All language subtitles for Married With Children - 0606 - Buck Has a Bellyache

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Do we have the munchies?

Well, how does a nice salami,
goat cheese...

...peanut butter
and crayfish sandwich sound?

Now, I wonder where we could
dig one of those up.

Well, lookie here.

Look out below.

Something's missing.

Here's your ice cream, Mom.
Tabaki and clam.

That's the missing ingredient.

Well, it's not for me,
it's for the baby.

What's she carrying in there,
a chain-smoking otter?

Damn, they always put the clams
on the bottom.

Oh, Mom, we saw something very
interesting on the way home today.

We saw some pregnant women
coming out of the supermarket...

...and they were pushing carts
filled with that...

- Oh, God, what do you call it?
- Groceries.

Yeah.

So we'd like to see exactly where
Dr. Spock says...

...that pregnant women can't feed
anyone named Bud or Kelly.

I think it's page 15.

Hey, don't pull that with us.

Bud can read, you know.

Can't I enjoy
the motherhood experience...

...without you two children
yapping at my heels?

Well, I say that the born
have rights too.

Bud and I are one girl
who has had enough.

- Now feed us.
- All right, you little ingrates.

The two of you may share a spoon
of my tabaki ice cream.

Yeah, I don't want any tabaki
ice cream. I still have my pride.

I'm not putting anything
that disgusting in my...

Hey, dog food.

I remember this brand.
It's got extra horse.

- Hey, well, why isn't Buck eating any?
- He hasn't eaten for three days.

The poor guy. Well, here.

To your health.

Harriet, Ricky, David.

I have a little announcement.

We're gonna have to start
tightening our belts.

We can still keep the help,
can't we, Papa?

Sure, just keep eating that dog food,
oblivious to the problems of the world.

But from now on, I'm gonna need
every nickel we got around here.

Al, you haven't said anything
to the baby.

I'm sorry.

Get a job.

Anyway, mall employees are no longer
allowed to park in the free parking lot.

I have to park on the street
two blocks away...

...where the city
has thoughtfully installed...

...new one-hour parking meters.

Yep, I guess they figured that parking
for free and working for a shoe store...

...was arousing too much jealousy.

Gee, I sense a keen
"remember when" speech coming.

Remember when you could park
on the street for free in this country?

Am I the only one that senses that,
slowly but surely...

...our freedoms
are being taken away?

The freedom to park. The freedom
not to fasten your seat belt.

To not have to worry
about having a working muffler.

Back then,
you knew a man was coming...

...by the black smoke belching
out the back of his American car...

...as he tossed beer cans and
french-fry packages out the window.

Now how's a man
supposed to have fun?

By being with his family?

I weep for this country.

That's very touching, honey.
Now rub my feet.

Peg, I wouldn't rub your feet
if a genie popped out of them.

But be warned about this, I don't
wanna hear about anybody's problems.

Nothing is going to get me
off this couch.

Dad, I think Buck is sick.

My baby?

What's the matter
with my hairy man?

We've been married for 20 years...

...and that's just starting
to bother you now?

I was talking about the dog,
Brunhilde.

Well, what's wrong with him?

I don't know,
he hasn't eaten in days.

Well, I'm running low on foodstuffs,
so maybe you guys could go out...

Hey, there's a new pet shop
in the mall.

Why don't we go down and see if
we can get Buck a different dog food.

On your way back,
could you stop at Ox Kebab...

...and bring me back a John Madden
with the works.

Did your mother say something?

- Who knows.
- Who cares anyway. Who cares.

So they have all this time for the dog
and none for me.

Does that mean
I rank below an animal?

Yeah. These are frail times
for us both.

You know, I tell you,
by the way they act...

...you'd think that we were
unpleasant to be around.

By the way,
did you bring the gas tablets?

Well, didn't you bring any for you?

I got boxes of that stuff at home.
Jefferson eats it like candy.

He's having
a sympathetic pregnancy.

It's the cutest thing.

Well...

...nobody better pull my finger.

Did you finish
painting the nursery, honey?

I couldn't. Every time I'd go
up the ladder, I'd have to go pee.

Then I'd sit there
and nothing would happen.

Look, my feet are all swollen.
They're big as tubs.

I just wanna cry.

I'm just so happy.

God, he's good at this.

Tell me about it.
He felt his baby kick before I did.

Yeah, I did.

Is Al feeling anything?

Well, just the pride
any man would feel...

...who has to ask his son
for an allowance.

My uterus hurts.

Wow, he is good at this.

You know, I just think it's beautiful
how your husband shares your pain.

It is. He's a wonderful man.

I am.

Touch me, Marcie,
I wanna feel your warmth.

Good news, Dad,
the D'Arcys are here.

Kids, take a good long look.

This is worth
a thousand condom commercials.

All right, let's feed Buck,
unless they've already eaten him.

- Rub my belly.
- Rub my belly.

Rub my belly.

Kids, don't look back.
We'll all be salt.

Come on, Buck.

We got you some new food.

Look, cat parts.

You can taste the meow.

Come on, boy.
Tell Daddy what's wrong. Tell me.

- AI?
- What, boy?

It's me, you Milk Dud.

Well, look, I wanna know right this
minute why your feet aren't swollen...

...and you never complain
about your breasts.

Yeah, Daddy, why?

Well, Peg, if you don't have them,
they can't hurt.

Tell them, Marcie.

Kids, I know what will be good
for Buck:

A nice ride in the fresh air.

- Yeah.
- Come on, let's go.

- Come on, boy.
- I'd like to go out into the fresh air.

- Did your mother say something?
- Who knows.

- Who cares anyway.
- Come on.

Gee, what if they love Buck
more than me?

Oh, well, that's just impossible.

You ought to see Buck, Peg,
with his head sticking out the window...

...just like you used to do.

Well, I'll tell you one thing,
I'm glad he's not my husband.

I know I haven't treated you
like I should...

...but it doesn't mean
I don't care about you.

Things will change from now on.
You know I always loved you.

I don't know
what's wrong with him, Peg.

Well, maybe he wants
both my pillows.

Comfy, boy?

You want Mommy's robe?

Okay, Dad, look.

We got Buck a hot-water bottle...

...and some new doggy toys.

Well, did you get my tushy loofa?

No. Now, listen. Good news.

Buck's vet says
there's nothing wrong with him.

He thinks he might feel neglected
with the baby coming and all.

Look, kids, let's cheer Buck up.
Get on the bed.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Now, let's all make funny faces
to Buck.

- Okay.
- Okay.

If I don't get some attention
real soon, I'm leaving.

Come on, boy.

Well, I mean it. I'll go.

Hey, I got a good idea.

Let's go downstairs and get us some
dog food, show Buck how it's done.

- I like that stuff. It's good, really.
- Come on, boy.

- Let's go and get some grub.
- Now, wait a minute.

I need some attention. I'm pregnant.

All right, fine, then I'm leaving.

If you love that dog so much, just...

Just go to him when you need...

...to know...

Oh, well, it doesn't matter,
because I'm leaving.

Did Mom say something?

- I don't think so.
- Mom? Who's that?

And that's why I came home
to Wanker County.

I'm just so happy to be here.

I needed to be around
some normal people, Cousin Eb.

And since when do we talk
when a man's got his bag on?

Now, what were you gonna say?

Well, what I wanted to say...

...was that I thought a saw fly
dive right into your feedbag.

What do you think
the rotten meat's in there for?

In case they're not serving anything
at the embassy party you'd like.

Clever bon mot, Cousin Peggy.

So where's Mom?

She's over at Stumptown
for the Festival of the Big'uns.

- Where's Dad?
- Oh, you know your pa.

We keep telling him
it's okay to come down, Ma's gone...

...but he's saving all his courage
for a real run.

Well, I better go say hi.

I was always his favourite.
He'll be glad to see me.

Hi, Dad. I'm here. It's Peggy.

Well, he must have thought
you were your ma.

He threw down her fork.

And her knife.

Well, I wanna be comforted.

I had a long bus trip
and all I had to eat was my lunch...

...and the lunches of the elderly
who dozed off near me.

And I left home because
I just wasn't getting enough attention.

So now that I'm here,
I wanna be loved.

If you can do it for a hen named Charo,
you can do it for me.

Listen to that tongue. You can still
shrivel a man like a three-hour bath.

Well, don't fret, Cousin Peggy.
I called a family meeting.

We're gonna take
good Wanker-care of you.

It's Possum Boy!

Oh, Possum Boy.

How have you been?

I got run over by one of them
new Mustang cars today.

So you still like to lay down
in the roads in the afternoon?

Heck, you never grow out
of that kind of stuff.

I love the scent of the hot tar...

...the hypnotic spell of the headlights
bearing down on me...

...and the feeling of flight
when you go bouncing off that grill.

I'll tell you, you city folk
can keep your Disneyland...

...because there,
when the ride's over...

...you don't wake up in a ditch
next to your breakfast.

Only in America.

Hey, it's Young Kit
and his new bride.

Hi there.

Cousin Effie.
Why, you got married again.

That's the fifth time, isn't it?

Well, they keep dying on me.

That's why, this time,
I married a young'un.

Come on, sweetie.

Ain't he spry? He's still got
all his teeth too. Show her, honey.

I may have to chew his food...

...but when it comes to loving,
thank God he's got six brothers.

Peggy, I hear tell
you're from the city.

You got any pictures of breasts?

Well, what particular species
were you looking for?

Is this a family reunion
or is this a family reunion?

Now, get us something to eat.

Me? Well, I'm pregnant.

I came down here
so you could take care of me.

Well, don't you worry, Cousin Peggy,
we're gonna take care of you...

...like we take care
of all our expectant women.

See that, Cousin Peggy?
You're looking better already.

Well, who wouldn't...

...after building a table,
changing the oil in the tractor...

...and listening to the old guy
pass gas to the tune of "Dixie."

Now, when do I get something
to eat around here...?

Hey, is that a car passing by?

Gosh. Well, who was that?

If we knew,
we wouldn't be shooting at him.

All right, I've had just about enough.
Now, I want someone to rub my feet...

...or stroke my hair, or at least give me
a stinking sympathy pain or two.

Sympathy pain. Hear that, Possum?

Boy, the city's taken
the Wanker out of you, cousin.

That rich city man you married
has done spoiled you.

That's what happens when you marry
one of them professional men.

I don't care how good you are,
no man deserves $3.50 an hour.

It promotes those high-toned ways.

Ain't nothing but sin in the city,
anyways.

I say if you're gonna gyrate naked
on tables for money...

...you should do it for the family.

- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.

Now, look, I just travelled 200 miles
and 100 years back in time...

...to come and be with you people.

The least you can do
is give me something to eat.

- How about some bacon?
- Oh, yes, please.

You know where the hog pen is.

Come on, Buck, open the hangar.

Look, Daddy likes it.

Now you try.

It's no use.
I mean, it can't be the dog food.

Dad's been gobbling it up for days
and he's healthier than he's ever been.

Right, Dad?

Well, I'm finally home.

You went out today, Mom?

I've been gone for a week.

Didn't you get my note?
I left it on the refrigerator.

Now, why would we go in there?

Well, it doesn't matter.
Anyway, I learned two things.

One, trying to hike your skirt up
to get a ride doesn't do much for you...

...when you're six months pregnant.

And two, this is where I belong,
with my family that loves me.

You really didn't notice I was gone?

Of course we noticed you were gone.
How could we miss you, Mom?

Was she really gone?

Never mind. Thanks, kids.
It's good to be home.

Now, let's say we celebrate
by doing something as a family.

Hey, that's a good idea.
We've been cooped up in here for days.

What's say we get some fresh air?
Who'll throw me the Frisbee?

- I'll throw it.
- Good.

Oh, it's a happy Daddy,
it's a happy Daddy.

Well, it's good to be home again
and see things are back to normal.

You know, I just wish someone
around here would appreciate me...

...and know what I'm going through.

Just one lousy, stinking sympathy pain
would be enough.

But I guess that's my fate,
to bear my burden alone.

Alone? Look at these nipples.
My paws are bloated.

They k eep shoving food in my face,
when all I need is a hug.

God, I just wanna cry.

Boy, your paws are as big as tubs.

Yours too.

Mom. Mom. Mom. Come quick.

Dad's chasing the D'Arcys' car
down the street.

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