All language subtitles for Mr. Mayor -12- Mayor Daddy.srt ENG

- Press conference today?
- No, actually, I have to leave after the morning meeting

for a luncheon.

I'm on a 30 under 30 list.

Wow, "Forbes" 30 under 30?

No, it's wrong time
of year for "Forbes."

You know, I was
"Forbes" 30 under 30.

Okay, well this one is
for women

who are making
a better Los Angeles.

"The 'She Absolutely Did
That' 30 under 30".

Who sponsored
this a women's magazine?

No, a brand of canned rosé

that used to be
a women's magazine.

Well, this is an impressive
list of honorees.

You've got a Goop chemist,
TikTok appropriator.

Billie Eilish's
veterinarian.

Her tarantula had
a fungus, James.

Any idea if the mayor
will be gracing us

with his presence
today, Ms. Shaw?

I have a proposal
to run by him.

Oh, I also need 20 minutes
at some point.

And I need to show the mayor
some pants I bought.

I'm trying something new,
and I need him to be on board.

Okay, well,
he's pretty tied up today.

He asked Kathy to clear
his morning for the I-Team.

And what are we,
chopped liver?

You know, I never understood
that expression.

Chopped liver is delicious.
You get a three-foot baguette,

couple inches of chopped liver
on there, that's your morning.

Man, I love inside jokes.

- But I do not.
- Oh, this guy.

Sir, I don't know
if you saw my latest email.

The subject line
was "Email from Arpi."

No, sorry, but speaking
of the latest,

the I-Team
and I are working on something

and we can't wait
to get it off the ground.

Stop laughing,
you're not part of it.

I am.
You don't know everything.

The mayor and I are working

on a rapid transit solution
for Dodger Stadium--

It's a gondola
from Union Station,

like at a ski resort.

Or a theme park.

Sometimes a gondola
is the fastest way to be

transported back
to the parking lot

when your T-shirt's
inappropriate.

Gondolas, okay.

I look forward to seeing that
in the year 3000 and never.

Actually, Arpi,
we think it'll be ready

for the Olympics.

Tomorrow, James and I
are gonna take the helicopter

for an exploratory trip

with the director
of city planning.

I should be wearing a leather
jacket for that, right?

Oh, you could wear
a ball gown if you want.

We're just excited to have
a mayor who will listen.

Do you need anything
before I take off, sir?

Remember, Salad Works
is the place that you like.

The Salad Mill is a dance club
for gentlemen.

Right.
Hey, quick question.

I'm good at reading people.

Back at my billboard company,

I predicted so many divorces.

Was the morning meeting
a little tense?

Yeah, sir.
You may not get this

since Orly is an only child,

but when parents
have a second kid,

the older one can sometimes

resent the attention
that the baby gets.

And here at work,
there's a new baby.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Are you talking
about the I-Team?

And what,
the rest of my staff's

a bunch of jealous toddlers?

Arpi shops at GapKids,

and Jayden
is pretty afraid of haircuts.

You're doing a lot of special
things with the new kids--

inside jokes
and helicopter rides.

It's so weird for me to think
of a helicopter ride

as special, but okay,
I will block off the afternoon

for some adult fun
with my colleagues.

You cannot word it that way
in the public calendar,

but thank you.
- I know.

And just to be clear, I don't
need that kind of validation

because I'm getting
a trophy today

for being a really good girl.

It is such an honor to be
here with all of these

other amazing women
chosen by Boss Betch Rose.

I wanna thank all
of the girlboss hoes

on the nominating committee

for recognizing the epic work
that our administration

has done
for the less privileged.

On our watch, for the first
time in this She-llenium--

yeah, I said it--

the homeless count
has not gone up.

Of course, there's more work
to be done.

But thanks to my initiative

to turn all of the abandoned Souplantations

into shelters for the unhoused,
we flattened the curve.

Curves flattening curves.

Am I right, ladies?

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

It's fine.

Usually people just keep
walking or skateboarding

or filming their walk-and-talk
for "NCIS".

- What's your name?
- Teri.

That is a really
beautiful name.

- Okay.
- You know, Teri,

this city
offers a lot of great services

for people
experiencing homelessness.

And if you'd like, I can bring
you to one of our new shelters.

Sure.

Look at that.
Isn't this beautiful?

Good Lord,
I thought you were joking.

You really took us
to a golf course?

Arpi, in my world,
this is a sign of respect.

This club is
very special to me.

Listen to that.
That is the sound of planes

not being allowed
within 10 miles of this course.

Yeah. I'll wait in the car.

Oh, come on Arpi.
This is gonna be fun.

Come on,
let's get you geared up.

Right behind you, sir.

Arpi, do you not see
the opportunity here?

Yeah, if this is at all like
"Caddyshack,"

we're gonna see gophers.

Will they be dancing around
like in the movie?

Probably not, I'm sorry.

No, when my college roommates
didn't invite me to go golfing,

they were gone
for five or six hours.

We're gonna get a huge chunk
of alone time with Neil.

No I-Team in sight.

I promised myself I would
never pick up a golf club

unless I was breaking
the windshield

of an unfaithful lover. But...

let's do this.

Make sure you tell them that
the mayor's office sent you.

Oh, here take
this swag bag, too.

Wow. Pop Chips,
an issue of "In Style,"

oh, and a coupon
for a couple's massage

at the W Hotel in Miami.

So loved getting to know you, Teri.

Same.

Have so much fun!

Huh, so that's why
"C" is for "corpse".

Well-played, Sue Grafton.

There you go. That's better.

My socks feel weird.

You can't take 'em
off, Jayden.

We're just walking and
talking, and it's so hot.

Come on, don't do that.

Sir, while Jayden is dying,
maybe I can show you something.

This is a demo for an app
I've been developing

that tells tourists
about the history

of their parking spot.

Wouldn't you pay extra to park
in the same spot

where Dr. Harry Dalton--
as played by Pierce Brosnan--

parked before he talked to
the army men in "Dante's Peak"?

Why can't I get internet here?

Because we're on
a golf course.

Jayden, get up!

Good thing.
I'm all analog, sir.

Do you know how
much money diarrhea

cost the city every year?

That's why I want
to tackle M. U. D.

Okay, stop.
For several reasons.

It's evocative, I know. It's
gonna make a great hashtag.

Arpi, this is a private club.
We can't discuss work here--

What,
then why would you bring us

to this hellhole
of white privilege?

Hey, first of all,
our treasurer is diverse.

And I was just trying
to do something special

with you guys.

You know, share something
that I haven't even shared

with my tax guy.

And thanks to him, I made
negative $10,000 last year.

I have a bar! Sir, sir, sir!
I can show you my thing I made!

I told you to put that away.

There are no electronics
on this course.

You looked at your phone.

Hey do as I say, not
as I do, Orly--Arpi, I mean.

Is there something
on my neck? Ow.

What? You're sunburned.

Can't you guys not even
put on sunscreen?

I did. Don't yell at me
'cause you're mad at him.

Arpi, Arpi!
Hey, don't ignore me!

I learned it
from watching you.

- Ow!
- Oh, my God.

You guys are acting like--

children.
- It feels spicy!

Well, you were right.
The staff is jealous,
and they're regressing.

On the ride home, Arpi gave me
the silent treatment

and Jayden got so worked up
he threw up as Go-Gurt.

Yeah, and now the other
kids have heard about

your golf outing,
and they're acting out.

What do you mean?

Valerie, that's not where
that goes, young lady.

Hey, Luis!
That's not who we are!

All right, all right.
What are we supposed to do now?

We? Oh, yeah, sir,
I wish I could help you,

but I've decided to play
the role of "cool auntie,"

and just throw you
under the bus.

- Dan, get the car.
- Where are you going?

I'm handling this situation
the way my father would've.

I'm going for a drive.

And when I get back,
I will be a little drunk

and ranting about how there are
too many TV channels now.

It's still true, by the way.

You know,
I took a closer look

at the brochure.
- Oh, my God, obsessed.

My picture is good though,
right?

It was my idea
to lean in that doorway.

Sure, uh, look,

I just didn't realize
that you got the award

for "flattening
the homelessness curve".

Mm-hmm,
not all heroes wear capes.

Although I did just order
a cape from ASOS.

Return it.
Don't even open the box.

Look, I didn't necessarily want
to tell you this today,

but my team has been cleaning
up data from the past year

and the city's homeless count
was a mess--

- What?
- Look, I'm happy to share

the data inconsistencies
with you,

because they definitely suggest

that the unhoused population
went up.

Wow, I can't tell if you're
just desperate to convince Neil

that you're more useful
than me,

or if you just can't stand
that I got an award

that isn't just
for corporate sellouts.

Malala was on the same
list with me.

Well, the creative exec
who runs

her production shingle was
on mine, okay?

Arpi? Arpi, the I-Team
is trying to claim

that our homeless count
was off.

Is this all how you
consulting groans

know how to do?
Regurgitate things

other people have been
saying forever?

Wait you agree with James?

No, Arpi,
he's the villain here.

Oh, come on, I am a good guy.

I haven't said anything about

how that award misspelled
"absolutely."

Oh, come-

The homeless count
is never right.

L.A. doesn't have the resources
to recruit, train,

or equip enough volunteers
for a proper count.

So the city took a page
from New York--

The "Flavor of Love"
contestant.

You mean the city.
New York City.

Okay. I'm starting
to feel this fifth can.

NYC conducts
its homeless count

on the coldest night
of the year,

when the fewest people
are actually on the street.

But since L.A.
is never that cold,

DHS decided our count
would be on Oscar night.

The day L.A.
moves all the unhoused people

who live near the red carpet
to the city of Glendale.

And potential volunteers

are all stuck
at home with Oscar fever.

Seriously, Mikaela, you
thought in the 21st century,

in Los Angeles,
homelessness didn't go up?

But, but I got a trophy--

And you "absotudely"
don't deserve it.

I'll be on the roof.

Not feeling this ice cold rosé
through my stolen golf glove.

Wait a second. Teri?

Why--why aren't you
at the shelter?

Um, I don't love shelters.
They're not that safe.

And the curfew so early,
it's dehumanizing.

But we got rid of
the Souplantation smell.

Oh, you really didn't.

I spent the night in one of
those shelters the other week

and I'm still like,
"Where's the Italian wedding?"

Around here, I know the other
people and the store owners.

Sometimes, when I buy
a coffee from 7-Eleven,

they throw in a bag of chips.

You know Lay's made a special
edition tuna casserole chip?

Who voted for that?
- Okay.

But if you didn't want to stay,
why did you let me take you?

I mean, it seemed important
to you to help me.

Like maybe you needed to
"make a difference"?

No judgment.

No, I--I make a difference.
I got L. A. to put

Malin+Goetz products
in the mobile showers

on the Plaza, so--

Smelling like grapefruit
and sandalwood

will definitely pay
for my mom's meds

and get me my job back.

Well, I will make
a difference.

I'm gonna earn that award.

You got an award?
Hey, congrats!

What's it for?

Good for her.

- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Dad, do you know why we have two Hulu accounts?

Uh, that makes it premium,
I think.

Hey, while I got you,
how do you imagine

you would react if you suddenly
had a baby sibling?

What? Dad, ew! What?

Oh, no, sorry, sorry.
I'm not having a person baby.

I have a work baby.

Her name
is "The Innovation Team."

And I'm worried that
my older work children

are feeling ignored.

That makes sense?
- Like how Ceviche

started pulling
her eyebrows out

after her sister Landline
was born.

She's named after
her grandmother's phone.

Oh, so what did
Ceviche's parents do to fix it?

- She got eyebrow plugs.
- No, no, I mean, emotionally.

Oh, well, they spent
one special day a month

where she gets
to decide what they do.

They call it Yes Day.

She usually picks something
like a piercing

or an ironic trip
to a strip club.

And she's much happier now.

Let the kid
pick what they wanna do.

Of course. Thank you.

Oh, I see why we have
two Hulu's.

We were both trying to watch
"Normal People" in secret.

No, no, I haven't--
Bye, Dad.

I haven't watched--
ah, who cares?

- Whatever we want?
- Yes, I'm serious.

Tomorrow,
we will do whatever you want.

Seafood tower,
in-office masseuse.

There's this married couple

who will make up
a whole musical just about us.

We wanna pitch
our ideas to you.

You sure? 'Cause that music
couples sure had a lot

of great looking wigs.
- No, she's right, sir.

But I will take the card

for the husband and wife
make 'em ups.

I'm planning my cousin's
bachelor party, so--

Okay, listen up, everybody,

Tomorrow, my door
is officially open.

Any City Hall employee can come
pitch me

one new idea
that will improve L. A.

Because you are all
very special to me.

Ooh, it's like
"Big Block of Cheese Day"

from the "West Wing."
- Yeah, or "Shark Tank."

Ooh, that Barbara Corcoran.
Ha-chi-cha-chi, am I right?

Oh, thanks for coming
in early.

No sweat.

I keep my sleep schedule
two hours ahead of time in case

I ever take a trip to Chicago.
- Great.

Well, I spent all night
dreaming of new bold ideas

for how to solve
the homelessness crisis.

"Solve". Okay, hotshot.

Well if it's all a housing
cost issue,

we can just raise
the minimum wage--

To keep up with inflation.

We need to raise it
to $47 an hour.

What else you got?
- Okay.

Um, we could build more
single room occupancy units--

NIMBY. Angelenos don't
want 'em in their backyards.

Community boards block that
every time we try it. Next.

Then declare a state
of emergency--

Those are just for show.

Don't give us
extra funding or power.

Okay. Give everyone
Equinox memberships.

And clear everybody out by
5:00 AM for "Best Butt Ever"?

Let them live on
failed sitcom sets--

The kitchens don't work,

and it's hard to get rid
of Patti Heaton vibes.

Mattresses made
out of thrown-out wigs

from Hamburger Mary's--

Ms. Shaw, we tried all these.

The quick fix solutions
never get anywhere

because the city won't admit
how bad the problem even is.

This is just so demoralizing.

I know it's a heavy issue,

which is why network comedy
shouldn't even go there.

Some problems
have an easy solution.

I picked my haircut
40 years ago

and never looked back.

But others? You just got to be
in the fight for the long haul.

I'm gonna run for chancellor.
Yeah!

Excited for the day,
Mr. Mayor.

To keep you from playing games
on your phone,

I asked Orly to help me change
your lock screen.

- Gah!
- "Gah," indeed, sir.

Arpi, I want you to know that
I am fully committed to this.

Well, let's start
with an easy one.

How many work hours a year

does the average Angelino
lose to preventable diarrhea?

Let's take a look.

No, no, no.

As you can see, there's some
historical parking spots

right here in your City Hall.
Go ahead and click on one, sir.

"This is where Bill Hollywood
came up with the idea

that movies should suck."

Okay, you know what,
I asked Bryce the intern

to help me with this,

and I guess he had some fun
at my expense--

"During the 1932
Los Angeles Olympics,

this is where Tommy Tomas
farted himself to death."

Bryce, I will be
telling Tulane about this!

Thus, I feel it is time
for the Hollywood sign

to be bigger
so people can read

what those letters say.

Ah.

L. A. needs an official song.

Now, it'll have to be proceeded
by a warning

because I sing in a register
that can trigger seizures.

We gotta bring tourists
back into our hotels.

Couldn't agree more.

So let's make it a law
that no more relatives

can stay at my house,
okay?

I'll consider it, Sophia.

I think the mayor should let
the driver choose the music.

Okay.

How's everybody doing today?

Good? So here's an idea.

We harness the energy of women
swiping me left on Tinder.

Luis, is this a real idea,

or are you
just working on your stand up?

Well, it's not getting
any laughs,

so uh, real idea, I guess.

What else? What else?

Bumble? More like humble.

Hey, so I took a look

over the unhoused numbers
that you sent,

and I think that they might
in fact be a mess.

Huh.

It's almost as if you're
saying that I was right.

Okay, don't test me, James.

Your mom's Facebook is public

and I've already saved
a video of you

as the only boy in a tap show.

Okay, okay. Withdrawn.

Look, I get that
the situation is worse

than when we arrived,

and I might not have
a quick fix for that.

but I think if we're going
to be persistent about it,

we first need to get
a real accurate count,

and I need the I-Team
to help me with that.

Oh, okay. Great.

But you do realize that if
we get a truly accurate count,

we're not gonna get any praise.

You know, if anything, it's
just gonna make people more--

More furious with us? Yeah.

I'm familiar with how ugly
social media can be.

I posted a picture of myself
in the cape that I bought

and I trended briefly
as "Lady Farquaad."

Wow, that's an old reference.

Well, don't worry. I got you.

Uh, I mean, we got you.

Well, thank you,

And I look forward
to working with you as well.

Ooh-whoo!

Sorry, I was watching the
"Saved By The Bell" reboot

on my phone.

Yeah.

Thank you, Stephen.

I'm not sure how dating
your mom would help the city,

but she seems like
a lovely woman

I will certainly keep
her number on file.

Nice work, Stephen.

Chopper's on the roof, boss.

That's it! That's this
year's staff t-shirt.

Whoa, whoa.
Where are you going, sir?

Arpi, I've been here
for four hours.

I can't use any of these ideas.

It doesn't matter.
It's Yes Day,

and you promised your children.

Jayden's not going
to be 41 forever.

Okay, Kwapis,
let's hear your pitch.

Great. Actually,
I have ten pitches--

- You can do one--
- Four?

- One.
- 29?

- One.
- Fine.

I wrote it out.

"I get sad when we all fight.

"I think siblings should be
nice to their siblings

and share things with them."

Sure. Yeah.

And that's your pitch
for the City of Los Angeles?

Yes, I say we invite all of
L. A.'s sister cities to visit

because then we can
all share ideas.

Athens has dealt with smog
and hosting a recent Olympics.

Auckland is a leader
in gun control and green tech.

And Split, Croatia?

That's where "Game of Thrones"
filmed dragon stuff.

It is time that L.A.
got to know its 25 sisters

and they got to know
their one brother.

Because L. A. is a boy.

Jayden that's actually great.
It's global,

and it shows our commitment
to new ideas.

And, frankly,
unlike most I-Team ideas,

we could probably do it
by the end of the year.

Almost makes me want to hear
your other 28 pitches.

Idea number two, City Lizard.

It's like City Bike
but with lizards,

for Angelenos whose moms
are lizard-reluctant.

Okay, thank you.

Teri.

Oh, how are you
the hardest part of my day?

Teri,
I just wanted to apologize

for overlooking the problems
in the shelter

and to let you know
that we're gonna get

a true, accurate count
of the unhoused population.

It won't fix everything,

but it's the first step
towards real solutions.

Cool.

So is this the part
in your movie

where that KT Tunstall song
starts to play?

Yeah, you know what?
I was lying before.

Teri isn't
that pretty of a name.

Thank you for that.

- For what?
- You didn't patronize me.

I miss people feeling
comfortable to be

low-stakes petty around me.

Oh, low-stakes petty
is where I reside.

Can I tell you how much
I hate my sister's baby?

If you buy me Sweetgreen.

- Okay, deal.
- Okay.

So the second
that I got this job,

she took her first steps,
and apparently

it was
"early for her age".

Okay, Vivian, I see you.

Also, she stays acting like
she can't pronounce my name.

She calls me G-boo.

That's not even close.
G-boo? My name is Mikaela.

Yeah,
I'm also going to be needing

a jasmine lemonade, G-boo.
- Totally.

- Good night, everybody.
- Good night!