Original subtitles

RHIAN: Previously on "Moonshine".

LIDIA: Kidnapping me. (GASPS) The Moonshine is in trouble!

The hole is deeper than we thought.

- How deep? - $350K deep.

Did you know that your boyfriend is probably involved

in the disappearance of Milk Crate Mike?

- NORA: Who's that? - Our director.

- Ooh! Ooh! - KEN: Your director.

NORA: Some big media company offered me a job... in LA.

Ow. I felt a twitch.

I went to pee and there was blood.

- Ani. - Hey, Ryan.

(WATER RIPPLING)

ANI: Caretta, Caretta,

AKA the Loggerhead Sea Turtle.

Sexiest beast of the deep, blue sea.

They're driven by magnetoreception.

The Earth's magnetic field directs the turtles

to return to their exact birthplace.

A sense of home encoded in their very DNA.

Some women are lionesses,

others are cougars.

I am the Loggerhead.

I hide in my shell,

- smart, but shy, - (HEAR BEAT THUMPS)

And there's an instinctual force in me, too.

(KEYS CLACK)

But it's not leading me back to where I was born.

It's leading me back to the place

that changed my life forever.

(WAVES LAP)

Wait so...

you're Sammy's mom?

And I'm Sammy's father?

?

?

ANI: Yeah, I know.

? This is my life, this is my life ?

? This is my life, my life ?

? This is my life, this is my life ?

? This is my life, my life ?

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(SEAGULLS CRY)

I'm sorry, Ryan.

I'm sorry for everything.

I always thought that you never returned my calls

because you somehow figured out

- that I'd become a screw-up. - I never, ever thought that.

Broke my heart when you disappeared.

Just wish I'd known sooner.

Like, 22 years sooner.

Things might've been different.

I never even told my parents.

You had the baby alone.

I said I wanted to learn French,

and then, I transferred to school in Montreal.

I stayed with some friends.

That's where I had him.

I wanted to tell you so much.

But then, I knew you would come looking for me, and...

then they would find out.

I was scared of my family.

I was scared of being judged.

I get that.

I really get that.

It was hard.

I thought about him every single day.

(SIGHS) And then, I saw that video and...

something clicked.

I was drawn back here.

Like a turtle.

Caretta, Caretta of family Cheloniidae.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, my God!

He's got your brain!

- He does? - He does!

You have to meet him.

And everyone. Oh uh...

Wait, right now, Ryan?

I have been waiting a long time for this.

And so has Sammy.

Now is the only time that exists.

Okay.

We thought that the LeBlanc's nabbed you.

What? No, no.

It was just a girls', cabin-in-the-woods

exorcism getaway thing.

Not as relaxing as it sounds.

- What are you doing here? - Oh. (LABOURED EXHALE)

Would you um, excuse us?

I need to have a little...

t�te-a-tte with my wife.

Ex-wife.

(GLASS CLINKS)

Fine. I'm only coming 'cause I really need to pee.

(MUTTERING) What the...

(DOOR CLICKS OPEN)

You could've given me a heads up you were coming.

And what's all this chummy, Kumbaya-by-the-fire shit?

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - (DOOR SLAMS)

Did you find it upsetting to see your husband

hanging out with your new biker boyfriend?

Do you know what else is pretty upsetting?

Discovering that the mother of your children

has hijacked a truckload of snow crabs,

and is involved in the middle of a turf war,

and you could pee without the water running?

I don't even know who you are anymore.

Can you hand me some toilet paper?

Top of the fridge by the tub of jerky.

You know, El and Finn begged me to come, and...

and I could now see why.

- (DOOR CLICKS OPEN) - You have lost your mind.

- They think I've lost my mind? - You're dating a felon!

And did you meet his little sidekick?

Well, that man is a wall of aggression.

They held me here, hostage, against my will.

What I saw there didn't look like it was against your will.

Eventually I decided to stay because Gale...

he's really cool. But that doesn't change the fact

that he's a menace to society.

You have no right to judge me, Mr. Bang-the-Intern.

Oh, come on, at least Marcie is not a criminal.

Just go, please.

Tell the kids I'm okay. Wake them up.

I'll be over soon. Go, go, go.

Thank you.

Uh, sorry, I-I need to shower.

Alone. Huh.

But I do need to talk to you.

Okay?

Meet me at the diner at 1:00.

(DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

?

(CELL PHONE BUZZES)

NORA: Wow.

(CLEARS THROAT) Reason for visit?

Uh, the thing in my uterus died,

along with my hopes and dreams.

I'll just circle A.

We don't know that for sure, about the thing.

You're right. It's probably nothing.

Let's go get an egg sammy.

You need to get your vagine checked and face reality.

Ignoring it is not gonna make it any less real.

Since when are you the expert on facing reality,

Miss Moving-to-LA and-not-telling-Terry?

I'm sorry, I was a little busy in the woods

dealing with Lidia's perimenopausal psychosis.

Terry supports your dreams.

Way more than he ever supported mine,

which is annoying.

Why are you so afraid to tell him?

Because the furthest I have ever been from Foxton is Truro.

What if I hate LA?

All those entitled showbiz vegans.

What if people don't like my stuff?

And telling people, telling Terry,

I just, I... it's... I...

Ignoring it isn't gonna make it any less real.

Match point, me.

Can you for one second be cool?

(BREATHING QUICKLY) Oh, God.

I came as fast as your lawnmower would take me.

I will be right by your side, no matter what.

They would have to horse-tranq me to stop me.

You rode my lawnmower without my permission?

NURSE: Rhian Finley-Cullen?

Come on.

?

DAVIDE: (SIGHS) Quick, my Love!

Take up my harpoon and complete our adventure!

Over the years,

I have envied my husband's adventures.

(DEEP BREATH)

(QUESTIONING SIGH)

This feels silly.

- What does, my dear? - The words.

I'm supposed to make... The audience remember

that child-like wonder still exists.

I-I don't know if I know how to do that.

Trust me.

You have the gravitas of a woman who's lived.

Silver strands.

Laugh lines. Strong hands.

Man, I don't know how you do it.

Do what?

Watch Bobby Broadway jazz-hands your woman.

Apparently it's all just theatre.

Would the tentacles kindly remember

they do not have mouths!

I'd like to stick that harpoon up his ass.

(SCOFFS) Hmm.

Let's take it from the kiss.

Uh, um... the kiss.

I wanted to talk to you about that.

Some notes are always worth exploring.

The other day,

was it a kiss-kiss?

Because it felt like it was.

Hmm. What if it was?

What do your instincts tell you, Bea?

?

(PLAYFUL LAUGHTER, WAVES LAPPING)

I'm sorry if I've been a little...

- Batshit? - MIA?

- We got anymore lox? - But seriously,

should we get your shrink on Zoom?

(SCOFFS) God.

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

(PAPERS RATTLE, DRAWERS CLUNKING)

I put it where I'd know to look.

Hey, Dad. How's the play goin'?

Oh, ask your mother.

Or, should I say, Doris.

- It's going well, dear. - Ah, ha!

There she is. In the freezer. (DOOR CLUNKS)

For the ceremonial uncorking of the moonshine on Labour Day.

Or getting rid of Davide.

Oh, yes. The Moonshine party with actual moonshine.

Wow, if that thing slips,

you're gonna need a tetanus shot.

Do you have something that's a little less dated?

Why is everyone so consumed with replacing old things?

Ken, we may not like Daniel,

but if you're gonna be rude... (CHUCKLES)

KEN: Sammy! Are we booking that flight to England?

Doubt it. Interview was a mess.

I find that hard to believe.

Well, I've never volunteered

with the Indigenous people of Guyana.

So, as far as the nepotism channel goes...

No offence, Mom and Dad.

Tell 'em about my moonshine. Tell 'em I'm a...

chemical engineer. (ALL SCOFF AND LAUGH)

Listen, I get that Gale has

this undeniable magnetism, and those eyes,

so stormy blue with just a hint of green-grey,

but you're gonna have to nip this whole midlife crisis

in the bud. Pronto.

Mainly because we can't afford bail.

Okay, so you got to stop weighing in on my choices

when our marriage ended.

But in this case, I agree with you.

By sundown, my outlaw biker fling

will be nothing but a memory.

Memory I will think of often in... more private times.

Okay. Well, I hope your breakup skills

have improved since you dumped me.

Publicly. Loudly.

Under a pirate chuppah.

I hope so, too.

- And I'm sorry. - Nah, I deserved it.

Just do me a favour, let Gale down gently

because losing you...

really sucks.

And he's got a gun.

(SLURPS COFFEE)

Ryan, maybe you should give yourself some time to process.

I've had 22 years.

You've had 22 minutes.

No, this isn't about me.

Sammy's been looking for you.

Wondering about you his whole life.

He thought you were dead! This is a good thing.

I just think we need to be gentle here.

Nobody knows this family better than me.

And would you rather just rando run into Sammy?

- Then what? - Just wait!

Ryan, wait, Just, just...

Oh, I don't think we should do this right now.

(DOOR CLICKS CLOSED)

(NERVOUS EXHALE)

Sammy.

Uh, look at you.

Oh, my God.

What's... what's going on?

Sammy, everyone,

I'd like to introduce you to someone...

special to me.

An old friend of mine,

Ani.

She worked one summer at the fish and chips shack,

and we kinda fell in love.

We had our first boning session on the beach...

- Ryan, I don't think... - Ani...

Everyone, drumroll, please!

Seriously, you're gonna want a drumroll.

What's happening here?

- Sammy, - No.

...we found her.

Ani is your bio mom.

And we've got somethin' else to tell you.

- Spit it out, Son. - It's me!

I'm Sammy's bio Dad!

And I've been here, all along!

Ho-ly shit.

So, that means, Lidia, Nora, Rhian,

they're all your aunts.

Dad's your Grandpa, Mom's your Grandma,

- Eleanor and Finn are your... - Hi. Um...

this isn't exactly the way I wanted to have this go down,

but I am so glad to meet you.

(WAVES LAP IN DISTANCE)

(DISTANT PLAYFUL CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

BEA: Sammy!

(DOOR CLUNKS OPEN)

Get ready for your minds to be blown, people.

I am having twins!

Woo!

Twins! Ha, ha!

Two babies.

(LIGHT KNOCK, DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

Can we talk?

Oh, Honey.

- We love you so... - No, Mom, don't.

Just don't, okay.

We all know how this is gonna go, so,

why don't I just...

(SIGHS) save everyone the trouble.

Okay.

How's it gonna go?

You usually walk in here

and you say comforting things

to duct-tape over the problem.

And then, if that doesn't work,

I talk to Lidia.

If Lidia's not busy stealing trucks.

And if she is busy stealing trucks,

I'm sure Rhian will threaten Ryan

until he apologizes

for the absolute grenade that he just dropped.

And then, shit really goes south, and then, from there,

I go to Nora, who will only make me see

that the absurdity of the situation is just...

is just something that just can't be fixed.

You're good.

Very good.

Oh, God.

We're gonna leave you alone.

We just wanted to see if you needed us.

Yeah, I do, I have um,

I have one question.

How is it possible

that nobody noticed a Black, teenage girl

working here for an entire summer,

and-and Ryan, who had sex with everybody,

found me, I don't know, what, nine months later?

Hun, we had...

hundreds of part-time employees over the years.

Oh, please.

We may not have been as attentive

as-as we could've been.

I know that, and it's not an excuse.

Yeah. We are so sorry.

We can only imagine how you feel.

No! You can't!

Because the brother that I've been taking care of

since I could talk,

is, is my biological father!

And... her!

She knew where I was the entire time.

And she just like, never came looking?

I changed my mind. I changed my mind.

I wish I never found her.

Just, just tell her to go.

Just tell her to go!

Congratulations.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(DOOR CLICKS OPEN, SHUTS)

Was that...

Yep.

(WAVES LAP)

(BOTTLE CLANGS, ALCOHOL BURBLES)

Kid had a point. (ACCEPTING SIGH)

How did we miss putting those puzzle pieces together?

We looked for that girl.

We tried.

Not hard enough, I guess.

Maybe it was selfish.

You know, some part of us not wanting

Sammy's real mother to be found.

It wasn't selfish.

We had five kids and this place.

We were overwhelmed.

So... it takes a massive family crisis

for us to get talking again.

I've been around.

- You've been busy. - Yes.

Davide and I are trying to put on a show.

I'd like to put his teeny, tiny face in a bench vice.

He's not the problem here.

Things were just dandy before he showed up.

No, it wasn't. You've half-assed everything

I've wanted to do since retiring.

Seems the only thing you want to do, is Davide.

Is it so wrong,

for me to want to have a man look at me again,

- and not fall asleep? - I look at you all the time.

I'm lookin' at you right now.

You might look at me, but you don't see me, Ken.

I'm playin' a goddamn tentacle, for God's sake.

I don't know what more you want from me.

Forget it.

(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH AWAY)

(FRUSTRATED SIGH)

(TRUNK SLAMS)

RYAN: Ani! Ani! Ani! Ani! Ani! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

That could not have gone any worse.

When I rehearsed it in my head, it was a beautiful,

poignant reunion, I swear.

(DOOR SHUTS)

Let me fix this. Please?

It's not all on you.

I agreed, so it's on me.

I didn't know the right thing to do then,

- and I sure don't now. - We can make this better.

No, you guys have some things to work out.

And Sammy clearly wants nothing to do with me, so,

- I should just go. - You can't leave.

- Promise rock decrees it. - Excuse me?

Remember the rocks we painted that summer?

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

We swore that if one of us ever needed anything,

really bad,

all one person had to do was present that rock,

and then, the other person had to do it.

One time only. No questions asked.

This rock says "Kelsey".

Ha, ha!

In the spirit of the promise rock,

give me one hour.

Please, just meet me for a paddle boat like we used to.

That wasn't me either, Ryan.

(SIGHS) Okay, that was me.

Ha, ha.

- Fine. One hour. - That's all I need.

At the marina. Okay?

(CARS WHOOSH BY)

The last few weeks have been amazing

but I-I just feel like I need some space.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Like, a lot of space.

I-I feel like I need to focus on myself.

Honey, just rip off the bandage.

- (COFFEE BURBLES) - Hmm.

- (GENTLE TAP ON GLASS) - (NERVOUS) Oh, hi.

(BELL JINGLES)

(LIDIA GIGGLES NERVOUSLY) Hey.

(LEATHER CRINKLES)

Hi.

Alison. I'm starvin'. What's good here?

Everything.

All right, I'll have the burger,

side salad instead of fries

and a iced tea,

unsweetened. Please.

- So, (CLEARS THROAT) - Oh?

- About this morning. - Hmm. Right, yeah.

Just a lot of family stuff.

Turns out my brother is actually my nephew.

And... it's a very long story.

Uh.

About you coming to my parents' play tonight,

Uh, is that what this is about?

You're nervous about the first official

family event?

Hmm, what I'm about to say is-is actually a big deal.

Okay, I-I've been meaning

to have a big deal chat with you, too.

You have?

This, us, you and me. I mean, it's a lot,

and it's been happening...

so fast, and after meeting Daniel I-I just wonder,

you know, if you need to take a beat?

And...

you know, (SIGHS)

Finish your unfinished business.

Wait, are you breaking up with me?

Think you should take some time

and some space.

Focus on yourself.

On myself.

Okay.

Whoa, that's...

I've never had a man care about my emotional space before.

It's refreshing.

I mean, most guys would just ghost you

once they don't wanna be with you anymore.

(DOOR BELL JINGLES)

I didn't say I didn't wanna be with you.

Oh.

Uh...

I'm just trying to do what's right for you.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS, DOOR THUMPING)

?

LIDIA: Oh, Gale! Oh!

(MOTORCYCLE REVS AWAY)

?

- (RECEIPT CRINKLES) - Glad you came...

to your senses.

Hmm.

(POLICE SIREN WAILS)

Did you dump his biker ass, or what?

Uh, well,

I mean, we had a conversation and decided to...

- Why are you flushed? - Hmm?

Is that a hickey? Jesus.

In that filthy diner bathroom? Who are you, me?

- What're you even doing here? - Oh, nothing.

Just saving your life.

That bathroom bang could've been your last. Ever.

Because you got murdered. Tell her, Ter.

So, Nora got a tip. He called into the show.

Gale's a murderer!

Oh, and Gale is not his real name.

Though unclear why anyone would choose "Gale" as an alias.

- What? No, no. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, I-I know he's a criminal, but he's-he's...

Gale killed Milk Crate Mike.

My druggie ex?

Yeah, they found Mike's body.

Well, technically, parts of his body, his ankle,

and a few teeth. Show her, Ter!

That warehouse is the crime scene of the murder.

And Gale, not his real name's fingerprints are all over it.

- Where'd you get this? - I've got buddy...

Colleague in Fredericton. They've got ballistics,

photos, and all of it points to blue eyes.

A lesser person would gloat.

- Say "I told you so." - Okay,

if you have evidence, then why is he roaming free?

And being so-so sensitive,

and saying just the perfect things?

And having exceptional day sex

in unacceptable bathrooms with unsuspecting women?

Ha! So you did bang in the bathroom.

Okay, they're building a federal case

against the Marauders.

If I arrest him now, it tips them off,

and blows the whole investigation.

Okay. Great.

So, what am I supposed to do here?

Loyalty is very important to outlaw bikers.

They feel betrayed, they lash out. Right?

Until we arrest the leadership, which could be weeks,

or even months, best play is just...

keep things status quo.

So, I'm supposed to just um,

keep boning a really inappropriate,

maybe murderer,

for the indefinite future.

I rest my case.

You are me.

?

(WAVES LAP GENTLY, SEAGULLS CRY)

(SIGHS)

(FOOTSTEPS TAP ON BOARDS)

SAMMY: Hey!

Sammy. Ryan set us up.

(SIGHS)

Yeah, he's uh, full of surprises this week.

(READS) "Paddle your into each others livers. Love Ryan"

"AKA Big Papi."

Save you seats at the play.

If you wanna just walk away, I understand.

- You don't owe me anything. - No, I know, I just...

I've been doing a lot of thinking,

and I still have no idea how to handle this,

or if I even...

want to handle this?

I'm uh...

I'm-I'm lost.

I'm lost, too.

?

(PADDLES WHOMPING IN WATER)

I've always loved this view.

- Me too. - (CHUCKLES)

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

So, you interviewed for Oxford?

- Yeah! - I love London.

- Oh yeah? - Mm-hmm.

That's really cool. I've-I've, um,

- I've never been outside Canada. - Oh.

So, is there anything you wanna ask me?

Anything at all?

Uh, Ryan says you're uh, a professor in New York.

Uh, what's your focus?

- Archaeology. - Oh, cool!

- What's yours? - Uh, anthropology, as well.

- Oh! - But um, ethnology.

- Cool. - Yeah.

It's um...

okay, this isn't going anywhere.

Yeah, I know. It's awkward.

I'm sorry, I just, I really wanna make this work.

No, no, I mean like, the boat, we're not...

Oh!

We're not moving.

Paddle must be broken again.

Then how do we get home?

Oh, with the uh, battery motor that we...

keep in here.

Okay, um, Ryan has removed it.

But...

burritos and root beer?

Carnitas forever.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - (BOTTLES CLINK)

Might as well eat while we wait for someone

to come find us.

Yeah.

?

(CRICKETS CHIRP, THUNDER ROLLS GENTLY)

(JAZZ MUSIC IN DISTANCE)

(PACING FOOTSTEPS TAP)

- GALE: Hey. - (GASPS) Oh, God. Ha.

- You okay? - Yeah, right as rain.

Or an ominous squall,

as the case may be. (GIGGLES)

Good thing my big, strong man

is here to keep me safe. (GIGGLES)

After you.

(THUNDER ROLLS)

(LOW HUM OF CHATTER, JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)

?

Hey.

Wow, you're super affectionate tonight.

PDA Lidia. That's me! (GIGGLES)

Hands off, ladies. He's mine! (GIGGLES)

DAVIDE: Good evening, the Foxton Thespian Society

welcomes you. Please, silence all your devices

because electronics cannot save you from...

"The Call of The Kraken!"

- (CLAPPING) - WOMAN: Woo-hoo!

- (LIGHTS CLUNK) - Come ye all,

draw close and near.

To hear a tale of woe and fear.

While the waves crash

at a furious whip.

Watch as our stage becomes the doomed ship.

(OMINOUS MUSIC, FLOORBOARDS CREAK)

(BROOMS SWISHING)

?

There be a storm on the horizon.

Raise the sails and pray to your salty gods,

that we can outrun this foul deluge.

(SHIP'S WHEEL RUMBLES)

(THUNDER SHEET TWANGS)

The storm is almost upon us.

?

Have you seen Ani and Sammy yet?

No, but I gotta say,

this play's really doin' it for me.

- Shhh! - You shh!

They should've returned from their paddle voyage

of reunification by now.

Ry, sometimes you just need to take a night off

from the never-ending shitfinity that is this family.

Shhh!

Shush me again, Oink,

and I will make it so that your ears wind up

where the sun don't shine

and the short and curlies do cause choking.

Speaking of which, tell Terry yet?

- Shh. - Ha!

- Nora! - Yeah?

- I'm diggin' your show. - Shh!

(ALL SHUSHING)

(DAVIDE CONTINUES PERFORMING)

It be upon us! The storm!

(THUNDER CRASHES)

(HEAVY RAIN PATTERS)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(PULLEYS CLANGING)

DAVIDE: This be no normal storm!

This be the dark magic

of the Kraken's tempest!

(THUNDER CRACKS)

ANI: Where are we?!

I can't see the shore!

DAVIDE: Pull!

If you want your lungs free from a briny death!

You... must... pull!

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

I'm gonna try to swim us back to shore!

Be careful, Sammy!

(THUNDER CRACKS, WATER SPLASHES)

FINN: Ah! Ah!

Man overboard! Help him!

ANI: Sammy! Hold on!

- (WATER BUBBLING) - ANI: (MUFFLED) Hold on!

- (WATER BUBBLES) - (PANTING HEAVILY)

FINN: It be Davey Jones' locker for me.

ANI: Sammy!

(MUMBLING)

(GASPS FOR AIR)

Ah! Ah! Help!

ELEANOR: Cut and run!

It be too late for Hamish, Captain!

The Kraken will have us all.

DAVIDE: I'd like to see that foul beast try!

ANI: Sammy!

The current is too strong!

FINN: I'm drowning! Ah!

(THUNDER CRACKS)

ANI: Hold on, Sammy! I'm coming in to help!

(THUNDER CRACKS)

- FINN: Ah! - Oh, Finn!

Ah!

(WATER SPLASHES VIOLENTLY) ANI: Sammy! Sammy!

FINN: Ah! Ah! Ah!

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Hamish is dead.

Goodbye, Hamish.

(RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER CRACKS)

ANI: Sammy!

- (CLAPPING) - Tempo!

BEA: That was magnificent.

Prick thinks he owns this stage.

Quit whining, man.

It's time you reminded them who built the damn stage.

Hammered every goddamn nail.

ELEANOR: It be many years later, says I.

?

(AUDIENCE CLAPS AND CHEERS)

?

BEA: But you killed the Kraken years ago.

Have you gone into a madness?

I be more sane than any man who's ever lived.

And I say the Kraken's had a child.

And it wants us dead!

BEA: Then we will kill it!

Together.

(LIGHT BLOW)

- (AUDIENCE CLAPS) - RHIAN: Woo! That was great.

- That was good. - That was really good.

(THUNDER CLAPS)

DAVIDE: There will now be a 15-minute intermission.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER CLAPS)

This play is really somethin'.

Hmm. You're really something. (GIGGLES)

Mm. (LIPS SMACK)

- I'll be back in a minute. - Okay. Don't be long.

Miss you!

(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)

- What was that back there? - What?

I'm just doing what Terry told me to,

keeping it status quo.

Status quo is giving hand jobs during the first act.

- You are overdoing it! - I know!

I'm a terrible liar.

Male egos are fragile

and dangerous enough with normal dudes.

This guy knows our secrets, and is a murderer.

- I know! - And Terry was no help.

I can't believe the cops can't protect me.

Well, what were you expecting? A new identity?

Relocation services?

Foxton PD barely has a coffee machine that works.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Maybe I-I have to go the opposite way.

- To the dark side. - Okay.

Someone who knows how to beat Gale at his own game.

(SLY INHALE)

Jill LeBlanc. Is that crazy?

The Jill who you stabbed in the back

and put behind bars? Yes!

(SCOFFS) Is this light beer?

I need to drink away this terrible performance,

and I mean you and Gale.

Play's pretty good. I guess.

(THUNDER CLAPS IN DISTANCE)

Ugh! Ew!

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

?

(WATER RUSHES)

Oh, hey.

Didn't peg you for being much of a theatre guy.

I played Mr. Mistoffelees in grade school.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, right.

Are you joking?

Because I can't tell.

Anyway, I'm uh, I'm surprised to see you.

It's uh...

it was very big of you to come.

I guess Lidia took my advice

and was more gentle breaking up with you

than she was with me because the ice cream scoop

that she used to dig out my heart

was pretty dull, my friend.

(SIGHS) Gettin' dumped, it's never easy.

(WATER RUSHES)

But you'll get over her.

Eventually. Time heals all wounds.

- Depends on the wound. - Yeah.

Well, enjoy the rest of the show.

My son tells me that my soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law

will be fighting a calamari.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

?

?

- (FOOTSTEPS THUD) - Boss, we gotta talk.

?

(HEAVY RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER CLAPS)

RYAN: Wah! Wah! Sammy!

?

Sammy!!

Sammy!!

(OARS CREAKING)

DAVIDE: This final blow be for McCuddy.

And Bill. And Little Reggie.

And Hamish.

And all the rest of my men who are on the bottom,

you vile... (GRUNTS)

(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)

Quick, my love, take up my harpoon,

and complete our adventure.

(GROANING AND GRUNTING)

Over the years,

I have envied my husband's adventures.

I have despaired his obsessions.

I...

...find myself...

asking...

DAVIDE: Asking was it worth it?

Was it worth it?

?

(WAVES FLUTTERING)

(BOAT RASPS ON BOARDS)

DAVIDE: What's happening? (BEA GASPS)

- (LIGHT THUDS ON) - DAVID: What's happening?

- (GASPS) A spotlight? - DAVIDE: That's not the cue.

For me?

(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)

Doris, my love, come kiss me

and let us stab the Kraken's eyeball,

as one!

No.

No, I've changed my mind.

Doris, I think you mean to say,

"Yes, and... we'll keep searchin'!"

No, I don't need to keep searching.

And I certainly don't need to harpoon the Kraken.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Because I am in love

with one of its tentacles, damn it!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND OOHS)

(OOHING AND AHHING)

(BOISTEROUS CHEERING)

(CLAPPING)

- (CAT CALLS) - Woooo!

- FINN: Way to go, Grandma! - You kiss that tentacle!

(BOISTEROUS CHEERING)

DAVIDE: This is not in my script!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

DAVIDE: Cut the lights.

Cut the lights!

Best play ever.

Oh, we should've done community theatre years ago.

Stay in character.

My harpoon is locked and loaded.

(BEA CHUCKLES)

- (THUNDER CLAPS, RAIN PATTERS) - Sammy!

SAMMY: (FAINTLY) Ryan.

- Hello? Hello? I need help. - SAMMY: Ryan!

Sammy!

Sammy! Ah!

- Ryan, hey. It's okay. - Oh!

- It's okay. - Oh, I thought I lost you.

It's okay. We're fine.

I thought I lost you.

We're wet and cold but we're fine!

I suck at fixing paddle boats.

Ha, yeah!

?

(RAIN PATTER HEAVILY)

Come on, Sammy.

Come on.

?

(FLAMES CRACKLE)

?

- Marshmallow, Bro? - Hmm.

Thanks.

Can I still call you "Bro"?

"Son" seems weird.

It's weird. (CHUCKLES)

Stick with Bro?

I'm gonna see if I can track down some chocolate.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(ANI SIGHS)

You still sure there's nothing you wanna ask me?

Actually, uh, yeah.

There is, and...

it's a hard question.

But...

I have to know.

When you left me here, (EMOTIONAL SIGH)

Sammy, uh,

my father was a pastor

and my mom was a Jesus freak.

If they would've found out that I was pregnant,

they would've either put you in the system,

or worse.

Done the classic passing you off as their own trick.

I didn't grow up in a happy home.

It was cold and...

strict.

No one said, "I love you."

I was scared.

And alone.

(TEARY INHALE)

I couldn't do that to another child.

I couldn't do that to my child.

The greatest gift I could give you was...

letting you grow up at The Moonshine.

With this family.

Your family.

Doesn't mean I don't regret it

because if I could change it now...

(CATCHES BREATH)

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Anyway, um,

does that answer your question?

You know,

I was actually gonna ask,

(CHUCKLES)

Where the Hell did you think I was gonna get my hair done?

- (LAUGHS) - Oh wait, you mean to tell me

they don't have Black hairdressers in Foxton?

- (LAUGHS) - Right. (LAUGHS)

?

?

?

(NORA'S PHONE BUZZES THEN RINGS)

Oh no.

TERRY: How was the play?

Uh, it was spectacular.

(DEEP INHALE)

I have something that might top it.

Come on.

(CAR RUMBLES)

(BRAKES SQUEAK)

(WINDOW WHIRS OPEN)

What're we doing here?

Is this where the Marauders bury the bodies?

- Oh, I hope not. - Heh.

Because that would really kill the property value,

and I...

just forked out a down payment.

On what?

The house.

You're moving?

(CHUCKLES) No.

We're moving!

(CHUCKLES) I mean, I hope we are.

Okay, look, it-it's a 3-bedroom,

I'm not gonna be in your hair and uh,

there's a, there's a garage around back

that I was thinking we could

convert into a studio,

if you wanted to work remotely.

We can finally have our own place.

A home.

Terry.

I...

I am actually gonna be working remotely.

- Great. - Good, good, good.

I'll get going on that garage right away.

I'll put up some soundproofing. Uh...

No, Terry.

Um...

I am leaving Foxton.

I got a gig...

in LA.

?

?

(RAIN PATTERS)

(ROCK MUSIC)

?

Did you know that baby corn

is legit a baby corn, but baby carrots are just adult carrots

- cut into baby shape. - Have you seen Gale?

Yeah, yeah, I saw him in the men's room in intermission.

Looked like he was taking it pretty well.

Taking what pretty well?

The break-up.

I asked him how he's doin' and seemed okay.

They don't even try baby cauliflower,

which seems like a perfectly wasted opportunity.

(MOTORCYCLES RUMBLE LOUDLY)

(RUMBLING INTENSIFIES)

(ENGINES REV)

WOMAN: What's happening?!

(ENGINES REV)

Hey, Hun.

I was worried.

Yeah, you should be.

'Cause there's not enough drink tickets for your pals?

I was just showing the boys here their new home.

MAN: Yeah!

?

WOMAN: Yeah!

(ENGINES ROAR AND REV)

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