Original subtitles

Ugh... WATER DRIPS

Please...

..don't hurt me.

Help me!

CHILD CHATTERS EXCITEDLY

Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls,

welcome to our Festival of Mirth,

here in the beautiful village

of Kembleford.

We have an array of merriment

for you today. We've got

jugglers. Yay! We've got acrobats.

Yay! We've got

magicians. Woo! We've even got

a contortionist! Ooh!

And, ladies and gentlemen, please give her

all the support you can,

because she's currently struggling to make ends meet!

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

Sadly, Madam Zoltar, our palm reader and fortune teller,

cannot be with us today, due to

unforeseen circumstances. But... LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

..do not despair! Why not join us in the Events Tent

at 11 o'clock, for our

jugglers' beginners class?

At 12 o'clock, we have Miss Elastic.

Woo! She's fantastic!

And at two o'clock, we have Fabulous Feste's

Magical Masterclass. Woo! So,

have a ball, one and all, and let the festivities...

..commence! CHEERING

Now, prepare to be astounded

by Doodle, the bravest of

all the jesters!

The only one of this band of fools

who dares to juggle with fire!

Thank you! All proceeds to

The Society for Injured Veterans.

We've raised almost �4 already. Very impressive!

Jester conventions bring out the best in people, Father.

Why choose our humble village?

We travel the entire country.

And, of course, Kembleford is the birthplace of

the legendary jester... BOTH: Uncle Mirth!

Ooh! Ooh!

Madam, it's your lucky day!

We're giving away free cups of tea.

Oh. Well, actually, I am a little parched. Oh, good!

Don't forget the sugar. Oh.

Thank you. There we are. LAUGHTER

Ha! Madam, fear not...

Oh! ..'tis merely a storm in a teacup!

LAUGHTER Ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ah... Oh, you nearly had it then!

You think I'm useless? Well,

just a bit. Right, that's it!

Juggling workshop doesn't start till ten.

Bunty's an old friend from London.

I went to school with her cousin.

Fred was just giving me a private lesson.

Lucky him. I'd like to teach YOU a thing or two!

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I love it when women beg! Oh.

That's enough, Doodle! DOODLE CLICKS FINGERS

Don't tell me what to do.

You know, you'll learn far more from me than him.

She's not interested.

Mr Chivalry!

And there was me thinking you were just a looney. Shut up!

Well,

what are you waiting for?

Come on, Fred. Ha-ha!

A coward as well!

Ladies and gentlemen of Kembleford, don't be shy.

LADIES GIGGLE Come and join our giggle workshop.

Shall we? I'd rather not. It might be fun.

Time to titillate your chuckle-boxes.

Madam, we meet again.

Oh. Tell me,

do you find me appealing?

Uh... LAUGHTER

And what about now?

LAUGHTER

Or even... GIGGLING CONTINUES

..now? LAUGHTER

Please...help me!

Argh! Dr Belmont!

They came.

It was dark.

A cave.

We'll cancel the convention, out of respect.

I'll need to speak to everyone. Of course.

Sergeant, stop dithering!

There are fresh needle marks on Dr Belmont's arm.

There's a surprise! Surprise?

Er, she was a suspected drug user.

Won't be the first time

she's collapsed in public.

She must have been very troubled.

People avoided her like the plague.

Dr Belmont wasn't liked in these parts.

She was acquitted of causing numerous deaths by gross negligence.

She injected her patients with the wrong medication.

Inspector,

she muttered something about a cave.

Delusional ramblings of an addict.

Suspected overdose.

Are you all right?

Fred?

What's wrong?

It's nothing. You seemed quite upset about Dr Belmont.

She was the first dead person I've seen since...

Since my brother died.

Oh.

He was a hero in the war.

What happened?

He was shot.

I'm sorry, I need some air.

We need to talk.

I won't change my mind.

I'm leaving.

Mr Feste...

For you.

I hope this isn't another one of your silly tricks.

No, it's just tea.

With extra sugar, for the shock.

Thank you. No, thank YOU,

for being such a sport.

I only ever pick on people with...

Well...

Yes?

Kind faces.

Sorry, I'm not good with words.

You didn't seem to have a problem earlier. Oh.

That's just a character. A mask.

My wife always spoke for the both of us.

Maybe you should just try

being yourself. Oh... That's the difficult part.

Especially being around someone so...

..elegant. Oh.

Bunty, may I trouble you for a lift?

Oh, but I haven't given my statement to the police yet.

We'll be back soon.

Well, back from where? Satan's Mouth. Sorry?

It's a cave, not far from here.

It could be the one Dr Belmont mentioned.

Oh, so you don't think she died from an overdose, then?

There was fear in her eyes.

And the way she died,

just like her patients.

I saw how you reacted to that doctor's death.

It just caught me by surprise, that's all.

Stop doing that with your glasses!

I thought you were better.

I am.

Please don't send me away to that place. Perhaps it's for the best.

I really am fine.

We'll see.

Ah, there you are.

Bad news. Mr Feste is leaving us, and he wants his money back.

What?! Every penny he's invested in us.

But without his backing, the society could go under.

All the good work we've done.

YOU need to make him change his mind.

Let me do it.

You?! Just give me a chance.

I'll sort it, I promise.

Very well.

Don't let me down.

Right, then, sir, that'll be all for now.

I want to speak to the leader of your group. It's a chuckle.

What? Not a group,

but a chuckle of jesters.

Where is he?

He's through there.

You can't go through there, sir.

This is an investigation, I can go anywhere I like!

Stop, you blithering...! Stop!

Jerry?!

Chief Inspector Dobson?!

HE SNIFFS

Chloroform.

Looks like the doctor was abducted. And then murdered.

But why give her such a low dosage that she woke up?

Why, indeed?

What's that? A tiny metal ball. Oh.

Could it be buckshot, from a gun?

No... Uh...

Fred!

Have you seen Mrs McCarthy? No.

About you leaving...

It's not your problem.

But you promised us your support.

It's between me and your parents. Wait!

Take your hand off...!

What's got into you?!

I left Durham a couple of years after you.

Gave it all up. To become a clown?

A jester.

Raising hundreds of pounds for charity.

You were one of the best coppers I ever knew.

After my son died, I became disillusioned.

Even so, bit of a career shift.

It's all about spreading a bit of joy and laughter.

With respect, it makes no sense to me.

Inspector, when did you last laugh?

Well, it was, er...

It must have been, erm...

Exactly.

Ah, Sergeant. Father Brown has found the cave the doctor mentioned, sir.

It appears she WAS murdered.

What?!

Oh.

I... I didn't realise it was closed.

Oh, pick a card. Sorry?

Er... Not just now.

Is it magic you don't like,

or just magicians?

Well, actually, I was married to one,

but the less said about that, the better.

Mrs McCarthy...

..do you believe in...

..romance...in later life?

Can I help you, Father?

Just admiring your jacket.

Ah. It is dandy, isn't it?

Had my eye on it for a while. Oh.

Just bought it off Mr Feste.

He's leaving us. Do you know where he is?

He's looking for your friend.

I can't find Mrs M anywhere.

Do you think Mrs M's in danger? Distinct possibility.

Mrs McCarthy...

..I'm not some chancer. I'm a man of means.

I'm not impressed by money! Oh, no, no, no. Er, I didn't mean...

It's just that, with you, I could move on.

Put things behind me.

I really should be going. No, stay.

Step away from her! Oh... No, I didn't mean anything.

Do you recognise this?

It's a silver bead,

from your jester's coat.

What is going on?!

It was outside the cave.

Mr Feste...

..did you abduct Dr Belmont...

..and then kill her?

SOBBING: Yes.

HE CONTINUES TO SOB

Are you all right, Mrs M?

Yes, I'm fine. Fine.

HE SNIFFS AND COUGHS

I'm just so glad it's out in the open.

The guilt is killing me! HE COUGHS

Why did you do it? Oh, because I lost my way, Father.

Turned my back on God.

And now? Oh...

I want you to hear my confession, Father,

and then I'll go to the police.

Shall we go to your tent?

I have to do it properly, in a church.

St Mary's is a short way away.

Mr Feste, will you stay here for one moment, please?

Dr Belmont said, "THEY came".

So, you think there might be an accomplice? If there is,

hopefully Mr Feste will tell the police. If not...

I'll find out who he's close to.

HE SOBS So, you just let him walk away?

What could I do? You should have gone after him,

showed him that you meant business.

I'm sorry. Why can't you be more like...?

I should never have trusted you.

You're not strong enough.

Physically or mentally.

Padre, there you are.

MRS MCCARTHY LAUGHS

Something amusing, Mrs McCarthy?

Oh, no. No, nothing at all...

His other trousers got soaked!

Thank you, Sergeant! Those were the only ones

Sir Toby had left! Oh.

How can I help you, Inspector?

I've just come from that cave.

I want a full statement.

Well, I'll come to the station shortly.

Now!

Father, don't tell them yet, please!

But I can't leave you here alone.

I'll wait for you in the church.

I have to make my peace with God.

Don't deny me that, Father.

I believe you. Padre!

Erm, Father!

What if he tries to run?

He won't.

ENGINE REVS

CHURCH BELLS CHIME

Now, don't let Father Brown down.

No, no, Mrs McCarthy.

I'm not a bad person, not really.

Well, God will be the judge of that.

Why do you think I gave the doctor such a low dosage?

I didn't really want her to die.

But she DID die!

PHONE RINGS

Ah! What about these, sir?

What do you think I am, a ruddy giant?! Inspector?

Or these ones? Don't be ridiculous!

To be fair, sir,

matching shoes and handbag.

Very droll, Sergeant!

Inspector, will you be taking much longer?

I need to be somewhere. And I need you here.

Ah!

Perfect! Bring me my wet clothes, Sergeant.

Right away, sir!

Padre!

Just getting some fresh air. Really?!

Don't take me for a fool!

So...

..do you have designs on my son? What?!

No! He's teaching me how to juggle.

A woman like you could help him.

Short term, at least.

What do you mean? I think you know what I mean.

He needs to become a man. Ah.

Fred and I, we're just friends.

I'm worried about him.

By Fred's age, his brother had broken many hearts. Oh, well,

I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing.

Men should be allowed to be men.

Red-blooded warriors. Ah.

Well, Fred's not really like that, is he?

He's kind and sensitive. That's his problem.

He's far too emotional.

I'm sorry, it appears I've misjudged you.

Fred, I need to talk to you about Mr Feste. I heard you

talking about me. Oh, I was actually defending you. You fighting

my corner won't make things better. She already thinks

I can't stand up for myself. Oh, Fred! Please, just...

..don't interfere again.

Where are you going?

ENGINE STARTS

No, the police have absolutely no idea who did it!

But my guess is that Dr Belmont, who had many.... Mrs McCarthy,

may I borrow you for a moment?

Oh, you arrived just in the nick of time.

I nearly let slip... Let's find Mr Feste. Yes.

Mr Feste?

I knew it! He's gone!

He wouldn't run away.

Mr Feste?

You knew he was the killer?

He was going to hand himself in,

but he wanted to confess to God first. Well, thanks to your

religious claptrap,

we're now looking for the killer's ruddy killer!

Murdered in the house of God!

Those black marks on Mr Feste's neck...

Odd. You think the killer was known to him?

I do.

So, Mr Feste, is he a bit of a loner?

Why are you so interested? Oh, because he's rather keen on

Mrs McCarthy and I need to check that he's suitable. Anyway...

..have you reconsidered my offer?

Sorry?

Juggling lessons.

I'm so good, I taught my daughter in just an hour.

Ah. Although, I suspect I'll need a bit more time with you. Oh...

My mother's looking for you. Ah!

Here he is! Ha-ha! Little errand boy!

Won't be long. Take your time!

Oof...

About earlier...

..I was sticking up for you because I genuinely just think

you're really rather sweet.

Sorry, you...

..just caught me at a bad time. Oh.

Why are you always cleaning those?

GUNSHOT

I was there.

Doodle's right, I AM a coward. I don't believe that!

Look how I acted when Dr Belmont died. Well, you were upset.

Bunty, you don't understand.

If I don't pull myself together, then...

..then Mother will put me away again.

What? What are you...?

You mean an institution?

I had a breakdown, after my brother died. Oh, Fred!

The things they did to me in there.

I can't go back. I need to change.

Well, how?

By being just like Tom. A soldier? A hero.

I can do it, Bunty.

I just need to prove it!

Wai...

Fred!

Thank you for coming back with me.

Well, I didn't much like the idea of staying there on my own.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Mr Feste has been murdered. No!

Has anyone been arrested? Not yet.

Did you see anyone suspicious?

Me?

You were near him when he died. I saw your van.

And I saw you arguing with him earlier.

Are you accusing me? Father Brown's just...

..collecting information. It might help. Look,

I only wanted to talk to him again, make him change his mind.

About what? Leaving, and funding the society.

Mother said I should be more forceful.

Forceful? I don't mean violent!

How did you know he was at the church?

Some of the jesters heard him talk to you. But...

..by the time I got there, the road was blocked by police.

You... You do believe me, don't you? Fred!

I've got to go.

He looks very on edge to me. No. No.

Fred's just scared of being sent away again.

He's got a history of mental...problems.

We'll need to speak to everyone again.

I'll make sure none of my members leave.

The locals have left already.

Sir, would you mind if I, erm...

..if I didn't interview anyone with the old...?

Oh, for ruddy's sake! They're just clowns!

Padre! I ought to arrest you

for leaving a crime scene.

But Father Brown thinks he knows who killed Mr Feste.

Well, spit it out!

The soot marks on Mr Feste's throat...

HE SNIFFS ..smelt of paraffin.

Don't look at me! I'm not the only juggler. But you said

you were the only one brave enough to juggle with fire.

Is that so?

I can explain.

Sergeant!

Oof!

DOODLE GROANS On your feet!

So, Doodle helped to kill Dr Belmont?

Well, that would explain why he murdered Mr Feste -

to stop him confessing.

Maybe one of the doctor's patients was a relative

of Doodle's? I have no relatives.

Don't let the Padre leave again, until he's been questioned.

Oh, can't I come with you, sir? No.

Face your fears, Sergeant.

Doodle told me he taught his daughter to juggle.

So, he does have some relatives.

She died in a hit-and-run.

Doodle was devastated.

Was the driver caught?

Unfortunately not.

I had nothing to do with the doctor's death.

It was just Feste.

What did he have against her? Who knows?!

Everyone thought he was a sweet old man, but he was deranged.

So, why follow him to the church?

I thought he was going to kill the priest!

But Father Brown said he was ready to confess.

I tried to reason with him,

but he attacked me. It was self-defence!

Self-defence?

You strangled a frail old man!

Choked the life out of him, to save your own skin!

Admit it.

I had no choice!

I'm still baffled as to why Doodle was Mr Feste's accomplice.

It IS rather an odd pairing.

There must be something that links the two of them together.

Sergeant Goodfellow, can we please go home?!

OK, right away, sir.

You can indeed, Mrs McCarthy.

That Doodle character has been charged.

Well, thank heavens that's all over!

It doesn't add up.

Neither of them had a motive to kill Dr Belmont.

Well, there's one thing for sure, Father - I hope I never

have to see another clown again!

DISTANT MUSIC Is that Sir Toby's son?

Poor Fred! I don't think he ever got over the death of his brother.

The war hero.

War took many good men.

Oh, no, he didn't die in action.

He was shot, in a bank raid.

Oh, so much crime about!

Mr Feste's wife was killed in a brutal mugging.

Is something wrong?

Purple.

Oh, what are those?

Father?

The Fool's Lament.

Bunty, what's going on?

Father Brown would like a word with you.

Fred, were you involved in the death of Dr Belmont?

More accusations.

Well, it's too much of a coincidence.

You, Doodle and Mr Feste

all had close relatives who died during a brutal crime.

I'm guessing the culprits were never caught?

What of it? Have the three of you been taking revenge

on other criminals,

ones who got away with their crimes?

Like Dr Belmont.

Fred, is it true? That's enough!

I assume you're involved?

Having lost a son.

You have a wild imagination, Father!

If Inspector Mallory compared notes with other forces,

I suspect a pattern might emerge. A pattern?

Unsolved murders,

the towns and cities, on the dates where you had your conventions.

Even if that were true, a decent barrister would argue it was...

..just another coincidence.

Especially since murders are now an everyday occurrence.

Father, do you have any evidence,

linking my family to any specific death?

Obviously not.

Purple splodges. What? On the van.

Like those on Bunty's car,

when she parked under the damson tree,

near the cave.

Which proves one of you

was at the scene of the murder.

Oh, God, they know!

Pull yourself together. I only drove the van, I didn't kill her. Shush!

So, you're a group of vigilantes.

HE LAUGHS Not a group.

An entire organisation.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

What exactly do you intend doing with us?

The senior members are deciding.

So, your conventions, they're just a front?

We travel the entire country,

to where miscarriages of justice have happened.

And Sir Toby, being a Chief Inspector, would know about those.

Exactly. For years, he's been recruiting people

just like us.

Grieving souls...

..wanting answers.

Like Mr Feste.

Until he had a change of heart.

Misplaced guilt over that doctor.

With his financial backing, we could have grown to the size of an army.

Father, there is a glimmer of hope!

We ask you to forget what you know.

How?

My conscience would not allow that.

Even for the sake of your friends' welfare?

Don't be rash or sanctimonious.

You know what's at stake.

So, what's it going to be, Father?

Well...

I... If Father Brown won't go to the police, then I will!

I won't allow him to compromise his beliefs. Well said, Mrs M!

Mrs McCarthy... The decision shouldn't be yours, Father.

Your conscience is who you are.

Then it is with much regret

that a motion passed by the senior members

is put to the Society.

A motion?! A vote,

to determine whether YOU are to be executed.

Fred! Fred, you can't agree with this!

It's your own fault, you shouldn't have interfered!

LABOURED BREATHING

Mrs McCarthy...

Oh! Are you all right?

Mrs M! Mrs M, can you hear me?

Oh, Father, I had the most terrible dream!

Mrs McCarthy, I'm afraid it wasn't a dream.

Mrs McCarthy, can I get you

a glass of water? How can you be so polite?!

My dear girl, scaring you is not our intention.

We're all good people.

If you were, then you would let us go!

But our members would go to prison, or the gallows. Scores of murderers

in the future will walk free. And commit more crimes.

Your reasoning is horribly flawed!

I assume you're familiar with the literary phrase,

"The Wisdom of the Fool"?

Whilst all are deceived, only the fool sees the truth. Exactly!

We, this merriment of jesters,

sees the rot in society.

A judicial system broken. Criminals getting off on technicalities.

WE have to take a stance!

WE have to stop them! SOCIETY: Hear, hear!

But YOU do not have the right to judge another and take a life!

How can you justify killing us?

This is a war against crime.

All wars have unintentional damage. But we're not buildings

or objects. We're people!

We are God's children!

All those in favour of the execution, say "aye".

Aye! All those against, say "no".

The "ayes" have it! The "ayes" have it!

Proceed!

It's time, Father.

Keep up, Fred!

You won't get away with this.

Eventually, someone will piece it all together.

Wishful thinking, Father!

If Father Brown doesn't turn up for Mass,

someone will send out a search party!

We'll be long gone by then!

And when we leave, we'll take your bodies to the next county

and bury them on the moors.

You can go now, Fred. No.

It's time he watched.

Unless you're not up to it?

I want to stay.

Your son's?

And his rifle.

Fred! Fred, do something!

Bunty, you don't understand!

I believe in the cause!

Revenge isn't a cause!

We're continuing what my brother started.

Eradicating the bad in society.

No, you've been brainwashed! No, it's my choice!

If the world was a better place, then...

..Tom would never have died. It's that simple.

Edith.

All members have to carry out an execution.

But is he ready?

I am. I am so sorry

that it's come to this!

Oh... And I promised your aunt I'd take care of you! Oh...

I'm so sorry too.

Prove yourself a man.

A hero.

Oh, and by the way,

you know your blue vase that broke?

So, it WAS you? Sorry!

Make me proud.

After all that I've done,

do you think that we're going to go to the same place?

Without a doubt.

God loves ALL his children. Oh!

Position!

No... No...

Fred!

What would your brother think?

I'm fighting for justice, like he did.

But Tom fought within the laws of this country. Take aim!

He took arms against an evil that put itself above humanity.

He wouldn't have agreed with this.

Focus!

He would have been ashamed of you...

..killing innocents!

If you want to be as brave as your brother,

do what he would have done.

Fire!

What would he do, Fred?!

GUNSHOT

You coward!

Execute him!

GUNSHOT

Finish it!

Don't!

GUNSHOT Edith!

Oh!

Run, Bunty! Get help!

You must repent your sins,

before it is too late.

You must seek forgiveness.

I don't want...forgiveness.

I want...justice.

BIRD FLAPS WINGS

This one, Constable.

Don't look at me as if I was some sort of criminal! I'm sorry,

but that's exactly what you are!

I thought I was going to lose you both.

Are you all right?

I think so, Father. Nothing that a good, strong cup of tea won't fix.

I'll need statements from all of you back at the station.

Oh, Sergeant, erm,

what will happen to Fred?

Ah, too soon to say.

But what you did will certainly go in your favour.

Oh, can I have a moment with Fred? HE SIGHS

Erm...

I just wanted to say thank you, for saving us.

But I almost killed you.

But you didn't.

When it mattered, you were strong.

Goodbye, Bunty. Goodbye, Fred.

Right, sir, in you go.

SHE SIGHS

It's good to see you facing your fears, Sergeant.

Absolutely, sir.

Right, you, out you get!

Though I'm not sure where we're going to put them all, Sergeant.

YOU put yourself in danger - again -

which, in my book, makes YOU a first-class clown!

Do you think taking the law into your own hands can ever be justified?

There are only two kinds of justice - judicial and divine.

And there is another type. BUNTY LAUGHS

Poetic justice!