All language subtitles for Rutherford.Falls.S01E09.

Ugh. Ray's mom ordered way
too many Jordan almonds.

Well, it's a good thing she did,

becausetheyte cheaper in bulk,

and you and ray invited
literally everyone to your wedding.

Yeah.

I think I'm gonna barf.

Hey, it's perfectly normal to be
nervous the night before your nuptials.

What's this?

Oh, my god!

A full ride to Northwestern?

That's incredible.

No, notgood, because_.

Ray won't move with you?

He said he can't
do long distance

because his saturn won't make
it all the way to Illinois and back.

He's not wrong about the saturn.

I know.

But there's got to be
a way to fix this.

Right? You love ray.

Yeah. Yes.

I mean, he is deeply unemployed

and he hates chapter books.

But he's also really
sweet, and he loves me.

And we have history,

but also people would
freak if we didn't...

I don't know what to do.
Tell me what to do.

Oh, uh...

Okay. Don't just
make sounds, Nathan.

Okay, um...

I'm not going to
tell you what to do.

But, Reagan,

you deserve an amazing,
epic, juicy, fulfilling life.

You're brilliant
and hilarious and kind.

But you may not stay that way
if you don't go for what you want.

Now, whether that's
ray or Northwestern,

I have your back 100%.
You know that.

But you got to run
after the good stuff.

Okay.

Okay.

Think of it as a fair
and honest deal.

Well, you can take your deal

and shove it up your
fair and honest butt.

Hey, hey.

Reagan: Nathan! What?

Come on. This is
what's best for everyone.

This is how you're going
to keep your house,

and you'll get paid
to keep doing what you do.

Can you do me a favor?
Shut your lie hole.

That's what I call
your mouth now.

Oh, really?

Actually, it's more
like a lie "hose."

Just spraying lies everywhere.

Mmnpmnm. Senousw?

You're being very childish.

No, I'm not.
You're being childish.

You ignore all my calls,

and then I find out you're
leading this, like, secret life.

Why should I listen
to anything you say?

I told you that Nathan would
blow up over this, and he did.

After the tantrum passes,
he'll see this is his only option.

Right now, you need
to focus on yourself.

Okay. Yeah. Great.
I'll focus on me.

I'm nowhere.

You said that
the cultural center

was going to get a huge
piece of action in this.

Well, where is it, Terry?
Where's my action?

Is this it?

Is this it?

Oh, no, that's
a ginormous casino.

Oh, what do we have here?
It's a Tesla charging station.

What a bunch of snobs.

I'm just going to drive in
from the city and go gamble.

I'm going to cheat on my wife

and not visit the cultural center
that's supposed to be here.

I thought it would be
more respectful

to build an entirely separate
structure outside the casino.

This is your
new cultural center.

Reagan: Is it two floors?

Oh, my god, is that
an Ada-compliant rail?

I'm so sorry

for doubting you and also for making
fun of the Tesla charging station.

Actually, I'm not
sorry about that.

Elon Musk is dumb and
he needs to pay his taxes.

This is incredible.

Thank you.

You've more than earned it.

Oh, it's a lot of space to fill.

I think it's time you spoke to Nathan's
aunt about acquiring her collection.

Here.

Keep it under 20k. Wow.

Nathan's gonna hate this.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize this
multimillion-dollar deal

was going to hurt
someone's feelings.

I hear that.

But strategically, it would
help if Nathan were on board.

I mean, he could be a real Thorn
in your side when he wants to be.

I know you don't think
you have a supervisor

he can complain to,
but he will find one.

Noted.

I will take care of Nathan.

You go shake down that old lady.

Good morning, Nathan.

No, it's not.

It's a stupid morning.

Wait, what?

I heard from Deirdre's assistant
that today was a call for celebration,

so I made a little
adjustment to the wall

of prominent rutherfords.

What? No, Bobby.

I don't belong up there.

A lot of these rutherfords
are military heroes.

The only thing I'm going
to be remembered for

is letting this town
turn into a circus.

Wait, I'm trying to catch up.

We hate mornings and the circus?

Yeah.

Terry wants to turn this whole town
into some kind of colonial theme park.

And he wants me to be
his Mickey mouse.

I don't think so. Bobby: Right.

Who would want to be america's
most beloved and recognizable symbol?

You know what I mean.
Bobby: I'm just saying,

if I know Terry, he's going
to do this with or without you.

And isn't it always better
to be part of the plan?

I have a plan.

I'm gonna hate Terry
for the rest of my life.

But if you can have a say in what
happens in this town, shouldn't you do it?

It's like when I joined this gang
of girls that were bullying me,

and now, we bully others.
Together.

We made this one girl transfer.

She was a monster. Don't worry.

I guess if I joined them, I could
help steer things in the right direction.

Their model was bleeding with
historical inaccuracies. They need me.

And if it's done right,

whole town could be
one giant rutherford museum.

Ooh! Great!

So should we leave
the picture up?

Nope, it's got to come down.

And while you're at it,
can you move Cyrus?

I always felt like
he's flirting with Margaret.

Ew! That's his sister.

I'm on it.

So, I should warn you,
I'm not great at negotiating.

I'm what's known
at flea markets as a Mark.

Oh, no, that's not
why I brought you.

I brought you
because you're pretty.

Pretty? Yeah.

Your handsomeness
is like a weapon

that can disarm even
the coldest old lady.

And if it doesn't work out,

I got the Van for 12 more hours.

We can have multiple
makeouts in multiple locations.

You really
thought of everything.

You got this.

Although now I'm almost kind of
wishing, like, it doesn't work out.

Sowecomdm vve_.Letsfocus.

Okay.

So, aunt Joan.

I can call you aunt, right?

Anyway, I am here to ask

on behalf of
the minishonka nation,

if you would do the honor of
returning important cultural items

currently in your possession

so that we may properly
care for them.

Those items have been
promised to Nathan.

Yes, I'm aware
of your arrangement,

but the tribe is
willing to offer a fair sum,

and I personally am going to throw
something sweet into the potjust for you.

Mmm. Tempting offer.

But I indulged my last gigolo
during the Ford administration.

Oh, no!

I am nota...

At least I don't think
that was the...

Not him.

Your name on all
of the museum labels.

You'll bejust like the sacklers.

Uh, minus all of the alleged
predatory opioid abuse.

I am authorized to offer $5,000.

You can have them for $80,000.

Ten. Eighty.

Fifteen thousand. Eighty.

Eighteen? Eighty is the price.

Or you can be on your way.

Okay, great.

I'm just going to go ahead and
reach out to the department of interior.

And see if everything's
nagpra-compliant.

You know, the native American
graves protection and repatriation act.

I don't know if I got a
great look at all of the items

in your carriage house,

but I'm sure that they were
all acquired in a proper way.

So if we were to get
the feds involved,

you'd be fine, right?

Or we can skip that,

and I can give you money for
items that belong to me anyway.

You've got a deal.

Now get out of my house.

But you can stay.

Uh, no, no, I'm
going to go. Thanks.

All right. I'm in.

That's great to hear.
Whoa-ho-ho!

Pump the brakes there, Terry,
I'm not in just yet.

You just said you were in.

Well, sure, but it's
got to be on my terms.

Okay? If you're going to
turn this shopping complex

into a true
rutherfordian experience,

I'm going to need the following,

$23 million to expand and
modernize the rutherford museum.

Full veto power on all
architectural and historical decisions.

Use of the company helicopter...

We don't have
a company helicopter.

Well, if we get one,
I want to use it.

Also an unlimited
diorama budget.

I've already spoken
to Marshall. He is in.

And he better be, considering
I crushed it at his wedding.

He sang black velvet
by Alannah Myles.

His version was 11 minutes,

and it was amazing.

Well, that does sound epic,

and of course we can
discuss your many demands.

In the meantime,

I have something that I think
you'll be equally excited about.

You look incredible!

I look ridiculous.

He looks ridiculous.

Nathan: This costume
is wildly inaccurate.

It's like a hodgepodge
of colonial fashion.

Military jacket,
a scrivener's cravat,

a barrister's wig and boots

clearly taken
from a pirate costume.

We're capturing
the spirit of the era,

to give the people
what they want.

Which reminds me,
you're going to love this.

This is the poster image for
"ye olde rutherford village."

Okay, where do I even start?

This type of butter churn was
used primarily in the carolinas,

where there is
significantly higher humidity.

And no rutherford has
actually owned a dairy cow

since Zachary rutherford
left his wife for one in 1782.

Our market research shows
that the average American's

understanding of history can be
boiled down to seven concepts.

George Washington, the flag,
independence day,

independence day, the movie,

mlk, Forrest Gump,

and butter churns.

These enhancements

will take your family
museum to the next level.

"Grandpappy rutherford's old
time creamery and history museum"?

People find dairy-based
businesses charming as hell.

It's wholesome.

And if you throw in a cow with
a cute name, it's off the charts.

Oh! You could call him
sir milks-a-lot.

Home run, Bobby. Home run!

You can't milk a male cow.

Nathan, this museum
will draw like crazy.

That's why we put it
next to the food court.

Go ahead. Give it a churn.

I'm really trying here, Terry.

This is what you wanted?

Yes, actually,
it's what you want.

A brand-new,
state-of-the-art museum

filled with people learning
about your family.

This version of
my family is bullshit.

Respectfully, every version
of your family is bullshit.

At least this one is profitable.

Ooh, ooh!

What about moo-Donna?

Reagan: Josh, come on.

We need to get
this stuff into the Van

before Joan changes her mind
or steals our youthful bodies,

get out-style. I know, I know.

But there's so much stuff here.

I mean, come on, these...
These love letters?

"Elizabeth, my love,

"I will always regret that
we never had the courage..."

That says 1982, not 1882.

Oh, damn. I guess
it's morejust like,

"Elizabeth, my love,

"I will always regret that we never
had the courage to run away together..."

Ooh. "I will
forever Cherish that

"you named our boy Nathan
after my father..."

Okay.

Elizabeth is Nathan's mom,

but who is this Ronnie guy?

Josh: Um, I think it's
his biological father,

which means I don't think
Nathan's technically a rutherford.

It's just a letter.
It doesn't prove anything.

Right.

Well, actually, it's letters.

A lot of them.

And some of them
were pretty graphic.

Yeah, who puts illustrations
in a love letter.

The '70s were wild.

Yeah, they were.

You gonna tell Nathan?

There's an explanation for this.

This isn't real.

Nathan's already pissed,

so I'm not going to worry
him any more than I have to.

All we have is barely a hunch.

Plus the letters.

Yes, we have the letters.

Sorry.

Just because we're
changing the museum

doesn't mean you have
to pack everything up.

It's all good, Bobby,

I just gotta make room for some
butter churns and fake history.

Might as well scrap my entire
family's legacy while I'm at it.

But this is
eustace rutherford's shoehorn.

You can't just
throw this in a box.

People need to see this.

No, Bobby. No one
cares about actual history.

Besides, you got your wish.

Mickey mouse.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

We can fix this.

What's to fix?

It's literally a dream scenario.

I get to dress like the quaker
oats guy, churn butter all day,

and no one will get to learn
the true story of my family.

I just mean this is a chance
to start fresh. Nathan: Bobby.

Everything that I've ever cared
about is being turned into a cartoon.

Okay? Does that feel
like a fresh start?

I don't even know
why I'm talking to you.

You're a teenager.
You don't get it.

Well, if that's how you feel,
I can give you some space.

Yeah. Why don't you do that?

Very well.

You have a 5:00 pm.
Dentist appointment

that I won't send you
a reminder for,

which sucks for you because
you have several cavities.

Hey, I sent your
silverware back.

Don't ask why, but trust
me... Nathan isn't a rutherford.

The custodial parent release
claim from his father.

I had a friend do some
digging in Albany.

I mean...

This is ironclad.

Why... why did you... Do that?

Now, neither of us can
unknow this information.

Are you kidding?

This is the missing
piece to my story.

It has everything.

Sex, lies.

Family intrigue?

Oh, no, Josh.
You cannot publish this.

What? I have to.

I thought that everything we
talked about was, like, off the record.

You said that.

That's not how
off the record works.

Josh, if you...

I can't be with a guy who
destroys my best friend's entire life.

Is he your best friend?

Okay, I get what
you're saying, I do,

but you're asking me
not to do my job?

I would never askthatofyou.

I know. I mean, if the gender
roles were reversed here,

you would be sexist to...

Uh... never mind.

I can see that it's unfair
of me to ask you for this,

but it's what I need from you.

I understand.

And I would never do
anything to hurt you,

but this is the only way
to tell the whole truth.

I'm sorry, Reagan.

I'm so sorry, too.

I'm glad we're on the same page.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought you were Bobby.

Ifigured you'd still be
mad at me.

And I've had a pretty
crappy day myself,

so I got some Chang's.

I brang the Chang's
'cause I know it's our thang.

So if you got the pang...
Please stop rhyming.

Totally. Thanks.

It does smell good, though.

I know.

Ooh!

Orange chicken. Uh-huh!

Playing hardball.

Okay, can I just say

that this has been
the worst day... week.

The worst week. I agree.

And with that said,
I have a hypothetical.

Hit me.

Tell me, do you
prefer your bad news

flash-fried and served
quickly on a plate?

Or is a slow-steamed bun
more your thing?

You're not making any sense.

Yeah, sorry, that's, uh,
hard to tell, um...

I have something to tell you.

And I know it'll
make you upset, but...

I care about you so much

and I know if I don't tell
you, you'd be more upset.

Okay. And that's...

I'm all out of upset today.

I already smashed
two butter churns.

I mean...

Just lay it on me.

Well, earlier today, I was
at your aunt Joan's house

and I found some... wait. Why
were you at my aunt's house?

Okay, yeah. Let's start there.

As part of the casino expansion,

I've been given a budget
to acquire minishonka items,

and I bought some from her.

Huh.

Well, this Chang's
is cooked in blood.

Wha...

Who are you anymore?

First, you go work
for Terry, my Nemesis,

and then you go, like,
steal stuff from my family.

Okay. I... I bought it from her.

And if you want to
talk about stealing,

I mean, there's no way
that your family...

You know what?
This is exactly why

I thought that you couldn't
handle more bad news today.

Bring it on!

Honestly,
I mean, what, what is it?

Did you kill my brother?

Is my grandmother an alien?

You're not a rutherford.

I found some letters
in the carriage house,

and they are from a man
addressed to your mom.

And then Josh confirmed it,

eventhough I asked him not to.

It's gonna come out, and I
thought you'd rather hear it from me.

Get out.

Nathan... why would
you even say that to me?

Becauseits what happened.

Yeah.

Right. I am so sick
of everyone thinking

they know more about
my family than I do.

You don't know anything
about my heritage.

You don't know
anything about me.

So please just go.

Hey, bud.

Hey, duz. What's up, man?

How'd you find me?

Uh, well, you gave me this
when you were 11 years old.

And you said to open it
in case of emergency.

"Should I go missing,

"I'm most likely
sitting in quiet contemplation

"at buckheart lodge.

"If I'm not there, investigate
the following suspects,

"the chisenhalls, Manuel
noriega, cobra commander..."

Okay, come on. Iwas11.

Well, I'm glad I found you because
cobra commander was no help at all.

You know,

a lot of people are
worried about you, man.

I talked to Reagan. Oh,
which one did you talk to?

The one that I grew up with and
have loved dearly my entire life

or the one that was
recently bitten by a vamp-liar

and is now cursed to tell
bizarre lies for the rest of eternity.

Yeah, it's just the thing is...

Uh, Reagan might technically

be almost certainly
right about this.

Duz, I love your sense of humor.

You remember Mr. D'Angelo
from mom's bowling team?

Yeah. Uncle Ronnie.

Right. You remember how he
used to come over to the house a lot?

And how mom and dad slept in
separate bedrooms for, like, three years?

And that one time that dad threw
your television across the room

because he saw you watching
professional bowling?

Oh, my god.

Mom was boning uncle Ronnie?

He's...

I'm sorry, Nathan.

How are you so sure?

Well, I wasn't.

But when you asked me to grab
those documents in my pantry,

there was a letter
stuck to the back.

It was uncle Ronnie
writing to mom

agreeing to renounce
his paternity.

Then there were a bunch of
bowling scores at the bottom.

It turns out mom was
a really great bowler.

I don't know if you knew that.

So, I'm a d'Angelo?

I mean, genetically.

But you're a rutherford, man.

I mean, you've dedicated
your entire life to this family.

You're more rutherford
than any of us.

But I'm not.
I'm not a rutherford.

Yes, you are.

You are still my
brother. Don't say that.

Yeah, but I'm your
adopted half-brother,

Nate d'Angelo.

Okay.

Thank you for, um...

Enlightening me.

It's a lot to take in, but
you know, uh, it's all good.

It's all good.

It's all good. I kind of wish
you'd put the poker down.

What, oh, am I
scaring you with this?

Just listen...
Ah! I'm gonna kill you.

Just wow.

Yeah, I had a big crush
on Janet d'Angelo as a kid.

Tried to make out
with my half-sister.

A lot of memories
coming into focus.

Very cool.

Look, why don't you come
home with me for a few days?

The girls would love to see you.

Okay, I, uh...

I just... I... I think
I need some alone time.

I'm... I'm okay, I promise.

Come here.

I'm really sorry, man.

Yeah. Okay.

I'll, uh...

Okay. Call you tomorrow.

Finally. I was so mad at you
I was actually doing homework.

Hey, Bobby. Just a quick fyi.

I'm closing the museum.

What? For how long?

Uh, for approximately ever.

And I just wanted
to say thank you

for your hard work
and dedication.

And I'm sorry I wasted your time

with such a dumb museum,

for a dumb family who is dumb.

Uh, all right, look, I'm getting
out of town for a little bit.

And also Bobby,
I... I really am sorry.

Um, you're just
an awesome person.

I'll see you later. Uh...

Yeah.

Well, that tracks.