Original subtitles

Okay.

It's the best.

I don't know if there is no,

but haven't.

Another one was still vertical, so I'd like to change that.

Ohh.

Bit of a point.

You just get off.

Ohh, taking a break between shifts.

So I guess you could say

you ain't driving, are you?

I steer a little,

but the reindeer that wasn't working.

Okay.

This is my 4th year as a centre.

Ohh how about you Laurence cow?

I forget why I started doing it in the 1st place.

Same reason.

Anybody does anything?

The money money.

Coldplayer runs on greed.

Ohh.

Easter looking.

The Kitty's face is in it.

That's what does it for me.

I have a look.

Lasts about 2 seconds.

Soon as they're finished unwrapping, they want the next present.

They want the next cool thing.

That's how this world works.

And kids, what kids have become, they're just like little junkies.

They're little shits.

They just demand.

They don't believe, they just want crave consume.

Maybe this is my last year.

It was Christmas.

But I can't stand seeing another centre in distress.

Please, drinks on my tab.

Okay, very merry of your holiday.

Remember, you're gone.

The residents are gonna deliver themselves.

Ohh.

Real sensitive being trip deserve that.

New video games Astro, Blaster, Blaster, Astro

very good.

Grandson's 9.

I don't know my other grandson.

Ohh,

that door leads to the roof.

Go easy on him.

It's Christmas.

You can't be up here if you break your neck.

I'm the one.

My God.

Hi, hi.

Hi.

There she is, a lovely.

Let's go see Grandma.

Ohh.

Merry Christmas.

Where was Judy?

Sing a Christmas, daddy, you filthy animal.

He got to stay up late and watch home alone.

Uh huh.

It was so funny.

You know that.

That hurts all morning.

Thank you.

For doing this.

I'm not doing it for you.

It's gross.

Merry Christmas, Sal.

I.

Linda.

Merry Christmas, Mr Whitestone.

Yeah.

Hey.

You back there?

True.

Yeah.

I bet you're excited for Christmas.

What did you ask the other for?

Not to work on Christmas Eve.

Must have been naughty this year.

Because here I am.

Just make sure you let Santa through the gates later.

Out.

Yeah.

Have a merry one now.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

True.

Thank you.

Ohh.

Will be round tonight.

Ohh.

Your friend.

The hell is this?

You are the worst catering company on the planet.

It's lengthwise, not width.

Okay.

All right.

How you guys?

Merry Christmas.

Thank you so much.

Ohh, never get over the fact that you grew up like this.

My therapist says on how to get over it either.

I need a drink.

Yeah.

Hey, look at that.

Hi, Linda.

Going over

you didn't wave.

Looks good on you though

you hmm.

What's up, limp Dick?

I got great feelings about this Christmas.

You wanna know why?

Yeah, cause I think this is the year

that mom's gonna kick herself upstairs

and choose one of us to start running the show.

And I gotta tell you, Jason, that I'm gunning for your ass.

I would like some family Christmas be without grovelling and inviting.

You're saying man honey, smile this Christmas.

Good, good girl.

Sorry about my sister.

It is really nice to see you.

Tap here.

Okay, I'm behind.

Catch me up on all the hot guys.

Ohh gosh okay.

Well you remember Bert, my sister's pride and joy.

Ohh yeah yeah, this is the hurt locker.

Living that playing live on Christmas Eve.

Hash tag blessed.

He just got what I can only assume will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations.

Mom paid off the school.

Now the gymnasium is named after us.

Course she did.

What about tragic Mike?

Ohh.

I'm saying is if I was not one of those planes,

911 would end with a bunch of terrorists skydiving over Connecticut

without their parachutes.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, too.

Like it?

Kiss me in front of my son.

He might actually be a decent actor.

He's been doing an Oscar worthy job of pretending to find my sister appealing.

Now he wants mom to find a film form.

That's not going to.

It's.

OK, OK.

Come on.

Come on, get over here.

We've gone over this.

Come on.

You know what that means.

Shall we jockey forward?

No.

Now we can hang back.

Yeah.

Truly.

Just like.

Threat number problem.

This isn't rocket science.

Same shit we always do.

That's why.

That's the best you can do?

Excited to see your grandma?

Listen you cock sucker, it's Christmas.

So why don't you take your best offer, gift wrapping and ram it up your fucking box?

Maybe you don't realise who I am.

Always.

Ohh boy.

Look at Mr Cool back here.

Yeah, what's your angle man?

You wanna go?

Not doing anything, yeah.

I don't know.

No, no, no, no.

Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake

grill.

That's cool.

I can make that story go.

I think your brother's up to something

that I just decided to let you guys know on the phone sucking up to Monday.

Please.

You are king.

Suck up.

You named your kid Gertrude.

Ohh, you named your son Bertrude.

Okay, sorry, but that's not a real name.

Sorry, Linda.

We can't all be lucky enough to have daughters.

Mom, I can hear you.

You know something we don't.

What is it?

Ohh.

I don't.

I don't.

I got it.

Female.

Come on you man.

Come on.

We were just talking.

Big sack of shit.

Ohh wonder your husband left you.

And.

Merry Christmas to you too, senator.

Merry Christmas, mommy.

Very.

Why in the hell are you standing all the way back there?

Merry Christmas.

Ohh.

Little girl too.

And how was my favourite granddaughter?

Everybody calls me Trudy now.

Trudy.

And that makes her sound like a whore.

OK, ohh.

She doesn't even know the meaning of the word.

I'm starving.

Let's eat.

Gertrude is a beautiful name.

I only call her Gertrude.

The kids are fast asleep.

Down the stairs will creep.

Then we'll lock them both.

All the doors.

Just you and me, Santa Claus.

Cracking.

I didn't think toys under the tree.

Crawling around on all fours just giving me a.

poo

Soon will be back.

Magic time.

When we hear that midnight.

Well then, flying straight?

We'll have a very Merry Christmas day.

We'll raise a toast to the team with the most the best there ever was.

Santa Claus.

Another fucking Christmas.

I need this all by myself.

You need one that looks exactly like Santa.

yeah

Santa is a candy cane too.

OK.

Perfect.

No peeking.

This House has so many chimneys.

How's it now?

Trying to come down?

Ohh.

Santa just knows Christmas magic.

Honey, what's wrong?

Daddy never took me to see Santa at the mall this year.

He didn't.

I'm so sorry.

This year has been weird.

I never want to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas.

Ohh, I come here.

You know what?

You go put your Pj's on.

And I will be 2 minutes.

Shots.

Ohh.

Yes.

Because you have been so good to me and Mommy this year,

we decided that you could have one gift.

Really.

What is it?

That is a very special walkie-talkie.

That's magic.

Magic.

What you got right there.

Is a direct hotline Santa Claus himself.

I can talk to Santa.

Ohh yeah, it's just like writing him a letter.

But better.

Now the only thing is, you might not have time to answer.

You is delivering a lot of presents tonight,

but don't hear everything you want to say to him.

Hello Santa.

This is truly lightstone.

I hope you're having a nice night.

It's really cold tonight, so don't forget your mittens.

So I wanted to tell you something.

Extra good this year,

so I wrote a big list for you with all this stuff I want.

then

And I realise.

I don't need any of that.

I really only want one person for Christmas.

I want Mommy and Daddy to make up.

So we can be a family again?

Okay.

Goodnight, sana.

God.

Which one of you did that?

You can't go 2 seconds without crapping on the roof

like a bunch of pigeons.

So unprofessional.

You're beautiful.

Never do this.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Ohh man.

Skim.

Morning.

Stuff.

Ohh,

awesome free worship right there.

Pairs well.

She.

Ohh.

Oh yeah.

Just off.

You don't want.

Christmas is alright.

You Americans don't celebrate my favourite holiday.

Yeah, what Boxing Day?

Hey.

Lights down here live streaming the dream you.

They say the richest man.

Say goodbye and if you.

Grandma, your Wi-Fi sucks Dick, damn it.

When he was small, I begged you to beat him.

Hey, Merry Christmas.

Or should I say happy holidays now right?

I mean it's like people make up your mind, you know?

I'm saying to help you.

Ohh yeah sure hope so.

See ya.

My car broke down a little ways out here.

This is a private road.

You're telling may to 1st place I've seen from miles.

I think I got frostbite.

What the hell am I anyway?

GT Lightstone family compound.

I'll call you a tow.

All right, ramblers, time to steal Christmas sound gone.

Single Jeff peppermint cheque.

Rate of fuck shit up.

Can cheque go for frosty,

go for tinsel, go for gingerbread?

Are we gonna use this stupid cold drinks all night?

Welcome to your worst Christmas ever.

Pretty love seeing Santa at the mall.

She was going with her father,

and you should have taken it yesterday like you do every Christmas.

But we didn't even hear from you.

Mom, come in.

A special project.

It's complicated, but it's not because it keeps happening over and over.

Your mother forcing herself between us.

You're right.

Or if we could get through your Christmas wish.

You're trying to win me back with a romantic weekend at your mother's, if things.

The only change this time.

We got out from under my mother's thumb.

Walk away.

The company.

Family.

Tonight.

What are you up to?

Look.

Ohh.

Let's go.

We need to get you out of here.

Mommy, where are you going?

Here come what?

There is a room for all of us.

She can fit at least two of us.

Mom, take me.

Yeah.

You're supposed to protect us.

We protect the primary asset.

Who the hell are you?

You can call me Mr Scrooge.

Hilarious.

Get him.

Ohh.

A humbug, mother fucker.

The Messiah.

It's a peppermint swoop upstairs.

I want all the lights stones together.

Everybody else, you're fine.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Honey, we gotta go.

Get up back where the servants stairs.

Ohh come on.

No, no no no.

There's some talk ginger birds.

Hey.

Oh, oh, oh.

You got me.

I don't want any trouble.

OK, downstairs now.

Mr.

I don't want to get involved.

I just.

Have a job to do.

That's it.

It's going to take my back.

How much does scooch up that chimney?

Enough talk.

Let's go.

You don't want to do this.

What this?

Ohh no move.

Ohh.

Fucking move.

No, no, no.

Hello.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Right.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Good.

Ohh.

My island night gory night.

All is calm if all doesn't want to get shot in the fucking head.

Kid, do you have any idea who you're fucking with?

I know exactly who I'm fucking with.

Away did you actually think

that I spent months planning a complex break

into the most secure private residence in the country

and I didn't know who lived here?

Well, you're wrong.

Because your staff are dead.

Your security are dead.

Now sit down and shut the fuck up.

Fuck.

So much like a scene from my movie Dark Ransom.

Oh my God

I didn't have guns.

I could take out three, maybe 4.

Ohh mom Chuck, if you'd really done your research,

you'd know that my brother Roy was kidnapped in the 70s.

But my father never called the police.

Dad sent in our own private extraction team and Roy

was home safe and sound a week later.

And the kidnappers were never found.

If you get me.

I know, I know all about your extraction team

that you affectionately called the Kill Squad behind closed doors.

I also know that they're on their way

and how long it's going to take him to get here,

even though their credit ratings and their Dick sizes.

If you can't me, then you should also know you're already dead.

We don't do ransoms again.

I know, I know, see.

I know a lot, Gertrude.

I really do.

Like the fact that you have 300 million in U.S.

dollars sitting in your personal vault downstairs.

The fuck that's right.

300 million that the US government gave Lightstone to quietly distribute

in the Middle East

to all the worse people to grease the wheels

and keep that sweet oil flowing.

300 million that.

Oops.

Disappeared in the fog of war.

Except it didn't really disappear, did it, girdy.

Because you stole it.

Did you know about this and this family?

This money grubbing family clinging desperately to your wealth

when you're poor.

Employees don't even have enough coal to keep Tiny Tim warm.

What is it with you and all this Christmas shit?

Talk all you want.

You never get in the vault.

Ohh because when you you hit the panic button it reset the combination.

I keep telling you I know.

This one breaking into a ball that turned into.

Remember when you have to drill holes and blow shit up.

I don't know, maybe I'm getting old,

but there was something romantic about that bossy copy.

Kind of busy here.

You're gonna want to see this.

Maybe you fell.

Repelled down buildings with them, you can tell me.

Just fill out a window.

All right.

Look lively, gang.

We got a Gopher.

you

I think.

So let's talk him in Okay.

It's going to be.

Hello.

See you.

Are you there?

Ohh.

How to get a checkpoint 3?

Shit, shit, shit.

You.

Somebody asked for a baller Sworder Molotov cocktails.

I love you.

Die hard on Blu-ray.

Don't.

Safeties on the ship.

Ohh.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I don't want to kill you.

Well, you fat guy grampy here.

Santa.

I'm gonna rip your fucking balls off.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Okay.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Kenny Kane checking in compound is clear and secured.

Copy what's the best squad?

The two hours we're doing the hours here already been weakened.

The only good.

My.

Right through there, Chris.

Hello.

Hello.

Can anybody hear me?

Can you hear me say that?

Hello.

Santa.

He already said.

Hope you're not bothering you.

Daddy said you were very busy tonight.

I would.

I wanna break.

Who am I seeing?

My name is Judy likes you.

Anything very good this year?

Pretty lights.

Yeah, actually.

German highlights.

You've been a very good girl this year.

Where are you now, Trudy?

I'm in a big room with all my Broads.

There's too bad men with guns watching us.

6 left.

Of course they would help you.

Other.

Bad guy from my naughty list.

Or take a lump of coal.

Each and everyone of them and shove it straight up the ass.

Well, I mean, come on through.

We want to keep on the nice list, you know?

Sorry, can I say butt hole then?

I'm just borderline.

How about Edith?

Can you yes.

This is the type.

Okay, look at Trudy.

I got a call for help from the phone lines are down.

You probably know this House, but I'm not my.

You got any suggestions?

Have an idea?

All right, you tell me there's a God damn Santa Claus

running around here.

Well, he looks jolly as fuck, but who the hell is he?

There's no signal listed on the employee manifest.

It's more.

Prostitutes and checked in.

I can't reach him.

I keep trying.

All right.

It's official.

You gotta go from the looseness.

Dangerous.

Watch your backs.

Oh, oh.

Ohh.

What?

Status.

Front page sound off.

Uh.

Frosty.

Is that just the naughty game in the basement here for your friend is dead.

He got a star in his face and his head caught on fire.

It's a long story.

Is this is this our sanity?

Is this our our sanity clause?

To whom am I speaking?

Well, for tonight, I'm Mr Scrooge.

Now, what is it that you want exactly?

Santa, I want you to put down your weapons.

I want you to let this family go,

and then I want to find my reindeer and I want

to continue delivering my presents.

Are you fucking with me?

Alright, what the hell?

Are you really on?

Some security guard who's watched many action flicks?

Loser ex cop stuck in a mob

playing dress up with fat kids pissing on your lap?

Stop me when I get it right.

It's a little more complicated than that.

Not to me, it's not.

Cause I wanna make it my personal mission,

my holiday To Do List, to find you and to end you.

And to wipe my ass with you in this whole fucking holiday.

That's what I want for Christmas, Santa.

Terrible thing to want for Christmas,

but maybe you and I should discuss it in person.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

All right, good, you hired a place Santa at your Christmas party, huh?

I said.

Who's playing Santa?

You fucked up Christmas party and hire Santa?

I never, ever sentence stacking.

So who is he?

Huh.

Who is he?

Somebody better start talking.

I want to bash your brains in with this.

Damn, Gertrude.

You really got to think for nutcracker's, huh?

So.

I'm gonna torture everyone in your family

until you tell me who's running around your mansion

playing Santa and fucking with my shit.

And who should I pick first?

Should I go by age?

Should I go buy IQ pick Jason?

He's my mom's favourite.

Yeah.

And the one in the sweater.

Alright.

Jason lightstone.

It is the number one son.

So we don't need to do that.

No, it's OK.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no stop.

No, no.

What is this?

Oh, oh, I'm telling you, no one hired a Santander.

I right.

You're right, you're right.

Let's stop it.

Let's stop.

Babe.

What are we doing here?

Come on.

What are we, amateurs?

We're half passing this.

Come on.

It's not called a finger cracker.

Great candy cane.

Stick one of his bozaks in there.

I'm not touching his balls.

You, Princess.

All of a sudden I seen you scoop out brains before.

You want me scoop his brains out?

Scoop his brains out right now.

But I'm not touching his junk.

I don't care who does it.

I better be looking at flat balls like in three seconds.

I'll do it.

Craft is perfect.

Parents always up for trying new things.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Google.

Can you hear me?

I'm running my daddy.

Or Santa will get mad.

Ah, what a cutie.

So what do we know about Santa?

Little she doesn't know anything about Santa.

Ohh it wasn't asking you.

Ohh she's playing make believe.

She's pretending to talk to Santa.

It's not pretend.

Santa's my friend and he said he's going to save us and beat you up.

I bet he come out of hiding if you ask him to, huh?

What do you say you come with me?

You'll tell little game with him, little tree.

Come on, tell him the truth.

Now you're talking to Hannah.

Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Come on now.

Yes, I am, #27 isn't real.

Yeah.

I shall wait.

She's just the thing adults tell kids to make them feel better, okay.

Your mommy and I give you the process.

And we say that from town.

He's not coming to save us.

He doesn't exist.

So I made-up.

Hi.

Ohh what a way to find out

that there's no Santa here that's come back Easter.

Ruin the Easter Bunny for her too huh?

True story.

State your post, Trudy,

Brett.

Hanna.

This is Trudy.

Are you okay ohh.

Hi.

Hey, are you OK?

I'm good.

Ohh.

I was just wrapping something up.

I ran away and handed the attic.

OK if you're safe.

Well, just stay there and stay quiet, alright?

OK, I can set up booby traps.

Like, you know, I'm alone.

I don't know what that means, but yeah, do that quietly.

Are you really Santa?

Of course I am, sweetheart.

My daddy says there isn't any Santa.

He says parents just tell their kids that Santa is real to make them feel better.

He said he'd give us presents and say they're from Santa.

Yeah.

Yeah, a lot of parents here.

But I still bring presents to kids that need me.

Kids who really believe.

How do you know who really needs you?

Christmas magic.

I'm not really sure how it works.

But.

And remember.

When truly Lightstone wrote to me,

she must have been about six years old,

and she said that she felt lonely sometimes.

She missed having a best friend.

And so I brought her a beautiful little stuffed rabbit,

Mr Bunny, and then learn,

remember the next year and you said you had this amazing dream and that.

Afterwards, all you wanted to do was to fly for fly.

I mean.

Fairway have some magic but.

Make you a little girl for why?

Giving you a kite.

Floating just beneath the clouds.

Wow.

Somebody as good as they get.

Real Santa.

Don't be too hard on your parents, all right?

Grown-ups have a hard time believing things.

Can you use your Christmas magic to make them love each other again?

I wish I had that kind of power.

Misses clause and I've been going on year.

1100 and.

Grown up relationships are complicated.

It takes work.

Lot of work.

Do you still love her?

Yeah, I do.

Sometimes, even if you want to make somebody happy.

The magic just goes away.

Hey.

I've got an idea.

This will be fun.

Why don't you guys open your presents?

I want to see what you rich Asssholes can each other.

Ohh, some of you might not make it till tomorrow morning.

So this could be your only chance.

Come on, where's the Christmas spirit?

Ohh.

Contrada.

I got you something pretty special.

Did you hear that Gertrude?

He got you something amazing.

Ohh what could it be?

This is exciting, mom.

Can I call you mom?

Mrs lightstone.

Okay, so in the business, they call this

a pitch deck.

Pitch neck?

Yeah, it's called explosive force, starring me.

And if you look in the back, there are the financial numbers.

I'm kind of a big deal in Asia.

Parts of Asia at least.

We were in parts of Asia once and like.

We couldn't even go to a restaurant like.

Are better gift than gift of a golden portunity.

No.

Granny nursing.

I got you something really special.

It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born.

I remember.

I was there.

She got some coming shouldn't.

Ohh.

So how are you this again?

This is so fun, Mommy.

How about another one?

I got you a lot of good things.

I'll grab one.

Alba.

Alba, sit down.

You've already given me one, is it's Jason's turn.

I think I left it in the car.

I I saw you put one under the tree earlier.

No, it's in the yeah, I did.

I could have sworn, you know,

you don't, you don't, you don't.

You know this one, right?

Yeah, I got you, bro.

Come on.

Thank you.

It's my favourite whiskey.

You can skip the note.

Thank you, Jason.

What's the card say?

And then I'll just keep that between Jason and I.

No one really needs to know.

Jason.

Right.

Did you ever help Mommy and Daddy?

Yeah, of course that Mommy and Daddy it wasn't.

I wasn't always Santa Claus.

Had a life before this.

Long, long, long time ago.

He used to call me.

Nick command.

Nicknaming the bread.

You had a different job then.

Yeah, you could say that.

I was a warrior Raider thief.

Somebody got in my way.

Me and Skull Crusher would be skull crusher.

So crashers my.

My hair.

My favourite hair.

Surgeon with that thing.

They will take 3 heads and line them up.

Why?

What?

Why did you do those things?

Because I was mean.

That was greedy.

I wanna gold jewels.

I mean, if there was a naughty list back then,

I'd be top dog.

Well, maybe.

What

was bad things he used to do?

Maybe you can use them to do good things instead to help.

What you mean?

Mr Bunny.

He wasn't just a toy.

That night you gave me what I wished for.

Best friend.

Because you're good and kind.

And you mean more than just the presents you bring?

That's why I believe in you, Santa.

It's Maybelline.

Thank you.

You still haven't truly time come gay.

Stay safe.

All right.

You got satellite confirmation, extraction teams on the go.

He TA 30 minutes.

We'll schedule.

Everything's good.

Look alive, look alive.

Young on the plan, and I like my operations

like I like to fuck hard and fast with minimal cleanup.

Now some idiot gets in your way.

What do you do?

Yeah, right.

Let's go.

This one.

Ohh.

Everything makes me happy, holiday.

There.

Right, we're on our way home.

Side.