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1
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We are ghosts.
2
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While most spirits pass on
to the afterlife,
3
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,140
we are cursed to spend eternity...
4
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Oh, and she's gone.
5
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,492
Now what's going to happen to the house?
6
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,604
This must be them, the new
folks that own the house.
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,190
- Why don't we just try haunting?
- Oh!
8
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We scare them away. We're ghosts!
9
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We did it!
10
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W-watch out!
11
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Oh, my god! Sam? Sam!
12
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I hope you were at least as upset
13
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,542
when I was technically dead
for three minutes.
14
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- This can't be real.
- What are you looking at?
15
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,873
- I think you're right. She can see us.
- Uh-huh.
16
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Hello!
17
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,167
Well?
18
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Yup, she can still see us.
19
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Yes!
20
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:28,940
Also, she's apparently a little cranky
21
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,173
before she's had her coffee.
22
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,725
Troops, never before have we
possessed the ability
23
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to communicate with a living.
24
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We are in uncharted waters.
25
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Those are worst type of waters,
unless, of course, you find COD.
26
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This opens up intriguing
27
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,485
possibilities to get them to leave.
28
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,362
Namely: Diplomacy.
29
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,741
Thankfully, you're looking
at the man who negotiated an end
30
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,785
to the siege of fort ticonderoga.
31
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,204
You surrendered unconditionally
to the British.
32
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,640
But we lived to fight another day.
33
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,458
You died of dysentery two weeks later.
34
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Did I?
35
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,502
Thank you. Thank you.
36
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,504
Point is, I'm good at talking.
37
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,090
Don't talk to enemy, destroy them.
38
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,052
Then toast their deaths
with horns full of mead!
39
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,012
Okay, that boy has
some serious anger issues.
40
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,681
Why do we have to make the livings leave?
41
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,892
It just seems like such a bummer.
42
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,661
Because, they're planning
on turning my beloved
43
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:26,772
woodstone mansion into a hotel,
that's why. We'll be overrun!
44
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,941
Exactly! We can't let
these invaders take our land.
45
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,585
Do you hear it? At all? Do you hear
the words that you're saying?
46
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,947
You know, we don't have to talk her
into leaving or destroy anyone.
47
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:39,117
We could just befriend her
and ask her not to open the hotel.
48
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:42,287
So, no hotel, but the hot chick
stays? I like that plan.
49
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,499
Yeah, could be useful to have
a living that we can talk to.
50
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,043
Ooh, I can get her
to look into the details
51
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,420
surrounding my mysterious death.
52
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,756
Oh, please. You had a heart attack.
53
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,651
- Which was likely brought on by poisoning.
- Okay.
54
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:58,053
My death, like my life,
was spectacular. Had to be!
55
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,139
No way I went out from something
boring like a busted ticker.
56
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,516
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
57
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,410
My doc was pretty worried
about my blood pressure.
58
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,145
Luckily, didn't turn out
to be a problem.
59
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,231
Oh, what happened?
60
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,317
There's an arr... we've been through this.
61
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:18,407
- —Jay! Where were you?
- I was in the attic. Are you okay?
62
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,802
Jay, they're back. I woke up,
and one was in the bathroom...
63
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:21,827
Whoa, whoa, okay, okay.
64
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,037
These are just residual effects
from your accident.
65
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,556
- What happened?
- I ran into the door
66
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,582
when I tried to attack him
with a toilet brush.
67
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:31,378
Um, is that like to ghosts what
wooden stakes are to vampires?
68
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,754
It was the only thing handy!
69
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,638
Please don't make fun of me.
I really saw one.
70
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,093
Okay, okay. Um, have you seen
one since you hit your head?
71
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,803
No.
72
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,764
Do you think somehow hitting my
head the second time cured me?
73
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,617
I mean, if you haven't seen one
since you hit your head,
74
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,452
- you're probably out of the woods.
- Oh, my god.
75
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,895
They're back! They're here.
They're all behind you.
76
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,897
Hello! Sorry about before.
77
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,899
I don't see anybody.
78
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:55,360
I would like to formally
open negotiations to discuss
79
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,362
your withdrawal from woodstone mansion.
80
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,740
- Hear, hear.
- There's a hippie and a viking.
81
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,032
- —Be gone!
- Peace!
82
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,534
And a guy dressed like Hamilton.
83
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,870
Hamilton? How do you know about Hamilton?
84
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,538
One of them's not wearing any pants.
85
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:10,083
- Oh, yeah? You like that?
- Hi. Alberta.
86
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,686
Can you help me find out who murdered me?
87
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,712
Hey, babe, remember what the doctor said.
88
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,214
You might experience
some visual disturbances.
89
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,300
I'm sorry.
90
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,720
Y-You're talking about Alexander Hamilton?
Did that little twerp become famous?
91
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,683
Wait. Isn't that the guy
on the ten—dollar bill?
92
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,891
- The what?
- They seem really real.
93
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,452
- Well, of course we're real!
- We're right here.
94
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,245
- He's on paper currency?
- You're hearing us!
95
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,949
Okay, but what do you think
is more likely?
96
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,106
Do you think you're seeing ghosts,
or do you think
97
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,275
you're suffering symptoms
of a severe concussion?
98
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,526
- Ghosts.
- Obviously.
99
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,487
-Yeah. —concussion.
100
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,654
No!
101
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,615
They're all in your head.
102
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,992
You just ignore them, and they'll go away.
103
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- Ignore us?
- Well, that's rude.
104
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,621
You go get some rest
105
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,707
because your man
is taking care of business.
106
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,667
- Do you know how that works?
- Mm... oh.
107
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:53,835
No. No, I do not.
108
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,796
- But the Internet does.
- The Internet?
109
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,024
It's an invention for looking
up stock prices and porn.
110
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,217
I'm gonna let the contractors
handle the big things.
111
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,069
But you know what? Papa bear's
gonna save some money
112
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,514
where I can, because we're not all
Mr. Moneybags here, am I right?
113
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,390
From where
114
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,851
did you find this awful painting
of my philandering husband?
115
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,216
Oh, yeah, Elias. I remember
when he sat for that painting.
116
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,873
- And then when he slept with the artist.
- Yeah.
117
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,608
Okay, I guess I'll just go lie down.
118
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,235
You're gonna be better in no time.
119
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:22,280
The bones have spoken,
and they foresee your doom!
120
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,574
Right. Thanks.
121
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,877
What are you doing in my room?
122
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,338
Oh, yeah, this is gonna
make a dope man cave.
123
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,422
What?
124
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:43,051
A cave of men? What does that even mean?
125
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,640
Oh, no.
126
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,326
What are... what are you...
What are you doing?
127
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,310
Oh, hey, Hetty. This is fun.
128
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,312
This is not fun.
129
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,274
This horrible man has destroyed
the sanctity of our rooms.
130
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,568
Oh, it's like we're roommates.
131
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:02,529
You got this.
132
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,739
- Oh.
- Oh!
133
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,242
- Crap.
- Are you mad?
134
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,704
You've made it even bigger!
No, no, no, don't walk away!
135
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,164
Yay!
136
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,083
Hey, who's your favorite boy ghost?
137
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,128
I'd say Thor, but he really scares me,
but I kind of like that.
138
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,171
You know what? No. No, no, no, no.
139
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,673
No, no, no.
140
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:25,427
This Jay fellow has
ruined our ability to communicate
141
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,597
with Samantha by convincing her
that we are not real!
142
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,682
Which is a serious setback.
143
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,393
In the face of which, a lesser leader
144
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,853
might give up.
145
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,397
Like, for instance... oh, I don't know...
146
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,732
Hamilton.
147
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,942
- Dude is obsessed.
- Mm.
148
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,738
He was a terrible commander.
He was all about himself!
149
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,616
Whereas I... I was known
for making men under me happy.
150
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:51,286
How are we supposed to befriend Sam,
or "drive her from the land,"
151
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,889
yeah, yeah, if she's just ignoring us?
152
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,498
Enemy's not supposed to ignore.
It hurts feelings.
153
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,167
We don't let her ignore us.
154
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,835
We do the same thing I did in '98
155
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,759
when Lizzie grubman told me
the list was closed
156
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,715
for diddy's white party.
We keep bugging her!
157
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,383
What kind of party? What is "diddy"?
158
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,718
It's a jaunty little song.
159
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,888
The references are not important!
The point is, we don't give up.
160
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,098
We keep bugging her.
Now is when we double down!
161
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,434
So simple, yet so brilliant.
162
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,145
- Thank you.
- We don't allow her to ignore us.
163
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,146
Yes.
164
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,232
Yes, we will pester her in the kitchen.
165
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,360
And we will annoy her in the living room.
166
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,527
- Yeah!
- My idea.
167
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,237
We will make her life a living hell
168
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:29,908
so she has no choice
but to finally acknowledge us!
169
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,159
- Yes!
- Yes!
170
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,869
And then we drive them from this land!
171
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,330
- Yes!
- Or have a nice, friendly chat!
172
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,665
That one. You do that one.
173
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,309
She will rue the day!
174
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,585
Chop their legs off, hang them from trees!
175
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,672
- Roll it back. It's too much!
- You're making it weird.
176
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:49,511
Hi there!
177
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,471
Hello?
178
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,354
All right, I know
you're actively ignoring us,
179
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,641
but that's okay.
180
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,230
Ah. Oh, you looked at me.
181
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,524
She looked at me! Ooh, it's working.
182
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,903
Aah! Death to our enemies!
183
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,325
Is it getting any better?
184
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,618
Um...
185
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245
Now who would want me dead?
186
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,622
I was a beloved jazz singer.
187
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:20,417
- Not really.
- I'm sorry, sweetie.
188
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,502
I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow.
189
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,046
Okay, there was one person.
190
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,215
She thought I was having
an affair with her husband.
191
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:30,218
I was sleeping with him,
but she didn't know that, so in a way,
192
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,470
I kind of wasn't as far as she knew.
193
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,806
So then the bear raised his arms
to attack me,
194
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,368
but the shrooms were kicking in,
and I thought he just wanted a hug.
195
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,828
You know, how everyone talks
about bear hugs?
196
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,454
They're not talking
about hugs from actual bears.
197
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,732
Can you please stop talking?
I'm trying to sleep.
198
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,109
Oh, yeah. No, totally.
Yeah, no, I'm so tired, too.
199
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,694
Why do we sleep?
200
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,780
- I don't know.
- When I was at Woodstock,
201
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,175
I didn't sleep at all, 'cause
I didn't want to miss anything,
202
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,451
especially the grateful dead.
203
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,996
I was a huge "deadhead," which was ironic,
because I wasn't even dead at the time.
204
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,248
I don't care.
205
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,921
Look, I get it.
206
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:10,133
Who wants to think they're
seeing ghosts? It's scary.
207
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,969
You know what's scarier? Eternity.
208
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,638
So, I find ways to break it up,
create some drama.
209
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:19,142
Like yesterday, I told alberta
that Hetty said she didn't like her hat.
210
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,062
Now, did Hetty really say that?
211
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:25,648
Well, I will take that answer to
my grave, which will never come.
212
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,026
Which is why I have
to do this kind of stuff.
213
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,947
Oh, hi there. I'm Steve.
214
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,533
Unbelievable. Jay, there's another one!
215
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,410
He's a big guy with a greasy beard.
216
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,870
- Hey.
- Hey, babe.
217
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,205
Have you met Steve?
218
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,957
Here you go.
—wait. You can see him?
219
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,209
W-What's happening?
220
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,294
Sam, Steve! He's here
to help us with the cable.
221
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:49,130
Who is this man? Another invader?
222
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,132
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry, Steve.
223
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,593
I haven't been sleeping well.
It's great to meet you.
224
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,512
Um, that should about do it. I went ahead
225
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,114
and gave you three months
of the sports package.
226
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,682
- Cool.
- He too shall feel our wrath.
227
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,310
Shut up, uh_.
228
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:05,105
J“ about that sports package, Steve j“
229
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,606
what a deal!
230
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,817
Yeah. R-Right?
231
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,027
I'm-i'm... I'm gonna test her out.
232
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:16,908
The vikings were known
for their prowess on the battlefield,
233
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,785
often overpowering...
234
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,871
What is this... magical window?
235
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,414
Hello!
236
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,750
Oh, okay. Well, I'm down
for a stroll.
237
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,253
Where we headed?
On behalf of my fellow ghosts,
238
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,980
- I'd just like to welcome you to...
- You're not real.
239
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,774
I mean, I'm not technically alive,
but I am real.
240
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,799
No, you're not.
241
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,276
- You're answering me.
- No, I'm not.
242
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,778
Okay, I thought of a couple other people
243
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,095
who may have wanted me dead.
244
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,697
Any chance you could
hop the train down to Memphis
245
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,241
- —and knock on some doors?
- Hey, am I crazy,
246
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,392
- or is there chemistry here?
- This isn't happening!
247
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,186
I know. I didn't expect this, either.
248
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:48,064
Okay,
so this machine truly has access
249
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,788
to the entire breadth of human knowledge?
250
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,401
Yeah, pretty much.
251
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,987
Okay, I need you to look up
"Alexander Hamilton" on this.
252
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,909
Do you know how long it would take me
to type all those letters?
253
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,911
I must know what he went on to do.
254
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,372
He haunts me, and I'm a damn ghost.
255
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,458
Okay, buddy, stand back.
256
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,669
Let me work my magic.
257
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,884
My god, the pageantry.
258
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,802
- Do you want this, or not?
- Yes. No, I do.
259
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,888
-Shh! —I... I like it.
260
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:23,183
Ah... come on! Come on!
261
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,809
You've got it! You've got it!
262
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,478
Ah... and...
263
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,360
Ah!
264
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,489
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
265
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,783
Oh, amazing. Okay, next
letter. Next letter! Oh...
266
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,370
Mmm. Thor can smell the salty brine.
267
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,122
There's my toolbox.
268
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,875
Was a ritual
of great importance in viking society.
269
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:52,420
Come on! Electricity!
270
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,215
Oh, by the loins of Freya, why?
271
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,008
Small man?
272
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,473
Well, if it isn't "Mr. Fix it."
273
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,850
- Why has he got a hammer?
- Who knows?
274
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,894
Oh, no, no.
275
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,021
Oh, no. Oh, you fool!
276
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,649
What are you doing? Stop it! Just stop it!
277
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,276
God, I know we're dead,
but he's trying to kill us.
278
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,655
"Psychotic breaks."
279
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,907
- Okay, that's me.
- A moment of your time.
280
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,867
- —That's also me.
- You must repair my wall.
281
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,471
I cannot spend another night listening
282
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,371
to that bohemian blather away.
I won't do it!
283
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,582
Bring back my people to the thing,
the sorcerer's window!
284
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,251
You are a strong, sane woman.
285
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,127
You are a strong, sane woman!
286
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,380
Hey, big head.
287
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,924
I don't want you anyway.
288
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,760
See? Say something negative,
get 'em off balance.
289
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,929
Oh, I don't know why
I didn't start with this.
290
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,098
"Depression, difficulty concentrating..."
291
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,909
Babe, can you please
bring me my screwdriver?
292
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,268
Sure thing.
293
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,645
- —She moves!
- Do not walk away from me!
294
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,107
She can't move too fast with
those slightly-too-large ankles!
295
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,900
This is genius.
296
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,902
- You cannot escape us!
- Oh!
297
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,071
No way I'm going down there.
298
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,573
No, no, they... they are terrifying.
299
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,493
Jay, I think there's something
very wrong... oh, my god!
300
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,161
- What?
- What do you mean, "what?"
301
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,665
- There's a bunch of zombies down here.
- Zombies? Zombies aren't real.
302
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,583
We are ghosts. We all died of cholera.
303
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,460
It wasn't great.
304
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839
Babe, I think you really
just need some more rest.
305
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:21,592
We are way past rest. We need
to go to a hospital now.
306
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,344
Okay. Well, I'll drive you.
307
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,429
Red valve. Tell him...
308
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,504
- Please turn the red valve!
- Can you turn the red valve?
309
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,477
- What?
- Can you just turn the red valve?
310
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:35,023
It-it's kind of urgent,
if you like the house.
311
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,942
- There you go!
- Yes.
312
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,986
How did you know about the red...?
313
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,739
Can we get the hell out of here, please?
314
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,408
- Okay.
- No. Wait. Don't do that.
315
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,036
Oh. Nuts.
316
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,976
I'm just saying, it's been three days,
317
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,461
and I'm not feeling any better,
so I'm starting to freak out.
318
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,546
Well, I have to be honest.
319
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:01,466
- I don't think this will get better.
- What?
320
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,885
It seems as if your accident
left you so close to death
321
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,347
that you somehow obtained the ability
to actually see dead people.
322
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,265
That can't be possible.
323
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,309
It is quite rare, but I've seen it before.
324
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,062
The last time was around 85 years ago.
325
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,772
Wait. How-how old are you?
326
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,566
Well, I was about 50 when I died.
327
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,693
Now, sorry about that.
328
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,029
I'll let you visit
with your living doctor.
329
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,822
What seems to be troubling you?
330
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,116
She's excellent, by the way.
331
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,539
This is amazing.
332
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,124
The plan's working!
333
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,335
Working? Thor, she ran off screaming.
334
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,628
We've driven her insane.
335
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,714
- Oh, what does it matter? Nothing matters.
- What's up with soldier boy?
336
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:45,134
Isaac had me look up
"Alexander Hamilton" on Jay's computer.
337
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,653
His list of accomplishments
was even grander
338
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,179
than I could have imagined.
339
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,306
And then we looked up Isaac.
340
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,977
"Graduated dartmouth,
died of dysentery."
341
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,147
That's it? That's all it says?
342
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,151
I was mentioned in but one
academic journal, in a footnote.
343
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,737
I'm literally a footnote in history!
344
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,030
Well, dartmouth is very good.
345
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,115
Safety school.
346
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,033
My life meant nothing.
347
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,411
Whereas my rival is known to this day.
348
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,704
There was even a musical about him!
349
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,706
You're really fixated
on that musical thing.
350
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,417
Well, this might come as a shock to you,
351
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,544
since you see me
as this tough military type...
352
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,504
- Mm.
- But musical theater
353
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,339
is actually a passion of mine.
354
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,715
Hmm.
355
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,987
I'm just saying, maybe we
should have just stuck around
356
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,180
for a little while, heard her out.
Maybe done the mri?
357
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,724
There's no point.
They're not gonna find anything,
358
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,728
because I now know
there's nothing wrong with me!
359
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,478
Okay, but the doctor said...
360
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,980
That was the living doctor!
361
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,499
Of course she thinks I'm delusional.
362
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,334
She's not trained for this.
But the ghost doctor...
363
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,528
- Okay, that's where you start to lose me.
- If the ghosts were all in my head,
364
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,047
I'd be seeing the same ones
at the hospital
365
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,632
as I do back at the house,
but they're not.
366
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,366
I see different ones in different places.
367
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,702
Like that guy. Hey, bud.
368
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,997
What guy?
369
00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,293
I know it's not great news,
but at least I'm not crazy.
370
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,713
No, no, Jay, look out!
371
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,050
Phew. They were already dead.
372
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,760
- Sorry.
- W hat?
373
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,430
- Just drive.
- I can't. I can't. I-I...
374
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,147
Listen, I know this is a lot,
but I'm with you.
375
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,150
No matter what, in sickness and in health.
376
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,028
Okay? Because I love you.
377
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,988
Aw. He's a keeper.
378
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,824
- —Hold that thought.
- What was that?
379
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,493
Sam! Sam?
380
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:34,994
Sam?
381
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,288
Hold on. Hold up, Sam!
382
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,082
Sam, was there one in the car?
383
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,335
Sam, was there one in the car?
384
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,980
She's coming. Here she comes!
385
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,172
Ooh!
386
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,509
Okay, fine. I see all of you,
I admit your existence. Happy?
387
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,886
- Well, I mean, what is happy?
- It's a good step, babe.
388
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,764
Great. But this is our house now.
389
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,391
We inherited it, so it is
time for you all to leave.
390
00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,895
It has been nice to meet you, thank you,
but you can go haunt someone else now.
391
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,235
She's funny, too. That's great.
392
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,861
Girl,
393
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,279
we can't leave.
394
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,840
Yeah, you just sort of stay where you die.
395
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,742
- And how you die.
- It's your classic haunted house.
396
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,704
So, it seems it's the two of you
who should leave, thank you kindly.
397
00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,206
Well, that's not happening.
398
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,808
We've already sunk all
our money into this place.
399
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,378
Plus, I see dead people wherever I go,
so leaving doesn't even help me.
400
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,813
Okay, I'm back to freaked out again.
401
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,089
Babe, just a second.
402
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,650
It seems like we're stuck with each other.
403
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,342
But it is not going to go on like this,
404
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,028
with all of you up in my face
all of the time.
405
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,596
So, what is it going to take
for you to leave me alone?
406
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,558
Huh? What do you want?
407
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,935
You! Viking guy, what do you want?
408
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:45,356
I want to see my people
in the magic box once a day!
409
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,440
What?
410
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,401
He wants to watch a show
about vikings on TV.
411
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,152
- Fine.
- Yes!
412
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,405
You, wolf of wall street,
what do you want?
413
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,116
Leave him, kill yourself,
become a ghost and get with me.
414
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,993
But let's keep it casual.
415
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,160
- Gross.
- What'd he say?
416
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,580
- You.
- I heard you mention you were a writer.
417
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:04,083
I'd like you to pen my biography,
so that history may know my name.
418
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,751
Now that is actually quite interesting.
419
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:06,961
And then take that book,
420
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,630
and adapt it into
an award-winning Broadway musical.
421
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,549
I want you to invite the descendants
422
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,902
of the ten most likely suspects
of my murder to a dinner party.
423
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,887
Find out who did it, and exact revenge.
424
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,222
No.
425
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,099
Uh, you, Woodstock. What do you want?
426
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,560
- Woodstock?
- —uh, I'm easy. Just world peace.
427
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,228
And an end to bear attacks?
428
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,522
Sure. You? Downton Abbey?
429
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,399
Take down that painting
of my awful husband,
430
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,360
and patch up the hole your
awful husband put in my wall.
431
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,838
He's not awful when you get to know him.
432
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,572
- Wait a minute.
- You, next.
433
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,617
I'd like the entire Hudson valley
returned to the lenape.
434
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,428
Barring that, maybe keep
the radio on in the afternoons?
435
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,721
- Mm, excellent idea.
- —that's a good one.
436
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,222
- Yes!
- We could use some beats in here.
437
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,998
Play my album, bonsoir.
438
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,143
- That would be fun.
- Okay, so that is everybody.
439
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,295
Oh, what about you?
440
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,714
I just wanted to say hi and welcome.
441
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,966
- Hi.
- Welcome!
442
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,677
Wow. So, everybody feeling good?
443
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,804
I'm pretty far from good.
444
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,890
Ah, my husband still thinks I'm nuts.
445
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,851
You know what? Follow me.
446
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,817
Okay, now ignite the flame,
447
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,277
and release the gas knob slowly.
448
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,695
Okay.
449
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,697
Now hit it twice on the side, right there.
450
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,532
- Hit it?
- Seriously.
451
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:27,249
Okay, now turn the gas knob on,
and you'll hear a "whoomph."
452
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,294
Nothing.
453
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,064
Actually, a little past "on."
The calibration's off.
454
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,382
It's been wonky for
the last 40 years or so.
455
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,218
Whoa. Whoa.
456
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,429
See? How else would I know any of this?
457
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:46,394
Okay. Well, I guess I believe you.
458
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:50,731
And... thank you.
459
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,900
They say, "you're welcome."
460
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,485
"They"? There's two of them?
461
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,029
Yup.
462
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,782
Are we done here?
463
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,703
Oh.
464
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,204
- All taken care of?
- Yup.
465
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,498
Yup, covered the hole right up.
466
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:13,129
This is not the solution. This is worse!
I demand you remedy this posthaste!
467
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,465
If you're here, you're welcome.
468
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,842
Are you starting a new article?
469
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,635
Toying around with a book idea, actually.
470
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,179
Mm-mm-mm. More writey-writey,
less talky-talky.
471
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,472
Now, where was I?
472
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,474
- You were telling me about your wife.
- Huh?
473
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,452
Oh, no. No, not you.
It's a—- it's a ghost thing.
474
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,395
All right. Well, uh, have fun.
475
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,230
Ah, yes, Beatrice.
476
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,774
She was a handsome woman.
477
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,568
We slept in separate bedrooms,
478
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,195
to keep the flame
of our passion burning bright.
479
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,406
Now, let's talk military service.
480
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,117
I was a beloved commander,
though I was known for
481
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,161
riding my men hard.
36782
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