Original subtitles

[animal howls, upbeat music]

- Hey, check it out.

Very spooky menu. - [laughs]

I still can't believe how much you love Halloween.

It's like the Super Bowl for cultural appropriation.

- Yeah, you can see it that way, but for me,

Halloween is about celebrating our trickster side.

Besides, pumpkins are Indigenous,

even the white ones.

- [scoffs] I guess.

I mean, for me, Halloween's like, meh.

At best, you get some candy.

At worst, I'm tipsy in a bar

ripping a store-bought headdress off some idiot.

- Not gonna lie. That mental image is a turn-on.

- Oh. - Oh, by the way,

I need some help getting into my hot dog costume tomorrow.

There's a lot of zippers.

- That mental image-- less of a turn-on.

- Hmm.

[laughs]. Look at that.

Boo-berry muffins.

- Oh. - [chuckles] That's great.

Frankenburger. You get it?

- I do. - Yeah?

Who comes up with this stuff? Jeez.

[upbeat music]

* *

[steady banjo music]

* *

- Who's there? I have a gun!

- Oh! Oh, Deirdre, it's Nathan. Please don't shoot.

- Nathan! Oh, my God.

- I am so sorry I startled you.

Um, were you going to attack a burglar with a massage gun?

- If this hits your temple at close range,

your brain will be fatally vibrated.

What are you doing here?

I gave you that spare key for emergencies.

- Yes, but, uh, i-in my defense,

the state of modern crib manufacturing

is an emergency,

which is why I handcrafted this one.

- Wow. You made that?

- Yeah.

- Not what I had on my registry, but very nice.

- Yeah, it's white oak.

It's from a tree that fell in my backyard...

on your birthday, but I just--

I want this baby to have the best.

- Even if it means committing some light B and E?

- I did not go about this in a good way.

And I see that now. I'm super sorry.

I also made that zucchini bread you like,

but, honestly, it all just feels

like a big overstep, so I'll just get out of here.

- No, that can stay.

The baby loves it. - Oh, the baby loves it?

- Yes, the baby.

[knock on door] - Mayor Chisenhall?

Rutherford PD checking in.

- When I thought you were an intruder,

I may have called the cops. - Yeah, that tracks.

[knock on door] - Mayor Chisenhall?

- That sounds like Callahan, and he loves my zucchini bread.

Do you mind--[stammers] - Oh.

- You know what? I'll just handle it.

- Mm-hmm.

[hip-hop music]

[cell phone vibrates] - [chuckles]

- You have Halloween plans?

- Oh, uh, no, not really.

- Son, don't insult us.

You're cool, just like your mom and me were.

Cool kids always have plans.

- How come you guys never bug Maya like this?

- Because she's a nerd. There's no need to.

- If she wasn't in Alberta

doing a cultural exchange program

with the Blood Tribe, we'd be on her like this.

- Fine. I'm going trick-or-treating...

with a girl.

- No way. We know that move.

Tell your parents you're out trick-or-treating,

but you're really in the woods with your pageant friends

doing whippits.

- Or using your fake ID to get into a real-estate seminar.

- Uh, okay, obviously, that's stuff you guys did.

We're just going trick-or-treating.

- So who's the girl?

And remember, I know everyone at your school.

- Well, until you're more comfortable sharing,

you're passing out candy with your mom tonight.

- Ugh, I thought you said you guys were cool.

- Half of parenting is lying, Jimmy.

Grow up.

- Breaking into a woman's home to bake and woodwork?

Not your best move, bud.

- That crib was a handcrafted gesture of love,

and also...

the totally wrong move. - [chuckles]

- And I see that now. I'm gonna give her some space.

- Wait. You built her a crib from scratch?

- Yeah. - Shoot.

I've got some nieces you should meet.

[light laughter]

- You should come to Wayne and Sally's Halloween party

with Nelson and I--

take your mind off things. - Okay.

- So, that Nelson-- is he your man?

- He sure is.

We're even going in a couple's costume this year.

He's a hot dog, and I'm ketchup.

- If I were 30 years younger, you'd have to watch your back.

- Whoa. - [laughs]

- Nelson's a catch.

Do you know how hard it is to find a man with a good job

that doesn't lie about his height?

- His ponytail isn't thin either.

If I were 20 years younger, I'd be all over him.

- [giggles]

- Okay, they seem to know a lot about your boyfriend.

- Yeah. - It's brutal out here.

There's, like, eight women for every Native man.

- Mm. But that Nelson...

If I were ten years younger, it'd be a done deal.

- Wow, okay. - We get it.

[laughter]

- So we can secure an endorsement

from the teachers union if I agree to take down

my "Overheard at Rutherford High" account.

Terry, are you listening?

I know you hate Lincoln,

but you can't hate this contour.

- Jimmy's being weirdly cagey about a girl

he's possibly dating, and my wife is hell-bent

on trying to figure out who she is, so now I have to--

- Found her. - What? How?

- My friend follows someone

who went on a camping trip with Jimmy,

and there was a pic of him with this girl in it,

but her profile was private.

So I found the same tagged pic

in a different friend's public account,

which led me to a Spotify playlist

that was 98% Dua Lipa.

That playlist was followed by my nail tech,

who confirmed your son is dating her client, Emma.

She's a sophomore with great skin--

Native, goes to school in town. [cell phone chimes]

Oh, and just accepted a request

for my account posing as Harry Styles' personal chef.

- Nice work, Bobbie.

Remind me to tell you about an old business associate

I'm almost certain faked his own death.

Would love for you to look into it.

- Oh, here's some drama.

- Jimmy's dating Feather Day's daughter?

- Ooh, my nail tech is gonna flip!

[hip-hop music]

[indistinct chatter]

* *

- [sniffs] Damn, Nelson. You even smell like a hot dog.

- Nathan, why do you have a microphone?

- Oh, uh, the Janet Jackson headset

makes me "pop" corn guy.

I'm leaning into my persona. - And I squirt real ketchup.

Nathan helped me with the rig. - Oh, yeah.

This thing squirts two gallons.

- Very cool.

- Y'all are wack.

[cell phone chimes, vibrates] - Oh, it's Deirdre.

"Nathan, where did you get that charcuterie plate

you brought over?"

Uh... [chuckles]

"It was homemade."

Oh, do you think I should pop over with a refill?

- No. I think you should stop popping over.

- Totally.

But think about my unborn baby starving for smoked gouda.

And it's probably a good opportunity

to apologize for before.

Two birds!

B-R-B.

- That was the wrong move. - Yeah, I know. He does that.

We look great, though. - Right?

- Let's 'Gram it out. - Yeah.

- Hold up! Wait for us.

- Wow, we look like the hot dog station at Costco.

Yeah, it's almost too perfect to be a coincidence.

- Well, you inspired me at the beading circle.

- Then Chloe told us all about your amazing costume.

Then we both got real inspired, too.

- You hear that?

Our craftsmanship inspired them.

- [giggles] - Yeah.

[quirky music]

* *

- Oh! Oh, no, no-- Ah!

[grunting] - Nathan?

- Oh. Hey, Dierdre.

Ah, I'm so sorry.

I brought this charcuterie board

to say sorry for the whole crib thing, and I just--

Please don't call the cops.

I can't get a mug shot in this corn costume.

- So you apologize for stopping by unannounced

by stopping by unannounced?

- Yes.

Oh, your parents are here.

Hi, Mrs. Chisenhall. - You were right, James.

The deadbeat is here.

- [laughing] Deadbeat.

Is that, like, a funny nickname or what?

- I kind of told my parents you don't want anything

to do with me or the baby.

But thanks for this.

- Um, excuse me. Why would you do that?

- My parents are insanely judgmental.

The idea that I would choose to be a single mom

will not be acceptable to them in the least.

So, instead of having to actually tell them--

- It's just easier to let them hate me.

- Thanks for being an ally?

- [sighs] - Look who it is.

Let this fool in.

- Oh, no, Dad, we don't need to.

- I want to see if he's as corny as that costume.

Unless you're planning to run out on my little girl again.

- [sighs]

- I guess it's the perfect time to meet the parents.

* *

- [sighs]

- Oh, my goodness. There you are.

Where's my daughter, Terry?

- At your home, maybe school,

probably any place other than a casino.

Nice chatting with you. - Hey!

My innocent daughter took off

with your rugged-ass son after school

before I could pick her up-- that's kidnapping!

- Feather, not everything is a crisis.

- [sighs]

- My well-behaved son is at home

passing out candy with Renee.

Let me just...

She doesn't know where he is.

- [gasps]

You know, I had a dream last night

of a Japanese fighting fish in a fishbowl,

and it was just staring at me.

I should've known.

I should've known something bad was coming.

It kind of looked like you.

- Oh, boy.

This is not the outfit I was hoping to meet your parents in.

[quirky music]

I kind of feel like tucking it in was a weird move.

I'm just gonna go, like, Peter Pan style, right?

More of a tunic look.

- Ah, it's--it's fine.

- And, you know, maybe these stretchy pants

can help us all remember to be flexible

about any assumptions we've made about one another.

- Nathan, I'm begging you.

Can you just let these people hate you for one night

for my benefit, please?

- Here you go, sweetie. - Thank you, Daddy.

- There you go.

[thuds loudly]

- Oh, uh, thank you so much.

Um...

does this need to be heated or...

- Oh, did I forget? [chuckles]

Kind of like how you forgot to wear a condom.

[chuckles] - Oh.

Uh... [scoffs] I didn't forget.

I just--the only contraceptive in the museum that night

was an old dried-up piece of lambskin from the 1800s,

but that was display only, so...

[clears throat]

You don't want to hear about that.

[hip-hop music]

* *

- Hey, Reagan.

Where's your hot dog? - [sighs]

He's, like, stuck in a flirt circle.

We got tradish relish, sexy Sriracha.

I'm not really sure what mustard's deal is, but...

It's like they don't know he has a girlfriend.

- Man, you know these condiments ain't loyal.

- [scoffs] - Besides...

it's nice of Nelson to give me the night off.

- Oh, God, you're married.

- Yeah, but I can't help I have this animal magnetism.

- Mm-hmm. - Women are just constantly

undressing me with their eyes.

'Sup, Vanessa? Schwing.

- Ew.

- Okay. - Wow.

- Party on, ketchup. - Party on, Wayne.

[indistinct chatter]

- Reegs. - Hey, Ray.

- Hey, can I have some ketchup? - Ah, sure.

- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

- How you been? - Huh?

Sorry.

Just keeping my eyes on my boyfriend.

[chuckles]

- So that's Nelson? - Mm-hmm.

- My mom says he's a real nice guy.

- Oh, yeah, she's a big fan--

her and all the other ladies on the rez.

- Well, he better watch out,

or I'll have to rough him up.

- [laughs] Okay.

[women laughing] - Excuse me.

- Oh, don't leave. - I'm sorry. Excuse me.

* *

- Who's that talking to Reagan over there?

- Oh, that's her ex.

- Sorry I'm late.

Driving here was literally terrifying.

- Are you a Dementor?

- Kim Kardashian at the Met Gala.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

That's the podcaster?

- No, that's Ray.

This is Josh.

- Why do you have his photo on your phone?

- Because he looks like this.

- Are all of her exes models?

- I mean, Reagan sucks,

but she's still a strong, independent Native woman.

She loves them and leaves them quick.

I'm sure you'll be different.

* *

[mellow music]

- Feather. - Renee.

- I'm only here because I want my son home safe

and nowhere near your daughter.

- He's a senior. My baby girl is a sophomore.

The age gap is basically almost illegal.

- Ladies, let's please focus.

Renee, do you still have

the location app on Jimmy's phone?

- You have a tracker on your kid?

So you know he's a derelict.

Hmm.

- They're headed to the convenience store, I think.

- I regret even saying this,

but I think it's best we drive together.

- [scoffs] - Work as a team to find them.

- I call shotgun. - Try it, and I break your arm.

[truck door opens]

[silverware clanking lightly]

- Have you called Al about setting up that 529 yet?

- Kind of focused on my pregnancy, but I will.

- Okay, because you know it's all on you.

This one won't be of any help. - Oh, God, no.

Yeah, I definitely have not researched

which states have the best plans.

Don't even have a dime to my name.

Lost it all on the ponies.

Betting, not riding.

- We understood. - This is starting to thaw.

I think I'm gonna get into this in a minute.

I'm excited about it.

Hey, where do you think our kid is gonna go to college?

- Well, Stanford, like Dee-Dee.

- Wait. Whoa. Dee-Dee? - Please never call me that.

- Okay.

Well, I just hope the kid has her brains,

'cause I'm an idiot. [laughs]

Didn't even get my GED.

Failed right out of juvie-- nile hall.

- What are you talking about?

You can't fail out of juvenile hall,

plus you two went to the same high school together.

- Right, you tried to read that Dr. Seuss poem

at graduation, but your voice kept cracking.

- Well, it was an emotional day.

And if you can read "Horton Hears a Who!"

without shedding a tear, you have a heart of stone.

- You know, they never mentioned

any juvie stint on that podcast you were on.

- Wait, you guys listen to "American Powder Keg"?

- Every episode.

So we know all we need to know about you.

- And none of it is good. - [sighs]

- Glad to get out of there. I'm sure you agree.

- Hey, Reagan. - Hey, Ray.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey. - Name's Nelson.

- Ray. Firm handshake. Where you from?

- [speaks native language] Dakota territory.

You might of heard of my peoples--

Zitkala-Sa, John Trudell.

We invented jump roping.

- Right.

- It's a lot of pressure being so prominent.

I'm guessing that's not something you can relate to.

- Why's that?

- Oh, you know, small tribes sometimes feel inadequate.

- I bet your tribe's real big.

- Sriracha, why don't you put yourself

back in your goddamn bottle?

- Such dirty talk. I try to keep it classy.

I'm always representing for my people.

- Minishonka are small, but we have one

of the most complicated clan systems of any tribe.

- Well, that's cool. We killed Custer.

- Really? No Dakota's ever mentioned that before.

- It does come up a lot.

And for good reason. It's really important.

- Can one of you help start the bonfire?

Wayne can't find the starter log.

- Don't tell them that! - I'll do it.

Minishonka are naturally very good fire starters.

- So are my people, and you know what?

We don't use starter logs.

- Ooh.

- Cool.

- Real cool. - The coolest.

- Ice cold, baby.

- Right, can one of you just do it?

Ugh.

- [laughs] If you had just moved the statue

or, better yet, taken it down,

you'd still have your job and your dignity.

- Sure, but, uh, I mean, it's not really that simple.

- And what was up with bragging about the first white baby?

- Oh, that was a great episode.

The caucasity was astounding. - [laughs]

- So, in that episode, I was actually trying to cut, like...

Yeah, but, I mean, hey.

What can I say? I'm a boob.

- I mean, imagine how we felt

when we found out that our daughter

is having "pop" corn guy's baby.

- [laughs]

Isn't there a German word for secondhand embarrassment?

- Fremdschamen.

- Yes. - Okay.

But since then, Nathan's been trying to make things right.

- How? By hiding from his responsibilities?

[soft dramatic music]

- Okay...

the truth is, Nathan's not a deadbeat,

and he is not the guy the podcast made him out to be.

He's a good guy.

We're not together by my choice,

and I didn't want to hear your opinions on that.

But here we are. So go ahead.

Lay 'em on me.

* *

- Dee-Dee, we support you.

- You do? - Yes.

- You've always done things your own way,

but you've always come out on top.

- Did you just support and compliment me?

[laughs] Nathan, I'm glad you're here to be a witness.

- Stop. We are not that bad.

- Eh... - And even with a baby,

you can still meet someone at your level.

No offense. - Are you sure about that?

- Whether it's alone, or with this lost clown,

how you raise your child is your choice.

- Besides, nowadays everyone is doing their own thing.

I read in "Parade" magazine

that Shonda Rhimes has kids without a husband.

- Right. - And nannies can be men now.

They're call "mannies." That's so clever.

- Mm.

[hip-hop music]

- Hey! Yous need to back up off my man.

- Or what?

- I haven't thought that part through yet.

- Face it-- you don't have what it takes

to keep a man like Nelson.

- You're not even tradish enough.

We've all seen your uneven beadwork.

[women shriek, crowd gasps] - Oh, girl, no.

* *

[crowd ohs] - Oh, damn.

Reagan's gonna die tonight.

- [laughs] Guys, I'm sorry.

This is totally stupid, right?

[grunts] What should I do?

- Fall on the ground and play dead.

- Ah, no, don't do that. It'll make it so much worse.

- Yeah, you hit the ground, and it's over for you.

- Nelson, we got to go now.

- Just one more minute! - I only need 30 seconds!

- I need ten seconds!

[both shouting]

- [gasps] Oh, no.

His phone must've died. His dot just disappeared.

- [sighs] My contact at Rutherford PD

doesn't have any updates.

- Of course you'd be friends with a cop, bootlicker.

- Excuse me? - Let me call my contact.

[device beeps]

- Ow! [cell phone ringing]

- Hey, Terry. - Get away!

- I don't have much time. Reagan's in a rez fight.

- Oh, tell her if she hits the ground, it's over.

Listen, I need your help finding Jimmy.

He was last seen--

- Found him. Emma just posted on her Finsta.

They're in town holding bags of candy near Big Larry.

Just texted you some screenshots.

Okay, got to go. - Back up!

[woman gasps, crowd oohs] - Oh.

Cover your face.

- Apparently they were actually just trick-or-treating.

- [sighs]

How did we raise such dorks?

- Do you even want kids? You're a waste of a bloodline.

- Kids don't define women. You're being toxic!

[all grunting] - Yeah!

- I did it. I did a fight.

You guys win.

Listen, this is anti-feminist.

Haven't you ever heard of the Bechdel Test?

- Do you always talk like a dictionary?

Fay, take care of her. - What?

- You don't know? She's an amateur MMA fighter.

- Nah, she's ranked.

- Oh. So that's your deal.

Listen, matriarch to matriarch--

Oh!

[yelps, grunts] [crowd ohs]

Oh, God. I'm okay.

[laughter] [groans]

[quirky music]

* *

- [sighs]

- This is actually kind of cute.

Oh.

[cans rattling]

- Oh, this isn't good.

[cans hissing]

- Emma Day!

I can see you being a criminal!

- Did you guys follow us? - Yes.

Our suspicions were confirmed because we caught you...

* *

- I'm actually not mad at this.

- If you're gonna break the law,

it's something I can get behind.

- [scoffs] Two hours with this pint-sized Al Capone,

and already my sweet baby angel is Antifa.

I should call the cops on both of yous.

Let the law straighten yous out.

- Feather, I think we can both agree

that the kids need to be punished.

- Mm-hmm. - But we also know

that this is gonna reflect worse on us than them.

Not great for either campaign.

Probably worse for yours, though.

* *

- Maybe we leave and...

agree that this night never happened.

- If you think that's best.

- Let's go, Emma.

Ah-ah-ah!

Get away from each other.

You're still in trouble.

[muttering angrily]

- Reagan, what happened?

- I spent all night fending off condiments.

Sorry I'm not some tradish sex kitten, karate master.

- I spent all night keeping your ex from stealing you back.

- Ray? He's married.

- That obviously doesn't matter around here.

- [groans] - [sighs]

So you don't want Ray back? - No.

And the only condiment you want is ketchup?

- Next year, we're staying home and passing out candy.

- Next year.

- Come here. Come here.

- Ow. Oh, God.

I would kiss you, but I think I broke a rib.

- Okay, we're going to the emergency room.

Come on.

[mellow music]

* *

- What a night. I feel so relieved.

- I'm really glad it worked out for you.

- Nathan, you have no idea what we just did.

I have been dreading talking to them about this,

but you being there really helped.

We nailed it.

- I think your parents would say you nailed it, right?

I mean, you're Shonda. I'm the clown.

- Well, some people love clowns.

- No, they're universally reviled.

In movies, they're always the killer.

Kids have nightmares about them.

- Well...

once they see the crib you built,

they'll think you're as great as I do.

- Oh, I--we shouldn't.

- Oh, it's okay. My parents just started

an episode of "Adirondack," season three.

- It's not that. It's...

You like me sometimes,

and I like you all the time.

I want to be with you,

but we're starting to sound like an Adele song.

Just--maybe your parents are right.

We're just not good together.

Good night.

* *

Oh, and please don't put the charcuterie board

in the dishwasher.

It's Brazilian walnut,

and I can't take any more heartache tonight.

[melancholy music]

* *