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1
00:00:05,086 --> 00:00:06,455
Well, I just got ambushed
about how much
the I-Team is costing us.
2
00:00:06,557 --> 00:00:10,297
Your I-Team experiment
has run its course, sir.
3
00:00:10,397 --> 00:00:13,202
James, on to your next
consulting project--
4
00:00:13,303 --> 00:00:15,708
figuring out how few cashews
you can put in a trail mix
5
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:17,110
before customers get upset.
6
00:00:18,379 --> 00:00:20,551
The answer is nine, but I do
actually have some good news.
7
00:00:20,651 --> 00:00:22,154
Is it about "Manifest"
going to Netflix?
8
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:23,189
My guys have been going
through the budget,
9
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,695
trimming the fat,
eliminating obsolete programs.
10
00:00:25,795 --> 00:00:27,732
Are you aware of how much
the city still spends
11
00:00:27,832 --> 00:00:29,401
on telegram wire maintenance?
12
00:00:29,501 --> 00:00:31,472
I've heard that telegrams
are making a comeback.
13
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,579
The kids call it "TG-ing"
and they have made it filthy.
14
00:00:34,679 --> 00:00:37,251
Point being, we've been able
to build up a little slush fund
15
00:00:37,351 --> 00:00:39,188
for you that'll more
than cover our fee.
16
00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:42,060
Really?
How much, like $5, 6 million?
17
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,764
Closer to $90 million.
18
00:00:43,864 --> 00:00:46,068
Hachi-machi!
19
00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:56,522
$90 million!
20
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,627
You could buy a house
for that much money.
21
00:00:58,727 --> 00:01:00,631
You know,
this is an opportunity for us
22
00:01:00,731 --> 00:01:01,800
to do something historic.
23
00:01:03,036 --> 00:01:05,574
Something Lin-Manuel Miranda
will write a musical about it.
24
00:01:05,675 --> 00:01:07,779
- Wait, Where are we?
- I don't know.
25
00:01:07,879 --> 00:01:10,216
I'm so excited,
I just started walking.
26
00:01:10,317 --> 00:01:12,421
This is indeed
a rare opportunity, sir.
27
00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:14,525
I've been in City Hall
for three decades
28
00:01:14,626 --> 00:01:16,763
and the last time
we had a budget surplus
29
00:01:16,863 --> 00:01:19,435
was that year we just straight
up forgot to pay teachers.
30
00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:20,638
Oh, yeah.
31
00:01:20,738 --> 00:01:24,178
And I'm guessing you already
know how we should spend it.
32
00:01:24,278 --> 00:01:25,848
Not the diarrhea thing.
Come on.
33
00:01:25,948 --> 00:01:27,618
It's an issue
that touches all of us.
34
00:01:27,719 --> 00:01:29,556
I know you remember
last Halloween
35
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,427
when Jayden brought in those
sugar-free gummy bears.
36
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,498
Out of my way. Out of my way.
37
00:01:34,599 --> 00:01:35,634
I'm the mayor! Out of my way.
38
00:01:35,735 --> 00:01:37,605
Don't you have
a private bathroom?
39
00:01:37,705 --> 00:01:38,807
It's gone, Mikaela.
40
00:01:38,907 --> 00:01:41,379
What do you mean it's gone?
41
00:01:41,479 --> 00:01:43,651
All right, boil that down
to a three-page memo
42
00:01:43,751 --> 00:01:45,755
and I'll look it over, okay?
43
00:01:48,493 --> 00:01:50,230
You know how I keep an eye
on what Jayden looks at online?
44
00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,499
In case he's planning
to kill all of us?
45
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:52,669
Right.
Well, he's been searching
46
00:01:52,769 --> 00:01:53,704
nothing but murder mysteries.
47
00:01:53,804 --> 00:01:56,475
So he is either going
to kill us or even worse,
48
00:01:56,576 --> 00:01:58,379
he's going to invite us
to a murder mystery party.
49
00:01:58,479 --> 00:01:59,883
Hey, guys.
50
00:01:59,983 --> 00:02:01,553
I'm having a murder mystery
party at my apartment tonight.
51
00:02:01,653 --> 00:02:02,622
- Oh, I--
- Oh, I--
52
00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:04,324
My therapist thinks that
I need to start planning
53
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:05,594
for a partnerless future
54
00:02:05,695 --> 00:02:07,598
and building a social life
unrelated to dating.
55
00:02:07,699 --> 00:02:09,602
My therapist also thinks
that I need to invite people
56
00:02:09,703 --> 00:02:11,372
the day of
so that they don't have time
57
00:02:11,472 --> 00:02:13,309
to make up an excuse
because I'm too trusting.
58
00:02:13,409 --> 00:02:15,313
- We'd love to come.
- Can't wait, buddy.
59
00:02:15,413 --> 00:02:16,683
- Can I come too?
- Oh.
60
00:02:16,783 --> 00:02:18,219
I bought two beers
the week we met
61
00:02:18,319 --> 00:02:19,321
just hoping
this day would come.
62
00:02:19,421 --> 00:02:22,227
- Murder mystery, huh?
- Yeah, it's Western-themed
63
00:02:22,327 --> 00:02:23,597
so the omelets
will be made accordingly.
64
00:02:23,697 --> 00:02:26,603
You know, I just started
seeing a woman, Adriana.
65
00:02:26,703 --> 00:02:29,241
Gorgeous.
And we're really hitting it off,
66
00:02:29,341 --> 00:02:30,811
and I'm trying to break
old habits.
67
00:02:30,911 --> 00:02:32,447
Take things slow.
68
00:02:32,548 --> 00:02:35,353
And your party is the least
sexual thing
69
00:02:35,453 --> 00:02:37,491
happening
in Los Angeles tonight.
70
00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:38,594
- So you're coming?
- Yeah.
71
00:02:38,694 --> 00:02:39,729
With your gal pal?
72
00:02:39,829 --> 00:02:41,432
I know just what characters
you guys will play.
73
00:02:41,532 --> 00:02:43,269
Adriana can play
the town doctor.
74
00:02:43,369 --> 00:02:44,672
You will play
the Civil War veteran.
75
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,610
And I'll play your wife.
76
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:49,515
No, Adriana and I
are the couple, obviously.
77
00:02:49,616 --> 00:02:50,851
Oh, okay.
78
00:02:50,951 --> 00:02:52,387
If the mayor is going,
I'm going.
79
00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:54,626
We got $90 million to spend
80
00:02:54,726 --> 00:02:56,228
and after-hour schmoozing
81
00:02:56,328 --> 00:02:58,499
is always where
the real sausage gets made.
82
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,336
Oh, we won't be making
any sausage tonight.
83
00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:02,842
The guy I get my meat from
was arrested by the FDA.
84
00:03:02,942 --> 00:03:05,280
Hey, Luis, we're having
a murder mystery party
85
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:06,550
at my apartment tonight.
86
00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:07,652
My therapist thinks it--
- Ow!
87
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:11,626
Uh, my--uh, my side.
I have to go.
88
00:03:11,726 --> 00:03:12,427
Oh, no.
89
00:03:13,162 --> 00:03:15,500
Good luck with your side, Luis.
90
00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:18,439
Tommy,
that was weird, right?
91
00:03:18,539 --> 00:03:19,676
I feel like
I could say anything
92
00:03:19,776 --> 00:03:20,911
because this is
monologue energy.
93
00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:21,913
Exactly.
94
00:03:22,013 --> 00:03:23,282
I said I'd go to Jayden's thing
95
00:03:23,382 --> 00:03:24,919
and then James
just invites himself.
96
00:03:25,019 --> 00:03:28,292
I mean the last time that we
even spoke was me asking him out
97
00:03:28,392 --> 00:03:29,896
to which he said, "I can't".
98
00:03:29,996 --> 00:03:31,733
But now he's, like, following me
99
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:33,937
to the worst party
in Los Angeles.
100
00:03:34,037 --> 00:03:35,574
Maybe he's
a sadness fetishist.
101
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,545
I wonder if I have time
to go home and change.
102
00:03:37,645 --> 00:03:39,515
Hey, Luis,
can you cover my call today
103
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:40,951
with the franchise tax board?
104
00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:41,953
Oh no, my leg.
105
00:03:42,053 --> 00:03:43,924
It has become bad.
106
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,963
Ah.
107
00:03:50,069 --> 00:03:51,539
Howdy, folks.
108
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,913
I'm Camarillo Jones,
and I'm a man of few words.
109
00:03:55,013 --> 00:03:57,451
But I do have to get through
the rest of these intros
110
00:03:57,552 --> 00:04:00,323
and tell y'all
don't open the closet.
111
00:04:00,423 --> 00:04:01,593
There's a bat in there
112
00:04:01,693 --> 00:04:03,730
and he is not part of the game.
113
00:04:03,831 --> 00:04:05,734
Yee-haw!
114
00:04:05,835 --> 00:04:07,471
That's Sally Slattern.
115
00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:09,976
She keeps bar and
she'll keep you warm at night
116
00:04:10,076 --> 00:04:11,613
in the brothel upstairs.
117
00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:14,017
Okay, my bio says I'm just
trying to earn enough money
118
00:04:14,117 --> 00:04:15,654
to move to Canada.
119
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:17,290
What?
I'm not up for those winters.
120
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,660
Good luck, prostitute.
121
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,998
The Reverend Harlan
is a preacher
122
00:04:21,098 --> 00:04:22,735
with one hand on the good book
123
00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:24,873
and his other hand
in the collection plate.
124
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,745
Also, he seems to be looking
at his arm for some reason.
125
00:04:27,845 --> 00:04:29,549
Which is strange
because wristwatches
126
00:04:29,649 --> 00:04:31,418
haven't been invented yet.
127
00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:34,626
Was I not clear
about the bowl, Thomas?
128
00:04:34,726 --> 00:04:35,728
Thank you.
129
00:04:39,736 --> 00:04:42,775
Dr. Eustace Princeton was
a prominent doctor back east.
130
00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:46,716
But why does he spend so much
time in the graveyard at night?
131
00:04:46,816 --> 00:04:47,985
Thaddeus Cole.
132
00:04:48,085 --> 00:04:49,421
I own the railroad.
133
00:04:49,521 --> 00:04:50,758
I own this town.
134
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,496
They're gonna name a bunch
of high schools after me
135
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:56,001
until my role
in the slave trade--
136
00:04:56,101 --> 00:04:58,039
Thank you, Mr. Cole!
137
00:04:58,139 --> 00:05:02,013
And you two, of course,
are adult stable boy Enos Craven
138
00:05:02,113 --> 00:05:03,984
and his lovely wife, Colette.
139
00:05:04,084 --> 00:05:07,658
Who knows that there's more
to life than this marriage
140
00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:10,931
and is openly cuckolding Enos
141
00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:13,436
with Camarillo Jones.
142
00:05:13,536 --> 00:05:14,939
I'm sorry.
Wait, what's that?
143
00:05:15,039 --> 00:05:17,344
It's just you said you wanted
to play the couple, sir.
144
00:05:17,444 --> 00:05:20,350
I lost my manhood in--
in the Civil War?
145
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,354
Is that literal or--
- It is.
146
00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,524
Yeah, you visited my office
and you said
147
00:05:24,626 --> 00:05:26,462
you were running away
from the battle of Gettysburg,
148
00:05:26,563 --> 00:05:27,899
and it got bitten off by a dog.
149
00:05:27,999 --> 00:05:29,468
Okay. I don't like who I am.
150
00:05:29,569 --> 00:05:31,071
Oh, what?
151
00:05:31,171 --> 00:05:32,975
There's been a murder!
152
00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:34,378
Yee-haw!
153
00:05:42,552 --> 00:05:48,472
Tumbleweed.
The sheriff has been found dead
on the jailhouse floor
154
00:05:48,574 --> 00:05:51,045
with a blood-covered hammer
next to him.
155
00:05:51,145 --> 00:05:54,652
And one of us is the "moyderer."
156
00:05:54,752 --> 00:05:57,725
Each of you has a prompt
on your bio card
157
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,896
that tells you
who to talk to first.
158
00:05:59,996 --> 00:06:03,570
Alexa, play my old-timey
saloon playlist.
159
00:06:04,071 --> 00:06:07,077
Playing your old-timey
saloon playlist.
160
00:06:07,177 --> 00:06:09,081
Thank you.
161
00:06:09,181 --> 00:06:11,018
How did you find
a piano player
162
00:06:11,118 --> 00:06:14,057
small enough to fit in there?
163
00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:15,393
Are you stupid?
164
00:06:15,493 --> 00:06:17,163
Oh, you're in character.
165
00:06:17,264 --> 00:06:20,069
Before I became a realtor,
I did do a bit of acting.
166
00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:21,906
Well, I'm Camarillo Jones,
167
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,677
and I'm a man of few words.
168
00:06:23,777 --> 00:06:26,415
So...yep.
169
00:06:26,515 --> 00:06:30,089
Well, Mr. Jones,
I'm supposed to interview you.
170
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,529
But why am I being so formal
171
00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:36,502
when you and I have made
the beast with two backs?
172
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,105
A camel?
173
00:06:38,205 --> 00:06:40,209
Oh, Camarillo Jones,
174
00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:44,686
you have awakened parts in me
I thought died years ago.
175
00:06:44,786 --> 00:06:47,424
Okay, this doesn't feel like
part of the game.
176
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:48,927
Uh, sir, I'm supposed
to talk to you.
177
00:06:49,027 --> 00:06:50,196
It's getting late.
178
00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:52,100
Should you be getting on home
to your husband?
179
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,770
What husband?
180
00:06:55,908 --> 00:06:57,712
- I really don't like this.
- Okay, well, then,
181
00:06:57,812 --> 00:06:58,847
look at your card
and tell me if you did it
182
00:06:58,947 --> 00:06:59,849
so we can all get out of here.
183
00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:01,018
What? Oh.
184
00:07:01,118 --> 00:07:02,722
It just says that
the night of the murder
185
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,493
Enos was in the barn
watching the pigs rut
186
00:07:05,594 --> 00:07:07,063
and touching his wound?
187
00:07:07,163 --> 00:07:08,967
Oh, come on!
188
00:07:11,005 --> 00:07:13,542
Wow. You look gorgeous.
189
00:07:13,643 --> 00:07:15,113
- Uh...
- No wonder you're
190
00:07:15,213 --> 00:07:17,685
the highest-paid
hooker in town.
191
00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:21,860
Oh, yes.
Thank you, Dr. Princeton.
192
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,730
It's 5¢ a night.
193
00:07:23,830 --> 00:07:25,567
I guess, with inflation.
194
00:07:25,668 --> 00:07:26,736
So...
195
00:07:26,836 --> 00:07:30,711
where were you last night
when the sheriff was murdered?
196
00:07:30,811 --> 00:07:32,715
Okay.
Um...
197
00:07:32,815 --> 00:07:33,717
I went straight home
198
00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:36,088
after buying a hammer
at the general store.
199
00:07:36,188 --> 00:07:39,494
Oh, snap, did I do it?
Sally is layered.
200
00:07:39,595 --> 00:07:40,764
As a medical doctor,
201
00:07:40,864 --> 00:07:43,804
I'd say you do have
a murderer's skull shape.
202
00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:46,810
But the face of an angel.
203
00:07:46,910 --> 00:07:48,580
Oh.
204
00:07:49,181 --> 00:07:50,884
Look this way.
205
00:07:50,984 --> 00:07:53,089
Oh, this way.
- Sorry.
206
00:07:53,189 --> 00:07:55,159
My three-page
diarrhea memo, sir.
207
00:07:55,259 --> 00:07:56,830
Oh, you're done
with that already.
208
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,165
It wasn't easy.
209
00:07:58,265 --> 00:08:00,169
I had to cut the whole
"about the author" section.
210
00:08:00,269 --> 00:08:01,606
Oh, thank you.
211
00:08:01,706 --> 00:08:03,643
I'll take a look at it
in the morning.
212
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:06,816
- Why not read it now?
- Arpi, I'm at a party.
213
00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:09,521
A party where your date
just pretended to get bitten
214
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:12,193
by a rattlesnake so Jayden
could suck the venom out.
215
00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:16,001
It's also a party
where I'm supposed to be
216
00:08:16,101 --> 00:08:17,203
totally illiterate.
217
00:08:17,303 --> 00:08:19,541
So I can't read your memo.
218
00:08:19,642 --> 00:08:21,780
Look, I get that diarrhea
isn't flashy.
219
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,550
Except when
there's glitter in it,
220
00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:25,654
which is quite common
for craft store employees.
221
00:08:25,754 --> 00:08:28,526
I don't want to be
the diarrhea mayor, Arpi.
222
00:08:28,627 --> 00:08:31,933
This money is a chance
for us to do something big.
223
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:34,204
Forward-looking.
And cool.
224
00:08:34,304 --> 00:08:35,941
Oh, my God.
225
00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:38,112
You already know what you want
to do with that money,
226
00:08:38,212 --> 00:08:39,682
and you're afraid to tell me.
227
00:08:39,782 --> 00:08:41,920
That's right, because
everything I want to do,
228
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,857
you go out of your way to ruin.
229
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:44,792
You should be grateful
230
00:08:45,694 --> 00:08:47,030
I didn't let you organize
a "men's march."
231
00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:48,633
For prostate health
awareness!
232
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:49,969
Well, the optics
were not great.
233
00:08:50,069 --> 00:08:52,575
You're not gonna ruin
this idea for me, Arpi.
234
00:08:52,675 --> 00:08:54,344
Because I'm not gonna tell you
what it is.
235
00:08:54,444 --> 00:08:57,217
Instead, I'll be playing
"Fruit Ninja" on my phone.
236
00:08:57,317 --> 00:08:58,954
Excuse me, sir,
maybe you didn't hear before
237
00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:00,189
about the phone bowl.
238
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:03,663
And I don't hear you
this time either, Jayden.
239
00:09:05,099 --> 00:09:07,805
Well, now there's a real
mystery afoot tonight.
240
00:09:07,905 --> 00:09:08,774
How is the mayor planning
241
00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:11,713
to blow $90 million
before I can stop him?
242
00:09:11,813 --> 00:09:14,719
No, the real mystery is
what is up with James tonight.
243
00:09:14,819 --> 00:09:17,056
Was that him flirting with me,
or Dr. Princeton?
244
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,259
No, don't get distracted.
245
00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:20,697
We have to solve the stupid
murder so we can all go home.
246
00:09:20,798 --> 00:09:22,000
Wendy Williams
is on "Cordon" tonight,
247
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,837
and I love not knowing
how to feel about that.
248
00:09:23,937 --> 00:09:26,910
Y'all want to know what
I think the real mystery is?
249
00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:30,049
Who's had four
hard ciders tonight
250
00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:34,692
when she promised the mirror
she wouldn't drink?
251
00:09:36,061 --> 00:09:37,230
Shh.
252
00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:39,167
Wink.
253
00:09:44,435 --> 00:09:47,952
You feel that kickin'?
That's our love child, Camarillo.
254
00:09:48,052 --> 00:09:49,287
I'm a man of few words,
255
00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:51,626
so I don't know
how to describe this feeling.
256
00:09:51,726 --> 00:09:53,028
It's orange, maybe.
257
00:09:53,128 --> 00:09:54,632
Colette, darling,
258
00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:57,838
do you have a moment
for your simple-minded husband?
259
00:09:57,938 --> 00:09:59,709
He probably needs
help bathrooming.
260
00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:00,844
I'll leave you two alone.
261
00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:02,013
I don't need--
262
00:10:02,113 --> 00:10:04,284
It says on all our cards
you do.
263
00:10:04,384 --> 00:10:07,023
Hey, thank you for being
such a good sport tonight.
264
00:10:07,123 --> 00:10:08,325
I think we've put our time in.
265
00:10:08,425 --> 00:10:11,031
And Takasugi will take us
at 9:00.
266
00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:14,171
Neil, I'm having fun.
267
00:10:14,271 --> 00:10:16,041
I don't want to leave.
268
00:10:16,141 --> 00:10:19,214
Y'all are just gonna have
to bathroom on your own.
269
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:23,857
Maybe tie the sponge
to a stick so you can reach.
270
00:10:27,898 --> 00:10:29,267
Ms. Shaw,
271
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,873
did the mayor take any
off-schedule meetings
272
00:10:31,973 --> 00:10:32,875
this afternoon?
273
00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:34,377
You know,
274
00:10:34,477 --> 00:10:37,016
after the $90 million bucks
fell into his narrow, bony lap.
275
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:38,285
Well, off-schedule meetings
276
00:10:38,385 --> 00:10:40,423
are off-schedule
for a reason, Arpi.
277
00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:43,095
You help me, I'll help you
figure out what James--
278
00:10:43,195 --> 00:10:44,732
Sebastian Felix.
The mayor took a last-minute
279
00:10:44,832 --> 00:10:46,168
meeting today
with Sebastian Felix.
280
00:10:46,268 --> 00:10:47,805
The supermarket guy?
281
00:10:47,905 --> 00:10:49,207
The supermarket billionaire.
282
00:10:49,307 --> 00:10:51,813
He invented cashiers saying,
"Oh, I've tried that.
283
00:10:51,913 --> 00:10:52,982
You're gonna love it."
284
00:10:53,082 --> 00:10:54,986
Okay, now my turn.
I need to figure out
285
00:10:55,086 --> 00:10:57,223
if Dr. Princeton
is flirting with women
286
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,227
to try to get information
as part of the game,
287
00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:03,269
or if James is flirting
with me for reals.
288
00:11:03,369 --> 00:11:06,108
Dr. Princeton, good evening.
289
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,212
Mr. Cole. How do you do?
290
00:11:08,312 --> 00:11:10,249
Shoot.
I forgot that Arpi's a man.
291
00:11:10,349 --> 00:11:12,186
You know, Doctor,
I'm a widower.
292
00:11:12,287 --> 00:11:15,359
Without my wife, it gets lonely
in that big house.
293
00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:17,765
So I want you to be
my sugar baby.
294
00:11:17,865 --> 00:11:20,102
Why didn't you remind me
that your character is male?
295
00:11:20,202 --> 00:11:22,073
I'm wearing a top hat
and a bolo tie.
296
00:11:22,173 --> 00:11:23,342
That's your costume?
297
00:11:23,442 --> 00:11:25,413
I could have sworn
you were those to work.
298
00:11:25,513 --> 00:11:26,849
Hmm.
299
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,118
I could see me rocking it.
300
00:11:28,218 --> 00:11:30,256
That might be me.
301
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,293
Beyonce's dropping
some new Ivy Park today.
302
00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:33,797
The theme is "crossing guard,"
303
00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:36,134
and I've got to have
that reflective safety vest.
304
00:11:36,234 --> 00:11:37,771
Oh, this is James--
305
00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:39,207
he's on Hinge?
306
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,944
The magazine for
hardware enthusiasts?
307
00:11:41,044 --> 00:11:42,247
I subscribe to that.
308
00:11:42,347 --> 00:11:44,117
I don't have time to explain
the world to you.
309
00:11:44,217 --> 00:11:46,388
Tommy. Where's Tommy?
310
00:11:48,392 --> 00:11:50,096
What did you say to him?
311
00:11:50,196 --> 00:11:51,398
To Enos? Nothing.
312
00:11:51,498 --> 00:11:53,803
I'm talking about the mayor, James.
313
00:11:53,903 --> 00:11:56,141
He had a secret meeting
with Sebastian Felix
314
00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:57,176
this afternoon.
315
00:11:57,277 --> 00:11:58,412
What cockamamie idea
316
00:11:58,512 --> 00:12:00,283
did you put in
his big silver head?
317
00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:02,420
No idea, Arpi. I swear.
318
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,457
I mean, I pitched him
a high-speed rail to Vegas
319
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,894
and then he said,
320
00:12:05,994 --> 00:12:07,330
"You got the high
and the speed right,"
321
00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:08,867
and then he laughed
like he made a joke,
322
00:12:08,967 --> 00:12:11,271
but I did not have
enough context to get it.
323
00:12:12,908 --> 00:12:13,977
Hinge, Thomas!
324
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:15,279
How does being on the apps
325
00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:16,415
line up with "I can't."
326
00:12:16,515 --> 00:12:18,152
Well, how could Dr. Princeton
had been
327
00:12:18,252 --> 00:12:19,387
lancing Enos's pustules
328
00:12:19,487 --> 00:12:20,958
at the same time
he was electrocuting corpses?
329
00:12:21,058 --> 00:12:23,295
"I can't" is not the same
as "I'm not interested"
330
00:12:23,395 --> 00:12:24,966
'cause he was.
But being on the apps
331
00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:26,268
is not the same as "I can't."
332
00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:29,007
It's "I can and I am", right?
333
00:12:29,107 --> 00:12:30,777
- Honestly, what?
- I don't know.
334
00:12:30,877 --> 00:12:31,813
Look, I need to go
talk to James.
335
00:12:32,848 --> 00:12:34,184
Yes, perfect.
You go talk to James as Tommy.
336
00:12:34,284 --> 00:12:35,252
Tell him how no one's
ever replied
337
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:37,825
to your messages on Grindr,
not even the torsos.
338
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:38,927
No. Not about that.
339
00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:40,162
His alibi doesn't add up.
340
00:12:40,262 --> 00:12:41,966
Mr. Tomas,
did the mayor give you
341
00:12:42,066 --> 00:12:43,369
any special assignments today?
342
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:45,139
If Mayor Bremer asked me
to do something,
343
00:12:45,239 --> 00:12:46,375
why would I tell you?
344
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:47,945
Because you know what I know.
345
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:50,182
♪ Because you know
I'm all about that bass ♪
346
00:12:50,282 --> 00:12:52,120
♪ 'Bout that bass,
no treble ♪
347
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,257
♪ I'm all about the bass,
'bout the bass, no treble-- ♪
348
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:57,063
Oh, my God, please stop.
349
00:12:57,163 --> 00:12:57,998
Earlier today
the mayor asked me
350
00:12:58,098 --> 00:13:00,469
to look into eminent domain law.
351
00:13:03,142 --> 00:13:06,014
I'd like to solve
the mystery.
352
00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:08,018
The mystery of what you think
you're doing with that money.
353
00:13:08,118 --> 00:13:11,224
It has come to my attention
that you have city lawyers
354
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,965
working up a brief
on eminent domain law.
355
00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:18,405
Is it a coincidence
that the county just condemned
356
00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:22,013
four square blocks
of downtown LA's historic
357
00:13:22,113 --> 00:13:23,482
Murder Hotel District?
358
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:26,188
And do the words
"high" and "fast"
359
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:28,192
mean anything to you?
360
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:30,363
You're gonna seize
the Murder Hotel District
361
00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:32,300
so Sebastian Felix
can put up
362
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,072
one of his gentrifying
bougie supermarkets,
363
00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:38,880
inevitably followed by shoddy
highrises for yuppies
364
00:13:38,980 --> 00:13:42,988
while your real estate cronies
laugh all the way to the bank.
365
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,324
Down with the patriarchy!
366
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,061
Housing is a right.
367
00:13:46,161 --> 00:13:47,330
Gentrify this!
368
00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:48,399
- Oh, no--
- No, Arpi. Not the place.
369
00:13:48,499 --> 00:13:49,267
Wrong!
370
00:13:49,367 --> 00:13:51,238
It's not highrises.
371
00:13:51,338 --> 00:13:52,975
It's a space elevator.
372
00:13:53,075 --> 00:13:54,645
It's the future of space travel
373
00:13:54,745 --> 00:13:57,150
and the first one's gonna
be built in Los Angeles
374
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,555
and I'll be the Space Mayor.
375
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:03,328
With the help of eccentric
billionaire Sebastian Felix,
376
00:14:03,429 --> 00:14:07,871
I'm building a space elevator,
okay?
377
00:14:07,971 --> 00:14:10,911
Alexa, turn off
the living room lights!
378
00:14:11,011 --> 00:14:12,080
Okay.
379
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:13,282
- What--
- What are you doing?
380
00:14:13,382 --> 00:14:14,217
- It's for the game!
- This is harassment.
381
00:14:14,317 --> 00:14:15,554
No! We're not at work.
382
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:18,459
Alexa, turn on
the living room lights!
383
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,296
Okay.
384
00:14:20,396 --> 00:14:22,400
There's been another murder!
385
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:25,974
And it could have been
any of us decent townsfolk.
386
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,546
Who among us good Christians
hasn't prayed
387
00:14:28,646 --> 00:14:32,053
for the violent death
of the town bicycle?
388
00:14:32,153 --> 00:14:35,961
Hey, Sally Slattern
is a sex-positive trailblazer.
389
00:14:36,061 --> 00:14:37,430
both: Corpses can't talk!
390
00:14:37,530 --> 00:14:39,033
Oh!
391
00:14:39,134 --> 00:14:41,304
We said the same thing!
392
00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:49,487
By climbing
the graphene tether,
the elevator will bring
payloads into space
393
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,095
for a fraction of the cost
of conventional rockets.
394
00:14:53,195 --> 00:14:56,334
A space elevator would
revolutionize space exploration
395
00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:57,503
and research.
396
00:14:57,604 --> 00:15:00,710
All while making a certain
high school science teacher
397
00:15:00,811 --> 00:15:02,346
eat his words.
398
00:15:02,447 --> 00:15:04,451
Now, who knows the most
about science,
399
00:15:04,552 --> 00:15:05,654
Dr. Wachtmeister?
400
00:15:05,754 --> 00:15:07,691
Oh, my God.
This is a real thing?
401
00:15:07,791 --> 00:15:09,060
Okay!
402
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:13,202
So two people are dead
and someone here is a murderer.
403
00:15:13,302 --> 00:15:15,473
It's the mayor.
He's murdering common sense.
404
00:15:15,574 --> 00:15:18,145
The technology for this thing
doesn't even exist.
405
00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:21,084
See? I knew you'd try
to make it sound stupid.
406
00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:22,453
"Sound"? It is stupid.
407
00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:25,192
Okay, so this is
the interrogation round.
408
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,396
Who do we want to ask
questions to first?
409
00:15:27,497 --> 00:15:30,536
Well, I've sure got some
questions for Dr. Princeton.
410
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:32,073
Sally, you're dead.
411
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,275
Please shut up.
412
00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:35,112
Take this seriously, corpse.
413
00:15:35,212 --> 00:15:37,450
$6 billion dollars.
414
00:15:37,551 --> 00:15:39,722
The estimated total cost
of the space elevator
415
00:15:39,822 --> 00:15:41,959
is $6 billion dollars.
416
00:15:42,059 --> 00:15:44,230
It's a moon shot, Arpi!
417
00:15:44,330 --> 00:15:46,702
A project like this
creates new jobs,
418
00:15:46,802 --> 00:15:49,240
new revenue, new technology.
419
00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:51,979
The Apollo program
gave us Velcro.
420
00:15:52,079 --> 00:15:53,282
Are you telling me
that you would like
421
00:15:53,382 --> 00:15:56,154
to live in a world
without Velcro?
422
00:15:56,254 --> 00:15:58,593
You leave my bag out of this.
423
00:16:05,239 --> 00:16:07,443
Hey.
424
00:16:07,543 --> 00:16:08,746
Are you okay?
425
00:16:08,847 --> 00:16:10,416
I don't even know
why I bother.
426
00:16:10,516 --> 00:16:12,520
This party turned out 100 times
worse than a real murder.
427
00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:15,125
Oh, don't say that.
My twin was murdered.
428
00:16:15,226 --> 00:16:17,230
Yeah, and this is worse.
429
00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:19,200
Okay, they're both bad.
430
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:22,006
I just wanted people
to have a fun time tonight.
431
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,542
I did.
432
00:16:23,643 --> 00:16:25,012
I had a great time.
433
00:16:25,112 --> 00:16:26,281
Yeah, of course you did.
434
00:16:26,381 --> 00:16:27,450
You're on a date
with Neil Bremer.
435
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,555
You probably had
the best time of your life.
436
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,258
Yeah, Neil's fine.
437
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,563
He's tall and he's so rich
438
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:36,636
that he throws away umbrellas
when he goes inside.
439
00:16:36,736 --> 00:16:38,038
Wow.
440
00:16:38,138 --> 00:16:39,507
But I like guys
441
00:16:39,608 --> 00:16:43,048
who don't take themselves
so seriously.
442
00:16:43,148 --> 00:16:45,019
You're just fun.
443
00:16:45,119 --> 00:16:48,660
And I like having fun.
444
00:16:55,539 --> 00:16:58,211
Also, and this is admittedly
low on the list,
445
00:16:58,312 --> 00:17:00,215
what if someone farts
on the space elevator?
446
00:17:00,316 --> 00:17:02,621
You ignore it.
Elevator rules.
447
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:03,823
We're not discussing this
448
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,261
because I've already
committed the funds.
449
00:17:06,361 --> 00:17:09,768
Okay, can we just find the
murderer and end this, please?
450
00:17:09,868 --> 00:17:11,538
And where did Jayden go?
451
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:12,841
And Adriana?
- Okay.
452
00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:14,678
You're all welcome in advance.
453
00:17:14,778 --> 00:17:16,348
Get ready to go home.
454
00:17:16,448 --> 00:17:18,820
The identity of the killer
is obvious.
455
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:22,426
Isn't that right,
Dr. Eustace Princeton?
456
00:17:22,526 --> 00:17:23,428
Me?
457
00:17:23,528 --> 00:17:25,232
I'm the murderer?
How is that--
458
00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:27,069
oh, there's stuff on the back.
459
00:17:27,169 --> 00:17:28,606
I didn't know there was a back.
- Dude.
460
00:17:28,706 --> 00:17:30,142
Don't say who the killer is
if you're wrong.
461
00:17:30,242 --> 00:17:31,612
Who does that?
462
00:17:31,712 --> 00:17:34,585
Well, I'm not wrong about
your mystery, James Aniobi.
463
00:17:34,685 --> 00:17:36,254
Yeah, I figured it out.
464
00:17:36,354 --> 00:17:38,292
- Figured what out?
- Oh, my God.
465
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:41,164
What is up with you, James?
You told me that you can't,
466
00:17:41,264 --> 00:17:43,670
but I saw your phone
and you're on dating apps
467
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:46,609
so it just--
it kind of feels like you can.
468
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:49,080
Well, tonight I realized
469
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:51,619
that James is secretly Canadian!
470
00:17:51,719 --> 00:17:53,188
Yeah, he's looking for
a green card marriage,
471
00:17:53,288 --> 00:17:54,858
but he knows you're
not looking to get married.
472
00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:56,361
No, I grew up in Atlanta.
473
00:17:56,461 --> 00:17:57,864
No, you didn't
because earlier tonight
474
00:17:57,965 --> 00:17:59,267
I heard you say "a-boot."
475
00:17:59,367 --> 00:18:01,104
I was talking about
a cowboy boot.
476
00:18:01,204 --> 00:18:02,841
A boot.
- No seriously,
477
00:18:02,941 --> 00:18:06,114
where is Jayden and Adriana?
478
00:18:09,253 --> 00:18:11,458
Dagnabbit!
479
00:18:17,804 --> 00:18:20,209
Sir, just wanted to say
480
00:18:20,309 --> 00:18:23,348
I'm so sorry I cuckolded you
last night.
481
00:18:23,448 --> 00:18:27,256
Kwapis, Adriana, and I
had been on a couple of dates.
482
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,561
That is all. It's fine.
483
00:18:29,662 --> 00:18:32,366
Not that I wasn't surprised
when I went into the kitchen.
484
00:18:32,466 --> 00:18:34,303
I mean, did she lift you up
on the counter,
485
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:35,707
or did you jump up there?
486
00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:37,410
It's all a blur, sir.
487
00:18:37,510 --> 00:18:40,917
Well, I guess,
despite my best efforts,
488
00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:43,255
I ended up playing the part
of Enos Craven
489
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:44,758
pretty well, didn't I?
490
00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:46,394
But there is a silver lining.
491
00:18:46,494 --> 00:18:49,500
Oh, you saw my underwear.
Yeah, that's for odor.
492
00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:51,237
No, no, Jayden.
493
00:18:51,337 --> 00:18:53,475
If you can steal a girl
from Neil Bremer,
494
00:18:53,576 --> 00:18:55,446
you might have to accept
the fact that you're not
495
00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:58,518
gonna die alone.
496
00:19:00,757 --> 00:19:03,395
Get out.
- Oh.
497
00:19:03,495 --> 00:19:06,468
Okay, so when COVID started,
I'd been dating somebody
498
00:19:06,569 --> 00:19:09,575
for about three months,
and, um, Paige and I--
499
00:19:09,675 --> 00:19:12,581
Paige? She sounds white.
Sorry. Go on.
500
00:19:12,681 --> 00:19:14,785
It was like, are we just not
gonna see each other
501
00:19:14,885 --> 00:19:16,254
for, what, maybe a year?
502
00:19:16,354 --> 00:19:17,891
Or are we just gonna
move in together?
503
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,494
So we moved in together.
504
00:19:19,595 --> 00:19:21,766
- After three months?
- It was too soon.
505
00:19:21,866 --> 00:19:24,537
But by the time we were willing
to admit that, we had a dog,
506
00:19:24,638 --> 00:19:26,776
an apartment neither of us
could afford on our own,
507
00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:28,412
a shared iCloud account,
508
00:19:28,512 --> 00:19:30,482
and an unfinished
10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.
509
00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,854
And if you left
and let her finish it,
510
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,758
she'd win the breakup.
511
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,361
So we stopped dating.
512
00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:38,766
But we had to keep
living together.
513
00:19:38,866 --> 00:19:41,371
And, um...
514
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:44,477
Last night, Paige went on a date
for the first time.
515
00:19:44,578 --> 00:19:46,281
And she has every right
to meet someone.
516
00:19:46,381 --> 00:19:48,251
It was just a bit of a surprise
517
00:19:48,351 --> 00:19:49,588
when Hinge showed up
on my phone.
518
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,826
Shared iCloud account.
519
00:19:51,926 --> 00:19:52,961
And, as you saw,
520
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,265
she is getting
a lot of matches.
521
00:19:55,365 --> 00:19:56,602
Which is weirdly validating
for me
522
00:19:56,702 --> 00:19:57,704
but I'm going through
a lot now.
523
00:19:57,804 --> 00:20:00,442
I get why you didn't want
to be home last night.
524
00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,379
I mean, what if she had sex
on the bed
525
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:03,950
that you used to share--
- Mm-hmm.
526
00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:06,756
And last night was not
at all about me.
527
00:20:06,856 --> 00:20:09,628
Well, maybe--
528
00:20:09,728 --> 00:20:12,399
maybe Dr. Princeton
was a way for me
529
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,237
to talk to you again.
530
00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:17,443
And not be that guy who said,
"I can't,"
531
00:20:17,543 --> 00:20:19,848
'cause his life
is kind of a mess,
532
00:20:19,948 --> 00:20:23,522
and I don't really want to
bring someone into that mess.
533
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:26,862
Especially someone that I would someday
534
00:20:26,962 --> 00:20:29,400
like to ask out.
535
00:20:31,004 --> 00:20:33,609
- You mean me, right?
- I am talking about you, yes.
536
00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:35,847
Okay.
537
00:20:35,947 --> 00:20:37,416
So I take it you think
538
00:20:37,516 --> 00:20:39,988
that I am supposed
to apologize to you.
539
00:20:40,088 --> 00:20:43,395
I don't think anyone has
to apologize to anyone, sir.
540
00:20:43,495 --> 00:20:45,700
I reserve the right
to my opinions.
541
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,271
But Los Angeles is building
a space elevator
542
00:20:48,371 --> 00:20:49,675
so I'm doing research.
543
00:20:49,775 --> 00:20:50,542
Oh, good.
544
00:20:51,377 --> 00:20:52,714
I'm glad you're on my side, Arpi.
545
00:20:52,814 --> 00:20:53,683
I didn't say that.
546
00:20:54,651 --> 00:20:56,387
I would say
we are at an impasse at best.
547
00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:58,893
You've made it clear
that you do not value my input,
548
00:20:58,993 --> 00:21:00,329
only my loyalty.
549
00:21:00,429 --> 00:21:01,999
- Arpi--
- Fortunately for you,
550
00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:04,070
I'm very loyal to LA.
551
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,907
I want what's best
for this city.
552
00:21:06,007 --> 00:21:07,409
So I'm not gonna
waste your time
553
00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:09,581
with infighting
or gameswomanship.
554
00:21:09,681 --> 00:21:12,787
However, terms end, Mr. Mayor.
555
00:21:12,888 --> 00:21:14,423
Yours ends in a year.
556
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,296
And then anyone can run
against you.
557
00:21:17,396 --> 00:21:20,469
Because I still think,
more than ever,
558
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:21,906
that we can do better.
559
00:21:25,813 --> 00:21:26,849
Okay.
560
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,727
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
41359
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