Original subtitles

♪ Who's the improbable duo That you heard about?

♪ Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal

♪ Who's the little girl And her domesticated rodent?

♪ Who's still standing When you see the dust settle?

♪ It's Hamster Hamster, Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ If they can't do it Then nobody can

♪ Hamster, Hamster, Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ There's also Kevin In the minivan ♪

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Are you sure you don't wanna come over

to our monthly Grant-Gomez family game night?

I'm sure. Come on.

You loved it last time.

(ALL CLAMORING)

(FIRE WHOOSHING) Cheater!

Hard pass.

Well, it's probably better for you anyway.

I'm gonna win tonight. I don't know.

Gretel's looking pretty fierce.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Meh. Not worried.

Wow, the unearned confidence is breathtaking.

I have to go help Hiromi with an interview for the school paper.

Tell her I say, "Yo, yo, yo!"

Even though that's something I would never say.

So don't say that. Why am I sweating?

I'm gonna go not be here now.

You better bring your A game, Kev.

I'm taking that trophy tonight.

That's big talk coming from someone who's only won...

Oh, wait, that's right.

You've never won a game.

Oh, so sad.

Ahhh!

Are you fantasizing about punching me through four walls again?

Maybe.

HIROMI: So, what's on the menu?

Peanut butter, cumin sandwich

and guacamole sauerkraut

cupcake for dessert. I'll go make you a sample. (MOANS IN DISGUST)

I'm hoping your nihilistic humor

can make this interview not boring.

You may be putting too much stock in nihilism.

Think of it as practice

for when we break an actual big story.

Something important.

Like how much money we waste on school papers?

There's that signature nihilism.

PRINCIPAL FUNDERBERK: No, no. The shipment's too big

and too dangerous to be delivered here.

Use the side gym entrance.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

That something dangerous is happening on school property,

and we are duty bound, as reporters, to investigate.

Uh, I was gonna suggest we ditch,

but, yay, reporter duty.

Teenagers have no manners.

You know the rules.

Hand over the phone so there's no cheating.

That was five years ago,

when the rules had not been...

(BOOING)

Everyone, it is time to begin.

Kevin, as the reigning champion...

For now. ...you get to roll first.

(DICE RATTLING) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Ooh, double sixes.

Give me the hat. Give me the hat.

Enjoy your small victories while you can.

KEVIN: No comments from the house gallery.

DAVE: And it was five years ago. (DOOR CLOSES)

KEVIN: You go back two spaces. (GRETEL BOOING)

FEMALE VOICE: Close your eyes and take deep, soothing breaths.

Let the nonsense of family game night slip away.

My evil scheme

is finally within my grasp.

I believe you will be pleased with them.

Those students won't know what hit them.

Meet me here early

Monday morning, for a test run.

Man, what is it with this school

and evil faculty members?

I did not see this coming.

Principal Funderberk is so...

Lame! I was gonna say school spirited.

Wait, Hold up. Where did you learn how to pick locks?

From juvie. Juvie?

Juvie Davis. Her dad is a locksmith.

(CLICKING)

Cool.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

What's it gonna be, Gretel?

Truth or dare?

Truth I've got nothing to hide.

What was the last lie you told your mom?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Mom, I've never told you a lie.

Oh! And that's the last lie I told Mom.

Boom! Move me 10 spaces, hat boy!

I should be mad, but I'm really impressed.

Fred, we're about to expose a huge conspiracy.

Well, it did sound like he said "evil scheme",

but we could have misheard that.

So what is this, a typo?

Proceed.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Ta-da!

They're animatronics based on our school mascot?

I don't see evil scheme anywhere.

Let's head back. Those sauerkraut cupcakes

aren't gonna throw up themselves.

Let me just get a photo for the paper.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(TURNING ON)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Okay, now it's a little evil schemey.

It's plumber time! (SCREAMS)

(CLANGING)

Here's Plumby. (CAMERA CLICKS)

(GRINDING) Ahhh!

Stop doing that.

(SQUEALING) I take pictures when I'm anxious!

(PLUMBER LAUGHING)

In here.

(SNEEZES)

ALL: Move back three spaces.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERING) Listen, if you don't pick up by the 97th call,

I'll sabotage every family game night for you, Kevin.

Why are you calling Kevin?

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Uh, Kevin knows a lot about animatronics.

It's a hobby of his.

Forget minivan kid.

Just pull fire alarm for set off sprinkler.

That's actually a great idea.

The water should short out all the electrical components.

Lunch lady for the win!

Hmm. Strange. That should have worked.

Let me check the school security cameras. (KEYBOARD CLACKING)

HIROMI: He's turned off the water.

I should've gone to family game night.

How are we gonna get the water back on?

I can do that. These things don't scare me.

I work retail on Black Friday.

Use this headset and I'll watch the security cameras.

Okay, the main entrance and gym are clear.

LUNCH LADY: Copy that, Falcon One.

Other girl Falcon Two, and I am Mama Falcon.

I don't know about you but I'm gonna need a brownie after this.

I could go for a brownie, but just the edges.

The center can go in the trash.

Ugh, the edges taste burned.

The center is so much better.

Hold on. You like the centers, and I like the edges?

Girl, we're a symbiotic brownie-based friendship.

Okay, We're not there yet. Maybe after a brownie.

LUNCH LADY: I get it. You hate my cupcakes. Are you two done?

Oops. Hot mic.

LUNCH LADY: You do not know what you are missing.

I... (CLANGING)

LUNCH LADY: No, no, stay back!

(SCREAMING) No! Mama Falcon, do you copy?

Mama Falcon. Mama Falcon, come back!

(STATIC BUZZES)

Pick up, pick up, pick up!

AUTOMATED RESPONSE: The inbox is now full.

Please stop calling.

Oh, great. What now?

Got another headset? I'm going in.

Are you out of your mind?

I activated them.

I gotta finish this.

If you're sure,

then I think it's time for you to break your actual big story.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Are you there? HIROMI: Yep.

FRED: Hall's clear right now.

HIROMI: Thanks. How's the cafeteria?

All clear, weirdly.

Let me find where they are.

They're in the teacher's lounge.

HIROMI: So the coast is clear.

Yes, go now.

HIROMI: Yes! Go Team Firomi!

You did not just mash up our names.

HIROMI: I did. (SIGHS)

Turn the water on before I change my mind on this friendship.

(VALVE SQUEAKING) Let me check on the bad guys.

(GASPS) Hiromi! Get out of there!

(CRASHING) HIROMI: Oh, no! They're here!

(HIROMI SCREAMS)

Hiromi!

(PHONE BEEPING)

HAMSTER: 101 missed calls.

That can't be good.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (DOG BARKS)

If I finish this, I'm game night champion.

Aw, it will be your first win, honey.

I must do everything I can to stop that.

(BALL ROLLING)

(WHISPERS) Can this wait? I'm so close.

(GASPS)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Kevin, can I tell you something?

No mind games, Gretel.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Look at me, on my phone, cheating?

Oops. Guess I'm disqualified.

I'm gonna go to my room and think about what I've done.

Why would she cheat?

It's a paint by number.

Wait a second.

I'm gonna win!

(GRUNTING)

Go, Plumbers.

Flush the competition.

Hiromi!

(WHIRRING) Turn the sprinklers on!

The handle is missing.

(LAUGHING)

(SPLASHES)

There's a second emergency valve up near the ceiling

where no one can reach it!

Why? HIROMI: This used to be a school

for stilt performers.

How did I not notice this before?

♪ Don't you give me that talk back slide up to the mic

♪ Don't you give me those rolling eyes

♪ Summer's gonna cool down

♪ But I'm still on fire

♪ And I think I must compromise

♪ Just keep on swinging You ain't hit nothing yet

♪ You can see me through the venomous spite

♪ So, come on, baby Shake off the rust

♪ 'Cause I'm telling you right now

♪ It's just another Friday night! ♪

(SIGHS) Today really isn't our day.

Plus, I'm slipping, you know, to my doom.

Don't panic. Hang on!

I'm trying.

Waterproof mode, activated.

(GRUNTS) (SMASHES)

Okay, now we panic!

Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

Sorry I missed your call.

(GRUNTS) I was almost finished painting a clown.

What does that mean? Who knows?

(SMASHES) (GRUNTING)

(SHOUTING)

(CRASHING)

Now you're disqualified. Permanently.

Peace out, citizens.

PRINCIPAL FUNDERBERK: What's going on here?

We know all about your evil scheme. Don't deny it.

You even used the words "evil" and "scheme".

Oh, I see where you got confused.

Evil Scheme stands for Eastern Valley Intramural Leagues

Sparring Contest of High School Electronic Mascots.

FRED: What about the last E? It's a typo.

It's a robotic battle competition

our school's engineering club qualified for.

Those were their robots.

Then who was that evil looking scientist earlier?

Excuse me!

This is our new physics teacher.

We were troubleshooting because they discovered a glitch.

Camera flash causes animatronics to be hostile.

Well, that glitch may have eaten our lunch lady.

I am fine.

Where did you go?

I had to start on sardine ice cream for Monday.

Well, kids, ordinarily, I would have to punish you.

But since our robots almost killed you

and we can't afford another lawsuit, let's call it even.

Team Firomi!

Yeah, we're there.

(CLAPS)

(KEVIN GRUNTING) (CHURRO WHIMPERING)

So who's winning?

It's tied. We're in sudden death overtime.

(STRAINING) (THUDS)

(GRUNTS) No!

Carolina wins. (BUZZER SOUNDS)

How are you so strong?

I gave birth to both of you. This is nothing.

I guess we both lost.

You more than me, but still.

I still had a win today.

But next month, you're going down.

Ahhh! (CRASHING) Are you fantasizing

Maybe.

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