All language subtitles for Rutherford.Falls.S02E06

[animal howls, upbeat music]

- Hey, check it out.

Very spooky menu.
- [laughs]

I still can't believe
how much you love Halloween.

It's like the Super Bowl
for cultural appropriation.

- Yeah, you can see it
that way, but for me,

Halloween is about
celebrating our trickster side.

Besides,
pumpkins are Indigenous,

even the white ones.

- [scoffs]
I guess.

I mean, for me,
Halloween's like, meh.

At best, you get some candy.

At worst, I'm tipsy in a bar

ripping a store-bought
headdress off some idiot.

- Not gonna lie.
That mental image is a turn-on.

- Oh.
- Oh, by the way,

I need some help getting into
my hot dog costume tomorrow.

There's a lot of zippers.

- That mental image--
less of a turn-on.

- Hmm.

[laughs].
Look at that.

Boo-berry muffins.

- Oh.
- [chuckles] That's great.

Frankenburger.
You get it?

- I do.
- Yeah?

Who comes up with this stuff?
Jeez.

[upbeat music]

* *

[steady banjo music]

* *

- Who's there?
I have a gun!

- Oh! Oh, Deirdre, it's Nathan.
Please don't shoot.

- Nathan!
Oh, my God.

- I am so sorry I startled you.

Um, were you going to attack
a burglar with a massage gun?

- If this hits your temple
at close range,

your brain
will be fatally vibrated.

What are you doing here?

I gave you that spare key
for emergencies.

- Yes, but, uh,
i-in my defense,

the state
of modern crib manufacturing

is an emergency,

which is why
I handcrafted this one.

- Wow.
You made that?

- Yeah.

- Not what I had
on my registry, but very nice.

- Yeah, it's white oak.

It's from a tree
that fell in my backyard...

on your birthday, but I just--

I want this baby
to have the best.

- Even if it means committing
some light B and E?

- I did not go about this
in a good way.

And I see that now.
I'm super sorry.

I also made that
zucchini bread you like,

but, honestly,
it all just feels

like a big overstep,
so I'll just get out of here.

- No, that can stay.

The baby loves it.
- Oh, the baby loves it?

- Yes, the baby.

[knock on door]
- Mayor Chisenhall?

Rutherford PD checking in.

- When I thought
you were an intruder,

I may have called the cops.
- Yeah, that tracks.

[knock on door]
- Mayor Chisenhall?

- That sounds like Callahan,
and he loves my zucchini bread.

Do you mind--[stammers]
- Oh.

- You know what?
I'll just handle it.

- Mm-hmm.

[hip-hop music]

[cell phone vibrates]
- [chuckles]

- You have Halloween plans?

- Oh, uh, no, not really.

- Son, don't insult us.

You're cool,
just like your mom and me were.

Cool kids always have plans.

- How come you guys never bug
Maya like this?

- Because she's a nerd.
There's no need to.

- If she wasn't in Alberta

doing a cultural exchange
program

with the Blood Tribe,
we'd be on her like this.

- Fine.
I'm going trick-or-treating...

with a girl.

- No way.
We know that move.

Tell your parents
you're out trick-or-treating,

but you're really in the woods
with your pageant friends

doing whippits.

- Or using your fake ID to get
into a real-estate seminar.

- Uh, okay, obviously,
that's stuff you guys did.

We're just going
trick-or-treating.

- So who's the girl?

And remember,
I know everyone at your school.

- Well, until you're
more comfortable sharing,

you're passing out candy
with your mom tonight.

- Ugh, I thought you said
you guys were cool.

- Half of parenting
is lying, Jimmy.

Grow up.

- Breaking into a woman's home
to bake and woodwork?

Not your best move, bud.

- That crib was
a handcrafted gesture of love,

and also...

the totally wrong move.
- [chuckles]

- And I see that now.
I'm gonna give her some space.

- Wait. You built her a crib
from scratch?

- Yeah.
- Shoot.

I've got some nieces
you should meet.

[light laughter]

- You should come to Wayne
and Sally's Halloween party

with Nelson and I--

take your mind off things.
- Okay.

- So, that Nelson--
is he your man?

- He sure is.

We're even going in
a couple's costume this year.

He's a hot dog,
and I'm ketchup.

- If I were 30 years younger,
you'd have to watch your back.

- Whoa.
- [laughs]

- Nelson's a catch.

Do you know how hard it is
to find a man with a good job

that doesn't lie
about his height?

- His ponytail
isn't thin either.

If I were 20 years younger,
I'd be all over him.

- [giggles]

- Okay, they seem to know
a lot about your boyfriend.

- Yeah.
- It's brutal out here.

There's, like, eight women
for every Native man.

- Mm. But that Nelson...

If I were ten years younger,
it'd be a done deal.

- Wow, okay.
- We get it.

[laughter]

- So we can secure
an endorsement

from the teachers union
if I agree to take down

my "Overheard
at Rutherford High" account.

Terry, are you listening?

I know you hate Lincoln,

but you can't hate
this contour.

- Jimmy's being weirdly cagey
about a girl

he's possibly dating,
and my wife is hell-bent

on trying to figure out
who she is, so now I have to--

- Found her.
- What? How?

- My friend follows someone

who went on a camping trip
with Jimmy,

and there was a pic of him
with this girl in it,

but her profile was private.

So I found
the same tagged pic

in a different friend's
public account,

which led me
to a Spotify playlist

that was 98% Dua Lipa.

That playlist was followed
by my nail tech,

who confirmed your son
is dating her client, Emma.

She's a sophomore
with great skin--

Native, goes to school in town.
[cell phone chimes]

Oh, and just accepted
a request

for my account posing
as Harry Styles' personal chef.

- Nice work, Bobbie.

Remind me to tell you
about an old business associate

I'm almost certain
faked his own death.

Would love for you
to look into it.

- Oh, here's some drama.

- Jimmy's dating
Feather Day's daughter?

- Ooh, my nail tech
is gonna flip!

[hip-hop music]

[indistinct chatter]

* *

- [sniffs] Damn, Nelson.
You even smell like a hot dog.

- Nathan, why do you have
a microphone?

- Oh, uh,
the Janet Jackson headset

makes me "pop" corn guy.

I'm leaning into my persona.
- And I squirt real ketchup.

Nathan helped me with the rig.
- Oh, yeah.

This thing squirts two gallons.

- Very cool.

- Y'all are wack.

[cell phone chimes, vibrates]
- Oh, it's Deirdre.

"Nathan, where did you get
that charcuterie plate

you brought over?"

Uh...
[chuckles]

"It was homemade."

Oh, do you think I should pop
over with a refill?

- No. I think you should stop
popping over.

- Totally.

But think about my unborn baby
starving for smoked gouda.

And it's probably
a good opportunity

to apologize for before.

Two birds!

B-R-B.

- That was the wrong move.
- Yeah, I know. He does that.

We look great, though.
- Right?

- Let's 'Gram it out.
- Yeah.

- Hold up! Wait for us.

- Wow, we look like
the hot dog station at Costco.

Yeah, it's almost too perfect
to be a coincidence.

- Well, you inspired me
at the beading circle.

- Then Chloe told us
all about your amazing costume.

Then we both got
real inspired, too.

- You hear that?

Our craftsmanship
inspired them.

- [giggles]
- Yeah.

[quirky music]

* *

- Oh! Oh, no, no--
Ah!

[grunting]
- Nathan?

- Oh.
Hey, Dierdre.

Ah, I'm so sorry.

I brought
this charcuterie board

to say sorry for the whole
crib thing, and I just--

Please don't call the cops.

I can't get a mug shot
in this corn costume.

- So you apologize
for stopping by unannounced

by stopping by unannounced?

- Yes.

Oh, your parents are here.

Hi, Mrs. Chisenhall.
- You were right, James.

The deadbeat is here.

- [laughing]
Deadbeat.

Is that, like,
a funny nickname or what?

- I kind of told my parents
you don't want anything

to do with me or the baby.

But thanks for this.

- Um, excuse me.
Why would you do that?

- My parents
are insanely judgmental.

The idea that I would choose
to be a single mom

will not be acceptable to them
in the least.

So, instead of having
to actually tell them--

- It's just easier
to let them hate me.

- Thanks for being an ally?

- [sighs]
- Look who it is.

Let this fool in.

- Oh, no, Dad,
we don't need to.

- I want to see if he's
as corny as that costume.

Unless you're planning to run
out on my little girl again.

- [sighs]

- I guess it's the perfect time
to meet the parents.

* *

- [sighs]

- Oh, my goodness.
There you are.

Where's my daughter, Terry?

- At your home,
maybe school,

probably any place
other than a casino.

Nice chatting with you.
- Hey!

My innocent daughter took off

with your rugged-ass son
after school

before I could pick her up--
that's kidnapping!

- Feather,
not everything is a crisis.

- [sighs]

- My well-behaved son
is at home

passing out candy with Renee.

Let me just...

She doesn't know where he is.

- [gasps]

You know,
I had a dream last night

of a Japanese fighting fish
in a fishbowl,

and it was just staring at me.

I should've known.

I should've known
something bad was coming.

It kind of looked like you.

- Oh, boy.

This is not the outfit I was
hoping to meet your parents in.

[quirky music]

I kind of feel like
tucking it in was a weird move.

I'm just gonna go,
like, Peter Pan style, right?

More of a tunic look.

- Ah, it's--it's fine.

- And, you know,
maybe these stretchy pants

can help us all remember
to be flexible

about any assumptions
we've made about one another.

- Nathan, I'm begging you.

Can you just let these people
hate you for one night

for my benefit, please?

- Here you go, sweetie.
- Thank you, Daddy.

- There you go.

[thuds loudly]

- Oh, uh, thank you so much.

Um...

does this need
to be heated or...

- Oh, did I forget?
[chuckles]

Kind of like how you forgot
to wear a condom.

[chuckles]
- Oh.

Uh... [scoffs]
I didn't forget.

I just--the only contraceptive
in the museum that night

was an old dried-up piece
of lambskin from the 1800s,

but that was
display only, so...

[clears throat]

You don't want
to hear about that.

[hip-hop music]

* *

- Hey, Reagan.

Where's your hot dog?
- [sighs]

He's, like, stuck
in a flirt circle.

We got tradish relish,
sexy Sriracha.

I'm not really sure
what mustard's deal is, but...

It's like they don't know
he has a girlfriend.

- Man, you know
these condiments ain't loyal.

- [scoffs]
- Besides...

it's nice of Nelson
to give me the night off.

- Oh, God, you're married.

- Yeah, but I can't help
I have this animal magnetism.

- Mm-hmm.
- Women are just constantly

undressing me with their eyes.

'Sup, Vanessa?
Schwing.

- Ew.

- Okay.
- Wow.

- Party on, ketchup.
- Party on, Wayne.

[indistinct chatter]

- Reegs.
- Hey, Ray.

- Hey, can I have some ketchup?
- Ah, sure.

- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

- How you been?
- Huh?

Sorry.

Just keeping my eyes
on my boyfriend.

[chuckles]

- So that's Nelson?
- Mm-hmm.

- My mom says
he's a real nice guy.

- Oh, yeah,
she's a big fan--

her and all the other ladies
on the rez.

- Well, he better watch out,

or I'll have to rough him up.

- [laughs]
Okay.

[women laughing]
- Excuse me.

- Oh, don't leave.
- I'm sorry. Excuse me.

* *

- Who's that talking to Reagan
over there?

- Oh, that's her ex.

- Sorry I'm late.

Driving here
was literally terrifying.

- Are you a Dementor?

- Kim Kardashian
at the Met Gala.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's the podcaster?

- No, that's Ray.

This is Josh.

- Why do you have his photo
on your phone?

- Because he looks like this.

- Are all of her exes models?

- I mean, Reagan sucks,

but she's still a strong,
independent Native woman.

She loves them
and leaves them quick.

I'm sure you'll be different.

* *

[mellow music]

- Feather.
- Renee.

- I'm only here
because I want my son home safe

and nowhere near your daughter.

- He's a senior.
My baby girl is a sophomore.

The age gap is basically
almost illegal.

- Ladies, let's please focus.

Renee, do you still have

the location app
on Jimmy's phone?

- You have a tracker
on your kid?

So you know he's a derelict.

Hmm.

- They're headed to
the convenience store, I think.

- I regret even saying this,

but I think it's best
we drive together.

- [scoffs]
- Work as a team to find them.

- I call shotgun.
- Try it, and I break your arm.

[truck door opens]

[silverware clanking lightly]

- Have you called Al
about setting up that 529 yet?

- Kind of focused
on my pregnancy, but I will.

- Okay, because you know
it's all on you.

This one won't be of any help.
- Oh, God, no.

Yeah, I definitely
have not researched

which states
have the best plans.

Don't even have a dime
to my name.

Lost it all on the ponies.

Betting, not riding.

- We understood.
- This is starting to thaw.

I think I'm gonna get into this
in a minute.

I'm excited about it.

Hey, where do you think our kid
is gonna go to college?

- Well, Stanford,
like Dee-Dee.

- Wait. Whoa. Dee-Dee?
- Please never call me that.

- Okay.

Well, I just hope
the kid has her brains,

'cause I'm an idiot.
[laughs]

Didn't even get my GED.

Failed right out of juvie--
nile hall.

- What are you talking about?

You can't fail
out of juvenile hall,

plus you two went to the same
high school together.

- Right, you tried
to read that Dr. Seuss poem

at graduation,
but your voice kept cracking.

- Well,
it was an emotional day.

And if you can read
"Horton Hears a Who!"

without shedding a tear,
you have a heart of stone.

- You know,
they never mentioned

any juvie stint
on that podcast you were on.

- Wait, you guys listen
to "American Powder Keg"?

- Every episode.

So we know
all we need to know about you.

- And none of it is good.
- [sighs]

- Glad to get out of there.
I'm sure you agree.

- Hey, Reagan.
- Hey, Ray.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey.
- Name's Nelson.

- Ray. Firm handshake.
Where you from?

- [speaks native language]
Dakota territory.

You might of heard
of my peoples--

Zitkala-Sa, John Trudell.

We invented jump roping.

- Right.

- It's a lot of pressure
being so prominent.

I'm guessing that's not
something you can relate to.

- Why's that?

- Oh, you know, small tribes
sometimes feel inadequate.

- I bet your tribe's real big.

- Sriracha,
why don't you put yourself

back in your goddamn bottle?

- Such dirty talk.
I try to keep it classy.

I'm always representing
for my people.

- Minishonka are small,
but we have one

of the most complicated
clan systems of any tribe.

- Well, that's cool.
We killed Custer.

- Really? No Dakota's
ever mentioned that before.

- It does come up a lot.

And for good reason.
It's really important.

- Can one of you
help start the bonfire?

Wayne can't find
the starter log.

- Don't tell them that!
- I'll do it.

Minishonka are naturally
very good fire starters.

- So are my people,
and you know what?

We don't use starter logs.

- Ooh.

- Cool.

- Real cool.
- The coolest.

- Ice cold, baby.

- Right, can one of you
just do it?

Ugh.

- [laughs] If you had just
moved the statue

or, better yet, taken it down,

you'd still have your job
and your dignity.

- Sure, but, uh, I mean,
it's not really that simple.

- And what was up with bragging
about the first white baby?

- Oh, that was a great episode.

The caucasity was astounding.
- [laughs]

- So, in that episode, I was
actually trying to cut, like...

Yeah, but, I mean, hey.

What can I say?
I'm a boob.

- I mean, imagine how we felt

when we found out
that our daughter

is having
"pop" corn guy's baby.

- [laughs]

Isn't there a German word
for secondhand embarrassment?

- Fremdschamen.

- Yes.
- Okay.

But since then, Nathan's been
trying to make things right.

- How? By hiding
from his responsibilities?

[soft dramatic music]

- Okay...

the truth is,
Nathan's not a deadbeat,

and he is not the guy
the podcast made him out to be.

He's a good guy.

We're not together
by my choice,

and I didn't want to hear
your opinions on that.

But here we are.
So go ahead.

Lay 'em on me.

* *

- Dee-Dee, we support you.

- You do?
- Yes.

- You've always done things
your own way,

but you've always
come out on top.

- Did you just support
and compliment me?

[laughs] Nathan, I'm glad
you're here to be a witness.

- Stop.
We are not that bad.

- Eh...
- And even with a baby,

you can still meet someone
at your level.

No offense.
- Are you sure about that?

- Whether it's alone,
or with this lost clown,

how you raise your child
is your choice.

- Besides, nowadays everyone
is doing their own thing.

I read in "Parade" magazine

that Shonda Rhimes
has kids without a husband.

- Right.
- And nannies can be men now.

They're call "mannies."
That's so clever.

- Mm.

[hip-hop music]

- Hey! Yous need
to back up off my man.

- Or what?

- I haven't thought
that part through yet.

- Face it--
you don't have what it takes

to keep a man like Nelson.

- You're not even
tradish enough.

We've all seen
your uneven beadwork.

[women shriek, crowd gasps]
- Oh, girl, no.

* *

[crowd ohs]
- Oh, damn.

Reagan's gonna die tonight.

- [laughs] Guys, I'm sorry.

This is totally stupid, right?

[grunts]
What should I do?

- Fall on the ground
and play dead.

- Ah, no, don't do that.
It'll make it so much worse.

- Yeah, you hit the ground,
and it's over for you.

- Nelson, we got to go now.

- Just one more minute!
- I only need 30 seconds!

- I need ten seconds!

[both shouting]

- [gasps]
Oh, no.

His phone must've died.
His dot just disappeared.

- [sighs]
My contact at Rutherford PD

doesn't have any updates.

- Of course you'd be friends
with a cop, bootlicker.

- Excuse me?
- Let me call my contact.

[device beeps]

- Ow!
[cell phone ringing]

- Hey, Terry.
- Get away!

- I don't have much time.
Reagan's in a rez fight.

- Oh, tell her if she
hits the ground, it's over.

Listen, I need your help
finding Jimmy.

He was last seen--

- Found him.
Emma just posted on her Finsta.

They're in town holding
bags of candy near Big Larry.

Just texted you
some screenshots.

Okay, got to go.
- Back up!

[woman gasps, crowd oohs]
- Oh.

Cover your face.

- Apparently they were actually
just trick-or-treating.

- [sighs]

How did we raise such dorks?

- Do you even want kids?
You're a waste of a bloodline.

- Kids don't define women.
You're being toxic!

[all grunting]
- Yeah!

- I did it.
I did a fight.

You guys win.

Listen, this is anti-feminist.

Haven't you ever heard
of the Bechdel Test?

- Do you always talk
like a dictionary?

Fay, take care of her.
- What?

- You don't know?
She's an amateur MMA fighter.

- Nah, she's ranked.

- Oh.
So that's your deal.

Listen,
matriarch to matriarch--

Oh!

[yelps, grunts]
[crowd ohs]

Oh, God.
I'm okay.

[laughter]
[groans]

[quirky music]

* *

- [sighs]

- This is actually
kind of cute.

Oh.

[cans rattling]

- Oh, this isn't good.

[cans hissing]

- Emma Day!

I can see you being a criminal!

- Did you guys follow us?
- Yes.

Our suspicions were confirmed
because we caught you...

* *

- I'm actually not mad at this.

- If you're gonna
break the law,

it's something
I can get behind.

- [scoffs] Two hours
with this pint-sized Al Capone,

and already my sweet baby angel
is Antifa.

I should call the cops
on both of yous.

Let the law
straighten yous out.

- Feather,
I think we can both agree

that the kids
need to be punished.

- Mm-hmm.
- But we also know

that this is gonna reflect
worse on us than them.

Not great for either campaign.

Probably worse
for yours, though.

* *

- Maybe we leave and...

agree that this night
never happened.

- If you think that's best.

- Let's go, Emma.

Ah-ah-ah!

Get away from each other.

You're still in trouble.

[muttering angrily]

- Reagan, what happened?

- I spent all night
fending off condiments.

Sorry I'm not some tradish
sex kitten, karate master.

- I spent all night keeping
your ex from stealing you back.

- Ray?
He's married.

- That obviously doesn't matter
around here.

- [groans]
- [sighs]

So you don't want Ray back?
- No.

And the only condiment
you want is ketchup?

- Next year, we're staying home
and passing out candy.

- Next year.

- Come here.
Come here.

- Ow.
Oh, God.

I would kiss you,
but I think I broke a rib.

- Okay, we're going
to the emergency room.

Come on.

[mellow music]

* *

- What a night.
I feel so relieved.

- I'm really glad
it worked out for you.

- Nathan, you have no idea
what we just did.

I have been dreading
talking to them about this,

but you being there
really helped.

We nailed it.

- I think your parents
would say you nailed it, right?

I mean, you're Shonda.
I'm the clown.

- Well, some people
love clowns.

- No, they're
universally reviled.

In movies,
they're always the killer.

Kids have nightmares
about them.

- Well...

once they see
the crib you built,

they'll think
you're as great as I do.

- Oh, I--we shouldn't.

- Oh, it's okay.
My parents just started

an episode of "Adirondack,"
season three.

- It's not that.
It's...

You like me sometimes,

and I like you all the time.

I want to be with you,

but we're starting
to sound like an Adele song.

Just--maybe your parents
are right.

We're just not good together.

Good night.

* *

Oh, and please don't put
the charcuterie board

in the dishwasher.

It's Brazilian walnut,

and I can't take
any more heartache tonight.

[melancholy music]

* *