Original subtitles

Alright. The options for this month's game night are:

checkers, cards, Double Dutch, Tiddly Winks and--

"My Mom" isn't a game, Muscle Man.

That doesn't even make sense.

Looks like I win!

Let's play Ball-bo Catcher!

A crossword puzzle?

Okay, let's vote.

Yes, Mordecai?

Oh, nothing.

Do you have a better idea?

We could play one of those stale old games we usually play.

Or we could play the sci-fi fantasy epic of the century!

Behold, The Realm of Darthon!

So, what is it?

It's a role-playing game.

We make up an adventure and you guys try to beat it.

You can use magic and stuff!

A game of imagination? What fun!

Sounds lame.

No way!

The guy at the store told us it's the hottest RPG of the year!

All in favor?

- Yeah, yeah! - I guess.

Darthon! Darthon!

Get ready for the best game night of your life!

Your party walks down a long hallway and reaches a locked door.

What do you do?

I smash it open with my war claw!

Then, a bunch of ladies come out, and they're all,

"Ooh Muscle Man, quit pinching my butt with your war claw!"

Roll the 50-sided die to see if you unlock the door.

All we have is a 48-sided die and two marbles.

Close enough.

Did it work?

I don't think so.

This blows.

Mordecai! Mordecai!

But I'll reckon I'd like a turn now!

Cyborg cowboys take three days to awaken from hypersleep.

Sorry, Pops.

Can't he cast a saving throw?

What does all this stuff mean?

Are we even in Darthon yet?

Or is that just an artifact for something?

Your party is suddenly ambushed by a flock of manbats!

Skips the Mighty gets first strike!

Let's see...

Pirate samurai have plus two times two shen...

minus three charisma... divide by number of geese...

Do we have a protractor?

I'm outta here.

Worst game night ever!

Dude, they're right! This game sucks!

Let's get our money back.

Out of the way! Out of the way, everybody!

Coming through, coming through!

Out of the way! Out of the way people!

We're here for a refund.

I'd love to give you a refund, but, you need a receipt for that.

I got a receipt right here.

Excellent. And now the unopened product?

What?! You can't return it if it's opened?!

Well, yes! It's clearly stated on the back of your receipt.

What?! That's lame! You can barely even see the writing!

Yes, well, perhaps if you learned to read, it would be easy for you to see.

Good day, gentlemen!

Dude, just give us our money back. This game blows!

Uh, The Realm of Darthon does not blow!

You're probably doing it wrong.

It's a role-playing game.

You have to use your imagination.

No way, dude! The game is the problem, not us!

Uh, hey, are you guys gonna be wrapping this up soon?

We're done here.

Okay, I guess you won't mind if we tell people how "cool" your game is!

Hey, everybody! Don't waste your time waiting in line for this huge piece.

It's probably the worst game we've ever played.

Yeah, and he won't even give us a refund.

This guy doesn't give refunds, people!

Let's go! I want you two out of my store, now!

We can't let that guy get away with this.

Dude, we spent the last of our cash on it!

We have to get our money back.

So, how do we do that?

We'll just sabotage his business until he gives us our refund.

Heh, nice outfits! Losers!

You don't like these costumes?

But they're from the "Make Your Own" section of the Darthon gamebook!

That's right! We followed the instructions perfectly.

But you used toilet paper rolls instead of paper towel rolls!

The costumes look awesome when you do it right.

Yeah? Do they look as awesome as the game pieces?

Wait! There's lots of other characters if you don't like the pixie sorcerer!

No there aren't! They're all just the same with different costumes.

I didn't realize it was that kind of game!

Nobody knows what kind of game it is.

Is it medieval? Sci-fi? Western?

It's a role-playing game!

You have to use your imagination!

That's right! Go get us our refund!

No way!

Dude. This campaign is just getting started.

That's it!

The Realm of Darthon does not suck!

Yeah, but your costume does.

No refunds!

Dude, check out our costumes!

Yeah, where are we?

Welcome, to the Realm of Darthon!

Leave while you still can!

We're not leaving without a refund!

Then come and get it!

Did you hear that?

I think it's coming from a-- ...head!

What are these things?

Ignore it, dude.

They're just lame enemies from the game.

Lame? What do you think of manbats' teamwork?

Next time, send enemies that don't blow!

Well, if you didn't like those enemies,

then how about some Mutant jellyfish!

Robo-bears!

Angry tree people with pixie sorcerers?

Watch out!

Dude! there are too many of the...

Come on! Everyone knows technomancers can summon allies!

Rigby!

Summon allies!

What the?! I told you guys I didn't wanna play this game.

We need your help!

We need the refund from the game master!

What?

When this is over, you two are dead!

I changed my mind! Technomancers can't summon allies!

What?! He's just cheating so he can win!

Quit cheating!

I'm not cheating! I'm using my imagination!

That's what makes this game fun!

That's what makes this game blow!

Enough!

I won't allow you to insult my realm any longer!

I am Darthon!

Still think this game blows?

Lightning bolts have no effect on giant monsters!

Projectile weapons deal damage to the user!

Oh no! You stepped in a permafrost puddle!

Players are frozen in place!

Stay back!

Self-destruct?

We are not frozen.

Looks like it's our turn!

Your party is washed away by a flood!

Our +3 awesomeness repels water!

Fireballs are made of kittens!

Kittens are man-eating tigers!

Man-eating tigers turn into stuffed animals!

Players lose their weapons when running!

Warriors carry the immunity sword, which is immune to all rule changes!

W-what? No! That's not--

Now give us our refund.

Yeah, we did it!

Dude, are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine. Here's your refund.

No, it's cool. You should keep it.

No, no. You beat me fair and square.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah. We can take you to the hospital.

No. No. I'm fine.

I just need an icepack.

I... just... gotta...

I gotta go up and lay down for a bit.

Mordecai! Rigby!

Pops! Where have you guys been?

We were hiding in the armor closet, then suddenly,

we were in the stock room at Shoe Farm.

Good thing it was worth it! Seven bones, baby!

Seven dollars?! We almost died for seven dollars?!

The numbers aren't important!

It was the principle!

Yeah! If we're gonna spend that kind of money, it's gotta be on a cool game!

Yeah! Something like Trail of Elderich or The Lair of Anthalon.

Dude! Is that out?

Yeah. It came out last week.