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1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,549
I... I can't hold them off,
Rick!
2
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:07,884
Th-There's too many!
3
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:12,304
Richard!
4
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,974
Your fortress is a salty
waste of coral and clam.
5
00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,100
Relinquish it at once!
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,518
Aah!
7
00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:24,942
Submit, you continental cunt.
8
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,986
Aah! Got a better idea.
9
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:30,280
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
10
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,783
Aah!
11
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:34,159
Aah!
12
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,953
Happy? Of course I'm happy.
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,996
You're acting like you won,
14
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,664
but this is exactly
what I wanted!
15
00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,667
I am Mr. Nimbus!
16
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,337
Ugh, whatever. Come on, Morty.
17
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:45,796
Man, that was intense.
18
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,840
Yeah nice work, buddy.
19
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,841
Sorry I had to
blow up your bunker.
20
00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:52,469
Not so fast, Sanchez.
21
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,597
It is I, Cookie Magneto.
22
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,515
What the fuck?
23
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,600
I'm... I'm not engaging
this guy.
24
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,185
That's hardly up to you, Rick.
25
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,979
I'm sorry, do you control things
that people agree are cookies?
26
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,733
Yes. Okay, but cookies
aren't a substance.
27
00:01:05,817 --> 00:01:07,457
They're more of a name
we... we give to...
28
00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:08,694
To the things I control.
29
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,004
Do you control cookie
ingredients?
30
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,781
Because, y'know,
t-that sounds dangerous.
31
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,365
Y'know,
everything has sugar in it.
32
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:13,990
Fight me and find...
33
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:16,368
Aah!
34
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,162
Jesus, Rick! I'm sorry, Morty.
35
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,555
I know you're gonna say
it's punching down,
36
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,500
but I can't fight another
one of these '90s-style
37
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,792
goofball super villains.
38
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,043
I'm not the fucking Tick.
39
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,504
I'm... I'm exhausted.
Okay, but i-if you really
40
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,814
have a lot of these guys
gunning for you,
41
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,882
maybe you should look into
what you're doing to...
42
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:31,466
Oh, don't start that crap,
Morty.
43
00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:34,052
I don't do anything for these
dip shits to seek me out.
44
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,180
I am Mr. Calypso!
45
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:41,561
Face me, you ugly, drunk,
ugly piece of shit.
46
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:44,063
Okay, I might look into it.
47
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-
48
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:20,015
Why don't you have a seat?
'Cause this isn't a therapy session.
49
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,325
I-I'm just asking you
what people in your racket
50
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:24,853
say about handling
this particular situation.
51
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,397
First, we'd want you
to define the situation.
52
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,168
I'm a walking target for a
never-ending sea of angry nerds
53
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:32,110
that think getting in a fight
with me is some kind of...
54
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,361
I don't know, platform?
55
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:34,697
I mean, look at this guy.
56
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,091
He shows up and calls me
an "ugly drunk."
57
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:37,592
Because of course
that's the angle of attack
58
00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:38,783
that's gonna undo me, right?
59
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,204
You don't shoot Batman
in his fucking Batman logo.
60
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,289
And you think
locking this man in a chamber
61
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:47,293
and milking him of cosmic fluid
will somehow resolve this?
62
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,103
I think it's the best I can do
to profit from a situation
63
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,171
and maybe set an example.
64
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,090
But you've set this example
many times
65
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,634
and it's not changing
your situation.
66
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,111
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're
gonna tell me to ignore them.
67
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,971
But guess what?
They want that too.
68
00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:00,639
And why would they want
to be ignored?
69
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,432
You really believe if I let
a guy like this
70
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,936
do whatever he wants,
he gets bored and vanishes?
71
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,854
Rick, would you be interested
in proving me wrong?
72
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,856
Yes! Then show me data.
73
00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:11,209
Ignore them for a week
and see what happens.
74
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:14,653
You're on, bitch.
75
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,739
Is that man dead?
76
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,574
Is everything in here
confidential?
77
00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:19,658
Everything but murder.
78
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,034
Then he's fine.
79
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,746
I mean, I-I think
it's pretty big, you know?
80
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,288
Big step for the big cheese.
81
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,623
Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed.
82
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,582
Can we not make it a big deal?
83
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,543
It's worth celebrating, Rick.
84
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:30,896
You accepted the concept
of therapy
85
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,798
without turning yourself
into a pickle or a housefly.
86
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,758
Jerry, for fuck's sake,
that was a regular fly
87
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:36,509
in her office that day.
88
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,427
What the hell? Riiick!
89
00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:40,721
How 'bout a little piss?
90
00:03:40,805 --> 00:03:44,349
Rick, why is there a man
shooting piss on our front lawn?
91
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,350
I'm sure he'll tell you.
92
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,353
I am Pissmaster!
93
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:52,024
Here to flush the toilet
that is Rick Sanchez.
94
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:53,651
He's spraying my lavender bush.
95
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,694
My bees need that lavender!
96
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,028
Remember five seconds ago
97
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,590
when you guys were stoked
about me changing
98
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,282
because it made
you feel superior?
99
00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,450
Ooh, whole family's here.
100
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,995
Who's that redhead?
101
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,764
Wouldn't mind spraying her
with a golden shower.
102
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,705
- Oh, my God, what?
- Hey!
103
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,872
Okay, that's it!
104
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,197
Jerry, please think about this.
105
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,936
If you fight this guy,
I'm either an asshole
106
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,752
for not helping
or an asshole for helping.
107
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,006
My daughter just got
spoken of in porno terms,
108
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,673
and I'll respond how I choose!
109
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,300
- Wait, Dad, don't!
- Honey!
110
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,050
Hey.
111
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,677
You want a piece of piss?
112
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,721
If that's your stupid rude way
of saying
113
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,305
I have to fight you, I will.
114
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,725
Take your shot, pussy.
115
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,726
Don't talk to me that way.
Go away!
116
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,269
Make me. Go away!
117
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,814
Ow!
118
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,733
Careful, honey!
119
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:44,744
Just stay down.
120
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,579
I... I don't even know you.
121
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:47,829
Yeah, you don't know me.
122
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:51,125
But I'm gonna know your whole
ass, you son of a gun.
123
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,673
Hey, none of that!
Break it up, guys!
124
00:04:57,757 --> 00:04:58,757
Hey! Come on!
125
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,389
Come on, you dirty motherfucker.
126
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,021
No! No, no, no, no no!
127
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,862
Stop! Aah!
128
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,947
Uncle! Mercy! Mercy!
129
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,283
Stop! I give up!
130
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,451
Apologize to my daughter.
131
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,161
For what?
132
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,245
You know for what!
133
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:30,956
I'm sorry!
134
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,875
I'm sorry I sexualized you!
135
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,879
It came out wrong!
136
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,632
That's my dad.
That's my fucking dad!
137
00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:43,427
Honey, I'm so proud of you.
138
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,303
Ow!
139
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,846
Oh, sorry.
140
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:47,930
Thank you, Rick.
141
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,978
Damn, hashtag
FlamingoDad is everywhere!
142
00:05:53,062 --> 00:05:54,396
Buzzfeed made
an odd numbered list
143
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,314
of other people's
observations about you,
144
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,483
and you're getting
a lot of hand clap emojis
145
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,069
on White Twitter's
impression of Black Twitter.
146
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,404
Jezebel's offering
a cash reward for evidence
147
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,572
that you're a bad person.
148
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,074
That is their highest honor!
149
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,535
So this is what
it's like to trend.
150
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,701
Feels good. Feels right.
151
00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,954
Just keep in mind,
now a bunch more assholes
152
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,307
are gonna know they can get
a rise out of you.
153
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,250
Both: Boooo! Rick,
let a dog have one day.
154
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,836
I'm letting! I'm letting!
155
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,713
Whoa. Are those orbs?
156
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,024
This is what I'm talking about.
157
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,276
Some asshole saw that fight
and, believe it not,
158
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,345
they were jealous of Pissmaster.
159
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,266
I am Blagnar the Eternal.
160
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,685
We seek the earthling
who beat up Pissmaster.
161
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,437
That's my dad, Jerry Smith!
162
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:36,814
Jerry Smith.
163
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,858
Our Galactic Orbship
thirsts for justice
164
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,381
and those who deliver it.
Wait, what?
165
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:44,196
Our great council would like
to offer you this silver orb
166
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,197
and with it a place amongst us.
167
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,992
Whoa. It... It... It's sticky.
168
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,161
Yeah, that means
it's found a pure heart
169
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,327
it wants to bond with.
170
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,930
Y-You guys saw
my son-in-law on the news,
171
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,206
now he gets a sticky orb.
172
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,207
What's the catch?
We're not rubes.
173
00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,019
Yeah, your power is well
known in our jurisdiction,
174
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,396
Rick Sanchez, and it should
come as no surprise
175
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,463
that our orbs
are unsticky for you.
176
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,216
Oh, no, first I get banned
from the Next door app,
177
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,509
now this.
178
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,678
I'd be honored to join
your organization.
179
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,223
S-So what do I do?
Rub the orb when I see crime?
180
00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:13,016
Or... Or eat the orb
like spinach?
181
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,603
The orb is raw power.
182
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,187
Trust your heart, Jerry.
183
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,521
It will know what to do.
184
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,904
Did you turn on the microwave?
185
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,197
No? Maybe?
186
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,481
I... I was trying to fly. I...
187
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,367
What? I mean, come on, Rick.
188
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,495
Orbs and goblets,
this is your thing.
189
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,997
Orbs and goblets.
190
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,933
I'm just saying, you're
the orb guy in the family.
191
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,375
Can you please help me?
192
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,004
Jerry, I give you raw power,
you'll end up miserable like me.
193
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,797
Trust me, I'm helping
by not helping.
194
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,882
- Wow.
- Seriously, Rick?
195
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,257
What the eff, Grandpa?
196
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,319
Some creep tried to pee
on my tits and you did nothing.
197
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,262
Now you're gonna sit there
and hold our dad back
198
00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:51,137
from being a hero?
199
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,473
Are you seriously that petty?
200
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,932
Okay, you know what? Fine!
201
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,350
Here. Here's your goddamn suit.
202
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,519
I hard-wired the orb's
infinite energy right into it.
203
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,021
This shooty-thing looks cool.
204
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,458
That "shooty thing"
is a nuclear disruptor
205
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:04,192
that can blow up planets. Whoa.
206
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:05,360
So tight. Kinda hot.
207
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:07,112
Okay, show me, uh...
208
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:10,031
acts of evil happening
around the galaxy.
209
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,533
Whoa, Space Hitlers?
210
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:15,120
"Space Hitlers are convening
on Zeplar Prime."
211
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,413
My God, each one of them
is their own type of Hitler.
212
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,351
Yeah, th-that's a problem.
Oh, shit, do that one.
213
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:21,502
Aw, you guys. That's my parents.
214
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,795
Wow.
215
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:24,754
Well, family,
216
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:25,964
looks like Jerry Smith
217
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,632
has his first orb mission.
218
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,343
Lawn Flaming-Ho!
219
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:34,097
Just a reminder,
you guys asked for this.
220
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,390
Soon, our legion of Hitlers
221
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,434
will bring
about a new galactic order.
222
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,727
A reich, if you will.
223
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,312
Riddle Hitler me this...
224
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:44,232
I'm sorry, are we just
letting in all Hitlers now?
225
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,985
Auf wiedersehen, bad guys!
226
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,736
Exterminate him!
227
00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:50,489
Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus.
228
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,907
One at a time!
229
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,493
Ah, oh, my God!
230
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:03,168
Uh, hope there weren't
other people on that planet.
231
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,645
And there were no other people
on the planet!
232
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,587
Only Hitlers!
233
00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,841
Each one ready to start
their own holocaust,
234
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,967
meaning an estimated
30 billion lives
235
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,510
were saved by a single blast.
236
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:15,596
And the galaxy owes
it all to Jerry Smith.
237
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,307
Hashtag FlamingoDad.
238
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,308
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
239
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,601
Up next... Oh, actually nothing.
240
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,967
I guess we're just gonna talk
about Jerry Smith some more.
241
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,067
I dunno, therapy is starting
to feel hopeless.
242
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,320
I've got so many issues!
243
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,111
Aah!
244
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,196
We need to talk.
245
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,447
Hey. No.
246
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,116
I will not speak with you
if you refuse to treat me
247
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,994
and my patients with respect.
248
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,538
Oh, Lord. I was a fly!
249
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:44,084
So unburdened, so free of shame!
250
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,878
Welp, I'm officially cured!
251
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,004
Here. Here's your data.
252
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,629
Hard proof that God hates me.
253
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,594
I ignored a troll,
and Jerry beat the guy's ass.
254
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,634
Now he's got this orb
and he's using the power
255
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,178
which I gave him to annihilate
planets of Hitlers,
256
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,889
and everyone's
popping champagne.
257
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,557
Rick, you came here because
you wanted things to change,
258
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,558
and they're changing.
259
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,894
It's working.
260
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,538
Oh, so if my bumbling
moron of a son-in-law
261
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,230
beats up people, it's "working."
262
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,624
But if I do it,
it's a cosmic abuse of power?
263
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,817
Rick, listen to yourself.
264
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,903
You're complaining about
how you have to be careful
265
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,321
with your immense power
266
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,905
and that Hitlers are dead.
267
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,950
Everything you're describing
is positive.
268
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,911
Oh, shit. Not reacting.
269
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,370
That really is the kill move?
270
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,806
I don't know if you need
to think about it
271
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,917
in terms of murder,
but, yes, just stay the course.
272
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000
Okay, good... good talk.
273
00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:28,086
Well, what you're describing
is therapy,
274
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,690
and if you'd like
to keep receiving it,
275
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,591
start scheduling your visits
with Judy up front.
276
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,469
Thank you, thank you,
Flamingo Fam.
277
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,987
Uh, you know, when they asked me
if I wanted
278
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,556
to be the first human to drive
a Mitsubishi Space Lancer,
279
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,225
I thought, "Well, I don't know.
280
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,687
I got this cool orb suit
that goes really fast."
281
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,438
But you know what sold me?
282
00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:49,649
The Council said I could pick
my own bridge crew.
283
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,610
Morty, Summer, Beth,
what do you say?
284
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,486
What? Are you serious?
285
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,365
Oh, shit, yeah,
I love Mitsubishi!
286
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,301
Me too! I-I've heard of
them! This is so exciting!
287
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,868
Oh, my God! This is so cool!
288
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,577
Alright gang, orbs away!
289
00:11:09,128 --> 00:11:11,212
O me o' my, can it be?
290
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,630
A giant piece of shit I see?
291
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,677
I am Mr. String bean!
292
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,721
No one resists
my rhyming scheme!
293
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,640
Hey, douche bag,
why don't you chill out?
294
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,767
Who's this asshole?
295
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,269
I am Doctor Buckles!
296
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,729
Here to tighten the belt
on your opinions!
297
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,731
Oh, you wanna see
the Bean get mean?
298
00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:31,816
Aah!
299
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,653
I'll be damned. I'm out.
300
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,158
I'm out.
301
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,453
I'm... I'm out.
302
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,746
Oh, my God, this Piss Guy
is getting wailed on.
303
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:48,625
Oh! Look at him, he tried
to crawl under the car!
304
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,919
What a loser. Hey you
watching the Pissmaster video?
305
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:55,506
Yeah. He has to be the biggest
piece of shit in the galaxy, right?
306
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:56,924
Oh-ho, without a doubt.
307
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,735
Who could relate, being that
much of a piece of shit?
308
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,631
God damn it.
309
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:39,384
Fuck, shit, come on, man.
310
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,345
Fuck, come on, where is it?
311
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,721
Shit, shit.
312
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,557
Ugh! Fuck!
313
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,720
Come on, Pissmaster, come on.
314
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:53,690
Aah!
315
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,070
Damn it.
316
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,412
It's me.
317
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,831
Please, please just open up.
Dad?
318
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,875
Mom told me you weren't
responding to her calls
319
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,544
and I'm worried, okay?
320
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,730
I know I said terrible things
about you on my podcast.
321
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,715
It's just... I've been
so frustrated with you.
322
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,384
Look, if you
were to ever do something,
323
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,095
I'd never stop blaming myself.
324
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,822
Just, please.
Please let me know you're okay.
325
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,599
God damn it.
326
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,186
I'm okay, honey. We're good.
327
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,669
I thought something
happened to you.
328
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,065
I can tell you for sure...
If anything happens to me,
329
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,524
it's 100% not on you.
330
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,360
It's my own choice.
331
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:41,572
You still sound like
you're gonna do something bad.
332
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,408
Just promise you won't, okay?
333
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,783
Okay, yeah.
334
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:46,784
Promise.
335
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:47,868
Love you, Dad.
336
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,457
Fuck.
337
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,467
Pissmaster: Well, this is it.
338
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,388
I'm killing myself
because of Jerry Smith.
339
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,764
The Earth man. FlamingoDad.
340
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,975
Seeing them all cheer
as I got my ass whipped
341
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,645
made me realize...
People just wanna see me fail.
342
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:18,774
All I've ever wanted to do
is prove them wrong.
343
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,500
Help!
344
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,463
Wait! Who are you?
345
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,006
Pissmaster.
346
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,900
M-Make, make sure you tell
everybody Pissmaster saved you.
347
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,552
Those were heat-seeking pissiles
by the way.
348
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,636
Not just missiles.
349
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,389
Oh, ugh, okay.
350
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,390
♪ Y'all ready for piss? ♪
351
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,850
Yo! Pissmaster!
352
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:53,995
You saving that cat to make
people forget you suck?
353
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,980
Nope, just saving it to save it.
354
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,063
Okay, we got nothing.
355
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,864
♪ Piss ♪
356
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,783
♪ Pee ♪
357
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,533
♪ Urine ♪
358
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,910
♪ Number one ♪
359
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:11,994
♪ Pee pee ♪
360
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,538
♪ Piss ♪
361
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:17,375
♪ Pee ♪
Look, it's Pissmaster!
362
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,296
Dr. Wong, what's up?
363
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,606
Rick, you're late
for your session.
364
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,049
Cancel it. Bill me. I'm
good. You're good?
365
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,177
Rick: Yeah, see, I put on
the suit of my enemy
366
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:28,552
and I fucking love it.
367
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,721
Now I'm gonna make a giant
bomb, plant it in a city,
368
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,283
and then have his suit
auto-pilot the bomb into space.
369
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,893
Boom. Everyone will think
Pissmaster sacrificed himself.
370
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,812
He dies a hero,
I get a win I'd otherwise
371
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,399
never get myself,
nice wet bow on top.
372
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,234
I'm tempted to
second guess a lot of that,
373
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,818
but I think
you might be nailing it.
374
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,322
What? If it's free
and fun, do it.
375
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,572
It sounds healthy.
376
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,700
Oh, that wasn't my goal,
377
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:50,783
but good to know.
378
00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:51,909
Shit, gotta go.
379
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:03,980
No, exactly.
And the slave planet thing,
380
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:07,884
I hear he broke their chains
with pure urine, so...
381
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,931
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late,
lot of traffic on the orbway.
382
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,390
Take a seat, Jerry.
383
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,686
We were just discussing
Pissmaster's honorable rise.
384
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:18,812
I mean, who cares, right?
385
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,563
Uh, people are talking
about him.
386
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,105
He's becoming likable.
387
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:21,856
Good, even.
388
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,442
But... he's Pissmaster.
389
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,735
People change, Jerry.
390
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,738
Everyone loves a comeback story.
391
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,447
All in favor of
392
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,116
offering orbship
to Eugene Michael Piss,
393
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,784
aka Pissmaster?
394
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,120
Together: Orb-yes.
395
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,202
All those opposed?
396
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,788
Obviously orb-no.
397
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,415
The orbship has spoken.
398
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,879
You know what, Jerry? I think
this is a good test for you.
399
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,355
If you can't let go of your
pettiness enough
400
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:49,967
to recruit Pissmaster, maybe you
don't deserve your orb.
401
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:50,844
And, Jerry...
402
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:54,306
don't come back without him.
403
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,724
Reporter: Absolute chaos!
404
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,308
No one knows who planted
the bomb,
405
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,643
but one thing is clear:
406
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:02,105
Orphan Island, a city
populated entirely by orphans,
407
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,440
now sits on the brink of doom.
408
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,526
The Orphan Island bomb squad
is trying to dismantle
409
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,819
it as we speak.
410
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,821
I can't stress enough,
I'm eight years old,
411
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,824
I have no idea what I'm doing!
412
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,910
Look! It's Pissmaster!
413
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,052
Oh, no! There's no time
to dismantle it!
414
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,497
Come on, it's not safe here.
415
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,330
Whoa, oh, oh! Whoo-hoo!
416
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,125
Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop?
417
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,015
Pissmaster. Jerry,
what are you doing here?
418
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,922
Eugene Michael Piss,
419
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,758
by decree of
the Andromeda strain,
420
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,759
our great council presents
you with this orb,
421
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,260
which you have to take.
422
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,846
Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the
middle of something. Excuse me?
423
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:38,075
Hey, this is the greatest honor
you could ever be given.
424
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,644
I don't want it!
Well, you have to take it.
425
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,354
Jesus Christ,
get the fuck out of here!
426
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,065
He's flying it into space!
427
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,025
He's gonna sacrifice himself!
428
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,613
Get back here,
you ungrateful shit!
429
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:54,135
What is your problem?! You're
screwing up my hero death! Good!
430
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:57,118
FlamingoDad
wants us to blow up?!
431
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,119
When did he become a shitheel?
432
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,704
Life comes at you fast.
433
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,540
Jesus, Dad! People are filming!
434
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,959
Yeah, maybe dial it back?
435
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:12,884
Rick?
436
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:14,344
PissSuit!
Auto-pilot the payload!
437
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,426
Piss A.I.: Confirmed.
438
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,317
That's my fucking dad.
439
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,907
Jerry?! Dad?! Are you okay?
440
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,827
Your father is
the fucking Pissmaster!
441
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,788
Um... Grandpa? What the hell?
442
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:44,708
Jerry, what is this?
443
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,270
People are saying
you turned shitheel?
444
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,920
Well, apparently my
father-in-law is Pissmaster,
445
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,171
so why don't you ask him?
446
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:53,549
What the...?
Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster?
447
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,884
Okay, this is not a good look.
448
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,595
This family, man.
449
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,262
Look, I don't know
what kinda weird shit
450
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,116
you two are pulling, but
it's completely unstickworthy.
451
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,268
We're done here.
But I didn't know!
452
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,770
I-I'm a good guy.
I... I made you all famous!
453
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,230
I'm 1,000 years old.
454
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:11,192
You know how many
"Flamingo Dads" I've seen?
455
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,652
Don't orb us.
456
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,779
I don't get it.
457
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,115
You... You were
Pissmaster the whole time?
458
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,284
Obviously not, Jerry.
459
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,118
I put the suit on once
Pissmaster kill...
460
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:24,079
Uh, when... when you made him...
461
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,083
Uh, yeah.
I-I've always been Pissmaster.
462
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,086
But that would mean you let
my dad beat you up
463
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,256
just so he could,
like, feel more confident?
464
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,548
Wow. Damn, Rick.
465
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,134
Yeah, that's amazing.
Hold on, Wh...
466
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,260
Everyone's just accepting this?
467
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,262
Wait.
Wasn't Pissmaster an alien?
468
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,057
He obviously avatar'd
it. Probably a robot.
469
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,142
But why? Why would Rick even
prop me up like that?
470
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,203
Jesus, Jerry. Rick did
something nice for once, okay?
471
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,189
He's obviously trying to change.
472
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,068
Mitsubishi Ship: You are no
longer worthy of Mitsubishi.
473
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:57,364
Proud of you, Dad.
474
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,865
Or should I say: Pissmaster.
475
00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,035
Yeah, Grandpa, sorry
I yelled at you.
476
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,828
And I guess I'm sorry
for trying to stop you
477
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,623
from killing yourself
with a nuclear bomb.
478
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,459
I just...
really liked having an orb.
479
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,751
Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer.
480
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,045
Piss under the bridge.
481
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,631
Man, I guess
the therapy worked, huh?
482
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,509
Opening up, doing all that
just to make my dad feel good.
483
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:18,926
That's pretty great
of you, Rick.
484
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,636
Yeah... that's right, Morty.
485
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,738
That's right. Wait, Morty.
486
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,282
You have to promise
not to tell anyone,
487
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,265
but your dad made Pissmaster
kill himself.
488
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,809
Oh, man, what?! Yeah, I mean,
489
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,370
I found him dead
and I... I put on his suit,
490
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,246
but look at this...
He literally blames your dad.
491
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:34,442
Holy shit.
Wait, you kept the suicide note?
492
00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:37,695
That's so messed up! I know, I
mean, I had to tell someone, Morty.
493
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,674
I couldn't just sit on that.
And you expect me to?
494
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:41,199
Morty, no! What are you doing?!
495
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,951
Aah! What the hell?!
He killed himself?
496
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,953
Jesus, Dad,
you should've told us!
497
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,098
Especially
if Jerry murdered him!
498
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,724
Wait, don't say that, I...
I didn't murder!
499
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,458
Hey, I... I thought
it was pretty cool
500
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,645
that I withheld that information.
But you didn't withhold it!
501
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,354
You're walking around with
the note! Yeah, Grandpa,
502
00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:56,357
you gotta, like, keep it in your
heart as a great sacrifice.
503
00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,633
That's the cool move. I
mean, how am I the bad guy?
504
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:02,053
He sprayed piss on us! You... You all
cheered me on! Don't drag us into this.
505
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,697
A man is dead, Dad.
Again, wasn't gonna say it,
506
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:04,907
but I told you
this would happen.
507
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,117
Get off your high horse. Boooo!
508
00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:07,409
Dr. Wong would be so proud.
Go ahead and boo.
509
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,869
I was breathing piss,
you think I care?
510
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,036
Is this what it's like to trend?
511
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,186
This is a nightmare!
512
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,647
I should've just let him
pee on my daughter!
513
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,400
Ew! What the hell, Dad?
514
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:50,684
How about Jack Miller,
aka Car Jack?
515
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:52,009
He lifted a car off a stranger.
516
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,438
- Eh.
- I guess.
517
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,689
- Next.
- Orb-no.
518
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,124
We're fresh off a dad
and a piss guy.
519
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,418
Maybe we add someone
that's already powerful?
520
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,236
We have to be realistic
about who we can get.
521
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,198
I have a pitch. We're not
gonna add Scarlett Johansson.
522
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,868
Next up: Mr. Nimbus,
lord of the oceans.
523
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,621
Oh, I hear he controls
the police.
524
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:10,622
- Wow.
- The police?
525
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:11,914
- Orb-yes.
- Ohhh.
526
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,040
Guys, I already checked.
527
00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:15,085
His reps say
he's really busy right now.
528
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:15,960
- He just doesn't wanna do it.
- Everyone says that.
529
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,128
Oh, and we're not busy?
530
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,007
Did you get any of that?
530
00:22:22,305 --> 00:23:22,154
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