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1
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,428
The steak was dry, but
that bellboy was looking moist.
2
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,847
Yeah, I never knew
12-packs were a real thing.
3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,307
Ay, Chihuahua.
4
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,893
Wow, we really needed
this vacay, huh?
5
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,272
Ah, yeah, I just still feel
really bad about our fight.
6
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,065
Hey, what did we say?
Not gonna talk about it.
7
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,568
Ah, Feinberg women
forgive and forget.
8
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:29,487
Definitely the forget part.
9
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,202
Oh, fuck!
10
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,495
Tsunami!
11
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:39,247
We gotta move!
12
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,418
Hold on, Chrissy.
13
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,669
Chrissy, no!
14
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,379
- You did this.
- What?
15
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,505
This is your fault, Mom.
16
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,466
- Chrissy, no.
- I knew you would turn on me
17
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:52,052
and leave me drowning
in a tsunami.
18
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,553
No!
19
00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,351
Daddy to the rescue!
20
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,147
- Chrissy!
- Thanks, Dad. You're the best.
21
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,691
Mom, you suck!
22
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:07,734
Chrissy!
23
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,903
Chrissy. Chrissy.
24
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,154
No!
25
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,031
Ah!
26
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,950
Subconscious, you little bitch.
27
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,411
I'm getting Chrissy back.
28
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,505
{\an8}Laur? What?
Oh, no.
29
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,632
{\an8}Did the carbon monoxide
detector go off?
30
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,675
Been meaning to take
the batteries out of that thing.
31
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:36,012
{\an8}Uh, I made a huge mistake.
Chrissy can't stay with Satan.
32
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,347
There a chicken farm
around here?
33
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,849
{\an8}Uh-uh. Laura, you cannot
go get Chrissy.
34
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,102
{\an8}24 hours ago, you tried
to murder each other.
35
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,646
Okay, okay.
Then I'll just call her.
36
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,107
{\an8}No! I gave you
the keys to my beach house
37
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,733
{\an8}so you could have some peace--
38
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,777
{\an8}lay on the beach,
sun your taint, you know?
39
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,821
{\an8}Get your ass up to the sun.
40
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,781
{\an8}There's no better feeling
in the whole world.
41
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,866
Chrissy said she needed space.
42
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,244
{\an8}And you need a break
more than anyone.
43
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,871
{\an8}And if you don't respect
her boundaries just this once,
44
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,165
{\an8}you could lose her forever.
45
00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:05,959
{\an8}Ah, fuck. Fine.
46
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,128
Walk your sand in the--in--
47
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,671
{\an8}walk your feet in the sand.
48
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,966
{\an8}See how many footprints
are left or whatever.
49
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,347
What the fuck was that?
50
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,683
{\an8}There, now I can't text
or call Chrissy for 24 hours.
51
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:22,976
{\an8}And if I try,
my heart explodes,
52
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,769
{\an8}and my soul gets trapped
in this spider forever.
53
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,479
{\an8}If you became
a little spider gal,
54
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,897
{\an8}I'd treat you just the same.
55
00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:30,650
{\an8}Have you met my cousins yet?
They're a hoot and a half.
56
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,986
{\an8}Uh, yep.
Apples don't fall far
57
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,988
{\an8}from the Darlene family tree,
that's for sure.
58
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,447
{\an8}One time
at Patty's Shrimp Hut,
59
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:39,450
{\an8}we got so wasted off their
cocktail-sauce martinis,
60
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,787
we set the place ablaze
just to see the hot firemen.
61
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:43,955
What is that?
62
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,124
Anyway, see ya!
63
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,792
- Hey, there, neighbor!
- Ah, shit!
64
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,128
{\an8}What are you doing
out here so early, Dorlene?
65
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,796
{\an8}It's the only time
I could get my jog in
66
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,673
{\an8}without these seagulls
pecking at my eczema.
67
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,384
Listen, I heard all about your
mother-daughter blowout,
68
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,677
BT-dubs--yikes.
69
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:58,970
Yeah, yikes.
70
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,222
I had a daughter once,
so I totally get it.
71
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,683
Anyhoo, got to rake in
those steps.
72
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,851
Oh, oh, and if you're game,
73
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,604
we do a bonfire every Friday
night on the beach.
74
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,523
Bonfire Balaban we call it,
after Bob Balaban.
75
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,984
- Love Little Man Tate.
- Ha ha. Okay, great.
76
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,570
I'd rather hang myself
by my labia.
77
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,822
Sounds good.
78
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:23,203
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Holy shit!
79
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,832
I am Khaleesi!
80
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,459
Ha ha!
81
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,212
Look at me now, Mom!
I'm on a mother-jumping dragon!
82
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,298
Oh, sorry, Frances--
cockatrice.
83
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,092
I'm on a mother-jumping
cockatrice!
84
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,886
Whoo!
85
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,764
Cockatrice, ya bish!
86
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,642
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Little better than a pony ride.
87
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,894
Goddamn that was awesome,
Daddy-o.
88
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,355
Hey, Snakey,
mix me up something sweet.
89
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:51,481
Surprise me, honey.
90
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,441
Copo Copo Canyon's
got cameras set up
91
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,567
like an amusement park.
92
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,153
I saved a couple of my faves.
Check them out.
93
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,739
Freedom looks good
on you, girl.
94
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,157
Ah, never felt so alive--
95
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:02,450
no dishes to deal with,
96
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,577
no dictator breathing
down my neck.
97
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,704
It's all chill here.
Do whatevs you want.
98
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:09,123
Sweet. I'm gonna take
a nap on a pile of slugs.
99
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,708
Take a lame-ass nap?
100
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,628
Come on, you spent your whole
life on Earth with Pussolini.
101
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,004
Get back out there.
102
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,839
Meet some creatures
your own age.
103
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,884
You got the whole M realm
at your fingy-tips.
104
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,304
This is iSatan.
105
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,682
In case you get lost, some
losers try to mess with you,
106
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,768
you fall in a toilet,
just push, and, poof,
107
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,604
- I, Satan, will appear.
- Whoa.
108
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,190
- And I can go anywhere?
- Anywhere.
109
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,109
- Nothing's off-limits?
- Not a thing.
110
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,194
Not even
GunsandMethlandia Plaza?
111
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:41,114
I wouldn't start with that one,
but the sky's the limit.
112
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,490
Now get out of here.
113
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,908
Come on, Frances,
little girl.
114
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:44,951
Ya!
115
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,911
Catch ya later, Pop!
116
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:50,206
Damn, I just got
a major FOMO attack.
117
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,792
Snakey, grab that box of drugs
I found on the corpse
118
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,127
of that goblin DJ.
119
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,504
Let's get queasy.
120
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,134
Oh, come on.
121
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,511
Tessa doesn't belong
on reality TV.
122
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,055
Are we really
doing this, Laura?
123
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:08,641
Okay.
124
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,810
Well, I think Rita is using
Kenneth for his heliport
125
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,479
because he's been sleeping
with Tessa since season five.
126
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,148
Two episodes ago,
her son got divorced.
127
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,525
She doesn't care
about no heliport right now.
128
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,736
Oh, my God, you made it.
Grab a chair.
129
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,487
Oh, this is Laura,
Darlene's friend.
130
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,323
This is Durlawn,
Dirlane, and Dave.
131
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,365
- Hey.
- Welcome, hon.
132
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,576
We're talking about
Shit Wives of Myrtle Beach.
133
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,286
That reality show?
Didn't that get banned
134
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,829
for the insane amount
of drunk driving?
135
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,332
That and incest,
and only in a few states.
136
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,292
Laura's here
for a little R&R.
137
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,086
Ah, you know who else
apparently needed some R&R?
138
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,921
Heather Dombaco.
139
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,591
She lost her shit
when she found out her husband
140
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,843
was getting his butt
fingered at the gym,
141
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,720
and no one's seen her since.
142
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,889
Wow, Shit Wives
of Myrtle Beach gets wild.
143
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,474
That wasn't on Shit Wives.
144
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,392
Heather's from around here.
145
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,478
She went missing
a couple of weeks ago.
146
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,563
Some think she went
on a bender.
147
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,565
But if you ask me...
148
00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,234
I know it was the sea hag.
149
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:02,987
- Jesus Christ.
- It was only a matter of time.
150
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,947
Here she goes again
with the goddamn sea hag.
151
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,532
Sea hag--
is that what you call
152
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,576
some old lady on the beach
who stole your husband?
153
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,703
Oh, no.
Ethel and I are friends now.
154
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,081
Sea hag's a true beast
from the sea.
155
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:16,793
She roams the beach,
searching for bodies to devour.
156
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,921
The sadder they are,
the more likely to be eaten.
157
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:23,549
She feeds on loneliness
and human flesh--
158
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,510
a horrid, repulsive creature.
159
00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:30,390
Fishermen have gone
missing, pets, children.
160
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,974
I've been hunting her
for years,
161
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,185
but she always escapes me.
162
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,646
One day, just wait.
163
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,107
One day, just you wait.
164
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,776
Wait day one.
Just wait one day, one--
165
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,112
Durlawn's been using
sea hag as an excuse
166
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,572
for why no one wants to stay at
her inn for the past 20 years.
167
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,032
- That's true.
- Shut the fuck up, will you?
168
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,534
It's just because she
sucks at running an inn.
169
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,369
Well, actually, I did see
something feeding
170
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,578
out on the jetty today,
171
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,746
but it was probably a seal
or something.
172
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,498
I told you she's back.
173
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:58,042
The fucking sea hag's back.
174
00:06:58,042 --> 00:06:59,502
Give me the spear gun, honey.
175
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,920
- Who saw that coming?
- A mess.
176
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,839
Well, I'm gonna go
get incredibly high
177
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:03,881
and take a stroll.
178
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,049
Good luck with all that.
Good night now.
179
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:06,467
Watch out out there!
180
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:10,388
Sea hag's gonna eat you.
She eats babies, I tell ya!
181
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,270
Are you--That fucking
asshole is letting her--
182
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,480
Oh, God, and he ruined my high.
183
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,399
Fuck it.
I'm reversing this spell.
184
00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:25,319
Whew, let's take
a quick break here.
185
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,321
You need a number one,
number two?
186
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,198
It all comes out of one place
for birds, right?
187
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,783
That's cray.
188
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,869
Damn, girl, I am lost.
189
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,036
You lost?
190
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,788
Uh...
Me? No.
191
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,748
Exactly where
I'm supposed to be.
192
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,876
Just taking a breather.
Been going hard all day.
193
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,879
You know how us rebel teens
are, you know.
194
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,672
You're cute.
195
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,382
Uh, do you know
anything fun to do?
196
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:49,218
I mean, anything
else in the metaphysical realm?
197
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,512
Raponga, it's
the hottest club in the Fringe.
198
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,514
Me and the Moth Boys
are headed there now.
199
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:56,642
Whoa, cool. Uh, yeah, I mean,
maybe I'll check it out
200
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,478
if I'm not too, uh, busy.
201
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,854
You dig, cowgirl?
202
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,147
You're nailing this, Chrissy.
203
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,524
Whoa.
204
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:08,029
Whoa, lighty.
205
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,822
Thanks, bro.
206
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,324
Classic us, right?
207
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,159
See you there, maybe.
208
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,785
Uh, yeah, yeah, maybe.
209
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,455
Maybe not.
Maybe, maybe. Ha ha!
210
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,082
Raponga, here we come.
211
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,392
Come on, strike me!
212
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,686
Strike me!
213
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,104
I said strike--
214
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,215
W-what is that?
Get away from me.
215
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,258
- Calm down.
- If you try to eat me,
216
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,009
I swear to God I will fucking--
- Calm down.
217
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,971
- It burns for a second.
- Ow. Ah!
218
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,098
You're lucky you're not dead.
219
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,100
Yeah, why am I not dead?
Why didn't you eat me?
220
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,978
I'm talking about you hitting
your head and drowning, moron,
221
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,771
plus whining at the sky...-
222
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:24,855
"Oh, strike me.
223
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,524
Strike me, please,
daddy lightning."
224
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:29,193
You mean you saw me command
the fuck out of lightning,
225
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:30,403
you baby-eating bitch.
226
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,489
I ate one baby
one time on a dare.
227
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,449
And I was fucking with you. Jesus.
228
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:36,826
You put up
a good fight, though.
229
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,244
That was kind of cool.
230
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,288
I'm sure you say that to all
the humans you're gonna swallow.
231
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,915
Keep talking shit,
and I just might.
232
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,918
You dropped this.
233
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,545
Daughter?
Niece?
234
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,796
- No.
- Student?
235
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,880
No, and none
of your goddamn business.
236
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:50,923
If you say lover,
I will eat you.
237
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,341
Oh, why don't you fuck
back off to the ocean
238
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,384
where you belong, please?
239
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,304
Oh, I'm going...
but mainly because of them.
240
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,389
- There she is.
- Holy shit!
241
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,267
- Durlawn was right!
- My worldview has crumbled.
242
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,060
- Hey. You wanna come?
- What?
243
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,770
Why the fuck
would I go with you?
244
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,105
Well, from where
I'm standing,
245
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,190
you seem fucking miserable
on land.
246
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,069
Careful, she eats babies.
247
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,863
Up to you,
but I'm leaving either way.
248
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:18,451
Fuck it.
I got 24 hours, and that's it.
249
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:34,884
You're making me a fish?
250
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,053
What's next? I feed you
a hard-boiled egg or something?
251
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,221
I gave you the ability
to speak underwater,
252
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,682
and I could take it right back.
253
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,602
- Where are we going?
- Deeper.
254
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:45,645
Much deeper.
255
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,744
♪ Far away across the sea ♪
256
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,246
♪ My true love,
he don't think of me.
257
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:08,751
♪ I still remember
on my fingers, in my skin ♪
258
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,462
♪ Yes, far away
across the sea ♪
259
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,964
♪ My true love,
he don't think of me ♪
260
00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:18,511
♪ I send him letters, but
they return back to my door ♪
261
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,237
Who the fuck
are these sea dogs?
262
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,573
Vodyanorwens,
pirates of the abyss.
263
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:41,534
Ooh, scary.
264
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,413
You thinking
what I'm thinking?
265
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,207
Only if you, too,
are a complete psychopath.
266
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,837
Hey, pissy bitch!
267
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,296
Hey, why don't you pick
on some titties
268
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,464
your own size, huh?
269
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,383
{\an8}Want me to squeeze
those things?
270
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,093
Let's motorboat.
271
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,139
♪ The bigger the boom,
the bigger the bang
272
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,807
♪ The bigger the boom... ♪
273
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,642
Yeah, yeah,
get in there, huh?
274
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:10,354
♪ The bigger the boom,
the bigger the bang ♪
275
00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:12,773
♪ You go, hey, he, ho,
make some noise, boy ♪
276
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:13,899
♪ Grab your joint ♪
277
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,234
♪ Jump in the party stat,
boy ♪
278
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,111
♪ Budda the big,
budda the bang ♪
279
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,362
♪ Party over here ♪
280
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:19,864
♪ Honeys on the floor ♪
281
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,497
{\an8}- Thank you.
- Wow.
282
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,166
Still hot and unfiltered.
283
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,501
Hey, that's the name
of my stand-up special.
284
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,795
- Oh. Ugh.
- Come on.
285
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,380
Do you know
if they have a cover?
286
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,215
Be a good girl.
I love you.
287
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:39,675
Oh, you got to try
the wings here.
288
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:40,718
They're wonderful.
289
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,762
Sorry, little girls
ain't allowed.
290
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,724
Oh, snap, I underestimated
you due to your stature
291
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,101
and probably gender.
I've done this to my daughter.
292
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,353
She brought it to my attention
multiple times.
293
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:53,564
I'm trying.
Come right in.
294
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,400
Making so many
bad decisions tonight.
295
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,818
Hey, pour it down me gope hole.
296
00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,612
- Pour it down me gope hole.
- Hey, no offense,
297
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,864
but I want to eat
your testicles--is that cool?
298
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,991
Wow, what is this place?
299
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:06,368
Your best worst nightmare.
300
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,915
Hey, would
you like a Brain Bleed?
301
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,876
It's actually just elf tongue,
oat milk, and gasoline.
302
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,002
It's super tasty.
303
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:16,420
You're good?
304
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,422
All right,
have a good one, then.
305
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:25,554
I've got fucking cum
coming out of my ear holes.
306
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:28,432
Care to dance?
307
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,351
Ah, I think we're just
dancing as a group,
308
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:31,894
like a group thing, you know?
309
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,521
Oh, a group thing.
Yes, of course.
310
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,481
I'll be on my way.
311
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,207
Ah!
312
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,542
Looking for something?
313
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:55,584
Oh, hi.
314
00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:57,169
Uh, I thought this
was, uh, the bathroom.
315
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,463
But, uh, there was, like, uh,
this girl I met--
316
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:00,881
red hair, fairy-like, and--
317
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,049
You mean Red?
318
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,926
Oh, yeah,
that would make sense.
319
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,262
She's in here.
Come inside.
320
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,684
Sounds like an ASMR video
in here.
321
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,103
Hungry?
322
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:19,859
Then I handed him
the gas nozzle,
323
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,985
and I said,
"Well, if you're not pushing,
324
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,403
start sucking, buddy."
325
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,864
I mean, it was--
326
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,490
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
327
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,453
You okay?
328
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,038
Um...
Yeah.
329
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:35,708
Yeah, I honestly haven't
felt this alive in--
330
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,792
I don't even know how long.
331
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,377
Then what's up?
332
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,797
Ah, that picture you asked me
about, my daughter, I--
333
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,174
I just really messed things up
with her and--
334
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,303
Ah, and now you don't deserve
any happiness, right?
335
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,096
It's just better to stick
with self-torment?
336
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,472
Look, from the time
she was born,
337
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:54,226
I've fucked up over and over
and over again as her mom.
338
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,271
Maybe I just don't deserve happiness.
339
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,940
That's how I felt
after my first litter hatched
340
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,358
a few thousand years ago.
341
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,944
I didn't know how
to raise jack shit.
342
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,988
While they were home alone,
I was out fooling around
343
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,532
with the Midgard Serpent
and the Wolf Fenrir.
344
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,911
Then they found out about each
other, and, boom, Ragnarok.
345
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,746
- No way. Seriously?
- Yeah.
346
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,122
Helen of Troy does not have
347
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,332
- shit on me.
- Oh.
348
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,709
Anyway,
I started feeling guilty
349
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:22,421
about my choices as a mom,
and that feeling spread,
350
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,132
and I began using that guilt
and that shame
351
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,842
as a compass through life.
352
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:28,719
And you know what that did?
353
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:32,014
It just made me
a worse fucking mom.
354
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,266
I wish I'd been nicer
to myself,
355
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,560
given myself a break.
356
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,772
Give yourself a fucking break.
357
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,361
Today was
the nicest thing
358
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:48,447
anyone's done for me
in a long time.
359
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,159
Yeah, it feels nice, huh,
being taken care of?
360
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,673
- Take me.
- Take me first.
361
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,508
Come on, serve me up
on a platter.
362
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:08,717
Now shut up.
363
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,470
Ow!
364
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,974
What the...
Fuck, dude?
365
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,141
What the fuck?
366
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,601
I don't know about you boys,
367
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,770
but I still got room
for dessert.
368
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,815
My tum-tum's always
got room for dessert.
369
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:29,154
Ah!
370
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:32,992
Dad, where the fuck are you?
371
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,410
Oh, my God.
372
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,786
I've tasted a lot of floors,
373
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,621
but this is the best
I've ever tasted.
374
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,039
Next drug!
375
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,624
Run.
376
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:43,627
Go.
377
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:49,550
Ugh, my balls.
My mothballs!
378
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,885
Get her!
379
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,432
Please help. I--
380
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,269
I'll have what she's having.
381
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,812
Uh, excuse me.
I need a drink.
382
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:04,773
Damn it. Only because it's
my last resort.
383
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,151
Mom, come on, pick up.
384
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,573
- Are you shitting me?
- Hurry!
385
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,325
- Get that demon shit.
- Okay, bye-bye.
386
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,203
Have fun, kids. Don't get
into too much trouble.
387
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,671
Oof.
Damn.
388
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,882
Thought for a sec I was going
to lose my larynx back there.
389
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,551
Oh, mermaid, huh?
390
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,219
Yeah.
391
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,679
No judgment.
392
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:37,222
Oh, okay.
393
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,600
I thought it was
hilarious at the time.
394
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,268
Yeah, I bet.
395
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,314
Look, I got to--
I got to go.
396
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,899
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
397
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,942
I'll, uh--I'll take you.
398
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,368
I fucking missed her call.
399
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,703
Shit.
Fuck.
400
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:01,413
- I can't believe I did that.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
401
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,040
- Where is that goddamn spider?
- One sec. Stop.
402
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,458
- Do you see a spider?
- Stop for one second.
403
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,794
- What?
- Hear me out.
404
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,504
- Don't go.
- What?
405
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,089
No.
What if she's in trouble?
406
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,926
What if you need to put
your guilt aside just once?
407
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,511
Ask yourself why this
408
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,554
is the best you've felt
in a long time.
409
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,474
Look, you may live
in a fantasy world
410
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,309
where you get
to consume sea pirates
411
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:23,811
and drop squid ink all day,
412
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,271
but I have responsibilities
that I can't walk away from.
413
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,606
I'm not saying forever.
414
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,149
I have to do what's best
for my daughter.
415
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,275
Why don't you go find
your fucking litter and--
416
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,194
Yeah, maybe this is what's
best for her. What about--
417
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:35,823
No, this is selfish,
and so are you.
418
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:38,283
I'm actually more mammal
than a crus--
419
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,620
Oh, honestly,
thought you said "shellfish."
420
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:43,831
It's kind of funny.
421
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,836
So, uh, this is it, I guess.
422
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,297
Yes.
423
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,522
Yum, yum.
424
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,732
- Leave me alone.
- Okay.
425
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,484
Yeah, let's stop, guys.
426
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,404
Just fucking kidding.
That was sarcasm.
427
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,947
You're not cut out
for this world, sweetie.
428
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,574
So we're going to take you
out of it.
429
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,868
I'm going to eat you
like a cashmere sweater.
430
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:24,454
I'm going to scarf you down
like you're a fucking scarf.
431
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:27,040
Oh, yeah, she's...
432
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,837
- Oh.
- Lighty.
433
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,088
Whoa.
434
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:36,383
(echoing) Elf tongue,
oat milk, and gasoline.
435
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:37,968
It's super tasty.
436
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,053
You moth-erfuckers!
437
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:42,222
- Whoosh!
- Oh, oh!
438
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,600
Oh, God, he's on fire!
439
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,939
I'll take care of it myself!
440
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,529
- We got her!
- We got the sea hag!
441
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,032
Let me go, you ugly yokels!
442
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,201
Fucking stupid
fucking cousins.
443
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,785
- Hold still, hag.
- Ooh-hoo!
444
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,454
- Does she smell.
- Just hold still.
445
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,289
We caught her.
We finally caught her.
446
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,832
Let her go, guys.
447
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,961
I think maybe you need to put
down that weapon, hon.
448
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,339
You don't want to kill her.
449
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,257
Sure, some of the rumors
about her are true,
450
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:21,345
but the real issue is,
you're scared she may be right
451
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,930
about what you need
for yourself.
452
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,807
And that's why this decision
is one of the hardest
453
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,726
you've ever had to make.
454
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,228
- She lost it.
- I think she has a point.
455
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,896
Almost sounds more
about her than us.
456
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,232
Tough tits, gal.
We're doing this for Heather.
457
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,692
It's what Tessa did in
the third episode last season
458
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,444
- for Jeanette--
- Ugh, more Shit Wives stuff?
459
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:38,487
Come on.
460
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,614
That's not why Tessa
shot Jeanette's husband.
461
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,241
She did it
because he bankrolled
462
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,077
his ex-wife for her
new Gemini beauty line.
463
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,412
You watch
Shit Wives of Myrtle Beach?
464
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,457
Watch it? Hell, I swim down
there and have dinner
465
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:51,917
with them every other month.
466
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,502
And if you want the goss--
467
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,586
Ooh, dish, baby.
468
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:56,129
What's Jessica Junior like?
469
00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:59,424
Ugh, the literal worst,
and I dated a basilisk.
470
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:01,218
Bye, fish lady.
471
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:04,846
Yeah, next Sunday it is,
and I'll bring the net.
472
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,932
I don't trust you anymore.
473
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,017
Wow, it's good
to see you making friends.
474
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,185
I think it'll take a while
475
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:13,105
to, like, let them know
I did eat Heather.
476
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:16,984
I thought you didn't
want to see me again.
477
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,528
I couldn't let you
get captured.
478
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,905
I don't want to say we'll
never see each other again.
479
00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,199
Hey, give me your arm.
480
00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:30,414
If you decide to leave
your life behind
481
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,291
or you want to see me,
482
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:36,336
you can press this tattoo
and call my name five times.
483
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:37,671
Huh, kind of like Candyman.
484
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,214
Just like Candyman.
485
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:11,538
{\an8}Ah, what? What?
486
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,874
Don't strong-arm me, Snakey.
487
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:15,834
Chrissy, you're back.
488
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,336
How'd it go out there?
489
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,628
Have a little Rumspringa?
490
00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:20,339
I called you,
and you didn't come.
491
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,174
- That's what happened.
- Oh, shit.
492
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:23,342
Sorry, hon.
493
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,510
Snake started pushing
his drug stash on everyone
494
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,596
like some kind of methed-out
ice cream man.
495
00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,097
I think he's got
a genuine problem.
496
00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:31,266
I really needed you,
and you didn't show.
497
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,268
You and Mom both fucking suck.
498
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:34,478
Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
499
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:35,812
- Where are you going?
- To Bennigan's.
500
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:37,064
I know he hates me right now,
501
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,649
but he may at least
mildly give a shit about me.
502
00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:41,360
- Don't follow me.
- No, I-I-I--
503
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,944
Aw, shit.
Aw, shit.
504
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,197
Aw, shit. Aw, shit!
505
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,615
This is all your fault.
506
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,952
What are you, my sponsor?
507
00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:53,997
Oh, yeah. Okay.
508
00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:55,082
Thank you.
509
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,883
Laur, you made it
back in one piece, huh?
510
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:07,677
- A little R&R didn't kill you.
- Almost.
511
00:23:07,677 --> 00:23:09,763
But, yeah, you were right.
I-I needed that.
512
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:11,139
Thanks for letting me stay.
513
00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:12,974
Sure did make a big splash
with my cousins.
514
00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:14,893
Now they're going to make
sea hag T-shirts,
515
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:17,270
sea hag bags,
sea hag necklaces.
516
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,648
And they're opening up a gift
shop to sell novelty items.
517
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,191
It's all about
perspective, right?
518
00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:23,402
I guess.
What are you doing here anyway?
519
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:25,404
I thought you'd be going
to find Chrissy by now.
520
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,072
Yeah, you know,
I-I just figure,
521
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,242
when Chrissy's ready,
she'll come home.
522
00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:33,537
Right?
523
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:35,872
- As soon as I rebuild it.
- Mm-hmm.
524
00:23:35,872 --> 00:23:38,458
If you need a good contractor,
Dorlene is excellent.
525
00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:40,127
She charges way too much,
526
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:42,629
but give her a bag of Bugles,
she'll take 10% off the top.
527
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:48,051
Yeah, she'll come around
when she's ready.
528
00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:58,228
Huh.
They know I'm coming.
529
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:03,608
Hello?
530
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:06,111
Anybody home?
531
00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:14,286
Bennigan, oh, my God.
What--
532
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,248
We meet again.
533
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,958
What?
Who the hell are you?
534
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:23,670
Who the hell am I?
Uh, your archnemesis.
535
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:25,672
Archnemesis?
I don't even know you.
536
00:24:25,672 --> 00:24:27,132
- You don't even--
- Fuck.
537
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:29,634
- Did you do this because of me?
- Yes!
538
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,679
Are you fucking kidding me?
It never stops.
539
00:24:32,679 --> 00:24:35,557
It does now.
540
00:25:06,421 --> 00:25:09,257
{\an8}Captioned by 3Play Media
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