Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,087 --> 00:00:03,307
Previously on "Reginald
the Vampire"...
2
00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:04,395
What's your story?
3
00:00:04,482 --> 00:00:05,787
I let down and hurt
4
00:00:05,874 --> 00:00:07,659
anyone who's ever
meant anything to me.
5
00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,617
You lied to me. You
could have been brave.
6
00:00:09,704 --> 00:00:12,316
Instead, you chose deception.
7
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:14,448
- Welcome to the Slushy Shack.
- You're alive.
8
00:00:14,535 --> 00:00:16,972
I was your friend, and you
made me your meal plan.
9
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,860
You try being a vampire
and see how that goes.
10
00:00:18,887 --> 00:00:21,107
You did those things
because you're an asshole.
11
00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,848
I want you to make
me human again.
12
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,782
Now, I'm the closest thing
to a god as they come,
13
00:00:24,806 --> 00:00:27,070
but that request you're asking
is way above my pay grade.
14
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,636
I'm ready to go home, Maurice.
15
00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:30,203
We're probably both
could end up dead.
16
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,249
I'll think of something.
It's what I do.
17
00:00:38,385 --> 00:00:39,691
We're shorthanded
again tomorrow.
18
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,929
Would you mind working a double?
19
00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,389
I'm already doing a double.
20
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,801
Like, currently, during
this very conversation,
21
00:00:43,825 --> 00:00:46,089
I'm on my second
consecutive shift.
22
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,481
Can you do another shift?
23
00:00:47,568 --> 00:00:49,483
I've got plans.
24
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:51,616
Um, vampire hunting isn't plans.
25
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:53,008
It's not hunting.
It's sleuthing.
26
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,794
Enjoy your slushy.
27
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,274
Make the new guy do it.
28
00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:58,840
There is no new guy.
29
00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:00,209
And trying to prove
that monsters exist
30
00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:02,409
isn't sleuthing.
It's delusional.
31
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,150
There's really no new guy?
32
00:01:04,237 --> 00:01:06,117
I could swear you did an
interview this morning.
33
00:01:06,152 --> 00:01:07,980
Yeah, I did two.
34
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,895
Should I hire the
influencer who's available
35
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,723
for three hours every
second Thursday,
36
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,333
or the 42-year-old who said,
37
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:15,683
and I quote, "Maybe
I could supervise."
38
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,120
Ugh.
39
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:23,038
They called Galileo
delusional, and he was right.
40
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,128
Did you know Galileo
was his first name?
41
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,455
In case you didn't, now you do.
42
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,261
Ash, please.
43
00:01:28,348 --> 00:01:30,350
I know that you've been
working a ton lately,
44
00:01:30,437 --> 00:01:33,310
but Reginald's gone and Todd...
45
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,138
Yeah, I guess
sleuthing can wait.
46
00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:39,403
How's my pinch?
47
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:40,890
Still not as good
as the last guy's.
48
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,324
Do you ever miss him?
49
00:01:49,804 --> 00:01:51,589
Sometimes a person comes
50
00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:55,506
into your life and
just shines, you know?
51
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:57,812
They're like the
sun wrapping you up
52
00:01:57,899 --> 00:01:59,945
in the glow of a summer day,
53
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:04,602
and all you want to do is stay
there and feel the warmth.
54
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:08,388
But the sun doesn't
shine for you, you know?
55
00:02:08,475 --> 00:02:11,304
It doesn't care about
you in particular.
56
00:02:11,391 --> 00:02:13,872
And it sure as hell
doesn't care if it burns,
57
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,222
so do I miss getting burned?
58
00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:18,355
No.
59
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,052
Yeah, I miss him, too.
60
00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:22,924
Hark, vampire citizens,
61
00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,840
I have news of great
import and joy.
62
00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,713
What did I tell you about
being a pompous asshole?
63
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,542
It is with absolute
pleasure that I introduce
64
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:34,501
the new director of
the Midwest region,
65
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,982
Evangeline Elwood.
66
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:41,726
What the hell? Eve?
67
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:45,817
Angela, darling, it's
so good to see you.
68
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,601
I'm sure you have a
million questions,
69
00:02:47,688 --> 00:02:50,474
but rest assured,
I am here to serve.
70
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,607
You've been served.
71
00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:00,397
I'm being reassigned
to the Yukon?
72
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:01,963
As my replacement.
73
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:03,463
The Council wanted to
feed on your heart,
74
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,966
but I convinced
them that you're far
75
00:03:05,053 --> 00:03:06,707
too valuable an asset to eat.
76
00:03:06,794 --> 00:03:08,642
- Your beneficence...
- Cut the shit, both of you.
77
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,276
Eve, what the hell is this?
78
00:03:10,363 --> 00:03:12,017
Angie, what did you
think would happen
79
00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,560
when you failed to
punish the fat vampire
80
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,499
for missing his
original Assessment?
81
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:16,978
Kill everyone he loves.
82
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:18,415
That's standard protocol.
83
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,939
I am aware of standard protocol.
84
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,810
Which makes your
decision to ignore it
85
00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:24,769
all the more damning.
86
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,989
Sure, it's sweet, you did so at
the behest of Maurice Miller.
87
00:03:28,076 --> 00:03:32,124
Personally, that man
can beg me any old time.
88
00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,735
How did you f...
89
00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:36,607
Oh.
90
00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,391
Vermin.
91
00:03:38,478 --> 00:03:41,002
Darling, really?
92
00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:42,917
Mercy?
93
00:03:43,004 --> 00:03:44,789
We don't do mercy.
94
00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:46,236
That's a fatal
error best exhibited
95
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,140
by parents and priests.
96
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:51,926
But in your case, that
was the last straw.
97
00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:54,059
Goodbye, Midwest region.
98
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:55,582
Hello, Yukon.
99
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,367
No hard feelings, right?
100
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:59,760
None at all, Regional
Director Elwood.
101
00:03:59,847 --> 00:04:01,849
Call me Eve.
102
00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:05,873
You have until the end of
the week to move your shit
103
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,986
out of my house.
104
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:09,683
I know I said
atonement was, like,
105
00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:13,165
my jam now, but
maybe we should wait
106
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,645
a little more time before...
107
00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:17,038
Reggie, no time like
right this minute.
108
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,736
Your Assessment is
back on the books.
109
00:04:18,823 --> 00:04:20,999
When you say "back
on the books?"
110
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,566
Friday morning.
111
00:04:23,784 --> 00:04:26,265
Three and a half days
until our certain doom.
112
00:04:26,352 --> 00:04:27,353
Nothing's certain.
113
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,965
Okay, ticking clock.
114
00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,489
Whole new approach.
115
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:33,881
No more skipping rope,
116
00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:36,231
more like prepping for the SATs.
117
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:37,972
No one dies for
failing the SATs.
118
00:04:38,059 --> 00:04:40,279
The thing about the SATs
is there's a whole industry
119
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:43,413
around studying for them...
Practice tests, study guides,
120
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,086
that sort of thing.
- Look, we went over this.
121
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,633
All that information
is privileged.
122
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,505
For my Assessment, sure,
123
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,681
but what about past Assessments?
124
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,963
I know they're all different,
but maybe there's something
125
00:04:52,987 --> 00:04:54,424
in there that can
save our lives.
126
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:56,991
I'll see what I can dig up.
127
00:04:58,384 --> 00:04:59,994
Now, you go do the right thing.
128
00:05:14,008 --> 00:05:16,010
That'll be $11.85.
129
00:05:16,097 --> 00:05:18,143
Perfect.
130
00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,064
Hey! You're not dead!
131
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,414
Hey!
132
00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:30,068
You're... you're not mad at me?
133
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:34,028
I was mad.
134
00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:35,682
Then I thought you were dead.
135
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,380
Then I was scared.
136
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,267
And I can't believe you
disappeared like that.
137
00:05:39,294 --> 00:05:41,079
Everyone was super worried.
138
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,515
Everyone?
139
00:05:49,870 --> 00:05:51,306
Hey.
140
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:57,095
Uh, I... I like what
you did with your hair.
141
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,662
You're fired.
142
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:03,318
Wait, is... is Todd...
143
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,886
You don't know, do you?
144
00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:07,192
Of course you don't.
145
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,499
You've been gone.
146
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:12,415
Todd tried to kill himself,
147
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:13,764
right here in the Slushy Shack.
148
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:18,508
He tried, as in he
didn't succeed...
149
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:21,119
Which, I mean, obviously
is still terrible,
150
00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,643
but it would have
been so much worse.
151
00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:26,211
Todd's alive.
152
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,039
Todd's in the break room.
153
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,997
He comes in every day.
154
00:06:30,084 --> 00:06:33,044
He just sits there, all alone.
155
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,263
But he won't come out here.
156
00:06:35,350 --> 00:06:38,528
He can't because he's afraid.
157
00:06:40,573 --> 00:06:42,401
Any idea why?
158
00:06:45,491 --> 00:06:47,537
Give her time, big guy.
159
00:06:56,154 --> 00:07:00,419
Hey, there... buddy.
160
00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:01,899
Oh, shit.
161
00:07:03,204 --> 00:07:04,684
It's you.
162
00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:05,990
It's you!
163
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,121
Stay away!
- Todd...
164
00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:09,080
Stay away!
165
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,690
Oh, please, please,
don't kill me.
166
00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:12,257
I... I'm begging you, man.
167
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,693
For all that is holy, just...
168
00:07:13,780 --> 00:07:16,043
Just don't take any
more of my blood.
169
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,960
I tried to tell
them what you are.
170
00:07:20,047 --> 00:07:21,788
They thought I was...
171
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,792
All it got me was
a 5150 psych hold,
172
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,011
which let me tell you,
173
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,752
is no one's idea of a good time.
174
00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,512
- Did you tell Sarah?
- No, I didn't tell Sarah.
175
00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:32,209
The medical community
already thinks I'm crazy.
176
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:34,113
I'd prefer to limit the
damage to my reputation.
177
00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:36,499
So how do you know
I'm a vampire?
178
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:39,110
Dude, you drank my blood,
179
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:42,548
like, almost all of it.
180
00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,202
And I didn't glamour
you to forget.
181
00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,919
Make me forget? Wh...
why are you saying that
182
00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,423
like that's just
something you can do?
183
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:49,773
It's something I
can do, like a perk.
184
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:57,737
Are there any other perks?
185
00:07:57,824 --> 00:07:59,367
Okay, wh... when did
this happen to you?
186
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,175
How could you even keep
it a secret from...
187
00:08:02,437 --> 00:08:04,178
Hang on.
188
00:08:04,265 --> 00:08:06,833
Did you erase my memory before?
189
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,010
- No, no.
- You erased my memory.
190
00:08:10,097 --> 00:08:12,622
That makes so much sense.
191
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,580
You're here to do it
again, aren't you?
192
00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,626
You're gonna wipe my
mind like a chalkboard.
193
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,105
No, no.
194
00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:19,552
I'm not gonna erase
anything, okay?
195
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,152
I... I don't do that anymore.
196
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:25,896
Besides, Maurice
was actually the one
197
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,941
who erased most of your
memories when he...
198
00:08:28,028 --> 00:08:29,900
Whoa, whoa, hold up.
199
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,076
Maurice is a vampire too?
200
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,563
You deserve to know
the whole truth.
201
00:08:33,599 --> 00:08:35,732
That actually makes
a lot of sense.
202
00:08:38,038 --> 00:08:40,171
Oh, my God.
203
00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:43,174
You're here to
finish the job, huh?
204
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,045
Don't you have any other
intake options, man?
205
00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:46,632
I mean, I'm sure my blood
tastes awesome, but, like...
206
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,702
Todd, I'm not here
to finish anything.
207
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,010
I'm here to make amends.
208
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,365
Whoa. What are you doing?
209
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,762
Drink my blood.
210
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,938
It'll heal you.
211
00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:10,201
This another perk?
212
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,594
Yeah.
213
00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:15,249
How do I know this
isn't another trick
214
00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:17,556
to just get me close enough
to rip my throat out again?
215
00:09:17,643 --> 00:09:20,167
If I wanted to, it
would already be done.
216
00:09:20,254 --> 00:09:21,255
Fair point.
217
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:25,085
Creepy as hell, but I hear ya.
218
00:09:27,348 --> 00:09:29,089
Okay.
219
00:09:36,357 --> 00:09:38,751
I feel like this is
a really weird dream.
220
00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,013
Welcome to my world.
221
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:52,765
Whoo!
222
00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:55,159
Oh!
223
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:59,511
Whoa! Reggie, that
is crazy, dude.
224
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,904
I cannot believe that.
225
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,993
Dude, you're like a wonder drug.
226
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,649
I have never felt so alive.
227
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,392
How do I look?
- All better now.
228
00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:17,398
What? That is crazy.
229
00:10:17,485 --> 00:10:21,968
Look, I'm sorry for
everything I did.
230
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:25,145
I'm sorry I didn't appreciate
what you did for me.
231
00:10:25,232 --> 00:10:28,453
You were a friend when I
needed one and I betrayed you.
232
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:30,847
I won't do that again.
233
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,029
So...
234
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:48,691
Welcome to the Slushy Shack.
235
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:49,996
How may I help you?
236
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,438
What the hell are
you doing here?
237
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:58,613
We had a deal.
238
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,311
You spare Reginald's friends,
239
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:03,140
and I bring him back
for his Assessment.
240
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,576
What's with the suitcase?
241
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:07,405
I'm familiar with our deal.
242
00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:08,928
Wait, you found him?
243
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,758
Good for you, Maurice.
244
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:14,325
Now... off.
245
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:19,199
There's one more thing.
246
00:11:19,286 --> 00:11:21,288
You're still here.
247
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:23,769
I need access to the archives.
248
00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,312
Reginald wants to
read through histories
249
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,859
of the past Assessments.
250
00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:29,253
Those old books aren't going
251
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:32,952
to help him pass or survive.
252
00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,321
Look, I told him
it was a long shot,
253
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,465
but he wants to look anyway.
254
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,043
It's not a long shot.
255
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,089
It's impossible.
256
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:43,310
And if you were half as
smart as you think you are,
257
00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,965
you'd be halfway around
the world by now.
258
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:51,666
Reginald is my progeny.
259
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:54,669
I'm gonna stand by
him no matter what.
260
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,198
Believe it or not,
you taught me that.
261
00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:04,244
After what I did, you could
have left me in Oakland...
262
00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:06,681
Should have,
263
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,205
but you didn't.
264
00:12:09,597 --> 00:12:12,209
All right, Maurice,
265
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:14,733
access to the archives.
266
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:18,868
But do not let Eve find out.
267
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:22,306
Eve?
268
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,482
What's with the suitcase
269
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:27,615
is I got relocated
to the... ing Yukon.
270
00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:32,403
And all because
I let you talk me
271
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:35,014
into sparing everyone
your boy loves.
272
00:12:35,101 --> 00:12:36,842
What you did was a good thing,
273
00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:38,278
the right thing.
274
00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:43,109
Turns out mercy
is a fatal error.
275
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:49,333
You ever wonder if you're
playing for the wrong team?
276
00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:52,858
Team?
277
00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:54,338
There are no teams.
278
00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:56,906
There are only enemies.
279
00:12:56,993 --> 00:13:00,083
My entire existence,
I have been surrounded
280
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,476
by people who wanted
to take my power,
281
00:13:02,563 --> 00:13:05,088
people who wanted me dead.
282
00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:08,787
But you... you were different.
283
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:16,403
Until you wanted me dead
just like everybody else.
284
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,848
Hello, Penelope.
285
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,675
Something I can do for you?
286
00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:29,982
Thank goodness you're here.
287
00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:31,897
I was worried he'd
do something stupid.
288
00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:33,875
I mean, of course, he's
going to do something stupid,
289
00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:36,162
but if you talk to him,
maybe he won't wind up
290
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,164
getting himself, or even worse,
291
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,514
getting me killed.
292
00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:41,689
What are you talking about?
293
00:13:41,776 --> 00:13:43,169
Who are you talking about?
294
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:49,219
- Wick.
- Maurice's friend.
295
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:51,395
- Mike.
- Whatever.
296
00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,092
Is that what I think it is?
297
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,792
Mind if I give you a
little unsolicited advice?
298
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,231
Maybe you noticed,
I'm down an arm.
299
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,668
I'm missing that limb because
a certain lady found out
300
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,583
that I'm dealing in
what you came here for.
301
00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:08,542
I got off lucky.
302
00:14:08,629 --> 00:14:11,458
Are you feeling lucky, Mike?
303
00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:18,770
Lucky enough.
304
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,998
- Angel's Blood.
- Oddly enough,
305
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,845
I originally acquired
that for another client
306
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:33,480
with whom you are familiar.
307
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:36,222
Oddly enough, this blood is
intended for the same target.
308
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,577
We're officially boned.
309
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:46,929
Nothing?
310
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,626
A resounding amount of nothing.
311
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,671
I've read the minutes of
every past Assessment,
312
00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:52,978
every single one of
the vampire histories,
313
00:14:53,065 --> 00:14:55,372
which, by the way,
read a lot more
314
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:56,851
like erotica than history.
315
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:58,549
- Accurate too.
- I've even read
316
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:01,769
all the vampire bylaws,
thousands of them.
317
00:15:01,856 --> 00:15:06,165
So while in theory, I'm
ready to take the bar,
318
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:08,452
there isn't a single loophole
that will help me pass it.
319
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:12,606
Reggie, did you talk to Sarah?
320
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:15,827
I... um, sort of.
321
00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:18,612
We said hi, and
then she fired me.
322
00:15:18,699 --> 00:15:19,763
But what does that have
to do with anything?
323
00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,354
Stop.
324
00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:22,984
Look, I don't care about
your personal life,
325
00:15:23,008 --> 00:15:24,855
but if you're telling me
you read 14,000 pages...
326
00:15:24,879 --> 00:15:26,490
14,297.
327
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,144
And came up empty,
328
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,469
then it's not because
there's nothing.
329
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,016
It's because you're distracted.
330
00:15:31,103 --> 00:15:32,017
What if she doesn't
want to talk to me?
331
00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:34,237
Again, don't care.
332
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,021
Go tie up your loose ends,
333
00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:37,936
and then get your
head back in the game
334
00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:40,025
like our lives depend on it.
335
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,899
Closing time, huh?
336
00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:47,380
You need any help?
Something I could do?
337
00:15:49,469 --> 00:15:51,906
So, um, I think I owe
you an explanation.
338
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,821
No, Reginald, you really don't.
339
00:15:53,908 --> 00:15:55,625
No, I think I do, and
if you could just stop
340
00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:58,130
and listen for 60
seconds, it's all I need.
341
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,742
Okay, wow, I didn't think
you'd actually stop.
342
00:16:01,829 --> 00:16:03,570
- You have 50 seconds.
- Got it.
343
00:16:03,657 --> 00:16:05,355
I guess I have to do this now.
344
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,922
Direct and to the
point, no buildups.
345
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,446
Uh, no softening the blow.
346
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:10,882
40 seconds.
347
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,320
I'm a vampire.
348
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,801
I wasn't always
like that, but...
349
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,542
A... a vampire, I mean.
350
00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:22,328
I got turned the night
we were supposed to go
351
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,374
on our first date,
352
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:27,159
which you don't remember, right.
353
00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:29,422
That's something else
I have to explain.
354
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:33,731
Vampires have this
power called glamouring.
355
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,950
Basically, we have the power
356
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:39,519
to influence people
in major ways.
357
00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:41,869
The reason why you had
all these memory gaps
358
00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:44,046
is because someone... not me,
359
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,223
glamoured you into
forgetting how you feel.
360
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:50,269
Someone glamoured me
361
00:16:50,356 --> 00:16:53,055
into forgetting how
I felt about you?
362
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,665
It's hard to believe, I know.
363
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:57,407
No, no, it's not.
364
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,495
No.
365
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,499
You know, actually, it
makes a lot of sense,
366
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:03,500
if you think about it.
367
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:04,762
Let me think about that
368
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,285
for a minute.
369
00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:09,201
Yeah, thinking.
Still thinking.
370
00:17:09,288 --> 00:17:12,030
Give... just a couple
more seconds of thinking.
371
00:17:13,858 --> 00:17:16,991
How stupid do you
think that I am, huh?
372
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:20,343
Like, on a scale of
one to ten, how stupid?
373
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,996
No, that's... that's not at all.
374
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,563
Are you sure?
375
00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:26,914
Because you just told me
that you were a vampire.
376
00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:29,613
It's the truth, I swear.
377
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,920
The truth is that
you lied to me.
378
00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:35,793
And when you got
caught, you left town.
379
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,492
So I guess that makes
you a coward too, huh?
380
00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:43,279
Yeah, a coward and an asshole.
381
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:47,239
And now you're back, which
is really confusing for me
382
00:17:47,326 --> 00:17:50,373
because it's all
that I ever wanted,
383
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:54,551
for you to come back and
open up and be honest.
384
00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:58,685
And sure, it was always
gonna be a big mess,
385
00:17:58,772 --> 00:18:00,774
but at least I'd know the truth.
386
00:18:00,861 --> 00:18:03,690
So I'm sorry, Reginald.
387
00:18:03,777 --> 00:18:07,346
You don't get to tell
me some insane story
388
00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:10,567
and then swear that it's true.
389
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,352
I'm done with your lies.
390
00:18:13,439 --> 00:18:14,919
I'm done with your truth.
391
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:18,401
I am just... done.
392
00:18:23,623 --> 00:18:25,016
Sa...
393
00:18:32,371 --> 00:18:34,156
As much as it flatters me,
394
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,287
are you sure you can risk
395
00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:36,854
bringing me home like this?
396
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,465
It's not my home anymore.
397
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,901
There's a story behind that.
398
00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:43,295
Now, you're gonna tell me
399
00:18:43,382 --> 00:18:44,992
until you make me forget.
400
00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:46,429
Not this time.
401
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:50,998
Listen to me.
402
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,654
Remember.
403
00:18:54,741 --> 00:18:58,180
Remember everything
I have ever told you.
404
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:04,055
Oh.
405
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:10,627
No.
406
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,672
Now you know.
407
00:19:22,247 --> 00:19:24,945
Reginald never showed
up for his Assessment.
408
00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:27,948
And now he's back,
409
00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:29,689
not that it matters.
410
00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:33,737
The Council has transferred
me to another time zone.
411
00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:35,391
Why?
412
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,696
It doesn't matter now.
413
00:19:36,783 --> 00:19:38,698
You're leaving town?
414
00:19:38,785 --> 00:19:40,744
Will I ever see you again?
415
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,746
Maybe glamour me a sudden desire
416
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:46,097
to travel or a work trip?
417
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:48,882
I can leave the kids at home.
418
00:19:48,969 --> 00:19:50,449
I'll go wherever you want.
419
00:19:50,536 --> 00:19:52,364
No more glamouring for you.
420
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,020
This really is
goodbye, isn't it?
421
00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,458
Thank you for giving
me back my memories.
422
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,681
All of your stories.
423
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:08,598
If it is any consolation,
424
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:12,471
I have no intention of going
gently into that good night.
425
00:20:12,558 --> 00:20:17,476
Think of it like me burning
the place down on my way out.
426
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,001
But what if you get
caught in the flames?
427
00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,613
What...
428
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,963
Then I go out in
a blaze of glory.
429
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:30,141
Oh, you... You
really have changed.
430
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:32,099
The Angela I met
all those years ago
431
00:20:32,186 --> 00:20:34,624
wouldn't burn the place down.
432
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:37,496
She would make her enemies
set themselves on fire.
433
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,031
I'm a vampire.
434
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,602
Listen to me.
435
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:03,217
Vampires have this
power called glamouring.
436
00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:07,676
Basically, we use it
to influence people
437
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,702
in major ways.
438
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,204
Show me your fangs.
439
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:34,684
Hey, Sarah.
440
00:21:34,771 --> 00:21:36,642
You said that you
were a vampire.
441
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,341
Vampires have fangs,
and I want to see them.
442
00:21:39,428 --> 00:21:43,649
Look, about what I said...
443
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:47,174
maybe we should just forget
about all of that, okay?
444
00:21:47,261 --> 00:21:49,438
I'm a clueless asshole,
445
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:53,964
and you can consign me to
the dustbin of your history.
446
00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:57,315
Show me, Reginald.
447
00:22:01,928 --> 00:22:03,103
Oh.
448
00:22:09,806 --> 00:22:11,242
You were telling me the truth.
449
00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:13,766
Can I put my teeth away now?
450
00:22:17,509 --> 00:22:21,339
If you lied, this
would be so much easier
451
00:22:21,426 --> 00:22:23,733
for me to wrap my head around
452
00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:26,605
because you'd be
a lying shitbag,
453
00:22:26,692 --> 00:22:29,695
but you're a
truth-telling shitbag.
454
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:34,526
You're my truth-telling shitbag.
455
00:22:34,613 --> 00:22:37,486
But I'm not saying that I
want to get back together.
456
00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:40,227
I'm not sure that I'm ever
gonna be ready for that,
457
00:22:40,314 --> 00:22:44,275
but so much has happened.
458
00:22:45,711 --> 00:22:48,192
Look, can I just come in and...
459
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:55,982
As much as I want you to...
460
00:22:56,069 --> 00:22:57,201
I don't think you should.
461
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:02,511
I'm a vampire and you're human,
462
00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:06,166
so this is what's best.
463
00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:20,877
Oh, hell no.
464
00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:22,400
Hello, Reginald.
465
00:23:22,487 --> 00:23:23,923
You're here to kill
me, aren't you?
466
00:23:24,010 --> 00:23:25,969
The Assessment's not
until another 36 hours.
467
00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:27,599
I'm pretty sure this is a
violation of governing bylaw,
468
00:23:27,623 --> 00:23:29,538
and believe me,
I know every one.
469
00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:35,544
Open them.
470
00:23:40,070 --> 00:23:43,290
It's everything you need to
know about your Assessment.
471
00:23:43,377 --> 00:23:45,379
Everything I could find, anyway.
472
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:47,338
I figure you had a
better chance of passing
473
00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:48,785
if you knew the
shape of the thing.
474
00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:51,516
Holy motherload.
475
00:23:51,603 --> 00:23:53,736
You're welcome.
476
00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:55,999
Why? I mean, thank you,
477
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:59,481
but how do I know
this isn't a trap?
478
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:01,874
You don't.
479
00:24:11,710 --> 00:24:13,407
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
480
00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:15,105
Or alternatively,
vampire monsters
481
00:24:15,192 --> 00:24:16,541
who hate the ground I walk on.
482
00:24:17,803 --> 00:24:20,240
I spoke to Angela yesterday.
483
00:24:20,327 --> 00:24:22,155
She didn't say
anything about this.
484
00:24:22,242 --> 00:24:24,767
But maybe this is a good thing.
485
00:24:24,854 --> 00:24:26,420
Oh, this is better than good.
486
00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:28,771
This is the Holy Grail.
487
00:24:28,858 --> 00:24:31,077
That's what bothers me.
- Angela's got an angle.
488
00:24:31,164 --> 00:24:32,688
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
489
00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:34,603
Yeah, Angela's
always got an angle,
490
00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:36,474
but here we are.
491
00:24:36,561 --> 00:24:37,954
I... I'm confused.
492
00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,912
Are we trusting Angela now?
493
00:24:39,999 --> 00:24:42,219
No. No, no, no, hell no.
494
00:24:42,306 --> 00:24:43,655
Okay, but as it stands,
495
00:24:43,742 --> 00:24:45,222
this is the best shot we've got,
496
00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:47,485
so why don't you just
dig in, see what's what,
497
00:24:47,572 --> 00:24:50,444
and I'll try and find
out what Angie's up to.
498
00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:51,620
Watch me work.
499
00:25:00,498 --> 00:25:01,978
That's your plan,
500
00:25:02,065 --> 00:25:03,588
dose Angela's wine?
501
00:25:06,243 --> 00:25:08,114
Gotta say, there's poetry in it,
502
00:25:08,201 --> 00:25:10,005
considering she pulled that
shit on me in this very room.
503
00:25:10,029 --> 00:25:12,336
If you care about
saving Reginald's life,
504
00:25:12,423 --> 00:25:14,251
you won't try to stop me.
505
00:25:15,992 --> 00:25:18,342
Killing Angela won't
stop the Assessment.
506
00:25:18,429 --> 00:25:20,257
You came here to kill her.
507
00:25:20,344 --> 00:25:21,954
I'm just finishing
what you started.
508
00:25:22,041 --> 00:25:24,740
Funny thing, turns out
revenge has a shelf life.
509
00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:26,393
When Angela takes a debt,
510
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,482
she makes sure
it's never repaid.
511
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:31,573
The evil that she's done
that I've been a party to,
512
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:33,357
I need to be free of that.
513
00:25:33,444 --> 00:25:35,098
I get it. I really do.
514
00:25:35,185 --> 00:25:37,840
But right now, I
need Angela alive.
515
00:25:37,927 --> 00:25:39,972
Trust me, okay?
516
00:25:44,324 --> 00:25:45,587
Okay.
517
00:25:53,072 --> 00:25:55,118
What do you want, Todd?
518
00:26:01,254 --> 00:26:02,534
Did I ever tell
you about my dad?
519
00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:04,518
I'm not sure why you would.
520
00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:07,826
He was a bull on steroids,
521
00:26:07,913 --> 00:26:08,914
minus the steroids.
522
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,481
Which makes him a bull.
523
00:26:10,568 --> 00:26:12,439
The man could bench
450 in his sleep,
524
00:26:12,526 --> 00:26:14,528
run a marathon before breakfast.
525
00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:16,530
This one time, we were camping,
526
00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:19,577
and a bear wandered
onto our campsite.
527
00:26:19,664 --> 00:26:24,713
My dad punched it
right in the face...
528
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,628
An actual bear.
529
00:26:28,847 --> 00:26:31,241
Mm, I guess he was
a bull on steroids.
530
00:26:31,328 --> 00:26:33,765
Course, that bear killed him.
531
00:26:36,550 --> 00:26:37,595
Damn.
532
00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:40,990
Yeah, it was...
533
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,080
It was awful.
534
00:26:46,865 --> 00:26:48,388
Worst thing I ever saw.
535
00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:52,218
I don't want to get
killed by a bear.
536
00:26:54,568 --> 00:26:55,874
I want to live forever.
537
00:26:59,008 --> 00:27:00,966
I want you to make me a vampire.
538
00:27:04,143 --> 00:27:05,928
I knew it.
539
00:27:06,015 --> 00:27:07,819
Reginald's a vampire, and
that means vampires exist,
540
00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:10,410
so that means I was right.
541
00:27:10,497 --> 00:27:12,282
This explains so much.
542
00:27:12,369 --> 00:27:14,327
It does?
543
00:27:14,414 --> 00:27:15,981
When Reginald texted us saying
544
00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:17,611
that he wanted to have
a party at the Slushy,
545
00:27:17,635 --> 00:27:19,071
I thought, that's weird.
546
00:27:19,158 --> 00:27:20,438
- Right?
- But now don't you see?
547
00:27:20,507 --> 00:27:22,858
It's his vampire
coming out party.
548
00:27:22,945 --> 00:27:24,773
He didn't seem like he
was in the party mood
549
00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:25,900
when I went to go see him.
550
00:27:25,948 --> 00:27:28,037
Was this before or after
551
00:27:28,124 --> 00:27:29,908
you stomped all over his heart?
552
00:27:29,995 --> 00:27:31,605
I didn't stomp.
553
00:27:31,693 --> 00:27:33,738
I was very gentle.
554
00:27:33,825 --> 00:27:36,045
You asked to see his fangs,
he shows you his fangs.
555
00:27:36,132 --> 00:27:39,744
And then you said,
"Thanks for nothing.
556
00:27:39,831 --> 00:27:42,921
Peace out forever, Nosferatu."
557
00:27:43,008 --> 00:27:45,532
I'm paraphrasing.
558
00:27:45,619 --> 00:27:49,319
But then he said,
"It's better this way."
559
00:27:49,406 --> 00:27:50,886
Why would it be better?
560
00:27:50,973 --> 00:27:52,539
Because love is
a fiction created
561
00:27:52,626 --> 00:27:56,065
by greeting card companies
to sell greeting cards.
562
00:27:56,152 --> 00:27:58,197
He told me the
truth. I got closure.
563
00:27:58,284 --> 00:27:59,938
We're done.
564
00:28:00,025 --> 00:28:02,158
Except, I can't shake the fact
565
00:28:02,245 --> 00:28:04,638
that he's holding
something back again.
566
00:28:06,466 --> 00:28:09,469
Other than being a vampire,
what's left to hold back?
567
00:28:11,254 --> 00:28:12,603
Hard to argue with that.
568
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:15,606
Admit it, I would
make a great vampire.
569
00:28:15,693 --> 00:28:17,608
- It's not gonna happen, Todd.
- Why not?
570
00:28:17,695 --> 00:28:19,741
I am fit. I'm fine.
571
00:28:19,828 --> 00:28:22,918
I'd make an awesome addition
to the undead community.
572
00:28:23,005 --> 00:28:24,965
I mean, my organizational
skills alone could be...
573
00:28:25,050 --> 00:28:27,618
You'll be stuck
in place forever.
574
00:28:27,705 --> 00:28:28,880
All right, ask Reggie.
575
00:28:33,232 --> 00:28:35,060
And now you're shirtless.
576
00:28:35,147 --> 00:28:36,690
Why in the hell wouldn't I
want to be stuck like this?
577
00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:38,803
Because you're an idiot.
578
00:28:38,890 --> 00:28:41,023
Yeah, but I'm a happy idiot.
579
00:28:41,110 --> 00:28:43,329
Isn't that what counts?
580
00:28:43,416 --> 00:28:44,678
Come on.
581
00:28:46,115 --> 00:28:48,900
If you made me a vampire,
582
00:28:48,987 --> 00:28:50,989
then we could...
583
00:28:51,076 --> 00:28:52,774
We could what?
584
00:28:58,214 --> 00:29:01,608
This is the best version of me.
585
00:29:01,695 --> 00:29:05,221
It is all downhill from here.
586
00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:08,572
No matter what I do,
I'm gonna get older.
587
00:29:08,659 --> 00:29:10,269
And I'll look in
that mirror one day,
588
00:29:10,356 --> 00:29:12,236
and I'm gonna see a
stranger looking back at me.
589
00:29:14,186 --> 00:29:15,884
But not today.
590
00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:19,104
Today, I'm perfect.
591
00:29:22,542 --> 00:29:24,893
I'm sorry, Todd.
592
00:29:24,980 --> 00:29:27,504
I can't help you.
593
00:29:39,081 --> 00:29:40,604
It's open.
594
00:29:44,826 --> 00:29:46,262
Sorry I'm late.
595
00:29:46,349 --> 00:29:47,829
I got delayed.
596
00:29:49,134 --> 00:29:50,657
You're stressed.
597
00:29:50,744 --> 00:29:51,809
Angela... ed us, didn't she?
598
00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:53,095
We got nothing?
599
00:29:53,182 --> 00:29:54,836
Oh, it's not nothing.
600
00:29:54,923 --> 00:29:56,185
It's everything.
601
00:29:56,272 --> 00:29:57,664
A detailed
year-by-year breakdown
602
00:29:57,751 --> 00:29:59,188
of every Assessment test,
603
00:29:59,275 --> 00:30:01,494
including benchmarks
I needed to pass,
604
00:30:01,581 --> 00:30:04,367
info on all the vampire guests.
605
00:30:04,454 --> 00:30:07,544
Take Logan the Crepuscular,
606
00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:09,502
Deacon of the Council
of the Americas,
607
00:30:09,589 --> 00:30:12,854
whose hobbies include
decapitation, disemboweling...
608
00:30:12,941 --> 00:30:15,073
And dancing.
609
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,249
Well, you should see him tango.
610
00:30:17,336 --> 00:30:19,382
Next, we have the sun chamber.
611
00:30:19,469 --> 00:30:20,749
What happens in the sun chamber?
612
00:30:20,774 --> 00:30:23,516
I'm glad you asked.
613
00:30:23,603 --> 00:30:25,233
As you can see by this
detailed rendering,
614
00:30:25,257 --> 00:30:27,129
someone is chained to a post,
615
00:30:27,216 --> 00:30:30,001
and, oh, they're on fire.
616
00:30:30,088 --> 00:30:31,698
So basically, that's
where I'll die.
617
00:30:31,785 --> 00:30:33,831
Oh, but not before Logan
the Duplicitous adds in
618
00:30:33,918 --> 00:30:36,616
a little light knife
torture because why not
619
00:30:36,703 --> 00:30:38,227
make a meal of my painful death?
620
00:30:38,314 --> 00:30:40,272
Hey. Look, take a breath.
621
00:30:40,359 --> 00:30:42,709
Focus on the test.
622
00:30:42,796 --> 00:30:44,036
You said there were benchmarks.
623
00:30:45,974 --> 00:30:48,846
Historically speaking,
624
00:30:48,933 --> 00:30:51,588
these are just tests
designed for me to fail.
625
00:30:51,675 --> 00:30:54,286
Okay, then you need
to think of a plan
626
00:30:54,373 --> 00:30:56,985
not to pass, to survive.
627
00:30:57,072 --> 00:30:59,335
I thought of several, but
nothing that doesn't end
628
00:30:59,422 --> 00:31:01,467
in one or both of us dying.
629
00:31:01,554 --> 00:31:06,864
It's like a puzzle that's
missing one huge piece.
630
00:31:06,951 --> 00:31:07,951
And without it, I'm...
631
00:31:11,216 --> 00:31:14,263
That's my reminder to
go set up for my party.
632
00:31:14,350 --> 00:31:17,222
I should probably call
everyone and cancel.
633
00:31:17,309 --> 00:31:18,441
Hey.
634
00:31:21,009 --> 00:31:24,751
Look, Reggie, if tonight is
your last night on Earth...
635
00:31:24,838 --> 00:31:28,407
If...
636
00:31:28,494 --> 00:31:30,574
then you should probably
say goodbye to your friends.
637
00:31:41,943 --> 00:31:43,422
Pizza and cookies?
638
00:31:43,509 --> 00:31:45,424
These are a few of
my favorite foods.
639
00:31:47,731 --> 00:31:50,038
Nice.
640
00:32:10,754 --> 00:32:11,798
You like pizza?
641
00:32:15,019 --> 00:32:16,978
We've got a metric ton of it.
642
00:32:22,026 --> 00:32:23,462
She'll be here.
643
00:32:23,549 --> 00:32:25,508
- You don't know that.
- Sure I do.
644
00:32:25,595 --> 00:32:27,007
She said she had to stop
off and get something
645
00:32:27,031 --> 00:32:28,424
from home first.
646
00:32:33,472 --> 00:32:34,560
Told you.
647
00:32:35,735 --> 00:32:36,736
You came.
648
00:32:36,823 --> 00:32:37,999
Hey, I love a party.
649
00:32:40,479 --> 00:32:43,091
- What's in the bag?
- Something
650
00:32:43,178 --> 00:32:47,182
I've been saving for
a special occasion.
651
00:33:11,075 --> 00:33:12,598
I'm really gonna miss this.
652
00:33:21,694 --> 00:33:23,305
Claire, we need to talk.
653
00:33:23,392 --> 00:33:24,847
That's what my mom says
when I'm in trouble.
654
00:33:24,871 --> 00:33:26,351
You're not in trouble.
655
00:33:26,438 --> 00:33:27,676
Not any more than usual, anyway.
656
00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:28,919
Very funny.
657
00:33:30,877 --> 00:33:34,403
It looks like I'm gonna
be gone for a while, okay?
658
00:33:34,490 --> 00:33:36,709
But I want you to know
659
00:33:36,796 --> 00:33:40,322
that whatever happens,
you won't be alone.
660
00:33:40,409 --> 00:33:41,975
That's ominous. Why
is that so ominous?
661
00:33:42,063 --> 00:33:43,543
You'd think my middle
name is ominous,
662
00:33:43,629 --> 00:33:45,370
but my middle name is Cynthia.
663
00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:48,025
- Nikki.
- Sorry I'm late.
664
00:33:48,112 --> 00:33:50,264
Nikki's gonna be here to
protect you when you need her.
665
00:33:50,288 --> 00:33:52,073
She's like a fairy
godmother with a chainsaw.
666
00:34:00,777 --> 00:34:03,171
Oh, look,
667
00:34:03,258 --> 00:34:06,565
she's still here in
all her former glory.
668
00:34:06,652 --> 00:34:08,393
What is it, bottom feeders?
669
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,700
Is that tone really necessary?
670
00:34:10,787 --> 00:34:12,571
We're here on official business.
671
00:34:12,658 --> 00:34:15,183
Logan the Impermeable has
requested your attendance
672
00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:16,532
at tomorrow's Assessment.
673
00:34:16,619 --> 00:34:18,534
He has?
674
00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:20,013
As a lowly page.
675
00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:21,406
What?
676
00:34:23,147 --> 00:34:27,412
I am not some lackey to
be given menial tasks.
677
00:34:27,499 --> 00:34:28,805
That's your job.
678
00:34:28,892 --> 00:34:31,286
Ah, but you are.
679
00:34:31,373 --> 00:34:34,593
And here's the
paperwork to prove it.
680
00:34:46,301 --> 00:34:48,955
Reginald, what is this?
681
00:34:49,042 --> 00:34:51,175
Uh, double pepperoni.
682
00:34:51,262 --> 00:34:53,960
This party. Why
are we all here?
683
00:34:54,047 --> 00:34:56,267
Oh. Can't a guy just
684
00:34:56,354 --> 00:35:00,271
see his favorite people in
one place at the same time?
685
00:35:00,358 --> 00:35:02,230
There's something that
you're not telling me.
686
00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,234
Tell me, Reginald.
687
00:35:06,321 --> 00:35:11,195
Look, I don't want
to lie to you,
688
00:35:11,282 --> 00:35:12,979
so...
689
00:35:32,129 --> 00:35:33,870
I haven't seen you in a while.
690
00:35:33,957 --> 00:35:35,654
I took a vacation,
691
00:35:35,741 --> 00:35:36,960
cracked a few skulls.
692
00:35:37,047 --> 00:35:39,571
You know, me time.
693
00:35:39,658 --> 00:35:41,070
But of course, when
Reginald invited me,
694
00:35:41,094 --> 00:35:42,444
I knew I had to come back,
695
00:35:42,531 --> 00:35:44,402
but not for
Reginald, for Claire.
696
00:35:44,489 --> 00:35:45,969
And not just for Claire,
697
00:35:46,056 --> 00:35:47,971
though more for Claire
than for Reginald.
698
00:35:48,058 --> 00:35:49,253
Though not just
for Claire, either.
699
00:35:49,277 --> 00:35:50,278
Is this a riddle?
700
00:35:56,632 --> 00:35:58,851
A negative, my favorite.
701
00:36:01,724 --> 00:36:03,726
Did you just smell
my blood type?
702
00:36:08,992 --> 00:36:11,168
You're a vampire.
703
00:36:11,255 --> 00:36:13,388
That doesn't scare you?
704
00:36:13,475 --> 00:36:15,172
Everything about you scares me.
705
00:36:17,392 --> 00:36:19,220
Welcome to my world.
706
00:36:19,307 --> 00:36:20,627
I think you're
gonna love it here.
707
00:36:25,530 --> 00:36:27,619
Could I get everyone's
attention, please?
708
00:36:35,714 --> 00:36:38,630
For the last few months,
I have been a bad friend
709
00:36:38,717 --> 00:36:40,937
and boyfriend
710
00:36:41,024 --> 00:36:42,765
and employee,
711
00:36:42,852 --> 00:36:44,245
surrogate big brother,
712
00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:47,030
and last but not least, vampire.
713
00:36:47,117 --> 00:36:49,317
I, uh, didn't think anyone
would want to see me anymore.
714
00:36:51,556 --> 00:36:54,080
But, uh, here you are.
715
00:36:55,821 --> 00:36:57,780
That's why I'm just
very, uh, thankful
716
00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:59,608
that you all are my friends.
717
00:37:01,392 --> 00:37:04,961
And whatever tomorrow brings,
718
00:37:05,048 --> 00:37:06,354
I'm glad we have tonight.
719
00:37:10,314 --> 00:37:12,664
Uh, I'm sorry, sir, we're
closed for a private...
720
00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:16,189
Holy shit, it's him.
721
00:37:17,887 --> 00:37:20,193
What are you...
722
00:37:20,281 --> 00:37:21,891
Do not make eye contact.
723
00:37:24,154 --> 00:37:26,199
Uh, what is happening here?
724
00:37:26,287 --> 00:37:27,679
It's him.
725
00:37:27,766 --> 00:37:29,464
I... it's... it's
Logan the Reanimator,
726
00:37:29,551 --> 00:37:32,162
the... the Deacon of the
Vampire Councils of America.
727
00:37:32,249 --> 00:37:33,511
His reputation precedes him.
728
00:37:36,209 --> 00:37:37,385
You must be Roger.
729
00:37:37,472 --> 00:37:39,778
It's Reginald, actually.
730
00:37:39,865 --> 00:37:41,389
If you say so.
731
00:37:42,868 --> 00:37:45,436
I thought you'd be fatter.
732
00:37:47,612 --> 00:37:49,353
Thanks.
733
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,660
Sarah, maybe you
should join the others.
734
00:37:51,747 --> 00:37:53,749
I kneel for no one.
735
00:37:53,836 --> 00:37:54,943
- And why is that?
- Whoa, whoa.
736
00:37:54,967 --> 00:37:56,273
You're not here for her.
737
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,841
How delightful.
738
00:37:58,928 --> 00:38:00,886
I was hoping for
a demonstration.
739
00:38:00,973 --> 00:38:02,497
What?
740
00:38:02,584 --> 00:38:04,542
You glamour other
vampires, don't you?
741
00:38:04,629 --> 00:38:06,718
Care to have a go?
742
00:38:06,805 --> 00:38:09,025
Don't look at him.
743
00:38:09,112 --> 00:38:11,506
This is a conversation
between you and me.
744
00:38:11,593 --> 00:38:13,508
I don't glamour people anymore.
745
00:38:13,595 --> 00:38:16,772
Luckily, I haven't been a
person for a very long time.
746
00:38:20,123 --> 00:38:23,779
Listen to me, you're gonna
leave me and my friends alone.
747
00:38:23,866 --> 00:38:26,259
As you command.
748
00:38:26,347 --> 00:38:28,063
You're gonna go back to
wherever you came from
749
00:38:28,087 --> 00:38:30,742
and never come to Akron again.
750
00:38:30,829 --> 00:38:32,570
As you command.
751
00:38:32,657 --> 00:38:34,093
Is that all?
752
00:38:36,008 --> 00:38:38,097
No, it... it's not.
753
00:38:38,184 --> 00:38:39,771
You're gonna decide that
I don't have to take
754
00:38:39,795 --> 00:38:41,362
the Assessment and
that henceforth,
755
00:38:41,449 --> 00:38:43,451
I am considered a
fully-fledged...
756
00:38:43,538 --> 00:38:45,627
A fully-fledged what?
757
00:38:52,547 --> 00:38:56,028
Please, I'm far too old
for your parlor trick.
758
00:38:56,115 --> 00:38:58,683
As for the Assessment,
759
00:38:58,770 --> 00:39:00,685
it will go precisely as planned.
760
00:39:00,772 --> 00:39:02,470
You will take the tests.
761
00:39:02,557 --> 00:39:03,906
You will fail.
762
00:39:03,993 --> 00:39:06,517
You and your sire
will be executed.
763
00:39:06,604 --> 00:39:09,085
And when it's all over,
764
00:39:09,172 --> 00:39:10,391
I'll forget your name.
765
00:39:17,833 --> 00:39:19,965
What the hell was
that all about?
766
00:39:24,100 --> 00:39:26,711
- What an asshole.
- Yeah, he's...
767
00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:28,234
What's that guy's deal?
768
00:39:28,321 --> 00:39:30,106
That's Logan the, uh...
769
00:39:30,193 --> 00:39:32,064
- Yeah.
- Duplicitous...
770
00:39:32,151 --> 00:39:34,937
- Poor Reginald.
- Dipshit, Devious...
771
00:39:38,549 --> 00:39:40,421
Well, no, the Deacon
of all the vampires...
772
00:39:42,684 --> 00:39:45,034
Hey.
773
00:39:45,121 --> 00:39:47,123
Is Reginald okay?
774
00:39:49,908 --> 00:39:51,432
You're gonna die.
775
00:39:51,519 --> 00:39:53,434
That's what this party
is about, isn't it?
776
00:39:53,521 --> 00:39:56,393
Some sort of, like, living wake.
777
00:39:58,482 --> 00:40:00,919
I mean, I just got used
to you being a vampire.
778
00:40:01,006 --> 00:40:03,139
I'm not sure that I'm
ready for you to die.
779
00:40:03,226 --> 00:40:05,184
Everything's okay,
I promise you.
780
00:40:05,271 --> 00:40:07,752
I got them right where
I want them, right?
781
00:40:07,839 --> 00:40:11,887
The last ace up my kind
of shortish sleeve.
782
00:40:11,974 --> 00:40:13,192
You're lying.
783
00:40:13,279 --> 00:40:15,064
I'm not.
784
00:40:15,151 --> 00:40:16,761
Don't tell me you're
not, Reginald.
785
00:40:16,848 --> 00:40:19,677
Despite everything,
786
00:40:19,764 --> 00:40:21,462
I still know you.
787
00:40:22,724 --> 00:40:24,334
I'm so scared.
788
00:40:27,772 --> 00:40:30,079
In less than 24 hours,
789
00:40:30,166 --> 00:40:34,257
no matter how hard
I try or plan,
790
00:40:34,344 --> 00:40:36,215
no matter how much
I want to live
791
00:40:36,302 --> 00:40:39,392
or... or how much
I have to live for,
792
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,831
there's a distinct possibility
that I'm gonna be gone,
793
00:40:42,918 --> 00:40:44,963
absent from all of this.
794
00:40:46,225 --> 00:40:50,708
I want to be brave, but
I don't think I can be.
795
00:40:50,795 --> 00:40:53,102
How can I help?
796
00:40:53,189 --> 00:40:55,365
You can't.
797
00:40:55,452 --> 00:41:01,066
The vampire world is run by a
group of exclusive assholes.
798
00:41:01,153 --> 00:41:03,591
Someone like me
never had a chance.
799
00:41:03,678 --> 00:41:06,681
So it's just like
the real world then?
800
00:41:06,768 --> 00:41:08,683
I can work with that.
- You can't.
801
00:41:08,770 --> 00:41:10,162
The game is rigged.
802
00:41:10,249 --> 00:41:11,990
Then don't play their game.
803
00:41:13,688 --> 00:41:16,386
Reg, you got to
make me a vampire.
804
00:41:16,473 --> 00:41:17,711
And I will not take
no for an answer.
805
00:41:17,735 --> 00:41:19,128
- No.
- Oh, come on.
806
00:41:19,215 --> 00:41:20,912
I'd be perfect at it.
807
00:41:20,999 --> 00:41:23,001
I'll blend right in. I
could be your secret weapon.
808
00:41:23,088 --> 00:41:24,916
- For what?
- You know, for whatever
809
00:41:25,003 --> 00:41:27,199
Thunderdome Assessment shit
that suit was talking about.
810
00:41:27,223 --> 00:41:28,877
I'll dress up as a janitor.
811
00:41:28,964 --> 00:41:30,618
No one will suspect me.
812
00:41:30,705 --> 00:41:33,055
So when you're all like,
"Oh, no, tests are so hard,"
813
00:41:33,142 --> 00:41:34,622
that's when I'll
surprise everyone.
814
00:41:34,709 --> 00:41:37,625
It is I, Todd the
Vampire, to the rescue.
815
00:41:39,191 --> 00:41:40,671
And everyone will
come at me, right?
816
00:41:40,758 --> 00:41:42,519
But that's okay, because
I got my janitor broom,
817
00:41:42,543 --> 00:41:44,414
and I'll break it
right across my quad.
818
00:41:44,501 --> 00:41:46,372
Oh, look who's got a stake now.
819
00:41:46,459 --> 00:41:47,678
And that's when I'll say,
820
00:41:47,765 --> 00:41:49,941
"It's time to take
out the trash."
821
00:41:52,988 --> 00:41:54,946
'Cause I'm the janitor?
- Oh, got it.
822
00:41:55,033 --> 00:41:57,819
So then me and Mr. Pointy
will go all, like, kah-dusto.
823
00:41:57,906 --> 00:42:01,997
Whoo!
824
00:42:02,084 --> 00:42:05,261
Yah! Hoo! Yeah, baby!
825
00:42:05,348 --> 00:42:07,916
All the vampires will be dead,
and Maurice will be safe.
826
00:42:08,003 --> 00:42:09,047
Don't you mean Reginald?
827
00:42:09,134 --> 00:42:11,789
Yeah, sure, Reginald too.
828
00:42:11,876 --> 00:42:14,052
Todd the Vampire to the rescue.
829
00:42:14,139 --> 00:42:16,533
Everybody needs a catchphrase.
830
00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:20,363
You know, I think you're
onto something, Todd.
831
00:42:20,450 --> 00:42:21,843
Wait, what?
832
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:23,105
I'll grant your wish.
833
00:42:24,976 --> 00:42:26,543
I'll turn you into a vampire.
834
00:42:26,630 --> 00:42:28,501
- You will?
- Yes.
835
00:42:28,589 --> 00:42:29,590
Him?
836
00:42:30,765 --> 00:42:31,766
Hey!
837
00:42:31,853 --> 00:42:33,550
Hey. Where are you going?
838
00:42:33,637 --> 00:42:35,237
I got a date with the
final puzzle piece.
839
00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:37,685
You found the missing piece?
840
00:42:37,772 --> 00:42:39,904
Where? Hey, wh...
what is it, Reggie?
841
00:42:39,991 --> 00:42:42,515
Don't worry, I got this.
58773
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.