Original subtitles

[guests coughing]

Raven, why'd you make me blow out 60 candles?

It's not my fault your age is a fire hazard.

Aw, guys, you didn't need to bring all these presents.

But since you did, let's open these bad boys up.

You're gonna love mine.

-Ooh, I wonder what this one is. -[Alice] Let me see.

-This is a nose hair trimmer. -[rattling]

That's from me. [chuckles]

I didn't get it for any reason, no reason at all.

It also works on ears and eyebrows, but again, no reason.

Alice, that's amazing.

-Here, do this one. -Okay.

-[rattling] -It's a Bluetooth meat thermometer.

-Ooh. -That's from me and Ivy.

Now you don't have to get up from your recliner

to know your meat's medium rare.

Oh, that's good, because he gets up from his recliner

"medium rarely."

[all laughing]

-[rattling] -Wow, this is a good one.

It sounds like a bag of coffee beans grown on the farm where you grew up

and roasted over the wood of your childhood crib.

You can tell all that just by shaking it?

Oh no, this is my gift.

Aw.

Ooh.

Alice, this is an incredibly thoughtful gift.

Thank you so much.

Aw. That is a good one. [chuckles]

I'm glad that my present was throwing this party,

because I'd hate to be the poor sucker who has to follow Alice. Good job, girl.

Hey. Here, Mr. B., open this one.

Nah, nah.

Nah, he probably doesn't wanna open this one,

probably tired of opening presents.

-I am not tired of opening presents. -But we haven't tried the cake,

this de-- [sniffs] this delicious cake.

You want some delicious cake, don't you, Grandpa?

Booker, what is wrong with you?

[knocking on door]

Oh, look, someone's at the door. I'll answer the door, Grandpa,

for your birthday.

Surprise!

-[Booker] Grandmama! -[Raven] Mom!

-Tanya? -Happy birthday, Victor!

[sniffs] Why's it smell like smoke in here?

Oh, we're not playing with matches. Dad's just old. Mom!

♪ Ha ha! Let me tell you something ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out

-♪ But then life had other plans ♪ - Tell 'em, Mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things Turn upside down ♪

♪ But you gotta get up And take that chance ♪

-♪ A new city, I'm finding my way ♪ - It's gonna take some time ♪

-♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay -♪ You know I got it, right?

♪ It might be wild But you know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam caught up In a crazy world, come on! ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home -♪ We get loud!

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home -♪ It's our crowd!

♪ Might be tough But together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other like family should ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home -♪ When it's tough

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home -♪ We got love

♪ 'Cause no matter the weather You know we gonna shine ♪

♪ There for each other You know it's our time ♪

[laughs] Yep, that's us.

Tanya, you flew all the way here from London?

Of course! It's your birthday.

Unless I missed it.

Am I in today or tomorrow? These time zones really mess me up.

[chuckles]

Mom, I can't believe that you're actually here.

Well, hey, I wasn't gonna let not getting an invitation stop me

from celebrating your dad's 60th birthday.

No invitation, huh? Whoever threw this party, we gon' have some words.

-Didn't you plan it, Auntie Rae? -Mind your business, girl.

Mom, I just, you know, I thought you were too busy,

like how you couldn't show up when Dad had his heart attack.

-You had a heart attack? -You didn't tell her?

-You didn't tell her about the party. -That's nowhere near the same thing.

Hey, hey. L-Let's not argue.

We're here to celebrate Victor's birthday

cake, which I made.

And you don't have to compliment me now, but before I leave would be great.

-Hey, guys, can I talk to you? -You're talking to us right now.

-Not here. -Oh.

You guys, I've got a serious problem, okay?

Everyone gave my grandpa amazing, thoughtful gifts.

That's true. I mean, Alice gave him magic beans that make coffee.

-Neil, all coffee comes from be-- -Don't.

Don't do it, Ivy. He's got his whole life to grow up.

[clears throat]

Anyway, what'd you get him, Booker?

You want him to drink out of that?

I know what to do. Close your eyes. I'll slap it out of your hand.

-It won't be your fault. -Uh-- No.

Uh, look, I know I can't give him this.

All right, I need something better, even better than Alice's.

[scoffs] Good luck with that.

It took me a year to make that present.

What could you come up with in an afternoon?

Oh, right, that mug.

I got ideas.

Don't tell Alice, but I don't got ideas.

Okay, look, sometimes the best gifts are surprising, okay?

Something you wouldn't expect, like shoes with my cat's face on them

or gift card for unicycle lessons.

-Neil, are these things you want? -Mmm?

[scoffs]

No. They're things anybody would want.

For my birthday on June 3rd.

You wanna give Pop -Pop the perfect gift?

You gotta really get to know him.

Go to the attic, dig through his stuff,

violate his privacy.

Alice, I can't do that.

Fine, give him that janky mug.

To the attic!

Hey, I haven't found anything. How about you guys?

Don't bother getting him a copy of Potty Jokes for The Powder Room.

Because he already has the very appropriately titled

Number One and Number Two.

I've read Number Two.

It stinks.

[chuckling]

-I see what you did there. -[Alice cackling]

Dang it. This man has everything. I'll just give him the dumb mug.

Wait, I think I found something.

Aw. It's so cute. They carved their initials into a tree.

[both] Aw.

This will make the perfect gift for your grandpa. [echoing]

Hey, you guys, I just had a v--

idea!

A great idea. [laughs]

We'll give him this.

You wanna give him a tree?

Not the whole tree.

You know, just the part where they carved their initials.

If only I knew where the picture was taken.

Let me see that.

They're in Muir Woods.

That's just over the Golden Gate Bridge. We could drive there right now.

You all have fun with that.

No, no, no. Alice, you have to come with us.

Why do I have to go?

Because you were in my

idea.

And if my idea's gonna come true,

everything has to be how it was in my idea

when I thought of it.

My idea.

Smooth.

-So I said to my client -Mm-hmm.

[British accent] "Madam, 'twas but a fortnight ago

that you put your faith in me,

but, as the barrister of Her Majesty's High Court,

I assure you, you shall go free!"

Brava, brava, Mama! [squeals]

Dad, you ain't got no "bravas" for Mama, bro?

Mmm. Sorry, I just wanted to clean up a little.

Oh, let me do that, you go talk to Mom.

No, no, i-it's okay.

You guys haven't seen each other in, like, forever.

Victor, sit down.

I, uh-- I gotta c -clean up these cups,

'cause if we leave the punch out then we get ants,

and you know how much I hate ants, especially your aunt Carol.

-[mutters, chuckles] -You hate my sister?

What? No, no, no. I love your sister.

I mean, I don't love your sister.

If I loved your sister, I would've married your sister, but I didn't.

Although, I-I would've. Uh, she's so beautiful.

But not as beautiful as you.

Dad?

Can I talk to you over here please?

-What is going on with you? -I don't know.

It's just, I haven't seen your mother in a long time,

and then she surprised me by showing up.

And it's-- it's weird, right?

Only because you're making it weird.

You need to relax, take a breath, okay?

You know what, why don't you take her for lunch at The Chill Grill?

-That's a good idea. -Obviously, I came up with it.

Tanya, I was wondering,

if you not doing anything,

if maybe you wanna go with--

Maybe-- Maybe you don't wanna go with--

Just the plane--

Maybe you need to wash your hair or--

Good Lord, man!

Mom, Dad wants to take you to lunch.

I-I would love to.

Righty-roo! [chuckles]

-[mouthing] "Righty-roo"? -That's your husband.

All right, you love birds.

Yeah. [laughs]

Whoo! That is gonna be one awkward lunch.

Tanya, I just can't live like this anymore.

Oh, no! Dad's gonna end it with Mom.

Everything is falling apart.

Dave, I'm telling ya,

ever since I started living on a boat, I've been sleeping like a baby,

a baby with a boat.

It is so nice to be back.

It's so nice to have you back.

I'm sorry about this whole awkward thing, it's just--

No, I know, the long-distance thing is not easy.

You, here. Me,

[British accent] across the pond in London Town.

[normal] Sorry, sometimes I forget I'm from Oakland.

Maybe it's time we really talk about things.

-I've been thinking-- -Hello, love birds.

May I present to you San Francisco Bay salmon.

Yeah, I caught it myself off my boat.

You said it jumped through a porthole into your bed.

Really, Dave?

The first time you open your mouth in weeks and it's to blow me up?

Not cool, dude.

Lazlo, I just can't get used to seeing you without your mullet.

Oh, I still have it. It's in a bag in the freezer.

-I can go get it if-- -No, no, no.

You know, what we really would like is some privacy.

[exhales sharply] Of course.

You heard the man, Dave. Beat it. [scoffs]

Ooh, ah. Right, sorry.

So, Victor, what were you saying?

Oh! Right, um, I guess--

Hey, fam. [laughs]

What we having?

Raven, what are you doing here?

Well, you guys left the house, and then the kids left the house,

and it just got quiet.

A little too quiet.

You guys ever get that feeling when things get a little

[whispers] too quiet?

Not lately.

[gasps] Ooh! San Francisco Bay salmon!

Mmm

The fish of romance.

According to my compass, that way is north.

Which way is the tree?

Alice, compasses don't tell you where trees are.

But if you wanna know where west, east or south is, I'm your guy.

Yo, Grandpa Vic is gonna love this.

I'm like the best gift giver in the world.

But in your vision, Neil said it would be the perfect gift for your grandpa.

So, technically, Neil's the best gift giver in the world.

-[groans] But it was my vision, right? -Mm-hmm.

So, technically-- technically, I'm still the best.

-You know, but-- -I'm the best!

[Alice] Found it!

Wow.

This will make the perfect gift for your grandpa.

Booker, you were right.

-Yeah, but technically-- -We're not doing this again, Ivy.

How are we supposed to get this to your house?

Uh [mutters]

You-- You dragged us all the way out here,

and you didn't bring an axe or a saw or anything?

Don't worry. All right, I got this.

I've been watching a ton of Internet videos

where this guy chops through wood with his hand.

Ah, Chop Louie? That guy's hilarious.

-He breaks his hand every time. -[laughs]

-[grunts] -No, Booker, wait.

Okay, I'm recording. Go for it.

-[Booker inhales sharply] -Maybe you should let me handle this, huh?

Alice, why do you have a chain saw?

The better question is, why don't any of you?

Step aside.

And this is a picture of me at the Queen's Jubilee.

Mom, you wore the dress I made you to Buckingham Palace?

Of course.

You know the guards aren't supposed to move, but I saw 'em checking me out.

I don't get it.

It was Raven's idea for Tanya and me to have alone time,

but then Raven comes in and crashes it.

Mmm.

You know, Victor, when I need a place for a little alone time with my lady,

I take her out on my boat.

-You have a lady? -Mmm.

Nope. But I have a boat, so I am halfway there.

Lazlo, that is perfect.

I need you to distract Raven so I can get Tanya out of here.

Ooh. No problem. I know exactly what to do.

Hey, Mom, so, like, hypothetically, could you get banned from places for life?

Like what places?

Uh, I don't know, like a, um-- like a hair salon, or like a day spa.

What about outer space?

You got banned from space?

-Hypothetically, Mom-- -Oh, Raven.

[stammering] May I borrow you for a moment?

I'm talking to my mom, Lazlo.

Yes. Yes, yes. But I, uh--

I have a mole, and I need you to tell me if it looks funny.

Well, I was a doctor for a couple hours a while back.

Which is how I got banned from a hospital.

-You got banned from a hospital? -Hypothetically.

I'll be right back.

Hey, uh, Tanya. You wanna get out of here?

I thought you'd never ask.

Lazlo, you did not need to bring me into the kitchen to show me that.

But you didn't answer my question. Does this mole look funny?

[giggling]

[sighs] You got problems, you know that?

Oh, where are my parents?

Ooh! Oh, they're gone? I hadn't noticed.

Lazlo, what do you know?

Wha--

Nothing. [gulps]

I am a mama, Lazlo. I know when little boys are lying.

-I'm not lying! -[stamps foot]

Okay, I believe you.

But if you were,

[whimpering] you would break this mama's heart.

[gasps, sighs]

Fine. I know where they are.

Oh! Mama guilt!

The most powerful force in all of nature. Spill it, man!

Oh, Victor said he needed someplace to talk to your mom alone,

so he took her out on my boat.

Okay, okay. I gotta get to that boat. What's it called?

The Hungry Hunk.

I don't know why we couldn't stop at Julie's House of Jerky.

She'll jerky anything.

I "jerky-ed" my dad's tie for Father's Day.

-Oh, man. -[Neil] He loved it.

I wanna get back and give this log to my grandpa before he turns 61.

Are you sure we should be taking the Golden Gate Bridge?

Yeah, there's always traffic.

Trust me, all right? It's the fastest way back.

[horns honking]

Oh, man.

This is gonna take forever.

If only someone had warned you.

Hope we don't get hungry.

Sure would be nice to have some jerky right now.

I heard that, Neil.

Oh, good. 'Cause I wanted you to.

[seagulls squawking]

It is so beautiful out here.

I'm just glad we finally have a chance to be alone.

Tanya, we need to talk.

This situation is just--

[Tanya gasps] Ooh!

-[panting] -What is going on?

[chuckles] Nobody dumps my mama. Not even my daddy.

[Tanya gasps]

Steady.

Steady as she goes.

[horns honking]

Yo, why aren't we moving?

Apparently a tanker of peanut butter crashed into a truck full of jelly.

Is this real?

Yo, is this really happening?

I don't even know what pun to make first.

You know, do I-- do I call it a sticky situation,

or do I say it's a real jam?

I'm just gonna make a list.

Uh, did they say when it'll be cleared up?

Uh

-Not anytime soon. -No. Forget it. I'm walking.

Wait. Booker, that's crazy.

Yeah, your grandpa's house is, like, way north.

-Your compass is upside down. -Oh.

Your grandpa's house is, like, way south.

Yo, what choice do I have?

I gotta get his present to him before his birthday's over.

[straining]

[grunts]

Whoo! That thing's heavy.

Uh, how far did I go? Like, a mile?

Why can't you give it to him tomorrow?

Because it won't be his birthday anymore. It won't be as special.

I mean, everyone gave such amazing gifts.

And mine feels lame.

I just want Grandpa Vic to know how much I love him.

Booker, birthdays aren't just about presents.

And that's coming from a ten -year-old who loves presents.

Pop-Pop knows how much you care.

You show him every day by making him laugh and spending time with him.

There's no better present than that.

Wow. No wonder you gave Grandpa such a thoughtful gift.

I also wanted to, uh, show everyone else up.

It's kinda my thing, so

Thanks, Alice.

Well, guess I'm gonna have to give him this tomorrow.

[all gasp]

On second thought, he's just gonna have to be happy with a hug and a mug.

I've missed this.

Me too.

Aw.

[Tanya screams]

Uh-oh.

We're sinking!

We're sinking?

Raven, what are you doing here?

Going down with the ship, just like you.

[all screaming]

[water bubbling, gurgling]

Stupid open-toed shoes.

Tanya, if this is the end, there's something I must say.

-Dad, wait. -No.

I've been trying this all day. This might be my last chance.

Tanya, I just can't live like this anymore.

Yow! Like a knife in my heart!

Victor, what are you trying to say?

[helicopter approaching]

[coast guard] Attention, on the boat!

This is the US Coast Guard.

-We're saved! -Thank goodness!

-Raven, you go first. -Okay.

[Victor] I'm in! Pull me up! Pull me up!

[mouthing] What?

Whoo! [chuckles]

Can you believe the traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge?

[chuckling] I mean, I have never been happier to be in a helicopter.

-Well, off to bed. -Raven.

-Uh-huh? -What is going on with you today?

First, you tell me to talk to your mom,

and then you try to keep me from talking to her.

And then you sink a boat.

No, Dad, I did not sink that boat. You believe me, don't you, Mom?

Oh, sweetie, I wish I could. But I know you.

[stammering] You know, why are we even talking about me? All right?

What we need to be talking about is what you meant

when you told Mom that you couldn't live like this anymore.

Actually, Victor, I've been wondering that myself.

Look.

We've been living apart for years.

And I thought I was fine with that,

but then I saw you today, and I realized I'm not.

To be honest, I'm not either.

[sobbing] I can't take it.

It's just sad, okay?

I mean [whimpering]

Whatever it is, all right? Whatever it is, just say it!

Tanya, I want this to work between us.

I wanna move to London to be with you.

Oh. That's what you were gonna say? Why was I trying to stop you?

Victor, I can't think of anything that would make me happier!

-[sighs] -Aw.

I knew this was gonna work out.

This is nice. This is so nice!

Oh, good. Grandpa, you're home. There's, uh, something I wanna give you.

Happy birthday.

Oh, Booker. I love it.

Yeah. Um, I had something better I wanted to give you.

It was a piece of the tree you carved your initials in when you two were dating.

[gasps] Oh, that's so sweet!

-But we got stuck in traffic. -Yeah.

And the log accidentally fell off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I'm just glad it didn't hit anything.

Like a sailboat?

Yeah. Yeah, like a sailboat or a swimmer or, oh, a sea lion.

-[Neil] Oh. -[mouthing] No.

Or a sailboat?

Yeah. Fine, Ma, a sailboat. What's with you and sailboats?

And why are you in coast guard blankets?

Oh, no.

[chuckling]

Why are you laughing?

'Cause you got a kid just like you.

[Victor chuckling]

Alice's coffee in Booker's cup.

Smells like love.

Tastes like burnt sock.

Mmm. Here.

Tastes like burnt sock with cream.

I don't hate it.

Oh, hey, Victor.

I just heard you're moving to London.

That is great news!

Oh, thanks.

Listen, Lazlo, I'm really sorry about your boat.

Oh. Yeah, about that.

Since my house sank and you're going to be in London,

I thought, eh, maybe I could crash in your room.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

Oh. Oh, yeah, a funny thing about that.

You see, the coast guard found what sank my boat,

and I believe these are your initials on a log

that your grandson dropped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

Bedroom up the stairs, second door on the left.

Thank you so much.

-Hey, Lazlo. -Hey, roomie.

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