All language subtitles for Doom.Patrol.S04E02.720p.WEB_.x265-MiNX

I'd
like to propose a toast.

You're already here.

Wonderful.

I'm sure you all recognize the
importance of what we're up against.

I have been up all night
rehearsing various ways

we can rectify our
ill-fated futures.

Rita, we've been talking.

Delicious, huh?

Obviously, what we all saw in
the future, we can't let happen.

- We need to prevent...
- The impending asspocalypse.

- Exactly.
- You're right, Victor.

We need to do everything we can.

And I have thought
of everything.

Believe me.

As Victor was saying,

we saw the future
and it was horrible.

In order to prevent that
future from happening,

the best strategy is to do the
opposite of whatever we might have done

- to end up in a...
- Crisis of Infinite Ass.

- Nice.
- Indeed.

I'm sure you've all noticed

that I have started wearing
flats instead of heels.

Just one simple way
to act differently.

And thanks to my
stretching abilities,

I am still just
as tall as usual.

See?

Uh...

Right.

Jane, I have a few suggestions

on how we can add a bit
more color to your wardrobe.

Cliff, perhaps you could
try swearing a bit less.

Um, you're averaging a staggering
amount of fucks per hour.

Thirty-seven.

- Uh...
- I think we all agree

that our best option is
to change our approach.

But we need to think big.

It isn't just our
lives in jeopardy,

the entire planet is at stake
if we don't make real change.

Oh, we might not
know how we died

but I'm pretty sure
it wasn't because

Cliff said fuck too many times.

Uh, we might
not know how we died,

but I'm pretty sure it
had something to do with

the fucking Zombie Butts
that took over the planet!

Maybe we start with that.

I couldn't agree more.

In fact, it is the
core of my plan, hmm?

Remember,

we have the upper hand here.

We fought the Butts
when we were zombies.

Therefore, it stands to reason

that we created
these Zombie Butts.

And anything we create, we
can just as easily destroy.

Starting, the
scene of the crime.

Darren Jones.

The old barn.

Does any of this ring a bell?

All right, fine, I'll bite.

Uh, what do you all suggest
we do to save the world?

What will you say to a
change in leadership?

A new... new leadership, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

Interesting.

Um...

Well, I'm... I'm...

I'm sure we could,
uh, take a vote on it.

Yes.

Although, something tells me,

some people might not be as
interested in a team leader

that doesn't provide egg salad
sandwiches as you seem to believe.

But, yes, all right,
let's put it to a vote.

All those in favor of me
remaining team leader,

please raise your hand.

Everyone in favor
of new leadership?

Wow, um...

No, uh, Victor, we have been
over this several times.

You... you can't be leader,

because you don't
have your tech.

And... and Cliff and Larry can't
lead because they're unqualified.

- And Jane doesn't even wanna be leader.
- Huh?

Therefore, I am
the clear choice.

I am the only
choice.

If not me, then who?

Who, Victor?

Who?

Me?

Really, me?

Really?

Where's the thing?
Where's the... Cliff.

Oh.

Oh, nice.

Nice batch. Would
anybody like biscones?

They're not hungry.

You're not
the only candidate.

The idea is that you'll
take over on a trial basis.

If you're not interested,
I'm more than happy...

We've
been through this.

We don't need a
former superhero.

We need a former supervillain.

Somebody willing to
win at all costs.

Compare my win-loss
ratio with hers.

I haven't quit a day in my life.

Weren't you gonna stay
behind and become besties

with your future self until
Rouge broke you two up?

Rouge impersonated my dad,

jeopardizing the trust I was
building with a valuable asset.

Look, I get it.

She was ruthless.

Villainous even.

Is that what we need right now?

Future Vic may have been
just as culpable as the rest of us.

The only person we know
who wasn't to blame

for the future is Rouge.

Far as I can tell, she
wasn't even around.

Having her as team leader

gives us the best chance
to change everything.

That's what Rita's
been saying all along.

I didn't say we
should all of a sudden

start making bad decisions.

Oh, yeah, your
opposite day playbook

was a work of pure genius.

- Fuck you, Cliff.
- Fuck me? Fuck you.

Say it again.

I wouldn't want you to
upset your hourly average.

- Oh! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
- 23, 24, 25...

- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
- 26, 27, 28...

- Fuckity fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
- 29, 30, 31, 32.

- Oh, shut it!
- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Rita is right.

This is a bold choice.

And generous of all
of you to nominate me,

given that, um,

I've never
even won a golden star.

Don't play the
faux humility card,

it's not going to work.

You wanna talk about gold stars?

I've been up all night
working to save the world,

as I've been trying
to say all morning,

I've discovered the source
of the Zombie Butt...

problem. Hmm?

It has to be Darren Jones.

He escaped that night
after Jane bit him.

- I didn't bite Darren.
- You bit him, I bit him, who cares?

It must have turned
him into a zombie.

Lucky for us,

I see no signs that the
infection has spread, yet.

Excellent work, Rita.

And if what you have
uncovered is true

then that little undead
Were-Butted snake

is probably still hiding
near that old barn.

- As I was saying...
- Now, if we hurry,

we can exterminate Darren

so he doesn't
infect anyone else.

Rewriting the future in the
process, couldn't be easier.

I know and it's my plan,

so I should be the one
to execute the plan.

Who cares
who gets the credit?

Let's just kill
that motherfucker

- and be done with this.
- Who cares about credit?

I have done everything
to save you all

and you're handing over
the reins to someone

who's already failed at
being a hero and a villain.

I... I get it.

Trust me, I do.

But, for this mission,

we're riding with Rouge.

For better or worse.

Well, you'll be
one member short.

Rita, please.

No, I won't participate
in a mission

where I'm not wanted.

You'll all just have
to carry on without me.

I wish you all good luck.

You're going to need it.

Well...

That was hard to watch.

And painful for all of you,

but let's not forget

that you have all just witnessed
an incredibly traumatic sight.

Future overrun with foul beasts,

all of you dead, except for Vic.

But in fairness, your
life is pretty shit.

Can we move on to the killing
Darren Jones part of the plan?

Sure. All in due
time, Cliff, yes.

But let me look over
Rita's materials,

let you gather yourselves.

We... we must be focused
and ready to do this right.

What...
what are you saying?

You want us to take
a quick power nap

and then prevent the
end of the world?

I'm with LT.

This isn't just some
testicle monster.

For all we know, we
could die at any second.

Quick and dirty can no
longer be the modus operandi.

No, this mission requires
perfection, nothing less.

All right.

One hour.

I'll do some recon of my own

to make sure we've
covered all our bases.

- Good?
- Wonderful.

Incredibly helpful.

One hour.

Dismissed.

Cliff, uh, a word.

You and I both know that Darren
Jones needs to be exterminated.

Uh, yeah.
In one hour, right?

I'm gonna go watch
Rockford Files.

No, no, no, not in an hour.

Immediately.

Time is of the fucking essence.

But, you just said...

Wait a minute.

Are you saying what I
think you're saying?

Are you asking me to go
on a top-secret mission?

I don't
need the others.

I only need you.

You are literally an indestructible
zombie-killing machine.

Huh.

What do you say, Cliffy?

Do you wanna go and
save the fucking world

from some motherfucking Butts?

Fuck yes!

State your name.

Yu. Doctor Margaret Yu.

- Doctor Yu.
- Hey.

Welcome to the Ant
Farm, Doctor Yu.

I apologize that you weren't
briefed more thoroughly.

The project you'll be interfacing
with is highly classified.

Highest clearance only.

Oh, uh, how secret
is that exactly?

Am I allowed to tell
my bowling league?

I would trust them with my life.

It's fine, I get it.

I'll just tell them
something else, uh...

Oh.

I will tell them that I
joined the traveling circus.

Quite.

I understand that
you're a renowned

linguist and anthropologist.

Cambridge educated.

Two PhD's.

Oh, three PhD's actually.

And I'm five credits away from
the Musical Theater Degree

that I missed in college.

As impressive as that may be,

I fear that none of it will have
adequately prepared you for this.

A little over a year ago, the
Ant Farm R and D department

conceived of a creature
that could be bred,

as a weaponized force of nature.

The goal was to make
them unstoppable.

Let me guess, it worked.

All too well.

Your mission is to establish
a means of communication,

and through which assert
control and order.

Weapons must obey our command.

They're like this 24/7.

They're beautiful.

All right, Cyborg.

Um, let's see what you can do
with the old-fashioned way.

Booyah.

I know you're scared.

I can sense it.

Just...

You have to trust me that I'm
gonna make everything all right.

Once we avert the apocalypse,

everything will
go back to normal.

You have to keep
trusting me, all right?

We have to stick...

Keeg?

I said we have to
stick together.

Why are you acting like this?

What did Future Keeg say to you?

Oh, let me guess,
whatever it was,

it was all my fault, wasn't it?

Well, we're not in
the future anymore

and I'm still in charge.

If we wanna fix this
we have to stay uni...

Damn it.

There you are. Judas!

I'm a little busy
right now, Rita.

Don't you
walk away from me!

Keeg!

Fucking puzzles.

Fucking puzzles.

There are no edge pieces.

There are no corner pieces.

There are no edge pieces.

What?

And they all look the same.

Come on, you piece
of shit piece.

What's your problem?

They fucking left.

Rouge and Cliff, they went
on the mission without us.

Are you fucking kidding?

What's with everyone
ditching me lately?

Did someone send out a memo?

Welcome to the club.

Well, where are you going?

I intercepted a transmission
report from the Bureau of Normalcy.

There's another
Zombie Butt out there.

If I hurry, I can
still intercept it.

So, you're leaving us too?

Jane...

would you like to join me on
a mission to save the world?

Hmm...

Yeah, fuck it. Sure, yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, what
about Rita and Larry?

- Larry!
- Keeg!

- Larry!
- Rita!

- What?
- Have you seen Keeg?

Larry!

It's now or never. You ready?

Let's go, yeah.

Mmm.

Who needs a Doom
Bus or a time machine

when you got two wheels
and unlimited stamina?

Speak for yourself, big man.

I told you, you
could sit on my handle bars.

Whoa-oh.

Then I said I would rather die!

Hmm.

Ooh! Wow!

What the fuck is that?

This is a fucking crime!

Yeah,
litter is a crime.

Littering?

That thing isn't trash.

That's a 1974 Gran Torino.

It's one of the
first cars I bought

when I made it big
on the circuit.

I used to fix up
cars with my dad.

Way older than the model '78.

Fuck.

Fixing cars was
probably the only thing

my dad was good at.

'Cause when you're
fixing the car,

everything makes sense.

There's a solution
to every problem.

We both understood that.

You just...

lose yourself in it.

It's tactile.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Why don't you "pop the
hood," as they say?

You know, let yourself
feel that sensation again.

No, no. Not yet.

I'm saving my first
touch for my family.

End of discussion.

Save the world,

then allow myself to feel again.

Anything else would be a waste.

Well, that's very noble.

Yeah, well...

You're lucky that you have
people to share your life with.

I don't know where I was in
the future or what happened.

But I'm certain of one
thing, I was alone.

You know, we are
quite a bit alike,

you and me, Cliff.

Relics from a long time passed,

discarded by the
side of the road

in search of a new home
we may never truly find.

Wha... What the fuck
are you talking about?

Uh,
the, um, the car.

Yeah, I thought you were
using the car as a metaphor.

Metaphor?

A metaphor for what?

It's a fucking car.

Yeah. I... I know it's a...

Was that Darren fucking Jones?

Was he fucking singing?

Uh, wh... what, what
are we looking at here?

Their butts.

Now, General, you
and I both know

they are so much more than that.

You're the visionary
behind this project.

These aren't just Butts,

they're an entirely
new species of creature

that we categorized
as Gluteus Morticus.

Infinitely complex,
highly intelligent

with deeply engrained
social dynamics.

Take these two specimens
in front for example.

Note, the scarring on
their forequarters.

They were born as
conjoined twins.

They're brothers and
they recognize that.

In fact, I've only just started
to comprehend their bond.

One of them, I've
named Nicholas,

and the other I've
named Theodore.

Teddy.

As you can see, they're
not killing machines.

They're quite gentle, they
have a love of music...

Bored!

No, don't!

They're upset with me.

The Butts have
gotten upset with me.

Close it, close it!

The Butts have
gotten upset with me.

You scared him.

Your Butts have gone
nuts. Upset with me.

General, say it.

We mustn't
upset the Butts.

That's right.

Okay, we're outta here.

You must see what you have here.

This is an apex life form capable
of... of coexisting with humankind!

Yes, and the bureau is
grateful for all your work.

Your methods may
have been unorthodox

but this project should be considered
a great success for our country.

Finally, we have what we need

to move forward
with weaponization.

Wait, you can't seriously
still be considering

weaponizing these creatures.

Please, you'd be weaponizing

one of the greatest
discoveries of our time.

Great discovery?

Like what?

Fire?

Electricity? The atom?

Weaponization is the
fruit of progress, Dr. Yu.

This is the intention
of discovery always.

Give me three days.

I will change your mind.

I will put together the
greatest talent show...

You'll be reassigned.

Immediately.

- I...
- And if you continue this foolish crusade,

you'll be demoted, or worse.

Are you threatening me?

You're the linguist, Doctor,
figure it out for yourself.

Keeg, I know you love
to hide in electric wiring

but now is not the time.

We don't wanna risk everything
we're building together

on a game of hide-and-seek.

Oh, damn it, Keeg, talk to me.

I'm done talking to
flowers and floor lamps.

Oh, shit.

I'm sorry. Did I surprise you?

That must be frustrating

when someone you love and trust

does something
completely unexpected.

As I said, Rita,

I'm a bit preoccupied
at the moment.

So, that's how you're
going to play it?

Feigning more concern
for that thing

than you have for me?

Well, the least
you could've done

was look me in the eyes before
stabbing me in the back.

Honestly, that's probably why

Keeg wants nothing
to do with you

now that he's seen the way you
treat those you care most about.

The ones who love you enough

to ignore the bandage body odor.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Larry,

just cut the power to the house.

God!

Looks
like Rita was right again.

All right,
you know what?

Enough.

You act like this was
some great betrayal,

but I had my reasons.

And even if I didn't,

you were actually a
pretty shitty team leader.

All you did was tell
everyone what to do.

Holding us to
impossible standards,

giving out gold
stars and demerits

like we were all
little school children.

After a while,

it didn't even feel like we were
doing good for the right reasons.

We were just going
through the motions

as part of a
misguided vanity play.

And as for my
reasons, I saw the future.

We all saw where we end up.

Excuse me for trying
to avoid that fate.

I would've thought
of all people,

you'd understand how time travel
can change one's priorities.

When you came back
from the past,

you were broken.

You called us all strangers,

and you haven't
made me feel like

anything other than a
stranger ever since.

So, what then?

You think your
future was my fault?

No. I saw Keeg
separated from me.

Abandoned.

Now he wants nothing
to do with me.

It wasn't your fault.

If anyone was to blame
it was probably me.

But I'll do whatever I can
to keep that from happening.

And if that means Rouge
takes charge of the team,

so be it.

I'm sorry, Rita, but
I have to do this.

Keeg is all I have left.

All you have left?

Being team leader
was all I had left.

And now thanks to
you, I have nothing.

You're
fucking kidding me.

We're supposed to be
posing as bureau agents?

You could've at least told me
to change my fucking shirt.

I told him we'd be undercover.

Oh, boy.

Okay, so, what's
your idea exactly?

Darren Jones isn't
the only Zombie Butt?

I'm not sure.

But if another Zombie
Butt escaped that night,

then the Bureau of Normalcy
is gonna know about it.

Okay, and this...

And if this works,
wha... what,

you'll finally be
voted as team leader?

I think the team

made it pretty
clear how they feel

about me being team
leader, several times.

Then, why are you acting

like such a lame-ass
motivational poster come to life?

I mean, seriously,

you're like a energy
drink commercial.

Why are you so fucking tense?

Because I saw the
same future you saw.

I'm...

I'm trying to save
the world right now,

and maybe if we can do that,

then I can finally
move on with my life.

Okay, so you're gonna
save the world. Then what?

You're gonna go off backpacking
with a bunch of normies?

Join an ultimate
frisbee league, dude?

Wow. I'm right, aren't I?

Damn, everyone's just going
off on a solo act these days.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Yeah, well, it's
easy to feel like

everyone else is
moving on without you

if you're stuck standing still.

Okay, so let...
let's say you save the world,

then what happens tomorrow?

I don't know. Wednesday?

Come on.

You've been here
long enough to know

that our world is ending
like every other fucking day.

You keep telling yourself
that you're gonna move on,

but it feels like you keep
finding reasons to stay.

I never said I was quitting.

I just need some time to myself.

I've wanted that
for a long time.

Yeah, it must be nice
to know what you want.

Have you talked to Kay lately?

No.

Well, there was like a moment.

I mean, what
the fuck do you know about it?

I was just thinking,

maybe what Kay wants for you

is different to what
Kay wants for herself.

The fuck is that
supposed to mean?

You don't even know Kay.

No, Kay was up top
a few months ago.

All of us met her.

I didn't wanna
bother you about it.

Bother me about what?

Kay had your recorded
interview with her,

like Niles used to do.

Tell
me everything.

- It's him.
- Okay.

So, what?

We just wait for him in
a barn and ambush him?

Yeah, is that too complicated?

Won't he
smell us coming?

Well, the last time,
your pal, Kipling,

had a magic hat laced with
secret pine air freshener.

But in lieu of that,

I've improvised and
I've doused our helmets

with Niles's old cologne.

And that'll work?

It better.

Hello, Darren.

Get ready to kiss
the cook, motherfucker.

Holy shit!

I still understand zombie speak.

Who... Uh, what's he saying?

He said,
"Welcome to my farm."

- Hmm?
- Fuck the farm!

Listen, Darren, here's
what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna save the fucking world

by crushing your
dumb zombie face.

What's he saying now?

He says he
won't eat brains,

he's refusing to be a zombie.

Well... I don't
think you can do that.

Can you do that? I don't
think you can do that.

I don't know.
He's still talking.

Uh, something
about tomatoes?

I think
he's wrappin' it up.

Okay, good, good -

What's he doing?

What the fuck?

Fuck off, Darren.

I came here to fight
you and save the world,

not commit some kind
of weird mercy killing.

What's wrong?

He's asking
me to put him down!

Oh, and what is wrong with that?

He's a fucking zombie!

You're not Old fucking Yeller.

Hey, hold on.

I don't know if I can just kill

an unarmed Zombie Butt farmer.

Stop messing with
my head, Darren.

Stop trying to make...

this... this easy on me.

The fuck are you doing?

What needs to be done.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Holy!

You're fucking crazy!

All right, Darren!
You asked for it.

Weapon.

Cliff.

Cliff, it's... it's over.

It's done.

I did it. It's over.

Something's...

Something's cold.

Oh, no. Oh, God, no.

Oh, God! No!

No! No, no, no!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cliff.

You said you needed a
reason to fight, I...

You did the right thing.

I hesitated and you got it done.

That's why you're the leader.

Where the fuck's my...

Shit.

Well, what are we waiting for?

We saved the world.

Let's fucking go home.

Right.

Agent Wolfmann, I presume.

Correct.

And this is my
associate, Agent Perez.

Hey.
Sorry about my shirt.

Laundry day.

And you must be the,
uh... The Butt Hunter.

Why don't you take a wild guess?

Shit.

You gotta
be fucking kidding me.

We don't wanna waste
any more of your time.

We expect a full mission report.

You know I don't do those fancy
Bureau Normalcy protocols.

Hunter's gotta
have his own code.

Humor me.

All right.

A year ago the BON lost an
entire hoard of killer Butts.

Due to my specific skill set,
I was hired to round 'em up.

Several confirmed dead,

some by my hand, some by others.

But the majority have
been safely recovered.

I always try to be
humane in my approach

but, you know
how this business can be.

The Butt hunting business?

That's the one.

What's the current
status report?

Recently, I came into
possession of the final target.

It was particularly
difficult to track.

These things are
crafty, you know.

Butt hunting... It's
chess, it's not...

Yahtzee.

Why was it difficult to track?

Didn't behave like the others.

Seemed sick.

Infected, possibly.

I put it on ice to transport it.

Cold seems to place it
in a vegetative state.

But make no mistake,
this thing is not dead.

Not all the way, anyway.

So, it's a zombie.

What's a zombie?

Do you seriously not
know what a zombie is?

I have a very particular
set of skills.

- Okay.
- Your information tracks with our intel.

Agent, um...

Butt Hunter.

Butt Hunter.

Thank you.

The bureau thanks
you for your work.

- Vic.
- Yeah?

Where are
the real BON agents?

I secretly moved up the meeting.

They're an hour behind us.

Okay, but this Butt whacker
was like 45 minutes late.

Now we gotta move.

I'm assuming you
have my payment.

It'll be wired to you.

In Bitcoin.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

And this is the
final Butt, right?

Who's the Butt hunter here?

Me or you?

And none of the other Butts
had any signs of sickness,

only this one?

Adios, amigo.

Don't let 'em hit ya

where the good Lord splits ya.

Really
missing your cyborg tech

right about now, fucking
Agent... Wolfmann.

Now, what's your super
power again, Jane,

besides complaining?

Flit, I know I never
ask you for anything

but please don't fuck me.

Attention, the Butts are loose.

Attention, the Butts are loose.

Fuck!

What the fuck?

Oh, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck!

Attention, the Butts are loose.

What the hell are
you still doing here?

We have to get above ground
before the exterminators arrive.

Exterminators?

Attention, the Butts are loose.

Nicholas?

Any luck with your friend?

Does that
answer your question?

Daddy's
home, shitlickers!

'Tis done.

Cliff and I found Darren
Jones and we kicked his ass.

The fucker didn't
even put up a fight.

Congratulations.

Okay, uh, why... why
y'all acting so sore?

We did it. Mission
accomplished.

The world is saved.

Not yet, it isn't.

No.

After you two went AWOL,

I hacked into the
bureau's records.

Now there was a
second Zombie Butt

that none of us had
even considered.

Yeah.

We went undercover

and just stole it
right from under them.

Thanks for the invite, though.

Excellent work, you two.

You see, this is what happens

when this team is
given the autonomy

to make decisions
for themselves.

You know what?

We all deserve a gold star.

I didn't do this
for a gold star.

Eh, whatever,
mission accomplished.

This is the final Zombie Butt.

I'm sure you two can handle it.

So, Cliff, uh,

can you dispose off
the second Butt?

Me? Kill it?

- With pleasure.
- Okay, great.

Let's see what we got here.

Oh, I'm sorry, little guy.

Just need a minute.

I felt something today.

Really felt something.

I swear.

For the first time
in a long time.

I always thought if I ever
got a chance to feel again,

it'd be my daughter's
hand in mine.

Maybe my grandson in my arms

while I help him
with his hiccups.

That would've been nice.

Instead,

I felt someone's skull collapse

under my palm like a grapefruit.

The tough skin,

messy insides.

I felt it all.

The blood was cold.

I guess he was dead already,

sort of.

His eyes...

It felt like there was
still warmth in his eyes.

I just... I need a minute.

What
would you like to talk about?

I've been thinking,

well, more like wondering.

What is the underground
supposed to be?

What it's for?

You mean like its purpose?

Yes! Its purpose.

What is the purpose
of the underground?

All of the different personas.

I used to know,

all of the personas always said

they had one purpose,

to protect me.

And they do, don't they?

Maybe.

I don't know.

Something's changed.

I don't think I need them to
have that purpose anymore.

I think they need a new purpose.

Otherwise, they'll all be lost.

What do you
mean they'll be lost?

I don't know.

I think they need to figure
that out for themselves.

A new purpose?

The fuck is my purpose, if
it's not to protect you?

Does Jane
know her purpose?

She takes care of me.

She still thinks her
purpose is to protect me.

She's feeling lost.

But she'll be all right.

If anybody can put the
pieces together, it's Jane.