Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[TRAIN PASSING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE]

Oh! Oh God!

Oh God! Oh God!

[GRUNTS]

- Hurt yourself? - Oh, God.

Now, where's that candle?

- Here, have some of this. - Huh?

Well sure!

- That's enough!

[COUGHING]

Love it.

[DRUNKEN SLURRING]

What about that? Up there?

Please, let me go, guv'nor. I ain't done it!

What were you doing up there then?

Oh!

I'm coming here for shut-me-down, see you...

must have somewhere to sleep, mustn't I?

I don’t got no money, see?

Lost--lost my ship. Honest.

I ain't never murdered him, guv'nor.

No! I ain't that sort.

So me Bob I ain't.

We'll see about that.

- Come on up. - What's that?

Me going up them stairs?

No blooming fear!

I'm not going up them blooming stairs again, guv'nor.

Not for you nor nobody else, no!

Oh. Yes, you are. Come on.

[BEN] Here, here guv'nor,

what's the game that you're playing at?

[FORDYCE] I'm going to have a look at that body,

then I 'll decide.

[BEN] Well, I can tell you right now guv'nor...

- ...get a copper - Go on!

Oh, God.... Here!

- Guv'nor I've got an idea! - Well?

- You go first. - Go on!

Ooo. Ooo.

[WIND GUSTS]

What are you doing down there?

Huh?

I was looking for you, guv'nor.

Well, where am I?

- Well, go on. - Come on!

[SLURRING]

Hear, I feel awful, guv'nor.

I'm coming over queer.

[GASPS]

Wh- wh- wh- what done him in, guv'nor?

Hit on the head I should think, coming out of that door.

But who hit him? That's what I can't make out.

Who hit him?

Who, who-- here gov'nor...

Wait! Wait! Hoo! Wait.

Uh! Uh!

[STARTLED YELP]

Quite sure you don't know anything about that?

What me?

Go on! If I'd have done it, I'd have knowned it, wouldn't I?

Don't suppose one forgets a murder, like posting of a letter.

- Have another think. - Huh?

Yes, don't mind if I do.

Oh, Lord!

Now what have you got in your pockets?

- Holes. - What else?

Go on!

There you are, handkerchief.

Used that to gag him with! [SCOFFS]

And this string,

Oh yes, stabbed him with that!

Sausage.

That's what I hit him on the head with.

Now, don't mind about that.

I said, never mind about that!

Oh, sorry.

Yours?

- Yes. - Jolly little kid.

[BEN] Yes.

She was.

Ha!

Here's something you've overlooked, gov'nor.

Half a fag!

When the Lord Rothschild,

she smokes one end, I smokes the other, see.

What about your pockets, eh?

S'alright, guv'nor, s'alright I ain't such a nosey-parker as you.

[WIND GUSTS]

[LOUD BANG]

Here.

Take this candle.

[YELPS]

- Hey. Oi, guv'nor. - Shhh!

[WIND GUSTS]

Oi!

Oi!

Was you movin' Charlie?

Here, let's take a look at your pockets.

Hello!

What the hell's he doing with bracelets?

A gun!

Wonder it it's loaded.

Blimey, the trigger's stiff!

[BLOWING]

[BLOWING]

Here!

Got anything else about you, mate?

Found anything out, guv'nor? - No.

Only this candle.

Hello... where did these come from?

Heh?

I found 'em... on-on the body, guv'nor.

What are they?

Have you never seen a pair of handcuffs before?

No, sir.

Nor worn them. I was brought up baptist.

[FORDYCE] Well, we better take a look at this chap.

- Oi! - Huh?

Thank you.

It always pays an innocent man to play it straight, you know.

Go on! Who says I'm an innocent man? Oh, no!

Who says that I ain't playing straight?

Another thing, guv'nor. Chuck it, see. Chuck it.

This is a bobby's job, this is.

Messin' about, that's all you're doing. Messin' about.

[THUMP]

Harold Lloyd!

[QUIETLY] Shh!

[CRASHING]

[BEN] Eh, it's all right, guv'nor, I've got him.

I've got...keep still, ya varmint, eh?

I've got him, guv'nor.

Did you hit her?

- That..? - Take that.

Oh look at that, lapping it up!

- Let me go! - Ah!

Let me go! Where is my father?

-Dad! - What?

Dad!

Dad!

What have you done with my father?

What?

Now, what's the trouble?

We'll try and do something for you, if you tell us.

Yes, I'm sure to tell you, after having been knocked out and all that!

Oh, my mistake, miss.

Who are you two?

Well, my name's Fordyce and his is uh...

Well, what is your name?

- Ben. - Ben what?

Well, if it wasn't for you, guv'nor, it'd be Ben Bolt.

You didn't half hurt me when you hit me just now,

- Oh... - I feel quite dizzy.

Oh, that-that wasn't me miss,

that was the brandy he give ya,

to bring ya 'round, see?

Oh!

Thanks.

Now what's all this about your father?

Will someone look on the roof and see if they can see anybody?

Yes. Go on, Ben, up you go!

What, me?

God love a duck! It's always me!

[ROSE] You see, Dad and me live next door at number 15.

And this evening, Dad went up to the top room,

and a few minutes later a telegram came for him.

So I took it up and found the door locked.

And when I banged on it, he didn't answer.

So I've been scared ever since.

- Can you see anything? - Yes.

- [BOTH] What? - Houses.

Silly idiot!

Well, go on.

Oh, I'm alright, thanks. Alright.

Well ...

anyway, I looked all over the place

for a key that'd open the door.

And when I found one, the room was empty.

Yes?

I couldn't make it out.

Then, I saw the window was open and look:

this was on the ledge outside.

I thought perhaps Dad had dropped it.

So I got out of the window onto the roof

and crawled across to this roof

and I just got to the skylight—

[CRASHING]

- Oh, you are always falling over Ben! - Aye!

- Have you hurt yourself? -What me? Naaoh!

What happened to me in the war, guv'nor,

blown up by a mine and come down singing!

Well, that telegram that came to your father...

Oh! I forgot!

Oh, funny. I can't make it out.

Do you know who Barton is?

- Oh! I dropped that! - What, this here?

What's it mean, guv'nor?

Means that at half past twelve, something's going to happen

... at number 17.

Well,I mean that'll be a nice change, won't it?

You better get home before anything—

- No, I'm not going to. - You want me to help you?

Oh, it's a great help he is, Miss,

Done nothing but help me for the last hour.

When I comes rushing down these apples and pears:

I was shaking like a haspidistra

Blimey if he don't swivel me 'round and march me up here again!

Can't do enough to help you, he can't.

Come on, we must get a move on. It's nearly half-past now!

Well, what can happen then?

Ben is going to flick!

[CLOCK CHIMING]

Twelve o'clock!

Half past, you fool!

[BELL RINGING]

That's done it! My God, that's done it!

Shh!

Perhaps it's the police.

Blimey, if it is, I-I'd better put this back!

What do you mean? Back where?

On the corpse.

Corpse?

The corpse?!

My father!

Oh, that's torn it. I'm take her, miss.

It's all right, I tell ya. It's all—

Gone! He's gone!

The agent said we might see over the house.

Oh, yes! Yes!

I quite realize that...

But, uh...

well...

I thought perhaps...

you wouldn't mind.

May I come in too, erm... Uncle?

Hadn't we better see upstairs first, uncle?

Yes.

Perhaps it would be better.

[MAN 1] Oh. by the way, ah,

we don't know your name, do we?

[FORDYCE] Surely the agent told you.

[MAN 1] Oh yes,

but I'm afraid I've forgotten it.

[FORDYCE] You don't by any chance happen to have forgotten the agent's name

as well, do you?

[MAN 1] Hah! Extraordinary!

To tell you the absolute truth, I'm afraid I have.

[FORDYCE] Well, now, as you have seen only the staircase,

perhaps you would like to look at some of the rooms?

Who's that man?

If you don't mind, I think that's rather an unusual question

for a house hunter, isn't it?

I beg your pardon.

Well, not at all,

if you want to know, that's my servant, Ben.

Yes.

And you're a little friend of ours, ain't ya?

This isn't your house yet, you know.

But what if we insist on going upstairs?

- Insist? - That's what he said, insist.

Here, here.

None of your sauce.

- Sauce? - Yes, that's what I said,

S-O-R-S. Sauce.

[GUFFAWS]

Leave this to me, Ben!

Go on! Let him come up if he wants to, guv'nor.

Now then, you nosey parkers,

come have a look. See! Look 'till you are boss-eyed.

Ha! What an amusing man!

Oh yes, a regular George Robey, ain't I?

Come on, up you come!

Damned fools!

It's all right, guv'nor,

they won't find no blooming body up here!

[BEN] This way, Marmaduke!

Nothing unusual here, uncle.

No... nephew!

No skeletons, nor coffins, ducky?

Well, I suppose you'll take the blinkey house,

oh you can have it for me.

I ain't making no offers,

I'm off of it, see,

Just a moment, not quite so fast!

Fast? Fast am I?

Oh yes, I'm a little flash o' lightning ain't I?

I’ve been trying to make my way out of this house for an hour

and I've moved half-inch.

Oh, I'm a regular derby winner, I am!

Hey! Get out of it! See?

Oh, God!

Where on earth did you get that gun?

Huh?

Well, I got it off the corpse, guv'nor.

And if anybody tries to stop me, then there's going to be more corpses.

Cor blimey, gus.

You fool, get back!

Huh?

What's happened? What have you done with that?

Done? Me? That's right, guv'nor, blame me!

Well, I does everything, don't I?

You don't have to do nothing in this here house,

just stand still and things happen.

Everything's loopy here!

People coming here and being murdered!

And I've been out to go with no apology!

Footsteps without no feet!

I swear, I'm sick to death of the lot of ya.

Straight, when I open it, see?

Put that down!

Blimey, he's got a gun!

Hey, here, let me go! Keep off I say, keep off!

[GUNSHOT]

Oh, poor guv'nor, I didn't mean to hit you, I didn't!

I didn't even know it was loaded.

[MAN 2] Go on, you get in there.

[MAN 2] C'mon, you too.

It's all right, thanks. I can manage.

Thanks.

I'm afraid you are wasting your time.

You see, she can neither hear, nor speak

Do you mind?

Mm?

Hands up!

Oh!

[SNEEZES]

Um, will you search this gentleman?

I'll take it you have no objection.

I don't mind.

One and nine.

Blimey, he's on the dole!

All right! Now for you, Ben.

Here, here. Who gave you permission to call me Ben?

- Sorry I don't know your other name. - Lloyd George.

- I like you Ben , you make me laugh. - I'll remember that, guv'nor.

Give you a job in the cabinet, next election.

What's that going to be?

Head of the Messing About Department.

Sausage?

Yeah! Here, here! Of course! What do you think it is?

Christmas cracker?

Go on!

Back you go in the larder, you!

And now for the young lady.

Keep your hands to yourself!

If my dad were here, you wouldn't half cop-out!

What have you got there?

Detective Barton? Hmm.

- Where did you get this telegram? - Mind your own business.

Are you Miss Ackroyd?

I said, mind your own business!

[MAN 1] Now young lady,

you'd better answer me sensibly or else I shall have to—

[FORDYCE] You'd better answer him, Miss Ackroyd,

it will save a lot of trouble.

[MAN 1] Now,

did your father know anything about that telegram?

[ROSE] Oh, well it came after he had gone out tonight,

if you want to know.

[MAN 1] Fair enough.

What about those diamonds?

[ROSE] I don't know anything about any diamonds.

[MAN 1] Hmm.

[MAN 1] Mightn’t your father have some...

secret that he's keeping from you?

If you ask me any more questions, I shall spit in your eye!

[BEN GIGGLING]

[TRAIN PASSING]

[TRAIN WHISTLE]

-What are you here for? -The train.

Hmm!

Who the devil are you, anyway?

Your nephew by adoption on the doorstep.

Don't get funny.

What are you after?

Slipping the country?

That was the idea.

I've a 12:30 date with Mr Sheldrake

for the goods train ferry that runs to the continent.

Goes under this house, doesn't it?

Here is my ticket. Where is yours?

Quite sure that's your ticket? [WIND GUSTS]

[BEN] Oh-oh God, the-the light has gone out!

[GUNSHOT]

[YELLING]

[MAN] Did you blow out that light?

[BEN] Ha? Me?

Oh yes!

I have done about everything, don't I?

First time, murders a man with a sausage.

Then I throws the body out of the window on a empty stomach...

right out on to the pavement.

And then-then I blows all the lights out, all over the bloomin' house.

Blimey if I could blow like that!

I'd blow the lotta you to Jericho, blast me if I wouldn't.

Where do we put him? The bloody idiot!

- In the bathroom. - In the bathroom.

[BEN] Cor blimey, if this ain't my lucky day!

I'm a murderer, I'm a liar,

and now I'm a ba-bathroom fit!

Those Suffolk diamonds now, do you know anything about them?

Were you in on that scoop?

Why should I be? That was Sheldrake's job.

He's hidden them too well,

probably in this house.

Yes, and according to that telegram,

it looks very much as though

Mr. Detective Barton knows about it too.

You know, if he turns up here, we should be thoroughly well finished.

Yes.

Look here,

when Sheldrake comes,

What about making him divide?

We might.

But from what I heard about Sheldrake, it won't be too easy.

Oh bah! His reputation is probably grossly exaggerated!

That remains to be seen.

He may be dead.

- Hm? - That body you know.

It takes quite a lot to kill old Sheldrake I believe!

Look!

[SCREAMS]

As you were saying it takes a lot to kill me.

Are you Sheldrake?

You both for the train?

And the girl, too.

Who's that with the Ackroyd girl?

We found him nosing around when we came in.

There's another one locked in the bathroom,

he's probably asleep by now.

We can't bother about them now.

We'd better be getting down.

I say but here, but hadn't we better, um...

Oh, I-I don't know what one does in these cases, but these two...

hadn't we better tie 'em up or something?

Is it necessary?

Unless you want 'em to run downstairs and call for the police.

I hope you won't mind, we've got to catch a train.

Ah, don't be damned silly!

Come on, please!

Sorry we have to go on this journey,

but we must leave someone to look after the house, you know.

I see.

So many thieves about, eh?

Well, now for the train.

Through there.

- Dad, good! - All right Rose?

- Your father? - Yes.

Damned good the way you bluffed them, Mr Ackroyd.

Yes, I've been watching this house for some time.

- For the police? - Well, something like that.

Damn these knots!

I know Dad, let Ben help!

- Who is Ben? - He's up in the bathroom.

Oh, I'll settle with you on the landing!

[CRACK]

Oh go on now, I made a blunder!

[BEN YELPS]

Hold on!

Not so fast. Get back!

Go on!

You're a damned fine bunch!

I've a good mind to wash my hands of the lot of of you!

Now come on, tie this fellow up again.

Properly this time.

Where is the other fellow who locked us up?

Oh, I shut him up at the end of the passage.

I suppose you thought it was me.

I suppose there is no mistake about it this time.

You are Mr. Sheldrake?

Growing wise at last then?

They haven't done anything awful to Dad have they?

No, no, they're only bluffing.

Oh, and what's bitten you?

Come on speak can't you?

Leave her alone, she's deaf and dumb.

Well come on, aren't we going?

Yes, go on.

Eh, is this the right way?

Of course it is.

Straight on and down to the cellar.

Would you mind going first?

I'm coming back!

She spoke!

That deaf and dumb business was a fake.

A trick of a crook!

[BOTH SIGH]

It's like the pictures, isn't it?

Too much for my liking.

[ROSE SCREAMS]

[FORDYCE] Thanks!

Ooh...I fainted...

[GASPS]

What are you doing with those crooks?

You don't think I want to be do you?

Well, why go back to them?

It's the best thing I can do.

Besides, it's safer for you.

Anyway if the police do catch us...

But it can't be helped, can it?

But surely there's a way out?

I don't know.

[BEAM BREAKS]

[THUD]

I must hurry.

The others may be coming back.

[WEAKLY] Well...

Feel alright?

We must get the others... they're still locked in the bathroom.

You big oaf, what have you done now?

God luv, it's Miss!

- I didn't know it was you. - That's the second time tonight!

- Ow, ow! - Serves you right!

Ow, blimey!

[BEN] Oh, yes Miss,

he hit his head on the bloody bath he did.

[FORDYCE] My God he's bad, you'd better get a doctor!

[ROSE] No, you get on up to the others, I'll be all right.

[FORDYCE] Sure?

Come on Ben, get a candle.

Candle? God love it.

Would you like to wop me again, guv'nor?

- Ow! - Now what's the matter?

Ow, I bumped me head, guv'nor.

Of course you bump your head, you keep on stopping.

Bound to keeps on stopping, 'cause I keeps on bumping me head.

I am not going.

Not so dumb, after all, eh?

What's the idea?

I am not going.

What do you mean?

I am not going, that's all.

You don't get a chance every night, you know.

All the trains don't have empty trucks to go back to the continent.

[TRAIN PASSING]

[NORA] I've made up my mind, I am not going.

- Now look here... - You're being rather childish, aren't you?

[SHELDRAKE] Now look here, I don't know what your game is, but you are going.

You know too much to be left behind.

And what's your idea of running back after that fellow we tied up?

[NORA] Nothing except I—

[SHELDRAKE] Never mind, you can tell us all about it on the train.

Now come on!

[TRAIN PASSING]

Here...

give me that, guv'nor, get a copper.

What?

And have the girl arrested?

Not if I can help it.

[TRAIN WHISTLE]

[TRAIN DEPARTING]

The guard's seen us! We'd better go along and see him!

- Good evening. - Now look here—

I hope we are not intruding, but um...

You have no right on this train, I'm going to stop it.

Oh no, I'd rather you didn't do that because uh...

[GRUNTS]

Come on, let's tie him up and put him in there.

[DROWNED OUT BY TRAIN]

Hey!

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

How on earth did you get on here? You might've been killed!

Thanks.

Well, come on.

What about it?

What about what?

Well, the diamonds!

We are going to split, aren't we?

These coaches can travel, can't they?

Better listen, Sheldrake. Keep your hands where they are.

Come on Sheldrake, it's no use pretending you left them behind.

- You know a damn lot, don't you? - You better—

Oh, come along, hand them over. Here's a good fellow.

Do you think I carry them about on my watch chain?

No, but what about your pockets?

Lower that gun you fool... can't you see he's a cop?

My God, Sheldrake, you are right!

I only met him tonight for the first time at that door step...

and I thought that there was something funny about it.

What damned nonsense!

Get over there!

Keep an eye on him Brant. Keep an eye on Mr. bloody detective Barton.

All right, Sheldrake

but you are not going to get away with that necklace.

Aren't I?

I haven't got it!

You dirty little crook! Hand it over!

Me? I haven't got it on me!

No, but you've got that rotten deaf and dumb girl to get it for you...

[GRUNTING]

Hello.

Let me have that necklace will you, Nora?

[NORA] What's the idea?

Well, we might as well drop this pretense.

Yeah, and you're going to tell me.

the one thing I've been suspicious of all night.

And that I am a police officer, eh?

Well, now that that's clear, what about it?

I haven't got it.

You didn't go back for your bag for nothing.

I know no more about that necklace than Ben does.

If I had the necklace, I'd give it to you.

Hear, hear, well, I'm afraid I'll have to search you.

Oh, come off it, guv'nor, you can't do that to a lady.

Here, guv'nor, let her go, and... here you are!

Here you are!

[ANXIOUS PASSENGERS CHATTERING]

Now come on, who's been fooling about?

All right, young lady...

Joey, look!

Get out of it! Get out of there!

- Only in the leg, you fool. - Aw, come on, get off of there!

[GUNSHOT]

[SHELDRAKE] Come on, keep on going!

[SCREAMING]

He's out! He hit his head on that bar.

[SHIP'S WARNING WHISTLE]

[SHIP HORN]

[CRASHING]

[SMALL EXPLOSION]

[ONLOOKERS PANICKING]

[PEOPLE YELLING]

[CHEERING]

[BEN YAWNING]

- What do you mean? - They got wise to me. Found out who I was.

Oh? Well who are you?

He is a detective.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm Barton.

I say, not the Barton?

Yes.

I have been following up Sheldrake and the Suffolk necklace for weeks.

You haven't got it yet?

Well, no, but we...we got the girl here, and that's the same thing.

I say , Mr. Barton.

Mr Barton, don't let's be too hasty over this.

I don't want to be seem rude, but, aren't you rather exceeding your rights?

Kindly let me deal with this in my own way.

All right. Then supposing you dropped Barton,

and take on your own name of Doyle.

What do you mean Doyle?

You are a clever fellow, Doyle, but you made two bad mistakes:

The first in thinking the police were only after the necklace.

They were also after you. - Me?

Yes, they knew that as sure as the necklace would draw Sheldrake,

so Sheldrake would draw you, Mr. Henry Doyle.

- Well, you're wrong. - Am I?

And the second bad mistake was in posing as a detective.

And of all the detectives, as Barton.

The comic part of it is, I'm Barton.

[DOYLE CHUCKLES]

Hard luck, Henry.

Good night, Nora.

[DOYLE LAUGHS]

Aw, nuts!

- Good night. - Good night.

What?

Are you a-a real live detective?

And making me do all the work?

Well?

Well?

What are you going do about it?

What are you going do about it?

You better come along with me.

But... where?

Perhaps some breakfast.

[LAUGHS]

Will you see me safely home, guv'nor,

if I gives you a nice wedding present, huh?