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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,875 --> 00:00:27,750 It was Christmas Eve, babe 2 00:00:28,958 --> 00:00:32,417 In the drunk tank 3 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,958 An old man said to me 4 00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:40,083 Won't see another one 5 00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:45,375 And then we sang a song 6 00:00:45,875 --> 00:00:49,750 The Rare Old Mountain's Dew 7 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:53,000 I turned my face away 8 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,083 And dreamed about you... 9 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,083 Hey, this one looks good. 10 00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:11,625 What in the fires of Ogord y'all think you doing? 11 00:01:11,708 --> 00:01:15,000 Hey, Captain. We're just, uh... Have you ever heard of Christmas? 12 00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:16,083 What? 13 00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:19,208 Well, it's a celebration we have once a year on Earth, 14 00:01:19,917 --> 00:01:22,625 where everybody gets presents for each other. 15 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,667 So, me and Kraglin made this tree and we got gifts for everyone. 16 00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:28,000 It was Pete's idea. 17 00:01:28,458 --> 00:01:29,875 Eh... 18 00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:34,333 - And this one here's for you. - Don't come at me with no damn gifts. 19 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:38,958 What a Ravager gets, he works for. We ain't about no damn handouts. 20 00:01:39,542 --> 00:01:44,167 - It's more like a sign of appreciation. - That sounds more like sentiment, boy. 21 00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,833 That may be okay for you mushy types on Terra, 22 00:01:47,125 --> 00:01:50,167 but out here in the cold rigors of space, it's what'll get you killed. 23 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,375 And you, you ought to know better. 24 00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:57,708 Now, get this crap out of here. 25 00:01:57,833 --> 00:01:59,667 If it ain't out of here before I get back, 26 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:03,708 you're both gonna be cleaning the latrines for the rest of the damn year. 27 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:07,750 - But that's Gef's favorite job. - You talking back now, Kraglin? 28 00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:08,833 No. 29 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:16,083 I hate Christmas! 30 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:25,125 And that's how Yondu ruined Christmas forever. 31 00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:27,083 That is so sad. 32 00:02:28,958 --> 00:02:31,083 I like the part where Yondu kicked over the tree. 33 00:02:38,042 --> 00:02:40,000 Anyways, I just saw on the Multi-calendar 34 00:02:40,083 --> 00:02:43,167 that right now on Earth, it's almost Christmastime. 35 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:46,292 So, yeah, it kind of brings back some memories. 36 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,500 Yondu had a point. 37 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,583 Ever since buying Knowhere from The Collector, 38 00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,667 we don't have time for trivialities like Christmas. 39 00:02:53,208 --> 00:02:56,083 This place needs a lot of fixing up before it's livable. 40 00:02:56,708 --> 00:02:59,542 - Yeah, I reckon we've got work to do. - Yeah. 41 00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:05,833 That was such a heartbreaking story. 42 00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:09,167 I know. I hate stories where everybody lives. 43 00:03:18,625 --> 00:03:19,875 - Thank you. - Yeah. 44 00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:27,542 Cosmo, what use is telekinesis if you can't even aim? 45 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,667 You wanna do it? Do it. 46 00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,750 Just concentrate, you stupid mutt. 47 00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:36,917 What? 48 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,542 I refuse to do any more work while you demean me. 49 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:42,708 All right, all right. I'm sorry. Chill out. 50 00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:46,208 Also, I want one of those delicious treats in that bag. 51 00:03:54,917 --> 00:03:56,792 All right, that's it. Back to work. 52 00:04:00,583 --> 00:04:01,833 Here he comes. 53 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,500 Hey, Peter. 54 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,417 Oh. Hi, Bzermikitokolok. 55 00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:09,375 My bandmates and I have been mastering 56 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,458 these old Earth instruments and working on a little ditty. 57 00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:14,342 And I thought you might be able to help us out 58 00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:16,625 as it's about one of your Earth traditions. 59 00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,417 - Oh? - Christmas. 60 00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:19,708 Oh. 61 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,750 Everything I know about Christmas, I learned from Rocket, 62 00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:25,458 who learned from Cosmo, who learned from Kraglin, 63 00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:26,708 who learned from you. 64 00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,768 So I thought I might just take it back to the source 65 00:04:28,792 --> 00:04:31,333 and make sure I understand this all correctly. 66 00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:33,875 This is, after all, a historical document. 67 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:35,250 - Okay. Yeah, sure. - Okay. 68 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,958 Out on the third planet closest to the sun 69 00:04:38,042 --> 00:04:41,917 There's a special celebration And it sounds quite fun 70 00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:44,958 A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone 71 00:04:45,042 --> 00:04:47,958 On a holiday they call Christmas 72 00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:49,792 That's perfect. Good. Bzer, good job. 73 00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,333 Now I'm not gonna lie 74 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,458 Oh, there's more. 75 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,833 It makes no sense to me 76 00:04:54,042 --> 00:04:59,333 But here's what I've discovered about this Christmas mystery 77 00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:01,875 I'm super busy. Is this a long song? 78 00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:03,417 One, two, three. 79 00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:08,958 Santa is a furry freak with epic superpowers 80 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:15,000 He flies to every human home in under 14 hours 81 00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:17,583 He's a master burglar 82 00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:18,667 No. 83 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,500 A pro at picking locks 84 00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:21,583 No. 85 00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:23,833 If you don't leave milk and cookies out 86 00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:27,458 He will put dung in your socks 87 00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,750 That is not part of the lore at all. 88 00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:32,750 If you act nicely through the night 89 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,583 And don't jump on your bed 90 00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:41,458 {\an8}Santa comes with sugar plums and hurls them at your head 91 00:05:41,958 --> 00:05:44,625 But if you're on his naughty list 92 00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:47,500 He shoots missiles at your toes 93 00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,208 {\an8}He might just roast your chestnuts 94 00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:55,042 {\an8}With his powerful flamethrower 95 00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:57,083 No, he doesn't have a flamethrower. 96 00:05:57,292 --> 00:05:58,833 Rein, rein, rein, rein, rein 97 00:05:58,917 --> 00:05:59,917 That's kinda cool. 98 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,208 {\an8}Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer 99 00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:08,208 {\an8}I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 100 00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:14,792 {\an8}He's compelled his creepy elves to do his every wish 101 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:15,917 {\an8}Huh? 102 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:21,417 {\an8}One sought to be a dentist Now he's sleeping with the fish 103 00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:27,542 Mrs. Claus, she works the pole Plans her man's demise 104 00:06:27,625 --> 00:06:28,625 No! 105 00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,583 {\an8}Soon the elves will all rise up 106 00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:34,125 {\an8}And stab out Santa's eyes 107 00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,792 I am Groot. 108 00:06:36,958 --> 00:06:39,125 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho 109 00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:42,292 Earthlings are so weird 110 00:06:42,375 --> 00:06:43,417 That's true. 111 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:48,083 {\an8}I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 112 00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:51,083 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho 113 00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:54,500 {\an8}Earthlings are so weird 114 00:06:54,750 --> 00:07:00,333 {\an8}I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 115 00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,917 What the heck's a turtledove? 116 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:08,042 {\an8}And who lit up that deer? 117 00:07:09,917 --> 00:07:15,708 I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 118 00:07:15,792 --> 00:07:21,333 {\an8}I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here 119 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,000 {\an8}Or maybe it's there Or it's somewhere 120 00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:27,750 {\an8}I don't know. 121 00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:33,167 - You just got these instruments? - Thank you, Knowhere. 122 00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,958 Have you ever seen a crowd more into it? 123 00:07:40,792 --> 00:07:42,750 He loved it, guys. 124 00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:48,000 It sounds like Christmas is a wonderful time, 125 00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:49,917 and Yondu ruined it for Peter. 126 00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:52,458 I feel like I should do something. 127 00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:57,000 - Why? - Because of, you know, my secret. 128 00:07:57,625 --> 00:07:59,083 The one only you know. 129 00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:01,568 That you ate the entire bowl of zarg-nuts in the commissary? 130 00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,833 - My other secret. - That you're Quill's sister? 131 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,083 Why don't you just tell people the truth? 132 00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:12,292 Peter's father, our father, killed his mother and tried to kill him. 133 00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:16,583 I don't want him to be reminded of that every time he sees me. 134 00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,542 No, I meant about the zarg-nuts. 135 00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:21,167 Oh. I don't think anyone cares about that but you. 136 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,333 Maybe because I'm his sister, 137 00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:26,083 I feel like I should give Peter a happy Christmas. 138 00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,917 He's so sad about Gamora being gone. 139 00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:33,542 Maybe if we gave Peter a really wonderful Christmas gift, 140 00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:34,833 it would make him happy. 141 00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:37,667 Well, we could give him those zarg-nuts, except you ate them all. 142 00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:39,542 Get over the zarg-nuts! 143 00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:46,083 - What kind of present? - Something special he will never forget. 144 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:51,042 - What about someone special? - What? 145 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:54,042 Over the years, Quill has talked about one person more than any other. 146 00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:56,792 A legendary hero who has saved countless lives. 147 00:08:57,042 --> 00:08:59,458 We could give him to Quill as a present. 148 00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,542 Kyra, hey, honey. 149 00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:11,667 Hey, baby. 150 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,042 I can't wait for you guys to get back from New York. 151 00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:15,375 - Did you get the stuff? - Yep. 152 00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:16,833 Yeah, I got all the presents. 153 00:09:17,458 --> 00:09:21,167 Everything is set for the perfect family Christmas. 154 00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:31,042 I don't care what the neighbors say 155 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,708 Christmastime is near 156 00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:37,208 I don't care what anyone says 157 00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:39,958 Christmas is full of cheer 158 00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:41,583 All I know is that Santa's... 159 00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,000 Wow! 160 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,458 I wonder which one belongs to Kevin Bacon. 161 00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:59,167 Drax, why are they staring? 162 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,375 You put the cloaking device on like you said you did, right? 163 00:10:03,458 --> 00:10:04,500 Yes. 164 00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:12,500 I can plainly see that you just did it right now in front of me. 165 00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:13,917 - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did. 166 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,000 No, I didn't. 167 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,167 I wish I brought Groot. 168 00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:23,833 So, we'll go down into the city and ask people where Kevin Bacon is. 169 00:10:23,917 --> 00:10:26,000 Do you think Kevin Bacon is the leader of the world 170 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,917 or just to most people? 171 00:10:28,542 --> 00:10:31,792 - I think everybody. - Oh! I'm so excited. 172 00:10:35,542 --> 00:10:39,750 I can hear the sleigh bells coming around the bend 173 00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:42,583 Here comes the darkest end 174 00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,583 Christmas is here 175 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,833 Look. 176 00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:02,792 Steve! 177 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,208 - Why is he running away? - I don't know. 178 00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:17,250 - Hey! - No! I'm sorry. GoBots killed his cousin. 179 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:20,875 - I'll rip your head off! - Drax! Stop being a bigot. 180 00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:27,917 Oh. Hey, can we get a picture? Come on, guys. Come on. Ready? 181 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,083 - Okay, amazing. Thank you so much. - Thank you. 182 00:11:33,167 --> 00:11:35,167 We got a picture with the God of War. 183 00:11:52,917 --> 00:11:55,375 My dear 184 00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:58,500 Is this Christmas? 185 00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:04,000 Whatever happened to that festive cheer? 186 00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,917 Could Kevin Bacon be in here? 187 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,375 Don't think I have the energy 188 00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,833 To add to my already mad rush 189 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,500 The perfect gift for me would be 190 00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:3314924

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