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1
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,470
♪
2
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,222
I’m sorry, viewer.
3
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,182
The TV show
you’re searching for
4
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:18,310
cannot be streamed
in your reality.
5
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,688
Please stand by
for reconnection.
6
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:25,276
♪
7
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:27,820
From the darkest depths
of cyberspace,
8
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:30,990
there is another world.
9
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:35,536
A lost dimension,
home to wonders unseen,
10
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,329
terrors unspeakable.
11
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,457
♪
12
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:43,711
Stories unlike any
ever told until now.
13
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,504
♪
14
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:48,507
Do not click Back.
15
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,301
Do not reload.
16
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:53,846
We have reconnected to…
17
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:56,724
Dimension 404.
18
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:10,863
♪
19
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,281
So, what do you do?
20
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:16,702
♪
21
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,704
Huh?
22
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,790
What do you do?
23
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:23,375
Oh, uh, I kinda run
this music blog.
24
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,294
Uh-huh, and where are you from?
25
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,338
Well, originally I’m from Maine.
26
00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:31,300
Uh-huh, and where
do you live now?
27
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,135
Right here, in Brooklyn.
28
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,470
♪
29
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,846
(clearing throat)
30
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:41,769
♪
31
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,145
So, what do you do?
32
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,314
I don’t like to talk about work.
33
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,650
♪
34
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:50,653
Look, I hate these things, too.
35
00:01:50,653 --> 00:01:52,321
You know, I feel like
everyone in the room
36
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,031
can tell that we’re
on a first date.
37
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,826
No one’s paying attention.
38
00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:58,994
So, if you could be any animal,
39
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,412
what animal would you be?
40
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:03,374
This isn’t going
very well, is it?
41
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,584
Yeah, no, this is over.
42
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,877
You can go.
43
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:09,463
♪
44
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,006
Good luck out there.
45
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:16,095
♪
46
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:18,889
Some romances last a lifetime,
47
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,809
but most don’t make it past
the first cup of coffee.
48
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,604
Still, don’t feel too bad
for our lonely lovebird Adam.
49
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,940
Thanks to the magic
of ones and zeroes,
50
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,234
he’s about to meet
his one and only.
51
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,819
Her name’s Amanda.
52
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,280
She likes craft
beer, good music,
53
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,991
and she lives on
the Lower East Side
54
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,826
of Dimension 404.
55
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:43,080
♪
56
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,833
Well, it’s official.
57
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,459
I’m gonna die alone.
58
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:48,669
What?
59
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,004
Don’t say that.
60
00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,256
Greg, I’ve looked, flirted,
61
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,383
and met-cute half of
the women in Brooklyn,
62
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,968
and I’m honestly
starting to think
63
00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,928
that my soul mate
doesn’t exist.
64
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,389
You know, she’s like
a myth, like Bigfoot.
65
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:02,975
Dude, she exists,
she’s out there.
66
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,436
Just like Bigfoot.
67
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,563
-Wow, I need a beer.
-You’re out of beer.
68
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:10,774
Look, man, you just
gotta broaden your horizons.
69
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,321
Stop meeting weird
randos on the street
70
00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,947
and start meeting them online.
71
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,782
Online, online dating?
72
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,034
-Yeah.
-No!
73
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,493
Look, I don’t want
some algorithm
74
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,537
telling me who to hook
up with, all right?
75
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,040
I just want to meet
a cute girl, you know,
76
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,417
with a cute little
red streak in her hair
77
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,294
and a tattoo of a bird
78
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,838
while we’re both reaching
for the same Talking Heads LP.
79
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:36,216
There are 413 eligible women
that are Talking Heads fans
80
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,303
within a two-mile radius
of this apartment.
81
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:42,056
Wait, really;
what is that?
82
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,016
Make-A-Match, bro,
everybody’s on it.
83
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,185
Why are you on it,
aren’t you with Charlene?
84
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:49,021
I’m not on it, you are.
85
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,315
-I made you a profile.
-What, when?
86
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,816
Last night when I
drank all your beer.
87
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,485
-Greg!
-Come on, man.
88
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:57,488
Look at all of these women.
89
00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:59,365
What do you have to lose?
90
00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,200
All right, fine.
91
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,536
But seriously, stop
drinking all my beer.
92
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,497
No promises.
93
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,832
I can’t afford it,
you can, so I drink it.
94
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:11,251
♪
95
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,628
We met on Make-A-Match.
96
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:16,298
♪
97
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,008
Make-A-Match
helped me find exactly
98
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,302
what I’ve been
looking for all my life.
99
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,429
Their personality profile
truly reached deeper
100
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,722
than the other sites.
101
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,141
♪
102
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,978
It’s magic, I don’t
know how they do it.
103
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,562
At Make-A-Match, we believe
104
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:33,232
there’s someone out
there for everyone.
105
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:37,403
Sign up today and we’ll find
your 100 percent perfect match
106
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:38,737
guaranteed.
107
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,280
Welcome to love.
108
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,241
Welcome to Make-A-Match.
109
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,701
♪
110
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,873
(sighs)
111
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,750
(app pulsing)
112
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:58,757
♪
113
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,769
Amanda.
114
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:14,314
She’s a med student,
she likes hanging out.
115
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,525
I mean, she’s cute.
116
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,152
Favorite band: The Pixies.
117
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,612
That’s a start.
118
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,906
Yeah, but still, I mean…
119
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,242
this is my 100 percent match?
120
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,952
Where’s her bird tattoo?
121
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,662
Oh, my God, she winked you.
122
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,330
-She what?
-She checked you out
123
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,915
and she likes what she sees.
124
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:32,916
(groans)
125
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,627
Just ask her out already.
126
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,755
God, you know, this--
this--this is too weird.
127
00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:39,089
I can’t do it, I’m out, no.
128
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,175
Dude, you are going
on a date with this girl
129
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,093
if I have to pump you
full of benzodiazepine
130
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,472
and drag you there myself.
131
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:50,559
Fine, but only because
I am desperately lonely.
132
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,269
That’s the spirit!
133
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,938
♪
134
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,274
♪ Say you don’t like your life ♪
135
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,611
♪ Well I’ve got mine,
yeah, what about mine ♪
136
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,780
♪ Say you don’t like your life ♪
137
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,281
♪ Well, I don’t really care
138
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,534
’cause I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
139
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,037
♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪
140
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,705
♪ I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
141
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,123
Hi, Amanda?
142
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,374
Adam, hi.
143
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,834
Hi.
144
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,961
♪ I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
145
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,755
Um, I got us two Handlebars,
146
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,757
is that okay?
147
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,884
Yeah, uh, actually, that’s my--
148
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,552
that’s my favorite beer.
149
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:28,555
Mine, too.
150
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,099
I’m sorry, did, uh,
151
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,892
did you change hair?
152
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,853
Oh, yeah, I, uh,
sorry, I just dyed it.
153
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,563
I guess I should’ve updated my--
154
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,856
No, no, it’s--it’s okay.
155
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,483
I-I like it.
156
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,110
Good, yeah,
I thought it was time
157
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:44,446
to just mix up my look,
plus it goes with Charlie.
158
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,990
-Charlie?
-Charlie.
159
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,493
♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪
160
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:52,746
♪ I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
161
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,249
♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪
162
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,334
♪ I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
163
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,462
(laughing)
164
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,173
Uh, all right,
well, the Pixies,
165
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,926
Neutral Milk Hotel, uh,
166
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,012
well, Hall & Oates
because, I mean, duh, right?
167
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,348
And, um…
168
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,809
oh, well, have you ever heard
of a guy named Ben Branson?
169
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:17,312
Uh, a.k.a. my childhood crush
from age 14 till now.
170
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,856
What, shut up!
171
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:21,567
No, I-I went, I saw him
at Great Woods in 2001,
172
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,986
and I basically went
through puberty on the spot.
173
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:25,988
Wait, wait, wait, are you--
are you being serious?
174
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,574
’Cause I was literally
at that same show.
175
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,367
-No.
-Oh, yeah.
176
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,703
I snuck out with my cousin,
got grounded for three weeks,
177
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,746
completely worth it
’cause the double encore?
178
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,165
Yeah, and them closing with…
179
00:07:36,165 --> 00:07:38,792
-Tokyo Heartache.
-Tokyo Heartache.
180
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,877
Oh.
181
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,712
(laughing)
182
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,630
You know, uh, I’ve been told
183
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:47,176
I bear a, um, a striking
resemblance to Ben Branson.
184
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:51,013
I mean, I wouldn’t say striking,
but I can certainly see it.
185
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,348
Okay.
186
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:57,060
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
187
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,770
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
188
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,523
Tokyo Heartache?
189
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,733
Come on!
190
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,985
How is this happening right now?
191
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,321
Well, I did put it
on the jukebox
192
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,489
like five minutes ago.
193
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,700
So.
194
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,243
Oh.
195
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,412
♪ She held my hand ♪
196
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,790
♪ All the way to the terminal ♪
197
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,375
♪ You let me go ♪
198
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:23,879
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
199
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:27,466
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
200
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:31,011
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
201
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,681
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
202
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:38,185
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
203
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:41,688
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
204
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,734
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
205
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:52,741
♪
206
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,911
Well, it’s official.
207
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:56,995
She’s the one.
208
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,330
Wait, what?
209
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,998
I’m getting a beer,
you want a beer?
210
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,584
You’re out of beer;
what are you talking about?
211
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,294
Buddy, I’m talking about Amanda.
212
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,380
She’s…dude, she’s…
213
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,756
I dont---she’s amazing.
214
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:08,757
I’m gonna get her a ring.
215
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,092
I mean, not an engagement ring,
216
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:13,178
but like a really,
really nice ring.
217
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:18,392
Okay, uh, have a seat, Casanova.
218
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,730
How long have you been
with this girl, a month?
219
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,524
Maybe two?
220
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:28,110
Yeah, but--but I feel
like I have known her
221
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,569
my whole life.
222
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,446
Sure, but if you want
to make it to three,
223
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,948
maybe you should cool your jets.
224
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,908
Okay, I get it,
I get what you’re saying,
225
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,994
but, buddy, we’re
100 percent compatible.
226
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,912
-The app said so.
-Forget what the app said.
227
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,539
Come on, I mean,
you’re the one who sold me
228
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:41,832
on the whole Make-A-Match thing.
229
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,166
I thought you’d
be stoked for me.
230
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,545
I am, I am, it’s just, um…
231
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,839
I don’t want to
see you get hurt.
232
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,551
All right, so,
233
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,553
you’re saying just…
234
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:55,762
slow things down?
235
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,972
Exactly.
236
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,098
Play it cool.
237
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,474
My man.
238
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,310
-All right.
-Okay.
239
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:04,021
I love you.
240
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,480
What?
241
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,774
These last two months
have been amazing,
242
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,609
and I just--I keep thinking
243
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,738
about spending the rest
of my life with you.
244
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:16,033
You’re my soul mate, Amanda.
245
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,868
Are you sure?
246
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,619
Are you not sure?
247
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,038
Oh, God.
248
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,457
-Oh, God?
-Look, it’s not you, I just--
249
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,418
I don’t have time for
anything serious right now.
250
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,795
We’ve spent every single
night here since we met.
251
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,173
And it’s been great, it’s
just my residency interviews
252
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,675
are coming up, so…
253
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,386
So…
254
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,264
So…maybe you should go.
255
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:42,059
♪
256
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:45,228
Uh, o--okay.
257
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,190
♪
258
00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,816
Wow, um…
259
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,736
This is, uh, yeah,
this is our first big fight.
260
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,279
It’s, uh, it’s a milestone.
261
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,031
-Adam, stop.
-Look, someday,
262
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,741
we’re gonna look back on
this and we’re gonna laugh.
263
00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,744
-Adam!
-Come on, we can make this work.
264
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,829
Look, if you want to go
slow, we’ll go slow.
265
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,706
I’m serious, goodbye.
266
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:11,713
♪
267
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,637
No.
268
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,764
No, I’m not gonna just
walk away, all right?
269
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,140
I can’t.
270
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,059
Look, I know that you’re scared.
271
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:27,062
All right, I’m scared, too.
272
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:31,566
But you and I…
273
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,235
we’re made for each other.
274
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:34,986
Oh, for the love of God.
275
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,989
This is something that we’ll
tell our adorable grandch--
276
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,908
Ow, whoa, hey!
277
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,786
-Whoa, hey!
-I got his legs, let’s move.
278
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:46,373
Tech Support to HQ,
Romeo is in the bag.
279
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,501
Moving to extraction point.
280
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:50,502
Help!
281
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:51,962
♪
282
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,213
Help!
283
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,714
♪
284
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,508
(tires screeching)
285
00:11:56,508 --> 00:12:02,264
♪
286
00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,141
(grunting)
287
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,977
♪
288
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,690
Greg?
289
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,109
-Greg?
-Adam?
290
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,694
Hey, man, I’m--
291
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,279
dude, I’m freaking out, man.
292
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,448
-What’s going on, man?
-They tried to kidnap me.
293
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,908
I-I-I was over at
Amanda’s place, and--
294
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,035
Wait, wait, wait, what’s
going on with Amanda?
295
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,662
I-I don’t know, all right?
296
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,123
She, um, she--she dumped me,
and then these guys--
297
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,584
Wait, wait, she dumped you?
298
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,503
Oh, man, I told you
to play it cool.
299
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:36,214
Yeah, I-I know.
300
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,299
I-I don’t know--
301
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,467
It’s okay, man, come here.
302
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,010
Come on in, man, come on.
303
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,011
Come on.
304
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,387
Bring it in, bring it in.
305
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,764
-Bring it in.
-I love her, Greg.
306
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,308
What am I gonna do?
307
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:49,394
♪
308
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,938
(zapping)
309
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,523
(thud)
310
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,817
♪
311
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,360
Package is secure.
312
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:04,367
♪
313
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:06,870
(clearing throat)
314
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,880
Are you ready to begin?
315
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,256
What?
316
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:22,177
How would you describe your
performance in the relationship?
317
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,386
Who the hell are you?
318
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,472
Very satisfactory, satisfactory,
319
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,266
or needs improvement?
320
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,018
What the hell’s going on?
321
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,062
We’ll put "needs improvement."
322
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,272
Would you agree that
your worst qualities
323
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,691
are clinginess,
painfully naive,
324
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,151
and overly emotional?
325
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,029
No, I wouldn’t, what--
where the hell am I?
326
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,490
Exit interview.
327
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,825
Wait, did you not get debriefed?
328
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,285
Debriefed?
329
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,495
(groans)
330
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,707
Please watch this
informational video.
331
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:56,670
♪
332
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,755
Hi, I’m Matthew Maker,
333
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,258
Founder and CEO of Make-A-Match,
334
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:04,219
and I’d like to say thank you,
335
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:07,055
because it’s biogenetic
love companions like you
336
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,599
that make what we do possible.
337
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,185
Ever feel like you
were made for someone?
338
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,228
You were!
339
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:14,938
Bred here in the Genesis Vats
340
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:17,440
at Make-A-Match Heartquarters,
341
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,485
your genome, personality,
and artificial memories
342
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:23,697
were handcrafted
by literal love doctors
343
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:27,075
to the exact specifications
of your romantic partner.
344
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,244
But love doesn’t
always work out,
345
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:32,163
which brings you here
to the returns department.
346
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:35,375
Good news: Since the Sentient
Life Form Protection Act
347
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,877
forbids us from terminating
you against your will,
348
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,506
you’re now free to live out
your days in blissful servitude
349
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,008
at Make-A-Match, Inc.
350
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:44,134
What, no, uh,
351
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,510
I don’t want to do that.
352
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,886
I want to go home.
353
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,431
This is your home now,
so make the most of it.
354
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,016
Career opportunities include:
355
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,688
That is all.
356
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,107
♪
357
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,985
And if you really want to take
your career to the next level,
358
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:04,779
volunteer for our
biomatter recycling program
359
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,615
and be a part of
the next generation
360
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,366
of Make-A-Match companions.
361
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:11,494
Scientists assure me
it’s 100 percent fun.
362
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,996
♪
363
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,372
Thanks for watching,
364
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,750
and welcome to life after love.
365
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,917
(dings)
366
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,504
Hmm.
367
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,632
So, I-I’m not
an indie music blogger?
368
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:25,759
Of course not, have you
seen your apartment?
369
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,136
Okay, well, if I have all
these fake implants of memories,
370
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,805
then, uh, tell me, what’d I
do for my eighth birthday?
371
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,016
You went to a water park.
372
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,601
Okay, what’d I do
for my 12th birthday?
373
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,269
I don’t remember
all of your birthdays.
374
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,355
-A-ha.
-Oh!
375
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,441
Any further questions can
be directed to your group.
376
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:49,699
♪
377
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,284
Hey, Adam, welcome!
378
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,243
I’m Adam.
379
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,040
Uh…
380
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,249
Come on, let me give you
381
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,459
the warp speed tour.
382
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,460
This is Adam.
383
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,003
He was Amanda’s first companion.
384
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,088
Piss off.
385
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,464
For about three months
386
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,549
until Adam here came around.
387
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:07,592
’Sup, bro.
388
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:08,760
And let’s see,
389
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,429
then there was Adam.
390
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,306
Namaste.
391
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,643
And, uh, last but not least,
392
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:20,480
there’s me, Adam.
393
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:25,485
So, uh, what was it this time?
394
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,778
Sorry?
395
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:31,324
Oh, um…
396
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,201
I told her I loved her.
397
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:37,205
(groaning, scoffing, sighing)
398
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,207
Don’t listen to
these guys, okay?
399
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:42,085
They’re still hung up on her.
400
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,670
So--so how--how’s she doin’?
401
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,632
She’s doing great.
402
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:50,301
She’s--she’s
finishing up med school,
403
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,637
she’s talking to
her sister again.
404
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,055
She’s happy.
405
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,725
She’s growing out
her vinyl collection.
406
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,185
You know, next week, we’re, um--
407
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:03,273
♪
408
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:06,943
Next week we were supposed to
see Elbow at The Bell House.
409
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:13,950
♪
410
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,708
(grunting)
411
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:26,087
♪
412
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,672
This is your home now.
413
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,507
(echoing)
414
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,926
(alarm beeping)
415
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:38,933
♪
416
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,647
♪ I ♪
417
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:48,568
♪ Remember feeling cold ♪
418
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:55,408
♪ As you held my hand all
the way to the terminal ♪
419
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,494
♪ You let me go ♪
420
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,954
♪ And I ♪
421
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:04,000
♪ Didn’t know what to do ♪
422
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,921
♪ ’Cause I couldn’t
stay in Tokyo ♪
423
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:11,758
♪ But I can’t live without you ♪
424
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,635
♪ Without you ♪
425
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,678
♪ Without you ♪
426
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,680
♪ Without you ♪
427
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,182
♪
428
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:23,019
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
429
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:26,898
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
430
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:30,652
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
431
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:34,531
(alarm beeping)
432
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:38,368
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
433
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:42,205
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
434
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:46,084
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
435
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:50,672
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
436
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,800
♪
437
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,343
(alarm beeping)
438
00:18:55,343 --> 00:19:02,350
♪
439
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,656
(alarm beeping)
440
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:23,663
♪
441
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,145
-Damn it!
-I am so sorry.
442
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,938
I’m such a klutz.
443
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,565
What’s your version number?
444
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,817
It’s, uh, it’s Adam 5, ma’am.
445
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,736
It won’t happen again.
446
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,571
Let’s hope not.
447
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,698
Absotively.
448
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,325
Uh, absolutely.
449
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,326
Of course.
450
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:14,130
♪
451
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,801
Hey, don’t torture
yourself like this.
452
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,345
Just keep an eye out.
453
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:27,352
♪
454
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,104
All right, here we go.
455
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:33,566
♪
456
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,194
Adam, Mk 6.
457
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:39,155
"How can we improve
your next love companion?"
458
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,115
"Improve your love companion."
459
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:43,368
♪
460
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,454
Occupation…
461
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,455
lawyer?
462
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,748
A lawyer?
463
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,833
(scoffs)
464
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,126
Actually, that’s…
465
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:57,048
♪
466
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:59,092
Hey, did she keep anything?
467
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:04,639
♪
468
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,391
Adam, what’d she keep?
469
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:10,979
♪
470
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,105
Nothing.
471
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,901
(groaning)
472
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,698
What’s up with him?
473
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,825
They’re activating
a new Adam today.
474
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,827
I think he’s taking
it pretty hard.
475
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,287
So, what do you do?
476
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,706
I’m a lawyer.
477
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,374
I work downtown.
478
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:33,334
Uh-huh, and where are you from?
479
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:35,753
Manhattan, born and raised.
480
00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:38,923
♪
481
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,466
(gurgling)
482
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,260
(groaning continues)
483
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:44,137
You know he hasn’t
eaten in days?
484
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,346
Christ.
485
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:48,349
We need to get him to open up.
486
00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:50,309
Sad bro, you okay over there?
487
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,145
(groaning continues)
488
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:53,438
If you could be any animal,
489
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:55,023
what kind of animal
would you be?
490
00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:56,983
(chuckling)
491
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:59,277
I’d be a shark,
492
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,237
’cause they never stop moving.
493
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:02,905
Neither do I.
494
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:05,033
But you know what,
enough about me, right?
495
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:06,576
Let’s talk about you.
496
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,745
You like music?
497
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:10,163
’Cause I don’t.
498
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,206
Especially indie rock, ugh.
499
00:22:12,206 --> 00:22:16,586
♪
500
00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:17,670
(groaning)
501
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,255
All right, buddy.
502
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,007
Time to wipe away
those tears, huh?
503
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,134
♪
504
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:25,011
Look, I’m an upfront guy.
505
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:29,932
I don’t see this going anywhere,
so, what do you say we call it?
506
00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:31,976
This is over, you can go.
507
00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:34,020
It’s time to kick the day’s ass.
508
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:37,398
(screaming)
509
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:39,317
Good luck out there.
510
00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:42,361
Absotively.
511
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,946
I mean, -lutely.
512
00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,200
♪
513
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,493
Hey.
514
00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:55,249
♪
515
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:57,210
What’s your model number?
516
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,836
Six.
517
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,963
♪
518
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:02,173
Code Sapphire!
519
00:23:02,173 --> 00:23:04,342
Repeat, Code Sapphire!
520
00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:05,760
(grunting)
521
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,970
(sirens wailing)
522
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:13,184
♪
523
00:23:13,184 --> 00:23:14,727
(zapping)
524
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:17,188
♪
525
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,316
♪
526
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,819
We met on Make-A-Match.
527
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,904
When my best friend
introduced me to Make-A-Match,
528
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,280
I was a little skeptical.
529
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,825
I mean, your 100 percent
perfect match guaranteed?
530
00:23:28,825 --> 00:23:30,618
What’s the catch, right?
531
00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:33,496
But we met and it was just
this instant connection.
532
00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:35,414
♪
533
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:36,791
(chuckling)
534
00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:38,960
From then on out,
our love only grew.
535
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,753
Isn’t that right, snookums?
536
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,130
Sure.
537
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:43,923
It’s like we were
made for each other.
538
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,925
Every day is
brighter than the last.
539
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:47,927
Make-A-Match is
too good to be true,
540
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,680
but it is true,
and it is good.
541
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,098
Eskimo kiss.
542
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:55,351
♪
543
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:57,603
Okay!
544
00:23:57,603 --> 00:23:58,980
Get a lot of those.
545
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,649
♪
546
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,901
Adam?
547
00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:04,986
Adam.
548
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,405
Adam.
549
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:11,826
Adam!
550
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:17,540
I’m proud of you, son.
551
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:18,833
I really am.
552
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:23,296
I mean, most companions
553
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:25,548
would never dream of escaping,
554
00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:30,344
but you, you really would do
anything to be with her again.
555
00:24:30,344 --> 00:24:32,847
Maker.
556
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:34,348
I know how hard it is,
557
00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:36,017
how bad it hurts.
558
00:24:36,017 --> 00:24:37,727
Like hell you do.
559
00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:39,687
You get to leave here.
560
00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:41,981
You get to go home
to someone you love.
561
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:48,738
Well, not exactly.
562
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:50,573
She was my Amanda.
563
00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:53,034
It wasn’t until after she died
564
00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:55,870
that I realized how
rare true love is
565
00:24:55,870 --> 00:25:00,208
and how awful this
life is without it.
566
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,919
And that’s what this
place is all about.
567
00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:07,840
There is not someone
out there for everyone,
568
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,885
but there should be.
569
00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:12,261
(sighs)
570
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:16,557
Adam, do you want to live
in a cold, cramped cage
571
00:25:16,557 --> 00:25:18,226
day after day,
572
00:25:18,226 --> 00:25:23,356
or use your God-given gifts
to make someone smile?
573
00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:26,192
You were born to love Amanda.
574
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:28,027
Mind, body, and soul.
575
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:30,571
It is your purpose,
576
00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:33,407
and you can fulfill
that purpose again
577
00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:36,494
by being a part
of the new Adam.
578
00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:41,958
Through his eyes,
you can see her smile again.
579
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,668
The recycling tube.
580
00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:49,173
Cows don’t leave
the slaughterhouse.
581
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:50,800
Steaks do.
582
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,303
♪
583
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:56,055
Chew on that.
584
00:25:56,055 --> 00:26:03,062
♪
585
00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:17,243
♪
586
00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:29,338
(tube hissing)
587
00:26:29,338 --> 00:26:36,345
♪
588
00:26:52,486 --> 00:26:53,654
Hey.
589
00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:54,947
♪
590
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:56,657
Oh, hey, Greg.
591
00:26:56,657 --> 00:26:58,993
You gonna stab me
in the neck again?
592
00:26:58,993 --> 00:27:02,038
♪
593
00:27:02,038 --> 00:27:04,957
So, uh, you gonna kill yourself?
594
00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:10,171
♪
595
00:27:10,171 --> 00:27:13,549
How about a farewell toast, huh?
596
00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:15,134
Come on, last meal?
597
00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:21,515
♪
598
00:27:21,515 --> 00:27:24,560
Hey, to the best fake
roommate I’ve ever had.
599
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:29,231
♪
600
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:31,067
Sorry you’re a clone.
601
00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:34,779
♪
602
00:27:34,779 --> 00:27:37,823
The new Adam,
he only drinks scotch.
603
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:39,617
What a douche, right?
604
00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:41,952
♪
605
00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:44,080
(sighs)
606
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,291
I keep telling myself
to forget her, man,
607
00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:49,251
but I was made for her.
608
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:51,379
♪
609
00:27:51,379 --> 00:27:53,547
So what the hell
am I without her?
610
00:27:53,547 --> 00:27:57,343
♪
611
00:27:57,343 --> 00:27:59,095
(sighs)
612
00:27:59,095 --> 00:28:00,596
Maker’s right.
613
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:07,019
♪
614
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:08,813
I have to do this.
615
00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:14,985
♪
616
00:28:14,985 --> 00:28:15,986
(zapping)
617
00:28:15,986 --> 00:28:17,613
God damn it, Greg.
618
00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:23,494
♪
619
00:28:23,494 --> 00:28:25,121
What the hell am I doing?
620
00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:30,000
♪
621
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,128
We met on Make-A-Match.
622
00:28:32,128 --> 00:28:34,171
No, I’m all right.
623
00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:37,007
When my last relationship
didn’t exactly pan out,
624
00:28:37,007 --> 00:28:39,051
I knew there was
only one place to go.
625
00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:40,469
Yeehaw!
626
00:28:40,469 --> 00:28:42,930
♪
627
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:44,849
Between busting broncs,
riding the range,
628
00:28:44,849 --> 00:28:47,017
and volunteering at
the children’s hospital,
629
00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:48,894
there wasn’t a lot
of time to find love,
630
00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:50,729
but with Make-A-Match,
your special someone
631
00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,898
really is just a click away.
632
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:54,525
They sure are.
633
00:28:54,525 --> 00:28:57,111
In fact, snookums, there’s
something I want to ask you.
634
00:28:57,111 --> 00:28:58,612
No, no--oh.
635
00:28:58,612 --> 00:29:00,156
Son of a bitch.
636
00:29:00,156 --> 00:29:02,575
♪
637
00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:03,576
(slap)
638
00:29:03,576 --> 00:29:05,327
Oh, ow, what the hell?
639
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:07,788
Shut up, you’re
gonna get me fired.
640
00:29:10,332 --> 00:29:12,585
I’ve already been here, Greg,
all right, I’ve seen all this.
641
00:29:12,585 --> 00:29:13,878
Not this.
642
00:29:17,715 --> 00:29:19,341
What the hell is this?
643
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:21,302
Just watch.
644
00:29:21,302 --> 00:29:24,597
Okay, so, um…
645
00:29:24,597 --> 00:29:30,436
my last relationship ended
in a pretty painful place.
646
00:29:30,436 --> 00:29:32,813
We were together for four years,
647
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:36,066
and I…well, I…
648
00:29:36,066 --> 00:29:39,612
I thought he was the one.
649
00:29:39,612 --> 00:29:42,364
And then he cheated on me,
650
00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:43,741
and then he left.
651
00:29:43,741 --> 00:29:45,117
I don’t want to
watch this, all right?
652
00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:47,953
-Just turn it off, Greg.
-Just watch, trust me.
653
00:29:47,953 --> 00:29:50,372
And I was a mess.
654
00:29:50,372 --> 00:29:55,044
My grades tanked, and I
almost lost my scholarship.
655
00:29:55,044 --> 00:29:59,006
So, I-I can’t let
that happen again.
656
00:29:59,006 --> 00:30:00,466
I have to stay focused.
657
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:03,761
I just…
658
00:30:03,761 --> 00:30:06,347
I’m really lonely.
659
00:30:06,347 --> 00:30:08,349
You’ve come to the
right place, Amanda.
660
00:30:08,349 --> 00:30:11,727
Let Make-A-Match help you
create your ideal companion.
661
00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:13,979
I still can’t believe
I’m doing this.
662
00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:15,814
Lots of first-timers
feel that way,
663
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,484
but Make-A-Match guarantees
we’ll make the perfect companion
664
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:20,861
for your needs, everything
from personality type,
665
00:30:20,861 --> 00:30:23,280
occupation, looks.
666
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,991
Could he look like Ben Branson?
667
00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:29,036
We’ll get to that,
but let’s start with the basics.
668
00:30:29,036 --> 00:30:31,997
Describe the qualities you
want in your ideal companion.
669
00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:34,041
I don’t know, I guess…
670
00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:37,503
I just want someone who’s loyal
671
00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:41,465
and honest and kind.
672
00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:44,885
♪
673
00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:46,512
You know who you
are without her?
674
00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:50,975
You’re loyal, you’re
honest, and you’re kind.
675
00:30:50,975 --> 00:30:52,977
It’s gotta be worth something.
676
00:30:52,977 --> 00:30:59,984
♪
677
00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:11,453
♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪
678
00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:14,623
♪ I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
679
00:31:14,623 --> 00:31:17,251
♪ Don’t want to hear about it ♪
680
00:31:17,251 --> 00:31:19,503
♪ I don’t want
to hear about it ♪
681
00:31:20,921 --> 00:31:24,466
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
682
00:31:24,466 --> 00:31:27,428
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
683
00:31:27,428 --> 00:31:31,974
Would somebody please
turn this shit off?
684
00:31:31,974 --> 00:31:35,311
She even took
this song from me.
685
00:31:35,311 --> 00:31:37,229
No.
686
00:31:37,229 --> 00:31:39,273
♪ Remember feeling cold ♪
687
00:31:39,273 --> 00:31:41,025
This song still rules.
688
00:31:41,025 --> 00:31:43,360
♪ She held my hand ♪
689
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,737
Just listen.
690
00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:47,948
Bro, everything this song
means to us is a lie.
691
00:31:47,948 --> 00:31:49,700
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
692
00:31:49,700 --> 00:31:51,660
Who cares?
693
00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:53,370
It’s still a really great song.
694
00:31:53,370 --> 00:31:57,875
I mean, Tokyo Heartache
is beautiful on its own.
695
00:31:57,875 --> 00:31:59,793
God damn it, so are we.
696
00:31:59,793 --> 00:32:02,171
♪
697
00:32:02,171 --> 00:32:05,090
What are we even
doing here, you guys?
698
00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:09,303
Just gorging on self-pity
and whatever the hell that is.
699
00:32:09,303 --> 00:32:13,015
We can’t let one relationship
define our whole lives.
700
00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:14,475
We’re more than that,
701
00:32:14,475 --> 00:32:16,143
and we deserve more than that.
702
00:32:16,143 --> 00:32:18,437
Adam 5, resume
your gruel eating.
703
00:32:18,437 --> 00:32:20,189
We are who we are,
704
00:32:20,189 --> 00:32:22,066
not who they made us to be.
705
00:32:22,066 --> 00:32:24,568
We may have been built to order,
706
00:32:24,568 --> 00:32:26,445
but we were born to be free!
707
00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:29,531
(electricity zapping)
708
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,367
(shuddering)
709
00:32:31,367 --> 00:32:32,785
(commotion)
710
00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:34,495
Adam 5 is wrong.
711
00:32:34,495 --> 00:32:36,747
Companions are legal
property of Make--
712
00:32:36,747 --> 00:32:37,915
(gasping)
713
00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:42,795
Let’s burn this mother down!
714
00:32:42,795 --> 00:32:45,756
(cheering)
715
00:32:45,756 --> 00:32:48,217
And so it begins.
716
00:32:48,217 --> 00:32:50,219
(cheering continues)
717
00:32:50,219 --> 00:32:54,807
♪
718
00:32:54,807 --> 00:32:59,395
Can I get a containment unit
to sector 4 like now, please?
719
00:32:59,395 --> 00:33:01,522
(alarm buzzing)
720
00:33:01,522 --> 00:33:08,529
♪
721
00:33:37,808 --> 00:33:39,643
Attention, companions.
722
00:33:39,643 --> 00:33:42,062
You are in violation
of employee guidelines.
723
00:33:42,062 --> 00:33:43,605
Please lower your weapons,
724
00:33:43,605 --> 00:33:44,773
lie on the floor,
725
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:46,316
and the punishment squad will--
726
00:33:46,316 --> 00:33:48,277
(shouting)
727
00:33:48,277 --> 00:33:50,571
♪
728
00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:51,780
Hey!
729
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:54,575
Stop, stop fighting
the punishment squad.
730
00:33:54,575 --> 00:33:56,952
(shouting)
731
00:33:56,952 --> 00:34:01,999
♪
732
00:34:01,999 --> 00:34:04,710
(grunting)
733
00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:05,711
Code Sapphire!
734
00:34:05,711 --> 00:34:07,546
Code Sapphire, damn it!
735
00:34:07,546 --> 00:34:09,006
Code Sapphire!
736
00:34:09,006 --> 00:34:10,883
Exterminate on sight!
737
00:34:10,883 --> 00:34:15,429
♪
738
00:34:15,429 --> 00:34:17,806
Article 3, Section 7:
739
00:34:17,806 --> 00:34:19,391
Expressions of free will
740
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:20,726
and independent thought
741
00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,686
are strictly prohibited!
742
00:34:22,686 --> 00:34:29,693
♪
743
00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:37,493
You were built to love and obey!
744
00:34:37,493 --> 00:34:38,827
That is your purpose!
745
00:34:38,827 --> 00:34:40,579
Adhere, do your purpose!
746
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:46,084
♪
747
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,128
(shouting)
748
00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:49,546
♪
749
00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:51,006
I don’t give a god damn
750
00:34:51,006 --> 00:34:53,091
about the Clone
Extermination Act.
751
00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:55,886
Someone get up here
and save my ass!
752
00:34:55,886 --> 00:34:57,554
Do not touch that,
you insolent piece of--
753
00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:01,141
Your soul mate is out there.
754
00:35:01,141 --> 00:35:02,976
Just like mine.
755
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:05,562
Eventually you can find
them on Make-A-Match.
756
00:35:05,562 --> 00:35:06,939
(door opening, shouting)
757
00:35:06,939 --> 00:35:08,398
No, ahh!
758
00:35:08,398 --> 00:35:10,651
(screaming)
759
00:35:10,651 --> 00:35:13,111
♪
760
00:35:13,111 --> 00:35:16,406
There is nothing
out there for you.
761
00:35:16,406 --> 00:35:18,367
This is where you belong.
762
00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:20,160
I am your father,
763
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,705
and you will do
what Daddy demands.
764
00:35:23,705 --> 00:35:26,083
Oh, hey, everybody,
how are you guys?
765
00:35:26,083 --> 00:35:27,626
Wait, no, guys, wait, wait.
766
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:29,002
Hey, let go!
767
00:35:29,002 --> 00:35:31,213
No, no, no, wait!
768
00:35:31,213 --> 00:35:32,840
Wait, this isn’t nice!
769
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:33,966
Please, please!
770
00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:38,387
Wait, stop, stop, stop!
771
00:35:38,387 --> 00:35:41,306
Hi, yes, I’m calling
about the job posting.
772
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:43,433
(shouting)
773
00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:46,019
Why did I leave my last job?
774
00:35:46,019 --> 00:35:49,857
Uh…there was
a change in management.
775
00:35:49,857 --> 00:35:51,692
No, stop, no, no!
776
00:35:51,692 --> 00:35:52,901
(stammering)
777
00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:54,069
Kevin, Kevin!
778
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:57,239
I designed you,
you can’t do this to me!
779
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:01,869
Your girlfriend never
loved you and never will!
780
00:36:01,869 --> 00:36:03,954
(laughing)
781
00:36:03,954 --> 00:36:05,539
(explosion, splat)
782
00:36:05,539 --> 00:36:06,665
(ding)
783
00:36:06,665 --> 00:36:08,959
(cheering)
784
00:36:08,959 --> 00:36:15,966
♪
785
00:36:28,812 --> 00:36:31,315
(siren wailing)
786
00:36:31,315 --> 00:36:38,322
♪
787
00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,767
Sorry.
788
00:37:06,767 --> 00:37:08,101
Hi!
789
00:37:08,101 --> 00:37:09,186
Hey.
790
00:37:09,186 --> 00:37:11,605
♪
791
00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:15,400
-I’ll flip you for it.
-No, you were here first.
792
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,236
So, do you, like,
live around here now?
793
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:21,490
No, I’m just actually coming
back from band practice.
794
00:37:21,490 --> 00:37:23,116
Oh, you’re in a band now?
795
00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:24,952
That’s pretty cool.
796
00:37:24,952 --> 00:37:26,787
Yeah, yeah, I mean,
797
00:37:26,787 --> 00:37:29,331
we kinda suck actually,
but, uh, you know,
798
00:37:29,331 --> 00:37:32,250
we have a lot of fun.
799
00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:35,045
So, like, how are you,
what are you up to?
800
00:37:35,045 --> 00:37:37,381
Everything’s good, uh,
my residency’s good,
801
00:37:37,381 --> 00:37:40,133
just taking it slow.
802
00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:41,677
Yeah.
803
00:37:41,677 --> 00:37:44,638
It’s--it’s really
good to see you.
804
00:37:44,638 --> 00:37:48,684
We should, I don’t know,
get together sometime.
805
00:37:48,684 --> 00:37:50,727
Yeah, definitely.
806
00:37:50,727 --> 00:37:53,689
♪
807
00:37:53,689 --> 00:37:55,273
Here, you should have this.
808
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:59,277
♪
809
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,821
It’s really great to see you.
810
00:38:00,821 --> 00:38:02,239
You, too.
811
00:38:07,828 --> 00:38:14,835
♪
812
00:38:21,633 --> 00:38:24,177
♪ ’Cause I ♪
813
00:38:24,177 --> 00:38:27,639
♪ Remember feeling cold ♪
814
00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:33,353
♪ As you held my hand all
the way to the terminal ♪
815
00:38:33,353 --> 00:38:34,938
♪ You let me go ♪
816
00:38:34,938 --> 00:38:38,400
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
817
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,987
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
818
00:38:41,987 --> 00:38:45,574
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
819
00:38:45,574 --> 00:38:49,244
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
820
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:52,748
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
821
00:38:52,748 --> 00:38:56,334
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
822
00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:59,838
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
823
00:38:59,838 --> 00:39:05,052
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
824
00:39:05,052 --> 00:39:07,095
♪ I ♪
825
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:10,766
♪ Remember feeling sick ♪
826
00:39:10,766 --> 00:39:14,519
♪ All the way to the terminal ♪
827
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:16,104
♪ You let me go ♪
828
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:19,608
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
829
00:39:19,608 --> 00:39:21,860
♪ I wanna feel it again ♪
50340
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