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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,832 My Feral King... 2 00:01:19,932 --> 00:01:23,240 I implore you, I will tell you everything. 3 00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:24,640 You will? 4 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:27,501 - Anything. I will answer any question. - Okay. 5 00:01:29,459 --> 00:01:32,541 What percentage of the universe is made of dark matter? 6 00:01:34,129 --> 00:01:35,226 I... 7 00:01:35,326 --> 00:01:38,159 Sorry, I didn't think it was gonna be general knowledge. 8 00:01:38,259 --> 00:01:41,718 - Can I have an entertainment question? - Is the wrong answer. 9 00:01:41,818 --> 00:01:43,260 Sports? 10 00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:49,218 You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. 11 00:01:53,616 --> 00:01:55,636 Why did you betray me? 12 00:01:55,736 --> 00:01:58,875 Oh, yeah, in fairness, it was... it was a bad decision. 13 00:01:58,975 --> 00:02:00,394 I... I wasn't thinking. 14 00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:02,257 And soon you won't be breathing. 15 00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:05,276 Enter. 16 00:02:10,175 --> 00:02:15,314 My Feral King, I am sorry to interrupt your torturing. 17 00:02:15,414 --> 00:02:20,735 We have arrested more rebels who have been spreading the teachings of the holy one. 18 00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:31,615 Bring these insurgents to me. 19 00:02:32,732 --> 00:02:34,733 Let me gaze upon their ugliness. 20 00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:47,348 Since I seized power, 21 00:02:47,448 --> 00:02:50,308 there is no other god but me. 22 00:02:50,408 --> 00:02:52,629 Our economy does not work, Rodon. 23 00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:54,069 Few work, none share. 24 00:02:54,169 --> 00:02:55,988 It is only if we embraced the teachings of Cloister 25 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,610 that we will learn there are greater treasures looking outward than in. 26 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:03,467 Take them to the marketplace and hang them. 27 00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,489 Let the clowder see insurrection will not be tolerated. 28 00:03:14,645 --> 00:03:16,107 Get out of the way, you dogs. 29 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,043 Come on! 30 00:03:58,001 --> 00:04:01,042 We'll escape, and one day return to free our people. 31 00:04:15,919 --> 00:04:18,379 I'll set a course for the ship of our birth. 32 00:04:18,479 --> 00:04:20,081 May Cloister watch over us. 33 00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:09,950 - Corrected by darthfrede - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 34 00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:19,490 Here he comes now. You do the talking. 35 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:20,651 Hey, guys. 36 00:05:22,229 --> 00:05:23,609 Sir, may I be frank? 37 00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:26,610 For some time now, we've been growing rather concerned about you. 38 00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,351 Me? Why? 39 00:05:31,709 --> 00:05:34,608 I've noticed of late you've been drinking slightly more 40 00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:36,590 than your usual half a brewery a day. 41 00:05:39,747 --> 00:05:41,389 Bend, would you, Krytes? 42 00:05:45,186 --> 00:05:47,086 Also, I can't help but notice 43 00:05:47,186 --> 00:05:50,085 that in the morning, you've often had a midnight snack. 44 00:05:50,185 --> 00:05:54,408 It's only the odd ice cream waffle sandwich, some cheesy fries and a beer milkshake. 45 00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:57,325 Followed by a main course. 46 00:05:57,425 --> 00:06:00,467 Not always a main course! Sometimes I'm too drunk. 47 00:06:02,145 --> 00:06:05,723 Also, sir, you've been collecting rather a lot of junk. 48 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,003 - What junk? Where's junk? - There's junk! 49 00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:12,722 This isn't junk, this is antiques. Salvage from Cargo Bay 15. 50 00:06:12,822 --> 00:06:14,722 We haven't been through any of that stuff yet. 51 00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:17,003 I've already found Music For Rocking Dads, 52 00:06:17,103 --> 00:06:18,362 Knitting For Beginners, 53 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:21,225 and an "I love boyband" badge in pristine condition. 54 00:06:23,023 --> 00:06:24,643 What happened to you, bud? 55 00:06:24,743 --> 00:06:26,082 You're a wreck. 56 00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:28,282 Then perhaps I should use my Swedish massage chair 57 00:06:28,382 --> 00:06:30,402 that doesn't have batteries. 58 00:06:30,502 --> 00:06:34,921 No-one is blaming you, sir. You're carrying an enormous burden. 59 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:39,161 The future of the human race is entirely in your, well... 60 00:06:39,261 --> 00:06:40,920 Hands? 61 00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:42,881 Lower. 62 00:06:42,981 --> 00:06:44,103 Danglier. 63 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,600 And you're deflecting from the real issue 64 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,960 by finding false interests to distract you. 65 00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:52,421 How cool is this? 66 00:06:54,419 --> 00:06:55,797 What's your point, Kryten? 67 00:06:55,897 --> 00:07:00,277 I have a solution, sir, to your last-human-alive dilemma. 68 00:07:00,377 --> 00:07:03,436 An issue that's clearly driving you to the brink of insanity. 69 00:07:03,536 --> 00:07:05,676 Look at this... Subbuteo! 70 00:07:05,776 --> 00:07:07,597 The Partick Thistle away kit. 71 00:07:07,697 --> 00:07:09,676 Someone would probably kill for this. 72 00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:12,356 You're looking at him. Give me that. 73 00:07:12,456 --> 00:07:15,356 Now, this is a little unconventional, I grant you, 74 00:07:15,456 --> 00:07:18,514 but with the meditech we salvaged from the Delta 7, 75 00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:21,114 what I'm about to suggest is quite possible, 76 00:07:21,214 --> 00:07:25,353 so I implore you both to give it your full and proper consideration. 77 00:07:25,453 --> 00:07:28,073 Both? What's this got to do with me? 78 00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:32,192 Well, sir, what if you had a sex-change operation? 79 00:07:32,292 --> 00:07:33,935 Let me finish. 80 00:07:35,973 --> 00:07:37,393 And became a woman? 81 00:07:37,493 --> 00:07:38,494 Let me finish. 82 00:07:40,412 --> 00:07:44,112 Mr Lister and yourself could then do the necessary. 83 00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:45,911 Let me finish! 84 00:07:46,011 --> 00:07:48,093 And produce a child together. 85 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,550 Have you been drying your head in the tumble dryer again? 86 00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:05,789 With the meditech, making you a woman is a relatively straightforward procedure, sir. 87 00:08:05,889 --> 00:08:08,650 Involving just a few snips and a bit of folding. 88 00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:13,108 Where does the folding fit in? 89 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:16,547 Well, to make your lady garden, sir. 90 00:08:16,647 --> 00:08:18,987 And with my long history with sheets, 91 00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:20,809 you know how good I am at folding. 92 00:08:22,566 --> 00:08:25,547 Dude, what you're suggesting is anatomically impossible. 93 00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:27,907 But with the meditech, sir, it's perfectly possible. 94 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,466 Let me put it this way... 95 00:08:29,566 --> 00:08:32,226 I'd never be able to get the plane off the runway, 96 00:08:32,326 --> 00:08:33,906 if you get me drift. 97 00:08:34,006 --> 00:08:38,024 Wait a minute. Are you saying if I was a woman I wouldn't be hot? 98 00:08:38,124 --> 00:08:40,664 Bud, if I was a woman, you wouldn't be in no plane, 99 00:08:40,764 --> 00:08:42,726 you'd be on Apollo 13, baby! 100 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:48,543 Your tongue would be hanging out your mouth like an old dog. 101 00:08:48,643 --> 00:08:50,704 Cat, I wouldn't be attracted to you 102 00:08:50,804 --> 00:08:52,943 if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, 103 00:08:53,043 --> 00:08:54,503 cos I'm not attracted to you. 104 00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:58,383 In fact, this whole crazy idea would have a better chance of working 105 00:08:58,483 --> 00:09:00,622 if it was me that had the sex-change operation, 106 00:09:00,722 --> 00:09:02,744 cos let's face it, you'd go with anyone. 107 00:09:05,162 --> 00:09:09,501 Wait, hold on. Are you saying that you'd make a hotter woman than me? 108 00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:11,862 I'd make a better woman than you. 109 00:09:11,962 --> 00:09:14,803 I'm more empathetic, intuitive. I'm nicer. 110 00:09:16,282 --> 00:09:17,923 Have you never seen my legs? 111 00:09:19,561 --> 00:09:22,580 Cat, I'm not gonna get in some stupid, macho 112 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,062 "who would make the hottest woman" barney, okay? 113 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,578 - Although I know for a fact who it'd be. - Me. 114 00:09:29,678 --> 00:09:32,260 - The greatest erogenous zone is what? - My mirror. 115 00:09:33,798 --> 00:09:35,057 It's the brain, 116 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:39,216 and what with me having one, that puts you at a huge disadvantage, guy. 117 00:09:39,316 --> 00:09:41,737 Kryten, follow me. 118 00:09:41,837 --> 00:09:42,898 Ladies. 119 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,518 Following you, sir. 120 00:10:07,394 --> 00:10:09,614 What are you doing? 121 00:10:09,714 --> 00:10:12,133 I'm following you, sir, as requested, sir. 122 00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:15,053 I don't mean follow me like you're a private eye, you imbecile. 123 00:10:15,153 --> 00:10:17,653 I mean, accompany me to my destination. 124 00:10:17,753 --> 00:10:19,251 Apologies, sir. 125 00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:22,091 I sometimes wonder if you behave like a cretin on purpose, 126 00:10:22,191 --> 00:10:25,251 as a means of thumbing your nose at my authority. 127 00:10:25,351 --> 00:10:26,490 Engaging lie mode. 128 00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:30,249 Lie mode engaged... Sir! I assure you my acting like a cretin is no act. 129 00:10:30,349 --> 00:10:31,850 Lie mode, cancel. 130 00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:33,689 You're lying. 131 00:10:33,789 --> 00:10:35,169 Engaging lie mode. 132 00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:37,250 Lie mode engaged. I most certainly am not, sir. 133 00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:40,729 - Cancel lie mode. - I can hear you engaging lie mode. 134 00:10:40,829 --> 00:10:42,489 - Did I say all that out loud? - Yes. 135 00:10:42,589 --> 00:10:44,929 I knew I needed a service. 136 00:10:45,029 --> 00:10:47,591 Not now, you rusty idiot. I need you. Follow me. 137 00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:51,408 Did I say that out loud? 138 00:10:51,508 --> 00:10:53,430 - Say what? - Excellent. 139 00:10:55,467 --> 00:11:00,248 That green dot thing on the scanner screaming towards us at near light speed, what is it? 140 00:11:00,348 --> 00:11:03,509 Well, it appears to be either some kind of ship or a missile. 141 00:11:05,827 --> 00:11:07,407 Which? 142 00:11:07,507 --> 00:11:09,787 Well, allow me to carry out some tests, sir. 143 00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:14,965 What are you doing? 144 00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:17,986 I'm waiting to see if Red Dwarf explodes, sir. 145 00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:22,246 If it doesn't, I think we can presume it's a ship. 146 00:11:26,624 --> 00:11:27,786 It's a ship. 147 00:11:29,624 --> 00:11:34,003 It's giving off some kind of transmission but it's extremely faint. Any suggestions? 148 00:11:34,103 --> 00:11:37,544 It's a long shot, sir, but have you considered turning up the volume? 149 00:11:40,142 --> 00:11:44,161 - No-one likes a smart alex, Kryten. - It's smart aleck, sir. 150 00:11:44,261 --> 00:11:47,040 The phrase is based on the exploits of Aleck Hoag, 151 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,521 a celebrated con artist from 1840s New York. 152 00:11:50,621 --> 00:11:53,121 That's as maybe. We still can't understand this message, though, 153 00:11:53,221 --> 00:11:55,000 can we, Mr Smarmy Pants? 154 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:58,080 The phrase is in fact smarty-pants, sir. 155 00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:01,940 - It was first used in 19... - Just fix the distortion before I distort you. 156 00:12:03,338 --> 00:12:08,557 Distortion is usually caused by some form of interference of the process signal. 157 00:12:08,657 --> 00:12:11,917 Big words, my mechanoid friend, but for all your cleverness, 158 00:12:12,017 --> 00:12:15,877 and despite being as well hung as Action Man, 159 00:12:15,977 --> 00:12:18,218 it's not really getting us anywhere, is it? 160 00:12:19,537 --> 00:12:22,357 This is an SOS distress call. Is anyone out there? 161 00:12:22,457 --> 00:12:24,796 Our ship has run out of fuel and we're presently hiding 162 00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:28,276 from our feral overlords on a transport vessel called the Iron Star. 163 00:12:28,376 --> 00:12:31,035 Please help us. We're in great danger. 164 00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:32,555 An SOS distress call? 165 00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:34,475 I'll try and re-establish a link, sir. 166 00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:35,937 Sod them, Kryten. 167 00:12:36,975 --> 00:12:40,075 We've reached an age now where it's time to enjoy the home comforts 168 00:12:40,175 --> 00:12:42,035 and curl up by a winter fire 169 00:12:42,135 --> 00:12:45,354 and keep taking our various medications to keep us sprightly. 170 00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:50,856 Not board derelict ships and have to flee from giant, genetically engineered man-eating cheese. 171 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,112 Well, I'm sure Mr Lister won't agree with you, sir. 172 00:12:55,212 --> 00:12:57,351 Don't tell him, then. 173 00:12:57,451 --> 00:13:00,670 In fact, erase all memory of the distress call from your memory. 174 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:01,830 That's an order. 175 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:03,532 Yes, sir. 176 00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:07,910 - Did you do it? - Did I do what, sir? 177 00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,910 Did you erase the SOS distress call from your memory? 178 00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:13,350 We've received an SOS distress call?! 179 00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:15,629 Damn, why did I say that? Right... 180 00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:18,189 Erase all memory of me asking you to erase 181 00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:20,668 all memory of the SOS distress call from your memory. 182 00:13:20,768 --> 00:13:21,828 That's another order. 183 00:13:21,928 --> 00:13:23,948 Yes, sir. 184 00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:26,469 - Have you? - Have I what, sir? 185 00:13:26,569 --> 00:13:30,269 Have you... just done what I asked you to do? 186 00:13:30,369 --> 00:13:32,629 You mean have I fixed the distortion? 187 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,910 Why would I be fixing the distortion? 188 00:13:35,618 --> 00:13:38,790 Sir! I think we've received an SOS distress call! 189 00:13:40,128 --> 00:13:42,586 Erase that from your memory too. That's another order. 190 00:13:42,686 --> 00:13:45,466 Erasing distortion order, sir. 191 00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:47,346 What's the last thing you remember? 192 00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:49,346 You want me to follow you, sir. 193 00:13:49,446 --> 00:13:52,505 How did I get here? We were in the corridor. 194 00:13:52,605 --> 00:13:54,825 I knew I needed a service! 195 00:13:54,925 --> 00:13:56,066 Excellent. 196 00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,745 Guys, guys, you're never gonna guess what we've found, me and Cat. 197 00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:01,225 You see, I told you it wasn't all junk in the sleeping quarters. 198 00:14:01,325 --> 00:14:05,424 I refuse to even step into that toxic cesspit of filth. 199 00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:08,263 - What have you found, sir? - Holly's spare disc. 200 00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,383 The defence rests. 201 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,702 Holly had a spare disc? Where is it? 202 00:14:12,802 --> 00:14:13,964 Let's get it installed. 203 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,940 That's his disc? 204 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,418 Back in the day, this was the forefront of advanced technology. 205 00:14:34,518 --> 00:14:36,418 I bet people couldn't believe how they'd managed to cram 206 00:14:36,518 --> 00:14:40,538 his entire operating system onto such a teeny-weeny disc. 207 00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,817 Well, hold on, where's it gonna go? 208 00:14:42,917 --> 00:14:46,500 We're looking for a slot bigger than the Incredible Hulk's butt crack. 209 00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:50,559 I always wondered what this was for. 210 00:15:00,077 --> 00:15:02,617 What are we waiting for? Let's get Holly booted up! 211 00:15:02,717 --> 00:15:04,416 Okay, come on, bring her round. 212 00:15:04,516 --> 00:15:05,518 To me, to me. 213 00:15:08,836 --> 00:15:09,975 Higher. 214 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,198 Higher, higher, higher, and push. 215 00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:20,696 It still works. 216 00:15:24,394 --> 00:15:25,833 It's connecting to the ship. 217 00:15:46,305 --> 00:15:47,505 My name is Holly. 218 00:15:47,605 --> 00:15:49,735 Holly, it's us. You're back, dude! 219 00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:53,334 I am Red Dwarf's computer. I have an IQ of 6,000. 220 00:15:53,434 --> 00:15:54,854 What's wrong with him? 221 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,654 He's been in the cargo bay for three million years, 222 00:15:56,754 --> 00:15:58,774 leaning up against a damp wall. 223 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,533 That should've made him better, not worse. 224 00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,733 Who are you? Please explain. 225 00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:06,333 Of course. He's returned to factory settings. 226 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,052 He doesn't know who we are. 227 00:16:08,152 --> 00:16:10,253 Holly, allow me to introduce myself. 228 00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:15,132 I am First Technician Arnold J Rimmer, BSC, SSC. 229 00:16:15,232 --> 00:16:18,092 Acting Senior Officer of Red Dwarf. 230 00:16:18,192 --> 00:16:22,011 This is Kryten, an unimportant sanitation droid. 231 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,971 Cat... A Felis sapiens. 232 00:16:24,071 --> 00:16:26,793 And Lister... A human. Or so he maintains. 233 00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:32,770 I can't find any record of Kryten or a Cat in the ship's manifest. 234 00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:38,090 No records? I've won best ass on board for thirty years straight! 235 00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:40,409 That's cos they weren't part of the original crew, Hol. 236 00:16:40,509 --> 00:16:42,609 Cat descended from domestic house cats 237 00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,408 and we found Kryten on this crashed ship, the Nova 5. 238 00:16:45,508 --> 00:16:49,608 He was looking after three skeletons. Totally unhinged. 239 00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:51,046 But now I'm on Red Dwarf, 240 00:16:51,146 --> 00:16:52,628 fitting right in! 241 00:16:53,706 --> 00:16:56,326 Are you aware of the role I perform, Hologram Rimmer? 242 00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:59,405 You're the Red Dwarf computer, Holly. You control the ship. 243 00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:03,766 I'm also tasked with appraising Red Dwarf's worth to the Jupiter Mining Corporation 244 00:17:03,866 --> 00:17:06,725 and decommissioning it if it serves no useful purpose. 245 00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:08,885 Oh, God. 246 00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:13,043 Obviously, this doesn't happen while a ship has a crew performing essential duties. 247 00:17:13,143 --> 00:17:15,043 Oh, God. 248 00:17:15,143 --> 00:17:17,603 Or even performing duties to an adequate level. 249 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,025 Oh, God. 250 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,362 But Holly, if I may, 251 00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:25,763 JMC protocol insists no ship may be decommissioned 252 00:17:25,863 --> 00:17:30,202 if it contains living crew members who are listed on the manifest. 253 00:17:30,302 --> 00:17:32,762 All righty, then, we're sorted. I'm listed. 254 00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,201 Looking through the records, Crewman Lister, 255 00:17:35,301 --> 00:17:38,121 I see you smuggled an unquarantined cat on board. 256 00:17:38,221 --> 00:17:41,441 As a result, you have forfeited all your crew privileges, 257 00:17:41,541 --> 00:17:44,160 including your rights of residency on Red Dwarf. 258 00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:46,521 I will therefore decommission the ship. 259 00:17:46,621 --> 00:17:48,041 Meaning what? 260 00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:51,241 Red Dwarf will be retired from active service. 261 00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:52,521 He's crazy. 262 00:17:52,621 --> 00:17:55,800 As part of this process, the ship's nuclear reactors will be dumped 263 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,881 in the nearest black hole, along with the ship's hologram. 264 00:18:05,697 --> 00:18:08,037 He's starting to win me around. 265 00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:11,196 You can't dump me in a black hole. I have my rights! 266 00:18:11,296 --> 00:18:12,756 We want to appeal. 267 00:18:12,856 --> 00:18:14,596 Maybe not all of us. 268 00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:16,997 I will begin the deactivation process. 269 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,978 Due to the complexity of this operation, it will take seven days. 270 00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:30,915 Kryten said you wanted to see me. 271 00:18:31,015 --> 00:18:33,834 Yeah, I need your advice. This door keeps jamming. 272 00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:35,616 And you want to repair this now? 273 00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:40,873 I've no record of a malfunctioning door in airlock 7. 274 00:18:40,973 --> 00:18:43,434 Well, maybe the feedback system's down as well, Hol. 275 00:18:43,534 --> 00:18:44,836 We'll check it out, yeah? 276 00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:51,833 Cover your mouth. 277 00:18:51,933 --> 00:18:53,713 He can't hear us? 278 00:18:53,813 --> 00:18:55,751 He may have an IQ of 6,000 279 00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:59,191 but is he as smart as us when we put our heads together? 280 00:18:59,291 --> 00:19:00,551 Not even close. 281 00:19:00,651 --> 00:19:02,272 Look at him, the gormless gimp. 282 00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:05,292 Can't hear a word we say. 283 00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:09,989 So what are we gonna do? 284 00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:12,469 No choice. We're going to have to shut him down. 285 00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:13,869 But how? 286 00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,349 EMP. 287 00:19:15,449 --> 00:19:17,548 Electromagnetic pulse weapon? 288 00:19:17,648 --> 00:19:20,868 Everything shuts down, we uninstall Holly. 289 00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:25,329 Then we toss the dozy wazzock back on the garbage pile he came from. 290 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,906 Kryten's working on the EMP right now in the mineral ore storage bay. 291 00:19:32,006 --> 00:19:33,627 Set to go off at noon. 292 00:19:33,727 --> 00:19:35,347 Just sixty seconds. 293 00:19:35,447 --> 00:19:38,968 I'm supposed to be fixing this door, so let's look busy, yeah? 294 00:19:46,844 --> 00:19:48,326 All fixed now, Hol. 295 00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:52,743 Just for the record, I heard every word you said in there. 296 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:56,223 Dozy wazzock, gormless gimp. Everything. 297 00:19:56,323 --> 00:19:57,943 What about stupid bald git? 298 00:19:58,043 --> 00:19:59,504 You didn't say that in there. 299 00:19:59,604 --> 00:20:01,383 No, but I'm saying it now. 300 00:20:01,483 --> 00:20:03,503 An EMP? I know your plan. 301 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:04,823 It's not happening. 302 00:20:04,923 --> 00:20:06,903 Really? And where's Kryten? 303 00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:08,262 He's in the MOS. 304 00:20:08,362 --> 00:20:12,142 Detonating a meteorite to create electromagnetic energy 305 00:20:12,242 --> 00:20:14,621 to take out the ship's grid at noon. 306 00:20:14,721 --> 00:20:16,861 Which is precisely ten seconds from now, 307 00:20:16,961 --> 00:20:19,922 and there ain't a damn thing you can do to stop him, baldy! 308 00:20:22,279 --> 00:20:23,401 Tonight's the night. 309 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,300 Not tonight, Krytes. Now! 310 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,980 You said 12:00 AM, sir. 311 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,219 12:00 AM. Noon. 312 00:20:29,319 --> 00:20:30,979 But 12:00 AM is midnight, sir. 313 00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:34,299 Is it? I thought 12:00 AM was noon. 314 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,980 No, that's 12:00 PM, sir. 315 00:20:38,678 --> 00:20:41,658 The mineral ore storage bay is now sealed off until further notice. 316 00:20:41,758 --> 00:20:47,017 Also, your seven-day leaving period has been reduced to seven minutes. 317 00:20:47,117 --> 00:20:49,538 What are we gonna do now? 318 00:20:49,638 --> 00:20:52,457 We have to take Starbug and find a new ship. 319 00:20:52,557 --> 00:20:55,337 Screw your head on, Kryten. We haven't passed a ship in yonks. 320 00:20:55,437 --> 00:20:58,496 That's not strictly true. In fact, we passed one yesterday. 321 00:20:58,596 --> 00:21:00,936 We did? Why didn't you tell us, sir? 322 00:21:01,036 --> 00:21:02,776 I did, Kryten. I told you. 323 00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:05,598 - Come on. - I knew I needed a service! 324 00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:11,277 If we fire up the burners, we can catch that ship in a couple of days. 325 00:21:34,949 --> 00:21:40,210 "If we fire up the burners on Starbug, we could catch that ship in a couple of days." 326 00:21:40,310 --> 00:21:41,530 The thing about space is... 327 00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:42,729 Don't say it's big. 328 00:21:42,829 --> 00:21:45,169 It is big. It's really big. 329 00:21:45,269 --> 00:21:47,929 94 billion light years in diameter, in fact. 330 00:21:48,029 --> 00:21:49,928 Sometimes I can't find stuff in our fridge, 331 00:21:50,028 --> 00:21:51,968 and that's only three feet in diameter. 332 00:21:52,068 --> 00:21:54,648 Wait, I'm getting something! 333 00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:58,007 I don't think it's the ship that passed Red Dwarf, it's something else. 334 00:21:58,107 --> 00:22:00,847 Some kind of deep-space reconnaissance ship. 335 00:22:00,947 --> 00:22:02,568 Handshaking now. 336 00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:04,887 The ship is called the Iron Star 337 00:22:04,987 --> 00:22:07,848 and was built several hundred years after Red Dwarf 338 00:22:07,948 --> 00:22:11,509 with, presumably, all that brings in technological advances. 339 00:22:18,427 --> 00:22:21,125 If this ship's in decent nick, we could've struck gold here. 340 00:22:21,225 --> 00:22:22,885 This could be our new home. 341 00:22:22,985 --> 00:22:26,146 I'll download the Iron Star's floor plan and show you round. 342 00:22:43,543 --> 00:22:44,842 Iron Star. 343 00:22:44,942 --> 00:22:46,602 Obviously needs some TLC, 344 00:22:46,702 --> 00:22:51,881 but it's the perfect ship for those crews looking for a project. 345 00:22:51,981 --> 00:22:55,302 And most importantly, there's no forward chain. 346 00:22:56,981 --> 00:22:58,961 The AAR is now complete. 347 00:22:59,061 --> 00:23:01,641 It is now safe to remove helmets. 348 00:23:01,741 --> 00:23:04,280 How come Helmet-head gets to stay on Starbug? 349 00:23:04,380 --> 00:23:07,240 Space Corps Directive 76239. 350 00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:11,660 "Extreme caution should be taken on the naturist deck when peeling carrots"? 351 00:23:13,778 --> 00:23:18,517 Derelict ships have to be made safe before the senior officer ventures onboard. 352 00:23:18,617 --> 00:23:20,539 Hey, what's this? 353 00:23:26,898 --> 00:23:28,260 What is that place? 354 00:23:30,018 --> 00:23:33,157 I believe it's their hologram projection suite, sir. 355 00:23:33,257 --> 00:23:37,877 It looks like the Iron Star was able to sustain multiple holograms. 356 00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:41,116 They had tech way in advance of anything on Red Dwarf. 357 00:23:41,216 --> 00:23:44,356 Yeah, it doesn't look like you have to wind up anything round here. 358 00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:46,235 So how'd they do it? 359 00:23:46,335 --> 00:23:49,916 A form of quantum energy known as diamond light. 360 00:23:50,016 --> 00:23:53,915 It enables holograms to have unimaginable powers. 361 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:55,256 I'll be right down! 362 00:24:02,171 --> 00:24:03,631 What's this? 363 00:24:03,731 --> 00:24:07,311 It creates a force field around food you've elected not to eat. 364 00:24:07,411 --> 00:24:09,510 Must be some kind of slimming aid. 365 00:24:09,610 --> 00:24:11,270 It's on the no-meat vegan setting. 366 00:24:11,370 --> 00:24:13,591 Smart cutlery. No thanks. 367 00:24:13,691 --> 00:24:15,252 I like me cutlery stupid. 368 00:24:17,810 --> 00:24:20,270 So what does this tech do? Can it upgrade my light bee? 369 00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:23,309 Well, according to the notes, it gives holograms the ability 370 00:24:23,409 --> 00:24:25,989 to manipulate light in all its forms. 371 00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:29,189 - What the hell does that mean? - I'm not exactly sure. 372 00:24:29,289 --> 00:24:31,868 I suggest we take the tech back to Starbug 373 00:24:31,968 --> 00:24:36,668 and conduct further tests before we embark on an untested pathway. 374 00:24:36,768 --> 00:24:42,148 I'm not waiting while you conduct your namby-pamby European Space Agency safety tests, 375 00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:46,507 with me having to go before a committee of meddling grey-suited bureau-droids 376 00:24:46,607 --> 00:24:50,689 and answer multiple-choice questions on where I'm most likely to find a croissant. 377 00:24:51,966 --> 00:24:54,666 I'll take my chances now, thank you so much. 378 00:24:54,766 --> 00:24:58,346 But, sir, this is technology we're unfamiliar with. 379 00:24:58,446 --> 00:25:01,247 We need more time to evaluate if it's safe! 380 00:25:02,565 --> 00:25:06,127 Kryten, I want the upgrade now, and that's an order. 381 00:25:07,445 --> 00:25:08,967 Deactivate. 382 00:25:23,962 --> 00:25:26,262 Are you sure this is safe? 383 00:25:26,362 --> 00:25:28,421 Perhaps I'm over-worrying, sir. 384 00:25:28,521 --> 00:25:30,542 After all, what's the worst that can happen? 385 00:25:30,642 --> 00:25:33,102 I'm making a list. I'm up to ten already. 386 00:25:33,202 --> 00:25:34,484 Make that eleven. 387 00:25:46,559 --> 00:25:48,539 What's going on? I'm back to soft light. 388 00:25:48,639 --> 00:25:52,160 No need to panic, sir. I believe it's just going through the gears. 389 00:26:01,078 --> 00:26:04,359 With every jump I feel stronger, better, more powerful. 390 00:26:06,667 --> 00:26:07,887 It's still going. 391 00:26:07,987 --> 00:26:09,680 I haven't felt this amazing since I catalogued 392 00:26:09,780 --> 00:26:13,618 all my books on obsessive-compulsive disorder using the Dewey Decimal System. 393 00:26:19,715 --> 00:26:22,975 Congratulations, sir. You've upgraded to diamond light. 394 00:26:23,075 --> 00:26:24,215 How do you feel? 395 00:26:24,315 --> 00:26:25,597 Incredible. 396 00:26:27,714 --> 00:26:29,236 I wonder... 397 00:26:41,951 --> 00:26:44,091 I can change objects into light, 398 00:26:44,191 --> 00:26:46,892 and transfer them back to their solid state again. 399 00:26:46,992 --> 00:26:51,353 Soft and hard light working together in perfect quantum harmony. 400 00:26:52,131 --> 00:26:53,353 Wait. 401 00:27:24,311 --> 00:27:26,271 I'm a superhero! 402 00:27:26,871 --> 00:27:28,153 I need a name. 403 00:27:29,711 --> 00:27:31,193 Glitter Guy. 404 00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:34,072 No, something better. 405 00:27:35,110 --> 00:27:36,889 The Mighty Light. 406 00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:40,751 I've never felt so powerful, so utterly amaze... 407 00:27:45,110 --> 00:27:46,449 Mighty Light? 408 00:27:46,549 --> 00:27:48,431 More like Shitey Sprite. 409 00:27:55,308 --> 00:27:56,968 - What happened? - As you know, 410 00:27:57,068 --> 00:28:00,927 we chose not to carry out European Space Agency safety checks. 411 00:28:01,027 --> 00:28:04,328 As a consequence, the power surge has fried your battery. 412 00:28:04,428 --> 00:28:06,888 Your light bee won't hold any charge. 413 00:28:06,988 --> 00:28:10,669 The only way of powering you up now is from an independent power source. 414 00:28:12,187 --> 00:28:15,007 - I'm plugged in?! - Well, without being plugged in, 415 00:28:15,107 --> 00:28:17,765 you have just a few minutes of charge time left. 416 00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:20,765 From Glitter Guy to the Cable Kid. 417 00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:22,285 And once your charge is spent, 418 00:28:22,385 --> 00:28:25,004 it's almost certain you'll shut down permanently. 419 00:28:25,104 --> 00:28:27,124 Though I'm not getting my hopes up. 420 00:28:27,224 --> 00:28:31,524 Why on Earth did we do the transfer without carrying out the proper safety tests? 421 00:28:31,624 --> 00:28:33,484 Well, because you ordered me not to, sir. 422 00:28:33,584 --> 00:28:35,444 Yes, but why did you listen to me? 423 00:28:35,544 --> 00:28:37,723 You know I often don't know what I'm talking about, 424 00:28:37,823 --> 00:28:39,602 and when I don't, it's your job to say something. 425 00:28:39,702 --> 00:28:41,202 Well, I did try, sir. 426 00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:43,082 Clearly not hard enough. 427 00:28:43,182 --> 00:28:45,143 You are on report. 428 00:28:46,341 --> 00:28:49,440 Kryten 2X4B. 429 00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:50,902 Offence... 430 00:28:53,589 --> 00:28:57,272 Listening to me. 431 00:28:59,269 --> 00:29:02,369 Come on, let's check out the rest of the ship. Are we moving in or what? 432 00:29:02,469 --> 00:29:04,249 And what am I supposed to do? Stay here? 433 00:29:04,349 --> 00:29:07,488 You can come too. Just use the extension leads. 434 00:29:07,588 --> 00:29:08,888 Yeah. 435 00:29:08,988 --> 00:29:11,488 I'm Acting Senior Officer on this ship. 436 00:29:11,588 --> 00:29:15,407 I have a certain standing, dignity and stature. 437 00:29:15,507 --> 00:29:17,589 I'm not an electric hedge trimmer! 438 00:29:41,865 --> 00:29:43,004 Is this the right way? 439 00:29:43,104 --> 00:29:45,125 I think we might have taken a wrong turn, sir. 440 00:29:45,225 --> 00:29:49,245 Whichever way we go, just make sure there are enough plug sockets. 441 00:29:49,345 --> 00:29:51,146 I'm sure we've been this way before. 442 00:29:52,504 --> 00:29:53,506 Sorry. 443 00:29:55,784 --> 00:29:58,384 - Who were they? - Just some people. What? 444 00:30:01,741 --> 00:30:04,601 It's him! The Holy Poppadom! 445 00:30:04,701 --> 00:30:08,720 He has come back, as predicted by the Book Of Smeg! 446 00:30:08,820 --> 00:30:11,161 I can speak! 447 00:30:11,261 --> 00:30:12,502 A miracle! 448 00:30:29,289 --> 00:30:31,119 Guys... Get up, get up. 449 00:30:31,219 --> 00:30:34,318 - Who are you? - I... I am Brother Sol. 450 00:30:34,418 --> 00:30:37,318 - I'm Sister Luna. - Sister Peanut. I can speak. 451 00:30:37,418 --> 00:30:39,959 I couldn't before. Cos of you. 452 00:30:40,059 --> 00:30:41,358 What are you doing here? 453 00:30:41,458 --> 00:30:44,439 We are fleeing from the Feral Cats who seek to kill us 454 00:30:44,539 --> 00:30:46,359 for spreading your teachings. 455 00:30:46,459 --> 00:30:49,438 Wait, do you think I'm some kind of god? 456 00:30:49,538 --> 00:30:52,078 We don't think, Holy Poppadom, we know. 457 00:30:52,178 --> 00:30:54,958 Ever since I was a child, I've had three meals of vindaloo a day, 458 00:30:55,058 --> 00:30:57,076 as the sacred writings said we must. 459 00:30:57,176 --> 00:31:00,636 Only then will we be rid of the evil inside of us. 460 00:31:00,736 --> 00:31:02,036 You did what? 461 00:31:02,136 --> 00:31:04,675 Listen. There's been a massive misunderstanding 462 00:31:04,775 --> 00:31:08,715 based on half-truths and... misunderstanding. 463 00:31:08,815 --> 00:31:10,834 I'm just a man. 464 00:31:10,934 --> 00:31:14,674 No-one special. A nobody, really. Come on, guys, back me up here. 465 00:31:14,774 --> 00:31:16,213 - Well, he's a nobody. - He's less than nobody. 466 00:31:16,214 --> 00:31:17,214 An absolute zero. 467 00:31:17,373 --> 00:31:20,952 It's as we always imagined. Truly humble. 468 00:31:21,052 --> 00:31:24,032 You have been such an inspiration to us, Holy Poppadom, 469 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:28,831 as our society fell to the Ferals and their tyrannical regime. 470 00:31:28,931 --> 00:31:30,751 - Ferals? - Cats, 471 00:31:30,851 --> 00:31:34,031 like you and I, brother, but vain and shallow creatures 472 00:31:34,131 --> 00:31:37,511 who share nothing and care about nobody but themselves. 473 00:31:37,611 --> 00:31:40,550 There are people out there like that? 474 00:31:40,650 --> 00:31:45,350 But fear not, Holy Poppadom, for we have stolen the Anubis Stone... 475 00:31:45,450 --> 00:31:48,970 which holds untold powers to whoever possesses it. 476 00:31:50,608 --> 00:31:52,268 Anubis? Who's he? 477 00:31:52,368 --> 00:31:55,787 A creature with the head of a cat who embalmed the dead. 478 00:31:55,887 --> 00:31:59,748 According to the scriptures, he who possesses the sacred stone 479 00:31:59,848 --> 00:32:03,410 shall fend off his enemies and lead his people to the promised land. 480 00:32:05,928 --> 00:32:07,588 What is it? 481 00:32:07,688 --> 00:32:10,107 On first look, I thought it was serendibite, 482 00:32:10,207 --> 00:32:12,987 one of the most precious minerals in the universe. 483 00:32:13,087 --> 00:32:15,586 But on closer inspection, I realised 484 00:32:15,686 --> 00:32:17,688 it's varnished beetle dung. 485 00:32:20,046 --> 00:32:21,346 Not so precious, then. 486 00:32:21,446 --> 00:32:22,905 It is to them. 487 00:32:23,005 --> 00:32:26,066 We are so blessed to have finally met our Holy Poppadom. 488 00:32:28,686 --> 00:32:30,545 ♪ Cloister... David Cloister. ♪ 489 00:32:30,645 --> 00:32:33,384 ♪ Cloister... Cloisty... Cloister... Cloisty... ♪ 490 00:32:33,484 --> 00:32:35,464 ♪ Cloister... David Cloister. ♪ 491 00:32:35,564 --> 00:32:36,972 ♪ Cloister... Cloisty... ♪ 492 00:32:37,072 --> 00:32:39,942 Guys! Guys! Guys! 493 00:32:40,042 --> 00:32:44,501 Let's take this from the top. My name isn't Cloister, it's Lister. 494 00:32:44,601 --> 00:32:47,021 ♪ David... David Lister. ♪ 495 00:32:47,121 --> 00:32:49,261 ♪ Lister... Listy... Lister... Listy... ♪ 496 00:32:49,361 --> 00:32:52,541 Guys! Guys! Let me finish. 497 00:32:52,641 --> 00:32:54,731 Okay. So, years ago... 498 00:32:54,831 --> 00:32:58,701 - A sermon! - A sermon in the corridor! 499 00:32:58,801 --> 00:33:00,820 All right. Years ago... 500 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,682 - Sir, may I have a word? - What, now? One minute, guys. 501 00:33:06,799 --> 00:33:09,179 You can't tell them the truth! 502 00:33:09,279 --> 00:33:10,699 But I have to. 503 00:33:10,799 --> 00:33:12,739 These nutters think I'm their god. 504 00:33:12,839 --> 00:33:16,861 Sir, if you tell them the truth, you'll break their hearts and crush their souls. 505 00:33:20,479 --> 00:33:24,818 You're right. I have to play along. Act like a god. 506 00:33:24,918 --> 00:33:28,496 Act like a god? You've scarcely mastered human. 507 00:33:28,596 --> 00:33:31,456 Well, they surely won't be with us for long. What harm can it do? 508 00:33:31,556 --> 00:33:32,816 What's this? 509 00:33:32,916 --> 00:33:34,656 Energy signature, incoming. 510 00:33:34,756 --> 00:33:36,735 Some kind of boarding party beaming in. 511 00:33:36,835 --> 00:33:40,776 - Hey, cat buds, are you being followed? - The Ferals! 512 00:33:40,876 --> 00:33:44,797 They're here, and they will not rest until we have meowed our last. 513 00:33:46,035 --> 00:33:48,734 We beseech you, Holy Poppadom, protect us. 514 00:33:48,834 --> 00:33:51,133 Hang on. How do we know they're not bait? 515 00:33:51,233 --> 00:33:53,253 Bait? Who's the fish? 516 00:33:53,353 --> 00:33:55,075 Look in the mirror and do this. 517 00:33:57,113 --> 00:34:00,754 You know what? I've gotta help them. After all, they are my followers. 518 00:34:02,432 --> 00:34:05,891 My friends, be not afraid. 519 00:34:05,991 --> 00:34:07,652 Follow me. 520 00:34:07,752 --> 00:34:09,292 "Be not afraid"? 521 00:34:09,392 --> 00:34:11,634 This god lark's gone straight to his head. 522 00:34:21,909 --> 00:34:23,929 No, it be this way. 523 00:34:24,029 --> 00:34:26,630 Thy went left when thy meant to go right. 524 00:34:41,427 --> 00:34:42,789 Wait for me! 525 00:34:52,826 --> 00:34:57,006 So it's you who shelter our runaway clerics. 526 00:34:57,106 --> 00:34:58,909 Who the hell are you? 527 00:35:01,346 --> 00:35:04,965 I am the Commander of the Armies of the Feral Guards, 528 00:35:05,065 --> 00:35:10,283 General of the Fearless Legions, Feral King, 529 00:35:10,383 --> 00:35:13,465 and one goddamn gorgeous pussycat. 530 00:35:15,103 --> 00:35:18,922 Where is the Anubis Stone? 531 00:35:19,022 --> 00:35:21,962 Come on now, give it up. 532 00:35:22,062 --> 00:35:23,105 Or you shall die. 533 00:35:24,463 --> 00:35:26,202 And after you're dead, 534 00:35:26,302 --> 00:35:30,522 we will present your bloody corpses to our people as a gift. 535 00:35:30,622 --> 00:35:33,841 A "pamper me" bath and candle set often hits the mark too. 536 00:35:33,941 --> 00:35:36,721 Who wants to die first? 537 00:35:36,821 --> 00:35:39,520 If it's okay with everyone, I'd like to go ninth. 538 00:35:39,620 --> 00:35:42,040 Silence, cat traitor! 539 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,760 Whore man. 540 00:35:43,860 --> 00:35:45,080 Bitch of the people. 541 00:35:45,180 --> 00:35:46,879 How comes this guy can't stand me? 542 00:35:46,979 --> 00:35:48,800 He's only known me for twenty seconds. 543 00:35:48,900 --> 00:35:50,461 He's probably just saving time. 544 00:35:52,019 --> 00:35:54,198 You can't harm anyone any more, Rodon. 545 00:35:54,298 --> 00:35:58,238 Look who is with us. Cloister, the god of our people. 546 00:35:58,338 --> 00:36:00,198 That be I. 547 00:36:00,298 --> 00:36:04,116 God who has created nothing but hate and division and war and death. 548 00:36:04,216 --> 00:36:05,796 I've done some other stuff too. 549 00:36:05,896 --> 00:36:07,356 If I allow you to live, 550 00:36:07,456 --> 00:36:11,954 my sovereignty would dribble through my fingers like fine grains of kitty litter. 551 00:36:12,054 --> 00:36:14,355 You must die. 552 00:36:14,455 --> 00:36:17,864 - Look, what is it that you guys want? - The Anubis Stone. 553 00:36:17,964 --> 00:36:19,235 Well, we had that. 554 00:36:19,335 --> 00:36:22,435 We... We did have it, but... then we lost it. 555 00:36:22,535 --> 00:36:26,394 - Didn't we, my followers? - No, we didn't. It is here. 556 00:36:26,494 --> 00:36:30,193 And now we are protected by our Holy Poppadom, we will never give up the stone. 557 00:36:30,293 --> 00:36:33,393 - Never. - Ever. 558 00:36:33,493 --> 00:36:34,873 Get the stone. 559 00:36:34,973 --> 00:36:38,192 - Me, my Feral King? - You are my royal aide, aren't you? 560 00:36:38,292 --> 00:36:42,073 I'm... I'm more of a food and dining services sort of aide... 561 00:36:42,173 --> 00:36:44,912 Having trouble putting on a bow tie... That's not me. 562 00:36:45,012 --> 00:36:47,672 Getting mystical stones off people... Not really me either. 563 00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:49,912 - Get the stone. - Right away, my Feral King. 564 00:36:50,012 --> 00:36:52,470 Try and take the stone, and Cloister's wrath will be vented. 565 00:36:52,570 --> 00:36:55,750 - Hail will rain down. - Plagues unleashed. 566 00:36:55,850 --> 00:36:57,710 Men will be turned into slabs of salt. 567 00:36:57,810 --> 00:37:01,429 Yeah, and not just normal salt, like low-sodium sea salt. 568 00:37:01,529 --> 00:37:03,469 Go get the goddamn stone! 569 00:37:03,569 --> 00:37:05,172 On my way. Here I go. 570 00:37:06,250 --> 00:37:09,229 Excuse me, sorry. Coming through. 571 00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:10,629 Nice to meet you. 572 00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:12,389 Sorry. Sorry, coming through. 573 00:37:12,489 --> 00:37:16,210 Watch what happens now as they defy the will of our Holy Poppadom. 574 00:37:27,966 --> 00:37:30,146 Flush 'em out of an airlock. 575 00:37:30,246 --> 00:37:31,906 Let the cat people witness the consequences 576 00:37:32,006 --> 00:37:33,768 of questioning my sovereignty. 577 00:37:45,524 --> 00:37:47,086 - Cat. - What? 578 00:38:06,962 --> 00:38:10,182 Vegan forks! They won't let us stab meat! 579 00:38:10,282 --> 00:38:13,860 We can only stab tofu and processed meat substitutes! 580 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,122 Sir! Some lettuce! Catch! 581 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,921 Not so confident now, are you? 582 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,201 Okay. I'm dropping the lettuce. 583 00:38:29,319 --> 00:38:30,641 Lister, where are you? 584 00:38:51,075 --> 00:38:52,295 My Alpha. 585 00:38:52,395 --> 00:38:54,135 Where are they? 586 00:38:54,235 --> 00:38:55,894 I grow weary waiting. 587 00:38:55,994 --> 00:38:58,374 Destroy the Iron Star. 588 00:38:58,474 --> 00:39:01,174 But, my Alpha, two of your party are still on board. 589 00:39:01,274 --> 00:39:02,716 Send fish to their mamas. 590 00:39:04,273 --> 00:39:05,955 Launch the meow missiles. 591 00:39:07,833 --> 00:39:08,956 Now! 592 00:39:27,711 --> 00:39:30,211 I'm unplugged. I've only got a minute or so left. 593 00:39:30,311 --> 00:39:31,673 Have faith. 594 00:39:35,990 --> 00:39:39,113 How are we doing, Holy Poppadom? Are we passing your test? 595 00:39:47,789 --> 00:39:50,191 And his wrath was mighty. 596 00:39:51,588 --> 00:39:53,728 - We need to get to Starbug. - We'll use the lift. 597 00:39:53,828 --> 00:39:56,127 But you're not supposed to use lifts at times like this! 598 00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:57,727 No, that's just fires. 599 00:39:57,827 --> 00:40:00,709 When you're on disintegrating spaceships, no-one minds. 600 00:40:29,144 --> 00:40:30,284 Engines on. 601 00:40:30,384 --> 00:40:32,243 Retros on. 602 00:40:32,343 --> 00:40:34,065 We are outta here. 603 00:40:51,581 --> 00:40:53,480 The Iron Star's disintegrating. 604 00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:55,663 We've got to get out of the debris field! 605 00:40:58,701 --> 00:41:00,000 Something's caught us! 606 00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:02,280 It's debris hitting the stern section, sir. 607 00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:04,599 We're on fire. The ship is on fire. 608 00:41:04,699 --> 00:41:08,117 It's heat from the fuel tanks. We're going to explode. 609 00:41:08,217 --> 00:41:10,979 No choice. Stand by for module separation. 610 00:41:13,857 --> 00:41:15,818 Uncoupling now! 611 00:41:20,857 --> 00:41:22,516 Stern ejected. 612 00:41:22,616 --> 00:41:26,156 Excellent quick thinking, Listy. Just one question... 613 00:41:26,256 --> 00:41:28,436 How are you proposing to fly what remains of the ship 614 00:41:28,536 --> 00:41:31,915 when all the engines are in the bit you've just ejected? 615 00:41:32,015 --> 00:41:34,315 I'm probably worrying needlessly, I know. 616 00:41:34,415 --> 00:41:36,794 To be honest, I didn't have an amazing amount of time 617 00:41:36,894 --> 00:41:39,954 - to go through every option. - You mean like use a fire extinguisher? 618 00:41:40,054 --> 00:41:42,434 Use a fire extinguisher! That could've worked too. 619 00:41:42,534 --> 00:41:47,754 I just thought at the time, "Ship's on fire. Get rid of the fiery bit." 620 00:41:47,854 --> 00:41:51,593 Get rid of the fiery bit, worry about the fly-ey bit later? 621 00:41:51,693 --> 00:41:53,353 Tomorrow's another day. 622 00:41:53,453 --> 00:41:56,913 Unfortunately, we need to get past today to get to tomorrow, 623 00:41:57,013 --> 00:42:00,592 and it's the today part of your whizzo escape plan that concerns me. 624 00:42:00,692 --> 00:42:02,712 Kryten, what's our present flight path? 625 00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:04,094 It's down, sir. 626 00:42:05,811 --> 00:42:07,951 Could you possibly be a bit more specific? 627 00:42:08,051 --> 00:42:10,672 Well, it's straight down, sir. 628 00:42:10,772 --> 00:42:13,751 Heading for that desert moon that's directly below us. 629 00:42:13,851 --> 00:42:15,751 Anyone know how to land a cockpit? 630 00:42:15,851 --> 00:42:17,590 There'll be a way. Kryten will know. 631 00:42:17,690 --> 00:42:19,550 He always knows about stuff like this. 632 00:42:19,650 --> 00:42:22,909 Not absolutely always, sir, as I'm about to prove. 633 00:42:23,009 --> 00:42:26,629 How come you don't know? I thought you were meant to be a major astro. 634 00:42:26,729 --> 00:42:29,350 That's the predictive text misspell for what he is. 635 00:42:30,968 --> 00:42:32,428 Well, what are we gonna do? 636 00:42:32,528 --> 00:42:34,987 The owner's manual. Look for the owner's manual. 637 00:42:35,087 --> 00:42:37,988 You'll find it with the service history and the MOT. 638 00:42:38,088 --> 00:42:39,170 Is this it? 639 00:42:43,367 --> 00:42:46,547 - This is interesting. - What? 640 00:42:46,647 --> 00:42:51,825 Apparently, the infotainment touch screen has a pinch-to-zoom feature 641 00:42:51,925 --> 00:42:54,784 and delivers the richest audiovisual entertainment 642 00:42:54,884 --> 00:42:58,263 in any low-budget ship-to-planet transport vehicle to date. 643 00:42:58,363 --> 00:42:59,485 Who knew that? 644 00:43:01,243 --> 00:43:03,503 Look, we're entering the upper atmosphere. 645 00:43:03,603 --> 00:43:05,743 The ship's not slowing down. The atmosphere's too thin. 646 00:43:05,843 --> 00:43:06,953 "Landing." 647 00:43:07,053 --> 00:43:08,463 Got it. 247. 648 00:43:08,563 --> 00:43:10,245 43, 45, 47. 649 00:43:11,482 --> 00:43:13,142 "Launch parachute." 650 00:43:13,242 --> 00:43:16,204 - Parachute? - Launching parachute. 651 00:43:17,562 --> 00:43:18,981 Launching parachute! 652 00:43:19,081 --> 00:43:21,101 Where's the parachute? There's no parachute. It's not here. 653 00:43:21,201 --> 00:43:22,982 How can it not be here? 654 00:43:23,082 --> 00:43:29,043 Is the parachute that... big shiny fluffy piece of material with coloured stripes? 655 00:43:30,921 --> 00:43:35,020 You removed the emergency parachute to make yourself a Puffa jacket? 656 00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,642 Not just a Puffa. I got a pair of mittens out of it, too! 657 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:42,618 It was silk. What did you want me to do? 658 00:43:42,718 --> 00:43:46,456 Relax, sirs, there's an emergency backup... Is there? 659 00:43:46,556 --> 00:43:49,357 Or is the backup parachute now hanging in your wardrobe 660 00:43:49,457 --> 00:43:52,417 next to your leather jacket made out of the ejector seats? 661 00:43:52,517 --> 00:43:54,298 When have I ever had two suits the same? 662 00:43:54,398 --> 00:43:56,137 I used one parachute. 663 00:43:56,237 --> 00:43:57,519 Launching parachute. 664 00:44:03,436 --> 00:44:04,678 Retros on. 665 00:44:10,995 --> 00:44:13,277 Touchdown in five seconds. Brace for impact. 666 00:44:34,392 --> 00:44:36,292 Starbug has landed. 667 00:44:36,392 --> 00:44:39,953 - Permission to go into apeshit mode. - Permission granted. 668 00:44:45,151 --> 00:44:47,010 What now? 669 00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:50,331 We've gotta take stock. Food, water, fuel... What have we got? 670 00:44:50,431 --> 00:44:51,931 Food... None. 671 00:44:52,031 --> 00:44:53,530 Water... None. 672 00:44:53,830 --> 00:44:55,032 Fuel... 673 00:45:07,978 --> 00:45:09,180 None. 674 00:45:25,721 --> 00:45:30,721 - Corrected by darthfrede - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 53570

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