Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,190
(metal clanking)
2
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,120
(film reel rolling)
3
00:00:25,019 --> 00:00:27,852
(people chatting)
4
00:00:31,838 --> 00:00:32,959
- [Narrator] When you
hear the first computer,
5
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,018
fax machine, female lawyer.
6
00:00:34,019 --> 00:00:36,523
Where do you think
they're all from?
7
00:00:37,902 --> 00:00:39,389
The Silicon valley?
8
00:00:39,390 --> 00:00:41,099
Perhaps even New York.
9
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:43,373
No, this is Iowa.
10
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,949
Home of the only division
1A football stadium
11
00:00:46,950 --> 00:00:49,240
named after an
African-American, Jack Trice.
12
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:53,129
Who attended Iowa State
University in the 20s.
13
00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:56,009
He was the second
African-American competing
14
00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:58,698
in college football at
a major university.
15
00:00:58,699 --> 00:01:00,539
Who's the first?
16
00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:02,369
Frank Holbrook, who
played for the.
17
00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,763
University of Iowa
a decade earlier.
18
00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:07,679
During the Civil War,
19
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,455
76,534 lowans served
in The Union.
20
00:01:11,456 --> 00:01:15,029
No other state had a
higher percentage
21
00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:16,603
of its male population serve.
22
00:01:18,019 --> 00:01:20,623
This is Waterloo.
23
00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:24,509
Waterloo, Iowa.
24
00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:28,033
This city, with the greatest
tractors ever made.
25
00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:32,139
This is East High.
26
00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:34,459
Record for the longest
football winning streak
27
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:35,460
in the state.
28
00:01:36,979 --> 00:01:37,812
Strangely enough, the record
29
00:01:37,813 --> 00:01:39,517
for the longest
losing streak, too.
30
00:01:39,518 --> 00:01:40,957
But whatever.
31
00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:43,939
Hey, Cedar Falls, suck
my dick from behind
32
00:01:43,940 --> 00:01:46,209
for pointing that out
in the first movie.
33
00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:48,539
Waterloo West High.
34
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:50,349
The high school of the
greatest wrestler
35
00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:53,069
of all time, Dan Gable.
36
00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:55,299
Waterloo is the home
of the greatest
37
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:58,898
American Navy family,
the Sullivans.
38
00:01:58,899 --> 00:02:02,639
The Sullivan brothers all
died on the same ship
39
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,800
in the South Pacific
during World War II.
40
00:02:05,801 --> 00:02:08,399
This is a story that
inspired the movie,
41
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,653
Saving Private Ryan.
42
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,359
But my town of Waterloo,
43
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,176
that's where you're gonna get
44
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,889
the real American Experience.
45
00:02:16,890 --> 00:02:18,514
A large glass of scotch,
46
00:02:18,515 --> 00:02:20,157
plenty of great food,
47
00:02:20,158 --> 00:02:22,103
and genuine conversation.
48
00:02:26,398 --> 00:02:28,898
(light music)
49
00:02:49,756 --> 00:02:51,019
- American Pie was awesome.
50
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,655
- I can't believe the kid
from Rookie of the Year
51
00:02:53,656 --> 00:02:55,335
got Tara Reid.
52
00:02:55,336 --> 00:02:57,560
- Harold was not aware of this.
53
00:02:57,561 --> 00:02:59,629
Who was the kid from
Rookie of the Year?
54
00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:02,449
- Thomas Ian Nicholas,
if I ever meet him,
55
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,839
I'm gonna tell him The
Floater was shit.
56
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,200
- Tara Reid is hot.
57
00:03:06,201 --> 00:03:07,892
- I like the part where the dude
58
00:03:07,893 --> 00:03:09,869
put his dick in the pie.
59
00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:11,349
- How do you know he's Jewish?
60
00:03:11,350 --> 00:03:15,816
- Because his dad is
Eugene Levy, Jew.
61
00:03:15,817 --> 00:03:18,248
- You come off so antisemitic.
62
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:20,559
You need to work on that.
63
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,877
- The intern Clinton
nailed was a Jew.
64
00:03:22,878 --> 00:03:25,037
- You know, in 20 years,
65
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,439
our presidents, they'll
be married to models
66
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,296
and plowing porn stars.
67
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,760
- You Neanderthals.
68
00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:35,529
- Since your parents divorced,
69
00:03:35,530 --> 00:03:38,200
your weekends with your
dad have been great.
70
00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:39,719
- Thank you Father,
71
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,069
for allowing us to
watch R rated movies.
72
00:03:42,070 --> 00:03:44,049
- Pisses Mom off,
which is funny.
73
00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:47,119
- I prefer American
Beauty over American Pie.
74
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,989
It will win an Oscar.
75
00:03:48,990 --> 00:03:51,529
- I would rather see
a Jew screw a pie
76
00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:54,329
over a plastic bag
in the wind any day.
77
00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:55,789
- Dad keeps asking
me how many times
78
00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,059
the new boyfriend comes,
79
00:03:57,060 --> 00:03:58,719
comes about three times a week.
80
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,459
Mom comes about seven or eight.
81
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:02,699
Quit being such a fag, Dad.
82
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:03,719
Move on, get a chick,
83
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,569
sell some more Saturns
or something.
84
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,052
- If you ever need to
talk about your feelings,
85
00:04:08,053 --> 00:04:11,778
after the divorce, Harold
is a good listener.
86
00:04:11,779 --> 00:04:13,549
- Feelings?
87
00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:15,517
I have two Christmases
now, you cock munchers.
88
00:04:15,518 --> 00:04:17,689
- Hey, where's Taylor?
89
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,029
- He's hanging with
his girl he met.
90
00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:21,539
She's here for the summer.
91
00:04:21,540 --> 00:04:22,722
- What is this, Grease?
92
00:04:22,723 --> 00:04:25,973
♪ Those summer, nights ♪
93
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,856
- I prefer Grease 2.
94
00:04:29,857 --> 00:04:31,279
Much better movie.
95
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,319
Musical scenes, way better.
96
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,799
Best bowling scene
in film history.
97
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,847
- Taylor would sell
out his buddies
98
00:04:37,848 --> 00:04:39,360
for a chick any day.
99
00:04:39,361 --> 00:04:40,194
Pervert, Dee tried to tell him
100
00:04:40,195 --> 00:04:41,619
to keep his hands to himself.
101
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:43,740
- I will wait for the
right girlfriend.
102
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:45,749
Harold is classy.
103
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,529
I want a lady with
that same standard.
104
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:49,530
- Fag.
105
00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:54,199
(light music)
106
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,278
- [Brunette] No way
Richard Gere's going
107
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:56,575
to rescue you if
you're a hooker.
108
00:04:56,576 --> 00:04:57,769
- Yeah, I guess he did
make out with her.
109
00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:59,780
You don't kiss a
hooker on the mouth.
110
00:04:59,781 --> 00:05:01,020
- No.
111
00:05:01,021 --> 00:05:02,038
- They'll bite off the
tip of your tongue.
112
00:05:02,039 --> 00:05:03,041
- [Brunette] They'll
bite right on.
113
00:05:03,042 --> 00:05:04,060
- [Blonde] Like
that shame on guy.
114
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:04,894
- Wait, Sham-Wow guy.
115
00:05:04,895 --> 00:05:05,959
- You know the guy
from the infomercial
116
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:06,840
with the shammy.
117
00:05:06,841 --> 00:05:08,060
- Yeah.
118
00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:08,894
He made out with a hooker.
119
00:05:08,895 --> 00:05:10,319
And she bit off the
tip of his tongue.
120
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,153
- [Brunette] Holy shit!
121
00:05:11,154 --> 00:05:12,598
- [Blonde] Bit it right off.
122
00:05:12,599 --> 00:05:14,269
You don't kiss a
hooker on the mouth.
123
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,103
- No shit.
124
00:05:15,104 --> 00:05:16,149
And Richard Gere gives her money
125
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,804
to go shopping?
126
00:05:17,805 --> 00:05:18,979
- No, no.
127
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,539
- He would've taken
her in an alley,
128
00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,146
bent her over a
dumpster, and said,
129
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,541
"yeah, take that pig!"
130
00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:25,809
- Now that's a movie
I would totally
131
00:05:25,810 --> 00:05:27,599
go, I would pay
money to see that.
132
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,499
- Yeah, you we think
we're above men
133
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,609
in this area, but we
are just as depraved.
134
00:05:31,610 --> 00:05:32,443
How many copies
135
00:05:32,444 --> 00:05:33,783
of Fifty Shades of
Gray were sold?
136
00:05:33,784 --> 00:05:35,564
Three blockbuster films.
137
00:05:35,565 --> 00:05:36,398
- Oh, my God.
138
00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:39,679
Honestly, I mean, I'd
rather see that rich guy
139
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,162
work over that chick,
140
00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:43,342
than watch the fucking Notebook.
141
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,985
- I would rather have
my Catholic grandmother
142
00:05:45,986 --> 00:05:48,569
catch me watching hardcore
143
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:49,622
gay porn
144
00:05:49,623 --> 00:05:51,549
than to watch the
fucking Notebook.
145
00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:53,619
- Gay porn is the best, though.
146
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,004
That's a real romance movie.
147
00:05:55,005 --> 00:05:57,619
- Well, no, watching some twink
148
00:05:57,620 --> 00:06:00,023
get turned out by a
couple of hairy bears,
149
00:06:00,024 --> 00:06:01,339
hot.
150
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:03,083
- Yeah, take that pig.
151
00:06:03,084 --> 00:06:04,979
(laughter)
152
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:05,813
- Hey, where's Tanner?
153
00:06:05,814 --> 00:06:07,039
- I don't know, man.
154
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,469
I don't think his fiance
155
00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:10,019
likes him hanging out with me.
156
00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:10,853
- Why?
157
00:06:10,854 --> 00:06:12,609
- She treats me like I'm
from Marshal Town, man.
158
00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:15,287
I'm gonna take him out
to the Tiger's Den.
159
00:06:15,288 --> 00:06:17,769
He's gonna get hopped
up on crystal meth,
160
00:06:17,770 --> 00:06:19,403
take a swing at a stripper.
161
00:06:19,404 --> 00:06:21,979
- Well, she did have to
pick you guys up last week
162
00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:23,079
at four in the morning.
163
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,010
- It's different man.
164
00:06:24,011 --> 00:06:27,723
Dave's stash makes some
killer Vegas bombs.
165
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,030
Look at you man.
166
00:06:30,031 --> 00:06:31,589
Maybe you're the issue.
167
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,619
Maybe he can't come
here because of you.
168
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:35,203
You look like
169
00:06:35,204 --> 00:06:37,859
the devil wears Tommy Bahama.
170
00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:39,429
- Hey bro,
171
00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:40,529
this shit gets me
anything I want.
172
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:43,480
And you're no peach
yourself either.
173
00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:45,139
- I know.
174
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:47,123
A grown man wearing
Justin Bieber jacket.
175
00:06:47,124 --> 00:06:49,089
Maybe she's a little bit right.
176
00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:50,199
But still, fuck her.
177
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,200
- Dude,
178
00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:53,329
you tell him to tell her
179
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,639
he's at the real library.
180
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,062
- That's what I'm thinking.
181
00:06:56,063 --> 00:06:58,029
Maybe you she'll
182
00:06:58,030 --> 00:06:59,639
wind up allowing
him to come out.
183
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,400
Maybe he's gonna go
and say he's gonna
184
00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:02,234
I don't know,
185
00:07:02,235 --> 00:07:03,936
get like a boxcar kids
186
00:07:03,937 --> 00:07:06,462
novel, or Sweet Valley High.
187
00:07:06,463 --> 00:07:09,899
Hey, have we had this
conversation before?
188
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:11,439
- Matt,
189
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,819
we have this conversation
190
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:13,670
every time.
191
00:07:13,671 --> 00:07:14,961
- Tanner's fiance's a bitch.
192
00:07:14,962 --> 00:07:17,089
- Major bitch.
193
00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:18,679
She's says that Tanner can't
come down here anymore
194
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,219
because she doesn't want
him hanging around.
195
00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:21,210
Mr. Lance.
196
00:07:21,211 --> 00:07:23,843
- Oh, she said Jeff
Lance is a misogynist.
197
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,139
(laughter)
198
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:25,973
- What a dumb clam.
199
00:07:25,974 --> 00:07:27,523
I don't even know gymnastics.
200
00:07:27,524 --> 00:07:28,357
(laughter)
201
00:07:28,357 --> 00:07:29,190
- No, dude.
202
00:07:29,191 --> 00:07:30,659
That's a contortionist.
203
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,419
- What the hell's a misogynist?
204
00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:34,219
- It's a man who's
prejudice against women,
205
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,639
thinks that they're inferior.
206
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,473
- Doesn't she know
207
00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:37,938
that I'm Jeff Lance?
208
00:07:37,939 --> 00:07:39,459
I love women.
209
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,659
- That's right man.
210
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,419
You love women.
211
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,123
You're Jeff Lance.
212
00:07:45,124 --> 00:07:48,009
You don't treat women
like an object.
213
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,539
They treat you like an object.
214
00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:51,579
- I know.
215
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:52,959
I'm actually sensitive.
216
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,179
I have feelings.
217
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,722
I want to be held
and listened to
218
00:07:55,723 --> 00:07:57,083
like a puppy.
219
00:07:58,580 --> 00:07:59,580
- You know what,
220
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,213
I'm gonna text Tanner,
221
00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:03,213
tell him
222
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,189
hey,
223
00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:07,349
tell your fiance
224
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:08,680
that Jeff says
225
00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:12,339
misogynists is an
awfully big word
226
00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:14,689
for such a little girl.
227
00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:15,993
And send.
228
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,529
- Dude, that's something
a misogynist would say.
229
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:21,149
- Exactly.
230
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,360
- Funny, bro.
231
00:08:22,361 --> 00:08:23,210
(laughter)
232
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,862
- Don't worry about it.
233
00:08:24,863 --> 00:08:25,696
She doesn't it to everyone.
234
00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:27,479
- Yeah, she calls
everyone sexist,
235
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:28,400
racist,
236
00:08:28,401 --> 00:08:29,459
homophobe.
237
00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:30,929
You name it.
238
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,803
- Small minds do
it all the time.
239
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,379
Sexist.
240
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,213
Homophobe.
241
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:36,429
Racist.
242
00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:38,178
Vocal trump cards
for the idiots.
243
00:08:38,179 --> 00:08:40,622
- You are a little
antisemitic at times.
244
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,439
- Don't worry, Matt,
245
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,433
the Jews will not replace you.
246
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:47,720
- Hey.
247
00:08:48,739 --> 00:08:50,759
Got a text from Tanner.
248
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,194
His fiance says she
will let us come over,
249
00:08:53,195 --> 00:08:55,089
but for just one drink.
250
00:08:55,090 --> 00:08:58,149
And we have to have
it in the driveway.
251
00:08:58,150 --> 00:08:59,219
- In the driveway?
252
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,839
It's like on King of the Hill,
253
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,061
Dammit Bobby.
254
00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:04,200
The Fiance is such a bitch.
255
00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:06,637
- Yeah man, I don't
know what you mean man.
256
00:09:06,638 --> 00:09:07,858
(inaudible)
257
00:09:07,859 --> 00:09:09,439
(laughter)
258
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,637
You know what, fuck it.
259
00:09:10,638 --> 00:09:11,471
Let's have shots.
260
00:09:11,472 --> 00:09:12,675
- Shots.
261
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:13,676
- Shots.
262
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,089
You ever know about Toby Huss?
263
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:22,333
Actor from Marshalltown?
264
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:24,879
Played the voices of Kahn
265
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,253
and Grampaw Hill.
266
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:28,939
So anyway,
267
00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:29,910
he was up for the part
268
00:09:29,911 --> 00:09:32,317
of Mr. Miyagi,
269
00:09:32,318 --> 00:09:34,559
and he showed up to
the first audition
270
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,919
piss drunk and did
the most racist,
271
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,049
asian voice he possibly could,
272
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:41,114
and got brought back for
the second audition.
273
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:43,149
In his second audition,
274
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,760
he came in sober,
275
00:09:44,761 --> 00:09:46,397
lost the part.
276
00:09:46,398 --> 00:09:48,499
- So dude, where you headed?
277
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,333
Waterloo?
278
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,739
- Sierra Falls.
279
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:52,018
I'm fucking with you.
280
00:09:52,019 --> 00:09:53,800
(laughter)
281
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,218
(rock music)
282
00:10:04,419 --> 00:10:06,360
♪ The hate you
fought for reason ♪
283
00:10:06,361 --> 00:10:09,298
♪ Found out your faults ♪
284
00:10:09,299 --> 00:10:10,440
♪ Hide behind ♪
285
00:10:10,441 --> 00:10:14,818
♪ The picture perfect lights ♪
286
00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:17,637
♪ The times you in the corner ♪
287
00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:19,197
♪ Dusting for fingerprints ♪
288
00:10:19,198 --> 00:10:20,738
♪ From cages painted pretty ♪
289
00:10:20,739 --> 00:10:24,781
♪ Pictures of your sins ♪
290
00:10:24,782 --> 00:10:27,896
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
291
00:10:27,897 --> 00:10:30,416
♪ Give what you can give ♪
292
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:32,498
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
293
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,178
♪ Hit them with ♪
294
00:10:34,179 --> 00:10:35,273
♪ What to give ♪
295
00:10:35,274 --> 00:10:36,896
♪ Alright ♪
296
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,314
(rock music)
297
00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:58,477
♪ Put on-on-on the table ♪
298
00:10:58,478 --> 00:11:01,138
♪ Watch for shifty eyes ♪
299
00:11:01,139 --> 00:11:02,680
♪ Serving cold revenge ♪
300
00:11:02,681 --> 00:11:06,850
♪ With the side of spite ♪
301
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:08,972
♪ Satisfaction don't come easy ♪
302
00:11:08,973 --> 00:11:11,532
♪ But to take it all with ease ♪
303
00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:13,330
♪ With our guests, them guests ♪
304
00:11:13,331 --> 00:11:17,170
♪ I'll just better leave ♪
305
00:11:17,171 --> 00:11:19,948
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
306
00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:22,551
♪ Give what you can give ♪
307
00:11:22,552 --> 00:11:25,212
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
308
00:11:25,213 --> 00:11:26,627
♪ Hit them with ♪
309
00:11:26,628 --> 00:11:27,650
♪ What they give ♪
310
00:11:27,651 --> 00:11:29,148
♪ Alright ♪
311
00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:30,652
♪ Ignorance ♪
312
00:11:30,653 --> 00:11:34,370
♪ Hit them with ♪
313
00:11:34,371 --> 00:11:37,121
♪ What they give ♪
314
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,849
- [Narrator] Pro-wrestling
was a staple
315
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:42,039
in every kid's lives
at some point.
316
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,319
There's three
317
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,170
prestigious
318
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,859
pro-wrestling hall of
fame's in America.
319
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:48,311
Cauliflower Alley Club,
320
00:11:48,312 --> 00:11:50,108
WWE,
321
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,419
George Tragos,
322
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:53,659
Lou Thesz Pro Wrestling
Hall of Fame.
323
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,179
That one is held here
324
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:56,413
in Waterloo, Iowa.
325
00:11:58,290 --> 00:11:59,123
Former inductees are,
326
00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:00,619
Mick Foley,
327
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,819
Edge,
328
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,169
Kurt Angle,
329
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:04,829
Iron Sheik,
330
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:06,249
Jim Ross,
331
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,689
Terry Funk,
332
00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,969
Rowdy Rowdy Piper.
333
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:12,485
The Million Dollar
Man, Ted Dibiase,
334
00:12:12,486 --> 00:12:14,749
the excellence of execution,
335
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,023
Bret "The Hitman" Hart,
336
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:18,059
and even the governor,
337
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,683
Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
338
00:12:20,626 --> 00:12:21,759
But the one,
339
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,829
the one that always stuck
with me and my friends,
340
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:24,663
the man,
341
00:12:24,664 --> 00:12:25,969
spent more money
342
00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:27,629
on spilled liqueur
343
00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:29,939
from all ends of the
world in one year
344
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:32,329
that you'll ever
make in a lifetime.
345
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,287
I'm talking about
the kiss stealing,
346
00:12:34,288 --> 00:12:35,889
the wheeling, dealing,
347
00:12:35,890 --> 00:12:37,627
Rolex wearing,
348
00:12:37,628 --> 00:12:39,849
limonene riding,
349
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:42,233
jet flying son of a gun,
350
00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:45,039
the nature boy,
351
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,040
limonene Flair.
352
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:48,050
Woo.
353
00:12:51,986 --> 00:12:53,007
- I was in there
354
00:12:53,008 --> 00:12:53,841
cause I'm loud in there,
355
00:12:53,842 --> 00:12:55,766
and I saw you out here
just bumming around.
356
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:58,184
(soft music)
357
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:04,569
I landed you a ticket.
358
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:05,825
- Dude.
359
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,526
When the fuck did you
become a pro-wrestler?
360
00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:08,669
- Since 2010.
361
00:13:08,670 --> 00:13:10,326
You know that.
362
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:11,649
Dipshit.
363
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:12,705
- Jesus Christ.
364
00:13:12,706 --> 00:13:13,728
That's awesome.
365
00:13:13,729 --> 00:13:15,099
- Yeah, you can get one $20.
366
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,449
No, you know what,
367
00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:17,447
friends and family discount,
368
00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:18,280
30.
369
00:13:18,281 --> 00:13:19,669
Yeah.
370
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:20,869
- Fucking A.
371
00:13:20,870 --> 00:13:21,730
- Drinks after?
372
00:13:21,731 --> 00:13:22,830
- [Matt] Drinks after.
373
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:28,387
(rock music)
374
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:44,529
- [Announcer] Our boy, Frisco.
375
00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:46,129
And the monster,
376
00:13:46,130 --> 00:13:47,130
Malice.
377
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:50,984
(rock music)
378
00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:58,177
(cheers and applause)
379
00:14:00,128 --> 00:14:01,127
Wrestling fans,
380
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:02,127
our winners.
381
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,907
Wrestling tag team champions,
382
00:14:06,908 --> 00:14:08,864
the team of (inaudible),
383
00:14:08,865 --> 00:14:09,865
and Malice.
384
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,547
(rock music)
385
00:14:30,384 --> 00:14:31,425
(soft music)
386
00:14:31,426 --> 00:14:33,766
♪ I was pouring myself
a stiff drink ♪
387
00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,867
♪ At Christmas ♪
388
00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:37,846
♪ Eve ♪
389
00:14:37,847 --> 00:14:40,667
♪ You was looking at me ♪
390
00:14:40,668 --> 00:14:42,423
♪ Like I should ♪
391
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:45,425
♪ Go ♪
392
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,867
♪ You think by now when see ♪
393
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:50,187
♪ That bottle ♪
394
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:52,587
♪ You should know ♪
395
00:14:52,588 --> 00:14:55,627
♪ We're not walking sideways ♪
396
00:14:55,628 --> 00:15:00,628
♪ I ain't trying to
steal the show ♪
397
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:04,049
♪ Where I drink ♪
398
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:05,745
♪ So I drank ♪
399
00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:08,129
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
400
00:15:08,130 --> 00:15:10,065
♪ Bottoms up ♪
401
00:15:10,066 --> 00:15:11,729
♪ Well I drink ♪
402
00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:13,547
♪ So I drank ♪
403
00:15:13,548 --> 00:15:14,865
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
404
00:15:14,866 --> 00:15:17,707
♪ Bottoms up ♪
405
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:21,206
♪ I was watching the
game at the bar ♪
406
00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:23,345
♪ Last Monday ♪
407
00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:24,999
♪ Night ♪
408
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,209
- Guys, how was it?
409
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,947
- Better than Bros.
410
00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:30,264
♪ It was time to ♪
411
00:15:30,265 --> 00:15:32,849
♪ Go ♪
412
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,086
♪ But my friends are here ♪
413
00:15:34,087 --> 00:15:36,246
♪ And there's lots of beer ♪
414
00:15:36,247 --> 00:15:38,171
♪ And the post game ♪
415
00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:39,606
♪ Show ♪
416
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:43,066
♪ So before you get
mad at me later ♪
417
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:48,067
♪ Just remember that
I told you so ♪
418
00:15:50,007 --> 00:15:51,663
♪ Well I drink ♪
419
00:15:51,664 --> 00:15:53,329
♪ So I drank ♪
420
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:55,286
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
421
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,765
♪ Bottoms up ♪
422
00:15:57,766 --> 00:15:59,409
♪ Well I drink ♪
423
00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:01,307
♪ So I drank ♪
424
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,297
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
425
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,382
♪ Bottoms up ♪
426
00:16:05,383 --> 00:16:07,249
♪ Well I drink ♪
427
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:09,184
♪ So I drank ♪
428
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,784
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
429
00:16:10,785 --> 00:16:12,883
♪ Bottoms up ♪
430
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:16,504
♪ Well I drink ♪
431
00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:19,203
♪ So I drank ♪
432
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:21,043
♪ Just like Hank ♪
433
00:16:21,044 --> 00:16:26,044
♪ Now I'm ♪
434
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,723
♪ Drunk, again ♪
435
00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:36,150
- [Matt] Firewater,
436
00:16:36,151 --> 00:16:37,569
a bar that is one block
437
00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,639
from the Sullivan
brother's center.
438
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:40,979
On stage right now,
439
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,709
Pamela the Punisher poet.
440
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,359
The only dominatrix poet
441
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,159
to ever make it.
442
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,089
And, her sidekick,
443
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,923
our good friend Sam the Slave.
444
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,520
- Ode to the little piggy,
445
00:16:54,521 --> 00:16:58,344
dirty, nasty little piggy.
446
00:16:58,345 --> 00:16:59,942
I'm going to make you mine
447
00:16:59,943 --> 00:17:02,600
so get on your knees
448
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:05,022
and whine, you nasty swine.
449
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,702
I am Pamela,
450
00:17:06,703 --> 00:17:08,136
the Punisher poet.
451
00:17:08,137 --> 00:17:10,720
And you're just my little piggy
452
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,701
and everyone's going to know it.
453
00:17:13,702 --> 00:17:18,200
I am the only dominatrix
poet to ever make it
454
00:17:18,201 --> 00:17:21,662
so get on your knees
you nasty little pig
455
00:17:21,663 --> 00:17:22,663
and take it.
456
00:17:24,063 --> 00:17:26,313
(snapping)
457
00:17:30,543 --> 00:17:31,944
(soft music)
458
00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:32,960
- I love Pamela the Punisher.
459
00:17:32,961 --> 00:17:33,961
I love poetry.
460
00:17:33,962 --> 00:17:36,024
You girls have boyfriends?
461
00:17:36,025 --> 00:17:38,424
(inaudible)
462
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,675
(snapping)
463
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,440
- Yes.
464
00:17:45,441 --> 00:17:46,459
Fantastic.
465
00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:48,633
I love you Pamela
the Poet Punisher.
466
00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:53,969
- Rutro.
467
00:17:53,970 --> 00:17:55,629
Where's Scooby and the gang?
468
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:57,182
- Solve any mysteries lately?
469
00:17:57,183 --> 00:17:59,600
(soft music)
470
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,039
- No, not,
471
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,669
not today.
472
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:07,503
Why?
473
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,550
- Is your mom picking you up
from little league later?
474
00:18:09,551 --> 00:18:12,489
- I'm in a league.
475
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:15,083
- Is your priest
still molesting you?
476
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:20,269
- You look like Lance
Armstrong without the roids.
477
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,539
- You look like Tom Hanks
478
00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:23,059
and the end of Philadelphia.
479
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,983
- You look like Chaz Bono
in a fun house mirror.
480
00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:31,379
- Sam.
481
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:32,332
What's up man, how's it going?
482
00:18:32,332 --> 00:18:33,332
- Good.
483
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:34,909
(inaudible)
484
00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,269
Yeah, could I get
a scotch please?
485
00:18:36,270 --> 00:18:37,260
- Yeah, put that one on me.
486
00:18:37,261 --> 00:18:39,619
- Classy as always, sir.
487
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:40,460
Dude, how's it going man?
488
00:18:40,461 --> 00:18:41,934
Where's Tanner at?
489
00:18:41,935 --> 00:18:43,971
- He's with his fiance, man.
490
00:18:43,972 --> 00:18:46,889
- Well that's what
happens, right.
491
00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:47,971
You get older.
492
00:18:47,972 --> 00:18:49,672
You get kids.
493
00:18:49,673 --> 00:18:52,703
Got a nice wife, I guess.
494
00:18:56,528 --> 00:18:59,199
Or you can just be the guy
drinking alone at the bar.
495
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,200
- Yeah.
496
00:19:01,589 --> 00:19:02,649
- Right.
497
00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:03,620
- Yeah, yeah.
498
00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:05,315
Apparently right now,
499
00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:06,313
he's two knuckles deep
500
00:19:06,314 --> 00:19:07,912
in a game of scrabble
with his finance.
501
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:09,039
(laughter)
502
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:09,873
- Scrabble.
503
00:19:09,874 --> 00:19:11,869
Don't you have to know
words for scrabble?
504
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:12,703
- Yeah.
505
00:19:12,704 --> 00:19:14,552
You know that guy's just
playing idiotic stuff.
506
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,019
He's probably
sitting there bored
507
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,989
making houses and
stuff like that.
508
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,331
- Fucking lame crap.
509
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:20,729
- Idiot.
510
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,029
He's gonna play like this,
511
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:22,970
they, them,
512
00:19:22,971 --> 00:19:25,007
it, as, and,
513
00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:25,841
an,
514
00:19:25,842 --> 00:19:27,509
and then do the D.
515
00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:29,119
And then yeah, you know
he's gonna get to there
516
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,929
and have like the wrong one.
517
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:32,376
Like he's gonna go
ahead and say ah,
518
00:19:32,377 --> 00:19:33,399
this means
519
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,390
they are, right.
520
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,223
They are, right.
521
00:19:35,223 --> 00:19:36,140
He's gonna be asking.
522
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:38,890
- His fiance has to be having
the worst time right now.
523
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,092
- Well, woo.
524
00:19:45,113 --> 00:19:46,566
Look what he just played.
525
00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:49,299
Actually, Tanner is
playing scrabble
526
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,133
with is fiance
527
00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:51,563
with a bunch of her friends.
528
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,829
She spelled Fount,
529
00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:55,859
which earned her
530
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:56,983
24 points.
531
00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,210
She was quite proud.
532
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,119
Tanner had a word too.
533
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,649
His fiance kept pestering him
534
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,293
on his vocabulary all night.
535
00:20:09,193 --> 00:20:10,191
Starts with a Q.
536
00:20:10,192 --> 00:20:11,192
That earned him
537
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:12,130
triple letter score.
538
00:20:12,131 --> 00:20:14,309
So guess what Tanner's word is.
539
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:16,359
I'll give you a few hints.
540
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:17,310
Muff grunt,
541
00:20:17,311 --> 00:20:18,899
box burp,
542
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:19,746
sliz sneeze,
543
00:20:19,747 --> 00:20:21,799
womb wheeze,
544
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,828
cunt cough.
545
00:20:23,829 --> 00:20:25,489
That's right.
546
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,313
Tanner's word is Queef.
547
00:20:27,314 --> 00:20:28,679
And if you're still lost,
548
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,273
Google pussy fart.
549
00:20:30,274 --> 00:20:33,829
Queef earned Tanner 63
points total on the word
550
00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,099
and gave him the lead.
551
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,719
His finance was pissed.
552
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,871
But her Ceder Falls
friends were impressed,
553
00:20:38,872 --> 00:20:40,849
and also laughing so hard
554
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:43,329
that Tanner's finally
in with them.
555
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:44,919
Just goes to show you
556
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,089
everyone comes together
557
00:20:46,090 --> 00:20:47,429
at a campground
558
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:49,031
over a twat tune.
559
00:20:49,032 --> 00:20:52,369
- Triple letter score
on the letter Q, nice.
560
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,203
- Nice.
561
00:20:53,204 --> 00:20:55,329
He's putting that extra
chromosome to use.
562
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:58,030
- I'll drink my scotch to that.
563
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:02,059
- I'm telling you guys,
564
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:03,849
Jeff Lance is my real father.
565
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:04,683
I know it.
566
00:21:04,684 --> 00:21:05,749
- He went in with your mom
567
00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:06,889
when he was 12 years old,
568
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,385
you do realize this.
569
00:21:08,386 --> 00:21:09,220
- That's what I'm saying.
570
00:21:09,221 --> 00:21:11,687
She had Jeff in class
when he was 12.
571
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:13,842
- That means your mom's
a child molester.
572
00:21:13,843 --> 00:21:17,505
- Yes, but my real
father's a stud.
573
00:21:17,506 --> 00:21:18,339
- Well, it makes sense.
574
00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:19,745
You do like raw
dogging the strange.
575
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,996
(laughter)
576
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,259
- [Matt] Patrick Plumly.
577
00:21:24,260 --> 00:21:25,649
He owns On The Rocks,
578
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:28,268
a bar with over 15
different Moscow mules,
579
00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:30,499
eight craft beers on tap,
580
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,150
and even more
bottled and canned.
581
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,619
A place like On The
Rocks is a staple
582
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:35,920
in the Waterloo nightlife.
583
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,899
Come have some of
the best drinks,
584
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:41,999
cocktails, beers in the
whole Ceder Valley
585
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,939
all while taking in some artwork
586
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:45,043
of a vintage Waterloo.
587
00:21:51,154 --> 00:21:52,140
The Dipshit Twins,
588
00:21:52,141 --> 00:21:53,847
the smartest guys in the valley.
589
00:21:53,848 --> 00:21:56,908
They received the highest marks
at Iowa State University.
590
00:21:56,909 --> 00:22:00,679
Later, they attended both
Columbia and Harvard.
591
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,159
Inspired by their heroes,
592
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,549
Neil Degrasse Tyson
593
00:22:03,550 --> 00:22:04,573
and Carl Sagan.
594
00:22:06,182 --> 00:22:07,015
But like any other genius,
595
00:22:07,016 --> 00:22:08,149
if you want to throw them off,
596
00:22:08,150 --> 00:22:09,809
get them on a sex topic.
597
00:22:09,810 --> 00:22:12,209
It totally throws a genius off.
598
00:22:12,210 --> 00:22:14,519
Einstein can come up with
a theory of relativity,
599
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,729
but ask that
non-practicing Jew krout
600
00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:18,829
to find the G spot on a woman,
601
00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:20,739
and he will be more shaken
602
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:22,439
than Richard Spencer
603
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,763
asking for directions in a KFC
604
00:22:24,764 --> 00:22:25,650
on the southside of Chicago.
605
00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:26,650
- You know,
606
00:22:27,622 --> 00:22:28,666
I was thinking
607
00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:31,424
on the topic of
black holes again.
608
00:22:31,425 --> 00:22:33,229
- Here we go.
609
00:22:33,230 --> 00:22:34,899
- We do not know
610
00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:36,864
what laws of physics apply
within a black hole.
611
00:22:36,865 --> 00:22:38,864
We just don't.
612
00:22:38,865 --> 00:22:40,466
We're applying standard
laws of physics,
613
00:22:40,467 --> 00:22:41,809
but they can't apply there.
614
00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:42,810
They can't.
615
00:22:43,484 --> 00:22:44,484
- Again,
616
00:22:45,265 --> 00:22:46,549
the standard laws of physics
617
00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:48,299
can apply to a black hole
618
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,109
if there is any presence
619
00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:51,769
of something here on earth
620
00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:53,229
such as
621
00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:54,200
gravity.
622
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,033
- Gravity.
623
00:22:55,034 --> 00:22:57,200
Oh, so that's what
Google was talking about
624
00:22:57,201 --> 00:22:58,379
when I looked it up earlier.
625
00:22:58,380 --> 00:22:59,213
- Yes,
626
00:22:59,214 --> 00:23:02,129
the same gravity that
takes this beautiful dart
627
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:03,100
to the black
628
00:23:03,101 --> 00:23:04,699
hole of that
629
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:07,189
gaping bullseye.
630
00:23:07,190 --> 00:23:08,369
Right in the center.
631
00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:09,370
Don't look.
632
00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:11,859
- Well,
633
00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:13,099
- Jesus Christ.
634
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:16,320
What in the world of Breaking
Bad biology did I walk in on?
635
00:23:16,321 --> 00:23:18,253
- [Both] Matt.
636
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,003
- You nerds talking about.
637
00:23:21,004 --> 00:23:23,519
Black holes again?
638
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,189
- Just because we
identify as nerds
639
00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:26,969
doesn't mean you
can call us nerds.
640
00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:28,109
We can call each other nerds.
641
00:23:28,110 --> 00:23:29,539
You can't call us nerds.
642
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:30,520
Nerd.
643
00:23:30,521 --> 00:23:32,079
- Hey, nerd.
644
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:32,913
- Hey.
645
00:23:32,914 --> 00:23:34,399
- Yes, we're talking
about black holes.
646
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,249
- Man, you guys talk
about black holes
647
00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:37,995
more than Robert Pinero.
648
00:23:37,996 --> 00:23:41,949
- Hold on.
649
00:23:41,950 --> 00:23:43,883
He's doing that
comedy thing again.
650
00:23:43,884 --> 00:23:45,079
(laughter)
651
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,439
Because
652
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,340
Robert De Niro,
653
00:23:47,341 --> 00:23:48,821
Bobby as I call him,
654
00:23:48,822 --> 00:23:50,989
he likes black women.
655
00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:52,304
So that is funny.
656
00:23:52,305 --> 00:23:53,589
(laughter)
657
00:23:53,590 --> 00:23:54,530
- Bobby of Niro
658
00:23:54,531 --> 00:23:56,064
likes black.
659
00:23:56,065 --> 00:23:58,443
(laughter)
660
00:23:58,444 --> 00:23:59,959
(inaudible)
661
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:00,959
- Jesus guys.
662
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:01,963
Seriously.
663
00:24:01,964 --> 00:24:02,961
But I'll play along.
664
00:24:02,962 --> 00:24:04,384
- Oh.
665
00:24:04,385 --> 00:24:05,382
- So,
666
00:24:05,382 --> 00:24:06,215
let's just say the guy
particle accelerator
667
00:24:06,216 --> 00:24:08,779
and taken out all these
mini black holes.
668
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:10,400
- Yes, you're
speaking my language.
669
00:24:10,401 --> 00:24:13,619
- They go ahead and toss us
670
00:24:13,620 --> 00:24:15,563
into the Mandela Effect.
671
00:24:15,564 --> 00:24:17,986
Mandela Effect.
672
00:24:17,987 --> 00:24:20,829
The Mandela Effect refers to
an enlarged number of people
673
00:24:20,830 --> 00:24:22,349
share a false memory,
674
00:24:22,350 --> 00:24:24,659
originally attributed
to the existence
675
00:24:24,660 --> 00:24:26,239
of multiple universes.
676
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,840
Are we currently residing in it?
677
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:30,944
- Let's see.
678
00:24:30,945 --> 00:24:33,278
(inaudible)
679
00:24:36,588 --> 00:24:37,522
Answer the question.
680
00:24:37,523 --> 00:24:38,544
- Bernstein.
681
00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:41,184
I guess you could
be a possibility.
682
00:24:41,185 --> 00:24:42,393
Next question.
683
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,205
- It could be a possibility.
684
00:24:45,206 --> 00:24:46,729
- But.
685
00:24:46,730 --> 00:24:49,205
- If only you were to believe in
686
00:24:49,206 --> 00:24:51,159
alternate timelines.
687
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,969
Or I don't know,
688
00:24:52,970 --> 00:24:54,029
maybe something
689
00:24:54,030 --> 00:24:55,905
like alternate universes.
690
00:24:55,906 --> 00:24:57,320
(laughter)
691
00:24:57,321 --> 00:24:58,839
A bubble universe.
692
00:24:58,840 --> 00:24:59,800
(inaudible)
693
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:00,800
- I get it.
694
00:25:01,581 --> 00:25:02,585
Like Rick and Morty, right.
695
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:05,109
- No, I don't like
Rick and Morty.
696
00:25:05,110 --> 00:25:06,539
It's too smart for me.
697
00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:07,899
Make my brain hurt.
698
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:08,900
- Pickle.
699
00:25:10,188 --> 00:25:11,867
- Pickle dick.
700
00:25:11,868 --> 00:25:12,969
Ow.
701
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,319
- It's pickle Rick.
702
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,085
I got another question
for you guys.
703
00:25:16,086 --> 00:25:17,979
You think
704
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:19,563
because. - Yes.
705
00:25:19,564 --> 00:25:20,959
- These black holes opening,
706
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,264
toss us into an
alternate universe
707
00:25:23,265 --> 00:25:25,422
within ourselves
708
00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:29,109
that we actually have
non binary people.
709
00:25:29,110 --> 00:25:31,638
People who do not identify
710
00:25:31,639 --> 00:25:33,359
as either gender,
711
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,779
nor masculine, nor feminine.
712
00:25:35,780 --> 00:25:38,363
That they see neither of them.
713
00:25:38,364 --> 00:25:42,609
That however they exist
outside the binary,
714
00:25:42,610 --> 00:25:45,639
and outside the cis normativity.
715
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,199
I'm telling you some people
716
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,549
do not see gender, but just see
717
00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:53,269
who they actually
are as a person.
718
00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:54,763
- See people.
719
00:25:54,764 --> 00:25:59,063
I've been to 17
different colleges.
720
00:26:02,210 --> 00:26:03,558
- Dizzy.
721
00:26:03,559 --> 00:26:04,929
Matt,
722
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:08,622
what the fuck are you
talking about man?
723
00:26:08,623 --> 00:26:09,703
- Yeah.
724
00:26:09,704 --> 00:26:11,845
What are you saying?
725
00:26:11,846 --> 00:26:12,928
- I'm just saying
726
00:26:12,929 --> 00:26:14,369
these people don't see gender.
727
00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:16,085
- You're hurting
Dipshitowits one.
728
00:26:16,086 --> 00:26:17,733
- Shut up, Dipshitowits two.
729
00:26:18,806 --> 00:26:21,785
- How can you not see gender?
730
00:26:21,786 --> 00:26:22,786
That's
731
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:25,259
all you can see when
you're doing it.
732
00:26:25,260 --> 00:26:26,130
Look,
733
00:26:26,131 --> 00:26:27,808
hey, hey, hey.
734
00:26:27,809 --> 00:26:29,327
Honk, honk.
735
00:26:29,328 --> 00:26:30,849
Honk, honk.
736
00:26:30,850 --> 00:26:31,750
- It's all you can see.
737
00:26:31,751 --> 00:26:34,347
It's all you can see.
738
00:26:34,348 --> 00:26:36,805
- Hey, hey, gender, gender,
739
00:26:36,806 --> 00:26:38,059
gender, gender.
740
00:26:38,060 --> 00:26:39,803
Hey, hey, hey.
741
00:26:39,804 --> 00:26:40,957
- Let's put it,
742
00:26:40,958 --> 00:26:41,934
hey,
743
00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:43,032
hey.
744
00:26:43,033 --> 00:26:44,471
Hey. - I'm doing both parts.
745
00:26:44,472 --> 00:26:45,305
Hey.
746
00:26:45,306 --> 00:26:46,309
What?
747
00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:48,019
- You're gonna get
us kicked out again.
748
00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:48,913
- Sorry.
749
00:26:48,913 --> 00:26:49,746
Sorry.
750
00:26:49,746 --> 00:26:50,579
- What are you gonna do?
751
00:26:50,580 --> 00:26:52,432
Oh yeah, here's a big seven inch
752
00:26:52,433 --> 00:26:54,229
dark and red veiny,
753
00:26:54,230 --> 00:26:55,439
sweaty,
754
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,552
smelly non-binary.
755
00:26:57,553 --> 00:26:59,232
- It's my big,
756
00:26:59,233 --> 00:27:00,592
huge,
757
00:27:00,593 --> 00:27:01,593
two inches,
758
00:27:02,593 --> 00:27:03,595
give or take
759
00:27:03,596 --> 00:27:04,875
veiny.
760
00:27:04,876 --> 00:27:06,192
Looks almost like...
761
00:27:06,193 --> 00:27:08,693
- Big, huge,
762
00:27:08,694 --> 00:27:09,915
two inches?
763
00:27:09,916 --> 00:27:11,195
- Go.
764
00:27:11,196 --> 00:27:12,210
- I mean,
765
00:27:12,211 --> 00:27:13,413
I don't think they see it
kind of that way boys.
766
00:27:13,414 --> 00:27:15,709
- Well you sometimes
you need a microscope,
767
00:27:15,710 --> 00:27:16,852
but you can see it that way.
768
00:27:16,853 --> 00:27:17,810
- You can see it.
769
00:27:17,811 --> 00:27:19,289
I've looked.
770
00:27:19,290 --> 00:27:20,869
Scientific curiosity.
771
00:27:20,870 --> 00:27:21,870
Nothing weird.
772
00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:24,832
Look, Matt,
773
00:27:24,833 --> 00:27:26,299
let's put it in dummy language.
774
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:28,213
- Yeah, we're the Dipshits.
775
00:27:28,214 --> 00:27:29,712
Sure.
776
00:27:29,713 --> 00:27:30,546
(laughter)
777
00:27:30,546 --> 00:27:31,379
- There's no denying dick.
778
00:27:31,379 --> 00:27:32,212
- Yeah.
779
00:27:32,212 --> 00:27:33,045
- [Both] There's
no denying dick.
780
00:27:33,046 --> 00:27:34,295
There's no denying dick.
781
00:27:34,296 --> 00:27:35,878
There's no denying dick.
782
00:27:35,879 --> 00:27:37,296
There's no denying dick.
783
00:27:37,297 --> 00:27:38,714
There's no denying dick.
784
00:27:38,715 --> 00:27:40,219
There's no denying dick.
785
00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:41,675
There's no denying dick.
786
00:27:41,676 --> 00:27:42,676
There's no.
787
00:27:43,478 --> 00:27:44,555
- You know what.
788
00:27:44,556 --> 00:27:45,595
- What?
789
00:27:45,596 --> 00:27:46,429
- Let's go home.
790
00:27:46,429 --> 00:27:47,396
- Yeah.
791
00:27:47,397 --> 00:27:48,418
- Get the whiteboard out,
792
00:27:48,419 --> 00:27:49,659
put some fricking Windex on it.
793
00:27:53,180 --> 00:27:55,239
And then we're gonna
figure this out
794
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,009
for once and for all.
795
00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:58,843
- Yeah Matt.
796
00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:00,958
You're such a fricking A-hole.
797
00:28:00,959 --> 00:28:03,139
Pardon my language, but
798
00:28:03,140 --> 00:28:04,020
we're trying to
799
00:28:04,021 --> 00:28:05,838
go on solve
800
00:28:05,839 --> 00:28:06,672
the straight dairy problem.
801
00:28:06,673 --> 00:28:08,456
Now you got me all twisted up.
802
00:28:08,457 --> 00:28:09,624
Now we have to
803
00:28:10,614 --> 00:28:11,729
fricking solve
804
00:28:11,730 --> 00:28:12,879
non-binary.
805
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,689
- Computer scientists.
806
00:28:14,690 --> 00:28:15,690
Let's go.
807
00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:20,862
- A couple of science nerds,
808
00:28:20,863 --> 00:28:22,449
they're not very PC.
809
00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:23,450
Indepedent film.
810
00:28:24,639 --> 00:28:27,420
They must have meant
Independent film.
811
00:28:27,421 --> 00:28:30,958
The Mandela Effect.
812
00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:31,830
But an Independent film
813
00:28:31,831 --> 00:28:33,400
set in Waterloo, Iowa
814
00:28:33,401 --> 00:28:35,502
named Bros.
815
00:28:35,503 --> 00:28:37,023
Oh man, that's got to suck.
816
00:28:38,340 --> 00:28:39,300
- You running off
my customers again?
817
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:40,939
- Come on man, they were
just gonna drink up
818
00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:42,379
my fucking favorite scotch.
819
00:28:42,380 --> 00:28:43,918
- Doesn't matter.
820
00:28:43,919 --> 00:28:45,036
- Tell you what,
821
00:28:45,037 --> 00:28:47,649
I'm gonna drink the
majority of that bottle
822
00:28:47,650 --> 00:28:49,159
in there anyways.
823
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,640
And they were probably gonna
have a bunch of waters.
824
00:28:51,641 --> 00:28:53,189
It won't matter.
825
00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:54,499
They're science dorks.
826
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:55,989
I'm a drunk.
827
00:28:55,990 --> 00:28:56,990
I pay more.
828
00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:00,159
- I love alcoholism.
829
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,676
- Hey, hey,
830
00:29:01,677 --> 00:29:03,039
the Waterloo Manati
meeting just let out?
831
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,099
- Matt, good to see you.
832
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:05,529
- Good seeing you.
833
00:29:05,530 --> 00:29:07,543
- Where's your buddy, Tanner?
834
00:29:07,544 --> 00:29:09,762
- He's out with his
fiance tonight.
835
00:29:09,763 --> 00:29:10,660
- Yep.
836
00:29:10,661 --> 00:29:13,042
That happens when you get older.
837
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:14,802
People, they get married.
838
00:29:14,803 --> 00:29:15,803
They have kids.
839
00:29:16,570 --> 00:29:18,061
Be happy for your friend.
840
00:29:18,062 --> 00:29:20,289
- Yeah, speaking of which,
841
00:29:20,290 --> 00:29:21,866
he's playing scrabble with her.
842
00:29:21,867 --> 00:29:24,301
Check out the word he played.
843
00:29:24,302 --> 00:29:25,789
- Oh, yeah.
844
00:29:25,790 --> 00:29:27,529
That's nice placement
there on that Q.
845
00:29:27,530 --> 00:29:29,063
Triple letter score.
846
00:29:29,064 --> 00:29:30,719
63 points.
847
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:31,793
Very nice.
848
00:29:32,970 --> 00:29:33,989
- Yeah.
849
00:29:33,990 --> 00:29:35,090
I hate drinking alone.
850
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,959
- Eat your bread
851
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,839
with joy and drink your wine
852
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:42,849
with a merry heart,
853
00:29:42,850 --> 00:29:44,639
for god has already approved
854
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,079
what you do.
855
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,199
- That's beautiful.
856
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,679
Who's that?
857
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:49,703
Luke Bryant?
858
00:29:49,704 --> 00:29:50,702
Kanye West?
859
00:29:50,703 --> 00:29:52,019
- It's Ecclesiastes nine seven.
860
00:29:52,020 --> 00:29:53,202
It's from the bible.
861
00:29:53,203 --> 00:29:54,269
- Yeah.
862
00:29:54,270 --> 00:29:56,381
I always try to give musicians
way too much credit.
863
00:29:56,382 --> 00:29:59,076
- Let me ask you something,
864
00:29:59,077 --> 00:30:00,640
what have you done so far today?
865
00:30:00,641 --> 00:30:02,701
- Well, it started off.
866
00:30:02,702 --> 00:30:04,099
I had some shots with Jeff
Lance at the Library.
867
00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:05,169
I went and saw
868
00:30:05,170 --> 00:30:07,069
pro-wrestling at the
Five Sullivan Center.
869
00:30:07,070 --> 00:30:10,105
And went and saw Pamela The
Punisher Poet next door.
870
00:30:10,106 --> 00:30:11,705
It's been pretty cool.
871
00:30:11,706 --> 00:30:14,849
- All that in the course
of one Saturday afternoon
872
00:30:14,850 --> 00:30:16,105
in the Cedar Valley.
873
00:30:16,106 --> 00:30:17,759
You know,
874
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,879
the Douist define grace
875
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,239
not so much
876
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,399
by the words that you say,
877
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,509
but by your actions,
878
00:30:24,510 --> 00:30:25,343
your movements,
879
00:30:25,344 --> 00:30:26,393
how you live life.
880
00:30:27,330 --> 00:30:30,189
You have more wealth in
these few city blocks
881
00:30:30,190 --> 00:30:31,429
than most people have
882
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:32,709
anywhere in the world.
883
00:30:32,710 --> 00:30:34,148
Where else,
884
00:30:34,149 --> 00:30:34,982
other than
885
00:30:34,983 --> 00:30:36,148
maybe Las Vegas or something
886
00:30:36,149 --> 00:30:36,982
can you get
887
00:30:36,983 --> 00:30:38,686
a glass of scotch that full?
888
00:30:38,687 --> 00:30:41,979
Be happy for your friends,
889
00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:43,159
for they come and go.
890
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,109
You know they'll always
be those children
891
00:30:46,110 --> 00:30:47,100
and those wives out there.
892
00:30:47,101 --> 00:30:48,129
Be happy for them too
893
00:30:48,130 --> 00:30:50,505
because this too may
come for you someday.
894
00:30:50,506 --> 00:30:51,506
- Yeah.
895
00:30:53,029 --> 00:30:54,228
What if it doesn't?
896
00:30:54,229 --> 00:30:56,239
- Well then you're just
another old guy at a bar.
897
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,668
But see that's okay too.
898
00:30:57,669 --> 00:31:01,059
You need to cherish
your memories,
899
00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:02,548
enjoy your scotch,
900
00:31:02,549 --> 00:31:04,925
and remember the five
Sullivan brothers.
901
00:31:04,926 --> 00:31:08,249
They would have loved to be
able to come back to this town
902
00:31:08,250 --> 00:31:11,287
and enjoy it the
way that you have.
903
00:31:11,288 --> 00:31:13,393
- How'd you get so wise?
904
00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:18,429
- I come from Oelwein, Iowa.
905
00:31:18,430 --> 00:31:21,049
Oh hey, I have two tickets
to the court games.
906
00:31:21,050 --> 00:31:24,379
Starts in about 15 minutes.
907
00:31:24,380 --> 00:31:26,099
If you can find somebody
to go with you, great.
908
00:31:26,100 --> 00:31:28,190
If not, then you just
enjoy your evening.
909
00:31:28,191 --> 00:31:30,393
- Thanks man.
910
00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,399
I always appreciated
our friendship.
911
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:34,409
- Take care.
912
00:31:34,410 --> 00:31:36,283
Finish that scotch.
913
00:31:41,223 --> 00:31:43,640
(rock music)
914
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:51,646
- [Matt] The Cedar
Valley court games.
915
00:31:51,647 --> 00:31:55,565
Waterloo's Midwest
professional basketball team.
916
00:31:55,566 --> 00:31:59,509
Actually, the Midwest
professional basketball league
917
00:31:59,510 --> 00:32:00,888
champions.
918
00:32:00,889 --> 00:32:03,556
(group chatter)
919
00:32:17,929 --> 00:32:20,346
(rock music)
920
00:32:29,050 --> 00:32:31,717
(piano playing)
921
00:32:49,630 --> 00:32:51,225
- Speaking of broke,
922
00:32:51,226 --> 00:32:52,059
do you have enough
money to finish
923
00:32:52,059 --> 00:32:53,059
paying for your haircut?
924
00:32:53,910 --> 00:32:55,145
- I see, it's cool, it's cool.
925
00:32:55,146 --> 00:32:56,148
It's hard out here man.
926
00:32:56,149 --> 00:32:58,889
- You look like Raggedy Anne
after a house fire, man.
927
00:32:58,890 --> 00:33:00,869
- People's hair,
928
00:33:00,870 --> 00:33:02,729
I mean one more hair strand
falls out your hair, man,
929
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,969
you're gonna look like broke
Bruce Willis or something.
930
00:33:04,970 --> 00:33:06,465
I'm just saying.
931
00:33:06,466 --> 00:33:07,966
- Jersey Shore reject.
932
00:33:07,967 --> 00:33:09,447
You look like old
Asians (inaudible).
933
00:33:09,967 --> 00:33:11,780
- Speaking of that,
934
00:33:11,781 --> 00:33:13,099
you sure look like
you came off the gas
935
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:14,100
golf course seven.
936
00:33:14,101 --> 00:33:15,550
- I did, I see you dad there.
937
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,263
- Speaking of rejects,
938
00:33:18,264 --> 00:33:19,268
like your hairline's
been rejecting
939
00:33:19,269 --> 00:33:20,329
your forehead a little bit.
940
00:33:20,330 --> 00:33:21,609
I don't know what's going on.
941
00:33:21,610 --> 00:33:22,607
- Your hairline look
like a fundraiser.
942
00:33:22,607 --> 00:33:23,607
I'm sorry.
943
00:33:24,826 --> 00:33:25,826
- You guys are black.
944
00:33:26,662 --> 00:33:28,505
(laughter)
945
00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:31,003
- You kind of look like an Oreo.
946
00:33:32,069 --> 00:33:33,129
- A broreo.
947
00:33:33,130 --> 00:33:34,147
- A broreo.
948
00:33:34,148 --> 00:33:35,188
I like that.
949
00:33:35,189 --> 00:33:36,328
I like that, let's toast
to that right there.
950
00:33:36,329 --> 00:33:37,327
- Bros for life.
- Bros for life.
951
00:33:37,328 --> 00:33:39,994
(piano playing)
952
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:43,023
- So I was thinking,
953
00:33:43,024 --> 00:33:44,384
and I think I might
like the sound
954
00:33:45,269 --> 00:33:46,220
of some little feet
pitter pattering.
955
00:33:46,221 --> 00:33:48,229
I think maybe we
should start a family.
956
00:33:48,230 --> 00:33:49,063
- Oh my god.
957
00:33:49,064 --> 00:33:50,719
I love being your wife.
958
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,046
I would make such a great mom.
959
00:33:52,047 --> 00:33:53,189
I would love to have
960
00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:54,569
a little boy or girl with you.
961
00:33:54,570 --> 00:33:55,460
- Okay.
962
00:33:55,461 --> 00:33:56,849
I'll throw away the condoms.
963
00:33:56,850 --> 00:33:57,979
You start taking
your temperature
964
00:33:57,980 --> 00:33:59,089
and charting your days.
965
00:33:59,090 --> 00:34:00,649
And I'll triangulate
the insemination
966
00:34:00,650 --> 00:34:01,679
for the best possible outcome.
967
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,239
- The way you sound it,
968
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,339
it's so dirty.
969
00:34:04,340 --> 00:34:05,340
I love it.
970
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:07,800
- Black Hawk county seat
971
00:34:07,801 --> 00:34:09,609
was originally in Cedar Falls.
972
00:34:09,610 --> 00:34:11,069
- Yeah, and then some
Waterloo residents
973
00:34:11,070 --> 00:34:12,549
went over and seized
the documents
974
00:34:12,550 --> 00:34:14,029
and brought them
back to Waterloo.
975
00:34:14,030 --> 00:34:15,059
- Wait, is this a story
976
00:34:15,060 --> 00:34:16,649
where they threw
eggs at each other?
977
00:34:16,650 --> 00:34:17,748
- Yeah, they called
it the egg war.
978
00:34:17,749 --> 00:34:19,949
- Hard boiled.
979
00:34:19,950 --> 00:34:21,545
Just like city councils
in these towns.
980
00:34:21,546 --> 00:34:23,009
- Or over easy,
981
00:34:23,010 --> 00:34:24,809
like the Cedar Valley women.
982
00:34:24,810 --> 00:34:27,259
- So according to this,
983
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:29,623
we conceived on the weekend
of the 11th and the 12th.
984
00:34:29,624 --> 00:34:32,239
- Hey, that was the weekend
985
00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:34,829
I was out of town at
my nana's funeral.
986
00:34:34,830 --> 00:34:35,744
- Oh my god.
987
00:34:35,745 --> 00:34:37,267
Sorry.
988
00:34:37,268 --> 00:34:38,639
- It's okay.
989
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,640
I fucked somebody else
that weekend too.
990
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:42,353
- C'est la vie.
991
00:34:42,354 --> 00:34:43,403
- Sera, sera.
992
00:34:45,010 --> 00:34:47,428
- Mom, you got to stop
hitting on guys my age.
993
00:34:47,429 --> 00:34:49,379
Stop flirting with
my guy friends.
994
00:34:49,380 --> 00:34:51,869
- You know people think we could
995
00:34:51,870 --> 00:34:53,246
actually be sisters.
996
00:34:53,247 --> 00:34:55,069
- You slow down.
997
00:34:55,070 --> 00:34:56,429
You're way too much.
998
00:34:56,430 --> 00:34:58,046
- I am a cougar.
999
00:34:58,047 --> 00:34:59,828
It's our time now.
1000
00:34:59,829 --> 00:35:02,009
I will not slow down.
1001
00:35:02,010 --> 00:35:05,049
It's MILF time.
1002
00:35:05,050 --> 00:35:05,883
- Gross.
1003
00:35:05,884 --> 00:35:08,030
- Your little friend,
Jake, didn't think so.
1004
00:35:09,306 --> 00:35:11,973
(piano playing)
1005
00:35:19,004 --> 00:35:21,029
- [Matt] This is Elias,
1006
00:35:21,030 --> 00:35:22,468
a good Christian boy.
1007
00:35:22,469 --> 00:35:24,779
Drank way too much one night.
1008
00:35:24,780 --> 00:35:29,159
Actually, he went on an
entire weekend bender.
1009
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,249
Now, he's in
alcoholic's anonymous.
1010
00:35:32,250 --> 00:35:34,308
So we refer to him as.
1011
00:35:34,309 --> 00:35:36,779
AA Elias.
1012
00:35:36,780 --> 00:35:38,543
- Shit this shit's
(inaudible) man.
1013
00:35:40,582 --> 00:35:42,466
Why don't they fix
this shit, dude?
1014
00:35:42,467 --> 00:35:45,266
(inaudible)
1015
00:35:45,267 --> 00:35:46,684
Who gives a shit.
1016
00:35:51,710 --> 00:35:53,039
- Hey, Jorge.
1017
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,304
- What you want, dude?
1018
00:35:54,305 --> 00:35:55,629
- You know I'm really
concerned about you man.
1019
00:35:55,630 --> 00:35:57,265
I'm really concerned
about your health.
1020
00:35:57,266 --> 00:35:58,525
Hwy don't you take
a look at this.
1021
00:35:58,526 --> 00:36:00,019
Really could help you out.
1022
00:36:00,020 --> 00:36:01,010
- You think?
1023
00:36:01,011 --> 00:36:02,605
- Yeah man.
1024
00:36:02,606 --> 00:36:03,819
It helped me.
1025
00:36:03,820 --> 00:36:05,047
- Whatever dude.
1026
00:36:05,048 --> 00:36:06,409
Go away dude, I'm drinking.
1027
00:36:06,410 --> 00:36:07,539
- Alright, just think
about it, man.
1028
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:09,128
- Yeah whatever dude.
1029
00:36:09,129 --> 00:36:10,129
Go fuck yourself.
1030
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:21,377
Holy shit, AA works.
1031
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,570
Alright.
1032
00:36:25,571 --> 00:36:28,238
(piano playing)
1033
00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:36,930
- I love the two of you in Oz.
1034
00:36:36,931 --> 00:36:38,968
- What's up man.
1035
00:36:38,969 --> 00:36:41,527
- Hey, what's up Jorge?
1036
00:36:41,528 --> 00:36:42,706
What's up dude?
1037
00:36:42,707 --> 00:36:43,746
Marcel, can I get another run?
1038
00:36:43,747 --> 00:36:44,747
Thank you.
1039
00:36:45,609 --> 00:36:46,886
- This time of the day, dude?
1040
00:36:46,887 --> 00:36:47,887
- Yeah.
1041
00:36:49,507 --> 00:36:50,979
You have the same one too.
1042
00:36:50,980 --> 00:36:52,088
- I'm in mourning dude.
1043
00:36:52,089 --> 00:36:54,770
- Yeah, I guess I'm
in mourning too.
1044
00:36:54,771 --> 00:36:57,389
- Why, Anthony Bourdain too?
1045
00:36:57,390 --> 00:36:58,280
You heard about that shit too?
1046
00:36:58,281 --> 00:37:00,009
- No, Tanner.
1047
00:37:00,010 --> 00:37:01,439
He's got a fiance.
1048
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:02,370
Can't hang out with me.
1049
00:37:02,371 --> 00:37:03,519
- He found someone
tighter than you, huh.
1050
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,189
- Yeah, I guess in a way.
1051
00:37:05,190 --> 00:37:06,709
- In a way?
1052
00:37:06,710 --> 00:37:08,210
Really?
1053
00:37:08,211 --> 00:37:09,369
- Yeah.
1054
00:37:09,370 --> 00:37:10,949
Who's fucking push
light is that?
1055
00:37:10,950 --> 00:37:11,890
- That's that milk weed,
1056
00:37:11,891 --> 00:37:13,209
Tyler of the tool.
1057
00:37:13,210 --> 00:37:14,043
- Oh Jesus Christ.
1058
00:37:14,044 --> 00:37:16,349
Was diet mountain dew too spicy?
1059
00:37:16,350 --> 00:37:17,528
- For that milk weed
1060
00:37:17,529 --> 00:37:19,129
(inaudible) motherfucker, maybe.
1061
00:37:22,510 --> 00:37:23,369
- Oh yeah.
1062
00:37:23,370 --> 00:37:25,629
Extra cheese was a good call.
1063
00:37:25,630 --> 00:37:26,880
It's a two flusher, baby.
1064
00:37:34,830 --> 00:37:38,269
Pouring one out for your
dead homies over there?
1065
00:37:38,270 --> 00:37:39,719
(laughter)
1066
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:40,989
You guys both have a grinder.
1067
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:42,129
That's how you guys met.
1068
00:37:42,130 --> 00:37:42,963
That's awesome.
1069
00:37:42,964 --> 00:37:44,306
Good for you guys.
1070
00:37:44,307 --> 00:37:45,140
You guys are a beautiful couple.
1071
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:45,973
I like the melting pot
1072
00:37:45,974 --> 00:37:47,528
kind of situation going on here.
1073
00:37:47,529 --> 00:37:48,967
- Hey, at least I get
swiped right, motherfucker.
1074
00:37:48,968 --> 00:37:50,859
Hey, what's with the jacket?
1075
00:37:50,860 --> 00:37:52,408
Were you worried about
the Jews replacing you?
1076
00:37:52,409 --> 00:37:54,969
- You couldn't replace me.
1077
00:37:54,970 --> 00:37:56,305
I look like
1078
00:37:56,306 --> 00:37:58,219
if Adolph Hitler could
perfectly design somebody.
1079
00:37:58,220 --> 00:38:01,128
A genetically modified boy
band member basically.
1080
00:38:01,129 --> 00:38:02,186
(laughter)
1081
00:38:02,187 --> 00:38:03,719
- Yeah, the Richard
Spencer Five.
1082
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:04,553
I've heard of them.
1083
00:38:04,554 --> 00:38:05,556
- You're just like my uncle.
1084
00:38:05,557 --> 00:38:06,602
You went south of the border.
1085
00:38:06,603 --> 00:38:08,349
You got a nice Hispanic wife.
1086
00:38:08,350 --> 00:38:09,359
You're like the guy
1087
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,419
from Modern Family.
1088
00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:11,420
That's awesome.
1089
00:38:12,089 --> 00:38:12,922
(laughter)
1090
00:38:12,923 --> 00:38:14,588
- You're adorable.
1091
00:38:14,589 --> 00:38:15,879
- That's like your mom said.
1092
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:16,840
She thinks I'm real cute.
1093
00:38:16,841 --> 00:38:19,729
She put me up in her big
strong Mexican arms,
1094
00:38:19,730 --> 00:38:21,439
like a big bundle of fruit.
1095
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:22,967
Just picked me up.
1096
00:38:22,968 --> 00:38:23,970
- Hey,
1097
00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:24,804
where's your dipshit friend at?
1098
00:38:24,805 --> 00:38:25,984
Tyler?
1099
00:38:25,985 --> 00:38:26,818
- Pulling doubles over
at the golf course, man.
1100
00:38:26,818 --> 00:38:27,651
Golf pro.
1101
00:38:27,651 --> 00:38:28,640
Making that good money.
1102
00:38:28,641 --> 00:38:30,180
He's got a kid on the way.
1103
00:38:31,843 --> 00:38:33,144
He fucks girls, unlike you guys.
1104
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:35,189
- Putting.
1105
00:38:35,190 --> 00:38:36,609
The short game.
1106
00:38:36,610 --> 00:38:39,026
Well, half the game actually.
1107
00:38:39,027 --> 00:38:40,786
You master this, and
1108
00:38:40,787 --> 00:38:44,765
I think I see a little green
jacket in your future.
1109
00:38:44,766 --> 00:38:46,143
But,
1110
00:38:47,185 --> 00:38:49,519
but you got to eye on the ball
1111
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,609
and then put through
1112
00:38:51,610 --> 00:38:52,662
to the hole.
1113
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:55,009
Through to the hole.
1114
00:38:55,010 --> 00:38:56,010
But,
1115
00:38:56,690 --> 00:38:57,944
you got to focus.
1116
00:38:57,945 --> 00:38:59,349
Buddy.
1117
00:38:59,350 --> 00:39:00,350
Focus.
1118
00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:18,480
- Hey, I thought that was a
baby ruth in Caddyshack.
1119
00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:21,099
- Yeah, but all they
had was snickers.
1120
00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:23,323
- Hey, no more
Caddyshack references.
1121
00:39:23,324 --> 00:39:25,202
- But man, orange balls.
1122
00:39:25,203 --> 00:39:27,864
Hey Wayne, this is
a swanky joint.
1123
00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:29,762
Go tell him you're Jewish.
1124
00:39:29,763 --> 00:39:30,660
(laughter)
1125
00:39:30,661 --> 00:39:33,423
- No more Caddyshack references.
1126
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,889
No more Caddyshack references.
1127
00:39:37,890 --> 00:39:39,039
I'm fucking serious.
1128
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,949
- Oh baby.
1129
00:39:40,950 --> 00:39:43,017
This is a big one.
1130
00:39:43,018 --> 00:39:43,851
- Alright, don't count that one.
1131
00:39:43,852 --> 00:39:45,029
That was interfered with.
1132
00:39:45,030 --> 00:39:47,459
- The whole world needs
ditch diggers too.
1133
00:39:47,460 --> 00:39:49,329
- What'd I say about
Caddyshack references?
1134
00:39:49,330 --> 00:39:50,824
- [Both] What's the matter?
1135
00:39:50,825 --> 00:39:51,658
I just want to bring
you a present.
1136
00:39:51,659 --> 00:39:52,659
- No
1137
00:39:52,660 --> 00:39:54,169
more.
1138
00:39:54,170 --> 00:39:55,199
Caddyshack references.
1139
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,409
- Hey, that's from
Caddyshack two.
1140
00:39:56,410 --> 00:39:58,809
- Yeah, it's from
Caddyshack two, bra.
1141
00:39:58,810 --> 00:39:59,929
- Shit man.
1142
00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:01,565
The last time I saw you,
1143
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,582
the night in Cedar
Falls with Heather.
1144
00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:07,239
- Yet that girl talks about
how small my dick is.
1145
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,409
Like you're six foot four,
1146
00:40:08,410 --> 00:40:09,569
everything looks that small
1147
00:40:09,570 --> 00:40:11,064
compared to that.
1148
00:40:11,065 --> 00:40:11,898
Come on.
1149
00:40:11,898 --> 00:40:12,731
- You ever notice
when she gets mad,
1150
00:40:12,732 --> 00:40:14,529
she kind of looks
like William Defoe?
1151
00:40:14,530 --> 00:40:15,390
- Oh dude, it's like
1152
00:40:15,391 --> 00:40:16,869
kind of like seeing my stepdad.
1153
00:40:16,870 --> 00:40:17,703
It's crazy.
1154
00:40:17,703 --> 00:40:18,560
Like
1155
00:40:18,561 --> 00:40:20,869
the guy that got shot
by fucking Jake Taylor
1156
00:40:20,870 --> 00:40:22,489
from Major League in Platoon,
1157
00:40:22,490 --> 00:40:23,323
you know what I'm talking about.
1158
00:40:23,324 --> 00:40:24,339
- Yeah dude.
1159
00:40:24,340 --> 00:40:25,340
Oh my god.
1160
00:40:26,046 --> 00:40:27,043
Was she on the rescue
in the Boondock Saints?
1161
00:40:27,044 --> 00:40:28,119
(laughter)
1162
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:28,953
- Yeah.
1163
00:40:28,954 --> 00:40:30,461
Born on the fourth of July.
1164
00:40:30,462 --> 00:40:32,445
(laughter)
1165
00:40:32,446 --> 00:40:33,279
- You two are peas in a pod.
1166
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:34,509
What are you, a fucking
1167
00:40:34,510 --> 00:40:36,024
shake swords together sometimes.
1168
00:40:36,025 --> 00:40:37,725
- That's not a bad idea?
1169
00:40:37,726 --> 00:40:39,384
- Yeah man.
1170
00:40:39,385 --> 00:40:43,219
Hey, you got to have
somebody from a movie
1171
00:40:43,220 --> 00:40:44,070
talk shit about your dick,
1172
00:40:44,071 --> 00:40:45,821
who would it be?
1173
00:40:45,822 --> 00:40:47,041
- Oh man, probably
Hannibal Lector, man.
1174
00:40:47,042 --> 00:40:48,042
He'd be like
1175
00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:49,809
go into great detail about it,
1176
00:40:49,810 --> 00:40:51,679
and then like snack that shit
up with some fava beans.
1177
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:55,682
What about you?
1178
00:40:55,683 --> 00:40:57,419
- Weirdly,
1179
00:40:57,420 --> 00:40:58,469
Cruella de Vil.
1180
00:40:58,470 --> 00:40:59,679
- 101 Dalmatians.
1181
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:00,744
- Yeah.
1182
00:41:00,745 --> 00:41:01,578
Yeah, she'd talk shit about it,
1183
00:41:01,579 --> 00:41:03,159
she'd still see
the beauty in it.
1184
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:04,739
She'd just have to
find a 100 more
1185
00:41:04,740 --> 00:41:06,659
and fashion it in to a
fashionable jacket.
1186
00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:08,002
- A nice little dick coat.
1187
00:41:08,003 --> 00:41:09,312
- Yeah, who wouldn't wear
a dick skinned jacket?
1188
00:41:09,313 --> 00:41:10,444
- I would look good
in a dick coat.
1189
00:41:10,445 --> 00:41:12,478
- That jacket is tighter
than dick skin.
1190
00:41:12,479 --> 00:41:13,993
- Absolutely.
1191
00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:18,219
- So,
1192
00:41:18,220 --> 00:41:19,282
fuck it.
1193
00:41:19,283 --> 00:41:20,116
You want to go to Lava Lounge?
1194
00:41:20,116 --> 00:41:20,949
I'll buy you a scotch.
1195
00:41:20,949 --> 00:41:21,850
$12,
1196
00:41:21,850 --> 00:41:22,850
the good kind.
1197
00:41:23,721 --> 00:41:24,722
(laughter)
1198
00:41:24,723 --> 00:41:25,556
- Trailer Park Boys, nice.
1199
00:41:25,557 --> 00:41:26,957
- Nice.
1200
00:41:26,958 --> 00:41:28,824
- Well, it looks like
I'm Julien on this one,
1201
00:41:28,825 --> 00:41:30,322
cause I'm taking
my drink with me.
1202
00:41:30,323 --> 00:41:31,539
- It's about to fucking time.
1203
00:41:31,540 --> 00:41:32,729
- Have a good one.
1204
00:41:32,730 --> 00:41:33,944
Adios amigo.
1205
00:41:33,945 --> 00:41:35,239
- Yeah, fuck yourself.
1206
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:38,289
- No, C3-PO has a silver leg.
1207
00:41:38,290 --> 00:41:39,800
- Mandela Effect.
1208
00:41:39,801 --> 00:41:41,559
- No, what.
1209
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,664
No, no, no, no, no.
1210
00:41:42,665 --> 00:41:43,662
C3-PO is gold
1211
00:41:43,663 --> 00:41:44,709
and Han did the Castle Run
1212
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:46,719
in 12 parsecs.
1213
00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:47,553
Duh.
1214
00:41:47,554 --> 00:41:48,919
- Pretty sure it was 14.
1215
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,339
- He told Chewy
1216
00:41:50,340 --> 00:41:51,366
that he rounded down in Solo.
1217
00:41:51,367 --> 00:41:52,463
- Either way,
1218
00:41:53,481 --> 00:41:54,482
it's still impressive.
1219
00:41:54,483 --> 00:41:56,099
- So,
1220
00:41:56,100 --> 00:41:58,519
is Rey Han and Leia's kid?
1221
00:41:58,520 --> 00:41:59,353
- How the hell
1222
00:41:59,354 --> 00:42:01,682
would Luke and Leia
not sense that?
1223
00:42:01,683 --> 00:42:04,540
I mean these jedis are unreal.
1224
00:42:04,541 --> 00:42:09,478
Leia can Mary Poppins through
the vacuum of space,
1225
00:42:09,479 --> 00:42:12,158
but she can't keep track
of her damn kids.
1226
00:42:12,159 --> 00:42:14,809
- There's no way that Rey
is their kid anyway.
1227
00:42:14,810 --> 00:42:15,760
Han and Leia,
1228
00:42:15,761 --> 00:42:17,069
no, there's no way.
1229
00:42:17,070 --> 00:42:18,381
No.
1230
00:42:18,382 --> 00:42:19,502
- Jedi's are shitty parents.
1231
00:42:22,677 --> 00:42:23,510
- Do you think
1232
00:42:23,510 --> 00:42:24,343
that
1233
00:42:24,344 --> 00:42:26,415
at like another
bar in this town,
1234
00:42:26,416 --> 00:42:28,989
there are girls talking
about Star Trek
1235
00:42:28,990 --> 00:42:30,549
like we're talking
about Star Wars.
1236
00:42:30,550 --> 00:42:31,739
- No way.
1237
00:42:31,740 --> 00:42:33,539
- Yeah, Star Trek is dumb.
1238
00:42:33,540 --> 00:42:35,218
- You're right.
1239
00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:37,636
(rock music)
1240
00:42:38,510 --> 00:42:40,379
- You can have your
Captain Pikard.
1241
00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:42,059
You can have your Captain Kirk,
1242
00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:43,517
but I'm after that Spock.
1243
00:42:43,518 --> 00:42:46,578
There's a reason for
live long and prosper.
1244
00:42:46,579 --> 00:42:49,298
I'd put a smile on
that Vulcan's face.
1245
00:42:49,299 --> 00:42:50,559
- I understand that.
1246
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:51,619
But I want Mr. Chekov
1247
00:42:51,620 --> 00:42:52,879
as I want to make him my first.
1248
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:54,129
You know them virgins.
1249
00:42:54,130 --> 00:42:55,439
I want to take him boldly
1250
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:56,899
where no man has gone before.
1251
00:42:56,900 --> 00:42:58,221
- Girl.
1252
00:42:58,222 --> 00:42:59,219
- You know in can do a little.
1253
00:42:59,220 --> 00:43:00,999
- Only you girl.
1254
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,317
- I'm telling you,
1255
00:43:02,318 --> 00:43:03,357
that's the way it's
supposed to be.
1256
00:43:03,358 --> 00:43:04,818
- Cheers.
1257
00:43:04,819 --> 00:43:07,236
(rock music)
1258
00:43:10,155 --> 00:43:10,988
- You know, I gotta say,
1259
00:43:10,989 --> 00:43:12,619
Rent by far is the
greatest musical
1260
00:43:12,620 --> 00:43:13,629
ever created.
1261
00:43:13,630 --> 00:43:14,679
It has heart.
1262
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:15,799
It's visceral.
1263
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,469
And it just moves you
in every way possible.
1264
00:43:18,470 --> 00:43:20,869
And also, it really hits home
1265
00:43:20,870 --> 00:43:21,860
with all my gay friends
1266
00:43:21,861 --> 00:43:23,310
and what they have to endure.
1267
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,675
- Les Miserable is the
greatest musical of all time.
1268
00:43:27,676 --> 00:43:29,512
It digs into the human spirit,
1269
00:43:29,513 --> 00:43:31,249
the struggle.
1270
00:43:31,250 --> 00:43:33,138
They yearn to be part
of a higher power,
1271
00:43:33,139 --> 00:43:35,261
and the grace of humanity.
1272
00:43:35,262 --> 00:43:37,999
- Cats is the best.
1273
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:39,329
I just love it.
1274
00:43:39,330 --> 00:43:40,957
Cute little cats running around.
1275
00:43:40,958 --> 00:43:44,099
And they don't make me
sneeze like real cats.
1276
00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:45,569
- The Music Man,
1277
00:43:45,570 --> 00:43:46,729
a light hearted musical
1278
00:43:46,730 --> 00:43:47,700
set in Iowa.
1279
00:43:47,701 --> 00:43:49,420
It saw the best production of it
1280
00:43:50,259 --> 00:43:51,378
at the Cedar Falls
Community Theater
1281
00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:52,300
at the (inaudible).
1282
00:43:52,301 --> 00:43:54,119
The Waterloo Community Playhouse
1283
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,658
also had a superb
production of it.
1284
00:43:56,659 --> 00:43:58,089
- You guys are all wrong.
1285
00:43:58,090 --> 00:44:00,877
I'm not trying to
be a dickhead but,
1286
00:44:00,878 --> 00:44:03,277
awful selections.
1287
00:44:03,278 --> 00:44:05,960
Greese 2 is
1288
00:44:05,961 --> 00:44:08,661
profoundly better than everything
you guys have mentioned.
1289
00:44:08,662 --> 00:44:11,079
(soft music)
1290
00:44:13,940 --> 00:44:15,089
You can roll your eyes,
1291
00:44:15,090 --> 00:44:16,742
but it really is.
1292
00:44:16,743 --> 00:44:18,239
You're just gonna
have to revisit it.
1293
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,623
The Music Man?
1294
00:44:19,624 --> 00:44:21,289
I don't mean any disrespect,
1295
00:44:21,290 --> 00:44:22,689
I just,
1296
00:44:22,690 --> 00:44:23,523
that's like,
1297
00:44:23,524 --> 00:44:25,180
it's child's play
for grandparents.
1298
00:44:25,181 --> 00:44:26,869
It makes lowans
1299
00:44:26,870 --> 00:44:27,884
seem like
1300
00:44:27,885 --> 00:44:30,939
frumpy fools that
can't spot a fraud
1301
00:44:30,940 --> 00:44:32,163
a half a cornfield away.
1302
00:44:33,141 --> 00:44:34,801
It's not any good.
1303
00:44:34,802 --> 00:44:36,481
Cats.
1304
00:44:36,482 --> 00:44:38,743
Cats.
1305
00:44:40,270 --> 00:44:42,524
I don't have enough
scotch for Cats.
1306
00:44:42,525 --> 00:44:44,619
Rent man.
1307
00:44:44,620 --> 00:44:45,889
Rent's insufferable.
1308
00:44:45,890 --> 00:44:46,909
It just, like I get it.
1309
00:44:46,910 --> 00:44:48,569
Like I understand the struggle.
1310
00:44:48,570 --> 00:44:50,329
Totally sympathize
with the gay community
1311
00:44:50,330 --> 00:44:51,739
in New York City during Aids
1312
00:44:51,740 --> 00:44:52,573
and persecution,
1313
00:44:52,574 --> 00:44:54,982
living in weirdly
shitty apartments.
1314
00:44:54,983 --> 00:44:57,269
But really all it did was enable
1315
00:44:57,270 --> 00:44:58,339
white sorority sisters
1316
00:44:58,340 --> 00:45:01,009
to slaughter more Karaoke songs.
1317
00:45:01,010 --> 00:45:02,010
I can't, I can't.
1318
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,400
Cats?
1319
00:45:06,100 --> 00:45:07,884
Les Mis.
1320
00:45:07,885 --> 00:45:10,023
I mean I don't hate it.
1321
00:45:10,024 --> 00:45:12,229
I like Anne Hathaway
in the movie.
1322
00:45:12,230 --> 00:45:13,160
It's pretty great.
1323
00:45:13,161 --> 00:45:14,890
But Jean Valjean
1324
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,349
is not
1325
00:45:17,350 --> 00:45:18,929
and will never be.
1326
00:45:18,930 --> 00:45:19,930
Cool Rider.
1327
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,399
In Greese 2, Michael
1328
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,884
comes to America with a dream.
1329
00:45:25,885 --> 00:45:28,103
He makes his money
1330
00:45:28,104 --> 00:45:30,439
writing essays for the
1331
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,233
less fortunate folks
at his school.
1332
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:34,389
And he saves his money
1333
00:45:34,390 --> 00:45:36,059
and he builds a motorcycle
1334
00:45:36,060 --> 00:45:37,509
from scratch.
1335
00:45:37,510 --> 00:45:38,803
A cool rider was needed.
1336
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,270
He built it from scratch.
1337
00:45:41,271 --> 00:45:42,469
He repurposed these parts
1338
00:45:42,470 --> 00:45:44,669
and he built them into
something stronger,
1339
00:45:44,670 --> 00:45:45,503
faster,
1340
00:45:45,504 --> 00:45:47,643
and just beautiful.
1341
00:45:49,042 --> 00:45:52,069
I don't know what
else you would want.
1342
00:45:52,070 --> 00:45:53,709
It's the American dream
1343
00:45:53,710 --> 00:45:55,349
in musical form.
1344
00:45:55,350 --> 00:45:57,949
Michelle Phieffer
needed hell on wheels
1345
00:45:57,950 --> 00:45:59,479
and by god,
1346
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:00,833
Michael bird hot.
1347
00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:03,919
It also has the
best bowling scene
1348
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,059
in cinematic history.
1349
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:06,839
It's way better than that trite
1350
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,099
gooey Beatles karaoke movie
1351
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,869
across the universe.
1352
00:46:10,870 --> 00:46:11,899
- Seriously, Harris.
1353
00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:13,349
That's the best you
can come up with?
1354
00:46:13,350 --> 00:46:15,041
- [Harold] Please I,
1355
00:46:15,042 --> 00:46:15,875
please, I prefer Harold.
1356
00:46:15,876 --> 00:46:17,564
- I prefer Harris.
1357
00:46:17,565 --> 00:46:18,862
- Okay.
1358
00:46:18,863 --> 00:46:20,509
- A couple reasons why
Greese 2 is shit.
1359
00:46:20,510 --> 00:46:21,649
First of all,
1360
00:46:21,650 --> 00:46:23,429
Michelle Phieffer sounds like
1361
00:46:23,430 --> 00:46:25,449
she's got a dead cat
stuck in her throat.
1362
00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:27,539
Her singing is atrocious.
1363
00:46:27,540 --> 00:46:28,769
- And yet she persevered.
1364
00:46:28,770 --> 00:46:29,929
- That was easily
the worst movie
1365
00:46:29,930 --> 00:46:30,930
she's ever been in.
1366
00:46:31,870 --> 00:46:34,319
Secondly, there's a
production going on right now
1367
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:35,339
called 13.
1368
00:46:35,340 --> 00:46:36,459
These kids are in junior high
1369
00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:37,719
and they're putting
on something better
1370
00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:39,199
than these 30 year olds could.
1371
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,400
Last,
1372
00:46:41,401 --> 00:46:43,089
these four musicals
1373
00:46:43,090 --> 00:46:44,263
were on a stage,
1374
00:46:44,264 --> 00:46:45,804
been on Broadway.
1375
00:46:45,805 --> 00:46:48,703
Greese 2 has only
been in theaters
1376
00:46:48,704 --> 00:46:50,943
and has never won an award.
1377
00:46:50,944 --> 00:46:52,429
- Well,
1378
00:46:52,430 --> 00:46:53,919
better is the local theater.
1379
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,409
They chose to do Greese
1380
00:46:55,410 --> 00:46:56,660
instead of the wrong one.
1381
00:46:58,402 --> 00:46:59,235
If they would have
got their heads
1382
00:46:59,236 --> 00:47:00,286
out of their asses,
1383
00:47:00,287 --> 00:47:01,120
they would have
picked the right one,
1384
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:01,980
they would have
found a cool rider
1385
00:47:01,981 --> 00:47:03,979
and Harold would have obliged.
1386
00:47:03,980 --> 00:47:06,649
(rock music)
1387
00:47:06,650 --> 00:47:08,219
- So what are you
drinking there?
1388
00:47:08,220 --> 00:47:10,729
- Young lady, I am not drinking
1389
00:47:10,730 --> 00:47:11,819
anything.
1390
00:47:11,820 --> 00:47:13,259
I am experiencing this
1391
00:47:13,260 --> 00:47:15,509
single malt scotch.
1392
00:47:15,510 --> 00:47:16,679
- You know,
1393
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,239
every time you drink scotch,
1394
00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:20,820
it makes me really frisky.
1395
00:47:21,930 --> 00:47:24,159
- Well I do suppose that the
1396
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,037
experience is different
for everyone.
1397
00:47:26,038 --> 00:47:28,619
- Well what are you doing later?
1398
00:47:28,620 --> 00:47:29,939
- Young lady,
1399
00:47:29,940 --> 00:47:31,139
must I inform you
1400
00:47:31,140 --> 00:47:33,163
that I'm wearing my purity ring.
1401
00:47:34,540 --> 00:47:36,719
- Why are you wearing
a purity ring?
1402
00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:38,339
- Because
1403
00:47:38,340 --> 00:47:41,296
purity rings are so cool.
1404
00:47:41,297 --> 00:47:42,379
(inaudible)
1405
00:47:42,380 --> 00:47:44,816
- Cousin Harold.
1406
00:47:44,817 --> 00:47:47,275
Are you doubting the
1407
00:47:47,276 --> 00:47:49,769
coolness of my purity ring?
1408
00:47:49,770 --> 00:47:51,689
- Well if your ear wolf hat
1409
00:47:51,690 --> 00:47:52,969
is an indication,
1410
00:47:52,970 --> 00:47:53,970
yes, I am.
1411
00:47:54,657 --> 00:47:55,490
I've decided that purity rings
1412
00:47:55,491 --> 00:47:56,629
are no longer (inaudible).
1413
00:47:56,630 --> 00:47:59,233
- Well then they are no
longer hip for the Oliver.
1414
00:48:00,620 --> 00:48:02,849
Young lady may entice away.
1415
00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:06,289
- Do you want to experience
my place or yours later?
1416
00:48:06,290 --> 00:48:09,399
- Oh, Oliver does not
want to wait that long.
1417
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:10,629
How about
1418
00:48:10,630 --> 00:48:12,459
out back behind the dumpster?
1419
00:48:12,460 --> 00:48:14,016
- Dumpster fucking?
1420
00:48:14,017 --> 00:48:15,329
Yeah.
1421
00:48:15,330 --> 00:48:16,349
- Oliver,
1422
00:48:16,350 --> 00:48:17,789
please.
1423
00:48:17,790 --> 00:48:18,720
- Oh cousin Harold,
1424
00:48:18,721 --> 00:48:20,819
I suppose you're right.
1425
00:48:20,820 --> 00:48:23,750
How about we go back to my place
1426
00:48:24,660 --> 00:48:27,539
and we experience a bottle
of single malt scotch
1427
00:48:27,540 --> 00:48:29,136
and I will show you my huge
1428
00:48:29,137 --> 00:48:31,259
vinyl collection.
1429
00:48:31,260 --> 00:48:33,396
- Okay.
1430
00:48:33,397 --> 00:48:34,757
- My work here is done.
1431
00:48:34,758 --> 00:48:35,591
- Thank you, cousin Harold.
1432
00:48:35,591 --> 00:48:36,591
Thank you.
1433
00:48:44,556 --> 00:48:47,216
- Did she say dumpster fucking?
1434
00:48:47,217 --> 00:48:49,735
- I believe they said
dumpster fucking.
1435
00:48:49,736 --> 00:48:50,569
Have you ever dumpster fucked?
1436
00:48:50,570 --> 00:48:52,639
- I've never had
a dumpster fuck,
1437
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,077
but I've had a handjob behind
the Tasty Freeze one time.
1438
00:48:55,078 --> 00:48:57,647
- That sounds like you.
1439
00:48:59,962 --> 00:49:02,379
(rock music)
1440
00:49:09,162 --> 00:49:10,694
- You how I feel about
those tractor shots.
1441
00:49:10,695 --> 00:49:11,528
It's just kind of like,
1442
00:49:11,529 --> 00:49:13,109
actually that guy up there
1443
00:49:13,110 --> 00:49:14,110
on the TV.
1444
00:49:14,111 --> 00:49:15,799
He seems like a guy who
probably put himself
1445
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:17,278
in his own movies.
1446
00:49:17,279 --> 00:49:19,675
- Yeah, multiple movies
on the same subject.
1447
00:49:19,676 --> 00:49:22,669
- Always in the same bars,
1448
00:49:22,670 --> 00:49:24,052
in the same locations,
1449
00:49:24,053 --> 00:49:26,936
and it's always the
same gay dick jokes.
1450
00:49:26,937 --> 00:49:28,599
- Constantly.
1451
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,149
Because the only thing
this guy finds funny
1452
00:49:30,150 --> 00:49:33,177
is dick jokes after a life
of touring and bar hopping.
1453
00:49:33,178 --> 00:49:35,119
- Drinking nothing but scotch.
1454
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,009
Pretty sure it just
runs through his veins
1455
00:49:37,010 --> 00:49:37,920
and he just like
1456
00:49:37,921 --> 00:49:39,955
pisses straight scotch.
1457
00:49:39,956 --> 00:49:41,589
- Burns all the time.
1458
00:49:41,590 --> 00:49:43,715
You can never tell when
he's got the clap.
1459
00:49:43,716 --> 00:49:46,299
- I mean I'm sure he's got
some good drugs for that.
1460
00:49:46,300 --> 00:49:48,355
But three movies.
1461
00:49:48,356 --> 00:49:50,199
Fuck.
1462
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,478
Kevin Smith won't even
make a third Clerks.
1463
00:49:52,479 --> 00:49:53,673
- Definitely not.
1464
00:49:55,476 --> 00:49:57,219
- Strip clubs,
1465
00:49:57,220 --> 00:49:58,734
pornography shops,
1466
00:49:58,735 --> 00:49:59,710
come on Boss.
1467
00:49:59,711 --> 00:50:02,659
There's got to be
something else out there.
1468
00:50:02,660 --> 00:50:04,673
- [Boss] What would
you suggest I do?
1469
00:50:04,674 --> 00:50:07,619
- Christian bookstores.
1470
00:50:07,620 --> 00:50:08,689
- [Matt] Boss.
1471
00:50:08,690 --> 00:50:10,339
This is the Boss.
1472
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:11,439
He owns a strip club
1473
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,659
and an adult bookstore in town.
1474
00:50:13,660 --> 00:50:15,329
This guy's former boss.
1475
00:50:15,330 --> 00:50:17,336
The Adult Shop Mop.
1476
00:50:17,337 --> 00:50:19,219
- Okay, the idea of
1477
00:50:19,220 --> 00:50:22,396
being in business is
to stay in business.
1478
00:50:22,397 --> 00:50:24,019
You realize that, right.
1479
00:50:24,020 --> 00:50:26,201
Hey, you're a good kid.
1480
00:50:26,202 --> 00:50:27,939
Everybody likes you, Elias.
1481
00:50:27,940 --> 00:50:29,739
You know they call
you AA Elias now
1482
00:50:29,740 --> 00:50:31,199
cause of that weekend.
1483
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,478
But that's okay.
1484
00:50:32,479 --> 00:50:33,450
AA's probably good.
1485
00:50:33,451 --> 00:50:35,219
Alcoholics anonymous
works for some people
1486
00:50:35,220 --> 00:50:36,749
and seems to
1487
00:50:36,750 --> 00:50:37,730
work pretty well for you.
1488
00:50:37,731 --> 00:50:38,779
And that's good.
1489
00:50:38,780 --> 00:50:40,439
Let me pose something to you.
1490
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,718
Imagine there's a
good Christian man.
1491
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,499
He goes to church
1492
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:46,259
every Wednesday and Sunday.
1493
00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:48,019
Goes to bible study,
1494
00:50:48,020 --> 00:50:48,900
a great man,
1495
00:50:48,901 --> 00:50:50,369
very faithful.
1496
00:50:50,370 --> 00:50:52,070
He's driving down
the road one day
1497
00:50:53,359 --> 00:50:54,599
on his way to a bible study,
1498
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:55,562
soup kitchen,
1499
00:50:55,563 --> 00:50:57,669
what have you.
1500
00:50:57,670 --> 00:50:59,337
He gets a tightness
in his chest.
1501
00:50:59,338 --> 00:51:02,089
It's pains in his arms.
1502
00:51:02,090 --> 00:51:03,977
Realizes he's having
a heart attack,
1503
00:51:03,978 --> 00:51:06,361
pulls off to the
very first place
1504
00:51:06,362 --> 00:51:07,799
he could find
1505
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:08,800
to seek out help.
1506
00:51:09,690 --> 00:51:11,999
He dies on the floor
of that business.
1507
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:13,209
Say it's
1508
00:51:13,210 --> 00:51:14,729
my adult bookstore
1509
00:51:14,730 --> 00:51:16,479
or one of my strip clubs.
1510
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:18,189
The news will read
1511
00:51:18,190 --> 00:51:20,699
77 year old man dies
of a heart attack
1512
00:51:20,700 --> 00:51:22,129
at 10:00 AM in the morning
1513
00:51:22,130 --> 00:51:24,379
at an adult bookstore
or strip club.
1514
00:51:24,380 --> 00:51:26,617
You're automatically gonna
think this man is bad.
1515
00:51:26,618 --> 00:51:28,689
Let's go the other side.
1516
00:51:28,690 --> 00:51:30,429
Imagine there is an awful guy.
1517
00:51:30,430 --> 00:51:32,442
A guys that goes to my
strip clubs all the time.
1518
00:51:32,443 --> 00:51:34,719
He's at my adult bookstores,
1519
00:51:34,720 --> 00:51:36,279
complete porn hound.
1520
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:37,829
A complete reprobate.
1521
00:51:37,830 --> 00:51:38,849
A drunk.
1522
00:51:38,850 --> 00:51:39,850
A whore monger.
1523
00:51:41,050 --> 00:51:42,637
He's driving down
the road one day.
1524
00:51:42,638 --> 00:51:44,517
It's a tightness in his chest.
1525
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:46,499
Pains in his arms.
1526
00:51:46,500 --> 00:51:48,299
Knows he's gonna
have a heart attack.
1527
00:51:48,300 --> 00:51:50,189
Pulls off to the very
first place he can find
1528
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:51,579
to seek out help,
1529
00:51:51,580 --> 00:51:53,069
and it's a church.
1530
00:51:53,070 --> 00:51:54,439
The news will read
1531
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:55,729
77 year old man
1532
00:51:55,730 --> 00:51:57,716
dies of a heart
attack at 10:00 AM
1533
00:51:57,717 --> 00:51:59,289
on a Wednesday morning
1534
00:51:59,290 --> 00:52:00,529
at a church.
1535
00:52:00,530 --> 00:52:03,416
You're automatically
gonna think he's good.
1536
00:52:03,417 --> 00:52:05,193
- Well,
1537
00:52:06,100 --> 00:52:07,923
at least I tried.
1538
00:52:09,190 --> 00:52:11,019
- Always remember this,
1539
00:52:11,020 --> 00:52:12,869
amazing grace was
written by an atheist
1540
00:52:12,870 --> 00:52:14,289
who was saved.
1541
00:52:14,290 --> 00:52:16,149
So never stop trying.
1542
00:52:16,150 --> 00:52:16,983
You're good man.
1543
00:52:16,984 --> 00:52:18,595
- Thanks Boss.
1544
00:52:18,596 --> 00:52:19,598
See you later.
1545
00:52:19,599 --> 00:52:20,599
- Bye.
1546
00:52:28,810 --> 00:52:30,199
- Praise be.
1547
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:31,529
Last time I saw
an ass like that,
1548
00:52:31,530 --> 00:52:33,699
it was carrying our
lord and savior.
1549
00:52:33,700 --> 00:52:34,859
- [Woman] Are you seriously
1550
00:52:34,860 --> 00:52:36,479
objectifying her right now?
1551
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,729
- No, I'm not objectifying her.
1552
00:52:38,730 --> 00:52:40,369
I'm just looking at her ass.
1553
00:52:40,370 --> 00:52:41,389
What's up with you broads
1554
00:52:41,390 --> 00:52:42,489
making up words and shit.
1555
00:52:42,490 --> 00:52:43,360
I'm trying to
1556
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:44,240
get my dick wet.
1557
00:52:44,241 --> 00:52:45,939
Talk to you later.
1558
00:52:45,940 --> 00:52:46,940
Anyway,
1559
00:52:47,759 --> 00:52:49,799
I feel like you can be Columbine
1560
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,632
and I decide to shoot a bunch
of kids inside of you.
1561
00:52:51,633 --> 00:52:54,109
Hmm?
1562
00:52:54,110 --> 00:52:55,389
You know mid 90s,
1563
00:52:55,390 --> 00:52:56,409
you're a pog.
1564
00:52:56,410 --> 00:52:58,595
I just start slamming that shit.
1565
00:52:58,596 --> 00:53:00,379
Maybe you pull a Fonz
1566
00:53:00,380 --> 00:53:02,537
and just bang against
the jukebox til.
1567
00:53:02,538 --> 00:53:04,199
Incubus plays,
1568
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:05,869
whatever that shit
is you're into.
1569
00:53:05,870 --> 00:53:06,850
Kati Perry?
1570
00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:07,683
Taylor Swift?
1571
00:53:07,683 --> 00:53:08,516
I don't know
1572
00:53:08,516 --> 00:53:09,430
how old we are yet.
1573
00:53:09,431 --> 00:53:10,890
Can you get a drink?
1574
00:53:10,891 --> 00:53:11,780
Do you need a drink?
1575
00:53:11,781 --> 00:53:13,049
- Hey Boss.
1576
00:53:13,050 --> 00:53:14,609
- Matthew.
1577
00:53:14,610 --> 00:53:15,443
- How's it going?
1578
00:53:15,444 --> 00:53:16,869
- Kevin, get
1579
00:53:16,870 --> 00:53:18,625
this bro a drink on me.
1580
00:53:18,626 --> 00:53:21,208
So scotch?
1581
00:53:21,209 --> 00:53:22,579
- Definitely.
1582
00:53:22,580 --> 00:53:23,753
Definitely scotch.
1583
00:53:24,612 --> 00:53:26,611
- I got this Highland
Park viking scotch.
1584
00:53:26,612 --> 00:53:28,879
Kevin suggested it.
1585
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:29,713
- Viking's honor.
1586
00:53:29,713 --> 00:53:30,713
- Viking's honor.
1587
00:53:32,290 --> 00:53:34,349
Good for us Norwegians.
1588
00:53:34,350 --> 00:53:36,229
- Yeah, but you know
what's not good for us.
1589
00:53:36,230 --> 00:53:38,329
What the fuck is this
AA pamphlet doing here?
1590
00:53:38,330 --> 00:53:40,599
AA Elias in here?
1591
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,131
- Yeah, he was just in here.
1592
00:53:42,132 --> 00:53:44,725
- I thought I saw that
snail trail leading in.
1593
00:53:44,726 --> 00:53:46,879
- Oh you heard about
that weekend, huh?
1594
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:48,279
- Yeah.
1595
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:49,545
The bender to remember.
1596
00:53:49,546 --> 00:53:50,966
- Alcoholics anonymous
1597
00:53:50,967 --> 00:53:53,029
suits people like him.
1598
00:53:53,030 --> 00:53:55,029
That was a hell of
a weekend for him.
1599
00:53:55,030 --> 00:53:55,863
I mean Jesus,
1600
00:53:55,864 --> 00:53:57,267
parents got to him
late Sunday night.
1601
00:53:57,268 --> 00:53:58,849
His liver's inflamed.
1602
00:53:58,850 --> 00:54:01,369
He's got the worst case of
chlamydia or gonorrhea.
1603
00:54:01,370 --> 00:54:04,385
That kid could not handle
a weekend of liqueur.
1604
00:54:04,386 --> 00:54:06,059
That was really,
1605
00:54:06,060 --> 00:54:07,984
I heard it was an epic weekend.
1606
00:54:07,985 --> 00:54:09,309
I heard it was a lot of fun.
1607
00:54:09,310 --> 00:54:11,239
- I saw him at the
beginning of that weekend.
1608
00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:15,029
He showed up with a
bottle of scotch
1609
00:54:15,030 --> 00:54:15,908
ready to roll.
1610
00:54:15,909 --> 00:54:17,411
- Oh yeah, he was a ball.
1611
00:54:17,412 --> 00:54:20,709
But yeah, I think
alcoholics anonymous
1612
00:54:20,710 --> 00:54:23,171
is the correct position for him.
1613
00:54:23,172 --> 00:54:24,169
I think that's the
1614
00:54:24,170 --> 00:54:25,919
great place for him.
1615
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:27,039
- Hey,
1616
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:28,629
coasters?
1617
00:54:28,630 --> 00:54:30,099
- I didn't see any.
1618
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,587
Kevin, you got coasters?
1619
00:54:31,588 --> 00:54:33,027
- [Kevin] We're all out.
1620
00:54:39,730 --> 00:54:40,563
- AA works.
1621
00:54:40,563 --> 00:54:41,396
(laughter)
1622
00:54:41,396 --> 00:54:42,229
- AA works.
1623
00:54:42,229 --> 00:54:43,229
- Alright.
1624
00:54:43,980 --> 00:54:45,529
- Do you need someone to
co-sign a loan for you?
1625
00:54:45,530 --> 00:54:47,353
I don't know where
you're at in your life.
1626
00:54:49,260 --> 00:54:50,759
Would you like to see
how much of my penis
1627
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:51,710
could fit in your mouth?
1628
00:54:51,711 --> 00:54:53,519
I think you could almost
get the whole thing.
1629
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:54,749
You seem like you have
1630
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:55,583
like a really
1631
00:54:55,584 --> 00:54:57,819
just can do attitude,
1632
00:54:57,820 --> 00:54:58,869
you know what I mean.
1633
00:54:58,870 --> 00:55:00,349
You're a fighter.
1634
00:55:00,350 --> 00:55:01,270
You're a survivor.
1635
00:55:01,271 --> 00:55:02,904
- Are you a letter?
1636
00:55:02,905 --> 00:55:04,744
- [Tyler] I've been told
that I'm a D before.
1637
00:55:04,745 --> 00:55:06,503
So.
1638
00:55:06,504 --> 00:55:07,505
- As in a douchebag?
1639
00:55:07,506 --> 00:55:08,500
- Like dick.
1640
00:55:08,501 --> 00:55:11,709
I don't know if it's a big
one, but it's a pretty cock.
1641
00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:12,580
It's nice to look at.
1642
00:55:12,581 --> 00:55:13,979
- Anyway.
1643
00:55:13,980 --> 00:55:14,900
Since you're a letter,
1644
00:55:14,901 --> 00:55:16,584
I'm gonna need you
to C your way out.
1645
00:55:16,585 --> 00:55:17,739
- Oh, that's funny.
1646
00:55:17,740 --> 00:55:20,937
I'm gonna need to see
you M on those tits.
1647
00:55:20,938 --> 00:55:22,561
(laughter)
1648
00:55:22,562 --> 00:55:23,565
- I was actually
1649
00:55:23,566 --> 00:55:24,470
one of your businesses today.
1650
00:55:24,471 --> 00:55:26,009
- Well thank you for
your patronage.
1651
00:55:26,010 --> 00:55:27,464
- Yeah.
1652
00:55:27,465 --> 00:55:29,059
(laughter)
1653
00:55:29,060 --> 00:55:30,309
- That's classic.
1654
00:55:30,310 --> 00:55:32,184
Alright, which
place were you at?
1655
00:55:32,185 --> 00:55:33,763
- Mini cinema.
1656
00:55:33,764 --> 00:55:35,259
- Did you wash your hands
1657
00:55:35,260 --> 00:55:36,685
before you shook my hand there?
1658
00:55:36,686 --> 00:55:38,744
- Shit.
1659
00:55:38,745 --> 00:55:40,525
- That's okay, that's okay.
1660
00:55:40,526 --> 00:55:41,587
(laughter)
1661
00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:43,749
- So it was weird.
1662
00:55:43,750 --> 00:55:44,657
I went in there
1663
00:55:44,658 --> 00:55:46,744
and I didn't see
Porn peddler Pete.
1664
00:55:46,745 --> 00:55:49,041
- Oh, he doesn't
work for me anymore.
1665
00:55:49,042 --> 00:55:52,299
- What happened?
1666
00:55:52,300 --> 00:55:54,482
- Well he pirated pornography.
1667
00:55:54,483 --> 00:55:56,435
I can't stand for that.
1668
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,639
I mean when you
sell pornography,
1669
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,159
you have to pay the taxes,
1670
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:01,439
the rights,
1671
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:02,744
all these different
fees towards it.
1672
00:56:02,745 --> 00:56:04,499
He didn't do that.
1673
00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:05,549
That's not right.
1674
00:56:05,550 --> 00:56:07,559
People spend a lot
of time and money
1675
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:08,440
making pornography.
1676
00:56:08,441 --> 00:56:10,089
They should be paid
1677
00:56:10,090 --> 00:56:11,923
a living wage for such things.
1678
00:56:11,924 --> 00:56:15,069
Yeah, so he was
pirating pornography
1679
00:56:15,070 --> 00:56:15,950
all over town.
1680
00:56:15,951 --> 00:56:17,624
And I found out about it
1681
00:56:17,625 --> 00:56:18,560
and I had to let I'm go.
1682
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:19,560
Broke his heart.
1683
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:20,393
He loved that job.
1684
00:56:20,393 --> 00:56:21,330
- He did love that job.
1685
00:56:21,331 --> 00:56:22,769
Man, this whole time,
1686
00:56:22,770 --> 00:56:24,449
everybody thought you
were morally bankrupt.
1687
00:56:24,450 --> 00:56:26,542
I guess we were just
in a recession.
1688
00:56:26,543 --> 00:56:27,520
(laughter)
1689
00:56:27,521 --> 00:56:28,787
- Irony isn't it.
1690
00:56:28,788 --> 00:56:30,409
- Now you say it,
1691
00:56:30,410 --> 00:56:31,949
now I do remember
something about it.
1692
00:56:31,950 --> 00:56:33,919
I heard his house got raided.
1693
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:34,949
Like the police came in,
1694
00:56:34,950 --> 00:56:36,156
swat team came in
1695
00:56:36,157 --> 00:56:38,504
and they found some
stuff in the basement.
1696
00:56:38,505 --> 00:56:40,299
- I didn't hear about this.
1697
00:56:40,300 --> 00:56:41,133
What?
1698
00:56:41,134 --> 00:56:42,723
- He had an archive
of secret things.
1699
00:56:42,724 --> 00:56:45,379
I mean it was almost
like Donnie Darko
1700
00:56:45,380 --> 00:56:46,849
and you realize Patrick Swayze
1701
00:56:46,850 --> 00:56:47,720
had like the
1702
00:56:47,721 --> 00:56:49,489
kiddie porn dungeon in there.
1703
00:56:49,490 --> 00:56:50,327
It wasn't like that.
1704
00:56:50,328 --> 00:56:52,409
It was a whole nother thing.
1705
00:56:52,410 --> 00:56:53,589
Raider porn.
1706
00:56:53,590 --> 00:56:54,423
- What's raider?
1707
00:56:54,423 --> 00:56:55,290
I've never heard
of a Raider porn.
1708
00:56:55,290 --> 00:56:56,290
What's Raider porn?
1709
00:56:57,510 --> 00:56:58,969
- It's when white supremacists
1710
00:56:58,970 --> 00:57:00,709
have furry parties
1711
00:57:00,710 --> 00:57:01,910
and they bang each other
1712
00:57:03,486 --> 00:57:04,319
and film it.
1713
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:05,747
- But wait a minute.
1714
00:57:05,748 --> 00:57:06,610
How many animals in
the animal kingdom
1715
00:57:06,611 --> 00:57:07,689
are actually white?
1716
00:57:07,690 --> 00:57:09,085
- Like a snow leopard.
1717
00:57:09,086 --> 00:57:10,845
- You got doves.
1718
00:57:10,846 --> 00:57:14,693
Like an albino squirrel maybe.
1719
00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:17,329
- God man, a polar bear.
1720
00:57:17,330 --> 00:57:18,163
- [Kevin] Polar bear.
1721
00:57:18,164 --> 00:57:19,405
- Polar bear.
1722
00:57:19,406 --> 00:57:20,404
Yeah, polar bear.
1723
00:57:20,405 --> 00:57:22,489
- You know when it's
white supremacists
1724
00:57:22,490 --> 00:57:24,205
is all in the
missionary position.
1725
00:57:24,206 --> 00:57:25,325
(laughter)
1726
00:57:25,326 --> 00:57:26,300
So it's gonna be boring as hell.
1727
00:57:26,300 --> 00:57:27,133
- But wait a minute,
1728
00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:28,439
if a brown bear comes in
1729
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,243
it just kind of throws
the whole thing off.
1730
00:57:30,244 --> 00:57:31,299
- Yeah.
1731
00:57:31,300 --> 00:57:32,961
They ain't letting this guy in.
1732
00:57:32,962 --> 00:57:33,981
Come on.
1733
00:57:33,982 --> 00:57:35,421
- Imagine he walks in,
1734
00:57:35,422 --> 00:57:36,501
do you mind if I dance
with your dates?
1735
00:57:36,502 --> 00:57:37,501
(laughter)
1736
00:57:37,502 --> 00:57:38,504
- Oh come on,
1737
00:57:38,505 --> 00:57:39,502
they're gonna worry about it.
1738
00:57:39,503 --> 00:57:40,504
They're gonna produce
some sort of skunk baby
1739
00:57:40,505 --> 00:57:41,502
in their minds.
1740
00:57:41,503 --> 00:57:42,504
Come on man.
1741
00:57:42,505 --> 00:57:43,502
That ain't gonna happen.
1742
00:57:43,503 --> 00:57:44,504
- Imagine a neo-Nazi
1743
00:57:44,505 --> 00:57:45,502
mid stroke in the
middle of raider porn
1744
00:57:45,503 --> 00:57:46,504
and a black bear walks in.
1745
00:57:46,505 --> 00:57:48,169
Allah, adult shop mop
1746
00:57:48,170 --> 00:57:49,864
and I'm soft.
1747
00:57:49,865 --> 00:57:51,269
(laughter)
1748
00:57:51,270 --> 00:57:52,130
- I mean hand job
1749
00:57:52,131 --> 00:57:53,439
even just,
1750
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:55,139
I watch you, you watch me.
1751
00:57:55,140 --> 00:57:55,973
I would
1752
00:57:55,973 --> 00:57:56,837
eat ass,
1753
00:57:56,838 --> 00:57:58,399
but that would be like
1754
00:57:58,400 --> 00:57:59,330
eating at Benny Hannas
1755
00:57:59,330 --> 00:58:00,250
from the looks of things.
1756
00:58:00,250 --> 00:58:01,170
- Seriously?
1757
00:58:01,171 --> 00:58:02,607
- Yeah.
1758
00:58:02,608 --> 00:58:03,441
For serious, oh big time.
1759
00:58:03,441 --> 00:58:04,274
- This is the best you can
do to pick up a girl?
1760
00:58:04,275 --> 00:58:06,023
- I mean,
1761
00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:07,830
the next one is either
pull out a wallet
1762
00:58:07,831 --> 00:58:11,649
or get you in one of my dad's
Nissan's or something.
1763
00:58:11,650 --> 00:58:12,630
I don't know
1764
00:58:12,631 --> 00:58:14,230
what you're currently,
1765
00:58:14,231 --> 00:58:15,328
your like current APR is
1766
00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:16,162
or what your
1767
00:58:16,163 --> 00:58:17,349
as far as lease
goes or anything,
1768
00:58:17,350 --> 00:58:18,183
but I can get you a car.
1769
00:58:18,184 --> 00:58:19,387
I can get you money.
1770
00:58:19,388 --> 00:58:22,619
Some fake titties, or something.
1771
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:23,453
Whatever you want,
1772
00:58:23,453 --> 00:58:24,286
I would do it for you.
1773
00:58:24,287 --> 00:58:26,048
- Dude, I am too good for you.
1774
00:58:26,049 --> 00:58:28,004
- There's only one
way to find out.
1775
00:58:28,005 --> 00:58:29,088
And a lot of times,
1776
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:29,922
like the big trend right now
1777
00:58:29,923 --> 00:58:31,088
I've seen online is for women
1778
00:58:31,089 --> 00:58:31,922
to like carry men.
1779
00:58:31,922 --> 00:58:32,755
I can be that piece
of shit boyfriend
1780
00:58:32,756 --> 00:58:34,089
that all your
friends joke about.
1781
00:58:34,090 --> 00:58:34,923
And you know, really though,
1782
00:58:34,924 --> 00:58:35,953
when you come home,
1783
00:58:35,954 --> 00:58:36,787
I'm...
1784
00:58:36,787 --> 00:58:37,620
- Dude, I've been
there, done that, so.
1785
00:58:37,620 --> 00:58:38,526
- You haven't done
this yet tough.
1786
00:58:38,527 --> 00:58:40,029
- Raider porn.
1787
00:58:40,030 --> 00:58:41,339
There's actually raider porn.
1788
00:58:41,340 --> 00:58:42,173
That's not a joke?
1789
00:58:42,174 --> 00:58:43,507
- No dude.
1790
00:58:43,508 --> 00:58:44,508
I'm dead serious.
1791
00:58:44,509 --> 00:58:45,509
- Why the hell did he have
raider porn in his basement?
1792
00:58:45,509 --> 00:58:46,342
- I don't know man.
1793
00:58:46,343 --> 00:58:49,129
He had like some weird, sick
little obsession in there.
1794
00:58:49,130 --> 00:58:49,963
And he kept going with it.
1795
00:58:49,964 --> 00:58:51,139
- And the cops
1796
00:58:51,140 --> 00:58:52,279
came for it.
1797
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,451
Oh god.
1798
00:58:53,452 --> 00:58:54,285
- They did dude.
1799
00:58:54,285 --> 00:58:55,118
- Oh my god.
1800
00:58:55,119 --> 00:58:56,939
I bet his nice little
Methodist mother
1801
00:58:56,940 --> 00:58:59,729
lost it when she saw
the cops showing up
1802
00:58:59,730 --> 00:59:01,050
to get his raider
porn collection.
1803
00:59:01,051 --> 00:59:02,592
- He was always in to like
1804
00:59:02,593 --> 00:59:03,611
weird figure skating,
1805
00:59:03,612 --> 00:59:04,445
but maybe because it's like
1806
00:59:04,446 --> 00:59:05,789
usually white petite girls.
1807
00:59:05,790 --> 00:59:06,652
- Well he was an interesting,
1808
00:59:06,653 --> 00:59:08,469
he was an interesting duck.
1809
00:59:08,470 --> 00:59:10,069
- Always kind of floating
through the air,
1810
00:59:10,070 --> 00:59:11,030
maybe like a bird.
1811
00:59:11,031 --> 00:59:12,230
- A strange kid, a strange kid.
1812
00:59:12,231 --> 00:59:13,749
But,
1813
00:59:13,750 --> 00:59:15,168
I can forgive all that.
1814
00:59:15,169 --> 00:59:17,009
But you don't pirate pornography
1815
00:59:17,010 --> 00:59:18,289
because people are
not being paid
1816
00:59:18,290 --> 00:59:19,910
the proper taxes,
fees and residuals
1817
00:59:19,911 --> 00:59:21,728
that they are entitled to.
1818
00:59:21,729 --> 00:59:23,739
But raider porn,
1819
00:59:23,740 --> 00:59:25,289
that's a bridge too far.
1820
00:59:25,290 --> 00:59:26,928
- Oh my god.
1821
00:59:26,929 --> 00:59:29,388
Look at this sack of shit.
1822
00:59:29,389 --> 00:59:30,699
Look at him.
1823
00:59:30,700 --> 00:59:31,745
- Oh Christ.
1824
00:59:31,746 --> 00:59:33,499
That is worse than
1825
00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:37,129
having raider porn is being
a stand up comedian.
1826
00:59:37,130 --> 00:59:39,659
- I heard that porno
Pete was actually
1827
00:59:39,660 --> 00:59:41,239
saying that he was
watching that stuff
1828
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,414
to build up a stand
up comedy act.
1829
00:59:43,415 --> 00:59:44,719
- So his
1830
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,712
excuse was I have a raider
porn collection to...
1831
00:59:47,713 --> 00:59:50,559
- Work on a bit.
1832
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:51,759
- To work on a bit.
1833
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:53,609
I think I'd rather
be a porn hound
1834
00:59:53,610 --> 00:59:55,152
than be a stand up comedian.
1835
00:59:55,153 --> 00:59:55,986
That is like the
lowest of the low.
1836
00:59:55,987 --> 00:59:57,226
- God, can you imagine what
it would have been like
1837
00:59:57,227 --> 00:59:59,129
if we had to go around like
1838
00:59:59,130 --> 01:00:00,670
the community...
1839
01:00:00,671 --> 01:00:01,671
- You had to go door to door
1840
01:00:01,672 --> 01:00:02,672
and tell everybody
he was a standup.
1841
01:00:02,673 --> 01:00:04,569
(laughter)
1842
01:00:04,570 --> 01:00:05,699
I'm sorry.
1843
01:00:05,700 --> 01:00:07,268
I'm Pete, I live down at...
1844
01:00:07,269 --> 01:00:09,449
- I live within your community.
1845
01:00:09,450 --> 01:00:10,283
- Oh my god.
1846
01:00:10,284 --> 01:00:12,054
What was his Methodist
more upset about?
1847
01:00:12,055 --> 01:00:13,639
The fact that he was
1848
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,891
peddling porn and
pirating it all over town
1849
01:00:15,892 --> 01:00:18,229
or that he's gonna be
a stand up comedian?
1850
01:00:18,230 --> 01:00:20,009
(laughter)
1851
01:00:20,010 --> 01:00:21,209
- Dude, I don't know.
1852
01:00:21,210 --> 01:00:22,210
It's got.
1853
01:00:23,031 --> 01:00:24,230
Oh my god.
1854
01:00:24,231 --> 01:00:25,270
- [Boss] Speaking, yeah, Jesus,
1855
01:00:25,271 --> 01:00:26,272
speaking of the devil,
1856
01:00:26,273 --> 01:00:27,271
look at that sack of shit.
1857
01:00:27,272 --> 01:00:28,294
Oh my god.
1858
01:00:28,295 --> 01:00:29,292
- [Matt] Oh my god.
1859
01:00:29,293 --> 01:00:30,372
How embarrassing would that be.
1860
01:00:30,373 --> 01:00:31,574
- See,
1861
01:00:31,575 --> 01:00:34,839
I bet his parents are so proud.
1862
01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:35,673
Oh my god.
1863
01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:36,729
- Oh yeah, definitely.
1864
01:00:36,730 --> 01:00:38,779
That guys is just driving like
1865
01:00:38,780 --> 01:00:40,639
a red mustang
1866
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:42,149
with a canvas top convertible.
1867
01:00:42,150 --> 01:00:43,819
Not even a V8, a V6.
1868
01:00:43,820 --> 01:00:44,700
Automatic.
1869
01:00:44,701 --> 01:00:46,309
- It was a V8.
1870
01:00:46,310 --> 01:00:48,331
I hope I'm never
1871
01:00:48,332 --> 01:00:51,094
that low that I have to
do something like that
1872
01:00:51,095 --> 01:00:52,299
to garner attention.
1873
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:53,609
- Oh dude.
1874
01:00:53,610 --> 01:00:55,232
I'd rather be sucking dick
from behind in the alley
1875
01:00:55,233 --> 01:00:57,409
making decent wage off of that
1876
01:00:57,410 --> 01:00:58,879
than to ever have to
speak any kind of
1877
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:00,449
words into a microphone.
1878
01:01:00,450 --> 01:01:01,949
- Matt, please, let's
make a promise
1879
01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:04,339
that we never, ever have
to do standup comedy.
1880
01:01:04,340 --> 01:01:05,340
- Yeah.
1881
01:01:06,012 --> 01:01:08,429
(soft music)
1882
01:01:09,550 --> 01:01:11,152
- Real quick, bathroom,
three minutes.
1883
01:01:11,153 --> 01:01:12,169
- I don't want to.
1884
01:01:12,170 --> 01:01:13,174
- Behind this jukebox?
1885
01:01:13,175 --> 01:01:14,170
We fucking pull this thing out.
1886
01:01:14,171 --> 01:01:15,174
- I really don't want to.
1887
01:01:15,175 --> 01:01:16,040
- That's okay.
1888
01:01:16,041 --> 01:01:17,396
I'll watch you do some stuff.
1889
01:01:17,397 --> 01:01:19,989
- Indeed rather have the
Bros two times over
1890
01:01:19,990 --> 01:01:21,689
than I'd have you.
1891
01:01:21,690 --> 01:01:23,409
- That'd probably
feel about the same.
1892
01:01:23,410 --> 01:01:24,934
You got a little
1893
01:01:24,935 --> 01:01:26,522
nubby nubby in each hand.
1894
01:01:26,523 --> 01:01:27,734
A little corn holder.
1895
01:01:27,735 --> 01:01:29,019
If that's what you want,
1896
01:01:29,020 --> 01:01:30,533
I'll arrange it.
1897
01:01:30,534 --> 01:01:31,367
I know them.
1898
01:01:31,368 --> 01:01:32,534
- They don't like you though.
1899
01:01:32,535 --> 01:01:34,002
- No one really
does, but I mean.
1900
01:01:34,003 --> 01:01:35,129
- Then why are you here?
1901
01:01:35,130 --> 01:01:38,539
If no one likes you,
then why are you here?
1902
01:01:38,540 --> 01:01:40,134
Why don't you go fuck off?
1903
01:01:40,135 --> 01:01:42,192
Back to Douche land?
1904
01:01:42,193 --> 01:01:43,449
- I will do that.
1905
01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:44,999
If you change your mind,
1906
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,219
I'll be over here. - I won't.
1907
01:01:46,220 --> 01:01:47,111
- That's okay.
1908
01:01:47,112 --> 01:01:48,132
You might. - So fuck off.
1909
01:01:48,133 --> 01:01:48,966
- I've got that thing
1910
01:01:48,966 --> 01:01:49,799
in the back of your mind.
1911
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:50,849
You'll be thinking about it.
1912
01:01:50,850 --> 01:01:51,683
- [Girl] Nope.
- [Tyler] Think about it.
1913
01:01:51,684 --> 01:01:53,064
- [Girl] Fuck off.
1914
01:01:53,065 --> 01:01:55,389
- God.
1915
01:01:55,390 --> 01:01:56,609
I can't get any pussy
in this place.
1916
01:01:56,610 --> 01:01:58,349
I might as well go fucking
kings and queens.
1917
01:01:58,350 --> 01:01:59,659
- Jesus Christ dude,
1918
01:01:59,660 --> 01:02:01,426
you're objectifying that sliz.
1919
01:02:01,427 --> 01:02:03,109
- What does that even mean?
1920
01:02:03,110 --> 01:02:04,249
Objectifying?
1921
01:02:04,250 --> 01:02:05,943
You sound like one
of those broads man.
1922
01:02:05,944 --> 01:02:07,211
- You know,
1923
01:02:07,212 --> 01:02:08,799
loose morals,
1924
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:09,751
a little bit of loose action.
1925
01:02:09,751 --> 01:02:10,584
That's what I mean.
1926
01:02:10,585 --> 01:02:13,339
- [Tyler] Yeah, then
objectifying I was.
1927
01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:15,719
It's my objective all
night to do that.
1928
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:17,322
Trying to find some clam, man.
1929
01:02:17,323 --> 01:02:18,230
A little slam clam.
1930
01:02:18,230 --> 01:02:19,230
Clam digger.
1931
01:02:20,900 --> 01:02:22,059
Anything I can do
to muff some duff.
1932
01:02:22,060 --> 01:02:24,459
- [Matt] I didn't realize
your a shoreman yourself.
1933
01:02:24,460 --> 01:02:25,569
Nectar Wookie,
1934
01:02:25,570 --> 01:02:26,899
a lifeless idiot
1935
01:02:26,900 --> 01:02:27,880
whose whole existence
1936
01:02:27,881 --> 01:02:30,150
consists of following around
bands like Base Nectar.
1937
01:02:30,151 --> 01:02:32,699
When they're not out
selling bunk drugs,
1938
01:02:32,700 --> 01:02:34,599
veggie burritos and
grilled cheese,
1939
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:36,189
they're often swiping drinks
1940
01:02:36,190 --> 01:02:38,729
and trying to borrow
literally everything
1941
01:02:38,730 --> 01:02:40,599
at music festivals.
1942
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:43,829
A Nectar Wookie is the
natural enemy of a hipster,
1943
01:02:43,830 --> 01:02:45,379
kind of like in Twilight
1944
01:02:45,380 --> 01:02:47,254
with the vampires
and werewolves.
1945
01:02:47,255 --> 01:02:50,909
Hey, Kristen Steward is a jew.
1946
01:02:50,910 --> 01:02:52,999
Why else would she get
with a 100 year old guy
1947
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,811
with a nice german car?
1948
01:02:54,812 --> 01:02:57,145
(inaudible)
1949
01:02:58,687 --> 01:03:00,589
- I don't mean to cause alarm,
1950
01:03:00,590 --> 01:03:02,912
but doth my nostrils deceive me,
1951
01:03:02,913 --> 01:03:05,509
we have a nectar wookie
1952
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:06,510
in our midst.
1953
01:03:08,150 --> 01:03:10,479
- Oh, I'm sorry yeah.
1954
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:11,313
That's me.
1955
01:03:11,314 --> 01:03:12,811
I haven't,
1956
01:03:12,812 --> 01:03:14,208
I haven't showered
in a few weeks, so.
1957
01:03:14,209 --> 01:03:16,870
- Also, Bonoroo has a
bathroom in a few weeks.
1958
01:03:16,871 --> 01:03:18,919
- No, that's,
1959
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:20,672
that's actually next week,
1960
01:03:20,673 --> 01:03:22,192
I'm pretty sure.
1961
01:03:22,193 --> 01:03:23,202
Yeah.
1962
01:03:23,203 --> 01:03:24,813
- I don't have marijuana.
1963
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,023
That drink was not yours.
1964
01:03:28,929 --> 01:03:31,769
Bonoroo is that way.
1965
01:03:31,770 --> 01:03:33,259
- Oh, okay.
1966
01:03:33,260 --> 01:03:34,879
- Yeah, Phish is about
to take the stage man.
1967
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:35,919
You should go.
1968
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:37,149
- Guess what,
1969
01:03:37,150 --> 01:03:38,040
guess what,
1970
01:03:38,041 --> 01:03:39,139
Base Nectar
1971
01:03:39,140 --> 01:03:40,719
not on the jukebox.
1972
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,099
How about you dubstep
1973
01:03:42,100 --> 01:03:43,379
walk away from the situation
1974
01:03:43,380 --> 01:03:44,949
you fucking wookie.
1975
01:03:44,950 --> 01:03:45,790
- Jesus, okay.
1976
01:03:45,790 --> 01:03:46,623
I'm sorry.
1977
01:03:46,624 --> 01:03:48,149
- Stay the fuck out
of gong fu, okay.
1978
01:03:48,150 --> 01:03:49,328
- By the way,
1979
01:03:49,329 --> 01:03:51,190
you guys have any mushrooms?
1980
01:03:51,191 --> 01:03:52,308
- Get the fuck out of here.
1981
01:03:52,309 --> 01:03:53,290
We don't have anything.
1982
01:03:53,291 --> 01:03:55,490
- [Tyler] Fucking Mark
Walberg in Rock Star.
1983
01:03:57,964 --> 01:03:59,029
- That's not a bad
movie, honestly.
1984
01:03:59,030 --> 01:04:01,081
- Hey, did you see what
happened to my drink?
1985
01:04:01,082 --> 01:04:03,119
- Sorry man.
1986
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:05,169
The fucking woff took it.
1987
01:04:05,170 --> 01:04:06,003
- Sorry man.
1988
01:04:06,004 --> 01:04:07,259
- Thanks for looking out, man.
1989
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:09,523
Bartender, get these
bros a drink on me.
1990
01:04:11,710 --> 01:04:13,459
- [Kevin] So bros,
it's last call.
1991
01:04:13,460 --> 01:04:14,949
What are you thinking?
1992
01:04:14,950 --> 01:04:15,979
- Scotch.
1993
01:04:15,980 --> 01:04:17,149
- Scotch.
1994
01:04:17,150 --> 01:04:18,439
- Scotch?
1995
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:19,273
- Scotch.
1996
01:04:19,274 --> 01:04:20,442
- Scotch.
1997
01:04:20,443 --> 01:04:21,446
- Better not be Doers.
1998
01:04:21,447 --> 01:04:22,444
- Alright, bros,
1999
01:04:22,445 --> 01:04:23,601
this is Singleton,
2000
01:04:23,602 --> 01:04:24,652
the Glenlive 12 year,
2001
01:04:25,500 --> 01:04:26,779
single malt.
2002
01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:27,919
You know about that, Harold.
2003
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,033
- [Harold] Hey, it's not
Doers guys, we're good.
2004
01:04:32,983 --> 01:04:34,143
- [Kevin] We'll pour it neat.
2005
01:04:34,723 --> 01:04:36,785
- [Matt] You know
what that means?
2006
01:04:36,786 --> 01:04:37,619
- [Tyler] No.
2007
01:04:37,620 --> 01:04:38,705
- Harold.
2008
01:04:38,706 --> 01:04:40,187
- [Harold] Yes?
2009
01:04:40,188 --> 01:04:42,369
- [Tyler] You're pouring
it really quick.
2010
01:04:42,370 --> 01:04:43,641
That's neat man.
2011
01:04:43,642 --> 01:04:45,193
Neato.
2012
01:04:48,082 --> 01:04:48,915
- What I'm gonna do now
2013
01:04:48,916 --> 01:04:50,801
is I'm gonna put a
couple drops of water
2014
01:04:50,802 --> 01:04:51,635
in each one.
2015
01:04:51,636 --> 01:04:53,499
It changes the
molecular density.
2016
01:04:53,500 --> 01:04:54,500
It opens it up.
2017
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:56,769
- [Tyler] Like a bouquet.
2018
01:04:56,770 --> 01:04:57,999
- [Matt] Exactly.
2019
01:04:58,000 --> 01:04:59,319
- [Tyler] Like a lady's legs.
2020
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:00,770
- [Matt] With the best water
2021
01:05:01,724 --> 01:05:02,570
in the valley.
2022
01:05:02,571 --> 01:05:04,389
Actually in the world.
2023
01:05:04,390 --> 01:05:05,390
- [Harold] Yep.
2024
01:05:06,220 --> 01:05:08,158
- [Tyler] Best hangover cure
2025
01:05:08,159 --> 01:05:09,589
right there.
2026
01:05:09,590 --> 01:05:11,229
Water.
2027
01:05:11,230 --> 01:05:13,280
- I wish we had some
Roy Orbesen records.
2028
01:05:15,184 --> 01:05:17,601
(rock music)
2029
01:05:21,308 --> 01:05:23,377
Is that how you
discard your scotch?
2030
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:25,142
- Yeah, is there another way?
2031
01:05:25,143 --> 01:05:26,799
- My god, you're still doing
2032
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,449
fucking Big League Chew?
2033
01:05:28,450 --> 01:05:29,283
- Fucking A right man,
2034
01:05:29,284 --> 01:05:30,561
cause I'm a pro.
2035
01:05:30,562 --> 01:05:31,598
- We should have
given him Doers.
2036
01:05:31,599 --> 01:05:35,745
- What is the next
plan of attack?
2037
01:05:35,746 --> 01:05:37,599
Cause this is a lot of
fun and all, but...
2038
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,281
- I have a Lyft.
2039
01:05:39,282 --> 01:05:40,881
- Who?
2040
01:05:40,882 --> 01:05:43,079
- Somebody named Ling.
2041
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:44,099
- No.
2042
01:05:44,100 --> 01:05:45,100
No, no, no, no.
2043
01:05:46,343 --> 01:05:47,629
Trust me.
2044
01:05:47,630 --> 01:05:49,649
I got pepper sprayed
by that broad.
2045
01:05:49,650 --> 01:05:50,779
No.
2046
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,081
- I'm from Brooklyn,
you motherfucker.
2047
01:05:52,082 --> 01:05:53,050
- Wait, wait,
2048
01:05:53,051 --> 01:05:54,742
there's a Brooklyn in China?
2049
01:05:54,743 --> 01:05:56,843
- I sprayed her with my pepper.
2050
01:05:56,844 --> 01:05:58,866
- Oh, I think I heard of that.
2051
01:05:58,867 --> 01:06:01,119
Did she join AA
Elias after that?
2052
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:02,709
- Oh hell yeah, she did.
2053
01:06:02,710 --> 01:06:03,543
- Okay.
2054
01:06:03,544 --> 01:06:04,763
- Oh yeah.
2055
01:06:04,764 --> 01:06:05,949
- Yeah I'd sober up if I
had to bang this guy.
2056
01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:06,783
- I'm just saying,
2057
01:06:06,783 --> 01:06:07,616
if I had my dick inside you you,
2058
01:06:07,617 --> 01:06:09,323
your gonna make some good
positive changes in life.
2059
01:06:09,324 --> 01:06:10,599
- My god.
2060
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,059
Look, I'm gonna get on.
2061
01:06:12,060 --> 01:06:13,010
Uber right now.
2062
01:06:13,011 --> 01:06:14,979
I know I'm not gonna get
in the fucking Uber Jew.
2063
01:06:14,980 --> 01:06:16,159
- Oh, the Uber Jew.
2064
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:17,289
Yah.
2065
01:06:17,290 --> 01:06:18,449
- Uber Jew?
2066
01:06:18,450 --> 01:06:19,283
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
2067
01:06:19,284 --> 01:06:20,799
- It seems a little
2068
01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:22,305
antisemitic and maybe
a bit tasteless.
2069
01:06:22,306 --> 01:06:23,909
- Oh my god.
2070
01:06:23,910 --> 01:06:27,409
It's not like I fucking called
in the sheeny shuttler.
2071
01:06:27,410 --> 01:06:29,803
Fucking kike cart dude.
2072
01:06:29,804 --> 01:06:31,559
Oh my god dude.
2073
01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:33,239
- [Tyler] I'm on the
old hieve highway.
2074
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:35,613
- [Matt] Hey, (inaudible)
2075
01:06:37,858 --> 01:06:38,850
- I wouldn't say I'm gay.
2076
01:06:38,851 --> 01:06:41,361
But I've definitely done
some gay shit, dude.
2077
01:06:41,362 --> 01:06:43,294
- Yeah you have.
2078
01:06:43,295 --> 01:06:44,223
- Yeah.
2079
01:06:44,224 --> 01:06:45,259
- We're fully aware.
2080
01:06:45,260 --> 01:06:47,161
- You haven't?
2081
01:06:47,162 --> 01:06:50,469
No?
2082
01:06:50,470 --> 01:06:51,935
- No.
2083
01:06:51,936 --> 01:06:52,884
- Harold was never
2084
01:06:52,885 --> 01:06:54,177
partook in homosexual.
2085
01:06:54,178 --> 01:06:55,011
- You're gonna tell
me with that jacket,
2086
01:06:55,012 --> 01:06:57,573
and that beard you guys have
never done anything gay?
2087
01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,883
- Maybe watched the WNBA.
2088
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:05,374
- I would tell you,
2089
01:07:05,375 --> 01:07:06,574
if you got more in touch
2090
01:07:06,575 --> 01:07:07,408
with your male side,
2091
01:07:07,409 --> 01:07:08,679
you might have,
2092
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:09,513
I don't know,
2093
01:07:09,514 --> 01:07:11,052
more luck getting women.
2094
01:07:11,053 --> 01:07:12,739
- I actually prefer the WNBA.
2095
01:07:12,740 --> 01:07:14,195
It's more a team sport.
2096
01:07:14,196 --> 01:07:16,090
(laughter)
2097
01:07:16,091 --> 01:07:17,649
- The only reason you
like watching the WNBA
2098
01:07:17,650 --> 01:07:18,969
is because a lot of those ladies
2099
01:07:18,970 --> 01:07:20,229
have Adam's apples.
2100
01:07:20,230 --> 01:07:21,598
- I really appreciate
their talent.
2101
01:07:21,599 --> 01:07:22,590
- God, would you be in to it
2102
01:07:22,591 --> 01:07:23,869
if they did?
2103
01:07:23,870 --> 01:07:25,338
- No, dude.
2104
01:07:25,339 --> 01:07:27,669
I'm like a fucking
ancient Roman warrior.
2105
01:07:27,670 --> 01:07:30,069
That is the only reason why
me and my other male friends
2106
01:07:30,070 --> 01:07:31,939
have bonded in the
way that we have.
2107
01:07:31,940 --> 01:07:34,399
I wouldn't say it's
anything sexual about it.
2108
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:35,459
It's more about
2109
01:07:35,460 --> 01:07:36,819
becoming brothers,
2110
01:07:36,820 --> 01:07:38,238
becoming closer than
you ever could.
2111
01:07:38,239 --> 01:07:39,357
Someone's life in your hands,
2112
01:07:39,358 --> 01:07:41,553
you want to really
trust somebody,
2113
01:07:41,554 --> 01:07:43,515
jerk that dick off.
2114
01:07:43,516 --> 01:07:44,410
You know what I mean.
2115
01:07:44,411 --> 01:07:46,219
You really learn a
lot about somebody.
2116
01:07:46,220 --> 01:07:47,678
- Achilles and
Hector, you are not.
2117
01:07:47,679 --> 01:07:49,349
- No, hell no.
2118
01:07:49,350 --> 01:07:51,459
I'm not gonna die because the
back of my fucking ankle
2119
01:07:51,460 --> 01:07:52,390
gets tweaked.
2120
01:07:52,391 --> 01:07:53,655
You know what I mean.
2121
01:07:53,656 --> 01:07:54,889
(laughter)
2122
01:07:54,890 --> 01:07:56,355
No, I'm
2123
01:07:56,356 --> 01:07:57,739
like Brad Pitt,
2124
01:07:57,740 --> 01:07:59,395
but more like Brad
Pitt in Snatch.
2125
01:07:59,396 --> 01:08:00,739
You know what the fuck I mean.
2126
01:08:00,740 --> 01:08:02,289
- You like dikes?
2127
01:08:02,290 --> 01:08:03,575
- Yeah.
2128
01:08:03,576 --> 01:08:04,420
Do I like dikes?
2129
01:08:04,421 --> 01:08:05,715
Or docks?
2130
01:08:05,716 --> 01:08:06,718
- Guys.
2131
01:08:06,719 --> 01:08:07,552
You like guys?
2132
01:08:07,553 --> 01:08:09,599
- Eh, I wouldn't
say I like them,
2133
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:12,039
but if you've never had
a dude jerk you off,
2134
01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:13,577
you haven't lived.
2135
01:08:13,578 --> 01:08:15,319
The textile strength
that a man has
2136
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,259
is so much better
than a woman's.
2137
01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:18,819
- Those calluses.
2138
01:08:18,820 --> 01:08:21,049
- It's like getting
a fucking handjob
2139
01:08:21,050 --> 01:08:22,937
from a ranch hand, you
know what I mean.
2140
01:08:22,938 --> 01:08:26,537
Just a good firm old
Midwestern hand shake.
2141
01:08:26,538 --> 01:08:29,417
You know what I'm talking about.
2142
01:08:29,418 --> 01:08:30,619
In fact,
2143
01:08:30,620 --> 01:08:31,453
let me show you.
2144
01:08:31,454 --> 01:08:32,889
From what I've learned by,
2145
01:08:32,890 --> 01:08:33,723
I don't know,
2146
01:08:33,724 --> 01:08:35,118
being amongst my fellow men,
2147
01:08:35,119 --> 01:08:37,209
I'm gonna teach that
lady over there
2148
01:08:37,210 --> 01:08:38,752
a thing or two
2149
01:08:38,753 --> 01:08:40,094
she's never seen.
2150
01:08:40,095 --> 01:08:41,107
(laughter)
2151
01:08:41,108 --> 01:08:43,278
I'm gonna get her to
suck my whole penis.
2152
01:08:43,279 --> 01:08:44,297
- Her?
2153
01:08:44,298 --> 01:08:45,295
- Yeah.
2154
01:08:45,295 --> 01:08:46,128
- Her?
- Yeah.
2155
01:08:46,129 --> 01:08:47,315
Tiddle biddies over there.
2156
01:08:47,316 --> 01:08:48,318
- Her?
2157
01:08:48,319 --> 01:08:49,316
- Her?
2158
01:08:49,317 --> 01:08:50,334
- Yes, let me,
2159
01:08:50,335 --> 01:08:51,168
let me show you guys, okay.
2160
01:08:51,169 --> 01:08:52,769
I'm, this is gonna be.
2161
01:08:52,770 --> 01:08:54,699
Trojan warrior
2162
01:08:54,700 --> 01:08:57,553
and that's my young squire.
2163
01:08:57,554 --> 01:08:58,510
- This is the
moment where Harold
2164
01:08:58,511 --> 01:09:00,923
is continually baffled
at how we are friends.
2165
01:09:01,999 --> 01:09:02,832
- Let me give you a
piece of advice.
2166
01:09:02,833 --> 01:09:04,139
- I wouldn't recommend this.
2167
01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:05,395
- I would not recommend this.
2168
01:09:05,396 --> 01:09:06,494
- Why?
2169
01:09:06,495 --> 01:09:08,473
(laughter)
2170
01:09:08,474 --> 01:09:10,029
She's too easy.
2171
01:09:10,030 --> 01:09:11,235
It's too easy of a kill?
2172
01:09:11,236 --> 01:09:13,209
It's like hunting
a wounded deer?
2173
01:09:13,210 --> 01:09:14,130
That's fine.
2174
01:09:14,131 --> 01:09:15,335
That's all I fucking hunt,
2175
01:09:15,336 --> 01:09:16,755
you know what I mean.
2176
01:09:16,756 --> 01:09:17,754
- I think Tyler
needs a challenge.
2177
01:09:17,755 --> 01:09:20,369
- I'll accept roadkill.
2178
01:09:20,370 --> 01:09:21,360
Yeah, absolutely.
2179
01:09:21,361 --> 01:09:22,719
- Okay.
2180
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:24,099
- How about just enough funds
2181
01:09:24,100 --> 01:09:25,050
to go malt scotch
2182
01:09:25,051 --> 01:09:26,793
to appreciate this moment.
2183
01:09:26,794 --> 01:09:27,730
- You guys keep my seat warm.
2184
01:09:27,731 --> 01:09:29,489
I'll be getting my dick wet.
2185
01:09:29,490 --> 01:09:30,323
When I get back,
2186
01:09:30,324 --> 01:09:31,809
you guys can help dab it off
2187
01:09:31,810 --> 01:09:32,643
and tell me how great we did.
2188
01:09:32,644 --> 01:09:34,350
- He's always so rude.
2189
01:09:34,351 --> 01:09:36,529
(rock music)
2190
01:09:36,530 --> 01:09:37,363
I'm not a prude,
2191
01:09:37,364 --> 01:09:39,223
but I can see him
appreciating the crude.
2192
01:09:43,010 --> 01:09:44,461
- What's up girl?
2193
01:09:44,462 --> 01:09:45,295
Get you a drink?
2194
01:09:45,295 --> 01:09:46,128
- Yeah.
2195
01:09:46,128 --> 01:09:46,961
Like Red Bulls over here, baby.
2196
01:09:46,962 --> 01:09:48,118
- Sure, I love to smash
Red Bull vodkas with you
2197
01:09:48,119 --> 01:09:49,340
all night
2198
01:09:49,341 --> 01:09:52,396
and then you can
fuck me doggie style
2199
01:09:52,397 --> 01:09:54,720
while we watch the new season
of Blue Mountain State.
2200
01:09:54,721 --> 01:09:57,644
Do you like Nickleback
as much as I do?
2201
01:09:57,645 --> 01:09:58,478
- Yes.
2202
01:09:58,478 --> 01:09:59,311
- Yeah.
- Oh my god, yeah.
2203
01:09:59,311 --> 01:10:00,144
- I fucking love Tool.
2204
01:10:00,144 --> 01:10:01,144
Yeah.
2205
01:10:03,150 --> 01:10:04,150
- Pull my hair.
2206
01:10:05,218 --> 01:10:07,100
- You're towing my toolbox baby.
2207
01:10:07,101 --> 01:10:08,358
- Oh god.
2208
01:10:08,359 --> 01:10:09,737
Get this little tool
out right here.
2209
01:10:09,738 --> 01:10:12,071
- Why do you call it little?
2210
01:10:13,252 --> 01:10:15,951
- Damn, can I get a couple
vodka red bulls on her please?
2211
01:10:15,952 --> 01:10:18,493
- Wow, seriously?
2212
01:10:18,494 --> 01:10:19,327
- Uh uh.
2213
01:10:19,328 --> 01:10:21,177
- Who the fuck do
you think you are?
2214
01:10:21,178 --> 01:10:23,539
Do you think I'm just
some little tool shed
2215
01:10:23,540 --> 01:10:24,426
you can do whatever the
fuck you want with?
2216
01:10:24,427 --> 01:10:29,426
God, you are such a
typical Cedar Falls WASP
2217
01:10:30,510 --> 01:10:31,889
who probably only got
through high school
2218
01:10:31,890 --> 01:10:33,921
on the fact that daddy
owned a car dealership.
2219
01:10:33,922 --> 01:10:35,780
How many freshmen cheerleaders
2220
01:10:35,781 --> 01:10:38,129
have you had your dirty
little fingers in
2221
01:10:38,130 --> 01:10:39,519
after a lacrosse game?
2222
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:40,357
Huh?
2223
01:10:40,358 --> 01:10:41,669
Go home.
2224
01:10:41,670 --> 01:10:43,289
Yeah, I can smell
them from here.
2225
01:10:43,290 --> 01:10:44,270
Go home,
2226
01:10:44,271 --> 01:10:46,039
wash off the Axe body spray
2227
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:47,779
and wait for the next
time that your mom
2228
01:10:47,780 --> 01:10:48,889
signs you up
2229
01:10:48,890 --> 01:10:49,989
for a bachelor date night
2230
01:10:49,990 --> 01:10:51,893
at your town's failing
country club.
2231
01:10:52,847 --> 01:10:53,680
- Wow.
2232
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:54,513
You blew it.
2233
01:10:54,514 --> 01:10:56,063
Guess who played piccolo
their freshman year.
2234
01:10:56,064 --> 01:10:57,588
Peace.
2235
01:10:57,589 --> 01:10:58,628
- Whatever.
2236
01:10:58,629 --> 01:11:01,779
Small penis.
2237
01:11:01,780 --> 01:11:03,159
- [Tyler] It's
bigger than yours.
2238
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:04,929
- I can't even see it
through your jeans.
2239
01:11:04,930 --> 01:11:06,713
Get out of here.
2240
01:11:06,714 --> 01:11:07,789
- [Tyler] That's
cause they're dark.
2241
01:11:07,790 --> 01:11:10,451
- Oh, what gives Charlie Brown?
2242
01:11:10,452 --> 01:11:12,028
- Fuck you man.
2243
01:11:12,029 --> 01:11:14,612
I struck out.
2244
01:11:14,613 --> 01:11:15,446
- Her?
2245
01:11:15,447 --> 01:11:16,612
With her?
2246
01:11:16,613 --> 01:11:17,673
- Her?
2247
01:11:17,674 --> 01:11:18,520
- Yeah, I struck out with her.
2248
01:11:18,521 --> 01:11:19,819
What's happened to me?
2249
01:11:19,820 --> 01:11:20,653
- Fuck this.
2250
01:11:20,654 --> 01:11:22,486
- Like pirates (inaudible)
2251
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:23,499
- I think it was Kirk tonight.
2252
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:24,500
- Guys.
2253
01:11:25,573 --> 01:11:26,750
I'm calling in the
nuclear option.
2254
01:11:26,751 --> 01:11:28,339
- No.
2255
01:11:28,340 --> 01:11:29,709
Not the man who's had more girls
2256
01:11:29,710 --> 01:11:30,990
than anyone in Cedar Valley.
2257
01:11:30,991 --> 01:11:31,980
- Yes.
2258
01:11:31,981 --> 01:11:33,599
The sultan of sliz himself.
2259
01:11:33,600 --> 01:11:35,252
- I do admire that
man's sexual prowess.
2260
01:11:35,253 --> 01:11:38,579
- And send.
2261
01:11:38,580 --> 01:11:39,890
- She's doomed.
- Oh boy.
2262
01:11:44,550 --> 01:11:46,759
(rock music)
2263
01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:48,073
- Sir, you have a message.
2264
01:11:57,271 --> 01:11:59,688
(rock music)
2265
01:12:21,860 --> 01:12:23,414
- Tyler,
2266
01:12:23,415 --> 01:12:24,516
Matt,
2267
01:12:24,517 --> 01:12:25,518
Harold.
2268
01:12:25,519 --> 01:12:26,533
- Mr. Lance.
2269
01:12:26,534 --> 01:12:27,519
Now might be a real good time
2270
01:12:27,519 --> 01:12:28,352
for you to get horny.
2271
01:12:28,353 --> 01:12:29,809
- It's my secret, Matt.
2272
01:12:29,810 --> 01:12:30,643
I'm always horny.
2273
01:12:30,643 --> 01:12:31,519
- Mr. Lance.
- So cool.
2274
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:35,076
- He called me Harold.
2275
01:12:35,077 --> 01:12:36,077
- Oh my god.
2276
01:12:37,039 --> 01:12:38,739
Are you Jeff Lance?
2277
01:12:38,740 --> 01:12:40,433
- You're goddamn right.
2278
01:12:46,950 --> 01:12:48,656
Bros, Jeff Lance.
2279
01:12:48,657 --> 01:12:51,324
(group chatter)
2280
01:12:53,958 --> 01:12:54,890
- So what are you guys
doing after this?
2281
01:12:54,891 --> 01:12:56,649
- Going to Cornstalk
at Spicoli's.
2282
01:12:56,650 --> 01:12:57,483
- Oh really.
2283
01:12:57,484 --> 01:13:00,309
- I heard Carolina
Spine is playing.
2284
01:13:00,310 --> 01:13:01,449
- Caroline.
2285
01:13:01,450 --> 01:13:02,450
Spine.
2286
01:13:02,451 --> 01:13:04,039
- Caroline.
2287
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:05,179
Spine. - Get it right.
2288
01:13:05,180 --> 01:13:06,764
- I'm sorry.
2289
01:13:06,765 --> 01:13:07,690
- You know that song
about Waterloo, right.
2290
01:13:07,691 --> 01:13:08,940
- Yes, called Mrs. Sullivan.
2291
01:13:08,941 --> 01:13:11,529
- Okay, so like about this
Sullivan brothers and
2292
01:13:11,530 --> 01:13:13,841
all that jazz.
2293
01:13:13,842 --> 01:13:15,143
Okay, okay.
2294
01:13:15,144 --> 01:13:16,439
- So oh my god, right,
2295
01:13:16,440 --> 01:13:17,273
we gotta go.
2296
01:13:17,274 --> 01:13:18,444
- Yep, gotta go.
2297
01:13:18,445 --> 01:13:19,442
- Let's do this.
2298
01:13:19,443 --> 01:13:21,173
- Carolina Spine.
2299
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:24,709
- Alright guys seriously,
2300
01:13:24,710 --> 01:13:26,049
get on the fucking horns.
2301
01:13:26,050 --> 01:13:27,069
We need a driver.
2302
01:13:27,070 --> 01:13:28,159
We gotta get down man.
2303
01:13:28,160 --> 01:13:29,289
Caroline's Spine.
2304
01:13:29,290 --> 01:13:30,290
- Okay, got it.
2305
01:13:31,270 --> 01:13:32,639
- Look at this, the initiative,
2306
01:13:32,640 --> 01:13:34,081
I love it.
2307
01:13:34,082 --> 01:13:35,064
Tyler the tool.
2308
01:13:35,065 --> 01:13:36,140
Does that say fucking Grinder?
2309
01:13:36,141 --> 01:13:37,050
- Yeah dude,
2310
01:13:37,051 --> 01:13:38,419
trying to get my
butt hole licked.
2311
01:13:38,420 --> 01:13:39,879
- Can't meet a woman
with a tongue strength
2312
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:41,149
that I require.
2313
01:13:41,150 --> 01:13:42,789
- Tyler,
2314
01:13:42,790 --> 01:13:44,160
cool it with the
butt stuff, bros.
2315
01:13:44,161 --> 01:13:46,359
I've done it.
2316
01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:47,589
- You got a ride?
2317
01:13:47,590 --> 01:13:48,639
- I'm a miracle worker.
2318
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:49,899
- It can't be Lyft.
2319
01:13:49,900 --> 01:13:51,509
- Doth my eyes deceive me.
2320
01:13:51,510 --> 01:13:52,410
- There's this asian lady,
2321
01:13:52,411 --> 01:13:53,879
I climbed her great wall
2322
01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:55,489
like I was Mongolian.
2323
01:13:55,490 --> 01:13:57,201
Genghis Khan up in that bitch.
2324
01:13:57,202 --> 01:13:58,070
- This,
2325
01:13:58,071 --> 01:13:59,420
this is as poetic
as Silvia Plath.
2326
01:13:59,421 --> 01:14:00,809
It is.
2327
01:14:00,810 --> 01:14:01,643
- Silvia Plath?
2328
01:14:01,644 --> 01:14:03,109
- It most certainly is.
2329
01:14:03,110 --> 01:14:04,449
- [Tyler] The chick that
wrote Frankenstein?
2330
01:14:04,450 --> 01:14:06,489
- [Harold] Harold's eyes
doth not deceive him.
2331
01:14:06,490 --> 01:14:07,490
- [Matt] Oh my god.
2332
01:14:08,962 --> 01:14:09,840
They should have sent a poet.
2333
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:10,840
- They did.
2334
01:14:11,682 --> 01:14:13,639
- Like Robert Frost?
2335
01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:16,633
- It's gold doth stay.
2336
01:14:19,298 --> 01:14:21,169
- [Matt] The Uber Jew,
2337
01:14:21,170 --> 01:14:22,329
the Jewish Uber driver
2338
01:14:22,330 --> 01:14:23,749
who is very Jewish,
2339
01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:25,519
hence he is.
2340
01:14:25,520 --> 01:14:26,370
Uber Jew,
2341
01:14:26,371 --> 01:14:29,389
the greatest uber driver ever.
2342
01:14:29,390 --> 01:14:31,141
Fucking love that hebe.
2343
01:14:31,142 --> 01:14:33,699
Hey, he
2344
01:14:33,700 --> 01:14:35,429
who finds faithful friend
2345
01:14:35,430 --> 01:14:37,163
finds a treasure.
2346
01:14:37,164 --> 01:14:39,061
That's a Jewish proverb.
2347
01:14:39,062 --> 01:14:40,473
- Hey,
2348
01:14:44,800 --> 01:14:46,649
Bros got room for one more?
2349
01:14:46,650 --> 01:14:47,650
- Tanner!
2350
01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:48,650
- Hey.
2351
01:14:52,310 --> 01:14:54,139
- [Tyler] Turtles Reunion tour?
2352
01:14:54,140 --> 01:14:56,459
(group chatter)
2353
01:14:56,460 --> 01:14:59,360
- [Uber Jew] you got
to sit in the back.
2354
01:14:59,361 --> 01:15:00,741
- [Matt] You got to sit bitch.
2355
01:15:00,742 --> 01:15:02,389
- [Tanner] Okay.
2356
01:15:02,390 --> 01:15:03,541
- Oh my god.
2357
01:15:03,542 --> 01:15:05,621
There hasn't been
2358
01:15:05,622 --> 01:15:06,622
anyone
2359
01:15:07,588 --> 01:15:09,359
as happy to see a Jew
2360
01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:10,193
since I don't know,
2361
01:15:10,194 --> 01:15:12,427
the disciples on first Easter.
2362
01:15:12,428 --> 01:15:15,045
- Starting with that
right away, huh.
2363
01:15:15,046 --> 01:15:18,404
- Wait, so why are
you back here again?
2364
01:15:18,405 --> 01:15:20,564
- Well, I moved back.
2365
01:15:20,565 --> 01:15:22,403
The cost of living in
2366
01:15:22,404 --> 01:15:24,029
Chicago was a little
too high for me.
2367
01:15:24,030 --> 01:15:25,966
- Were you really
in Chicago though?
2368
01:15:25,967 --> 01:15:27,485
Were you in Logan Square?
2369
01:15:27,486 --> 01:15:29,648
- I don't believe we've met.
- Or more like Evanston?
2370
01:15:29,649 --> 01:15:31,947
- Well Schaumburg actually.
2371
01:15:31,948 --> 01:15:33,469
- I'm Harold.
2372
01:15:33,470 --> 01:15:34,759
No, we have not
had the pleasure.
2373
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:35,670
- Yeah, I was gonna say
2374
01:15:35,671 --> 01:15:37,249
I would remember that beard.
2375
01:15:37,250 --> 01:15:39,008
- Is it reminiscent
of mahogany and ash?
2376
01:15:39,009 --> 01:15:41,605
- No.
2377
01:15:41,606 --> 01:15:44,219
- Dude, that fucking
hat is sick.
2378
01:15:44,220 --> 01:15:45,709
I gotta get me one of those
2379
01:15:45,710 --> 01:15:47,344
with gold on it.
2380
01:15:47,345 --> 01:15:48,347
And instead of the star,
2381
01:15:48,348 --> 01:15:49,365
maybe use something like a knife
2382
01:15:49,366 --> 01:15:50,804
or like a (inaudible)
or something.
2383
01:15:50,805 --> 01:15:53,147
- I think that would
be a little much.
2384
01:15:53,148 --> 01:15:54,944
You know I have to say,
2385
01:15:54,945 --> 01:15:56,384
I'm a little surprised.
2386
01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:57,382
- [Matt] Oh.
2387
01:15:57,383 --> 01:15:58,421
- To see
2388
01:15:58,422 --> 01:15:59,643
a hipster,
2389
01:15:59,644 --> 01:16:00,661
a tool,
2390
01:16:00,662 --> 01:16:01,809
and bros all in the same car.
2391
01:16:01,810 --> 01:16:02,705
I'm a little proud of you guys.
2392
01:16:02,705 --> 01:16:03,702
I am.
2393
01:16:03,702 --> 01:16:04,535
- [Tyler] Is it
breaking your heart
2394
01:16:04,536 --> 01:16:05,701
that we're ride
sharing right now?
2395
01:16:05,702 --> 01:16:07,301
(laughter)
2396
01:16:07,302 --> 01:16:08,329
- Kind of makes you wonder why
2397
01:16:08,330 --> 01:16:09,939
Israel and Palestine
can't get along.
2398
01:16:09,940 --> 01:16:11,449
- You know, there's
actually more to that.
2399
01:16:11,450 --> 01:16:12,896
- I know.
2400
01:16:12,897 --> 01:16:14,119
- [Tyler] And just
like that crystal
2401
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:16,389
knocked the whole
coverup bullshit
2402
01:16:16,390 --> 01:16:17,519
you guys came up with.
2403
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:18,899
I know a fucking scam
2404
01:16:18,900 --> 01:16:20,169
when you're trying to get that
2405
01:16:20,170 --> 01:16:21,699
window pane insurance money.
2406
01:16:21,700 --> 01:16:22,540
My dad sold them.
2407
01:16:22,541 --> 01:16:23,879
I know that he...
2408
01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:25,039
- Hey Tyler,
2409
01:16:25,040 --> 01:16:26,409
Crystal knock knock.
2410
01:16:26,410 --> 01:16:27,243
- Who's there?
2411
01:16:27,244 --> 01:16:28,480
- An inside job.
2412
01:16:28,481 --> 01:16:29,589
(laughter)
2413
01:16:29,590 --> 01:16:31,984
- And six million less Jews.
2414
01:16:31,985 --> 01:16:35,559
- You guys have not
changed one bit.
2415
01:16:35,560 --> 01:16:36,490
- Why did you come back.
2416
01:16:36,491 --> 01:16:37,969
You were with your
bubby you said.
2417
01:16:37,970 --> 01:16:39,649
And you were gonna
work for your uncle.
2418
01:16:39,650 --> 01:16:40,759
- Well,
2419
01:16:40,760 --> 01:16:42,080
it ended up not working out.
2420
01:16:42,081 --> 01:16:43,899
- Is it bubby or booby?
2421
01:16:43,900 --> 01:16:44,900
- I'm not as good with the money
2422
01:16:44,901 --> 01:16:46,581
as I thought I was.
2423
01:16:46,582 --> 01:16:47,584
(laughter)
2424
01:16:47,585 --> 01:16:48,582
- That's the first you
2425
01:16:48,583 --> 01:16:49,584
I will ever admit that joke.
2426
01:16:49,585 --> 01:16:50,582
- So you weren't quite
making six figures?
2427
01:16:50,583 --> 01:16:52,729
- We won't talk about it.
2428
01:16:52,730 --> 01:16:54,341
- They can't even
make six inches.
2429
01:16:54,342 --> 01:16:55,621
(laughter)
2430
01:16:55,622 --> 01:16:56,869
- [Tyler] What are you doing?
2431
01:16:56,870 --> 01:16:58,069
Just rubbing nickles together
2432
01:16:58,070 --> 01:16:59,664
to making our money or what?
2433
01:16:59,665 --> 01:17:02,209
- Oh, I've missed you guys.
2434
01:17:02,210 --> 01:17:03,249
I really have.
2435
01:17:03,250 --> 01:17:04,829
- I just can't believe
we found you on the app.
2436
01:17:04,830 --> 01:17:06,259
It was a Christmas miracle.
2437
01:17:06,260 --> 01:17:07,789
Oh sorry, a Hanukkah miracle.
2438
01:17:07,790 --> 01:17:09,264
- Yes.
2439
01:17:09,265 --> 01:17:10,098
- Does Hanukkah have miracles?
2440
01:17:10,098 --> 01:17:10,940
- You can say Christmas.
2441
01:17:10,940 --> 01:17:11,820
I'm not offended.
2442
01:17:11,821 --> 01:17:13,403
- I don't want to offend.
2443
01:17:13,404 --> 01:17:15,009
I just want to be
historically accurate.
2444
01:17:15,010 --> 01:17:16,549
- We're not offended
that you killed Christ.
2445
01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:19,403
- You know I really
love riding with you.
2446
01:17:19,404 --> 01:17:22,052
You give us road scotch.
2447
01:17:22,053 --> 01:17:22,970
- [Tyler] Road scotch.
2448
01:17:22,971 --> 01:17:24,069
- Jesus Christ,
2449
01:17:24,070 --> 01:17:25,119
Glen Levit.
2450
01:17:25,120 --> 01:17:26,619
- At least it's single malt.
2451
01:17:26,620 --> 01:17:27,453
- Yeah.
2452
01:17:27,454 --> 01:17:28,479
- [Tyler] What, were they
out of Cutty Sark or what?
2453
01:17:28,480 --> 01:17:29,313
- Hey, you never
know when someone's
2454
01:17:29,314 --> 01:17:30,759
gonna stiff you.
2455
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,186
I can't reach for the top shelf.
2456
01:17:32,187 --> 01:17:33,759
- You're like fucking Pauly
2457
01:17:33,760 --> 01:17:35,158
drinking.
2458
01:17:35,159 --> 01:17:35,992
- [Tyler] Even the middle shelf.
2459
01:17:35,993 --> 01:17:37,573
- Like that time
Piccolo's had Doers.
2460
01:17:37,574 --> 01:17:39,069
(laughter)
2461
01:17:39,070 --> 01:17:40,279
Jesus.
2462
01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:41,113
- I thought they
didn't have Doers.
2463
01:17:41,114 --> 01:17:42,609
I thought they had
2464
01:17:42,610 --> 01:17:43,470
like Lauders.
2465
01:17:43,471 --> 01:17:44,889
- Harold had water that evening.
2466
01:17:44,890 --> 01:17:45,723
- Yeah.
2467
01:17:45,724 --> 01:17:48,032
(rock music)
2468
01:17:56,298 --> 01:17:57,295
- What's your middle name?
2469
01:17:57,296 --> 01:17:58,457
- What's your date of birth?
2470
01:17:58,458 --> 01:17:59,340
- Oh my goodness,
2471
01:17:59,341 --> 01:18:00,958
I do not have time
for this, okay.
2472
01:18:00,959 --> 01:18:02,609
I work two jobs,
2473
01:18:02,610 --> 01:18:03,490
got a kid.
2474
01:18:03,490 --> 01:18:04,480
I'm getting crow's feet.
2475
01:18:04,481 --> 01:18:05,897
Okay, I just want to
go to the concert.
2476
01:18:05,898 --> 01:18:09,054
- Hmm, well head on in.
2477
01:18:09,055 --> 01:18:10,638
- Sounds good to me.
2478
01:18:10,639 --> 01:18:12,414
- She looks pretty good for 46.
2479
01:18:12,415 --> 01:18:14,215
- 105.7 KOKZ,
2480
01:18:14,216 --> 01:18:15,200
Iowa's classic hits.
2481
01:18:15,201 --> 01:18:16,916
My name is Craig Lowey.
2482
01:18:16,917 --> 01:18:17,750
You know where you
need to be tonight.
2483
01:18:17,751 --> 01:18:19,279
You need to be at
Spicoli's in Waterloo
2484
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:21,489
because a fantastic
band is coming to town.
2485
01:18:21,490 --> 01:18:23,609
Jimmy Newquist and
Caroline's Spine
2486
01:18:23,610 --> 01:18:25,167
are gonna be in town.
2487
01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:26,001
I know these guys
for a long time.
2488
01:18:26,002 --> 01:18:27,129
They have the hit song,
2489
01:18:27,130 --> 01:18:28,419
Sullivan, among others.
2490
01:18:28,420 --> 01:18:29,589
We definitely want
you to get out
2491
01:18:29,590 --> 01:18:30,440
and support
2492
01:18:30,441 --> 01:18:31,449
not only Spicoli's,
2493
01:18:31,450 --> 01:18:32,826
but Jimmy Newquist and
Caroline's Spine.
2494
01:18:32,827 --> 01:18:34,589
If you've never seen them live,
2495
01:18:34,590 --> 01:18:36,169
you are certainly missing out.
2496
01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:37,172
And we want you to experience.
2497
01:18:37,173 --> 01:18:39,019
Caroline's Spine tonight,
2498
01:18:39,020 --> 01:18:39,853
Spicoli's in Waterloo.
2499
01:18:39,854 --> 01:18:40,889
Check it out.
2500
01:18:40,890 --> 01:18:42,472
- Erin McCool.
2501
01:18:42,473 --> 01:18:44,399
My life changed.
2502
01:18:44,400 --> 01:18:45,854
How are you?
2503
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:47,310
- Cool dude.
2504
01:18:47,311 --> 01:18:50,397
- I prefer a handshake.
2505
01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:56,439
- Hey guys, this
is James Patrick
2506
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:57,370
at Rock 108.
2507
01:18:57,371 --> 01:18:59,959
Make sure you get to
Spicoli's tonight
2508
01:18:59,960 --> 01:19:01,539
cause for one night only,
2509
01:19:01,540 --> 01:19:02,659
Jimmy Newquist,
2510
01:19:02,660 --> 01:19:03,729
Caroline's Spine
2511
01:19:03,730 --> 01:19:05,289
rocking the hell
out of Spicoli's.
2512
01:19:05,290 --> 01:19:07,399
So make sure you're
there tonight.
2513
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:08,233
- [Man] Harry, how's it going?
2514
01:19:08,234 --> 01:19:10,349
- It's be better if
you'd call me Harold.
2515
01:19:10,350 --> 01:19:11,183
- I keep forgetting.
2516
01:19:11,184 --> 01:19:12,873
- [Harold] I prefer it.
2517
01:19:12,874 --> 01:19:14,185
- Well Harold, I got
something special for you.
2518
01:19:14,186 --> 01:19:15,150
Here's something that
you'll actually prefer
2519
01:19:15,151 --> 01:19:16,449
more than our water selection.
2520
01:19:16,450 --> 01:19:17,283
- Or your Doers?
2521
01:19:17,283 --> 01:19:18,283
- Or our Doers.
2522
01:19:19,330 --> 01:19:21,689
Alright, would Harold
approve of this?
2523
01:19:21,690 --> 01:19:24,889
- Harold would approve.
2524
01:19:24,890 --> 01:19:26,290
- [Bartender] I'll
pour you one up.
2525
01:19:26,751 --> 01:19:28,009
- It's better than Doers.
2526
01:19:28,010 --> 01:19:29,652
- [Bartender] There
you are, Harold.
2527
01:19:29,653 --> 01:19:30,692
- You could have done
without the ice, but.
2528
01:19:30,693 --> 01:19:32,599
- Hey, welcome back to the show
2529
01:19:32,600 --> 01:19:34,209
on press roll with
the sports guy.
2530
01:19:34,210 --> 01:19:35,043
I'm Gary Rime
2531
01:19:35,044 --> 01:19:36,862
along with my in studio producer
2532
01:19:36,863 --> 01:19:38,909
and cohost to the program,
2533
01:19:38,910 --> 01:19:39,929
Chris Gobinacker.
2534
01:19:39,930 --> 01:19:41,959
We affectionately call him
2535
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:43,729
the sports stud.
2536
01:19:43,730 --> 01:19:44,889
Hey sports stud,
2537
01:19:44,890 --> 01:19:46,419
I got a memo here.
2538
01:19:46,420 --> 01:19:47,529
Caroline's Spine
2539
01:19:47,530 --> 01:19:49,549
is playing in
Waterloo at Spicoli's
2540
01:19:49,550 --> 01:19:51,989
on University Avenue tonight.
2541
01:19:51,990 --> 01:19:53,979
Hey wasn't there
a Caroline Spine
2542
01:19:53,980 --> 01:19:56,425
that was a great
American figure skater?
2543
01:19:56,426 --> 01:19:58,079
- You're close, Sports Guy.
2544
01:19:58,080 --> 01:19:59,080
Caroline Zont,
2545
01:20:00,543 --> 01:20:02,084
and she is a great
American figure skater
2546
01:20:02,085 --> 01:20:04,339
that is a three time
champion figure skater.
2547
01:20:04,340 --> 01:20:05,320
- Awesome.
2548
01:20:05,321 --> 01:20:06,349
Hey Sports Stud,
2549
01:20:06,350 --> 01:20:07,529
you know there's a
2550
01:20:07,530 --> 01:20:10,121
two time champion right
here from Waterloo,
2551
01:20:10,122 --> 01:20:12,669
the Cedar Valley court kings,
2552
01:20:12,670 --> 01:20:14,419
our minor league
basketball team.
2553
01:20:14,420 --> 01:20:15,380
- You're right Sports Guy,
2554
01:20:15,381 --> 01:20:18,302
back to back Midwest league
basketball champions.
2555
01:20:18,303 --> 01:20:20,619
- Not to mention
out own champions
2556
01:20:20,620 --> 01:20:21,550
on the ice,
2557
01:20:21,551 --> 01:20:22,749
on their skates,
2558
01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:25,159
the Waterloo
Blackhawks Hockey Team
2559
01:20:25,160 --> 01:20:26,905
Anderson Cup Champions.
2560
01:20:26,906 --> 01:20:28,999
- It's impressive stuff.
2561
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,339
- Oh, baby.
2562
01:20:30,340 --> 01:20:32,505
I love these teams.
2563
01:20:32,506 --> 01:20:34,542
- What's going on boys?
2564
01:20:34,543 --> 01:20:35,543
- What's up?
2565
01:20:42,350 --> 01:20:44,489
- Drink it you pig.
2566
01:20:44,490 --> 01:20:45,663
- Yeah.
2567
01:20:47,722 --> 01:20:49,358
- It's a good night.
2568
01:20:49,359 --> 01:20:50,702
Wow man, nice penises boys.
2569
01:20:50,703 --> 01:20:52,319
You especially.
2570
01:20:52,320 --> 01:20:53,458
Shit man.
2571
01:20:53,459 --> 01:20:55,209
- Dude,
2572
01:20:55,210 --> 01:20:56,409
no homo man.
2573
01:20:56,410 --> 01:20:57,243
- What do you mean?
2574
01:20:57,244 --> 01:20:59,241
No, there's nothing
gay about that.
2575
01:20:59,242 --> 01:21:01,079
It's just me applauding
another man's gift.
2576
01:21:01,080 --> 01:21:03,833
God clearly has blessed
this young man.
2577
01:21:08,490 --> 01:21:10,058
- You're buying drinks, right?
2578
01:21:10,059 --> 01:21:12,505
(laughter)
2579
01:21:12,506 --> 01:21:13,626
- I'll put them on your tab.
2580
01:21:14,367 --> 01:21:15,365
Easy boys.
2581
01:21:15,366 --> 01:21:16,579
- See you.
2582
01:21:16,580 --> 01:21:18,960
- This is a song that
introduced me to you guys.
2583
01:21:18,961 --> 01:21:21,378
(rock music)
2584
01:21:47,685 --> 01:21:50,308
♪ It's not hard to reach
back into a day ♪
2585
01:21:50,309 --> 01:21:52,964
♪ Underneath that Iowa sun ♪
2586
01:21:52,965 --> 01:21:55,705
♪ Running to the
tower of Waterloo ♪
2587
01:21:55,706 --> 01:21:58,923
♪ Looking for the
Sullivan's train to come ♪
2588
01:21:58,924 --> 01:22:01,364
♪ And his five boys
would run to the top ♪
2589
01:22:01,365 --> 01:22:03,828
♪ And salute him as he went by ♪
2590
01:22:03,829 --> 01:22:06,206
♪ First we'd wave hello ♪
2591
01:22:06,207 --> 01:22:09,566
♪ Then we'd wave goodbye ♪
2592
01:22:09,567 --> 01:22:11,465
♪ Goodbye ♪
2593
01:22:11,466 --> 01:22:13,883
(rock music)
2594
01:22:20,885 --> 01:22:23,348
♪ It's not hard to reach
back to the days ♪
2595
01:22:23,349 --> 01:22:26,366
♪ After the attack on Pearl ♪
2596
01:22:26,367 --> 01:22:28,766
♪ Overnight my buddies
turned into men ♪
2597
01:22:28,767 --> 01:22:31,542
♪ Running out of time
for games and girls ♪
2598
01:22:31,543 --> 01:22:33,806
♪ And the Sullivan boys
were not overlooked ♪
2599
01:22:33,807 --> 01:22:37,508
♪ Uncle Sam calling
each by name ♪
2600
01:22:37,509 --> 01:22:42,509
♪ The very next day they
left on a mystery train ♪
2601
01:22:42,805 --> 01:22:47,805
♪ Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs.
Sullivan ♪
2602
01:22:47,984 --> 01:22:52,984
♪ And don't you cry,
cry, cry, cry, cry ♪
2603
01:22:54,245 --> 01:22:56,185
♪ We regret to inform you ♪
2604
01:22:56,186 --> 01:22:58,964
♪ The Navy has taking
your sons away ♪
2605
01:22:58,965 --> 01:23:03,965
♪ All five, five, five, five ♪
2606
01:23:03,967 --> 01:23:08,964
♪ So put your blue
stars in the window ♪
2607
01:23:08,965 --> 01:23:11,064
♪ Your window ♪
2608
01:23:11,065 --> 01:23:13,482
(rock music)
2609
01:23:16,405 --> 01:23:19,065
♪ It's not hard to reach
back to her smile ♪
2610
01:23:19,066 --> 01:23:21,764
♪ When she'd receive a letter ♪
2611
01:23:21,765 --> 01:23:24,628
♪ And the letters they
sounded generally the same ♪
2612
01:23:24,629 --> 01:23:26,126
♪ Said if they
couldn't be home ♪
2613
01:23:26,127 --> 01:23:27,667
♪ At least they were together ♪
2614
01:23:27,668 --> 01:23:30,084
♪ On a mighty
fighting battleship ♪
2615
01:23:30,085 --> 01:23:32,905
♪ Somewhere in the
South Pacific ♪
2616
01:23:32,906 --> 01:23:37,906
♪ The letters never got
much more specific ♪
2617
01:23:38,367 --> 01:23:43,367
♪ Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs.
Sullivan ♪
2618
01:23:43,567 --> 01:23:48,567
♪ And don't you cry,
cry, cry, cry, cry ♪
2619
01:23:49,464 --> 01:23:51,924
♪ We regret to inform you ♪
2620
01:23:51,925 --> 01:23:54,825
♪ The Navy is keeping
your sons away ♪
2621
01:23:54,826 --> 01:23:59,524
♪ All five, five, five, five ♪
2622
01:23:59,525 --> 01:24:04,192
♪ So keep your blue
stars in the window ♪
2623
01:24:13,386 --> 01:24:14,219
John, can you bring the
lights down a little bit?
2624
01:24:14,220 --> 01:24:16,200
Jut bring them on down a bit?
2625
01:24:59,103 --> 01:25:01,721
♪ It's not hard to reach
back to the day ♪
2626
01:25:01,722 --> 01:25:04,884
♪ When the war
finally came home ♪
2627
01:25:04,885 --> 01:25:07,465
♪ Uncle Sam, he'll
send you a telegram ♪
2628
01:25:07,466 --> 01:25:11,854
♪ So he doesn't have to
tell you over the phone ♪
2629
01:25:11,855 --> 01:25:13,662
♪ I heard she cracked up ♪
2630
01:25:13,663 --> 01:25:16,804
♪ When they found out
what the war could cost ♪
2631
01:25:16,805 --> 01:25:19,524
♪ When all five of her boys ♪
2632
01:25:19,525 --> 01:25:22,345
♪ Were lost ♪
2633
01:25:22,346 --> 01:25:25,081
♪ They were ♪
2634
01:25:25,082 --> 01:25:27,601
♪ They were ♪
2635
01:25:27,602 --> 01:25:30,382
♪ They were ♪
2636
01:25:30,383 --> 01:25:35,383
♪ Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs.
Sullivan ♪
2637
01:25:36,106 --> 01:25:38,041
♪ Go ahead and cry ♪
2638
01:25:38,042 --> 01:25:42,745
♪ Go ahead and cry ♪
2639
01:25:42,746 --> 01:25:44,501
♪ We regret to inform you ♪
2640
01:25:44,502 --> 01:25:47,419
♪ That all your sons
have passed away ♪
2641
01:25:47,420 --> 01:25:51,865
♪ All five, five, five, five ♪
2642
01:25:51,866 --> 01:25:55,477
♪ So change your
blue star to gold ♪
2643
01:25:55,478 --> 01:25:58,382
♪ Blue star to gold ♪
2644
01:25:58,383 --> 01:26:02,642
♪ Blue star to gold ♪
2645
01:26:02,643 --> 01:26:03,642
♪ Come on mommy ♪
2646
01:26:03,643 --> 01:26:05,342
♪ Change them to gold ♪
2647
01:26:05,343 --> 01:26:07,760
(rock music)
2648
01:26:18,842 --> 01:26:22,009
(cheers and applause)
2649
01:26:23,194 --> 01:26:25,611
(rock music)
2650
01:26:48,890 --> 01:26:52,057
(cheers and applause)
2651
01:26:57,653 --> 01:26:58,859
- [Matt] This is how
it usually goes
2652
01:26:58,860 --> 01:27:00,429
in about every town.
2653
01:27:00,430 --> 01:27:01,619
People grow up.
2654
01:27:01,620 --> 01:27:02,919
They get married.
2655
01:27:02,920 --> 01:27:03,753
They have kids.
2656
01:27:03,754 --> 01:27:05,279
They move on.
2657
01:27:05,280 --> 01:27:07,509
The good times are
cherished and remembered.
2658
01:27:07,510 --> 01:27:10,132
When you see the wold guy
at the bar by himself,
2659
01:27:10,133 --> 01:27:11,433
drinking,
2660
01:27:11,434 --> 01:27:14,132
he was a bro one day too.
2661
01:27:14,133 --> 01:27:17,299
There are five Sullivan Bros
2662
01:27:17,300 --> 01:27:18,559
from this town
2663
01:27:18,560 --> 01:27:20,739
that would have loved
to have been back here.
2664
01:27:20,740 --> 01:27:23,513
I try to remind myself of
that as much as possible.
2665
01:27:25,480 --> 01:27:27,231
- [Corey Ford] Hey, it's
Corey Ford with KFUK radio.
2666
01:27:27,232 --> 01:27:29,319
Okay, fuck Cedar Falls.
2667
01:27:29,320 --> 01:27:31,009
It's gonna be a
great day in Iowa.
2668
01:27:31,010 --> 01:27:32,999
It's gonna be a great day
in the Cedar Valley.
2669
01:27:33,000 --> 01:27:33,910
Our future
2670
01:27:33,911 --> 01:27:35,059
is bright.
2671
01:27:35,060 --> 01:27:37,049
And for the very last time,
2672
01:27:37,050 --> 01:27:40,923
this one goes out to the bros.
2673
01:27:43,493 --> 01:27:45,910
(rock music)
2674
01:27:54,032 --> 01:27:55,849
♪ They hate you for the reason ♪
2675
01:27:55,850 --> 01:27:58,329
♪ Found out all your faults ♪
2676
01:27:58,330 --> 01:27:59,848
♪ They hid behind ♪
2677
01:27:59,849 --> 01:28:04,031
♪ Picture perfect lies ♪
2678
01:28:04,032 --> 01:28:06,270
♪ They found you in the corner ♪
2679
01:28:06,271 --> 01:28:08,889
♪ Dusting for fingerprints ♪
2680
01:28:08,890 --> 01:28:10,313
♪ From pages painted pretty ♪
2681
01:28:10,314 --> 01:28:14,631
♪ Pictures of your sins ♪
2682
01:28:14,632 --> 01:28:17,209
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
2683
01:28:17,210 --> 01:28:19,972
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2684
01:28:19,973 --> 01:28:21,209
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
2685
01:28:21,210 --> 01:28:23,673
♪ Hit them with ♪
2686
01:28:23,674 --> 01:28:24,831
♪ What they give ♪
2687
01:28:24,832 --> 01:28:27,993
♪ Alright now ♪
2688
01:28:27,994 --> 01:28:30,411
(rock music)
2689
01:28:46,170 --> 01:28:48,271
♪ Put it on-on-on the table ♪
2690
01:28:48,272 --> 01:28:50,873
♪ Watch for shifting eyes ♪
2691
01:28:50,874 --> 01:28:52,232
♪ Serving cold revenge ♪
2692
01:28:52,233 --> 01:28:56,289
♪ With a side of spite ♪
2693
01:28:56,290 --> 01:28:58,871
♪ But satisfaction
don't come easy ♪
2694
01:28:58,872 --> 01:29:01,471
♪ But to take it all with ease ♪
2695
01:29:01,472 --> 01:29:03,008
♪ Well I guess them guests ♪
2696
01:29:03,009 --> 01:29:06,852
♪ All just better leave ♪
2697
01:29:06,853 --> 01:29:09,364
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
2698
01:29:09,365 --> 01:29:12,212
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2699
01:29:12,213 --> 01:29:14,471
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
2700
01:29:14,472 --> 01:29:16,031
♪ Hit them with ♪
2701
01:29:16,032 --> 01:29:17,227
♪ What they give ♪
2702
01:29:17,228 --> 01:29:19,871
♪ Alright now ♪
2703
01:29:19,872 --> 01:29:22,289
(rock music)
2704
01:29:39,013 --> 01:29:40,889
♪ Ignorance ♪
2705
01:29:40,890 --> 01:29:43,631
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2706
01:29:43,632 --> 01:29:45,833
♪ Ignorance ♪
2707
01:29:45,834 --> 01:29:47,592
♪ Hit them with ♪
2708
01:29:47,593 --> 01:29:48,692
♪ What they give ♪
2709
01:29:48,693 --> 01:29:51,033
♪ Ignorance ♪
2710
01:29:51,034 --> 01:29:53,889
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2711
01:29:53,890 --> 01:29:56,231
♪ Ignorance ♪
2712
01:29:56,232 --> 01:29:57,812
♪ Hit them with ♪
2713
01:29:57,813 --> 01:29:59,071
♪ What they give ♪
2714
01:29:59,072 --> 01:30:01,769
♪ Give them ignorance ♪
2715
01:30:01,770 --> 01:30:03,433
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2716
01:30:03,434 --> 01:30:07,113
♪ Ignorance ♪
2717
01:30:07,114 --> 01:30:08,289
♪ Hit them with ♪
2718
01:30:08,290 --> 01:30:09,525
♪ What they give ♪
2719
01:30:09,526 --> 01:30:12,633
♪ Give them ignorance ♪
2720
01:30:12,634 --> 01:30:14,873
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2721
01:30:14,874 --> 01:30:17,572
♪ Ignorance ♪
2722
01:30:17,573 --> 01:30:21,572
♪ Hit them with ♪
2723
01:30:21,573 --> 01:30:24,323
♪ What they give ♪
2724
01:30:26,474 --> 01:30:28,891
(rock music)
177366
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
