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Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:08,941 --> 00:00:10,643
You can spin it, as quick as you can,
3
00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:12,867
and then you can see all the
different colors like that.
4
00:00:12,868 --> 00:00:14,312
It's really clever.
5
00:00:14,387 --> 00:00:16,450
You didn't borrow my
memory stick did you?
6
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,370
It's got a picture of a vagina on it.
7
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Printed on the actual pic or as a JPEG?
8
00:00:20,274 --> 00:00:21,274
Both.
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00:00:21,307 --> 00:00:22,952
And it's yours?
10
00:00:23,027 --> 00:00:25,283
The stick belongs to me
but it's not my vagina.
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00:00:25,307 --> 00:00:26,367
What does it look like?
12
00:00:26,407 --> 00:00:27,439
My vagina?
13
00:00:27,514 --> 00:00:28,774
Sorry, do you think terrorists
14
00:00:28,775 --> 00:00:30,195
just sit around chatting all day?
15
00:00:30,210 --> 00:00:31,472
Get back to work.
16
00:00:31,547 --> 00:00:33,537
I bet some of them do.
17
00:00:33,561 --> 00:00:35,083
You'd go mad otherwise wouldn't you?
18
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Suicidal.
19
00:00:37,547 --> 00:00:40,239
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
20
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[EXPLOSION]
21
00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:02,290
Do you want a biscuit or anything Tuva?
22
00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:03,714
- Mary, do you want a biscuit?
- No.
23
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:05,097
They give you migraines?
24
00:01:05,121 --> 00:01:07,161
Okay, right, I need a full
update from all of you.
25
00:01:07,162 --> 00:01:10,392
As you heard just now,
we have Jerry Bernstein
26
00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,472
from the NSA arriving shortly.
27
00:01:12,547 --> 00:01:14,747
Oh my God, Jerry Bernstein's
gonna be working with us?
28
00:01:14,748 --> 00:01:17,312
And he is going to be our NSA liaison.
29
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:19,203
If you must speak to the Americans
30
00:01:19,227 --> 00:01:20,427
you'll now go through him.
31
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Is that gonna be a problem?
32
00:01:21,607 --> 00:01:23,163
Absolutely not, I'm a huge, huge fan.
33
00:01:23,187 --> 00:01:25,187
He and I had a lot of email
back and forth on 9/11.
34
00:01:25,188 --> 00:01:26,272
He's a terrorist?
35
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:28,003
No, Whitehall created the position
36
00:01:28,027 --> 00:01:30,319
as part of our shared
intelligence initiative.
37
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,952
Aside from providing a
link to American resources
38
00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:35,137
I'm told he has a wealth of experience.
39
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,890
Should I book Pizza
Express in that case?
40
00:01:36,914 --> 00:01:38,314
I suspect he'll be too jet-lagged.
41
00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:39,417
I don't mind.
42
00:01:39,441 --> 00:01:40,963
Sorry, so will he be here long then?
43
00:01:40,987 --> 00:01:43,067
Yes, providing he plays by the rules.
44
00:01:47,147 --> 00:01:50,919
["SHARP DRESSED MAN" BY ZZ TOP]
45
00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:57,319
All right mate, excuse me.
46
00:01:59,194 --> 00:02:01,154
Mary, where are we with
last week's cryptanalysis?
47
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,432
Can you stop doing that please?
48
00:02:02,507 --> 00:02:05,119
Sorry the pages are a
bit ripped, it was my cat.
49
00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:08,192
I'm worried he might have
caught Huntington's disease.
50
00:02:08,267 --> 00:02:10,492
- You're born with Huntington's disease.
- No I wasn't.
51
00:02:10,567 --> 00:02:11,592
It does not matter.
52
00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:13,363
No, I've heard it's really serious.
53
00:02:13,387 --> 00:02:15,707
Tuva, did you manage to
hack the Scorpio server?
54
00:02:15,747 --> 00:02:18,072
All the names and IP addresses,
55
00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:20,432
plus recordings of their voicemails.
56
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:22,272
That's really good, Tuva.
57
00:02:22,347 --> 00:02:24,203
Some of this is incredibly filthy.
58
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:25,227
Thank you.
59
00:02:25,261 --> 00:02:26,912
Oh I love that kind of stuff.
60
00:02:26,987 --> 00:02:28,052
I can't take it.
61
00:02:28,127 --> 00:02:29,813
- You know you're not meant to eat it...
- Latest systems update.
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00:02:29,814 --> 00:02:30,872
Joseph, go.
63
00:02:30,947 --> 00:02:32,212
Now? Okay.
64
00:02:32,287 --> 00:02:35,000
So all our main systems seem
to be running absolutely fine.
65
00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:36,481
We've still got a fair bit of chatter
66
00:02:36,505 --> 00:02:37,865
to analyze from yesterday morning,
67
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,193
about 25% of that left to do.
68
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,050
Also, I did end up stumbling across
69
00:02:41,074 --> 00:02:43,154
Matthew McConaughey's browsing history.
70
00:02:44,241 --> 00:02:46,992
Why is GSHQ's center for cyber security
71
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,632
looking at Matthew
McConaughey's browsing history?
72
00:02:49,707 --> 00:02:51,363
I suspected just a glitch in the system,
73
00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:53,066
but I just thought I'd
follow it up just in case.
74
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:54,380
Do you not want to know
what he's been looking at?
75
00:02:54,381 --> 00:02:56,141
Is it in the interest
of national security?
76
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:59,152
Not really no, it's lawn
mowers, mainly. Big ones.
77
00:02:59,227 --> 00:03:00,227
Ooh.
78
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,130
Also we just lost our primary drone
79
00:03:03,154 --> 00:03:04,319
over the Iranian border.
80
00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:05,492
Jesus Christ.
81
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:06,977
I know, and to add insult to injury
82
00:03:07,001 --> 00:03:08,641
the level three printer's
stopped working.
83
00:03:08,642 --> 00:03:09,692
Oh no.
84
00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:11,592
[PHONES CHIMING]
85
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:13,392
Ooh, database breach.
86
00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:14,467
Bank of England.
87
00:03:16,027 --> 00:03:17,747
[CHRISTINE] I've really
gotta change that.
88
00:03:17,748 --> 00:03:19,352
How do you get yours to just beep?
89
00:03:19,427 --> 00:03:20,952
[TUVA] It's just set on beep.
90
00:03:21,027 --> 00:03:22,507
[JOSEPH] I think this must be Elaine.
91
00:03:22,508 --> 00:03:24,552
She walked down the aisle today.
92
00:03:24,627 --> 00:03:26,119
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
93
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,912
Quick as you like.
94
00:03:29,987 --> 00:03:33,152
♪ Aserejé ja deje tejebe tude jebere ♪
95
00:03:33,227 --> 00:03:37,192
♪ Sebiunouba majabi an de
bugui an de buididipí ♪
96
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:40,519
♪ Aserejé ja deje tejebe tude jebere ♪
97
00:03:40,594 --> 00:03:45,032
♪ Sebiunouba majabi an de
bugui an de buididipí ♪
98
00:03:45,107 --> 00:03:47,359
♪ Aserejé ja ♪
99
00:03:56,427 --> 00:03:58,787
Can you grab my luggage
or do I need to do that too?
100
00:04:00,026 --> 00:04:01,026
[PHONE RINGS]
101
00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:02,937
Hello? Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
102
00:04:02,961 --> 00:04:04,592
No I'll come down. Yes!
103
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:06,457
Jerry's here.
104
00:04:06,481 --> 00:04:07,481
Jerry's here.
105
00:04:10,427 --> 00:04:11,552
Hey, Jerry.
106
00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,632
Hi.
107
00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:13,977
Joseph Harries.
108
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:15,272
So great to finally meet you.
109
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Hey.
110
00:04:16,354 --> 00:04:17,592
Sorry, do we know each other?
111
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,026
Oh yeah I'm the one who
used to send the NSA,
112
00:04:19,027 --> 00:04:20,227
all the weekly cyber memos.
113
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:21,643
No way, I thought that was spam.
114
00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:23,232
No, it was me.
115
00:04:23,307 --> 00:04:25,043
Right, what was your name again?
116
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:26,377
Joseph Harries.
117
00:04:26,401 --> 00:04:27,841
Right, John, do you mind me asking,
118
00:04:27,842 --> 00:04:29,443
do you have dwarfism in your family?
119
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:31,272
I don't think, no.
120
00:04:31,347 --> 00:04:33,152
- Okay, well you should check.
- Okay.
121
00:04:33,227 --> 00:04:35,232
- Can you give me a hand?
- Yes, absolutely.
122
00:04:35,307 --> 00:04:37,386
Right, here we go, we're
just up on the third floor.
123
00:04:37,387 --> 00:04:39,203
Oh, oh no, don't use the wheels.
124
00:04:39,227 --> 00:04:41,312
It's quite an expensive
case. Can you carry it in?
125
00:04:41,387 --> 00:04:42,872
I won't be long.
126
00:04:42,947 --> 00:04:43,947
Yeah, okay.
127
00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:48,307
Oh my God.
128
00:04:58,667 --> 00:04:59,912
[FEMALE] Hello?
129
00:04:59,987 --> 00:05:00,987
Hi, Mom!
130
00:05:05,987 --> 00:05:06,987
Evelyn.
131
00:05:11,307 --> 00:05:12,672
Evelyn!
132
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,672
[PHONE RINGS]
133
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:15,832
Hello?
134
00:05:15,907 --> 00:05:16,992
Yeah did you want me?
135
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,559
Yes, can you come up please?
136
00:05:18,634 --> 00:05:19,634
Oh my God.
137
00:05:28,107 --> 00:05:30,432
- What?
- Could you not hear me shouting?
138
00:05:30,507 --> 00:05:33,032
- I was on the phone.
- Yes, to me!
139
00:05:33,107 --> 00:05:35,067
Get me a full background
check on Jerry Bernstein,
140
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,079
I need to see his file.
141
00:05:36,154 --> 00:05:38,032
It's classified.
142
00:05:38,107 --> 00:05:41,992
If only there were an
institution that cracked codes
143
00:05:42,067 --> 00:05:43,987
to access classified information.
144
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:46,799
So where's that?
145
00:05:51,707 --> 00:05:52,997
Okay, shall we go through?
146
00:05:53,021 --> 00:05:54,701
Oh hey Jerry, sorry,
they've just told us
147
00:05:54,725 --> 00:05:55,965
- to wait here for a sec.
- Why?
148
00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:57,630
It's just a security
thing, won't be long.
149
00:05:57,654 --> 00:05:59,392
What, because you're...
150
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:01,267
Oh no, it's not that,
it's just they need to
151
00:06:01,268 --> 00:06:02,303
check inside the case.
152
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:03,872
Because they think it's yours?
153
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,297
No, no, standard procedure,
this happens all the time.
154
00:06:06,321 --> 00:06:08,359
Right, because you're...
155
00:06:11,707 --> 00:06:13,483
Evelyn's here and that's where I sit,
156
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,712
and I'm just over there.
157
00:06:14,787 --> 00:06:17,192
And Jerry, this is Chris Cranfield,
158
00:06:17,267 --> 00:06:19,232
Director of cybersecurity at GCHQ.
159
00:06:19,307 --> 00:06:21,032
- Ah!
- No way.
160
00:06:21,107 --> 00:06:22,352
I was expecting a guy.
161
00:06:22,427 --> 00:06:24,337
Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
162
00:06:24,361 --> 00:06:26,210
Do you prefer Chris or Christopher?
163
00:06:26,234 --> 00:06:27,434
It's Christine actually.
164
00:06:27,507 --> 00:06:29,937
Right. These are for you and the team.
165
00:06:29,961 --> 00:06:31,232
[JOSEPH] Oh lovely.
166
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,250
So, what have we got going down?
167
00:06:33,274 --> 00:06:36,352
You wanna give me like a two
word summary of where we're at?
168
00:06:36,427 --> 00:06:37,512
No.
169
00:06:37,587 --> 00:06:39,666
Why don't you just settle
in, we can catch up later.
170
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,307
Joseph, will you show
Jerry to his office?
171
00:06:41,331 --> 00:06:43,105
[JOSEPH] Yeah sure. Hold the phone.
172
00:06:45,067 --> 00:06:47,192
So what OS are we using here?
173
00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,319
Is this Lysander 4.4?
174
00:06:52,387 --> 00:06:53,617
4.5.
175
00:06:53,641 --> 00:06:55,032
Nice.
176
00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:56,599
This is Tuva Olson.
177
00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:58,994
Used to be one of Europe's
most notorious hackers.
178
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,232
Still am.
179
00:07:00,307 --> 00:07:02,232
That was a joke.
180
00:07:02,307 --> 00:07:03,712
Man I love humor.
181
00:07:03,787 --> 00:07:06,512
- Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
- Bernstein?
182
00:07:06,587 --> 00:07:07,587
Is that Jewish?
183
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,714
Wouldn't you like to know.
184
00:07:08,715 --> 00:07:10,186
Flirt.
185
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,821
Mary, come over and say hello to Jerry.
186
00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:12,822
Quickly.
187
00:07:13,514 --> 00:07:15,472
God, what happened?
188
00:07:15,547 --> 00:07:16,599
Nothing.
189
00:07:16,674 --> 00:07:18,079
What do you mean?
190
00:07:18,154 --> 00:07:20,952
This is Mary Needham,
one of GCHQ's finest.
191
00:07:21,027 --> 00:07:22,072
Finest what?
192
00:07:22,147 --> 00:07:23,499
Cryptanalysts.
193
00:07:23,574 --> 00:07:25,334
Mary was one of the
first female professors
194
00:07:25,347 --> 00:07:27,163
to be nominated for a Nobel Prize.
195
00:07:27,187 --> 00:07:29,659
Wow. Did you win?
196
00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:33,839
No, and I earned up getting
cystitis on the day, sadly.
197
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,161
I think it was all the stress.
198
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,399
Great story.
199
00:07:38,474 --> 00:07:40,283
Can we get the air-con turned on?
200
00:07:40,307 --> 00:07:42,599
It feels about 74 degrees
and I find my team
201
00:07:42,674 --> 00:07:43,759
works best at 71.
202
00:07:43,826 --> 00:07:45,426
- Yeah I can do that...
- [CHRISTINE] No!
203
00:07:45,427 --> 00:07:46,497
Sit down please, Joseph.
204
00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:48,301
Yeah I need you to
take notes. Please stay.
205
00:07:48,307 --> 00:07:50,512
All right everyone, listen up.
206
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:54,032
I am now your best possible resource.
207
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:57,319
I'm here for you, so
I want you to use me,
208
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,879
exploit me, punish me.
209
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,963
I wanna feel as if I've been uploaded
210
00:08:02,987 --> 00:08:04,577
into each and every one of you.
211
00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:06,297
Even you guys.
212
00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:07,323
What are you doing?
213
00:08:07,347 --> 00:08:08,592
I'm just welcoming everyone.
214
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,079
Can we get them to stop?
215
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:11,984
No, we're in the middle of something,
216
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:14,937
Bank of England, no American
liaison required, sadly.
217
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,337
Okay, listen, I just wanna say,
218
00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:19,512
I'm really excited about this.
219
00:08:19,587 --> 00:08:21,912
I think we can learn
a lot from each other.
220
00:08:21,987 --> 00:08:23,027
Especially from me.
221
00:08:24,507 --> 00:08:26,457
It'll be a pleasure collaborating
222
00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:28,601
with one of our oldest
and closest allies.
223
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,599
Welcome to the GCHQ.
224
00:08:32,107 --> 00:08:33,107
Thank you.
225
00:08:34,401 --> 00:08:36,032
Back to work everyone.
226
00:08:36,107 --> 00:08:38,439
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
227
00:08:57,081 --> 00:08:59,119
[CHRISTINE] Good morning.
228
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:05,992
Hey, do you like the plants?
229
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:08,043
You know they'll die in three days.
230
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:09,747
Oh no it's fine, I
sprayed them with glue
231
00:09:09,748 --> 00:09:11,399
so they're kind of mummified.
232
00:09:11,474 --> 00:09:13,712
By the way, where are HR based?
233
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,079
I really need to get hold of my pass.
234
00:09:16,154 --> 00:09:18,554
Fourth floor, but most of
them are on school holidays.
235
00:09:18,587 --> 00:09:20,032
They're still at school?
236
00:09:20,107 --> 00:09:21,217
[SIGHS]
237
00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:23,492
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
238
00:09:23,567 --> 00:09:24,567
Two secs.
239
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:25,832
Hey Jerry, you all right?
240
00:09:25,907 --> 00:09:27,426
Yeah, do you know what this stain is?
241
00:09:27,427 --> 00:09:28,867
I can't hear you through the glass.
242
00:09:28,891 --> 00:09:30,491
[JERRY] Do you know what this stain is?
243
00:09:30,492 --> 00:09:32,428
I can't hear you 'cause of the glass.
244
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,312
Yeah.
245
00:09:35,387 --> 00:09:36,952
Sorry, sorry Jerry.
246
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,450
I couldn't hear 'cause of the glass.
247
00:09:38,451 --> 00:09:39,837
That's fine. What is this stain?
248
00:09:39,861 --> 00:09:41,986
Um, oh gosh, well this used
to be Elaine's old office.
249
00:09:41,987 --> 00:09:43,112
It could be anything really.
250
00:09:43,187 --> 00:09:44,352
What, she die in here?
251
00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:47,097
No, she's on maternity
leave, so could just be that.
252
00:09:47,121 --> 00:09:48,121
Oh God.
253
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,370
You know what, let's just...
254
00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:50,639
Yeah let's do that.
255
00:09:50,714 --> 00:09:53,232
Hey, can you hook me up with my pass?
256
00:09:53,307 --> 00:09:54,672
I really need the men's room.
257
00:09:54,747 --> 00:09:56,723
Well that's HR but it
takes up to about a week
258
00:09:56,747 --> 00:09:58,012
for them to respond, so.
259
00:09:58,087 --> 00:09:59,224
No, I gotta go before then.
260
00:09:59,248 --> 00:10:00,728
Oh it's fine, I can buzz you through.
261
00:10:00,729 --> 00:10:02,269
- Now?
- Yeah, go go.
262
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:05,232
Nice opportunity to show you around.
263
00:10:05,307 --> 00:10:07,187
Are you staying somewhere
locally in Cheltenham?
264
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,592
Yeah the Citrus Hotel.
265
00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:10,723
Oh lovely, I went to a
couple of wakes there.
266
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:12,425
The food is stunning.
267
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:15,537
Very quickly, so this is one
of our designated quiet rooms,
268
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,441
just because some of the
stuff we see on the web
269
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,512
can be quite full on.
270
00:10:18,587 --> 00:10:19,712
And can I pee in here?
271
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,632
Um, no, not really, no.
272
00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:23,039
I sometimes do.
273
00:10:28,467 --> 00:10:30,610
You forget how big
this place is don't you?
274
00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:33,012
Sorry, they must have
changed the door code.
275
00:10:33,087 --> 00:10:34,087
This way.
276
00:10:34,141 --> 00:10:35,232
What's this thing?
277
00:10:35,307 --> 00:10:36,587
Okay not far Jerry, here we go.
278
00:10:36,588 --> 00:10:37,588
So...
279
00:10:39,227 --> 00:10:40,952
Do it again, swipe again.
280
00:10:41,027 --> 00:10:42,072
Swipe it again!
281
00:10:42,147 --> 00:10:43,359
Okay okay okay.
282
00:10:44,507 --> 00:10:45,952
Oh crikey, it's fine, it's fine.
283
00:10:46,027 --> 00:10:48,497
Let me just type this in onto here.
284
00:10:48,521 --> 00:10:50,392
Jerry, can you just, sorry,
285
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,210
can you just read me from the fourth...
286
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,359
From the what?
287
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,279
- From the fourth?
- The four.
288
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:57,072
There's no four. You mean the one?
289
00:10:57,147 --> 00:10:58,672
The four, oh the one.
290
00:10:58,747 --> 00:11:01,372
The one is one, nine, two, seven.
291
00:11:01,447 --> 00:11:02,837
- Okay, that should be it.
- [DING]
292
00:11:02,861 --> 00:11:03,919
There you go.
293
00:11:03,994 --> 00:11:05,032
[BUZZER]
294
00:11:05,107 --> 00:11:06,132
[GROANS]
295
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,377
I'm so sorry. Come on.
296
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,083
We have a something just in case,
297
00:11:10,107 --> 00:11:11,252
it doesn't always work.
298
00:11:11,327 --> 00:11:12,903
Why didn't you do that to begin with?
299
00:11:12,927 --> 00:11:14,167
Because I've been eating crisps
300
00:11:14,242 --> 00:11:15,332
and it doesn't always work.
301
00:11:15,356 --> 00:11:17,337
- Back up, back up.
- [BUZZER]
302
00:11:17,361 --> 00:11:18,439
Give me your thumb.
303
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,003
What's wrong, you have very small...
304
00:11:22,027 --> 00:11:23,599
Ow. Okay there you go.
305
00:11:23,674 --> 00:11:24,832
- Okay.
- Okay fine.
306
00:11:24,907 --> 00:11:26,352
Oh for crying out loud.
307
00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:28,673
Let me just do the, I'll do
the retina thing, it's fine.
308
00:11:28,674 --> 00:11:30,403
[JERRY] Come on man, you're killing me.
309
00:11:30,427 --> 00:11:31,952
Why is that doing like that?
310
00:11:32,027 --> 00:11:33,332
Hang on, hang on.
311
00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:35,097
So I've got a lazy eye
so sometimes if I...
312
00:11:35,121 --> 00:11:36,959
Can you lift... [BUZZER]
313
00:11:37,034 --> 00:11:38,034
Thank you.
314
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,666
Go, go!
315
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,439
This way, go go go go.
316
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:48,159
[SCREAMS]
317
00:12:02,507 --> 00:12:04,152
[CLEARS THROAT]
318
00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:05,559
Yeah, USA.
319
00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,003
'Cause his eyes are quite close together
320
00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:14,723
and I know he has a
cousin who was involved
321
00:12:14,747 --> 00:12:15,872
with some kind of atrocity.
322
00:12:15,947 --> 00:12:16,979
[CHRISTINE] What's?
323
00:12:17,054 --> 00:12:18,654
Oh sorry Chris, I am gonna delete that.
324
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,400
I don't care. I just want hard copies
of the Bank of England report.
325
00:12:21,401 --> 00:12:22,686
Yeah it's just the
printer's still not working,
326
00:12:22,687 --> 00:12:24,632
- so I can't...
- [EVELYN] Jerry's file.
327
00:12:24,707 --> 00:12:25,712
Shh.
328
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,417
What's this?
329
00:12:27,441 --> 00:12:29,561
Well I couldn't get access
to view his internal file
330
00:12:29,562 --> 00:12:31,560
so I just like made a front cover.
331
00:12:33,147 --> 00:12:34,147
Here I am.
332
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,080
Found my way back.
333
00:12:36,081 --> 00:12:37,672
Hey Jerry.
334
00:12:37,747 --> 00:12:40,003
Hey, Chris, I worked out
what the problem is here.
335
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,072
The problem is morale.
336
00:12:42,147 --> 00:12:43,632
Right, thank you.
337
00:12:43,707 --> 00:12:46,672
So firstly, you really need
to put some music on.
338
00:12:46,747 --> 00:12:49,672
'Cause everyone in here
currently looks so...
339
00:12:49,747 --> 00:12:51,632
Do you have Alexa here?
340
00:12:51,707 --> 00:12:54,632
Alexa, play NSA nasty mix two.
341
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,352
Alexa?
342
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,192
Alexa?
343
00:12:58,267 --> 00:13:01,612
Secondly, we need to
fundraise and build us a gym.
344
00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:02,712
Yes!
345
00:13:02,787 --> 00:13:04,112
Get the endorphins pumping.
346
00:13:04,187 --> 00:13:06,319
Thirdly, is there any way we can make it
347
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:07,919
so I can see the sun?
348
00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:10,352
Okay, let me stop you just there.
349
00:13:10,427 --> 00:13:14,192
Firstly, I am not your PA,
350
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:18,072
I am GCHQ's director of cybersecurity.
351
00:13:18,147 --> 00:13:21,352
Grandpapa built the bouncing bomb.
352
00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:24,232
Mother posed as a triple
agent during the Cold War,
353
00:13:24,307 --> 00:13:27,112
while Father came up with
an idea called the Internet.
354
00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:28,672
So forgive me if I'm not into
355
00:13:28,747 --> 00:13:31,712
office plants and natural light.
356
00:13:31,787 --> 00:13:34,672
Secondly, this isn't the NSA.
357
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,072
You are here strictly to liaise.
358
00:13:38,147 --> 00:13:40,217
We don't workout, we
don't listen to playlists,
359
00:13:40,241 --> 00:13:43,752
we fight cyber crime,
terrorism and sex trafficking.
360
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:48,472
Thirdly, this is my department,
these are my staff,
361
00:13:48,547 --> 00:13:51,192
and whilst it's a pleasure
collaborating with
362
00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,472
one of our oldest and closest allies,
363
00:13:53,547 --> 00:13:56,032
I will not have my authority undermined
364
00:13:56,107 --> 00:13:58,952
simply because some
privileged fool from Whitehall
365
00:13:59,027 --> 00:14:02,879
thinks that the US can fight
cyber crime better than we can.
366
00:14:05,147 --> 00:14:06,279
Do you mind if I get on?
367
00:14:07,994 --> 00:14:10,512
Sorry, it looks like
you've stopped talking.
368
00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:13,272
My ears are still
fucked from the flight,
369
00:14:13,347 --> 00:14:14,387
was that important?
370
00:14:16,627 --> 00:14:19,159
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
371
00:14:23,267 --> 00:14:24,867
Are you really gonna take that from her?
372
00:14:24,868 --> 00:14:26,599
Huh? Huh?
373
00:14:26,674 --> 00:14:27,674
You little bitch.
374
00:14:28,474 --> 00:14:29,474
Evelyn.
375
00:14:34,147 --> 00:14:37,137
I'm delivering our findings
on the Bank of England.
376
00:14:37,161 --> 00:14:40,032
Have the car meet me out front.
377
00:14:40,107 --> 00:14:42,370
Okay don't forget you've got
a Bank of England meeting.
378
00:14:42,394 --> 00:14:43,879
Do you want me to arrange a car?
379
00:14:46,547 --> 00:14:48,117
Come on buddy, you got this.
380
00:14:48,141 --> 00:14:49,157
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
381
00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:50,625
Yeah?
382
00:14:50,701 --> 00:14:52,741
Jerry, I'm so sorry about
what Chris said earlier,
383
00:14:52,742 --> 00:14:54,587
you must be feeling awful.
384
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,432
Do you know how long
I've been at the NSA?
385
00:14:57,507 --> 00:14:59,079
I'd say 50 years?
386
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,312
25 years. Sit down.
387
00:15:02,387 --> 00:15:03,387
Oh, sure.
388
00:15:06,394 --> 00:15:08,719
Do you know the level
of experience you get
389
00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:11,692
- from working at the NSA 25 years?
- Nope.
390
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:13,712
I basically know everything.
391
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,159
Okay?
392
00:15:15,234 --> 00:15:17,359
I've overseen terrorist
plots, cyber attacks,
393
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:20,177
- assassination attempts.
- Against you?
394
00:15:20,201 --> 00:15:21,363
Just remain quiet a sec.
395
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,632
Yeah.
396
00:15:22,707 --> 00:15:26,192
I predicted 9/11, Afghanistan, 7/7.
397
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:27,405
And when you say predicted.
398
00:15:27,481 --> 00:15:29,826
You mean could I have stopped
those things from happening?
399
00:15:29,827 --> 00:15:31,152
- [JERRY] Yeah.
- I think so.
400
00:15:31,227 --> 00:15:33,272
- Wow.
- But was anyone willing to listen?
401
00:15:33,347 --> 00:15:34,692
No.
402
00:15:34,727 --> 00:15:36,087
It's always the same old bullshit.
403
00:15:36,088 --> 00:15:38,032
Slow down Jerry, analyze.
404
00:15:38,107 --> 00:15:39,432
There's no evidence.
405
00:15:39,507 --> 00:15:41,152
[JERRY] Yes.
406
00:15:41,227 --> 00:15:43,387
Whatever happened to good
old fashioned American hunch?
407
00:15:43,388 --> 00:15:45,243
See this is exactly what
we're missing here.
408
00:15:45,267 --> 00:15:47,083
So did you have a hunch about 9/11?
409
00:15:47,107 --> 00:15:49,992
Yeah, just this huge fucking hunch.
410
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:53,337
And then another big
hunch moments later.
411
00:15:53,361 --> 00:15:55,599
Oh, so you've seen a lot of action then.
412
00:15:57,187 --> 00:15:58,210
Have I seen action?
413
00:15:58,234 --> 00:15:59,403
You know what, look at this.
414
00:15:59,427 --> 00:16:00,632
Oh you're gonna love this.
415
00:16:00,707 --> 00:16:01,723
Come here, come here.
416
00:16:01,747 --> 00:16:03,439
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
417
00:16:03,514 --> 00:16:04,959
- Look at that.
- Oh my God.
418
00:16:05,034 --> 00:16:06,072
Touch it.
419
00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:07,672
- Oh no I don't...
- Touch it!
420
00:16:07,747 --> 00:16:09,072
Touch it.
421
00:16:09,147 --> 00:16:12,272
44 caliber, went clean through.
422
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:13,977
Wow.
423
00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:16,319
It looks exactly like the
lipoma scar that I got
424
00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:17,937
from when I had a little thing removed.
425
00:16:17,938 --> 00:16:19,538
Like the same shape and everything that.
426
00:16:19,539 --> 00:16:20,953
Well it's not.
427
00:16:21,027 --> 00:16:23,107
That's the same shape
actually 'cause they do it...
428
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,272
No it's no, it's not.
429
00:16:24,347 --> 00:16:25,712
It's a bullet thing.
430
00:16:25,787 --> 00:16:27,721
- Is there an exit wound?
- No.
431
00:16:27,747 --> 00:16:29,432
- Can I...
- No.
432
00:16:29,507 --> 00:16:30,592
That part healed fine.
433
00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:32,039
You can't even tell.
434
00:16:32,114 --> 00:16:33,434
So what are you doing here then?
435
00:16:33,458 --> 00:16:35,552
- Is it like a sabbatical position?
- Yeah kind of.
436
00:16:35,587 --> 00:16:37,472
Man, you guys.
437
00:16:37,547 --> 00:16:40,472
You have no idea how
lucky you are to have me.
438
00:16:40,547 --> 00:16:41,712
Oh, tell me about it.
439
00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,307
I mean literally this is the best thing
440
00:16:43,308 --> 00:16:44,692
that ever happened to me.
441
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,847
I mean I could've ended up
in Paris, Milan, New York,
442
00:16:46,848 --> 00:16:48,312
- but I chose London.
- Cheltenham.
443
00:16:48,387 --> 00:16:49,752
Cheltenham.
444
00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:51,410
But there's no point in me being here
445
00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:52,952
unless I can make a difference.
446
00:16:53,027 --> 00:16:54,472
I agree with that.
447
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:56,706
I mean sure, I could liaise
the ass out of this place
448
00:16:56,707 --> 00:16:59,377
if I want to, but I wanna raise morale.
449
00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:03,192
I wanna raise morale so high
people can barely move.
450
00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:04,347
You know what I mean?
451
00:17:05,347 --> 00:17:06,659
I think, yes.
452
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,617
I want people having
to go home from work
453
00:17:08,641 --> 00:17:10,112
because morale is so high.
454
00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:11,500
Well everyone's gonna love that.
455
00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:13,541
But I'm gonna need your help, buddy.
456
00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:16,323
Honestly, whatever you
need Jerry, just name it.
457
00:17:16,347 --> 00:17:18,072
Treat me like your PA.
458
00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:19,347
I thought you were my PA.
459
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,827
All right now gather up guys.
460
00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:24,903
Come on come on come on.
461
00:17:24,927 --> 00:17:26,039
Circle up, circle up.
462
00:17:26,114 --> 00:17:27,392
You know what, you too.
463
00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:29,363
You're part of the team, drop that shit.
464
00:17:29,387 --> 00:17:31,632
In fact everyone, everyone, stand,
465
00:17:31,707 --> 00:17:33,690
come gather round, this is important.
466
00:17:33,714 --> 00:17:35,017
That's it.
467
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,319
Hustle, hustle.
468
00:17:36,394 --> 00:17:37,772
- Back up.
- Sorry.
469
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:40,039
Good. Oh, look at that, we did a circle.
470
00:17:40,114 --> 00:17:41,839
Terrific. Okay.
471
00:17:41,914 --> 00:17:43,683
One of the first things that struck me
472
00:17:43,707 --> 00:17:48,152
when I arrived here was just
how uninspired everyone looks.
473
00:17:48,227 --> 00:17:52,279
Don't get me wrong,
individually you all look...
474
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:54,080
amazing.
475
00:17:54,787 --> 00:17:57,297
But there's still this sense
that I've wandered
476
00:17:57,321 --> 00:18:00,032
onto an abandoned farm.
477
00:18:00,107 --> 00:18:01,319
Does that resonate?
478
00:18:03,514 --> 00:18:07,232
So what I'd like to propose
as a starting point
479
00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:08,943
are some team building exercises.
480
00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:09,999
- I'd love to.
- Yeah.
481
00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:11,577
Yeah? Yeah?
482
00:18:11,601 --> 00:18:13,272
- Yes.
- Can I get a yes Jerry?
483
00:18:13,347 --> 00:18:14,387
[ALL] Yes Jerry.
484
00:18:16,587 --> 00:18:18,232
All right, we'll work on that.
485
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:19,337
Hands out of the pockets.
486
00:18:19,361 --> 00:18:21,112
Let's get ready. Ready?
487
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,432
[ALL] Yes.
488
00:18:22,507 --> 00:18:24,507
Jerry says raise your right arm.
489
00:18:25,106 --> 00:18:26,106
Put it down.
490
00:18:26,107 --> 00:18:27,312
You're all out.
491
00:18:27,387 --> 00:18:29,083
- You're all out.
- [PEOPLE GROANING]
492
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:31,227
Okay, everyone take
one step to their right.
493
00:18:32,347 --> 00:18:33,632
Good.
494
00:18:33,707 --> 00:18:35,747
Jerry says take one step to your left.
495
00:18:36,394 --> 00:18:38,723
- Yeah I fucked you there didn't I?
- [MARY] Yes.
496
00:18:38,747 --> 00:18:40,177
Yeah it's called listening.
497
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:42,281
When I clap my hands
everyone fall, fall!
498
00:18:44,146 --> 00:18:45,146
That's a start.
499
00:18:45,147 --> 00:18:46,592
Okay everyone up, everyone up.
500
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,667
Anyone hurt?
501
00:18:48,546 --> 00:18:49,546
That's okay.
502
00:18:49,547 --> 00:18:51,152
It's about trust.
503
00:18:51,227 --> 00:18:53,363
At the count of three I
want everyone to undress.
504
00:18:53,387 --> 00:18:54,432
Undress!
505
00:18:54,507 --> 00:18:55,672
I'm kidding, stop that.
506
00:18:55,747 --> 00:18:57,159
Have more respect for yourself.
507
00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:06,352
So continue what you're doing,
508
00:19:06,427 --> 00:19:09,072
exploring each other's faces and bodies,
509
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,712
and what I wanna do
now is just go around
510
00:19:11,787 --> 00:19:13,832
and talk about when you last had sex.
511
00:19:13,907 --> 00:19:16,137
It's just a nice way to
get to know each other
512
00:19:16,161 --> 00:19:17,472
and to open up.
513
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:19,403
Plus, it's what we do
at the NSA every day.
514
00:19:19,427 --> 00:19:21,185
- Have sex?
- Sometimes.
515
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,712
What about you buddy?
516
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,667
Oh gosh, well it depends
what you mean really.
517
00:19:24,681 --> 00:19:26,112
You've never heard of sex?
518
00:19:26,186 --> 00:19:27,466
Oh no I've heard of sex, sure,
519
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,032
I just, you know.
520
00:19:29,107 --> 00:19:30,712
Sorry, where are you?
521
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,227
[JERRY] Mary, do you want to start?
522
00:19:32,228 --> 00:19:33,353
Oh gosh, ooh.
523
00:19:33,387 --> 00:19:34,832
It's been a while, sorry.
524
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:37,152
No I could tell, I can
smell your pheromones.
525
00:19:37,227 --> 00:19:38,227
Thank you.
526
00:19:38,234 --> 00:19:40,112
I bet you're filthy though.
527
00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:41,337
No.
528
00:19:41,361 --> 00:19:43,083
I love how you deny it, that's hot.
529
00:19:43,107 --> 00:19:44,159
Tuva.
530
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:45,250
10:15 this morning.
531
00:19:45,274 --> 00:19:47,232
Weren't you in at eight?
532
00:19:47,307 --> 00:19:49,392
- Yeah.
- [CHRISTINE] What the hell's going on?
533
00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:51,112
Chris, great, jump in.
534
00:19:51,187 --> 00:19:52,803
We're just doing some
team building here.
535
00:19:52,827 --> 00:19:54,643
No, get back to work everybody.
536
00:19:54,667 --> 00:19:56,072
This is ridiculous.
537
00:19:56,147 --> 00:19:58,512
No honestly, Chrissy,
I wouldn't be doing this
538
00:19:58,587 --> 00:20:00,657
unless I thought it was
absolutely essential.
539
00:20:00,681 --> 00:20:02,563
Plus, look how much
fun everyone's having.
540
00:20:02,587 --> 00:20:04,072
We're not here to have fun.
541
00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:05,632
This is GCHQ.
542
00:20:05,707 --> 00:20:07,672
Do you think Alan Turing had fun?
543
00:20:07,747 --> 00:20:09,439
Okay, back to work everybody.
544
00:20:09,514 --> 00:20:11,152
No, not yet.
545
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:14,112
Listen, I get it, you didn't
choose to have some
546
00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:17,552
dashing American fuck fox in
your prissy British hen house.
547
00:20:17,627 --> 00:20:21,632
I didn't want that either, but
I'm sure we can make it work.
548
00:20:21,707 --> 00:20:25,017
Come on, at least have a jellybean.
549
00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:26,519
Absolutely not.
550
00:20:26,594 --> 00:20:29,072
Aren't we meant to be collaborating?
551
00:20:29,147 --> 00:20:30,947
- Huh team?
- [ALL] Yes Jerry!
552
00:20:32,507 --> 00:20:34,867
Do you really want your
staff to see you like this?
553
00:20:36,161 --> 00:20:39,032
[ALL] Jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,
554
00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:42,032
jelly bean, jelly bean, jelly bean,
555
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:45,079
jelly bean, jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,
556
00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:47,632
jelly bean, jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,
557
00:20:47,707 --> 00:20:49,559
- jelly bean...
- All right!
558
00:21:14,753 --> 00:21:15,753
Yes!
559
00:21:15,754 --> 00:21:17,352
[CLAPPING]
560
00:21:17,427 --> 00:21:18,639
And Jerry says fall.
561
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:24,323
[JOSEPH] Jerry's got the
printer working again!
562
00:21:24,347 --> 00:21:28,112
[CHEERING AND CLAPPING]
563
00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:30,319
See, this is why they sent me here.
564
00:21:41,794 --> 00:21:42,794
Good night.
565
00:21:42,827 --> 00:21:43,827
Night.
566
00:21:50,147 --> 00:21:51,712
♪ Hurray, hurray, hurray ♪
567
00:21:51,787 --> 00:21:53,712
♪ Misery's on the way ♪
568
00:21:53,787 --> 00:21:57,552
♪ There are bad vibes
just around the corner ♪
569
00:21:57,627 --> 00:22:01,432
♪ There are dark clouds
hurtling through the sky ♪
570
00:22:01,507 --> 00:22:03,592
♪ It's as clear as crystal ♪
571
00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:05,697
♪ From Bridlington to Bristol ♪
572
00:22:05,721 --> 00:22:09,312
♪ That we can't save democracy
and we don't much care ♪
573
00:22:09,387 --> 00:22:13,272
♪ We'd better all learn the
lyrics of the old Red Flag ♪
574
00:22:13,347 --> 00:22:17,079
♪ But wait till we drop down dead ♪
575
00:22:17,180 --> 00:22:22,180
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
40261
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