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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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My Feral King...
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I implore you, I will tell you everything.
3
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You will?
4
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- Anything. I will answer any question.
- Okay.
5
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What percentage of the universe
is made of dark matter?
6
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I...
7
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Sorry,
I didn't think it was gonna be general knowledge.
8
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- Can I have an entertainment question?
- Is the wrong answer.
9
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Sports?
10
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You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.
11
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Why did you betray me?
12
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Oh, yeah, in fairness, it was...
it was a bad decision.
13
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I...
I wasn't thinking.
14
00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:02,257
And soon you won't be breathing.
15
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Enter.
16
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My Feral King,
I am sorry to interrupt your torturing.
17
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We have arrested more rebels who have
been spreading the teachings of the holy one.
18
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Bring these insurgents to me.
19
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Let me gaze upon their ugliness.
20
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Since I seized power,
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there is no other god but me.
22
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Our economy does not work, Rodon.
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Few work, none share.
24
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It is only if we embraced
the teachings of Cloister
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00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,610
that we will learn there are
greater treasures looking outward than in.
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Take them to the marketplace and hang them.
27
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,489
Let the clowder see insurrection
will not be tolerated.
28
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Get out of the way, you dogs.
29
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Come on!
30
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We'll escape,
and one day return to free our people.
31
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I'll set a course for the ship of our birth.
32
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May Cloister watch over us.
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- Corrected by darthfrede -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
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Here he comes now.
You do the talking.
35
00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:20,651
Hey, guys.
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00:05:22,229 --> 00:05:23,609
Sir, may I be frank?
37
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For some time now,
we've been growing rather concerned about you.
38
00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,351
Me?
Why?
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00:05:31,709 --> 00:05:34,608
I've noticed of late
you've been drinking slightly more
40
00:05:34,708 --> 00:05:36,590
than your usual half a brewery a day.
41
00:05:39,747 --> 00:05:41,389
Bend, would you, Krytes?
42
00:05:45,186 --> 00:05:47,086
Also, I can't help but notice
43
00:05:47,186 --> 00:05:50,085
that in the morning,
you've often had a midnight snack.
44
00:05:50,185 --> 00:05:54,408
It's only the odd ice cream waffle sandwich,
some cheesy fries and a beer milkshake.
45
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:57,325
Followed by a main course.
46
00:05:57,425 --> 00:06:00,467
Not always a main course!
Sometimes I'm too drunk.
47
00:06:02,145 --> 00:06:05,723
Also, sir,
you've been collecting rather a lot of junk.
48
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,003
- What junk? Where's junk?
- There's junk!
49
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:12,722
This isn't junk, this is antiques.
Salvage from Cargo Bay 15.
50
00:06:12,822 --> 00:06:14,722
We haven't been through
any of that stuff yet.
51
00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:17,003
I've already found Music For Rocking Dads,
52
00:06:17,103 --> 00:06:18,362
Knitting For Beginners,
53
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and an "I love boyband" badge
in pristine condition.
54
00:06:23,023 --> 00:06:24,643
What happened to you, bud?
55
00:06:24,743 --> 00:06:26,082
You're a wreck.
56
00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:28,282
Then perhaps I should use
my Swedish massage chair
57
00:06:28,382 --> 00:06:30,402
that doesn't have batteries.
58
00:06:30,502 --> 00:06:34,921
No-one is blaming you, sir.
You're carrying an enormous burden.
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00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:39,161
The future of the human race
is entirely in your, well...
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Hands?
61
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Lower.
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00:06:42,981 --> 00:06:44,103
Danglier.
63
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,600
And you're deflecting from the real issue
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00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,960
by finding false interests to distract you.
65
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:52,421
How cool is this?
66
00:06:54,419 --> 00:06:55,797
What's your point, Kryten?
67
00:06:55,897 --> 00:07:00,277
I have a solution, sir,
to your last-human-alive dilemma.
68
00:07:00,377 --> 00:07:03,436
An issue that's clearly
driving you to the brink of insanity.
69
00:07:03,536 --> 00:07:05,676
Look at this...
Subbuteo!
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00:07:05,776 --> 00:07:07,597
The Partick Thistle away kit.
71
00:07:07,697 --> 00:07:09,676
Someone would probably kill for this.
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00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:12,356
You're looking at him.
Give me that.
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00:07:12,456 --> 00:07:15,356
Now, this is a little unconventional,
I grant you,
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00:07:15,456 --> 00:07:18,514
but with the meditech
we salvaged from the Delta 7,
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00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:21,114
what I'm about to suggest is quite possible,
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00:07:21,214 --> 00:07:25,353
so I implore you both to give it
your full and proper consideration.
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Both?
What's this got to do with me?
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00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:32,192
Well, sir,
what if you had a sex-change operation?
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Let me finish.
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00:07:35,973 --> 00:07:37,393
And became a woman?
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00:07:37,493 --> 00:07:38,494
Let me finish.
82
00:07:40,412 --> 00:07:44,112
Mr Lister and yourself
could then do the necessary.
83
00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:45,911
Let me finish!
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00:07:46,011 --> 00:07:48,093
And produce a child together.
85
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,550
Have you been drying your head
in the tumble dryer again?
86
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:05,789
With the meditech, making you a woman
is a relatively straightforward procedure, sir.
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00:08:05,889 --> 00:08:08,650
Involving just a few snips
and a bit of folding.
88
00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:13,108
Where does the folding fit in?
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00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:16,547
Well, to make your lady garden, sir.
90
00:08:16,647 --> 00:08:18,987
And with my long history with sheets,
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00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:20,809
you know how good I am at folding.
92
00:08:22,566 --> 00:08:25,547
Dude, what you're suggesting
is anatomically impossible.
93
00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:27,907
But with the meditech, sir,
it's perfectly possible.
94
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,466
Let me put it this way...
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00:08:29,566 --> 00:08:32,226
I'd never be able
to get the plane off the runway,
96
00:08:32,326 --> 00:08:33,906
if you get me drift.
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00:08:34,006 --> 00:08:38,024
Wait a minute.
Are you saying if I was a woman I wouldn't be hot?
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00:08:38,124 --> 00:08:40,664
Bud, if I was a woman,
you wouldn't be in no plane,
99
00:08:40,764 --> 00:08:42,726
you'd be on Apollo 13, baby!
100
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:48,543
Your tongue would be hanging out your mouth
like an old dog.
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Cat, I wouldn't be attracted to you
102
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if you were the most
beautiful woman in the world,
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cos I'm not attracted to you.
104
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:58,383
In fact, this whole crazy idea
would have a better chance of working
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00:08:58,483 --> 00:09:00,622
if it was me
that had the sex-change operation,
106
00:09:00,722 --> 00:09:02,744
cos let's face it, you'd go with anyone.
107
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Wait, hold on.
Are you saying that you'd make a hotter woman than me?
108
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I'd make a better woman than you.
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I'm more empathetic, intuitive.
I'm nicer.
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Have you never seen my legs?
111
00:09:19,561 --> 00:09:22,580
Cat, I'm not gonna get in some stupid, macho
112
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,062
"who would make the hottest woman" barney,
okay?
113
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- Although I know for a fact who it'd be.
- Me.
114
00:09:29,678 --> 00:09:32,260
- The greatest erogenous zone is what?
- My mirror.
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It's the brain,
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and what with me having one,
that puts you at a huge disadvantage, guy.
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Kryten, follow me.
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Ladies.
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Following you, sir.
120
00:10:07,394 --> 00:10:09,614
What are you doing?
121
00:10:09,714 --> 00:10:12,133
I'm following you, sir, as requested, sir.
122
00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:15,053
I don't mean follow me like you're a private eye,
you imbecile.
123
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I mean, accompany me to my destination.
124
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Apologies, sir.
125
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:22,091
I sometimes wonder
if you behave like a cretin on purpose,
126
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as a means of
thumbing your nose at my authority.
127
00:10:25,351 --> 00:10:26,490
Engaging lie mode.
128
00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:30,249
Lie mode engaged...
Sir! I assure you my acting like a cretin is no act.
129
00:10:30,349 --> 00:10:31,850
Lie mode, cancel.
130
00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:33,689
You're lying.
131
00:10:33,789 --> 00:10:35,169
Engaging lie mode.
132
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:37,250
Lie mode engaged.
I most certainly am not, sir.
133
00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:40,729
- Cancel lie mode.
- I can hear you engaging lie mode.
134
00:10:40,829 --> 00:10:42,489
- Did I say all that out loud?
- Yes.
135
00:10:42,589 --> 00:10:44,929
I knew I needed a service.
136
00:10:45,029 --> 00:10:47,591
Not now, you rusty idiot.
I need you. Follow me.
137
00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:51,408
Did I say that out loud?
138
00:10:51,508 --> 00:10:53,430
- Say what?
- Excellent.
139
00:10:55,467 --> 00:11:00,248
That green dot thing on the scanner
screaming towards us at near light speed, what is it?
140
00:11:00,348 --> 00:11:03,509
Well, it appears to be
either some kind of ship or a missile.
141
00:11:05,827 --> 00:11:07,407
Which?
142
00:11:07,507 --> 00:11:09,787
Well, allow me to carry out some tests, sir.
143
00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:14,965
What are you doing?
144
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:17,986
I'm waiting to see
if Red Dwarf explodes, sir.
145
00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:22,246
If it doesn't,
I think we can presume it's a ship.
146
00:11:26,624 --> 00:11:27,786
It's a ship.
147
00:11:29,624 --> 00:11:34,003
It's giving off some kind of transmission but it's extremely faint.
Any suggestions?
148
00:11:34,103 --> 00:11:37,544
It's a long shot, sir,
but have you considered turning up the volume?
149
00:11:40,142 --> 00:11:44,161
- No-one likes a smart alex, Kryten.
- It's smart aleck, sir.
150
00:11:44,261 --> 00:11:47,040
The phrase is based on
the exploits of Aleck Hoag,
151
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,521
a celebrated con artist from 1840s New York.
152
00:11:50,621 --> 00:11:53,121
That's as maybe.
We still can't understand this message, though,
153
00:11:53,221 --> 00:11:55,000
can we, Mr Smarmy Pants?
154
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:58,080
The phrase is in fact smarty-pants, sir.
155
00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:01,940
- It was first used in 19...
- Just fix the distortion before I distort you.
156
00:12:03,338 --> 00:12:08,557
Distortion is usually caused by some form
of interference of the process signal.
157
00:12:08,657 --> 00:12:11,917
Big words, my mechanoid friend,
but for all your cleverness,
158
00:12:12,017 --> 00:12:15,877
and despite being
as well hung as Action Man,
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00:12:15,977 --> 00:12:18,218
it's not really getting us anywhere, is it?
160
00:12:19,537 --> 00:12:22,357
This is an SOS distress call.
Is anyone out there?
161
00:12:22,457 --> 00:12:24,796
Our ship has run out of fuel
and we're presently hiding
162
00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:28,276
from our feral overlords
on a transport vessel called the Iron Star.
163
00:12:28,376 --> 00:12:31,035
Please help us.
We're in great danger.
164
00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:32,555
An SOS distress call?
165
00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:34,475
I'll try and re-establish a link, sir.
166
00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:35,937
Sod them, Kryten.
167
00:12:36,975 --> 00:12:40,075
We've reached an age now
where it's time to enjoy the home comforts
168
00:12:40,175 --> 00:12:42,035
and curl up by a winter fire
169
00:12:42,135 --> 00:12:45,354
and keep taking our various medications
to keep us sprightly.
170
00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:50,856
Not board derelict ships and have to flee from giant,
genetically engineered man-eating cheese.
171
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,112
Well, I'm sure Mr Lister
won't agree with you, sir.
172
00:12:55,212 --> 00:12:57,351
Don't tell him, then.
173
00:12:57,451 --> 00:13:00,670
In fact, erase all memory of the distress call
from your memory.
174
00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:01,830
That's an order.
175
00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:03,532
Yes, sir.
176
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:07,910
- Did you do it?
- Did I do what, sir?
177
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,910
Did you erase the SOS distress call
from your memory?
178
00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:13,350
We've received an SOS distress call?!
179
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:15,629
Damn, why did I say that?
Right...
180
00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:18,189
Erase all memory of me asking you to erase
181
00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:20,668
all memory of the SOS distress call
from your memory.
182
00:13:20,768 --> 00:13:21,828
That's another order.
183
00:13:21,928 --> 00:13:23,948
Yes, sir.
184
00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:26,469
- Have you?
- Have I what, sir?
185
00:13:26,569 --> 00:13:30,269
Have you...
just done what I asked you to do?
186
00:13:30,369 --> 00:13:32,629
You mean have I fixed the distortion?
187
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,910
Why would I be fixing the distortion?
188
00:13:35,618 --> 00:13:38,790
Sir!
I think we've received an SOS distress call!
189
00:13:40,128 --> 00:13:42,586
Erase that from your memory too.
That's another order.
190
00:13:42,686 --> 00:13:45,466
Erasing distortion order, sir.
191
00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:47,346
What's the last thing you remember?
192
00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:49,346
You want me to follow you, sir.
193
00:13:49,446 --> 00:13:52,505
How did I get here?
We were in the corridor.
194
00:13:52,605 --> 00:13:54,825
I knew I needed a service!
195
00:13:54,925 --> 00:13:56,066
Excellent.
196
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,745
Guys, guys, you're never gonna guess
what we've found, me and Cat.
197
00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:01,225
You see, I told you
it wasn't all junk in the sleeping quarters.
198
00:14:01,325 --> 00:14:05,424
I refuse to even step into
that toxic cesspit of filth.
199
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:08,263
- What have you found, sir?
- Holly's spare disc.
200
00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,383
The defence rests.
201
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,702
Holly had a spare disc?
Where is it?
202
00:14:12,802 --> 00:14:13,964
Let's get it installed.
203
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,940
That's his disc?
204
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,418
Back in the day,
this was the forefront of advanced technology.
205
00:14:34,518 --> 00:14:36,418
I bet people couldn't believe
how they'd managed to cram
206
00:14:36,518 --> 00:14:40,538
his entire operating system
onto such a teeny-weeny disc.
207
00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,817
Well, hold on, where's it gonna go?
208
00:14:42,917 --> 00:14:46,500
We're looking for a slot bigger than
the Incredible Hulk's butt crack.
209
00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:50,559
I always wondered what this was for.
210
00:15:00,077 --> 00:15:02,617
What are we waiting for?
Let's get Holly booted up!
211
00:15:02,717 --> 00:15:04,416
Okay, come on, bring her round.
212
00:15:04,516 --> 00:15:05,518
To me, to me.
213
00:15:08,836 --> 00:15:09,975
Higher.
214
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,198
Higher, higher, higher, and push.
215
00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:20,696
It still works.
216
00:15:24,394 --> 00:15:25,833
It's connecting to the ship.
217
00:15:46,305 --> 00:15:47,505
My name is Holly.
218
00:15:47,605 --> 00:15:49,735
Holly, it's us.
You're back, dude!
219
00:15:49,835 --> 00:15:53,334
I am Red Dwarf's computer.
I have an IQ of 6,000.
220
00:15:53,434 --> 00:15:54,854
What's wrong with him?
221
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,654
He's been in the cargo bay
for three million years,
222
00:15:56,754 --> 00:15:58,774
leaning up against a damp wall.
223
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,533
That should've made him better, not worse.
224
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,733
Who are you?
Please explain.
225
00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:06,333
Of course.
He's returned to factory settings.
226
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,052
He doesn't know who we are.
227
00:16:08,152 --> 00:16:10,253
Holly, allow me to introduce myself.
228
00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:15,132
I am First Technician
Arnold J Rimmer, BSC, SSC.
229
00:16:15,232 --> 00:16:18,092
Acting Senior Officer of Red Dwarf.
230
00:16:18,192 --> 00:16:22,011
This is Kryten,
an unimportant sanitation droid.
231
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,971
Cat...
A Felis sapiens.
232
00:16:24,071 --> 00:16:26,793
And Lister...
A human. Or so he maintains.
233
00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:32,770
I can't find any record of Kryten or a Cat
in the ship's manifest.
234
00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:38,090
No records?
I've won best ass on board for thirty years straight!
235
00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:40,409
That's cos they weren't
part of the original crew, Hol.
236
00:16:40,509 --> 00:16:42,609
Cat descended from domestic house cats
237
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,408
and we found Kryten on this crashed ship,
the Nova 5.
238
00:16:45,508 --> 00:16:49,608
He was looking after three skeletons.
Totally unhinged.
239
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:51,046
But now I'm on Red Dwarf,
240
00:16:51,146 --> 00:16:52,628
fitting right in!
241
00:16:53,706 --> 00:16:56,326
Are you aware of the role I perform,
Hologram Rimmer?
242
00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:59,405
You're the Red Dwarf computer, Holly.
You control the ship.
243
00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:03,766
I'm also tasked with appraising Red Dwarf's worth
to the Jupiter Mining Corporation
244
00:17:03,866 --> 00:17:06,725
and decommissioning it
if it serves no useful purpose.
245
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:08,885
Oh, God.
246
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:13,043
Obviously, this doesn't happen while a ship
has a crew performing essential duties.
247
00:17:13,143 --> 00:17:15,043
Oh, God.
248
00:17:15,143 --> 00:17:17,603
Or even performing duties
to an adequate level.
249
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,025
Oh, God.
250
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,362
But Holly, if I may,
251
00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:25,763
JMC protocol insists
no ship may be decommissioned
252
00:17:25,863 --> 00:17:30,202
if it contains living crew members
who are listed on the manifest.
253
00:17:30,302 --> 00:17:32,762
All righty, then, we're sorted.
I'm listed.
254
00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,201
Looking through the records, Crewman Lister,
255
00:17:35,301 --> 00:17:38,121
I see you smuggled
an unquarantined cat on board.
256
00:17:38,221 --> 00:17:41,441
As a result,
you have forfeited all your crew privileges,
257
00:17:41,541 --> 00:17:44,160
including your rights of residency
on Red Dwarf.
258
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:46,521
I will therefore decommission the ship.
259
00:17:46,621 --> 00:17:48,041
Meaning what?
260
00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:51,241
Red Dwarf will be retired
from active service.
261
00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:52,521
He's crazy.
262
00:17:52,621 --> 00:17:55,800
As part of this process,
the ship's nuclear reactors will be dumped
263
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,881
in the nearest black hole,
along with the ship's hologram.
264
00:18:05,697 --> 00:18:08,037
He's starting to win me around.
265
00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:11,196
You can't dump me in a black hole.
I have my rights!
266
00:18:11,296 --> 00:18:12,756
We want to appeal.
267
00:18:12,856 --> 00:18:14,596
Maybe not all of us.
268
00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:16,997
I will begin the deactivation process.
269
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,978
Due to the complexity of this operation,
it will take seven days.
270
00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:30,915
Kryten said you wanted to see me.
271
00:18:31,015 --> 00:18:33,834
Yeah, I need your advice.
This door keeps jamming.
272
00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:35,616
And you want to repair this now?
273
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:40,873
I've no record of
a malfunctioning door in airlock 7.
274
00:18:40,973 --> 00:18:43,434
Well, maybe the feedback system's
down as well, Hol.
275
00:18:43,534 --> 00:18:44,836
We'll check it out, yeah?
276
00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:51,833
Cover your mouth.
277
00:18:51,933 --> 00:18:53,713
He can't hear us?
278
00:18:53,813 --> 00:18:55,751
He may have an IQ of 6,000
279
00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:59,191
but is he as smart as us
when we put our heads together?
280
00:18:59,291 --> 00:19:00,551
Not even close.
281
00:19:00,651 --> 00:19:02,272
Look at him, the gormless gimp.
282
00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:05,292
Can't hear a word we say.
283
00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:09,989
So what are we gonna do?
284
00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:12,469
No choice.
We're going to have to shut him down.
285
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:13,869
But how?
286
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,349
EMP.
287
00:19:15,449 --> 00:19:17,548
Electromagnetic pulse weapon?
288
00:19:17,648 --> 00:19:20,868
Everything shuts down, we uninstall Holly.
289
00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:25,329
Then we toss the dozy wazzock
back on the garbage pile he came from.
290
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,906
Kryten's working on the EMP right now
in the mineral ore storage bay.
291
00:19:32,006 --> 00:19:33,627
Set to go off at noon.
292
00:19:33,727 --> 00:19:35,347
Just sixty seconds.
293
00:19:35,447 --> 00:19:38,968
I'm supposed to be fixing this door,
so let's look busy, yeah?
294
00:19:46,844 --> 00:19:48,326
All fixed now, Hol.
295
00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:52,743
Just for the record,
I heard every word you said in there.
296
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:56,223
Dozy wazzock, gormless gimp.
Everything.
297
00:19:56,323 --> 00:19:57,943
What about stupid bald git?
298
00:19:58,043 --> 00:19:59,504
You didn't say that in there.
299
00:19:59,604 --> 00:20:01,383
No, but I'm saying it now.
300
00:20:01,483 --> 00:20:03,503
An EMP?
I know your plan.
301
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:04,823
It's not happening.
302
00:20:04,923 --> 00:20:06,903
Really?
And where's Kryten?
303
00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:08,262
He's in the MOS.
304
00:20:08,362 --> 00:20:12,142
Detonating a meteorite
to create electromagnetic energy
305
00:20:12,242 --> 00:20:14,621
to take out the ship's grid at noon.
306
00:20:14,721 --> 00:20:16,861
Which is precisely ten seconds from now,
307
00:20:16,961 --> 00:20:19,922
and there ain't a damn thing
you can do to stop him, baldy!
308
00:20:22,279 --> 00:20:23,401
Tonight's the night.
309
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,300
Not tonight, Krytes.
Now!
310
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,980
You said 12:00 AM, sir.
311
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,219
12:00 AM.
Noon.
312
00:20:29,319 --> 00:20:30,979
But 12:00 AM is midnight, sir.
313
00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:34,299
Is it?
I thought 12:00 AM was noon.
314
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,980
No, that's 12:00 PM, sir.
315
00:20:38,678 --> 00:20:41,658
The mineral ore storage bay is now sealed off
until further notice.
316
00:20:41,758 --> 00:20:47,017
Also, your seven-day leaving period
has been reduced to seven minutes.
317
00:20:47,117 --> 00:20:49,538
What are we gonna do now?
318
00:20:49,638 --> 00:20:52,457
We have to take Starbug and find a new ship.
319
00:20:52,557 --> 00:20:55,337
Screw your head on, Kryten.
We haven't passed a ship in yonks.
320
00:20:55,437 --> 00:20:58,496
That's not strictly true.
In fact, we passed one yesterday.
321
00:20:58,596 --> 00:21:00,936
We did?
Why didn't you tell us, sir?
322
00:21:01,036 --> 00:21:02,776
I did, Kryten.
I told you.
323
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:05,598
- Come on.
- I knew I needed a service!
324
00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:11,277
If we fire up the burners,
we can catch that ship in a couple of days.
325
00:21:34,949 --> 00:21:40,210
"If we fire up the burners on Starbug,
we could catch that ship in a couple of days."
326
00:21:40,310 --> 00:21:41,530
The thing about space is...
327
00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:42,729
Don't say it's big.
328
00:21:42,829 --> 00:21:45,169
It is big.
It's really big.
329
00:21:45,269 --> 00:21:47,929
94 billion light years in diameter, in fact.
330
00:21:48,029 --> 00:21:49,928
Sometimes I can't find stuff in our fridge,
331
00:21:50,028 --> 00:21:51,968
and that's only three feet in diameter.
332
00:21:52,068 --> 00:21:54,648
Wait, I'm getting something!
333
00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:58,007
I don't think it's the ship that passed Red Dwarf,
it's something else.
334
00:21:58,107 --> 00:22:00,847
Some kind of deep-space reconnaissance ship.
335
00:22:00,947 --> 00:22:02,568
Handshaking now.
336
00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:04,887
The ship is called the Iron Star
337
00:22:04,987 --> 00:22:07,848
and was built several hundred years
after Red Dwarf
338
00:22:07,948 --> 00:22:11,509
with, presumably,
all that brings in technological advances.
339
00:22:18,427 --> 00:22:21,125
If this ship's in decent nick,
we could've struck gold here.
340
00:22:21,225 --> 00:22:22,885
This could be our new home.
341
00:22:22,985 --> 00:22:26,146
I'll download the Iron Star's floor plan
and show you round.
342
00:22:43,543 --> 00:22:44,842
Iron Star.
343
00:22:44,942 --> 00:22:46,602
Obviously needs some TLC,
344
00:22:46,702 --> 00:22:51,881
but it's the perfect ship
for those crews looking for a project.
345
00:22:51,981 --> 00:22:55,302
And most importantly,
there's no forward chain.
346
00:22:56,981 --> 00:22:58,961
The AAR is now complete.
347
00:22:59,061 --> 00:23:01,641
It is now safe to remove helmets.
348
00:23:01,741 --> 00:23:04,280
How come Helmet-head
gets to stay on Starbug?
349
00:23:04,380 --> 00:23:07,240
Space Corps Directive 76239.
350
00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:11,660
"Extreme caution should be taken
on the naturist deck when peeling carrots"?
351
00:23:13,778 --> 00:23:18,517
Derelict ships have to be made safe
before the senior officer ventures onboard.
352
00:23:18,617 --> 00:23:20,539
Hey, what's this?
353
00:23:26,898 --> 00:23:28,260
What is that place?
354
00:23:30,018 --> 00:23:33,157
I believe it's their hologram projection suite,
sir.
355
00:23:33,257 --> 00:23:37,877
It looks like the Iron Star
was able to sustain multiple holograms.
356
00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:41,116
They had tech way in advance
of anything on Red Dwarf.
357
00:23:41,216 --> 00:23:44,356
Yeah, it doesn't look like you have to
wind up anything round here.
358
00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:46,235
So how'd they do it?
359
00:23:46,335 --> 00:23:49,916
A form of quantum energy
known as diamond light.
360
00:23:50,016 --> 00:23:53,915
It enables holograms
to have unimaginable powers.
361
00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:55,256
I'll be right down!
362
00:24:02,171 --> 00:24:03,631
What's this?
363
00:24:03,731 --> 00:24:07,311
It creates a force field
around food you've elected not to eat.
364
00:24:07,411 --> 00:24:09,510
Must be some kind of slimming aid.
365
00:24:09,610 --> 00:24:11,270
It's on the no-meat vegan setting.
366
00:24:11,370 --> 00:24:13,591
Smart cutlery.
No thanks.
367
00:24:13,691 --> 00:24:15,252
I like me cutlery stupid.
368
00:24:17,810 --> 00:24:20,270
So what does this tech do?
Can it upgrade my light bee?
369
00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:23,309
Well, according to the notes,
it gives holograms the ability
370
00:24:23,409 --> 00:24:25,989
to manipulate light in all its forms.
371
00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:29,189
- What the hell does that mean?
- I'm not exactly sure.
372
00:24:29,289 --> 00:24:31,868
I suggest we take the tech back to Starbug
373
00:24:31,968 --> 00:24:36,668
and conduct further tests
before we embark on an untested pathway.
374
00:24:36,768 --> 00:24:42,148
I'm not waiting while you conduct your
namby-pamby European Space Agency safety tests,
375
00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:46,507
with me having to go before a committee
of meddling grey-suited bureau-droids
376
00:24:46,607 --> 00:24:50,689
and answer multiple-choice questions
on where I'm most likely to find a croissant.
377
00:24:51,966 --> 00:24:54,666
I'll take my chances now, thank you so much.
378
00:24:54,766 --> 00:24:58,346
But, sir,
this is technology we're unfamiliar with.
379
00:24:58,446 --> 00:25:01,247
We need more time to evaluate if it's safe!
380
00:25:02,565 --> 00:25:06,127
Kryten, I want the upgrade now,
and that's an order.
381
00:25:07,445 --> 00:25:08,967
Deactivate.
382
00:25:23,962 --> 00:25:26,262
Are you sure this is safe?
383
00:25:26,362 --> 00:25:28,421
Perhaps I'm over-worrying, sir.
384
00:25:28,521 --> 00:25:30,542
After all, what's the worst that can happen?
385
00:25:30,642 --> 00:25:33,102
I'm making a list.
I'm up to ten already.
386
00:25:33,202 --> 00:25:34,484
Make that eleven.
387
00:25:46,559 --> 00:25:48,539
What's going on?
I'm back to soft light.
388
00:25:48,639 --> 00:25:52,160
No need to panic, sir.
I believe it's just going through the gears.
389
00:26:01,078 --> 00:26:04,359
With every jump I feel stronger,
better, more powerful.
390
00:26:06,667 --> 00:26:07,887
It's still going.
391
00:26:07,987 --> 00:26:09,680
I haven't felt this amazing
since I catalogued
392
00:26:09,780 --> 00:26:13,618
all my books on obsessive-compulsive disorder
using the Dewey Decimal System.
393
00:26:19,715 --> 00:26:22,975
Congratulations, sir.
You've upgraded to diamond light.
394
00:26:23,075 --> 00:26:24,215
How do you feel?
395
00:26:24,315 --> 00:26:25,597
Incredible.
396
00:26:27,714 --> 00:26:29,236
I wonder...
397
00:26:41,951 --> 00:26:44,091
I can change objects into light,
398
00:26:44,191 --> 00:26:46,892
and transfer them back
to their solid state again.
399
00:26:46,992 --> 00:26:51,353
Soft and hard light working together
in perfect quantum harmony.
400
00:26:52,131 --> 00:26:53,353
Wait.
401
00:27:24,311 --> 00:27:26,271
I'm a superhero!
402
00:27:26,871 --> 00:27:28,153
I need a name.
403
00:27:29,711 --> 00:27:31,193
Glitter Guy.
404
00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:34,072
No, something better.
405
00:27:35,110 --> 00:27:36,889
The Mighty Light.
406
00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:40,751
I've never felt so powerful,
so utterly amaze...
407
00:27:45,110 --> 00:27:46,449
Mighty Light?
408
00:27:46,549 --> 00:27:48,431
More like Shitey Sprite.
409
00:27:55,308 --> 00:27:56,968
- What happened?
- As you know,
410
00:27:57,068 --> 00:28:00,927
we chose not to carry out
European Space Agency safety checks.
411
00:28:01,027 --> 00:28:04,328
As a consequence,
the power surge has fried your battery.
412
00:28:04,428 --> 00:28:06,888
Your light bee won't hold any charge.
413
00:28:06,988 --> 00:28:10,669
The only way of powering you up now
is from an independent power source.
414
00:28:12,187 --> 00:28:15,007
- I'm plugged in?!
- Well, without being plugged in,
415
00:28:15,107 --> 00:28:17,765
you have just a few minutes
of charge time left.
416
00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:20,765
From Glitter Guy to the Cable Kid.
417
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:22,285
And once your charge is spent,
418
00:28:22,385 --> 00:28:25,004
it's almost certain
you'll shut down permanently.
419
00:28:25,104 --> 00:28:27,124
Though I'm not getting my hopes up.
420
00:28:27,224 --> 00:28:31,524
Why on Earth did we do the transfer
without carrying out the proper safety tests?
421
00:28:31,624 --> 00:28:33,484
Well, because you ordered me not to, sir.
422
00:28:33,584 --> 00:28:35,444
Yes, but why did you listen to me?
423
00:28:35,544 --> 00:28:37,723
You know I often
don't know what I'm talking about,
424
00:28:37,823 --> 00:28:39,602
and when I don't,
it's your job to say something.
425
00:28:39,702 --> 00:28:41,202
Well, I did try, sir.
426
00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:43,082
Clearly not hard enough.
427
00:28:43,182 --> 00:28:45,143
You are on report.
428
00:28:46,341 --> 00:28:49,440
Kryten 2X4B.
429
00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:50,902
Offence...
430
00:28:53,589 --> 00:28:57,272
Listening to me.
431
00:28:59,269 --> 00:29:02,369
Come on, let's check out the rest of the ship.
Are we moving in or what?
432
00:29:02,469 --> 00:29:04,249
And what am I supposed to do?
Stay here?
433
00:29:04,349 --> 00:29:07,488
You can come too.
Just use the extension leads.
434
00:29:07,588 --> 00:29:08,888
Yeah.
435
00:29:08,988 --> 00:29:11,488
I'm Acting Senior Officer on this ship.
436
00:29:11,588 --> 00:29:15,407
I have a certain standing,
dignity and stature.
437
00:29:15,507 --> 00:29:17,589
I'm not an electric hedge trimmer!
438
00:29:41,865 --> 00:29:43,004
Is this the right way?
439
00:29:43,104 --> 00:29:45,125
I think we might have taken a wrong turn,
sir.
440
00:29:45,225 --> 00:29:49,245
Whichever way we go,
just make sure there are enough plug sockets.
441
00:29:49,345 --> 00:29:51,146
I'm sure we've been this way before.
442
00:29:52,504 --> 00:29:53,506
Sorry.
443
00:29:55,784 --> 00:29:58,384
- Who were they?
- Just some people. What?
444
00:30:01,741 --> 00:30:04,601
It's him!
The Holy Poppadom!
445
00:30:04,701 --> 00:30:08,720
He has come back,
as predicted by the Book Of Smeg!
446
00:30:08,820 --> 00:30:11,161
I can speak!
447
00:30:11,261 --> 00:30:12,502
A miracle!
448
00:30:29,289 --> 00:30:31,119
Guys...
Get up, get up.
449
00:30:31,219 --> 00:30:34,318
- Who are you?
- I... I am Brother Sol.
450
00:30:34,418 --> 00:30:37,318
- I'm Sister Luna.
- Sister Peanut. I can speak.
451
00:30:37,418 --> 00:30:39,959
I couldn't before.
Cos of you.
452
00:30:40,059 --> 00:30:41,358
What are you doing here?
453
00:30:41,458 --> 00:30:44,439
We are fleeing from the Feral Cats
who seek to kill us
454
00:30:44,539 --> 00:30:46,359
for spreading your teachings.
455
00:30:46,459 --> 00:30:49,438
Wait, do you think I'm some kind of god?
456
00:30:49,538 --> 00:30:52,078
We don't think, Holy Poppadom, we know.
457
00:30:52,178 --> 00:30:54,958
Ever since I was a child,
I've had three meals of vindaloo a day,
458
00:30:55,058 --> 00:30:57,076
as the sacred writings said we must.
459
00:30:57,176 --> 00:31:00,636
Only then
will we be rid of the evil inside of us.
460
00:31:00,736 --> 00:31:02,036
You did what?
461
00:31:02,136 --> 00:31:04,675
Listen.
There's been a massive misunderstanding
462
00:31:04,775 --> 00:31:08,715
based on half-truths and...
misunderstanding.
463
00:31:08,815 --> 00:31:10,834
I'm just a man.
464
00:31:10,934 --> 00:31:14,674
No-one special. A nobody, really.
Come on, guys, back me up here.
465
00:31:14,774 --> 00:31:16,213
- Well, he's a nobody.
- He's less than nobody.
466
00:31:16,214 --> 00:31:17,214
An absolute zero.
467
00:31:17,373 --> 00:31:20,952
It's as we always imagined.
Truly humble.
468
00:31:21,052 --> 00:31:24,032
You have been such an inspiration to us,
Holy Poppadom,
469
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:28,831
as our society fell to the Ferals
and their tyrannical regime.
470
00:31:28,931 --> 00:31:30,751
- Ferals?
- Cats,
471
00:31:30,851 --> 00:31:34,031
like you and I, brother,
but vain and shallow creatures
472
00:31:34,131 --> 00:31:37,511
who share nothing
and care about nobody but themselves.
473
00:31:37,611 --> 00:31:40,550
There are people out there like that?
474
00:31:40,650 --> 00:31:45,350
But fear not, Holy Poppadom,
for we have stolen the Anubis Stone...
475
00:31:45,450 --> 00:31:48,970
which holds untold powers
to whoever possesses it.
476
00:31:50,608 --> 00:31:52,268
Anubis?
Who's he?
477
00:31:52,368 --> 00:31:55,787
A creature with the head of a cat
who embalmed the dead.
478
00:31:55,887 --> 00:31:59,748
According to the scriptures,
he who possesses the sacred stone
479
00:31:59,848 --> 00:32:03,410
shall fend off his enemies
and lead his people to the promised land.
480
00:32:05,928 --> 00:32:07,588
What is it?
481
00:32:07,688 --> 00:32:10,107
On first look, I thought it was serendibite,
482
00:32:10,207 --> 00:32:12,987
one of the most precious minerals
in the universe.
483
00:32:13,087 --> 00:32:15,586
But on closer inspection, I realised
484
00:32:15,686 --> 00:32:17,688
it's varnished beetle dung.
485
00:32:20,046 --> 00:32:21,346
Not so precious, then.
486
00:32:21,446 --> 00:32:22,905
It is to them.
487
00:32:23,005 --> 00:32:26,066
We are so blessed
to have finally met our Holy Poppadom.
488
00:32:28,686 --> 00:32:30,545
♪ Cloister...
David Cloister. ♪
489
00:32:30,645 --> 00:32:33,384
♪ Cloister... Cloisty...
Cloister... Cloisty... ♪
490
00:32:33,484 --> 00:32:35,464
♪ Cloister...
David Cloister. ♪
491
00:32:35,564 --> 00:32:36,972
♪ Cloister...
Cloisty... ♪
492
00:32:37,072 --> 00:32:39,942
Guys! Guys!
Guys!
493
00:32:40,042 --> 00:32:44,501
Let's take this from the top.
My name isn't Cloister, it's Lister.
494
00:32:44,601 --> 00:32:47,021
♪ David...
David Lister. ♪
495
00:32:47,121 --> 00:32:49,261
♪ Lister... Listy...
Lister... Listy... ♪
496
00:32:49,361 --> 00:32:52,541
Guys! Guys!
Let me finish.
497
00:32:52,641 --> 00:32:54,731
Okay.
So, years ago...
498
00:32:54,831 --> 00:32:58,701
- A sermon!
- A sermon in the corridor!
499
00:32:58,801 --> 00:33:00,820
All right.
Years ago...
500
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,682
- Sir, may I have a word?
- What, now? One minute, guys.
501
00:33:06,799 --> 00:33:09,179
You can't tell them the truth!
502
00:33:09,279 --> 00:33:10,699
But I have to.
503
00:33:10,799 --> 00:33:12,739
These nutters think I'm their god.
504
00:33:12,839 --> 00:33:16,861
Sir, if you tell them the truth,
you'll break their hearts and crush their souls.
505
00:33:20,479 --> 00:33:24,818
You're right. I have to play along.
Act like a god.
506
00:33:24,918 --> 00:33:28,496
Act like a god?
You've scarcely mastered human.
507
00:33:28,596 --> 00:33:31,456
Well, they surely won't be with us for long.
What harm can it do?
508
00:33:31,556 --> 00:33:32,816
What's this?
509
00:33:32,916 --> 00:33:34,656
Energy signature, incoming.
510
00:33:34,756 --> 00:33:36,735
Some kind of boarding party beaming in.
511
00:33:36,835 --> 00:33:40,776
- Hey, cat buds, are you being followed?
- The Ferals!
512
00:33:40,876 --> 00:33:44,797
They're here, and they will not rest
until we have meowed our last.
513
00:33:46,035 --> 00:33:48,734
We beseech you, Holy Poppadom, protect us.
514
00:33:48,834 --> 00:33:51,133
Hang on.
How do we know they're not bait?
515
00:33:51,233 --> 00:33:53,253
Bait?
Who's the fish?
516
00:33:53,353 --> 00:33:55,075
Look in the mirror and do this.
517
00:33:57,113 --> 00:34:00,754
You know what? I've gotta help them.
After all, they are my followers.
518
00:34:02,432 --> 00:34:05,891
My friends, be not afraid.
519
00:34:05,991 --> 00:34:07,652
Follow me.
520
00:34:07,752 --> 00:34:09,292
"Be not afraid"?
521
00:34:09,392 --> 00:34:11,634
This god lark's gone straight to his head.
522
00:34:21,909 --> 00:34:23,929
No, it be this way.
523
00:34:24,029 --> 00:34:26,630
Thy went left when thy meant to go right.
524
00:34:41,427 --> 00:34:42,789
Wait for me!
525
00:34:52,826 --> 00:34:57,006
So it's you who shelter our runaway clerics.
526
00:34:57,106 --> 00:34:58,909
Who the hell are you?
527
00:35:01,346 --> 00:35:04,965
I am the Commander of the Armies
of the Feral Guards,
528
00:35:05,065 --> 00:35:10,283
General of the Fearless Legions, Feral King,
529
00:35:10,383 --> 00:35:13,465
and one goddamn gorgeous pussycat.
530
00:35:15,103 --> 00:35:18,922
Where is the Anubis Stone?
531
00:35:19,022 --> 00:35:21,962
Come on now, give it up.
532
00:35:22,062 --> 00:35:23,105
Or you shall die.
533
00:35:24,463 --> 00:35:26,202
And after you're dead,
534
00:35:26,302 --> 00:35:30,522
we will present your bloody corpses
to our people as a gift.
535
00:35:30,622 --> 00:35:33,841
A "pamper me" bath and candle set
often hits the mark too.
536
00:35:33,941 --> 00:35:36,721
Who wants to die first?
537
00:35:36,821 --> 00:35:39,520
If it's okay with everyone,
I'd like to go ninth.
538
00:35:39,620 --> 00:35:42,040
Silence, cat traitor!
539
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,760
Whore man.
540
00:35:43,860 --> 00:35:45,080
Bitch of the people.
541
00:35:45,180 --> 00:35:46,879
How comes this guy can't stand me?
542
00:35:46,979 --> 00:35:48,800
He's only known me for twenty seconds.
543
00:35:48,900 --> 00:35:50,461
He's probably just saving time.
544
00:35:52,019 --> 00:35:54,198
You can't harm anyone any more, Rodon.
545
00:35:54,298 --> 00:35:58,238
Look who is with us.
Cloister, the god of our people.
546
00:35:58,338 --> 00:36:00,198
That be I.
547
00:36:00,298 --> 00:36:04,116
God who has created nothing
but hate and division and war and death.
548
00:36:04,216 --> 00:36:05,796
I've done some other stuff too.
549
00:36:05,896 --> 00:36:07,356
If I allow you to live,
550
00:36:07,456 --> 00:36:11,954
my sovereignty would dribble through my fingers
like fine grains of kitty litter.
551
00:36:12,054 --> 00:36:14,355
You must die.
552
00:36:14,455 --> 00:36:17,864
- Look, what is it that you guys want?
- The Anubis Stone.
553
00:36:17,964 --> 00:36:19,235
Well, we had that.
554
00:36:19,335 --> 00:36:22,435
We... We did have it, but...
then we lost it.
555
00:36:22,535 --> 00:36:26,394
- Didn't we, my followers?
- No, we didn't. It is here.
556
00:36:26,494 --> 00:36:30,193
And now we are protected by our Holy Poppadom,
we will never give up the stone.
557
00:36:30,293 --> 00:36:33,393
- Never.
- Ever.
558
00:36:33,493 --> 00:36:34,873
Get the stone.
559
00:36:34,973 --> 00:36:38,192
- Me, my Feral King?
- You are my royal aide, aren't you?
560
00:36:38,292 --> 00:36:42,073
I'm...
I'm more of a food and dining services sort of aide...
561
00:36:42,173 --> 00:36:44,912
Having trouble putting on a bow tie...
That's not me.
562
00:36:45,012 --> 00:36:47,672
Getting mystical stones off people...
Not really me either.
563
00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:49,912
- Get the stone.
- Right away, my Feral King.
564
00:36:50,012 --> 00:36:52,470
Try and take the stone,
and Cloister's wrath will be vented.
565
00:36:52,570 --> 00:36:55,750
- Hail will rain down.
- Plagues unleashed.
566
00:36:55,850 --> 00:36:57,710
Men will be turned into slabs of salt.
567
00:36:57,810 --> 00:37:01,429
Yeah, and not just normal salt,
like low-sodium sea salt.
568
00:37:01,529 --> 00:37:03,469
Go get the goddamn stone!
569
00:37:03,569 --> 00:37:05,172
On my way.
Here I go.
570
00:37:06,250 --> 00:37:09,229
Excuse me, sorry.
Coming through.
571
00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:10,629
Nice to meet you.
572
00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:12,389
Sorry.
Sorry, coming through.
573
00:37:12,489 --> 00:37:16,210
Watch what happens now
as they defy the will of our Holy Poppadom.
574
00:37:27,966 --> 00:37:30,146
Flush 'em out of an airlock.
575
00:37:30,246 --> 00:37:31,906
Let the cat people witness the consequences
576
00:37:32,006 --> 00:37:33,768
of questioning my sovereignty.
577
00:37:45,524 --> 00:37:47,086
- Cat.
- What?
578
00:38:06,962 --> 00:38:10,182
Vegan forks!
They won't let us stab meat!
579
00:38:10,282 --> 00:38:13,860
We can only stab tofu
and processed meat substitutes!
580
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,122
Sir!
Some lettuce! Catch!
581
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,921
Not so confident now, are you?
582
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,201
Okay.
I'm dropping the lettuce.
583
00:38:29,319 --> 00:38:30,641
Lister, where are you?
584
00:38:51,075 --> 00:38:52,295
My Alpha.
585
00:38:52,395 --> 00:38:54,135
Where are they?
586
00:38:54,235 --> 00:38:55,894
I grow weary waiting.
587
00:38:55,994 --> 00:38:58,374
Destroy the Iron Star.
588
00:38:58,474 --> 00:39:01,174
But, my Alpha,
two of your party are still on board.
589
00:39:01,274 --> 00:39:02,716
Send fish to their mamas.
590
00:39:04,273 --> 00:39:05,955
Launch the meow missiles.
591
00:39:07,833 --> 00:39:08,956
Now!
592
00:39:27,711 --> 00:39:30,211
I'm unplugged.
I've only got a minute or so left.
593
00:39:30,311 --> 00:39:31,673
Have faith.
594
00:39:35,990 --> 00:39:39,113
How are we doing, Holy Poppadom?
Are we passing your test?
595
00:39:47,789 --> 00:39:50,191
And his wrath was mighty.
596
00:39:51,588 --> 00:39:53,728
- We need to get to Starbug.
- We'll use the lift.
597
00:39:53,828 --> 00:39:56,127
But you're not supposed to
use lifts at times like this!
598
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:57,727
No, that's just fires.
599
00:39:57,827 --> 00:40:00,709
When you're on disintegrating spaceships,
no-one minds.
600
00:40:29,144 --> 00:40:30,284
Engines on.
601
00:40:30,384 --> 00:40:32,243
Retros on.
602
00:40:32,343 --> 00:40:34,065
We are outta here.
603
00:40:51,581 --> 00:40:53,480
The Iron Star's disintegrating.
604
00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:55,663
We've got to get out of the debris field!
605
00:40:58,701 --> 00:41:00,000
Something's caught us!
606
00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:02,280
It's debris hitting the stern section, sir.
607
00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:04,599
We're on fire.
The ship is on fire.
608
00:41:04,699 --> 00:41:08,117
It's heat from the fuel tanks.
We're going to explode.
609
00:41:08,217 --> 00:41:10,979
No choice.
Stand by for module separation.
610
00:41:13,857 --> 00:41:15,818
Uncoupling now!
611
00:41:20,857 --> 00:41:22,516
Stern ejected.
612
00:41:22,616 --> 00:41:26,156
Excellent quick thinking, Listy.
Just one question...
613
00:41:26,256 --> 00:41:28,436
How are you proposing to fly
what remains of the ship
614
00:41:28,536 --> 00:41:31,915
when all the engines
are in the bit you've just ejected?
615
00:41:32,015 --> 00:41:34,315
I'm probably worrying needlessly, I know.
616
00:41:34,415 --> 00:41:36,794
To be honest,
I didn't have an amazing amount of time
617
00:41:36,894 --> 00:41:39,954
- to go through every option.
- You mean like use a fire extinguisher?
618
00:41:40,054 --> 00:41:42,434
Use a fire extinguisher!
That could've worked too.
619
00:41:42,534 --> 00:41:47,754
I just thought at the time,
"Ship's on fire. Get rid of the fiery bit."
620
00:41:47,854 --> 00:41:51,593
Get rid of the fiery bit,
worry about the fly-ey bit later?
621
00:41:51,693 --> 00:41:53,353
Tomorrow's another day.
622
00:41:53,453 --> 00:41:56,913
Unfortunately,
we need to get past today to get to tomorrow,
623
00:41:57,013 --> 00:42:00,592
and it's the today part of your
whizzo escape plan that concerns me.
624
00:42:00,692 --> 00:42:02,712
Kryten, what's our present flight path?
625
00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:04,094
It's down, sir.
626
00:42:05,811 --> 00:42:07,951
Could you possibly be a bit more specific?
627
00:42:08,051 --> 00:42:10,672
Well, it's straight down, sir.
628
00:42:10,772 --> 00:42:13,751
Heading for that desert moon
that's directly below us.
629
00:42:13,851 --> 00:42:15,751
Anyone know how to land a cockpit?
630
00:42:15,851 --> 00:42:17,590
There'll be a way.
Kryten will know.
631
00:42:17,690 --> 00:42:19,550
He always knows about stuff like this.
632
00:42:19,650 --> 00:42:22,909
Not absolutely always, sir,
as I'm about to prove.
633
00:42:23,009 --> 00:42:26,629
How come you don't know?
I thought you were meant to be a major astro.
634
00:42:26,729 --> 00:42:29,350
That's the predictive text misspell
for what he is.
635
00:42:30,968 --> 00:42:32,428
Well, what are we gonna do?
636
00:42:32,528 --> 00:42:34,987
The owner's manual.
Look for the owner's manual.
637
00:42:35,087 --> 00:42:37,988
You'll find it with the service history
and the MOT.
638
00:42:38,088 --> 00:42:39,170
Is this it?
639
00:42:43,367 --> 00:42:46,547
- This is interesting.
- What?
640
00:42:46,647 --> 00:42:51,825
Apparently, the infotainment touch screen
has a pinch-to-zoom feature
641
00:42:51,925 --> 00:42:54,784
and delivers the richest
audiovisual entertainment
642
00:42:54,884 --> 00:42:58,263
in any low-budget
ship-to-planet transport vehicle to date.
643
00:42:58,363 --> 00:42:59,485
Who knew that?
644
00:43:01,243 --> 00:43:03,503
Look, we're entering the upper atmosphere.
645
00:43:03,603 --> 00:43:05,743
The ship's not slowing down.
The atmosphere's too thin.
646
00:43:05,843 --> 00:43:06,953
"Landing."
647
00:43:07,053 --> 00:43:08,463
Got it.
247.
648
00:43:08,563 --> 00:43:10,245
43, 45, 47.
649
00:43:11,482 --> 00:43:13,142
"Launch parachute."
650
00:43:13,242 --> 00:43:16,204
- Parachute?
- Launching parachute.
651
00:43:17,562 --> 00:43:18,981
Launching parachute!
652
00:43:19,081 --> 00:43:21,101
Where's the parachute?
There's no parachute. It's not here.
653
00:43:21,201 --> 00:43:22,982
How can it not be here?
654
00:43:23,082 --> 00:43:29,043
Is the parachute that...
big shiny fluffy piece of material with coloured stripes?
655
00:43:30,921 --> 00:43:35,020
You removed the emergency parachute
to make yourself a Puffa jacket?
656
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,642
Not just a Puffa.
I got a pair of mittens out of it, too!
657
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:42,618
It was silk.
What did you want me to do?
658
00:43:42,718 --> 00:43:46,456
Relax, sirs, there's an emergency backup...
Is there?
659
00:43:46,556 --> 00:43:49,357
Or is the backup parachute
now hanging in your wardrobe
660
00:43:49,457 --> 00:43:52,417
next to your leather jacket
made out of the ejector seats?
661
00:43:52,517 --> 00:43:54,298
When have I ever had two suits the same?
662
00:43:54,398 --> 00:43:56,137
I used one parachute.
663
00:43:56,237 --> 00:43:57,519
Launching parachute.
664
00:44:03,436 --> 00:44:04,678
Retros on.
665
00:44:10,995 --> 00:44:13,277
Touchdown in five seconds.
Brace for impact.
666
00:44:34,392 --> 00:44:36,292
Starbug has landed.
667
00:44:36,392 --> 00:44:39,953
- Permission to go into apeshit mode.
- Permission granted.
668
00:44:45,151 --> 00:44:47,010
What now?
669
00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:50,331
We've gotta take stock.
Food, water, fuel... What have we got?
670
00:44:50,431 --> 00:44:51,931
Food...
None.
671
00:44:52,031 --> 00:44:53,530
Water...
None.
672
00:44:53,830 --> 00:44:55,032
Fuel...
673
00:45:07,978 --> 00:45:09,180
None.
674
00:45:25,721 --> 00:45:30,721
- Corrected by darthfrede -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
53570
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