Original subtitles

♪ Ooh ♪ Ah ♪ Ooh-ah ♪ Donkey Kong ♪ Hey-oh

♪ Look out down below ♪ Here he comes

♪ Banana slamma

♪

♪ Donkey Kong ♪

♪ Ooh ♪ Ah ♪ Ooh-ah, Donkey Kong

♪

♪ Ooh ♪ Ah ♪ Ooh-ah, Donkey Kong ♪ Hey-oh

♪ Look out down below ♪ Here he comes

♪ Banana slamma ♪ Kongo Bongo"s hero ♪

♪ Hey-oh ♪ Donkey Kong, let"s go ♪

♪ Let"s go ♪

♪ Here he comes ♪ Banana slamma

If this doesn"t make Candy

notice me, nothing will!

[Steam whistle blowing]

Okay DK, get ready, she"s coming!

Hey Candy, look at me!

Mmm, nice!

So dreamy.

She noticed.

Whoa!

[Sighing]

Leonardo Di-Ape-rio is the

most adorable, talented, dreamy

movie star I"ve ever drooled over!

What"s he got that I don't have?

Well, movie-star good looks,

movie-star fame, movie star money.

I"ve been in lots of movies.

Huh?

Every Saturday afternoon I

sit right in the front row.

Candy!

I don"t over-pay you to talk to

knuckle-draggers, get to work!

That"s work, as in doing something useful.

Famous movie stars like DK

don"t have to work!

Never mind.

I need this parcel to go out

right away, air mail.

Then Funky"s your monkey!

Want me to do anything while

you"re gone?

Oh, just one thing.

Work!

[Kissing]

Funky, you airborne virus of an ape.

Wait, I"ve got it!

The end.

What a finish!

You were saying, your dudeship?

I need you to fly this... >> Uh-uh!

My flying days are over-and-out.

I"m writing the great Kongo

Bongo screenplay.

Writing?

Correct me if I"m wrong, but

doesn"t that involve knowing

something, like, say, the alphabet?

Hey, dude, the movie biz is where it is!

Every dude and dudette loves to

go to the movies.

You"re right!

They love it so much they pay to

go to the movies.

So, tell me, Funky, what do

I need to become a movie mogul?

For starters, a good script!

I call it Casa Kongo Bongo.

It"s a romantic comedy, action

thriller, mystery, love-story,

disaster movie.

You want to buy it?

Buy it?

For money?

[Laughing]

How does "honorary unpaid

assistant to the executive producer" sound?

Cool!

Mmm, good.

Hey, Bluster, what are you doing?

Let me guess: Funky glued

your fingers together?

As it happens, I"m scouting

locations for my movie.

What movie?

I"m producing and directing

my first feature.

That"s the funniest thing I ever heard!

[Laughing]

Uh, DK?

A real, live movie.

Hello!

Candy will go bananas!

And if I"m in the movie,

she"ll go bananas over me for sure!

You"re making a movie!

Best news I ever heard!

Can"t a monkey have a little

peace and quiet without you big

baboons acting like a bunch of goons?

Bluster"s making a movie with

me as the star!

I need someone with star

quality, not stark-raving-mad quality!

A movie?

Of all the nonsense I have to

listen to around here, that"s

the craziest!

A movie?

What nonsense.

Hmph!

So, Bluster, when do we start?

Auditions are tomorrow at noon.

I"ll bring the script, you bring

the talent!

Did he say noon?

♪ I"m going to be a star ♪

♪ I"m going to be admired

like James Dean ♪

♪ Or Mr. Bean ♪ I"m going to be a smash ♪

♪ You"ll see me on the town

with big-name stars ♪

♪ Spending all of my do-re-mi cold cash ♪

♪ I"m going to be in the movies ♪

♪ I"m going to be a big star ♪

♪ I can"t wait till Candy

sees me up on the screen ♪

♪ We"ll be driving around in a fancy car ♪

♪ I can see it now

the crowd begins to cheer ♪

♪ My name in lights

at the movie"s premiere ♪

♪ I"m going to be a star ♪

♪ A matinée, idol worship from afar ♪

♪ I"m going to be a star ♪

♪ You"re going to know this face

no matter who you are ♪

♪ You see my face on every magazine ♪

♪ At all the biggest parties

I"ll be making the scene ♪

♪ I"m going to be a star ♪

♪ A matinée idol worship from afar ♪

♪ I"m going to be a star ♪

♪ I"ll be a star ♪

Hey, Diddy!

Oh, this is gonna be so great!

Bluster"s making a movie and

auditions are tomorrow!

Tomorrow?

This could be my big break!

I"ve gotta rehearse!

Should I sing?

Should I dance?

I could sing and dance, couldn"t I!

Ohh!

A real, live movie!

Gotta go, Diddy!

Do you copy that, soldier?

A movie on the island.

You know what that means?

Popcorn.

No!

Uh, it means...

Well, King K. Rool will know what it means.

We"d better go tell him.

Sir, early reconnaissance

reveals Bluster"s making a movie

on the island.

A movie?

How very interesting.

Good work, Klump!

Why, thank you, sir!

See, I know just what he "s thinkin".

He"s reconnoitring to gain

domination of the island, once and for all.

A movie, you say.

Excellent.

This would be the perfect opportunity to...

Here it comes.

Be a star of the silver screen!

See I told you... What?!

I, King K. Rool, shall star

in Bluster"s movie.

Now leave me alone!

I must prepare for my audition!

Ready for the first audition!

Action!

♪ La-a-a >> Cut!

I love it, you were made for the role.

Next!

Action!

Hi there, I just flew in from

the White Mountains...

Don"t call us, we'll call you.

Next!

[Humming]

Oh!

Next!

Now listen, and listen tight!

If you don"t get on that plane

tonight, we"ll all regret it!

Maybe not today.

But soon!

The goings-on of two little

lizards doesn"t amount to a hill

of beans in this crazy world.

Sir.

Next!

Okay!

First I"d like to recite a little poem.

Uh.

Mary had a little, uh, um, a

little banana... Its fleas were... >> Next!

No, wait!

I"ve got more!

Watch this!

Next!

Wait, I"ve got talent I

haven"t even used yet!

Next!

Next!

Whoa!

So, am I leading-monkey material?

You"re not even nuclear waste material!

If I was casting for a big,

stupid ape, you"d be my first choice.

I"ll never find my leading man.

Where"s that certain someone

with a regal bearing, a noble

brow, that charismatic

character who"s charming and

sophisticated.

He"s right here!

Huh?

Hmm.

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

You"ve got the looks, the

voice, the style!

And let"s not forget, I'm green!

You"re more than green,

you"re my leading man!

Him?

What"s wrong with the way I look?

Well, it"s not fair.

Everybody"s in your movie but me.

You think so?

Okay, Donkey Kong, there"s one

part left, but if you mess up,

you"ll never work in this town again!

Thanks, Bluster, you won"t regret this.

Hey, Candy!

Guess who"s gonna be starring in

Bluster"s movie!

Leonardo Di-Ape-rio!

Nope.

Uh, Diddy?

Nope.

Funky?

No.

Cranky.

Nada.

Eddie the Yeti?

Not him!

Klump?

Huh?

Uh, Krusha?

When I said you"d never

guess, I meant you"d guess me!

I"m gonna be the bad guy!

Are you impressed?

Sure!

They say that playing the

villain takes real acting skill.

Really?

Wow!

I"m impressed!

Can I just ask you one little thing?

Sure.

Can you teach me how to act?

[Sobbing]

Well, you could try method acting.

Great, thanks for the tip!

Method acting, of course.

Uh, what"s method acting?

It"s simple: if you're the

bad guy in the movie, you think

like a bad guy, you talk like a

bad guy, you become a bad guy!

♪ Think about the meanest guy

that you know! ♪

♪ Is he cruel, is he bad?

Does he talk real slow? ♪

♪ It"s the villain that I wanna play ♪

♪ I don"t know if I can be that way! ♪

♪ If I gotta be bad I gotta find a way! ♪

♪ Talk bad, look bad, be bad!

♪ Walk bad, think bad, be bad

♪ The villain in your mind

has to be unkind! ♪

♪ If you wanna be good you gotta be bad! ♪

♪ Lies and fibs cheats and steals! ♪

♪ My treacherous villainy makes me squeal ♪

♪ I never tip, I butt in line

♪ I never clean the dishes

and it suits me fine! ♪

♪ I"m so pleased I"m such a sleaze! ♪

♪ This bad guy thing"s a breeze ♪

♪ Gonna steal, gonna be untrue

♪ Black hearted through and through ♪

♪ If I wanna be bad

I gotta walk in his shoes! ♪

♪ Talk bad, look bad, be bad

♪ Walk bad, think bad, be bad

♪ The villain in my mind

is gonna be unkind ♪

♪ If I wanna be good I gotta be bad! ♪

[Maniacally laughing]

And action!

I"m King of the world!

And Kongo Bongo too!

Cut!

I thought I was wonderful, as usual.

Didn"t you?

What I"m looking for is

more, bigger, grander.

You want this girl more than you

want anything in the world!

No, I don"t!

I don"t even like her!

Hey!

Then pretend it"s something

you do want more than anything

else in the world.

Mmm, besides the Crystal Coconut?

That"s your motivation!

You want the Crystal Coconut!

Ahh, you"re right!

That"s just what I want!

Can I have a few moments to, uh,

find my character?

Sure.

Take 15!

Can"t you two lugubrious

lizards find something constructive to do?

Just waiting for your command, sir!

Uh, uh, sorry, boss.

[Giggling]

Hey, where"s King K. Rool?

That was me!

That was you?

I"ve modeled my character in

the movie after the biggest

villain on the island: King K.

Rool!

What do you think?

Well, it"s not bad, but, uh...

Can"t you two lugubrious

lizards find something constructive to do?

[Laughing]

That doesn"t sound like

King K. Rool at all, too weak

and spineless.

You addled amphibian!

I am King K. Rool!

Ow!

Stop that!

You"re wrecking my set!

If you don"t stop imitating

me, I"ll have your head for a hacky-sack!

If you don"t stop imitating

me, I"ll have your head for a hacky-sack!

Hey, big buddy, take it easy.

I know you"re trying to impress

Candy, but you"re becoming more

like K. Rool than K. Rool!

Get that ham out of here and

rehearse his next scene with him.

Take 10!

Have you noticed that while

everybody on the island is

making the movie, nobody is

guarding the Crystal Coconut?

Uh... >> Well, I have, and I have a

plan.

[Maniacally laughing]

Okay, big buddy, let"s

rehearse the scene one more time.

And roll "em!

The Crystal Banana is mine!

That"s not the line, DK.

It"s "The Crystal Coconut is mine!"

But I don"t want a coconut.

I want a banana!

And there"s the answer to my prayers.

Banana, banana, banana.

DK!

Wait!

DK, in this scene, you"re

going to steal the Crystal

Coconut because...?

I"m the meanest, baddest,

evilest bad guy on the island!

Exactly!

That"s your motivation!

Motivation, schmotivation.

That"s who my character is, and

that"s who I am.

Oh, whatever.

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

The Crystal Coconut is mine!

And with it, I shall rule the world!

[Laughing]

The coconut"s gone!

Yes, it"s gone, because your

character stole it!

Now finish the scene!

No, the Crystal Coconut"s gone!

It"s really gone!

Look.

Cut!

Hey, why are you all lookin"

at me?

Well, you are the one who

noticed the Crystal Coconut was missing.

And you are the evilest bad

guy on the island these days.

Those were your very words!

I was just acting!

That doesn"t mean I took it.

Does it?

Any ape who steals the

Crystal Coconut doesn"t belong

in our community.

I have no choice.

I banish you to the White Mountains!

But I was only acting!

[Sighing]

I just wanted to be a movie star for you.

Mm-hm.

Well, you believe me,

don"t you, little buddy?

Uh, I hope this won"t affect

my screen credit.

Hmph!

Oh.

Hmm.

This is so unfair.

I would never hurt anyone!

EDDIE: Ouch!

Not on purpose.

Eddie the Yeti.

Look at me.

Do I look like someone who

would steal the Crystal Coconut?

Do I look evil?

[Laughing]

Funny!

Not bad!

Funny >> Hey, you"re right!

It is funny!

Funny!

Hey!

I"m not a bad guy!

I just play one in the movies!

Ooh!

I have to tell the gang!

I have to make them see who I really am!

Especially Candy.

Bluster!

I can explain everything!

Hmm, no Bluster.

No anybody!

Hey, I wonder if any of my scenes are here.

The Crystal Banana is mine!

Hey!

That"s me!

And there"s the answer to my prayers.

Finally, it"s mine!

All mine!

Pretending I know nothing

about this will be my greatest

acting performance ever!

I knew I didn"t steal the coconut!

And now I can prove it!

Oh, no!

My proof is gone!

Unless...

So, Funky, what"s the best

part about being a script writer?

This!

DK: Ouch!

Hey, Funky, you lost your...

[As Bluster]: I mean, if nobody

wants this valuable typewriter, it"s mine!

All mine!

Keep it, dude!

"Rewrite this, rewrite that."

Dude, I can"t tell rewrite from

re-wrong anymore!

That"s too bad, because Bluster...

[As Bluster]: I mean, I, me,

that is, need one more scene!

Well, write it yourself,

dude, because this writer is blocked.

Permanently!

Very well, but I"m taking it

out of your residuals.

[As DK]: Diddy, little buddy!

[As Bluster]: I mean, Diddy, you

chump of a chimp, round up the

rest of the cast for this last

scene, and do it fast, this is

costing me money!

Okay, but it wouldn"t kill

you to be nice!

But if I was nice, I

wouldn"t be Bluster.

Huh!

That"s for sure.

He bought it!

I can act!

Mmm.

I just wish I could type.

I don"t understand!

I thought this film was wrapped!

Bluster said he needed this

one last scene to make the movie

a masterpiece.

Where is Bluster, anyway?

[As Bluster]: Let"s get ready

to roll here everybody.

Time is... >> Uh, money?

Exactly!

I wrote this scene just for you!

I promise it will show the world

the true King K. Rool.

Well, ha-ha, in that case, I, uh...

What"s my motivation in this scene?

You have an admirer,

somebody who worships the ground

you walk on.

But he"s been wronged, terribly wronged!

And now, he wants to show you

he"s not the ape you think he is!

And when you see that, you"ll

shower him with kisses!

There"s nothing like that in

this scene.

Subtext, it"s all subtext.

Places, everybody!

And action!

If you really loved me,

you"d show me what's in your vault.

You doubt my love?

I"ve opened my heart for you.

But not your vault!

[Sobbing]

Don"t cry, my sweet.

See for yourself: there"s

nothing in here I value more

than you, except... >> The Crystal Coconut!

Who wrote this trash?!

Sir, time for immediate

impending evacuation, sir!

[Laughing]

Gotcha!

Whew.

Donkey Kong!

Donkey dude!

Banana Slamma!

Gee, DK, I guess we all owe

you an apology.

Never mind, keep rolling!

My darling, we"ll always have Kongo Bongo.

DK!

What are you doing?

It"s called acting!

Oops.

BLUSTER: And now, ladies and

gentlemen, I give you the

premier screening of a Bluster

production in association with

Bluster Entertainment:

Casa Kongo Bongo!

Produced and directed by me, Bluster.

See, I told you the writer

counts for nothing.

And roll it!

If you really loved me,

you"d show me what's in your vault.

You doubt my love?

I"ve opened my heart for you.

But not your vault!

Oh, yes!

Huh?

[Snoring]

Everybody"s a critic.

♪