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1
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It was Christmas Eve, babe
2
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In the drunk tank
3
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An old man said to me
4
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Won't see another one
5
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And then we sang a song
6
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The Rare Old Mountain's Dew
7
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I turned my face away
8
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And dreamed about you...
9
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,083
Hey, this one looks good.
10
00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:11,625
What in the fires of Ogord
y'all think you doing?
11
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Hey, Captain. We're just, uh...
Have you ever heard of Christmas?
12
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What?
13
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Well, it's a celebration we have
once a year on Earth,
14
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where everybody gets presents
for each other.
15
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,667
So, me and Kraglin made this tree
and we got gifts for everyone.
16
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It was Pete's idea.
17
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Eh...
18
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- And this one here's for you.
- Don't come at me with no damn gifts.
19
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What a Ravager gets, he works for.
We ain't about no damn handouts.
20
00:01:39,542 --> 00:01:44,167
- It's more like a sign of appreciation.
- That sounds more like sentiment, boy.
21
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,833
That may be okay for you
mushy types on Terra,
22
00:01:47,125 --> 00:01:50,167
but out here in the cold rigors of space,
it's what'll get you killed.
23
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And you, you ought to know better.
24
00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:57,708
Now, get this crap out of here.
25
00:01:57,833 --> 00:01:59,667
If it ain't out of here before I get back,
26
00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:03,708
you're both gonna be cleaning the latrines
for the rest of the damn year.
27
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:07,750
- But that's Gef's favorite job.
- You talking back now, Kraglin?
28
00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:08,833
No.
29
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:16,083
I hate Christmas!
30
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:25,125
And that's how
Yondu ruined Christmas forever.
31
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That is so sad.
32
00:02:28,958 --> 00:02:31,083
I like the part where Yondu
kicked over the tree.
33
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Anyways, I just saw on the Multi-calendar
34
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that right now on Earth,
it's almost Christmastime.
35
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:46,292
So, yeah, it kind of brings back
some memories.
36
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,500
Yondu had a point.
37
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,583
Ever since buying Knowhere
from The Collector,
38
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,667
we don't have time for trivialities
like Christmas.
39
00:02:53,208 --> 00:02:56,083
This place needs a lot of fixing up
before it's livable.
40
00:02:56,708 --> 00:02:59,542
- Yeah, I reckon we've got work to do.
- Yeah.
41
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:05,833
That was such a heartbreaking story.
42
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:09,167
I know. I hate stories
where everybody lives.
43
00:03:18,625 --> 00:03:19,875
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
44
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:27,542
Cosmo, what use is telekinesis
if you can't even aim?
45
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,667
You wanna do it? Do it.
46
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,750
Just concentrate, you stupid mutt.
47
00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:36,917
What?
48
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,542
I refuse to do any more work
while you demean me.
49
00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:42,708
All right, all right.
I'm sorry. Chill out.
50
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:46,208
Also, I want one of those
delicious treats in that bag.
51
00:03:54,917 --> 00:03:56,792
All right, that's it.
Back to work.
52
00:04:00,583 --> 00:04:01,833
Here he comes.
53
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,500
Hey, Peter.
54
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,417
Oh. Hi, Bzermikitokolok.
55
00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:09,375
My bandmates and I have been mastering
56
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,458
these old Earth instruments
and working on a little ditty.
57
00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:14,342
And I thought you might
be able to help us out
58
00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:16,625
as it's about
one of your Earth traditions.
59
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,417
- Oh?
- Christmas.
60
00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:19,708
Oh.
61
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,750
Everything I know about Christmas,
I learned from Rocket,
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00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:25,458
who learned from Cosmo,
who learned from Kraglin,
63
00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:26,708
who learned from you.
64
00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,768
So I thought I might just take it back
to the source
65
00:04:28,792 --> 00:04:31,333
and make sure
I understand this all correctly.
66
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:33,875
This is, after all, a historical document.
67
00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:35,250
- Okay. Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
68
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,958
Out on the third planet
closest to the sun
69
00:04:38,042 --> 00:04:41,917
There's a special celebration
And it sounds quite fun
70
00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:44,958
A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone
71
00:04:45,042 --> 00:04:47,958
On a holiday they call Christmas
72
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:49,792
That's perfect. Good. Bzer, good job.
73
00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,333
Now I'm not gonna lie
74
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,458
Oh, there's more.
75
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,833
It makes no sense to me
76
00:04:54,042 --> 00:04:59,333
But here's what I've discovered
about this Christmas mystery
77
00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:01,875
I'm super busy. Is this a long song?
78
00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:03,417
One, two, three.
79
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:08,958
Santa is a furry freak
with epic superpowers
80
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:15,000
He flies to every human home
in under 14 hours
81
00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:17,583
He's a master burglar
82
00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:18,667
No.
83
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,500
A pro at picking locks
84
00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:21,583
No.
85
00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:23,833
If you don't leave milk and cookies out
86
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:27,458
He will put dung in your socks
87
00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,750
That is not part of the lore at all.
88
00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:32,750
If you act nicely through the night
89
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,583
And don't jump on your bed
90
00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:41,458
{\an8}Santa comes with sugar plumsand hurls them at your head
91
00:05:41,958 --> 00:05:44,625
But if you're on his naughty list
92
00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:47,500
He shoots missiles at your toes
93
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,208
{\an8}He might just roast your chestnuts
94
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:55,042
{\an8}With his powerful flamethrower
95
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:57,083
No, he doesn't have a flamethrower.
96
00:05:57,292 --> 00:05:58,833
Rein, rein, rein, rein, rein
97
00:05:58,917 --> 00:05:59,917
That's kinda cool.
98
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,208
{\an8}Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer
99
00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:08,208
{\an8}I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
100
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:14,792
{\an8}He's compelled his creepy elvesto do his every wish
101
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:15,917
{\an8}Huh?
102
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:21,417
{\an8}One sought to be a dentistNow he's sleeping with the fish
103
00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:27,542
Mrs. Claus, she works the pole
Plans her man's demise
104
00:06:27,625 --> 00:06:28,625
No!
105
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,583
{\an8}Soon the elves will all rise up
106
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:34,125
{\an8}And stab out Santa's eyes
107
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,792
I am Groot.
108
00:06:36,958 --> 00:06:39,125
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
109
00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:42,292
Earthlings are so weird
110
00:06:42,375 --> 00:06:43,417
That's true.
111
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:48,083
{\an8}I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
112
00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:51,083
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
113
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:54,500
{\an8}Earthlings are so weird
114
00:06:54,750 --> 00:07:00,333
{\an8}I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
115
00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,917
What the heck's a turtledove?
116
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:08,042
{\an8}And who lit up that deer?
117
00:07:09,917 --> 00:07:15,708
I don't know what Christmas is
But Christmastime is here
118
00:07:15,792 --> 00:07:21,333
{\an8}I don't know what Christmas isBut Christmastime is here
119
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,000
{\an8}Or maybe it's thereOr it's somewhere
120
00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:27,750
{\an8}I don't know.
121
00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:33,167
- You just got these instruments?
- Thank you, Knowhere.
122
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,958
Have you ever seen a crowd more into it?
123
00:07:40,792 --> 00:07:42,750
He loved it, guys.
124
00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:48,000
It sounds like Christmas
is a wonderful time,
125
00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:49,917
and Yondu ruined it for Peter.
126
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:52,458
I feel like I should do something.
127
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:57,000
- Why?
- Because of, you know, my secret.
128
00:07:57,625 --> 00:07:59,083
The one only you know.
129
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:01,568
That you ate the entire bowl of zarg-nuts
in the commissary?
130
00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,833
- My other secret.
- That you're Quill's sister?
131
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,083
Why don't you just tell people the truth?
132
00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:12,292
Peter's father, our father,
killed his mother and tried to kill him.
133
00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:16,583
I don't want him to be reminded of that
every time he sees me.
134
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,542
No, I meant about the zarg-nuts.
135
00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:21,167
Oh. I don't think anyone cares
about that but you.
136
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,333
Maybe because I'm his sister,
137
00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:26,083
I feel like I should give Peter
a happy Christmas.
138
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,917
He's so sad about Gamora being gone.
139
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:33,542
Maybe if we gave Peter
a really wonderful Christmas gift,
140
00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:34,833
it would make him happy.
141
00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:37,667
Well, we could give him those zarg-nuts,
except you ate them all.
142
00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:39,542
Get over the zarg-nuts!
143
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:46,083
- What kind of present?
- Something special he will never forget.
144
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:51,042
- What about someone special?
- What?
145
00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:54,042
Over the years, Quill has talked about
one person more than any other.
146
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:56,792
A legendary hero
who has saved countless lives.
147
00:08:57,042 --> 00:08:59,458
We could give him to Quill as a present.
148
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,542
Kyra, hey, honey.
149
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:11,667
Hey, baby.
150
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,042
I can't wait for you guys
to get back from New York.
151
00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:15,375
- Did you get the stuff?
- Yep.
152
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:16,833
Yeah, I got all the presents.
153
00:09:17,458 --> 00:09:21,167
Everything is set
for the perfect family Christmas.
154
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:31,042
I don't care what the neighbors say
155
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,708
Christmastime is near
156
00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:37,208
I don't care what anyone says
157
00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:39,958
Christmas is full of cheer
158
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:41,583
All I know is that Santa's...
159
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,000
Wow!
160
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,458
I wonder which one belongs to Kevin Bacon.
161
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:59,167
Drax, why are they staring?
162
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,375
You put the cloaking device on
like you said you did, right?
163
00:10:03,458 --> 00:10:04,500
Yes.
164
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:12,500
I can plainly see that you just did it
right now in front of me.
165
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:13,917
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
166
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,000
No, I didn't.
167
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,167
I wish I brought Groot.
168
00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:23,833
So, we'll go down into the city
and ask people where Kevin Bacon is.
169
00:10:23,917 --> 00:10:26,000
Do you think
Kevin Bacon is the leader of the world
170
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,917
or just to most people?
171
00:10:28,542 --> 00:10:31,792
- I think everybody.
- Oh! I'm so excited.
172
00:10:35,542 --> 00:10:39,750
I can hear the sleigh bells
coming around the bend
173
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:42,583
Here comes the darkest end
174
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,583
Christmas is here
175
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,833
Look.
176
00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:02,792
Steve!
177
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,208
- Why is he running away?
- I don't know.
178
00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:17,250
- Hey!
- No! I'm sorry. GoBots killed his cousin.
179
00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:20,875
- I'll rip your head off!
- Drax! Stop being a bigot.
180
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:27,917
Oh. Hey, can we get a picture?
Come on, guys. Come on. Ready?
181
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,083
- Okay, amazing. Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
182
00:11:33,167 --> 00:11:35,167
We got a picture with the God of War.
183
00:11:52,917 --> 00:11:55,375
My dear
184
00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:58,500
Is this Christmas?
185
00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:04,000
Whatever happened to that festive cheer?
186
00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,917
Could Kevin Bacon be in here?
187
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,375
Don't think I have the energy
188
00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,833
To add to my already mad rush
189
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,500
The perfect gift for me would be
190
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:3314924
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