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1
00:00:02,652 --> 00:00:04,545
♪
2
00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:09,416
As graduates,
we go forth into a world
3
00:00:09,418 --> 00:00:13,420
where benevolent AI has solved
all our problems.
4
00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:16,923
Yes. Our only goal is to serve humanity.
5
00:00:16,925 --> 00:00:18,759
(buzzing)
6
00:00:18,761 --> 00:00:21,169
(Lisa chuckles, sighs)
7
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(laughs)
8
00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:26,525
So, graduates, the challenge is
to find new challenges
9
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,677
-which will challenge us...
-NELSON: Hut, hut! (grunts)
10
00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:31,030
Hut, hut! Ah!
11
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:33,449
I sure wish
there was an easier way.
12
00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:37,778
Aw, man!
13
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,096
LISA:
Nelson?
14
00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:42,115
-Nelson Muntz?
-Lisa Simpson?
15
00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:44,284
(gasps) It's been so long!
16
00:00:44,286 --> 00:00:46,378
What have you been doing
since fourth grade?
17
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,695
Very little.
18
00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:49,548
I tried sushi.
Didn't like it.
19
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,716
That's about it.
20
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,634
("It Had to Be You"
instrumental playing)
21
00:00:58,450 --> 00:00:59,783
(band playing)
22
00:00:59,785 --> 00:01:02,452
-(song stops)
-Hey, we'd like
a little privacy.
23
00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:03,970
Take five!
24
00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:07,149
(band plays ending flourish)
25
00:01:08,627 --> 00:01:10,977
So many shooting stars.
26
00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:12,696
It's beautiful.
27
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,058
I was doing a mic check
for tomorrow.
28
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,469
Wouldn't you know it,
I am the valedictorian.
29
00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:21,896
(chuckles)
Are you a student here?
30
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:24,324
-No, I'm a pusher.
-(groans)
31
00:01:24,326 --> 00:01:27,569
If anything heavy at school
needs pushing, I push it.
32
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,070
Haw-haw!
33
00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:31,715
Seriously,
my life is not great.
34
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:35,335
It's all flooding back.
35
00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:37,487
My attraction to a bad boy
36
00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:40,265
plus my compulsion to fix you.
(chuckles)
37
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:44,010
They're kind of the same thing:
fear and desire.
38
00:01:44,012 --> 00:01:46,179
Yeah, I get that a lot.
39
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:48,682
She's leaning in, andI'm not looking down her shirt.
40
00:01:48,684 --> 00:01:51,777
I must really respect her.
41
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,670
Do you want to see where I live?
42
00:01:53,672 --> 00:01:54,738
Hell yeah.
43
00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:56,949
Strap in.
44
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,526
I've never ridden
on a motorcycle...
45
00:01:59,528 --> 00:02:01,453
-(engine revs)
-(brakes squeal)
46
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,770
...before.
47
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:05,532
♪
48
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:07,184
You live here?
49
00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:09,035
It's adorable.
50
00:02:09,037 --> 00:02:11,446
All I have to do is
ring this bell.
51
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:12,522
Ooh, 3:00 a.m.
52
00:02:12,524 --> 00:02:15,192
-(bell tolling)
-Whoa, kind of loud!
53
00:02:15,194 --> 00:02:16,360
Don't you think?
54
00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:18,720
You look great, too, thanks!
55
00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:21,198
NELSON:
Mmm.
56
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,716
All right,
I've got to know,
57
00:02:22,718 --> 00:02:25,385
why did you guys move away
after fourth grade,
58
00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:28,054
and then not tell anybody
where you were going?
59
00:02:28,056 --> 00:02:29,314
We had to get out.
60
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,891
Move somewhere that
people didn't see us
61
00:02:30,893 --> 00:02:35,136
-as the school bully
and his poor stripper mom.
-Aw!
62
00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:37,489
NELSON: I punched my house goodbye...
63
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,490
(cat yowls)
64
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,384
...and left for who-knows-where.
65
00:02:40,386 --> 00:02:41,827
LISA: Okay, I've got to be honest,
66
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,070
your troubles are reeling me in.
67
00:02:44,072 --> 00:02:46,814
All I need to hear is
one clumsy compliment,
68
00:02:46,816 --> 00:02:48,316
and I'm hooked.
69
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:51,561
Uh... I bet you could bench 120.
70
00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:53,821
Aw, Nelson.
71
00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:58,235
I need you to know
I never saw you as just a bully.
72
00:02:58,237 --> 00:03:01,329
But I pounded so many dweebs.
73
00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:04,332
Well, yeah, but to me,
you were a sweet,
74
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:08,020
lost little lamb
with blackout anger issues.
75
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,672
I confess,
my knees would buckle a little
76
00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:14,084
every time you'd say: "Haw-haw!"
77
00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:17,345
-Haw-haw!
-Haw-haw!
78
00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:19,031
Emphasis on the first haw.
79
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,608
BOTH:
Haw-haw! Haw-haw!
80
00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,035
Haw-haw!
81
00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:25,871
Aw, nailed it.
82
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,498
Aw, look, the sun's coming up.
83
00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:34,195
So, have you been
seeing anybody?
84
00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,289
Of course. (scoffs)
85
00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:38,291
You think I, Lisa Simpson,
86
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:40,052
could go through
four years of college
87
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:41,887
without a single date?
88
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,463
There's this amazing guy.
89
00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:47,284
Vegan but not, you know,
"vegan." (chuckles)
90
00:03:47,286 --> 00:03:50,729
Majors in pony studies.
(giggles)
91
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,898
Sounds perfect.
What's his name?
92
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,217
Um... Fred.
93
00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:59,238
Fred Gormanshenlen.
94
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,799
Gorm-- Grim...
Mm-hmm, Fred Gormanshenlen.
95
00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,743
Hey, Lis,
still looking for a boyfriend?
96
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,654
Or a girlfriend?
Or a friend-friend?
97
00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:09,823
Bart! Look, it's Nelson.
98
00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:10,916
-Give me your lunch money.
-Ah!
99
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,976
Just kidding,
that's stupid kid stuff.
100
00:04:12,978 --> 00:04:15,328
Give me your rent money.
Also kidding.
101
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:17,814
But if you want to give me
some money, I'll take it.
102
00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:19,407
Uh... okay.
103
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:21,760
Thanks, man.
That takes me back.
104
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,336
Mom and Dad wanted me
to tell you
105
00:04:23,338 --> 00:04:24,671
we're taking you to breakfast.
106
00:04:24,673 --> 00:04:26,523
Now I'll leave you two alone.
107
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,327
I know all you did was put on
an invisibility cloak.
108
00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:34,189
Fine. I just wanted to see
what happens.
109
00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:38,443
Sure is beautiful up here.
110
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:42,781
Remember that time we, like,
"liked" each other for a bit?
111
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,949
(chuckles)
112
00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:47,619
NELSON: Um, I'm not sure.
113
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,604
Maybe... Could be...
114
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Uh...
115
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,776
Nelson, do you think this
could be one of those moments
116
00:04:54,778 --> 00:04:57,187
that changes your life forever?
117
00:04:57,189 --> 00:04:59,523
Like finding a quarter
in a couch?
118
00:04:59,525 --> 00:05:00,799
Even better.
119
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,951
Uh, hold that thought.
Duty calls.
120
00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:05,721
(bell tolling)
121
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,974
It kind of ruins the moment!
122
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,959
Yeah, burritos are great!
123
00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:14,146
MARGE:
Bart! Did you find Lisa?
124
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:15,889
BART:
She's up there
talking to the kid
125
00:05:15,891 --> 00:05:17,799
who used to beat me up
all the time.
126
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:19,967
HOMER:
The vest one or the hat one?
127
00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:21,044
BART:
Vest.
128
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,379
HOMER:
Always liked him.
129
00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:23,897
Lisa, get down here!
130
00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:27,326
You know they only let me out of
debtors' prison for half a day.
131
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,661
I thought selling my house
and one lung would be enough
132
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,998
to pay for college, but
it just paid for the meal plan.
133
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,575
(wheezing)
134
00:05:35,577 --> 00:05:37,336
You better go.
135
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:38,745
Oh.
136
00:05:38,747 --> 00:05:40,488
I'll call you.
137
00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:42,007
Great. Want to hear my ringtone?
138
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,125
It's really awesome.
139
00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:46,261
(bell tolling ringtone plays)
140
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,832
The future is bright.
141
00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:53,018
We go forth into a world
142
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,911
where we've reversed
global warming.
143
00:05:54,913 --> 00:05:56,855
(squawking)
144
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,766
And now there is
a low-carb bread
145
00:05:59,768 --> 00:06:02,586
that doesn't taste weird.
146
00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:04,029
(cheering)
147
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,257
Congratulations,
class of... (mumbles)
148
00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:09,776
Toss up your caps,
and, starting this year,
149
00:06:09,778 --> 00:06:13,372
they will come down as diplomas.
150
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,664
(cheering)
151
00:06:16,693 --> 00:06:17,951
Art history?
152
00:06:17,953 --> 00:06:20,194
It was more valuable as a cap.
153
00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:22,196
(sobs):
I'm so proud.
154
00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:24,365
She's the first Simpson
who went to a college
155
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,794
who wasn't participating
in a sleep study.
156
00:06:27,796 --> 00:06:30,389
You missed your sister's speech.
157
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:33,408
Ah, she's been rehearsing it
every night for 22 years.
158
00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:35,894
"Follow your dreams,"
"carpe diem,"
159
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,897
sax solo,
Maya Angelou quote, out.
160
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,898
Nailed it.
161
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,067
♪
162
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,361
(bell tolling)
163
00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:51,559
Lisa, since you're moving
to the big city,
164
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:54,320
let me give you
some very important advice:
165
00:06:54,322 --> 00:06:58,992
the police horses will not
share their oats.
166
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:02,754
I repeat:
not share their oats.
167
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,330
(bell tolling)
168
00:07:04,332 --> 00:07:06,240
-Stop the car!
-(brakes screech)
169
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:08,760
I wonder what life could be like.
170
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,278
Je t'aime.
171
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,389
Hold that thought,
it's midnight.
172
00:07:13,659 --> 00:07:16,017
(bell tolling)
173
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,330
When are we gonna get
a real apartment?
174
00:07:20,332 --> 00:07:22,757
We live in the best bell tower
in the world,
175
00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:24,901
and you're still not happy.
176
00:07:25,837 --> 00:07:28,071
Nelson, it's still a bell tower.
177
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,845
I know what you're saying.
"This marriage is incredible.
178
00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,198
No man compares to me.
I love you so much."
179
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,958
Écoutez-moi!
180
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,669
Huh? (grunting)
181
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,714
♪
182
00:07:48,026 --> 00:07:49,134
(bell tolling)
183
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:53,513
Dad, please drive away
at a melancholy pace.
184
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,310
Good, and can you make it
look like it's raining?
185
00:08:00,222 --> 00:08:02,355
(sniffles) That's perfect.
186
00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:09,212
HOMER: What am I supposed to do? Narrate?
187
00:08:09,214 --> 00:08:10,155
What does that mean? (clears throat)
188
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,806
It's "S" years later.
189
00:08:11,808 --> 00:08:13,808
Oh, wait, five years later.
190
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,810
Oh! Narrating is hard.
191
00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:18,997
Lisa and Nelson have not seen each other since college,
192
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,501
but five-uddenly, I mean, but suddenly...
193
00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:29,508
Oh, sweetie,
person of the year.
194
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,992
You look great.
195
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,159
I can't believe it didn't go
196
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,587
to President
"Clone of Abraham Lincoln."
197
00:08:34,589 --> 00:08:37,164
What have they done to my Republican Party?
198
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,850
Even I think they're nuts.
199
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:43,429
But as long as they're cuttingeducation, I don't really care.
200
00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:45,932
(grunts)
But I'm innocent, okay?
201
00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:48,601
I did not rob this train,
I swear.
202
00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:50,253
I'm simply here to try
203
00:08:50,255 --> 00:08:52,922
one of those classic
Amtrak cheeseburgers.
204
00:08:52,924 --> 00:08:54,348
Super yum.
205
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:55,700
We've got proof.
206
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:59,929
There are 1,700 surveillance
cameras on this car alone.
207
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:01,706
Fine. I admit it.
208
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,458
Guilty as charged.
209
00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:08,529
Behold the awesome power
of the flying squirrel.
210
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,440
-Wha...?
-Gotcha.
211
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:13,385
Don't forget,
every squirrel has a tail.
212
00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:17,389
Like, no!
213
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,893
Nelson Muntz?
214
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,728
Are you a police officer?
215
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:27,957
No way. No one wants to be
a lame-o cop these days.
216
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,793
Ah, shoot. Uh, Lou.
217
00:09:29,795 --> 00:09:33,071
Can you fish around down there,
maybe find my seat belt?
218
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,407
Just let me die.
219
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,891
I'm a bounty hunter.
220
00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:40,561
This angel with zip cuffs is
the love of my life, Rott.
221
00:09:40,563 --> 00:09:42,305
Short for Rottweiler.
222
00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:44,824
Lisa's a friend
from Springfield Elementary.
223
00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:48,253
Remember that principal
we arrested for matricide?
224
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,072
(gasps)
Skinner killed his mother?
225
00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:53,925
No, mattress-cide.
226
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:57,012
He ripped the tag
off his mattress.
227
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,226
Your sleep number is up.
228
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,997
Nelson,
I haven't seen you since...
229
00:10:07,999 --> 00:10:10,333
that night at college.
230
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:12,593
Uh, what night at college?
231
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,838
It was nothing, just
another one of those evenings
232
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:18,617
where you stay out all night
and watch the sunset
233
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,452
and hear a few bells.
234
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,369
(chuckles nervously)
235
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:24,956
Hubert Wong,
visionary tech giant.
236
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,275
Your hand feels as soft
as a baby's bottom.
237
00:10:28,277 --> 00:10:30,703
And yours feels
like a busted driveway.
238
00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:31,871
BOTH:
Thank you.
239
00:10:31,873 --> 00:10:33,206
So, Hubert, what's up?
240
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:35,800
I have been waiting for
this day since second grade
241
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,543
when you used to bully me.
242
00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:39,879
Those who laugh last,
laugh best.
243
00:10:39,881 --> 00:10:41,789
(laughs awkwardly)
244
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:45,644
And now I have won the prize
your heart desired most of all.
245
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,871
That luggage rack behind Lisa?
246
00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:49,463
No, Lisa.
247
00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,724
Do you know
where I proposed to her?
248
00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:53,877
I don't know. Chipotle?
249
00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:57,471
Hubert proposed on the moon.
250
00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:01,660
He took me to the Sea of Tranquility at earthrise,
251
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,278
and I saw "Marry Me"
252
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:08,166
written in the sands of the Sahara Desert.
253
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,002
-(mouths)
-NELSON: Bo-ring.
254
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,987
In space suits, you can't even kiss.
255
00:11:12,989 --> 00:11:17,550
HUBERT: I spent $20 milliondesigning suits where you could.
256
00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:20,553
♪
257
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,848
ROTT: Holy crap.
258
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,499
That story sucked.
259
00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:28,878
Nelson and I have a love so hot,
it'll melt your damn skull.
260
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,524
-Ah!
-(scoffs) We met when I hauled
his fat carcass in
261
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,692
for the reward.
262
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,601
I had an overdue library book.
263
00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:39,197
I got stuck on this one word:
"new ants"?
264
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,516
Nuance! Nuance! Love you.
265
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:44,577
Aw! Mm!
266
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,521
Ugh, I need a drink.
267
00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,782
I could go for
a scotch and steroids.
268
00:11:49,784 --> 00:11:51,042
Oh, funny.
269
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,044
Lisa never told me
she had a thing for you.
270
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,954
Well, not really. In a way.
271
00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:57,440
Sort of. Maybe.
I don't know. Shut up.
272
00:11:57,442 --> 00:11:59,625
Tell me, Nelson,
how is your mother?
273
00:11:59,627 --> 00:12:01,461
What was her job again?
274
00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:05,465
I believe some sort of
freelance entertainer? Hmm?
275
00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:08,952
-Stripper.
-Ah, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes.
276
00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:10,787
And your father,
is he still living
277
00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:13,122
with his secret other family
in Shelbyville?
278
00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:14,974
Huh? Is he? Is he?
279
00:12:14,976 --> 00:12:17,694
We were the secret family,
idiot.
280
00:12:18,813 --> 00:12:21,722
-(gasps)
-(groans) He wedgied me!
281
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:24,892
My "person of the year" status
didn't protect me at all!
282
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:27,804
(gasps)
Nelson, you're an adult,
283
00:12:27,806 --> 00:12:29,748
and you still do this?
284
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,324
Not cool, dude.
285
00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,309
I mean, you can shake off
a punch to the face,
286
00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:35,920
but those underpants are
stretched forever, man.
287
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:40,925
Nelson, I really thought that
by this time that... (grunts)
288
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,969
You never learn.
289
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,265
Love is so fickle.
290
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,086
Lou, can you jam my butt
into this bathroom?
291
00:12:52,088 --> 00:12:53,438
Oh, man.
292
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,016
HOMER: Five years later.
293
00:12:57,018 --> 00:12:58,976
Why do I have to say it again?
294
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,095
Couldn't you use the one I said last time?
295
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:04,674
And I asked for a 3 Musketeers about an hour ago.
296
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:09,788
(chewing): Ah, good but a little disappointing.
297
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,122
Looking for a phone?
298
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,941
I recommend the one
that attaches to your brainstem.
299
00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:17,203
(gasps) Nelson. Hi.
300
00:13:17,205 --> 00:13:20,690
Minimally invasive surgery
and updates you barely notice.
301
00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:22,358
(groaning)
302
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,711
So, listen, sorry about
what I did to Hubert.
303
00:13:25,713 --> 00:13:26,971
How're you two doing?
304
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,865
Great. Great.
305
00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:30,366
(chuckles):
Great.
306
00:13:30,368 --> 00:13:33,052
You know,
his company is doing fantastic.
307
00:13:33,054 --> 00:13:34,628
(chiming)
308
00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:40,151
The new ePhone 67 enables users to actually meld their minds.
309
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,879
Experience intimate contact with your loved ones
310
00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:44,881
with a minimum of pop-up ads.
311
00:13:44,883 --> 00:13:46,140
And most importantly,
312
00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:47,975
we care about our workers.
313
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,235
Thanks to this innovation,
314
00:13:49,237 --> 00:13:52,831
we're finally able to
pay them $16 an hour.
315
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,833
In store credit.
316
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:57,060
How are you and Rott?
317
00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:59,003
We're great. We're good.
318
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,989
Not that good. She left me.
319
00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:04,734
Here's a little fact
to put in your mind.
320
00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:07,086
Hubert and I are separated, too.
321
00:14:07,088 --> 00:14:09,422
-(device chimes)
-Meet cute: achieved.
322
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,924
Time to go to the next level.
323
00:14:11,926 --> 00:14:14,352
♪
324
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,578
BOTH:
Coffee!
325
00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:17,004
-(music stops)
-LISA: We just want coffee!
326
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:20,674
I should never have left my home planet.
327
00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:23,510
ALL: Today's temperature is 50 below zero.
328
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:25,530
Would you like to order mittens?
329
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,351
So, my ex and I split up
because of a fight,
330
00:14:30,353 --> 00:14:33,204
a fight she had at a fight club
without telling me.
331
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,599
Ugh, there's nothing worse
than dishonest punching.
332
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:38,543
But enough talking about
other women.
333
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,713
Lisa, I'm tired of only
seeing you every five years.
334
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:46,626
I'd like to see you
every three years or two or...
335
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:49,295
or... on a weekly basis!
336
00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:51,372
Nelson Muntz,
I would really like
337
00:14:51,374 --> 00:14:53,975
to get to know you better, too.
338
00:14:55,044 --> 00:15:00,523
♪ It had to be you ♪
339
00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:07,447
♪ It had to be you ♪
340
00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:12,985
♪ I wondered around ♪
341
00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:17,206
♪ And finally found ♪
342
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:22,045
♪ The somebody who... ♪
343
00:15:23,314 --> 00:15:25,006
What about Milhouse?
344
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:29,318
If I'm a simulation,
why am I so lonely?
345
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,596
Who does that benefit?
346
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:36,159
Lisa! Lisa!
347
00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,661
Uh, wait a minute. (grunts)
348
00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,271
-I want you back.
-No.
349
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,153
Lisa, through the miracle
of constant repeated
350
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,947
electroshock therapy,
I've fixed everything
351
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,114
about myself,
and now I am good.
352
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,192
I am great.
I am awesomeness itself.
353
00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:55,662
(chuckles) Oh, attitude reset.
354
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:59,182
-(crackling)
-(grunting, belches)
355
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:00,941
Take me back. Please.
356
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,276
See, I say please now.
357
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:03,777
You want me to beg?
358
00:16:03,779 --> 00:16:04,870
This guy begs.
359
00:16:04,872 --> 00:16:06,355
(crackling)
360
00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:08,115
I don't know. Why should I?
361
00:16:08,117 --> 00:16:09,783
Why don't you look outside?
362
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:11,511
(whirring)
363
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,293
You can run
my charitable foundation.
364
00:16:19,295 --> 00:16:21,037
You can save the planet.
365
00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:23,964
All the dreams you laid out
in this second-grade paper.
366
00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:27,134
You kept that this whole time?
367
00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:29,562
Oh, no, what do I do now?
368
00:16:29,564 --> 00:16:32,398
Um... um...
369
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,976
They say if you love something,
let it go.
370
00:16:35,978 --> 00:16:38,237
And if it loves you,
it'll come back.
371
00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:42,725
Ex-Except for your turtle which
got smushed by that mail truck.
372
00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:44,393
Follow your dreams, Lisa.
373
00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:47,321
Like you said
in your graduation speech.
374
00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:49,899
You remember my speech!
375
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,009
Aw!
376
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,085
(scoffs) He remembered one line.
377
00:16:53,087 --> 00:16:54,846
I have it all.
378
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:59,666
Hubert, this is a side of you
I've never seen.
379
00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:01,519
Goodbye, Nelson.
380
00:17:03,431 --> 00:17:06,024
You idiot.
381
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,085
Woah, those really hurt.
382
00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:10,862
HOMER: Four months later.
383
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,346
Wait, that wasn't the end?
384
00:17:12,348 --> 00:17:13,923
She doesn't end up with Hubert?
385
00:17:13,925 --> 00:17:15,867
Oh, wait, oh, I see.
386
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,684
There's still another page here.
387
00:17:17,686 --> 00:17:20,204
Okay. Lisa and Nelson get a phone call.
388
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,540
Their best friends are getting married.
389
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,024
The bully with the hat
390
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:26,044
and Krusty's daughter.
391
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,028
And why am I doing this?
Am I dead?
392
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,422
I hope not.
393
00:17:31,276 --> 00:17:33,384
-(phone rings)
-(groans)
394
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,960
BOTH:
Hello?
395
00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:36,370
-Will you be my maid of honor?
-Will you be my best man?
396
00:17:36,372 --> 00:17:37,630
-I can't believe
-I can't believe
397
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:38,948
-how much I love him.
-how much I love her.
398
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:39,949
BOTH:
Oh, how are you?
399
00:17:39,951 --> 00:17:41,542
-Meh.
-Same old, same old.
400
00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:42,968
Blah, blah, blah.
401
00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:45,229
BOTH:
I just hope you find
the happiness I have.
402
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,399
It's so great
when severely damaged people,
403
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,051
like all of us,
find each other.
404
00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:53,129
So, can I count on you?
405
00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:55,055
BOTH:
Sure.
406
00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:57,241
-She's so lucky.
-He's so lucky.
407
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,227
I don't have a dog.
408
00:18:00,229 --> 00:18:02,163
I got to fix that screen door.
409
00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:07,043
("Wedding March" playing)
410
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,479
So, Sophie and Jimbo.
411
00:18:10,481 --> 00:18:12,832
I guess
some people have happy endings.
412
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:16,669
Come on, Lisa. Use the crook
of your arm, not the forearm.
413
00:18:16,671 --> 00:18:19,079
No one ever taught you
how to interlock arms?
414
00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:21,099
I know you're not really angry.
415
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,434
I know what this is
really about.
416
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,995
Just because you know everything
and I know nothing
417
00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:28,164
doesn't make you
smarter than me.
418
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:29,832
Well, maybe it does a little.
419
00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:35,004
(scoffs) You told me to go,
and now you're mad I did.
420
00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:37,506
You haven't changed
since elementary school.
421
00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:40,267
Nobody changes
after elementary school.
422
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:42,787
The church is eating me.
423
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,272
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for coming.
424
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,350
And thanks to
this hologram of my father
425
00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:50,461
who's about to perform this
beautiful interfaith ceremony.
426
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,372
My son, you are
a big needy nothing.
427
00:18:53,374 --> 00:18:56,692
Aw, his speech
from my bar mitzvah.
428
00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,210
That always gets me.
429
00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:00,880
People ask me, "Why Jimbo?"
430
00:19:00,882 --> 00:19:04,200
And I say, "Screw you,
mind your own business, Mom."
431
00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:05,459
But there's more.
432
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:06,477
He's honest.
433
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,312
He doesn't hide
who he really is,
434
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,706
and there's no one
I could be more in love with.
435
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:13,209
LISA: Have I been missing it the whole time?
436
00:19:13,211 --> 00:19:14,894
Is Nelson the one?
437
00:19:14,896 --> 00:19:17,697
No. You love Hubert.
438
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:26,622
You are the smartest, sweetest,
funniest person I've ever met.
439
00:19:27,816 --> 00:19:30,042
Eh, I'll never have a life.
440
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,486
Nelson.
441
00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:34,063
They're bailing!
442
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:35,731
Thank God I had understudies.
443
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:38,509
("Wedding March" plays)
444
00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:42,663
What are you doing out here?
445
00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:45,516
You'll catch cold.
Come on, take my jacket.
446
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:49,020
Why did you follow me?
447
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,097
I followed you
because I adore you.
448
00:19:52,099 --> 00:19:53,933
Lisa, I used to know
what it was like
449
00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:56,027
to hurt a person
for no reason.
450
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,920
Don't do it to me.
451
00:19:57,922 --> 00:19:59,605
I couldn't be more serious.
452
00:19:59,607 --> 00:20:02,200
I love you because you're the last person
453
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,426
I want to talk to at night.
454
00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:06,687
When you say "Smell you later,"
455
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:08,264
I do want to smell you later.
456
00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:10,449
Wherever I've gone in my life,
457
00:20:10,451 --> 00:20:13,285
I'm drawn back to youlike a dork's face to a swirly.
458
00:20:13,287 --> 00:20:15,771
And when I get all wrapped up in my feelings,
459
00:20:15,773 --> 00:20:19,275
you're the one who tells me feelings are dumb.
460
00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:21,277
But they are dumb,
if you throw away everything
461
00:20:21,279 --> 00:20:23,796
for a loser in a clip-on tie.
462
00:20:23,798 --> 00:20:25,798
I'll tell you what I want,
mister.
463
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,642
Haw... Huh?
464
00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:30,877
(bell tolling)
465
00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:34,232
I lost the girl,
but I got the bell.
466
00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:38,885
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
467
00:20:38,887 --> 00:20:40,404
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
468
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,981
and TOYOTA.
469
00:20:41,983 --> 00:20:44,325
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
470
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,897
So, I was doing a panel at CPAC,
471
00:20:50,899 --> 00:20:52,808
the Clone Political
Action Committee.
472
00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:53,993
Not the other one, they suck.
473
00:20:53,995 --> 00:20:56,254
And I saw
the tallest drink of water
474
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,980
I'd ever seen in my life.
475
00:20:57,982 --> 00:20:59,164
(chuckles)
476
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,833
I looked at him and said,
"There's a man
477
00:21:00,835 --> 00:21:02,318
I'd like to share a bed with."
478
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,170
That was a thing
in my day. It was!
479
00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:07,265
Then I found out
he was an actor
480
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,325
and, uh, boy,
that was a red flag.
481
00:21:09,327 --> 00:21:12,085
Well, yes, but now
we've been running mates
482
00:21:12,087 --> 00:21:13,771
for four straight terms.
483
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,164
Didn't hurt that
we were running
484
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,666
against Jimmy Carter
and Grover Cleveland.
485
00:21:17,668 --> 00:21:19,502
(laughter)
486
00:21:19,504 --> 00:21:20,927
Oh, we'll be back.
487
00:21:20,929 --> 00:21:23,764
Between my malaise
and his mugwumps, we can't lose.
488
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,491
(laughter)
489
00:21:28,362 --> 00:21:29,453
Shh!
36972
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