All language subtitles for Package Deal s01e10 Big Brothers.eng

- I just want you to relax.
- Okay.

That's a little distracting.

No, it's part of the therapy.
You'll see.

Now, tell me about
the first time you met Alison.

Okay. Uh, well, I was
ordering a turkey sandwich

at this great little bistro,
when Alison...

Ah! What was that for?

It's slap therapy. It's from China.
It unblocks your obstructed meridians.

So please continue.

Okay, um, well, anyway,
that's when Alison...

But you told me
to talk about Alison!

Go on.

Well, I don't want to talk
about her anymore.

- See, Ryan? We're making progress!
- We are?

Wow. I got to say, you are
the best therapist I have ever had.

Thank you.

- Well, our time's up.
- Oh.

- Okay, I guess I'll see you on Tuesday?
- Yes.

Okay, and I will not
be mentioning Alison.

- I thought you said our time was up!
- No charge.

Season 1, Episode 10
"Big Brothers"

Synced by err0001 & Reef
www.MY-SUBS.com

Geez. Don't you
have a home?

I could say the same thing
about you guys.

Whoa, Kim!
No need to be hostile.

Babe, what's wrong?
You look awful.

Aw, it's nothing, I just have
this raging stress migraine.

He just found out
he's getting a big award.

Please, stop yelling.

Why would getting an award
give you a migraine?

It all started
back in middle school.

I won this huge award, and the principal
goes to give it to me, and I...

You know, I don't want to talk about it.
It was bad. Okay? It was awful.

It was traumatizing.

Were you touched?

What? No!

Geez, Kim.
You go dark fast.

Some kid pantsed him
in front of the whole school.

Everyone
was laughing at me.

- Aw, it's not that big a deal.
- Seriously. Minor embarrassment.

I've had worse traumas today!

- Why don't you just skip the ceremony.
- I can't.

It's for some pro bono work
I did for Big Brothers.

They're holding this huge ceremony
at the courthouse just for me.

God! Why do I have
to be such an amazing person?

You know...

My therapist deals with
anxiety issues all the time.

- Maybe you could talk to her.
- I don't know...

I mean, nothing against therapy,

but you've been doing it for 30 years,
and, well... you know.

Trust me, okay? She's a little
unorthodox, but amazing.

You know, you guys should
think about getting laid.

That's what I'm about to do.
Best therapy out there.

Are you still dating
Jenny What's-her-face?

No, it's
Laura Something-or-other.

She's the chick
from Big Brothers

who dropped off the tickets
for Danny's award banquet.

She was here
for four seconds.

I know. I'm getting old.
It's embarrassing.

So, you just met her, and you're already
planning to hop into bed with her?

I feel like you're trying to make
a point, but I don't know what it is.

My point is, you're a pig!
You don't even know anything about her!

Well, I know she had boobs.

Great big, round boobs, like giant
owl eyes staring through the night.

Boobs make you
so poetic.

You should hear
my ass-haiku.

- Come on, give me a ride home, Ryan.
- Feel better, Danny.

God. I am so stressed out.
What am I gonna do?

You know, I hate
to even say this,

but Sheldon might've had a good idea
how to relieve your stress.

How is Sheldon having sex
gonna relieve my stress?

Danny! It's okay. This happens
to every guy. It's just the anxiety.

- I'm going to see Ryan's therapist.
- OK, I think you're overreacting.

Where are you going?

To take one of my showers.

But you just took a...

Here, try this.

"Kingpole tea?"

- Is that good for my nerves?
- It's good for your limp noodle.

You told her about that?

It may have slipped out
in conversation.

- How does something like that slip out?
- We were talking about it...?

Look, it's nothing.
Really...

Guys, I'm in trouble.

I think Laura slipped me
something last night.

After our date,
I've been feeling kind of funny.

- Funny how?
- I don't know, it's weird.

I mean, I slept with her, but, for some
reason, I'm still thinking about her.

And I'm thinking
about her now.

And now.

And now!

How about now?

Actually... yes!

I can... I can still
smell her perfume.

- Oh, no! Maybe it's a brain tumor.
- Yeah. You'd need a brain for that.

If you weren't Sheldon, I'd say
you actually care for this woman.

Don't be ridiculous.

I mean, sure, I haven't checked
out another broad all day.

And every time I think about her,
I get this dopey look on my face.

Oh, no!

I had that exact same
look when I met Kim.

That's not funny, Danny!

You know, I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but maybe you're finally ready
for a mature relationship.

She's not old, Kim.

- You know that's not what I meant.
- I know what you meant.

I was deliberately making a joke
to hide...

To hide my true feelings.

Oh, no. It's worse
than I thought.

Sheldon, maybe you want
to tell this girl how you feel.

Yeah! You're right.

Maybe I should.
How's this sound?

"Laura... I have
feelings for you."

"And not just below the waist."

- That would work for me.
- "Hello" works for you.

Hey, thanks for letting me
take part of your session.

No problem. I can't wait
for you to meet Sydney.

Oh! And...

Because this is your first therapy
session, I made you a starter kit.

Tissues...

Dream journal.

More tissues.

Hand-sanitizer.

You never know what kind of
weirdos were in here before you.

- Thanks, Ryan.
- Yeah...

Hello. Hi.

I'm Dr. Sydney Forbes.

You must be Ryan's brother?

Uh, yeah.
Um, thanks... for seeing me.

Danny has been having
some anxiety issues

because he's getting this award
from Big Brothers.

Handsome and a big heart.
Impressive. Here, have a seat.

Great.

Maybe you're right, maybe he is
too good for his girlfriend.

Okay, now, I want to try something.
Just relax.

Hell-lo!

Now, tell me the first time
you experienced this anxiety.

Don't mention Alison.

Well, I was in middle school and
I just won this huge award...

Here we go!

Chinese reflexology.

- How's that feel?
- Unfair...?

Amazing, actually.

You know, I find, when I'm nervous
about public speaking,

I like to picture people
in their underwear.

- Right! No, I heard about that.
- So why don't we practice with me?

Can you picture me
in my panties?

You are so cute.

- Don't you want to just smother him?
- Yes.

You know, I don't like to throw
the word "hero" around,

but to be raised by your brothers
and turn out so great...?

Okay! Well,
thanks for seeing Danny,

he's all better now,
we should probably get going.

He's so busy
being a hero and all.

Actually, Ryan, I'd like to spend
some time with Danny...

Alone.

Sure.
That's... understandable.

It's not personal at all. So I'll...
Just get the heck out of here.

Don't want to intrude.

Okay. Wow! I am so glad
this worked out so well!

I'm telling you, Ryan's
therapist was great.

Her techniques have already
made me feel so much better.

She even said it would
help in the bedroom.

You mean as birth control?

- Hey, there he is.
- Hey!

So how'd it go with Laura?
Did you tell her how you feel?

- I did.
- That's wonderful!

- Good for you! What'd she say?
- She dumped me.

- Oh, no! How're you feeling?
- Well, I'm okay, I guess.

Except for this eye allergy.
It... it keeps leaking.

So you took her to dinner theatre,
everything's going great...

Yeah, then, all of a sudden,
out of nowhere, she says...

"This isn't working out."

Then she leaves!

Look, Sheldon, it's simple.
Was she having a bad day?

You mean, was she riding
the crimson tide?

- That's just another way of saying...
- I get it, Sheldon.

I mean, did she say anything
about her feelings?

Probably, but, you know, that's
the kind of thing I tend to tune out.

So you were ignoring her.

Aw, come on, look,
I'm not Superman, Kim!

I can't listen and pay attention
at the same time.

Plus, this was dinner theatre.

You're supposed to be
paying attention to the horses.

Horses...?

- What kind of dinner theatre has horses?
- Uh... Medieval Times...?

You mean the place where
you eat with your hands?

Look, if you know of a better way
to eat four pounds of turkey teat,

I'd like to know about it.

I bet you slapped
your waitress on the butt, too.

Uh, first of all,
they're called "wenches."

And second,
it would be rude not to.

So, to sum it up...

you showed no interest
in Laura's feelings,

didn't listen
to a word she said,

and fondled another woman
right in front of her.

I'm not even a woman,
and I'm offended.

Look, it's nothing I haven't done
to a million girls before, okay?

- Look, women are crazy.
- Did you ever think that it might be you?

Go on...

Some women appreciate things
like manners and attentiveness,

not slapping wenches
on the ass.

Well, that's a hell of a thing
to keep to yourself, Kim.

Yeah, doesn't matter now. It's too late.
I'm never gonna see her again.

Well, actually, since she volunteers
for Big Brothers,

we're all gonna see her
again at the banquet.

Hey, wait a minute!
You're right!

I might have a chance
to win her back.

Do you think you can teach me all that
"women" crap before the weekend?

You know, I housebroke a dog once.
I can give it a try.

Thanks.

You know, I take back a third of all the
horrible things I've ever said about you.

Okay, good.

Next time, try holding
the door open for your date.

Right, okay, good. You don't
have a piece of paper, do ya?

I should probably
be writing this stuff down.

Now, if you brought me here
on our date, what would you do first?

Well, first of all, I'd probably apologize
for taking you somewhere so annoying,

and then I'd take you to a bar,
so we could get loaded.

Well, thank you, Sheldon,
but I like it here.

- Would you go get me a cup of chai?
- What? Your legs not working?

You've got a lot
of work to do.

...And the doctor even
gave me a lollipop.

Now, let's see
if you were listening.

In the story, did I receive
for my birthday...

a) A bike,

b) A cow,

or c) Nothing?

I don't know. All of the above?
I mean, come on! This stuff is hard.

I'm trying to listen, but
you're really, really boring.

Okay, let's try this.

What color bra is the woman
in the back corner wearing?

Key-lime green, push-up,
Victoria's Secret catalogue, page 17.

Right. But wrong!

You're supposed to be
listening to your date.

If you find yourself leering,
just use the elastic.

Now, next question.
Nikki, begin the test.

In the story
about my favorite doll...

Was her dress...

You have to be
attentive.

Eyes and ears on your date
at all times!

So, just to be clear...
not my hands?

We've been over this.

Accidental boob-gropes
are never, ever appropriate.

I can't help it!
It's not my fault!

Women just love to put
their boobs into my hand!

You're impossible.

Okay, let's just...

Let's try working on how you look
when you're being attentive.

Okay. No problem.

You're never gonna guess what happened
yesterday when I was at the mall.

I met my best friend Joanna, she
was wearing this great dress,

and we went to our favorite store, and
then she bought me these earrings...

- I can't do it.
- Wait, wait!

- Let's just take a break!
- I just...

See?

Danny, where have you been?
I've been calling you all day!

What happened with...
Dr. Forbes?

Hello, Ryan.

You're here, with Danny.
Making a house call. With Chardonnay.

Syd is here interviewing me
for a book she's writing.

It's all about exceptional people who
have overcome childhood adversity.

You're an exceptional person?

Which makes me the adversity.
Can I talk to you for a second?

Look, Ryan, I was gonna tell you about it,
but I didn't want you to go and get all...

- "You."
- Well, I wouldn't worry about me, buddy,

because as soon Kim finds out
about you and "Syd,"

I think it's gonna result
in some major fireworks!

Sydney! How's it going?

Hi!

My therapist is friends
with everyone now.

Oh, Ryan.

My socializing with your brother
and your brother's girlfriend

has nothing
to do with us.

You're one of my favorite
clients, and you know that.

Well, thank you.
That's very nice.

And my interest in Danny
is as a subject.

He's very unique,
brilliant mind.

And he's gone
through so much.

- Kind of like Oprah.
- Okay.

Kim, I gotta tell ya,
this has been a grueling...

Sweet, freshly-baked
cinnamon bear-claws.

You must be Sheldon.
Sydney Forbes.

Bless the beast
and the children.

Sheldon?

Sheldon...

Why don't you try having
a conversation with Sydney?

- I think it might be a good exercise.
- Yeah! Why don't you, Sheldon?

In fact,
everyone should talk to her.

It's only my greatest nightmare!
And I have no one to talk to about it!

Okay. Sounds
like a good idea.

Hello. How are you today? Are you two
enjoying this wonderful weather?

No!

- Okay...
- I know, I know, I went too far.

It's... no, you don't worry about it.
It was an unfair test.

Practice makes perfect.
I'm going back in.

Wow, Sheldon!
You look great.

Thank you, Kim. Your kind
words mean a lot to me.

- So, are you ready to win Laura back?
- Are you kidding?

I haven't worked so hard
for anything in my whole life.

Well, back to business.

What was my best friend's name
when I was 14?

Well, you thought
it was Christine,

but given how she backstabbed
you at the winter formal,

Monica turned out to be
your best friend all along.

Way to go!

All right, guys, let's go.

You look
so hot tonight!

Danny, please!
She's not a wench.

Oh, look, you guys
all came together.

I'm surprised your new best friend,
Dr. Forbes, didn't come with you.

That would be ridiculous.

She couldn't make it.

Oh, if you'll excuse me, I do
believe I see my lady friend.

Remember, you can do this.
Just remember...

Sensitivity, listening,

understanding,
and trust.

S-L... U-T...

"S.L.U.T.!"

- Evening, Laura.
- Wow, Sheldon.

You look
completely different.

Well, I've been
thinking about you.

And I know I wasn't
the greatest date.

I know I didn't
listen to you,

I took you to a restaurant
with horses and poop.

And I was even
staring at other women.

But I've changed.

I promise...
To treat you right...

And try to be a better man.

No matter how much it hurts.

Sheldon, that's beautiful.

- Buy me a drink?
- Yeah.

You know, I'm just gonna
get a drink.

Okay, I can't hold
this in any longer.

I don't like that you're friends
with my therapist.

You know, I suspected there was
a small chance you might overreact.

Oh, ho, ho! And yet, here I am,
perfectly calm!

You know, Ryan, I had one problem
that I needed help with,

and somehow you've
made it about you.

Are you kidding me? Did you just
say that to my face right now?

Look at this place, man!
It's a Danny-fest!

Dan-a-palooza! It's Dan-a-frickin'-rama!
I'm drinking a Dan-tini!

I'm the guest of honor!

Yeah, well, I would like to be the guest
of honor in my own therapist's office.

Can we please talk about this later?
You're making my anxiety flare up.

- Stop it!
- "Stop it!"

So, uh, enjoying the event?

Oh, it's wonderful.
But, to be honest,

I'd be more comfortable if there
weren't so many colored’s here.

I'm going to the ladies' room. Make sure
one of them doesn't steal my purse.

Mom liked me best until you were born,
all helpless and useless!

So you wish
I was never born?

Why do you think I dropped you
on your head when you were two?

I can never shave my head!

- So? How's it going with Laura?
- Great.

I've been asking a lot of questions,
and it turns out she's a real...

Human being
with emotional depth?

Racist.

Wha... racist?

You stopped listening
again, didn't you?

Oh, no, I've been listening,
and I hear "racist."

All I'm hearing is you just
can't listen to women.

- Hi.
- Hi. Hi, sweetie.

Oh, can you get that wetback
over there to take my drink?

I'm pretty sure
he's a Supreme Court Justice.

Good evening!

I'd like to introduce
tonight's honoree,

winner of the Price-Stolberg
humanitarian award,

the exceptional
Danny White.

Stop it.
Later.

Must be Jews.

Danny, I'm sorry.

I don't know
what came over me.

I guess
I was just jealous.

- What? Of me?
- Sydney was right. You do have it all.

Big-ass career,
loving girlfriend,

awards coming out the friggin'
Ying-Yang, I wanna pants you again.

Look, therapy is the one thing
I do really, really well.

Well, Sydney did mention that
you are a very unique patient.

You're damn right I am!
And she's lucky to have me.

Look, if you want to
keep seeing her, it's fine.

- Especially after tonight.
- No. No need.

I was pantsed in front
of a room full of people...

- And it wasn't that big a deal.
- It was pretty funny, though.

Justice Gonzalez laughed so hard,
he spit his Dan-tini through his nose.

- Maybe I'll call Dr. Forbes, after all.
- There you go.

No-o-o.

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