Original subtitles

Dear Heavenly Father, Jim Dangle is a good fella.

Please look after him tonight.

Lord, please look after the lieutenant tonight.

He's in a tough spot.

God, please.

When will I get my period?

Oh, if, if you get a minute, could you look after my friend Jim Dangle.

He looks like he's kind of losing it.

oh, oh Lord.

What A year I got.

We Weel Park and then I got Rebound Weasel Parks, and then I bought all

the cryptocurrency because of that excellent commercial with Matt Damon

and, and I finally got that Alanis Morris said Trav stamp that I wanted.

And the guy spelled it so close, but.

Not.

Not exactly right.

Oh, hey sir.

Please don't fuck my bicycle.

That's my bike that you're fucking, sir.

Hey sir, sir.

Okay.

Guess what?

Jokes on you.

That bike seat has weasel pox on it.

Oh Lord.

There was ever a Christmas angel out there.

I sure could use one tonight.

Oh my God, Terry.

No, it's a Christmas angel.

It's Terry as a Christmas angel.

Yeah, that's my name.

You got new skates?

Yeah.

You put missile to on your how Met Jenny.

Oh, the elves gather around and then they rub it and then I make a candy cane

and then snow comes out in their face.

Terry, what?

I'm just having the worst year ever.

Anden.

But wouldn't the world be better if a baby I'd just never been bored?

How can you say that?

I just did with my mouth out.

Out into your face.

Lieutenant Dangle.

Do you wanna see what Reno would be like?

If you were never born, show me, Terry.

What do I have to do?

It's real simple.

Just hold on to my jingle.

Berries.

Is this your trick?

Now?

This is a trick.

No, it's not.

Okay.

Where there's the wilders away.

Oh.

Oh, I a gosh.

Is that no?

Yes.

Trudy.

Yes.

She's.

No, she can't hear you.

Remember, you were never born.

Is that Rizzo?

Rizzo.

Rizzo, it's Jim.

He can't hear you.

Oh, right.

Not on my watch.

Let's see what Jones is like if you were never born.

Hold.

Snot

Jones is the mother effing Sunday, front of house manager at the mother.

Effing melting crock.

Oh my God, they love me so much.

Kids worshiped.

All right, let's do this.

. What?

Why is that?

Kimball?

I would do literally anything.

If you would get us a table sooner than 45 minutes, well, maybe I can

accommodate you and your little pussy.

Oh, there isn't a cat in this cat carrier.

There's a snake.

And I have a doctor's note that says I'm allowed to bring it

into restaurants table's ready?

Oh boy, it sure is.

. Kimble's hot.

And she owns a snake.

Yes.

See, this is what their lives are like.

If you were never borner, fucked everything up.

No, no.

Terry, don't show me anymore.

Where do we see Clemmy?

No.

And this time No.

Raise yourself.

No.

No, no, no.

Terry.

No.

Not Clementine.

It's real.

She was the only photogenic one.

And she also owes me $1,500 for spray tan sessions that we were gonna split.

And then she was like, I'll use half you.

You said, now Terry.

No.

Yes.

Look at her.

And that's how elegant you would look in this.

The Cadillac of all coffins.

Did I mention it has Bluetooth in case you're buried alive, and want to talk to

someone about it or listen to a podcast?

Hi Clemy.

She can't hear you.

Remember I've told you that sounds expensive.

Maybe you've seen my brand new Suzuki Outback with optional

roof rack outside you're rich.

Bitch.

I'm the best coffin salesman in the Sierras.

I know that's right for some reason.

Oh, my husbands keep dying when, when I'm sorry for your loss.

you.

Ooh, you know what I really wanna do right now?

What?

Listen to the monk's greatest.

And go pee on Terry.

I would love to pee on Terry and listen to the chip Mos pee on

Terry and listen to the chips.

Alvin Simon.

The

Alvin Simon.

Oh, oh my gosh, dear.

What?

Oh, where's other PMs promised by the girls of Big Boots?

I think you were projecting all of that.

I just heard a bell ringing.

Oh my gosh.

Every time a bell rings and Angel gets a tug job from two.

Not me.

I've been to Tug Jobs Anonymous.

I'm in there right now.

Don't tell anybody.

Who else is in it with you?

It's me and Gary Buses.

Mailman.

All right.

God, what, what day is it?

Oh my God.

It's only a couple days till Christmas.

Then there's still time, there's still time to get peed on

and, and, and or other things.

Right.

But mainly peed on.

Go, just go, go, go, go, go Asparagus.

Go in asparagus.

Go.

Merry Christmas.

Dirty old pervert, man.

Fuck this place.

Merry Christmas reno.

Merry Christmas weed store.

Merry Christmas.

Your dildo shop.

Merry Christmas soup on a stick.

Merry Christmas frozen dildo.

Shop.

Merry Christmas, genital decorators.

Merry Christmas.

Paint your own dildo.

Shop.

Merry Christmas.

Fun.

Were we supposed to keep going, Carrie?

Anyway, your lives were great.

Good morning, gang.

Good morning.

Morning.

Good morning.

Uh, this week's briefings are brought to you by Fu Nubs, the app that gets

horrifyingly ugly, yet very usable parts of chickens directly to you.

Wait, what?

The way you eat a chicken, it's skinned and the pieces, I've

never considered them attractive.

Well, I'm sorry.

The fine print says, uh, parts of chickens that aren't even

usable in Mexican restaurants.

It sounds like this company isn't selling you parts that're, unattractive.

They're selling you parts that you normally would not eat like a triple beak.

It's sort of like when you buy a box of fabric remnants, but this is like all cys.

Mm-hmm.

and, and gizzards and, and gizzards if you fry it.

Mm-hmm.

real hard.

Yeah.

You, you, you don't, you don't even notice it's all coming out the same hole.

You know, there actually is.

That is actually is their new, uh, their new tagline.

Ly nubs.

It's all coming out the same hole.

What do you care?

So did everybody get the script I wrote for our new junior

deputy pageant this year?

Yes, we did.

Yeah.

Do I get to be the lead this year?

Read the script.

Are you playing Jesus again?

Yeah.

Yes.

We didn't need to read to find that out.

Everybody.

Please be off book.

We're gonna rehearse as much as we can.

You want us to memorize this whole thing?

No, just your lines.

We all have to remember her lines.

Damn.

How long is this play?

We haven't timed it yet.

It's long, but I mean, if you guys have ideas for trims, obviously,

um, if you have ideas for trims, I just skimmed it and I feel like

the second half you didn't skim it.

Half or the last three quarters could go.

Everybody please read the script.

Cindy, did you read the script?

Mm-hmm.

, what'd you think?

Amazing.

Perfect.

Thank you.

That's the only feedback I want.

Please sign your nudity, waivers.

Be ready to go.

I agreed to and accept all nudity.

Thank In regards to this production.

Thank you so much.

Because I am a fan of the truth.

Alright.

We're not allowed to do it this year.

You know how we did it in the parking lot last year and then

we did it at the fire station.

The fire station's mad at us.

We don't, we don't technically have a venue if we do have to do it in

the parking lot again, can we scare away that lady with the birds,

the scary lady who has the birds Is the, are the birds with her?

Uh, I think they're all together.

Yeah.

She seems to be able to control them.

That was last year's junior deputy pageant.

I was also think, who's the scary guy with the big thing that he was running around?

Oh, the big black wang.

Yeah.

So everybody's extremely sad man at the window.

Oh my God.

Look, don't, look, don't, uh, make believe we don't see him.

I don't wanna start working.

He looks so sad.

Bill, go away.

Seems official.

It seems official.

No, Jimmy, come on.

It's our job.

Hey, I don't like our job either.

Hi, can I, oh dear.

Oh dear.

Hi, sir.

Are you?

No.

Come in.

Come on.

Come in, come.

Sir, sir, sir.

Oh my God.

Wait.

You do.

I know you, you, it is.

Ah.

Oh my God.

Mr.

Christopher Rich Nicki from the Sierra Nugget Mall commercial.

Hello.

Your commercial.

All that you love when you're on a fixed budget.

You remember it from a, a famous Silver Nugget.

That's right.

That used to be a great mall.

Thank you.

Uh, it's a great mall.

Someone has been sending me ransom notes.

Hall Lunatic.

He's trying to kidnap my silver nugget.

Right from my mall.

They've been calling, they have been sending notes.

They have been absolutely terrorizing me, and I don't know why I've refinanced

the whole mall on that nugget.

If I lose that nugget, I lose everyth.

Everything.

Give I'm, I'm gonna make one of those string boards.

I'm honest.

This please.

I got this.

So many terrible things have happened.

We've had to make so many cutbacks at the mall.

This is great.

This is great.

It looks like I'm gonna be playing Santa Claus this year.

Oh my goodness.

Oh, these, these are the real thing.

They got the cutouts, the letters.

Yeah.

And every one of them says, Christopher Rich, Nicki, do

you know how long that takes?

And he cut out every fucking letter of that name mis Mr.

Rich Nicki, one of the stupidest people I've ever met in my entire

life, he's talking about me, just had an incredible idea.

We're looking for a venue to do our annual Christmas passion

for the little junior deputy.

If we could do it at the Sierra Nugget Mall, we could be there

in person to protect your nugget from these wouldbe bandits.

Yes.

But a pageant would bring customers to my mall.

It could.

That would help a wonderful pageant.

And also having you there to protect the nugget.

That's right.

It's like sticking a Wolff.

Right in the hen half serendipity.

Thank you.

Female pee.

We are me.

Yes.

Well this is a Christmas year.

You'll give us a venue for our pageant and we will do the thing that is by definition

our job, which is protect your property.

This is magnificent.

And if all goes well, we could pick anything we want from the mall.

That's not allowed.

Gonna be great.

Thank you.

This has been the worst year of my life.

Wow.

You really keep, my wife has lupus.

Yeah.

Okay.

Goodbye.

I actually feel like this has been resolved and you could

probably leave now cuz it.

Wait, we haven't agreed.

She can't stand me and all I am is nice.

Oh, doctors can't even do that.

So if you're asking us to kill her,

Said you were gonna do it.

So just listen to this every day.

Every day, a couple times a day if you can.

And while you go to sleep, let it get in there slow, let it get in there.

And that is how you live your best life.

I can vemo you.

I'm gonna give it to you as an active generosity.

You're the best.

Oh, I know who this is.

Ah, there's nobody in this box.

Hi Jackie.

Jackie.

Jackie's not here.

Please, please leave a message at the trunk.

Okay.

Hang on one second.

Telephone call for Jackie, the Transient who's nest in the book deposit box.

Hello, Jackie?

Yes.

Hi, it's Jim from the Sheriff's Department.

All right.

Why don't you just say so not happy Christmas and nice

for you to see me again.

Hi Jackie.

Can you come out and talk to us about some business opportunities,

the yearbook photo of Jackie?

That's actually Iten.

Oh.

Hi guys.

How's it going?

Have you ever been to Marsai?

I'm gonna put it all, all blue and let it rise.

One time I was in Marsai and uh, on Blue the tide.

When the tide goes out.

Oh shit.

It smells like that.

That's it.

That's exactly it.

But you gotta be there at low tide like August, late August, September.

Marsai Jackie, we're pulling you on five out on count of four.

One five chills.

Shit I got, okay, I'm good.

Got her good.

Got her.

Did everybody know that it was me?

Surprise y'all knew you.

Oh, clammy.

Yes.

She's says is a Christmas miracle.

I just wanted to see my friend Jackie because she's my inspiration both

sociology wise and spiritually.

Yeah.

Not to mention, look at the fashion . Oh shit.

She was miss.

A long time ago.

There's possum shit in my boots.

Do you wanna tell us about this little, uh, business you've started over here?

Oh, I'm not pulling books out of this for sale for sure.

They do for charity.

Two for 10, five for four 16, for 2215.

2, 4, 3 wallet size.

You're just doing work guys.

Your inventory from the Reno Public Library, these are all library books.

That's what you did.

Cuz it says that.

How much is this one?

Oh, this one is, so don't put, don't go from my penis, please.

This one is very, you're leaning right towards me.

What?

I wasn't trying to Yes, you listen, there's no say blows on Christmas.

Do you want me to, I'm gonna cuff you for your own protection.

Okay.

Just casually.

Casually.

Oh, look at this.

She's been so lovely in No problem.

Don't, don't, Jackie.

Jackie.

I just don't wanna see Jackie.

Look at all these.

Dollar surprise.

You cannot just creep up on a lady.

This one at Christmas ton.

Put that under your vagina, please.

And expect Oh no.

Is something crawling out?

No, we stay in there.

You'll be safe.

Hmm?

Are you talking to your snatch?

Mm-hmm.

. Have you met her?

She's not friendly.

We could either get her in the vehicle.

Mm-hmm.

or if we get her all the way into the box, then she's the library's problem.

Okay.

Yep.

Get her in the vehicle.

This is gro.

They're gonna get math.

Let's get her in the vehicle.

Okay.

Why don't you come to the car with me?

I have pickles.

That's fine.

And I'll do that.

Yeah.

I'm allowing you to hold this.

I'm allowing you to hold this.

Stop.

Stop.

Oh yeah.

Fuck.

Look.

This is my Christmas.

Is that your Oh, that is very Christmasy.

Ah.

I can't see in my right eye, but it's, I think it's fine.

Santa's gonna stuff you right in his little thing here.

Stuff.

Me?

Yeah.

You good?

Yeah.

Don't stop.

I'm dreaming about Stop it.

I've been dreaming about, about this Santa.

Stop it here.

Oh, Santa Santa.

Oh.

What child is this?

And God bless us everyone.

Record time.

Yeah.

Getting her into the thing, don't you?

because we listen.

Because we listen.

Affirmations.

The affirmations.

Yeah.

I think it helped

still there.

So Dangle has us patrolling the mall in shifts to um, keep an eye on the nugget

to make sure that nobody steals it.

I think Mr.

Rich Nicky is just being a little bit paranoid and quite frankly, a

little bit dramatic about someone wanting to steal the Silver Nugget.

I mean, it's like, why would anybody want this thing?

Right?

What is it made of Cake actually, has anybody checked?

Cuz they are making some pretty weird shit out of cake lately.

If you want something stolen, put it in a display like this.

If you put it, you're begging for it.

You're begging for it.

I would steal this.

I would steal this and I would sell it in my Etsy shop for $25,000 plus shipping.

Calling it a meteor and someone would buy it.

You right?

No.

No.

Whoa.

Now this first, my wife has lupus.

Now this.

Wait.

That's what you call us here for What?

No, someone put a live adult male chimp inside of my Santas Holy

stay monkey.

Hey, hey, hey.

This is Jones.

Uh, I'm at the Sierra Nugget Mall.

I'm need backup.

We've been chimp sacked.

Chimp sack.

Explain to him what happened.

Where'd he call?

Where'd he go?

I don't know what happened.

We lost him.

We lost.

We got a verdict.

Here's us.

Excuse me.

Excuse us.

Excuse me, Jim.

Right here.

Excuse careful.

Excuse me.

We got what's up?

We're getting sacks.

Yeah, we got chimps.

How do you know this chimps?

We got an adult male chimpanzee and a sra.

A satchel?

Yeah.

What kind of bag?

Chi sack.

What's there?

Do not understand.

It's a chimp and a sack, right?

No, I get that.

But like Jaguar.

What that, I don't know.

That's not a thing either.

Why are we all being so loud?

Why are we being so loud poking with that stick?

Maybe make other chip noises or something.

No bad idea.

I think he's very close to falling us.

Guys, guys, he's, he's falling over.

He's asleep.

He's asleep.

Oh, crack his little skull.

Oh.

Give him a little skull crack.

Bitch.

I just wanna remind you that you shot my friend.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

You killed them.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You didn't kill him.

One Tran equal.

Two Quaalude.

Okay.

Okay.

Some Quaaludes.

Is that what we're talking about?

Well, I'm just saying a tranquil, please don't fuck me.

What, what, what, what did.

Keith, don't fuck me.

The last time Keith got knocked outta work, a whole bunch

of people tried to fuck him.

So I think that might be the concern right now.

That's definitely the, nobody's got eyes on our temp pack,

don't you Fuck my Keith.

Nobody wants any parts of that.

You know, it's like that thing where you say, don't think of elephants.

Now everyone's thinking of fucking Keith.

Don't fuck Keith.

Is everyone a member?

The oath that HR made us take, and I won't show my wiener to anybody.

I will not show my wiener wiener, anybody.

It's no such thing as a penis oat.

What are we doing?

Oh, we were just taking an oath that we wouldn't show people our wieners.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, we had a situation with, uh, it is chimpanzee running

through the mall chimpanzee.

We got into the Santa sack and, uh, we don't know where.

It's, it's all part of a terrible ransom being chimp sacked.

Not a thing.

The adult male chimpanzee has nine times a grip of that, of a male adult.

The secret is you have to be a chimp of a higher status.

Is this true?

It's a status game.

Mates watch and learn.

He's over here behind the, oh, he knows what he's doing.

This is good.

Alright.

This no good?

You need like a moose or something.

A reindeer is not big enough.

Okay.

Not big enough.

Not big enough.

Bigger chimp, bigger chip.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Status.

Ah, yes.

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on, chimpy.

Okay.

Oh, no, no, no.

That, that, that sounds bad.

Oh.

Oh, he's got, Hey, he's got a bit of fighting in that one.

Alright.

Different tactic.

I want him to think that I'm a female.

You?

Yeah.

I need some musk.

This way.

This way.

Okay.

He'll think that I'm a woman.

That works.

That works.

Not enough.

Not enough.

Oh, in.

What's that?

Okay.

Hey guys, it totally stand.

I'll do it.

He'll like that.

He'll like that.

Okay, good.

You're welcome baby.

Santa.

Come.

You smell like a woman.

It's funny cuz usually when a man sticks his arm up my

crotch, I get his name first.

It's start with the tender trap.

Okay.

God speak.

Oh, you go, go girl.

Is your foot leave it?

No.

Who's alive I got, I choked.

He's not gonna bother anymore.

He's nice fell.

Just need a bit of love.

Oh, sir.

Oh, thank you so much.

Your, well, let's, is this, um, could we, can we get a, can we get a snap of,

that's great.

Whoops.

Can everybody go?

Whoops.

That's great.

You got him.

Jim's a Christmas miracle.

Let's get the photo.

Jason's

three days left.

Does anybody want an ice and TAs.

No, I need one to put it to Ice.

Morning Tasties.

Good morning.

Morning.

Well, hello there.

Good morning.

Thank you for your service.

We saw what you got up to this morning.

Oh yeah, we got uh um, we got Chip.

You got Chi Sack?

We got Chi Sack.

We sure did.

My name's Gunner and my name is Ronnie Donald Ceviche.

And I am Holden and I am folding.

Yeah.

If we are the current steward, Kenny Rogers Life exhibit.

Oh, is this some kind of traveling?

Kenny Rogers Museum, some kind.

This is the traveling Kenny Kenny Rogers Museum.

We're talking too much.

It's almost time to star.

Show it.

Oh, oh, oh.

Born 21 August, 1900 and 38.

Kenneth Donald Rogers known to his family as Kenneth Ray went on to be

nominated 19 times for a Grammy and sold over 121 million records worldwide.

This is the exact size Kenny was when he was this size child size Kenneth.

Just like him.

He was just like him, and he grew up in poverty surrounded by rats.

Nope.

Nope.

That's not a rat, sir.

That is a non banded Texas armad.

The Texas tank.

Well, this was amazing.

I I wish there was more to, oh, there is more.

Oh, wow.

Oh, Kenny Rogers stood at least six feet tall.

Rumor is he never looked down on any man, but every man looked up to him.

Hey, look, look, I, I'm, I'm big enough that if you skinned

me, Kenny Rogers could wear me.

Your brain works weird.

I like it

This has all of Kenny's songs in Japanese.

Yep.

All of them.

Why

is this a suit that he wore?

Well, this just like everything you're about to see is something that.

Kenny actually wore himself.

Bore is a pretty accurate, just this side of replica.

This is a replica that Kenny would have worn.

Had Kenny worn a replica like this one, it would've been this one.

That's right.

Kenny grew up really poor.

He couldn't afford a kitty, so he had a baby goat.

They nicknamed him.

This coat feels like hard plastic.

It is.

Is that what that is?

That's what that is.

It is.

There's not even a real goat.

I mean there's a goat in there, but we lacquer it in an after a while it

started to delaminate so magnificent.

Also, just a test of could we laminate a goat ? Yeah.

You never know until you drive.

Right.

I'll see anybody.

Let's do this quick.

Okay.

Ready?

1, 1, 2, 3.

Alright, so the plan is we call, uh, we call animal control.

Right?

And they come pick this thing up.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

And it has a very happy life.

Somewhere in some, something that looks like a Tarzan set, right?

Or we leave it here and it just can run free.

That's right.

You know, it's like a jungle.

It's like a concrete jungle.

We're releasing it.

The monkey the concrete.

Hello?

Hello.

Oh my God.

Oh my, uh, hey.

Hey man.

Where am I?

What are you doing in that sack?

What am I doing in that sack?

What's he doing here?

Did you guys tra me?

Wait, you're here Then.

Who do we drop at the strip club?

You can take me to the strip club.

No, no, you stay here.

We should go.

We'll check it out.

Yeah, we should go.

I gotta go home.

No, my wife.

You sick?

He's bigger than me.

Is this what I think this is?

If you think this is Chinny Rogers bones, it absolutely is.

Please know, flash photography, you can only keep it open in

little spurts, much like a Cario.

3, 2, 1.

We just saw Kenny Rogers bone.

It's possible.

Yes.

Yes.

Can I?

Should we all switch?

I would love to see the bottom.

Wow.

Jenny Rogers bones.

Oh, there's no flash tiger.

The bottom side is his voice resonated inside that skull.

Wow.

There's still cards in his hand.

Wow.

Yeah.

The kind of cards Kenny Rogers would have held in his hands had he died lying down.

I will say having just seen his wing span, this is the full size.

Kenny, we should admit that we do have the same parent

company as the Body World Show.

Oh, familiar with that?

Oh, okay.

Like the Muscle Dudes, the volleyball.

So there is some cross pollination.

You know where?

Oh, so this could be, we share Warehouse.

Let's not tug each other's nuts right here.

They may not be Kenny Roger's Bones, but they remain bones, mostly human bones.

Let's not tug our own nuts.

Nope.

Let's not allow anyone walking by to get a nut.

Tub.

Bones, human bones, yeah.

Shape.

Rogers have in the shape of Kenny Rogers.

You know what?

I'd kind of like to see the top half again.

Would that be okay?

Oh yeah, please, please.

Oh, that's, You said piece of resistance.

Yeah, two or three times.

This is clearly, this is the piece to resistance.

This has been wonderful.

We'll just come by anytime and you guys can show these anytime You got

$38, you can come right on by again.

Wow.

Oh, the little June.

Your deputies that came up to your knee.

But how'd it turn out?

Take a look here and see.

It's Christmas.

And the Reno Junior Deputies program has never needed your

funds more than right now.

Every year y'all have been leaving babies for us.

Like some kind of backwards Grinch who never heard about rubbers.

We'll meet my little friend Freckles here after 20 Christmases spent

in the Reno Sheriff's Department.

This is little freckles now.

Good girl.

Freckles.

I drank poison.

No you didn't.

Just kidding.

No I didn't.

Cuz I can't cuz I'm pregnant.

Freckles.

. So help me, God.

Just say, happy holidays from the Junior Sheriff's Department.

Or I'll smack the shit outta you.

I want you to kill me.

Stop after.

Kill me.

Kill you.

Fucking kill me.

I'm not gonna kill you.

You little.

Oh, the little junior deputies we're only just cubs, but now they're

men and women kind of like us.

We've been here since 4:00 AM this morning and it has been my privilege

to introduce the Reno Sheriff's Department to actual police procedure.

Now, I have asked Jones and Cindy to join me today.

Mr.

Rick Schick of the Sierra Nugget Mall has uh, had some threatening

letters sent to him saying they're gonna steal his silver nugget.

So I have started what we call a string board.

This is how all great crime is solved.

What we're gonna do is find possible connections.

To the potential theft of the silver nugget.

So if it gets stolen and if we figure out who stole it, perhaps we connect

it to something that fucking matters.

We got oj, I don't wanna get into it again.

Who did this?

What's this?

That's coconut nut cluster rapper.

I put up there that maybe a rapper.

What's the connection?

Maybe?

Maybe a rapper did it.

You're just saying what you think I want to hear.

Really.

Hey.

Hey Rose.

Hey.

What's up?

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, you here to work on it?

You just told me to show up here.

You know who could be guilty?

Oh good.

Yes.

Who in Reno?

Almost.

Everyone.

All right.

No.

Oh, no.

Hello, man.

Yep.

It's Big.

Mike.

Is he huffing on mp, sheriff department?

Mike?

He's got a Flocker.

He's got a Flocker.

He's got a flocker.

Mike put that flocking gun down.

Wow.

Whoa, Mike.

Hey.

Whoa.

Hey, hey, hey.

Stop it.

Don't Have you been huffing that everyone is.

You can don't, Mike, don't huff that.

Don't huff that.

Don't.

That's bad.

I'm a monster, right?

Mike, stop it.

What is that?

I'll flock you.

I'll flock you up.

I'll fucking do it.

Give me, gimme one.

Give him the snowball.

Hey, guess what kind of call we got on the telephone man?

Partying in a parking lot.

Nope.

No man.

Having a sale, man.

Selling Flocked Halloween ornaments.

Discount price.

This is definitely all the stuff that got stolen from the

Halloween stuff down there.

I recognize that spider cuz I wanted it and it was $64.

Well, how much is it now?

Hey, Mike.

Mike, how much is the, how much is the 2199 for the spider.

Really?

For the whole spider pick up on top of your Christmas tree?

That sounds like I'm ready.

90, 21 90 an arm for me.

Like what happened to that vehicle over there?

That's my race car.

Is that your vehicle?

Yes.

And the paperwork would be in it that would show that this belongs

to Big Mike and not Brenda.

Wait a minute, did Brenda help you steal everything from the Halloween stuff?

And stop it.

Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.

Stop it.

Is Brenda dead in the trunk?

Brenda was called to serve the Lord.

That's why she moved to Hot Springs, Arkansas to serve the Lord.

She, she was not with you when you robbed the Halloween.

No, absolutely not.

I've met Brenda and she's a godless troll.

Well, that's what happens.

See those make the best preachers, the ones that start out as whores

and drug dealers and pedophiles and ass rapers and dick smokers.

And then they go, I'm, I'm in duck.

Done with my dicks.

I'm going up there for the Lord.

And she has that kennel.

I'm gonna need to check that vehicle.

She has.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't gotta check that kennel.

I'm happy for her, actually.

She's doing so well.

Well, founder.

Yeah.

Brenda's in there.

Let's go, Mike.

All right.

Good Lord.

I'm gonna throw up real quick.

Do you think we have time to stop by at the Thanksgiving shore?

Absolutely.

Okay.

We've been here for about nine hours working on the string

board and we are making progress.

Uh, guys, you wanna run through what we've excluded so far?

Jesus Devo, oj, mark Furman, the Black Dahlia.

We also remember, we found out that's not a, that's not a microchip, it's seaweed.

And I knew that going in, but we have eliminated some of these possibilities.

It's come to my attention, uh, that I think we have not been looking at where

there's smoke of their is sometimes fire.

And I know everyone said they don't know Mr.

Rick Nickey.

Is that correct?

Yeah.

I mean, I, you know him cuz Reno's not a, a big town.

I mean a big town.

See that Jim?

I will say we, uh, we're on the same bowling team.

You're on the same bowling team.

It's right there.

So you obviously know that Rick Sn and I own a balanced Beaman jump rope

play place, which is not thriving.

And um, so what I know him and I have a small business with

him and he owes me some money.

We were in a band, we dated the same woman for a little while.

And that woman was my mother and the, uh, third investor in my

balance beam and jump rope business.

To be clear, I think what interested her is the low overhead and

the small initial investment.

It is a great idea.

Then why do you need so much money from other people?

Because I'm generous.

We should take all these guys down up.

All of us.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

This is well, looks nice.

Guys, guys, guys, guys.

Sorry.

I think I found a clue.

Listen, I don't know if it has something to do with these notes

or not, but I found this in a parking lot and I think it's a clue.

Pig in a jar.

Yes, it's a clue.

We don't get this every day.

It's a clue.

It's not just a clue, it's also a warning.

How many pigs are there supposed to be in the story?

Three.

Three.

How many are here?

Two.

Two.

Someone who should be an ally is in fact someone with two faces.

Someone a two-faced pig is betraying the other two pigs.

And piggy, where does the pig piggy go?

Where does the piggy go guys?

What do people call us?

Pig pig, pigs.

Pig.

We need to go to the market.

Market.

These little pigs.

Pigs go to market.

Cracked it.

I grabbed it.

Fantastic.

You're undercover.

We're all guys.

Yeah.

The board works or did work here?

Its What are you guys doing with my face soup?

I put it outside cause it needs to cook in the sun.

Like sun tea.

That's why I left it in the parking lot.

So this is not a clue that we're supposed to go down to the market.

No.

Why?

People always taking your stuff.

Yes.

We've seen you a lot.

We thought they do.

Yes they do.

They suit.

Hey Sue, thought about that.

You know what?

Now the thing about it, I've seen your ads for it on Facebook.

Don't like it.

Ooh, I like it.

Oh, that feels good.

Ah, it's burns the back of my throat.

My whole mouth is cold.

I mean just got a nose.

There's a little bit of nose in mind.

It's lover.

Beautiful day at the Sierra.

Thank you, Manam.

Tell your friends who have money to come back and see us.

Yes.

Hey, Roger Rogers.

Hello.

Right this way.

Go ahead.

Hello, Sheriff's department.

Sheriff Cor.

Hey, guess who is back?

Oh, oh.

Son of a bitch.

Come on man.

Hello.

Saw them.

They came through.

Pass the dino and come.

Come on.

Hello?

Hello.

You never know where she's going to be all.

Hello?

Hello.

How y'all doing?

See a lady?

Come on now away.

Gimme that leg.

No.

Stop, no running.

Get over T.

No Uhuh.

No, no, no.

Tee Tee.

No.

That's a stop.

Ptt.

Don't that let into that one.

She's got high ground.

Ah, easy.

No, no, no.

Don't hit the car.

It's a goat.

It's a golf in there.

A ghost.

A ghost, a ghost.

Thumb on, man.

What the spirit look like?

A old white lady.

Okay, old white lady.

Leave that ghost alone.

Beat up the ghost.

No, no.

Go behind there.

No, no, no, no.

There, no, no, no.

Where did she go get a white, white lady Ghost?

No, I see her see right here in the front dt.

I got her.

Hey.

Hey Kiki.

Who?

Hey.

Whoa, whoa.

Hi guys.

Hey, go.

Did you get the call or about the ghost?

No.

Tee tee GT's in here.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I'm sorry guys.

No, no.

I've been using this place instead of a gym.

Uh, the fancy gyms want 20, $30 a month.

I'm not gonna pay that.

Yeah, I can come here.

I'm gonna explode

I gotta do like three more lines.

So I wish you a bar shot, said Please watch out for the ghost.

I'm going in.

Tt.

Hey, we lost her.

Lost tat.

Hey Jay.

I got her.

I got her.

Hit o.

Happy birthday Eddie.

Did they do the birthday cake yet?

I hid in the maze like they told me.

Okay.

Um, why don't you wait for Eddie?

Come here, come here, come here, come here.

Come here.

That wrist bank she has on.

We haven't sold that color for like two years.

Oh.

Oh.

White lady, white lady.

Oh, go, go.

No, no, we don't.

Leave me.

Go.

Father Nicholas has left me a splendid box this Christmas tomorrow and inside

just what I asked for a real boy.

We are here to remind you as Reno's deputies, the holidays can be deadly dead.

Here are some of the dangers we put to melody.

It sounds a little lessing con Concussions from Stop.

Bad falls.

Tree Fires could kill you all.

Grandma could go anytime.

Getting frost by abductions on the right, getting roof.

This parties follow these simple rules.

If you want to stay alive, another new but down the needle don't at the stranger.

Kids can't be trusted.

Don't choke on candy or on a crack pipe.

Watch out for drive by.

We wanna keep some of you

So happy Holidays, rhino to lose.

Well, I, and if someone, if someone die, don't say we did and try.

Happy holiday.

I quite frankly think that Mr.

Rick Schick might be making up the whole ransom note thing and someone

wanting to steal a silver nugget.

I do.

And I can't blame him because I once sent ransom notes to my own parents,

uh, pretending like I had been kidnapped and they did not respond.

You know, I did some background on Rick Sch Nicki, and I don't know if this is

something, but I think it might be 20 years ago, he had a car wash and the

way he used to get people to come to the car wash was he had some rodeo.

Displayed in a plexiglass case.

If you don't know, Roadium is the most precious metal.

It got stolen as well.

Anything.

Hi, how are you today?

There you go.

And you're not gonna believe it you.

She's my pride and joy and she's insured for a fortune.

We have been in a Christmas pageant.

A whole bunch of times and it was all right.

But now ha ha, you're ready for this?

Because Dangle came up with an idea for us to top what we did last year.

We got live dove, live doves.

There is a website called Celebration Doves.

Oh my my.org.

We have, uh, dove catchers ready to go.

Yep.

Dove Station Alpha fly out.

Check, check, Hey, hook, dove Station, zebra.

Check after the Christ child, uh, is born, I'm the Christ child.

Of course.

Uh, we will then release the doves.

Get ready.

Right?

We go.

Y'all get ready.

It's got bubble wrap.

Save the bubble wrap.

I like, I like . , huh?

One alive, one frozen alive.

One dozen.

There's lots and lots of them, and they're very cold.

It says you cold.

You have to reheat.

The dove.

They came over in a shipping container.

Right?

Oh, that makes sense.

Oh, look at him.

Then he is walking around and then he is flying.

This is not, actually not that hard.

All we gotta do is warm up, uh, 120 of so frozen solid doves.

I'll stick it down my shirt.

That always works on everybody.

Okay, I'll try that once they start waking up.

Be ready.

Jim, I, I gotta say, I think these are dead.

They're just flash frozen.

Oh, mine is not coming back yet.

If anything, it's like, it's nec amplifying my skin.

I heard this is how the first avian flu started, by the way.

That's a probably very, very true.

Oh, oh, oh no.

Oh my God.

Starting to smell like chicken.

Any luck?

No.

No.

I thought I saw something move, but I had, I had a little

feeling on this guy for a minute.

Wait.

Oh, so close.

So close.

Wait.

Nope, I'll be back.

Keep the faith

clean up in the holding sale.

My worst experience with the junior deputies was when I got taken hostage

by them, the demands were they wanted, uh, better living conditions and food.

I got released once we agreed to expand their kennels by 25 square feet and raised

the fill line on their dishes by an inch.

Have a lot of our adult deputies gotten hurt by the junior deputies?

Of course.

Did Trudy get rabies from one of the junior deputies?

Yes.

These are youngsters often that were maybe left at the station and you can't judge.

The way you would a normal person.

And we've asked a judge to do that many times and they

said, no, these are children.

And away we go.

Hi Junior deputies.

My name is Deputy Trudy Weigel, and I am gonna take you on this magical

sleigh ride to see a wow is there of a holiday pageant , which was written by

my friend and sometimes lover Jim Dangle.

Sir, I'm, I'm gonna need to have you sit down.

Um, it's ma'am, but obviously now it's apparent we stay in our seats because

this is the safest bus in the west.

What did I say?

Safest bus.

You say the, Did some, did somebody bring nuts on this bus?

This is a nu freeze zone.

You're zone

I'm,

yes.

She's very, holy shit.

Are you okay?

Oh my God, that's so gross.

Declan's got an idea.

We're gonna try tasing the dead dove.

I'm only doing this because I wanted to get out of the briefing room where

everybody has a dove in their crotch.

Really?

Is it stuck?

No.

I can help you with that later if you like.

I'm good.

So we went in the evidence room and got a little bit of the white lady,

a little bit of a, uh, a Yaya , a little bit of the white horse.

Uh, a little bit of that.

A b Arthur . Yeah.

Cocaine.

If y I don't know.

We, we, we got some cocaine.

Uh, Clara sleeps behind that.

. Okay.

Okay.

Is that the nose?

Go little birdie.

Okay, now let me make 'em snorted.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Oh.

Here.

You guys skip down cocaine to the, yeah.

Yeah.

Cool.

This guy's coming along.

This guy's coming pretty good.

Is it happening?

I think so, yeah.

Jim, you want a little I would.

I would.

Are we talking about that or are we just doing Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

. I think that helped.

I think that did help.

Oh, that definitely helped.

You are the dove.

Everybody.

Everybody, everybody.

You love that Barbara Bush . Let it go.

Yeah.

Oh, the little junior deputies that came up to your knee, but how'd they turn out?

Take a look and see, hey, if you've got some loose pocket change this holiday.

See how much change you can really make by helping out the Junior Deputies

program at the Reno Sheriff's Department.

Like my little friend Benjamin here, who grew up right inside

the Reno Sheriff's Department.

Say hi to my little friend, beag Gore.

Demonn God of sloth.

Hi, beag Gore Demon, God of sloth, spent 17 Christmases in a row with us,

and thanks to your donations, he's.

Totally fine.

I am also hell's Ambassador to France as described by the poet Milton.

In my spare time, I am the tempt of witch hunters with the promise of

riches and great discoveries that will slip through your fingers.

And he touches everyone's leftovers in the fridge to gain power over them.

To say the hand of felt Feor knows the dirty deeds.

Vinny spin , great mortals, won't you put a little Christmas cheer under the tree

For the boys and girls of the Reno Junior deputies, just pennies today could take

an unwanted basket case and turn them into me or my fetching bride freckles.

Truly amazing mom.

Oh, the little junior deputies were only just cubs, but now they're men and women.

Kind of lie, Gus?

Well, the state of Nevada is getting sued because do-gooders, like these

ones over here have been wishing people Merry Christmas on state property.

You can't do that anymore.

That is a clear violation of the separation of church and state.

So we go over there, get them to say Merry Christmas, and we take 'em in.

Check, check, check, check.

Ah, God.

Speed.

Dude.

Shit.

Unbelievable.

Really recollect.

We got a good backstory for us.

All right.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

This.

Hi.

How, Hey, how you doing?

Holidays.

Thank you.

And also with you.

Thank you so much.

This is my second husband, Jules.

We were having an emotional affair and when we decided to take it

physical, I asked my first husband for a divorce, and now we're very happy.

Yep.

Yeah.

Due to our Episcopalian faith, we come in at this time of year to

spend this special day with our kids.

Right.

Specifically the 25th celebration.

Yeah, sure.

So, so close to winter solstice.

Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

I'll come downstairs dressed up like Santa Claus.

Yes.

And I say, ho, ho ho.

Happy, happy holiday.

Oh no.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Happy holidays to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This would mean so much to us.

We both have early onset Alzheimer's and oh my God.

It can be very upsetting when we can't come up with

something that's so, so obvious.

I'll try.

Here we go.

We wish you up, dad at that.

About what?

No, no.

What the words?

What are the words?

Uh, oh my gosh.

I'm so bad with this.

Like, cuz I actually have dyslexia, but for song lyrics, so I can't, yeah.

I prefer to karaoke.

I'm the same way.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Happy fourth quarter season's greeting.

Fourth quarter happy holidays.

What else could you say right now?

Uh, um, would wish someone, I think I know where you're going for this Uhhuh

and I dunno, are you talking about the anniversary of the execution of Romanian

dictator Nicholas Chaches in 1989 during the Romanian Revolution on December 25th?

You know what?

I think you two are blameless.

I'm sorry for taking up your time.

Okay ma'am, you're doing good work.

Hey, what did you just say?

Sorry for taking up your time ma'am.

You just gendered me on state property, motherfucker.

I'm a they A C L U.

Okay, put your hands behind.

Wait a minute.

Hold on.

Come on.

In his defense, he is very old.

I for 1:00 AM happy to be gendered.

I am a lady and I'm a big swinging dick, man.

Gonna, ok, 1, 2, 3, eyes on me.

1, 2, 3.

Eyes on me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Ok.

Don't out, don't on be things could be worse.

Have you ever heard of.

I am not sure what it is, but I do know that a lot of old

men are real pissed about it.

So it's like that we're gonna keep our shit together and we're

not gonna see Hello children.

Sir, we are so sorry that you guys had to witness that lady

get run over next to the bus.

She had an allergic reaction to some chestnuts and she panicked.

Super weird.

And the other motorist also dead from the.

Splattering that lady.

Don't let 'em look outside.

It's bad.

You gotta keep them calm.

Keep them coming.

We got Vultures.

Vultures.

Code V.

Code V.

Keep them calm.

Look at

merry, Merry.

Once he guys.

Guys you're acting like you've never seen before.

No else will die today.

Cause Jesus said it's so no one else will die on my watch.

Bus driver.

Stay with the bus driver.

We have another microwave.

Actually, you guys don't have to use popcorn for everything.

Oh, okay.

Oh yes.

Defrost.

50% power.

That's a zip.

50%.

3, 2, 1, 1.

Gosh,

Hey, it's a Christmas miracle.

We have 106 left to do then.

Yeah, we need more microwave.

Yeah, great idea.

It's.

He's okay.

See's okay.

Everything's ok.

God.

Okay.

Excuse me.

This is just a cycle of life.

Alright.

The vultures are just doing their job.

Eating with vent drills.

Yeah.

Alright.

I strangled a bunch of them and I think I got the alpha, so we're gonna be okay.

Okay.

The Alpha's dead.

Alpha's still alive.

Okay.

Alpha's still in play.

Alpha's still in play.

We're gonna get off the bus.

We don't want the alpha tolas.

Okay.

I've got the Alpha

Jim Dangles Christmas pageant script.

Um, 190 pages, but I gotta give it to 'em.

Three or four of those pages are really, really good.

Solid Sondheim level.

Ho, ho, ho.

Someone order one Christmas Miracle shipping and handling

included . I was so scared.

Of course you were.

I had a stroke of genius, which I very seldom do.

. These bandits could never get to your semi-precious nugget if it's

playing a star in role in the pageant.

Did it get Jesus did my nugget.

Get Jesus.

I'm, I'm obviously playing.

Jesus.

Your nugget is playing a star.

The Wiseman, all three wiseman.

No, that's the, the, the murder.

Mr.

Rick Schnick, your semi-precious nugget will be playing.

The Star of Bethlehem.

It's gonna be right there underneath the entire Leno Sheriff's Department

as we do our pageant safest houses.

And as soon as it's midnight, you're in the clear,

get off the bus.

Never.

Okay.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi.

I got this . Hello children.

Two cars just collided and I'm so sorry I can't lie to children.

Okay, I got this.

A car collided with a trailer full of cutting two animals.

But the good news, good news is the.

The screams you hear are not human.

The screams of miniature horses, they weren't adult horses.

Could have been worse.

See, it could have been worse.

Also, it's electrified out there.

The helicopter cut some power lines, so be careful unless you

have some rubber soul shoes.

, sir.

Oh no, they also could be very slippery.

Kenny Rogers, Kenny Rod, Kenny Rogers.

Nate Roger, Kenny Rogers, Kenny High oh oh.

Born 21 August, 1900 and 38.

Kenneth Donald Rogers known to his family as Kenny Ray.

Call me Sir.

Come on Frank.

That's better.

We're naked for 36 pages at the end of this thing.

You know Jim's got himself a pump back there.

Yeah, he loves that stuff.

Hey, fluffs himself up for it.

We all gotta go out there just with what we got.

Yep.

And I won't do this.

Full disclosure, this does cost $38, but behold, I ICO.

Boy, it is a young, young child.

Did you have a busy day?

Are you behind on your holiday shopping?

Don't worry.

The Sierra Nugget Mall is now open from 8:00 AM to 10:00 PM daily for

your holiday shopping needs rehearsals off places for jazz rehearsal.

Everybody flight and fuck yeah, let's fucking do this shit.

Flight says we're here, Jim.

Okay, so we're, uh, the orphans aren't any yet.

Lights are out.

Lights are out.

Smoking mysteries.

5, 6, 7, 8.

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve.

Oh, this child born by gonna freak us with is like gonna set the world

to ride with is holy, holy groove.

And the people start to move as their bodies feel the news that this little

naked man is the king of all the Jews.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

God.

That's it, man.

From, that's it.

Now free.

That's it.

Jesus.

I'm gonna get scary as center stage.

Yes.

Yes.

It's Jim.

Yep.

A little bit scary.

Mm-hmm.

, I don't wanna note you to death, but the last couple times we did

this, you're just, you're behind.

You're a little, you're late.

I, I'm, I know late.

I know, I know you.

So let's not be late.

Ready?

Can we not embarrass me in front of everyone?

I don't think I'm embarrassing in front of everyone.

Am I embarrassing him in front of everyone?

Yes.

If you wanna give me notes, you take me behind the Christmas tree.

Whose belt is are me?

You are Jones.

Beautiful.

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Who is this tiny man to win?

The major now is born and Wiley filled the world with love, but also wear a thorns.

And if the Romans find a boy who is so naked and so wise, could he eat even now?

Survive her woody, and should we all just run please and be aou to Galilee,

but low, this little naked man happen?

Yeah.

That's your holidays right there, right?

That's your holiday.

That's

then you're feeling each other's bodies, flooring bodies, beautiful bodies.

Okay.

That was one.

1000th of the energy I want on the day.

Okay.

Okay.

Fun family show for the fucking junior deputies, some of whom are

recovering from crack problems.

Okay, let's pick it up at the, we've arrived at the manger.

There's no room.

There's no room.

There's no room in the mange.

You're not gonna do it like that, are you?

I was.

Can I see it a little bigger?

There's no room in the see, that's why this is the show.

That's why this is the show.

That's what we're doing.

Fair knock little boy.

Your rescue is at hand.

Sha babies.

at your service.

We was, uh, circling in the Blackhawk chopper.

We saw you were in distress.

We got here in two shakes of a mules bottom.

Hey God, your hair.

We was, uh, doing mitzvah This week is best way to

celebrate Six Night of Hanukah.

Oh, we were also just celebrating Hanukkah.

Great.

How about we tow this bus to wherever it is you are going.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Sorry.

It's forbidden.

Thank you at least for recognizing that I am indeed a female . Of

course, you are a woman.

You are 100% filthy, disgusting woman.

That I would not stop through hole in two sheets.

Okay.

It's been a long day.

Okay.

Of course.

So who wants to be Jewish?

Like I Most beautiful woman in the world.

Okay.

See me afterwards.

I have pamphlets.

Okay.

Let's hook you up to tank.

Yes.

And get you where you need to go.

Huh?

Hot.

Hot.

Just the boys hot.

Good, hot.

Just the cow.

No, not

even the animals in the barn.

Rejoice.

At the, Hey guys, I got the junior deputies.

Everything's totally all fine.

What the hell happened to you?

Yeah, nothing.

Everything's fine.

I got the junior deputies here to safe and sound.

Everybody's good.

Go, go, go.

You're fine.

You're fine.

Go.

You're good.

Go.

Go.

Grace's still available Fine.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Enjoy The greatest story ever Told Junior deputies.

You gotta get Yes.

Okay.

Everything's fine.

Everything's good.

Hey, tighten up.

We're running about 90 minutes late.

That not gonna affect our, you're not gonna believe it.

We booked in Kaa Bawa.

Local meteorologist in caa.

Bath wa.

Yes.

Fat fair one.

But she can sing too.

She's even better at singing than she is in predicting cloud stuff.

Mr.

Rich Nickey, stop talking for two seconds before I punch you in the face.

Uh, I just want make it clear she's gonna go local.

Meteorologist and Kaa Bath is gonna go on right after after us, after

us Local meteorologist and K Bath and beautiful singer in K Bath

Watch and Peabody Award winner.

Momentarily and everyone is very excited.

Also, she told me to tell you not to look her directly in the face.

Oh sure.

Because she's very famous and she is not like that.

I'm gonna go introduce her.

This is gonna be so great.

I can't wait.

Also, your green room is now her assistance's green room.

So you don't have a green room no more.

Don't go.

Don't go in her.

Great.

Don't go in her green room.

Gonna be great.

Prayer, prayer, prayer.

Right now it's Reno Sheriff's Department.

Verse says the world, the butterflies.

It's okay to throw up before you go on.

It might even make you look less bloated.

I'm not looking at anybody specifically, but if you need to throw up before

the butterflies are your friend.

For definition.

Now, I know there's 150 pages of the script we didn't really get

to or talk about or or block, but greatest story ever told.

You're bringing to the Christ Child Mer and you are bringing, I

bring gold and Trudy is bringing.

I think I read the email wrong.

It's okay.

I mean, it's kind of the same story.

Yeah.

Jesus came back to life.

Huddle up.

Huddle up everybody.

Are we the best actors in the world?

Yes.

No.

Oh, those are literally always British people.

But I think we got it.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Local meteorologist

should be going on.

It is the night of our saviors.

You know she has a Peabody over.

I love you.

Merry Christmas to hang around folks.

Be home.

Be home.

Behold, behold, behold, the greatest story ever told, we now

miraculously transform the Sierra Nugget Mall to the town of Bethlehem.

And now room hath commanded.

That has census be taken.

And then I'm skipping ahead.

Joseph, being from Bethlehem, traveled with Mary, his Betroth, who was with

Child, and they got to Bethlehem and the guy at the Inn was like, we don't,

we don't have a See your reservation.

And this is exactly what happens if you use the booking apps,

which I'm begging you not to use.

And Mary, who was great with child, had to go have the baby in

a trough, just like Ricky Lake in that movie, whose name escapes me.

Bethlehem Night, year zero.

They followed the star.

Lights.

Lights, lights, lights, lights, lights, lights, lights, lights.

Places for prolonged places for prolonged gorgeous guys, we're killing this.

There's a star in the east on Christmas.

Mo Rise, shepherd Dance.

Follow.

It'll lead to the place with the saviors.

Rise, rise, shepherd, and Follow.

Oh, follow that star.

To the little naked king.

Beautiful.

Now you, Hey guys.

No.

The Kitty Rogers exhibit is gone.

No, those bastar, the whole mall is mortgaged on that.

It is my life.

They went that way.

We gotta get them home, right?

Um, show of hands.

Who knows how to drive a bus?

Anyone?

Praise Moving Garner.

Come.

Exit.

The exit and the name of the department.

Don't you do it.

Trudy.

Trudy, get no son.

Judy's got a vote's Boat.

Time out.

Time out.

Time out.

Time out.

Time out.

What did we do?

A John McClain Trojan Horse.

Jesus Freedom.

Yes.

Sending out unarmed delegate.

Guys.

Guys, guys.

Unarmed delegate.

In the name of the sheriff's department and Jesus Christ Truth.

Let's just talk this out.

Okay?

Talk it out.

Let's just talk this out.

Hands up.

Keep your head.

Just talk this out.

I got it.

Oh, what the hell, man?

I'm on your side.

Let's good.

My bad, Keith.

Son of a bitch.

Sorry, Kate.

Go.

Oh, hey.

What the hell?

It's weird.

Get back.

Get back.

I got a few guys.

Okay, kids, look, we are right in the middle of a heist.

As long as you have a buddy, you are safe to wander out in the night.

You drop that nugget.

All right.

I'll drop it.

Little taste of the,

it was an honest mistake.

It could happened to.

I'm run shit outta here.

Oh, I'm blanking on your name.

Um, Kimble.

Oh God.

I got

watch out buddy.

Talk me the don't do it cost me in the right now.

You want it so bad.

Hold.

Let's play a little bit.

You hold him up.

Hold.

It was a pleasure to kick your ass.

Here.

Let's go, buddy.

Oh, look what I found.

buddy.

Take it.

What at you?

I'm sorry.

I forgot your name for, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

It's Kimble.

I'm so sorry.

My name's Kimble.

Oh, we got away with it, baby.

Smooth.

We got away with it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait.

Whoa.

Looking for your gun dangle.

It's in the truck with all the rest.

Boohoo.

P.

We do this all the time.

That's right.

We go to a mall with a box of Kenny Rogers bones and the hide in plain sight.

We go completely unnoticed and we steal all the best shit, man.

It's the perfect crime.

Is though kinda, well anyways, we're about to do it again in Carson.

That's right.

Cause they got a lay crew set.

Oh, what's that?

Let's go, brother.

Move out.

Move out.

The hell is going.

Whoa,

everybody

don't worry about these guys.

They're not going anywhere.

We got them hooked up to the Mitzvah Mobile . Wow.

Oh, these guys are great time for little disco dance.

What would Christmas even be without some cool Jewish guys

showing up to save some folks?

Huh?

Only guy who sideburns.

I like Thatk.

Hey, game.

Recognized game.

It really was almost the perfect crime, but, but, but really wasn't

really the, it was the perfect crime.

It was the perfect crime.

It was pretty, they made one mistake.

The Jews had no better friend than Mr.

Kenny Rogers.

And when you mess with Kenny Rogers, you mess with the

entire state of East Royalle.

Mm-hmm.

, Mr.

Kelly Rogers negotiated a secret treaty between, uh, mm-hmm.

, and Yes, sir.

Wow.

Someone's gotta get that on his Wikipedia cuz that's huge.

Yeah.

We're going to take these guys to the tank, ask them some

questions, shoot them in the head.

I think in the spirit of the sixth night of Hanukkah, we'll just book 'em.

Huh?

You are, you are working a Jewish guilt on

hey, doesn't mean you can't hook some jumper cables up to their nipples.

Huh?

Hey, were you on those side?

Because this is great idea.

. Oh, what about stick some stuff up their butts.

Best sixth night of Hanukkah.

Ever, ever that we've ever had.

I think Mr.

Rich Nickey is going to be still a bummer, but let's get it back to him.

Will he?

He loves that nugget.

He might have killed himself.

Now, I, I, in a weird way, I was kind of hoping that was the outcome.

Christmas.

Christmas, please don't leave us.

Please don't leave us here to die Christmas.

Christmas.

Please don't leave us.

Please don't leave us here to die.

Please don't

die died.

No, no.

Please don't go.

Please don't go.

You no die.

Why you crying?

Jim Dangle.

Terry told me that every time a bell rings, he's giving somebody a tug job.

And that made me very sad.

Aw, no, Jim Dangle.

I said, every time a bell ringed, nobody should pee on

me . I hope that nobody pees on.

All of us this Christmas.

Oh look you guys, our job, I'll get it out.

Oh,

hey,

we did a search and it turns out that a 50 pound silver nugget is worth $14,621.

Still a lot of money.

That's like a good used car.