Original subtitles

Announcer: ROBERT YOUNG...

AND JANE WYATT.

WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN...

"HUMOROUS SKETCH FOR RAFTERS CLUB ANNUAL HIGH JINKS."

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT'LL TAKE TO KNOCK THIS OUT, JIM?

OH, IT SHOULDN'T TAKE US ANY TIME AT ALL.

WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT. ALL WE HAVE TO DO NOW

IS GET A GOOD, FUNNY IDEA AND THEN WRITE IT.

HECK, WE GOT IT LIT.

LET'S START PUTTING SOMETHING DOWN.

UH... UH, NO.

THESE YOUR GIRLS? YEAH.

YOU KNOW, MAC, WHAT WE NEED IS A REAL FUNNY IDEA.

THAT SKETCH THEY PUT ON LAST YEAR GOT PRETTY TIRED BEFORE THE END.

VERY PRETTY.

GIRLS ARE NICE.

BUT YOU'RE LUCKY YOU HAVE A BOY, TOO.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT A BOY.

YOU KNOW, I WAS ALWAYS SORRY THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A BOY.

WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN MARRIED, MAC.

WELL, I FIGURED THAT'D BE GOING TOO FAR.

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE A BOY

YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO SORT OF... CARRY ON FOR YOU,

CARRY ON THE NAME. YEAH.

NOW, YOU'VE WORKED UP A GOOD INSURANCE BUSINESS HERE,

AND YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO'LL CARRY IT ON FOR YOU SOMEDAY.

YOU KNOW, MAC, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT A GOOD DEAL.

YES, I BELIEVE HE HAS THE SPARK.

I THINK WE MAY HAVE ANOTHER SALESMAN IN THE FAMILY.

MUST MAKE A MAN FEEL GREAT

TO KNOW THAT HE HAS A SON WHO...

IS THAT HIM WITH THE LAWN MOWER?

YES, THAT'S, UH, ONE OF HIS REGULAR JOBS.

GIRLS ARE NICE.

A REAL FUNNY IDEA.

MAC, YOU WANT TO TYPE FOR A WHILE?

YEAH, OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT BOY IS NATURALLY LAZY

OR IF HE PRACTICES IT. WHAT'D YOU SAY?

OH, NOTHING.

HEY! HA HA HA!

MAYBE I GOT SOMETHING HERE! YEAH?

LISTEN. WE TAKE SOME OF THE GUYS AND DRESS THEM LIKE WOMEN...

PUT FUNNY HATS ON THEM. YOU KNOW, LIKE THEY DID LAST YEAR.

THEN WE'LL GIVE 'EM SOME FUNNY STUFF TO SAY! HA HA HA!

REAL SCREAMERS!

CURTAIN'S GOING UP!

HERE, YOU PUT IT DOWN. I'M TIRED OF TYPING.

ALL RIGHT.

PUT WHAT DOWN?

THE IDEA THAT I... JUST HAD.

UH... YEAH.

BESIDES, IT'S THE SAME THING THEY DID LAST YEAR.

WE WANT SOMETHING BRAND NEW.

YEAH.

WELL, HE FINALLY GOT IT STARTED.

HI, DAD. WHATCHA DOIN'?

BUD, I WANT TO CONGRATU...

GIRLS ARE NICE.

LISTEN, JIM, I'VE BEEN THINKING...

I LIKE YOUR IDEA MUCH BETTER THAN MINE.

WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK OUT A ROUGH DRAFT

AND I'LL HELP YOU POLISH IT UP, OKAY?

YEAH, OKAY.

JUST SIT STILL. I CAN FIND MY WAY OUT ALL RIGHT.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE HOT ON THE IDEA,

YOU KEEP ON WORKING.

AND I'LL CALL YOU IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

SO LONG. SO LONG, MAC.

WHAT IDEA?

WELL, HOW MUCH WORK DID YOU TWO GENIUSES ACCOMPLISH?

HEH. NOT A WHOLE LOT.

WHERE'S BUD?

BUD? HE'S UPSTAIRS RESTING.

RESTING? FROM WHAT?

WHAT'S WITH THAT BOY ANYWAY?

I USED TO HAVE SUCH HIGH HOPES FOR HIM.

BUT LATELY, I DON'T KNOW, THERE'S NO INITIATIVE, NO DRIVE.

WELL, I GET A LITTLE DISTURBED ONCE IN A WHILE.

BUT THEN I REMEMBER WHAT YOU ALWAYS SAY...

THAT THESE THINGS ARE JUST PHASES

AND THEY SOON PASS.

WELL, THIS PHASE IS TAKING TOO LONG.

GOSH, I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A BOY,

I WAS OUT MAKING MY OWN WAY.

NOT THAT I WANT HIM TO EARN HIS OWN LIVING, OF COURSE, BUT...

Kathy: MOMMY! COME HERE, MOMMY! WE'VE GOT A BIG PACKAGE!

PACKAGE?

OH, SWEETIE, WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE?

I DON'T KNOW YET. A MAN JUST DELIVERED IT.

WELL, WHO SENT IT? AND WHAT DID...

WELL, WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S THAT?

THIS? MOTHER, WHAT DO YOU WANT

WITH A RED PLASTIC GRAVY BOAT?

THERE'S A GREEN ONE! AND A YELLOW ONE!

GOLLY! IT'S FULL OF THEM!

OH, IT MUST'VE BEEN SENT BY MISTAKE.

TO WHOM WAS IT ADDRESSED?

I FORGOT TO LOOK.

OH, DEAR, KATHY. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU

NOT TO RIP PACKAGES OPEN UNTIL YOU KNOW WHO THEY'RE FOR?

WELL, IT'S FROM THE...

FLEEGER SALES COMPANY OF SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA,

IF THAT HELPS ANY.

HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA, OPENING A GUY'S MAIL?

THIS IS YOURS?

OH, NOW I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING.

A GUY CAN'T HAVE ANY PRIVACY AT ALL AROUND THIS HOUSE.

WHO OPENED IT?

IT WAS OPENED BY MISTAKE, BUD.

WE APOLOGIZE.

WHO OPENED IT? THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

I THINK THERE'S A MORE BURNING QUESTION BEFORE THE HOUSE.

JUST WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO

WITH A WHOLE CRATE OF PLASTIC GRAVY BOATS?

I'M GONNA GO INTO BUSINESS. I'M GONNA SELL THEM.

YOU ARE? OH, DEAR.

DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT SELLING RIGMAROLE AGAIN?

NOW, WAIT, HONEY. LET'S NOT DISCOURAGE HIM.

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, IT'S A WIDE-OPEN FIELD.

I'LL BE THERE ISN'T A FAMILY IN SPRINGFIELD

WITH A RED OR BLUE PLASTIC GRAVY BOAT.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT FAMILY WILL END UP WITH ALL OF THEM.

BUD, I THINK YOU'D BETTER SEND THESE BACK

WHILE THEY'RE STILL IN GOOD CONDITION.

SEND THEM BACK?

BUT I'M GONNA SELL THEM AND MAKE BIG MONEY.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS? RIDICULOUS?

WELL, WHAT ABOUT FLOYD HARVEY? WHO?

FLOYD HARVEY OF LUVERNE, WISCONSIN.

HE MADE $30 THE FIRST WEEK.

HERE, LOOK AT THIS AD.

THERE'S FLOYD'S PICTURE.

"EARN BIG MONEY IN YOUR SPARE TIME." SEE?

YES, I SEE IT. NOW, LISTEN, BUD...

FLOYD WRITES, "I WAS A FAILURE AT 42."

AND I'M STARTING OUT YOUNGER THAN HE IS, TOO!

YES, YOU'RE A FAILURE AT ONLY 14.

"I WAS BROKE AND HUNGRY WHEN I SAW YOUR AD.

"THAT WAS MY LUCKY DAY.

"MY FIRST BATCH OF DURABLE, HEAVY-DUTY PLASTIC GRAVY BOATS

SOLD LIKE HOTCAKES."

HEY! CUT THAT OUT! YOU'LL BREAK THEM!

I'M NOT HURTIN' THE DUMB OLD THING!

DOGGONE IT, I NEVER GET ANY COOPERATION AROUND HERE AT ALL.

NOW, WAIT, BUD.

I'M FOR THIS. WELL, I'M NOT.

I SAY SEND THEM BACK RIGHT NOW.

BUT I CAN'T. IT SAYS RIGHT IN THE AD YOU CAN'T RETURN THEM.

BESIDES, I'D LOSE MY INVESTMENT.

INVESTMENT? DID YOU SEND HIM SOME MONEY?

W-WELL, I... I HAD TO. IT WAS THE ONLY WAY...

HOW MUCH?

WELL, WHEN YOU CONSIDER FLOYD MADE $30...

HOW MUCH?

MM, $9.

WHERE DID YOU GET $9 FROM?

WELL, MY SAVINGS BANK SORT OF FELL ON THE FLOOR,

AND IT SORT OF BROKE.

WELL, THAT'S THE END. THAT'S ALL, I GIVE UP.

YOU AND YOUR FATHER WILL JUST FIGURE OUT

HOW TO GET THAT MONEY BACK.

WELL, I CAN'T GET THE MONEY BACK.

WELL, THE BEST WAY I KNOW OF TO GET YOUR MONEY BACK, BUD,

IS TO GET OUT AND SELL THOSE THINGS.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO. I KNOW I CAN SELL THEM.

OF COURSE YOU CAN.

IN FACT, I'VE ALREADY SOLD ONE TO MRS. PHILLIPS.

I JUST TOLD HER TO BUY IT, AND SHE BOUGHT IT SIGHT UNSEEN.

GOOD. ONLY TOOK ME 3 MINUTES TO MAKE THE SALE.

OF COURSE, I CAN'T EXPECT TO DO THAT GOOD EVERY TIME.

NO, HARDLY.

I'LL HAVE TO ALLOW MYSELF FIVE MINUTES PER SALE.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME FIGURING.

JUST GO OUT AND DO IT. OKAY, DAD.

AND REMEMBER, SON, YOU'RE A SALESMAN...

JUST LIKE... WELL, YOU KNOW WHO.

YOU BET I KNOW, DAD.

LIKE FLOYD HARVEY.

WELL, SURE, HONEY, I'LL ADMIT

THAT PLASTIC GRAVY BOATS ARE KIND OF AN ODD THING TO SELL,

BUT THE POINT IS HE'S DOING SOMETHING.

AND HE'S DOING IT ON HIS OWN.

WELL, THAT'S FINE. BUT LET'S FACE IT...

HE'S NO SALESMAN.

NO SALESMAN? THAT'S THE ONE THING HE IS.

IT'S IN HIS BLOOD.

WELL... IT IS.

HERE, SIR, WE HAVE... EXHIBIT A.

MAGIC VARNISH REMOVER.

TAKES OFF ALL VARNISH, PUTS ON NEW COAT...

ALL WITH ONE MAGIC APPLICATION.

BUD SOLD ONE BOTTLE... TO MRS. DAVIS.

OR RATHER, I DID. UNBEKNOWNST TO BUD, I CALL MYRTLE.

AND EVEN THEN, I HAD TO PRACTICALLY PUSH HIM ALL THE WAY TO THE HOUSE

TO MAKE THE SALE.

HONEY, I KNOW ALL THIS... I'M NOT THROUGH.

COME ON.

WHAT'S THAT?

IMPORTED BARE ROOT... JAPANESE NECTARINE TREES.

WELL, HE SOLD TWO OF THOSE.

BOTH TO MRS. MYRTLE DAVIS.

OH, I HAD TO TALK AWFULLY FAST

TO SELL HER ON THIS LITTLE ITEM.

HONEY, I KNOW ALL THIS.

BUT HE'S OLDER NOW. AND YOU CAN'T DENY

THAT THE ONE THING HE ALWAYS COMES BACK TO IS SELLING.

WHEN I WAS A KID, I COULD SELL ANYTHING.

AND I THINK HE'S GONNA BE JUST LIKE ME.

YOU MEAN YOU WANT HIM TO BE LIKE YOU.

WELL, NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

DEAR, HE'S NOT THE AGGRESSIVE TYPE. HE'S SHY.

MAYBE HE'D MAKE A GOOD ARCHITECT OR ENGINEER.

BUT NOT A SALESMAN.

WELL, I'M NOT THE LOUD, AGGRESSIVE TYPE, EITHER.

BUT I CONSIDER MYSELF A PRETTY FAIR SALESMAN.

AND ONE DAY YOU'RE GONNA SEE BUD TAKE OVER MY INSURANCE AGENCY.

BUD? YOU BET. HE'LL CARRY ON FOR ME.

A MAN'S SON IS AN EXTENSION OF HIMSELF.

SELLING WAS BORN IN HIM, MARGARET,

AND SALESMEN ARE BORN, NOT MADE.

ONE DAY, HE'LL...

WELL, GOSH, I CAN'T SELL THIS OLD JUNK.

YES, YOU CAN, SON. YOU CAN!

NO, I CAN'T. I'VE TRIED, DAD.

I JUST HAVEN'T GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

SON, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE.

YES, I DO. I HAVE FIVE DOZEN PLASTIC GRAVY BOATS

AND NO PLACE TO PUT THEM.

CONFIDENCE... THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED, BUD.

CONFIDENCE. NOW, STAND UP STRAIGHT, PUFF OUT YOUR CHEST,

AND SAY, "I'M THE GREATEST SALESMAN IN THE WORLD!"

AND BELIEVE IT. THINK IT, LIVE IT, BREATHE IT, SLEEP IT.

CAN YOU DO THAT? WELL, SURE.

THE ONLY THING I CAN'T DO IS SELL.

DON'T SAY THAT.

LOOK, SON... SAY, "I'M BUD ANDERSON.

I'M JAMES ANDERSON, JR."

I KNOW WHO I AM, DAD. THAT ISN'T MY PROBLEM.

I JUST CAN'T SELL.

BUD... IT'S JUST NOT FOR ME, DAD.

NOT MY FIELD.

I'M A SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE.

THAT SQUARE PEG BUSINESS IS JUST A RATIONALIZATION.

IT'S A WHAT? LOOK, SON...

MAYBE YOU NEED TO IMPROVE YOUR TECHNIQUE.

NOW, STAND UP AND...

COME ON, STAND UP. WE'RE GONNA PRACTICE.

GOSH, DAD, I CAN'T DO IT.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU JUST PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.

NOW, COME ON.

BUT, DAD, I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF,

BUT EVERY TIME I GO UP TO A HOUSE,

I GET ALL SHAKY INSIDE.

MY BRAIN SORT OF FREEZES UP.

WHEN I RING A DOORBELL, I HOPE AND PRAY NOBODY COMES.

SURE, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT.

BUT THAT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO GET OVER.

AND THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT IS TO PRACTICE ON SOMEONE WHO...

Jim: OH, BETTY. YOU'RE JUST IN TIME. FOR WHAT?

BUD'S GONNA PRACTICE HIS SALESMANSHIP ON YOU.

SHE DOESN'T WANT A GRAVY BOAT.

MAKE HER WANT IT.

DO YOU WANT ONE? NO!

SEE, DAD? I CAN'T SELL.

BUT YOU'RE NOT SELLING.

HERE, LOOK.

FIRST, YOU GIVE HER A BIG SMILE.

THEN YOU SAY, "HOW DO YOU DO, MADAM?

"MAY I HAVE A FEW MINUTES OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME

TO SHOW YOU ONE OF THE NEWEST PRODUCTS FROM THE MAGIC WORLD OF PLASTICS?"

I'LL TAKE TWO DOZEN.

WELL, WAIT TILL I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

IF IT'S GRAVY BOATS, CANCEL THE ORDER.

WELL, ANYWAY, THAT'S A GOOD OPENING.

YOU'VE GAINED HER INTEREST AND GOODWILL,

AND NOW YOU'RE READY TO SHOW HER THE PRODUCT.

AND TELL HER HOW WONDERFUL IT IS.

ISN'T THAT KIND OF CROOKED?

NOT IF YOU BELIEVE IT.

NOW, YOU GO OUTSIDE AND RING THE BELL.

OH, GEE, DAD, I DON'T WANT TO DO A CORNBALL THING LIKE THAT.

I'D FEEL SILLY.

I KNOW IT SEEMS SILLY.

BUT THESE THINGS ARE ALL A PART OF SELLING.

YOU SHOULD PRACTICE THEM UNTIL THEY'RE SECOND NATURE TO YOU.

DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?

MM-HMM. REMEMBER... BIG SMILE,

LOTS OF PEP, CONFIDENCE.

WHO CAME IN?

NO ONE. BUD JUST WENT OUT.

HE'S GONNA RING THE BELL AND PRACTICE HIS SALES TALK.

YOU DON'T GIVE UP EASILY, DO YOU?

A GOOD SALESMAN NEVER GIVES UP.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. YOU GO IN THE LIVING ROOM,

AND I'LL SEND HIM IN THERE. HE CAN WORK ON YOU.

YOU'LL MAKE A GOOD GUINEA PIG.

YOU SAY THE SWEETEST THINGS.

BUD?

BUD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH. WELL, I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER MY OPENING WORDS.

"HOW DO YOU DO?"

OH, YEAH.

COME ON, GET UP HERE. LET'S TRY THIS.

OKAY.

HOW DO YOU DO, MADAM?

MADAM?!

IF A MAN ANSWERS THE DOOR, YOU SAY "SIR".

BUT YOU TOLD ME TO SAY "MADAM".

OH, BOY.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOUNG MAN?

WELL, MY TIME IS VALUABLE,

AND, UH... THE, UH, MAGIC WORLD...

WELL... THESE ARE NICE.

UH, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER...

TALK TO MY WIFE ABOUT THAT.

OH? IS THAT YOUR WIFE IN THERE, MADAM?

YES.

YES, YOUNG MAN?

UH, WELL, MY TIME IS, UH, VALUABLE.

BUT I'VE GOT THIS THING HERE. IT'S A...

MOMMY, CAN I POP SOME CORN?!

SHH. DEAR, BUD'S REHEARSING. GO ON, DEAR.

WELL, WHAT I'M SELLING, UH, IS THESE.

THEY'RE, UH... THEY'RE GRAVY BOATS.

AND, UH, YOU PUT GRAVY IN THEM, AND SO...

IF YOU'VE GOT SOME GRAVY...

YOU... YOU CAN...

WILL SOMEBODY GET HER OUT OF HERE?

YES, KITTEN, LEAVE HIM ALONE.

AND, BUD, STAND UP STRAIGHT.

LOOK HER IN THE EYE, GIVE IT SOME ENTHUSIASM.

NOW, GO ON.

I HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY.

WELL, WHAT ARE THEY MADE OF?

PLASTIC.

DON'T TELL ME. TELL HER.

PLASTIC.

OH, BUD! YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!

DOGGONE IT, DAD! I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T DO IT!

BUD, WAIT A MINUTE.

SON...

YOU'RE NOT ONLY LETTING YOURSELF DOWN.

YOU'RE LETTING ME DOWN, TOO.

I TOLD YOUR MOTHER YOU COULD DO THIS,

AND I'M BANKING ON YOU TO COME THROUGH.

DAD, IF IT WAS ONLY SOMETHING I COULD HANDLE...

YOU CAN AND YOU WILL.

I THINK I'LL GIVE YOU A GOAL, A QUOTA.

GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SHOOT FOR.

WHEN I COME HOME TOMORROW NIGHT,

I WANT TO SEE TEN SALE SLIPS ALL MADE OUT.

TEN? TEN.

AND THEN EVERY NIGHT AFTER THAT, I WANT TO SEE TEN MORE

UNTIL THEY'RE ALL SOLD.

BUT, DAD... SON...

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET ME DOWN.

WELL, I HAVE TO GET SOME IDEAS TOGETHER

FOR A SHOW I'M WRITING.

GOOD NIGHT, SON.

Jim: HI, HONEY.

OH, IT'S GETTING LATE. DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO GO TO BED?

YEAH, PRETTY SOON.

I HAVEN'T MADE VERY MUCH PROGRESS.

I CAN'T SEEM TO GET MY MIND ON IT.

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT BUD.

JIM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN A LITTLE HARD ON HIM?

I HAD TO, HONEY, FOR HIS OWN GOOD.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY HE'LL FIND HIMSELF,

FIND OUT WHAT HE CAN REALLY DO.

ARE YOU GOING TO STICK TO THAT QUOTA BUSINESS?

I HAVE TO NOW. IF I BACK DOWN, WE'LL BOTH LOSE.

LOOK, DON'T WORRY.

ALL HE HAS TO DO IS SELL THAT FIRST ONE,

AND THE REST IS EASY.

HE'LL MAKE HIS QUOTA.

THE FIRST ONE WILL DO IT? SURE.

YOU RUN ALONG TO BED. I'LL BE UP IN A MINUTE.

ALL RIGHT, DEAR.

HELLO, MR. DAVIS? CAN I SPEAK TO MYRTLE?

HA HA! WHAT'S THE MATTER, AFRAID TO GO UP THERE?

NO, OF COURSE NOT. I'M NOT AFRAID.

SURE WAS ACTING LIKE IT.

WANT ME TO DO IT FOR YOU? NO.

BET YOU I COULD DO IT. GIVE ME YOUR SALES SLIPS.

BEAT IT, WILL YOU? THIS IS MY JOB.

DAD'S BANKING ON ME TO BRING HOME MY QUOTA.

WELL, I JUST GOTTA DO IT, JUST GOTTA.

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT, THEN?

I'M GOING TO.

YES? UH, WELL...

I'M... HOW DO YOU DO, MADAM?

I'M FROM THE MAGIC WORLD OF PLASTIC, AND I...

THAT'S FINE. YOU CAN JUST KEEP IT.

MARGARET, I'M HOME!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT.

SNEAKING UP ON A FELLA, HUH?

HIYA, BUD.

HOW DID IT GO TODAY?

HI, DAD.

DID IT GO ANY BETTER?

WAS IT ANY, UH, EASIER THIS TIME?

WHERE ARE YOUR TEN SALES SLIPS?

DAD, I... I'M JUST NO GOOD AT IT.

OH, BUD, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ANYWAY?

DID YOU TRY? DIDN'T YOU SELL ANY AT ALL?

I SOLD ONE.

TO WHOM?

MRS. DAVIS.

DAD, I TRIED OTHER PLACES! I... DAD!

NO, DEAR, DON'T WAIT DINNER FOR ME.

I HAVE TO FINISH THIS SKETCH TONIGHT,

AND I CAN WORK HERE BETTER THAN I CAN AT HOME.

WELL, I HAVE TO, DEAR. THEY'RE COUNTING ON ME.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

NO, IT WON'T TAKE ME LONG.

OKAY, DEAR. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. GOOD-BYE.

OHH.

Mac: JIM! HMM?

HA HA! HIYA, BOY!

HOW ARE YOU GETTING ALONG WITH IT? HI, MAC.

OH, I CAN HARDLY WAIT TILL I READ IT.

IF YOU'VE GOT IT ABOUT DONE,

I'LL TAKE IT HOME TONIGHT AND READ IT.

WELL, IT'S... IT'S NOT QUITE DONE, MAC.

IN FACT, IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE DONE.

I CAN'T DO THIS!

WHAT'S WRONG, JIM?

YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG FELLA, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG.

I CAN'T DO THIS SORT OF THING. IT'S OUT OF MY LINE.

WELL, JIM...

IT'S JUST NOT FOR ME. LET'S FACE IT.

OH, I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.

BUT I SWEAR, EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THAT TYPEWRITER,

I GET ALL SHAKY INSIDE

AND MY BRAIN SEEMS TO FREEZE UP, AND...

JIM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHERE HAVE I HEARD THOSE WORDS BEFORE?

HEY, JIM, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST SAW A GHOST.

NO, MAC, I JUST SAW SOMETHING WORSE...

A PICTURE OF A SHORTSIGHTED, EGOTISTICAL FATHER.

AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAW. HUH?

I'M GOING HOME, MAC.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE SKETCH?

YOU WRITE IT. I HAVE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT TO WRITE.

I'M GONNA RIGHT A WRONG I'VE COMMITTED.

OH, UH, LOCK UP BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

BUD, I... JIM, WHAT IS IT?

MARGARET, WHERE'S BUD?

I DON'T KNOW. HE CAME HOME AFTER SCHOOL,

THEN LEFT WITHOUT A WORD, AND DIDN'T EVEN COME BACK FOR DINNER.

OH, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I EVER GOT THE BRILLIANT IDEA

TRYING TO FORCE HIM TO BE A REPLICA OF ME.

I MIGHT HAVE AT LEAST PICKED A BETTER EXAMPLE FOR HIM.

WHAT'S THIS?

"TO DAD."

HONEY, THESE ARE THE SALES SLIPS!

HE MADE HIS QUOTA!

MRS. JANE JOHNS, MRS. JOHN JANE, MRS. JANE JONES...

MRS. JOHN SMITH.

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE. HE MADE UP EVERY ONE OF THESE.

Betty: HEY, ANYBODY HOME?!

UPSTAIRS, BETTY! IN BUD'S ROOM!

WAIT. "DAD, HERE ARE MY TEN SALES SLIPS FOR TODAY.

I'LL HAVE THE MONEY FOR THEM LATER TONIGHT."

WHERE'S HE GONNA GET THE MONEY? HE HASN'T GOT A NICKEL.

HI. SAY, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WITH BUD?

I KNOW ONLY TRIED TO FORCE A SQUARE PEG IN WHERE IT DIDN'T FIT,

BUT I PUT HIM IN A POSITION WHERE HE HAS TO LIE ABOUT IT.

IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUD, MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME

WHAT HE'S DOING DOWN AT THE DRIVE-IN.

THE DRIVE-IN?

RALPH AND I WERE DOWN THERE HAVING A MALT.

WE SAW HIM OUT IN THE BACK WITH THIS BIG APRON ON.

I CALLED TO HIM, BUT HE HID.

SO THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY FOR THESE IS COMING FROM.

HEH. IT'S A FUNNY THING.

A FRONT DOOR SCARES HIM TO DEATH.

BUT I'LL BET EVEN FLOYD HARVEY

DOESN'T HAVE BUD'S KIND OF COURAGE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, HONEY.

I'M GOING TO THE DRIVE-IN.

EXACTLY WHAT WAS HE TALKING ABOUT?

HE'S SIMPLY REVEALING THAT HE'S WISE ENOUGH

TO KNOW WHEN HE'S MADE A MISTAKE,

AND BIG ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT.

HE'S A PRETTY SWEET OLD KNOTHEAD.

PARDON ME. IS THIS THE BUS DEPOT?

HI, DAD. HI.

NICE PLACE YOU HAVE HERE.

WHAT TIME DO YOU GO TO WORK?

ABOUT 4:00.

IT'S 10:00 NOW. ANY TIME OFF FOR DINNER?

UH-UH.

WELL, THAT'S SIX HOURS. HOW MUCH THEY PAYING YOU?

70 CENTS AN HOUR.

WELL, THAT MORE THAN MAKES IT.

ACCOUNT PAID IN FULL.

HUH?

DON'T JUST STAND THERE. GET ME A TOWEL.

WE'LL POLISH OFF THESE KIDS IN SHORT ORDER.

THEN, AS SOON AS WE'RE FINISHED, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT LET'S DO.

LET'S US SQUARE PEGS GO FORCE OURSELVES

INTO A BIG ROUND BOOTH

AND HAVE OURSELVES A BIG SQUARE MEAL.

HOW ABOUT IT?

YOU'RE THE SALESMAN. HEH!