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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,087 --> 00:00:03,307 Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"... 2 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:04,395 What's your story? 3 00:00:04,482 --> 00:00:05,787 I let down and hurt 4 00:00:05,874 --> 00:00:07,659 anyone who's ever meant anything to me. 5 00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,617 You lied to me. You could have been brave. 6 00:00:09,704 --> 00:00:12,316 Instead, you chose deception. 7 00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:14,448 - Welcome to the Slushy Shack. - You're alive. 8 00:00:14,535 --> 00:00:16,972 I was your friend, and you made me your meal plan. 9 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,860 You try being a vampire and see how that goes. 10 00:00:18,887 --> 00:00:21,107 You did those things because you're an asshole. 11 00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,848 I want you to make me human again. 12 00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,782 Now, I'm the closest thing to a god as they come, 13 00:00:24,806 --> 00:00:27,070 but that request you're asking is way above my pay grade. 14 00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,636 I'm ready to go home, Maurice. 15 00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:30,203 We're probably both could end up dead. 16 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,249 I'll think of something. It's what I do. 17 00:00:38,385 --> 00:00:39,691 We're shorthanded again tomorrow. 18 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,929 Would you mind working a double? 19 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,389 I'm already doing a double. 20 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,801 Like, currently, during this very conversation, 21 00:00:43,825 --> 00:00:46,089 I'm on my second consecutive shift. 22 00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,481 Can you do another shift? 23 00:00:47,568 --> 00:00:49,483 I've got plans. 24 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:51,616 Um, vampire hunting isn't plans. 25 00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:53,008 It's not hunting. It's sleuthing. 26 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,794 Enjoy your slushy. 27 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,274 Make the new guy do it. 28 00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:58,840 There is no new guy. 29 00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:00,209 And trying to prove that monsters exist 30 00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:02,409 isn't sleuthing. It's delusional. 31 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,150 There's really no new guy? 32 00:01:04,237 --> 00:01:06,117 I could swear you did an interview this morning. 33 00:01:06,152 --> 00:01:07,980 Yeah, I did two. 34 00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,895 Should I hire the influencer who's available 35 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,723 for three hours every second Thursday, 36 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,333 or the 42-year-old who said, 37 00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:15,683 and I quote, "Maybe I could supervise." 38 00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,120 Ugh. 39 00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:23,038 They called Galileo delusional, and he was right. 40 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,128 Did you know Galileo was his first name? 41 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,455 In case you didn't, now you do. 42 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,261 Ash, please. 43 00:01:28,348 --> 00:01:30,350 I know that you've been working a ton lately, 44 00:01:30,437 --> 00:01:33,310 but Reginald's gone and Todd... 45 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,138 Yeah, I guess sleuthing can wait. 46 00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:39,403 How's my pinch? 47 00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:40,890 Still not as good as the last guy's. 48 00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,324 Do you ever miss him? 49 00:01:49,804 --> 00:01:51,589 Sometimes a person comes 50 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:55,506 into your life and just shines, you know? 51 00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:57,812 They're like the sun wrapping you up 52 00:01:57,899 --> 00:01:59,945 in the glow of a summer day, 53 00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:04,602 and all you want to do is stay there and feel the warmth. 54 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:08,388 But the sun doesn't shine for you, you know? 55 00:02:08,475 --> 00:02:11,304 It doesn't care about you in particular. 56 00:02:11,391 --> 00:02:13,872 And it sure as hell doesn't care if it burns, 57 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,222 so do I miss getting burned? 58 00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:18,355 No. 59 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,052 Yeah, I miss him, too. 60 00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:22,924 Hark, vampire citizens, 61 00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,840 I have news of great import and joy. 62 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,713 What did I tell you about being a pompous asshole? 63 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,542 It is with absolute pleasure that I introduce 64 00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:34,501 the new director of the Midwest region, 65 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,982 Evangeline Elwood. 66 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:41,726 What the hell? Eve? 67 00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:45,817 Angela, darling, it's so good to see you. 68 00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,601 I'm sure you have a million questions, 69 00:02:47,688 --> 00:02:50,474 but rest assured, I am here to serve. 70 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,607 You've been served. 71 00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:00,397 I'm being reassigned to the Yukon? 72 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:01,963 As my replacement. 73 00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:03,463 The Council wanted to feed on your heart, 74 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,966 but I convinced them that you're far 75 00:03:05,053 --> 00:03:06,707 too valuable an asset to eat. 76 00:03:06,794 --> 00:03:08,642 - Your beneficence... - Cut the shit, both of you. 77 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,276 Eve, what the hell is this? 78 00:03:10,363 --> 00:03:12,017 Angie, what did you think would happen 79 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,560 when you failed to punish the fat vampire 80 00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,499 for missing his original Assessment? 81 00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:16,978 Kill everyone he loves. 82 00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:18,415 That's standard protocol. 83 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,939 I am aware of standard protocol. 84 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,810 Which makes your decision to ignore it 85 00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:24,769 all the more damning. 86 00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,989 Sure, it's sweet, you did so at the behest of Maurice Miller. 87 00:03:28,076 --> 00:03:32,124 Personally, that man can beg me any old time. 88 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,735 How did you f... 89 00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:36,607 Oh. 90 00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,391 Vermin. 91 00:03:38,478 --> 00:03:41,002 Darling, really? 92 00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:42,917 Mercy? 93 00:03:43,004 --> 00:03:44,789 We don't do mercy. 94 00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:46,236 That's a fatal error best exhibited 95 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,140 by parents and priests. 96 00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:51,926 But in your case, that was the last straw. 97 00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:54,059 Goodbye, Midwest region. 98 00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:55,582 Hello, Yukon. 99 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,367 No hard feelings, right? 100 00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:59,760 None at all, Regional Director Elwood. 101 00:03:59,847 --> 00:04:01,849 Call me Eve. 102 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:05,873 You have until the end of the week to move your shit 103 00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,986 out of my house. 104 00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:09,683 I know I said atonement was, like, 105 00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:13,165 my jam now, but maybe we should wait 106 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,645 a little more time before... 107 00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:17,038 Reggie, no time like right this minute. 108 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,736 Your Assessment is back on the books. 109 00:04:18,823 --> 00:04:20,999 When you say "back on the books?" 110 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,566 Friday morning. 111 00:04:23,784 --> 00:04:26,265 Three and a half days until our certain doom. 112 00:04:26,352 --> 00:04:27,353 Nothing's certain. 113 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,965 Okay, ticking clock. 114 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,489 Whole new approach. 115 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:33,881 No more skipping rope, 116 00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:36,231 more like prepping for the SATs. 117 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:37,972 No one dies for failing the SATs. 118 00:04:38,059 --> 00:04:40,279 The thing about the SATs is there's a whole industry 119 00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:43,413 around studying for them... Practice tests, study guides, 120 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,086 that sort of thing. - Look, we went over this. 121 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,633 All that information is privileged. 122 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,505 For my Assessment, sure, 123 00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,681 but what about past Assessments? 124 00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,963 I know they're all different, but maybe there's something 125 00:04:52,987 --> 00:04:54,424 in there that can save our lives. 126 00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:56,991 I'll see what I can dig up. 127 00:04:58,384 --> 00:04:59,994 Now, you go do the right thing. 128 00:05:14,008 --> 00:05:16,010 That'll be $11.85. 129 00:05:16,097 --> 00:05:18,143 Perfect. 130 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,064 Hey! You're not dead! 131 00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,414 Hey! 132 00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:30,068 You're... you're not mad at me? 133 00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:34,028 I was mad. 134 00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:35,682 Then I thought you were dead. 135 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,380 Then I was scared. 136 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,267 And I can't believe you disappeared like that. 137 00:05:39,294 --> 00:05:41,079 Everyone was super worried. 138 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,515 Everyone? 139 00:05:49,870 --> 00:05:51,306 Hey. 140 00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:57,095 Uh, I... I like what you did with your hair. 141 00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,662 You're fired. 142 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:03,318 Wait, is... is Todd... 143 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,886 You don't know, do you? 144 00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:07,192 Of course you don't. 145 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,499 You've been gone. 146 00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:12,415 Todd tried to kill himself, 147 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:13,764 right here in the Slushy Shack. 148 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:18,508 He tried, as in he didn't succeed... 149 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:21,119 Which, I mean, obviously is still terrible, 150 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,643 but it would have been so much worse. 151 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:26,211 Todd's alive. 152 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,039 Todd's in the break room. 153 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,997 He comes in every day. 154 00:06:30,084 --> 00:06:33,044 He just sits there, all alone. 155 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,263 But he won't come out here. 156 00:06:35,350 --> 00:06:38,528 He can't because he's afraid. 157 00:06:40,573 --> 00:06:42,401 Any idea why? 158 00:06:45,491 --> 00:06:47,537 Give her time, big guy. 159 00:06:56,154 --> 00:07:00,419 Hey, there... buddy. 160 00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:01,899 Oh, shit. 161 00:07:03,204 --> 00:07:04,684 It's you. 162 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:05,990 It's you! 163 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,121 Stay away! - Todd... 164 00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:09,080 Stay away! 165 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,690 Oh, please, please, don't kill me. 166 00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:12,257 I... I'm begging you, man. 167 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,693 For all that is holy, just... 168 00:07:13,780 --> 00:07:16,043 Just don't take any more of my blood. 169 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,960 I tried to tell them what you are. 170 00:07:20,047 --> 00:07:21,788 They thought I was... 171 00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,792 All it got me was a 5150 psych hold, 172 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,011 which let me tell you, 173 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,752 is no one's idea of a good time. 174 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,512 - Did you tell Sarah? - No, I didn't tell Sarah. 175 00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:32,209 The medical community already thinks I'm crazy. 176 00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:34,113 I'd prefer to limit the damage to my reputation. 177 00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:36,499 So how do you know I'm a vampire? 178 00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:39,110 Dude, you drank my blood, 179 00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:42,548 like, almost all of it. 180 00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,202 And I didn't glamour you to forget. 181 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,919 Make me forget? Wh... why are you saying that 182 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,423 like that's just something you can do? 183 00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:49,773 It's something I can do, like a perk. 184 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:57,737 Are there any other perks? 185 00:07:57,824 --> 00:07:59,367 Okay, wh... when did this happen to you? 186 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,175 How could you even keep it a secret from... 187 00:08:02,437 --> 00:08:04,178 Hang on. 188 00:08:04,265 --> 00:08:06,833 Did you erase my memory before? 189 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,010 - No, no. - You erased my memory. 190 00:08:10,097 --> 00:08:12,622 That makes so much sense. 191 00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,580 You're here to do it again, aren't you? 192 00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,626 You're gonna wipe my mind like a chalkboard. 193 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,105 No, no. 194 00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:19,552 I'm not gonna erase anything, okay? 195 00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,152 I... I don't do that anymore. 196 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:25,896 Besides, Maurice was actually the one 197 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,941 who erased most of your memories when he... 198 00:08:28,028 --> 00:08:29,900 Whoa, whoa, hold up. 199 00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,076 Maurice is a vampire too? 200 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,563 You deserve to know the whole truth. 201 00:08:33,599 --> 00:08:35,732 That actually makes a lot of sense. 202 00:08:38,038 --> 00:08:40,171 Oh, my God. 203 00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:43,174 You're here to finish the job, huh? 204 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,045 Don't you have any other intake options, man? 205 00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:46,632 I mean, I'm sure my blood tastes awesome, but, like... 206 00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,702 Todd, I'm not here to finish anything. 207 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,010 I'm here to make amends. 208 00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,365 Whoa. What are you doing? 209 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,762 Drink my blood. 210 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,938 It'll heal you. 211 00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:10,201 This another perk? 212 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,594 Yeah. 213 00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:15,249 How do I know this isn't another trick 214 00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:17,556 to just get me close enough to rip my throat out again? 215 00:09:17,643 --> 00:09:20,167 If I wanted to, it would already be done. 216 00:09:20,254 --> 00:09:21,255 Fair point. 217 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:25,085 Creepy as hell, but I hear ya. 218 00:09:27,348 --> 00:09:29,089 Okay. 219 00:09:36,357 --> 00:09:38,751 I feel like this is a really weird dream. 220 00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,013 Welcome to my world. 221 00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:52,765 Whoo! 222 00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:55,159 Oh! 223 00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:59,511 Whoa! Reggie, that is crazy, dude. 224 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,904 I cannot believe that. 225 00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,993 Dude, you're like a wonder drug. 226 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,649 I have never felt so alive. 227 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,392 How do I look? - All better now. 228 00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:17,398 What? That is crazy. 229 00:10:17,485 --> 00:10:21,968 Look, I'm sorry for everything I did. 230 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:25,145 I'm sorry I didn't appreciate what you did for me. 231 00:10:25,232 --> 00:10:28,453 You were a friend when I needed one and I betrayed you. 232 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:30,847 I won't do that again. 233 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,029 So... 234 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:48,691 Welcome to the Slushy Shack. 235 00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:49,996 How may I help you? 236 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,438 What the hell are you doing here? 237 00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:58,613 We had a deal. 238 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,311 You spare Reginald's friends, 239 00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:03,140 and I bring him back for his Assessment. 240 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,576 What's with the suitcase? 241 00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:07,405 I'm familiar with our deal. 242 00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:08,928 Wait, you found him? 243 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,758 Good for you, Maurice. 244 00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:14,325 Now... off. 245 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,199 There's one more thing. 246 00:11:19,286 --> 00:11:21,288 You're still here. 247 00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:23,769 I need access to the archives. 248 00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,312 Reginald wants to read through histories 249 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,859 of the past Assessments. 250 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:29,253 Those old books aren't going 251 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:32,952 to help him pass or survive. 252 00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,321 Look, I told him it was a long shot, 253 00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,465 but he wants to look anyway. 254 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,043 It's not a long shot. 255 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,089 It's impossible. 256 00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:43,310 And if you were half as smart as you think you are, 257 00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,965 you'd be halfway around the world by now. 258 00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:51,666 Reginald is my progeny. 259 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:54,669 I'm gonna stand by him no matter what. 260 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,198 Believe it or not, you taught me that. 261 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:04,244 After what I did, you could have left me in Oakland... 262 00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:06,681 Should have, 263 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,205 but you didn't. 264 00:12:09,597 --> 00:12:12,209 All right, Maurice, 265 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:14,733 access to the archives. 266 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:18,868 But do not let Eve find out. 267 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:22,306 Eve? 268 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,482 What's with the suitcase 269 00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:27,615 is I got relocated to the... ing Yukon. 270 00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:32,403 And all because I let you talk me 271 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:35,014 into sparing everyone your boy loves. 272 00:12:35,101 --> 00:12:36,842 What you did was a good thing, 273 00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:38,278 the right thing. 274 00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:43,109 Turns out mercy is a fatal error. 275 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:49,333 You ever wonder if you're playing for the wrong team? 276 00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:52,858 Team? 277 00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:54,338 There are no teams. 278 00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:56,906 There are only enemies. 279 00:12:56,993 --> 00:13:00,083 My entire existence, I have been surrounded 280 00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,476 by people who wanted to take my power, 281 00:13:02,563 --> 00:13:05,088 people who wanted me dead. 282 00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:08,787 But you... you were different. 283 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:16,403 Until you wanted me dead just like everybody else. 284 00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,848 Hello, Penelope. 285 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,675 Something I can do for you? 286 00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:29,982 Thank goodness you're here. 287 00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:31,897 I was worried he'd do something stupid. 288 00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:33,875 I mean, of course, he's going to do something stupid, 289 00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:36,162 but if you talk to him, maybe he won't wind up 290 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,164 getting himself, or even worse, 291 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,514 getting me killed. 292 00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:41,689 What are you talking about? 293 00:13:41,776 --> 00:13:43,169 Who are you talking about? 294 00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:49,219 - Wick. - Maurice's friend. 295 00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:51,395 - Mike. - Whatever. 296 00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,092 Is that what I think it is? 297 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,792 Mind if I give you a little unsolicited advice? 298 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,231 Maybe you noticed, I'm down an arm. 299 00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,668 I'm missing that limb because a certain lady found out 300 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,583 that I'm dealing in what you came here for. 301 00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:08,542 I got off lucky. 302 00:14:08,629 --> 00:14:11,458 Are you feeling lucky, Mike? 303 00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:18,770 Lucky enough. 304 00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,998 - Angel's Blood. - Oddly enough, 305 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,845 I originally acquired that for another client 306 00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:33,480 with whom you are familiar. 307 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:36,222 Oddly enough, this blood is intended for the same target. 308 00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,577 We're officially boned. 309 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:46,929 Nothing? 310 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,626 A resounding amount of nothing. 311 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,671 I've read the minutes of every past Assessment, 312 00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:52,978 every single one of the vampire histories, 313 00:14:53,065 --> 00:14:55,372 which, by the way, read a lot more 314 00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:56,851 like erotica than history. 315 00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:58,549 - Accurate too. - I've even read 316 00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:01,769 all the vampire bylaws, thousands of them. 317 00:15:01,856 --> 00:15:06,165 So while in theory, I'm ready to take the bar, 318 00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:08,452 there isn't a single loophole that will help me pass it. 319 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:12,606 Reggie, did you talk to Sarah? 320 00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:15,827 I... um, sort of. 321 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:18,612 We said hi, and then she fired me. 322 00:15:18,699 --> 00:15:19,763 But what does that have to do with anything? 323 00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,354 Stop. 324 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:22,984 Look, I don't care about your personal life, 325 00:15:23,008 --> 00:15:24,855 but if you're telling me you read 14,000 pages... 326 00:15:24,879 --> 00:15:26,490 14,297. 327 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,144 And came up empty, 328 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,469 then it's not because there's nothing. 329 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,016 It's because you're distracted. 330 00:15:31,103 --> 00:15:32,017 What if she doesn't want to talk to me? 331 00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:34,237 Again, don't care. 332 00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,021 Go tie up your loose ends, 333 00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:37,936 and then get your head back in the game 334 00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:40,025 like our lives depend on it. 335 00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,899 Closing time, huh? 336 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:47,380 You need any help? Something I could do? 337 00:15:49,469 --> 00:15:51,906 So, um, I think I owe you an explanation. 338 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,821 No, Reginald, you really don't. 339 00:15:53,908 --> 00:15:55,625 No, I think I do, and if you could just stop 340 00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:58,130 and listen for 60 seconds, it's all I need. 341 00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,742 Okay, wow, I didn't think you'd actually stop. 342 00:16:01,829 --> 00:16:03,570 - You have 50 seconds. - Got it. 343 00:16:03,657 --> 00:16:05,355 I guess I have to do this now. 344 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,922 Direct and to the point, no buildups. 345 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,446 Uh, no softening the blow. 346 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:10,882 40 seconds. 347 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,320 I'm a vampire. 348 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,801 I wasn't always like that, but... 349 00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,542 A... a vampire, I mean. 350 00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:22,328 I got turned the night we were supposed to go 351 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,374 on our first date, 352 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:27,159 which you don't remember, right. 353 00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:29,422 That's something else I have to explain. 354 00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:33,731 Vampires have this power called glamouring. 355 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,950 Basically, we have the power 356 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:39,519 to influence people in major ways. 357 00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:41,869 The reason why you had all these memory gaps 358 00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:44,046 is because someone... not me, 359 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,223 glamoured you into forgetting how you feel. 360 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:50,269 Someone glamoured me 361 00:16:50,356 --> 00:16:53,055 into forgetting how I felt about you? 362 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,665 It's hard to believe, I know. 363 00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:57,407 No, no, it's not. 364 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,495 No. 365 00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,499 You know, actually, it makes a lot of sense, 366 00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:03,500 if you think about it. 367 00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:04,762 Let me think about that 368 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,285 for a minute. 369 00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:09,201 Yeah, thinking. Still thinking. 370 00:17:09,288 --> 00:17:12,030 Give... just a couple more seconds of thinking. 371 00:17:13,858 --> 00:17:16,991 How stupid do you think that I am, huh? 372 00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:20,343 Like, on a scale of one to ten, how stupid? 373 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,996 No, that's... that's not at all. 374 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,563 Are you sure? 375 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:26,914 Because you just told me that you were a vampire. 376 00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:29,613 It's the truth, I swear. 377 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,920 The truth is that you lied to me. 378 00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:35,793 And when you got caught, you left town. 379 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,492 So I guess that makes you a coward too, huh? 380 00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:43,279 Yeah, a coward and an asshole. 381 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:47,239 And now you're back, which is really confusing for me 382 00:17:47,326 --> 00:17:50,373 because it's all that I ever wanted, 383 00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:54,551 for you to come back and open up and be honest. 384 00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:58,685 And sure, it was always gonna be a big mess, 385 00:17:58,772 --> 00:18:00,774 but at least I'd know the truth. 386 00:18:00,861 --> 00:18:03,690 So I'm sorry, Reginald. 387 00:18:03,777 --> 00:18:07,346 You don't get to tell me some insane story 388 00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:10,567 and then swear that it's true. 389 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,352 I'm done with your lies. 390 00:18:13,439 --> 00:18:14,919 I'm done with your truth. 391 00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:18,401 I am just... done. 392 00:18:23,623 --> 00:18:25,016 Sa... 393 00:18:32,371 --> 00:18:34,156 As much as it flatters me, 394 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,287 are you sure you can risk 395 00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:36,854 bringing me home like this? 396 00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,465 It's not my home anymore. 397 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,901 There's a story behind that. 398 00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:43,295 Now, you're gonna tell me 399 00:18:43,382 --> 00:18:44,992 until you make me forget. 400 00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:46,429 Not this time. 401 00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:50,998 Listen to me. 402 00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,654 Remember. 403 00:18:54,741 --> 00:18:58,180 Remember everything I have ever told you. 404 00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:04,055 Oh. 405 00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:10,627 No. 406 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,672 Now you know. 407 00:19:22,247 --> 00:19:24,945 Reginald never showed up for his Assessment. 408 00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:27,948 And now he's back, 409 00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:29,689 not that it matters. 410 00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:33,737 The Council has transferred me to another time zone. 411 00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:35,391 Why? 412 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,696 It doesn't matter now. 413 00:19:36,783 --> 00:19:38,698 You're leaving town? 414 00:19:38,785 --> 00:19:40,744 Will I ever see you again? 415 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,746 Maybe glamour me a sudden desire 416 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:46,097 to travel or a work trip? 417 00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:48,882 I can leave the kids at home. 418 00:19:48,969 --> 00:19:50,449 I'll go wherever you want. 419 00:19:50,536 --> 00:19:52,364 No more glamouring for you. 420 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,020 This really is goodbye, isn't it? 421 00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,458 Thank you for giving me back my memories. 422 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,681 All of your stories. 423 00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:08,598 If it is any consolation, 424 00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:12,471 I have no intention of going gently into that good night. 425 00:20:12,558 --> 00:20:17,476 Think of it like me burning the place down on my way out. 426 00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,001 But what if you get caught in the flames? 427 00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,613 What... 428 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,963 Then I go out in a blaze of glory. 429 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:30,141 Oh, you... You really have changed. 430 00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:32,099 The Angela I met all those years ago 431 00:20:32,186 --> 00:20:34,624 wouldn't burn the place down. 432 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:37,496 She would make her enemies set themselves on fire. 433 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,031 I'm a vampire. 434 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,602 Listen to me. 435 00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:03,217 Vampires have this power called glamouring. 436 00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:07,676 Basically, we use it to influence people 437 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,702 in major ways. 438 00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,204 Show me your fangs. 439 00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:34,684 Hey, Sarah. 440 00:21:34,771 --> 00:21:36,642 You said that you were a vampire. 441 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,341 Vampires have fangs, and I want to see them. 442 00:21:39,428 --> 00:21:43,649 Look, about what I said... 443 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:47,174 maybe we should just forget about all of that, okay? 444 00:21:47,261 --> 00:21:49,438 I'm a clueless asshole, 445 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:53,964 and you can consign me to the dustbin of your history. 446 00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:57,315 Show me, Reginald. 447 00:22:01,928 --> 00:22:03,103 Oh. 448 00:22:09,806 --> 00:22:11,242 You were telling me the truth. 449 00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:13,766 Can I put my teeth away now? 450 00:22:17,509 --> 00:22:21,339 If you lied, this would be so much easier 451 00:22:21,426 --> 00:22:23,733 for me to wrap my head around 452 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:26,605 because you'd be a lying shitbag, 453 00:22:26,692 --> 00:22:29,695 but you're a truth-telling shitbag. 454 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:34,526 You're my truth-telling shitbag. 455 00:22:34,613 --> 00:22:37,486 But I'm not saying that I want to get back together. 456 00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:40,227 I'm not sure that I'm ever gonna be ready for that, 457 00:22:40,314 --> 00:22:44,275 but so much has happened. 458 00:22:45,711 --> 00:22:48,192 Look, can I just come in and... 459 00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:55,982 As much as I want you to... 460 00:22:56,069 --> 00:22:57,201 I don't think you should. 461 00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:02,511 I'm a vampire and you're human, 462 00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:06,166 so this is what's best. 463 00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:20,877 Oh, hell no. 464 00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:22,400 Hello, Reginald. 465 00:23:22,487 --> 00:23:23,923 You're here to kill me, aren't you? 466 00:23:24,010 --> 00:23:25,969 The Assessment's not until another 36 hours. 467 00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:27,599 I'm pretty sure this is a violation of governing bylaw, 468 00:23:27,623 --> 00:23:29,538 and believe me, I know every one. 469 00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:35,544 Open them. 470 00:23:40,070 --> 00:23:43,290 It's everything you need to know about your Assessment. 471 00:23:43,377 --> 00:23:45,379 Everything I could find, anyway. 472 00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:47,338 I figure you had a better chance of passing 473 00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:48,785 if you knew the shape of the thing. 474 00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:51,516 Holy motherload. 475 00:23:51,603 --> 00:23:53,736 You're welcome. 476 00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:55,999 Why? I mean, thank you, 477 00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:59,481 but how do I know this isn't a trap? 478 00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:01,874 You don't. 479 00:24:11,710 --> 00:24:13,407 Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. 480 00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:15,105 Or alternatively, vampire monsters 481 00:24:15,192 --> 00:24:16,541 who hate the ground I walk on. 482 00:24:17,803 --> 00:24:20,240 I spoke to Angela yesterday. 483 00:24:20,327 --> 00:24:22,155 She didn't say anything about this. 484 00:24:22,242 --> 00:24:24,767 But maybe this is a good thing. 485 00:24:24,854 --> 00:24:26,420 Oh, this is better than good. 486 00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:28,771 This is the Holy Grail. 487 00:24:28,858 --> 00:24:31,077 That's what bothers me. - Angela's got an angle. 488 00:24:31,164 --> 00:24:32,688 - Yeah. - Ugh. 489 00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:34,603 Yeah, Angela's always got an angle, 490 00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:36,474 but here we are. 491 00:24:36,561 --> 00:24:37,954 I... I'm confused. 492 00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,912 Are we trusting Angela now? 493 00:24:39,999 --> 00:24:42,219 No. No, no, no, hell no. 494 00:24:42,306 --> 00:24:43,655 Okay, but as it stands, 495 00:24:43,742 --> 00:24:45,222 this is the best shot we've got, 496 00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:47,485 so why don't you just dig in, see what's what, 497 00:24:47,572 --> 00:24:50,444 and I'll try and find out what Angie's up to. 498 00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:51,620 Watch me work. 499 00:25:00,498 --> 00:25:01,978 That's your plan, 500 00:25:02,065 --> 00:25:03,588 dose Angela's wine? 501 00:25:06,243 --> 00:25:08,114 Gotta say, there's poetry in it, 502 00:25:08,201 --> 00:25:10,005 considering she pulled that shit on me in this very room. 503 00:25:10,029 --> 00:25:12,336 If you care about saving Reginald's life, 504 00:25:12,423 --> 00:25:14,251 you won't try to stop me. 505 00:25:15,992 --> 00:25:18,342 Killing Angela won't stop the Assessment. 506 00:25:18,429 --> 00:25:20,257 You came here to kill her. 507 00:25:20,344 --> 00:25:21,954 I'm just finishing what you started. 508 00:25:22,041 --> 00:25:24,740 Funny thing, turns out revenge has a shelf life. 509 00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:26,393 When Angela takes a debt, 510 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,482 she makes sure it's never repaid. 511 00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:31,573 The evil that she's done that I've been a party to, 512 00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:33,357 I need to be free of that. 513 00:25:33,444 --> 00:25:35,098 I get it. I really do. 514 00:25:35,185 --> 00:25:37,840 But right now, I need Angela alive. 515 00:25:37,927 --> 00:25:39,972 Trust me, okay? 516 00:25:44,324 --> 00:25:45,587 Okay. 517 00:25:53,072 --> 00:25:55,118 What do you want, Todd? 518 00:26:01,254 --> 00:26:02,534 Did I ever tell you about my dad? 519 00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:04,518 I'm not sure why you would. 520 00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:07,826 He was a bull on steroids, 521 00:26:07,913 --> 00:26:08,914 minus the steroids. 522 00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,481 Which makes him a bull. 523 00:26:10,568 --> 00:26:12,439 The man could bench 450 in his sleep, 524 00:26:12,526 --> 00:26:14,528 run a marathon before breakfast. 525 00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:16,530 This one time, we were camping, 526 00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:19,577 and a bear wandered onto our campsite. 527 00:26:19,664 --> 00:26:24,713 My dad punched it right in the face... 528 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,628 An actual bear. 529 00:26:28,847 --> 00:26:31,241 Mm, I guess he was a bull on steroids. 530 00:26:31,328 --> 00:26:33,765 Course, that bear killed him. 531 00:26:36,550 --> 00:26:37,595 Damn. 532 00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:40,990 Yeah, it was... 533 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,080 It was awful. 534 00:26:46,865 --> 00:26:48,388 Worst thing I ever saw. 535 00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:52,218 I don't want to get killed by a bear. 536 00:26:54,568 --> 00:26:55,874 I want to live forever. 537 00:26:59,008 --> 00:27:00,966 I want you to make me a vampire. 538 00:27:04,143 --> 00:27:05,928 I knew it. 539 00:27:06,015 --> 00:27:07,819 Reginald's a vampire, and that means vampires exist, 540 00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:10,410 so that means I was right. 541 00:27:10,497 --> 00:27:12,282 This explains so much. 542 00:27:12,369 --> 00:27:14,327 It does? 543 00:27:14,414 --> 00:27:15,981 When Reginald texted us saying 544 00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:17,611 that he wanted to have a party at the Slushy, 545 00:27:17,635 --> 00:27:19,071 I thought, that's weird. 546 00:27:19,158 --> 00:27:20,438 - Right? - But now don't you see? 547 00:27:20,507 --> 00:27:22,858 It's his vampire coming out party. 548 00:27:22,945 --> 00:27:24,773 He didn't seem like he was in the party mood 549 00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:25,900 when I went to go see him. 550 00:27:25,948 --> 00:27:28,037 Was this before or after 551 00:27:28,124 --> 00:27:29,908 you stomped all over his heart? 552 00:27:29,995 --> 00:27:31,605 I didn't stomp. 553 00:27:31,693 --> 00:27:33,738 I was very gentle. 554 00:27:33,825 --> 00:27:36,045 You asked to see his fangs, he shows you his fangs. 555 00:27:36,132 --> 00:27:39,744 And then you said, "Thanks for nothing. 556 00:27:39,831 --> 00:27:42,921 Peace out forever, Nosferatu." 557 00:27:43,008 --> 00:27:45,532 I'm paraphrasing. 558 00:27:45,619 --> 00:27:49,319 But then he said, "It's better this way." 559 00:27:49,406 --> 00:27:50,886 Why would it be better? 560 00:27:50,973 --> 00:27:52,539 Because love is a fiction created 561 00:27:52,626 --> 00:27:56,065 by greeting card companies to sell greeting cards. 562 00:27:56,152 --> 00:27:58,197 He told me the truth. I got closure. 563 00:27:58,284 --> 00:27:59,938 We're done. 564 00:28:00,025 --> 00:28:02,158 Except, I can't shake the fact 565 00:28:02,245 --> 00:28:04,638 that he's holding something back again. 566 00:28:06,466 --> 00:28:09,469 Other than being a vampire, what's left to hold back? 567 00:28:11,254 --> 00:28:12,603 Hard to argue with that. 568 00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:15,606 Admit it, I would make a great vampire. 569 00:28:15,693 --> 00:28:17,608 - It's not gonna happen, Todd. - Why not? 570 00:28:17,695 --> 00:28:19,741 I am fit. I'm fine. 571 00:28:19,828 --> 00:28:22,918 I'd make an awesome addition to the undead community. 572 00:28:23,005 --> 00:28:24,965 I mean, my organizational skills alone could be... 573 00:28:25,050 --> 00:28:27,618 You'll be stuck in place forever. 574 00:28:27,705 --> 00:28:28,880 All right, ask Reggie. 575 00:28:33,232 --> 00:28:35,060 And now you're shirtless. 576 00:28:35,147 --> 00:28:36,690 Why in the hell wouldn't I want to be stuck like this? 577 00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:38,803 Because you're an idiot. 578 00:28:38,890 --> 00:28:41,023 Yeah, but I'm a happy idiot. 579 00:28:41,110 --> 00:28:43,329 Isn't that what counts? 580 00:28:43,416 --> 00:28:44,678 Come on. 581 00:28:46,115 --> 00:28:48,900 If you made me a vampire, 582 00:28:48,987 --> 00:28:50,989 then we could... 583 00:28:51,076 --> 00:28:52,774 We could what? 584 00:28:58,214 --> 00:29:01,608 This is the best version of me. 585 00:29:01,695 --> 00:29:05,221 It is all downhill from here. 586 00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:08,572 No matter what I do, I'm gonna get older. 587 00:29:08,659 --> 00:29:10,269 And I'll look in that mirror one day, 588 00:29:10,356 --> 00:29:12,236 and I'm gonna see a stranger looking back at me. 589 00:29:14,186 --> 00:29:15,884 But not today. 590 00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:19,104 Today, I'm perfect. 591 00:29:22,542 --> 00:29:24,893 I'm sorry, Todd. 592 00:29:24,980 --> 00:29:27,504 I can't help you. 593 00:29:39,081 --> 00:29:40,604 It's open. 594 00:29:44,826 --> 00:29:46,262 Sorry I'm late. 595 00:29:46,349 --> 00:29:47,829 I got delayed. 596 00:29:49,134 --> 00:29:50,657 You're stressed. 597 00:29:50,744 --> 00:29:51,809 Angela... ed us, didn't she? 598 00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:53,095 We got nothing? 599 00:29:53,182 --> 00:29:54,836 Oh, it's not nothing. 600 00:29:54,923 --> 00:29:56,185 It's everything. 601 00:29:56,272 --> 00:29:57,664 A detailed year-by-year breakdown 602 00:29:57,751 --> 00:29:59,188 of every Assessment test, 603 00:29:59,275 --> 00:30:01,494 including benchmarks I needed to pass, 604 00:30:01,581 --> 00:30:04,367 info on all the vampire guests. 605 00:30:04,454 --> 00:30:07,544 Take Logan the Crepuscular, 606 00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:09,502 Deacon of the Council of the Americas, 607 00:30:09,589 --> 00:30:12,854 whose hobbies include decapitation, disemboweling... 608 00:30:12,941 --> 00:30:15,073 And dancing. 609 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,249 Well, you should see him tango. 610 00:30:17,336 --> 00:30:19,382 Next, we have the sun chamber. 611 00:30:19,469 --> 00:30:20,749 What happens in the sun chamber? 612 00:30:20,774 --> 00:30:23,516 I'm glad you asked. 613 00:30:23,603 --> 00:30:25,233 As you can see by this detailed rendering, 614 00:30:25,257 --> 00:30:27,129 someone is chained to a post, 615 00:30:27,216 --> 00:30:30,001 and, oh, they're on fire. 616 00:30:30,088 --> 00:30:31,698 So basically, that's where I'll die. 617 00:30:31,785 --> 00:30:33,831 Oh, but not before Logan the Duplicitous adds in 618 00:30:33,918 --> 00:30:36,616 a little light knife torture because why not 619 00:30:36,703 --> 00:30:38,227 make a meal of my painful death? 620 00:30:38,314 --> 00:30:40,272 Hey. Look, take a breath. 621 00:30:40,359 --> 00:30:42,709 Focus on the test. 622 00:30:42,796 --> 00:30:44,036 You said there were benchmarks. 623 00:30:45,974 --> 00:30:48,846 Historically speaking, 624 00:30:48,933 --> 00:30:51,588 these are just tests designed for me to fail. 625 00:30:51,675 --> 00:30:54,286 Okay, then you need to think of a plan 626 00:30:54,373 --> 00:30:56,985 not to pass, to survive. 627 00:30:57,072 --> 00:30:59,335 I thought of several, but nothing that doesn't end 628 00:30:59,422 --> 00:31:01,467 in one or both of us dying. 629 00:31:01,554 --> 00:31:06,864 It's like a puzzle that's missing one huge piece. 630 00:31:06,951 --> 00:31:07,951 And without it, I'm... 631 00:31:11,216 --> 00:31:14,263 That's my reminder to go set up for my party. 632 00:31:14,350 --> 00:31:17,222 I should probably call everyone and cancel. 633 00:31:17,309 --> 00:31:18,441 Hey. 634 00:31:21,009 --> 00:31:24,751 Look, Reggie, if tonight is your last night on Earth... 635 00:31:24,838 --> 00:31:28,407 If... 636 00:31:28,494 --> 00:31:30,574 then you should probably say goodbye to your friends. 637 00:31:41,943 --> 00:31:43,422 Pizza and cookies? 638 00:31:43,509 --> 00:31:45,424 These are a few of my favorite foods. 639 00:31:47,731 --> 00:31:50,038 Nice. 640 00:32:10,754 --> 00:32:11,798 You like pizza? 641 00:32:15,019 --> 00:32:16,978 We've got a metric ton of it. 642 00:32:22,026 --> 00:32:23,462 She'll be here. 643 00:32:23,549 --> 00:32:25,508 - You don't know that. - Sure I do. 644 00:32:25,595 --> 00:32:27,007 She said she had to stop off and get something 645 00:32:27,031 --> 00:32:28,424 from home first. 646 00:32:33,472 --> 00:32:34,560 Told you. 647 00:32:35,735 --> 00:32:36,736 You came. 648 00:32:36,823 --> 00:32:37,999 Hey, I love a party. 649 00:32:40,479 --> 00:32:43,091 - What's in the bag? - Something 650 00:32:43,178 --> 00:32:47,182 I've been saving for a special occasion. 651 00:33:11,075 --> 00:33:12,598 I'm really gonna miss this. 652 00:33:21,694 --> 00:33:23,305 Claire, we need to talk. 653 00:33:23,392 --> 00:33:24,847 That's what my mom says when I'm in trouble. 654 00:33:24,871 --> 00:33:26,351 You're not in trouble. 655 00:33:26,438 --> 00:33:27,676 Not any more than usual, anyway. 656 00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:28,919 Very funny. 657 00:33:30,877 --> 00:33:34,403 It looks like I'm gonna be gone for a while, okay? 658 00:33:34,490 --> 00:33:36,709 But I want you to know 659 00:33:36,796 --> 00:33:40,322 that whatever happens, you won't be alone. 660 00:33:40,409 --> 00:33:41,975 That's ominous. Why is that so ominous? 661 00:33:42,063 --> 00:33:43,543 You'd think my middle name is ominous, 662 00:33:43,629 --> 00:33:45,370 but my middle name is Cynthia. 663 00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:48,025 - Nikki. - Sorry I'm late. 664 00:33:48,112 --> 00:33:50,264 Nikki's gonna be here to protect you when you need her. 665 00:33:50,288 --> 00:33:52,073 She's like a fairy godmother with a chainsaw. 666 00:34:00,777 --> 00:34:03,171 Oh, look, 667 00:34:03,258 --> 00:34:06,565 she's still here in all her former glory. 668 00:34:06,652 --> 00:34:08,393 What is it, bottom feeders? 669 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,700 Is that tone really necessary? 670 00:34:10,787 --> 00:34:12,571 We're here on official business. 671 00:34:12,658 --> 00:34:15,183 Logan the Impermeable has requested your attendance 672 00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:16,532 at tomorrow's Assessment. 673 00:34:16,619 --> 00:34:18,534 He has? 674 00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:20,013 As a lowly page. 675 00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:21,406 What? 676 00:34:23,147 --> 00:34:27,412 I am not some lackey to be given menial tasks. 677 00:34:27,499 --> 00:34:28,805 That's your job. 678 00:34:28,892 --> 00:34:31,286 Ah, but you are. 679 00:34:31,373 --> 00:34:34,593 And here's the paperwork to prove it. 680 00:34:46,301 --> 00:34:48,955 Reginald, what is this? 681 00:34:49,042 --> 00:34:51,175 Uh, double pepperoni. 682 00:34:51,262 --> 00:34:53,960 This party. Why are we all here? 683 00:34:54,047 --> 00:34:56,267 Oh. Can't a guy just 684 00:34:56,354 --> 00:35:00,271 see his favorite people in one place at the same time? 685 00:35:00,358 --> 00:35:02,230 There's something that you're not telling me. 686 00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,234 Tell me, Reginald. 687 00:35:06,321 --> 00:35:11,195 Look, I don't want to lie to you, 688 00:35:11,282 --> 00:35:12,979 so... 689 00:35:32,129 --> 00:35:33,870 I haven't seen you in a while. 690 00:35:33,957 --> 00:35:35,654 I took a vacation, 691 00:35:35,741 --> 00:35:36,960 cracked a few skulls. 692 00:35:37,047 --> 00:35:39,571 You know, me time. 693 00:35:39,658 --> 00:35:41,070 But of course, when Reginald invited me, 694 00:35:41,094 --> 00:35:42,444 I knew I had to come back, 695 00:35:42,531 --> 00:35:44,402 but not for Reginald, for Claire. 696 00:35:44,489 --> 00:35:45,969 And not just for Claire, 697 00:35:46,056 --> 00:35:47,971 though more for Claire than for Reginald. 698 00:35:48,058 --> 00:35:49,253 Though not just for Claire, either. 699 00:35:49,277 --> 00:35:50,278 Is this a riddle? 700 00:35:56,632 --> 00:35:58,851 A negative, my favorite. 701 00:36:01,724 --> 00:36:03,726 Did you just smell my blood type? 702 00:36:08,992 --> 00:36:11,168 You're a vampire. 703 00:36:11,255 --> 00:36:13,388 That doesn't scare you? 704 00:36:13,475 --> 00:36:15,172 Everything about you scares me. 705 00:36:17,392 --> 00:36:19,220 Welcome to my world. 706 00:36:19,307 --> 00:36:20,627 I think you're gonna love it here. 707 00:36:25,530 --> 00:36:27,619 Could I get everyone's attention, please? 708 00:36:35,714 --> 00:36:38,630 For the last few months, I have been a bad friend 709 00:36:38,717 --> 00:36:40,937 and boyfriend 710 00:36:41,024 --> 00:36:42,765 and employee, 711 00:36:42,852 --> 00:36:44,245 surrogate big brother, 712 00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:47,030 and last but not least, vampire. 713 00:36:47,117 --> 00:36:49,317 I, uh, didn't think anyone would want to see me anymore. 714 00:36:51,556 --> 00:36:54,080 But, uh, here you are. 715 00:36:55,821 --> 00:36:57,780 That's why I'm just very, uh, thankful 716 00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:59,608 that you all are my friends. 717 00:37:01,392 --> 00:37:04,961 And whatever tomorrow brings, 718 00:37:05,048 --> 00:37:06,354 I'm glad we have tonight. 719 00:37:10,314 --> 00:37:12,664 Uh, I'm sorry, sir, we're closed for a private... 720 00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:16,189 Holy shit, it's him. 721 00:37:17,887 --> 00:37:20,193 What are you... 722 00:37:20,281 --> 00:37:21,891 Do not make eye contact. 723 00:37:24,154 --> 00:37:26,199 Uh, what is happening here? 724 00:37:26,287 --> 00:37:27,679 It's him. 725 00:37:27,766 --> 00:37:29,464 I... it's... it's Logan the Reanimator, 726 00:37:29,551 --> 00:37:32,162 the... the Deacon of the Vampire Councils of America. 727 00:37:32,249 --> 00:37:33,511 His reputation precedes him. 728 00:37:36,209 --> 00:37:37,385 You must be Roger. 729 00:37:37,472 --> 00:37:39,778 It's Reginald, actually. 730 00:37:39,865 --> 00:37:41,389 If you say so. 731 00:37:42,868 --> 00:37:45,436 I thought you'd be fatter. 732 00:37:47,612 --> 00:37:49,353 Thanks. 733 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,660 Sarah, maybe you should join the others. 734 00:37:51,747 --> 00:37:53,749 I kneel for no one. 735 00:37:53,836 --> 00:37:54,943 - And why is that? - Whoa, whoa. 736 00:37:54,967 --> 00:37:56,273 You're not here for her. 737 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,841 How delightful. 738 00:37:58,928 --> 00:38:00,886 I was hoping for a demonstration. 739 00:38:00,973 --> 00:38:02,497 What? 740 00:38:02,584 --> 00:38:04,542 You glamour other vampires, don't you? 741 00:38:04,629 --> 00:38:06,718 Care to have a go? 742 00:38:06,805 --> 00:38:09,025 Don't look at him. 743 00:38:09,112 --> 00:38:11,506 This is a conversation between you and me. 744 00:38:11,593 --> 00:38:13,508 I don't glamour people anymore. 745 00:38:13,595 --> 00:38:16,772 Luckily, I haven't been a person for a very long time. 746 00:38:20,123 --> 00:38:23,779 Listen to me, you're gonna leave me and my friends alone. 747 00:38:23,866 --> 00:38:26,259 As you command. 748 00:38:26,347 --> 00:38:28,063 You're gonna go back to wherever you came from 749 00:38:28,087 --> 00:38:30,742 and never come to Akron again. 750 00:38:30,829 --> 00:38:32,570 As you command. 751 00:38:32,657 --> 00:38:34,093 Is that all? 752 00:38:36,008 --> 00:38:38,097 No, it... it's not. 753 00:38:38,184 --> 00:38:39,771 You're gonna decide that I don't have to take 754 00:38:39,795 --> 00:38:41,362 the Assessment and that henceforth, 755 00:38:41,449 --> 00:38:43,451 I am considered a fully-fledged... 756 00:38:43,538 --> 00:38:45,627 A fully-fledged what? 757 00:38:52,547 --> 00:38:56,028 Please, I'm far too old for your parlor trick. 758 00:38:56,115 --> 00:38:58,683 As for the Assessment, 759 00:38:58,770 --> 00:39:00,685 it will go precisely as planned. 760 00:39:00,772 --> 00:39:02,470 You will take the tests. 761 00:39:02,557 --> 00:39:03,906 You will fail. 762 00:39:03,993 --> 00:39:06,517 You and your sire will be executed. 763 00:39:06,604 --> 00:39:09,085 And when it's all over, 764 00:39:09,172 --> 00:39:10,391 I'll forget your name. 765 00:39:17,833 --> 00:39:19,965 What the hell was that all about? 766 00:39:24,100 --> 00:39:26,711 - What an asshole. - Yeah, he's... 767 00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:28,234 What's that guy's deal? 768 00:39:28,321 --> 00:39:30,106 That's Logan the, uh... 769 00:39:30,193 --> 00:39:32,064 - Yeah. - Duplicitous... 770 00:39:32,151 --> 00:39:34,937 - Poor Reginald. - Dipshit, Devious... 771 00:39:38,549 --> 00:39:40,421 Well, no, the Deacon of all the vampires... 772 00:39:42,684 --> 00:39:45,034 Hey. 773 00:39:45,121 --> 00:39:47,123 Is Reginald okay? 774 00:39:49,908 --> 00:39:51,432 You're gonna die. 775 00:39:51,519 --> 00:39:53,434 That's what this party is about, isn't it? 776 00:39:53,521 --> 00:39:56,393 Some sort of, like, living wake. 777 00:39:58,482 --> 00:40:00,919 I mean, I just got used to you being a vampire. 778 00:40:01,006 --> 00:40:03,139 I'm not sure that I'm ready for you to die. 779 00:40:03,226 --> 00:40:05,184 Everything's okay, I promise you. 780 00:40:05,271 --> 00:40:07,752 I got them right where I want them, right? 781 00:40:07,839 --> 00:40:11,887 The last ace up my kind of shortish sleeve. 782 00:40:11,974 --> 00:40:13,192 You're lying. 783 00:40:13,279 --> 00:40:15,064 I'm not. 784 00:40:15,151 --> 00:40:16,761 Don't tell me you're not, Reginald. 785 00:40:16,848 --> 00:40:19,677 Despite everything, 786 00:40:19,764 --> 00:40:21,462 I still know you. 787 00:40:22,724 --> 00:40:24,334 I'm so scared. 788 00:40:27,772 --> 00:40:30,079 In less than 24 hours, 789 00:40:30,166 --> 00:40:34,257 no matter how hard I try or plan, 790 00:40:34,344 --> 00:40:36,215 no matter how much I want to live 791 00:40:36,302 --> 00:40:39,392 or... or how much I have to live for, 792 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,831 there's a distinct possibility that I'm gonna be gone, 793 00:40:42,918 --> 00:40:44,963 absent from all of this. 794 00:40:46,225 --> 00:40:50,708 I want to be brave, but I don't think I can be. 795 00:40:50,795 --> 00:40:53,102 How can I help? 796 00:40:53,189 --> 00:40:55,365 You can't. 797 00:40:55,452 --> 00:41:01,066 The vampire world is run by a group of exclusive assholes. 798 00:41:01,153 --> 00:41:03,591 Someone like me never had a chance. 799 00:41:03,678 --> 00:41:06,681 So it's just like the real world then? 800 00:41:06,768 --> 00:41:08,683 I can work with that. - You can't. 801 00:41:08,770 --> 00:41:10,162 The game is rigged. 802 00:41:10,249 --> 00:41:11,990 Then don't play their game. 803 00:41:13,688 --> 00:41:16,386 Reg, you got to make me a vampire. 804 00:41:16,473 --> 00:41:17,711 And I will not take no for an answer. 805 00:41:17,735 --> 00:41:19,128 - No. - Oh, come on. 806 00:41:19,215 --> 00:41:20,912 I'd be perfect at it. 807 00:41:20,999 --> 00:41:23,001 I'll blend right in. I could be your secret weapon. 808 00:41:23,088 --> 00:41:24,916 - For what? - You know, for whatever 809 00:41:25,003 --> 00:41:27,199 Thunderdome Assessment shit that suit was talking about. 810 00:41:27,223 --> 00:41:28,877 I'll dress up as a janitor. 811 00:41:28,964 --> 00:41:30,618 No one will suspect me. 812 00:41:30,705 --> 00:41:33,055 So when you're all like, "Oh, no, tests are so hard," 813 00:41:33,142 --> 00:41:34,622 that's when I'll surprise everyone. 814 00:41:34,709 --> 00:41:37,625 It is I, Todd the Vampire, to the rescue. 815 00:41:39,191 --> 00:41:40,671 And everyone will come at me, right? 816 00:41:40,758 --> 00:41:42,519 But that's okay, because I got my janitor broom, 817 00:41:42,543 --> 00:41:44,414 and I'll break it right across my quad. 818 00:41:44,501 --> 00:41:46,372 Oh, look who's got a stake now. 819 00:41:46,459 --> 00:41:47,678 And that's when I'll say, 820 00:41:47,765 --> 00:41:49,941 "It's time to take out the trash." 821 00:41:52,988 --> 00:41:54,946 'Cause I'm the janitor? - Oh, got it. 822 00:41:55,033 --> 00:41:57,819 So then me and Mr. Pointy will go all, like, kah-dusto. 823 00:41:57,906 --> 00:42:01,997 Whoo! 824 00:42:02,084 --> 00:42:05,261 Yah! Hoo! Yeah, baby! 825 00:42:05,348 --> 00:42:07,916 All the vampires will be dead, and Maurice will be safe. 826 00:42:08,003 --> 00:42:09,047 Don't you mean Reginald? 827 00:42:09,134 --> 00:42:11,789 Yeah, sure, Reginald too. 828 00:42:11,876 --> 00:42:14,052 Todd the Vampire to the rescue. 829 00:42:14,139 --> 00:42:16,533 Everybody needs a catchphrase. 830 00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:20,363 You know, I think you're onto something, Todd. 831 00:42:20,450 --> 00:42:21,843 Wait, what? 832 00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:23,105 I'll grant your wish. 833 00:42:24,976 --> 00:42:26,543 I'll turn you into a vampire. 834 00:42:26,630 --> 00:42:28,501 - You will? - Yes. 835 00:42:28,589 --> 00:42:29,590 Him? 836 00:42:30,765 --> 00:42:31,766 Hey! 837 00:42:31,853 --> 00:42:33,550 Hey. Where are you going? 838 00:42:33,637 --> 00:42:35,237 I got a date with the final puzzle piece. 839 00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:37,685 You found the missing piece? 840 00:42:37,772 --> 00:42:39,904 Where? Hey, wh... what is it, Reggie? 841 00:42:39,991 --> 00:42:42,515 Don't worry, I got this. 58773

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