Original subtitles

♪ ♪

Narrator: ROBERT YOUNG

AND JANE WYATT

WITH ELINOR DONAHUE, BILLY GRAY, AND LAUREN CHAPIN...

IN FATHER KNOWS BEST.

HERE, SPECIAL DELIVERY LETTER FOR YOU, DAD.

IT REGISTERED.

OH, THANK YOU, BUD.

HMM. WHO'S IT FROM, DEAR?

JOHN SEASTROM AT THE HOME OFFICE.

WELL, WHO'S JOHN SEASTROM?

WHAT'S IT ABOUT, DAD?

JOHN SEASTROM'S VICE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY

AND AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.

HE HAS A SON WHO'S LEARNING THE INSURANCE BUSINESS.

HE WANTS TO KNOW IF I'LL TAKE THE BOY

INTO MY OFFICE FOR A WHILE AND GIVE HIM SOME EXPERIENCE.

IS HE A BIG BOY OR IS HE A LITTLE BOY?

OH, HE'S A BIG BOY, TOO OLD FOR YOU, KITTEN.

UH, UM, WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?

I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE HE WAS A BABY.

ARE YOU GONNA DO IT, DAD?

I DON'T KNOW.

WE'LL SEE.

YOU KIDS BETTER HEAD FOR SCHOOL.

IT'S 8:20. OH.

YIKES!

OH!

SEE YOU GUYS LATER. YES, YES.

WAIT FOR ME, BUD! OH.

I LOVE YOU.

IT WOULD BE EXCITING, WOULDN'T IT?

HAVING THE SON OF THE VICE PRESIDENT RIGHT IN YOUR OFFICE?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER EXCITING IS EXACTLY THE WORD.

WHEN DO YOU DECIDE?

OH, BETTY, GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

WHAT'S HIS FATHER LIKE?

GOODBYE, PRINCESS, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

OH, WELL. BYE.

BYE.

"DEAR JIM, I'M WRITING TO ASK YOU A PERSONAL FAVOR.

"FOR THE PAST YEAR, MY SON, ELWOOD,

"HAD BEEN WORKING HERE IN THE HOME OFFICE

"LEARNING THE INSURANCE BUSINESS.

"HE'S A BRIGHT BOY. HE HAS A GOOD EDUCATION.

"BUT DUE POSSIBLY TO A RATHER EXUBERANT PERSONALITY,

HE HASN'T MADE THE PROGRESS I EXPECTED."

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HE MEANS BY THAT?

HMM.

"I FEEL ELWOOD NEEDS THE RESPONSIBILITY

"OF BEING AWAY FROM HOME AND ON HIS OWN,

"SO THIS IS THE FAVOR I'M ASKING,

"JIM, COULD YOU TAKE ELWOOD INTO YOUR OFFICE AS YOUR ASSISTANT?

"I HAVE GREAT FAITH IN YOU,

"AND FEEL IF ANYONE CAN HELP HIM FIND HIS PLACE IN THE BUSINESS,

"YOU CAN.

"TRUST THE ARRANGEMENT MEETS WITH YOUR APPROVAL.

"WIRE ANSWER TO MY HOME ADDRESS.

"SINCERE REGARDS,

JOHN SEASTROM, VICE PRESIDENT, GENERAL INSURANCE COMPANY."

HMM.

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE QUITE AN IMPOSITION

ASKING YOU TO ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS SON.

IT IS. BUT I'M INDEBTED TO JOHN.

HE GAVE ME A BOOST YEARS AGO WHEN I NEEDED IT.

WELL, IF ONLY YOU KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT THE BOY.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF A PERSON HE IS?

WELL, UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

I CAN'T VERY WELL ASK FOR CHARACTER REFERENCES.

BESIDES, IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE HIS FATHER, HE'S ALL RIGHT.

OPERATOR, GET ME WESTERN UNION, I WANNA SEND A TELEGRAM.

Y... YOU BETTER SPEED IT UP, DAD,

IT'S 10 AFTER 8.

ELWOOD'S TRAIN DOESN'T GET IN UNTIL A QUARTER OF 9,

I'LL BE THERE.

YOU ONLY HAVE 35 MINUTES. ONLY?

I CAN GET TO THE STATION FROM HERE IN 15 MINUTES

RIDING BACKWARDS ON A POGO STICK.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A VICE PRESIDENT'S SON.

WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?

DAD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

HE'S TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES.

I PICTURE HIM AS TALL, KIND OF ON THE SLENDER SIDE,

VERY DARK, WITH KIND OF CURLY HAIR,

A... AND A MUSTACHE MAYBE...

AND JUST A SLIGHT ENGLISH ACCENT.

WELL, I HATE TO SPOIL YOUR DREAM, PRINCESS,

BUT YOU'LL PROBABLY FIND HE'S JUST AN AVERAGE YOUNG MAN.

IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE HIS FATHER,

HE'LL HAVE A SQUARE HEAD AND A SQUARE BODY.

IN FACT, HE'LL BE PRETTY SQUARE ALL THE WAY AROUND.

NO.

IS HE GONNA HAVE HIS OWN PRIVATE CAR ON THE TRAIN?

HARDLY.

WE OUGHT TO CALL THE NEWSPAPERS

AND TELL THEM THAT HE'S COMING

AND THEY CAN TAKE PICTURES OF HIM AND STUFF.

YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT, DAD?

I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

I'LL HIRE A BRASS BAND.

WHEN HE GETS OFF THE TRAIN, I'LL PUT HIM IN A CAGE

AND WE'LL HAVE A PARADE RIGHT DOWN MAIN STREET.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY GONNA DO THAT?

I'M ONLY JOKING.

WELL, EVERYBODY OFF TO SCHOOL,

MAYBE I'LL INVITE ELWOOD TO DINNER.

WE'LL SEE.

WELL, YOU BE SURE AND CALL IF YOU'RE BRINGING HOME.

NOW, DON'T WAIT 'TILL THE LAST MINUTE.

I'LL LET YOUR MOTHER KNOW.

AND DON'T MISS THE TRAIN.

I WON'T.

GIVE ELWOOD MY REGARDS.

YES, KITTEN.

DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR INSTRUCTIONS?

THIS BOY IS GONNA GET THE BIGGEST RECEPTION

SINCE LINDBERG LANDED IN PARIS.

YOU'D THINK WE WERE WELCOMING A CROWN PRINCE.

I'M AFRAID THE KIDS ARE IN FOR A DISAPPOINTMENT.

WELL, I'VE BEEN WONDERING EVER SINCE LAST WEEK

WHEN YOU SENT THAT TELEGRAM.

WHY DID YOU AGREE SO QUICKLY THAT ELWOOD COME OUT HERE?

WELL, FOR ONE THING, YOU JUST DON'T UP AND SAY NO

TO THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY,

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU OWE HIM A FAVOR.

IF ELWOOD HAS ANY ABILITY AT ALL,

I THINK HE'LL BE BETTER OFF HERE THAN AT THE HOME OFFICE

WITH HIS FATHER WATCHING OVER HIM EVERY MINUTE.

OLD JOHN'S A FINE MAN,

BUT, UH... HE'S A BEARCAT TO WORK FOR.

WHAT HAS HE MEANT BY ELWOOD'S EXUBERANT PERSONALITY?

HMM, IT'S HARD TO TELL.

OLD JOHN'S KIND OF A SOBERSIDES.

TO HIM, ANYONE WHO SMILED BEFORE BREAKFAST MIGHT BE EXUBERANT.

WELL, I'LL HAVE TO GO OR THERE'LL BE A LOST

AND BEWILDERED BOY WANDERING AROUND THE STATION.

GOODBYE, HONEY.

GOOD LUCK, DEAR.

I'LL CALL YOU FROM THE OFFICE.

OH.

PARDON ME, ARE YOU...

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

SORRY.

OH!

♪ ♪

PARDON ME.

OH, I'M SORRY, I... I THOUGHT...

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

OH. PARDON.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

IS THAT YOU, DEAR?

YES, I'M HOME.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PHONE.

I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY.

HOW WAS ELWOOD?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, DIDN'T HE COME IN ON THE TRAIN?

NOPE!

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOBODY KNOWS.

BUT ELWOOD, WHEREVER HE IS,

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME IN AT 8:45 THIS MORNING ON THE ROCKET.

HE WASN'T ON THE ROCKET.

I MET THE 11:05, THE 1:20 AND THE 3:45.

I SPENT PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE DAY IN THE RAILROAD STATION.

ELWOOD SEASTROM HAS DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR.

WELL, THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A CHANGE OF PLANS OR SOMETHING.

NO, I PHONED THE HOME OFFICE, TALKED TO JOHN.

WOODY, AS HE CALLS HIM,

BOARDED THE ROCKET RIGHT ON SCHEDULE HEADED FOR SPRINGFIELD.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THERE AND HERE, POOF!

VANISHED.

IF THAT ISN'T A MIRAGE OUT THERE,

I THINK OUR VANISHING AMERICAN HAS ARRIVED.

HELLO THERE. AM I AT THE RIGHT PLACE?

ARE YOU JIM AND MARGARET ANDERSON?

THIS IS THE RIGHT PLACE. WE ARE THE ANDERSONS.

AND YOU MUST BE WOODY SEASTROM?

RIGHT. A LITTLE LATE FOR WHICH I MOST HUMBLY APOLOGIZE,

BUT HERE NEVERTHELESS.

WELL, COME IN.

WE... WE THOUGHT YOU WERE LOST.

OH, I'VE BEEN LOST AT LEAST FIVE TIMES IN THE LAST 24 HOURS.

OH, THESE ROADS.

I BOUGHT A MAP IN CLARKSBURG,

BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN A MAP OF CANADA.

I... I FINALLY FOUND OUT I WAS GOING ON THE RIGHT ROAD,

BUT IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

WELL, LET'S... LET'S SIT DOWN.

YEAH, THANK YOU.

WE UNDERSTOOD YOU WERE COMING IN ON THE...

MOTHER, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE CAR...

BETTY, THIS IS WOODY SEASTROM.

OUR DAUGHTER, BETTY.

HELLO, BETTY.

WELL, WELCOME TO SPRINGFIELD.

WE THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING IN ON THE TRAIN.

YEAH, I... I WAS, I STARTED OUT IN THE TRAIN,

BUT I REMEMBERED A FRIEND OF MINE LIVE IN CLARKSBURG

SO I... I STOPPED OFF TO SEE HIM.

IT WAS THROUGH HIM I MET THE FELLOW WHO OWNS THIS CAR.

HE WAS A SCOTCHMAN ABOUT YAY TALL WITH A BURST SO THICK

YOU COULD SCARCE TELL ONE WORD FROM ANOTHER.

WELL, HE WANTED TO SELL THE CAR AND I ASKED HIM WHY?

"IT'S ME BOOTS," HE SAYS.

"I CANNOT DRIVE THE WEE BEAST WITH ME BOOTS ON."

"CONSTRUCTED AS I AM," HE SAYS,

"6-FOOT-4, IF I GET IN WITH ME BOOTS ON,

THERE'S NO ROOM FOR MY FEET."

"I MEAN, I CANNOT BE RUSHING ABOUT IN THESE STOCKINGS."

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE CAR, SO I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED.

"$1,300," HE SAYS.

"$1,300, AND IT'S A BARGAIN."

SO I BOUGHT IT.

THE ONLY TROUBLE IS I FIND I CANNOT DRIVE THE WEE BEAST

WITH ME BOOTS ON EITHER.

OH, WELL, IT'S BEEN DELIGHTFUL MEETING YOU ALL.

OH, UH, YOU'RE LEAVING?

OH, I'M SORRY, J.A.

FORGIVE ME, MRS. ANDERSON.

MAY I CALL YOU MARGARET?

WELL... WELL, OF COURSE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRIVE MY CAR SOMETIME?

I'D LOVE TO.

IT'S A DATE.

OH, WHICH WAY IS HILLSBOROUGH?

UH, IT'S 35 MILES NORTH OF HERE.

OH, I'LL FIND IT,

A FRIEND OF MINE FROM COLLEGE LIVES UP THERE.

AND I PROMISED I'D DROP IN AND SEE HIM.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER. BYE.

BYE. GOODBYE, WOODY.

WELL, COME BACK ANYTIME, WOODY.

OH, WOODY, WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?

WOODY!

YOU SAID HE'D BE SQUARE AND DULL.

HE'S ABOUT THE MOST UNDULL BOY I'VE EVER MET.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, IT'S HARD TO TELL WHAT TO THINK.

ALL I FOUND OUT ABOUT HIM WAS THAT HE GETS LOST EASILY

AND BOUGHT A SMALL CAR FROM A SCOTCHMAN WITH BIG FEET.

YES, HE'S HERE, JUST A MOMENT.

IT'S FOR YOU, LONG DISTANCE.

HELLO? OH, HELLO, JOHN.

YES, WOODY ARRIVED.

OH, HE STOPPED OFF ON THE WAY TO SEE A FRIEND.

OH, SURE, HE'S FINE.

NO, HE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW.

HE WENT OVER TO HILLSBOROUGH TO SEE A FRIEND.

OH, WE ALL LIKED HIM.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM, JOHN. HE'LL WORK OUT ALL RIGHT.

WELL, I'LL START HIM IN AT THE OFFICE IN THE MORNING.

OH, I'LL MAKE HIM WORK, SURE.

WELL, THANKS.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, TOO.

GOOD MORNING, MS. THOMAS.

GOOD MORNING, MR. ANDERSON.

HAS OUR YOUNG MR. SEASTROM COME IN YET?

NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM. DID YOU FIND HIM YESTERDAY?

YES, HE FINALLY PULLED IN YESTERDAY AFTERNOON.

HAD TO LEAVE AGAIN FOR HILLSBOROUGH.

HE'LL PROBABLY SHOW OFF BEFORE LONG.

OH, MR. WARD PHONED A FEW MINUTES AGO.

HE SAID HE WAS COMING RIGHT OVER.

HAS HIS POLICY COME IN YET?

NO, IT HASN'T. OH.

WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED TO IT?

I DON'T KNOW. PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS.

OH, YOU GOT SOME OTHER MESSAGES YESTERDAY AFTERNOON.

THEY'RE IN HERE ON YOUR DESK.

OH!

♪ ♪

WHO'S HE?

THAT IS ELWOOD SEASTROM.

LITTLE BOY BLUE, COME BLOW YOUR HORN,

THE SHEEP'S IN THE MEADOW, THE COWS IN THE CORN.

HELLO, JIM.

HOW DID YOU GET UP HERE?

UH, SOME KIND OF A CONVENTION IN TOWN.

THE ROYAL ORDER OF MUSKRATS OR SOMETHING.

I COULDN'T FIND A HOTEL ROOM LAST NIGHT.

IT WAS TOO LATE TO CALL YOUR HOUSE,

SO I LOOKED UP THE OFFICE ADDRESS IN THE PHONEBOOK,

AND THE JANITOR LET ME IN, AND HERE I HAVE SLEPT

IN SWEET REPOSE SINCE THE HOUR OF MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT.

OH! OH, EXCUSE ME.

MS. THOMAS, THIS IS WOODY SEASTROM,

THE NEW MEMBER OF OUR OFFICE.

HI. REAL GLAD TO MEET YOU.

OH, I'M SORRY ABOUT...

ISN'T ANYONE HERE?

IT'S MR. WARD.

OH, GREAT.

OH, HELLO, EMMET.

COME ON IN.

EMMET, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET WOODY SEASTROM,

MY NEW ASSISTANT.

HE JUST ARRIVED FROM THE HOME OFFICE.

WOODY, THIS IS EMMET WARD, LUMBERMAN PAR EXCELLENCE

AND ONE OF OUR TOP CLIENTS.

HOW DO YOU DO? IT'S A PLEASURE, MR. WARD.

WHERE IS MY FIRE INSURANCE?

WELL, EMMET,

IT HASN'T BEEN RETURNED FROM THE REGIONAL OFFICE.

A DELAY SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE.

I TRIED TO REACH YOU YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, BUT YOU WERE OUT.

UH, THERE'S NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.

YOU'RE FULLY COVERED.

I TOOK CARE OF THAT THE DAY YOU SIGNED FOR THE POLICY.

THAT WAS THREE WEEKS AGO.

WHERE IS MY POLICY?

I TOLD YOU, EMMET, THERE'S BEEN A DELAY

IN GETTING IT OUT FROM THE REGIONAL OFFICE.

I HAVE A TRACER ON IT,

BUT I GIVE YOU MY WORD THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

NOTHING?

EXCEPT THAT I PAID YOU A YEAR'S PREMIUM ON AN INSURANCE POLICY

WHICH I HAVEN'T SEEN?

WHEN A MAN PAYS ME FOR A LOAD OF LUMBER, I DELIVER IT.

WHEN I PAY FOR THE INSURANCE, I EXPECT THE SAME CONSIDERATION.

EMMET, YOU ARE INSURED.

I WILL BE HERE TOMORROW MORNING.

I WANT THAT POLICY IN MY HANDS, OR YOU CAN RETURN MY CHECK

AND WE WILL CONSIDER OUR DEALINGS FINISHED.

♪ ♪

MS. THOMAS, CALL THE REGIONAL OFFICE.

TELL THEM I HAVE TO HAVE THAT WARD POLICY BY TONIGHT.

OH, MR. ANDERSON, I CALLED THEM YESTERDAY AFTERNOON.

THEY DON'T HAVE THE POLICY.

THEY MAILED IT OUT OVER A WEEK AGO.

OH, THEY MUST HAVE SENT IT TO THE WRONG BRANCH.

WHY IS MR. WARD SO UPSET?

HE'S PROTECTED.

I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S A VERY DIFFICULT MAN.

WHERE'S WOODY?

EH, HE WENT OUT.

WHERE DID HE GO?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE JUST LOOKED AT ME WITH A BEAUTIFUL SMILE.

NEXT THING I KNOW HE WAS GONE.

HE IS COMING BACK, ISN'T HE?

THAT, MISS THOMAS... IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION.

OH, THAT YOU DEAR?

YES, I'M HOME.

OH, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

WELL, IT STARTED OUT MISERABLY,

AND THEN IT GREW PROGRESSIVELY WORSE.

GUESS WHO I FOUND SLEEPING ON THE COUCH

IN MY OFFICE THIS MORNING?

THE EXUBERANT ONE?

UH-HMM. COULDN'T FIND A HOTEL ROOM LAST NIGHT.

AND ABOUT THE TIME WOODY WAS GETTING HIS EYES OPEN,

EMMET WARD CAME IN RAISING CAIN ABOUT HIS FIRE INSURANCE.

THEN, WHILE I WAS TRYING TO COOL HIM OFF,

WOODY FLEW THE COOP AGAIN.

I HAD A LUNCHEON DATE WITH THREE CLIENTS

ESPECIALLY ARRANGED, SO THEY CAN MEET WOODY. NO WOODY.

I HAD APPOINTMENT WITH TWO PEOPLE THIS AFTERNOON

TO MEET HIM.

I COULDN'T FIND HYDE NOR HAIR OF HIM.

HE'S DISAPPEARED AGAIN.

GONE. VANISHED.

WELL, IF THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, I KNOW WHERE HE IS.

HEY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, LET... LET ME DRIVE.

OH, GO AHEAD. LET ME DRIVE.

AAH!

WHY DIDN'T HE CALL ME?

WHERE HAS HE BEEN?

HEY, BUD.

WHERE'S WOODY NOW?

WELL, HE AND BETTY WENT IN THE LIVING ROOM.

YOU KNOW, DAD, HE SURE IS THE GREATEST...

GUY.

HI, FATHER.

OH. HELLO, J.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL DAY.

I'M SORRY.

I GOT INTO THE MOST FANTASTIC SITUATION.

HONESTLY, FATHER, YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT.

WELL, STOP LAUGHING, SO I CAN TELL HIM.

WELL, I FINALLY FOUND A HOTEL WHERE I COULD GET A ROOM.

BUT THIS SILLY BELLHOP MIXED UP TWO OF MY SUITCASES

WITH SOME GERMAN MUSICIANS

WHO REGISTERED AT THE SAME TIME I DID.

THEY'RE IN TOWN FOR A CONCERT OR SOMETHING.

WELL, WAIT NOW WILL YOU?

SO, I WENT UP.

I WENT UP TO SEE THESE FELLOWS TO GET MY SUITCASES BACK.

AND THIS BIG CHARACTER THROWS OPEN THE DOOR,

THROWS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR AND YELLS, "ACH! HEIMER!

"IT'S KOMMEN, THE BASSOON!

I'VE BEEN CALLING EINE CLING-GA RING-GA."

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,

THEY THOUGHT I WAS A BASSOON PLAYER

THEY CALLED IN TO FILL IN FOR A REHEARSAL THIS AFTERNOON,

AND I COULDN'T CONVINCE THEM ALL I WANTED WAS MY SUITCASES.

SO, I...

I FINALLY WOUND UP SITTING IN ON THE REHEARSAL,

PLAYING THE BASSOON PART ON A CLARINET,

WHICH I HAPPEN TO BE ABLE TO PLAY.

WHEN HE FIRST TOLD US ABOUT IT THIS AFTERNOON.

BUD HAD ME ROLLING ON THE FLOOR.

SAY STATION HOUSE.

OOH.

STAAYSHUN HAUUUSE.

WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE FINALLY SETTLED,

MAYBE WE CAN MAKE SOME DEFINITE PLANS ON...

OOH, I HAVE TO TEAR.

OH, LOOK, I WANT YOU ALL TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT.

OH, WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE?

NO, I INSIST.

I'VE COMPLETELY CONFUSED YOUR LIVES FOR TWO DAYS.

NOW, I WANNA MAKE AMENDS.

WOODY, THAT ISN'T NECESSARY.

I KNOW, BUT PLEASE COME AND BRING KATHY AND BUD.

I'LL MEET YOU AT 7:30.

OH, WE'LL HAVE BIG FUN. IS IT A DATE?

IF YOU INSIST.

WE'LL SEE YOU AT 7:30.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

BYE.

BYE.

BYE.

OH, GOSH.

HURRY BACK.

WAIT A MINUTE!

BYE!

WHAT DID YOU WANT?

HE INVITED US TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM AT 7:30 TONIGHT, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHERE?

OH, HE MUST HAVE MEANT THE DINING ROOM AT HIS HOTEL.

HE MUST HAVE.

WE'LL JUST GO TO HIS HOTEL.

WHICH HOTEL?

DIDN'T HE MENTION WHERE HE WAS STAYING?

WELL, I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO.

WE'LL JUST PHONE THE VARIOUS HOTELS

TILL WE FIND THE ONE WHERE HE'S REGISTERED.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN START CALLING.

I CAN ALMOST HEAR THE WHEELS TURNING.

I'M AFRAID I MADE A PROMISE TO JOHN SEASTROM

I CAN'T CARRY THROUGH.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH THIS LOVABLE SCATTERBRAIN?

I CAN'T JUST KEEP HIM AROUND FOR LAUGHS.

I MAY HAVE TO CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF AND SEND HIM HOME.

OH, WHY DON'T YOU PUT OFF

MAKING A DECISION UNTIL TOMORROW?

YOU'LL GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM TONIGHT,

AND WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT HIM.

WE'LL SEE.

I'VE JUST DECIDED SOMETHING.

OH. WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED?

I'M GOING TO MARRY WOODY.

HUH.

SAY, YOU'RE A CUTE LITTLE GIRL.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MY NAME IS KATHY.

WHAT'S YOURS?

I'M BABBIT, THE RABBIT.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE KISS?

OKAY.

OH!

OH!

HEY.

THAT'S PRETTY NEAT.

WOODY, YOU'RE A MAN OF MANY TALENTS.

HEY, AS MY DAD SAYS,

"A JACK OF ALL TRADES AND A MASTER OF NONE."

WHAT COURSE DID YOU TAKE IN COLLEGE?

WELL, IT VARIED FROM ONE COLLEGE TO ANOTHER.

YEAH, I WENT TO THREE OR FOUR, I THINK,

BEFORE DAD FOUND ONE

THAT NEEDED THE MONEY BADLY ENOUGH TO KEEP ME.

NOW, WE DON'T BELIEVE THAT AT ALL.

OH, NO, NO. NO, IT'S TRUE.

I'M THE PROBLEM CHILD OF THE FAMILY, YOU KNOW?

MY OLDER BROTHER AND SISTER ARE BOTH BRILLIANT,

SUCCESSFUL LIKE DAD.

I TAKE AFTER MY GRANDFATHER ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE.

EH... HE RAN A BINGO PARLOR IN TALLAHASSEE.

UH, LATER HE PLAYED PIANO FOR A MEDICINE SHOW

THAT SOLD CAMPHORATED CATFISH OIL.

OH, I'M THE DESPAIR OF MY DEAR MOTHER AND FATHER,

BLESS THEIR LONG, SUFFERING SOULS,

BUT THEY'RE GIVING ME ONE MORE CHANCE HERE WITH YOU, J.A.

"GO," MY FATHER SAID,

"GO OFF TO SPRINGFIELD,

"AND IF JIM ANDERSON CAN'T MAKE A MAN OF YOU,

"THEN YOU'RE THROUGH.

"DON'T BOTHER TO COME HOME, JUST KEEP RIGHT ON GOING,

BACK TO THE BINGO PARLOR."

OH, WOODY, I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR THE ANDERSONS

TO CALL IT A DAY... OR A NIGHT.

WE THANK YOU.

THE FOOD WAS SUPERB.

THE COMPANY DELIGHTFUL, BUT TOMORROW IS A WORK DAY.

WE, UH, OPEN THE OFFICE AT 9, YOU KNOW?

HELLO, EMMET.

WHO'S THAT?

EMMET WARD, ONE OF MY UNSATISFIED CLIENTS.

I HAVE A PLEA.

COULD BETTY AND I STAY AND DANCE A WHILE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO? OH, I'D LOVE IT.

OH, I DON'T BLAME YOU. I'D LIKE IT, TOO.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR KATHY, WE WOULD.

I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT, JUST DON'T BE OUT TOO LATE.

NO, I'LL BRING HER HOME EARLY.

THANKS A LOT, J.A.

SEE YOU IN A WHILE. SEE YOU LATER.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

WE BETTER GO, MOTHER.

ALL RIGHT, FATHER.

I SUPPOSE I DID JUMP THE GUN A LITTLE IN JUDGING WOODY.

IT COULD BE HE'S NOT A SCATTERED BRAIN AS WE THOUGHT.

HE'S CERTAINLY A LIKABLE KID.

AND BRIGHT.

HE HAS ABILITY IF HE'D JUST USE IT.

OH, I FEEL, AS YOU BUSINESSMEN SAY,

HE'S A VERY PROMISING YOUNG MAN.

AND I FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIM NOW.

HE MAY WORK OUT ALL RIGHT.

I'M GLAD.

GOOD NIGHT, DEAR.

GOOD NIGHT.

OH.

OH.

HELLO?

UH, J.A., THIS IS WOODY.

WHERE ARE YOU?

WE'RE IN A SERVICE STATION.

YEAH, WE WENT TO A LATE MOVIE AND I PARKED IN THIS STATION,

WHEN I CAME OUT, I FOUND I LOST MY KEYS.

LATE SHOW, THE CAR IS IN THE GAS STATION,

AND HE'S LOST HIS KEYS.

OH, NO.

LOOK, J.A., I... I HATE TO ASK YOU TO DO THIS,

BUT BETTY AND I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BETWEEN US FOR CAB FARE.

YEAH, I SPENT A LITTLE MORE THAN I FIGURED.

YEAH, COULD YOU COME DOWN AND PICK US UP?

WELL, I SUPPOSE I CAN, BUT...

OH, THANKS A MILLION. WE'LL BE LOOKING FOR YOU.

WOODY, GET A CAB, COME HOME.

I'LL PAY FOR IT WHEN YOU... WOODY, WHERE ARE YOU?

WHAT GAS STATION?

WOODY!

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

THIS DOES IT!

I'M CONVINCED THAT BOY DOES NOT HAVE A BRAIN.

TOMORROW HE'S THROUGH.

HE CAN GO BACK TO...

THE BINGO PARLOR.

AND THAT'S THE REASON I HAVE A CALL-IN FOR YOUR FATHER.

THERE'S NO POINT IN MY... COVERING FOR YOU, WOODY.

IT'S NO GOOD FOR YOU,

AND IT'S NOT FAIR TO YOUR FATHER.

I...

I'M REALLY SORRY.

OH, I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I KNOW WHY I GOOF UP EVERYTHING.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY.

EVER SINCE I WAS A KID,

THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.

IT'S THE ONLY THING I COULD DO

BETTER THAN MY BROTHER AND SISTER.

AND I WANTED PEOPLE TO LIKE ME.

I GUESS I WANTED THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING.

WOODY...

PEOPLE DO LIKE YOU.

THAT YOU'VE ACHIEVED.

BUT YOU'RE A MAN NOW.

AND BEING THE SON OF THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THIS COMPANY,

YOU HAVE A BIG RESPONSIBILITY.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO USE YOUR ABILITIES FOR SOMETHING

BESIDES...

BEING A PUBLIC CLOWN.

IT'S ABOUT ALL I'VE EVER BEEN.

THEN IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU CHANGE, ISN'T IT?

YES?

MR. WARD'S OUT THERE AND HE'S FUMING.

HE'S THREATENING ALL SORTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS

IF HE DOESN'T GET THAT POLICY AND IT HASN'T COME IN YET.

WELL...

I SUPPOSE I'LL HAVE TO...

YES.

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S MY CALL TO YOUR FATHER. WILL YOU WAIT OUTSIDE?

YEAH.

TELL MR. WARD I'LL BE WITH HIM IN A MINUTE.

MR. WARD, WHILE JIM IS ON THE PHONE,

I THINK YOU AND I SHOULD GET ACQUAINTED.

UH, MY DAD HAPPENS TO BE THE VICE PRESIDENT

OF, UH, GENERAL INSURANCE.

AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, I GUARANTEE YOU,

WE'LL STRAIGHT IT OUT IF WE ALL HAVE TO GO BACK

AND PULL THE MAIN OFFICE APART PIECE BY PIECE TO DO IT.

WELL, I HARDLY THINK... I MEAN, THINGS COULD GO WRONG

ONCE IN A WHILE IN ANY BUSINESS.

IN MY BUSINESS, THERE IS...

COMING OUT HERE ON A TRAIN, I MET A SWEDISH FELLA.

UH, HE HAPPENED TO BE IN THE LUMBER BUSINESS TOO,

ODDLY ENOUGH, IN STOCKHOLM,

AND HE SAID TO ME, "I TELL YOU, I GOT HEADACHE SHIPPING WOOD.

"I LOAD UP SPRUCE, FINE SPRUCE ON A BOAT TO GO BY PANAMA.

"THE BOAT SHE COMES BY PANAMA.

"THERE WAS A TYPHOON.

"THE BOAT SHE TIPS WOOSH OVER THIS SIDE.

"I GOT SPRUCE FLOATING ON THE OCEAN

ALL THE WAY BY SOUTH AMERICA."

YES?

I'M WAITING.

AND THEN HE SAYS, "I TELL THE SKIPPER OF THAT NO GOOD BOAT,

"YOU GO SCOOP UP EVERY STICK SPRUCE FLOATING

OR I SUE YOU UPSIDE DOWN AND SIDEWAYS."

SCOOP UP!

HELLO? JOHN?

YEAH, THIS IS JIM.

I, UH, CALLED YOU ABOUT WOODY.

OH, HE'S ALL RIGHT NOW. SCOOP UP.

JUST FINE.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, JOHN.

THIS BOY OF YOURS HAS A MILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF CHARM,

AND HE'S JUST LEARNED HOW TO USE IT...

WHERE IT COUNTS.