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Then we went swimming

and Zack showed us how to
jump off the diving board.

And, and, and
he did a really big jump,

like so big.

Then he got
water everywhere.

Girls, it's
time for PJ's, come on.

Say goodnight to Kris.

I'll see you tomorrow
morning, you goofballs.

One more sleep.

Bye bye, wakka wakka.

Love you.

Kris?

Is that you?

Hey.

Wow, you look.

A little different.

Yeah.

Like, holy shit.

It's nice to see you again.

Thank you for
agreeing to meet up.

I know it's probably a little
weird after such a long time.

No, sure.

We, we've got a
lot to talk about.

Yes.

I'm so glad we were
able to do this.

I want to hear all about
you, about everything.

Yeah.

Thank you for messaging me
and for, for driving from LA.

You know, between
the kids and classes,

it's just really hard
to find the time.

Of course.

Um, should we?

Just this way.

So when did this
place open up?

Um, like a few years ago.

Can you imagine if
this place was around

back when we were at CC?

I would have set up a
tent right over there.

Would've put
out a freshman 40.

More like a freshmen hundred.

So you're here for
a what conference?

Network security.

Okay.

Basically we provide security

for banks and such
against hackers.

The conference is
pretty much a hacker con

featuring hardware
mods, phone free keying.

Sounds pretty nerdy.

Naomi, it's
good to see you again.

Hey.

Hi, is this your
first time at Jonah's?

First time.

Excellent.

Okay, so our specials
are gonna be right there.

You know, I'm
actually super boring.

Do you have a Caesar salad
with grilled chicken?

- We do.
- Perfect.

- What?
- Thank you.

I know, I know, I know.

Sorry, I just broke her brain.

No, you don't understand.

In college, this
person used to only eat

like mac and cheese
and burgers and pizza.

Uh, the usual?

Yes, please.

Can I also get a wine?

The same one I
had the last time.

Yeah.

You know what?

I'll have the same and
some water too, please.

I'll get those
orders in right away.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

What the fuck?

- What?
- What the fuck?

What?

Vegetables?

Like green things that
come out of the ground.

I started eating healthier
about 10 years ago.

Which how do you think
I got this figure?

I just can't believe.

You should've seen
my parents' faces

the first time I had
vegetables in front of them.

Oh my God.

They didn't die from shock?

No, they're still here.

Thank you.

Guess you're a testament to
how much people can change.

Sometimes I get
so used to being me

it doesn't feel that way.

All right, time to eat.

I want my game back.

I know you do.

- But this is gonna go up here.
- Mom.

I hate that.

What?

Like God forbid, we let our
kids just be bored, right?

More of a free
range parent myself.

Free range, like chickens?

Yes.

Kids should be allowed to
roam freely in a field,

living life, not
becoming zombies.

Well, I believe it's
all about moderation.

Technology isn't inherently,
well it's how people use it.

It's fucking ridiculous.

What?

You haven't changed a bit.

Oh my God.

Mm-hm.

By the way, your
children are so adorable.

Oh?

They remind me of my
cousin's kids, Ava and Willem.

I'm actually staying with
them while I'm in LA.

Your kids are?

Ethan and Dylan.

Five and three and
they're absolute handfuls.

From the moment he wakes
up until he goes to sleep,

Dylan will not stop talking.

Ethan's like a real
boys, boy, you know?

He likes superheroes and aliens

and blasting things
with his laser photons.

Sounds pretty awesome to me.

I don't know.

I mean, honestly,

this is the first
adult conversation

I've been having in months.

I mean, besides Jim, of course.

Jim, your husband.

Yes.

He's barely an adult.

I just miss freedom, you know?

Before all of this and
before, you know back when...

So,

I haven't seen you since...

Yeah.

Did you know when
we were together?

It's not that simple.

I mean, I knew,

but I hadn't allowed
myself to accept who I was.

The need to transition
was like this awful noise.

This endless ringing in my head.

You saw it a few times.

That faraway look.

Yeah, I remember.

Back then I thought being
trans was like a disease

that could be fought
and maybe even defeated.

I thought fighting it would
make me stronger, better.

After I left, I was determined

I was gonna figure
things out for myself.

But instead I drank,
even more than before.

I'd stumble home
to my apartment,

throw up all over the floor

and then spend the next
morning still wasted,

cleaning up the mess.

I didn't shower for days.

There were weeks when I didn't
speak to another human being.

Jesus.

Kris, I had no idea.

I mean, I knew things were hard.

I knew it, but-

- I had to learn the hard way.

I'm just one of those people

who has to hit rock
bottom before I change.

But thank God I did
though, you know?

Thank you, Matt.

Absolutely.

Anything else ladies?

Nope.

I can't get over you.

I mean if people didn't
know, they'd never know.

It's a silly thing.

I wish it wasn't a thing at all,

but we live in the world we do.

But yes, I'm very
lucky I'm able to pass.

Yeah.

How does that work exactly?

Like, are you safe in Phoenix?

I mean, that's like
an all America.

Most people out there
don't even know I'm trans.

Nobody knows?

Just a few close friends.

Few people can really
make a difference.

That's part of the reason I
wanted to see you tonight.

When I think about how
far I've come, I mean,

I would never made it this far

without friends like
you along the way.

Back in college you were so
open and accepting of everyone.

I still remember you
chewing out Liam.

Oh my God.

Liam.

For saying some
stupid transphobic shit.

You two almost got into a fight.

In case you don't remember,

I had to hold you back
because you kept screaming

that you were gonna
remove his manhood.

My God, yeah, I said that.

You screamed that at The
Basement, sophomore year.

I'd never been around
someone like that before.

Moments like that gave me hope.

You always gave me hope, Nae.

Now it all seems
like a bad dream.

You should have told
me what was going on.

I know it would have been hard,
but I would have understood.

Naomi.

I know I owed you
an explanation, but-

- You left without
any explanation.

You didn't leave a note,
no phone call, nothing.

You know what?

It was fucking devastating.

I know.

I'm really sorry.

- Truly-
- Look,

I get that things have
been off between us.

We were together
for three years.

I know you were going
through something hard,

but I had no idea what was
going on or why you left.

It really hurt me.

Do you know how I found
out about your transition?

Through Rachel.

Rachel.

I deserved to know.

You're right.

About everything.

I was leading you on.

And so I'm very, very, sorry.

I always knew deep inside

that I had to become
who I truly was,

but there were times
when I looked at you

and I felt like if
we stay together,

or maybe if we had kids, family,

that maybe that would be enough
for me not to transition.

After a while though,

I realized that I was
just staying for myself,

instead of thinking
about what was right.

I'm sorry it took me so long.

I should have reached
out way before this.

To be honest, I was very ashamed
of how everything happened.

But I want to put all
of that behind us,

and I realize I have no right
to ask you for anything.

But I hope that
you can forgive me.

Um, I just, um,

I just wish things
hadn't ended that way.

Naomi.

I really appreciate you
driving all the way out here.

I should get going.

I have office hours
in the morning.

Let's go for a
drink or something.

I don't know if
that's such a good idea.

I don't want tonight
to end like this.

I want to hear more about
your life, your art.

Please.

Drinks, huh?

Maybe two.

We can go to Congregation.

That's great, let's go.

Just point me in
the right direction.

Just a couple blocks that way.

So I did a bit
of online stalking.

Yeah.

The dart exhibit,

where you put them inside
your and then, pew!

You saw the video.

It was very impressive.

- Do you mind?
- No.

Did you make the
balloon penises.

No, but that's a good story.

I'm concerned,
also very fascinated.

I was at a birthday party
for one of Ethan's friends,

he's my oldest,

and there was this balloon
artist there by the name of Juan,

and I already knew I was gonna
be doing the dart exhibit,

so I just casually walk
up to Juan and I was like,

"Excuse me, Juan."

"Have you ever dabbled in
balloon genitalia before?"

You didn't.

Of course I did.

At a child's birthday party?

Well, I didn't do it
in front of the children.

Jesus, I'm not a
complete degenerate.

Thank God.

Anyway, I'd never seen

such perfectly rendered
balls and penises before,

especially in balloon form.

And I was getting a
lot of satisfaction

shooting those darts
out of my vagina

and watching those
balloon penises pop.

Jesus, you're a menace.

You know, that wasn't even
my craziest performance.

No, I do not believe you.

Give me one of those.

Thank you.

Mm-hm.

Okay, so when I first
started my professorship at CC,

I did this performance in
front of the full length mirror

where I was putting on my
makeup while completely naked.

Why naked?

I'm getting to that?

Okay.

So I sit down in
front of the mirror

and I start to lay
out all of my makeup.

You know, like the
mascara, the blush,

and I started to put on the
makeup very, very precisely.

And?

And then I,

took my leg and I lift it on up.

I took the tools and
I start to masturbate.

Admit, it took me a
while, 'cause you know,

I'm not used to doing this
in front of an audience,

and let's just say
that vibration is key.

Good to know.

And you know, I'm like
getting into a rhythm,

I think I have it
completely locked in,

and then I noticed there's
this freshmen in the front row

just staring at me in horror
or awe, or possibly both.

Must have been a very
educational experience for him.

Well the entire time

I'm like trying to
concentrate on my performance,

but I keep thinking like,

"Am I totally
fucking up this kid?"

Like, is he gonna look
at masturbation tools

and makeup and just equate them?

I don't know.

Maybe it's a good commentary
on the intersection of sex

and how we use it to
sell products and people.

You finished the performance?

Obviously.

I'm a professional.

Your art is so
bold and unafraid.

Thank you.

And meaningful.

So when was your
last performance?

Um, it's been a while.

Actually that performance
was my last performance.

Wait.

Are you saying you quit
performing altogether?

Yup.

But why?

I mean, Naomi, I can't
believe you just quit.

Well my performances,

they always took a huge
emotional toll on me.

I get that, but-

- And between the
kids and you know,

all the extra classes
I had to take, it just,

I didn't have the energy.

You know,

I did have an interesting
idea for a performance piece,

but then I got pregnant,
so I ended up shelving it.

It's just in my office
now, gathering dust.

Well,

then tell me more about
your life before family

and the kids and all that.

I didn't expect to find
you're teaching at CC.

Well, I did not expect
myself to end up here either.

I always thought I'd end up

someplace like
New York or Paris.

Hell, even LA.

And yeah, I did get into
some of those MFA programs,

like some in Boston
and in Chicago.

I remember you talking
about those programs

and you got in,
that's fantastic.

Yeah, after everything
that happened, you know,

I just wasn't ready to
make like a big move.

Art wasn't really
making me any money,

so I had to move back
in with my parents,

which was really, really hard.

And my dad and I, we were
fighting all the time,

so we stopped talking.

I got my master's at CC

and then my dad had
the heart attack.

I was at the farmer's
market when I got the call.

There was so much to
do after the funeral.

I can't even imagine.

That must have been so
much for you to deal with.

Yeah, it was.

Anyway, around that time

a adjunct professorship
opened up at CC

and I just really needed
something consistent in my life,

so I said yes.

And then I met Jim,

who really was excited
about having a family.

So five years later
I got pregnant.

I thought about not
keeping the baby, but um.

I, I couldn't do that.

Of course not.

Kids are precious.

Jim was really, really
excited about becoming a dad.

So then after awhile,
smog wasn't so bad

and summers were more tolerable,
and so were the people.

But you know, Jim's parents,
they, they live in the area,

so it's been a
godsend with the kids

and I couldn't have done
any of this without them,

especially since my mom moved.

You've been
through a lot, Nae.

Yeah.

Still, world's a
less interesting place

when you're not exposing
it to weirdness.

Uh, the world's a weird and
crazy place even without me.

Who wants to go see a
performance artist anyway?

I mean, people barely
go to museums anymore.

Hey, I've been to
the Phoenix Art Museum.

Oh, ooh la la.

They have some very
nice desert landscapes.

Okay, see,

this is exactly why people
don't go to the museum anymore.

Art should be challenging
and it should be exciting.

Do you miss it?

Sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if my art

was the only thing
keeping me sane.

You should perform, Naomi.

Don't deny yourself
something that you need.

If you need to do it, then it
will be worth the sacrifice.

There's only one
of you, you know?

Take it from me.

So, have you been with
anyone since transitioning?

Like, are you still
into women, or?

Men, definitely men.

Any hot dates?

Some stories that'll spice up
a married woman's love life?

Come on.

I, I haven't had any real sex.

I haven't watched
porn in months.

Well, actually,

I just got out of a
relationship a few weeks ago.

Oh, really?

Go on.

We met online.

Like, like an app.

- A video game.
- Oh.

- We both played this-
- Oh no.

No, no, no.

Not one of those
terrible life sucks

that you used to
play in college.

They're not that terrible.

They're terrible.

Anyway, we met through this
game and we started chatting.

Hm.

And we got to chatting
more and more and more,

and we both lived in Arizona
so we decided to meet up.

Like a modern day
digital romance.

Before we met, I
told him I was trans.

I figured it would be
easier to tell him online

than in person in
case, you know.

Yeah, sure.

He was actually
totally cool about it.

So we set up a time to meet.

How'd it go?

It was great for a while.

We were together for
about a year and a half.

God, that's a
really long time.

So what happened?

I think we both realized

we had different priorities
and goals in life,

so we decided to end
things about a month ago.

Hm, I'm sorry.

That's rough.

Just wasn't meant to be.

Well, fuck him then.

What about before him?

What about after?

Actually, he was the first
person I've been with since...

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, what, what?

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, that's
like, like 13 years?

Kris!

Oh no.

Oh, my vagina just
shriveled up a little bit.

Hey, it's not like I could
just waltz out of my apartment,

"I represent woman,"

the day after I
decided to transition.

This all took a lot
of work, believe me.

I believe you.

You've had your whole life

to figure out how to
be a woman in society.

I had like a year.

Okay, fair.

What'd you learn?

How being a woman sucks in
almost every aspect of society

for all of time.

No, it's been a really
wonderful journey.

I started watching
makeup tutorials online.

I went through a too
much blush phase.

A too much foundation phase

where my head looked detached
from the rest of my body.

I had to figure out new
shoe and dress sizes,

which by the way,

aren't even consistent in
the same God damn store.

I know, it's so annoying.

Hair products, how to flirt.

Oh Kris.

I'm sorry, you never
knew how to flirt.

Sure, but the first few times
men tried to flirt with me,

I didn't even know
they were flirting.

I thought they were trying
to pick a fight or something.

They would get right in
my face, looming over me.

Not an easy feat, by the way.

And I would just make a tactical
retreat and then run away.

And then somewhere
along the line, you got.

Gender affirmation surgery.

- Mm-hm.
- Yes.

10 years ago.

Was that hard?

More physical pain
than I never gone through

in my entire life.

But still easily the best
decision I'd ever made.

And once I started
feeling better,

I went on to all
the dating apps.

God, what was that like?

I got some really
weird messages.

What kind of messages?

They started out
with great potential

and ended up spending paragraphs

monologuing their insecurities
with my phantom penis.

Well, of course.

What else would they
possibly want to talk about?

They would start
a message with,

"Hey, you seem really great."

"I'd love to grab a coffee."

And then out of
nowhere, it's all,

"Listen, I've
never been someone"

"who used to have
a penis before"

"and it's like kind of
a big deal, you know?"

"Does it mean I'm secretly
attracted to men?"

"Am I gay?"

So I disabled all the accounts.

It's for the best.

If it's meant to
be, it'll happen.

See those things,

they just turn people into
objects that you rate and assess.

It's like Yelp, but for people.

Did you ever do online dating?

No.

Oh, thank God, no.

No, that was not a thing
when Jim and I got together.

Besides, I don't think you
could condense my essence

into a dating profile.

No, probably not.

You know what it's like?

It's like just any other
social media platform.

You're basically selling like
this fake version of yourself.

And the dangerous part

is that you actually start
to believe your own bullshit.

Also, there's
this ton of creeps.

Oh my God, yes.

There are so many
dudes out there

who have an Asian woman fetish.

Or a trans fetish.

It's like a fucked up
form of racism, right?

Still, when you
meet the right person,

it's special.

Yeah.

You know, when I first met Jim,

I thought everything about him
was wonderful and exciting.

I mean,

there were some things that
were questionable of course,

but I just wrote them off
as his weird little quirks.

I thought that they would go
away or mellow out with time,

but instead they just
sort of settle into place.

Like, I don't know, like
sediment into river water.

Mm, sure he can't be that bad.

I mean honestly,

we get along the best when our
schedules are the opposite.

Like he'll go away for
work for a few weeks

and then I'll go visit
my aunt in San Diego,

'cause yeah, I need
a little space.

You know, I need my alone time.

Mm-hm.

It's just like Jim
is one of those guys

who just needs to
talk all the time.

Even when he's saying
something very nice,

he still sounds
like he's nagging.

I'll be like trying
to take a power nap

and he'll just
like hover over me.

Like, "Hey hon, uh,"

"did you put the
laundry in the dryer?"

"Hon, where are the kids?"

"Hey hon, did you call Sandy"

"about dinner plans
on Sunday night?"

I mean, it's just
like on and on and on.

I hear you.

I don't think he's ever
understood my need to be alone.

I mean, that's how I recharge
my batteries, you know?

It's like sometimes I need
to hide in the bathroom

just to get some alone
time so I can read.

I'm sure it's
tough in the moment,

but when you look back,
it'll all be worth it.

You know, honestly,

you were the most thoughtful
partner I'd ever had.

I'm serious.

You always took me out on dates.

You always held the door for me.

You made sure our
anniversaries were special.

I suppose I was thinking about

how I would want to be treated.

I have to say, having
lived on both sides,

I think women tend
to be more in tune

with other people's needs.

Men try, they do try,

but somehow their needs
tend to come first.

Have you experimented with
women since transitioning?

Uh, there was this one
cute lady at a pool party.

I think she had a
bit of a crush on me.

Mm-hm.

So she used the line,

"We should just to make sure
you're not attracted to girls."

And I said yes, and, eh.

Just man, huh?

Yup.

What was your first
time like with the-

- Mark.
- Yeah.

I'd spent so long
imagining, fantasizing really,

about what it would be like.

It was hard for me to let
go and just enjoy myself.

Well, best case
scenario with a guy,

I mean your first time,
it's just awkward as hell.

And you know,

it's just like you're in
your head the entire time

over analyzing everything.

True.

But as you know,

relationships are all about
communication, and we-

- You learned to communicate.

Something like that.

You know, my first
time with a guy

was not as romantic
as I wanted it to be.

You know, honestly men,

they're just like horny
little Jack rabbits, you know?

They just want to like
hump you until they come.

Was I a horny
little Jack rabbit?

No.

I mean, not always.

You, you, you were very,
you're very attentive.

So tell me what
is more difficult,

being trans or being a woman?

Being a woman.

As soon as I transitioned, pew!

Oh my God, I knew it.

See, I tell all my guy
friends about this.

None of them believe me about,
you know, male privilege.

Work is the worst now.

In case you're somehow unaware.

I'm very aware.

The tech world is
rampant with woman haters

and sexist a-holes.

Preach.

I literally feel invisible.

Like I'd be in a meeting,

and as soon as I open my mouth,

some guy starts
speaking over me.

Of course, yeah.

Then I continue speaking

and their simple minded ID
offer response is to get louder.

I don't know how you dealt
with it your whole life, Nae.

You need to spread the word.

You need to do a PSA.

You need to write a
blog post or something,

'cause men need to know.

Well, I'm in the
same boat as you now.

Even my progressive male
friends don't fully believe me.

I mean, Kris, I told
you this in college.

You didn't believe me.

See how real that privilege is?

You feel it?

What?

- Oh my God.
- Oh shit.

Talking about privilege.

Naomi Liu?

Oh my God, hi.

Hello, gorgeous.

Hello.

Oh my God,

you finally made it
out to Congregation

after all my invites.

Is your hubby around, or?

No.

What's his name again?

- It's Jim.
- It doesn't matter.

Must be out with
some hot date, huh?

And who is this
charming young lady?

Mm, uh.

This is a friend of mine.

She's a visiting
from out of town.

Well, she should
visit more often.

Especially if it means
getting you out of the office.

Do you know that I have
not seen this woman

out in the real world in years?

I mean years.

I mean.

Yes, yes, yes, I know.

The kids, the husband,
the art thing.

You're a very important lady.

I'm not-

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No, no, no.

Don't do that to yourself.

Naomi has two young boys at home

and a husband to look after.

And she's a very talented artist
and a wonderful professor.

Thank you.

Um, who are you here to see?

Oh, I'm meeting a, a student.

Oh.

One minute.

Hm, in your class right now?

No, she graduated
actually last spring.

She's in the master's program.

She wanted my thoughts
on her thesis paper.

I, I was very moved.

You know, I like to follow
up with my students.

Offer my services,

see if there's any ways
that I can provide guidance.

That's nice.

This is gonna sound
corny but it's true.

I believe that what you
put out into the world,

you get back a hundred fold.

I really do.

Speaking of, if you're
still in town tomorrow,

you should let me take you out.

They say I'm an
excellent tour guide.

I know all the best spots.

Thank you, but I'll be
driving back to LA tonight.

So I really won't have the time.

Oh.

I can see when I'm not needed.

Oh really?

So, all right, fair enough.

I'll let you ladies get
back to your evening.

Thank you.

But if you are ever
in Chandler again,

you should look me up.

Professor Peter
Gleason, Poli-Sci.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, I just realized
I never got your name.

Uh, Kris.

Kris.

Hm.

Well okay.

Ladies.

See you at work on Monday.

Okay.

Do not have
too much fun without me.

Okay.

Let the drinking
slash office hours begin, huh?

Fuck.

I never imagined I'd
ever see Peter again.

Thank God he didn't
recognize me.

Ew.

Ew, ew.

Those horrible memories
are coming back to me.

And he still thinks he's the
most important guy on campus.

Sometimes,

I wonder if I would have ended
up like that if I hadn't.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Kris, you were never that bad.

Thank you.

Do you want another drink?

Definitely.

I think you need
another drink.

I'll be back.

Don't have too much
fun without me.

I won't.

Thank you.

Peter is waving at us.

Oh God.

He likes you.

Uh, he loves you.

You're his new girlfriend.

So, I've shown some
of my cis guy friends

an animated video of
gender affirmation surgery.

You know, just to
fuck with them.

You're so bad.

They're slicing
open the testicles,

and there's a CGI
hand pulling stuff out

like some demented,
freaking cartoon.

And so one of my
friends is watching

and he starts screaming
at the top of his lungs.

"It's making them happy!"

"This is what they want!"

"Modern medicine is amazing!"

"Nobody's getting hurt."

You should've seen his
face as he was saying it.

He was in pain just
at the thought of it.

I think he actually
described the operation

as balloon animal stuff.

Wait, I know all
about balloon animals.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Men.

Men.

Yeah but, men.

- You know?
- Yeah.

Some of your students?

I don't know.

They all start to look
the same after a while.

I still can't believe
you're a teacher.

Professor.

So respectable,
you've come so far.

It makes me seem like
a real grownup, right?

Must be rewarding working
with such bright young minds.

So much potential.

You know, when you
and I were together,

I always had this dream

of building up my
artistic reputation.

I remember.

Maybe after I had some patrons

and I was really established
in the artist community,

then I would set up residency

at one of those old
Victorian boarding homes.

Like some artistic think tank.

Yeah, it would be filled
with all of these true artists

and we would just
spend all of our time

having these like invigorating
conversations about life

and how to affect change

and shape the world
through our art.

And then eventually,
like eventually.

Like the years
later, much later,

I would, I might
transition into teaching.

I might transition to teaching.

Don't look at me like that.

I think they're very lucky
to have you here at CC.

I do not feel very lucky.

I feel like my entire
life has been nothing

but just like a
series of setbacks.

These kids.

God, there's no
thought in their art.

You know, there's no fire.

It's like, it's like punching
a wet fucking sand bag.

That does sound
pretty frustrating.

And you know,

critiquing their art
is like the worst

because you still
have to say something.

They take everything so
personally, you know?

It's like some kids,
they're really like,

they're precious
little snowflakes.

Sorry.

I suppose.

But you don't just help your
students with their artwork.

You're inspiring them
to grow as human beings.

That's important.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I've never been
inspiring to anyone.

Kris, do you know where I live?

I live in one of those horrible
cookie cutter neighborhoods

that you and I used
to make fun of.

Oh, I've always thought those
neighborhoods were charming.

There are worse places to live.

Yeah, sure, okay.

It's just so fucking
boring, you know?

They're like, just ordinary.

Do you know what I miss?

I miss doing like weird
random shit, okay?

Like look at you.

You've completely
reinvented yourself.

I guess.

No, no, I mean
that as a compliment.

I'm jealous of you.

You, you completely went
after what you wanted.

This isn't what I wanted, Nae.

It wasn't a want.

It was survival.

I wouldn't be alive today
if I hadn't transitioned.

People always say
transitioning is so brave.

I just don't think
of it that way.

Yeah, that's a fair point.

And beside being trans, I
live a pretty normal life.

I mean, just because
you have a house,

a husband and two
beautiful children

doesn't mean you aren't
interesting or unique.

There's some days when I think

I'm just turning into like
my dad with his photography.

There were so many
things that I um,

that I gave him shit about
when I was growing up,

but now I understand.

I wanted to say this earlier.

I was so sorry to hear
about his passing.

Thank you.

How are your parents?

How are Mina and Cyrus?

They're great.

Mom has been volunteering

at one of the local
Boys and Girls clubs.

The children are completely
obsessed with her.

Well, naturally.

It's no surprise since she
stuffs her purse with candy.

Oh.

She's even got
dad to go with her.

A whole class full of
surrogate grandchildren.

I'm very surprised

that they haven't
stolen one of them yet.

I can't deny, they're
so good with kids.

When we were together,

they were always asking

about when we were going to
settle down and start a family.

Well, that clearly
would never have worked.

They're really
great people though.

They're gonna make great
grandparents one day.

I got to run to the bathroom.

Oh my God, I do, too.

Uh-huh.

Hey, how far are
we from the campus?

Like 10 Minutes.

Why?

Want to swing by CC.

Revisit the old
stomping grounds.

Oh my God.

Really, right now?

Yeah.

You could show me your office.

You said you have a new performance
piece you're working on.

I do.

You could show me
your student's art work.

We could reminisce about
the good old times.

You know what?

I'm going to text
my mother-in-law

and see if she wants
to spend the night.

Oh, Martin.

Naomi.

Hey, how are you?

Doing good.

It's really good to see you.

Good to see you as well.

- I'm sorry, I just got a text.
- No worries.

This is my friend, Kris.

She actually went to CC.

She's visiting from Phoenix.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Likewise.

You're gonna
have to excuse her.

She's a little shaken up

because we just ran
into Peter in there.

Oh no.

Professor Peter
Gleason, Poli Sci.

- Here's my card.
- Professor Sleazon, ugh.

Please do not judge all
professors by his example.

I beg you.

I do not.

Martin's actually one of
our top literature professors.

He just wrote a book

that's on the New York
Times bestseller list.

Naomi, it's just a small
book, personal essays.

It's nothing special.

- It's nothing special?
- No.

Martin, it is the New York
Times bestseller list, come on.

Okay.

His work is really incredible.

She's too kind.

Kris is, she's
like a tech wiz.

She's really into
computers and stuff.

Well, now I must admit,

I still find computers
and technology

to be a bit intimidating.

My entire family's
super tech savvy

and I'm the one
and only hold out.

He's a true Luddite.

I mean, what can I say?

I enjoy my typewriter as
opposed to a laptop any day.

It still works and it
hasn't broken yet, so.

Maybe one of these days you
can give me some pointers

on this tech lingo.

Oh, I'm the last person
to give anybody a tutorial.

That's really-

- Oh, I'm sure you're brilliant.

Oh no, I'm not.

Well how about we start

with like a terabyte
versus a gigabyte.

What's the?

Oh, that's easy.

Anybody can look that up online.

Well when you forget
your username and password

as much as I do.

Emails, this, that,
where do, I don't even.

I'd rather just stick
paper in, crank it.

The sound of a space
bar just gets me going.

Well you, you guys going
inside, you leaving or?

I mean.

Uh, we really should be going.

But thank you,
that's very sweet.

I completely understand.

You've got two little
ones to tuck in tonight.

They're fine.

It was a pleasure
meeting you, Kris.

I hope to see you again.

It was very nice meeting
you as well, Martin.

Kris could you
give you her number

'cause she is going to be
here for another night.

I could give you her number.

Uh.

If, that's up, if you-

- I mean, I'm really sorry.

I really don't think
I'll have the time.

No worries, no worries.

Next time.

Well you ladies
have a good evening.

Get home safely, be well.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hey, why are you being so weird?

You know what?

If I was single I
would be all over that.

Well, I'm not trying to,
you not get with another guy.

You know, things are complicated
for someone whose trans.

One nighter guys
aren't really a thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry, I have to get this.

One second.

Hey Nana.

Yeah, no, I got
your text messages.

Still out with my friend, she's.

Wait, how long has
he been crying for?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Um, no, I gotta get back.

Yeah, no, wants
us there tomorrow.

I'm sorry.

No, it's okay.

I know my kids.

Okay, all right.

I'll see you soon,
I'll see you soon, bye.

That was Jim's mom.

She's watching the boys tonight.

One of them woke up and
he can't get back to sleep

so I gotta get home
and put him to bed.

He's gonna be
crazy tomorrow, so.

I had a, I had a really
good time tonight.

It was really nice to see you.

And I know it's late.

You gotta get back to LA, so.

Oh no, it's no problem.

We can totally
swing by the house.

I'd love to see the little ones.

Really?

Me and kids.

It shouldn't take long.

Just, I'll call us a car.

♪ Hush little baby
don't say a word ♪

♪ Mama's gonna bye
you a mockingbird ♪

♪ And if that
mockingbird won't sing ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy
you a diamond ring ♪

♪ And if that diamond
ring won't brass ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy
you a looking glass ♪

♪ And if that looking
glass gets broke ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy you ♪

♪ And if that Billy goat ♪

Have a really
beautiful family.

I know this isn't exactly how
you pictured the future to be,

but I hope you don't
forget how special it is.

I never thought you'd
have kids before me.

I wasn't even
sure I wanted kids.

They were such a mystery to me.

Nothing like having two of
them to dispel all that.

You were always the one who
fell to pieces around them.

Make that squeaking
whenever you saw them.

God, you're such a girl.

I can't help myself.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe it sounds a bit old
fashioned to say this, but,

is there really
anything more fulfilling

than being a mother?

You know, when
Nathan was three,

he got into my acrylic paints.

God, I was so scared.

We had to take him
to the hospital.

We had to call poison control.

That day I really felt
like I had failed as a mom.

I mean, I love those boys,
you know, more than anything,

but sometimes I wonder if I'd
just be better off as an aunt,

and don't even get me
started on being pregnant.

I mean, they say that
there's nothing more natural

than growing something
inside of you, but it's like.

I'll never know
what that's like.

Trust me, you really
don't need to know.

Between the bloating and
the morning sickness,

the postpartum depression.

I mean, you're essentially
carrying something

like the size of a
bowling ball for months.

Your body and your boobs,
they're never the same.

Not every woman needs to
go through all of that.

Yeah.

Just wish I had the choice.

When I was younger,

I used to pray every night

that by the time
I got my surgery,

that uterine transplants
were finally possible.

Science just hasn't
quite caught up yet.

Well you could always adopt.

I mean, Jim's adopted
and his family is-

- Eh, I know.

I just always wanted to have
my own biological children.

You saved your sperm, right?

When I first came out,

things were pretty rocky
between my parents and me.

I mean, we're good now,

but they've always wanted
grandchildren, as you know.

My father is the only
son in his family,

so our family name
might die with him.

So as part of the condition

to get their approval
to start transitioning,

I was to make a deposit
to a sperm bank.

Not that I wouldn't
have done it anyway.

But they say there's no point
in having your sperm frozen

for longer than 15 years.

It's already been 14, so.

About a year ago,

I noticed my parents
went from saying

"We want grandchildren one day,"

to "We used to on
grandchildren."

It's a relief, really.

To know they don't carry

those expectations
around with them anymore.

Remember that night
sophomore year?

We were coming back from
Jeremy's house party.

I think it was
this neighborhood.

Must have been February,

'cause we were all
wearing our big jackets.

God, we were so high.

Everyone wanted to
hide in their rooms.

But you, Naomi Liu,

decided that we all
needed to go around

tagging the campus buildings.

I'd never done anything
like that before in my life,

or since, really.

That night was so crazy.

Even the air smells the same.

Wow, you have some
amazing students.

Who did this?

This is Harzan's.

He's actually trans.

Well, he seems
really talented.

Yeah, he's got a long
career ahead of him.

Well I think he's very lucky
to have you as a teacher.

Being in here feels like
visiting another lifetime,

like a parallel universe.

We used to have some
amazing times in here.

Talking until four
in the morning,

arguing about art and politics.

We thought we had the
answers to everything.

Do you remember our last
night together before you left?

Yeah, I mean, sure, of course.

But we don't have
to talk about that.

Well that's very
typical of you.

I'm sorry?

You're always avoiding
any type of conflict.

I'm not avoiding conflict.

I just don't see why
you're bringing that up.

Well, it's not like I
could bring it up before.

Guess you made sure of that.

Come on, Naomi.

It's been a good night.

Your parents didn't know
what was going on with you.

Only that you were taking time
to just be alone and think,

get some help.

Can't we just-

- You know that you
left your stuff?

All of your clothes.

And I didn't know
what to do with them.

I didn't know whether I
should just throw them out.

Should I keep them?

Naomi.

You left me, Kris.

You left me like
I was a stranger.

Not like somebody that
you said that you loved.

Okay.

Okay.

I apologized for what I did
and I will say it again.

I take responsibility
for that choice.

And I'd like to think
that we can move on

and go back to being friends.

Why do you fucking keep
saying that we were friends?

We were never friends.

We were friends for like what?

It was like a week, a week.

We were friends for a week

before we started to hook up.

I'm just saying we had a
solid foundation of friendship.

Stop pretending that we
didn't have a relationship.

Oh my God.

You always fucking do this.

You always fucking do this.

You're always looking at
the brighter side of things.

And that's such a bad thing?

Yeah, it is if you cannot
look at things as they are,

as they really are.

What did you even learn in
therapy all those years?

- God.
- Plenty.

Well, you can't rewrite
history, Kris, okay.

Like the way you did
tonight on the way here,

when you were talking
about tagging.

And, so, what?

You left out the most
important part of the story.

My friend, Jillian,

she was sexually assaulted and
that's why we were out there.

We were putting up statistics.

Not 'cause we were
trying to be edgy.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Did you forget about that?

Yeah, no, we weren't doing that

just so you could
have a fun experience.

That, that, that's
really unfair.

I mean, just because I had a
positive experience that night

doesn't mean I'm trivializing
what happened to Jillian.

I mean, if it wasn't for
my positive attitude,

I probably would be dead by now.

I'm sorry I can't be more
bitter about things like you.

Really, that's how it is?

Well, my life
didn't even begin

until 14 fucking years ago.

Do you have any idea how that
completely erases everything

that you and I have
been through together?

Everything that
I've been through?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Listen, I came here with
the best of intentions,

but clearly there is
nothing I can say or do

that will make you happy.

I'm exhausted.

I think I should
probably just leave.

I really wanted tonight
to go differently.

You're just gonna leave.

Oh, okay.

Well I guess some things
never change, huh?

Like you changed, Naomi?

I mean literally you've
been complaining all night

about your life, your
job, your marriage,

even your children, like
somehow they're responsible.

Of course I'm never going
to satisfy you, who does?

Oh thank you for reminding me

that my life's not satisfying.

I'm sorry, not everyone
can be perfect like you.

It's not perfect.

I still can't look at
myself in the mirror

because I still see the
body I used to have.

That can't be erased.

These shoulders, these
hands, this voice.

I hate so much of me, there.

You just need to put
yourself out there.

Like tonight, I saw what
you did with Martin.

Okay, no wait a minute.

He was ready to ask you out

and you completely
shut him down.

It's not that simple, okay?

This is probably why your
last relationship failed,

because you ruin everything
that's good in your life.

If you must know, Mark
wanted to have children,

and I could not
give that to him.

So it seemed unfair for
us to stay together.

And I made the
difficult choice to.

At least I tried.

You, you just gave
up and settled.

I mean, how is
married life, Naomi?

Are you giving
me marriage advice?

This is coming from the woman

who's had like one relationship
in the last 10 years.

Okay, so just because you
don't like a few things,

you're gonna write off your
whole marriage, your family.

No, no, you're the one
who writes things off

and you're the
one who walks away

and you're the one who, who
leaves relationships, okay?

- Because-
- Oh for fuck's sake,

just let it go already!

People break up every day

and move on with
their fucking lives.

Why can't you?

You decided to live in Chandler.

You decided to get
married and have children.

So don't blame me for your
fucking failure of a life!

I was pregnant.

What?

I, when I started
to miss my period,

I didn't want to believe it.

I mean the last thing
I wanted to believe

was that I was pregnant after.

So I took a test 'cause I was
getting sick in the mornings

and smelling my paints
was bothering me.

I was dealing with
our breakup and-

- What did you do?

I felt like I
didn't have a choice,

so I decided not to keep it.

And that was the
single hardest...

I,

had a child?

I had a child.

You,

you got a second chance.

You have two beautiful children.

How was I supposed to know

that you weren't able
to have a child, okay?

You didn't tell me about this.

This wasn't something
that we discussed.

This made sense to me, okay?

Fuck you.

This is so much bigger than you.

Fuck.

This is so much
bigger than, enough!

Fuck you!

You didn't have the right!

I had every fucking right!

It was inside of me,
it was a part of me,

and I'm the one who gave it up!

You just wanted a way out.

An excuse for why your
life is so shitty.

You're just now trying
to hurt me one last time.

You did all of this
for yourself, Naomi.

No, I told you because
I wanted you to know

what you did to me.

You want to know why?

Your life isn't
that fucking tragic.

They are plenty of places,

there are plenty of people

who would accept
you for who you are.

But instead you choose to live
in some nowhere little town

and you spout off
all this bullshit

about rainbows and sunshine.

How everything is so great.

But really on the
inside you're the same.

You're a fucking coward.

You just run for the exit

any time life rears
its ugly little head.

Here's the truth.

You are never going
to be a mother.

'Cause you can't unfuck what
you did to our relationship.

So you're never gonna
be a real woman.

Not in the way you want to be.

Your always gonna be incomplete.

You're the one with
the sad life story.

I know you want to point
that finger to everyone else.

Your students, your
failed marriage,

your responsibilities, me.

But you have no one to
blame except yourself.

I may have spent
the last 15 years

rebuilding my life
from the ground up,

but I still have more
to show than you.

Now that's pathetic.

It's no wonder you
don't perform anymore.

You can't.

Because that would require
you to take a long,

hard, look at yourself
in the mirror,

because as you always said,

"Art requires truth."

And you haven't had
any truth in your life

for a very, very long time.

Thank you for coming everyone.

This is for Kris.

For your tiny hands
caressed you honest cheek.

For your sleepy eyes looked
upon the crescent moon.

It seems like.

Before your happy smile and
sunshine through dark places,

the whole world waited
for you to change it.

Before your soft feet hopped
upon the morning grass.

Before your silky hair
danced with an autumn breeze.

Before your curious mind
daydreamed of new beginnings.

The whole world still
waited for you to change it.

It did.

It was waiting for
you to change it.

Ah.

You're so good with the kids.

When are you gonna
have some of your own?

I don't know if I will.

Maybe that's okay.

They're adorable.

On guard!

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull