Original subtitles

♪

(narrator) Im sorry, viewer.

The TV show youre searching for

cannot be streamed in your reality.

Please stand by for reconnection.

♪

In the darkest depths of cyberspace,

there is another world.

♪

A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen,

terrors unspeakable.

♪

Stories unlike any ever told until now.

♪

Do not click "Back."

Do not reload.

We have reconnected to

Dimension 404.

♪

Twas the week before Christmas

and all through the nation,

the NSA watched us from a secret location.

They hunted a man, a serial bomber,

location unknown, this guy was a goner.

♪

Tracking this man was no easy job

so the government turned to a monster

named Bob.

♪

Bob knows when were sleeping

and when were awake,

but something inside him is starting to break.

♪

Though he hunts and he tracks,

his search is in vain,

for this all-seeing eye

feels nothing

nothing but pain.

♪

(Sam) What is it, what is it?

Oh, youre gonna find out soon, baby girl.

Did you guys get my flight info?

(Beth) I dont know, Sam, did we get Mommys itinerary?

(Sam) Flight 322, arrives at 2:15, terminal B,

and then we see Mommy!

(imitates airplane engine)

(Beth) Someones just a little excited that youre coming home.

Yeah, well, she is not the only one.

Oh, she certainly isnt.

Two weeks leave over Christmas.

Im still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Yo, Im comin home, babe.

Come hell or high wat--

Oh, Im gonna be late!

(Beth) Oh no, go, go!

-Love you. -I love you.

♪

Okay.

♪

(Adams) Hey, Doc, you, uh, you got a sec?

-Um -I just wanna say

merry Christmas.

So have a good time at home.

Come back soon cause, uh

were really gonna

were really gonna need you out--

Whoa, hey, hey, whats goin on?

(Adams) I dont know.

(sighs)

Its this damn holiday.

I mean, its just

every time I see that tree in the mess hall,

I just think about home and I get

♪

I just

♪

Talk to me, Adams.

♪

(Adams) I just dont wanna be here anymore.

♪

-Captain Lee? -Uh, yeah?

(female agent) Whitney Smith, NSA.

-Nice to meet you. -Sure, yeah, you too.

If you dont mind, I gotta catch a transport.

(Whitney) Im headed that way too.

Come on.

♪

Ill give you a lift.

Thats great, Im super late.

♪

And shes still kinda confused about Santa Claus

but the tree looks nice

and if I catch this transport,

Im gonna be home in time to decorate it

which is the--

Well, its the best part anyway.

(Whitney) Sounds very nice.

(Captain Lee) So NSA, huh?

I mean, Im sure its top secret

but you got any Christmas plans?

You, Captain.

What?

Dont worry, youre not in trouble.

I just need you to come with us.

Whitney, right?

Listen, Ive been out here 18 months without leave.

I miss my kid, I miss my wife.

I spent our anniversary hiding under a desk,

trying to get the internet to work

while getting mortared.

Im sure that the NSA is used to getting

whatever the hell it wants,

but whatever it wants from me

is gonna have to wait.

There is nothing in this world

that is gonna make me miss Christmas with my family.

(drone of airplane engine)

You suck.

(wind howling)

♪

So where are we, the North Pole?

-Id tell ya, but then they-- -Then theyd have to shoot me,

-yeah I know. -What?

No, theyd shoot me for divulging

confidential information.

-Why would they shoot you? -Captain Lee.

Director Stevens.

Cocoa?

♪

Come on, well do the nickel tour.

♪

The NSA has a major data problem;

were drowning in the stuff.

Emails, phone logs, you name it,

we got about three petabytes a second of it

from American civilians alone.

(Captain Lee) Oh, well, thatshorrifying.

(Director Stevens) Worse still, our analysts

have to process all of that data

one click at a time.

I know what youre thinkin.

Replace em with robots!

Believe me, I have tried.

But despite what you might have read in WIRED,

that kind of AI is still decades away.

So for now, it still takes a human brain

to spot patterns, connect the dots,

and catch the bad guys.

(Captain Lee) And a human butt to wipe the Constitution on,

am I right?

(laughs)

(Stevens chuckles derisively)

(elevator dings)

♪

(Director Stevens) Ten days ago, our top analyst

began displaying erratic behavior.

Its affecting his work and, consequently,

the safety of the American people.

Youre here to provide therapeutic support

and get him back in action.

(Captain Lee) Wait, so, you flew me all the way out to

wherever we are just to give a pep talk to a computer geek?

(Director Stevens) Not exactly.

♪

Captain Lee

meet Bob.

♪

(Bob) Ah, Director Stevens,

whos your new friend?

(liquid bubbling, squelching)

Good morning.

(Director Stevens) Good morning, Bob.

-This is -Jane Lee.

32, 17 unread emails, current location: here.

(Jane) What the hell is that thing?

(Bob) Where are my manners?

Im Bob, chief intelligence officer

here at NSA black site Indigo.

(Jane) Why is it made of meat?

-Mm. -Okay.

Imagine the NSA built a huge cube

of nutrient enriched meat,

then grew a giant human brain,

placed it inside, added some wires,

plugged it in, and then used it

to monitor every person on Earth at all times.

Okay.

(Chris) Thats what we did.

-Thats Bob. -Hello!

So what brings you to our neck of the woods, Jane?

(Director Stevens) Captain Lee is here to see you, Bob.

-Shes-- -My therapist.

Of course, I know why shes here.

I know everything.

I was trying to be polite and colloquial.

Hence, "neck of the woods."

-Oh my God. -I mean, I dont need

a therapist, so

(Chris) Well, Bob, the director seems to think that--

(Director Stevens) Ah, Chris and I both think that talking with Jane

will help you with your

problems finding

-Whats-his-face. -Whats-his-face?

He has a name, Chris.

Its Lucas T. Wade

and hes a very, very, very bad--

Ow, ow, ow-ow-ow, ow!

♪

Okay, fine.

Whats-his-face is a serious problem

and its proving hard to locate him

but therapy?

(Chris) Captain Lee is a total pro, Bob.

One of the best in the world.

(Bob) She cheated on her Intro to Psych final.

The Scantrons prove it.

Sorry, Jane, that was rude.

You did though, so you should be sorry too.

(Director Stevens) Well, nobodys perfect.

Apparently not even you, Bob.

Isnt that right, Jane?

♪

(Bob) Uh-oh, Chris, mop time.

(Director Stevens) How you feelin?

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Oh no, that was the last one.

-Excuse me? -The last stupid question

you get to ask me.

Now, how bout we get to work?

♪

(Chris) Lucas T. Wade:

hacker, anarchist, survivalist, terrorist nutjob.

(Director Stevens) Hes planning an attack.

We dont know where, we dont know when.

(Chris) But its beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

(sighs)

Okay, so, this Wade guy is the only person

your meat computer cant find?

(Chris) Well, we put Bob through every test under the sun,

theres nothing physically wrong with him.

(Director Stevens) Which brings us to you.

There must be somebody whos more qualified for this.

Youd think so, wouldnt ya?

(Director Stevens) Listen,

were saying we need your help

and if you want to leave, we cant legally stop you.

Great, then it was nice meeting you.

(Director Stevens) But out of over 2100 Army therapists,

you are the only one

who has voluntarily extended your tour three times.

Never asked for one day of leave.

Seventeen unread emails,

mostly from your wife.

I guess reading those makes it harder to stay, huh?

You know, it seems to me

that you are literally incapable

of turning your back on a soldier in pain.

That thing is not a soldier.

(Chris) No, its not.

Soldiers get to go on leave.

Bobhes on duty 24/7.

(Director Stevens) 24/7, Jane,

and hes in pain and he needs your help.

And if you cant give it to him,

well, let me just put it this way:

there are a lot of moms and dads who wont be home for Christmas.

♪

Because theyll be dead.

I got that.

Hey, Mommy really wanted to be home for Christmas.

(Sam) You promised!

Something really, really important came up

and I want--

Im sorry.

I wanted to be home

and be there for you guys.

(Beth) No, dont do that, Jane.

Dont be there for us.

Be here for you.

I cant.

And I cant tell you why.

(Sam sobbing)

I should go check on Sam.

Ill see you when I see you, I guess.

(Jane) Okay, I love you, I wanna--

(groans)

(Bob) So that was your family, huh?

They seem great.

Bob?

Um, why are--

Umwhat are you doing here?

(Bob) I just wanted to say sorry for being so rude earlier.

Oh, umthats okay.

Uh, apology accepted.

(Bob) Oh, great, thank you.

So, uh, goodnight.

(Bob) Okay, goodnight.

-Oh my God. -One quick thing though.

Im still a little iffy about this whole therapy situation.

Um, well, its normal to feel anxious

at the start of therapy

and we can address that in tomorrows session.

(Bob) Okay.

-Okay, goodnight, Bob. -Goodnight, Ja--

(sighs)

(Bob) See, heres the thing though.

I dont wanna do the sessions,

theyre a waste of time.

And how will wasting time with you

solve my anxiety about wasting time with you?

You seem uncomfortable.

Bob, this is a complete invasion of--

(soft guttural vocalizations)

(Bob) "Songs of the Blue Whale"

from your "Sleepytime" playlist.

Okay.

We need to establish some boundaries.

(Bob) Boundaries how?

I know everything about you.

If you need boundaries, you should probably leave.

(Jane) I am not leaving.

Bob, you need to leave me alone right now, okay?

Goodnight.

(sighs)

(whirring of small drone)

(Bob) Okay, so, I dont get you.

I dont want you here.

You have places youd rather be

and yet here we are.

Why are we here?

I dont know, Bob.

You barged into my room

and now you refuse to leave.

Some might call that a cry for help.

So why dont we talk about whats really going on with you?

(Bob) Um, uh, hm.

The thing is

Oh no, your sprinklers totally, accidentally,

not on purpose just came on!

And the doors locked too.

Shucks, what a nightmare.

Well, see you in the morning, Jane.

Bye-bye!

♪

(exclaims)

♪

(Director Stevens) Bob, do you have eyes on Captain Lee?

Shes late.

(Bob) Late on her first session.

Perhaps Janes not as professional as you thought.

Shame; Guess youll have to get somebody--

-Good morning. -Jane.

(Jane) Im sorry Im late.

I was trying to sneak a cigarette in my room

and the sprinklers went off.

I had to dry my clothes in the bathroom.

-Really? -Really?

Really.

I guess we better get started then.

(Director Stevens) Okay, people, lets go.

You know, this is your fault.

-You spoil him! -I dont--

(Director Stevens) Oh, come on!

♪

(Bob) Okay, now I really dont get you.

(Jane) I think we got off on the wrong foot last night.

(Bob) Im sorry about your clothes

and your electronics, it wasnt my finest moment.

♪

-Whats goin on, Bob? -Clearly you were right,

I--I need help.

I hate playing this card because its so obnoxious

but

I am to you as you are to an earthworm.

I do need help

but I dont know if an earthworm can give it to me.

♪

I dont know either.

But Id rather say that we failed

than say that we didnt even try.

Wouldnt you?

♪

Give me two hours.

You answer some of my silly questions,

I file my report with Stevens,

and after that, if you dont wanna see me anymore

then you will never see this little earthworm again.

♪

You have an hour and ten minutes.

Actually, I think our session is--

(Bob) You are 50 minutes late, Jane.

(timer beeping)

Lets get started.

♪

So, describe the problem in your own words.

(Bob) Hmm

what do you know about bats, Jane?

-Bats? -Im trying to describe

Bob Vision, its like

echolocation.

I sense your data bouncing around:

what you buy, what you watch,

who you call

and I put it all together and II know who you are.

-Like a bat. -Like a giant

super-intelligent bat

whose vision is comprised of the multitude

of humanitys external expressions

through its interactions with the ubiquitous data network

we call the internet and which, in this analogy,

would be a cave.

Does that help you understand?

Lets try a different approach.

♪

(Bob) Branch.

-Ocean. -Water.

-Car. -Driver.

-Dog. -Leash.

-Cat. -Scratch.

-Job. -Great.

-Lucas T. Wade. -Hes in Ohio.

Just kidding, I got nothing.

More words, please.

(Jane) Have you never been able to see Wade

or did you only lose him after a time?

Walk me through it.

(Bob) Wades always been slippery

but I was so close to knowing where he would be,

you know, where he would hide,

when he would strike.

Last month he disappeared in a subway in New York

and I dont--

well, I havent seen him since.

(Jane) What was he doing there?

(Bob) Well, hed just been shopping.

He got a new coat, ate a donut, and then

while he was riding the subway, I j--

I just lost him.

(alert beeping)

How did that make you feel?

Angry.

Sounds a little like youre guessing.

Sad, thats the one.

Is it?

Im not sensing any s--

Yup, Im sad, definitely sad.

Feeling good about sad.

(Jane) Okay, well, sad how?

Does it make you wanna cry

or--actually, can you cry?

Heres an idea, lets move on.

Okay.

Umlet me see.

How bout this, a magic genie

will grant you one wish.

What do you wish for?

Wow, I cant believe I cant think of anything.

Thats okay, take your time.

I got it!

Herb Hillman, 72, 10,322 unread emails.

His wife, Gladys, wants an iPad for Christmas.

Instead, hes building herthis.

-What is it? -I have no idea!

Is it, like, a birdfeeder or a shoe rack?

I know what our next president

will have for lunch next Thursday

butthis thing has me stumped.

Thats interesting.

So, if you could have one wish it would be

(Bob) I mean, Id call Herb and ask him what the hells going on!

I mean, what is that thing?

Oh shit, hang on.

Hey, Director, Codename: Payday

just popped up on a SAT phone in Baanam.

(Director Stevens) Good catch, Bob.

-Alert the D.O.D. -Copy that.

-Hey, Bob, what is this? -Engaging target.

♪

Target neutralized.

♪

(Bob) Codename: Payday,

confirmed killed.

Three additional noncombatants killed.

Oh, sorry, Jane, uh, what were we talking about?

-Fly. -Swatter.

-Kiss. -Lover.

-Job. -We did job.

-Were doing it again. -Why?

-Job. -Why?

(Jane) Do you know what a conversion disorder is?

(Bob) Of course.

I once treated this EOD tech,

he couldnt move his left hand.

There was nothing physically wrong with him,

but then once he opened up at sessions, it was--

(Bob) Sergeant Eric Mann.

Fascinating.

So, Im suffering the same condition.

-Its all in my mind. -Well, I mean,

you might not see the way I see,

but sudden blindness can be brought on

by acute stress and anxiety.

Hence, "job."

-Job. -I love my job.

I keep people safe, its what I was born to do.

It must be a lot of pressure.

(Bob) Well, it would be for most people

but Im not most people.

Youre still a person, Bob.

We must be running short on time, Doctor.

What was it like to kill that man?

-Codename: Payday? -I didnt kill him.

I provided intelligence.

(Jane) Your intelligence led to his death.

And three others.

Possibly innocent civilians.

(Bob) People die every day,

people died while I was saying that sentence.

Gene Cosgrove, lung cancer.

-Does that bother you? -That doesnt bother me, Jane.

-Then what does? -You do!

(circuits shorting)

♪

Sorry, Im sorry, that--

♪

Its okay to feel angry.

You know, I wonder what Beth and Sam are up to right now.

-Okay, Bob, youre deflect-- -Yeah, I wonder

how your favorite girls are doing

without their big Jane-shaped safety blanket?

Bob!

Boundaries.

(Beth) Thank you.

Hm!

(Bob) Go on.

♪

See for yourself.

(Beth) Good job!

All right!

♪

(Bob) Surprise!

Turns out theyre doing just fine.

Look at em.

-Perfect! -Dont they look happy

decorating that Christmas tree?

Living their life without you?

♪

You know how I really get to know people?

Its not through what they say;

its through what they dont.

And when it comes to your family,

your silence is deafening.

They dont need you, but you need to feel needed.

Its why you took a job halfway across the world.

Its why you just cant say no

when some shell-shocked army grunt

needs a shoulder to cry on.

Its why youre here.

No wonder you need whale noises to fall asleep.

I pity you, Jane.

I really do.

You got me, Bob.

Well done.

Im afraid our time is up.

♪

I would like you to leave now.

You said that you pity me, Bob.

So what?

Pity comes from empathy,

from compassion.

Youre not a gigantic brain

youre a gigantic heart.

You love people.

You love Herb Hillman.

You probably loved Codename: Payday.

-Jane, get out. -There are seven billion people

on this planet,

and you know all of our secrets.

Whats it like to pity everyone?

♪

Your silence is deafening.

♪

Its okay.

You can tell me.

No, but I can show you.

This is the moment Lucas T. Wade

finally ate his donut.

Heres what else I saw.

Meet Eddie Wilson.

First Christmas without his beloved wife Carol.

His kids are on a cruise right now.

George Prestons having a beer with his fast food.

Nine years sobriety washed away with a burger and fries.

Sally Benson, the woman with the baby clothes,

shes infertile.

Ill let you do the math.

And heres Amanda Jackson.

She just asked for a picture with Santa,

and heres what her sister said:

(sister) Stop, its not Santa,

Santas not even real.

God, just sit there and be quiet.

Dads not coming this year anyway, so just

(Bob) Amanda knows the worlds darkest secret now:

There is no Santa.

Someone that wonderful can only be a lie.

Merry Christmas, Amanda.

You get the agony of the truth.

And thats just one subway car

of one subway of one city.

Exabytes of misery flowing through the world

every single second.

Thats what I see.

Thats Bob Vision.

You want to know if I can cry, Jane?

Ive been crying since they turned me on.

And then theres Wade,

eating his donut,

getting off at his stop.

Hey, hes leaving the subway, I-I can see him again.

Just relax and focus.

(Bob) Shh, its two weeks ago,

hes leaving the subway, hes paying for parking.

I lost him--wait, wait, wait, last week, hes buying--

what is he buying?

No, wait, hes back, hes back, three days ago,

back on the subway, wheres he going?

Oh, my God.

I know the target!

I know, I--no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

(electricity zapping)

Calm down, just calm down, okay?

-Just stay calm. -Where is he, Bob?

Tell us right now, where is Lucas T. Wade?

Were too late.

(subway car rattling)

Anybody leave this?

Anybody leave this?

(explosion)

(people screaming)

(popping)

(siren wailing)

(beeping)

(Bob) Sixth Avenue, he just stepped into an alley, I cant--

Oh, hes--Andrew Brown, school teacher.

Amy Lopez, mother of three.

-Hes overheating! -Were moving as fast as we can.

(Bob) Mary Chang, shes trapped in the rubble,

shes--shes screaming, they cant reach her.

(Director Stevens) Where is he, Bob?

We need an answer now!

(Bob) Theres Wade, hes in the alley.

No, no, hes--

(static zapping, beeping)

(dramatic music)

♪

I lost him.

♪

Im sorry.

♪

(slamming)

(plastic rustling)

(Jane sighing)

(slamming)

(telephone ringing)

(Jane) Hes making progress.

We missed this one, but we can find him, we just need--

(Director Stevens) Thank you for your service, Captain.

Youre dismissed.

(Jane) What?

(Director Stevens) Great job, you did your country proud.

-Its time to go home. -But what about Bob?

(Director Stevens) Its no longer your concern.

Excuse me.

(Jane) Hey, thats my patient in there.

You cant terminate treatment without his consent, so tell me

-what the hell is going on! -Keep your voice down!

I just got off the phone with the joint chiefs.

Bob is being relieved of duty.

What does that mean?

It means hes being deactivated.

Deactivated?

Thats murder.

No, its not murder, Jane.

Its unplugging a computer.

Chris is taking him offline as we speak.

Then what, you just-- you just grow another one?

Yes, and when that one breaks,

well grow a third one, and then a fourth one,

and so on and so forth.

We have a car coming for you at 2300.

I mean, there must be something--

Its Christmas Eve, Jane.

Go home.

(melancholy Christmas music)

♪

(powering down)

♪

It wants to talk to you.

♪

Okay.

♪

(footsteps approaching)

Hello?

Is someone there?

(Jane) Its me, Bob.

(Bob) Jane.

You sound so far away.

Im here.

Im in the room with you.

(Bob) Well, I-I dont hear anyone else.

Its justyou and me, talking.

Is--is this what its like for mostpeople,

in conversation, I mean?

Well, I guess most people are usually checking their phones.

(Bob chuckles)

Chris said that you wanted to see me.

(Bob) So, I was just sitting here,

dying and all,

and I thought it would be extra sad

if I died without having any friends,

and thenI thought you might be my friend,

butI wanted to ask you first.

Are we friends?

I mean, no pressure or anything.

Its important that youre honest.

Yes.

We are friends, Bob.

Good.

I think so, too.

(sniffling)

Jane, are you crying?

No.

(Bob) Jane.

You were right, you know.

I need to feel needed.

I dont really do this job for other people.

I do it because

I just hate feeling useless.

And now people are dying,

and youre dying, and, um

I wasnt useful to any of you.

Oh, Jane.

I want to hug you, but

I dont have arms, so, um

come here, okay?

(somber music)

You cant help everybody.

It doesnt mean youre useless.

It means youre human.

(sniffling)

Geez, you cry more than I do.

(chuckling)

♪

Youd make a pretty good therapist, you know.

(Bob) Thanks.

I

(shivering)

Bob?

Ah, its c--its cold.

Yeah, I know.

♪

(Bob) Talk to me, okay?

I want to keep talking,

for as long as I can.

♪

(sighs)

(Jane) Okay, um

A magic genie will grant you one wish.

What do you wish for?

Promise not to laugh?

Of course.

I-I wish

♪

(sniffling) I wish there was a Santa Claus.

♪

I-Im gonna be right back.

(Bob) Hey, wait, where are you going?

Jane?

(cheery Christmas music)

♪

(elevator dings)

♪

(Jane) Were plugging him back in!

-What? -Shut up and help me already!

(Chris) No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

This is a bad idea.

(Jane) I know it sounds crazy--

(Chris) Yeah, because it is crazy!

I see that youre pissed, so am I,

okay, but we cant save him, hes gone.

-No, hes not gone yet. -It doesnt matter.

It does matter, Chris!

Look, I spend my entire life

taking care of soldiers who might die at any moment.

Just cause I cant save them

doesnt mean that I dont do everything within my power

to help them.

(mellow music)

♪

Bob is your soldier.

You made him,

trained him,

and you brought me in to help him.

Thats what Im gonna do.

So, are you gonna do this with me or not?

(sighs)

♪

All right, you guilted me into it.

Whats the plan?

Were gonna make Santa Claus real.

(elevator dings)

Im definitely going to jail for this.

(tense music)

(Bob) You--youre back,

and you brought more footsteps.

Whos making them?

-Its me. -Chris!

What are you doing here?

(Chris) Ruining my career.

(alarm blaring)

-What the hell is that? -Exactly what you think it is.

I was really counting on my bonus.

Get over to that switch by the wall.

(Bob) Jane, dont do this.

-Its treason. -Its Christmas,

and youre gonna see it one last time.

(Bob) But this wont save me, theyll just unplug me again.

So whats the point?

Peace on Earth and good will towards men.

(powering up)

(clicking)

♪

(static flickering)

♪

(Herb) But thats what you are to me,

the pillar in my life.

(laughing)

(Bob) She loved it.

Of course she did.

Which is nice to see, but youre still going to jail

and Im still gonna die, so, why--why did we do this?

(Jane) Come on, Bob.

Youre a smart guy.

Im no longer an employee of the NSA.

That means no more mission statement,

no more regulations.

Theres nothing holding me back.

What--what does that mean?

He got his wish.

(female singer) ♪ O holy night ♪

♪ The stars are brightly shining ♪

♪ This is the night of our dear Saviors birth ♪

(gentle piano music)

♪ Long lay the world in sin and error pining ♪

♪ Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth ♪

♪

♪ A thrill of hope ♪

♪ The weary world rejoices ♪

♪ For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn ♪

♪ Fall on your knees ♪

♪ O hear the angels voices ♪

♪ O night divine ♪

♪ O night when Christ was born ♪

♪ Truly He taught us to love one another ♪

♪ His law is love and His gospel is peace ♪

(puppy barks)

♪

♪ Let all within us praise His holy name ♪

♪ Christ is the Lord ♪

(plopping)

♪

♪ O praise His name forever ♪

♪ His power and glory ♪

(Director Stevens) What the hell is going on in here?

(Bob) Merry Christmas, Director Stevens.

(Director Stevens) All right, thats it.

Shut him down and detain these two.

(Bob) I wouldnt do that.

Hes got control of the system.

(Director Stevens) Yeah, I can see that, Chris.

Which part?

All of it.

Okay.

Hold up, everybody.

Bobby, whatcha doin?

Just spreading some holiday cheer, Director.

Yeah.

And exactly how much cheer

are we talking?

Oh, about $200 billion worth.

-(disgruntled acknowledgment) -But dont worry.

I fixed the economy.

Oh, my God.

(Bob) Oh, and I got you something, too.

(beeping)

(mellow music)

The FBI picked up Lucas T. Wade ten minutes ago.

♪

(Director Stevens) Great.

So, what happens next?

(Bob) First, Jane and Chris face no repercussions.

(Director Stevens scoffs)

Thats a pretty big ask, Bob.

(Bob) Well, not to be rude,

but I do have control of the U.S. nuclear arsenal.

And its a fantastic one.

-Anything else? -Hmm

eggnog, please.

Lots of eggnog.

(cheery music)

(male singer) ♪ Well, Mrs. Kringle called this morning ♪

♪ She said that Kris says everythings okay ♪

♪ So its time for celebratin ♪

♪ Kris Kringle is a-waitin ♪

♪ Its gonna be a happy Christmas day ♪

♪

(footsteps approaching)

(Director Stevens) Well

I just got off the phone with the President.

That was a fun conversation.

Full pardons for Chris and Jane.

(Bob) Thank you, Director,

and tell the President he can have his nukes back now.

(Director Stevens) God, this is a freaking mess.

You know theyre gonna shut us down for this, Bob.

Shut you down.

Its not much of a dying wish if I dont die, Director.

(sighs)

(Director Stevens) Soyour wish?

Was it worth it?

Well, for one night, Santa Claus was real.

Id say thats pretty good, wouldnt you?

(uplifting music)

♪

(sniffing)

(Jane) Is this the same hood?

Do you guys not wash your hoods?

(phone vibrating)

(Whitney) For you.

(Jane) Hello.

(Bob) Hello, Jane.

(Jane) Bob!

They dragged me out of there before I could say goodbye.

(Bob) I know.

I told them to, I didnt want you to be late.

(Jane) Late for what?

(Whitney) Were here.

(Bob) Jane Lee, 32, 86 unread emails.

Current location

home.

Merry Christmas, Bob.

(Bob) Goodbye, Jane.

(chuckles)

(gentle piano music)

♪

(doorbell chiming)

(Beth) Ill be right back.

One moment.

(female singer) ♪ And I long for your embrace ♪

♪

(Sam) Mommy!

Mommy, Mommy!

-You made it! -Oh, baby.

Oh, you got so big.

(female singer) ♪ Its you and I ♪

♪ By the fire ♪

♪

♪ Its you and I ♪

♪ By the fire ♪

♪ By the fire ♪

(upbeat Christmas music)

♪

♪ I believe that theres a toy for every little girl and boy ♪

♪ I believe it ♪

♪ I believe it ♪

♪ And when Christmas comes around,

all of the children jump for joy ♪

♪ All because of Mr. Santa Claus ♪

♪ Hello, Santa ♪

♪ Hello, Santa ♪

♪ Everything I say is true ♪

♪ When you wake up Christmas morning,

all your wishes will be there ♪

♪ All because of Mr. Santa Claus ♪

♪

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