Original subtitles

♪

Im sorry, viewer.

The TV show youre searching for

cannot be streamed in your reality.

Please stand by for reconnection.

♪

From the darkest depths of cyberspace,

there is another world.

A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen,

terrors unspeakable.

♪

Stories unlike any ever told until now.

♪

Do not click Back.

Do not reload.

We have reconnected to

Dimension 404.

♪

So, what do you do?

♪

Huh?

What do you do?

Oh, uh, I kinda run this music blog.

Uh-huh, and where are you from?

Well, originally Im from Maine.

Uh-huh, and where do you live now?

Right here, in Brooklyn.

♪

(clearing throat)

♪

So, what do you do?

I dont like to talk about work.

♪

Look, I hate these things, too.

You know, I feel like everyone in the room

can tell that were on a first date.

No ones paying attention.

So, if you could be any animal,

what animal would you be?

This isnt going very well, is it?

Yeah, no, this is over.

You can go.

♪

Good luck out there.

♪

Some romances last a lifetime,

but most dont make it past the first cup of coffee.

Still, dont feel too bad for our lonely lovebird Adam.

Thanks to the magic of ones and zeroes,

hes about to meet his one and only.

Her names Amanda.

She likes craft beer, good music,

and she lives on the Lower East Side

of Dimension 404.

♪

Well, its official.

Im gonna die alone.

What?

Dont say that.

Greg, Ive looked, flirted,

and met-cute half of the women in Brooklyn,

and Im honestly starting to think

that my soul mate doesnt exist.

You know, shes like a myth, like Bigfoot.

Dude, she exists, shes out there.

Just like Bigfoot.

-Wow, I need a beer. -Youre out of beer.

Look, man, you just gotta broaden your horizons.

Stop meeting weird randos on the street

and start meeting them online.

Online, online dating?

-Yeah. -No!

Look, I dont want some algorithm

telling me who to hook up with, all right?

I just want to meet a cute girl, you know,

with a cute little red streak in her hair

and a tattoo of a bird

while were both reaching for the same Talking Heads LP.

There are 413 eligible women that are Talking Heads fans

within a two-mile radius of this apartment.

Wait, really; what is that?

Make-A-Match, bro, everybodys on it.

Why are you on it, arent you with Charlene?

Im not on it, you are.

-I made you a profile. -What, when?

Last night when I drank all your beer.

-Greg! -Come on, man.

Look at all of these women.

What do you have to lose?

All right, fine.

But seriously, stop drinking all my beer.

No promises.

I cant afford it, you can, so I drink it.

♪

We met on Make-A-Match.

♪

Make-A-Match helped me find exactly

what Ive been looking for all my life.

Their personality profile truly reached deeper

than the other sites.

♪

Its magic, I dont know how they do it.

At Make-A-Match, we believe

theres someone out there for everyone.

Sign up today and well find your 100 percent perfect match

guaranteed.

Welcome to love.

Welcome to Make-A-Match.

♪

(sighs)

(app pulsing)

♪

Amanda.

Shes a med student, she likes hanging out.

I mean, shes cute.

Favorite band: The Pixies.

Thats a start.

Yeah, but still, I mean

this is my 100 percent match?

Wheres her bird tattoo?

Oh, my God, she winked you.

-She what? -She checked you out

and she likes what she sees.

(groans)

Just ask her out already.

God, you know, this-- this--this is too weird.

I cant do it, Im out, no.

Dude, you are going on a date with this girl

if I have to pump you full of benzodiazepine

and drag you there myself.

Fine, but only because I am desperately lonely.

Thats the spirit!

♪

♪ Say you dont like your life ♪

♪ Well Ive got mine, yeah, what about mine ♪

♪ Say you dont like your life ♪

♪ Well, I dont really care

cause I dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ Dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ I dont want to hear about it ♪

Hi, Amanda?

Adam, hi.

Hi.

♪ I dont want to hear about it ♪

Um, I got us two Handlebars,

is that okay?

Yeah, uh, actually, thats my--

thats my favorite beer.

Mine, too.

Im sorry, did, uh,

did you change hair?

Oh, yeah, I, uh, sorry, I just dyed it.

I guess I shouldve updated my--

No, no, its--its okay.

I-I like it.

Good, yeah, I thought it was time

to just mix up my look, plus it goes with Charlie.

-Charlie? -Charlie.

♪ Dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ I dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ Dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ I dont want to hear about it ♪

(laughing)

Uh, all right, well, the Pixies,

Neutral Milk Hotel, uh,

well, Hall & Oates because, I mean, duh, right?

And, um

oh, well, have you ever heard of a guy named Ben Branson?

Uh, a.k.a. my childhood crush from age 14 till now.

What, shut up!

No, I-I went, I saw him at Great Woods in 2001,

and I basically went through puberty on the spot.

Wait, wait, wait, are you-- are you being serious?

Cause I was literally at that same show.

-No. -Oh, yeah.

I snuck out with my cousin, got grounded for three weeks,

completely worth it cause the double encore?

Yeah, and them closing with

-Tokyo Heartache. -Tokyo Heartache.

Oh.

(laughing)

You know, uh, Ive been told

I bear a, um, a striking resemblance to Ben Branson.

I mean, I wouldnt say striking, but I can certainly see it.

Okay.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Tokyo Heartache?

Come on!

How is this happening right now?

Well, I did put it on the jukebox

like five minutes ago.

So.

Oh.

♪ She held my hand ♪

♪ All the way to the terminal ♪

♪ You let me go ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪

Well, its official.

Shes the one.

Wait, what?

Im getting a beer, you want a beer?

Youre out of beer; what are you talking about?

Buddy, Im talking about Amanda.

Shesdude, shes

I dont---shes amazing.

Im gonna get her a ring.

I mean, not an engagement ring,

but like a really, really nice ring.

Okay, uh, have a seat, Casanova.

How long have you been with this girl, a month?

Maybe two?

Yeah, but--but I feel like I have known her

my whole life.

Sure, but if you want to make it to three,

maybe you should cool your jets.

Okay, I get it, I get what youre saying,

but, buddy, were 100 percent compatible.

-The app said so. -Forget what the app said.

Come on, I mean, youre the one who sold me

on the whole Make-A-Match thing.

I thought youd be stoked for me.

I am, I am, its just, um

I dont want to see you get hurt.

All right, so,

youre saying just

slow things down?

Exactly.

Play it cool.

My man.

-All right. -Okay.

I love you.

What?

These last two months have been amazing,

and I just--I keep thinking

about spending the rest of my life with you.

Youre my soul mate, Amanda.

Are you sure?

Are you not sure?

Oh, God.

-Oh, God? -Look, its not you, I just--

I dont have time for anything serious right now.

Weve spent every single night here since we met.

And its been great, its just my residency interviews

are coming up, so

So

Somaybe you should go.

♪

Uh, o--okay.

♪

Wow, um

This is, uh, yeah, this is our first big fight.

Its, uh, its a milestone.

-Adam, stop. -Look, someday,

were gonna look back on this and were gonna laugh.

-Adam! -Come on, we can make this work.

Look, if you want to go slow, well go slow.

Im serious, goodbye.

♪

No.

No, Im not gonna just walk away, all right?

I cant.

Look, I know that youre scared.

All right, Im scared, too.

But you and I

were made for each other.

Oh, for the love of God.

This is something that well tell our adorable grandch--

Ow, whoa, hey!

-Whoa, hey! -I got his legs, lets move.

Tech Support to HQ, Romeo is in the bag.

Moving to extraction point.

Help!

♪

Help!

♪

(tires screeching)

♪

(grunting)

♪

Greg?

-Greg? -Adam?

Hey, man, Im--

dude, Im freaking out, man.

-Whats going on, man? -They tried to kidnap me.

I-I-I was over at Amandas place, and--

Wait, wait, wait, whats going on with Amanda?

I-I dont know, all right?

She, um, she--she dumped me, and then these guys--

Wait, wait, she dumped you?

Oh, man, I told you to play it cool.

Yeah, I-I know.

I-I dont know--

Its okay, man, come here.

Come on in, man, come on.

Come on.

Bring it in, bring it in.

-Bring it in. -I love her, Greg.

What am I gonna do?

♪

(zapping)

(thud)

♪

Package is secure.

♪

(clearing throat)

Are you ready to begin?

What?

How would you describe your performance in the relationship?

Who the hell are you?

Very satisfactory, satisfactory,

or needs improvement?

What the hells going on?

Well put "needs improvement."

Would you agree that your worst qualities

are clinginess, painfully naive,

and overly emotional?

No, I wouldnt, what-- where the hell am I?

Exit interview.

Wait, did you not get debriefed?

Debriefed?

(groans)

Please watch this informational video.

♪

Hi, Im Matthew Maker,

Founder and CEO of Make-A-Match,

and Id like to say thank you,

because its biogenetic love companions like you

that make what we do possible.

Ever feel like you were made for someone?

You were!

Bred here in the Genesis Vats

at Make-A-Match Heartquarters,

your genome, personality, and artificial memories

were handcrafted by literal love doctors

to the exact specifications of your romantic partner.

But love doesnt always work out,

which brings you here to the returns department.

Good news: Since the Sentient Life Form Protection Act

forbids us from terminating you against your will,

youre now free to live out your days in blissful servitude

at Make-A-Match, Inc.

What, no, uh,

I dont want to do that.

I want to go home.

This is your home now, so make the most of it.

Career opportunities include:

That is all.

♪

And if you really want to take your career to the next level,

volunteer for our biomatter recycling program

and be a part of the next generation

of Make-A-Match companions.

Scientists assure me its 100 percent fun.

♪

Thanks for watching,

and welcome to life after love.

(dings)

Hmm.

So, I-Im not an indie music blogger?

Of course not, have you seen your apartment?

Okay, well, if I have all these fake implants of memories,

then, uh, tell me, whatd I do for my eighth birthday?

You went to a water park.

Okay, whatd I do for my 12th birthday?

I dont remember all of your birthdays.

-A-ha. -Oh!

Any further questions can be directed to your group.

♪

Hey, Adam, welcome!

Im Adam.

Uh

Come on, let me give you

the warp speed tour.

This is Adam.

He was Amandas first companion.

Piss off.

For about three months

until Adam here came around.

Sup, bro.

And lets see,

then there was Adam.

Namaste.

And, uh, last but not least,

theres me, Adam.

So, uh, what was it this time?

Sorry?

Oh, um

I told her I loved her.

(groaning, scoffing, sighing)

Dont listen to these guys, okay?

Theyre still hung up on her.

So--so how--hows she doin?

Shes doing great.

Shes--shes finishing up med school,

shes talking to her sister again.

Shes happy.

Shes growing out her vinyl collection.

You know, next week, were, um--

♪

Next week we were supposed to see Elbow at The Bell House.

♪

(grunting)

♪

This is your home now.

(echoing)

(alarm beeping)

♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Remember feeling cold ♪

♪ As you held my hand all the way to the terminal ♪

♪ You let me go ♪

♪ And I ♪

♪ Didnt know what to do ♪

♪ Cause I couldnt stay in Tokyo ♪

♪ But I cant live without you ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

(alarm beeping)

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪

(alarm beeping)

♪

(alarm beeping)

♪

-Damn it! -I am so sorry.

Im such a klutz.

Whats your version number?

Its, uh, its Adam 5, maam.

It wont happen again.

Lets hope not.

Absotively.

Uh, absolutely.

Of course.

♪

Hey, dont torture yourself like this.

Just keep an eye out.

♪

All right, here we go.

♪

Adam, Mk 6.

"How can we improve your next love companion?"

"Improve your love companion."

♪

Occupation

lawyer?

A lawyer?

(scoffs)

Actually, thats

♪

Hey, did she keep anything?

♪

Adam, whatd she keep?

♪

Nothing.

(groaning)

Whats up with him?

Theyre activating a new Adam today.

I think hes taking it pretty hard.

So, what do you do?

Im a lawyer.

I work downtown.

Uh-huh, and where are you from?

Manhattan, born and raised.

♪

(gurgling)

(groaning continues)

You know he hasnt eaten in days?

Christ.

We need to get him to open up.

Sad bro, you okay over there?

(groaning continues)

If you could be any animal,

what kind of animal would you be?

(chuckling)

Id be a shark,

cause they never stop moving.

Neither do I.

But you know what, enough about me, right?

Lets talk about you.

You like music?

Cause I dont.

Especially indie rock, ugh.

♪

(groaning)

All right, buddy.

Time to wipe away those tears, huh?

♪

Look, Im an upfront guy.

I dont see this going anywhere, so, what do you say we call it?

This is over, you can go.

Its time to kick the days ass.

(screaming)

Good luck out there.

Absotively.

I mean, -lutely.

♪

Hey.

♪

Whats your model number?

Six.

♪

Code Sapphire!

Repeat, Code Sapphire!

(grunting)

(sirens wailing)

♪

(zapping)

♪

♪

We met on Make-A-Match.

When my best friend introduced me to Make-A-Match,

I was a little skeptical.

I mean, your 100 percent perfect match guaranteed?

Whats the catch, right?

But we met and it was just this instant connection.

♪

(chuckling)

From then on out, our love only grew.

Isnt that right, snookums?

Sure.

Its like we were made for each other.

Every day is brighter than the last.

Make-A-Match is too good to be true,

but it is true, and it is good.

Eskimo kiss.

♪

Okay!

Get a lot of those.

♪

Adam?

Adam.

Adam.

Adam!

Im proud of you, son.

I really am.

I mean, most companions

would never dream of escaping,

but you, you really would do anything to be with her again.

Maker.

I know how hard it is,

how bad it hurts.

Like hell you do.

You get to leave here.

You get to go home to someone you love.

Well, not exactly.

She was my Amanda.

It wasnt until after she died

that I realized how rare true love is

and how awful this life is without it.

And thats what this place is all about.

There is not someone out there for everyone,

but there should be.

(sighs)

Adam, do you want to live in a cold, cramped cage

day after day,

or use your God-given gifts to make someone smile?

You were born to love Amanda.

Mind, body, and soul.

It is your purpose,

and you can fulfill that purpose again

by being a part of the new Adam.

Through his eyes, you can see her smile again.

The recycling tube.

Cows dont leave the slaughterhouse.

Steaks do.

♪

Chew on that.

♪

♪

(tube hissing)

♪

Hey.

♪

Oh, hey, Greg.

You gonna stab me in the neck again?

♪

So, uh, you gonna kill yourself?

♪

How about a farewell toast, huh?

Come on, last meal?

♪

Hey, to the best fake roommate Ive ever had.

♪

Sorry youre a clone.

♪

The new Adam, he only drinks scotch.

What a douche, right?

♪

(sighs)

I keep telling myself to forget her, man,

but I was made for her.

♪

So what the hell am I without her?

♪

(sighs)

Makers right.

♪

I have to do this.

♪

(zapping)

God damn it, Greg.

♪

What the hell am I doing?

♪

We met on Make-A-Match.

No, Im all right.

When my last relationship didnt exactly pan out,

I knew there was only one place to go.

Yeehaw!

♪

Between busting broncs, riding the range,

and volunteering at the childrens hospital,

there wasnt a lot of time to find love,

but with Make-A-Match, your special someone

really is just a click away.

They sure are.

In fact, snookums, theres something I want to ask you.

No, no--oh.

Son of a bitch.

♪

(slap)

Oh, ow, what the hell?

Shut up, youre gonna get me fired.

Ive already been here, Greg, all right, Ive seen all this.

Not this.

What the hell is this?

Just watch.

Okay, so, um

my last relationship ended in a pretty painful place.

We were together for four years,

and Iwell, I

I thought he was the one.

And then he cheated on me,

and then he left.

I dont want to watch this, all right?

-Just turn it off, Greg. -Just watch, trust me.

And I was a mess.

My grades tanked, and I almost lost my scholarship.

So, I-I cant let that happen again.

I have to stay focused.

I just

Im really lonely.

Youve come to the right place, Amanda.

Let Make-A-Match help you create your ideal companion.

I still cant believe Im doing this.

Lots of first-timers feel that way,

but Make-A-Match guarantees well make the perfect companion

for your needs, everything from personality type,

occupation, looks.

Could he look like Ben Branson?

Well get to that, but lets start with the basics.

Describe the qualities you want in your ideal companion.

I dont know, I guess

I just want someone whos loyal

and honest and kind.

♪

You know who you are without her?

Youre loyal, youre honest, and youre kind.

Its gotta be worth something.

♪

♪ Dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ I dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ Dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ I dont want to hear about it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Would somebody please turn this shit off?

She even took this song from me.

No.

♪ Remember feeling cold ♪

This song still rules.

♪ She held my hand ♪

Just listen.

Bro, everything this song means to us is a lie.

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

Who cares?

Its still a really great song.

I mean, Tokyo Heartache is beautiful on its own.

God damn it, so are we.

♪

What are we even doing here, you guys?

Just gorging on self-pity and whatever the hell that is.

We cant let one relationship define our whole lives.

Were more than that,

and we deserve more than that.

Adam 5, resume your gruel eating.

We are who we are,

not who they made us to be.

We may have been built to order,

but we were born to be free!

(electricity zapping)

(shuddering)

(commotion)

Adam 5 is wrong.

Companions are legal property of Make--

(gasping)

Lets burn this mother down!

(cheering)

And so it begins.

(cheering continues)

♪

Can I get a containment unit to sector 4 like now, please?

(alarm buzzing)

♪

Attention, companions.

You are in violation of employee guidelines.

Please lower your weapons,

lie on the floor,

and the punishment squad will--

(shouting)

♪

Hey!

Stop, stop fighting the punishment squad.

(shouting)

♪

(grunting)

Code Sapphire!

Code Sapphire, damn it!

Code Sapphire!

Exterminate on sight!

♪

Article 3, Section 7:

Expressions of free will

and independent thought

are strictly prohibited!

♪

You were built to love and obey!

That is your purpose!

Adhere, do your purpose!

♪

(shouting)

♪

I dont give a god damn

about the Clone Extermination Act.

Someone get up here and save my ass!

Do not touch that, you insolent piece of--

Your soul mate is out there.

Just like mine.

Eventually you can find them on Make-A-Match.

(door opening, shouting)

No, ahh!

(screaming)

♪

There is nothing out there for you.

This is where you belong.

I am your father,

and you will do what Daddy demands.

Oh, hey, everybody, how are you guys?

Wait, no, guys, wait, wait.

Hey, let go!

No, no, no, wait!

Wait, this isnt nice!

Please, please!

Wait, stop, stop, stop!

Hi, yes, Im calling about the job posting.

(shouting)

Why did I leave my last job?

Uhthere was a change in management.

No, stop, no, no!

(stammering)

Kevin, Kevin!

I designed you, you cant do this to me!

Your girlfriend never loved you and never will!

(laughing)

(explosion, splat)

(ding)

(cheering)

♪

(siren wailing)

♪

Sorry.

Hi!

Hey.

♪

-Ill flip you for it. -No, you were here first.

So, do you, like, live around here now?

No, Im just actually coming back from band practice.

Oh, youre in a band now?

Thats pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, I mean,

we kinda suck actually, but, uh, you know,

we have a lot of fun.

So, like, how are you, what are you up to?

Everythings good, uh, my residencys good,

just taking it slow.

Yeah.

Its--its really good to see you.

We should, I dont know, get together sometime.

Yeah, definitely.

♪

Here, you should have this.

♪

Its really great to see you.

You, too.

♪

♪ Cause I ♪

♪ Remember feeling cold ♪

♪ As you held my hand all the way to the terminal ♪

♪ You let me go ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Remember feeling sick ♪

♪ All the way to the terminal ♪

♪ You let me go ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

♪ I wanna feel it again ♪

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