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1
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Creating a baby is one of
the greatest joys in life.
2
00:00:03,088 --> 00:00:05,244
Oh, I don't mean my human babies.
3
00:00:05,490 --> 00:00:08,975
They're awesome, but right now
I'm talking about my work baby.
4
00:00:08,994 --> 00:00:11,796
To "Asako: Warrior Geisha"!
5
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:14,965
- Whoo!
- All right!
6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,935
My first original game with
my name on it as creator
7
00:00:17,969 --> 00:00:20,371
and I get to take it to the publishers.
8
00:00:20,405 --> 00:00:22,973
And if they buy it,
we won't have to be stuck drawing
9
00:00:23,008 --> 00:00:25,509
other people's big-breasted
she-roes anymore.
10
00:00:25,544 --> 00:00:27,778
We get to draw my reasonably-breasted
11
00:00:27,813 --> 00:00:29,780
- warrior geisha.
- Don't worry.
12
00:00:29,815 --> 00:00:31,849
She's going to have a nice,
big juicy booty though.
13
00:00:31,883 --> 00:00:33,384
No, that's not the point.
14
00:00:33,418 --> 00:00:35,286
Okay, I still have a lot to
do on my pitch, you guys,
15
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,654
but this is going to be huge.
16
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:39,557
- To my baby!
- Yeah, to our baby.
17
00:00:39,591 --> 00:00:41,225
What? No, my baby. Mine.
18
00:00:41,259 --> 00:00:42,993
Which we helped with.
19
00:00:43,028 --> 00:00:45,196
No, no, you helped as much as
David did when he held my hand
20
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:47,498
in the delivery room and said,
"Almost there, sport."
21
00:00:47,532 --> 00:00:50,067
I'm the one who got stitched back up,
you know what I mean?
22
00:00:50,102 --> 00:00:51,368
That's disgusting.
23
00:00:51,403 --> 00:00:53,404
The only problem was,
while I was with work baby,
24
00:00:53,438 --> 00:00:55,457
my real baby was about
to hit a milestone.
25
00:00:55,492 --> 00:00:58,342
- Oh!
- Hey, what's going on?
26
00:00:58,376 --> 00:01:00,177
Little Jakey almost walked.
27
00:01:00,212 --> 00:01:02,546
He was so close.
I don't know what happened.
28
00:01:02,581 --> 00:01:04,014
He just kind of... boop.
29
00:01:04,049 --> 00:01:07,251
- Oh, my God.
- I pushed him over. For you.
30
00:01:07,285 --> 00:01:08,853
But I can't keep doing it.
31
00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:10,654
Every time he looks at me
with betrayal in his eyes,
32
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it changes our relationship.
33
00:01:12,357 --> 00:01:13,991
Come on, kids.
34
00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:16,260
I missed all the kids' first steps.
35
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Jake is my last shot.
36
00:01:17,929 --> 00:01:19,196
Oh, don't beat yourself up about it.
37
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You're a working mom with a badass job.
38
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You're gonna miss stuff.
39
00:01:23,235 --> 00:01:24,657
You can't be there for every
single moment of his life.
40
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:28,005
- That would be insane.
- Yeah. Insane.
41
00:01:28,039 --> 00:01:30,774
So I guess I'm insane now.
Mama's not missing this.
42
00:01:30,809 --> 00:01:32,209
Oh, so you can have, like,
a whole baby in here
43
00:01:32,244 --> 00:01:34,178
but I can't have half a tuna sandwich?
44
00:01:34,212 --> 00:01:35,015
Okay, listen to me,
45
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I delivered these cute little legs,
so I deserve to see them walk.
46
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And document it.
47
00:01:40,585 --> 00:01:43,053
Oh, crap, I left my phone on my desk.
48
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Okay, do me a favor and just watch him.
49
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I'll be right back.
50
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:53,364
Don't influence him at all.
51
00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:58,235
- What?
- Oh!
52
00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,162
No.
53
00:01:59,671 --> 00:02:01,438
Don't... oh!
54
00:02:01,473 --> 00:02:02,773
Hey, hey!
55
00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:05,109
Walking baby.
56
00:02:06,611 --> 00:02:09,079
- Wow.
- Wow.
57
00:02:11,183 --> 00:02:15,452
I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.
58
00:02:15,487 --> 00:02:17,054
What? What happened? What did you see?
59
00:02:17,088 --> 00:02:19,223
- What?
- No, what? What happened?
60
00:02:19,257 --> 00:02:21,292
Oh, my God, if you guys saw
my baby walk before I did,
61
00:02:21,326 --> 00:02:23,761
I will burn this place to the ground.
62
00:02:26,865 --> 00:02:29,166
- I mean, it was so beautiful!
- It was amazing.
63
00:02:29,201 --> 00:02:31,168
No! Come on!
64
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,960
_
65
00:02:40,011 --> 00:02:43,113
I was feeling pretty guilty
about missing Jake's first steps
66
00:02:43,148 --> 00:02:44,949
and David was talking me off a ledge.
67
00:02:44,983 --> 00:02:46,179
- Sweetie.
- Yeah.
68
00:02:46,218 --> 00:02:47,918
There's gonna be all
sorts of Jakey firsts
69
00:02:47,953 --> 00:02:51,155
that you don't miss. Okay? I promise.
70
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,457
Oh, look. Something big
could be happening right now.
71
00:02:53,491 --> 00:02:54,625
- What?
- What is it?
72
00:02:55,064 --> 00:02:56,760
Oh, nope. Just a poop.
73
00:02:56,795 --> 00:02:58,162
Could've been a big one though.
74
00:02:58,196 --> 00:03:00,331
Yeah, big deal. You know what?
75
00:03:00,365 --> 00:03:03,000
Asako doesn't have to choose
between being a geisha
76
00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,935
and a warrior, and neither should I.
77
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:07,771
I can have it all.
I've read that in books.
78
00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:10,274
So I'm gonna nail my pitch on Friday,
79
00:03:10,308 --> 00:03:12,543
and I'm not gonna miss
any more of the kids'
80
00:03:12,577 --> 00:03:14,278
big accomplishments. Ska-doosh.
81
00:03:14,312 --> 00:03:16,113
That's right. You know why?
You are the Warrior Geisha.
82
00:03:16,147 --> 00:03:17,648
- I am.
- I'm so proud of you.
83
00:03:17,682 --> 00:03:19,617
- Thank you.
- This is a happy home.
84
00:03:19,651 --> 00:03:23,287
- Wait for it.
- You're failing already.
85
00:03:23,321 --> 00:03:24,888
You don't even know.
86
00:03:24,923 --> 00:03:28,959
Lily has made it into the dance
regionals on... that's right,
87
00:03:28,994 --> 00:03:30,394
Friday.
88
00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:32,229
The same day as your pitch.
89
00:03:32,264 --> 00:03:33,397
Sucka.
90
00:03:33,934 --> 00:03:36,800
Oh, my God, you guys,
did Grandma tell you the news?
91
00:03:36,835 --> 00:03:39,236
- She sure did! Yay!
- Yes.
92
00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:41,639
- Dance regionals? What?
- Regionals.
93
00:03:41,673 --> 00:03:43,707
Okay, on Friday! Friday!
94
00:03:43,742 --> 00:03:45,342
Yay! What time on Friday?
95
00:03:45,377 --> 00:03:47,911
- 6:00 at night.
- Oh, great. That's fine.
96
00:03:47,946 --> 00:03:49,680
Because my pitch is at 2:00.
97
00:03:49,714 --> 00:03:52,082
Plenty of time to get there. Sucka!
98
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:54,051
And I get to do a solo!
99
00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:56,053
So on performance day,
I'm gonna need help with
100
00:03:56,087 --> 00:03:58,822
my hair, makeup, spray tan, and costume
101
00:03:58,857 --> 00:04:00,991
and there are a ton of
rehearsals this week.
102
00:04:01,026 --> 00:04:03,761
Mom, I know you usually
miss those because of work.
103
00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:05,229
Oof, right in the nuts.
104
00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:07,331
But I was hoping you
can make it this time.
105
00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:09,266
Please don't compare me to another mom.
106
00:04:09,301 --> 00:04:11,869
Savannah's mom and
step-mom are gonna be there
107
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,904
and they haven't spoken in years.
108
00:04:13,938 --> 00:04:15,839
And nuts crushed. Damn it.
109
00:04:15,874 --> 00:04:17,302
This is the week I was supposed to be
110
00:04:17,342 --> 00:04:19,530
preparing my pitch,
but I said I was gonna do it all,
111
00:04:19,544 --> 00:04:21,111
- so I will.
- Lily.
112
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:26,016
- I will be there.
- Yes! Yes!
113
00:04:26,051 --> 00:04:30,087
Why does a team of 11-year-olds
need this many dance rehearsals?
114
00:04:30,121 --> 00:04:33,190
Clearly you've not seen "Step Up"
or "Step Up 2: The Streets."
115
00:04:33,224 --> 00:04:35,259
The first half of rehearsals
are about finding your steps.
116
00:04:35,293 --> 00:04:38,395
The second half is about
finding your heart.
117
00:04:38,430 --> 00:04:40,397
Hi, I'm Rupi.
118
00:04:40,432 --> 00:04:43,200
I'm a temp,
so I'm not totally sure what this means,
119
00:04:43,234 --> 00:04:46,770
but someone named Damon Paul
wanted to confirm his meeting
120
00:04:46,805 --> 00:04:48,706
with the Asako team this afternoon?
121
00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:51,308
Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
Confirmed, confirmed!
122
00:04:51,343 --> 00:04:55,946
Just FYI, Damon is the CEO.
Uh, this is him right here.
123
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:58,048
So, just the minute he gets here,
please come find me
124
00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,050
because I want Damon
to be abundantly clear
125
00:05:00,085 --> 00:05:01,552
Asako was my idea, okay?
126
00:05:01,586 --> 00:05:04,455
I created her.
I want him to congratulate me.
127
00:05:04,489 --> 00:05:06,657
In a male-dominated world,
we women don't always get
128
00:05:06,691 --> 00:05:08,125
credit for what we do.
129
00:05:08,159 --> 00:05:11,095
But today, I am getting it.
I am getting the credit.
130
00:05:11,129 --> 00:05:12,730
Cool.
131
00:05:12,764 --> 00:05:15,566
Hey, heard your guys' baby walked.
132
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,334
- Congrats.
- Thanks.
133
00:05:17,369 --> 00:05:19,636
- Thank you so much.
- It was a beautiful moment.
134
00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:20,838
Honestly, it was majestic.
135
00:05:20,872 --> 00:05:22,740
No, no. No, no. Stop talking. No.
136
00:05:22,774 --> 00:05:26,009
Rupi, you should really just go.
137
00:05:26,044 --> 00:05:27,411
- I like her.
- Sure you do.
138
00:05:27,445 --> 00:05:29,279
Well, you know who she looks like?
139
00:05:29,314 --> 00:05:30,848
- You.
- No.
140
00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:32,583
I'm gonna call her "Fresh Emet."
141
00:05:32,617 --> 00:05:35,586
Wow, that is ageist and
racist so congratulations.
142
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:38,255
Nothing felt better
than being here for Lily
143
00:05:38,289 --> 00:05:41,759
'cause, really,
no one can take my place.
144
00:05:41,793 --> 00:05:44,094
Excuse me. What is she doing here?
145
00:05:44,129 --> 00:05:45,462
- Mom.
- Hmm.
146
00:05:45,497 --> 00:05:46,764
What are you doing here?
147
00:05:46,798 --> 00:05:48,432
I told you I was gonna come today.
148
00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:51,335
I know, but you say a lot of things.
149
00:05:51,369 --> 00:05:53,771
You also said you would buy me
tickets to "Hamilton."
150
00:05:53,805 --> 00:05:57,608
and I've still to see one
bastard orphan son of a whore.
151
00:05:57,642 --> 00:05:58,478
What's your point?
152
00:05:58,543 --> 00:06:00,644
I know you want to manage
everything, beta,
153
00:06:00,678 --> 00:06:04,348
but we both know that you won't be able
to keep your promise to Lily.
154
00:06:04,382 --> 00:06:07,785
So why don't we just cut
out the middleman, man,
155
00:06:07,819 --> 00:06:09,953
and I'll be there instead.
156
00:06:09,988 --> 00:06:12,723
Are one of you Lily's mom?
157
00:06:13,424 --> 00:06:14,324
Seriously?
158
00:06:14,359 --> 00:06:15,578
Can I put you down for a duty?
159
00:06:15,661 --> 00:06:18,295
There's snack duty,
water duty, booty short duty.
160
00:06:18,529 --> 00:06:19,538
Okay, yes.
161
00:06:20,098 --> 00:06:24,301
I am Lily's mom and I will
sign up for snack duty.
162
00:06:24,335 --> 00:06:26,537
'Cause it sounds like the least
worst of all those options.
163
00:06:26,571 --> 00:06:30,474
Great, and just FYI, for rehearsals,
164
00:06:30,508 --> 00:06:32,242
moms sit at the back.
165
00:06:32,277 --> 00:06:35,579
It's a coach mandate and that is on me.
166
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,581
I get real yelly.
167
00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:42,319
Anyway, we all make signs
so they know we're here.
168
00:06:43,521 --> 00:06:45,656
Guys! Guys, guys, guys.
We have, like, one hour
169
00:06:45,690 --> 00:06:47,324
before Damon gets here, so... what?
170
00:06:47,358 --> 00:06:49,526
What's happening? What? What happened?
171
00:06:49,561 --> 00:06:52,162
Damon came early and took
us to a Japanese whisky bar.
172
00:06:52,197 --> 00:06:55,098
No! No, no, no, no, no!
173
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:57,768
My pat on the back turned
into your whisky lunch?
174
00:06:57,802 --> 00:06:59,169
It's no big deal.
175
00:06:59,204 --> 00:07:01,171
Oh, it's no big deal.
176
00:07:01,206 --> 00:07:02,506
Of course it's a big deal!
177
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:05,509
That was supposed to
be my CEO face time.
178
00:07:05,777 --> 00:07:07,344
I bet you're all best buddies now.
179
00:07:07,378 --> 00:07:10,280
I bet he gave you all
fun little nicknames like
180
00:07:10,315 --> 00:07:13,250
Glasses, Brit, Molestache.
181
00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:15,106
No. Mm-mm.
182
00:07:17,055 --> 00:07:19,022
It's Peach Fuzz, Mr. Bean,
and Teddy Ruxpin,
183
00:07:19,057 --> 00:07:20,624
- Yeah, they're good...
- That was a good one!
184
00:07:20,658 --> 00:07:23,527
- That feels like it's me.
- That was crazy.
185
00:07:23,561 --> 00:07:25,295
See? This is what happens to women.
186
00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:27,965
I... I'm being shut out.
Even though I created Asako,
187
00:07:27,999 --> 00:07:30,367
in his mind,
you guys deserve the credit.
188
00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:33,078
Now I have just become all,
you know, "Oh, and Emet too."
189
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:35,015
That's not true, okay?
190
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,541
He's invited us all out
for drinks tomorrow.
191
00:07:37,575 --> 00:07:39,943
Really, he did? Okay, what did he say?
192
00:07:39,978 --> 00:07:42,546
He said, "We should all go
out for drinks, the bros...
193
00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:44,648
Oh, and Emet too."
194
00:07:44,682 --> 00:07:46,884
Oh, [bleep].
195
00:07:46,918 --> 00:07:48,919
It doesn't matter. I can't go anyway.
196
00:07:48,953 --> 00:07:50,921
Lily's got rehearsal.
197
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:54,558
I can't be in two places at once.
It's just...
198
00:07:54,592 --> 00:07:57,261
Or could I?
199
00:07:58,263 --> 00:08:00,731
Hey Rupi, uh, let me ask you something.
200
00:08:00,765 --> 00:08:02,633
You, uh, do a lot of jobs, right?
201
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:05,002
- Yeah.
- You like money?
202
00:08:05,036 --> 00:08:07,504
- Yeah.
- You don't really judge people
203
00:08:07,539 --> 00:08:09,573
on things they might need?
204
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:12,743
This happened to me at
the Canadian border once.
205
00:08:12,777 --> 00:08:14,278
The answer is no.
206
00:08:14,312 --> 00:08:16,246
Oh, no, no. I'm not a drug trafficker.
207
00:08:16,281 --> 00:08:18,248
Just... overwhelmed mom.
208
00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:20,817
Oh. What did you have in mind?
209
00:08:20,852 --> 00:08:22,586
Walk with me.
210
00:08:22,620 --> 00:08:24,821
The plan was perfect.
Lily would see fake-me,
211
00:08:24,856 --> 00:08:26,857
and then fake-me would rush
off before she was done
212
00:08:26,891 --> 00:08:29,126
and text her that I had
to get back to work.
213
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,928
The important thing was I was there
214
00:08:30,962 --> 00:08:32,029
and as for the dance moms...
215
00:08:32,063 --> 00:08:33,597
Hi, Emet!
216
00:08:33,631 --> 00:08:36,133
And hello to you, unintentional racism.
217
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,734
Thank you for your help today.
218
00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:41,490
While Rupi was at rehearsal,
219
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:44,061
I was finally in the Boys'
Club and it was awesome.
220
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,131
So I said, "What the Musk, Elon?
221
00:08:46,191 --> 00:08:49,360
Leave some caviar
for the rest of us." Right?
222
00:08:49,394 --> 00:08:51,195
For my career. Awesome for my career.
223
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,264
I love this guy. I love you.
224
00:08:53,298 --> 00:08:55,399
I love you too, brother.
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
225
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:59,537
More Nikka Yoichi for my buds,
Peach Fuzz, Mr. Bean,
226
00:08:59,571 --> 00:09:02,039
- Teddy Ruxpin!
- Whoo!
227
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,708
Oh, oh, and Emet too.
228
00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:08,012
Actually, do you have any
of the Hibiki 30-year-old?
229
00:09:08,046 --> 00:09:09,614
You into Japanese whisky too?
230
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:12,917
Uh, I don't know,
does the Chichibu Matsuri 2017
231
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:16,220
offer surprising complexity
and depth considering its age?
232
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,556
- Yeah.
- Yes! Yeah, it does.
233
00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:20,525
Well, speaking
of killer Japanese products,
234
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,694
where'd you guys come up with the idea
for "Asako: Warrior Geisha"?
235
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,096
I... Japan.
236
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:27,398
- We worked.
- Yeah, uh...
237
00:09:27,432 --> 00:09:28,933
Nope, don't know what's going on there.
238
00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:30,468
Uh yeah, no, no, that was me. Yeah.
239
00:09:30,502 --> 00:09:32,637
I was drawing a geisha
for a different video game
240
00:09:32,671 --> 00:09:34,739
and I just kind of thought
that she's pissed enough
241
00:09:34,773 --> 00:09:37,909
to do some killing.
I can relate to that.
242
00:09:37,943 --> 00:09:39,243
- Can't we all?
- Dope!
243
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:40,778
- Yup.
- Brilliant. That's brilliant.
244
00:09:40,812 --> 00:09:42,747
Thank you. Thank you!
Uh, you know, it's funny.
245
00:09:42,781 --> 00:09:45,750
I have been busting my ass to
make sure we nail this pitch
246
00:09:45,784 --> 00:09:47,952
on Friday, and if it goes well,
I would love the opportunity
247
00:09:47,986 --> 00:09:50,054
to just, sort of,
run some more pitches by you and I...
248
00:09:50,088 --> 00:09:52,290
I had this thought, you know,
about, like, Russian ballerinas
249
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:53,891
who are also killers.
250
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:54,926
- Yes!
- Yes.
251
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,327
I freaking love ballet.
252
00:09:56,361 --> 00:09:57,762
Who freaking doesn't?
253
00:09:57,796 --> 00:09:59,463
- I love it!
- What... and then the killing?
254
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:02,934
I want to hear every idea you got,
Whisky Mama.
255
00:10:02,968 --> 00:10:06,070
Okay, I have so many. Whisky Papa.
256
00:10:06,104 --> 00:10:08,906
Yes, I got a nickname!
257
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,441
God, that's strong.
258
00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:12,343
And babe, I even got a nickname.
259
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,512
- Mm-hmm?
- I'm Whisky Mama.
260
00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:15,378
Ooh.
261
00:10:15,847 --> 00:10:17,982
Oh, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm tasting that.
262
00:10:18,016 --> 00:10:20,251
- Yeah.
- Wait, what time were drinks?
263
00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:22,286
Lily said you made it to her rehearsal.
264
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:24,822
What can I say? I'm Superwoman.
265
00:10:24,856 --> 00:10:26,190
- Kiss me.
- Hmm?
266
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,692
Oh, wait, we also had garlic fries.
267
00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:29,427
I'm not above that,
but first you have to tell me
268
00:10:29,461 --> 00:10:31,796
how you were in two places at once.
269
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:35,800
Wait, wait. You're telling me
you hired an Indian woman
270
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:37,468
to swap places with yourself?
271
00:10:37,502 --> 00:10:39,370
Oh, okay, you know?
You love stunt doubles so much
272
00:10:39,404 --> 00:10:40,972
but when I do it, I'm a monster.
273
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:42,340
Okay, I don't love stunt doubles.
274
00:10:42,374 --> 00:10:43,874
I just think they should be recognized.
275
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,943
Like, how is that not a
category in the Academy Awards?
276
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,144
How come you didn't come to me for help?
277
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:50,548
Um, you don't look Indian.
278
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:54,375
David, I didn't ask you because
I wanted Lily to see me there.
279
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:55,308
Okay?
280
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,314
When dads don't show up,
they don't get dinged.
281
00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:00,691
And when they do and they just show up,
they get bonus points.
282
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:03,227
When moms don't show up, we're bad moms.
283
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,162
I understand that the double
standard is messed up.
284
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:06,033
- It is.
- If Lily finds out
285
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,896
that you hired a lady to... yeah,
286
00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:09,867
I'm not even gonna finish
the sentence, Emet.
287
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:11,335
Just, I think you should go to Lily,
288
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:15,339
tell her you got overextended,
she will understand.
289
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:16,574
All right, all right, all right.
290
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:18,309
- Can I get that kiss?
- Yeah.
291
00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:21,112
- Ooh, no. I'm above that.
- Yeah, it's bad.
292
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:27,084
Hey, peanut,
I need to talk to you, okay?
293
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:31,389
I, um... ooh, oh! What is this for?
294
00:11:31,423 --> 00:11:33,024
Thanks for being there today.
295
00:11:33,058 --> 00:11:35,092
It was so cool to look out and see you.
296
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,395
I think you made me dance better.
297
00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:40,031
I can't wait for you
to see the next one.
298
00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:42,066
We added triple pirouettes.
299
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,835
Oh. Yeah, no. She's so happy.
300
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,504
I can't do this.
301
00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:48,839
Triple pirouettes!
Well, you know what I am?
302
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:53,711
Triple excited to see them when
I'm there every day this week.
303
00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:55,680
Okay, I'm going to hell.
304
00:11:56,169 --> 00:11:57,882
Over the next few days,
I used Rupi to help me
305
00:11:57,916 --> 00:12:00,785
be the best dance mom I could be.
306
00:12:00,819 --> 00:12:03,054
And I focused on getting
my big pitch ready.
307
00:12:03,088 --> 00:12:05,523
There was still so much to do.
308
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:08,426
But for once,
I felt like I was doing it all
309
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:11,062
and not disappointing everyone.
310
00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:13,731
Including myself.
311
00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:15,566
Besides, I wasn't missing everything.
312
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,536
I wanted to be there,
so when I could be, I was.
313
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:20,304
Oh, excuse me.
314
00:12:21,371 --> 00:12:22,540
Hi. Hi, hi, hi.
315
00:12:22,574 --> 00:12:24,075
Give me the hat. Get the hat. Yup.
316
00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:25,943
Good, good, good.
317
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:27,812
Oh, thanks so much. You can go now.
318
00:12:27,846 --> 00:12:29,080
- Oh, God.
- Hello!
319
00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:31,248
This was a stupid plan, man.
320
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:33,951
- I know.
- What's wrong with you, man?
321
00:12:33,985 --> 00:12:36,087
You do anything for money? Here.
322
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:38,265
Here's $10. Get some morals.
323
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:42,093
Okay, I have my own Indian
mom to make me feel like crap.
324
00:12:42,127 --> 00:12:43,494
You're on your own, Emet.
325
00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:45,830
And with that, I lost my doppelganger
326
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:47,765
and my way to do it all.
327
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,429
Beta, when are you going to learn?
328
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,554
It's impossible to have it all.
329
00:12:53,588 --> 00:12:56,624
You have to make a hard choice,
like Muriel Street
330
00:12:56,658 --> 00:12:59,260
in that movie, "Sophie's Decision."
331
00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:01,462
Mom, it's... You know what? Never mind.
332
00:13:01,496 --> 00:13:03,964
Look, I love my job and I love my kids
333
00:13:03,999 --> 00:13:06,767
and I can be there for
both all by myself, okay?
334
00:13:06,801 --> 00:13:09,503
Women do it. Like... Kelly Ripa.
335
00:13:09,537 --> 00:13:11,639
That's a great example.
Anyway, the point is,
336
00:13:11,673 --> 00:13:14,008
this is the home stretch, Ma.
I got this.
337
00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:16,477
Mom, can you start on my costume now?
338
00:13:16,511 --> 00:13:18,646
Yes. Hell yes, I can. Let's do it.
339
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,583
Great! Since I'm the phoenix,
I'm gonna need two wings
340
00:13:22,617 --> 00:13:26,687
75 feathers per wing,
and each one has to be spray-painted
341
00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:29,990
ombre red to-gold. See you later.
342
00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:31,925
See ya.
343
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,795
Now what, Kelly Ripa?
344
00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:37,665
Fine, you're right.
I got to make a choice.
345
00:13:37,699 --> 00:13:40,301
And I choose not to sleep anymore.
346
00:13:40,335 --> 00:13:43,037
To Target we go for
Red Bull and feathers.
347
00:13:43,627 --> 00:13:45,939
I got this.
348
00:13:47,742 --> 00:13:50,144
With the help of my friends,
Cup O'Noodles and Red Bull,
349
00:13:50,178 --> 00:13:53,447
I was gonna finish my pitch
and finish Lily's costume.
350
00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:55,215
I can do this. All right.
351
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,884
Five seconds of painting for Lily
352
00:13:56,918 --> 00:14:00,020
and five seconds of painting for work.
353
00:14:03,191 --> 00:14:04,692
I got to be honest, Mom.
354
00:14:04,726 --> 00:14:07,661
Your job looks like it's super not-fun.
355
00:14:07,696 --> 00:14:10,297
Lily, listen to me. It is fun.
356
00:14:10,332 --> 00:14:12,333
It's also hard but when
you care about something,
357
00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,034
you do whatever it takes
to achieve it, okay?
358
00:14:14,069 --> 00:14:16,070
And because I've had an
unsafe amount of Red Bull
359
00:14:16,104 --> 00:14:17,538
and I lost the ability
to filter my thoughts,
360
00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:18,872
I will also share this:
361
00:14:18,907 --> 00:14:21,241
as a woman,
you might have to work extra hard.
362
00:14:21,276 --> 00:14:22,843
- Mom.
- What?
363
00:14:22,877 --> 00:14:24,211
You have noodles in your hair.
364
00:14:24,245 --> 00:14:25,546
Yeah, no, I know, I know, I know.
365
00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:27,314
- Okay, just go to bed.
- You okay?
366
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:29,516
- Yes.
- Um, I put the baby to bed.
367
00:14:29,551 --> 00:14:31,552
Ooh, oh, God! Thank you! Thank you.
368
00:14:31,586 --> 00:14:33,821
Wow. How many of those have you had?
369
00:14:33,855 --> 00:14:35,155
Nine.
370
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:37,257
- Ten.
- Okay, well,
371
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,026
- I'm here if you need me.
- Yes.
372
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:40,928
Like, to take you to the hospital
when your heart stops.
373
00:14:40,962 --> 00:14:45,199
Thank you,
you are the best husband ever!
374
00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:46,533
Am I yelling?
375
00:14:46,568 --> 00:14:48,268
No, I'm definitely not yelling.
376
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:56,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
377
00:15:04,085 --> 00:15:06,420
Louie.
378
00:15:06,454 --> 00:15:08,622
- What are you doing up?
- What I do every night.
379
00:15:08,656 --> 00:15:11,759
Midnight grilled cheese and
some YouTube deep dives.
380
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,995
Am I hallucinating?
381
00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:17,898
Yes.
382
00:15:17,932 --> 00:15:19,900
Oh, God.
383
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,469
Nine is too many. Nine is too many.
384
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,605
Nine is too many. Nine is...
385
00:15:25,407 --> 00:15:28,976
- Okay, okay.
- You look terrible.
386
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:31,612
I'm going to give you one last
chance to ask me to cover.
387
00:15:31,646 --> 00:15:34,715
Otherwise, before Lily's show,
I'm going to go out
388
00:15:34,749 --> 00:15:37,718
to dinner with my
girlfriends at Bubba Gump's.
389
00:15:37,752 --> 00:15:41,088
It's fine, Mom, okay?
I... I'm ready for my pitch
390
00:15:41,122 --> 00:15:42,756
and for Lily's big day.
391
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:44,792
Wow, at least I will be after I shower.
392
00:15:44,826 --> 00:15:47,828
- Are those the wings?
- Yes, they are!
393
00:15:47,862 --> 00:15:50,497
- Sick.
- Wow, those are sick.
394
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:51,932
- Yeah.
- You're gonna be there
395
00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:54,134
way early to help me
put those on, right?
396
00:15:54,169 --> 00:15:57,638
Yes, I am. I'm gonna be there
to help you get ready,
397
00:15:57,672 --> 00:15:59,973
and to run through your rehearsal.
I got you, girl.
398
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,475
Thanks, girl.
399
00:16:01,509 --> 00:16:03,977
You guys, why are we
out of bread and cheese?
400
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:05,412
Uh...
401
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:07,915
Who knows? It's a mystery.
402
00:16:07,949 --> 00:16:11,518
You left the grilled cheese pan
out last night, but I washed it.
403
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,320
Cover your tracks, Ratatouille.
404
00:16:13,354 --> 00:16:15,489
When it was time for
the big presentation,
405
00:16:15,523 --> 00:16:16,924
I wasn't nervous at all.
406
00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:18,592
I'm only pacing 'cause if I sit down,
407
00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:20,928
- I'll for sure pass out.
- Uh, Damon just texted.
408
00:16:20,962 --> 00:16:23,664
"The publishers hit traffic.
ETA is half an hour."
409
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,533
Okay. All right. It's okay.
410
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,669
Still plenty of time
to get to Lily's thing.
411
00:16:28,703 --> 00:16:30,437
Just got to keep the blood flowing.
412
00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:32,673
Got to keep the blood flowing.
413
00:16:37,971 --> 00:16:40,614
- _
- That's it. I'm out.
414
00:16:40,648 --> 00:16:42,683
I got to go be with my daughter.
415
00:16:42,717 --> 00:16:44,985
You guys will just have to
pitch the game without me.
416
00:16:45,019 --> 00:16:48,655
Have fun getting high-fives,
pats on the back,
417
00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:50,858
credit that should've been mine.
418
00:16:51,759 --> 00:16:54,695
Oh, hold on. They're parking right now.
419
00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:58,532
It doesn't matter.
Time waits for no mom.
420
00:16:58,566 --> 00:17:02,202
I can't have it all. I was wrong.
421
00:17:04,372 --> 00:17:07,808
Is what a loser would say. Ha ha!
422
00:17:10,011 --> 00:17:12,440
- What the hell are you doing?
- Being a freaking winner!
423
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,381
Griff, get your scooter!
We gotta weave through traffic.
424
00:17:14,415 --> 00:17:15,816
Oh, okay, it's not a scooter.
425
00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:18,886
It's a Vespa and it's
a way of life, actually.
426
00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:21,555
Andiamo!
427
00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:22,856
She's crazy!
428
00:17:23,429 --> 00:17:26,728
Pardon me. Sorry! Hi, hi, hi.
How do I get backstage?
429
00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:27,996
I need to help Lily get ready.
430
00:17:28,031 --> 00:17:29,531
Oh, all the girls are ready already.
431
00:17:29,565 --> 00:17:30,766
Okay, did someone help Lily?
432
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,501
I don't know but if Lily's not ready,
433
00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:34,069
my Caitlin's ready to do her solo.
434
00:17:34,103 --> 00:17:36,838
Oh, is she? Is she?
Over my dead body, Caitlin's mom!
435
00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,707
I'm the worst mom ever.
436
00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:40,208
I promised to be here, I wasn't,
437
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:42,077
and my daughter had no one to help her.
438
00:17:42,111 --> 00:17:45,914
- Mom.
- Hi. Hi, honey. Hi.
439
00:17:45,949 --> 00:17:48,050
Oh, my God, you look amazing!
440
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:50,018
I'm so sorry I didn't make it.
441
00:17:50,053 --> 00:17:53,021
Oh, God, did Grandma skip
Bubba Gump to come help you?
442
00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:54,289
She's never gonna let me live that down.
443
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,225
- No, I did it all myself.
- What?
444
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:01,096
You did this? Even the hair?
How did you do that?
445
00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:03,031
When you really care about something,
446
00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:05,033
you figure out a way to make it happen.
447
00:18:05,068 --> 00:18:07,369
Like you do with work.
448
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:09,738
Oh, honey.
449
00:18:09,772 --> 00:18:11,873
Shoot.
450
00:18:11,908 --> 00:18:14,209
Are you saying that I've
been a good role model?
451
00:18:14,243 --> 00:18:16,890
Even though I sometimes
miss out on stuff?
452
00:18:16,925 --> 00:18:19,081
- Oh, no, don't cry.
- No, I know it's too late,
453
00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:21,216
Lily, you hit me
right in the old heart nuts.
454
00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:23,118
I'm sorry, now you're gonna cry.
455
00:18:23,152 --> 00:18:26,477
I'm not gonna cry. I have lashes on.
456
00:18:26,512 --> 00:18:27,389
All right, well,
that's because you're a child
457
00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:29,758
and this moment is lost on you,
just know that.
458
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:32,227
You go rise, my little phoenix, okay?
459
00:18:32,261 --> 00:18:33,996
- You go rise.
- Love you, Mom.
460
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,630
I love you. I love you all!
461
00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,899
Future is female!
462
00:18:37,934 --> 00:18:41,236
Maybe it doesn't matter so much
if I miss little moments here and there.
463
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:44,172
It's what I'm doing in my big moments
that my kid is watching.
464
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,074
And she cool. She real cool.
465
00:18:46,109 --> 00:18:48,243
Oh, hey dude! Hey, Norman texted.
466
00:18:48,277 --> 00:18:49,945
They cleared up your
whole fire alarm mess
467
00:18:49,979 --> 00:18:51,890
and they're setting up the
pitch meeting room right now.
468
00:18:51,925 --> 00:18:53,248
So I should just probably go, right?
469
00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:55,584
Yeah, and I can't go with ya.
470
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,652
My daughter's dance
competition is about to start
471
00:18:57,687 --> 00:18:59,654
- and I can't miss it.
- Oh.
472
00:19:00,804 --> 00:19:02,591
So I'm not gonna!
473
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:05,827
- Yeah! Do it.
- Yeah! Oh, yeah!
474
00:19:05,987 --> 00:19:07,796
Andiamo!
475
00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:09,598
- Run, run, run.
- I'm driving!
476
00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,467
If my life were a video game,
today I'd be winning.
477
00:19:12,502 --> 00:19:14,669
'Cause I found a pretty good cheat code
478
00:19:14,704 --> 00:19:18,306
that has me scooping gold
coins left and right.
479
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,779
But I've been playing
long enough to know
480
00:19:23,813 --> 00:19:26,515
that no matter how many walls I leap,
warriors I slay,
481
00:19:26,549 --> 00:19:28,683
or Red Bulls I guzzle,
482
00:19:28,718 --> 00:19:30,952
there's always gonna be
some gold coins I miss.
483
00:19:30,987 --> 00:19:32,821
- I'm so, so sorry.
- Oh hey.
484
00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:35,891
I did it. Oh, I did it.
485
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:39,394
I made it. I know, I got it.
486
00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:47,669
♪ All I do is win, win,
win no matter what ♪
487
00:19:47,703 --> 00:19:51,073
♪ Got money on my mind
I can never get enough ♪
488
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,308
♪ And every time I step
up in the building ♪
489
00:19:53,342 --> 00:19:57,245
♪ Everybody hands go up ♪
490
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,482
♪ 'Cause all I do is win, win, win ♪
491
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:03,585
♪ And if you goin' in,
put your hands in the air ♪
492
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,420
♪ Make 'em stay there
493
00:20:08,357 --> 00:20:11,193
That's my girl!
494
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:13,528
Whoo!
495
00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:16,231
And the braid held!
496
00:20:16,265 --> 00:20:18,333
Come here. You were amazing.
497
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,669
I believed you were a bird.
You were flying!
498
00:20:20,703 --> 00:20:22,604
Lilies for my favorite Lily.
499
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,107
The best dancing phoenix
I've seen since the one I saw
500
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,776
rising from my father's
ashes in a nightmare
501
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:28,910
- Okay.
- Okay.
502
00:20:28,945 --> 00:20:29,911
I'm gonna go greet more fans.
503
00:20:29,946 --> 00:20:31,346
Yeah, go do that.
504
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:33,448
Well, I don't know how you did it
505
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:36,184
and I don't think you'll
ever be able to do it again,
506
00:20:36,219 --> 00:20:38,753
but I have to give you this one, beta.
507
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:40,388
Good job.
508
00:20:40,423 --> 00:20:43,125
Thanks, Mom.
509
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,861
I did it, babe. I did it all.
510
00:20:45,895 --> 00:20:48,230
- Like Kelly Ripa.
- You did.
511
00:20:48,264 --> 00:20:49,698
- I love you.
- I love you.
512
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:50,966
Congratulations.
513
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,701
Okay, so maybe having it all
514
00:20:52,735 --> 00:20:54,269
is a bull[bleep] concept.
515
00:20:54,303 --> 00:20:56,104
It started as a thing
to make women feel good,
516
00:20:56,139 --> 00:20:58,540
but now it just makes us feel
like we're not good enough.
517
00:20:58,574 --> 00:21:00,575
So, damn it, we need a new phrase.
518
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:03,278
One that celebrates all the
moments we're there for.
519
00:21:03,312 --> 00:21:06,548
A phrase like, like...
520
00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,751
I'll think of one tomorrow. Night night.
521
00:21:09,785 --> 00:21:10,986
- David?
- Yeah?
522
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,754
- I'm passing out.
- Huh?
523
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:14,422
- Gone.
- Oh!
524
00:21:14,457 --> 00:21:18,226
Okay, all right, people.
Tired mom coming through.
525
00:21:18,702 --> 00:21:20,161
Did it all. Move out of the way.
526
00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:27,690
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
526
00:21:28,305 --> 00:21:34,384
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