Original subtitles

- For generations, people have been

searching for the answer to the afterlife.

Now, one man alone, with all the know-how

takes on this struggle.

No longer is he trying to study the paranormal.

Now, he battles it.

Sometimes, ghosts need to be taught a lesson.

- Oh hi, my name is Vincent,

I'm your favorite TV host, AKA Ghost Angler.

I'll be here, investigating.

- They're coming.

I've been doing this for quite some time.

It all started when I got sucked into their world.

I got tired of fighting, made a deal.

I'm out.

Now they're following me.

- Ah, hell.

You kids ready to see a hero?

- That was meant for you.

- Excuse me, sir?

Sir, excuse me.

Sir can you listen to me for a second?

Are you, sir are you ignoring me?

Sir will you just take a look at these real fast?

But sir, it's just one stack.

- It's just one stack you bring around here every month.

Do you know how many of those I burn every month?

- You burn these?

Sir, I'm trying to find my sister

whose been lost for two years.

And you got the balls to just go and burn my flyers?

- They're put to better use than

them there shorts you got on.

Pockets go below the bottom.

- Who gives a shit about my clothes?

I'm talking about a lost person, a human life.

- She lost around here, well.

She dead.

- He bleeds compassion.

♪ Right off the bat we knew that things were off track ♪

♪ There was proof I had heart, I almost had an attack ♪

♪ She had eyes like an angel but a wit like mine ♪

♪ And even out of the light she found a way to shine ♪

♪ I created the conversation across the nation ♪

♪ Just to get her to know me better ♪

♪ Duty called us hell and the wall between us fell ♪

♪ Took all the claim to cane before I got a name ♪

♪ Don't distress, don't create a disaster ♪

♪ You're not the only one alone ♪

♪ But I know you can fight this pain away ♪

♪ We all fall, it doesn't matter ♪

♪ It's all part of your game ♪

♪ And you can think I'm insane ♪

♪ We were born again, the high was gone ♪

♪ Our pain was back and all my kings are a pawn ♪

♪ And every checker on this board that I've bene laid upon ♪

♪ Made me figure out it was created wrong ♪

♪ And why else would I see her in all of these dreams ♪

♪ Or else wouldn't I be sick, alright Queen ♪

♪ She had more to say, I had more to learn ♪

♪ And I'm getting kind of tired of this constant burn ♪

♪ Don't distress, don't create a disaster ♪

♪ You're not the only one alone ♪

♪ I know you can fight this pain away ♪

♪ We all fall, it doesn't matter ♪

♪ It's all part of the game, you can think I'm insane ♪

♪ Oh think I'm insane ♪

♪ Don't distress, don't create a disaster ♪

♪ You're not the only one alone ♪

♪ But I know you can fight this pain ♪

♪ We all fall and it doesn't matter ♪

♪ It's all a part of the game ♪

♪ So you can think ♪

- John.

You told me this is a convention.

No, no.

This is rock bottom.

Make the best of this?

This is my career being flushed down the fucking toilet.

There are three people here with combined four good teeth!

Does this sound like they have five dollars for a headshot?

They can barely afford their toothpaste.

We are at a very drastic crossroad right now.

Either I'm throwing in the towel and quitting the business,

or I'm finding a new agent.

Fix this John!

Fix this or I will.

You can hang up the phone right now.

Sir, would you like a headshot from a television host?

- Yeah, when does the show start?

- Start?

Now, here, it's happening right now.

- Really?

This is your headshot?

- Oh my God yeah.

- Oh.

Oh, really?

Sorry, I got another show to get to, sorry.

- Who are these people?

Where am I?

What is this place?

- Who do you think has final say in putting in a fountain?

Is there really even a use for a fountain?

- I don't care.

- Do you have to get like this every time?

First, that lasts for a day.

And then, in comes the moping.

This has become like, a routine for you.

It's, it's every month.

Rinse and repeat.

- Isn't this all getting to you?

Doing the same thing over and over again?

- Yes.

And you're just feeling it now?

Of course this is getting to me.

But unlike you, I'm not gonna go

flaunting it to the whole entire town.

Is that what you want?

- No, not good enough.

You can't do sad face.

- Well I'll get your snot bubbles,

and your ugly crying, and your puffy eyes, and.

- Hey look, Ghost Angler.

- Okay, so you want his autograph?

I mean, you didn't really bring anything for him to sign.

I guess you could do cleavage, but personal experience

two showers in it washes right off your skin.

Did that rhyme?

- Yeah, you're gonna have to stop that,

or we can't be friends.

- It's nice to know that our friendship

stands on the delicate balance of sentence structure.

- You need to know your place.

- Mmhm.

- But no, I don't need him to sign my body.

On the show he was a medium.

- Okay, and I'm supposed to know what that is?

- He feels things.

- Uh huh.

Well I feel things too.

Let's go get an autograph.

- Oh my God, not again.

Not again.

Some spirits need to be taught a lesson.

Well, I'm teaching you one.

Ghost Angler, what is that?

What does that even mean?

What did you get me?

Two dollars?

What am I gonna do, go buy tacos?

I don't need this.

I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go find John.

- Excuse me?

- Hi!

- Are you from the show Ghost Angler?

- Yes, I am.

Do you watch the show?

- Yeah, religiously.

- Oh good, good.

- No, no.

My sister did, I watched it with her.

- Well that's okay.

Would you like a headshot?

It's always nice to meet a fan,

even if it's just a half of one.

- May I ask you a question?

- As long as you don't hold up the line, you can.

Sorry, that was a poor attempt at humor.

Go ahead, ask away.

- Is your show real, or is it a scam?

- I assure you it's real.

Maybe it's embellished a little bit through editing,

but the places and experiences are all real.

- Are you really a medium?

- Child of the paranormal, dictator of the undead,

the unfollower of dark arts.

- Yeah, right.

Do you think you can maybe read the past

and point someone in the right direction?

- I've been able to do amazing things, since my youth.

It all happened when I lived in a pinewood tree house.

My parents, a traveling band of gypsies.

- Yeah, okay can you like use your super powers to help

us find her sister who's been missing for two years?

What?

When were you going to ask?

- Well, I haven't done that sort of thing for quite a while.

You see I'm at a very big, big convention center right now,

that's gonna start any time now.

So I can't just up and leave.

- Thank you for your time.

- You're welcome.

- Sorry to bother you.

- Listen buddy.

I can pay you, okay.

It's been two years.

That girl is the only one who's been searching

for her sister since she's disappeared.

Okay, she needs closure.

Just make something up for all I care.

She needs this.

- You can pay?

Thank you very much.

- If you need anything else, just let me know.

- I sure will.

Hey.

- Dude.

- What?

- Where's my drink?

- Sorry.

Do you miss her?

- Yeah.

The funny thing is, we weren't even really that close.

We never had anything in common.

- Then what keeps you going?

- The want to actually have a sister.

To gossip, to bicker, to fight.

You never know how much these things mean

until you don't have them anymore.

- So how did she go missing?

- Isn't that your job?

- Okay, I don't like you.

- I don't like you either.

- All she told my dad was that

she was going on a trip with a few friends.

She said something on social media

about going to a cabin, and a lake.

- Wait, do you guys live in this neighborhood?

- No.

- Then why are you here searching for her?

- Well this is where the car was

found that her friends took.

Wasn't about a mile away from here.

- Okay.

- So, are you gonna like, I don't know

start helping us at all?

- Okay.

So since we are here in this fine barren establishment.

I will do what I do best.

I will talk to the past, or the future, or the spirits.

And I will get some information about your sister, okay.

Give me a moment.

- You haven't asked her name.

- I know her name.

The spirits have already told me.

Okay, I see darkness and a dirt road.

I see loneliness.

Has somebody been lost?

And then nothing.

Oh, she's dead!

I'm so sorry. - Dude.

- Oh, this Cosmo is so good.

- Are you serious? - What?

- We could have done that at the theater.

- Quite.

- Okay, what's her name then?

- Um.

- Take one more step and I'll blast you back

to the hell where you came from.

- Lady, I don't want no trouble.

- Folks around here have been talkin' about

a man whose been comin' around here at night.

Looks like the devil, he brings nothing

but death behind him.

- I'm just looking for something to eat.

- You'll just be looking elsewhere.

- Lady, I'll be quick.

- Quick to be leaving.

- Revel.

Revel stop.

- Excuse me, can you please put down the gun?

- It's my right to refuse service to anyone,

especially hell spawn.

- That's it.

Take me back.

Good God woman, put your gun down!

- I'm sorry! - Get that thing off of me.

You're just insane.

- You don't know what the fuck you're doing right now.

No, no.

What happened to old people getting old

and crazy the cute way, packaging cats

and shit and sending them to their neighbors?

Why do these backwoods inbreds have guns?

- I'm sorry I was just.

- You're just insane.

- We need to get inside.

- Over my dead body.

- Revel, Revel just put pressure on it, okay.

I'm gonna call the police.

- I can't.

- What do you mean you can't?

- Does it look alright?

- The worst time to call, John.

Yes, yes I am taking a shit.

Oh my God, no, don't call me.

Don't call me, shut up.

I'll call you back.

Don't call.

My phone, my phone.

I left it inside.

Shh, where's your phone?

Where's your phone?

Shh.

Think.

They're coming back.

Where's your phone?

- I don't have it!

- Oh my God.

- Stop! - Where's your phone?

- Get! - Oh my God.

- Go away.

- Shhh.

- Here we go.

The first step is to die.

The first step is to die.

To die, to die.

The next, smiles.

Nothing but smiles.

Smiles.

Smiles.

Next, smiles.

Nothing but smiles.

Smiles.

Nothing but smiles.

Smiles smiles.

The next, is smiles.

Nothing but smiles.

- Ah, no way!

Oh my God!

Ah, no way.

- Get it off of me!

- Oh my God, what the hell?!

- Get it off! - Ahh, no way!

- Get if off of me!

- Hurry, get your ass out of here.

Help me, get her out!

Come on, hurry!

- Hey, don't swallow.

- Yo, whatever your name is,

what the hell was all of that?

I'm still here!

- It's hell.

- Yeah, I saw it.

Did you see what it did to my thing down here?

What was it though?

Who the hell was that?

- You do this for a living.

You should know.

- Oh my God.

Why are you even talking?

Did you see what your girlfriend did to you back there?

Oh that helps.

- They've been released.

I didn't want this to happen.

I just wanted it to stop.

- You wanted what to stop?

- All I know is, I went on vacation,

with my mother and her goldfish.

To a cabin, on a lake.

Everything went just fine for the

first few hours of getting there.

Then I was woken by a strange noise.

I noticed the fish bowl was empty,

and there was a large puddle of water that went

down the hall towards my mothers room.

I followed it.

Then, she beat my ass and jumped out

the window into the lake.

After that, TV came on, calling to me.

Begging me to come closer.

So, of course I didn't touch it.

Then I was sucked into a hell, I couldn't escape.

- So, you touched the TV?

- Didn't you just hear me say

I was sucked into a hell I couldn't escape?

- Okay then how are you here now?

- Well he obviously got out.

- Your friends dead, do you think I escaped?

- Okay, that's uncalled for.

- Like you are one to talk.

You're just a fraud.

- Oh my God, that's called being an actor.

- Okay, yeah.

Well if you would have told me and my friend that you were

just an actor, we'd be hundreds of miles away by now.

But no, you needed your $50.

- Hey, John booked this damn thing for me.

Anybody you wanna point fingers at?

John is the guy.

- No, no it's this guys damn fault.

He's the one that let it loose.

- Hey, you shouldn't go pointing fingers around here.

- Works for me.

Drop me off at the next town, okay.

I'm gonna get my own ride.

I'm sorry about your friend.

And I'm sorry you didn't get your cowboy burger,

whatever you're getting down there.

My conscience is clear now, and I'm ready to go home.

Good evening.

- We're not going home.

- You're not, I am.

You can keep her.

- I'm not letting this thing go free.

We're taking it back to its home.

- You just said that we're not going home.

- We're not going to our homes.

We're taking it back to it's home, the cabin.

- You don't need all of us for that.

- You two are the only people I've

seen survive this besides me.

I can't be sure it won't follow you.

- Oh my God.

- It might take all of us to bring it back.

- Okay. - Alright.

- Okay.

Okay, how do we stop these things?

- We imprison it, with a special spell.

Blood, and a symbol.

- Oh my gosh, so highly descriptive.

Let's go!

- Are you gonna at least show us how to before we go?

You don't know.

- Great. - Okay, alright.

- So, here we are to learn about a super secret symbol.

- So, where's the cabin?

- It's on the other side.

We'll have to cross.

- Wait, we have to swim across the lake?

At night?

Didn't you say there was a fish creature living in there?

- Yeah, my mom's in there somewhere.

- Your ugly monster of a mom?

- Can we please learn something before we go to the cabin?

- She didn't like the water much.

She might not even still be here.

- Wow, that's reassuring.

- Am I the only one that cares about

learning how to stop these things?

- We'll get to that in a second.

- We're just gonna go up to the water and ask for your mom?

- Well, that was the plan until you just insulted it.

- Again, can we please learn something before we go?

- Okay, gather around.

- These damn bugs are all here.

- This is a protection symbol I found

on a bathroom stall in their world.

- Can you, please rephrase that?

- This is a protection symbol I found in an ancient book.

- Okay.

- Sorry, mom.

- I don't know any of your names

but I hate every one of you.

Is that the cabin?

Hey guy, the other known male here.

Is that the cabin you were talking about?

- Yep.

- Maybe we should look around before we go do magic here.

- Okay, okay.

What about the symbol?

- Well, this place has changed.

- Dude, ugh.

- So the grand plan is we sit and wait?

- Yeah, that's the plan.

- Remember, we have to use blood to bind them to objects.

- The coast is clear.

Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

I'm the star of a failing TV show.

I have five fans that I know of,

and I'm currently looking for an agent.

And you mister, or misses, you are gonna get fucked up.

You want some too?

Oh no, cheating bitch.

- Just let us in, let us in.

How much hell have you seen?

Why do you continue,

you know we aren't trying to kill you.

Not trying to kill you, yet.

Yet, yet, yet.

Right, right, right.

Accept us into your heart.

Let us into your heart.

Heart, just let us in, let us in.

There is no winning or losing.

There is no winning, no winning, or losing, losing, losing.

Or losing, no losing.

- Two tears in a bucket.

Ugh, I should've gone into porn.

- There, I've won!

Are you happy?!

Now you're stuck!

- What do we do now?

- We fight.

- Hi, um, this is John.

Vincent's agent.

See, Vincent had a little memo, and he's been missing.

And he said that if he ever went missing for

a longer period of time, to contact you guys.

He said you guys have together fought monsters or something.

So, I'm reaching out.

- I tried.

- You know I think you actually popped this out.

- It's a grandma hit and run,

this is a freaking grandma hit and run.

Oh, my tail lights messed up.

Stop, stop, stop.

Shawn, stop it.

Okay.

- Where do we put this?

- We need the tire, on the car.

Tire, on the car.

Grab the tire.

- Okay, which way do you actually put this on?

- Put down the tire.

Put down the tire, please.

Put it down.

Don't throw the tire!

- I think you're taking this way too seriously.

That thing is rolling.

Okay.

Okay, alright, what about this.

- What do we do? - Look.

- What do we do? - We'll get a car.

- We need to find Vincent. - And we'll kick some ass.

- Yeah!

♪ Wasted breath, nothing left to feel ♪

♪ So cut me down, lay me out ♪

♪ Hate yourself, hate the sacrifice never made ♪

♪ What's inside takes me to the edge ♪

♪ You shut out, burn me down ♪

♪ I'm just like you ♪

♪ But you'll never know ♪

♪ Two separate roads ♪

♪ Far away from the one that leads ♪

♪ Away from the one, far away from here ♪

♪ So far away ♪

♪ I'll scream so loud but you've got nowhere to find me ♪

♪ Nowhere to hide from the past ♪

♪ And you can't take it back ♪

♪ Wasted breath, nothing left to feel ♪

♪ So cute me down, lay me out ♪

♪ Hate yourself, hate the sacrifice never made ♪

♪ What's inside takes me to the edge ♪

♪ You shut me out, bring me down ♪

♪ I'm just like you ♪

♪ But you'll never know ♪