All language subtitles for Darby.and.the.Dead.2022.1080p_EngCP

If I had to pick
a yearbook quote, it would be,

"Lonely in life, popular in death."

See that girl flying up in the air?

That's me, Darby Harper.

My upbringing was pretty awesome at first.

That's my mom.

I was following
in her iconic cheer footsteps.

Back then, I thought I knew who I was
and who I wanted to be.

- Until everything came crashing down.
- There's Dad.

Darby!

My mom and I died on the same day.

One. Two…

And even though I technically
came back from the other side,

I was never the same.

What was different about me?
Are you sitting down for this?

I see dead people.

Everywhere.

And it turns out the dead,

- or "Deados" as I like to call them,
- Excuse me.

Actually needed my help.

Hey.

So, that's when I turned my back
on the living world

and decided to start
my little side hustle,

- counseling local spirits.
- Hello.

Over time, I learned that not every person
who died stuck around.

Only those who have
some unfinished business.

And this is where I come in…

…as a spiritual messenger of sorts,

making sure the Deados don't get stuck
in a world that no longer sees them.

With my assistance,
these spirits were able to cross over,

which is pretty beautiful.

Word spread in the purgatory circuit,
and my after-school job took off.

Hey, how are you?

There's no pay,

but if dead people gratitude
had monetary value,

I'd be Jeff Bezos.

You'd think witnessing dead people say,
"Goodbye" over and over again

would be my biggest burden,

but it is a distant second

to the torturous realm where I am forced
to spend my days, high school.

I can't believe you think this is
a better education than homeschooling.

I mean, look at them.

Honey, I have a hard time
getting you to come out for dinner.

I mean,
how else can I get you to socialize?

I make, like, ten new dead friends a week.
How much more social can I get?

I love you.

Love you too.

Try to have a good day.

- Hey, babe.
- Hey, isn't that Capri Donahue?

Honey, I just don't get
why you two stopped hanging out.

You were joined at the hip.
Maybe y'all should reconnect.

Oh, no. I lost my hard-earned smile.

It truly amazes me that
at the most formative time of their lives,

a time that should be about
self-discovery,

and finding what is individual
and unique about themselves,

they instead
choose to homogenize in groups

that give them the unhealthy acceptance
they so deeply crave.

You're so lucky your mom let you.

I was going under the knife
for my deviated septum anyway,

so we just thought that we'd get
my boobs done at the same time.

And that's why I'd rather hang out
with the unliving than the unwoke.

- Gross, sorry.
- Hey, dude,

La Croix eruption at Mount McMuffin, dude.

Did I mention that I spent
last Friday night discussing modern art

with a woman who claimed to be
Frida Kahlo's lover? Just saying.

In the ecosystem of high school,

I'm basically a hermit crab
hiding under a reef.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

That's my friend, Gary. He's a "Stayer."
A Stayer is a Deado who...

- Oh, my God. No way!
- I know. And she said, "Fetch."

- Ew.
- Your jacket is really cute, by the way.

Oh, thanks. It's amazing what I can do
with a sewing machine and a little thread.

Capri Donahue.

Head phony. Ever heard of someone
described as having solid character?

Oh, my God.
The Sweet Seventeen promo video?

- I know.
- Oh, I'm living for it.

Well, Capri's is pure particle board.

I know!

Good morning, Miss Lyman.
You look like a breath of fresh air.

Kiss ass.

Oh, Darby. Forgot you went here.

Hmm.

- Babe.
- Jamesy!

I missed you.

In case you couldn't tell by that dramatic
Bachelor Nation -style spin,

that's Capri's boyfriend.

James Harris was a band geek

who had been completely invisible
to Capri until...

♪ I needed you, oh
But I never showed ♪

♪ And I wanna stay with you
Until we're gray and old ♪

Even though he didn't make it past
the blind audition round,

it was enough fame for Capri

to turn her chair
and set her thirsty hooks in him.

Good morning, newly minted junior class.

- Whoo!
- Welcome to biology lab.

Before you get too comfortable,
I've paired you up with your lab partner

alphabetically by last name.

Go ahead and take a seat with that person.

I don't even have to look at the list.
Ever since first grade, it's always...

- Harper.
- Harris.

Uh, Miss Lyman,
I need to be partnered with James

because I'm trained to assist him
with his learning disability.

He has dyslexia.

No, he doesn't.

I'm sure James
will manage on his own, Capri.

Capri knows I'm the one person
she can't get to like her.

I'm the one girl in school who doesn't
wanna be her,

the one person
who can see through her bullshit.

Hi, baby.

Babe, I'm at a different table.
I'm not going off to war.

Oh, my God. Don't even say that.

All right. Let's get started.

Uh, excuse me, Miss Lyman?
There's an ass on my desk.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is a fresh blowout.

I didn't even see anyone was sitting here.

Freak show.

I'm sorry. She can be
a little extra sometimes.

Extra psychotic.

- I like your Chucks.
- Oh, thanks.

Yeah.

James is a good guy.

He was actually my first crush
back in sixth grade.

Before I realized that romantic
relationships are just a social construct

people created to avoid the fact that
we're all helplessly alone in this world.

Mmm. I got you this time.

I do.

- Hmm. Boom.
- Eh, nah, nah, nah, nah. Bishop to e4.

Ugh, crap. That's...

Yeah, that's... That would be checkmate.

Mmm.

And that would also be
two more bucks you owe me, kid.

Come on. You don't even use money.

I know, I know.
But I love to leave it in Linda's purse.

She gets a big boost when she finds it.
Treat herself to some fancy coffee drink.

All right.
That is pretty frigging adorable.

All right, come on. Pay up.

I really wish you took Venmo.

I hope you have
a wonderful rest of the day.

Thank you, Gary.
I appreciate it. I'll try.

Hey, hi. Uh, you're the girl
from the bleachers, right?

Uh, I don't talk to clients here.

Uh.

Come by my office Friday night, okay?
That's where I work.

Work...

- Oh, shit.
- Are you okay?

I mean, you look like
you've just seen a ghost.

The opposite, actually.
I thought you were...

Never mind. I just...
I haven't seen you before.

Great. You two found each other.

- Alex is new, and he's gonna need…
- Oh, God. Please, no.

…a junior study buddy
to show him the ropes.

He just transferred in
from a Montessori school,

so all this is pretty foreign to him.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know
if I'm the best person to do that.

Sure, you are. You're an honors student,
and you both seem like such...

- He's thinking, "Weirdos."
- Abstract thinkers.

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

Extracurricular activities meet-and-greet
starts in ten minutes.

- Walk Alex through it.
- Help him acclimatize.

- That guy. Uh, we're... Yep.
- Yep. Okay.

So, do you have any burning questions
about Frederick Douglass High

I can answer in the next two minutes?

Uh, that for starters.

Yeah, the superintendent passed a bill
allowing corporate sponsorship

of cafeterias so that schools could save
on the cost of lunches.

Jeez.

My old school
didn't have this type of structure.

You know,
the bell telling you when and where to go,

having to raise your hand
to get permission to take a leak.

Public school is only
a few rules away from the Marines.

Yeah. That's funny.

So, why did you leave Montessori?

I had a bit of a rough patch last year.
You know, some issues, so...

I feel your pain, junior class buddy.

So, who do you hang with?

Uh, I don't.

Oh. The lone wolf.

You said something earlier
about your work?

Oh, no. N... It was nothing.

I thought you were someone else.

Um, I do some social work
on Friday nights.

Social work?

When in doubt, the truth gets people
to bug off every time.

Yeah. Yeah, it's for dead people.
I help them pass on to the next realm.

Uh...

That's really cool.
I'm actually into psychic mediums too.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. What are the odds?

That backfired.

So, uh,
are you in any of these clubs?

Maybe in another lifetime.

At my old school,
I had a Stephen King book club.

Oh, uh-huh.

But you know,
if I'm forced to be here, which I am,

I've decided I want the most public school
experience ever known to man.

Wow.
You're quite the glass half-full guy.

I mean, if you don't embrace
the absurdities in life, right?

It's unlivable.

Mmm.

Ooh, prom. I've seen that in the movies.

Uh, I gotta run.

Oh. Okay, uh...

I-I'd love to talk to you more
about the paranormal stuff.

Lone wolf, Alex.

- "Lone" being the key adjective there.
- Right.

Yeah. See you.

Yeah.

Mmm. That's not good.

All right. Listen up, people.

We got a few cheerleaders here who want
to do a special presentation just for you.

And action!

Let's go.

Hi, Cougars!
I'm Capri Donahue, and this is...

Taylor.

Taylor, Bree, Piper and Todd.

And we're here to tell all the gym classes
about cheer tryouts next week.

Here's a little skit we prepared.
Hope you enjoy!

Hi! Are you new here?

Yes, I'm a freshman.

And I've always dreamed of being

a cheerleader,
but I'm so intimidated by it.

Isn't it just for shallow, hot girls?

I'm so glad you asked.
And the answer is, that's offensive.

Cheerleaders aren't just pretty people
who are happy all the time.

We face the same challenges.
Just like you.

Really? Even you, the head cheerleader?

- Yes, even me.
- Yeah.

But cheer allows us
to be the change that we wanna see.

We support female empowerment,
just like Beyoncé.

When one of us falls...

- The sisterhood is there to catch us.
- Jesus.

Next week, I'll be there.

Piper, at the end.

But cheer keeps the world moving.

Because when something gets us down...

- Cheer...
- Lifts us back up.

Let's hear it, Cougars!

Tryouts next week,
show us what you can do.

Tryouts next week!

- Now, Piper!
- "Now," what?

Next week? I'll be there.

- Shit.
- Whoo!

- Let's go, Cougars!
- Whoo!

My dad said I can only invite 50 people,
but I was, like,

"Come on,
the DJ tent holds at least a hundo."

Ugh! Can we get a corporate sponsor from…

…the electric company or something?
This is ridiculous.

Give me my clothes.

Why would I take your clothes?
Not planning on attending a funeral.

I have no problem walking up
to Principal Morgan's office in my towel

to discuss his zero tolerance
bullying policy.

Oh, my God!
You're totally gaslighting me right now.

You're the one who bullied me
in front of the entire class this morning.

You called me an ass.

Technically,
I called your actual ass an ass.

Maybe you'll understand that more when
we get to the anatomy section of bio lab.

It was just a joke. No need to go crying
to the principal, freak show.

Ow! My ass.

- Capri!
- Are you okay?

I'm fine. Just... I slipped.

Miss Harper, thank you
so much for giving us your statement.

We'll be in touch
if we have any follow-up questions.

Miss Harper?

Uh... Yeah, yes. Okay.

Okay.

All right, ladies.

Go home, get some rest.

Remember,
we have grief counselors available.

Seeing a dead person
is a very traumatic experience

which none of us are equipped for.

Sorry.

Something in the throat.

Hey.

Hey.

Yeah. She was a beauty.

I know you don't like
talking about your mom.

And I'm not trying to push you.

I know Capri's death
is probably a trigger. Right?

No. No, really. I'm... I'm fine.

Honey.

I'm just tired.

So... But thank you.

Night.

- I love you.
- Love you.

Wake up, bitch. Wake up!

Oh, goddamn it.

So it's true. You can see me.

How did you even... Uh...

Remember groundskeeper Gary?

- Uh...
- Yeah.

He told me all about
your little "ability."

Bring me back.

Darby!

Bring me back. Now!

Capri, I can't bring you back.
I can only help you move on.

Move on?

No. Cheer tryouts are next week.

My Sweet Seventeen
is coming up in a month.

I've planned it the whole year.
It costs more than my sister's wedding.

Denial. It's the hardest stage.

Listen, I'm...
…I'm really sorry you died.

I truly am. But you are dead,

and neither I,
nor anyone else can bring you back.

Holy crap!

Did I do that?

- Am I coming back to life?
- No, dude, you're a form of energy.

So, with intense focus and practice,

or I guess just pure,
unfiltered teenage rage,

Deados can manipulate things
in the real world.

- "Deados?"
- Yeah. Yeah, that's what I call your kind.

The in-betweeners like you.

Okay, but-but-but what about, um, Gary?

- I mean, he died our freshman year, right?
- Yeah.

He's a Stayer.
It means he chooses to be here.

He's waiting for his wife to die
so they can pass on together.

Okay, cute. Um.
Then, I will be a Stayer too.

Yeah. I don't wanna go to some…
…creepy afterlife. No, thank you.

No, no. Capri,
this is not where you're meant to be,

so it'll be very difficult
for you to be at peace here.

Especially you, feeling like
you're missing out on all that stupid shit

you think is so important.

Oh, it might be stupid shit to you,
freak show,

but this is the best year of my life.

Everyone thinks senior year is peak,
but no.

Seniors have one foot out the door
to college.

I am at the epicenter
of the ultimate high school experience.

I'm not going anywhere.

You literally will never be able
to see yourself again.

You're dead.

So is all that shit you care about.

Cheer championships,
homecoming, your birthday.

You can't experience it anymore.

I'm sorry.

Look, I can deliver whatever message
you want to whomever.

But once you make the decision
to move on, you move on.

Look, you can stay here tonight
if you're freaked out.

But I'm going to sleep because,
well, I'm alive,

and I have another day
of living hell tomorrow.

I'm sorry you died.

I'm Katlyn Kelley, reporting live
from Frederick Douglass High School,

where yesterday, students witnessed
the shocking and tragic death

of their popular classmate,
head cheerleader,

Capricorn Donahue.

I'm on TV,
and I can't even enjoy it.

Grieving students
have been visiting this memorial

for the beloved cheerleader.

Could you tell us a little about
what made Capri so special?

She was an amazing person
and such a great friend.

And I'm just gonna miss her so much.

I've literally
never seen you before in my life.

Capri was planning a big
Sweet Seventeen birthday for next month.

Can you tell us more about that?

Yeah,
she was so excited about the party.

She put everything she had
into planning it.

Oh, guys! I'm still here...

Is there anything else you would like
our viewers to know about Capri?

Just that she was the glue
that bonded together our sisterhood.

She was actually a Scorpio.

Also, follow us on Instagram. Thank you.

A young spark of life, gone in a flash.
A cheer heard no more.

Are you sure you wanna do this?
Maybe you should stay at home.

Signing off.

Nah, it's just putting off the inevitable.

That's the photo
you brought to my shrine?

Taylor, you look adorable,
and my eyes are literally closed!

Did you guys see that?

That practice killed me.
Capri would have been so proud.

Nationals, here we come!

So, where are we going tonight?

I just can't believe that she's gone.

I had my nose modeled after hers.

I heard she shot 50 feet in the air,
and her pants flew off.

Do you think James Harris
will rejoin jazz band now?

"Dead Cheerleader"
is a killer name for a band.

Alive Capricorn Donahue
was an "it girl," but dead Capri Donahue?

Oh, she's a legend, honey.

Hey, here she is...
Hey, Darby. My buddy, Mel.

- Hi.
- He passed last night.

- Uh, heart attack.
- Yeah.

- Oh. Sorry.
- You know. So if you don't mind,

he's gonna sit and watch
our lunchtime chess games

- until you can help him move on.
- Yeah, sure.

My wife, Deb, uh, she passed 17 years ago,

and you know, that's a long time.

I was in a lot better shape then, right?

Uh, what if she's not

- attracted to me anymore?
- Maybe.

Well, I like to think
that when you pass on,

you pass as your optimal self.

And I'm pretty sure that has nothing
to do with your superficial exterior.

Oh, my optimal self?

- Yeah.
- I like that.

Okay.

- Well, we'll talk soon.
- Way to be, Darby. Thank you.

- She is good!
- I told you, huh?

Oh, no.

Oh, thank God.

- Hola! Oh!
- Oh! Jeez...

- God, you scared the shit out of me.
- Oh. Sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah, fine. I...

It's just someone I'm trying to avoid.

Oh. Got a little stalker?

Potentially.

Oh, you're serious.

Oh, my bad. Okay. Uh…

You wanna talk about it?

Well, the frustrating thing is,
is I don't think anyone would understand.

Mmm. I get that.

Don't have to explain anything to me,
I'm just making sure you're okay.

Thanks.

- Um...
- So, what's up?

So, you were there
with the cheerleader yesterday?

That's pretty intense.

Yeah.

Whoo! Sorry, Alex. Too much caffeine.

Uh, sorry. Uh, I... I gotta go but I'll s...
Thanks for the...

Just thanks.

- I need to talk to you.
- Okay.

I don't work at school, Capri.

What do you mean, "Work"?
I'm not asking you to do my taxes.

Okay, what do you want?

I have decided that I do,
in fact, want to move on.

It's incredibly boring being here
and being invisible.

Also, apparently,
I'm stuck in this outfit.

If I knew I was gonna die,
I would've worn way more accessories.

Smart decision. Come see me Friday night.

Whoa! I haven't told you
when I wanna move on.

Okay, I don't have time for this.

It'll be next month.
After my Sweet Seventeen.

No. No, just go to your funeral.
Yeah, everyone will be crying

and talking about
how awesome you were. You'll love it.

Ew, no. I hate funerals,
they're mad depressing.

I want the party.
Which is where you come in.

You're gonna make sure
the party still happens.

I think that curling iron incident
fried your last remaining brain cell.

I...

Game on.

Ideally, you'll do this voluntarily.

But I've been practicing the whole
manipulation of objects thing all morning.

So, I can make life very weird
for you if it comes down to it.

Psycho.

I just wanted to let you know.

- Sorry I'm late.
- That's okay, Darby.

As I was saying,
James will not be in today.

For obvious reasons.

Bree, Taylor, Piper, my condolences.
I know you girls were very close.

She really would've wanted us
to be here today.

To remember her with everyone else.

That's true. I mean,
they're no good to me crying in private.

All right. Let's get started.
If you uncover the tray in front of you,

you'll find today's project.

- Ugh.
- Gross!

- Cool!
- I'm reporting this to PETA.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Um, Darby, I wanted to see
if you wouldn't mind

dropping off James's lab homework
for him until he's back.

Oh. Uh,
I don't really think that'd be approp...

- What? Say yes!
- Yes, of course.

Oh, my God.

Capri's Sweet Seventeen promo video
has over, like, 200,000 views.

- Really?
- Yeah. They played it on the news.

It's so tragic that it's canceled.

Darby!

Don't ignore me.

Hey! I'm serious.

- Hmm.
- What are you doing? Stop.

- Help me get the party back on.
- No.

- Stop it.
- Darby, is everything okay?

Yes, fine.

- Ew. Gross!
- Oh, my God.

- What the f...
- Oh... I'm...

Sorry, my hand slipped.

Haven't you done enough?

Excuse me. I don't feel well.

- My God.
- What just happened?

- Okay, class. Carry on.
- Oh, my God.

What a freak.

- Clearly, she needs therapy.
- Hmm.

What the hell are you doing to me?

- Just say you'll help me.
- No.

What are you... No!

No! No, no, no, no!

No! No, no!

- Sorry, I just really have to pee.
- Mm-hmm.

- No. What are you... No!
- It's just till the party's back on.

No way in hell!

Stop. No. Capri!

Stop, stop!

No, no, no, no!

A public toilet?

I could've contracted
any number of deadly diseases.

This is criminal bullying.

I think it's criminally good haunting.

Fine. You know what? Have at it.

I'll just keep ignoring you
until I'm committed to a psych ward.

Or you could help me
and be free in a month.

All I want is to go to this party.
To see my friends having fun,

and to dance next to James one last time.

And then I'll move on.

- I promise.
- And in what worldly dimension

do you think I can throw your dream party?

Me, the girl you call, "Freak show"?

In a world where
I make you popular enough to do it.

I'm gonna
let you in on a little secret.

Being popular is an illusion.

Like a magic trick, or cryptocurrency.

You just have to believe in it.
And then they will too.

First, you'll need to get close
to Taylor and Bree,

so you can convince them
to throw the party in my honor.

Yeah, that sounds attainable,

since they hate me
with the passion of a thousand suns.

Excuse me. You won't be able to avoid them
once you join cheer.

Never.

Aw, look at us little nuggets
in our cheesy matching uniforms.

Hey, get outta there.

I forgot we were even friends that summer.

Then you were all weird
when we got back to school.

Oh, sorry. I was just going through
a little thing called my mom died.

Your mom was so boss.

Top of the pyramid at the '93 Nationals.

Did she come to you too after she died?

Get out.

Okay! Touchy subject.

But don't you think that she'd want you
to be like she was in that picture?

Happy? Smiling? Do you even have teeth?

You're really blowing your pitch, Capri.

Well, I just don't understand

why you wouldn't wanna be,
at the very least, normal.

Well, I'm not normal.

I've spent my childhood
being a travel agent for dead people.

Okay, and? We all have baggage.

Yeah, like getting zits and wondering
if anyone will ask you to prom.

Deep.

You're the most judgmental
and self-righteous person I've ever met.

What? No, I'm not.

Okay, then prove it. If you really
don't care what people think about you,

then what does it matter if you hang out
with the popular crew for a month

or less, even?

So, as soon as the party
is back on, do you promise to leave?

Do I have your word
you'll leave after the party?

Okay, yes. I promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die. Again.

Okay, fine.

Yes!

The first order of business
is a full head-to-toe glow up.

Hey.

- What's wrong with this?
- It's a lot of black, Darbs.

No.

My God. Burn that.

What's all this stuff?

My mom's old clothes from the '90s.

Retro.

I dig it!

Darby, stop it.

Ooh, it's a two-piece suit.
Oh, it's a suit.

Darby.

Stay still.

Nope. No.

Congratulations.

You actually look kind of hot!
You need to post a selfie.

To what?

What are you, an alien?
Or Amish or something?

- I found out to be popular…
- Here.

…you need to post a lot of selfies.

Hold it. Find your angles.

- You've never taken...
- What is... What's my angle?

Some selfies should be silly.

And you should test out every filter
until your eyes lose all perspective,

and you pick one where
it looks like you have jaundice.

Using too many emojis comes off
as desperate and thirsty.

But three carefully curated emojis,
radiates sophistication and class.

Eggplants? Penises. Kitty cats? Vaginas.

And a peach is a butt.

Well that certainly changes the meaning of
that text I sent my grandma this morning.

Just keep the captions simple.

Two hours and 88 photos later,

I had six usable selfies
posted to my feed.

If you don't embarrass yourself
on Instagram,

maybe I'll train you on TikTok.

Don't... Don't do that.

I can imagine James
trying to block the party,

thinking the girls
are only doing it for followers.

- So you'll have to get him on board, okay?
- I'll try.

Here it is. Aw, the tree house of love.

That was our favorite make-out spot.

Barf.

Oh, Mrs. Harris? Hi, it's Darby.
I brought James's homework.

Oh, go right on up.
He hasn't left his room all day.

♪ Now everybody knows ♪

♪ And darling, it's you and me
Until we're gray and old ♪

♪ Just say you won't let go ♪

Darby?

Jamesy.

Hi, Jamesy... I mean, James.
I brought your homework.

You look different.

Yeah, yeah. My cousin
just started cosmetology school

- and needed a guinea pig.
- Nice. Natural liar.

- I love you.
- Sorry, it's such a mess in here.

- Just let me clean it up.
- Oh. No worries.

He listens to oldies.

Isn't it adorable?

I'm really sorry about Capri.

I know she loved you a lot.

Didn't you hate each other?

Hmm. Love-hate.
We were close when we were younger.

And we still talk, sometimes.
Uh, talked, sometimes.

Oh. Right, I didn't realize that.

It's so weird, like I...
I know she's gone,

but it still feels like
she's here with me.

I mean, she was the most kind,
selfless person I've ever met.

Really?

I mean, really.
Yeah. I totally get that.

And when I didn't make it past
the blinds on The Voice …

…I felt like such a loser.

But when I came back to school,
Capri helped me realize

that failures are just life's way
of making you stronger.

It's true. I was so supportive.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling.

No. It's okay, really. I get it.
My mom died when I was seven.

Yeah, I remember. Can't even imagine
how hard that's gotta be.

Yeah. It's just so disorienting,

like, one day your whole world
is flipped upside down

and it feels like
you're on Mars or something,

and you don't know
how to feel normal again.

Yeah.

That's totally how it feels.

Uh, I should go.

Look, thank you for bringing that over.

It was nice to actually talk to someone.

Hey, Darby.

Death has a funny way
of teaching you what's most important.

Like finally making that apology.

Encouraging your child
to embrace who they are.

And the one that always gets me,
that final, "I love you."

The Deados never asked for anything
petty or superficial…

…until now.

Whoa!

Good morning, sweetheart.

Morning. Don't make it a thing, okay?

It's just a temporary experiment
for social studies.

- It's just...
- What?

You look like your mom.

Okay, this is weird. What is happening?

Who is that? I want her butt.

Damn, smoke show. You got steez.

Who is that? Is that Darby Harper?

- What is everyone looking at?
- You, dummy.

Shoulders back, head up, walk.

Who's the new chick?

That's
head-to-toe vintage. Who's that girl?

I don't know. But she's serving
'90s realness, and I'm so here for it.

- Don't scowl, smile a little.
- They like you. Let them in.

Okay, don't smile.
Um, try pouty. Cute pouty.

How?

- God, she is fire.
- Super fresh.

Is she wearing a couch cover?

Hey.

Darby? You look different.

I mean a good different.

I mean, you always look great.

- You wanna have a seat?
- Yeah.

No.

- Um...
- Darby, no. Absolutely not.

Is she trying to sit
with the new guy?

No. Uh, no.

- Stupid chair. Come on.
- No.

You know, I'll just stand.
Yeah, it's better for digestion.

Hey, hey, new girl. You wanna come,
uh, eat lunch with us?

That's Todd.
He's the cutest guy in the cheer squad.

- You should definitely sit with us.
- No.

Oh.

No, what?

No, I forgot that I have
something to get from my locker.

No time for lunch.

Darby! Hey, Darby!

- What?
- What are you doing?

Go sit at Todd's table.
Don't be such a weirdo.

Well, I am a weirdo.

My anonymity was my only means of survival
in this place.

- I'm done.
- No. We have a deal.

Oh, right. Your brilliant plan.

Hey.

- What are you doing?
- You wanna know what I was thinking?

Even though you hate me,
I could sit at your table at lunch,

join cheer and we could all
become besties.

Have you gone fully mental?

What? You don't wanna be my friend

just 'cause I got a new haircut
and some lip gloss?

Oh, my God.

There, I tried.

Your new style is hideous.

You wouldn't know
real fashion if it bit you on the tit.

I thought it was cool.

- I like her socks.
- Guys.

What the hell was that back there?

You have zero chill.
You need to get your shit together.

I'm crawling back
into my hermit shell tomorrow.

Why are you such a defeatist?

Oh, Darby, what are you doing?

- You've just left your king wide open.
- Defeatist is right.

This is like watching The Queen's Gambit.
Except she sucks.

- Hey, hey. Darby, girl.
- Burn.

Why don't you just do the cheer thing?
You know you want to.

It'll be good, you'll meet new friends.
Ones with pulses.

Yeah. And if you follow my plan,

then you'll earn
their respect organically.

And if I refuse?

- Oh... Oh, my...
- Whoa!

Bitch, was that a frog? What the hell!

I've been saving him since science class.
I am not giving up on my party, Darby.

There's more where that came from.

Damn it! Fine! Fine.

But this is a hostage situation,

and that is on your karma report card,
not mine.

Cheer tryouts are less than a week away.

We're training every day during lunch
and after school. Hey!

Your days of chess and donuts, over.

Donuts. I will miss them.

Hmm.

Four.

You gonna do anything?

Excuse me?

Eight. Nine.

Three. Five. Seven. Again.

Everything okay?

Yeah, just need a sec to focus.

I haven't done this since,
well, you know, since my mom.

- Hey, fresh homework.
- Thanks.

No problem.

What's up? Did you hurt your ankle?

It's fine. It's nothing, I just...
I don't like the beach.

You're gonna kill it at tryouts tomorrow.

You're the best tumbler I've ever seen,
and I've been to Nationals, twice.

Why did you quit when we were younger?

You're honestly a natural,
just like she was.

I don't wanna talk about my mother.

Why?

You know, I used to wish
I had your mom instead of mine.

At least your mom waited
till she was dead to ignore you.

Sometimes I think she might have stayed.

But if she did, then why...
Forget it.

If she had stayed, then why what?

I don't wanna talk about my mom, okay?

Okay.

Do you wanna scream about her instead?

What?

I said,
do you want to scream about her?

Cut it out.

No. I think you'll feel a lot better
if you just scream a little bit!

Stop.

Come on!

Stop.

Are we gonna make
the team tomorrow, Darby Harper?

Yes.

I said, are we gonna
make the team tomorrow?

Yes! Yes! Okay?

- Yes!
- Yes!

Okay! That's what I'm talking about!

I'm gonna make the team!

You're gonna make the team!

All right. For those of you
who don't know who I am, I am Coach Paula.

You gotta be kidding me.

And we have some very exciting news.

So, without further ado,

he's your mascot and mine…

…Douglas The Donut!

- Look at this guy.
- Come on.

Oh, my God! So cute. Go, Dougie!

Oh, wow.

Time to rumble, time to go nuts!

- Time to cheer for the Fighting Donuts!
- She's pretty good.

- Oh.
- Oh, nice try.

Let me see it.

Show 'em your moneymaker, Darbs.

Yay!

Suck on that, Taylor!

- Yeah.
- So good.

You slayed that shit.

I'm so proud of you. How does it feel?

I actually forgot how empowering it feels.
It's such a high.

I feel like I have lockjaw
from forcing a smile for an hour.

Great job out there.

No way.

You... You know the donut?

Yeah, I never would've thought
cheering was your thing.

- You're full of surprises.
- I'm full of surprises?

You weren't kidding when you said you were
gonna find the most ridiculous activity.

Well, it counts as a gym class credit.
I get a free dozen donuts every game.

And, come on, the outfit is sexy as hell.

No, no, no, no.

You cannot be friends with the donut.
This is social suicide.

Uh, so...
Uh, update on your stalker situation?

- It's ongoing.
- Ooh. Sorry to hear that.

Step away from the donut.

I'll talk to you later. Okay, Alex?

Okay.

I mean, that new cheer girl's
just sick on the mat. And cute.

She's not new. That's Darby Harper.
And she's, like, a witch or something.

Yeah. She basically killed Capri.

Thank you for your patience.

If I call out your name,
welcome to the Fighting Donuts cheer team.

You made it.

Yes! I knew you could do it.
God, I haven't felt this alive since...

Well, since I was alive.

Darby Harper,
is that a smile on your face?

Congrats on making the team, Darbs.
See you on the field.

- Say thanks, weirdo.
- Thanks, weirdo, you.

- How does he know I made the team?
- Probably posted it to IG. Check.

Okay! Look at you with 756 followers.

Congrats,
you're actually becoming a real person.

Now, repost it to your story.
And, um, humble brag.

Pretend like you don't actually care.

Uh, I don't really care.

Perfect! God, you're so good at that.

I actually did care.

I'd finally started making it
in the living world,

but it turns out there are
a lot of rules to being popular.

Don't brag, only humble brag.

It's okay to be moody, but never sad.
Sad is cringe.

Don't try too hard.

Be woke, but not a woke fisher.

Don't be thirsty. Do listen. Do smile.
Speak clearly. Don't be angry.

Be a winner. Don't worry.
Dress to impress. Don't overgram.

I prefer the Deados any day.

Sure, they're dead,
but at least they don't play games.

The admiration and envy
hang so heavily in the air,

even a dead girl can smell its sweet musk.

Hey, hey, Darby!

- Ah! Ah, ah.
- I'll check you later.

- But I have chess with Gary.
- Mm-mmm. Not today, you don't.

Sit.

Full set. Unbelievable.

Yeah. Cool.

Say hi.
Jesus Christ, I feel like a ventriloquist.

Hi.

Hey, Todd.

Nice catch, bro.

Darby.
You lit that mat on fire. Seriously.

- Welcome to the team.
- Thanks.

- Hey, Darby. Looking good.
- Oh, thanks.

Aw! Look at you all flush with endorphins.

This is probably the first time
you've experienced popularity, huh?

Own it, girl. Also, smile?
Yeah, you have spinach in your teeth.

- What?
- Phase one of my plan is complete.

You've joined the team
and gained influence.

Now on to phase two.

That's phase two.

Oh, my God.

I swore I had a tampon in here.

She did. I put it in your locker.
You're welcome.

I wore white jeans. Do you have anything?

Still trans.

Go on, this is your cue.

- Sorry, boo. I don't have any.
- Oh, my God. Come on.

Here, Taylor.

Thanks.

Retreat. Retreat!
Act natural. Come on.

Yeah.

So, I guess we have to practice the stunt.

You can come over tomorrow after school.

Yeah, sounds good.

I will see you then. I guess.

Why the sudden desire
to join cheer, Darby Harper?

Whoa. What's happening?

- She thinks you're an undercover narc.
- Like 21 Jump Street.

- She's clean.
- Nice.

Uh... Say something. Um, something good.

Well, honestly, you guys,

that recruitment skit that you guys did
in gym class really spoke to me.

I wrote that.

After I said,
"Let's write a script."

And I just thought, "Wow."
I mean, "I wish I had such cool friends."

Yeah, we're definitely
an upgrade from that weird donut kid.

- Yeah. Are you dating the donut?
- Squash that. Now.

No. No, I don't really know him.

Ooh, I wonder how James is doing.

Bitch, I will drown you in a toilet bowl

if you think for one second
about dating Jamesy.

I think he's coming back to school soon.

It's gonna be so sad
seeing him without Capri.

- I still can't believe that she's gone.
- Here's your in.

Um, well,
isn't Capri's birthday coming up?

Do you guys have, I don't know,
anything special planned for it?

Well, she had this big Coachella-themed
party planned.

- Yes, Bree. Keep going.
- It's canceled, obviously.

Well, you know, what would be so cool...

Okay, easy. Don't force it.

Actually, you know what, never mind.
It's none of my business.

I wasn't friends with her. I'm gonna go.

Wait, wait. What were you gonna say?

Well, wouldn't it be great

if you guys did something
to celebrate her,

and remember
all of her amazing qualities? Like...

Being named after pants.

Right. But, you know...

There were so many things
about Capri, right? Like...

I mean, she was, uh, pretty and...

Oh! Bossy. Yeah, she was bossy.

Well, anyway.
Wouldn't it be cool if you guys threw

Capri's Sweet Seventeen party
in her honor?

A birthday party for our dead best friend?

That seems kind of inappropriate.

- Bad form.
- Yeah. Super weird.

Uh, followers! Instagram followers.

Well, what if it was to support
accidental electrocution awareness?

- What?
- Huh?

I mean, I'm sure it'd make the news
and draw national attention.

Genius.

"Hashtag Capri's Sweet Seventeen."

A celebration of her life,
thrown by her three best friends.

Yeah, this could make you guys
legit influencers.

Influencers for accidental
electrocution awareness, of course.

- Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.
- Electrical.

Yes!

- Oh, I... Hi. Sorry.
- Uh. Hi. Hi.

Jelly legs. Eat a banana.

- I'm gonna stretch.
- Bye.

Oops.

We did it.

Ugh. Honestly, I think the party will be
even more iconic now that I'm dead.

Ooh, you know, we should
do something special

at midnight to symbolize you passing on.

Ooh! Like, uh, releasing a white dove
or something?

- Oh.
- That's fresh.

Yeah, that's cool. I actually
haven't done that for anyone yet.

You know,

I used to think
you were such a stuck-up bitch,

but you're actually kinda cool.

You thought I was a stuck-up bitch?

Oh, please.

You acted like you were so edgy and cool,

and everyone else was basic
and below you or something.

What?

Of course, that was before I knew
you were dealing with all this…

dead people shit.

Must be very isolating for you.

Capri Donahue, did you just
express empathy for another person?

Well, I didn't really
think about it before I died

but being popular can be isolating too.

Isn't that an oxymoron?

No.

Imagine everyone has
these high expectations of you,

and you don't wanna disappoint them,

so you just keep all your imperfections
bottled up inside.

You have imperfections?

Well, not my looks
or personality in general, but…

my mom used to say that I wasn't smart
and that I'd only get by on my looks.

I've never told anyone that.

Capri, I think you're smart.

Like, maybe even dangerously so.

Thanks.

I just don't think your looks
are anything to write home about.

How are the numbers on the bikini selfie?

Did you Photoshop this?

- No.
- I can teach you how to Facetune.

- Okay. It's fine.
- Why?

Ooh! "Slay, Queen!

You are the hottest girl
to ever walk the halls of FDHS."

Whoo!

Let's go Cougars!
Let's go, ladies!

- Let's go! Come on!
- Yeah!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Darby! Darby! Darby! Darby! Darby!

Yo!

Whoo!

I am accepted, admired, maybe even adored.

People who couldn't pick me
out of a lineup a month ago

now comment with things like...

Fire emoji, fire emoji.

Crown emoji.

And...

Dying! Heart eye emoji.

And even...

- Eggplant emoji.
- Water spray emoji.

Any press is good press.

Every like, every comment,
every regram is a rush of dopamine.

I feel a certain sense of power.

And on game nights, I feel extra alive.

Ladies and gentlemen!

It's time to make the donut!

Donut! Donut! Donut!

Here we go! Here we go!

Go, Darby! Go, Darby!
Go, Darby! Go, Darby!

Here we go!

Wait, no!

- Dude.
- Hello.

- You got some moves, huh?
- Yeah, I do.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God.
I haven't laughed this hard in li...

I've never laughed this hard.
My cheeks hurt.

Wait, wait, your cheeks hurt?

At least the padded icing
cushioned your fall.

Okay.

Look, Darby, there's something
I really wanted to tell you.

Hey, Darby. You coming to the lake?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, awesome.

Awesome.

- Sorry.
- Don't be.

I'm dying to go take
this stupid thing off anyway.

But, uh, maybe we could
go get a coffee next week?

How about Thursday, right after school?

Go to Indie Roasters? It's downtown.

- I'll be there.
- Okay.

Cool, cool. Very cool.

Okay, let's take another one.

- Okay, ready? Smile.
- Let's go.

You know you don't have to talk
to the mascot after the game ends, right?

Oh, yeah. He was just seeing
if I wanted to grab a coffee next week.

Could you imagine?

Douglas The Donut takes you to Starbucks.

What a scandal.

Oh, my God!

My uncle said we can use his house
for the party.

- No way.
- Oh, my God.

You know that giant glass house
on the lake?

Wait, that's your uncle's house?

Yeah. Her uncle invented
that crypto banking app, Money Grab.

It's an app that's like a bank

but instead of going to an actual bank,
you go to the app and like grab money.

No, Bree, it's an actual bank.

It's just, like,
the money that isn't real.

Anyway, it'll be sick for the party.

Tell 'em how big it is.

The chandelier has a chandelier.

- Yeah.
- Guys, let's go to the lake.

Let's pop some tops, okay? Right?

Oh, Darby can't hang out
on Friday nights, remember?

- Her daddy wants her home early.
- Yeah.

But the head
of the homecoming committee will be there.

We can kiss her ass
for a queen nomination.

It's gonna suck.

- You should come.
- Uh...

Don't you have work tonight?

Isn't that your whole thing?

- Please?
- Come on, Harper.

Break the rules.

- Come on, Harper.
- Do it.

- It'll be fun.
- Okay. Just give me a sec.

- I'm gonna call my dad, okay?
- Awesome.

- Whoo-hoo! Nice.
- Gotta get permission.

- Ooh!
- Okay.

Hey, can you please tell the Deados
something came up

- and I can't make it tonight?
- What?

You're really gonna blow off the Deados
just so you can drink hard seltzer

that literally tastes
like Strawberry Shortcake's butt crack?

Come on. Please?

I have literally never taken
a Friday off work before.

We just won the game.

I don't feel like hanging
with dead people tonight.

No offense.

Okay, well, I don't feel like hanging out
with dead people either.

Then come with us.

So I can hide in the bushes
like Michael Myers

and watch you guys have fun?

No, thank you.

- Come on, Harper!
- Come on!

Coming!

Did you hear that they're using
Taylor's uncle's mansion for the party?

Great news, right?

Yay.

There you are!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Let's go.

- Party time! All right.
- Let's go!

I'll go back to being a mole person
after the party

but until then, fooling all the normies
is actually kind of satisfying.

Shoulders back, head up.

Although, I won't deny the influencing
has become slightly intoxicating.

I mean, I had single-handedly
started a fashion trend.

Me. The invisible girl.

The girl no one even realized existed.

Hey, Darbs.

Are you stoked for the game on Friday?

"Darbs"?

I'll be more stoked if you guys
can score a touchdown this time.

Oh, oh.

Okay, the tent is arriving
Saturday morning.

DJ Linky Dinky Dog will create
a collaborative playlist on Spotify

so we can all add our favorite songs.

- Uh, Capri's favorite songs.
- Got it.

Uh, Todd is bringing the kegs,
and where are we on the dove?

Oh, my mom ordered us one on Amazon.

She cried when I told her your plan
to release it at midnight.

Mmm, it's so poetic. Genius really.

Well,

I feel like I can't take credit for that.

I think it's something Capri
would've come up with.

Uh, no.
She really wasn't that deep.

- What the f...
- Oh, look...

Look the... the editor sent me
the final cut of the promo.

- Ooh.
- I'm gonna post it tonight.

This Saturday,
Capri Donahue's Coachella-themed R.I.P.

Rest In Party.

A party so epic
they'll hear it in the afterlife.

Hashtag electrocution awareness week.

Follow us on Insta.

Party on.

Iconic.

Well, I have chills.

It's literally the best memorial party
promo I have ever seen.

Right?

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God!
- What? What?

They just posted
homecoming queen nominations.

Congrats, girl!

What?

- Uh, no, no, no. That can't be right.
- Oh, my God. You'll totally win.

Especially because your party
is gonna be the coolest of all time.

Oh, is it your party now?
Is that what we're calling it?

My party?
No, guys, it's not my party.

It's Capri's party.

- Totally. Of course.
- Yeah, right.

Not really.

But I mean,
it's kind of become your party.

It was your idea,
and you planned the whole thing.

No. My idea, Taylor.

- I planned the whole thing!
- Shh!

Sure, sure.
But it's all for Capri, remember?

Just tell them I'm here.
I'm so sick of being invisible!

- Uh...
- Um, ow.

- It was a bee.
- Really?

- It was a bee.
- Did you just do that?

- Yeah.
- You wanna go?

No, I got it.
It was buzzing around.

Okay.

You guys should go to the locker room.
I'm gonna warm up.

Warm up? We just finished practice.

You don't make it to Nationals
by losing all your warmth, Bree.

You're weird.

- But so right.
- Yeah, I am right.

Whatever. Okay. Bye.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

Bye.

- You're my hero.
- Oh.

Are you trying to blow my cover?

This party's supposed to be my moment.

You've hijacked it!
It's all about you now!

What? No, it's not.

Capri, there's literally gonna be
a 40-foot projection

of your face in the night sky.

Like a friggin' Bat-Signal.

Yeah, which the homecoming committee
will probably give you credit for.

I'm not really gonna be homecoming queen.
It's probably just a joke,

and they're gonna
pour pig's blood on me or something.

Ew.

Look, I know it sucks
for you not to be here

but there's really no need to be jealous...

No, I'm not jealous.
Don't flatter yourself.

I'm sleeping at my house this week.

Good luck picking out a homecoming dress
without me to do it for you.

What is it, Gary?

It's my buddy, Mel.

He came to see you Friday night,
you weren't there,

and he's... he's in a bad way, Darby.

You know. He says he doesn't feel right.
It's unnatural.

He's really ready to move on.

Okay, well, I'm not the border patrol
for the afterlife.

He can go on his own.

'Course he can, but-but...

See, he needs you to get a...
A message to his kid first.

He wants to tell him that he's sorry
he didn't accept him as a gay.

He's not a gay. He's gay.

Yes, my son, Allen. He's gay.

And I love him anyway and his husband,

and I think they're gonna be
great parents.

Like he said.

Gosh, I'm sorry I wasn't there, Mel.

- Great practice, Darbs.
- Yeah,

you too, dude.

Look.

Come see me Friday night.
I'll be there. I'll help you, okay?

- Okay.
- Promise.

- Thank you, Darby.
- Thank you, Darby.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.

- Take it you're not staying for dinner?
- Uh, no. I gotta go to James's.

Oh.

Honey, listen, I am glad
that you're making friends this year.

But is everything okay?

I mean… …you just don't
seem like yourself anymore.

God, Dad. I mean,
you pressure me to get a social life,

and then you give me crap when I have one?

- Make up your mind.
- Okay.

That's valid.

But, honey, I'm just checking in on you.

Well, you don't have
to worry about me, 'kay?

I'm fine, really.

Same old Darby.

Oh, and can I get a studio lighting kit
for my birthday?

The lamps in my room are a little,
like, warm and cozy. It's gross.

- Mmm.
- You know?

Anyway, bye.

Bye.

Yep, same old Darby.

Did you know that octopus
have three brains?

Um, wrong.

- What do you mean?
- I'm not... I mean, wrong!

They have nine brains.

Come on, man. The test is next week.

Oh.

Hey, uh, look what I found the other day.

Mmm?

Look at this. Our, uh…

…sixth-grade field trip
to the planetarium.

Oh, wow.

Harper and Harris.

I thought you were so cool.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, you were so different
from everyone else.

It's going to be so weird to go
back to school without Capri tomorrow.

Did you hear about that idiotic
Sweet Seventeen party for her?

Uh, yeah, yeah.
Think I heard someone talking about that.

Good to know Taylor, Bree and Piper
are so desperate for attention

that they're willing
to whore out Capri's memory to get it.

But isn't it for a good cause?

Accidental electrocution awareness?

Which one of those morons
came up with that?

- Oh, c-cool tree house.
- Yeah.

Wanna come check it out?

Whoa.

I haven't been up here since…

I didn't wanna leave my room
for months after my mom died.

I just…

I felt like if I just returned
to regular life

and ignored the fact
that she wasn't there anymore,

it'd be like living a lie or something.

But it does get easier. It does.

And I know you can do this.

Thanks.

You really get it.

Why's he looking at me like that?

What's going on?

Darby, will you come to school
with me tomorrow?

U-Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be there.

No, I... I mean, can I... can I pick you up?

It's gonna be tough for me
to face without Capri there

and, you know,
I could really use someone by my side.

Sure, sure.
I don't see why not.

Thanks, Darby.

Oh.

Your hair smells so good.

Thanks, it's shampoo. I gotta go.

It's getting late.

- All right.
- Yeah.

- See you tomorrow?
- Sure.

- Be careful on the way down.
- I'll just leap down.

- Need help?
- No, I got it.

It's just some environmentally
conscious carpooling.

You know, Capri will probably thank me
for being there to support him.

I will drown you in a toilet bowl

if you think for one second
about dating Jamesy.

Gonna introduce me
to your boyfriend?

What? Who told you that?

No, no. That's just my biology partner.

Okay. Well, boyfriend, biology partner,
whatever you kids call it.

Time to face the music.

Okay, well, see you in bio.

Hang on. Will you walk with me?

Oh, no.

Sure, James.

- Oh, ho ho!
- James Harris is back.

How'd Darby Harper manage to pull him

before the bell even rang
on his first day back?

Are they, like, together now?

James.

Well, that's gotta be
the world's fastest rebound.

James. Welcome back, brother.

Nothing to see here, folks.
Just me and James Harris.

Just me and the boy Blake Shelton called,

"A talented guy
I should have turned my chair for."

Who, I guess, has a crush on me now?

Nothing out of the ordinary
going on here.

They're holding hands.

Capri Donahue's gonna drown me
in a toilet bowl.

What?

So, are you and James, like, a thing now?

'Cause everyone is saying that
you made out in the hallway this morning.

No. No, we didn't.

His hand just brushed mine
for a few seconds.

He's having a hard time
being back without Capri.

Oh, yes, poor James. The wounded bird.

Yeah, I would be careful.

He's so codependent
and definitely on the rebound.

And morally, it's gross.

Totally.
Capri's not even cold in her grave yet.

You guys, it was just
a one-time ride to school.

Darby.

You, uh... You want a ride home?

No! No, thanks.

I'm just gonna get my cardio in,
you know?

All right, well, come by later.

Wrote a song for you.

- There's a song.
- Oh, my God.

Gotta run. You know?

She's running in that?

She doesn't live close.

It's Thursday.

Only two more days till the party.

I can lay low until…

Shit, it's Thursday.

I mean, I used to have crates
of 12-inch vinyl in my den.

And you could read the liner notes,
you could touch 'em, you could feel 'em.

But… …the music cloud.

- Where is it? I don't get it.
- Ha!

Oh, my God! Can you guys stop?

I cannot believe I'm spending
my junior year

listening to some dead boomers

talking about newspapers and typewriters
and network television.

Then why don't you just
make up with Darby then?

I mean, so what?

She's the Homeroom Queen
and you're not. Big deal.

That's, uh, Homecoming Queen.

- Thank you.
- Listen, Capri,

you should be very proud of yourself.

You were able to pry Darby
out of her shell when no one else could.

Yeah, well, now she's taking
the attention and credit for my party!

Yeah.

My sister-in-law, Rose,
sang at my funeral.

All anybody could talk about
was how great Rose sounded.

What a great voice Rose had.

At my funeral!
And you know what they said about me?

"He's looked better."

- The audacity!
- Guys, guys, guys.

Who cares?

You're dead.

You're throwing a temper tantrum

about a party in a dimension
that you no longer exist in.

Do you know how crazy that is?

Well, then what's the point?

What's my purpose?

Well, you're gonna find that out
on the other side.

I mean, listen, I have a reason
to stick around, you know?

I wanna be with Linda.

But you, you're so young and whip-smart.

You got your whole death in front of you.

Why would you wanna stay here
and be invisible?

You just have to get the heck out of here.

Thanks, Gary.

Okay.

She has a lot of electricity.

You know that's how she died, right?

Hey, Alex.

Look, I'm so sorry
about missing our coffee date.

It's okay.

Uh, you're busy.

I hear you're dating James Harris now.

Oh, no. No, I'm not dating James.

You could have just texted me.

I was waiting like 20 minutes.

Uh, look,
I gotta go but I really do...

Talk to you later. Right.

Hey, Capri. H-How was your Dad's?

Not great.

My mom turned my bedroom
into her personal yoga studio.

- Mmm.
- So...

Okay, well, I-I kind of wanna talk to you.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, I'm glad you're here.

- There's something I need to tell you.
- Me too.

I wanted to apologize about
overreacting about the party.

I've decided that I am proud of your...
Our Homecoming nomination.

I just had to remind myself

that I'm the Michelangelo
behind your David, you know?

Great. Well, I have something to tell you,

but before you freak out,
I want you to let me explain.

- It's about me and...
- Good to have you back.

James. Oh, he's at school today.

Look at him, he's so cute.
Look, he's glowing.

Okay, Capri.
Listen to me, okay?

There's been a misunderstanding.
You'll think it's funny...

There you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

This too much?

What the hell is going on?

Uh, okay. How am I gonna do this?

All right, James.

I-I can't stop thinking about you
since the other night at my place.

- Did you hook up with James?
- No.

I know we both felt something,
and yesterday when you held my hand...

- You what?
- No, no.

No, I didn't hold your hand,
you held mine.

You slut!

I felt this spark and...

- Just really ti... I'm exhausted. Yeah.
- Are you okay?

Whoo!

I know I'm still grieving Capri.
But it just...

- It just felt good to finally feel…
- Stop.

…a moment of happiness again,
and it's been so long, and I...

I think she'd want that.

No, I really don't think she would.

Uh, sorry, James.

I gotta get to class. Have a good day.

Oh, my God. How many times
do I have to tell you?

Nothing happened.

You won't admit it.

- Not even now.
- Admit what?

Admit that you love my life so much
that you want to be me.

I am nothing like you, okay?

You don't have to worry
about me and James.

Oh, my God. What is this?
The Young and the Restless?

I'm outta here.

I'm not worried about James.
He's just trauma-bonding.

You don't think in a million years
he would actually like you, do you?

Well, that's a little harsh.

You're not even a real person!

I created you! I made you!

I dressed you up and told you how to act
so you could be popular.

But deep down,

you know you're just a freak
that sees dead people.

Maybe that's why your mom
didn't wanna come and see you.

Hey, ladies. It's my big bon voyage.

E-Everybody out! All of you!

Not optimum.

It's not my fault your boyfriend finds me
a refreshing change of pace

from a talking push-up bra who's wasted
her entire life on superficial bullshit.

I built you.

I can just as easily tear you down.

Don't even think of going
to my party tomorrow night.

Well, you forgot one vital difference
between us, babe.

I'm alive.

I'm not spooked by some
jealous dead girl stomping her feet.

I'll go to that party
if I damn well please.

Hell, I'm the one who planned the thing!

Okay, I am a little spooked
by a jealous dead girl stomping her feet.

And I am definitely not going anywhere
near that party tomorrow.

Hey, kid.

What? School on Saturday?

Word on the street is, uh,

you had a little freak out last night,
and I thought I'd check on you.

I've been looking for you.

I'm sorry, but I...

I can't talk to you anymore, Gary.

I just wanna be normal.

Oh, Darby, don't you think you're normal?

Uh…

To clarify, I wanna be

the-girl-who-doesn't-talk-to-dead-people
version of normal.

How about that?

Well, honey, you know, but that's...
That's kind of what makes you, you.

Have you maybe talked to Capri about this?

Maybe a friend your age could help...

I'm not talking to Capri.

She's not my friend. She never was.

She just used me like a pawn.

Well, yeah, I guess…

I guess, uh, that's one way
of looking at it.

But... You know, but from a different
point of view,

maybe she's the one who opened you up
to a whole new world of possibilities.

She didn't do anything for me.

She's just another loser Stayer
who can't move on.

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Darby.

After losing their daughter,
Capricorn, just a month ago,

more tragedy strikes
the Donahue residence.

Police are asking anyone with knowledge
of the arson attack to come forward.

Hey, sweetie. Dinner's ready.

Uh, I'll get it.

James?

Can you take a drive with me, please?

I'm freaking out right now.
This is gonna sound crazy,

but I feel like Capri
is communicating with me.

Like today, her picture
fell off my dresser,

and, I don't know, the TV turned on
without me even touching it,

and it was playing the news story
about the party tonight! And I...

- I-I swear it happened.
- Oh, I'm sure it did.

It's been a rough day.

This grief stuff comes in waves.

Mmm.

Also, I'm sorry, Darby.

I don't think I'm ready
to be in a relationship.

Oh, thank God that you told me that.

Because I-I was thinking something else
was happening.

But I hope we can still be friends.

Yeah. Yeah, of course, James.

I-I appreciate your honesty.

My heart will go on.

I can't believe we fake dated,
and I for real got broken up with.

This is not good.
This is very not good.

James, I thought you were protesting this.

Taylor, Piper and Bree are using
Capri's death to up their social status.

- It's sick, remember?
- I don't care about them!

Okay? I wanna say goodbye to Capri.

Well, well, if it isn't the happy couple.

I'm here for Capri.

Not to promote myself under the guise
of some bogus awareness campaign.

Sure it's not to ruin another party
with an acoustic guitar?

You mean the bogus awareness
campaign your new girlfriend came up with?

What?

This was your idea?

- Not that she bothered to dress up.
- Mm-mmm.

The theme's Coachella, not Stagecoach.

No, I-I mean, not... not technically.

Look, I can explain in the car,
but we should go. Now.

Darby, it's not cool that the two of you
came together.

Capri would be so pissed.

- Oh.
- Oh. Oh, my God. No.

No. No!

Those were supposed to go off at midnight!

Go. Go. Go.

Really, you're gonna go
full Poltergeist on a keg party?

Wow, Capri.

Ah, this must be the electrocution
awareness part of the festivities.

Alex?

What are you doing here?

You know, I'm never gonna pass
on a free drink

and a chance to see the party's latest
Coachella fashion trends.

Sorry, I'm sure you don't wanna
be seen talking to the weirdo donut kid.

You're cool now.

Have a good night, Darby.

Wait. No, no.

I mean, I'm a weirdo too.

Or, at least, I used to be.

Chug! Chug! Chug!

♪ I'm clumsy
Made friends with the floor ♪

♪ Two for one
You know a bitch buy four ♪

♪ And two left feet
You know I always drop ♪

♪ First thing a girl did was a bop ♪

Hey, what's up, Darbs?

- You all good?
- Yeah, have you seen James?

Uh, yeah, yeah. I think, uh,
I think he went upstairs.

But look,
James looked kinda bummed, Darbs.

♪ I don't wanna row, row, row the boat ♪

James.

Hey, J-James.

She's here. She's really here.

Who's here? I don't see anyone.

Look, this is just a stupid game, okay?
It doesn't work.

♪ I'm a bitch and a boss
I'ma shine like gloss ♪

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a boss
I'm a bitch and a boss ♪

Hi, bitch.

It's okay. Don't be scared.
It's her.

She's trying to tell me something.

I know she's here.

I think it's about you.

It would be a lot easier
if you just came clean

and told everyone what a freak you are.

- Did you see that?
- Is that an Ouija board?

Who is doing that? Stop!

Shit.

- Nearly hit me, man.
- Freaky.

Follow it.

Go, go, go.

Hey, cut the music, man.

Is someone flying a freaking drone
in my uncle's house?

Dude, did they hire a magician?

James, what is going on?

I'd hold off on preparing
that Homecoming Queen speech.

I don't think you're gonna test too well
in the polls after this.

Who cut the music, man?

Oh, my God.

- Uh...
- Is anyone else seeing this too?

Is this a drama club thing or something?

I'm scared. Get me out of here.

C-A-P-R-I.

Capri? Capri!

- Oh, my God!
- This is freaky.

Okay, cut the shit. You're scaring people.

- I told you not to come here.
- Darby, you can see her?

- What's he talking about?
- I...

- Who?
- Huh?

Okay, fine.

You win. What do you want?

Surprise me.

What is even happening?

- No, where's she...
- Darby!

- No, no, no. Oh, she's... she's up there.
- Okay.

- That's happening.
- Hey, guys! Guess what?

I'm a freak of nature
who can see dead people.

I'm only popular because the ghost
of Capri Donahue molded me into her image.

I'm just a puppet!

Yeah, I'm loving this narrative.
Keep going.

She told me what to wear
and what to say and how to act

in order to make friends,

and it worked.

She instilled confidence in me
when I had none.

I was just an insecure hater

who hid in the corner judging all of you
for just being normal teenagers.

But, I mean, none of us are...
Are normal, really.

We're all flawed and insecure
and beautiful and ugly...

- You're not ugly.
- Oh, you either.

I couldn't see that from inside
my closed-minded shell.

Capri changed that.

Capri was special.

And I'm…

Wrap it up.

…just a freak show.

- Boo! You suck!
- What a fake.

Hey, Ghost Cheerleader,
can you, like, turn the music back on?

All right, posers.

Put your mother freakin' hands up! Yeah!

Yeah!

Cannonball!

You'd think the ghost of
a dead cheerleader crashing her own party

would result in total chaos.

But people like to find
an explanation for the inexplicable.

No, I'm telling you, dude,
someone laced the keg with Molly.

Brody told me.

But there were magnets attached
to the bottom of the Ouija Board.

I saw 'em when it flew over my head.

And others seem to simply ignore
what they cannot understand.

You missed an epic party, bro.
You hear what happened?

Coop streaked the crowd
and cannonballed into the pool.

In the span of a month,

- I'd gone from…
- It's her!

…Invisible,

to queen bee,

to social poison.

She totally lost her shit.

"Oh, my God. That is all Facetune."

You pretend to see dead people.
Hashtag cancel Darby Harper.

The phrase,
"I wouldn't be caught dead with you"

has never been more accurate.

It's so weird to admit it now.

But you're my best...

My only friend.

Oh, come on. You don't wanna hurt
Gary's feelings, now, do you?

You're still here?

Yeah.

After you left the party, I realized…

I shouldn't have forced you
to become someone else

just so I could have a stupid party.

Sorry.

Yeah, it was a pretty stupid party.

But, hey, at least
I got a cool pet out of it.

I named it Capricorn.

God, I can't believe I acted like

some kind of pathetic
attention-seeking haunter.

Flying around?

Scaring high schoolers? Ugh.

And now James is a mess.

He sits in front of a Ouija Board all day
and lays out cookies at night.

Like I'm Santa Claus or something.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I've totally blown it
with the guy I actually do like.

Wait, what?

I never got coffee with the donut.

Donut?

The guy you called social suicide.

Oh, God.

Don't listen to me,
or Taylor or Bree or Piper.

We're full of shit.

You're the one who should decide
who and what you like.

I'm digging this woke Barbie vibe.

Thanks. She's new.

How are you feeling about moving on?

I'm… …so ready.

I've already confronted my worst fear.

Being in the same outfit
for more than a week.

Anyway,

I felt pretty terrible about what I said
about your mom the other night.

And it made me realize
how selfish I've been all these years.

So I did some asking around.

And...

Hi, Darby.

You did stay.

- Yes.
- But you never...

I never wanted to leave you.

I tried to move on. But…

I wanted to make sure that you'd be okay…

and open up your heart to people again.

Living people.

And you have.

You were my unfinished business, Darby.

Do you believe in reincarnation?

I was pretty fortunate in this life,

so I figure in the next one,
I'll level up and be…

the next Meghan Markle or something.

Promise you'll look after James
and let him know that I moved on?

Yeah, I promise.

Thank you for forcibly

and, at times, somewhat violently

pushing me out of my cocoon.

You are definitely the coolest,
most special-est person I've ever met.

Right back at you. Seriously.

Obviously.

Bye, bitch.

You know,
I don't consider high school

to be so torturous anymore.

Hey, Harper.

My fake boyfriend turned out
to be a real friend.

- Harris.
- Yeah!

Whoa!

And I stayed in cheer.

It makes me feel closer
to a couple pretty important people.

Hey, Darby.

Hey, Gary.

Been a while.

Uh...

Listen, I-I wanna apologize
for the way I behaved.

What are you talking about?
You kidding me?

Come on. This... This stuff
can get pretty confusing, right?

Yeah.

Hey, by the way, you know.

They took Linda to a hospice.
She doesn't have long.

Wow.

- Gary, that's fantastic news.
- I know.

I know, I know, now we can finally
blow this pop stand, and...

And be together again.

Oh, shoot.

Um, I feel horrible about never
delivering that message for Mel.

- Oh.
- Do you know where his son lives?

That's okay, the, uh,
the donut took care of that.

- The what?
- The donut.

What do you...

- Hey, Gary. Looking good.
- Thanks.

- See you.
- Take it easy, man.

What?

Wait, you can see him too?

- Yeah.
- Why didn't you tell me?

I tried.

My first day here
I saw you talking to Gary.

But not something you just blurt out.

Then I tried to get you someplace private
to tell you, and you didn't show up.

Right.

Well, but... but how?

I was in a coma last year
after a pretty bad car accident,

and when I woke up,

I became really good friends
with the guy in the bed next to me,

only to realize he had died
two days earlier.

Wow.

The head shrinker said it was
a psychotic hallucination.

My parents freaked out.

Took me out of school.

I got so good at pretending
not to see the dead

that the dead didn't even know
I could see them.

You know, helping Mel cross over,

it was like, finally,
this curse felt like it could be a gift.

Yeah, uh, wow.

Look, I just need a second.

I can't believe this.

I mean, I've never been able
to talk to anyone about this.

Well, anyone that's living anyway,
except you, but you're not really here.

You're wherever you are.

Who are you talk... Oh.

Hi.

Wait, you... you can see them too?

Yeah, sure. I see them,

and I see them.

And I see you,

Darby Harper.

Well, I'm reopening my business
and currently taking applications.

Well, I-I was an assistant manager
at Jamba Juice.

Wow, impressive.

Reason for leaving?

Got committed to a psych ward
for seeing dead people.

- You're hired.
- It's a date.

Oh, G...

That practice killed me.

Yeah, it was brutal.

I got a date with the donut.

Yeah, you do.

- Nice.
- That's so sweet.

- Yeah.
- I love you.

Hey, what's that?

That is a light kit for your videos.

So you can get your glamour on.

Oh. Thanks, Dad.
You're the best. But…

Uh, you can return it though.

- I'm not making those videos anymore.
- Why not?

Mostly because social media makes us feel
insecure about the way we look

for the sole purpose of selling us
stuff we don't need.

Oh, now that
is the Darby Harper that I know.

So,

are you going out with your friends
for dinner tonight?

Actually, I was thinking maybe we could
order pizza and share stories.

We should do that together.

Mm-hmm. I don't know if I could.

You could.

Oh, that was before we moved.

- Yeah.
- That was the best.

The slide. We should have kept that.

Ah, that was so fun.

Wait, me too?

Hey. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Get a room.