All language subtitles for Doom.Patrol.S01E10.BDRip.x265-ION265

Previously on doom patrol...

What's the bureau of normalcy?

It's a top secret
government agency

run by a bunch of demented zealots.

They stomp out anything
they deem to be aberrations.

Hey, it's me.

Jane.

Her brain activity's
off the charts and yet... nothing.

Jane's in there somewhere.

What the hell happened here?

Long story.

If you're feeling
any homicidal urges,

just give us a little heads-up,
all right?

Isaid, shut up.

- I was trying to protect you.
- By lying?

How did niles get involved
with superheroes?

Niles never said.
You know he has his secrets.

Niles and his secrets.

Sounds like you and I
know two different niles caulders.

From the journal of
niles caulder, 4th of December, 1913.

We've set up north on an exploratory
mission for the bureau of oddities.

Washington doubts
our department's value,

but I am eager to prove
what we are capable of.

Steady on, alistair.
We're explorers, not mercenaries.

You tell that to the Turks

that were just up this way
about seven months ago.

Only one man returned.

Barely.

You know what he claims he saw?

Those men were hunters. We're not.

If this creature exists,

there's no reason to believe
it's gonna be of any danger to us.

In fact, it might mean us
no harm at all.

Oh, friend.

Anything that can survive this frozen
hell absolutely wants to do you harm.

Fuck.

You remind that wolf that
you're an explorer, not a hunter?

You saved my life.

I thought I told you not to wander
away from camp without...

Alistair!

Run!

{933931

Wait. Wait.

Wait.

Please.

Ernest, are you down there?

What is it, mother?

We're out of lean cuisine.

I no longer require lean cuisine
for sustenance, mother.

I maintain my physique through a high
calorie ketogenic diet and mental focus.

I need you to go to the market.

What?

Why can't you go?

I'm watching this is us.

Fuck this is us.

The keys are by the door.

And don't forget to pick up
more scratchers.

Mom!

I'm very busy right now!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Canned peaches are on aisle 5,
old-timer.

That's for my mom.

That's for me.

We know all about your hemorrhoid
cream preferences, Ernest Franklin.

Who the fuck are you?

Try the United States
fucking government.

Bureau of normalcy.

I'm familiar with your work.

No, you're not.

No, I'm not.

Normally, the bureau operates
in the shadows, entirely self-regulated.

But desperate times call for...

People like you.

People like me?

One of our top agents, Darren Jones,
failed to report in from assignment.

We believe that he had an encounter with

the associates of a gentleman
by the name of niles caulder.

We believe that a man of your...

Talents can locate niles caulder
and bring him in for questioning.

Do you think you can handle that?

Prepare yourself, beard hunter.

You've been activated.

Mom? Where are my shuriken?

Check the dishwasher.

I told you, they're handwash only!

Mom! I need your help, please!

What happened?
You stuck in your costume again?

It's not a costume!

Fuck!

Niles caulder, I'm coming for you.

Who's there?

I am an agent of the oddities.
I am not afraid of death.

I am not afraid of death.

Yes.

There's absolutely nothing
wrong with her.

Her brain activity's
off the charts and yet... nothing.

Jane's in there somewhere.

So how do we pull her out?

I don't know.

Part of me wishes that we could just

shrink ourselves magic school bus style,
and get inside her head.

What?

Oh, I'm just marveling
at your embrace

of the weird and utterly impossible.

What?

Cliff?

Cliff?

- Cliff!
- We get it, Rita.

Do you?

Three people are unconscious now,
and you're just, what, all good?

What exactly is the plan here?

I have no idea.

But whatever it is,
it looks like it's working.

Oh, really?

Forgive me for having doubts,

but what do we really know about this...

Thing?

What exactly are you?

Well, I can see why
Larry is so fond of you.

This never would've happened
if the chief were still here.

You're right. He's gone.

But us standing around waiting for these
three is not gonna change that.

Let's get back to work.

Hello.

I'm Dr. Niles Evelyn caulder.

I'm a research explorer
from the bureau of oddities.

Please, I'm separated from my partner.

You know I'm wounded.
I'm not a threat to you.

Please, those men up there,
I'm not like them.

Those men are hunters.

I'm not a hunter.

I'm a friend.

I'm very cold.

Please, could I?

Could I move a bit closer to the fire?

I'm not gonna survive this,
whatever your plans are.

I just want to get...

A little bit warm.

Please, stop.

I'm sorry.

So Danny is a talking street?

- Yeah.
- Where everyone is gay?

No. I don't know.

It's a... it's a place
for all kinds of people.

And it travels?

Not "it," "they." Danny's genderqueer.

And theyjump, yeah.

And they gave you a comic book?

Look, when you get a comic book from
a talking street named Danny,

it isn'tjust a comic book.
It has to have some kind of clue.

Well, give it here.

Look, anything that gets us
closer to finding the chief,

no matter how absurd
or obtuse or dangerous,

we have to use it to our advantage.

Talking streets, comic books.

I always thought the weirdest
thing in chief's life was us.

That's odd. The hunk is missing.

What?

Cartoon hunk.

The hunky muscle man in
this advertisement.

Mmm, I must've seen this ad
100 times as a girl.

There's supposed to be a man there,
but it's empty.

It's like he just walked
out of the comic book.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, easy.

Here we go. Easy.

Okay.

Easy.

Oh!

Be smart now, Ernest.

A little bit goes a long way.

Mmm.

"From the journal
of niles caulder.

I've spent weeks at the mercy
of this primitive creature.

Finally, my strength
has started to return.

This specimen seemingly exists in
complete opposition to the modern world,

entirely removed from mankind.

She would be the crown Jewel
of the bureau's collection."

Oh, don't be alarmed.

My leg is feeling better.

It's feeling good, thank you.

I'll be able to leave soon.

I'll have to go home.

Home.

I'll have to go.

Home!

You could come with me.

Mmm.

My people would love to see you.

They'd take great care of you.

I'm never gonna leave here, am I?

You didn't save me. You kidnapped me.

I'm just your pet.

I'm a plaything to you.

That's what you think of me, isn't it?

How dare you!

I'm not a pet monkey!

I'm not an animal!

You're the animal!

We are not animals!

I'm not an animal.

Stay back.

Don't you come near me.

You've kept me here against my will.

You've bound my hands.

I can't! I will not.

These are not animals left to rot.

They are men.

They deserve a proper burial.

It's the right...

It's the Christian thing to do.

My god.

What is this place?

Oh, god, this is remarkable.

"There appears to be
even more to this strange creature

than I 'd originally assumed.

I 'd always suspected that
my captor was primitive,

but I 'd never considered
what that truly meant.

This ancient culture, tens of
thousands of years old by my estimation,

was once a proud tribe.

But one by one, they faded away.

Except...

Unless my eyes deceived me,

my captor had existed
within this tribe for generations.

Every era.

The question was, how?

Eternal life?

Something I never before
considered possible.

Something I struggled to comprehend.

My mind raced with questions,

but I could not find my voice.

I could only bear witness,

and behold her."

Oyewah.

Oyewah.

"Finally, ibegan to understand
the nature of the creature I had found."

Mmm.

"And then,
in a single moment..."

Oyewah.

"I realized that I understood
absolutely nothing at all.

It's really you!

Cyborg!

Yes, yes, the famous cyborg. Incredible.

And you are?

Looking for one niles caulder.

- Missing.
- How do you know niles caulder?

Oh, I know
all about niles caulder.

I know how the bureau of normalcy
is looking for him.

I know about his band of freaks.

The race car driver, the basket case,
the test pilot, the Hollywood actress.

- And so much more.
- I'm sorry.

Who are you, again?

Well, I'm known by many names.

In Spain, they call me
El cazador de barba.

My psyche profile,
they call me a pogonophile.

But most commonly,
those who dare speak my name,

call me the beard hunter.

Okay.

The beard hunter.

So the bureau of normalcy hired...
The beard hunter.

Okay, what else do we need to know?

If you're the beard hunter,
why don't you have a beard?

Hormone disorder.

- Man, how do you know niles caulder?
- I consumed niles' essence.

Fragments of his facial hair.

- Still fresh.
- Ugh.

Wait. Hold up.

Consumed his essence?

You didn't.

In the bathroom,
did you eat niles' drain scum?

- Ugh.
- Why?

What's a soggy piece of hair
got to do with the chief?

You better back your ass up.

I'm sure you care very much
about finding the chief.

We all do.

But I'm not sure he can help you
with whatever is wrong with you.

Help me?

You really don't know him at all,
do you?

You think finding niles will rescue you
from your pathetic lives,

but niles caulder is not
the man he's led you to believe.

Niles caulder is not your savior.

He's a false god.

Finding him will change nothing.

You'll still be nothing more
than a broken football star...

And a washed-up actress.

Then just tell me why
we should be listening

to this crazy-ass lunatic we just found
passed out in the bathroom?

'Cause I know the truth
about niles caulder,

and I know how to find him.

His beard calls out to me
from across time and space.

I can hear its siren song.

That's my superpower.

My je ne sais quoi.

I can trace a man's beard
anywhere it is,

anywhere it has been.

Okay.

Okay, I'm done.

Never underestimate
the power of the beard.

"From the journal of
niles caulder, date unknown.

After the funeral, I choose to remain

and study the creature
in her natural habitat.

She wields a psychic power
with incredible potential.

What other wonders could
she possibly unlock?

Immortality.

A bridge to the unknown.

She is the ultimate discovery.

She represents all
the bureau of oddities stands for."

- Horkon.
- Horkon?

- That's a new one.
- Horkon iaka.

- Horkon?
- Horkon.

"After that day,

I fell deathly ill."

Stay back.

I'm not well.

"Were it not for each other,

we would have perished."

Oyewah.

Oyewah.

You are remarkable.

All right, that gentleman
is clearly a nut muffin,

but I think we should try to use him.

If he knows where the chief is,
that can help us.

Maybe we can co-star with him.

You mean team up?

Yes, that.

If it helps us find the chief,
we have to follow it.

That's what you said, right?
No matter what.

Ah!

All right, you're right, um...

- Okay, here's the plan.
- Mmm.

- We just let him go.
- What?

Something tells me this beard hunter guy
isn't much of a team player.

But we can track him, using this.

Impressive doohickey, Victor.

But how are we supposed to track...

Hey. He hasn't told you yet, has he?

What's wrong with him?

He's been lying to all of you.
Haven't you, Victor?

Okay, beard hunter, you're, like,
a nine.

I'm gonna need you to
take it down to, like, a four.

It's too late, cyborg.
I consumed a sample of your essence.

I'm inside your head now.

Facial hair connects me
to the secrets of the universe.

It's the ultimate flavor savor.

All the memories, secrets, sandwiches...

A man's beard witnesses all things.

And only I can decode the language.

You wet the bed until
you were six years old.

You killed your mother when you were 18.

When you were little
you called her cotton candy,

and she called you...

I know it all.

Your facial hair connects
me directly to the brain stem.

Sure.

Whoo!

Just hit him already.

Tell me, cyborg.
Why would a man like niles caulder

choose to live with a gallery
of rejects like her?

And why would he want you to join them?

Grid, diagnostic check.

What's up with my arm Cannon?

Unknown threat detected.

Host has been compromised.

- What?
- Well, well, well...

Looks like I'm not the only one
inside your head.

Initiating total system control.

What is he talking about?

That's what you were told,
right, cyborg?

The search for niles caulder
would destroy you all.

- Shut up.
- Victor, what are you doing?

Grid.

Weapons systems
have been activated.

Grid, deactivate Cannon.

- Here we go.
- I repeat...

What on earth is wrong with you?

There's nothing wrong with me.

Beard hunter!

Just admit it.

You'll never find the chief.

You don't want to.

You're afraid of what you'll
find if you keep looking.

You have no idea what
you're talking about.

Actually, I've seen who you
and niles caulder really are.

And the truth is...

You're not gonna like the truth.

Here he comes.

Grid.

Stand down.

I got this.

Host has been compromised.

System control has been
deemed necessary.

Listen to the little voice
in your head, cyborg.

You're not in control.

Target acquired.

- Lethal force activated.
- Grid, stop!

- T-minus five...
- Stop now!

- Careful!
- Four, three, two...

Stop it.

You could have killed them.

Victor, shut it down.

I can't.

"I can't."

- Victor?
- "Victor?"

Voice command.
Activate emergency shutdown.

Code word, elinore.

Get out of here.

- I'm sorry?
- Go.

Look at me. Look at my face.

I want you to always remember this.

Ernest Franklin,

the man who defeated cyborg.

I wonder, who will play me in the movie?

It's okay. Just let him go.

"Spring has sprung,

and life is returning.

I have chosen to remain
here in the north."

"This is no longer a journey
of scientific discovery

but an exploration
of something deeper.

Something within myself.

There is nothing but the hunt,

nothing but the thrill...

And peril...

Of survival.

It's liberating."

"Days pass into months.

Months pass into years.

My old life fades.

My new life feels...

Eternal."

I'll home to me parents
confess what I've done

and ask them to pardon
their prodigal son

and when they've caressed me
as ofttimes before

I never will play the wild rover no more

and it's no, nay, never

No, nay, never no more

will I play the wild rover

no never no more

Hello, old friend.

I can't believe you're alive
after all this time.

Did you know that I went
to your funeral?

Hmm.

Niles, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have left you up here.

If anyone should be asking
forgiveness, alistair, it's me.

Those scars.

In fact, I should be thanking you.

I finally found where I belong.

You can't possibly
plan on staying out here.

Ah, the bureau
will manage fine without me.

You've been gone
a long time, niles.

The world's changed.

We're at war.

A great war.

Worst anyone's ever seen.

I didn't know.

We had no choice.

Organization had to change.

Mission had to evolve.

Odd is out. Normal is in.

What does that mean?

The mission.

We still seek out
that which is abnormal,

only now we exterminate.

You've been gone, niles.

The world no longer needs explorers.

The world always needs explorers.

Tell me, how did you do it,
survive out here?

I was fortunate.

I found the bodies
of those two missing hunters.

They had equipment, gear,
enough for me to survive.

I foraged.

And I learned to hunt.

Winters were difficult.

I managed to find shelter.

Well, I sure had the wrong impression
of you, niles caulder.

Your hairy little girlfriend.

She didn't have anything to do with
your miraculous survival, did she?

Don't deny it.

I've seen her.

I've been tracking her.

She's good.

Haven't found her nest.

Why don't you show me?

What the hell happened back there?

Just a glitch.

Victor.

Something's wrong.

With me.

Ever since my reset button got pushed,

something's been wrong in my system.

And it's getting worse.

Did you ask your father for help?

I can't trust my dad.

If I ask him for help, he would just

take control of my whole system
and never let go.

He's not like niles.

He's, uh...

I gotta handle this whole thing
on my own.

What are you going to do about it, then?

We can't keep blowing up
the mansion every other day.

I can fix it.

I promise.

But don't tell anyone yet.

They rest of the team can't know.

They'll worry I'm turning into that
psychopath in Jane's painting.

What are the rest of us
supposed to do in the meantime?

We need you.

We need the chief.

As ridiculous as it sounds,

our best chance of finding him just

kicked my ass with some beard magic.

Thank goodness I was able to stick him

with that tracking doohickey thing
of yours before he got away.

You're kidding.

Mmm.

Rita farr, you're amazing.

Fix yourself up quick.

Once you're back online,

we'll track down
the beard hunter together.

Thank you.

Welcome back, Jane.

Give her some room.

What the hell happened here?

Long story.

What happened in there?

It's not my story to tell.

I get it.

Fortunate.

That monster you and I were
after all these years

turned out to be nothing more
than a hairy little troll.

After last time,

I traveled north
with half a dozen men for protection.

Seems silly now.

How did you find her?

She found me.

The bureau will give me
an award for this one.

Both of us.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

I believe the word is...

Horkon.

I'm not the man you remember.

Help me!

No one can know about her.

She's my secret to protect
from the world.

Help!

Oyewah.

My journey to the north
was fraught with peril.

It came at a great cost.

But I'm pleased to report
to the gentlemen of the bureau that,

whilst my experience was unique,

there is nothing odd to report.

There is no monster to speak of.

I was alone for many years.

But in that time,
I did make a discovery.

I discovered the strength
inside myself to survive...

And to outwit...

And outlast...

Whatever true monsters
this world has to offer.

Thank you.

Well, what do you know?
Even I discovered something today.

Didn't know you've been
eavesdropping on my memories.

Haven't you noticed?

I'm crafting a story piece by piece.

The search for the chief. This...

Unexpected wet dream of yours,

this is a very important chapter.

It's the day niles caulder
changed forever.

Don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, don't you?

Well, what did we learn?

You murdered your friend

and left your dream girl behind,
all for what?

True love?

More secrets.

Hmm.

More layers to the banana unpeeling.

Secrets have a cost.
Look at what they've cost you.

Look at what the search for you
has cost them,

your band of bargain-bin action figures.

They're stronger than you think.

I'm counting on it.
But you and I both know,

there's no way they all make it
to the finish line.

You've always been a man
comfortable with compromise, niles.

I mean, after all,
you fell in love with a Canadian.

Let's play a game.

Answer one question,

and all this goes away.

You go home.

Yes, your precious family will survive.

There'll be chocolate cake, balloons.

Just answer one question.

Where is the girl?

I don't know what you mean.

That's what all this
has been about, hasn't it?

All this time.

Your foolish quest
to live forever. All to keep her safe.

You're wrong.

You and I have been doing
this dance for a long time, niles.

I don't know how, and I don't know why,

but somehow,

you've managed to keep
a hairy little secret away from me,

and I want the truth.

Where is she?

Tell me.

Think about what will
happen to them if you don't...

No. I don't care what you do to them.

I will never give you
the satisfaction of breaking me.

Now, that is the niles caulder
that I know.

Hey, mama, it's Ernest.

My mission was a huge success,

I guess I'm a legit supervillain now.

Anyway, been tracking
niles caulder's beard here for days,

but I'm getting closer. I can smell it.

All right, be home soon.

Hi, Ernie. Sorry I missed your call.

So exciting about the beard-hair thing.

Hope you're making lots of friends.

Anyway, I love you. Come home soon.

Also, I need the car back.

Finally.

Oh, hello, there.

Who are you?

Have you come to play with me?

I like your costume.