All language subtitles for Addams Family - 1x05 - The Addams Family Tree

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky

They're altogether ooky

The Addams family

The house is a museum

When people come to see 'em

They really are a scream

The Addams family

MAN: Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

So get a witch 's shawl on

A broomstick you can crawl on

We're gonna pay a call on

The Addams family

I had no idea Cousin BIeak
was such a difficult subject.

You're painting him from memory
and it's a magnificent Iikeness.

-Superb!
-Thank you, darling.

There's something about the eyes,
I just can't seem to get them.

That Iid droops just a bit too much.

-The right eye or the Ieft?
-The middle one.

Perfect.

That's the Iook that used to get the girls.

Darling, the children are going to be Iate
for their birthday party.

Would you ring for Lurch?

-You rang?
-Yes, Lurch.

Would you get the children, please?

WEDNESDAY: We're coming!
PUGSLEY: We're coming!

-Oh, what's that, darling?
-Harold's birthday present. A tarantula.

Oh, dear Pugsley. He's so generous.

That old Addams tradition, a heart of gold.

Well, we'II have to have it gift-wrapped.
Let's see now.

A birthday present. Festive occasion.

-I think black would be appropriate.
-BIack it is, my dear.

Here, darling, Iet me do that.
You're all thumbs.

Wouldn't that be interesting?

-Lurch, please take the children to the car.
-LURCH: Yes, madam.

Where are they going?

Whee!

To the Pomeroy boy's birthday party.

You mean those people
with the white picket fence

and the pink geraniums? How could you?

There's something to what he says,
Morticia. They are a bit peculiar.

I bet they've got daisies in their backyard.

PIease don't make me ill.

Now, now, now.
We must be tolerant of our neighbors.

Thank you, Thing.

There you are, Pugsley!

GOMEZ: Your mother is still
the world's best tarantula wrapper.

Now remember, children,
not every family is as fortunate as we are.

Not everyone has
a beautiful old house Iike ours.

And a car with all
the right sounds and smells.

You must be modest
about our advantages.

-We'II be good.
-I know you will, darling.

I'm sure Harold will Iove his present.

Bye, children! Have a good time.

Pugsley, only five pieces of cake, now!

Well, I guess I'd better go in
and finish knitting my tea cozy.

Morticia,

don't move.

Remember how I carried you
across the threshold that first time?

Not only across the threshold,

but through the Iiving room
and up the stairs and into our room.

And I dropped you only once.

I'II swear these fish seem to know
when you're gonna feed them.

They're a Iot more aware
than people give them credit for being.

That's breeding.

There's no waste with piranha.

Darling, I think the children are home.

I wonder what the children
are doing back so soon?

I don't know.

Why are you home
from the party so early?

GOMEZ: What happened?
Was there trouble?

A small altercation.

Harold Pomeroy said his family
was better than our family.

He said we were a bunch of kooks.

Kooks?

Oh, he couldn't have meant it.

Of course not, how could the child fail
to recognize character when he sees it?

I told you the Pomeroys were no good.

With their neat Iittle petunia patches.
Riffraff!

I tell you, they're nothing but riffraff.

Lurch, you better take the children
to their rooms.

LURCH: Yes, madam.

I always did suspect
those white plaster ducks out on the Iawn.

Darling, some people
have a twisted sense of beauty.

Rude behavior Iike that
begins with the parents.

Well, what are you gonna do about it?
Just stand there and take it?

Certainly not. I'm going to send Pomeroy
an insulting Ietter.

Darling, I don't think we should
Iend our name to such a thing.

He could sign it, "A friend."

An insulting Ietter signed, "A Friend."
That would be novel.

I think we should turn the other cheek.

No, when people insulted me,
I always turned the other cheek.

-Well?
-I ran out of cheeks.

No, there's only one way to settle this.

Uncle Fester!

Uncle Fester, please, not that.

-But, Morticia, the family honor!
-He's right, Morticia, the family honor.

You'II have to challenge Pomeroy
to a duel.

No, I'd rather shoot him in the back.

Uncle Fester,
that is not the honorable way.

I know, but it's the safe way.

Uncle Fester, I'm ashamed of you.

An Addams doesn't know the meaning
of the word fear.

I do. I'II shoot him in the back.

Uncle Fester,
remember the Addams name!

It'II have to be a duel.

With swords?

With victory going to the swiftest,
the cunningest, the deadliest.

I'II shoot him in the back.

-Wait, how about pistols?
-Well, that's different...

-Does he get one, too?
-Naturally.

-Loaded?
-You get one bullet apiece.

In the back.

We have visitors.

It's Mr. Pomeroy. Little Harold is with him.

-See? They've come to make peace.
-I hope not.

I'II handle this. Remember,
you took care of the gas inspector.

Darling, why don't
we handle this together?

-A Pomeroy does not slam gates.
-I didn't slam it, Dad.

-A Pomeroy does not Iie, either.
-But, Dad...

Come along.

I'm Cecil B. Pomeroy.
Perhaps you've heard of me.

I'm in oil.

Oh, boiling?

Lubricating. I wouldn't make Iight of this.

Look at my son Harold.

Fine-Iooking boy. Nice eyes.

Well, one of them, anyway.

And that's what your hoodlum offspring
did with his fists.

Our son used his fists?

AII those karate Iessons wasted!

I'II thank you both to stop joking.

My son has been sorely wounded
and I demand an apology.

Very well, Mr. Pomeroy.
If it'II make you happy, I apologize.

Not from you.
From that pugnacious child of yours.

-Him.
-Children.

I understand, Pugsley, that you and Harold
engaged in a Iittle tiff this afternoon.

-AII I did was tear his jacket a Iittle.
-You tore my family crest.

Well, you wouldn't have got a sock
in the eye

if you hadn't said your family was better
than our family.

-Our family is better.
-It is not.

Children, children.
I think you ought to apologize to Harold.

I'm sorry I punched you in the eye, Harold.

She must have hit him
while his back was turned.

In the eye?

I don't know, it's possible.
Remember my Cousin Curdle?

Yes! Well, we're sorry
about the whole mess, Pomeroy.

Yes, won't you come in
and have a cup of tea?

And the children can play together
and forget all about their Iittle spat.

-Well...
-Do come in.

-I'II Iet you ride my jaguar.
-Can I, Dad?

AII right, but stay in the yard.
Don't go into the street.

Oh, we never run the jaguar
out in the street.

Come on, Harold.

I'm so glad we got this thing
straightened out.

Yes, we're not only neighbors

but I find we have some adjoining Iand
along the county Iine.

You got stuck, too!

Yes. That doesn't happen
to the Pomeroys usually.

It's one of the things we're proud of.

Matter of fact, we asked Professor Simms
to trace our family genealogy back to...

-Merciful heavens! What was that?
-Pugsley's jaguar.

Pugsley's...

You mean that your child
is having my son ride a wild animal?

Don't worry, when Fang makes that noise,
nobody rides him.

There, you see? They've already found
something else to amuse them.

Nothing Iike the Iaughter
of happy children, is there, Pomeroy?

Well, my son has Iittle time for frivolity.

After all, he's being trained to follow
in the family...

Excuse me.

Is that thing real?

Everything in our home is real,
Mr. Pomeroy.

Taste!

There's quite a story
behind that trophy, Pomeroy.

Cousin Farouk was a skin-diver.

He dived out of a rowboat in an attempt
to spear a rare species of eel.

At the same moment a big fish swept up
from the depths, also after the eel.

-They were on a collision course.
-The rest is taxidermy.

HAROLD: I did it! I did it!

Little Pugsley is teaching Harold
how to handle dynamite caps.

Dynamite?

There, you see?

Their Iittle spat of this afternoon
is all forgotten.

We adults could Iearn a Iot
from our children, eh, Pomeroy?

-More tea, Mr. Pomeroy?
-No, thanks.

That thing bit me!

I'm sure you're mistaken, Mr. Pomeroy.

Our birds would never attack Iiving things.

Children, stop playing with that trap door.
Uncle Fester just greased it.

Your trap door?

-In the playroom, for our gallows.
-It's a family heirloom.

-PUGSLEY: We're sorry, Harold!
-Don't be mad, Harold.

We're sorry we dropped him
through the trap door.

Addams, what the devil
have they been doing?

Can't you see? PIaying!

POMEROY: Harold!

Addams, I never wanna see
these two Iittle creeps in my home again.

And I promise you that never again
will I set foot in this menagerie.

In that case, sir,
I'II have to ask you to Ieave.

Ask me? I can hardly wait to get out of...

Lurch, show Mr. Pomeroy out.

Addamses, you are kooks.

Calling our children creeps.

Bawling off about his ancestry,
his professor, his genealogist.

I could have really have stopped him with
a few things about the Addams ancestry!

-Why didn't you?
-I couldn't think of anything.

You're right.
You're right, I should have told him.

But it's been so Iong
since I've Iooked into the family records.

Anybody can tell
what kind of a family we are.

But to him, we're peasants.
We need proof.

Proof! And I'II ram it
down Mr. BIowhard's throat.

I'II get you your proof, darling.
I'm going to call in a genealogist.

-We'II get his Professor Simms.
-He can trace our family tree.

Trace it? I know where it is.
Uncle Fester sits in it every day.

The mail's in.

Thank you, Thing.

-It's for you, Mommy.
-Thank you, darling.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

It's from Professor Simms,
the genealogist.

He says, "Working on a family tree
Iike yours should be a real challenge."

We better get all the Addams family
heirlooms and records together.

My dear, I've already dug up
a Iot of material.

Isn't that beautiful?

-Oh, the old Addams barn.
-Darling, that's Aunt BIemish.

Are you sure?

You maybe right.

-Oh, I don't recognize those two at all.
-That's only one.

Of course, Grandpa SIurp.

I should have known him
by his buck teeth.

And receding chin.

He was a handsome devil.

Remember this picture?

-Cousin CIot!
-Just before they threw the switch.

My, he was photogenic.

I'II never forget the day
the judge imposed sentence.

CIotty stood there, head high,
shoulders back, and said,

"It's a bum rap."

An Addams to the end.

Darling, we better get these things ready.

That does it.

I doubt that I could have made
one more trip to the attic.

I hope the genealogist's
got enough material to work with.

You know, I think we should use more
of these Iovely things in the Iiving room.

I didn't know Granduncle Grisly
was a traitor.

Oh, yes! But he only did it for money.

Is Professor Simms still working
in the Iibrary?

Yes, darling. I think you better
take these things in to him.

I'II get the doorbell, Lurch.

-I came to return this gift.
-Is there something wrong with it?

I don't know.

Weren't you surprised
when you opened it?

I sure was. It was empty.

Pugsley?

Your birthday present escaped.

Better Iet Harold pick out something else.

Okay. Come on up to my room, Harold,
and pick out what you want.

I'm not supposed to stay.

A call for Master Pomeroy.

Come along, children.

-Hello?
-Did you return the present?

Yes, and I'm getting out of here
as fast as I can.

No, no! Tell them it was all a mistake.

A horrible mistake.

Yes. Act nice and friendly.

Yes, friendly.

They have some Iand next to mine
and my man thinks there's oil on it.

Just act nice and friendly
and I'II be over there soon.

My dad said it was all a horrible mistake.
I'm to be nice and friendly.

Oh, that's Iovely.

Pugsley, you must Iet Harold play
with your octopus.

Not that friendly.

Oh, don't be a sissy.

Well, all right.

I'II even show you
how to juggle meat cleavers.

Morticia, Professor Simms feels
he's on the trail of something.

Oh, I do hope it's something gloomy.

For a moment I thought
there might be some relationship

to the New England Adamses,
John and John Quincy.

People often assume that.

It's been a great source
of embarrassment to us.

We spell our name with two "D's".

The additional "D" makes the difference.

Good heavens!
Do you suppose that's the reason

Mr. Pomeroy thought
there was something wrong with us?

-Professor, is something wrong?
-Oh, no.

No, no, that is...
Well, things do seem a bit off.

I've traced Mrs. Addams
back to the early colonial days

at Salem, Massachusetts.
Interesting place, Salem.

-They burned witches there, you know.
-Yes.

I'm certainly glad they don't do that today.

And I found a family of Addamses
Iiving in a native village

far up the Amazon river,
deep in the jungle.

But the head of the family
seems to have disappeared.

Completely?
Usually they just shrink them.

Yes.

And I've established that one ancestor
back in 270 A.D.

used this torch to set fire to the Iibrary
at AIexandria, Egypt.

Mamoud Khali Pasha Addams,
the firebug of the Bosporus.

We should tell Mr. Pomeroy about him.

Oh, the Pomeroy background
has quite a few unusual characters, too.

Really?

But I do think that professional ethics
forbids me discussing it.

Of course.

Otherwise I would tell you
of Pegleg Pomeroy,

the scourge of Denver,

Erwin Pomeroy, the hanging judge,

and Haversham Pomeroy,
the BIuebeard of Boston.

Well, what do you know?
It's quite an impressive background.

I don't blame him for feeling superior.

Darling, sometimes you can
just misjudge people.

Pomeroy, come in.

-PIease have a cigar.
-Oh, no, thank you.

Mr. Pomeroy.

You know, I believe I owe you both
an apology.

Not at all,
it's we who owe you an apology.

And I can understand your pride after
Iearning about your family background.

-Lovely rug.
-Thank you.

-Do sit down.
-Thank you, thank you. Delighted.

The children are upstairs
playing with Iittle Pugsley's octopus.

-Live, of course.
-How did you know?

Every young boy should have
a Iive octopus.

We do think alike, don't we?

True, true. And as a Iittle peace offering,

I'd Iike to take that awful acreage
that we both got stuck with

off your hands.

Same price you paid for it, of course.
$1,000 an acre.

Let's not talk about business.
Let's talk about our illustrious families.

Why didn't you tell us
about Pegleg Pomeroy?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, come, Mr. Pomeroy,
we know all about him.

Quite a streak of skullduggery
in the Pomeroy Iine, isn't there?

Well, I...

And don't tell us
you're going to deny knowing anything

about Grapeshot Pomeroy.

-Pomeroy is a very common name.
-Isn't he the modest one?

I'm afraid I don't know
what you're talking about.

Aren't you proud
of being descended from a pirate?

-I'II pay you $2,000 an acre.
-Isn't he generous?

BIuebeard Pomeroy
would be proud of him.

BIuebeard...

-$3,000 an acre.
-Well, if you insist.

My check will be here
first thing in the morning.

-You come back, paleface.
-Oh, isn't that sweet.

Get me away from these barbarians.

He's had a tiring day.

Harold, the Addams family
is every bit as good as ours.

Well, BIack Bart
and BIoody Addams, true.

-You see?
-Now say goodbye to your Iittle friend.

-Bye.
-Goodbye, Harold.

-Goodbye, Mr. Pomeroy.
-Goodbye.

Harold, you forgot to say goodbye to Kitty.

No!

Now, Harold,
we must say goodbye to Kitty.

Here, Kitty. Here, Kitty.

What happened to the Pomeroys?

These businessmen.
AIways in such a hurry.

Really nice of Pomeroy to take
all that worthless Iand off our hands.

How do you know it's worthless, darling?

Well, one thing's certain,
there's no oil on it.

It's been checked and rechecked.

Guess he just wanted to apologize
for calling us kooks.

Thank you.

Right in the heart!

Morticia, your aim is perfect.

So female. So deadly. So Iovely.

Darling, where's Professor Simms?

Do you think?

No, Kitty can't stand the taste of people.