix,
you're�in�a�TV show, � Loot, � on�Apple.
Are�tech�conglomerates�a�net good�or�a�net�evil�for�society?
For�society,�I would�say...net�evil.
I�think�for�me,�personally, in�my�career,�um...
net�good.
But...
you�know,�I�would-�I�would�take the�lack�of�success�in�my�career
if�the�world�was doing�better,�you�know?
But,�like,�I'm�not�gonna�be�the only�one�who's�not�benefitting.
Like,�you�have�an�iPhone.
-They're�bad�but... -Mm.
You�not�having�an�iPhone�is�not gonna�stop�iPhones�from�being
bad.
So�can�you�just�say�to�this camera�that�there�is�no�such
thing�as�personal responsibility?
[barely�audibly]�There�is no�such�thing�as�personal
responsibility.
Louder.
[slightly�louder]�There�is no�such�thing�as�personal
responsibility.
Hm,�hm.
-Mm-hm. -Hm.
-Yup. -Hm.
I�said�it.
Between�the�two�of�us,�who�do you�think�would�be�better�at
sort�of�getting�someone�to spend�their�life�savings�on
cryptocurrency�with�no�research?
I�think�there's�a�couple�of different�ways�to�look�at�the
weight�of�our�situations.
[Ziwe]�Mm.
-You're�a�beautiful�woman... -Okay,�got�it.
-You're�a�beautiful�woman... -Wow,�thank�you.
Who�could�use...that to�get�a�lot�of�men,
straight�men.
But�I�also�have sort�of�the-
well,�I'm�Asian.
It�feels�a liiiiittle�racially�charged.
So�automatically,�I sort�of�have�pull,
people�believe�what�I say�when�it�comes�to�tech.
So�yeah,�I�think�it's�sort of�a�wash,�ultimately.
[Ziwe�VO]�Next�on � Ziwe...
Microchip.
Keyboard.
Screen�protector.
Web�browser.
Dot�com.
jaunty�music
[woman�VO]�We�are�all after�the�same�thing:
human�connection.
So�connect!
With�iCon:�the�only�social media�app�that�knows�you�-
all�of�you.
iCon�allows�you�to�give�us your�social�security�number,
so�you�can�connect�more fully�and�intentionally�with�the
people�around�you.
Plus,�you�can�trust�us;�we're just�a�privately-owned�tech
company�that�keeps�your�social security�number�in�perpetuity
for�human�connection.
And�we�already�have three�million�subscribers!
From�the�same�venture capitalists�who�brought�you
the�iDrone,�SexBook,�and the�whole�damn�concept�of�the
surveillance�state!
Plus,�no�one�cares about�the�danger!
What�danger?
Everyone�else�is�doing�it,�and don't�you�wanna�be�like�everyone
else?
Personal�security�is�dead.
What�you�want�is�clout!
What�are�you,�a�loser?
If�you�don't�have�iCon,�that's some�loser�stuff,�for�real.
Signing�up�is�easy,�so�you�can have�more�time�to�do�the�things
that�really�matter...
like�accumulate�funds�in�your personal�bank�account�for�us�to
funnel�out.
Terms�and�conditions�apply.
We�will�sell�your�data to�literally�anyone.
We�own�your property�and�identity.
If�you�prosecute�us, you'll�go�to�jail,�not�us.
Beep�boop�beep.
iCon:�an�app�for�all�humans�who have�social�security�numbers.
jaunty�music
exciting�strings
Is�your�favorite piece�of�tech�your�phone,
your�laptop,�or�your�Juul?
Hm,�that's�tough.
I'm�addicted�to�two�out of�the�three�of�those.
My�phone,�for�sure.
I�actually�have�never Juuled,�I'm�gonna�be�honest.
-[Joel]�Wow! -I�know.
You�seem...like�you�would.
[crew�laughter]
No,�no,�no!
I'm�recognizing,�like,�a�fellow cool�person�with�an�addiction!
-Okay,�so�you're�criticizing�me. -[laughing]�No,�no,�no!
What�questions�do you�have�for�me?
[Joel]�[laughing] I�don't�have�any!
No,�you're�criticizing�me!
[Joel]�I�don't have�any�questions.
-No! -Okay,�fine,�I�have�a�question.
[Ziwe]�All�right,�let's�go!
Have�you�ever dated�an�Asian�guy?
-I�would�never�kiss�and�tell. -[laughs]
Do�you�wanna�date?
I�would-�actually,�I�think�we would�make�an�incredible�couple.
I�do�too.
And�I�think�we would�be�one�of-
-like,�I�actually�even�think- -What�is�in�your�eye,�sir?!
-I'm�just-�I'm�crying,�um... -[crew�laughter]
I'm�crying�thinking�about,�um...
I�think�that�we�could�actually pull�off�being�publicly�a
couple,�even�though�my�brand�is so�connected�to�my�sexuality.
Mm.
I�think�people�would�buy�it.
I�think�because�my�brand is�so�disconnected�from
-[laughing]�my�sexuality... -[laughs]
[echoing�laugh]
Gay�sex,�gay�sex,�gay-
So�here's�a�question�for�you: you�were�adopted�by�white�people
but�you're�an�Asian�man.
What's�your�favorite�race?
I�would�say,�um...
my�favorite�race�would�be...
uh...
The�Amazing�Race � on�CBS.
[laughs]
Can�you�even�name four�countries�in�Africa?
And�don't�say�"Egypt."
-Um... -tense�game�show�music
[clears�throat]
-Zimbabwe. -[electronic�chime]
-Um...South�Africa. -[electronic�chime]
Um...
[negative�electronic�chime]
What�you're�failing to...sort�of�contextually,
like,�bring�to�the�table�here is�that�I�was�homeschooled.
So�it's�not�your�responsibility to�know�any�nations�in�Africa?
No,�it's�not�that�it's not�my�responsibility,
it's�that�it�was�my�parents' responsibility�to�make�sure�that
I�knew�the�countries�in Africa�and�they�failed,
and,�you�know...
I-�I�shouldn't�have�to�pay for�their�sins�right�now�on
-Showtime. -[electronic�chime]
[barely�audibly]�There�is no�such�thing�as�personal
responsibility.
[Ziwe]�Got�it.
If�MLK�were�alive�today,�would he�use�an�iPhone�or�an�Android?
I�think�he'd�use�an�iPhone, because�he�was�doing�a�lot�of
organizing�and�the�group texting�with�Androids�is�not...
really�there,�you�know?
And�tell�me�what�you learned�about�MLK�in�homeschool.
Um,�I�learned that�he�had�a�dream.
Okay.
I�learned�that�he was�a�Christian.
I�learned�that�he,�you�know, because�of�his�Christianity,
likely�hated�gay�people.
Why�would�you�say�that?!
I-�that's-�I'm-�you asked�what�I�was�taught,
and�I'm�telling�you what�I�was�taught!
You�asked�me specifically�what�I�was�taught,
not�what�I�believe.
Are�you�a�racist, Joel�Kim�Booster?
[laughs]
Um,�I�mean,�that's�an interesting�question.
Can�I�be�a�racist?
Like,�is�it�possible for�me�to�be�a�racist?
Do�I�have�the currency,�like...
in�society�to�be�a�racist?
Can�I�be�prejudiced?
Yeah,�certainly,�um...
but�I'm�not.
I'm�n-�I'm�neither.
I-�the-�the�short�of it�is-�is�I'm�neither.
Are�you�a�racist? [stifles�laughter]
-That�was�the�longest�walk... -[laughs]
To�a�"no"�on�racist�a�guest�has ever�done�in�the�history�of�this
show.�Wow!
Wow!
Black�people�-�Black people�are�my�favorite�race.
Why�would�you�say�that,�Joel?
Because�you�asked me�the�question!
That's�such�a�weird�answer.
-[winces] -[Joel]�[scoffs]
I'm�an�incredible guest�on�this�show.
jaunty�music
[low�voice]�Red pill�or�blue�pill?
Matrix.
-exciting � Matrix � music -[groaning]
chimes
-[woman]�[huffs] -[Greg]�Babe,�please!
Please,�you cheated�on�me!�[sighs]
-Give�me�a�chance. -What�are�you,�strangling�me?!
[man�VO]�And�fellas,�saying "I'm�sorry"�is�as�easy�as...
N-F-T.
[Greg]�Babe, just�go�to�the�link.
uplifting�music
[typing]
-[fart�noises] -It's�fart�noises?!
No,�babe,�that�would�be�stupid!
It's�an�NFT�that's�a�symphony of�fart�noises�that�lasts�53
minutes�to�say�sorry for�the�second�family�-
my�second�family.
They�don't�mean�anything�to�me.
Greg,�I�never wanna�see�you�again.
[fart�noises�continue]
But�babe!
But...
you�own�this!
[fart�noises�continue]
It's�a�symphony�of�farts
[man�VO]�But�you�own�it.
[fart]
jaunty�music
[Ziwe�and�Alexa] Ha�ha�ha�ha�ha�ha.
Ha�ha�ha�ha�ha�ha ha,�ha�ha�ho�ho�ha�ha,
tee-hee�tee-tee, laughter,�chuckle�chuckle,
L-O-L,�ha�ha�ha, laughter,�laugh.
-Alexa,�stop! -[Alexa]�Ho�ho�ho-�[bloop]
[laughs]
[chuckles]�Ziwe,�Alexa,�what are�you�guys�laughing�about?
Sit�down,�I�found out�Alexa�tells�jokes.
serious�orchestral�music
[man�VO]�The�following�is�a competition�between�a�human
and�a�voice�assistant�to�become Ziwe's�only�comedy�writer.
-Michelle... -[clears�throat]
I�want�you�to compete�for�your�job.
O-�okay!
Automation�affects�everyone.
Oh.
-Alexa! -[bloop]
Tell�a�Thanksgiving�joke!
[bloop]
[Alexa]�What�did�the corn�say�to�the�butter?
"See�you�on�the�other�sides."
[laughs]
[Alexa]�[laughs�robotically]
Alexa,�stop.
-It�wasn't�that�funny. -[bloop]
Michelle,�tell�me�a Thanksgiving�joke.
Okay.
Your�job�is literally�on�the�line.
What�do�turkeys�drink�out�of?
Gobble-goblets.
You�know-
[bloop]
-bass�riff -[Alexa]�Hah.
Alexa,�name�all�of Malcolm�X's�children!
-Oh... -[bloop]
[Alexa]�They�are Ilyasah�Shabazz,
Attallah�Shabazz, Gamilah�Shabazz,
Malikah�Shabazz,�Malaak Shabazz,�and�Qubilah�Shabazz.
Michelle,�can you�name�all�of-
No.
-[bloop] -[Alexa]�[laughs�robotically]
-Alexa,�stop. -[Alexa]�Ha-�[bloop]
Alexa,�what�do�you know�about�Ziwe?
[bloop]
[Alexa]�Ziwe�is�a�successful 19-year-old�television�host.
-Uh,�Alexa... -[bloop]
[clears�throat]
what�do�you�know about�Michelle�Davis?
[bloop]
[Alexa]�Here's�something I�found�on�the�web:
Michelle�overcame�tragedy�during her�20s�when�her�father�died
from�multiple�sclerosis.
-Oh�my�gosh. -Uh...
wrong�Michelle!
But�I�have�overcome tragedy�in�a�sense...
[sighs]�being�Black�in�America.
[clears�throat]
tender�piano�music
Alexa,�you're�hired!
Michelle,�best�of�luck.
-Oh,�I'm�f- -Alexa,�play�"Stop�Being�Poor!"
[Alexa]�You'll�need�to�sign up�for�Amazon�Music�Unlimited
Family�Plan.
-Would�y- -Yes!
[bloop]
[Alexa]�You�now�have�Amazon Music�Unlimited�Family�Plan.
Who�did�I�order that�for?�[laughs]
-Somebody�got�charged! -[laughs]
Somebody�got�charged!
Alexa,�play-�play "Am�I�Gay?"�by�Ziwe.
[bloop]
[Alexa]�Shuffling�songs by�MIA�on�Amazon�Music.
No,�no,�no,�no,�no,�no, no,�that's�the�movie�one!
-[laughing]�Oh�my�God! -Stop,�stop,�stop!
Am�I�gay?�Am�I�gay?
jaunty�music
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Uh...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Um...
Uh...
Um...
Uh...
Um...
Uh...
Um...
Mm.
It's�a�symphony�of�Ums
Um...
-[robotic�bleeping�and�blooping] -[laughs]
You-�you�go�two�hands,�huh?
[robotic�bleeping�and�blooping]
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